THIRST S1E14: Base, Part 1

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Um, I'll just Okay Peachy, it is you Well, aren't I popular today? I've been worried. I mean... I... In all the time we've been married, I'm not sure we've ever spent two entire days apart. You see me when you come to bed at night? Presumably. I wouldn't know. You come to bed so late, I'm not sure what you get up to. If you want to see me, why would you wake up so early and avoid me all day? If you want to see me, why are you always in the library with Anouk doing God knows what? Anouk? I'm not spending all my time with Anouk. She was just here, Kat. It's the research. Peachy, I think I found something. Something absolutely unbelievable. And if a recording schedule is the same this week, I only have a few days to get to the bottom of it. Really now? Then what is it? Earth to Cap? Bass. Really? This is what we made bass for. It's going to sound crazy if I have to tell you now. No. No! Well, you know what sounds crazy? You giving me puppy dog eyes about how much you miss me and how sorry you are, but refusing to compromise a single inch for any reason. But I never said I was sorry. I knew this would be pointless. Then why did you come here? I was just looking for someplace I could be alone. You were looking for solitude in the only room you can always find me? This is a stupid thing to argue about, Cap. I'm not arguing. It just doesn't make sense. Well, I was going to look in the underground tunnels, so I think I'll do that now. Peachy? Peachy? Peachy, wait! Don't waste your time. I know time's so precious while you have research to do. We can do research to- wait, wait, come back, come back. We can research together! You know I'd love that. We're both so much smarter as a unit, so let's- We aren't a unit if we only ever do what you decide, Capote Whitaker. Hey, do you two mind? Some of us are trying to work here, and I thought a library was supposed to be quiet. Go to hell, Dennis L. Peachy! Georgia! And if you follow me, Cap, you can go right down there with him. I always, always like this. He says my work is just as important as his, but like hell, that's true. Treats his own little mysteries like the center of the universe. I'm not listening to me. Valentina was right. Wants to be the one who saves us all. Men. So stubborn. Relentless. Curious. Too curious. Smart. Dedicated. Kind. What is this place doing to us? W-what? Huh. So that's where this elevator goes. Rain? Of course. I try looking for some privacy and you people still won't leave me alone. It must be fate. I had a stalker who used to say the same thing. What the hell are you doing down here? The tunnels are as much mine as anyone else's. Maybe I wanted to be alone too. Maybe. Okay, whatever weird power trip you're on, I'm not part of it. I'm not playing games today, Rain. It's not a game. I was just exploring. Looking for the right spot. Maybe that spot was going to be with someone else. Maybe it was going to be alone. I can't know until I check. The right spot? For what? You know, there's really nobody up on the fourth floor. If you're looking for somewhere to be alone, I mean. The fourth floor? But that's been locked ever since we got here. An electronic lock, too. Not one that I... Not one that somebody could pick, either. Taylor found a way in. Okay. But how? Look, you don't have to get nasty about it. I'm riding this thing back up to the fourth floor. You can get on it, or you can stay down here. If you want to be left alone, I'll leave you alone. I really don't care. I'm busy searching, anyway. But what are you searching for, exactly? Something hard to describe. But I think it has a shot at helping us survive this. So? Rain, you aren't planning on stabbing me or something when those elevator doors close, are you? Whatever. No, hold on. I'm coming. Well, glad to have someone to gossip with on the way up. This old elevator gets the job done, but it is slow. Is it really going to hold both our weight? I have a feeling the powers that be aren't going to let us die outside of a challenge. You're right. I'd be surprised if there were cameras in here, and Jedediah wouldn't miss a shot like that for anything. You did mean Jedediah, right? Would you mind helping me with this door? It's stuck or something. I would have thought a yoga instructor would be stronger than someone who sits around editing videos all day. There are different kinds of strength Georgia I just a little short on this kind Currently You still sick then We aren really using that word so Alright, alright. Won't make the mistake of showing you sympathy again, I guess. So, how are things with the shri- With, um, Capote. Are you serious right now? Uh, yeah? Why wouldn't I be? Oh, sure, I guess. You and Taylor haven't been around much the past few days. Not good. They'll get good again, if we don't die first, but we don't argue often. I don't think we have much practice with it. And I love him, but that man cannot admit when he's gone too far. Arguing, huh? Can't say I know what that's like. Oh, you're not joking? No. Taylor and I never fight. I was thinking about your husband, actually. Oh, sure. Him. God, that feels like a million years ago. I was a different woman then. You were a different woman two weeks ago? Weren't you? Fair point. Maybe you should consider a change. It's done miracles for me. Excuse me? Taylor's off-limits, obviously, and I wouldn't recommend Dennis L. of all people. But if you're feeling adventurous, Valentina and Anouk both seem very... Not all of us need a partner to hang off like his own personal purse rain. I'm not hanging off anybody. I'm independent. I told my own husband to fuck off two weeks ago, and you're telling me I'm not an independent... God damn, it's hot in here. The rest of the building's bad enough. The air's barely moving here. Are you sure this elevator isn't broken? This has got to be the longest trip five stories up I've ever taken. It's a freight elevator. They're all slow. I don't think they're this slow. Well, it's old. So... Listen, if I know two things, they're finding spiritual oneness with all things and freight. Really? Really. Mother ran an overseas shipping company back when the States were doing those. She made me work in the warehouses during summer break. Build some character and learn something about the business you'll be running one day. Horrible. I can't help but notice you've taken a slightly different path. Lucky for me, there was no business by the time I turned 18. But there was still Father's Trust Fund in my name. Mother kicked and screamed when I wouldn't use it to bail her out. Then I went viral for the first time, bought her a cozy little condo in friggin' Indiana. And it still wasn't enough. Typical. Indiana? If you can afford property that far inland, what are you doing on a show like this? I should ask you the same thing. Who says I'm buying condos in Indiana? Lobster Thermador. That story the algorithm started telling, you know the taste of a silver spoon just like I do. Which means you know how it feels when the world rips it out of your mouth, too. It hurts. But you can't complain, because you've had so much more than other people, right? Even though you've got nothing now except the memory that food could taste so much better, life could be so much easier, thirst could be so much rarer. I don't know about all that. Ah! Oh my god! Oh my god! We're gonna die! Oh my god! No, no, wait. Feel it. Rain, if I'm about to fall to my death, I do not have time for this woo-woo bullshit! No, literally feel the wall. We aren't shaking. We aren't sinking. totally still. The emergency brakes must be on. Oh. Hold on. Jesus, Rain! What is that smell? Um, sage and dark rose coffee beans? Hello? Is that your stupid incense? There's no way real coffee beans smelled like that. People liked coffee. Well, only old people have actually smelled real coffee, and nobody listens to them, so... Thanks for the light, but I don't think it's a good idea to feel the little air we have with smoke. You're such a drama queen. These elevators are all ventilated. We're not going to suffocate. Fine. Well, forgive me if I can't find my way to chipper while I'm sweating myself to death here. Here. Water? You really prepared for everything, huh? I told you I was searching and I wasn't sure where. So I prepared everything I could. We'll be fine. Uncomfortable, but... Rain. Huh. You know, maybe this really is fate. We've been here for one minute. Don't tell me you already have heatstroke. Not yet, but hopefully soon. Excuse me? Listen, you want to know what I've been looking for? Well, maybe you can feel it for yourself. Just follow my lead. Sit in a comfortable position. Follow your lead where? Just sit. Deep breaths. Let the thoughts wash past you. It's a misconception that you have to remove thought entirely. Really, you just have to... Rain, what the hell are we doing? Meditating. Come on. It's been long understood that meditating under extreme conditions can cause even complete novices to access otherwise inaccessible planes. I'd like to access a plane to fly the fuck out of here right now. Listen, either we meditate or I ask you uncomfortably personal questions about you and the shrimp for the next however long, all right? And I will never run out of questions. Rain! Never. Okay. Fine. Hmm. Good. Now, listen to my voice. Let your pelvis settle into the ground, spine rising upward, ribs moving away from each other, head floating off your neck. Allow your face to gently melt off your skull and slowly open your third eye. Has this ever happened to you? So hot! Summer's longer, winter's shorter, and with air conditioners frying themselves across the country, you've got a snowball's chance in Hoboken of finding a cool spot to catch your breath. I'd kill to cool down just for a few minutes. Whoa there, hot stuff! Take a chill pill! Ah! Wow! That's c-c-gold! Thanks! Don't sweat it. Your friends at No Tomorrow Pharmacology have you covered with Chill Pill. Just one pill and you could feel instant relief for up to 15 minutes. Wow! Thanks, No Tomorrow! Side effects may include heart palpitations uncontrollable vomiting on authority figures smell catastrophe and minor congestion Oh sorry I didn know you were still Ask your doctor if you're experiencing reduced metabolism, increased metabolism, Schrodinger's metabolism, or the Yorks. Don't take chill pill if you are sweaty or expecting to become sweaty. Nine out of ten doctors agree that chill pill is a medication you can take if you're really sure it's a good idea. All perceived changes in temperature, surroundings, and memory while taking Chill Pill are illusory and frankly none of our business. Some patients experienced extreme personality shift or personality addition while on Chill Pill. If you hear an internal voice begging to be set free, do not tell him your true name. Make sure you take Chill Pill on a full stomach and in front of a toilet just in case. Do not use sunscreen while on Chill Pill. Do not stay inside while on Chill Pill. In some studies, prolonged use of Chill Pill has been connected to a little tummy ache. In extreme cases, Chill Pill may lead to death of friends and family because you killed them. Chill Pill may reduce your capacity to tolerate heat in all forms, including, but not limited to, temperature, spice level of food, emotional pressure, and sexual arousal. Ask your doctor if Chill Pill is right for you. I gotta say, all these side effects are making me a little nervous. Hey, cool your jets, pal! That's why we've loaded an anxiety suppressant into Chill Pill 2! Ah, much better. It's burning up out there, but we can offer you cold comfort. Just take a Chill Pill. about them. You can't be serious. I'm always serious. From back in her animal rescue days, Beth said that the biggest problem you'd find with parrot rescues is they'd fallen in love with their previous owners. Fallen in lust, maybe, whatever you want to call it. Territorial, depressed, biting, biting, all of it. That's so strange. I've heard of ducklings imprinting on the humans who incubate their eggs, but... The problem is bird mating habits. Of course it is. See, all these kinds of birds, they pick a mate, and only that mate gets to touch them certain ways, right? Most places below the neck, they preen each other there. Just a touch on the back is enough? Really? That's hard for me to imagine. Is it hard for me to imagine if I do this? Not if I touch you like this, I'll bet. Well, when you put it that way. Do you two mind? Got something you want to say to us, big man? Valentina, why don't you go to Reign's, to our new room, and I'll meet you there. Really? Hey, I'm not about to say no to a good time. Ugh, finally. Hey! A little busy. Sorry. Are you alright? You've been irritable the past few days. Well, we did all watch a man get eaten from the inside out by several thousand flying insects two days ago. I suspect that has something to do with it. I haven't seen Georgia around either. Is everything... You and Valentina seem to be getting along well. We are. Oh my god, there's something dreamlike about it, you know? It's just such an emotional and sensory hurricane all the time. I can barely sleep. We're barely sleeping. Oh my gosh. Hurricane. Fascinating. And I don't know what any of it means, you know? It's like there's no time to get my head on straight. It's casual, obviously. I mean, we only dress mad, but that cocky look she always has. And she's so soft, but so strong. And... You probably shouldn't keep her waiting, then. Maybe you'll figure out what these feelings are. I'm sorry if I've upset you. I'm just trying to make it through, somehow. No, I'm sorry. This must be really difficult for you after Dennis. I'm glad you're doing what you have to do. Dee. Right. Dennis. Excuse me just a moment. Sure. Anouk, are you feeling a... Oh my god. I'm sorry. You were saying? Anuk, do you need something? Medicine or something to eat? I'm fine. Water, you know. Happy. Happy. As happy as we can be here, obviously. But very happy. I really think I should go now, though. Bye. Bodhi, tell Georgia I say hi. All right. Georgia! Hi! Anouk? Georgia? Georgia? Georgia? Anouk, is that Georgia at the door? Peachy! It is you! Well, aren't I popular today? I've been worried. I mean, in all the time we've been married, I'm not sure we've ever spent two entire days apart. Anuk? I'm not spending all my time with Anuk. She was just here, Kat. Base. Really? This is what we made base for. I never said I was sorry. I knew this would be pointless. Well, I was going to look in the underground tunnels, so I think I'll do that now. Come back, come back. We can research together. You know I'd love that. We're both so much smarter as a unit, so let's just- We aren't a unit if we only ever do what you decide, Capote Whitaker. Hey, do you two mind? Some of us are trying to work here, and I thought a library was supposed to be quiet. Go to hell, Dennis L. Peachy! Georgia! And if you follow me, Cap, you can go right down there with him. Trouble in paradise? You sound like Jedediah. I guess for all that smug confidence you two swagger around with, the oohs and ahs and I love you know I love you more. Not even Mr. and Mrs. Whitaker are all they're cracked up to be. Maybe you ought to shoot your shot with Valentina. Seems like everyone else but me is climbing that tree. We don't all drop our wives to the first other woman we see, Dennis. Can't any of you shut up and let me work? I don't see how destroying every computer in the library is work, but sure, have at it. Destroy it! Destroy it! All right, Whitaker, I'll friggin' fight. You call this destroyed? Let's see your pen and paper, I'm gonna show us, pull this off. Eight processors, counting, eight, ripped out of it. Eight machines that were rust buckets back when they were brought over on the Mayflower they so old and all of them jerry to this very What is that on the screen What I don know just some library database I was on to confirm the school server network was running Anyway, if you knew how much storage space I managed to squeeze using modern compression techniques, you would have... Dennis, hold on. I need to... just hold on. Hey, hey, don't you walk away from me. I'm talking to you. Oh, sure, and now he's just walking back. You think you can just... Dennis, I need to use this computer for a little bit. The database specifically. What for? Base. Ah, um, it's... I can't tell you that. Not yet. Uh, yeah, I think you can. My computer, my call. You don't own the library computer. A real man owns what he makes, and I made this fucking thing, alright? Now tell me what you need that database for, or it goes bye-bye. Don't have all day, Whitaker. Look, this is going to sound crazy, but here. I've been going through as much of the library here as my eyes can handle, right? And the thing is that every academic who supposedly worked at San Narcisse is actually not real- Doesn't exist, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got there on my own. What? How? Found something naming two professors, one psych and one comp psych, who tag-teamed to go Polybius, of all things. And if that game ever actually existed, which, let's just say, I doubt, we definitely don't know who the hell made it. What's that got to do with the library files? Polyb- what? Um, anyway, I was looking through some old research journals, and I found an article with a strange citation. Here, look. New techniques in the proper care and handling of old and delicate texts. So? The citation, Dennis! Look at the name of this scholar in the works cited. Jordan Jedediah. In 2021? 2021? That's... Christ, how old is he? 95? I mean, he wears a lot of makeup, but still. We don't know for certain it's the same Jedediah Jordan. Though I can't say I've ever met another. I haven't found any other records of him either, and it doesn't help that his department isn't listed. I've gone through history and several schools of ancient lit, but so far... Got him! Really? Right here in ones and zeros. The entire log of Professor Jordan's library with Charles. Looks like most of them are special requests from the archives on the fourth floor. Just, you know, over half a century ago. Looks like the last ones are from 2026. That's the latest date I've found on anything in this library. But, damn. The fourth floor library. Last I checked, the entire fourth floor was sealed with an electronic lock. Does it list the titles? Even if we can't see the volumes themselves, we might be able to... Who said we can't see them? Print it up the log. Titles aren't listed, just the drawers they're kept in. A bunch just say, title unknown. Unknown. Well, I guess with texts really are ancient, that makes sense. That doesn't do us any good if we can't get onto the fourth floor to begin with, Dennis. How many miracles do I have to whip up before you start believing? Fourth floor's been on my list for over a week now. It's an electronic lock, like you said, and locked by default. But early in the century, schools like this were drowning in old nanny state security policies. So if both the power and the backup generator go out, power doors automatically unlock. Backup generator? Why would that go out? Traded secret. What was that? Never seen a power outage before? No, I mean, I thought I heard... Doesn't matter. Time's wasted. We've only got about two hours before the backup generator kicks back on. That's how long it took the algorithm to reboot last time. Let's move. Hey, what's the holdup? Clock's ticking. Maybe I should see if anyone else is... I have to get something first. I'll meet you there. Well, don't take too long. I'll start looking without you. Just make sure you don't touch any of the older text directly with your hands. The oils of the skin will damage the... I guess you'd better get up there before I wipe my ass with some first edition Shakespeare. Dennis! Dennis! Facebook and at the penumbrapod.bsky.social on blue sky. If you have a little bit to spare, we have merch galore available for you to buy, including t-shirts, mugs, posters, recordings of live shows, official soundtracks, and so much more. You can find those at www.shopthepenumbrapodcast.com. 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And hey, speaking of behind-the-scenes content, one of our favorite awards is our companion podcast for Thirst, Wet Hot American Doomsday, where Harley and I chat with the actors and artists of Thirst. Today we're talking with Melody Pereira and Josephine Moshiri Elwood about romance and sex in performance. Because I think what I remember was that at least I think I turned mine off or maybe I just wasn't looking at anybody. But I think what helped me a lot was that it was really it was all listening. I wasn't I wasn't looking at you. I was really just it was like we were kind of feeling it out together. Yeah. Through our voices alone. Yeah. Like voices and ears. Yeah. And I think... And fruit. And fruit. Yeah, and a couple slices of oranges. We'd also like to give special thanks to our endless gratitude to your supporters who give so generously to keep our show alive. Michaela Bear, Skyfire Forever, Radia Salna, the Werners thanking the Penumbra team for persevering and creating. June Gashoku, Rain and Pippin, Kiki's Podcast Patronage Service, Gregory Seidman, Ari Berry, J. Hull, Desert Willow, Eden the Gay Bookworm, Spooder Newt, Jack M. Cohen, Tanya's Robot Repair, Chloe DeMoulin, Charlie Kane, Joey Minshew, In Memory of Spiral Opal, and Genetic. Thank you all so much. This episode of Thirst was performed by Amanda Egbu as Georgia Whittaker, Melody Pereira as Anouk Kalhara, Quinn McKenzie as Capote Whittaker, Stefano Purdy as Dennis Lang Marge Dunn as Rain Randolph Alexander Stravinsky as A Warm Fellow Kat Buckingham as The Chill Pill Announcer and Josephine Moshiri Elwood as Valentina Ride The Can't Tear My Eyes From You theme was written by Harrison M. Beck Our composer is Ryan Vibard Our graphic designer is Jeff Wright Our head of operations is Ginny D'Angelo Thirst and the Penumbra podcast are created and produced by Harley Takagi Kaner, our director and sound designer, as well as Kevin Vibert, that's me, our lead writer. For additional credits, including credits for ensemble roles, our script editing team, our transcripts, and more, check out the show notes for this episode. That's all the Apocalypse we have time for today. Thanks for listening and stay hydrated.