EP 63: Kajun Kendra | The Craziest Story We Have Ever Heard!

Disclaimer. At Two Addicts in the Moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. All right, everybody, we are back to another episode of Two Addicts in the Moron. Two in one day. Two in one day. Yeah, man, we are knocking these things out today. We didn't change either. Yeah, no. Not changed. No, I'm like, dude, it wouldn't be us if we changed. But we got a guest that came to us in a very, I guess not unique, but kind of unique to us and that she watched us. She reached out. Reach out because we will reach back. And now she's sitting on our chair today. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Kendra Johnson, everybody. Thank you for coming. Of course. Thank you for having me and thank you for reaching back. Absolutely. Hey, look, we're all about helping people and you have one hell of a story from what I understand. Definitely. And it is one that needs to be told. And our goal here never wavers from wanting to help people. So we know that you feel very much the same way. Absolutely. And I can't wait to get into this with you. So you drove quite a bit of ways. You came here from San Antonio. Just a little bit. Yeah. Well, thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. That means a lot to us. That means a lot to us that you just watched. It means a lot that you're helping other people. Yeah. You know, if our testimony or anything that we've gone through can help at least one person, then, you know, even if it, if our addiction was. Of our own doing or forced upon us, you know, it's good to let other people know that today is not forever. Yeah. You know, I tell people all the time, no matter what it, what it's about moment by moment. Yeah. There's 24 hours a day. That's too long. Yeah. And get through this moment and then you can have a new moment. Yeah. So short term goals are important. Hey, man, that's that's I live. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I don't have the patience for those long, long, long terms. That 10 years down the road, I'm like, fuck, I don't know. I have no clue. But you give me like a month or two or three. I'm good with those goals. I'm weak by weak, man. So it's funny that you said, so I have a 16 year old son and he plays baseball and he really wants to play pro ball, but you're 16 right now. And as a, and I get that long term goals are typically younger and they get shorter as you get older because you just learned to manage it better. Right. Right. And so I always preach to him. I'm like, bro, you got to make the high school team next year. But you know, it's good that he can have long term goals now because absolutely dream big. I want them to dream big and I want them to, but also don't lose the side of the steps to get there to in between there. Right. You got to focus on the short term to get to the long term. And if you're just thinking that the long term is going to be there at the end, you're wrong. You've got all these things to do. So it's one of these, it's kind of a beautiful thing about the people who's come in here and sit down is just how much short term the goals become. How much more manageable you make them for yourselves. It's like, it never, it's one thing that I've taken and probably one of the big reasons, this is probably one of the big reasons why I was able to have that conversation with him. You know, just on a much larger scale. Yeah. So what was your DOC? So I, I've been, I've, I've two. So I've relapsed once. I originally got sober when I was 14. Um, and then when in 99, I got shot below me through my leg, kill my son. My son was on not even three hours and I went to what I knew. When used. Um, his grandmother went and got me literally. She said, no, she said, now you, now you have to live in his honor. You know, little bit of Haitian woman, probably 130 pounds, so I can wet. Yeah. And she says, it's not what we're doing. And I remember her literally straddling me going through DTS. And I said, my son's gone. Why? Why? My son's going. You know why? You know why? Why stay clean now? And, uh, she says, you got to do it in his honor. You got to do it for the future kids you'll have, you know, and of course, when you're in it, there is no fuse. It's just now. Right. Right. And, uh, so she got me clean, uh, November 15th, 1999. Okay. Uh, my sober date. I've, and, and I've lived in honor of my son, Luke, you know, so, and I, I try to tell people who've lost children that you, it never goes away. And I'll never say that it gets easier because it doesn't like I'll hear a song or I'll, I'll smell something. I'll think of my son. But I also have to remember that my girls are 23 and 24. And in honor of my son, I've raised them different because I know tomorrow is not promised. Yeah. You know, so. You live different when you, when you come to the other side, you know, right? You appreciate the sunsets and, and the sun rises and, and you're thankful just to have another day. Right. Just to do it again. That's a great point. Yeah. It's a very strong, very strong point. And what, what were you used? So you said 14 was 14. So, um, my mother, when I was five, sold me for it to her drug dealer for an A ball of cocaine from five to 11. I was sex trafficked. Wow. Oh my God. Yes. I was shot up with heroin. Uh, cocaine when I was taken, when I was three, uh, me and four of my siblings, uh, I got the court report from when we were taken from CPS and Mississippi. We tested positive for cocaine at three. Wow. Yeah. Whoa. So being an addict is what I knew growing up. It's not something that I chose to do. Um, but it was life. You know, it's what I knew. And even when I wasn't sex trafficked, when I got away from that, it was easy to go back to that because thing about drugs, they work. Yeah. Short term again, short term, very short term, but in the moment they work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But what we have to learn is we can get through that moment other ways. And that's the thing is, is teaching people that you're, you're still going to have that craving of numbness because it works. Right. But what you have to do is feel it with something that you find joyful. That's all you knew. It's all I knew. That's from five years. That was my whole childhood. Yeah. Man. That was my whole childhood. And I had gotten sober and, uh, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was Miss Wanda took me in the one that my, my, my son's grandmother and I had her grandbaby, you know, living in her house where son was there. Just kind of happened. And, uh, I stayed clean that whole time. And then when I lost Luke, I was why I was point. Yeah. And how old were you there? Uh, I lost Luke. I was 19. So I had 15. So he was like four. He was five. He was five. Yeah. I had him, I had him at 15. Lost him at 19. I'm so sorry. Man. But to me now, knowing what I've been through, knowing that it can help other people, I miss my son. Don't get me wrong every day. Right. But knowing that, you know, I do a lot with the women's shelter and team pregnancy and letting them know, you know, whatever you decide or whatever you've been through, if you just keep going, there's help, you know, there's there's people willing to help you. There's, there's things that like you never know your strength until you have the, till strength, all you have, you know. Well said. And, and, um, look, I'm a big fan of, of like in any situation, in any negative situation, what's the silver lining in it? You know, what can be taken away, what can be learned? You know, things like that. I always say you never fail as long as you've learned to lessen. Right. But for that to happen to you and for you to be able to find a silver lining in it, you are one remarkably strong person and that needs to be, you are definitely somebody that needs to be in front of a lot of people. I mean, for sure. And, uh, this is happening right now. For sure. Like here, in the United States, in Austin, Texas. Yeah. Yeah. All of Texas. Mm hmm. And everywhere. And this isn't that long ago. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I don't even know how to ask you when that started because you don't even really have a comprehension or understanding of that. No, I know, I know when I was five, I was in a Mississippi pageant and my mother was upset that I got third place instead of first place. Uh, two days later is when I started being sex trafficked. Whoa. So. And as far as, as far as being addicted, there's no, I can't imagine there's any way that you can understand, uh, that you are addicted chemically to something that's being forced upon you. Oh, it changes your brain matter. I've had my brain scan. Yeah. It completely changes, especially at that young. The way it changes your, your ability to comprehend a lot of things. Changes. At what point did you realize that you had, uh, issue with drugs? Like when did you recognize there to be a natural? When I, when I was, when I was 12, I was in my third foster home and, uh, I, I would run away. I would, you know, nobody wants to be in foster home. Right. The first thing everybody says when you're in foster home is you're not, you're not my family. You can't tell me what to do. Sure. Right. You know, and, uh, so about third time running away, um, by my grandmother, my biological mom's mom put me in rehab and, uh, I did rehab for about eight months and I had seen so many people who had loving families. Who were addicted? And I'm like, Monday didn't even like me. When you were 12 though. Yeah. I was 12, 12, 13. And, uh, I went through the rehab process and then I left Mississippi and went to Louisiana and I was homeless for about a year and a half. And Louisiana was working. I'd go down to the port and clean fish and then, uh, I'd go gas station, yeah. So my cleanup and I'd go work restaurants for cash and this one you were like 14, 14. Holy shit. I was sleeping in laundromat for about a year. It was a 24 hour laundromat and I would literally sleep in the laundromat, let myself in the bathroom. And I was like, that's where Ms. Wanda found me and, uh, she was like, Nope, you're coming home with me. Yeah. And she just took me in and 15. I got pregnant with Luke and, uh, I stayed clean until the day Luke died. And then she was like, Nope, not what we're doing. I'm telling you what, you've never lived until you had a little bitty Haitian woman go not on my watch. Yeah. Absolutely. So you didn't know her shit. This is just somebody that just ran into you. Yeah. She, she just God sent me an angel. Like an angel, right? She was my angel. She saved my life. Wow. Literally saved my life twice. It's always amazing to me when like I have a daughter, right? And I'll do anything for my daughter. Of course. But it's always amazing to me when, when somebody can take someone else's kid and treat them as if they came from them. Oh yeah. Because there's a different love when I think when you have a kid, rather like if destiny had a step, if I had a step son, I would still love him, but I think there's a different love that you're going to have for your own kid rather, but for someone to take you in and say, No, I'm going, I'm going to help you. I'm going to take care of you. And like that's an amazing, amazing woman. Oh yeah. The strength, the strength is in it's, and it's taught me to be the woman that I wanted to be. You know, I had my biological mom is who I never wanted to be. And then I had this woman who taught me how to love others unconditionally, like with just everything you have, you know, and I've done that for my kids friends. You always have a, you always have a home here. Sure. Yeah. Because it's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to take care of each other and we're supposed to meet each other where we're at. And I think that's what, where a lot of people miss it is it's easy to, oh, they're going through something or oh, they're an addictioner, but nobody ever asked why. Right. You know, nobody wants to know what makes you think that this is it. Right. You know, and we need, we need to get back to just all be inhuman and wanting to help each other. Right. That kindness, that care. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. Well, you felt firsthand what it's like to have an angel. Oh, absolutely. Like, I mean, I can't think of a more, I can't think of a more hopeless situation at such a formidable age, you know, at the age that you were. I can't, I can't physically think of another situation that is needing an angel like you needed one. Right. And I mean, it just, it's blowing my mind right now of what you had to go through to get to this chair right in front of us right now. And how many different ways that you must have paid this forward? Oh, absolutely. I mean, I, it's, it's insane to me. It's insane. Have you wrote a book yet? I've not. You should. You absolutely should. That's one of my things that I keep putting on the back burner, but my story is nowhere closer to your story. I'm thinking about he shouldn't like you have me tearing up. Destiny's crying. Like he's going to cry too, because he's already fucking held it back a couple times. I am. I'm a super big crack, but you absolutely shouldn't because like the place where you was at like the word to me, the only word that I can think of is hopeless. Right. Like if you're sold off at five until 11 and then you're going through all this and you're being forced to do this and drugged it, like how hopeless of a life is that? Cause that, and that's all that you knew, right? And then somebody comes along and says, you know what? I'm going to show you something different. Like that, that's an amazing story just in itself and your story doesn't in there. It continues to go on from there. You absolutely should write a book and let's not forget about losing a child in the most insane way. That's insane. It's insane. Like I, I tell a lot of people who come in here. There are, there is a need for what you went through and for people to hear it because nobody hears things like that, but there are people who are going through it and we're doing this podcast to help people. You should probably think about getting a microphone in front of yourself too. I'm just, I'm being, I've say that to a lot of people, but with you, I would say there is, nobody is going to sit in front of you and probably have a more trying story than what yours is. No, I mean, the point is not. Not really to, to prove scars. The point is to help. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I understand. I get what you're saying. So what I, what he means is anybody can sit in front of you and tell you something and you're not going to shame him. And you're not going to, you're not, there's nothing that anybody is going to tell you that you, that you are not going to immediately be able to comprehend and give them the appropriate, that's what I'm saying. Strength to get up and get through. Right. No, they're not going to say something to you that you're going to say, holy shit. Like, yeah, there's nothing, there's nothing. There was nothing on the plan to be able to come back from it after losing it. Look, my daughter, something happens to her. That's going to be a rough fucking time for me. I think I'm so far ahead in sobriety now that I know that I would get through it, but how I would come up on the other end. I have no clue. I don't know how it would change me. I know that I wouldn't get high from it because I made a promise to her that I would never get high again. And I got to live in her honor. And whether she's here or she's not here, I still got to be her superhero. Right. But to be able to get through it. And I love what you say. You're never fully through it because you're not never you lost it. You lost a child. You're never going to get over that. But you can get through it and then you can go help other people get through it. And I think that's the reason God puts us here on earth. It's not so we can do life by ourselves. It's not so we can go and prosper and make all this money and just live it. It's so that we can help each other. It takes a village. It does. It definitely takes it. It takes takes a village and we're supposed to pick the next person up. We're supposed to lift the next person. And sometimes somebody has to lift us too. That's that's what life is supposed to be. And I think that is I don't think I know that's the kind of person that you are. And I've only heard 10 minutes of your story. Yeah. I mean, I'm just blown away. So I want to just like kind of fast forward to what it is that you're doing now because you touched on it over over a taco in the kitchen here a little bit ago. But what are you? What are you doing now? So I I do a lot with the I do youth ministry and I try to reach out to youth whether of their hand or in their lap, you know, I always tell people when when I do youth counseling, youth ministry or anything dealing with somebody who's lost a child or sobriety or anything in life because let's face it. We're all going through life. Right. Life is life is life. Life is life. Yeah. Yeah. It's life. It's going to be life. But it's to let them know that no matter what you've been through and no matter where your home situation or your life situation or job or all of that can change, but, you know, you can either be the egg or the potato, you know, the same water that makes the potatoes off makes an egg hard. Yeah. You know, and you the one thing that we have is choice. You know, when I was a child, I didn't get to choose to be sober. I didn't get to choose to have a childhood, but now I can go to the zoo and act like a child because I have that choice. Right. I can enjoy the simple things because I have a choice, you know, and I tell people all the time, all you have to choose is the next 30 minutes. Yeah. Choose your next 30 minutes. Don't don't think about way out there because that's a long time. Yeah. If you'd have told me 26 years ago that I would have two adult children and a grandbaby and own a home. I'm the first generation and five generations to own a home. Yeah. I'd have been like, no way. You know, it's not extravagant. Yeah. You know, like, yeah. I'm not driving a Ferrari, but my Toyota's paid for his mom. Yeah, there you go. You know, and to me, I'm the richest person in the world because I have my sobriety. I have my family. I get to help other people, you know, and given back feeds my soul. Yeah. You know, when I go to the women's shelter, if I get a call, I don't care for 3 a.m. And they tell me that, Hey, you need to come. I'm there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm there. I got you. Because I know what it's like to need somebody. You know, I was that kid. And you know, if, if I see even kids that are not going through something, you know, just try to put a smile on their face. Yeah. Because I mean, animosity happens between humans, no matter your age. Just gonna happen, you know, and just if you can make somebody smile, make them smile. Yeah. And if you can help somebody, no matter what they're going through, you know, even if it's something that you can help them with or give them the resource to get the help they, I meant, information's free. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And there's a lot of people are, well, there's a lot of people walking around with a lot of it too. Yeah. You know, like you would, but, but there's so many people that are trying to gatekeep stuff. Yeah. And why? Yeah. Why can't, why can't we all be happy? Why can't you? Right. You know. And, and take happiness and the simple things. You know, I, one of the things that I love is live music. I, I love live music. And I go to reggae fest every year and a friend of mine is like, you go to reggae fest, you know, they, I don't like just cause they do it. Don't mean I have to do it. Yeah. I'm there for the music. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I'm blowing bubbles like, like a three year old. Yeah. You know, I got bubble eyes and I'm giving away bubbles. Yeah. I'm living my best life. Yeah. You know, and I love seeing people live in their joy. Right. You know, because at the end of the day, what, what all do we have? Yeah. You know, that's, that's a word I use a lot lately is joy. Yeah. I get a little joy. I used to say happy, but happy comes and goes. I can be happy for a moment. But when I, when I'm like, you can't take that joy away from me. That's right. Like I coach my little girl's volleyball team and we just went undefeated again. Again. Yeah. Again. And so much more important to him than her. It is. Yes. I live it. I'm living through her. And when they do something good that I've taught them and then they tell me afterwards I coached, I did it this way because that's the way you taught me. Like one of the little girls gave me a key chain the other day. It was, it was, it said behind every good player is a good coach who believed in them first. I cried. It was one of the best gifts I've ever gotten. And, and it's such a simple gift, but it meant so much to me. And that's the joy that I get that and when, you know, the, all the parents know that I used to be an addict. I wear it proudly. I don't, I don't hide from it. No. And when we go from one season to the next, all of those parents re-sign up their kid to play on my team. That's such an honor for me. It's like three and a half years ago, you wouldn't let me babysit your dog, but now you're, you're letting your kid sign up with me. I'm taking some of them to Kalahari tomorrow and their, their parents are letting them go with us. Right. That's, it's, that's the joy that I get that I can get from being sober that I never got when I was high. There's no amount of drugs that ever got me as high as that feeling that they give me. There's not one. It's the same as, is when, when we can reach out and, and offer, even if it's conversation to someone. Yeah. If I'm at the best gift that I've ever given anybody is just sitting with them. Yes, your time. Just, you know, and the non-judgmental just sitting with them. You know, that, that means so much to so many people and so many people just take it for, oh, they don't need my help. You don't know that. Yeah. You know, even if you've never been through it, sometimes just giving them the grace of being in their presence can do so much. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why when he told, he told me, I try and remain ignorant. You know, I'm the moron for a reason. Right. Like, it's not hard. Yeah. It's not hard to do, but I always be in the non-attic, non-recovered guy of this crew. I always try and remain a little ignorant to the people that we come on here. He told me a little blurb about you and what you just said is, is very powerful. The conversation, right? And that's kind of what we created and never thought we'd have so many people checking it out. But this is for you right now. Like everybody that we've ever had on here has incredible stories and has their own story and their own path. Yours is extraordinary. You're absolutely extraordinary person. Like a one of one human to be able to show up on the other end of what you went through and want to want to help. I was I was graced with having having my angel, you know. Look, man, now and now I live in her and my son's honor. Right. You know, and one thing about New Orleans is it's all about helping others. You could be anybody. Oh, man. And what a soul in that place. And it's a place that lives in you. Right. And the one thing I love is that it doesn't matter who you are. We're all human. Yeah. You know, yeah. And I try to to live that way everywhere. You know, it doesn't matter where you been, what you've been through, your status, your place, your religion, your, you know, sometimes we just need to see humans for humans. Yeah. You know, because none of us are perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm not anywhere. I don't want to be perfect. Yeah. But I am human. Yeah. You know, and that's what helps me to relate to other people no matter what they're going through. You know, and I can sit with people who have lost their children to multiple reasons. Mm hmm. And, you know, I'll be the first to tell you, I don't understand what you're going through, but I know the pain of losing a child. Yeah. You know, that's beautiful too. Yeah, I can speak to that. Yeah. Like you can speak to that. And that's helpful for someone. The same as in sobriety. I don't know. Everybody gets into addiction for different reasons. Everybody has different, you know, some do it on their own summer for summer, you know, bad relationships. It doesn't matter how you got there. The, to me, it's how do I help get you to the other side? Right. You know, what do you need right now to get you to the next 30 minutes? Are you from New Orleans? So I was originally born in Mississippi. Okay. I claim New Orleans because that's where I got my life. Yeah. Yeah. So you're born again. I was. I literally was. So New Orleans is again, an extraordinary place to me as well. I love that place. I love it. And there's always like two camps of people with New Orleans. They're like, oh, you've never been real New Orleans until you're like 14 and homeless. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've seen some dark stuff. I've only seen like, but just to me, like even the dirt and the grime and the, and it's like, it gives it some of its like. Soul. I give, well, no, but it gives it like it's, there's a charm to it. Yeah. Like as dirty and rustic and all of that as it can be, but it's real. And then the people there are real and it's, they're all just like super loving. I, I enjoy New Orleans a lot. Now I am a normie. So typically when people go to New Orleans, what are you going to New Orleans to do? You're going to get kind of hammered. The last, so I've been there twice. Both times I drank the second time was less than the first time. I think the next time I go back there, I don't want to have a sip of alcohol at all and just kind of take it. I'll give you a list of all things beautiful in New Orleans that you can go see and, and, and never even have to be on Bourbon Street. Cause as most people think is, you know, but there's so much culture and, and liveliness and just, and you don't really see it until you can see it. I tell anybody that, you know, especially the younger generation, don't go to your 25. Yeah. Cause, cause under 25, you're going to go and you're going to get hammered. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to remember it. Why are you going? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. Yeah. Wait, wait to your 25 and then, you know, go, go for other reasons. What a, I mean, like you talking and telling your story and being where you are, you claiming New Orleans kind of makes a little bit of sense to me. Oh yeah. Like, yeah. New Orleans is home. Yeah. That's where my, that's where my son's ashes are. You know, that's where, that's where I learned to live and die and relive again. You know, man. So as far as you getting sober, I mean, you, you dive in back in, was it like a, was it a long trek after your son passed away? Was it how? Yes and no. Um, so I went through DTs with a Miss Wanda literally on me going to DTs. So that's just detox. Yeah. And what were you detoxing off of? A heroin. Okay. First thing I did is when I tried out, cause I knew where to get it. Yeah. You're in New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, I lost my son. I didn't, why? What's the point now? Yeah. And, uh, like we kind of, he and I kind of raised each other. You know, that's a good point. Amen. Cause you were what 15 when you had him? I was 15 when I had him and I know he had a childhood. He's a baby, baby having a baby. Yeah. I never had a childhood. So, you know, we, he taught me the simple joys of life. Yeah. You know, we grew up together. Yeah. And, uh, so when I lost that, I was like, what was the point? And, uh, getting sober the second time was a lot harder than getting sober the first time. Yeah. I will, I will definitely, I'll tell anybody, you know, if, if you fail, it's not a failure as long as you don't quit. Right. You know. Yeah. Because everybody's going to have that moment where it's just going to be easier to give in. Right. It's going to be easier. It's the easiest thing we can do. Yeah. Just give up because it works. Mm hmm. You know, and, uh, but it's how you, you come to the other side of it. Yeah. You know, the work is harder. I'm not going to sit here and say the working harder, you know, every day is hard. I'm at, I'm 26 years clean and now I still have hard days. Yeah. You know, but that's when, you know, I'll post my sobriety date to remind others, you know, Hey, one more day. I don't care if all you got is 10 minutes, 10 seconds, 10 days, 10 years goes to the next 30 minutes. Yeah. Just keep going. Yeah. Being in rooms now a little bit, um, the, the, the 24 hour chip, that one's always the, that, that one's always seems like the hardest one. That is the hardest. That's the hardest one. Right. Like, I mean, it's undoubtable and I, I happened to be in the room where somebody took it and it was only, it's only been one that I've been in where somebody actually walked up as a young lady and I feel, I feel so bad cause I could have like in that moment gone up there with her, you know, and been like, I'll do it with you to not, you know, like I'm in the same boat, you know, maybe not the same boat, but we'll be in the same boat now. Right. Cause man, that had to be such a big leap. It's a hard one to go get. That's a hard one to go get. It is the hardest. Yeah. It is the hardest. And it's, it's the most recurring. Think about how many people get there and fall back and get there. That's right. Yeah. It's the most exact. That's the most, that's the chip that gets picked up the most. The most. And then, and it's not even close. And I tell people all the time, you know, when I'll have, I'll have people reach out to me and like, I can't stay sober. No, you can, you can, but you have to get the negativity out of your, your speech, quit saying that you can't because you're putting that negativity out there. You're claiming that you can't, you know, even the Bible says we claim it. It shall be ours. Right. I said, so quit claiming that you can't. You got to claim that you're going to. Yeah. You know, I said, even if it's for the next 30 minutes, you're going to stay sober. And then the next 30 minutes, you're going to stay sober. You know, the next few hours, you're going to stay sober 24 hours. Hey, guess what? You're there. Yeah. I have a buddy that used to always say, I'll get high tomorrow. Not going to get high today. Right. And then when tomorrow comes, he just repeats it. I'm doing it tomorrow. And he said it works. It's been working for me for a long time. Yeah. You know, but the 30 minutes or whatever it, whatever you got to say to work, I tell people, I don't care what you got to do. Whatever works for you. Yeah. Do, do what works for you. My, my biggest thing is what's not talked about is transfer addiction. I got off drugs. I got it with 580 pounds because I quit using drugs, but then I was eating everything. Oh yeah. Yeah. And that's what's not talked about in our community. Yeah. It's transfer addiction. You'll see a lot of people who get off drugs and then they bulk. Yeah. Yep. But it works. Yeah. You know. And, and what, what I've done is I poured myself into my children. Yeah. You know, I, I went from being addicted to not wanting to do anything to having my son and then lost my son. And then I went, got clean again and went to food. Yeah. And it wasn't until about three years ago that I was in a bad wreck that should have killed me. And I was told I was never going to walk again. Mm hmm. And I'm the kind of person just tell me what I'm not going to do. Yeah. So I can show you that I am. Yeah. That's good. You know, and that's when I started working on me. And you know, I kind of had a conversation with God about, okay, why am I here? Like everything that I've been through, why? And he's like, do you want to live or you want to be alive? Oh, and that's what a lot of people don't, don't get. Yeah. There's a difference between just being alive and existing for sure. And actually living, right? And I chose on one way. So that's when I started helping other people. I started, you know, I was told by someone who's very near and dear to me that God doesn't equip his ministers. He ministers to those he's equipped. Okay. And that, that right there changed my life because I've gone through so much and it would be a grave disservice not to hope others 100%. No, like, I mean, you're, you coming on here and doing this number one's like I tell everybody this that comes in here and I have a great deal of respect for it. You telling the story, you're making it seem really easy. And it's not. No, I know it's not. I know it's not like I have a great deal of respect for that. And, but it's so important that you do it. You know, I don't know if you watch Stephen Sheehan's episode, but he had something that really liked. I referenced this a couple episodes ago, but he said he had an insane story too. Possibly number two of insane stories. It's an insane one, but he, he went. Well, when all this stuff happens and you're internalizing it and you're trying to cover it up, you know, that's the devil working for you. That's the devil doing, doing the thing. He's like, but you know, if you think about somebody in the military, they are given medals for Purple Heart, you know, you get injured, Valor, Valor, Medal of Honor, and they put those on the outside of your jersey. So you can show that. He's like, these stories that all happened to me. I look at them as my medals now when I get it out in the world. I wear my son on my hand. Yeah. Yeah. That's my right hand man. He'll always will be, you know, it's like I've had people say, well, you know, all your, this is my canvas. This is my story. This is my life. Yeah. You know, I did a lot of ink therapy. Yeah. I did a lot of ink therapy. Couldn't tell. Couldn't tell. But, but if somebody else sees me and can relate to anything, that's the conversation starter. Yeah. You know, if, if that's what has somebody come up to me to talk tattoos and oh, I would, you know, I'm, I'm fighting with this. You know, if, if that's how God wants to use me to get that going. I'm for it. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. We, um, to that point. So I got this one from one of our guests. His name is Travis Sleeper. He's a tattoo artist, a really good one too. And so sitting on his chair, you know, like he's working on me for a long time. We're just chatting. We have similar common interests, but he's like, he's like, dude, I become a therapist pretty quick, like sitting here and, you know, just working and why who's Luke, just as an example, you know, who's Luke? Let's talk about it. Then you tie. He's like, bro, it's like, I basically go to a meeting every day. I show up for work sometimes when I'm, when I'm just speaking to these people, you know, that can relate to me and what I've been through. And, and then now I'm learning something new, like it. So that makes a lot of sense. Well, you never know whose life you're going to touch. No, right. You got to be willing to look for it. You got to be willing to look for it. You got to be open to it. That's right. That's the thing. Yeah. Cause sometimes it's in our face and we're not open to it. Yeah. Right. You know, sometimes you don't, you don't want to be the therapist. You don't, and I'm the same. I mean, I work over nights and I raised my grandbaby during the day and I have two adult children while they're in their twenties and I meant, I'm not going to sit here and say, man, I'm not tired some days, but it's kind of like going to the gym, you know, you don't always want to go to the gym. But once you get into that workout, you're in it. Yeah. You know, same with me when, when I get called to sit with somebody. You know, there's time. If I get called on there, I'm going to go and then I'm always grateful that I went. Yeah. Yeah. You feel proud of yourself. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's like, um, Well, it's also therapy for you too. I get so much healing. Yeah. I mean, it's sometimes I get more healing than they get. Right. Yeah. That's, that's what I always say is sometimes I get more out of it. Yeah. Then what I was putting into it and that's how God works with us, you know, because I've always been told that you, anybody can get sober, but what keeps you sober is paying it forward, paying it forward, paying it forward, paying it forward. It's the community. And I'm a huge believer of that and I'm a huge believer that the things that we went through, the things that you went through, if you went through them and you got through them, then it's a, in my opinion, and not everybody would believe this. I believe it's a waste if you don't go and show other people what you went through, then you can help them get through what they're going through. I think that's the reason God picked some of his strongest soldiers to put us through what we went through. And it's not because he hates us or anything like that, but because he's going to use us down the road to go help other people that need that same help that you got when you were 14. All right. I tell people all the time. The biggest question when you're dealing with, especially youth, is why? And I went through that. I went through a huge period where I was mad at God. Like, why? Why would I go through this? Why? Like, why? And it was only when I quit questioning why and went to, now what is your plan? Yeah. You know, because it's easy to question why. It's just like a child. When you, when you discipline a child, they're, you don't know nothing. Why? Yeah. They don't see that it's further long-term benefit. Yeah. You know, same with going through anything in life. I think I even tell, I had a conversation with my sister the other day. She was praying about something and I said, so are you praying to God for the outcome you want? Are you praying to God for his outcome? Yeah. I said, because sometimes there's a difference. Huge difference. Yeah. And I said, that's the thing is, you know, we're all taught to be faithful and to pray, but we're not taught to actually be faithful. Right. Because if it doesn't go your way, it still might go your way. Yeah. You know, my childhood didn't go my way. Right. Look at me now. Yeah. It's going your way. It's going my way. You know. So if you would care to, I want to ask you, what was your recovery process like for the whole thing? Like, because there was a lot of trauma built in there. A lot of therapy. That well, that's what I want to know is like, you know, what, what steps had to be taken for you? I mean, are you active in rooms now? I am active in rooms now and I'm still active in therapy. I've done a lot of trauma therapy. Uh, I, I still do therapy. I, I, I still call therapist, you know, and there's people like, you go to a therapy. Yes. I go to a therapist. Yeah. I go to a therapist. Yeah. No, I probably has a therapist. Yeah. For every year's story. What? But I think the, the hardest part was learning that it wasn't my fault. Well, because for a, for a long time, I was, I was mad at God and I was mad at my birth mom and I was mad at the world because it happened. And you know, going through sobriety, one of the things that we have to do is forgive and ask for forgiveness. And that was my hardest part and learning that me forgiven her wasn't for her. Yeah. Because I think we let, we like the night negativity hold on to us. If we don't let it go, doesn't mean you have to forget it. Mm hmm. Doesn't mean that I have to let her back in my life. It just means that I can't hold on to it. And there, there's too many circumstances where people, well, I'm this way because of, you know, you're grown now. You can choose to, to do other things. That's a great point. And, and it's, it's what you choose to do in spite of what you've been through, you know, and that, that's where we lose a lot of people is too many people are because of what happened to me or because of our, you know, it's easy to point at somebody else, but you have to internalize and I've gone through massive trauma therapy. I've did rapid eye therapy. I've done six, seven months of being institutionalized. I've been on where I was medicated for a while. Um, I've done behavioral therapy. So it's, it's a lot and, but the work is hard. I'm not going to say the work's not hard. The work is extremely hard. And when you start processing trauma therapy, the first thing you want to do is quit first thing. Like it's, it's easier to not be sober than do this. It's really easy. You're not to be sober to do this. Well, that's why drugs exist as well. Cause they work. That right there. Yeah. They work. So, but once you get to the other side of therapy and you continue therapy, you, you learn that not everything that happens to you happens to you because of you. And you also learn that you get to choose and make other decisions. You know, and sometimes those are little choices and some things are big choices, but at the end of the day, you have to choose your heart, you know, being sober is hard. Sometimes being an addict is hard. Yeah. Yeah. You know, being an addict for me was really hard. Yeah. It's harder than not being an addict. Right. So, but therapy, therapy isn't for everybody. There, there are still people that, you know, It's just about to ask you that. Yeah. There, there are a lot of people that I'm, I don't do that. That's a choice. You're choosing your heart, but how do you know if you don't do it? All right. So I tell everybody try it at least twice. I was a big believer and I didn't need it. And then one of my buddies that I met through the rooms, he was like, it's another, it's another tool and your tool belt. Why not try it? And when I went and tried it, the first time it was little, then I went back and I went back and I was, then I started seeing like different results from it. And I was like, oh, you know, cause we're taught, especially men, that we don't need no fucking therapy. I'm, I'm okay. I'm too. That's, that's for when I'm man the fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But then, and you don't want to tell people I'm in therapy because God forbid someone know you're in therapy, but when I started going to therapy, I started telling people around me like, man, you should go to therapy. You should go to therapy. Not that they need therapy, but it worked. Everybody needs everybody fucking needs it. I don't want to be everybody. Yeah. I mean, I, it's like, um, I think for therapy is a lot like getting sober. Right. You can go to rehab and be forced to do that. Right. And it's not, and it's not going to, it's not going to compute. It never does for anybody who's ever sat in that chair that was like made to go. Right. If you're made to go to therapy, you can sit there in that chair and dictate that conversation any way that you want to go. So you will get out of therapy, what you put into it. Well, I think, I think to what you said, getting new tools in your tool belt is, is what helps the hard not be so hard. Right. You know, when all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. All you do is punch holes. You had a bunch of good one-liners, man. I got a bunch of holes. I got a bunch of holes. I had a lot of therapy. Yeah. I had a lot of therapy. You got a lot of good one-liners. Yeah. I've had a lot of therapy, but I think, you know, that's, that's why the, the community works so well. So, you know, because you have somebody to lean on who doesn't give you that judgment, you know, because that's the, I mean, when you get in a room, you know, everybody's been through something. Yeah. You know, there's, there's no judgment. Leave that door. Right. Yeah. You know, and I think that's what helps. Yeah. That's huge. The community for me was huge to be able to, like on the days that I had my daughter, those days were going to be easier because I have her. I'm going to lean on her. Even though she's six, I'm leaning on her hard, but on the days and the nights that I don't have her, I've got to fill a lot of that time up. That's when you got to get out of here. That's when I got to get out of my mind. And I can't sit in this house and be in my mind. So I'm going to go catch a meeting. I'm going to go catch another meeting. Oh, y'all are going to go fellowship afterwards. I'm in. Yeah. I'll go eat with y'all. I'll go do whatever I got to do. And then hopefully by the time all that ends, it's 11 or 12 at night. I'm ready to go to bed. I'll come home, go to sleep and rinse and repeat the next day. The community for me was huge. One of the things I do when I go to another town, I find a meeting. You know, one of the things that I love that COVID gave us was online meeting. Yeah. Or the access to be able to Google where a meeting is at. Yeah. You know, and you never have to worry about, am I going to be welcome? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was a, um, I think it was Tamara who talked about going on vacation with family in North Carolina. They, they live here when North Carolina and it's like kind of in the middle of nowhere, not, not a big Metro city of North Carolina. And, um, she was just like, you know, a couple of the people that were there with them were drinking and it was just, she was overwhelmed at a point and she found a meeting and like nowhere isville, North Carolina in the, in the middle of somewhere. And she was like, there were like five or six people there and it was exactly what I needed. And if that wasn't there, I don't know how that trip would have ended up. It probably would have ended up with some kind of blow up or, but that carried me through the rest of the time. So. I, I met up in Colorado a few years ago with a bunch of friends and we had a whole itinerary and one of the things they did was a wig run. Well, I didn't know that that was actually a bar run. Yeah. Drink was never my thing. Yeah. Like that wasn't my drug of joy. So I was like, I probably could go and just be moral support. And then I thought about it and I was like, you know, I'm, I'm going to sit this one out and, and I'm going to go to a meeting and I went to a meeting in Colorado and I meant I gained two friends from that. That, you know, I'm still in contact with it. I would have never known had. Yeah. So it's the most welcoming place that you can go to. Absolutely. It's like, to me, it's like when I go to church, I feel God. When I go to a meeting, I feel the people and God. I feel something. God's work. Yeah. It's something totally different and it's, there's no judgment. Like you said, it's so welcoming. And anybody in there is willing to help you. That's the crazy thing for me. When I first got in, I was like, I got to introduce myself to people. That sucks. They don't care who I am. They don't care about, but then they get your phone number and then they're texting you to, you know, saying, Hey, how are you doing? Like how's today going for you? Reach out to me if you need something and it's mind blowing. It really, especially if you've never had that or if you've never like, I never thought getting sober, I would actually become, get more friends than I've ever had. Does that make sense? Get more family. I've gotten more family. Yeah. And because it's, it's no matter what people. It's an odd combination between church and therapy. I've said it before. It's a, but unlike church where they're in my experiences in churches, there is a lot of judgment for someone who has gone through what you went through or what death went through. You know, there, there can be judgment in the eyes and it could be silent and uncomfortable as hell, you know, but when you go into those rooms, none of that shit exists. Like that's what I'm saying is like, so you walk into that and to me that personal opinion, I'm not a church goer or very religious guy, but that was a way better vibe to me than any church I've ever walked into. Oh yeah. So. I tell people all the time, I don't, I don't care your religion. I don't care what God you believe in. I believe in humanity. Right. You know, what do you do when nobody's watching? Right. How do you sit with people when they really need you? Yeah. How do you show it for people when they really need you? That's it. Yeah. Right. For sure. That's it. I mean, that, that's how God works to us. Mm hmm. Well, he's working through you and has been for a very, very long time. We have to, we have to help each other. So I'm going to ask you a quick question here. What would, what would the person sitting there right now give? What kind of advice would you give to the 19 year old? To 19 year old me. What would I say? Yeah. Right. Right after the, the incident where you lost your son, where you lost Luke. Um. I would say that it's not the end of your story. You know, it's the story is not over until you say it's over. But if you keep going and, and you find the strength and sometimes you definitely have to dig deep for that strength, but it's there. Know that it's there. I know that there are people that will lift you and help you and know that there's always somebody that you can call. You know, there's and sometimes that's all you need. You just need somebody to sit with you. Just, just be there. You don't do nothing. You don't say nothing. You just gotta be there. Mm hmm. Sometimes that is the best thing you can ever find in another human is just them being with you in that moment. Yeah. Just hanging out. There's just be there. Destiny gets on my ass sometimes cause she'll tell me like a problem she's going through and I want to fix it. Right. I'm a fixer. You're not supposed to fix it. You're supposed to listen. And that's what she tells me. She's like, look motherfucker. I don't need you to always be, be saving me. I just need you to listen. And I just need you to tell me, Hey, it's going to be okay. All I need. Tell me I'm going to get through the next 30 minutes. Yep. That's, that's beautiful. Yeah. And I'm still learning that cause I want to fix everything and she's like, you don't have to fix it. You just have to tell me it's going to be okay. I always say like, we never know what people are really going through. And like I'm very quick, especially when I'm driving, when someone cuts me off. I'm like, fucking out of beat his ass. But then like the person that I am now, I'm like, you know what? I don't even know what he's going through. Maybe he's racing home to get to his wife that's pregnant or maybe he just had bad news and he's trying to get home. I don't know. So I don't, I don't even let that shit bother me really even. Maybe is an asshole though to be fair. It could be. Now if he flips me off, that's a little different. So, so, so what I always do and it's taken me a while driving in Texas, but when people road rage, I pray for him. Yeah. Yeah, I don't get it. No matter what you're going through. I don't get it. I don't get the whole road raging thing. Like I, as a matter of fact, I kind of lean into it sometimes. Like I can tell it like, give an example of me being kind of a dick, but, but the dude like kind of made me do it. Yeah. Like I just finished it. I'm like in a lane and he just zoomed up on my ass. It's like now he's riding my ass and I can tell he's doing this shit. Like before I can even make a move, right? Like he came up hot. So I'm like, I'm going to slow down. So I'm looking slowed down a little bit and I'm letting him just lose his shit. And then I see him about to get over like to co around me this way. And then I just fucking put my blinker on and I get over and he drives by me and I'm pointing at him and laughing like as he, he's like, and I'm like, like I just, I was such an asshole at that moment. Dude, I'm so lucky that dude didn't have a gun. Like maybe he drove off and prayed for you. He want, no, he wanted to shoot me. That guy wanted to shoot me for sure. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Well. A remarkable, remarkable story. I know I've said that several times, but I can't, I can't like get over it. Uh, this is like you are a prime reason of why we did this. So I want to ask you, how did you find us? So I actually, um, was trying to help a friend and I looked up addiction on Spotify. I was looking for an audio book that I had listened to years ago and your podcast popped up and I was like, huh, I'll work over nice. Got my your phone in on it. Let's, let's give it a listen. And I was like, I can relate to a lot. And then I just kept listening and then I told my daughter about it and she's like, mom, they got, they have a whole thing on YouTube cause she's 23 and you live on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, so that's how I found you. It's awesome. That's super cool. So let me ask you where we need to be. And sometimes it turns the light on. I was able to share it to other people and that's when one of my friends was like, Hey, you should reach out to them. And I'm like, no way. Yeah. I'm so happy you did. I'm so happy you did too. So something that I really, something that we, oh boy, just wanted to do when we started this podcast is shine light on the sex trafficking because people don't believe that that really happens here in the United States. Oh, it does. And even better, it happens here in Austin, Texas. It happens in some of these hotel, these hotel rooms, these motel rooms that I used to go to. And do you work with any organizations that help? I work with several organizations. I work with a few undercover organizations that the goal is to send some money in to rescue. Yes. And I think that's, that's the hardest is a lot of, a lot of who sex traffic these days are runaways. And, you know, then they get caught up and I, I've set with five or six people who were put into the sex trafficking from their boyfriends. You know, and it's mind blowing that we have so many youth who society has told them to think so little of themselves that it happens, but it happens. And sometimes it happens without them realizing the signs of how it's happening. Right. And next thing you know that they're just in it. Well, sometimes they're using together and then that's how they start trying to get drugs and stuff. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'll just sell you off for a little bit of drugs and this is what we need to help us get better into the next day. Let me help you. Yeah. Let me help you. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's, it's, it's amazing that it happens and it's amazing that so many people of, you know, like addiction is becoming so, I wouldn't say normal, but it's more normal than what it was 20 years ago. Oh, absolutely. And people are starting to realize and not turn their back on it. They're start because he says it all the time either you know someone that's an addict or you're directly affected by someone that is. So are you've lost somebody? Are you lost somebody that was you love someone who is or was it? Yeah. And he says it all the time. And I think people are starting to open their eyes to it more. But to sex trafficking, they're still not opening their eyes to it yet. And because they think if they don't see it, it doesn't. It doesn't exist. Right. And it does. And let me make this perfectly clear just so people can understand. Not only is it happening. You were five years old. This, this happened from five to 11. I mean, it was, it's how I grew up. It's all I knew. Yeah. So open your eyes. Oh, open, open your eye. Oh, open up. Open up. And hopefully a lot of people see this. I hope so. There's a guy we follow. Is it Simon Cross? Yes. That he does. Uh, we fight monsters. Mm hmm. And that's what he does. He raises money for people to go in and rescue these kids and get them out of there. That's one of the, he does, he does a lot of things in sobriety too. But that's one of the things that he does is he raises money for people. Like military people to go in and rescue these kids and get them to safety. Yeah, it's, it's a lot. And a lot of people, we lose so many people to the sex trafficking that, you know, I personally, um, there's a girl that was sex trafficked who went back to sex trafficking because what she knew. So she knew and then she ended up purposely OD in herself because she thought there was no way out. Yeah. And you know, we lose so many people to addiction and OD and because they think that that's all there is. Yeah. It's not like reach out. Don't, don't think that everybody's going to judge you. Yeah. Go to a meeting and reach out. If you don't feel safe anywhere else, find a meeting. Go to you and reach out. Like always. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like let's put a face with the name. Like always come to me. Like if, if you're needing someone to relate to in this arena. Yeah. Right here. Like that, that is. There's not another woman that I would say that could relate better to you. Yeah. I'm, I'm, you know, I think we need to let people know that there are people that will help you. Mm hmm. Yeah. I think when I got sober, that was the thing that that was. That I didn't know about as I was like, okay, well, I want to get sober, but I don't know how and who the fuck's going to help me. And it was insane. How many people were willing to help? Oh yeah. It's insane. And anybody that's ever went through it. I feel have that empathy for somebody that they will absolutely try and help them any way they can. And if you've been sex traffic, that's something on a totally different level. It, it, it changes your soul. Yeah. It really does. Well, I mean, at five, what do you mean? What do you, this is just, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is normal. Right. I mean, that's the only, I can't even, I can't even imagine it. It changes our young women to the point, you know, and, and men too. There are boys that are put into it, but for women, a lot of it is society is telling you, you have to wear makeup. You have to this, you have to be a certain size. You have to, you know, I have a daughter who has lupus and she started to lose her hair. It's not shaped my head. Yeah. This is for my dad. And I've had so many people, why would you do that? It's just hair. Yeah. Just hair. Not to be gay. Okay. Just just hair. Yeah. You know, does it, does it bother you because it doesn't bother me? Yeah. I actually like it a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's hot in Texas. Yeah. It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's hot as shit in Texas. This is nice. I do it too. But, uh, you really see how other people judge other people for little things, you know, and the same with when I was big, you know, it's 580 pounds. And now to see how people react that I'm not, but you can't change someone else's how they think, right? You know, you can only change how you feel about you. All right. And that's the message that I'd love to give everybody is you determine yourself. Nobody can tell you you're not good enough with you. Yeah. So I tell people all the time, don't talk to my best friend like that. And they're like, huh, I said, would you talk to me like that? And I'm like, no, why are you talking to my best friend like that? Yeah. You know, and that's how a lot of people get into even some addictions. They don't feel that they're worthy enough or not good enough or, you know, especially sex trafficking. You know, they run away because they're mad at whatever and life and, you know, life sucks, but life on the other side could suck too. Yeah. But what are you doing for you for now? Well, especially when you're, when you're raised that way, right? Like it's not, it's not like you had parents that were like, Hey, this is the right way and the wrong way to do things, right? And you didn't have somebody to look up to that was able to show you like this and it's like when Destiny did her, her episode, she talked about not having a man in her life, like not having a dad. It affects a woman because I'm not shown what a man is supposed to treat me like. I'm not shown that someone's supposed to open doors or do this, do all those little things. I'm shown that a guy is just a piece of shit and that's how he's going to treat me. And that's just what it is, you know, and for you to be able to come out on the other side of that, you absolutely should write a book and you should have some mentally at, I mean, you should get in front of it. This is a thing that we need to kill the whole sex trafficking. And unfortunately there's not, there's not groups for it like there is for sobriety, but there should be. That, that, well, there, there are actual meetings, but a lot of people don't. They still live in the shame of it. Yeah. And it wasn't until I went through years of therapy to realize that I was a child. Yeah. I'll choose to do that. No. You know, no, that was not your choice. Even, even if I would have been in it as a teenager, you don't have the mental capacity to, that wouldn't be a teenager. Nobody, nobody stands up in fifth grade and says, I want to be sex trafficked when I'm old, right? Right. This just doesn't happen. Um, but I think that we need to teach society to get rid of the stigma of. You know, sometimes what you've been through doesn't, doesn't make you who you are or any less of a person. Right. Actually makes you a stronger person. In my opinion, when, when some things that we survive definitely make you strong. Like with what you've been through, like something could happen today and it's not even going to come close to what you've been through. Right. Absolutely. I mean, I can get through this. Like there's a, there's things that will hurt, right? But it's not going to make you turn around and go the other way. Cause you've been through it. That's right. Well, that's like when I came here from Katrina, I came to, to New Bronzeville with my kids on my lap in a Greyhound bus from Louisiana. And you know, everybody's like, oh man, Katrina, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, why? I have my kids. I lost stuff. Yeah. Stuff's your plate. You don't have as stuff I have. Yeah. I lost stuff, man. I didn't lose my kids. Yeah. I have lost a child and that's hard. Right. But, you know, stuff can be replaced. Yeah. It's just stuff. It's just stuff. At the end of the day. It's so it's something else is just occurring to me. This is someone who had a deal with Hurricane Katrina. And that's like the seventh hardest thing on the list. Of things. Like that was gnarly. Dude. I mean, I, it doesn't even make her top five. The top five of shit. So after Katrina, when I moved here, when I let my family know my new address, I actually, my piece of lawn furniture that I just bought, I was really a big old wicker couch. I was so proud of it. I loved it. Like, so it was on the beach. We found it on the beach. I took a picture of it. And when I came here and went to Walmart and I made postcards, this is we moved with that picture. And my sister was like, only you could do something like that. She's, she's like, you just lost everything. And I was like, no, I lost stuff. Yeah. I'm going to replace, you know, and I've been in Texas since 2006 and I own a house and my kids have graduated and I have a grand baby. You know, if you keep going. If nothing else, keep going for the adventure of what's next. Yeah. Well, you are, you are the epitome of let's find out what's next. What's next man? Let's go. I think that's, I think that you are the walking talking face of that. And. Thank you so much. Of course. Thank you all for coming out here and sharing this insane story. I, I'm in awe. I'm probably going to be in awe of this for quite some time. So I think this is really important. How do people find you? Um, I'm on all socials. Uh, usually under Cajun Kendra, K A J U N Kendra. Um, for a long time, everybody just called me Cajun. No. So I'm all, all the socials, um, under Cajun Kendra. Okay. Okay. Well, anybody that needs. You know, an ear, a moment, somebody to sit with you on there. I'm definitely there. I believe it. I believe it. We have, we have to be each other's reason sometimes until you can get your own. You have one. You just don't realize you have one. Yeah. That's the thing is, especially when you're going through it. You, you sometimes can't see that that's not the end. You know, it's just really not, you just gotta keep going. It's, we talked about it on one of these last episodes, like, you know, when something happens in your life and you think, fuck, this is it. This is the worst thing ever. And then after a few days go by or a month goes by or two weeks go by or a year go by, you can look back at it and you don't even remember. Like you thought it was the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Yeah. But in that moment, like I'm not going to make it past this. This is my last day. And then you made it to the next one and then to the next one and then to the next one and then you can look back and now almost not even remember what the fuck it was about. You just remember that that day was a terrible day and I thought it was the last one that I had, but here I am five years later and I don't remember what that was even about that day. It's just, you gotta, it's that mindset. It's that, that devil telling you, this is it. You better pack it all in. But see, here's the thing is sometimes, sometimes the devil in us could be the loudest voice. For sure. But, but you have to be your own cheerleader. You have to be your own advocate and you have to be like, nah, you know, that's like when I was in the wreck and I was told I was never going to walk again. I was like, bet. Yeah. Yeah. Bet. Yeah. Gonna prove somebody wrong. Right. You know, and sometimes we have to prove ourselves wrong. That's right. For sure. And, and here's the thing is too many times we put stock and other people to do it for us or we need their approval. What about our own? Yeah. That's so true. What about the, I know I can do this because I said I can. Watch me. Right. You know, that's awesome. And sometimes you got to live in that. It's just like living in your joy. I wake up every day and I thank God for another day and what's next? One, one more question. You were really nervous whenever you came. Man, I was so nervous. Yeah. You were really, really nervous. I was so nervous. How long did it take you the five minutes? Yeah. Five five minutes. Told you, man. I told you. Yeah, my five minutes. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on and you need us for anything. Like, I mean, for what you're fighting for what? Anything. Anything. It was a sponsor. Any events, anything. You need us to show up and show our faces. I will do a live thing in front of like whatever. That's that one's really near and dear to us. Yeah. And I mean, I know we're in an arena of, but that one is something that that we've wanted to start, you know, helping with in a bigger way. So it looks like you have ties there and if there's anything we can do, anything, anything, please let us know what will come mobbing deep. And then in the meantime, if you ever want to come sit back in this chair again, you are welcome. Minus the nerves. Yeah, I live. They'll go away. Hey, you'll get nervous that time too. And it'll take three minutes next time for you to get less nervous, but, but you're welcome. If you want to just come sit back there in that chair and watch or whatever, you, you are welcome. So I'm going to need you to sign the wall. I would like you to put Luke's name up there. Yes. For sure. And we got some pictures to take and then you guys will get back to San Antonio before you know it. All right. Well, thank you for coming to addicts and a moron. Miss Kendra. We're out. Thank you. I love you, Joseph.