THE VALLEY: Fishing for Love

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I'm coming here with flowers tonight, essentially. There are things that I would like to apologize you for. I definitely have a lot of regrets about the way that I handled myself emotionally. I got, you know, for lack of a better word, triggers. I mean, I'm very protective over my life. There was zero organized systematic thing to take you down. Never happened. I'm not here to be friends with you, to be honest. I'm in the same boat, to be honest with you. Oh, great. Especially hearing this perspective right now. Jason showed up to that meeting with Santa Clarita Danny and said, I have flowers. I'm bringing you flowers. I'm here to apologize. And you know what Danny from Santa Clarita said? He said, no. In the words of Luanne V.Safi Miley Cyrus, I can bomb us of flowers. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Everything Iconic with me, Danny Pellegrino. That was a clip from the Valley this week. I also have to point out, Jesse was wearing what I lovingly referred to as stupid looking hat because he was just sitting down at that cigar and whiskey bar and he just had that hat on. And I was like, what's his name? Jesse. I was like, you need to go look in the mirror. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to say, but like what was, what the heck was that hat? I don't understand. And look, I'm a hat guy. I am a hat person. I'm wearing one right now. I'm wearing a baseball hat. I like a baseball hat. Sometimes I don't feel like putting gel or product in my hair. It's like, I just want to throw a baseball hat on. But I don't understand the people, the men who wear those other kinds of hats. Like I don't, I find like a top hat or a kangal hat. Like you got to be a very specific shaped head and attitude and look to be able to pull it off. And I'm like, that hat that Jesse was wearing, I'm like, I don't, I'm sorry to say Jesse, I love you. It got blessed, but I don't know if that hat was really working for you. Now I am in a silly mood, despite the fact that the show, for me, for the first week was very bleak. I felt like this week, I just was feeling, it was feeling bleak to me. We opened on Santa Clarita this week on the valley and I'm like, I don't know that we should open here because it's setting a vibe. But I am in a good mood right now because right before we started recording here, I was seeing this online trend with Arby's. Okay, so you, first of all, you know, I love the Arby's. I do. I love me a roast beef sandwich, girly fries, the whole nine. And unfortunately here in Los Angeles, they closed the Arby's that was nearest to me. So I don't know where and when I'm going to be able to get a roast beef sandwich next. Perhaps when I go back to Ohio, the Solon location, but that's not the point. The point is there's this trend going around with Arby's because I'm one of the only people I think that likes Arby's. Unfortunately, I don't think it's, it's hitting like McDonald's or even Burger King or Wendy's and some of the other fast food joints. People don't respect Arby's in the same way. And their slogan is, we got the meats, which is maybe not the best slogan to get people to come into the establishment. Obviously it tells you what you got in there. But we got the meats isn't necessarily the most appealing slogan for food. Unfortunately, I know we all like meat, but I don't know if that's really like, oh, let me go into the, to the, to the doors of Arby's to get the meats. Because it's just like the way that even, I feel like that even they should make it more specific of like, we got the roast beefs or something like that, like a specific meat. Like if it was McDonald's, you'd say we got the burgers. That actually sounds appealing because you think like, oh, when I want a burger, I'll go to the place that says we got the burgers. But I don't know how many people are sitting there for dinner or lunch thinking like, oh, I need to go to the place that's got meats. And who's got the meats? And then somebody's like Arby's. Anyway, this trend going around online is so fucking funny because it's like people calling other people. And so they build it up and they say like, hey, I'm going to pick us up dinner. So like a husband calls the wife and they put it on speakerphone and film it. But let's say like a husband calls a wife or someone at an office goes to everybody else in the office or calls everybody on the, on the conference calls and it's like, hey, like I'm picking up lunch for everybody. I'm getting us dinner. I and then the person on the other line gets so excited and then the person who's getting the food says, yeah, I'm going to go get go to Arby's like, what do you want? And then it's so funny. Because then every time like at least the clips that I saw in tiktok and stuff, it's like every time the person on the other line when they hear that like they're getting Arby's, they're like Arby's, you know, like they're so excited to get free food. So imagine you're at the office and your boss comes in like, hey, we're going to treat everyone to lunch. Like I'm going to go pick up Arby's and you're thinking, you're thinking they're going to like go get you some like nice take out food from somewhere. Even like if you're working in an office and nobody wants to be working in an office anyway, like nobody wants to be working. Like we all want to be in bed watching you've got me out. But you hear your boss come in and they tell you that you're going to be getting some free food for lunch. You're at least going to think they're going to head on over to Applebee's or Red Robin or or bare minimum pick up some pizzas. But nobody on the other line ever wants to hear or imagine your husband or wife calls you and is like, hey, I'm going to pick up dinner for us tonight. Like what do you want from Arby's? You're like, ah, fuck, like everybody's reaction is off fuck. Or some of the reactions I saw in the videos were like, are you sure you don't want to go somewhere else? Or when I saw this woman's like that place that's got the meats. I got to do it. I'm going to do it. Matt, unfortunately, was watching the videos with me so I can't do it to him. But next time I go out with friends or maybe I should text some friends now that I'm giving up the prank on the podcast. I don't think I could do it, but I would love to. We should all text a group or group chat when somebody is like, where should we go for dinner? Next time just write Arby's and see what people say and then send it to me screenshot screenshot and send it to me. Cause I'm sure like just invite some friends out to dinner and then when they say, where should we go? Just say Arby's and see what they say and screenshot and send it to me because that is so fucking funny. Anyway, so I'm in a silly mood despite the fact that the show, The Valley is the bleakest fucking show on television this week because look, I. I do think it's brave and wonderful that these people are coming on television as new young parents. I mean, I had said last week on the show that I thought they filmed in the summertime, but a lot of people correct me. They actually were filming in fall because they were giving the gals specifically Nia and Kristen. I think some extra time after having the baby and I think they should have gotten a longer maternity leave because it's just three months. And I know in any office culture, unfortunately maternity leave for people is much shorter than that. And that's an issue. I think just in general in the U.S. or where I don't know what it's like in other countries, but like for somebody to just give birth, they shouldn't have to be going back to work. So even though these people's their work is showing up on screen and arguing with Janet, I still don't think that they should have to go back to the office so quickly. Like they should be at home eating the Arby's instead of on camera because I'm seeing it and I feel bad for I feel bad that Kristen and Nia having to even film. And then I'm also like livid at all of their husbands because I mean, I was going to get to this later. Like at the end of the episode, Kristen and Luke are at that bar and I'm sorry, but like, I don't know. Luke's just coming across very immature to me on this season of the show and I do recognize that he's younger and also giving him a little tiny bit of grace before I drag him. I do want to say that I understand that he's from another state and so maybe that's part of it too is like he doesn't have any of his village or his people here. So I get that that could be troubling, especially when you're going through a big life change like a child. Now that said, like you mean to tell me like you're complaining that you couldn't have gone fucking fishing for three months after having a baby? Like go fuck yourself. I'm sorry to say. I hate to say it, but like what do you mean? It's three months. It's only been three months since your wife or are they they're not married yet. Are they since your significant other birth, your child? Like what the fuck do you mean that you're upset you haven't gone fishing for three months? Like grow the fuck up and it's only been three months since the baby's there. Like that's still a newborn baby. So that newborn baby needs you and so you unfortunately have to put your fishing aside and you can't go fishing. Sorry, you can't pick up the pole and fish or maybe do an I do one of those. What's that animal crossing? Don't you fish in that game? You switch to and just get a Nintendo switch and start fishing on the screen when the baby's down for a nap. Unfortunately, within the first three months, that's all the fishing you're probably going to be able to do. Okay, or go to the grocery store with the baby and pick out some sea bass for your meal and shut the fuck up because it's only been three months since a new life that you're supposed to be raising and taking care of. And I'm sorry to get upset about this, but it's like also Kristen just like is the one who birthed the baby and she's going through not only gigantic hormonal changes. She's got she's going through postpartum. She's having like all sorts of things that are a consequence of having the baby. So if you weren't ready to have a baby, then you shouldn't have the fucking baby. But I think when you're having a baby, you the bare minimum you should expect is that you're not going to be able to go fishing in the first three months. And so, yeah, that might kind of suck. And he's like saying, oh, I understand. I want to give him some grace because it's like, I do know that he had a big change. But like to say that to Kristen, your significant other, who's the one who birthed the baby and went through all of this. It's like, that's not the person. You know, go share this with your buddies at the whiskey bar or something. Like, I don't feel like you should be burdening Kristen with this information about how you're pissed that you couldn't go fishing. Go catch a sea bass with the with the Nintendo switch and shut the fuck up. I'm sorry to get angry about it. Actually, I'm not sorry to get angry about it. I just thought it was like disturbing that and in Danny too. I mean, we'll get to I'm sorry. We'll get Danny at the beginning of the episode when we open on Santa Clarita, he, which they have got to stop filming there. They just got to stop filming there. They need to unclear the house because I can't, I don't know what's going on, but I don't feel comfortable there when they're filming Santa Clarita. A lot of people pointed out on the show, I talked about how Santa Clarita reminded me of a Tim Burton movie. And you guys, I heard back from some people that said actually like Tim Burton was purposely setting. What was it? Was it Edward Scissorhands or one of his movies or some of his movies? I guess he does have a connection to Santa Clarita. So some of his movies are set there. And so it is very Tim Burton-y, but they got to stop filming there because it's too depressing watching Nea pump and Santa Clarita. I can't do it. And then she's saying she's five years breastfeeding and her body needs a break. And then Danny shows up with some Mr. Milker that he got from some Trinket chap and he's doing the, he's like, well, I thought I'd show up and, you know, she's been doing this and he puts this, this silly thing on. It's also bleak. I don't, I don't really, I don't know if I'm an expert enough to talk about like, I understand people want to breastfeed and, and I think there's a lot of different reasons to breastfeed, but I almost was like shouting through the screen, like, have we tried formula Nea? Only because I want Nea to have a break and a breather. And I don't, you know, I, we, as a gay man, obviously we have a young son, but we didn't have a choice with breastfeeding, obviously. And we went straight to formula and everything's been, there's been no issues with the formula. The baby's growing, sturdies. So I don't know, but I get that there's reasons people want to do formula. So I'm not saying don't do breastfeeding if you want to do it, but it just seems so sad. And then for Danny to show up with that Mr. Milker kit, I was like, how about you get the fuck out of here? I just think like their lives are made worse by these men. Like I don't think that their lives are, it feels like they're just burdening their significant others. Like the men are Danny and Luke. It's like it, they, it's making everything worse. What's that? Dorit's got her book called Unburdened and I feel like Nea and Kristen are going to come out with these books that are just called Burdened. And it's just like them on the cover. And then their husbands are in the background lurking with those beady spider eyes. You know, and I don't like it. I don't, and I'm sorry to go so hard, so hard on these men because again, they have also gone through some changes and things when all these kids come around. But I don't know. And then Nea's mom always looking around the corner to take the baby. Like I understand that's what she's got to do because Nea's filming for a paycheck for the show. But it's all very bleak because I'm thinking like, and I said this last week, it's like, Nea probably wouldn't be working right now. If she would be taking off, she seems like she does not want to be doing this TV show. And so we're trying to find her, we're trying to film her reality. Like this is a documentary or something. But like if it weren't for the TV show, she wouldn't be doing these things like going out for a girls night with the mom lurking on the party bus. Does that make sense? Like she would probably be at home happy and wonderful, maybe going out and running errands and stuff. But like, I think there's this added thing with the TV show that wouldn't be happening. Like I don't know that they'd be doing their hair and makeup professionally to go out for a girls night. And I get that they have to make the paycheck, but it's also bleak. Danny's also mad at Jason for calling him a clown douchebag. But you know what, maybe if you don't want the smoke, then put out the cigarette. Because Danny, if you're acting like a clown in a douchebag, unfortunately Jason is going to call it as he sees it. Calls in as he sees it. Speaking of calling us, he sees it. Did you guys see that? There's a new Hulu show with Stasi. It's called something, I don't know, World of Stasi or something like that. And they buried the lead because Katie Maloney is going to be on it. And so is Christina, fucking Kelly. That's right. That's going to be Vanderpump Light, I guess. I don't know. I just saw a trailer for it, but I was surprised at Katie Maloney. I'm excited for Maloney to be back on screen, although I am minorly upset that she's not going to be joining the Valley because I do feel, even with Schwartz joining the Valley, I'm like, oh, I do just want this to be Vanderpump rules now. Like, maybe just get rid of Danny and Nia and let's just like lean into the Vanderpump of it all because actually like Schwartz is really, I shouldn't even say this on a microphone, but like to me, Schwartz is actually like the brightness and light of this show. And to me, almost the main character, like when I, when I want, when I need a break from all these other people and they show Schwartz getting a pedicure, I never thought I'd say like, that's what I want. But it's like, A, I'm proud of Schwartz for cleaning his lower grippers, getting those hooves soaked in some soap. And that's a good thing. So he's, he's actually fixing one of the main issues I've ever had with Schwartz, aside from the fact of his relationship with Tom Sinsville. It's the fact that he was always having those lower grippers out. His dirty hooves were always on screen without shoes or socks on. I used to call him Shula Schwartz. And so at least Shula Schwartz has shown up to get the pedicure on camera, camera, camera. And so I'm proud of him. And he shows he did that with Jason too. And they all need to do that. And I hate that they have to, like, I hate to get too woky, but I also hate that we have to have these locations for men to get manicures and pedicures, that they have to, like, match, butch up, you know, so they have to serve like cigars and shit. And I'm like, do we really have to do this? I can't they just, I didn't think a pedicure place is really reads that feminine, like the place that I go to, it might have a lot of women going to it. But like, I don't look around there and feel like I'm in the Barbie movie or some shit like that. Like it's just, it's pretty nondescript when it comes to gender at the pedicure places around town. So like, why do we have to have one place that we have to serve cigars and whiskey and everything has to be like dark colors and everything? Like, are the pedicure manicure places reading to female for people now? Like, I don't understand. It's all fucking nuts. But God bless they get a beer and get their hooves done. And then Jesse shows up late because he was tested for rabies, a squirrel bit him. That's right. A squirrel bit Jesse and I'm on Jesse's side. Fortunately, he says they didn't get rabies. But I told you guys, I think this on the podcast months ago, we had this squirrel problem that I'm swear the squirrel that was at our house had rabies. And it's because a lot of the neighbors, I think feed the squirrels and you can't speed the squirrels. I told you that I think we were talking about the niece Richard show. Denise Richards. Remember, she had that show. Denise Richards in the wild things. And on that show, she used to feed all the squirrels. And I was like, Denise, don't do that because then the squirrels show up to the houses and they get domesticated. And I don't think they're supposed to be domesticated. And so we had the squirrel issue at our house where the squirrel was like coming right up to the door. And it was like right at our back door. And then it went to the front door and it was like staying out. It was like trying to come in the house and it had like these red beady eyes. And I think I posted a video of it on my Instagram stories when it happened because it was like, it was very creepy. Like that the squirrel was way too close and getting way too comfortable trying to come into the house. And I'm like, I'm not raising a squirrel in this house. Okay. So get the fuck out. And then I thought we had squirrels in the attic. And it was a nightmare. The squirrels were like terrifying me for there was like months. There was months where I was like going to sleep and I'm like, I'm having these nightmares where I think I'm just going to wake up and be surrounded by squirrels. Because they got in the house. They got in the attic. And I told you all like, I'm not interested in what happens in the attic. Like keep me out of it. Like I don't want to go up there. I don't want to have to catch anything up there. It's like I you, I'm calling somebody to fix the problem. But like I it's none of my business. What's going on in the attic or the ocean water. I don't want to know it's none of my business. Those people who or go to space, those people go to space or go deep in the ocean to explore. It's like, that's none of my business. Who wants to go explore the ocean? How about we stay out of the fucking ocean and let whatever happens in there happen? I don't need to be going in there. Nobody should or going up to space. Do I need to know what's going on with aliens? Absolutely not. Like let them do what they got to do. It's none of my business. I don't care what those UFOs are up to. And I know there's all these people now want the government to release all the information about the UFOs. And it's like, absolutely not. I don't even want to know what's in my Arby's roast beef sandwich, let alone in the space. Don't even tell me what they put in the Arby's meats. I don't even want that information. Sometimes I think people are seeking out too much information. They say, you know, reading knowledge is power. Well, guess what? I need to power down because I don't want that much knowledge because it's scary. It's scary. Anyway, so Jesse's got the squirrel issue. And so I guess he didn't get rabies. So that's good. He did say to that squirrels don't carry rabies. But I again, I swear I this one squirrel that was at her house, I swear it had rabies because the look in its eyes, those little beady squirrel eyes. And it was like red eyes and red mouth and in those teeth. I was like, this one's got rabies that I don't know. And luckily it left. And I don't know, hopefully moved on to the next house. Schwartz though says he's doing singles night with La La and Michelle. And he quoted Jerry McGuire, which unfortunately I have no. I have no way to complain about Schwartz when he's quoting Jerry McGuire because it's one of my all time favorite movies. Love it to death. I think they're re-releasing in theaters soon for the anniversary. I think it's one of the greatest movies of all time. I wish and I pray and I hope that one day Tom Cruise starts doing more movies like Jerry McGuire and God bless all the Mission Impossible movies. We love action version of Tom Cruise and Top Guns doing a new one. Although I'm a little concerned about all these these movies. But I think that's where Devil Wears Prada 2 come in and that marketing is aggressively, it's too much. It's too much. Now, Practical Magic 2, I am very excited for. Sister, yes. I am excited. And so Warner Brothers, they're the ones releasing Practical Magic 2. If you need to send me to, I guess they already filmed it. I was gonna say send me to set or something. If you need me an interview Sandy and Nicole or go to the premiere of something like, I love me some Practical Magic. And they released a trailer for Practical Magic 2. And I'm so excited for those witches to be back. And so I don't know how I could be of service to WB, but please hire me for something. Go interview the cast or go to the premiere or something because I love me some Practical Magic 2. Woo! Now Devil Word is prodded to you though I'm concerned about because it's just the marketing is aggressive. I feel like on every product now I go to the grocery store. And maybe that should be a lesson to the Practical Magic 2 people is that we need to scale back because I don't like going to the grocery store and buying like fucking M&Ms and seeing that red devil shoe on the M&M container or whatever I'm buying. It feels like it's everywhere. It's like what the fuck does Devil Word 2 have to do with the Dijourno or whatever? It's like it's everywhere. It's omnipresent. And I love me some Meryl and I'm going to see it opening weekend by the way. I will see it. Like I will, I will, you know, drop off the baby somewhere and go see it. I'm not going to jump. Maybe, no, I can't take the baby, but I will see it. I will see it. Okay, so where are we at here? We talked about the squirrel. Let's take a break here and we're going to come back. We got to discuss Kyle Chan showed up. Kyle Chan showed up. Getting more and more Vanderpumpi as we go. Let's take a break here. Think of ACAST, find me on social media. Go to everythingiconic.store for signed copies of my book or everythingiconicmarch and we'll be right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As carers, let's make sure that other people know you're not alone. My life with dementia is an award-winning podcast from Dementia UK. I'm Cullabacchini. After losing my dad to vascular dementia, I wanted to share stories of other families facing dementia and fighting their way through it. We never talked to her about dementia. I wanted to protect her from that. Subscribe to My Life with Dementia for honest, hopeful stories, community and support. And we're back. Sister, yes. All right, so I mentioned Schwartz doing singles night. He quoted Jerry Maguire and he also used the word copaesthetic, which reminds me of an econ professor, Jan Palmer from Ohio University that he used to always use the word copaesthetic. Copaesthetic. He also used to play like old music, like Don't Fear the Reaper would be playing as you walked into the econ class. It was fun. Don't Fear the Reaper. Okay, so Jesse, he's mad at how Janet treated Lacey, he reveals. And he also says he wants Schwartz to date Michelle because he thinks it'll give him ammo in the group. And that's smart. See, Jesse's playing chess while everybody else is playing checkers. And so I support that. Then they go to Kyle Chan, Jewelry, Lala and Michelle. And Michelle's repurposing that wedding ring. And Lala did that with her necklace from Randall. And Michelle talks about how Jesse did the proposal in Paris. And she says it was so beautiful. And I still think, you know, I just, I have to remind you all that I said last season that I do think Michelle and Jesse will hook up on a cast trip soon. I think Jesse's still with Lacey. And unfortunately, I feel that next season, this is what, this was my prediction last year. And I'm still sticking with it is that next season's final cast trip for the Valley. So not this season, next season, the final cast trip. I think Jesse, Michelle will both perhaps be single at that time. And it's going to come out that they hooked up on the final cast trip. That's my, that's my prediction. That's my crystal ball. That is at least, unless Jesse doesn't get the rabies from the squirrel in his yard. So then Lala is wearing a hat here that says average, which is the great I'd give this episode, unfortunately. But then Michelle, yeah, I'm happy that she's repurposing the thing. She said her and Jesse had a beautiful time for a while. Meanwhile, then Jasmine, Brittany and Kristen get dinner and Brittany shows up. She said, I'm hungry. She said. She said, I'm hungry. Just the way she said, hungry was like hungry. They mean laugh. She ordered steak again. Last week she ordered steak. I'm happy she likes the red meat, but worried about her heart. That's another hand or there though. Kristen's sad and I don't like seeing my Mariposa sad. I do not care for it. She said, she feels like she's the new Kristen and someone else's body. And I thought it was really nice. So Jasmine and Brittany were trying to cheer up. I thought they were being good. I thought sister. Yes. Sister. Yes. That's the kind of vibe. They were bringing that nun podcast vibe to the dinner and I appreciate. They were just like, sister. Yes. And they need, and Kristen needed that. I needed that. Kristen had to excuse herself to go to the bathroom to, because she was choking up. And I thought it was nice that they were there for it, but also just as for Kristen, I hope, you know, I can't even imagine. And I feel like I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, again, bad that she even has to film this dumbass TV show when she's going through all of this. It's a lot. It's a lot. And to take care of a newborn baby, it's like too much. I couldn't imagine. I took like, with that baby, I took like six weeks off of the podcast, but then I was just sort of like slowly getting into podcasting, which was from home. I didn't have to worry about anything. So, you know, I can't even imagine having to go like to full filming mode three months, three months, three months. And like you're not, because it's also, there's the added thing of like, they're on camera and they're concerned, you're obviously concerned about how you look. Like, this is going to be a show that's going out nationwide. People are going to be watching in a time when you're not even feeling comfortable in your own body and skin. Like that's a, that's a mindfuck. And so I can't even imagine. So the guys are at guys night. Jason makes a reverse Bill Clinton joke. And he's like, no, it's about inhaling not a B.J., which made me laugh. They're doing cigars and scotch. Do you notice Janet's haven't been in the episode for like three weeks? Like what's, did they give Janet like a little pause or something? Or did they just edit her out? Like, why is she getting the Levi treatment? I don't think she's getting the full Levi treatment. She's more so just in the peripheral, because they are talking about her a lot, because even when they sat down, I think Danny made some joke about like, I wonder what Janet's going to say. I mean, Danny or, I mean, Jason, he made some joke. And this is where Jesse's in that dumbass hat. Stupid looking hat. And Danny also made a joke about like, I'd love to have some scotch, but I don't want to be labeled by anyone here at the table. And it's like, okay, Danny, like, I know he's making a joke and he's kind of trying to rub it in that everybody said he was a creep when he was drunk. But it's like, everybody did say you were creep when you were drunk. Like it wasn't just Jason and Janet, like, didn't Jasmine and Melissa said that? It's like, obviously, you were being a creeper. Like, and even Jack said, Jack's too, the biggest demon of them all was on camera last season, saying like, Danny's fucked up when he's drunk and stuff. And so now Danny's trying to act like the victim as if he like, wasn't. And I'm like, okay, Danny, like, but everybody said it wasn't just Jane and Jason, it was actually like, the demon Jacks who's fired from this show, because he's such a demon, he was saying that you were, you were too fucked up when you were drinking. So how about you stop making a joke of it? Because obviously there's truth to it. If everybody says it, if everybody says it as they sees it, sorry. But they talk about Danny and Janet in the pantry, and he did apologize for the pantry thing. So I, I do think we need to get over the pantry thing, because that's a situation that we need to move past the pantry. Let's move past the pantry. Then the guys seen not making up, but they say the time will heal all wounds, and there'll be no resolution. Now I was wondering when we'd get to Zach, because I thought, where's Zach and Benji? Why are they not at guys night? Is this homophobia at its finest? Unfortunately, the reason that they weren't there is because Zach and Benji, the real men on the show, they were at a sex shop. They were just like shopping for dildos or something, which is fine by me. I thought like, good for them. That seemed like a better time than that thing that cigar shop with the Jesse in his hat. But they, that was like one of their only few scenes. I did have a complaint about Zach, which we'll get to later in the episode. And I love me some Zach on the show, but I do have a complaint. Now Lala's at her house getting the hair done. We see Kristen and Luke at their house. Danny arrives and Luke's like cleaning the garage. And Luke apologized to Danny. He said, I should have been sticking up for you more than just trying to be a moderator, which was nice. But Luke's upset that he can't fish anymore. And again, I'm just pissing him for wanting to fish. And also the other thing is like Kristen said, Hey, if you go out at guys night, that's fine. Go out. I'll take care of the baby. But like, don't fall asleep on the couch. And then also can you be able to wake up the next day and help with the baby? And apparently he couldn't even do that. And it's like, Luke, you want us to feel bad that you can't go fishing, but then also you're going out on a weekend night. And I don't know. I got, I hate to sound like a big old square because I know everybody like does operates their relationships in their life differently. But I do think like within the first three months, like, I don't feel it's that out of the realm of ordinary for you to not be going out and getting drunk at night. Like I think it's fine if you have three months where you're not having one night out. Is that crazy? Like, and everybody needs some space and some time to themselves and self care and stuff like that. So I don't want to say that you shouldn't be doing anything for yourself. But like, I think it's fine that like you spent three months where you're not getting wasted on a Saturday night to the point where you can't wake up with the baby. Like that's not, that shouldn't be asking you too much. You have a newborn baby. Am I crazy? But he couldn't even do that. And then he went out. And so Kristen's pissed at him. And then Danny is like sitting there and he's like, Yeah, and I need to always get up and get a workout in. And it's like, God, it pisses me off. I think, okay, here's the thing I've noticed being a gay dad is like, there is no societal pressure for us to, for one of us to be more hands on parent. Does that make sense? So like with women, there's all this society of pressure that they're having to do everything. And so it's like, in a gay relationship, you're pretty, we're splitting the duties as much as possible. Like Matt's more the, maybe the stay at home dad, because when I'm working more, but there's still like a balance of like doing everything. And particularly on the weekends, I'm not going to, I don't know. I just feel like the women on the show, they're expected to do all the, all the things. And it's like, well, Nia's, if she's breastfeeding every two hours with the newborn, like, yeah, maybe you should give up your workouts, Danny, and to help out a little more. And unfortunately, it's just a season of life that you're not going to be able to work out every morning. Am I crazy? But like, I, I want everyone to get their self care and have their alone time. But if it's a problem where like, the mother is asking you to do something different than I think you need to listen to the mother, like the mother should be, you should want to help out the mother more and balance it more. I don't know. What am I saying anymore? Who knows? Luke says, Kristen doesn't appreciate the sacrifices he made to move there. Are you kidding? It's like he's, he's trying to hold on to who he is, but he's getting too hard for him. And it just, a lot of Luke is reading a little immature to me. Are you guys watching Southern hospitality? You know that I love Southern hospitality. I think it's so good if you're not watching, it's great. But Lake on there reads really immature to me. And sometimes I have to remind myself like they're younger and Luke is not that much younger, but he is, how old is he? He's younger, right? But Lake on Southern hospitality, like some of the way she's acting is like so infuriating to me, but then she's only like 22 or something like that. So you have to remind myself that, but Luke is certainly not 22. He's old enough and he's got a baby now. So you got to mature. Then we have singles night with Schwartz and he somehow seems more mature compared to these other guys. And if I'm, if I'm looking at the screen and feeling like Schwartz is coming across as more mature than the others, that's a problem. In the words of Jordan and Medley, that's, that's your problem. And that's all of our problem. And so he's at this singles night with Michelle who invited Natalie, Natalie who's gorgeous scale, in Lala's there too. Now Natalie and Michelle left the husbands at the same time. And Schwartz shows up with a cigarette on his ear and somehow I'm like, why am I attracted to that? And I'm not a smoker. I, but there was something like very D&E Zuko about that to me where I thought like, oh, grease lightning. You know, we're something, I thought summer loving, about to have me a blast. Like I saw shorts with that cigarette in his ear and something about that. I was ready to, I was ready to show up and an all black leather, like sandy sandy. Remember at the end of Greece when living Newton, John shows up and he's like, sandy. That's how I was about to show up to this Belmont bar where they were doing the singles night because I saw Schwartz with that cigarette behind the ear. And I thought, sandy. Um, okay. So then sandy. I'm not going to be able to stop saying sandy sandy. Okay. I'll stop. I'll stop. Um, okay. So then yeah, he's got the cigarette behind the ear and he's flirting with Natalie. Now Lala said that she slides into people's DMs and on her confessional, the producer asked like, who DMs have you slide it into? And she's like, I'm not Sheena Shea. I'm not going to say, and they evoked Sheena Shea's name and I like that because Sheena wrote a whole book and remember, did anyone read Sheena's book because there's, I remember there was this like whole paragraph of who she fucked, you know, it was all like the famous guys and it was just like naming all it was like John Mayer than this, but she named them all and most memoirs like that they don't name people or they, they try to disguise names and stuff like that. But she knows just like, here's who I fucked her. I don't think she said fucked, but you know, she, and I read that and I was like, sister, yes, sister, yes. Because that list of names that Sheena had was like a good list, I think I forget who the names on it were, but there was like a lot of like men that I thought, well, if I was a hot young person in Hollywood in my 20s, it was like my dream list. Did anyone ever see that list that was published of like people that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with? And I remember seeing that thinking, wow, that's, that's like my dream list of people to hook up with like a for you girl. Anyway, so then let's see, what do we, Lala, the way she flirts in the DM is by giving a chef's kiss emoji. In shorts, made a joke that that basically means, do you like me? Which I, I told you, I'm still, my son still makes him laugh every time I say, it's a me, a papa. It's a me, a papa. Like he laughs every time. And so I have to keep doing it. Unfortunately, I'm doing my Mario impression, although my husband, Matt thinks it's Rob Schneider in the hot check. Okay, moving on Natalie gives me, not Natalie, one of them. No, who was that the son from the manicure pedicure place that gal shows up at the manicure pedicure shorts made a joke about like showing up to the singles night and then she showed up and I was like, girl, get out of here. Get out of here. Schwartz flirting with Natalie, though, is making me laugh. It was kind of reminding me of Joe, remember Joe? Joe, but then Schwartz was flirting with this Natalie and his flirting is so bad. He was like, you should do voiceover work. And she did have a good voice, but like that's not how you flirt Schwartz, but it was endearing to me. Michelle sees Tom as like a little kid and she's right. She wants older mature. So she's not even trying to pretend anymore about like her and Schwartz hooking up. And I like that. But Natalie, as she's flirting with Schwartz says, he has ADHD, which made me laugh. And then this is when the dumbass nail salon girl shows up and God bless her. She seemed like a lovely gal. And if she's listening to listen to this podcast, I do just want to say, I get you girl, like you producers probably prodded her told her to show up to the singles night. I get it. But she showed up and immediately was like, well, you put that sucker in my mouth. Like she was, he had a blow pop or something. And she's like, well, you put it in my mouth. And I was like, girl, you need to love yourself and get out of here. Get the fuck out. Because this is to just show up to the singles night when none of them wanted her there. And then she just didn't get the hint. And she was like, put the second my mouth. I'm like, girl, enough. I love you. But I love you. And my heart goes out to you. And I hope that you find love and peace and prosperity in your future. But this ain't it. Now, Schwartz can't navigate two women at once. He's like, I don't have the game for it. But Natalie is the one who he's into. Michelle's being a good wingman. She's like, Tom, go kiss Natalie, but he's afraid because the summer, the girl's name from the nail salon, the gal's name is a summer. And I love the name summer, but that also unfortunately reminds me of Sheena Shea as well. That's she hangs with Lala and Michelle though, the summer hangs with her. And then she made this like very awkward little mermaid joke because somebody said, oh, he's going to kiss the girl. And then I think Lala said that. And summer was like, yeah, little mermaid. Yeah. And I was like, get out of here. Get out of here. I love me some little mermaid too, but it was just very awkward. Read the room. Like did she not? And again, I want to give summer some grace because I would imagine producers wanted her to stick around for the awkwardness, but she needed to get out of there. Okay, so then Schwartz also brought up Katie outside. He's crushing though on Natalie. I was proud of him for at least flirting, at least flirting. Let's take a break here and then we're going to talk about this date night, this date night that Kristen and Luke did. They went on a date night and Brittany showed up to care the baby for their date night. They're dating hot. They're on a date night. I'm here for your date night. I'm here to babysit for your date night. Okay, we'll be right back. Sometimes it's easy to forget the simple things in life, like just how good nature can taste. That's why Eat Natural have been combining nature's most delicious ingredients to create irresistible fruit and nut bars since 1997. Chewy, nutty, yummy, just as nature intended. With options for extra fiber and protein too, Eat Natural bars are perfect for an on-the-go bite or a mid-morning snack. When nature tastes this good, why ever complicate it? Pick up an Eat Natural bar after this episode, also available in the meal deal. As carers, let's make sure that other people know you're not alone. My Life with Dementia is an award-winning podcast from Dementia UK. I'm Culler Bikini. After losing my dad to Vascular Dementia, I wanted to share stories of other families facing dementia and fighting their way through it. We never talked to her about dementia. I wanted to protect her from that. Subscribe to My Life with Dementia for honest, hopeful stories, community and support. I can buy myself flowers. Alright, so Kristen and Luke's house, Brittany shows up. She's like, y'all ready for a date not? Date not? Date not? She's really leading into the date night phrasing, and I like that. Tom and Zach also show up because when Kristen and Luke had the baby, Tom and Zach gave her like a gift card, a coupon, which I'm sorry, like I love the idea of like making coupons for people. Like you know when you're a kid and you do that, you make a coupon book for Mother's Day or something? For your mom, you make a coupon book that's like free. I'll make dinner once or something or I'll do something nice for the other person. And it's like they could use the coupons. And that's basically what Tom and Zach did. And I like that. I like that, even though it's very childish. I love it. But unfortunately, the coupon that they were giving Kristen and Luke was that like, we'll take care of the baby for four hours for your date not. And Kristen and Luke are like, well, yeah, actually, though, you guys can't take care of a baby, take care of a baby because I don't trust either of you to take care of the baby. So they invited Brittany over. Now I would trust Brittany with my baby. I would. Brit Bananas. I feel like she, I feel safe with Brittany. I don't know how much I trust Brittany with, but I would trust her to watch the baby for four hours, as well as watching Zach and Tom. Now I do wish there's obviously the shows about couples in the next phase of the relationship and having kids and stuff like that. I do wish there was a gay couple with kids on the show just because I hate the sort of, um, I hate the thing of like Zach and I love Zach. And so unfortunately, I'm going to complain about him for a second. I hate the thing with the like, how do I hold the baby? Do I pet the baby? What do I do? Like I hate the trope of like the gay man not knowing what to do with the baby. And unfortunately, I'm going to sound maybe too woke here again, but it just reinforces that stereotype of like men not knowing what to do with the baby. And I just don't like that. He was like sitting there like, do I, do I hold the baby like this? Do I pet the baby? And I was like, Zach, pull it together and hold the f**king baby. He does say he had colic. So he was a troubling baby. So maybe he just, you know, it's in his nature to not know what to do with the baby, but it would be nice to just see a man on screen on this show, know what to do with the baby. And I just feel like bare minimum, can there be somebody who knows what a man, someone with a dick on this show who knows what to do with the baby? Please, I beg of them. Okay. So then Kristen though, her and Luke go to this bar and they order some pizza and unfortunately I got to criticize Kristen here because a couple of weeks ago on the show, she was eating a burrito with the fork. And now here she is eating the pizza with the fork. I'm like, girl, why are you eating it like that? Just pick up the slice. And she's mad at Luke. So I understand there's a missions involved. So maybe she just can't focus on the pizza and eating on cameras already a nightmare. But I felt like she should have picked up that slice and ate it a different way. I mean, eating with the fork and then eating a burrito with the fork. Does she just have an aversion to her hands, her grippers? It's like, that's, there's certain foods. I'm not saying you eat everything. You know, I've been to medieval times and I'm asking for flatware there. Unfortunately, they don't have it because they're trying to act like you're in medieval times. But I do have to also point out that you can order gluten free at medieval times, which I don't believe that people had a gluten allergy in medieval times. So why can't I get a fucking fork? I'm sorry to say, but that's my honest truth. You go to the medieval times. I went in Florida when we went on a family vacation a couple years back and I thought, how can my sister-in-law order gluten free, but I can't get a fucking fork and a knife to cut my probably salmonella filled chicken? What's the, what's the truth? Medieval times. Anyway, I think there are certain foods that you should have a fork and knife for, but a pizza and a burrito, those are a Christian, unfortunately, you need to use your grippers. Just hold on tight and dig in. That's dive right on in. She ate that burrito with the fork and the pizza with the fork. What's next? What's next? In earlier in the episode, you had the salad, like that's fine. You eat the salad with the fork. I'm not saying lift that up with your grippers, but a pizza and a burrito, you got to just pick up and go to town, go to town. Forget the red lights on you and just have some fun. But she said to Luke, I asked you to not sleep on the couch and to help out the next morning and he couldn't do that. And he feels like she doesn't respect him or care how he feels. And it's like, well, you know, no fucking shit. Oh, shit, dummy. She just birthed a child and she's taking care of the baby too, like as you should be too. So like, sorry if your feelings aren't at the top of her list of priorities at the moment. Like maybe just deal with it in the first three months. Like, I would say at least wait till six, maybe nine months, maybe a year even before you start having these kinds of like going at your wife and say, or your mother of your child and saying, I feel like you're not respecting me because I can't go fishing or get wasted with my buddies. It's like, yeah, maybe wait a little while before that. This is only three months. And Luke's like, I try to talk to you, but you shut down. And Kristen's like, why? Because I won't fuck you. And it's like everything that Luke is doing makes and like, I, who would want to fuck him, whether or not Kristen's going through postpartum or anything. I'm like, I don't think he's being very appealing to anybody who's, he could be the horniest person on the planet. And you're still looking at Luke being like, I don't want to fuck that guy right now. Like he's being, he's being a demon, unfortunately. And look, I'm on, I'm trying to give Luke grace, but I'm having a hard time because he says he's not allowed to have a hard time only Kristen. He's like, this is not where I want to be. You know that he wants to be in Colorado. And so, look, again, I understand that. And so that's, that's the kind of devil's advocate I see for Luke is like, he did, I think give up his life in Colorado to be on the show. And I don't know that he wanted to give up. I think if the show didn't happen, Kristen might have moved to Colorado and maybe they would have lived a life there, but the show happened. And then this is where they're at now. And so I, that's where I find some grace for Luke of like this. I don't believe that he wanted to do this show or live this life. It's what's happening now. In terms of the job on camera, I don't mean the baby part of it, but I don't think this is what maybe he wanted. And Kristen said in the first trimester, Luke complained about the pregnancy, and she thought he was going to leave her. And that was the first trimester. There was one day where she said she was melting down and Luke said, I can't do this anymore. But then Luke said something really sweet. He said, I will never leave you. And they agreed a couple's counseling, which is nice. You know, I think I've mentioned this before too, but when our baby, when we brought the baby home, it was like that those first couple of months, I like up my therapy like crazy. I was doing the virtual therapy. And I was like, I got to do it once a week doc because I need once a week, baby. Let's lock in, let's clock into work and start talking about my feelings because I needed it. That first couple of, I think like that first month or two, it was like once a week, I needed it. Not we didn't, I didn't have couples problems, but it was more, I had a more individual where I was just like kind of going through like a crazy mental mind fuck. But thank God for therapy, it's important. But yeah, I think, I don't know, I'm sad about it all. This is just a really bleak episode. And so unfortunately, my advice to everybody who just watched this episode is to go forth on social media and find the Arby's prank and to prank your friends about Arby's and just say, just say, Hey, what do you want from Arby's? I'm picking us up dinner, or let's all meet for dinner. Where do you want to go? Say Arby's next week on the Valley, Kristen gets a Brazilian wax and Zach walks in and he sees her flapjacks and he like makes a big deal out of it. And this was another episode with no Janet. This was two weeks in a row, no Janet. So I know a lot of you out there are saying sister, yes, no Janet sister. Yes. Sister, yes. But I'm sure she'll be back next week. It looks like she in the previous, she's in the preview for next week. And what else we got going on? That's that. Any other Bravo stuff? Are you guys watching Beverly Hills, the reunion? The part one of the reunions actually I thought was pretty good. Although, yeah, it was pretty good. Although, there was a lot of like, I felt like there were so many packages. And obviously, I thought the season of Beverly Hills was terrible. I mentioned them million times. But one of the tells for the reunion was like, they kept having to show packages. So they kept being like, let's show. And I think when there's a really good reunion and they're all kind of in the moment, they don't show as many packages. So if you notice on like Salt Lake City Housewives or some of the other ones that have had good reunions, they might show like one person's package and then that'll be like a jumping off point to talk about a million things. But on Beverly Hills, part one, at least, it felt like they kept going from package to package. It was like, let's do this person's package. Then this person's in it. There was no breathing room in between. And it was still a good, I still thought it was a good part one of the reunion, but I did notice that little like weird editing thing. But I was happy that they did the set to be like Rodeo Drive and not, not like when the Real House Salt Lake City had a pirate ship that was covered in ice. Like, that was an issue for me. And then what else is happening on Bravo? We got, do you guys see the golden life? That's going to be on E. That's with our old Rony gals. And they were filming with, so I don't know if you're aware of this, but it's Ramona, Luanne, Dorinda, Kelly, Bensimone, and Sonya in Florida. And they were caught filming with Jules Weinstein. That's right. Jules was filming. Excited to see how that goes out. I think it's going to be actually at the stuff that I've seen of them filming made me more excited than I was before about it. So that's, that's a good thing. And then also Summer House is now filming their reunion as of this recording. I think they're filming right now. I saw this morning Andy posted this video or this picture of him at the Summer House reunion. And I'm curious to see how it plays up because just the night before last night as of this recording, Mia from Southern Hospitality was on Watch What Happens Live. And she had said that back in, I think it was the end of last year, maybe October, November, somewhere around there, I forget. But at the end of last year, she had gone on a date with West. And she had said that at BravoCon, I believe, that Amanda had gone up to her and said that she was pre-gaming with West before West went on the date with Mia. Now this muddies the timeline a little bit because they had said that their relationship didn't start till what February? West and Amanda said that. But now Mia's saying there's too many, too many smoking guns. And so not only do I have questions about the timeline, and hopefully Andy is bringing this up at the reunion about Mia, but I also have to point out that like Mia is very clearly a star because that's how you get in the mix. That's what I've been asking of Bailey and Levi and some of these other people over on Summer House is to get in the mix and give us some good receipts, some juicy timeline stuff or something. And Mia saw an opening, she's like, I'm going to be on Watch What Happens Live. And I feel like she saved this little bit of information for Watch What Happens Live right before they're about to film the Summer House reunion. She knew what she was doing. And it helps her show, it helps Summer House, it also helps the buzz for Summer House. It's going to help secure Mia's job on this network for a while. And I just have to say some of these other people need to be taking notes, okay, because that's how you drop some information that is relevant to the storyline of Summer House. As well as get you in the mix, getting your Southern Hospitality show in the mix and doing something for the people, for the audience, giving us something to talk about in the words of Bonnie Raitt. Let's give them something to talk about, Mia said. Let's give them something to talk about. When I was a kid, I like loved that Bonnie Raitt had that white streak in her hair. Like, I thought that was like the most glamorous thing. Like, to me, that was the epitome of glamour as a child. I thought, wow, she's got this gorgeous red hair, like a auburny hair. She was singing that song. Let's give them something to talk about. And then she had that like, that I thought it was so chic that like white streak in her hair, just thought like that's glamour. Because I had never seen anything like that before. As a kid, I just, I thought like, how is it, how is she doing this highlight? And then of course, post that there was a lot of people doing chunky highlights, I think of Kelly Clarkson and the thankful album cover, but like the Bonnie Raitt one, I don't know if that was a highlighter, just the way her hair, the natural version of her hair, but I thought like, wow, that's glamour. That's glamour. She was giving me something to talk about on the playground. I was going up to the other kids and a recess and saying, do you see Bonnie Raitt's hair on the Rosie O'Donnell show? All the boys on the playground. I was just like, Hey, do you guys see Bonnie Raitt's white streak? I love it. Isn't it glamorous? And then they'd be like, who? And I'd be like, you know, Bonnie Raitt. Anyway, let's bid you adieu. Thank you all so much for listening. And we'll be back next week with Summer House and the Valley. And I told you, I did all the promo stuff that I was supposed to do, all that annoying stuff where I tell you to buy my book and all that kind of stuff. Go to the Patreon page. If you want sex in the city recaps, I do one a month and you get access to those for $4 more per month at patreon.com.com. Everything iconic. Go to the Arby's prank and send me screenshots if you do have via text. I love you all. As carers, let's make sure that other people know you're not alone. My life with dementia is an award-winning podcast from Dementia UK. I'm Culla Bikini. After losing my dad to vascular dementia, I wanted to share stories of other families facing dementia and fighting their way through it. We never talked to her about dementia. I wanted to protect her from that. Subscribe to My Life with Dementia for honest, hopeful stories, community and support. My panties go drop, drop, drop.