Ashlyn Harris asks about Handsome starter packs

This is a headgun podcast. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that when you order a cowboy hat online, you get the right size. Big mistake. Now I'm showing up at the country western dance in a hat made for a toddler. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with all state. All savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. All state North American insurance company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk a little bit about travel. TIG, as you know, I'm about to go on my first big tour around the United States. And while I'm traveling in a bus, I want to make sure I get a couple nights in a nice comfy bed that's not on wheels. So I'm going to book a couple nights day on Airbnb. That sounds like a plan, May. What area are you looking? Well, I'm going to be in Florida, which I'm very excited about. And I'd love to find somewhere with a hot tub or a sauna that I can relax in. Maybe some nice nature nearby, like a big park or something. I love finding a home on Airbnb because I know I can get the place all to myself and I can read tons of reviews and make sure it's a great place. Airbnb also has guest favorites badges that show me the highest rated and most loved homes. I've just never gone wrong booking one of those. You know, I swam with sharks in Florida. Is that something you would ever try? I hadn't thought about that, but if I'm near the ocean, then who knows? Maybe I will. On the other hand, if I find a really nice place on Airbnb, I may just never want to leave. Handsome, childhood friends, all mad, some part. Chad and the friends of the handsome part. Cheers. Cheers. Hi, it's your friend Tignotaro sitting here with my co-host, May Martin, and Fortune Feemster. Welcome to the handsome pod. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. If it's your first time, please sit down, make yourself comfortable. We are happy. Happy you're here. That's right. You found your way here to this little enclave of friendship and... Did you say enclave? Yeah. Oh no. Did you say something wrong already? Well, I think it's too against fun. I would bet it's too against fun. Or too much. I didn't say enclave, but that's all right. You have your Canadian spin. You know, I've never said it out loud before. I think I've only read it. Onclave. Yeah, that sounds better. I only know it because as I've told you before, my mom used to refer to Provance Town as a gay enclave. Yes. Yes. Yes. I recall. So that was always steered into my brain because of that. A gay enclave. A gay enclave. A gay enclave. May? Not a gay enclave. A gay enclave. A gay enclave. Well, something that is in is Tiggs Mustache. We didn't... Metapods. Yeah, Metapods is very busted through. So that's just like a thick five o'clock shadow. I have to shave it a couple of times a day. Actually, it's very... Yeah, also I'm Italian, so it's a whole situation. That's like handlebar mustache right there. That's something that someone would grab onto and take a good ol'... Yeah. Take a good ol'... What? No. What? Take a good ol'... What is that? Take a good ol'... What is that? I love the mustache. Wait, what? Fortune wise. Oh, really? Okay, okay, okay. I'm not... I'm not trying to say it. How you did it? What was happening there? I thought you knew exactly where this was going. I thought you were going to say like a good ol' tug or something like that. What? No, just free mustache rods. It's just Metapods. Just Metapods. It's a Metapods. It's a Metapods mustache. It's a Metapods mustache rod. It's a Metapods mustache rod. It's a Metapods mustache rod. Oh my god. I like that. But if you're new to the pod also, go to YouTube. This isn't just that take has sprouted a little bit of Metapods mustache. There's a thick mustache happening. Yeah. Yeah. I'm 54. I did tell some of the other day I was 45, which is not true. Why did you say that? I got my numbers mixed up in like a clock heart kind of way. I was like, well, I'm 45. And I was like, wait, no, I'm not. You can't find that person to correct yourself. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. How are you both? Yeah. How are you? How are you? How are you? Well, this is going to air quite a while after how we are today. Yeah. But I'll tell you, I am happy to be home and warm and dry because I was on the Star Trek 60th anniversary Rose Parade float. And it was pouring rain. Uh-huh. And it was cold. Yeah. And, um, and yeah, I didn't know what I was quite in for. I was like, I don't know if this is really my style, but I'm going to go out of my comfort zone here and wave to people and say happy new year. Smile. Yeah. And then, guys, something very surprising happened. What? It made me emotional. Really? Really? Yes. How so? Like the bridge, like your heart grew through sizes. Yes. Well, I feel like I'm pretty emotional. I'm pretty not like hyper so, but um, things get me. Yeah. I didn't expect to get me. Right. Yeah. What about it got you? There was such a mix of hope and desperation in people's faces for a happy new year. You know? Yeah. And like when I was looking at these people who had made a decision to come out in the cold rain, to stand for hours and wave. And this is not like just a parade full of celebrities and public figures. Some of it is just like a whole float saying come visit Louisiana. Come visit Mississippi. And then this high school marching band. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, it's, it's not celebrity heavy. It's like such a mix. Community. Yeah. And then to see people leave, I don't know why it struck me. But like when I really locked in with people's faces and eyes, I was really trying to really get them to have a happy new year. Like when I was like, I would make eye contact. And I would be like, have a happy new year. I just like, man, please. Like I, like looking into just faces of like the elderly, elderly, elderly. And then also people that you could tell maybe didn't have a lot of money. And then little kids and just, it just runs the gamut where you're just like, and they're all just being decent, wonderful people. And then you also see like these tatted up guys, tattoos up to their, up their neck. We just got to go to the parade today. But truly like somebody where you would think, oh, this person might make me uncomfortable because they look like a tough guy. And then this guy is just waving with all of his heart and soul like, happy new year. Like smiling so big. And I was just like, this is killing me. This is killing me in the best way. And when I came home and told Stephanie that she's like, that's so interesting. And I started telling her. And then she teared up. She's like, wow, I get it. Like it's so crazy. Those little moments that you do not expect are going to get you. And then another fun surprise. What? So any handsome fans? No, screaming at me and having merchandise and he shirts. I guess did I mention it on here? Yeah, you did. Yeah. Okay. And people are just like, they're keeping a handsome in the rain. And he's truly yelling from their rain ponjuts, keep it handsome. Like holding their merch. And I just, I was really something. It was. Yeah. And of course it would have been all that much better if it wasn't rainy and cold. Yeah, did you have like a Star Trek themed raincoat or something? Do they give you something? They give you like a clear poncho and a clear umbrella. And the rain kind of came and went. But I just kind of settled into, okay, I'm going to be freezing cold. Yeah. And I'm going to be alive at the end of this situation. And, but it was not terribly comfortable. Right. But it was so worth it to see all of those. Again, a mix between desperation and joy of, and mainly joy. It was just like, it was the best feeling. I would do it every year. I would do it every single year. I'd wave on any, any flood. We should get a handsome flood. Yeah, go. Yeah. You've always, I know you love parades in general. You love the like, or like a spray. Yeah. Don't rain on that mustache. Yeah. Yeah. I love parades. You know, I love parades. It's just like, don't rain on it. Well, they did today. They rain on my parade. It's always reassuring when you get out and about, or even at a comedy show or something, like when people get together, it's like, especially it's January, it's dark. I think there's a lot of pressure to like hit the ground running in the year and like, oh, I've got to be thriving. But yeah, still winter. Like, things are dark and rainy. And if you're feeling low, this is a great advertisement for getting out with your friends or going to, yeah, go see a movie where you're just with a bunch of people in one place. I say, go to a parade. Go to a parade if you don't want to. Go to a parade and wave for hours at people. And I'm telling you, it feels, it does the heart some good. And yeah, I just, I now really love a parade. I love a parade too. I haven't been to a non-gay parade in a while. Most of the parades I've attended have been for the gays. Sure. But this straight one sounds lovely. I've also done Martigraw parades. Like my hometown will have, they have their Martigraw parade. And I used to get on the float as little kid and throw stuff. But this was a whole different thing. I've never been to a Martigraw parade in New Orleans, especially. Oh, but I'm in tree. Because I've heard what the beads do when you throw those. What do they do? You get to see, you know, where we go. You were so awesome. We were having such a wholesome and old mustache. I think you're making me say it. I'm trying not to. All right. You get to see. Mystectomy scars. You just see Tigo Bitties. That's right. So sign me up for that parage for sure. See, I've done my share of New Orleans Martigraw, but that's a little too much for me. I like a small town Martigraw. Yeah. That one seems like it would be just debatuous, crazy. Yeah. Too many people. I don't know if I would actually love it. Yeah. You probably would. Okay, imagine, let's say imagine like a family of four starts, leaves their house one morning and they just decide we're going to start a parade. They start walking down the middle of the street and they're maybe they have a boom box or something. How long do you think till people join like a conga line? Would anyone join? I would. I would just start marching down the street and you go, hey, come join in. I need a sanction parade. Oh my God. Thomas put that on the list. Can we start a hand-sew parade? Slash conga line. Oh my God. How long it would take to get arrested? I think in the right city during the right season. Yeah. Especially if we went to like the gay area. I bet we're starting to throw. Or New Orleans. I mean, you could start. There's parades that, you know, just pop out of nowhere. Yeah. You know, I want to do a bunch of cities over the holidays and everywhere I went, they're like when when's handsome coming through here? Oh really? Oh, I'm like, everybody calm down. Calm down, everybody. Do you think we'll ever do like a full on tour? Like where we just hit a bunch of cities in one month or something. You guys are good tours. Like, let me get back to you after this. Yeah, this is my first time. I was so, you think. Oh right, right, little me. How I hold up. Well, there's a one-offs here and there until that time. Yeah. Okay. And then you never know, mate, my final love of Tori. I might fall in love with Tori. That's right. I might fall out of love with Tori. Yeah. Yeah. It always pulls you back in though. That's it. I think so because you'll say like, I don't know if I'm doing this much longer and then you're like, here's 10 more shows. Right. I would love, I would do a tour with you guys if we had like a bus that had a fireman's pole and two two floors and two firemen. Yeah. Just picking, picking, pick up and they're like, yeah, whisking me away. Yeah. I did a, I did a New Year's Eve show. Those are always fun. How was it? Where was it? In Seattle. It was incredible. The audience, like you were saying with like looking into people's eyes. Yeah. They very much, yeah, just like wanted to feel like kindness and love and happiness going into this New Year and everybody was just very like, have we knew you're happy? New, you know, yeah, people want very much for it to feel lighter. Yes. Then it's been, did you get to do the countdown? No, I did a earlier shirt like a 7 p.m. show. So they got to, you know, have a little festivity and they go to bed or continue on with their nights. 10. 9. I know I should have done a fake countdown. Yeah. Underbrezone. I'm in the desert, guys. Oh, how is that? It's really rainy and cold, but it's been, it's just started parade. Yeah. Yeah. Should I? I'm going to go up here. That's the longest drive I've done. That was pretty wild. And then I got a bunch of friends and my friend, Elena, actually, you know, Elena Johnson, she'd been nervous to bring her puppy because he's puppy energy. Right. And she was like, I don't know. It's a long drive. And then like, you know, what if he gets into stuff at the Airbnb? And then I kept saying where it's going to be fine. It's going to be great. He's, you know, he's a dog. He knows what to stay away from. And so we're in a fenced-in backyard here. And we had not been here eight minutes when we hear, and we look over and he has a cactus sticking out of him. I mean, like a ball of spikes just sticking out of his sort of haunch and he's just kind of trying to get at it. And then, and then I really saw how bad I am in a crisis because she was holding him still and I was like, I'm going to prick my fingers. Like it was so spiky. And when I felt how deep in him it was, I was like, okay, she can't know how deep. Anyway. And then she took control. How deep. Just the spikes were like this deep in him. But you know, no, they were like, you really got in there. Was he bleeding? No, he was actually fine after. As soon as we took it out, we made sure nothing was stuck. And he just licked it a bit and then he was totally fine. But she sprung into action all, like all business. She seems like an action springer. A good, a good mommy. Yeah. Yeah. He's so cool. You have to, we took Biggie to the desert once and he kept getting into this one bush and he wouldn't leave it alone. And it was because a lizard was in there and it like swatted at his eyeball. And one of the dead eyes. He had three. He was just trying to get some life into it. He kept doing his eyelid and I was like, sum this up and I look at him and there's just three lines across his eyeball. No. Yeah. And I was like, oh my god. So he took them, they do like an ointment and then he was totally fine a couple of days later. But man, there's all kinds of stuff in desert. Yeah, the desert's scary. Yeah. When you guys go on a long drive, are you getting honked at? No, man. Are you going to slow? Do you guys have people swerving around you? I thought I didn't slow. I think you're going to slow. By the end of the trip, I was like, oh my god, I nailed that. And Atlanta was like, but we had three separate people honking at us. I was like, yeah, but everybody gets honked at. But no, I think I was too slow. What were you going? You know, it was nighttime on the highway in the desert. And maybe the speed limit's 60 and maybe I'm going 52. Okay. Yeah. 50. Yeah, they definitely want you to, I mean, I'm glad, listen, I'm glad you're being cautious because you're a new driver. Did you put the magnets on your car? I'm too embarrassed for you to come on, man. That's what those are for. The Mays Christmas present was magnet. Oh, no. A new driver. Mm-hmm. Be patient or something. New driver be patient. I don't want to be a magnet myself. Guess who wouldn't have honked at you, those people. She's think. I think. Now, here's my words of advice. I would try to just go the speed limit. Yes, okay. And then also, here's a thing that drives me crazy on the freeways. Okay. And I don't know if you were guilty of this or not. I wasn't sure. I'm sure. But a lot of people always forget that the left lane, that's the hammer lane. What's the hammer? You go faster in the left lane. Okay. That's where you'll find fortune, burn and rubber. That's right. Yeah. But it's also the path, it's meant to be a passing lane as well. So if you're a slow person, you gotta go to the right. Yeah, but when you're in the right, then people are merging into that lane all the time. I see. That's what you were doing. You were in the left lane. That's what people were honking at you. The left lane, and people do this all the time, is the fast lane. It's the pass and lane. It ain't the cruising lane. Okay. What about that? Oh, you know, Maize and the cruising lane. So if you're cruising, but you go to the right. But cruising for some chicks. Yeah. Yeah. So they're definitely gonna honk at you if you're going slow in the left lane, because that's the fast lane. What about, you know how when you, you're out of red light and you've got to turn right. It's, yeah. It's just your personal choice if you want to turn right or not. Correct? The standard thing that's agreed upon with everyone is that if it doesn't say no turn on red, you, and there's no cars coming, you do turn on red. Okay. So if you're just going, no, I'm gonna chill. But you definitely passed your test. Yeah. Listen, there's a, the thing about learning to drive is it doesn't prepare you for all the judgment calls. Like the, yeah, that is true. Split second judgment calls. But anyway, I'm really loving it. Like then, so the other night I by myself drove into Joshua tree national park and I went up to like by myself wound around and got out and sat and wrote my journal. Yeah. I was really dreaming. Oh, cowboy. And I listened to one song. It was the first song I've listened to in the car. And it was, take you like it. It's Ramsey Lewis doing cry baby cry by the Beatles as I could jazz. Oh. Listen to it and imagine me in the desert just clashed in it. Okay. Yeah, it was good. So I'm still trying to get a lot of firsts in with this car, you know, well, yeah, you're still learning, but clearly if you ask us any questions, okay. Okay. And by the way, I did meet two people in one of my meet and greet lines that had the, the phrase low cowboy tattooed on them. What? Mm-hmm tattooed on them? Two different, two different gals. Do they have it before? I don't know if it was permanent, but it was on their body. Whoa. And because we part of their body. Yeah. A little miss thing. And on the road, the arm, one was an arm and the other one told me she had one, but she would have had to pull her pants down. I bet. That'll shut up. Yeah. Just like, can you just step over here? And I was like, whoa, I got to remember to tell you all that low cowboy. Wow. And as a tattoo. Tattoo's thing is crazy. A woman once had like under her butt crease had got feel good in the font of the show. Yeah. But that was pretty interesting. And see, I got wayward under mine. Oh, you did on your butt crease? Yeah. Yeah, great. Underwear your boobs used to be way in the word. Yeah. Wayward chest. Wayward chest. I know because I'm casual about tattoos. Like it doesn't freak me out because I know I impulsively get tattoos. Sure. Sometimes it is a little, you don't know how to, someone once had a hashtag May Martin's property. Whoa. And the hashtag is what freaks me out the most. Why? Not the rest of it? No. Yeah. Why did I say that? No way. Yeah. I guess the hashtag is what the rest of it was totally made sense. That's amazing. The hashtag was weird. Now, that pushed it into weird territory. Yeah. That's when I had a few questions. I was like, okay, you need to explain this hashtag. I really didn't know how to respond. I'm calling the police in the moment though, because that's permanent. You can't go, what have you done? Like, so you go, oh, yeah, you have to be into it no matter what. Wow. Okay. That's not into it. You can't be like, I like everything. But the hashtag. Yeah. What's with that hashtag? That hashtag is freaking me out. But you're being my property. Great. Yeah. Again, line. Now, can you break down what it is that made you nervous or uncomfortable with a hashtag? Yeah. Well, I think because. Thank you, Thoreau. Yeah. So, um, modern. And it's so like, it's not timeless. Like a hashtag is like, at some point. Like if there was like a horse and carriage next to it, that would be more like maybe that really a little a monocle and a little. Oh, they've had this a while. Yeah. Yeah. There's just something about the hashtag. It's like our two modern. Yeah, we might not even have hashtags in five years. Right. Right. Don't say that may. Don't ever say that again. Don't man. Not cool. I can't imagine a word a world without hashtags. Thank you, Forgins. Listen, God willing, we will have hashtags until the day we die. We will have hashtags. Till the day we die. Hashtags forever. Thomas, record them. Amen. Good Lord. By the way, our song was a hit. Oh, my God. So how are you? How are you qualifying hit? I had people stop me on the street the day came out. I swear. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I swear. What are you doing in the street? Yeah, I was walking. I was walking. I was making a swear. When I say people, I mean one girl. But still, it was a day came. So we had a song that we, the handsome man finally got together for and saying over the holidays. And a bonus app for you guys. And she goes, I just heard the song and my friends and I text each other and we're like, oh my God. We love this song. That's great. It's a hit. It's a real hit. It's got something for everyone. As I'm accepting our Grammy Award I'd like to thank Mr. Thomas. We got to come up with a new Grammy Award category that's like podcast host making songs for advertisers. It's really neat. It's just us. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think our band has a real future. I think we got legs. Well, we got gams. That's for sure. Yeah, we got wheels now. We got gams. We got wheels. We got gams. We got two tits out of six. Yeah. Now, also when my sons heard the song and Stephanie, our whole house couldn't stop singing it. Really? It is such a catchy tune. I mean. I bet if I had a family in my house they'd be singing it too. Yeah. For sure. Why did I say that? Well, I'll just put in feelers out there. I'll just put in feelers out there. Anyone has a family that wants made show up. Yeah. I would show up. I would show up. I would show up. You would love a family for sure. No, May would love. May said. They would love a family. Oh, okay. Yeah. But you know what I got to make sure that it's not just that I want to like, we're getting deep anyway. I got to make sure it's not just that I want to eat, babe. Yeah. So we're here for a little count. That's how you spank. May's property. Yeah. Hashtag girl. Hashtag girl. It's a big deep. I don't know. I just got to make sure it's not just that I want to like practice devotion in a way. You know what I mean? I got to be specific and discerning. You want to have devotion towards the right person. Is that what you're saying? You don't want to just be devoted to devotion. Yeah. And I never even thought I wanted a family till I met somebody I wanted one with. And so I'm like, okay, I can't now just be scattergunning saying, give me a family. I got to stay discerning. Don't be scattergunning. Yeah. I've never heard that. And then you meet somebody and you can sing. Hopelessly to go to you. Yeah. So, so because did you find yourself recently just like hoping to meet somebody with a that you wanted to start a family with, like, but not really being into the person? I just love, I do love love. And I, I, I can get almost spiritual about it. Like that, especially with, you know, yeah, like I think putting someone's prioritizing someone, putting their needs first, you know, but do you, are you, are you into the, what they call love bombing? No, I'm not a lover. Well, maybe people would say that I have been in the past in the past. But not on purpose. Just get excited. You just love the love. You're like, this feels good. And here's a lot of love. And so it exactly is love bombing. I feel like I started hearing this a couple of years ago. And well, so the definition of the, the difference between like affection and seduction is intent. So love bombing would be high warmth, low intent. So you know what I mean? For your, it's like constant texting gifts, talking for hours, but you don't actually have an intention of, of a relationship that we don't know yet. If you, how you really feel about that person, so you could go lukewarm, you know, sometimes the people go lukewarm on you, because then they realize they're not that into you. But then it leaves that other person going, what just happened? You were like, all about me. And now you're like ghosting me. Right. So there's a certain personalities that go in super hot in the beginning. And they, but they say things, and I don't know if they mean it or not, but they, they'll say things in the beginning of like, you know, I see my forever with you and like, you're the love of my life. I'm a kid, pregnant. But then, you know, it's only been like a couple weeks. Right. That would be good. That's a red fog for sure. That's a red fog. If you're feeling that way and you're like all in, I think then you should say hold on. Hold on. I'm sorry. Go ahead. You're all in on your new little honey bunny. Yeah. And you're going nuts. You're just like, this is the one. Yeah. And then, and then several mornings in a row, terrible breath. Oh. And it's not that you stopped liking the person. You're just struggling. It's one specific issue. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. Well, if your intent was that you really were, we're into that person, it wouldn't be love bombing. But now, maybe you just don't feel as strongly about him because that breath be stinking. And maybe if you really love, I mean, put a, a, a clothes pin on your nose. Yeah. You put a coat. Yeah. If you really love me, you tape up your own goddamn nostrils. That's right. Romans. Yeah. That's dead. Yeah. Well, I think we had one time someone asked about that on a, a mini episode. Hmm. We were showing off that you have a memory. Uh-huh. Like, what are you doing that happens? Do you tell them? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Remember. Yeah. And say you're a teller of things. You're like, hey, you got a problem. Hey, stink breath. Yeah. Um, what I like doing is making it a joke, you know? Like, Stephanie and I say the crap fairy swung by last night. You're crap fairy. Yeah. Like, it sounds like you ate. Exactly. Like, that's how I get to tell someone you're like, because it made me laugh to think of, um, it makes me laugh to think of a little fairy. Just like a little, um, you know, Disney fairy. And then like, you're sleeping with your mouth open and she comes over and hikes her prom dress up. Oh, it's her shit. And she has. Yeah. It's a crap fairy came by and oh my god, I love her. Yeah. So yeah, that's good. See you make it a joke. Yeah. Yeah. If somebody told me the crap fairy swung by, which I've been told, yeah. Hey, guess what? Hey, guess what? They don't phrase. Hey, guess what? I told you what. Crap fairy swung by last night while you're sleeping. And it's just funny, you know? If you can keep things light, then it's on the delivery. You know, that is a comedian. Yeah. You don't have like really horrible intentions towards this person. You're just like, hey, how funny. It's like Tinkerbell who poops in your mouth. Tinkerbell. Shoot in your mouth. Go morning. It looks like Tinkerbell shot in your mouth. It's all about the delivery. Yeah. And they're like hilarious. No, you have to say like it's exciting. Like, oh my god, you're not going to leave his song by last night. That's good. That's good. The crap fairy. She hiked up for skirt. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking that you're picking in a peaceful area of the park. Look out. I was halfway through my cucumber sandwich before I realized I was sitting in the middle of a disc golf course. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. Hearing good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability all state North American insurance company and affiliates North Brook, Illinois. It's time to refresh your space and make your home the best possible version of itself with way fair from furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials. Handsome loves way fair because they make it easy to find the exact items to fit your style, needs, and budget. 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You don't run with a stinky crew. I know. I like a squeaky clean crew. Squeaky clean crew. Yeah. Except if you're some of your friends have good intentions, they're wearing that natural deodorant. Which I do. Oh, you do? Of course. Yes. But some people that wear that stuff smell so bad. Well, does it work? If you never smelled when I've been with you, hello. You always smell great. Sometimes, sometimes people that maybe they're using the bad kind because worst thingy, worst thingy, stinky. Yeah. I used to have a joke about natural deodorant. Yes. Tell it to us. Well, I would say this is my early days of comedy, but I'm not saying I wouldn't say it now. So I use natural deodorant. So naturally I stink. Thank you. I like that. Yeah. Well, she'll be one, TIG. Should we get to our question? Thanks, kitten. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. Yes, sugar, babies. Today's question, Asker, is a former professional soccer player who played for the World Cup winning American team in 2015 and 2019. And she hosts the podcast Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris. Ashlyn Harris is asking today's question. Oh, right. Hi, friends. It's Ashlyn Harris here and I have a question for you three. If each of you were to make your very own Handsome starter pack, what ridiculous items would you insist have to be included? Hmm. Handsome. A Handsome starter pack? Yeah. Good question. Is this a starter pack to being Handsome? It's probably whatever you interpret it. Yeah. I don't think Ashlyn's going to follow up and get mad at us if we... Oh, hey, you three. That wasn't exactly what I meant. Not what I meant. Did I talk to your producer? Okay, a starter kit for someone who wants to embody Handsomeness? Yeah. Hmm. Whatever that means to you. I like... There's something satisfying about a starter kit. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had a starter kit for anything, but I love you one. I'm like a box of goodies. Yeah. I do like a... I like it when I get a box and there's bunch of things in it. Yeah, I like things. Who does it? Mm-hmm. But like treats. I don't want like, you know... Objects? I want gadgets and objects. You want gadgets? I like treats. Yeah. Fortune doesn't want to open a box and get like, I mask and... Oh, I like that. Oh. You do like that? Okay. I'll get you an I mask. All right. What's in your Handsome starter pack? In my Handsome starter pack is... You know those toothpicks that are flavored like cinnamon? Yes. I do the greens that are the tea tree. Yeah. I haven't had one of those in ages, but that feels pretty handsome. Just one out of the corner of your mouth. Yeah. Of course. Probably a whole podcasting system. Yeah. Microphone. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe like a good... I was gonna say CD like for your car to play with the guy. Yeah, you gotta get a CD. Get a CD for your car. Yeah. Maze No Fool. Get a Maze Drive's a car now. And Maze No's was set up with cars. They had a CD player put in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you were trying to say Spotify playlist, but no, a CD's way better. I want to burn CD like to... When you take a date out in your car, maybe... Yeah, so maybe a mixed CD. And maybe some little like boy briefs. Mm-hmm. Oh, it's got to. Okay. Come up boy briefs. Stick a charcoal in a sketchbook. Yeah. In case you see anything that inspires your handsome handsome. Hands. Mm-hmm. I'm running out. If I missed anything, I feel like I can tell you right away. Oh, what I missed. Just a whole suitcase full of moustaches. Yeah, that's your handsome guy. Yeah. It's got to be a whole suitcase full of briefcase. A briefcase. That's probably his mouth's handsome. Luckily, I gave you some moustaches for the holidays. Lucky for me. Luckily, that was your secret Santa gift. And you know what else was lucky for me when I was... When I was nine. Oh. Eight or nine. My stepfather, who my son's called Cowboy Rick, he was getting rid of his briefcase. And I was watching him clean it out to put his papers in his new briefcase. And I'm standing there, a little eight, nine-year-old girl. A little girl just watching this happen. And then I said, Rick, what are you going to do with your briefcase? And he said, well, I'm just going to throw it out. I said, oh, could I use it to carry my books to school? No. Yes. So I carried all of my schoolwork in a briefcase to and from school. It's pretty. I mean, was that my coming out party or what? There were also a few Star Wars action figures in there too. Yeah, pretty good. There's something that I feel like there's like Max and Finner a chip off the block. Like there's something old, like old timey about them. Oh. A briefcase is very. Oh, Max is very old timey. He walks around our house playing with his yo-yo. You know, he's just, he wants a paper route. Yeah. Yeah. And he also, we have our neighborhood has a little newspaper that comes out every week. Oh, really? Just sit down and read the paper. I just like when papers were thrown on the porch like the thunk noise and then getting the rubber band off it, that was good. Yeah. Wait, I can't just have mustache, right? Probably have a briefcase. Yeah, briefcase. Got a briefcase. Got it. I'm got it. Got to have some natural deodorant. I don't know. I do. So I added it. I'm good for you. I'm probably, I'm probably going to use aluminum. Yeah, we're going to secretly replace it with Gillette. We're probably going to want to have a kitty city. Oh. In the briefcase? Well, no. Or the briefcase around you. This is in my starter kit, man. Right. I see. I'm picturing it all coming in the briefcase, but the briefcase is just one part of it. It's just one part of the starter kit. Yeah, it's three cats and then four dogs. Wow. Wow. In the starter kit. And also found out where the four dogs coming from, where are you getting those? Oh, you know, a dog. You're going to be running around with them up. You're running around with them for these kids. If somebody turns their head, I'm going to grab their little dog. I'm just around it up with the dogs. Also, you need to have an acoustic guitar. I know you got your synthesizer, but you need your acoustic guitar. Oh, you got it. Oh, you play. Well, you know what I'd play. I'd play a little closer to fine. I'd encourage people to come to my window. Yeah. Yeah. There's window vagina. Wow. Wow. Is that, is it a euphemism or an actual window? May do you want to, may do you want to get on another zoom? Yeah, I'll send you a new link. Okay. I got so quiet. Well, yeah. That's a fair question. This is a Christian show and you know that. I'll zoom out window. I'll be home soon. It makes no sense what you just said. No. I'll be home soon. Like, remember me? Like, remember me. Wait, what? Because even there's so much is like home. Okay. So my stashes of briefcase. Also what I would sing with your acoustic guitar. The best thing to say to you is not the ones I want to say to you. It's not that I want to. Thomas, do you want to get on another zoom? I wanna let you know how you're using it. It will be to show you how you feel. Wait, where's the part where he can't hold back his heavy metal side? More than words. I don't know. Okay, because he's like, ever, oh, he says, ever, ever let me go. He says it like something like that. Thomas, can you pull it up? I'm sorry. I just, if you can find that part, that ever let me go extreme. You know what I was? Lushus locks. Yes. If I had the acoustic guitar, I would say, I would sing, sorry, it's all that you can say. You know that song? Yes. Forgive me. Forgive me. Oh, what a twist. Yeah. I know it's in the park this same single song, but I just wanted to tell you something. I don't know what otherwise I would have sung it with you, my friend. Well, you can still chime in. I would say we do it again. I'm so sorry. I was so late to share a little bit. So sorry. So sorry. I don't know what either. You're not helping. I don't know it enough. Okay. Also, we probably need a gavel. Oh, that's important. Yeah. You need a gavel, a pineapple. Yeah, to stay a pineapple apart. Yeah. And if you don't know what we're talking about, go back to episode one and catch up to now. Yeah. Sorry to yell at everyone. We haven't talked about being a pineapple apart in so long. No. That was a classic. Do you remember the origins of it? It's your dance. Yes. My middle school dance. Yeah. And they told you guys that you all had to stay a pineapple apart. Yeah. What? And Miss had a pineapple and she carried it around and she would put it between us. Oh, it is, Miss. I think she's thriving as far as I know. She was in a secret relationship with Miss. I should have a saying this. Love a secret lesbian relationship back in the day. Wait, were they lesbian behind men's backs or just behind the school's beds? I think this travel companion. Yeah. It was like an Anglican school and they were, yeah, they just, they were, everybody knew, but they just weren't open about it. Yeah. I think, I think that's changed. I think, yeah. I love it when two ladies that are single just run off together into the woods. I had friends in junior high school who lived on the same cul-de-sac. No. And their moms. No. We're having an affair. Oh my God. This is the biggest at-at-town gossip. I don't want people cheating. I'm talking about single people. I'm not, listen, I'm not here promoting cheating. I'm just telling you. I'm telling you what happened. That is scandalous back then. Okay, but listen to me. This was the 80s. I know. And so these moms got together. In fact, I think I tell it as a story on one Mississippi when I act as a DJ. So their moms get together. Leave their husbands. Whoa. And one friend moves in. She's their best friends. The daughters are best friends. The daughters who are my age. Oh my God. Wow. So their parents break up. Uh-huh. And then the moms move into one house. And so do the daughters. And they don't know their moms are gay. They're just like, wow. We get to have a sleep over every night. This is awesome. We just told the daughters y'all stay in this house and we'll go to the next one. No, no, no. The daughters moved in with the two moms. Yeah. And they still didn't know. No. And they stayed on the same cul-de-sac. Oh my God. And then did the what happened with the husbands? And they're still together. Oh, that's nice. They are still together. And I remember as the years went by, every time I rang my friends. And my mom came to the door. And her mom came to the door. She got butcher and butcher every year. I'm, I'm, I'm picturing it as a mom. I'm just kidding. Hang on, I gotta check my, my page. The hair, just getting shorter and shorter. Oh, truly, truly. That's truly, wow. But they are still together to this day. Unless something happened in the past couple of years. But I don't think, I don't think so. And they still live in that town? I don't know where they live. But I think, you know, everyone's come around. And I think the dads kind of like, they get together for whatever, you know, it's, it's crazy. It's, it was Texas in the 80s. Oh my God. That would have been the biggest scandal at the time. But did the kids at school find out or did everyone just think they're roommates? I think everyone just thought they were roommates. I mean, I didn't quite, I didn't even know what I was gay. And I was just like, why is my friends, my friends mom just seems different. I just couldn't put my finger on what was happening. She seems handsome all of a sudden. Yeah. And then I hung out with my friend, one of my friends, years later, like in our 20s. And she just told, she was like, oh my gosh. And then it caused weird friction with her and her friend because there, you know, there were secrets. Nobody understood what was going on. But everyone was doing their best. I'm sure everyone's still doing their best. Yeah. But it was really, it was very bold, very bold, very bold and not common in the area. Thomas, did you find the extreme song? Yeah. Back to that. Yeah. Okay, this is where, we're trying to find the moment where his voice becomes very close from like soft, you have me. No, where he says never let me go. I just did that. But it goes from like an acoustic sing along to I can't hide that I'm metal. Did it happen? No. No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Everyone does a little bit. No, that's not it. No, but I've been enjoying this. It was delightful. And you know, he became the final lead singer of Van Halen. Really? Oh, really? I don't know that. Yeah. That's cool. It went Davidly Roth. So then it went Sammy Hagar, huh? We didn't hear the, we didn't find the part. No. Never let me go. We cannot move on. Why don't I tell you mine? That's a great idea. That's a great idea. I haven't thought about it at all though. Should we go back to Thomas? No. Well, I feel like I do like our original handsome us in suits. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. I think we got to have a suit in there for sure. You're right. You guys smell good. I want to smell good. So not the natural deodorant. People can hear you even when you whisper like that, fortune. I'm going to put in my Cologne Mont Blanc. Oh, yeah. That's the Cologne that I like. What is that? It's a poem. It's a poem. Like men's Cologne? I sure do. I sure do. Get up here in my neck, girl. Oh, my God. I wear flowery. You know, I don't wear anything. You wear, you wear a black color. I wear black color. I wear black color. I wear a polpari on you. I don't really like sense. I like to smell good. Okay. And so that's definitely one of my handsome pack. Okay. Um, Biggie, since you're bringing a bunch of random dogs, I might as well bring Biggie. They're not random. I love each and every one of them. I feel like you just grabbed one of the dogs. When people weren't looking. But Biggie's going to be there. And he's going to have an old suit too. And his suit's going to match my suit. And I wear it. I'm going to be so handsome. And fortune just because I practice puppy snatch. Yeah. No one's looking. Doesn't mean I'm not attached to these dogs. I know. I know how you are in with animals. I get it. I also have a nice pair of sunglasses. One that I hopefully didn't break with my belly. Yeah. And then I'm sitting on my lap. Um, so some sunglasses. And probably some curl cream for me. Oh, curl. I'm going to keep them curls tight. Yeah. And a vibrator. Fortune. Oh, yeah. Vibrator is a good idea. I like that. It's kind of transgressive. It's like hand, the way to be handsome is a dainty little vibrator in your pants. It's a little tiny one. Well, like keychain. What about a strap on? I'd have a, I got, I'm putting a big, I'm putting a big old strap on in there. I got, I'm sorry. But I got to take you. You don't make me right now. It's the most handsome thing I do. If you don't make me right, this instance. Oh, thank God. Where'd he go? Thomas has got this queue lined up that I don't even really understand what we're looking for. But does Thomas have rock and roll? I think I've got it. I can't, you have to make me read on that. You have to like tee it up with like some really nice. Okay. And then, oops, I'm actually heavy metal is the moment. Okay. Look how handsome he is. Here it comes. Stop singing. I can't help the man here. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Okay. He's like, you know, I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. He's like, yeah, I think he was confusing because you said never let me go. And it was, though, ever let me go. And that's what he said. Fortune. Step away from the mic. Take five. Yeah. Take five. Go on a little walk. I think we didn't know what you were referring to. Okay. Well, this is this guy. And let me go. And then he goes back to you know, he's got his little acoustic song, but you can't hide rock and roll. No, baby. You can't hide it. That's what this mustache is. Is there anything else that we've left out of our handsome starter packs? Well, I kind of want to hear what Ashlyn has to say because Ashlyn is very handsome. Yeah. Ashlyn's good looking. Very good looking. Just like me kind of look exactly. Yeah. We all like if you merged our faces, we actually have curly hair as well. So let's just very similar. You think three of us blended equals Ashlyn there. Yeah. You just kind of like squint. Put all of our faces together. We have chisel features. We have features. We have features. I want to see it. All right. Let's hear it. So I would say a gallon sized water bottle because at this point, it really is my personality. And I'm either highly over prepared or deeply under prepared and there's really no in between. Oh, I'm hydrated. My starter pack would have to include chapstick. Yes. Without it. Yeah. I think my last item for my handsome pack would be a sexy tool belt because I don't really know how to use a drill, but I like to look capable. Yeah. I'm going to do a sexy. Yeah. He's going to look at Ashlyn and think this chick can't handle a drill. That's right. No, I, but yeah, I like that. I like the tool belt. What was the first one? Oh, yeah, water. Also, what tool belt isn't sexy, Ashlyn? That's my question for you. Yeah. A question to thank you, fortune. You guys know what else should be in the hands of starter kit that I forgot about. Madlibs. Alex. My Dupuffa. Dupuffa. Yeah. So, you can't have, you can't have any bags in your eyes when you try to be handsome. No. May. Ashlyn has a chapstick, but you have your lip taint. I have my lip taint. Oh, you also got your clear stuff that goes on your face. Clear my eyelashes. Clear my eyelashes. Clear my eyelashes. Clear my eyelashes. My mascara. My eyebrow tints. Yeah. Tints and taints. Yeah. Tints and taints. Tits and taints. No, not tits and taints. Tints. Tits and taints. Oh, I thought you were saying tits and taints. Wow, there's more merch for us. And May's big old, you know what? Oh, yeah. Guys, do we? That's in the tool belt, the May's wearing. Yeah, that's what we do. That's what we do. That's what we do. Do we? Do we get underwear, a ponty's made? underwear in the front by the crotch. It says grandma's problem area. And in the back, it says taints. Yes. Lip taint. Or just taint anyone. How about at the top of the ponties where the elastic is, it says grandma's problem area and that has an arrow pointing down. That's strong. I like that. You work on that design. How about that little tige? It's done. Yeah. No, we thought it all out. Your own pocket. Oh, we need a seamstress. Oh my god. Someone to make the ponties. All of our merch is made by a seamstress, right? Yeah. I think it's mainly the mice on Cinderella. Yeah. Well, we have another order. I can't do that. That's a guy. And then we end it. And then we write taint with the question mark or the bottom on the table. Okay. We're going to do it, guys. Hap to, haap to. Okay. Also, I just want to make sure everyone is aware that there's some changes. I know we have to wrap up here, but I know I've been calling my house Kitty City. Yeah. And Kitty City is also the gaggle of three. Uh-huh. But I also want you to know there's a new name that I've started. Oh, okay. And it has really taken off. Because these three cats follow each other everywhere. And they sleep and lounge on the bed all day and night. The three of them all together. Yeah. And I call them holder panties. Exhausted sausages. Oh, that's good with the accent, too. Yeah. Man, I'm always like sausages. I'll take pictures and send them down to Stephanie. I'm like, look at these exhausted sausages. Anyway, so I just want to let you know there might be some mention of exhausted sausages. That's good. I feel like that'll catch on with listeners. Like the icing morning fruit most days and people see post about it. I feel like people are going to start thinking that when they look at their cats. Yeah, because it can just be one. And it can also be a dog. It can be a cow. There just could be a person. That's right. And exhausted sausage. Yeah. And I feel like it's the closest to M&M I'll ever be. Because M&M can make anything rhyme. Yeah, he can. And I did exhausted sausage. Yeah, that is actually a very M&M style rhyme. Very M&M. Yeah. And I know that because my son's listened to M&M. Yeah. There's vomit on my sweater already. Mom's spaghetti. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted with chicken palm. What am I? Sausage. Sausages. That was a fun app. Yeah, it was a wrap. Yeah. It was a wrap. Yeah. It was a wrap. Yeah. What do you guys have coming up? Well, I had to unfortunately reschedule a few shows because I'm filming this movie. So we're sorting that all out. But I've got Ben Salem, Pennsylvania, which is my Philly stop, February 13th. Doing the Beacon Theater on Valentine's in New York City. So join me for some of that love in the air kind of night. And then Burlington, Vermont, San Diego, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Little Rock, Arkansas. Those are coming up. You can go to fortunefemes.com. I got this tour coming up. If you go to Maymart and .net, all the shows are listed there. I also, on the podcast, I said very confidently, guys, I really need to sell some tickets in Austin. I don't have a show in Austin. Oh, my God. That must be why the tickets weren't moving. Yeah, the show, I got a message from my, my tour promoter going, hey, May, Houston is the kind of slow show. Not Austin. You're not actually playing Austin. So yeah, there you go. Houston, come out in Houston, but Maymart and .net, I'm going to be on the road so soon. How about you, Teg? Also, we're on the road. Well, I've got Fayetteville, Arkansas, February 19th. I got Oklahoma City, February 20th. I got Midland, Texas, February 21st. And the list goes on and on. Please visit TegnoTaro.com. And if you have not watched the Andrea Gibson documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light, you better get on it. It's good. I'm very proud of it. I produced it. It's on Apple TV. Also, we've been talking about merch, but we have amazing new merch. Really neat. Like, if you wear this stuff out in the world, I don't know what people are going to think. You're going to attract other handsome listeners though. We have Fraud Trafia shirts, which I'm thrilled about. Fraud Trafia's dance academy. We have peanut butter, bitch t-shirt. Yeah, peanut butter, bitch. I can't wait for that one. Those are going to sell like crazy. And we have Fortune Marie exclamation mark t-shirts. Oh my God. Please get these send us pictures of you wearing them. I think it's so funny. And you can go to handsomepot.com for all that stuff. And by the way, we have these because everybody on Instagram page kept telling us they wanted these. And we listened and are delivering based on Y'alls feedback. Yeah. And send our new song around. And let's make that a Christmas class. Get on the charts. Just like Brian Carey. Yes. And until next time, keep it in handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at HandsomePod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a walk. What a walk. What a walk. What a walk. What a walk. What a walk. What a walk. That was a hit gun podcast. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking your new smart thermostat before going to bed. That's a sticky situation. For some reason, it programmed itself to heat the house to 90 degrees right at midnight. Yeah. Checking first is smart. Check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois.