"Animal Style" (w/ Caleb Hearon)

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human. Look, man. Oh, I see him. Hi, oh my. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that a culture? Yes, goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. We're talking nails on both the hands and feet. We're talking pedicures, manicures. Feet nails. How we like to get them. Yep. The hang-ups that go into scheduling them. So I go like, my nails become like pica, is that what it is? Just like it starts to flake. Like I peel layer by layer of keratin. I guess what we're all saying is we're nail biters here. This is a nail biter community. I've since been reformed. I've since reformed you. They look amazing, I have to say. No, I don't know about that. They look great. And that's that you have such a nice jewelry you want people to notice it clearly. So when everyone looks at your fingers, it's like they better be together, those little kids. Sure, sure. But you are, you're chronic with it. You are a chronic biter. Chronic biter. That is how my anxiety manifests. That's right. You know when I was a little boy, I was flexible enough to put my toe in my, toe nail in my mouth. And then my mother saw me doing it one time. I was like seven or eight and she was, she sat me down like I had like done something really wrong. And she was like, I wanna talk to you about what it is you've been doing. Was the fetish born or killed in that moment? I guess killed, cause it was like, it was really serious. It was like, I really wanna talk to you about your behavior. It's like I had been doing drugs or something like, this has to stop. You have to stop putting your foot in your mouth and biting off the toe nail. Don't worry, I don't do it anymore. I can't, only because I can't get it up there. We were talking to our guests. I bet you could. All right. Talk to us on a visual medium. Can Matt put his own foot in his mouth? This is what it's all about. He can. Where our guest is, the habit is returning as he's saying because he's dealing with a stressful sort of. He's in a stressful situation. He's in a stressful situation. Where nails get bitten. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, he's wearing Uggs and a matching sock. Am I supposed to be talking right now? No, hold on one second. Hold on one second. You're talking 15 seconds. Our guest is wearing Uggs and that's not all he's contributing to the culture. The podcast. So true. So true, you already know it. You know what, you love it. It is the current sort of. Current fucking reigning. The current fucking reigning. Model comedian on HBO Max, which I did have to double check it is back to being HBO Max. Just going forward, we all know it's back to HBO Max. It's not HBO, it's not Max or it is HBO, but then it's not Max, it's HBO Max. It's Valerie Cherishes HBO Max. Quite. And he's in this movie that is coming out soon called The Devil Wears Prada 2. 2. 2. The Squeak Will. The Squeak Will. That actually is the Sheik Will. If there's any Sheik Will, that's a Sheik Will. It's Devil Wears Prada 2. Absolutely. You're in the Sheik Will. How's that feel? Okay, let's bring him in. This is our good friend, everybody please. Welcome Caleb Aaron. You know, our listeners have been begging for, all they wanna hear is you, not us. Well, you guys refused to have me on. That's not really true. See, this is, and this was a bit on your pod. Do you, should we let's unpack this? Should I do this bit? I think you, I think you, you were talking with someone about how- Did I do a bit about me not coming on? Yeah, I like, I like, we never invited you. Oh, that's really funny. I mean, you guys been avoiding me like the plague. What is it? I don't feel this is true. I honestly, I feel that what it was was there was an era where we were kind of doing guests not like on the Zoom. And I was like, this has to be an in-person thing. I don't do, I really will. I hate the Zoom podcast. You've done it right the whole time. I won't do it. I won't do it for mine. It scares me. Do you guys, did you, cause I hate it. I feel like I'm not being charming. I feel like I'm doing a really bad job. I just can't connect on Zoom. Based on the example, the cases, the cases that you've, the data points that you've collected thus far, which is what like a handful of times. When I did them, cause when we did, when I had my show keeping records, the Shelby Wolsey back in the day, back forever ago, we would do Zoom episodes. Well, we really did Zoom episodes cause both of our dads died unexpectedly. So we had to be in different parts of the country. So obviously maybe it was like profound grief. Yes. Maybe it was like us both being in psychotic grief. That was really, I really, I do not feel that I did a good job on the Zoom episodes. I just hate- Cause you were psychotically grieving. Yeah. Psychotic grief and also the lag. Yeah. Yeah. It's the lag. I hate like, cause also with the Zoom of it all, it's especially like during the pandemic, when we started it was like, okay, here's like a pretty big guess that we've booked. But of course they're never going to see us in person at that time. So they got on Zoom and having a lag with like someone that you're trying to impress or that you respect. Yeah. You can't have a lag with Cameron Diaz. No, you can't have a lag with Cameron Diaz. No, you can't do it. Wait, can I ask you a question? Yes. Go. I've never gotten to ask you this and I am curious about it. And it's obviously okay if you don't want to talk and we can cut. No, this is wrong. We're not cutting. Have you, look, I'm just going to ask. Don't be afraid. You guys are so cute together. Was there ever a moment? Was there ever a moment that we romantically, sexually and more? Or considered even, was there ever a moment? No, it would be like siblings. Totally. You know what, you know that feeling? Totally. It's like if you and Shelby were to It's a little different, right? As siblings in grief. It's a little different. Okay, I was just checking cause I just wondered. Of course. In like a way where it's like any two gay guys, you know what I mean? It's sort of like any two gay guys are like, huh. It's like, of course it runs through your mind, but then quickly relationship becomes what it is. But I do think it's that thing of like, so we're working on something together and I was talking to one of our collaborators on it and it floated through my mind like, huh, should our characters have like a thing that they explore? Attention. And then our friend was like, well, the thing is like with you guys in a show that's about two gay guys, it's like, if they don't kiss, you kind of have to say why. And I was like thinking about what the why was. And I'm like, oh, the why is like platonic friendship. But then once you get on that track, it's like, well, is it more interesting to explore it because of that? Is that the surprising thing? So what I'm saying is, Bowen, there's something I wanted to tell you for years. Just kidding, can you imagine? That would be so awesome. If you guys have any big reveals that you've been waiting to do and you wanted to do it in the episode where I'm here, I would really love that. Oh, this is gonna do numbers no matter what. We don't need to do a big reveal. We're gonna save that for like a clunker. Imagine we needed like a sweeps episode of the podcast. It was like, it's like Matt and Bowen getting engaged on Lost Cultures. That's like when there's like a lion loose in Wisteria Lane. I would love that. I would love to be part of that. We can officiate when it happens. You guys should for a start. You guys should get married for a start. Absolutely. People have done it. Now can you tell everybody what your nail journey is? Oh, my nail journey. Yes, of course. I'm so sorry. I will get off track a lot during this. My nail journey is that, okay, so I kicked, during COVID I kicked two habits. Well, around COVID. Nail biting, I was a horrific nail biter. It would bite shit down to the nubs. Bleeding, bleeding, crazy stuff. Yeah, we're talking nubs. Doing that. And then we're talking, it's giving nub. It's giving nub. And then my fear of death, I really got over, hypochondria, like hypochondria fear of death was wrapped up in one thing, really kicked that. It was like, that's probably just gonna happen to me someday, I'm making some mentality. Probably. I'm not certain, but it feels like it. Probably. So I kicked those, but yeah, I'm back just like last week, I started picking at my nails again, and it's crazy. How did you kick it to begin with? Picking and biting? Yeah, picking and biting. I just stopped. Whoa. Cold turkey. I just stopped. I was like, no more. I had to be really mean to myself for a minute, but then I was able to be sweet to myself. But I had to be mean at first. Every time I would pick up the finger, I'd be like, Caleb Daniel. Yeah. Caleb Daniel. Put it away. Ah! Because here's the thing, they are filthy. They shouldn't be in there. No, they shouldn't be in there. And I'll tell you what I don't love is the sort of casual way a mother will just watch her toddler pick something off the ground and put it in their mouth. I guess at a certain point, it's like. You're exhausted. Yeah, because. As a mother. They need it, don't they? Don't the babies need it? Because they need it. Charter that's here at the germs. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, you don't want them to have no germs, right? Right. I think it's not a judgment. All the moms out there, it's just, it shocks me when I see something on the ground that then goes in the baby's mouth. Yeah. Totally. But I'm a nail biter lifelong. How often are you guys eating something off the floor? Just let's get into it. I ate my Luxper off the floor the other day. Which one is that? What is that one? It's Glamour, that's the Tala Pram, that's SSRI. SSRI. So it just fell on the bathroom floor. Yeah. Terrible place to fall. Yeah. And yet. You ate it off the bathroom floor. And I feel, and every time I take something off the floor five second rule, I'm like, well, didn't they do a myth busters on how that is absolute garbage? Like it's not real. Like the five second rule is like, it's dirty. Put that away. On your bathroom floor, Bowen. It's really bad at Bowen's house because he's constantly missing the toilet bowl. Bowen. It's like a hose. Wait, what? It's like, it's like, it's like in those crazy movies where like opening up. Not you opening up. Not you opening up. You know like a fireman's baddest job. But it's like, whoa! That's like Bowen in the bathroom. Because it was a big, Anna Kanda. Don't, sorry. Oh my God. What was the zone of the bathroom for that fallen? Pretty close to the bowl. Yeah. Really Bowen. Pretty close. Oh my gosh, this actually is deeply good for me to hear because that's the kind of thing I would do but be ashamed to talk about. And you're standing in bravery right now in a way that actually will move many in the community. Can I really get vulnerable here? I feel good with everybody in the room. Okay. Just if anyone were to witness me digging in my nostrils for shit, I would be dead. I would move planets. I would go away. I would leave this earth. I don't even have a lot of shame about it. I'm in my nose. Can I tell you something, can I take a step further? Please. I feel vulnerable. I feel comfortable with everyone but one person in the room. Yeah. And I'm not gonna say who. No, I'm kidding. And you brought them here. You brought them here. It's my assistant. She's doing elder abuse to me. No, I'm in my nose, obviously crazy style. And not only would I be embarrassed for someone to see me in the nose, I'd be embarrassed for them to see what I sometimes find. Yeah. Because let me tell you, can I just tell you something? You're in your nose crazy style and what's in there is animal style. Is animal style. Do you ever feel your nose like this and be like, oh, there's something really in there? And then you get in there and what you pull out is like pretty long and hard. Can I say that? Has that happened to anyone? Absolutely. I think we all have a nose and we'd all be crazy ridiculous fools to say we haven't dug in there and found something crazy style, animal style. You ever just sit in somewhere and you feel something hit your shirt and you realize a little bit of your wax has fallen out of your ear? I never had that happen between the two of them. Well, it's really gross. A bunch of people just shook their head no. So obviously I'm pretty suicidal. No, no, no, no. Kimmer got shook his head no so violently that it was borderline judgmental. Nick, no, no, no. That is fucking hurt so bad that it sucked. People in the comments say if you've had ear wax fall out and you felt the weight of it hit your shirt. That happens. I hear you negotiate you off the ledge because I too deal with ear stuff. It happens. Like you ever take your AirPods out and it's like, oh, that's covered in the stuff? That was like the glamorous girl version of what I was talking about. If people are being really honest with themselves, sometimes a little chunk falls out. And I'm like, I have to get up on the cross for all of us. But yours was so normal and you should never be ashamed of that. And also to be fair, like you do shove those AirPods in there. You shove them in. But I want to know more about ear wax if you're willing to share. Totally. So there have been a couple of times in my life, it's not zero, it's probably not north of 20. It's probably somewhere in the zero to 20 range. I would say plus, like definitely north of five, south of 20. I have been sitting somewhere. I have felt a mass leave my ear. It's while you're sitting down usually. Totally, there's been some sort of shift movement, ruffle shuffle. Yep. I feel a mass, something with weight, have to leave my ear and fall on my person. I feel the weight of it hit my body, not unlike a punch landing on my body. And lo and behold, I look down and yes, it's a little glob of ear wax. All that to say, I want to ground everybody in the fact that I am human. And I have a body that produces things like ear wax. I'm not here to, please believe me when I say this, I am jealous. Because my ear wax gets logged. It doesn't, I wish it clumped. And I'm sorry, is that an okay word to say? Clumped. I wish it clumped. I wish I had nuggets of ear wax. I have a disgusting thin film that stays there and will sediment into its own layer, fuse with my skin and the rest of my dermis for the rest of my life. I was gonna say, I think I'd rather be like Caleb and having it fall out because at least then there's the relief of knowing that that said mass is no longer in your body. Then go through what I know my sister goes through, which is to have sort of blockage because that becomes ear infection. And that's the worst thing that could ever happen to a human. Her having no ability to defend herself or step in and just you being like, she has blockage and she's in trouble. It's talking about me. Yeah. Oh wait, no, I thought you meant your actual sister. No, no, no, no, my sister's to my right. I thought you were bringing up a biological sister who was nowhere in the room. And I was like, that's insane. And I'm completely addicted. Yeah, I mean, I would then call her my bio sister. You're my sister, she's my bio sister. It's making it seem really fucked up when I ask. Can I? Can I? Speaking of bio, which I thought was a term that we like didn't really, this is like a prefix that we don't really use anymore. But apparently people, so I was out yesterday with my friend Ian and we were at this place and then these two pups come in, two guys it was like a little fun, like daytime sort of like party thing at like out of space. Two pups come in. You sure? Guys and their pup outfits. How pumped are they? Just the head or are they doing the whole thing? Head and torso. Totally. All like belted. Puffed up. All pumped up, all pumped up above the waist. Puffed up from the waist up. Puffed up from the waist up. Puffed up from the waist up. Kind of gives like a dochi lyric. Puffed up from the waist. Actually. It is very alter ego dochi. I know my girl. So, and I might be totally butchering this please. I hope this makes it to threads and they have a lively spirited debate about this. They will. But. I'm sorry I'm crying. Okay, so. I'm sorry I'm crying. I'm really crying. That's how I cry. I'm sorry I'm crying. I'm really crying. So apparently people in the pup community call like canines, bio dogs. So. And I'm not sure about that. Bio dogs is so funny. Cause you're just gonna have to like, it just begs to like have the terminology changed five years from now. Cause it's like what we used to call like AFAB queens, bio queens and drag, right? And now it's like, no that's an AFAB queen, great. Or that's just a drag queen. No need to like, if you want to get tunnel, like funnel down into drill down into like the, oh that's, oh that's a good one. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Oh, that's AFAB person dressing up in female drag. Great. This is a piece of information. There every once in a while, a piece of information about our community makes its way to my doorstep that asks me, how progressive are you? What are your values really? How do you feel about bio dog? Bio dog. This is a moment where I have to ask questions of myself and I'm not, I don't have the answers right now. We're not going to answer them here. And I, again, might totally have butchered that. And I'm not going to say who told me it was Ian. But I'm not going to. Ian did it. But I'm with you. I'm like, wow, I don't know. Yeah. And I don't want, because I feel like it's a dog. It's like a right-wing dog whistle to be like, keep that shit in the bedroom. But I am like, but I don't know how much of that should, should, you know, cross the threshold. It's a great question. There are, I do think there are things like, look, gay guys, I love us anyways. I have questions about us in many ways. Always. There are things that we do and say and know that were only meant for us, I think. Once it breaks containment, I do fear that, I don't fear, I don't feel that straight people can fully understand what's going on with us sometimes. And so sometimes straight people learn about a thing, particularly conservative people, they learn about like a very niche gay thing. And I'm like, baby, you were never supposed to know about that, I'm so sorry. And also it's like, I, okay, I'm going to go here because you went there, I'm going to go here. We're being vulnerable today. I do believe there should be separation between the straight and gay communities because I don't need to mix with them. I find their morals really in the gutter. I think they're all cheating on each other. I think all straight people are liars. I've never met a straight woman that isn't cheating on her husband with someone she just met on vacation. We're looking at the women that- You all cheated on, I know you- That's not true. Have all cheated on your partners on a vacation with your girlfriends. And that's why you want to go back to Antigua. That's the only reason why. Because of the surfer instructor you met. People are cheating. People are cheating. They're cheating. And they're lying. You guys, I, okay, friend of a friend. Wow, this is juicy. Go. Friend of a friend, she, woman, her husband, mega dickhead, like military asshole. Like- Bioman. Bioman, mean, conservative, homophobic. All the bad things you can think of. This guy sucks, he's the worst. It was revealed to me recently at a lunch, no less. Lunch is the best place to get gone. Yeah, absolutely. Dinner starts to feel a little, it's like, oh, it's night, we're being kind of nefarious. Lunch is like, we're walking in the light of God. And honey, it's lunch time. And honey, it's lunch right now. And honey, I think my lunch has been served. What do you want? Wife, cheating on military husband. With? With a man 10 years younger than her. It's not age inappropriate, by the way. It's all good. They're all in their 30s, 40s. Cheating on a man 10 years younger. And a lot, cheating a lot, cheating regularly. Carrying on a very explicit affair, waiting until the kid leaves high school to leave him to be with the other man. Yeah, planning to cheat. Planning to cheat. That's a whole other world of it. Planning to cheat, but how long can she keep the plan under wraps? Oh, I don't think he's very bright. Okay. Yeah, I think she could really do it. And women are very cunning. Yes, they are. They mostly use it for good. They mostly use it for good. Number 10, women are very cunning. They think they're very smart on vacation. But they cheat. And you know, one time I was, actually one time, this was recent, I was talking to a straight woman and she was confiding, she felt she was confiding in like her gaze that she had cheated on her new husband. Not new. With someone she met on vacation. And I'm listening to her and it took everything in me to not be like, you know what I hope is happening? I hope your husband is cheating on you. Do you hope that? If you are cheating on your husband gleefully and like getting away for it. Yeah, I hope he's cheating on you too. That's mutual cheating. Yeah, I would hope that someone isn't just getting cucked up, poked up from the cup, tucked up from the waist up. Cucked up from the tuck, tucked up from the waist up. Would you, you could be an amazing rapper. Oh, I have it within me, certainly. I definitely have it within me. I think, but I was thinking just now vacation is such a, vacation is really what you make of it. 100%. Vacation can be cheating, it can be relaxing, it can be museums. It can be relaxing, it can be cheating. It can be so many things vacation. It can be, wait, that has your real culture number 15. It can be so many things vacation. It can be cheating, it can be relaxing. It can be museum. It can be museums. Don't forget. That's actually a really good one. Those are like the three vacations, cheating, relaxing museums. Yeah, you can break them all down into like so many different activities. And now a vital break from our sponsor, Vital Proteins. You know the blue tub you've probably seen everywhere? That's Vital Proteins collagen peptides. Now, why use them? Because they're the experts, the number one collagen brand in the US. I'm talking about ingredients backed by science and shown to be effective. I mean, when we hit about age 30, our bodies naturally produce less collagen. And collagen has a lot of benefits, a lot. Collagen peptides are a simple, well-in-the-seplement that supports healthy hair, skin, nails, bones, and best of all, joints. And it's easy to use. Add a serving to whatever you're a herdy drinking. Morning coffee, afternoon tea, daily smoothie, weekly whatever. I use Vital Proteins collagen every morning. I just mix it into my coffee or a smoothie. It's super easy. It's become a simple part of my daily routine. But however you do it, consistency is the key. It's crazy how something so effective is so easy. And right now, you can get 20% off your next order by going to vitalproteins.com and using promo code LASCULTURISTAS20. That's LASCULTURISTAS20 at checkout. Huge thanks, again, to our sponsor, Vital Proteins. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. I thought you said it was proven by science. Never said that. I just said it was good. You know what you're getting with a wedding? Wedding hats, a baby in a waistcoat crying throughout the vows, themed tables, awkward best man speech, the plus one, people dancing in a circle, ruined rental suit. Sometimes in life, you just know what you're getting, like a luxury bed and a great night's sleep. You know what you're getting the premiere in. Are you an itinerary vacationer or are you a cheater? I'm a cheater. Oh, that's the binary? Well, I was experimenting. I don't love an itinerary, even though the last trip I took friends on was mostly itinerary driven. But actually, there was moments of loose, unstructured time. Matt pertinent to you and your story, Matt is a newly white guy who loves Asian culture. I've been to Asia pretty much more than America this year. Are you wearing kimonos yet? Because that's where it usually ends up. Do you have swords in the house? Here's what I'll say. I learned how to dress myself in the last hotel that we stayed in and the outfit that they gave. Oh, yes. Yes. How would you describe that? It was a modern tatami, sort of like Rio Khan sort of thing. Yes. And when I stepped out in the garb and I saw myself in the mirror, I said, I belong here. Wow. And that's why I'm having what I'm calling, I called it to you my big Asian year. Big Asian year. Yeah. B-A-Y. It can be a very Asian year for you. And I think a lot of white guys who go down the path of being obsessed with Asia, I'm obsessed with these guys. Most of them have never been. That's one part of the issue. It gets into samurai swords pretty quickly. It gets into kimono pretty quickly. It won't get there for me. It usually gets into an ironic facial hair. And right now, your facial hair is looking very handsome and normal. This is kind of where I stay. Yes. I don't think I'll go somewhere crazy. You guys both look great. Thank you. Thank you likewise. I have to say, thank you very much. And I was just admiring these frames. Thank you very much. Are these new frames or are these sort of signature frames? I want to tell you I've been wearing these for a decade plus. Yes, these are the signatures. These are the frames. These are the ones. Thank you. And it's seeing them in person that really is the high impact. You guys are special. You guys are special guys. You guys are special guys. I like seeing you on this little couch. I like being in the room with you. Really? And that's why we have to do it again. I see you so often in my phone. But to see you, to see you guys in real life. We see you often in the phone. This is nice. This is really nice. Can we just take a moment to say this is nice? This is nice. We need to go to dinner. It's like a jacuzzi being here. To fly. Hello. Hello. Hello. Wake that up. I have to say that one thing about where I was just at, which is puke, right, you don't even need a hot tub. It feels like a bath wherever you go. Is that true? It's humid. Well, I guess it would do. How do you mean? How do you mean? I guess I went there at the perfect time because, and I'll tell you something. And let me ask you this question. Is it possible that there's more salt in the water, in the seawater there? Of course it's possible. I felt so amazing. I literally, I realized that seawater really does heal. Ocean water heals. What happened to you over there? Do you guys feel me? Ocean water makes me lose. I had the most incredible vacation in Phuket and went in the ocean and I literally left being like, okay, note to self, you have to go in the ocean. Yes. So this is the thing. Like this is so well observed, by the way, this whole like white guy into Asian culture thing. Like I've really thought about this ever since, like just whenever you bring it up because it's like there's different, so many different ways to be white guy into Asian culture. And you like the Hassan Piker thing where he goes to China and now he's like China maxed to the gods. He's not white though. Oh sure, we'll take that out. But you know what I mean? I can leave it in. Leave it in. There are ways to do it. Hassan, are you white or what? Okay, can I say, we're saying white guy into Asian culture, but it is, it literally can apply to me. Oh, really? I go, I'm like one of these like weeby guys who like goes to Japan and loves that I go to China and I love it. I go to like, I have not been south of China crazily or north of Australia, north of five south. Well, you loved parts of China. I loved parts of China. No, actually this past summer I was like, I see it all. You see all of China? I not see it all, but I see the gamut of what this can be and it's pretty crazy. You described your experience at Disney Shanghai as not being great. Because the kids are shitting on the street. Are shitting on the sidewall. Yeah, that rubs you. Because kids are shitting on the sidewall. Because that's Chinese culture. It's like they're from the country side where it's like you just, the kids are, the kids squat, there's a little pocket. There's a little clip on thing at the butt and then they just squat and they shit on the. There's a clip on thing on the button they shit in the park. There's a little square, the flap, there's a flap on the butt. Oh, and they shit on the ground. They shit on the ground, that's what I meant. I thought there was something receptacle to capture the people, but it's just going straight to the ground. Nothing of the sort. That's Chinese sort of. Not digging it. Hope that's okay to say, not digging it. No, no, there's nothing to dig. I don't like that at all. No, there's no like, you can clutch your pearls. Meanwhile in Phuket, you once, any person that you talk to there, sometimes they'll just come up and they'll go, and that means, that means like, thank you. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I just love. I love. And then so when that, when you're like a feminine woman, you go and then the men go well, it's more clipped and there's a lot to be said about that. By the way, if we want to dig into it, when I'm abroad, people mostly say to me, move or get out of the way and do you. I try my best, but those places are so small. I know. You go to another country, they're not used to seeing a guy like me. So they're very, very interested in me getting out of the way. And I share that interest with them. I don't want to be in the way. It's one of my least favorite things to be. Who wants to be in the way? Oh, I hate being in the way. Love attention. Some people love being in the way. Well, they're addicted to it. Some people don't know how to not be in the way. There's being in the way and there's being on display and I'll pick the latter. And that is my housewives tagline. Hello. That, thank you. That was really, really beautiful and powerful. Thank you. I didn't know I had that in me until just there. I knew that you had it with me. I guess I should have more self-belief. I knew that you had it with you the whole time I never doubted it for a second. How long have you guys been doing the show? Ten, we just did ten years. Celebrate ten years. This actually is, we're very much in the midst of our ten years. And also our 500th episode was we were supposed to do like a big like showcase episode for it. Like we were going to do the 500 best things in culture. Stupid list. And we've totally missed it. And now I don't think we can. We're well over 500. Who's the time? You're totally correct. Literally, who has the time to do a podcast? I don't know. I certainly do, but I don't know how you guys do. No, no, no, no, you don't. I'll say when you, when I have, there have been times that you guys have put out this podcast that I have said, surely someone's going to step in soon. Like you guys are so busy that I'm going, there's no way this is happening still. It seems like it's so hard. I don't know how you guys do it with two people. And you know what's funny? Like we thought like, oh, but when stuff doesn't know, now the podcast can like be something like that. Like we'll do it at fresh every week and it can always be topical. And it hasn't, it hasn't been able to be bad. Yeah. Banking is the name of the game. Banking is kind of has to be the name of the game. Any tricks for you when you bank? Like don't talk about tips and tricks. Don't talk about the Kit Kat robbery that just happened. Well, people are always trying to bring up the Kit Kat robbery. And I hate that. Now, just like, just chit chatting. Like I feel like I'm so lucky because it's just me and a guest. And so it's just my schedule to mostly worry about. I mean, Nicole, who engineers the show and Chance who produces it, like there's two. But mostly I just get to ask questions. I just throw questions out and then I go, that was so interesting. What you said, I have found the last few like big discourses that have happened. I have had like really what seemed like really unpopular opinions. Like, for example, the Timothy Chalamet stuff with the ballet and the opera. I think people were being insane about that. People were being completely insane because they're a little tired of him. Yeah, that's not fair. And that was really what it was about the chapel. Roan of it all. I could not believe that we just took what this one person like put on their Instagram as total fact, as total Bible and kicked her ass again on social media, only for the security guard to come out and be like, guys, she never asked me to do that. I work at the hotel. I thought there was a problem. So I went over there. She did nothing. They have a particular problem with chapel. It's so to me, it's so funny because every chapel discourse is like, she will literally be like, she will literally be like, hey, guys, please just like, don't chase me down the street. I'm going to dinner. Right. And then the whole internet will be like, you stupid, ungrateful. Yeah. How dare you, you fucking ungrateful bitch. You, you, you, we are going to take you down. Don't come to Rio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're your band from the city. You are disinvited from our great country. It's like, pardon? It's really crazy. And also chapel is a Missouri girl. And I have to tell you, this was never supposed to happen to us. No. This poor girl, I'm like this. I know it's just so I'm like, give that girl a break. Give her a break. I have been saying it the entire time and I'm just like, but because you want to know what else. It's so boring. Like it all of these things are just so boring. How should we treat Missouri celebrities? You, Chapel, Nikki Glaser, John Hamm. You know, Nikki still lives in Missouri. Yes. I love her. I love that about her. Nikki moved back to St. Louis. You know what? The way you should treat us is I think I get pretty lucky. Everyone's pretty nice to me. I think most, I mean, it's gotten a little weird recently, but most of the time, I think people are very like, hey, you sorry, love your stuff. And then they run away. I love that. And I'm happy to take a picture or whatever. But I think just like what I mean by that is like, I don't know, it would be pretty jarring. A lot of these people who get famous, like they did have some kind of preparation. They had, they grew up with money or they went to like a big fancy school or they like they, they were around rich people at some point in their life. Like when you really come from like rural ass Missouri and this shit just happens to you. Totally cool. Awesome, privileged life, wouldn't trade it. But it is like, I really feel for Chapel. I'm like, that is a fucking crazy experience. It's a very, very different, weird thing. And I'm just like, yeah, I wish people would give her a break. That being said, Chapel, love you girl. Please tune out to this part. The memes about it are very funny. I can't escape the fact that the memes are always good. The memes are good. The Zelda one is. It's like, it's the great fairy from N64 from Ocarina of Time pulling Link's hair, like just found this and she's like, she looks like Chapel. She's got like red hair and like all this like trellis-y stuff in her. Yeah. And it's that, that made me laugh. The memes are very funny. You also put on every once in a while, you will pop up on my phone. Oh, no. Posting something that I have never heard about my, like you'll post like some kind of cartoon figure I've never seen in my life and you'll be like, back at it with this bitch. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know what these little games are, but I want to come play with you. Yeah. I want to come play your little games. Please play. I don't know them. Come, come, come. And I want to be involved. I feel like you have so many fun games. I, this is, I'm really settling into this, this new life of just like, I can, I, maybe I just, I just, I'm a little concierge for people. Maybe you should get on Twitch. That's Hassan's, that's Hassan's domain. Leave it to Hassan. Leave it to Hassan to be on Twitch, to be talking about politics too much. Leave it to Hassan to be talking about gay guys too much. I said this, I said this when I went on a show, he was talking so freely about game. And I said, Hassan, you better fuck a man or hush it up. I, this is what I would agree. And I would say absolutely first in line for that. You want to fuck Hassan? Oh, deeply. Oh my goodness. And can I say, I think all these people like coming for Hassan want to fuck him too. I was sure he's handsome. I like him. I like, I like Hassan. I don't, I don't need to know offense, brother. I don't need to fuck him, but I think if, I think if you, I don't need to fuck him, I would just be first in line if there was an option. Like if there's going to be a sweepstakes, I think if he wants to keep talking to the Austin, the little gay guy on his podcast, if he wants to keep talking to Austin crazy about gay stuff, he needs to fuck somebody. Has he been talking crazy about gay stuff? No, just like, like, he'll be like, he'll be like, when I went on his show, he was like, he was like, Austin's a selfish top. And I was like, let's take a pause. What do you think that means? Let's take a pause on that. What do you think? Let's take a pause. I'm selfish really. Let's take a pause. I want to talk to everyone about what we think that means. Okay, wait. Straight, quote unquote, guys. Um, and this is again Hassan, I believe men, but like straight guys are, they love to talk and bandy about our little terms and multiple men at SNL. Well, meaning great guys would just randomly turn to me and be like, God, gay guys really have it figured out. You can fuck whoever you want. They want to stop. They love this. That's not true. Gay straight guys love to, we do not have it figured out. I don't know if you've noticed it's not going well for many of us. No, yeah, no. Uh, me personally, I'm chilling, but I straight guy, my straight guy buddies will love to tell me nothing more than like, they'll just really in a moment of like weird introspection, we'll just be at lunch or something. And they'll be like, God, the way you guys can just get a blowjob on command. And I'm like, hey, not true. Hey, what's going on? Your wife is in the bathroom. What is going on? Like it's really insane. But do you know that's what I'm saying? Hello. Is it's like, it's like whenever I feel like there's why is the bathroom cheating? Judgment towards our community. I'm like, here's the thing. We're just so out loud and proud and exuberant about our mental illness and about like what's breaking us down and has us broken as a community and individuals we're in. Yeah. But like the straights are so like repressed about how about what they're bullshit that they end up doing duplicitous mean, nasty things to the people they love the most. Like they have not interrogated why they would make some of these choices because they haven't had shame. Yes. Are you guys doing monogamy? Can I ask that? How's monogamy working right now? I'm not familiar. Me and my boyfriend are distance. So it's like. Where's he live? London. Oh, but very abroad. Like good. So it's kind of like it's kind of one of those things where it's just like, you know, you figure it out. You're writing it out. Yeah. It is, it is, you know, it's never easy. Monogamy for you? Well, I don't know. This is what I'm thinking about. I was in an open relationship most of last year and I was always kind of making fun of open and I was like, oh, I don't really want to do that because I wasn't dating anyone. Right. And then it came in to date someone and I was like, oh God, maybe they were like, they're onto something over there. I can't be carrying on multiple relationships. That's not for Caleb. No, no, no. No, not that. Open was fun. I don't know. I there's some. Look, I do get a little jealous. I'm not going to lie to you. Of Monog. Uh, other people. Oh, no, I, I in open, I will say, like there are a lot of people that are open. They're like, I love when my man comes home and tells me about this hot guy that he fucked and I'm like, not me. I don't like it. Never. It doesn't turn me on. I don't like it. I don't mind it knowing that I'm gone as much as I am and whatever, but Monogamy is coming up a lot lately and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what's coming up a lot in my head because I'm like, I want a family. I want a family. Oh, you do. Eventually. Yeah. I want kids. Like that's a big goal of my life. And so I'm like, what am I going to be open with kid? Like I'm going to have like a kid and be like going out to see, like, I don't, I know it. People do it. I'll never, I don't understand that, but people do do it. I also, yeah. Every once in a while, of course, I get swept away with the idea that I'm going to meet someone. Yeah. You get, I don't know. You guys ever get that idea that you're like, oh my God, I'm going to meet someone that makes it so easy and fun to just like lock in forever. Totally. Am I a total freak? And is that the craziest thing you've ever? No, no, no. What if like having kids is like the glue that makes the open work that makes the open work or the monogwork? Well, this is a great question that locks you in. Yeah. What? And we'll never know. I that's what I'm curious about. I don't know, but I'm just wondering about it all. I feel like also another thing is like I'm now 36 and I don't think I require or have the urges to be like thinking about being on the prowl in the way I was. Like just monogamy in terms of energetically makes more sense because I'm like, yeah, that sounds a lot easier and I don't have to deal with someone. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like nowadays it's kind of like it's not like it was where I could just hop on a dick when I was 25. You know what I mean? I'm just like, OK, what's going on? Yeah, I've had lunch and dinner, but is someone knocking because I'll answer. Yeah. Now it's like, OK, let me do the mental math here. Like, I don't know. You guys on Grindr? I have it. I am on it again and I am about to shutter again. I'm just like, this is there's nothing here. Yeah, truly. Also, because are you showing face on there? Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting banned a lot. So am I. I get banned from Grindr. You know, yes, I have to text. Oh, that's so funny. Who works at Grindr, this poor sweet soul who has has no business getting these nasty vile texts from me. And I text him and I go, I'm in Oklahoma City. I'm as horny as I've ever been and I've once again been banned from Grindr for impersonating Caleb Heron, which can I say that of the gay guys to impersonate, I have to imagine that Caleb Heron is not high on the list on Grindr. I don't feel like that makes a ton of sense. I say the same thing to the guys who are like your cat fishing. I'm like a femme Asian. Yeah, you guys hate fat people on here. You hate Asian people on here. Like, no, I wouldn't pick Caleb, you know, I wouldn't pick like I would. That doesn't make sense. No, we wouldn't cat catfish that way. Right. I know who you catfish as when you do it. And it's never your it's never me. Yeah. It's Hudson. It's a song. It's a song. It's a song. I got banned one time because I was I was in the Tampa area and they were like, we knew it couldn't be you. I was like, no, I'm just weird in here. No, I just had to go to Tampa. Like I just actually just sometimes come to Tampa. It's like a thing about me. If you had just sent me a message, we could have gotten into it. I would have told you all about my part time Tampa life. Yeah, I do have fun on Grindr. I am I am like regularly meeting people off of Grindr, I would say. Really? But like I'm very specific about it. And I'm I'm very like, yeah, I don't think it's not how it was when I was like 20. I know it's really when I was 20, I was like, like, I was like, who I'll do anything. I was doing a non when I was 20. What? Wow. I was meeting strangers without face pics when I was great. Yeah. Can't be doing that anymore. That's that's Chicago 20s. You're in your 20s. You're doing a non. Say that. Say that. Say that. I had like that. I had like a like a really crazy six week period on Grindr when I was like when I was in my like 26, 27, I had a six week when I was seeing like I was seeing like I'll just say like four or five guys a week. Like I was just like I had discovered it. Yeah. And I was just like, I am on this. And it was like I was having like a little sexual revolution in myself. I say it's a six week period because it had to end. I got syphilis. Of course, totally. That's the bottleneck. The pirate STI. That'll happen sometimes. Yeah. An STI that we truly should not even be saying if it's not in a pirate taxi. I thought it was a joke. I was like, yeah, syphilis. Oh, sure. Yeah. It's just like no one gets that. Got it. Matt, I heard a story about you on the way over here today. What's the story? My assistant, Michelle. Yeah. We're driving over here together. Shout out, Michelle. Love you girl. Shout out. So sorry about everything. I'm a nightmare to work for. She used to work at a restaurant in Brooklyn. Uh-huh. And I have to confront you. What's the rest? Oh God, what happened? She said that you came in and she said you were not very nice. I wasn't nice. No, I'm kidding. She said you were a total sweetheart. God, because can I tell you? Like I was like. Can you imagine? He's industry. He's the loveliest person on earth. First of all, A, I am industry. And so I go in there and I'm like, I make sure that everyone knows that. He's been on the other side. I, I, I, I, by when I say I'm industry, I mean, I'm restaurant industry for 10 years. Like, but I was so shocked that I was possibly capable of that. I know. Well, no, I'm totally kidding. What restaurant? Dinner party. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Somebody said you were lovely and I just thought that was really sweet. I was really scared because when she said, I was like, oh my gosh, like I, I love Matt. I hope this is a good story because I will say when I hear, when I hear like someone to be like, oh, Renee Zellweger came into my coffee shop. I feel bad that Renee got the poll, but like any celebrity, we only say her because she's no lovely, lovely, lovely, but it's like, they'll say some random celebrity and they'll be like, oh, they were, they were kind of rude to me. And I'm going, I don't really believe that or listen to that only because it's like so many times I'll hear someone say that. And I'm like, it sounds like they were just like kind of in a rush and having a bad day. Yeah. Like they didn't like dress you down in front of everyone or something. They were just like, I spent a lot of time, you know, and it's like, that's not mean that's just being a person who has 20 things to do. So I wondered and then it was that you were. Well, I'm happy that that ended the way it did that story because I will tell you people acting crazy like that in restaurants. I can't abide by it. Bowen and I had a beautiful night at the Selkow once. Oh, really? Do you remember our fated night, Bowen? I do. Of course I do. But I do. Do we talk about it? Because I think it was best case. I think things happen exactly how they should have. They were meant to. Well, I, it was funny because you were writing for SNL and. Oh, this is years ago. This is 2019. Yeah. This is this is after my first season. You were screen testing. It wasn't your first, right. Your first season right. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was screen testing for the show and I was like, I was like, Bowen, can we go, can we like go out and get food after my thing? And we, Bowen, took me to the Selkow. And I was like, I feel like I was like, you're going to be on the show, right? You told me that. I feel like we talked about it. Yeah. And I was like, and I even back then I was like, I don't know. I think like I just literally was like, they would never put an Asian person on. And I was like, they're not going to put two gay guys on. Right. So I left, I left that meal being like, Bowen's getting on the show and this was a fun exercise, but like, I'm not getting this job. And then that is what happened. But it was, it was so, you were so sweet and lovely to me. And I was nervous about that. That was terrible to the staff. I was horrible to the staff. You've berated them and then Matt came in just to be mean to them and then left. Didn't even like have a bite with us. Came in, berated them left. Yeah. Awesome. I made sure it was Michelle. Get Michelle out of here. Yeah. Get out of here. Fuck you. Bring her in, get her out. But it was so lovely and sweet. That was nice. Yeah, that was that was Chicago days. What was the year, what was the year post that you that you defected from Chicago? Chicago. I left Chicago, if you can possibly believe it, in May of 2020 to move to Los Angeles. Oh, okay. Well, at that time, that was kind of a, that was, that was the time because LA was, you know, quote unquote nicer place to be at that time. Totally nicer. You could be outside and I was driving for Uber Eats at the time. I had no job. I had quit my job to do comedy full time in January of 2020. Let's all have a laugh. And I thought, I thought things were on the up and then COVID happened. Nothing happened. I was making no money. So I was driving for Uber and I was like, I'd rather be driving for Uber. With the windows down. Yeah. While people are dying left and right all winter. Yeah. I was like, let me get out there. So I moved to LA then. Love. Yeah. I mean, it's all like, like we're just little paths diverging the wood and then meeting back up again. Isn't it so cute though? Like guys, we've been doing this for a minute. And that, it's now at the point where it's just like, oh, like, how long have I known Bo and then the answer is 17 years. Jesus Christ. That's crazy. It's going to be, it's going to be half our life. Half our life soon. That feels crazy just to quantify like your adult life is met you in 2008. So what do we round up and say 18 technically, technically. In a couple of years, you guys will have had more life knowing each other than you did when, before you knew each other. I know. You know what I mean? That's how, well, that's, that's, that's where I am with New York City. I'm like, I've spent most of my life here. It's the only place I've been an adult in. Am I robbing myself of something? Don't know. How do you mean? Like, like, by saying like, oh, I haven't lived anywhere else. But he knows where he's going when everything goes down. Where are you going? Ontario. Really? Why is that Lake Mescoca? Just lakes. Just there's no, there's no, there's. If you look at all the map overlays, it's like no, no wildfires, no tornadoes, no earthquakes, no floods. He's got his like, really. It's interesting. Now. I think we all got to be preppers. No, it's interesting nowadays because you talk to people and you realize some people in your life have fully prepped. Like we are, or our friends. Who's a couple. I was over there at their, at their apartment like a few months ago and they go, yeah, we're both getting guns. And I'm like, what? And they go, well, when the grid goes down, we both need a gun case, in case one of us goes. Yeah. I was like, excuse me. They were like, yeah, well, if one of us goes, if one of us goes down, you need someone to cover it. I was like, you guys have really thought about like, where are these people, these lesbians? Hey guys. See, it's the lesbians that are doing it to me. And I heard something even more concerning recently. I was at a lesb, more concerning than gun, if you can believe it. I was at a lesbians house recently. They told me that they said, yes, several of us just got walkie talkies. I said, I'm not paying attention to, no, very clearly I'm not tapped into what you mentioned. For their compound that they're like already like. I said walkie talkies. If it comes walkie talkie time, give me the gun. If it comes walkie talkie time. I'm not giving walkie talkie time. Well, I go, I go like, if the grid goes down, I'm out. I'm, I'm sorry. I'm killing myself. I'm not doing walkie talkies. I am not doing walkies. I'm not doing generators. I'm not, because then what we're camping and I hate that. I'm not camping. My love. When my wifi goes out, I almost jump out a window. I'm not surviving when the grid goes down. Not at all. I, I, the things I find the space in my heart and soul to complain about my current present life, yeah, you wouldn't want to see me. Also, it can't be that those things are called walkie talkies as the technical no, no, no, there's gotta be a more technical term, right? Whatever it is when the grid goes down, those nails. Bye bye. No, God, don't do closeups on them. It's really embarrassing. No, I'm not doing walkie talkies. I'm not doing survivalist stuff. I like will come to the lake with you for a little bit. If I can still like drive, but I'm not, if the grid goes down, I'm not doing it. One of my friends drew a map, drew a hand drawn map. Hot. Like guess of how to get from New York to this piece of land that their family owns in Pennsylvania. In case we need to escape. I said, yeah, I'm just not, I'm obviously not reading the things you guys are reading. I'm not, I can't be involved. We're running different races. Yeah. Like you're trying to fight like with people. I'm like, again, fighting with my microwave to work. Yeah. I'm like, what's going on? I have a different challenge. Oh, the whole grid is fully working and better than ever. Yeah. And I'm barely survived. The grid is up. Yeah. And I'm barely getting by. I mean, in theory, it's Ontario for me, but it's like who knows. Like at that point, I just, I just hope I'm there when shit goes down. Yeah. Which is so unlikely. What do you guys want out of your life? Can I ask you an artist question? Yes. Yeah. We've been gay guys, we've been vulnerable. What else can we be? Ernest? I think we can be all sorts of things. That's really what this podcast has. What do you guys really want? What do I really want? You know what? I think I would like to, I think I like my life and I like the way it's developing and I want it to continue. But it's, I stopped, like I said the other day, I was like, I don't really believe anymore in making plans after like six months, like six months ahead. It's like, I can see my schedule and I can see what I'm doing for a few months. But like, I don't, I couldn't wrap my head around a five year plan or a grand plan for my life because I feel like that would weirdly be limiting. I'm like open to things because I've surprised myself so far, I think. And then in terms of like, you know, the romantic stuff and like all of that, like I think that right now I'm in the mode of like, I just want to follow good feelings and what is meant to be, will be. Yeah. But I can't, I don't know. I can't, I can't, it's not that I can't make goals anymore. It's just that like, I don't think it would be useful for me. I'm just kind of like, let's just see. Everybody's feeling that way. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think anyone can see the future, which is a real, I don't know if that's new or if that's like always been kind of happening or what, but I really don't think so many people living right now that are like, our age or younger are really thinking 20 years from now and going like, I know what that'll look like. Because this is the first time in society, someone was saying this on what like Al Jazeera or something like this is the first time in society where we are mourning the future in advance. Right. That was pretty scary. We're not, that's like, this is the first time as a, as a people that we're like, Oh, 20 years from now. Well, that's, that's so uncertain that like I can't, and that puts you in a crazy existential funk where you're like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to do now if like, if like, there's nothing to reap like in 20 years? I just watched this incredible documentary called join or die. Have you all seen this? Join or die? Join or die? Has anyone heard of this? Let's join or die. It's so wonderful. This guy, and I don't remember anyone's names from it, sorry. Um, but this researcher research for a long time, like, um, like governments and society, like societies and like little different like regions and I think mostly in Italy at first. And then he came back to the States. He's from the States. He basically did research on like, what makes people feel cohesive? Like what is the basis of community? Like what makes rich community where people feel bought into their democracies? And like, what is that thing? And he basically started charting it with like, um, involvement in social groups like Kiwanis or the Elks Lodge or choirs or like coral groups or, you know, these things that we used to have so many social clubs, like the women's suffrage movement started out like a women's social club. And like, like many of like WB Du Bois's like speeches came at like social clubs, like places where people gathered to be like part of like societies and things, like third spaces. Exactly. But the as, as like mistrust in the government and like disenchantment with a democracy has gone up and like a pretty straight line inversely association with like groups has gone down. Yep. And I was so fascinated by this. It's a really good documentary. It's on Netflix. Shout out, you guys. Shout out. Netflix. Great things. Love y'all. And. And all the streamers and all the streamers. Yeah. Um, I just love you guys. Boom. Just go media. I hope everything streams forever. And it will. And stop sending movies to theaters, by the way. Can we stream them? And it was really, really good though. It was, it was really fascinating. And I was like, oh yeah, we're really not in groups anymore because and like the perfect sort of recipe for whatever, like little manipulative things. Is like there's, there's no reason like we're less and less motivated to go and seek out these spaces and clubs and stuff. Yeah. Because we're on our phones and we're on our phones and also there's not, there's no real belief, I think on the, on a, on a mask. I just was reading maybe yesterday morning about this town. I think it was in Oklahoma that their city council and their mayor. You're obsessed with Oklahoma, by the way. I love Oklahoma. Can't get enough of it. Yeah. Can't get enough of it. Sorry. Shout out to Oklahoma. Shout out. Oklahoma readers. What are your, his other ones? Katie. Katie's public side. Katie's public side. I listen to Kyle's. Oklahoma fans of the show. Shout out. Yeah. Um, they're there. They're their own subgroup now. Yeah. Oklahoma. Yeah. Um, Oklahomaans. Lost. Oh, yeah, I can't do it right now. Um, but I was reading something that this town, they like approved a giant like AI data center, the city council and the town like got together and like marched into city hall and turned in like a fully signed, um, petition to have all of them recalled everyone on city council and the mayor entirely put up for like a recall vote immediately. And it was like the surge of like, they do not want this fucking data center. They're being sold out by their officials, but it's, you need, it needs to be on that kind of scale for people to believe that we can affect change because we can. Yep. It just needs to be scaled down to where it's like manageable to take bites. Yeah. Like somebody was saying like the other day, it's like even with the protests, like I feel like we were often hearing like this was the largest protest in history or like this was the biggest day. Like it still feels like when you zoom out and look at what's happening in the world, like there, I understand that thought of like, okay, well, how many times have we heard that? And yet it feels like the world is getting worse and worse and worse. Yeah. It, it, but then when you think of community on a small scale, it's very easy for me to think about like people walking into a town hall and like making change because people would be forced to listen. I think what's like so shitty is it's like, it doesn't matter anymore how large like a voice we are saying we don't want something. We're so separated from the people that can make change and make power. And they're so siloed off from us that it's like totally fruitless. Yesterday they did, they did like attacks the Rituali and the Bronx and someone was like, it was great. Like it was just like people who already know this, but like, but what they were like, so like, I don't know, like it felt like interesting. Like we weren't sure like where this was all going. I was like, oh no, the fact that you guys even like gathered is kind of like the win, right? It's like, it's like what you're saying. It's like these movements start out of literal like biomass, like living, breathing creatures like coming together for whatever reason. Yeah. I'm really have two minds about it because I feel also that I had this conversation with a lot of friends after like 2016 because it was a very funny experience for me as someone who had lived my whole life up into that point in Missouri that so many of my friends on the coasts for the first time were being like, we got to pay attention in the middle of the country. I was like, oh, were you guys not? No, I was like, oh, I was. And so that was really interesting to me. I like learned a lot from that moment. And then I have this kind of feeling that I'm like something is going to have to give eventually with the fact that like so many people like leftist, like good hearted people who really want a brighter future for all of us. We say that things are so dire right now and we say that like this is really as bad as it can get. It is so existential. And then the truth is that if a bunch of us moved to other places and started like having hard conversations, I think we have the winning argument. I think good people who want a better future that is not controlled by a handful of billionaires actually have the winning argument and a lot of working people who don't vote the way we think maybe they should agree with us. Yeah. If we, if it's so existential, a bunch of us are going to have to move to places like Ohio and get to work and we're not doing that. And so that's okay. But we're going to have to like eventually do something about the cognitive dissonance of the statement that things are existentially dire and we have to make take drastic measures. And then also nobody wants to move to West Virginia. The thing is though, I feel like, like, yes, it's okay that people don't do that. But if, if that's not going to be the case, if we're not going to engage with them in like a real way like that, then we have to at least, I think, make sure we're not silo siloing off in a media way. Right. I really want, and this was almost, and I don't think so honey for me, but it's not, but the, the, what I really want is for Democrats to start being who Republicans say they are. Yeah. There's Republicans keep saying that Democrats are these like transgender leftist radicals who want to like destroy the billionaire class. And then you cut to Chuck Schumer. And it's like, he's not on estrogen. He's not sucking dick. He's not doing anything for working people. Like there's just nothing. And then their whole pitch, like Gavin Newsom's whole pitch is like, hey, I'm not so different from the Republicans. And it's like, well, bitch, can you be right? Can somebody be? What does, is anyone have any interest in being different than these fucking Cretans? Like, yeah, it makes me feel fucking crazy because you look at a place like Missouri where Trump wins by, you know, 14, 15, 20 points, whatever. And then abortion, they, they passed the strictest abortion ban in the country. And then they put it up for a referendum and the people voted down by three points. So that's a 20 plus point swing between Trump winning and a very contentious progressive issue, winning on with the same voters. Same thing with legalized marijuana. Same thing with raising the minimum wage and giving people paid sick leave. All very leftist ideas. They're winning on the same ballots that Trump is winning. So we very clearly have a candidate problem. And I think if the solution was people like Gavin Newsom coming in with like a slick haircut and not wearing a tie. So we think he's regular. Spare me. Coming in and parroting the same things they're talking about. We've already had that choice. We've already had that choice and it didn't work. So I just feel crazy all the time. I feel fucking crazy. I mean, I was watching something yesterday about like, well, it looks like Kamala Harris is running again. And so that means that her and Gavin Newsom will be at the top of, at the top of the polls. And I'm like, well, that's just sounds like a lot of wasted time. Guys, why? Because let's run someone crazy. Let's run someone. Let's run a fucking like kooky leftist art teacher from like Middlebury, Ohio. Let's run someone nuts. Let's just go crazy with it. I just don't think I'm sorry, but I just don't think Kamala and Gavin are going to do it. No, I mean, it's just never going to happen. I it's because it just goes back to the thing of what people didn't like. I think holistically was that he was the type of like, you can even tell in the way he does his hair and the way he talks and he comes out and says things like we need to be more culturally normal. And that's going to like fix our problems. I'm like, what? What? Yeah, what exactly do you mean by that? And he is like so slyly. Are you think he's so slyly homophobic? Meanwhile, it just is homophobia. Also, the any any Republican with any level of like Ackerman is going to destroy him on that culturally normal shit. I know he thinks he's courting middle voters, but brother, you grew up rich in California. Yeah. Your culturally normal thing is not going to fly in the middle of the country. Like it doesn't fly with me. I'm like culturally normal. I don't feel anything like you. And it's not because I love trans people. I do, but it's like, I don't feel related to you at all because you're like a slick career politician who you want to be president so bad that I like. Ew, ew, ew, I hate it. That being said, I think if gay guys would podcast for president, this country would be such a good place. Yeah, God. But he's always, he's always, you know, I'm confident we could do it. I think we can do it. That's how we make a great team. Rodgers Herron looks good on a lot of things. On Supreme Court. I'll get you would be incredible on the Supreme Court. You would be incredible on the Supreme Court. Yeah. I you in that robe. I was going to say, thank you. Did you want to push back so bad though? You know, I was just thinking I was like, uh, because he wants him to Canada. No, I wouldn't be Canada. I don't want, I don't want any of this. Speaking of culturally normal. Oh, my God. Wait, we haven't asked you. We haven't even asked you the question, which is how did you become culturally you? Caleb Herron, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you? Okay, let me ask you, is this supposed to be one thing? No, it can be anything. It can be like, it can be Missouri. It can be like a movie, a show, a song, a singer. It can be any. Yes. Okay. I have so many things to say, but wide open spaces album by the chicks. Wide open spaces, the album by the chicks. Yes. Yes. Formerly Dixie. Formerly Dixie. We're not doing that anymore. The chicks. The chicks. That album has everything. It has your mom and your aunt scream singing along in the car. It has heartbreak. It has killing a man who cheated on you or sorry, abused you. It has, he probably cheated too. It has fun dance tunes. It has fiddle. Wide open spaces by the chicks is one of the greatest pieces of art we have ever seen in this country. Thank you. And it really is what the American project was all leading to. Since then, who knows what happened? Wide open spaces by the chicks. God, I love those ladies. Yeah. The American project. Ended and failed when, you know, when the whole fucking thing happened. Yes. When they got in trouble, by the way, most people don't even remember this. When the chicks got in trouble. They were right. What they not only were they right, but they didn't even say anything that crazy. It was one concert in Paris or London. Yeah. We're Natalie. That's right. Yeah. We're Natalie says, we just want you all to know we're on the good side with you. We are ashamed of this war and we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas. Oh, that's a fucking softball. I said crazier things like that is insane. They were right and they should be the God, I love them so much. I could cry. I love them. They're so special and Natalie Mainz is so principled. Absolutely. And so talented and I love her. Yeah. Oh, I love that. You know, what's crazy is it's like what the gaslighter album? So like, which I also love, which was their most recent album, like it. I hated that it got tougher for her because her fucking husband, the guy of Adrian Pazdar from Heroes, which was such a disappointment as a Heroes fan. But he was such like a, you know, what is it, tights on my boat? Yes, that's right. That like that was so disappointing. I'm like, wow, this woman couldn't even catch a fucking break. Brought her backstage at the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah, Adrian Pazdar. It is on site, brother. It's really on site. If I see you in the streets, we need to have minimum a strongly worded conversation. Maximum glove up. Let's ball. He's not he's not on the streets anymore. I don't know where he's too scared. No, I there's no way. But wide open spaces. This. What? When did you encounter this album? Wide open spaces came out in the late 90s. So I was a very young. I mean, most of my early, my mom is like my biggest inspiration in the world. And like pretty much everything good about me is because of my mom. And most of my like music taste comes from my mom, like blaring songs in the car. Yeah. And us like driving somewhere. I mean, we just always had to go somewhere. Like we always had to go like she was always rushing to get to work and drop us off at the babysitter or like we had to go to like, like there just feels like we were always driving because we were. And yeah, I just she would play. I feel like I really came to understand when I got a little bit older that like country music by women at that time was really giving framework for a bunch of women who didn't have like a formal education, giving them a framework for feminism. And it's not like they were sitting around chatting like that. But it was the feeling of like I never saw the women in my life so alive as when they were listening to the chicks and Shania Twain and Jody Martina, Martina McBride, Faith Hill. Like the list goes on and on and on and Lee and Wilmak. Like it just really, yeah, it made them light up in a way. And I think it's because it was like music for them about their lives. It was so empowering. And so I really fell in love with that music because I saw all the women in my life like come alive to it. Yeah. And yeah, the women in my life were always just genuinely for the most part, funnier and like more vibrant and interesting than the men who were talking over them. And the talking over women thing has become like kind of like a it got like beat over the head nauseatingly, I feel like, to a point. But really when I was growing up, I was like, these women couldn't get a word in edgewise and they were funnier and smarter. Yeah. And that drove me fucking insane. And yeah, seeing them like listening to like the chicks and singing along. I just felt that there was something going on that was like very special. And I fell in love with it because it was just the best feeling in the world. See, and I also wonder in the in the aftermath of all that happening, how frustrating that must have been for women who probably were being told by their husbands, like we don't fucking like them anymore. Like we're burning their albums and doing the CDs and like how shitty it must have felt. Yeah. I also feel like I don't want to. I want to make sure that when I say that there wasn't a formal education around feminism, the women in my life were feminist in ways that people who have only studied in the classroom could never like their feminism was still important and real and and powerful. They they were taking stances and making swings and stuff. I just mean like formally formally like there wasn't this thing that I experienced when I went to college where a bunch of people were sitting around talking about ideas and being like, this is why this should be this way. And like this is an example of this. Like it was more just this lived experience of like, yeah, these shitty annoying men, yeah, like ruining your life at every turn. And you just kind of having like, I think like, yeah, I don't want to be there. So there are many women I have known in my life that have had to stay with a man because they they just could not afford to live right. And the things you have to put up with to be in that situation. Yeah. The one of the only times I saw them feel really like like really up was when they were listening to this kind of because they were it is liberating music. Yeah, they were telling stories of like what it might be like to like, and I think that's there's a catharsis in being like, what if we just killed them? You know what I mean? Like there's like, there's that's what I love about music is like you live in a different world for three and a half minutes. And like for three and a half minutes, people were living in a world where it was like, you know, I cathartically had this experience and listening to this song where I fucking killed my husband with my best friend or I got I got I helped my friend that I'm seeing struggle out of a situation. It didn't actually happen, but cathartically and like, you know, metaphorically lived in. Right. But it's like the thing about music is that it is accessible. Yeah. You don't have to like at the time you didn't have to like pop Thelma and Louise in the VCR and like watch us watch a story or a parable portraying like feminine power in this way. You can just like turn it on on the radio or you could like put pop the CD in the car as you're driving as it's like in the weather of your life. Like the like just is in the climate of your life. Yeah. Like that's the chicks are fucking major. I'm I'm I need to go back and really give wide open spaces like a full list. Like like track to track listening because I always go to fly. Fly is my incredible album incredible album. The wide open spaces are right. Like that is like just the three of them on that cover. Just like light on their feet. Well, that was like that and fly were like the wide open spaces and that were like the peak the peak commercial peak peak. Yeah. And the music was great. Yeah. But not but also I'm but not ready to make nice was also but what would the old take in the long way that is just like that's the album of the year when where you're like fuck yes. Yes. At least that was like the only bit like the vindication that we could have hoped for at the time. Now I think long term it's like of course we're all like on the same page about the chicks it's unfortunate what happened to them. But like them winning album of the year for taking the long way and I thought gaslighter was like a success. I love gaslighter. It's a success though. Like I feel commercially it did well. Right. I think so. It was deep in the pandemic when it came out. I don't know how much it was like I don't know. I remember I would listen to it constantly when it came out. I loved how do you sleep in that. Oh my god. Music video is great too. In Texas man. Oh yeah. Yeah. Also another one did you guys ever see I'm always evangelizing about this. Did you guys ever see Monique's Queens of Comedy set. Yes. This set changed my life. Wait. And also did you I'm sure you've seen the one where she was it went to the women's prison. Yeah. No I know. There's she she has such an incredible set and a women's prison where she goes and it was just they were living for her and I was just like people don't talk about her talent as a stand up. They don't talk about her talent across the board enough anyway. They disrespect her at every turn. Every turn. She's been ahead of it at every turn with the open relationship stuff with like I'm not shaving my fucking legs. Hello. I'm not campaigning for an Oscar. Yes. I'm not doing this shit that you're telling me to do. Yeah. Monique is everything. Her Queens of Comedy set was one of the first times. I mean I grew up in such a like fatness was either like a bad thing or a joke. Like best case being fat was a joke. Worst case and more normal was it was like this horrific thing to be like oh my gosh if you were ever if anyone was fat it was like they were like dying to change it. It was really seeped into like my personhood and Monique was genuinely the first time she opens that Queens of Comedy set. She came out and like she was a big fat woman at the time and she came out in this like leatherette like sexy slinky little thing and she walked out and she was like every fat bitch in this room should be on their feet clapping for me right now. Yeah. She was like skinny bitches don't have what it takes. Yeah. Skinny bit like it just like. It doesn't have what it takes. They just don't she just like went in and I have I had never seen a fat person like own a room like that. Yeah. And it was genuinely one of the first times that I was like oh maybe I don't have to hate myself like maybe there is a reality where I can just like myself and feel confident and I owe so much of my like six like any success I have or any like confidence I have on stage I genuinely owe at least in part to watching that set for the first 100% is so good if you if you're listening to this readers publicist home of publicist I'm coming to you now if you have not seen this set go watch it it's really fucking amazing. The also like that set 100% and then this this prison set I'm referencing I'll never forget one of the bits in any early standup I watched at that time that stuck with me was hers from that prison set. It was her reckoning with homophobia and I remember at the time the homophobia that she was feeling and I remember at the time I was probably like 1415 16 years old so hyper aware of when someone was being homophobic especially in a standup comedy set because I was like I really want I respected the art form and knew I wanted to do it someday or something like it and she went on this run about how like she was pretty sure that one of her sons had a gay friend and she was like and this gay kids coming over and I'm like what the fuck and then she did this run about how like her son looked at her and was like what do you care if he's gay he's a good person and like I love him and like it's not a big deal and she was like relating it to how she knew a lot of the women in the audience were lesbians she's like who here's gay and there was like yeah and it was just like this this way to reckon with this ugly thing about her that she recognized was a part of like the fabric of what she thought at the time but like was she was working through it in a real way that didn't feel icky as an audience member or it didn't make me feel shitty as a little gay boy watching it I was just like this is how you I think you know walk through like a phobia that you had and maybe this could be a note that you know every iconic male straight comedian that's you know aged up now could take but it was just more interesting for her to unpack what she needed to unpack then to be like this is what I don't get this is what I don't get this is what I don't get it was just it was more developed and you're right I think is because it was her womanhood that was allowing her that lens yes she like a permission she really gave so many people permission to be themselves yeah genuinely I love her so much and she gave us the iconic quote the whore jumped out the whore jumped out your behavior was horror like whore like and the whore jumped out and jumped back in charm school was we owe we owe so much to Monique on charm school and it's not even like top 10 of what we owe her thank you for but goddamn she was god damn she was so good on charm school that's why there's no rules is because it was after charm school that she won the Academy Award that's why I say there's no rules and entertainment you can do anything as long as you're good enough because Monique like hosted charm school and then after that won the most within like three years after Charms and deservedly so and by the way didn't do the whole campaign bullshit yeah no just just completely annihilated any job she's ever been given yep in a way that is also singular and memorable and real star quality because there's not another Monique no there's not another in so many different ways there's not her like vocal delivery her cadence her like her point of view her bravery her courage her choices artistically there's just not she just doesn't get the credit and she played a horny inappropriate freaky legend on the parkers and we have to have to thank her for that she's chasing that man down the halls and it was inappropriate but really funny and I love her so much I would also say one of one of the top ten things that I think we do over for is in beer fest when she was when she said I'm a break your dick off never forget the beer her performance in beer fest and you can it's supporting actress nomination was deserved for beer fest as well a film that I'll remind you exists beer when did that come out I mean had to be 2006 or 2007 because the peer pressure that I must have felt to go see that fast peer pressure only be described I was there it had to be done where it was socially advantageous for me to attend the film and I was seeing beer fest at Islet movie theater in must have been 2006 these are phenomenally answers really I could go on and on but I think yeah these are those are two that really stick out to me also the movie miscongeniality of course hello give some favorite elements of the film Sandra Bullock Sandra Bullock is once again one of the best things that we have to offer the world as human beings and the in the universe really I would hold her I would put her in a very small class of people that we should show today we should give her work to the aliens to say this is what we can do yeah this is what a movie star is this is what a movie star is bring that back I mean she really is so there are a million million moments but really I was rewatching it recently and one of the moments that stuck out to me is when she's on the plane okay going to get her makeover and she's watching the videos of like the Queens yeah like she's trying to learn how to give an acceptance speech yeah she's like really going for it yeah I just was like God to be as like charming and genuinely good at acting and also fucking DNA funny as she is yeah many people think they have it and they just and they just I will never forget the way she says when Benjamin brings like his like hot new girl to like the bar and she's eating ice cream like I'll take a gin and tonic and she'll have and then Sandra goes milk milk so good so many people yeah we that we just everybody in a center boss that nerd candy Bergen oh Candice Bergen is so fab Candice Bergen stands up and the crown is perfectly on top yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we're not directing films anymore no we're not we're gonna should be placed yeah honestly that was good and I also like Benjamin Bratt but he was an icon a cottage of the time Michael Kane my legendary performance good she's me he's me he says the year we lost the girl was a deaf mute you can't compete with that this woman has no talent legend legend just took the flight back from from Thailand and they had like Sandra Bullock's entire discography thank God and I did I did choose to watch this guy her sound her unique sound imagine she had like she was famous enough at one point where she could have been like I'm doing music yeah remember Reese with a spoon flirted with that after walk the line well you know she's so good but they were like maybe she released an album and I believe that that was like flirted with for a second but no because this is the air when Scarge I was coming out with music like the girls were the girls of that ilk yeah I mean I was with with song for me and half the way I'll do it have you heard have you heard her song burial no sorry so mother Mary she's done a song with Charlie XCX Jack Antonoff and I believe she co-wrote on it yes it's good this is your burial oh my god she's giving like sort of Gaga Charlie XCXX pop star in her other movie coming out next month yeah it's called mother Mary with Micaela Cole where she plays like it's like it's like a sapphic like pop stars look like sort of like weird freaky-deaky little and by the way talk about another person that we should give up to the aliens to show what we're love and how to land and how to buy and performance in of course everything but we can we do not talk enough which are they married about that now I'm gonna marry keep going okay but let me let me raise you this her performance in broke back mountain oh please her on the phone when she just goes she just makes a little noise hello it's called acting and we don't see it enough anymore no she's so goddamn good in that movie so fucking good in it and it's incredible got all the air but like and I also appreciate that movie for what it did for Michelle Williams and she deserved that yes but Anne got lost in the conversation and she was giving a great blonde performance yes she was a much was phenomenal yeah I'm on on that movie and I yeah she really is what was when you were saying right now I'm married married I haven't seen it crash is a car she's like in recent interviews has been like I like they asked her like what's like an under sung role of yours just like I'm really proud of her for getting married and as she should be I'm gonna watch it I gotta say to I did recently watch rewatch the clip of I dream the dream and you forget she did it in one take yep like it was it was done it was done live in one take right there in her face and you you think like because lame is kind of when you look back at it people are like oh iffy about like the the very close-up singing and sort of the way it was done she killed it really singing and using her voice and acting it in a way that was really worthy fucking around what is not fucking can you tell us about the big film that was probably to yeah you know it's so funny you guys when I I had kind of like sworn off auditioning for the moment when that audition came through I was like I'm not really auditioning right now I'm really tired of like going out for stuff yeah and and just kind of like not really I felt like I was self-tapping all the time yeah we all go through arrows like that where it's like I'm self-tapping constantly the things I end up getting her from a friend anyway I just was like I can't do it for a moment I need some space to breathe and then this one came through and I literally in my head was like if someone asked me to put $5,000 down on if I would get it or if one of you or like Benny Skinner would get it I almost didn't audition because I was like this is so one of those guys like I was like they they are good this is like a mat bow and Benny and I and I did and I taped for it anyway and it was so fucking fun it was so cool and I I by the way someone should put us and Benny in a movie the four of us I please we'll write it hello someone write down that we have to write that it might mean to write this film someone just write that down but it was so fun I'm like it was a crazy to be a part of and and Anne is so like most I think Disney people will tell us if I'm allowed to say this or not but most of my stuff is with Anne in the movie and she's so phenomenal I think if Disney adults would tell you Disney adults will let me know Disney adults will let me know what I'm about to say anything's possible they're they're wearing that I almost more a Mickey Waffle sweater today that would have been really cute I know I okay but I so sorry I almost got on a tangent about Mickey okay so my mentally ill brain so okay you you and Anne most of your stuff is with Anne she's so lovely yes she's so lovely I I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting her until the film warmest loveliest most energetic like really made me go inward about how much energy I bring to work like I was like I need to step up like if Anne Hathaway is as busy as she is and she's bringing this level of like I think I'm a warm energetic person but she was bringing to the point where I literally at one point was like Anne I just have to say like the level of energy you bring every day is psychotic I do not know how you're doing it like I'm so in awe and I'm like how do you find the energy and she's like I just tell myself that I have it and I'm like you are on another level than me when I tell you she's going before shots she's going into like what's supposed to be her office and being like hey you guys can we talk really quick like can we collab like I think this vase would be different for her and can we move this over here like a true fucking artist yeah and not in an annoying way in a way that's like genuinely respectful of everyone's craft like knew what everyone did like yeah I just was very her and Marilyn's stand like all of them watching them work I was just like wow this is really I knew it would be cool because I'm a huge fan and I like watch the original as like a closeted 11 year old boy in Missouri and like it yeah I could cry like it was just so sweet and cool but she was um she was a delight and such a true talent it's crazy a true pure talent going from like conversing like this to being like uh all right and speeding and then just fucking into it acting like I don't know I feel sometimes silly to compliment people on the things that are like yeah they snap right into character and they knew all their lines but it's like she's so busy and she's operating at such a high level on and off the camera I yeah I'm I'm a huge fan and I'm very inspired by her actually oh my god Caleb that's not no this is this is so worth talking about like yes we're talking about someone who's like acclaimed at their craft but it's like it's important to talk to like kind of pop open the hood for other people and just for us like amongst ourselves amongst friends it's like oh because then it like gives it a reason for being then it like motivates like if we're lucky enough to like be in front of the camera again in that capacity then like yeah like you're inspiring my ass to be like oh yeah you can be like collaborative in that sense and like weigh in because I am so used to like the pecking order of the call sheet or whatever and I'm like okay like I'm not I'm not like number one here let me like let everybody else make the decisions for me but it's like but I'm just saying like please talk about this stuff yeah it's really inspiring I'm like very I fucking love acting so much and getting to watch people do it at that level and people who have like or look if if if Anne Hathaway or Meryl Streep or Stanley Tucci wanted to be nightmares on that set yeah they could totally get away with it and people do and they just opt not to and I feel like yeah I just feel very inspired by that and it makes me even more frustrated with the people who show up late and don't know their lines and things that I'm like look if Anne Hathaway can show up on time be kind to everyone in a fucking 20 mile radius and like genuinely give warmth and attention to everyone and know her lines and kill the performance and care I'm like you we you can do it too you can do it you know what I mean I'm and I'm mostly talking about men but yeah I just am so inspired by her work ethic and yeah being part of the movie too is really fucking cool so excited you know what's kind of what movie two is kind of like it feels like there's like a reassessment of it happening is interstellar it feels like it keeps coming up yeah like over the past like six months or so I keep hearing people being like actually have you watched that because it's great and she's one of the best parts of it where she's she has that I remember it's that when you first watch it it's like very random where they're like banging their heads against the wall but how they figure out like the time space continuum or whatever and Anne Hathaway is like the only woman in America who could tell this but she's like her eyes well with tears she's wearing that like pixie cut she's like what if love is the answer hello wake it up and I'm like I like on the page I'm like huh and then I'm like what and like I'm full sobbing I'm like what if it's love yeah what it kind of was and it was love spoiler alert it was love he's in that little library yeah yeah yeah yeah crazy fucking movie that's a crazy not so I at the time I couldn't hear it right like because the sound make I mean we usually have some guys in here who like are down to clown with Chris Nolan movies they're not like you'll hear you are all right he doesn't really like interstellar he doesn't really know when no I can't fuck with I watched the dinos documentary the dinosaur documentary on Netflix recently do you guys see the yeah I saw I didn't press play wow don't watch it stoned um no what the fuck is going on what happened with the dinosaurs there's a part of this documentary it's narrated by Morgan Freeman obviously incredible choice hope you got paid a lot I'm sure he did it rained for a million years at one point I guess what so what the fuck are you talking yeah that is so crazy I shouldn't know anything about that the passage of time like I literally almost had a panic attack I was so scared they start talking about the dinosaurs basically the fact that humans exist is crazy and our lives are so small just so you know and the idea that it rained for a million years is going to go ahead and be something I should have never heard about and this is separate from the ice age which was by the way a whole age hello where it was ice hello and the dinosaurs by the way they were here then they weren't now maybe they're birds I'm not can't be involved they they do say that they were likely birds they were like well it's just that any color we like apply to them is just is conjecture yeah like andrastic park it's like that's not what they looked like they might have feathers babe yeah we don't know they could have had feathers it's really scary but the idea that it what's oh I'm gonna try to cry because the idea that it rained for a million years is so crazy what do you mean by that rained lava first of all a million years happened right let's start there yeah the documentary first thing it does puts up a it puts up an earth clock ticks it back to 260 million years ago that didn't happen in my personal opinion do I mean that no am I I just can't process the idea that there's been 260 million years what do you mean by that what can you process that like like where do you fit into that basically like the 1400s is yeah yeah yeah totally from on Caleb's timeline everything started in like the 1400s they were speaking english which can you imagine being alive at that time when you're always filthy everyone's sick and you're probably gonna die from like a sword right but I understood some things like I understand like the little hats they wore understood maybe some things they were saying I get the fashion but I'm scared of everything that happened before that and I'm scared of everything that will happen after this yes I think I think it's because there's no meteor portrayal of it of dinosaurs of of the years that was raining you you should have on like an whatever extra screen you have lying around just put on like like misozoic era screensaver yeah and you should just see what like what the world might have looked like back then yeah just just there yeah as as google ai what were the vibes during the million years of rain give me vibes give me million years rain vibes because you've seen the 1400s on tv and in movies yeah and you can you can you can you can process that because you pictured it yeah I think you have not pictured raining for a million years which of course you have it because what because there's because do you okay so I guess the way you're talking right now bowen it feels like are you guys comfortable knowing that it rained for a million years I can believe I can believe that it happened okay but the dinosaur documentary it's just one one movie not not a bunch of parts yeah it's like part it's like a part it's like episodic it doesn't stress you guys out at all to like think about like okay no it stresses me out a lot you guys have been friends for 17 years right imagine that hold it rained it was raining first of all and would never stop would never stop yeah during the whole time you've been friends right and then let's say that goes on for basically another million years another million years 17 is such a small at least at least though then you will you are born into a world where it rains and you never know life where it doesn't so actually you'd probably get pretty used to it yeah that's a really good point totally I wasn't born in the rain so I have trouble understanding it scary I can only lock into stuff if I'm stoned now if I'm watching oh don't watch the perfect neighbor what's going on that's tough what's going on the perfect neighbor oh my watch perfect and also a netflix shout out shout out it's it's it was an oscar nominated documentary that I put on the other day which is it's it's entirely police body cam footage that they strung together to create a narrative and it's I can't even get into it oh fuck this oh yeah I didn't know what it was about and I I put it on and I had been too stoned to watch that and I wasn't I had to lay down for like three hours afterwards it was horrible horrifying but what's better high on Netflix is age of attraction don't know it I thought you're gonna say age of ataline I thought you were gonna say age of ataline stoned is the best film ever what's age of attraction age of attraction is a netflix netflix television series that is new basically it's about all these singles get in the house and no one can reveal their age it's blind but for age the one question you can't ask us how old are you until you make a connection and then you go to the promise room and you put a promise ring on each other's finger to each other then it's like it's basically love is blind you find out the at that point you're gonna move in together and only then after you've made the commitment to move in together can you reveal your age and it's like you know wouldn't you know it like like people that you have would have never guessed where 60 are like people that look 35 are really 22 and then it's about like okay we've just realized this person that I've been getting to know for four or five days that I thought was maybe within a 10-year age range for me we actually have like a 33-year age difference and what does what does that knowledge do and what is the dynamic how does it change when we're living together with that knowledge when I introduce you to family members that come in and what's great about the show is it starts like Love Island where they're coming into the villa and it's like they're blown out and their makeup is perfect and it's like they're perfectly like you know airbrushed and like the filter is on and then once they start living together it becomes like a real docu series where it's just like I just don't understand how can you be celibate but last night like ride me and have an orgasm just I just don't understand like why we can't go there and she's like if you can't understand my celibacy then what am I even doing here he's like you're not celibate we fucked we basically fucked I just didn't put it in you she's like I can't believe you'd even say that on camera she wrote him no penetration and came not that it's the details you know but I am I'm confused but no but there was a moment you have to watch it yeah like and it's just it's crazy it's like it's it's the way it devolves and from one type of reality show into another I think is kind of a flip on the form in a way that I was appreciated and like I was in because it was so silly and stupid and then once that disappeared I was just like I couldn't believe how personal they were getting and what it was picking up and I'm just like wow we're in it in a way that like after the honeymoon phase of meeting someone you're then in it yeah and I celibate but but they like really they went hard when it came to like you know mapping in terms of the way they were shooting it the way that the people were feeling at the time like it was good oh get high and watch it I might have to I'm really yeah I if for nothing else I'm wondering if maybe you would do me the favor of sending me the timestamps of the celibacy stuff yeah but that thing is it's so much better when you've seen what it comes before it like I can't even describe to you that like the way that they're filmed and like it goes from full a love aisle you tried to watch I try but I've not gone to like the the look and feel chef you felt it had like a little bit I was just like I this is not like grabbed me yet because I think you need to wait for the actual reveals we're like oh even eyes of you were thought this person was 40 years you know older or younger or whatever yeah I mean like I yeah I guess I should give it the biggest age difference is 33 years and there's another one that's 27 years and like you really can't like you're blown away when you find out that's what it is I don't believe it yeah you mean it you're really blown away twice I was blown away twice I was blown away the rest I was like okay yeah I knew that I saw this coming see because I have the gay guy skill of like you know how they can age trees with rings yeah I can do that with torsos now because of being on Grindersen's I was 17 years old right if I just see a torso I'm like 43 you know that's amazing you know how you can tell we need to get the list of we we need to give a list of gay powers we need to oh there's a list of gay powers have you heard of this no so it's like it's like any gay gay man has like six of these like 80 gay powers yeah maybe I have the list of math map reading telling aging men based on their torsos like you know torso aging so I don't have the list of gay powers but the gay thing I do have is my Ariana Grande tour set list that I made when I was high on the flame and I said this to me when I said Ariana set list my version spelled with a b so it says my version with a heart hello and I think it's perfect I really believe you his encores were insane didn't make it this is that this is my ariana grande concert the whole intro end of the world short version into yes and and to be all right into true story into supernatural then she takes a break because she deserves it then we go back into the past breathe in one last time Ari think about it dangerous woman take a little bit of a break yes it's time to honor positions positions 3435 and pov after pov I'm sure we have like a beautiful like montage and like a like an eternal sunshine montage into the song eternal sunshine twilight sign twilight zone no tears have to cry break this is one for being a slot into you break up with your girlfriend the boy is mine seven rings we need a break it's wicked time popular into every different show there's a different musical theater cover into think about it ariana the way break goddess a woman break free thank you next down on court is imperfect for you and we can't be friends we can't be friends as the encore works imperfect for you doesn't make sense I think it is awesome of course I love music different musical theaters song every I think I think we'll see something like that could be fun I could have done real work this is what I did your team pinging you left and right need your back x y z need to hear can you check your docu sign please docu sign I'm busy with my version please do do dot loop please sign sign sign in Cornwall we value the moments that matter we value friendship we get to catch up while we travel I value my time taking the bus because we extra time on my commute I value family time the family day ticket makes exploring easy we have a range of fares to suit everyone and under fives travel free download the transport for Cornwall app for all the bus info you need um it may be time it's time okay it's time for I don't think so honey this is that segment we do yes it's time and so this is we put one minute on the clock and we we sort of shred you know what I mean this this mic has been drooping the whole time I I don't I think it's not worth it to fix it now that's what I do just want to say I think it's probably okay right I sound okay all right that's a little bts for y'all at home um you have something yes I do I do have something okay this is Matt right I don't think so when he's time starts now I don't think so honey you asking me if I talked about you in therapy oh this is none of your business I don't and the thing is like be prepared for the answer you know what I mean because you might ask did I come up in therapy and I might be like yeah and then you might be like oh and then either you're gonna ask me what happened I probably won't say but you're gonna intuit that it probably wasn't great or that you were a long discussion or you're gonna be like oh cool and then you're gonna spin out for hours about how you came up in therapy and I don't think so honey that I'm gonna tell you so you're gonna be alone with that spinning also like true narcissism revealed to ask did I come up in therapy even as a joke my therapy is my therapy your therapy should be your therapy I'll never ask if I came up in your therapy but like and I just feel like at this point it's like what happens between me and Stacy is between me and Stacy and you have to respect that relationship and it's one that I've built over time we have our you stay at home if you're asking you probably are in my therapy and that's one minute wow beautiful I liked that thank you I just it's happened a couple times and I'm like do you want the answer I don't think they do I don't think they do I don't think they do a guy it it it has been three people have brought this up to me have I come up in therapy I haven't asked you that question no okay I don't think you've asked me did you wouldn't ask me did I come up in therapy because it's like you do come up once a session sure sure sure it's but it's like it's the equivalent of like lurking on like a message board or like searching your own name yeah it's like you don't want to know don't I actually don't want to know it's better for you to not ask and it's better for me to not just stay out of it yeah I just stay out of it it's it's it's my business my version my version um but by the way when I say you come up in therapy it's just because you're so constant in my life so you're always you're always there and can you can you see that I did not inquire further no just hello and those are boundaries yep my version my bestie my boundaries boundaries my version okay the boundaries my version Taylor's version Taylor's version anyways okay are you ready yeah okay it's actually it's actually pertinent to this thing we were discussing earlier this is boon yanks I don't think so how many is time starts now I don't think so many q-tips aren't supposed to go in your ears wow they keep telling us this and yet no amount of pr of messaging of whatever it's too late yeah they're in there the you can't the bell has been wrong we cannot unring the bell you're never going to win big cotton I'm so sorry it's okay this is this is what happens when it's it's it's done I don't know who released Pandora from the box but this is all we're gonna do with Qtip we're not gonna clean our keyboards with this we're not gonna make crafts with this we're going to stick this in our ear whether it's good for us or not and honey it's the only thing that's digging these little is hitting these veins to get that ore out of my canals Q-tips we're there's no point there's it's fruitless it's futile let us do it stop it with five then you're gonna get me angry because I don't like being told what I'm not supposed to do because guess what I'm gonna be doing and that's what I mean it bowen hates being told what to and not to stick in any of these holes don't tell me what goes where I'll put shit where I need to push it exactly and the thing is like you're right it is the only way to really get in there get in there and get it out of there I'll do a pencil every now and then oh goodness a pencil bowen a pencil like the eraser side of course pardon I need a fine point bowen you're you're you are doing a scantron in your ears bowen that's really bad I want you to go back to cute now I'm definitely like if you didn't like is a I don't think so honey now have the context that without the Q-tip it's a pencil it's a pencil sharp side in there's lead there's lead in bowen that's so scary it's so crazy as a noted fan of the television series girls that you would shove anything in there that could perforate in your drum because nothing's smaller than an elbow nothing's what that's what she says that's what her mom says in girls nothing smaller than an elbow nothing smaller than an elbow in there Becky Ann Baker hello great star love her wonderful a great star okay well that was me okay my turn are you ready okay I think so okay okay well this is the moment people have been waiting for this is Caleb Herons I don't think so honey his time starts now I don't think so honey innovation where innovation is not needed no enough we have done too much there's so many things that we already know about I'm going to start off by saying car door handles yep we figured that out in the 1960s oh my god thank you 1960s it is a little thing that you pull that opens the goddamn door yep I've had it why is it a button now why is the button hidden I have to rub my hand around the entire frame of the door to find the button yep so I have to knock on the door three times and answer a troll's riddle to get out of the fucking vehicle yep no more new car handles 30 seconds what else diet coke it was working when I asked the restaurant if they have a diet coke and they say we actually have a housemaid artisanal Italian we all have something else and it's a fucking problem I want diet coke at the restaurant we are innovating things at the blackberry should have been where we stopped with phones why are we on iphone 17 the blackberry was a perfect phone and we ruined it planes are getting smaller why you guys already figured out how to make maximum money for us and make us more uncomfortable five seconds the overhead bench should get bigger the seats should get bigger bigger stop innovating things that do not need to be innovated thank you and that's one minute and it is at this point that I will say first this is a we needed to talk about this and I want to talk about hotel lights hello oh my god wait it's not the first time it's come up you need to put your key in there for it to work you need to forget it oh I'm so sick of it hotel lights what was the other one I was thinking of toilets everywhere toilets what's going on with toilets they won't stop innovating because you want to know what everywhere does self flush now and they're like oh well just hit the button the buttons are getting smaller and they're hiding them at different points on the toilet yes they're they're guys they're putting out new toothbrushes every day we've certainly figured it out figured out we have figured it out there are things that we just figured out no new car the now if you want to put the car in drive you don't pull it you just turn like a no no stop they're even coming for our shit with the glasses hello don't innovate on the glasses what's happening with that the fucking Ray Ban Meadows yes it's like no nobody ever wear that in front of me yes ever ever ever using ai to like respond to emails yeah forget it you go click any clack 85 000 a year to respond to emails the least you can do is fucking hit the keys bitch yeah I have had it with the innovations knock it off knock it off no offense to anyone who's using I just no offense to any anyone who's an innovator anyone who identifies as an innovator no offense to you but just directed at the right thing 10 yeah 10 your gap on innovations that's what I'm asking for I truly agree and there was another there was another one oh with email I hate seeing at the bottom of gmail the the suggested responses sure never makes any no I'm telling you sometimes it'll be like well that's a perfect response and I'll that's a that's a perfectly level response or a good response to this email and then I actually think about clicking it I'm like no can I tell you based on principle I'm not using your answer I auto populated one on accident recently because you know how gmail now will just like if you accidentally hit tab and like type it out for you devil it typed out scarily exactly what I would have said like lowercase like hey y'all dash that like it is my exact email voice it typed it out for me word for word what I needed to respond I deleted it and yeah I mean I'm not doing it no I'm not doing it it's scary to me and I hate your version of marching into the Oklahoma City Hall yes it knows me I always say Caleb you have gorgeous Asian eyes you know what Bowen thank you for saying that that is so beautiful and special you have a gorgeous lash length on a beautiful brown almond adjacent eye people often think that I am not white and I'm not going to lie to you about that sometimes people think I'm Pacific Islander sometimes they think I'm Hispanic why would you lie about that I would never lie about that and that's what I'm telling you sometimes you guys people think I'm not white and every time I receive it as a beautiful compliment and really don't know what to say after I say unfortunately I'm just white of course I think being white is an embarrassment it's one of the worst things that's ever happened to me and also we can't deny there are privileges no that's all you have to do you guys want to unpack white privilege I was thinking today was the day yeah it's time we did that anyway that's for next time Caleb comes on yeah you will return and also we should do dinner let's do dinner let's eat dinner I actually don't know why I thought you were an LA person well I used to be yeah you were that's why I thought now I am a New York person okay well we can eat dinner whenever we'd like here we go we're going to the fly look out restaurants a real jerk is coming through three three real jerks are coming in but just oh my god we leave and we get a terrible reputation we were only lovely oh that'd be fun though be kind of fun because at least we would know the truth yeah yeah that's how I always feel yeah I know the truth when I hear rumors about us and I always am I go I know the truth the truth of this episode was that it was a blast and you gotta listen to so true you gotta watch the special you gotta watch devil worse Prada 2 you do DWP to be to be promoting devil worse Prada 2 just congrats I'm also funny to for me to be promoting it's like I think they've got it covered I don't know I look at that cast list and I'm like yeah sure Lady Gaga yeah sure Rachel Kaleb Herron hey we knew who we wanted on the show thank you guys for having me we love you we end every episode with us with a song wide open spaces room to make a big mistake she needs new faces she knows the high stakes for more of that listen to the album and song wide open spaces by the checks bye yeah lost culture racist the production by will ferrell's big money players in i heart radio podcasts created and hosted by matt rogers and bohonyang executive produced by Anna Hozny and produced by becker ramos edited and mixed by duck bame and our music is by Henry Komorsky this is an i heart podcast guaranteed human