Angie Martinez IRL

Gabrielle Union: You Never Know What Your Friends Are Going Through

65 min
Feb 11, 20262 months ago
Listen to Episode
Summary

Gabrielle Union discusses her journey through PTSD recovery using specialized trauma therapy (NEMA), her evolution in marriage and motherhood, and the importance of boundaries, accountability, and living authentically despite public scrutiny. She reflects on mentorship from industry veterans like Regina King and Tisha Campbell, and shares insights on peace, activism, and personal growth.

Insights
  • Specialized trauma-focused therapy (NEMA) produced breakthrough results after 33 years of general therapy, demonstrating the importance of targeted mental health interventions for specific conditions like PTSD
  • Physical manifestations of unprocessed trauma (inflammation, autoimmune issues, anxiety) can masquerade as other health problems, requiring integrated medical and psychological approaches
  • Boundary-setting requires accountability from others—people who refuse to own mistakes or admit wrongdoing cannot be trusted with access to your life, regardless of relationship history
  • Generational mentorship in entertainment creates safety nets; successful figures have responsibility to protect emerging talent through financial and emotional support
  • Living authentically and publicly comes with measurable costs (threats, professional consequences) that require deliberate risk assessment, not just ideological commitment
Trends
Mental health destigmatization in celebrity culture moving toward specific, evidence-based treatment modalities rather than generic therapyTrauma-informed workplace practices emerging as business necessity (Union's on-set conversation about accountability in acting)Generational wealth and privilege being weaponized as protective infrastructure for emerging talent in competitive industriesPublic figures reframing personal health crises as teachable moments to normalize medical conditions and treatment-seekingMarriage and partnership models diversifying beyond traditional structures; couples openly discussing non-traditional arrangements (separate spaces, different schedules)Performative activism criticism gaining traction; distinction between visible advocacy and behind-the-scenes organizing becoming more nuancedParental boundary-setting with children's bodily autonomy and identity choices becoming mainstream parenting discourseInfluencer/celebrity wellness investments (Union as NEMA investor) creating new business models around mental health solutions
Topics
PTSD Treatment and Trauma-Focused TherapyAutoimmune Disease and Stress-Related InflammationBoundary-Setting and Accountability in RelationshipsMentorship and Generational Support in EntertainmentParenting and Child Autonomy (Gender Identity, Body Autonomy)Marriage Dynamics and Long-Distance RelationshipsPublic Figure Mental Health and VulnerabilityActivism and Truth-Telling Under ThreatWorkplace Accountability and Character DevelopmentCelebrity Surrogacy and Non-Traditional Family BuildingGrief and Supporting Others Through LossPerformative vs. Substantive ActivismPersonal Branding and AuthenticityHealth Advocacy and Medical TransparencyIntergenerational Mentorship Models
Companies
NEMA
Specialized PTSD therapy provider; Union completed 10-15 sessions and became investor after transformative results tr...
BET
Produced 'Being Mary Jane,' the scripted series that revitalized Union's career and provided creative outlet during p...
iHeartRadio
Podcast distribution platform hosting Angie Martinez IRL and multiple other shows mentioned throughout episode
Audible
Audiobook and podcast platform; sponsor offering free trial and audio content access
Boost Mobile
Wireless carrier sponsor offering unlimited plans at fixed pricing without increases
Hard Rock Bet
Florida-based sportsbook sponsor with multi-state expansion and daily promotional offers
Walden University
Online education provider sponsor offering degree programs for working adults seeking career change
People
Gabrielle Union
Main guest; actress, producer, activist discussing PTSD recovery, marriage, motherhood, and authentic living in publi...
Dwyane Wade
Union's husband; retired NBA player now exploring golf, photography, podcasting; supportive partner in her advocacy work
Regina King
Industry mentor who directed Union on 'Being Mary Jane' and provided emotional support through life transitions
Tisha Campbell
Early career mentor who paid for Union's therapy sessions and provided protective guidance during vulnerable period
Tashina Arnold
Industry mentor who, along with Tisha Campbell and Regina King, protected Union early in her Hollywood career
Steph Curry
Producer of animated sports comedy 'Goat' featuring Union's voice work; example of successful marriage Union admires
Aisha Curry
Steph Curry's wife; example of strong partnership Union and Wade emulate and respect
Lauren Speed
Guest on Union's podcast who discussed control dynamics and unsolicited advice-giving in relationships
Whitney Houston
Deceased artist who gave Union standing ovation at BET Honors; died day Union met with 'Being Mary Jane' creators
Angie Martinez
Podcast host conducting interview with Union on 'Angie Martinez IRL' show
Quotes
"I may have been a prisoner to PTSD, but I will never be a prisoner to the fuckery. I need the freedom of truth."
Gabrielle Union
"You don't know shit about marriage... Marriage is this living, breathing thing that you have to feed and nurture."
Gabrielle Union
"When people refuse to be accountable, especially when they want to gaslight you, they want to control you... that's so devious. It's so manipulative and it's dark."
Gabrielle Union
"Cut the shit. Have some sunflower seeds."
Regina King (recounted by Gabrielle Union)
"You got this. He got it. Really? He got it. Yeah."
Gabrielle Union
Full Transcript
This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Hi, it's Jill Winterstein, host of the Spirit Daughter Podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. And today I'm talking with my dear friend, Krista Williams. It can change you in the best way possible. Dance with the change, dance with the breakdowns. The embodiment of Pisces intuition with Capricorn power moves. So I'm like delusionally proud of my chart. Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This is the biggest night in podcasting. The countdown is on to our 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards. Live from South by Southwest, March 16th, we'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative, talented creators in the industry. It's truly a who's who of the podcasting world. Creativity, knowledge, and passion will all be on full display. And the winner of the iHeart Podcast Award is... See all the nominees now at iHeart.com slash podcast awards. Audible is a proud sponsor of the Audible Audio Pioneer Award. Explore the best selection of audiobooks, podcasts, and originals all in one easy app. Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen. Sign up for a free trial at audible.com. Hey, everyone, it's Emily Simpson and Shane Simpson from the Legally Brunette podcast. Each week, we're bringing you true crime through a legal lens. Whether you want all the facts on the disappearance of Nancy Guthrie or you still need to wrap your head around the ditty verdict, we're breaking it all down step by step. And we're not just lawyers. We're also husband and wife. It makes for some pretty entertaining episodes. Listen to Legally Brunette on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. When segregation was a law, one mysterious black club owner, Charlie Fitzgerald, had his own rules. Segregation in the day, integration at night. It was like stepping on another world. Was he a businessman, a criminal, a hero? Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush him. Charlie's Place, from Atlas Obscura and Visit Myrtle Beach. Listen to Charlie's Place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. One of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first, was on being Mary Jane. And, you know, everyone has a moment. And I was having a little moment, a little bratty moment. And she came to my trailer. She has a little thing of sunflower seeds. And she was like, you know, hand me some sunflower seeds. And she's like, basically, cut the shit. Cut the shit. I was like, I'm going to cut the shit. You know what I mean? And sometimes you need that, too. You know, it's not always, you know, moonlight and roses. Sometimes you need, you know, an OG to be like, cut the shit, have some sunflowers. She's one of BET's most successful scripted series. She's here promoting her new role in the animated sports comedy, Goat, produced by Steph Curry. She's a New York Times bestseller, a producer, a wife, a badass, a mom, a friend. Many, many things. Please welcome my friend Gabrielle Union to IRL Podcasts. Yeah, that intro, I'm going to be honest, it doesn't really hit all the points. There's so many things that you have done in your career. It's really quite impressive. It's weird. It's like you're talking about somebody else. So what era is this? What season is this for Gabrielle Union right now? Oh, this is my let them era. Oh, yes. It's like, OK. OK. And you're doing so well. Except when we were having challenges in Miami getting into the game. Maybe that wasn't my finest hour. That was definitely not a let them. It was like, let me take over. Where did we go? We went to the national championship game. That game. Yeah. I didn't know where we were going to. I just kind of showed up. That was the first time I've hung out with you and Dee before. That was the first time I was hanging out with you guys and it was an event that you were part of. And he was like the plus one. Yeah. And it's kind of really sweet to see you two in that dynamic because he really puts an effort to say, no, no, no, I'm just the plus one. He likes saying that, but I'm like, baby, you're never the plus one. Of course, he walks in. We're in Miami. I know. And, you know, Tom Brady is also doing this gig. And Tom's like, where's my guy? I was like, he's over there. Never saw Tom again. They're just chopping it up. But no, he's in a very supportive space. You know what I mean? It was supposed to be after he retired. You know, we were moving to L.A. And it's all about me. Oh, this was going to be your season. This was going to be my season. And then he promptly took like eight more jobs. but yeah we're doing better at actually being present and being truly supportive you ever notice how everything keeps going up I mean rent is going up streaming services are going up even like your favorite burrito place all of a sudden wants to charge you for salsa you go to the supermarket they want to charge you extra for the bag it's kind of crazy out here the good thing is with boost mobile you and your phone bill do not have to play that game you don't have to play the will this go up soon game? Why? Because Boost Mobile has an unlimited talk, text, and data plan at a price that will never go up. In fact, it's the same price you'll pay for life. So switch now to unlimited wireless at a price that will never go up, only at Boost Mobile. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Mobile unlimited plan. So how is retirement life for you? How does it affect you as a couple like how has life changed well just him being home was just just different like he doesn't you know you get into a rhythm of how things are done in the house yeah and then he comes in and you know he's he's very particular and a little persnickety about how things are done yeah um yeah so that will cause a little shift yeah because we're like a little looser you know i mean it's like oh it's just this doesn't have to be put away or this doesn't have to be perfect And, you know, he came home and he's like, what have I been paying for? He's paying attention to details. Oh, so much attention to detail. But it was also like watching him find different passions. You know, when you when you've been so good at one thing for so long and you're recognized globally for being good at this one thing. You know, what's my next challenge? And watching him find new passions, you know, you know that he's taken up golf and that's y'all's passion. He's my best friend. He's one of my golf best friends because he's very into it. Because he's as much of a psychopath as I am. And I love that about him. No, but he's like, he's really, really into it. Has coaches and he wants to be the best. And now he's really into photography. Oh, wow. So no matter where we go, he hires a local photographer to like teach him, you know, new things. I love that. Yeah. So, you know, he's really into different things and he's more interesting and he's into art and travel and wine. wine of course and potting he was potting podcasting for oh yes no he still has a podcast i thought you were never mind i was like pot no he i mean he is an investor in cannabis companies yes yes i was like is that called potting um no he has a podcast you guys have really by the way of this of my pod era like you guys have really been a lovely support like you support it like i feel like i don't know we went on your your 50th party and and and he had like a hundred questions about interview style and the way i was doing certain interviews that he had watched and it just it's you know sometimes you don't think your friends are even paying attention to what what you're doing in that kind of way because it was like a new thing for you and he was you know he's in that period of of discovery yeah of like could this be something i'm passionate about could this be something i'm good at and so he's like i want to talk to the goats and you're a goat and all that you do. So he really, I mean, he was legit very interested and then he watched, he watches every episode. Oh my God, I love that. And he'll be like, did you see like how she did, like what she transitioned? I was like, yes, you should talk to her. I love that so much. No, he pays attention to all the little things because he wants to be great at being a podcaster. He wants to be great as a, you know, as an interviewer. And yeah, so he watches the goats. What are you working on now? Like, what are you trying to be great at? What are you finding? New in your life. I'm trying to be great at being in a peaceful state. Uh-huh. And, you know, no matter if there's adversity going on, that, like, my soul is at peace. Like, I don't have to submit to the chaos. I don't have to join in. Give me an example. What are you talking? What are you thinking about? I mean, it's Hollywood, right? So I'm working on this movie that I guess I can't talk about just yet. But we're working on this movie. And I get to work, and there's no pages. Like, I was like, well, what are we performing today? And they're like, we're just waiting on the pages. And I'm like, so I'm just supposed to get these pages and act. And deliver. And deliver, like with no preparation. So old you would have what? I had an anxiety attack, for sure. Because I live to be prepared. You know, I believe there is no such thing as luck. It's, you know, when opportunity and preparedness come together. And so if I'm not prepared, how can I be good? Right. So you panic. Full panic. And then the rage. how dare you set me up for failure you know what i mean right and i was like it's gonna be great okay like my soul is not being disrupted yes yeah yeah but i also uh did this or i i did this program um it's called nema and it's um it helps people with post-traumatic stress syndrome um which i've been a victim of for 33 years since my sexual assault and and finally getting help that is specific to post-traumatic stress. And this is a new thing that you've been doing? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I believe in it so greatly. I've become an investor. I'm a part of the NEMA team because it changed my life. Tell me how. Tell me what it is. So you can either do between 10 and 15 sessions. I did mine sometimes back to back every day. So I might do five one week, three the next. Is it therapy? It's therapy. Yes. You do one-on-one with a trauma specialist that's trained specifically in PTSD therapy. And they have tremendous success. And they've been using therapy on veterans, on anyone who's suffered from suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. And it's funny. It's not funny. But it's the majority of the people that they see, you would imagine that they're soldiers, you know, are veterans. And we are being traumatized daily. And we don't recognize that we are being traumatized daily. You mean like news or just... Whether it's the news or just things that are happening to us that are devastating, that we're not expecting. And you can't predict how it's going to land in your body, right? You know, like my husband grew up, oh, that guy's dead on the street. Oh, you know, parents dealing with addiction and what comes with that, like the uncertainty of childhood. Everything is on the table, basically. Anything could happen at any time. that can leave you traumatized and how it manifests it may progress to PTSD or not but there's a lot more people that can benefit from these therapies than probably who would think that they could but wait so what is the difference between that and regular therapy so I've been in regular therapy literally three days after my assault right um I work workman's comp kicked right in and I started seeing a therapist to help deal with it but it's therapy that's not Not like specializing in trauma, in that kind of trauma. So it got me to where it was like a Band-Aid, but on a gusher. So it got me till the next week. But I wasn't seeing any progress. I've been in therapy for 33 years, but I wasn't. I didn't feel like I was getting better. I have so like the anxiety would be a full body anxiety. And because I'm a public. Still now? No, not since I completed the session, which is insane. Which was how long ago? I completed it beginning of October. So you've been carrying that for all those years. And it just becomes a normal part of your body. But then, you know, health issues. And you're not realizing that it's slowly killing you at the same time. Wow. So not only did I was able to find what peace feels like in my body, my health improved dramatically. Like night and day. Like you don't I didn't understand how much that kind of anxiety was inflaming my body, was exacerbating the autoimmune issues. That's so fascinating to me, Gap, because all these years I feel like you've done so much work on yourself and therapy and all the things. I feel like you've done all the things. That's what it was. I thought that was the best case scenario. I didn't think it could be better. Like I'm doing everything. I can function like I'm not, you know, in a padded cell, but I wasn't free. I was going to say, for you to go searching for that, there had to still be something. Well, I heard about it. I'd heard about the NEMA treatments. And I was like, I wonder if that would work for me. And the more I learned about it, I was like, and it's like therapist-driven, centered. And I was like, can I invest? Can I be not only a client, but the player president? I want it in because I'm like, if this works for me, I want to scream it from the rooftops that it could work for anybody else. And it changed everything. And it's, you get homework every night. Like the homework might be like an hour, almost as long as the session. And it's like reaffirming your safety. And when I felt safe enough to allow peace in, now I don't want to let it go. So like. So then what shifts, like what has changed in you since that? The immediacy of the panic, the immediacy of the terror. It's like if we were to go out like golf, right? Yeah. If I hate for somebody to have to come correct me, right? So if we didn't have the right whatever collared shirt or it's not tucked in, we don't have a, whatever the rules are, the golf course. I would live with anxiety that someone's going to come up and say something to me and I'm going to be disciplined and I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself. But you guys might not notice because it's just what was normal to me in my body, like a state of like full terror. And now it's the absence of this. And I was like, is this peace? Because I don't want to ever not have peace. I'm like, obviously it's life, so bad things are going to happen. Adversity is going to happen. You might not have a script the day you're supposed to be shooting 10 pages. It's going to be all right. We'll figure it out. But it doesn't have to be feeling like I'm being actively hunted. Wow. The fact that you've been feeling that felt that way for so long, because you don't present that way at all. that's why everyone's like you don't really give me you know like someone who's anxious and i was like because i don't have the option of looking anxious but that's what's happening and also because you've been um managing it for so long that you manage it well well it's normal now right so you know you know how to put a face on and you know how to work through it but you still feel it like throughout my whole body like stomach issues heart issues it was it was manifesting and literally out of every pore. Wow. And I was like, so wait, there's another way. And so when I completed it, I was like, okay, is this going to stick? And I'm also like, when people come up and I can't see them, like the feeling of being startled is like, you might as well have a gun to my head. Like, or someone, just somebody saying, hey, it's nice to meet you. But if I don't see them coming, it's like, you know, inside. But what ends up happening is, I'm like, No, it's great to meet you. But inside it's just, you know, so I could tell the first time somebody came up to me and I couldn't see them. Wow. And I was just like, it's nice to meet you. And it wasn't the full body jolt. That was recently, just recently. Yeah. In the last few months, you know, going to Rome. That makes me feel like, well, first of all, my God, it's like a lesson for like, we don't even know what our people, our friends, people close to us. I mean, you, you know, some things that I've shared with you about my life and I have the same thing as you, I have to show up for work. I got to, so sometimes you have the worst day, but, but we know how to show up and deliver and do the things. Um, but it's just, I don't know, hearing you say that, that's like, it's just really a testament to like, really, you do not know what's going on inside other people's bodies or inside other people's kind of traumas or, just the internal voices that they have going on. And we could miss it so much. And we're so quick to judge people, how they behave. Or somebody could see you in that moment. Somebody could have just done that to you and not be thrilled with how you greeted them, not having no idea of the trauma that you were feeling inside. And it makes people feel bad. Like you walk up to somebody that you want to say hello to, and they're like, you know what I mean? It's kind of hard to continue after that. Yeah. You're like, nevermind. Sorry. Yeah. And I was like, no, no, no. I just got startled. I'm sorry. Well, this is a big deal then. This is a big shift. It's a major shift. And like to feel at peace in my body in the midst of chaos, but I don't succumb to the chaos is huge. And it's new. And I'm like, I'm not going back. So what are the perks of that? Like, is like life better? I don care Like everything Everything better Everything better And I not I just don OK you know like mel robin says let them let them i like okay you think x y and z about me okay life didn't change um but thank you for taking time out of your day to tell me how awful i am but like i don't care i don't care that's not something i'm going to give energy or attention into. But you did before. You know, I generally don't scroll past the first three comments for the most part. So if I go looking for you're going to find somebody to tell you about yourself and you're going to read something that someone said that you actually feel about yourself and you'll spin out. And oh, my God, is it am I that transparent? Like are people seeing every flaw that I feel like I have? And it could ruin your day, ruin your week. And now I don't care. God It makes me realize how brave you are, though, because you've made choices in your own life. You've made choices. Your family has made choices to live their lives truthfully and publicly and publicly. So to know that it would affect you that much, but you still made the choice. Because I can't. To live in truth. I may have been a prisoner to PTSD, but I will never be a prisoner to the fuckery. I'm just I won't. you know I'm one of those see something say something people I need the freedom of truth I need the freedom to tell the truth to hear the truth to hold your hand when you're dealing you know what I mean but if I'm in that other space of pretending and always you know having to to be on, it doesn't really allow for you to be human. You know what I mean? And I'm just not willing to go back. It feels too good being. Did I just kick you? Sorry, boo-boo. It feels too good to be fully in my body and fully present. And so no matter how hard it is, you know, no matter how many, how many times the FBI calls you and it's like, you know, you and your family are on a hit list. Is that a real thing? it's absolutely a real thing but that's what comes with truth telling you know um but there's also that other price to pay but i just i just can't i can't be put into a gilded cage i don't know i watch too many people that i know and love who have so much to offer and have so many amazing things to say put themselves in a gilded cage you know afraid yeah definitely afraid i mean and there's things to be afraid of. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's death threats are weird. It's a weird sensation. And it's like, if it's just me, but my baby has to die. That's something. And I don't think people really understand the weight of truth telling in this day and age. Yeah. Talk to me about that. Being at trying to lead from the front all the time. I mean, the first one to the microphone, the first one who says something, the most, you know, fierce and ferocious advocate and activist. And then my health took a big hit. You know, it took a big hit. And for years, it took us a wild process of elimination to figure out what was actually going on in my body and that I was being ravaged by an autoimmune issue that is exacerbated by stress and anxiety. and it was just me always feeling like I gotta always be 10 toes down on everything. I was dying slowly. I had no idea, yeah. Yeah. Because it's like for a long time, we didn't know what exactly it was. So it's like MRIs and scans and biopsies and this and that and the other. And you're waiting for the results and they're like, well, it's not cancer. You're like, okay, well, what is it? They're like, it's a mask. You're like, okay, thanks. um hi this is joe winterstein host of the spirit daughter podcast where we talk about astrology natal charts and how to step into your most vibrant life and i just sat down with a mini driver the irish traveler said when i was 16 you're gonna have a terrible time with men actor storyteller and unapologetic aquarian visionary aquarius is all about freedom loving and different perspectives. And I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius like are misunderstood. A sun and Venus in Aquarius in her seventh house spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms on different houses in different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life, this episode is a must listen. Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcast. Hey, everyone. It's Emily Simpson and Shane Simpson from the Legally Brunette podcast. Each week, we're bringing you true crime through a legal lens. Whether you want all the facts on the disappearance of Nancy Guthrie, or you still need to wrap your head around the ditty verdict, We're breaking it all down step by step. And we're not just lawyers. We're also husband and wife. It makes for some pretty entertaining episodes. Listen to Legally Brunette on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Ryder Strong with a podcast called The Red Weather. In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs. So no, I am not your guru. And back then, I lied to everybody. They have had this case for 30 years. I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. You can now binge all episodes of The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is the biggest night in podcasting. The countdown is on to our 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards. Live from South by Southwest, March 16th, we'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative, talented creators in the industry. It's truly a who's who of the podcasting world. Creativity, knowledge, and passion will all be on full display. And the winner of the iHeart Podcast Award is... See all the nominees now at iHeart.com slash podcast awards. Audible is a proud sponsor of the Audible Audio Pioneer Award. Explore the best selection of audiobooks, podcasts, and originals all in one easy app. Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen. Sign up for a free trial at audible.com. Insert more anxiety, but I'm supposed to not have anxiety. When was this happening recently? It's been the last four years. So finally, again, kind of close to like October, getting on the right medication to deal with, you know, some of these issues. But when you're in it, you know, people don't understand like inflammation, crazy inflammation can literally make your face look like a circle. like and it's not gonna be the most symmetrical like you know what i mean so it could be bigger over here this could be bigger this part of my lip is swollen and they're like ah bad filler i'm like or i'm slowly dying but get your jokes off get your jokes oh she's ruined her face um and then now people see me and i'm like i'm just not inflamed you know i'm not my body is not trying to kill me um and they're like oh she's she's let it settle i'm like get out okay First of all, stop reading the damn comments. Okay. Stop reading the comments. You know. You don't do it. You don't live that way just for you, too. Like, as you say, you step out, you're an advocate, and you stand for so many things. Also, I think you guys as a family have done that, right? Like, you've made a conscious decision to stand on your truth about private things, relationship, your marriage, your surrogacy. I mean, so many things about your life. You've been on the front lines kind of like presenting as, hey, guys, this is OK. It's OK. It happens to everybody. You know what I mean? And you don't have to throw your children out, you know, if they if they're not exactly what how you imagine them to be. um talking to to people and they're like i just i mean what will what will my family say what will my church say what will these people say and i'm like that's your child you mean of of trans or trans kids queer kids um family of doctors kid wants to be an engineer and it's like this isn't life and death yeah it's still your baby yeah you love them love them support them You're supposed to be the sanctuary. Yeah. Not the hell that they're escaping. Yeah. But it could be literally about anything. Yeah. And right is right and wrong is wrong. And to me, it's not that hard. But I understand when people don't. Yeah, because there's a price. There is a price. You may not work again. Your life may be threatened. Your family's lives may be threatened. and you may not be well-versed enough to lead the charge, but there's other ways of participating in resistance. You know, I talk about leading from the front, leading from the middle. You could be an organizer, keeping all of us together in the middle. You can be pushing from the back and holding the line. There's, you don't have to always be front facing. And, but in this day and age of performative activism, it's like, if you didn't post it, it's not happening. in our situation because of I don't want to hear from the FBI anymore about which group has a we're on a hit list on I do I move differently and you may not see or hear about every move but you know me you know my heart I think my history speaks for itself and my reputation speaks for itself but also I I needed to get better you know when they say you got to put your oxygen been masked on first and then um man so living this way was literally eating away at your body yeah like i can't be in that state all the time you know and i don't have control of every situation like um oh book was on your show uh lauren lauren lauren el bug um we love el bugy i watched that episode like oh gems and i was hitting lauren i'm like yo when you said this this and that she's like okay i'm gonna come over and we're gonna sit in your backyard we're gonna talk about this and what was it uh well it's about like the control element the need for control and feeling like you always have to chime in or offer advice and is the advice really for the other person or is it for you to have some control some semblance of control um trying to control situations we talked about that in my episode with her whatever you guys talked about that's led to that yeah it led to that um and she was like unless they specifically ask for your opinion don't offer it people need to to come to their truth how they come to it and it's not up to us to steer them in any one direction because then we have to get into our need for control what is that about you know what i mean like i love that you saw our conversation and i mean i know you know her and you have a relationship with her but i love that it sparked another conversation yeah literally no it sparked a lot of conversation she was there for a few hours wow and just there's a wisdom that she has has gleaned from her life yeah that she has to you know she has so much to offer and you really oh it was my first one of my favorites yeah for sure i learned so much from that somebody was just asking me the other day about like they always ask what's your favorite anyway i'm like i can't say it's really hard to it's just we're all just trying man we're all just Like I'm trying to do a show. She's trying to survive her situation and she's learned so much along the way. And to me, like, that's all we could do is show up with what we have to offer on that day, share our experiences in a way that we hope lands in a positive way for someone else. I mean, well, none of us should be having to suffer in silence or feel like you're suffering alone. Like no one could possibly understand this. It's like it helps to talk about it. You know, whether it's like sparked from a podcast, it's like, I think I need help with this. How do you move through the world? How do you get up every day? What does joy look like to you? What does justice look like to you? Like, how do you have tools? You know what I mean? And it's crazy because we have to learn those and ask those questions for ourselves. But then you take you, for instance, or any of us who are moms. Now you also have to do it as a parent. And you as a mother, I think, is an interesting topic because, no, you're really a lovely mother. Like you worked so hard to be a mother and you're like this amazing mother, not only to Kavya, but to all of your kids, your bonus children. I don't know what you call them. Do you call them stepkids? Just your kids? The kids. They're just the kids. They're just the kids, yeah. But I mean, you worked to be a mother. It wasn't just the easy, for some women, it's too easy. It's like when you get pregnant, somebody can flirt with them and they're pregnant. Like you really worked for that and struggled. And then, and you do it in such a meaningful, intentional kind of way. Just watching you with Kav. And I just wondered what it's changed for you, what you've learned about yourself as becoming a mom. Well, you know, they watch every single thing. Yeah. Right. Like Kav said the other day, why do you wear, why do you wear wigs all the time? And I was like, well, mommy goes to work and I have to be different characters. And sometimes I wear wigs to try it out before I commit to the look. She was like, oh, you know, but in her mind, why wasn't I happy with how I looked when I preached that to her? You know what I mean? I'm like, I love your curls. Oh my gosh, your hair is so beautiful. And she was like, yeah, I think your hair is beautiful too. how come you got a wig on you know what i mean she gonna check you she don't check me boo and like there was one day it was me her and d driving the car and i was like oh can you wear your hair like half up half down like that's like one of my favorite looks and she was like i don't really want to do that and i was like oh come on can you she was like i thought it was my hair and d goes but i'm teaching her to how to advocate for herself and have agency over her own body and And, you know, if this it's her hair, who cares? It's not like, you know, but that figuring out, like, when do you like force your will on your child? And when do you offer options? Just trying to find those balances. Yeah. And also, you know, she's she's very much a leader at home, but at school she can follow the crowd and helping her find her voice. world. I'm like, you know, you don't have to do that just because your friend told you to. Yeah. I want her to play with me at recess. I was like, oh, it starts early. You know, do this so we can be friends. Do that so I can love you. Do this, you know, and it's like, it seems like, oh, it's harmless, you know, but it's a pattern where you start just being people pleasing, shape shifting to fit in and shape shifting and doing whatever people pleasing to get the invite. To have access. And it's like, oof. Once you start, it's hard to stop. She's so great, though. She's awesome. Do you ever worry about her? Because I look at, like, the famous kids, Blue Ivy and North. And I see the way people talk to these children. Children. And so many people have opinions about children. So many opinions. Do you worry about that for you? Even Ziya, because she's been such a, like, she's a poster child somewhat at this point. Like, do you have, I don't know, concerns or regrets of having them so public? Well, with Zaya, that was her choice. She did not like people dead naming her. And we were like, we can correct people, but it kind of opens up a whole other can of worms. And she was like, I want them to use my name. And we were like, okay, well, this is how we could do this. But it's really going to open up a whole can of worms like you can't, you know, put it back. And she was very determined. And so that sort of opened the door for her speaking out and being very clear about her identity and her confidence and comfort in it. And we support her being her full true self. Yeah. We would have probably been more comfortable where, you know, she waited a couple of years, but it's years of her parents doing a ton of interviews where they're speaking of her with a name that she does not recognize. nice and so I respect it I absolutely respect it and every kid is different like every child is different and you know it is it is what it is and you you rally you know what I mean you offer support like Kav because I had talked so much about my infertility um and we were so overjoyed and so many people like strangers wanted me to be pregnant so badly and it was like and you know I remember there, we were on our way to some event in New York and I was, you know, I think I was in the middle of an IVF cycle and I looked two months pregnant, like second trimester pregnant. And people like the page six was like, she's pregnant. And people were so happy. And it led to a miscarriage. You know, it didn't lead to, obviously it didn't lead to a live birth. and so when we she was finally born and home i was like i want to share with people that you know keep hope alive and here's our here's our beautiful baby and this is the route i had to go and these are the reasons um and then she just had such funny faces i know you know she's such a good personality you know and now it's she does it on her own and it's like we're like Kavi, you want to post this? No. Okay. And it's less than what it was, obviously, when she was little. And it's really her choice. And usually she chooses, like, she doesn't want to. We respect it Keep it pushing Hey guys today show is brought to you by our presenting sponsor Hard Rock Bet Florida Sportsbook If you haven signed up yet for Hard Rock Bet there has never been a better time than right now to do that New signups can double their winnings on their first 10 bets maximum That's right. So if you would have made $100 on your bet, now you'll make $200 on your bet. It's pretty great. The Hard Rock Bet sportsbook app is the only legal sportsbook in Florida, and it's also live in Arizona, Ohio, New Jersey, Indiana, Tennessee, Virginia, Illinois, Colorado, and Michigan. coming soon to more states too. So, plus Hard Rock Bet offers new promos daily. So whenever you're listening or watching, you just open the app and check out what you've got any day of the week. Download the Hard Rock Bet app and make your first deposit today. Offered by the Seminole Tribe of Florida in Florida, offered by Seminole Hard Rock Digital, LLC, and other states, must be 21 or older and physically present in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee, or Virginia to play. Terms and conditions apply. Concerned about gambling? In Florida, call 1-833-PLAYWISE. In Indiana, if someone you or you know has a gambling problem and wants help, call 1-800-9-WITH-IT. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee, or Virginia. All right, what about marriage? What have you learned about marriage? You don't know shit about marriage. Is that true even now? How many years are you? You're plus 10, right? You're 10 plus? 11 years. But it's like marriage is this living, breathing thing that you have to feed and nurture. And you don't always have the time to be great at it. And on those days as you're trying to take shortcuts are probably the days you were supposed to suck it up and offer more grace and offer more kindness or companionship. And people are like, oh, marriage goals. Other than us being honest about our marriage, you got to figure out what works for your marriage. And each one is very unique. Like, I don't know anybody who has a marriage like ours. And it's not because we're, you know, whatever. It's like we. I don't know what that was. Like, you know, whatever people like to think about it. But like we're very, our schedules, we miss each other a lot. And we miss each other a lot. So like our time together is like literally legs like all intertwined. Like we are physically touching all the time, you know, joined at the hip. And then I'm in Rome for three weeks and, you know, whatever. So our level of communication had to improve. You know what I mean? And we try not to hang out with other couples who don't like each other. Oh, that's good. You know what I mean? Because that shit is contagious. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you get, you know, previously there might be circles where they're like, well, this bitch is like this nigga right here. And then you kind of fall in because that's how you guys are communicating as friends. Like you're complaining as communication. And then you go home, you're like, you know what I mean? Because that's just what you were with. You know, when we talk about vacations, you know, we've all vacationed together. But you've got to have other couples who are at least on the same page. It's obviously your relationship is going to be different. But I need you to like this motherfucker. Like, don't come on vacation and you want to complain. You know what I mean? Shit. Like, I like this man. That is contagious. Yeah. Like, so surrounding yourself with couples. You actually like your husband, right? I like him a lot. Like, he's literally my favorite person. Oh my God, that's so cute. Like, we talk all day long, but it's like half the time we talk in memes and GIFs. Yeah. You know what I mean? But that's how it has to start, though. It starts with that, right? Yeah. Like we were in Japan for two weeks and just having like adventures. You know, just the two of us have the time of our lives. I mean, granted, we ran into Michael B. Jordan and SteeLo, but. Oh, not bad. Yeah. Hung out with them for New Year's. But like we had our own adventure. It was great. You think that's a big key to getting it right? It's just picking somebody that you like get along with. You know, like if you get into an argument with your friend. Yeah. If you really, really like them, you get over it. Like you figure out how to communicate through, you know, the tough spots. Because like half of our arguments, like I'll be so pissed, but then I want to tell him something or I got a joke. I'm like, OK, we have to make up just so I can get this joke off. But I don't know. We have figured it out for us. And he adores you the same way that you adore him. like when i look up and he's looking at me and it's like that's so cute it's kind of like the best because it's like the person i want whose eyes i want on me yeah you know what i mean and uh that's pretty great i like it look at you like yeah he was gonna miss the premiere because you know his coaches his college coach is being honored at marquette and he you know he was supposed to be there and for the goat yeah he's gonna miss the goat premiere and he's in it like you know and then he was like i'll be there and i was like wait he's in it too yeah he's a voice he's the voice he's a voice i mean there's a lot of voices there's a lot of voice who are the other voices besides i mean steph is a voice he's the giraffe um caleb mclaughlin he's um from stranger things he's the main voice aaron pierre uh jennifer hudson jennifer lewis nick kroll that's a lot of people yeah it's so many voices cast what a cute little concept though the goat I think it's just so relatable. Yeah. And it's like this little goat who, you know. Believes. Believes. And the goat is like, the goat, the movie, is based on, loosely based on Steph's, you know, career. Because when I first met Steph, he was just, it was his rookie year. And him and Aisha were, you know, joined at the hip. I mean, they're the same. They have been connected the same. I was going to say, that's probably a good couple for you guys to hang out with. Yeah, and we have, randomly. They seem like they really like each other. They very much like each other. And they're very much in alignment. You know what I mean? So it's interesting to listen to the commentary because you're like, clearly you've never been around them. Ain't nobody loved Steph more than Aisha. Ain't nobody loved Aisha more than Steph. He's such a good egg. And he does a great job. He does a really great job as a voice actor. All right. So we have a couple of IRL questions for you and IRL bowl so we can get into your real life philosophies. But first, we have a voice note. This is our Boost Mobile voice note where someone comes in, leaves you a voice message or a question. Okay. I don't really know what it is. We have to listen to it first. Hey, Gav. It's Shy. Girl, how do you protect your boundaries? See, I'm a thug, but I'm a nice one. And I forgive way too much. So I want to know, how are you forgiving, but still making sure that people don't cross you? Because it never gave doormat, for real, for real. It never gave doormat. I feel like we talked about this a little bit in Miami a couple weeks ago. I had to learn that when it comes to access, opportunities, money, that people will always be cheering for you. But if their access, money, whatever is threatened, that they can turn on you. and when you watch people that you thought you could trust like show show what really matters and it's not you it's devastating and you realize like I had no boundaries because like you know me like if if we ride like we are riding to the wheels fall off like I will go to battle like that's just how I move with my friends if we're close enough yeah we're like I'll physically fight somebody for you, then it is what it is. There are no boundaries. You know what I mean? But I've had to figure out how to love you from across the street. Like, but also part of having boundaries is if you're in my life and people make mistakes, things happen and you can't own your shit, you have no place in my life. I cannot do no accountability. I can't. I don't need like a whole operation. I just, oh, my bad. You know what? My bad. Sorry. Apologies. Sorry. And it's like, it's really hard for some people, by the way. It's like impossible. We had this conversation on set the other day and I'm like, and it's a scene. These are fake people. These people do not exist. And like the guys were like, no, he apologized. I said, no, the apology was. And for that, I apologize. He was wrong for the whole thing. Why do you, why you guys don't hear like the I apologize for that when the issue is the whole thing was wrong why do you have to qualify your apology why can't you just admit to being wrong why can't this character admit that he lied well he didn't lie I'm like well he didn't tell the truth when asked what do you call that and the omission of the truth is it's a fallacy it's a lie same shit yeah why does like what these are fake characters. Why won't you guys just like, what is the issue? And I'm like, what do you think happens inside when you just own your shit? And then we got on this conversation and it dawned on me when people refuse to be accountable, especially when they want to gaslight you, they want to control you. They want to control your movements. They want to control your body. They want to control your reactions and they want to control how you ultimately see them. And that's so devious. It's so manipulative and it's dark. And I'm just too old to be dealing with this. And it's not uncommon. Oh, it's super common. And you let it slide because that's not a big deal. But then it starts to add up and it's like, you just never want to own your shit. I can't be around you because I can't trust you. You'll lie about, I saw you at Burger King and you're like, I went to McDonald's. What, what is wrong with you? Now you're like, that's so like, I don't want you around. So honest, honesty and accountability is about, is a, is a, is the barest of minimums. And, and then also everybody doesn't need to be everywhere. Everyone doesn't need free access to every part of your life, especially people who cannot be trusted with your truth. And if everything that happens to me has to be somehow quantified for you in terms of money, in terms of opportunity, in terms of access, that's not a friend. I feel like it's constantly, everything is transactional. It's a burden. It sounds like a burden. Yeah. And so I've had to learn how to create boundaries and understand what it is and understand and what it isn't. And I was trying to make fetch happen with a lot of people. I was talking about that the other day because you put people in boxes. Yeah, and it's okay. And some friends are like your friends that you have for playdates or there's friends that you have that are just a good time. Yeah, like great, let's go to the bar. Let's have a drink. I think where people fuck up is that you try to take a friend that's there for a good time and you try to make them your person or you try you you miscategorize people in your life and so it's important to kind of know where they're there and know what their their role is in your life I think is also important thing with boundaries you learn the second you say no who is really there for what people's reaction to no like just a no if they lose their shit who that I mean that I don't know what other kind of sign you need. They reveal themselves. But also, like, I don't say yes to everything. I used to feel like I have to be everywhere and do everything and I got to be, I got to be everything for everyone. And it left nothing for me. So just learning through trial and error. It's life. You're never going to get it right. But just understanding that, like, you don't have to say yes to everything. You don't have to be everyone's everything because you will end up at a deficit. Hey, guys, support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference? Well, you are not alone, and this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills, and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to WaldenU.edu and take that first step. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. Okay, in real life, let's do bowl. This is our IRL bowl of questions. In real life, Gabrielle Union. Let's see what you get. And our IRL bowl is brought to you by Walden University. Hmm. Is it good or no? Well, there's the real answer and then the one I would say. I would like the real one. I cannot. Okay. What is the question? Because you know the air. Hi, this is Jo Winterstein, host of the Spirit Daughter podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver. The Irish traveler said when I was 16, you're going to have a terrible time with men. Actor, storyteller, and unapologetic Aquarian visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom loving and different perspectives. and I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius like are misunderstood. A sun and Venus in Aquarius in her seventh house spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms, on different houses, in different places, but just an embracing of the is-ness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart-side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life, This episode is a must listen. Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcast. This is Rider Strong with a podcast called The Red Weather. In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs. No, I am not your guru. Back then, I lied to everybody. They have had this case for 30 years. I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. You can now binge all episodes of The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is the biggest night in podcasting. The countdown is on to our 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards. Live from South by Southwest, March 16th, we'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative, talented creators in the industry. It's truly a who's who of the podcasting world. Creativity, knowledge, and passion will all be on full display. And the winner of the iHeart Podcast Award is... See all the nominees now at iHeart.com slash podcast awards. Audible is a proud sponsor of the Audible Audio Pioneer Award. Explore the best selection of audiobooks, podcasts, and originals all in one easy app. Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen. Sign up for a free trial at audible.com. Hey, everyone, it's Emily Simpson and Shane Simpson from the Legally Brunette podcast. Each week, we're bringing you true crime through a legal lens. Whether you want all the facts on the disappearance of Nancy Guthrie or you still need to wrap your head around the ditty verdict, we're breaking it all down step by step. And we're not just lawyers. We're also husband and wife. It makes for some pretty entertaining episodes. Listen to Legally Brunette on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. sir but um what do you do to decompress after a long day um the answer i will share is that i like to sit or lay in silence like i just need 15 minutes of no sound do you really do this every day yeah yeah usually it's after kov goes to bed so it's like she goes to bed at 7 30 we increased it an hour um so once she goes to bed it's i feel like i've i've lost the war and i just get in my bed and I lay there in silence and D respects it. Oh, it's like a known thing in the house. Yeah. Like I just need a minute to just. Yeah. Yeah. And for me, silence is so golden. I can hear my own thoughts. It just gives me a chance to just calm down. I must try. And then I step out on the balcony, dot, dot, dot. And do whatever else you need to do for yourself. All right. Take one more. Let's do one more while we pick. Pick a good one. If you could instantly master a skill, what would it be? Listen, if I could sing. Look how you just lit up. Like sang. Oh, sing. Like I like practiced for like eight months to sing this one song for our anniversary. And it was the hardest. I mean, the respect I have for singers. Wait, what did you sing again? Shania Twain. Oh, that's right. And because it was it's a joke. Like it was one of the first, you know, when you meet somebody. Tell this story for somebody who doesn't know. I did not take him seriously. You know what I mean? Like I was doing the most and I just didn't take him seriously. So I kind of tortured him initially. I made him listen to the Jersey Boys soundtrack like on repeat. I was playing like country music hits. So one of the first songs I played for him when we met was like Shania Twain, You're Still the One. And then it just became this reoccurring joke. like I rap a movie he hires like a choir and a band to sing You're Still the One and Give Me Flowers like before I head to the airport to come back home like it's just like a thing that we did that's so cute and um yeah and so I practiced with a vocal coach and then got in the studio and laid the track with like a full band and I wanted to do you know do it special but it's really hard and I that's not a skill I have it's not a skill but you would never I would never shut up I'd be like Vanjie that's why you can't sing That's why I can't do it. That's why God didn't give me that gift. No. I would be the same way. Oh, I'd be obnoxious. That's funny because Valentine's Day is coming up. You guys are big. Like, you're festive. You do events. Like, what is the role? What is Valentine's Day? What is the key to romance in your house to you? Valentine Day got co and it been co our whole relationship because it falls over all weekend but he like he does valentine day throughout the year so he send me flowers just because um or he'll write me a poem or he'll just send the most beautiful letter and you're like who are you like who are you right now like for real um and it works it works honey it works it works and what about you what is your love language like how do you show romance oh i mean his thing is physical touch so easy cut to it that's romantic right he's like great i love your i love your version of romance so whatever clearly is happy okay uh on a scale of one to ten how happy are you gab oh today i'm a 10 really i love that yeah and average, what would you say? I'm now in the last few months, like eight, like I average like a solid eight since learning how to be peaceful and since learning, like since teaching my body not to stay in a state of terror. Okay. Like I, I find the joy in everything, you know, like I, there's generally speaking, I get anxious before I do press runs because I'm honest and I'm gonna say something that's going to go viral. And then I got to deal with that. And if you ask, I'm generally speaking, tell the truth, except what I really do to decompress. And you just have to deal with your truth being out there and however people are going to tweak it. And he goes, just have fun. He's like, it's fun. This is what we dreamt of. Have fun. Who said that? Dee. Oh, Dee. And I was like, I don't know. So this morning, it's like 5 a.m. I'm like, I'm up. I didn't sleep, but I'm going to have fun. And it's been fun. And knowing that it was ending, the day was going in with you it's like in real life what should people care about less oh other what other people think of yeah yeah because you will i've seen so many people create a small life for themselves just so people don't have something to say and you watch dreams like that you know they have never they never even try because of the noise and because of this, because of that. And they just, their lives end up small. I think that's probably way more common. It's very common. Yeah, for sure. Or you do the safe thing, but not the thing you're passionate about. And you just kind of give up. And for what? And for what? Yeah, for what? Somebody is like, don't take advice from people who've never done what you've done. Yeah. Which is why, you know, I'm very glad Stefan and Aisha never took my advice. Because I was putting my bullshit onto them. You know what I mean? I was putting my fears about marriage. This is before they were married. Wait, what was it? I don't know this. One day I'll tell you this full story, but I offered some stupid advice. Kind of like what the Lord would say. No, we were at a party. Oh. And I was like, let me tell you how it's going to go. Because of course I've been drinking. And luckily they were like, okay, thanks, Gab. And then didn't take my advice. And they're happy and successful. And they did their family route their way, at their pace. What worked for them. But had he listened to me or she had listened to me, like they wouldn't be the Currys that we know. And I needed to shut the fuck up. Most people need to shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? Like shut the fuck up. You literally don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. And we center ignorance in our decision making. And it's the quickest route to have a small life that you will never find joy in. Because you didn't even try. You didn't even try. You didn't even try. You gotta try. You know, we have Tisha Campbell coming up in, was it next week or the week after? And I know, I don't know why her name keeps coming up. Like I just had Tasha Smith on who said, Tisha, the beginning of Tasha's career, let her like stay at her, sleep in her house. And she showed her what was possible. But she also had an impact in your life. Yeah. No, I mean, when I first got into Hollywood, I'm so lucky that my OGs took my sanity and protecting me very seriously. Who were your OGs? Tisha, Tashina, and Regina King. Oh. And they just took that, their privilege, and they put a bubble around me and so many of us. and uh tisha um and her former spouse invited me and my former spouse uh they have no name they will never they will not be named um up to their up to their uh their camp their house in the in the in big bear or whatever and she recognized that i was struggling and she was like gab are you seeking therapy? Have you ever had a black therapist, a black woman therapist? And I was like, if it's out of copay, like if it's out of my, you know, I can't afford that. Cause you're a young actress at this time. I'm a young actress. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't afford out of pocket. Like it's gotta be, you know, and she was like, there will, that will never be an excuse for you. She's like, I got it. And she paid for the first, I mean, it was a lot of sessions with the therapist I still have to this day. She paid for it? She paid for it. She paid for me to go repeatedly, like a lot of sessions. What did she see in you? What did she see that she was so... She saw that I was circling the drain and she didn't want that for me. And she just constantly held my hand through different life transitions. And she just wasn't interested in watching me fail. You know what I mean? And that's just the person that she is. And she's done it for so many people. Oh my God, I keep hearing. I can't wait to sit with her. Jennifer Lewis has done it for so many people. Like Jennifer will be like, you know, for a very long time, she called me, Bobby, bitch, Bobby, you're gonna be a bitch, be a lovable bitch. Say it with love, damn it. But she, she'll pull your coattails. And they offer, they use their, their privilege as protection, you know? That's good to hear. Not everybody was doing that, you know? there's some people who are like burn you know like fail bitch fail uh but they they didn't and tisha she she extended so much grace and kindness and opened her wallet um wow it wasn't just like you should get therapy good luck to you she was like nope there's no excuses you're gonna get the help that you need and she just paid for it just because why why did she think that she saw something in me but she's just a kind very thoughtful person that's amazing and you know when like Black Hollywood, you know, it's its own family, you know, and she wasn't an auntie like she was in her 20s. You know, she's not that much older than me. This is like her around McMartin time. Is she like popping at the. She's she's Tisha Campbell. Yeah. I mean, she's Tisha Campbell and Tashina was Tashina Arnold. Yeah. Regina King was Regina King. And they just weren't interested in watching us fall into traps, you know, get set up like just they just were. Like, no, not her, you know, not any of them that they had the ability to reach. And what about Regina? Regina is like my heart. Like I almost like don't know why I was about to get teary eyed, but she's just been my heart. And it's hard watching her heart get ripped out of her chest. And we all grew up with little Ian and watching him like at each milestone. and it's hard. And you just try to be there for people in any way that they allow you to be. Can't dictate anyone else's grief. You can just be there. But I think there's a reason we all feel so strongly about her because she feels so strongly about us and she showed the fuck up. You know what I mean? Like there's people who are like, oh, I'm cool with such and such. Oh, I'm cool. Like if I see you, it's love. But what does that mean she showed up? What does that... Girl, I know you're under the bed. I'm coming. I'm coming to get you. You know what I mean? I'm not going to let you suffer. I'm not interested in watching you suffer. I'm interested in being a guiding hand and to offer safety and protection and guidance. You're just really about that life. You know, her and her sister, Rina. I don't know. And you get to know everyone's families. And then, you know, like, but that's, you know, and then I try to be that same OG to the next generation. You know what I mean? Like I've had that relationship with Kiki, you know, with Kiki Palmer and, you know, young folks like when Meg Thee Stallion got on the scene and like my little cousin, sweetie, we call her Didi. But like, if I got to pull your coattails, if I'm or I got to reach out and be like, this is my number. You can always reach me. Ain't shit that could happen that I haven't been through. You know, I'm here, you know, you just have to return the favor. I'm sure you had an OG and then you offer that same thing. Like, I don't have to see you every day to know that you're a safe place in the storm. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's beautiful. Yeah. I think the thing with Regina, she was on the pod too. And I obviously don't know her as well as you do, but we just love her. Like, you just, you know what I'm saying? Even from outside who don't have an intimate relationship with her, like you do. It's like to watch somebody, anybody's heart be ripped out like that is very painful to see. So as her friend, I can only imagine. And there's a reason you just see this outpouring because she has poured into so many people and didn't didn't wasn't keeping score. Wasn't like, well, I did this for you. It's like like she came out like one of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first, was on being Mary Jane. And, you know, everyone has a moment. And I was having a little moment, a little bratty moment. and she's like came to my trailer she has a little thing of sunflower seeds and she was like you know hand me some sunflower seeds and she's like basically cut the shit cut the shit i was like i'm gonna cut the shit you know and you sometimes you need that too you know it's not always you know moonlight and roses sometimes you need you know an og to be like cut the shit have some sunflower seeds is that really what she said it's dead ass like what she said and we just sat on my, you know, the soup of my trailer and talked it out. And what were you going through? What was the thing? I mean, it was, it could have been anything. I know it wasn't, you know, life or death. And you know, sometimes you get a little puffed up, number one on the call sheet. And sometimes you need to be reminded that this is a business and you don't get to hijack the whole operation because you're in a mood. No, no one person is more important than the whole and cut the shit. Cut the shit, Gab. Have some sunflower seeds. I'm going to bust that out on somebody. Because no one can turn down sunflower seeds. Brittany, don't even think about bringing sunflower seeds to set. Okay? You're going to be like, don't even think about it. I love that, though. Yeah. Being Mary Jane was, when you look at the tent poles of your career, do you look at that as like, Yeah, it brought me back. It really brought me back, you know, because you go through periods of like you work all the time to like not working all the time. You work all the time, not working all the time. And after I didn't get Scandal, which, you know, let's be clear, I was not close, close. I was maybe down to like a handful. I just thought that was that's the only opportunity we're going to get to play a character like that. And I was so sad that there were just so few possibilities. Like people weren't writing black female led shows. And then I met with Mara. It was, I don't even know if I've ever said this publicly, but I met with Mara and Salim Akil on the day that Whitney died. Wow. And Whitney had been so supportive of me. Whitney Houston? Yeah. Wow. And it was just like shocking. and it but when you know like it was it was the whole thing was just surreal and you just see all these people the phones are going off I think we were at the Four Seasons restaurant and you just see all these people's phones going off and you know of course it's like it was like around the Grammys um and it was like this is surreal and it hadn't been that long before I was I was hosting BET honors and there was like a glitch you know when you're hosting things you got to go out and you know do the you know schmooze the crowd and i come out and whitney stands up and is like giving me this like standing solo standing ovation just her just her and you know it just gave me like just enough to be like okay like i can do this it's gonna be okay i'm not just out here by myself i'm with my community and there's people who cheer for me and that person happened to be whitney houston right in the front row um it was just it was so it was just a surreal day and that was the day I got presented with being Mary Jane. Wow. And it was such a gift, you know, and to be able to play her for so many years and to have a destination, you know, as actors, you're like, I don't know where the next, you know, check is going to come from. I don't know if that last job might've been the last job. And so to be able to grow with the character and to do all the fun, crazy stuff that Mary Jane got to do and work with all of my friends. And so it was, I don't know, It was a great period of in my life while in the midst of crazy chaos. I love that. Yeah. You don't think about how much something could. I guess it's just what's what's for you is for you and what's not, because I could imagine the scandal thing. I mean, everyone and their mother was up for scandal, but like you're like, that is my only opportunity. I have not read anything like that. There probably will never be anything like that. I've been in the industry 20 years at that point or so. and it's like okay i guess we got one every generation and you killed it i killed it and i was i love that you know you killed it no i that's like listen i am mary jane like bron called me mary jane for a very long time he still does it's fine um but no that that show really gave me a deeper roots um in in pop culture in the community um and just as a as an artist I got to I got to make a ton of mistakes and I got to correct them as a woman as a woman yeah as I was going through so many things um and I got to act a lot of that out you know when it didn't feel safe to cry or to throw a tantrum in real life um Mary Jane could handle it the way she wanted to handle it. Yeah. You know, that's pretty great. I loved him. Yeah. I love that. We loved it too. All right. Well, before we go, I know a question. It's in the bowl. You didn't pick it, but I'll always ask you if God were to text you today, what would it say? You got this. That's it. You got this. I got this. He got it. Really? He got it. Yeah. You got this. Why do you normally feel like you don't? You know, you don't know. I don't know if I'm hitting it out of the park every day. You know, you don't know, but like having your faith and just knowing, like, as long as you have peace, you know, that God is in you. You know what I mean? The absence of peace is like, you haven't made space for God and his grace, their grace. I think if God is generalist, but like, you know, so peace is the presence of God to me. And when you don't feel that piece we haven't done we haven't taken enough active steps to create space for his his grace and so the message was what you got this you got this because he got this or they got this they you know depends on how you know a lot of people use the feminine so you know i love that gabrielle union everybody in real life. Hey, this is Gabrielle Union in real life. Hey, guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angie Martinez IRL podcast. Hi, it's Joe Interesting, host of the Spirit Daughter podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. And today I'm talking with my dear friend, Krista Williams. It can change you in the best way possible. Dance with the change, dance with the breakdowns. The embodiment of Pisces intuition with Capricorn power moves. So I'm like delusionally proud of my chart. Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather. In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs. No, I am not your guru. Back then, I lied to everybody. They have had this case for 30 years. I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When segregation was a law, one mysterious black club owner, Charlie Fitzgerald, had his own rules. Segregation in the day, integration at night. It was like stepping on another world. Was he a businessman? A criminal? A hero? Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush him. Charlie's Place, from Atlas Obscura and Visit Myrtle Beach. Listen to Charlie's Place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Legally Brunette on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.