Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I moved from a larger city, you know, so obviously like resources, opportunities, and I moved to a more, not even more, a significantly more rural and secluded area a couple years ago to live with my partner. And because he owns a home, whereas I was, you know, living in a, in a bigger city, you're paying a lot in rent and we wanted to build our life together. So instead of me paying all that money in rent, um, I moved away from these resources, away from these opportunities. Um, I work from home and my money was supposed to go to like, you know, renovating our home and starting, you know, investing in our, in our life together. And I know if Dave was here, he would say that my first mistake was doing this before there was a ring on my finger. And I don't necessarily disagree with that. I don't know where the hour is because it's his home. Right. Absolutely. And that's absolutely true. But I want to invest in a life with him and his daughter okay and um does he it's more that well so that's the presumption i've been under you know as as he moved me away from my life and i made these sacrifices hold on roll it back run it back he moved you yeah because he didn't move you you chose to move did he kidnap you put you in a trunk and because if so we need to call the police no you're totally right absolutely okay We're being strong on it, but it's so important that you do own your part of this as you untangle this because it'll just help you have those fair conversations with him when the time comes for you to talk about all of this. No, you're completely right. Cool, cool. So you're kind of trying to, you're thinking ahead going, okay, I moved out here because I did see a future and now what? Now what's happening? What's your question? So a couple years ago in fall of 2024, my car broke down. And we tried to repair it He very handy But it was just a very crappy car It was beyond repair unfortunately even beyond our best efforts So we just scrapped it. And I've tried very hard to save, you know, but even the job that I work, I make $37,000 a year doing this job. Pay most of the expenses here because he's a semi-truck driver. He's gone almost all week. He's rarely ever home. So we decided that it was fair that I pay most of the expenses here. He doesn't make money when he's gone driving the truck? Hey, George here for Churchill Mortgage. Listen, with interest rates dropping, this might be your window to buy a home or refinance. Building equity through home ownership is still one of the best ways to create safety and security in your life. And you decide when the time is right. And my good friends at Churchill Mortgage will give you a custom plan and a special offer so you can buy or refinance the smart way. Go to churchillmortgage.com slash Ramsey offer. That's churchillmortgage.com slash Ramsey offer. This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591. NMLSconsumeraccess.org equal housing lender. He doesn't make money? That doesn't make sense that just because you're home, you pay it. Are you saying like physically I'm the one who puts the check in the mail or are you saying like financially I'm the one that covers it? of all expenses? So he pays for the mortgage and the property taxes. I pay for the internet here. I pay for the electricity here. How does that break out percentage-wise? Is it like 50-50 or is it like 60-40? Are you paying 300 bucks a month and he pays 1,500? Yeah. He pays significantly more money each month than I do because the mortgage is a lot more than what I pay each month for stuff. And that's essentially your rent because you're not really paying rent. Right. So you're saying you pay a greater percentage of your money than he does. Is that what you're saying? Because you made it seem like you were doing more. Wait, sorry. I didn't hear that. You said I'm covering most of the expenses, but percentage-wise, you're covering 10% or 20%. No. Correct. Got it. Yep. And then I cover, I cover the groceries in the home. I cover like the household essentials and stuff that we need any kinds of like anything that we use in the home I cover. Okay. Um, so where, tell us where the problem is. Tell us where the rub is So the my thing is is that um I I do a lot to support the home especially him and his daughter and the the issue is that i don make very much i don make enough money to really save a lot and so i take that back i do make enough money to save there have been setbacks i like i got an unexpected ticket from a beach in the next town over because apparently we went on a red flag day and we didn't know. Right, but this is normal life. This is life. Tell us where the problem is. So the problem is I haven't had a car in all this time, and he puts an immense amount of pressure on me for not having a car and doesn't want to help me get there. And it's fine that he doesn't want to help me get there, but the problem is I don't know why I came down here to do it by myself because the reason I came here is because I was under the impression that I was making the sacrifices to be here in order for us to do things together. Yeah. Like I stepped away from an area where I had opportunities to make more money and to be able to support myself alone. Brandy, I think there's a hard truth here. I think you made a lot of assumptions. You had a lot of unfair expectations, and now you have a lot of resentment toward this guy, and you guys aren't even married. He owes you nothing. I mean, he could break up with you today. Right. Absolutely. I think you need to move back home. Sure. And that's what I've been thinking about, too. And the thing is, is it wasn't assumptions. These were conversations that were had. Right. Right. And I believe that. I believe you guys probably spoke about it, and it sounded really good for both of you. I mean, you're not—it had to have made sense in your mind for you to move out there. Love will make you do some crazy things. The truth is he doesn't have the motivation to hold up that end of the bargain because why does he need to? He's got everything he wants. He's got a woman at home that's taking care of his kid. You guys have whatever relationship that you have romantically. And for him, it's like, why? This seems pretty good. It's pretty good for him. Exactly. And I just, to me. And he's under no obligation to provide for his girlfriend financially. Yeah. Now, if he wanted to, that's his prerogative, but he clearly doesn't want to. Mm-hmm. Now, can I say something that you might not like? But this is, take it or leave it. This is just me trying to be you know your buddy us having lunch together I don know but there might be part of this and you can you just shoot me straight There might be part of this that because there two sides to every story. He might be experiencing you in a way that goes, you know, this girl, like she's kind of like left her whole life and she's kind of following me. And she's kind of, I just want to see, can she, will she do anything for herself? Like she left her job to do this. I want to see, like, maybe he's having this side where he's like, I want to see what she's going to do. Is she going to pursue a job that's more than $37,000? Is she going to, maybe he has a set of expectations that he's waiting to see if you'll do. I don't know if I'm right. I'm not trying to make him the bad guy or you the bad guy. I'm just trying to see it from both sides. yeah oh and we we well we have conversations about this like frequently because i well and that's the thing i lived in this big larger area i was actively pursuing career opportunities like actively furthering my career and sacrifice like that that's what i mean when i i made sacrifice huge sacrifices to be here because i thought that we were you know we were going to be supporting each other. Like, that's what I mean. Like, you know, and to be fair, that is, that's an initial sacrifice. And I hear you on that. I think you're exactly, that is a huge sacrifice. My question is, do you have to continue to live like that? Or can you go, okay, I sacrificed my big job and all this. I'm here now. Do I have to stay like this? Or what is it that I can do to make the best of this opportunity? Or have you truly already exhausted everything and you've made the best of everything that you can. Because if that's the case, then George is right. It's like, if that's not what you want out of your life, yeah, you got to move it on. Because when I'm like, I'm not even asking to be provided with a nice vehicle. I'm just like a way to get from A to B. I'll be honest with you. I'm going to be dead honest with you. I don't think he needs to provide you for a vehicle. I don't think that's going to be good for either of you because then you'll be reliant on him. I really do think that you need to go out and make this happen. And if you don't feel like you can be your best self in that environment, you need to move on and do what's best for you. You've got a lot of resentment build up, Brandy, and I don't know if we can pop that bubble and diffuse it all. I think you just need to reverse course on this plan. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.
