School Is In Session | Reading Reddit Stories

There it is, the feeling of food hub. The feeling of your favourite takeaways delivered to your door. The feeling of one app, one tap and all your favourite restaurants in one place. Get that hubba hubba feeling when you order your favourite takeaways with Food Hub. Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's theme is back to school. And you might look around here and see that the set looks a little different today. And that's because we are already into our week of Summer Games. Woo! That's right. And I'm joined by two friends, two classmates, Damien and Angela. Well Damien, technically you're the superintendent. I'm the superintendent. They offered me a normal superintendent and I was like, make it better or I walk. And then Smosh met me. Super. That's pretty awesome. So we haven't started on in real life, but as of this being uploaded, we're into the games. And I don't know who's winning or who's losing. Hopefully we're winning. Hopefully we're fucking winning. We better be winning. I'll take this right now. Yeah. We're winning by now. We're winning. I will say, I believe in both of you, but because you're both on the same team in this Reddit area and I'm supposed to be unbiased, I have to heavily favor the other team just to make it a little bit balanced for this episode. Okay. Is what I'll probably do. So the pancakes today are at the cafeteria. Oh! And they're gross. School morning lunch, you know, like breakfast. Oh my God, I saw your famous clip. Finally. Oh, the fist bump. I died. I was so new to Smosh then too. I died. It was so wild. I was watching it. I forgot how long it hangs for. I haven't talked to you since I saw it. He was like, this is Damien's moment. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, what is this going to be? Yeah. It's, it's exquisite. I hope you understand me a little bit better now with that lore and knowing, oh God, that's awesome. Yeah. That's, hey, see that how easy that was. Um, if you're interested in watching some of the games, the summer games that have been out already, go check out the Smosh Games channel. This channel, these past weeks uploads are all summer games. So it's good stuff. Good stuff. All right. So we have some back to school stories. Oh. So they're going to be all over the place, but they're going to be about school. Just the natural instinct in me when September comes around. I don't know, I'm like, casually, you're an adult. Like it's fine. Sunday nights too. I'm like, I got to do my whole work. It's also my birthday month. And you know, like I feel like having September is a birthday month. Sucked. There's a Green Day song for both of y'all that I think you're going to fucking love. Yeah. It's pretty cold in here and I might do something we've never seen. There's been a blanket next to me this whole time. It's very September of you to have a blanket. Yeah. It's just, the AC is going right on me. So I'm like, should I just do this? You know what? It's Reddit Stories Baby Girl. So it's Reddit Stories and I'm a little baby girl. This actually works very well. Our first story comes from our confession. We have a confession here to start our confession. I faked playing my instrument in the school band all throughout middle school. Okay. This is funny because our episode of Smosh Mouth that was on Monday, we talked about how I was in band when I was in middle school. And I did talk about how a lot of the concerts, I'd be like, you know what? I'm going to sit this song out and you just sit there and you pretend because I'm just like, I don't want to make some squeaks and I can just sit here and pretend and you can get away with it. Just some inside baseball. We filmed that like a few hours ago. Yeah. So that's crazy. And you didn't know this was coming. I did not know this was coming. I read these for the first time here. You didn't plan your memory. So I did that in middle school. This is a common thing. Now he did it throughout all of middle school. I played solos. And you know there was a solo or something. That's the thing. A lot of those middle school ones, they don't have like solos. They don't have like different parts. You kind of as a band, you just play the whole thing. So you can kind of just like trust that the people around you are going to play loud enough. I don't know. I have an experience like this that I'll talk about later, but you can only go so far. Okay. Here we go. In middle school, my mom forced me to join the school band. I never had any music lessons or played an instrument before that. So I felt really dumb because all of the other kids took lessons and knew how to play their instruments. I don't know how this happened, but I somehow was able to join and ended up being the only French horn player. I faked playing it the entire time. I would literally just put my mouth on it and click random buttons without actually blowing any air out. And the funniest part is when we went to the state band competition, the judges gave me a shout out at the end for a lively and skilled performance. So either I was super convincing or all of those judges were full of shit too. After the competition, my teacher and classmates praised me for getting a shout out and everyone thought I was a great French horn player. Thank God I never had to do a solo because there's no way I could have pulled that off. Oh, that's it? This is, yeah. This is extreme though. He didn't even know how to play it. Yeah, you're the only one though. I knew how to play it. I knew how to play the saxophone. He would just like. I just was like, if I actually really like go for it here, I'm worried it's going to squeak. But I knew all the notes. I knew all the stuff. But there were other saxophone players, right? There was two others. Then how are you the only French horn player in this situation? Everyone's like, I heard it was great. That's how useless of an instrument it is. Oh! No, French horn players really live on the comments. French horn players in the comments was like, fuck you! The bassoon players were like, ha ha ha. The French horn players in the comments pretending to comment. No, okay. First of all, what I'm obsessed with with this story is complimenting a musician for being lively when playing. No one's ever like, hey, that piano player's movement is really lively. Really getting his back into it. It's all about the hips with piano. I think in America we call them freedom horns. That means though he must have been really selling it in the back. He's standing up. For them to be like, hey you, Steve, you're killing it back there. Hey, hey kid, I think you've got a shot in Hollywood. Do you think everybody knew? And they're like, there's got to be a long issue. And they're like, you did really good, you did really good buddy. I like the lore reveal that the judges are also pretending to be judges. And they just go, that guy's moving. I'll say you're a good musician. They're sitting there playing tic-tac-toe on their notes. Oh wow, you got it. So what was your story? I really relate to this and I think a lot of people do. The fact that you did that as well. I did that a little bit. I played the flute for a brief stint and it was like I was just hanging on. And you're just kind of like whatever. But in college, I actually don't know if it was college or high school. We did a learn how to sight sing and that's really fucking hard. All instruments and reading music is just hard. But for some reason I was like, I'll be able to figure this out. And I always just kind of like sing a note. So if we're both sight singing, it was always a second behind. Because I was never, and I'd always like kind of look at it, but just be listening to whoever's right next to me. So bad. But then they make you go down the line. And because I was going to say like any good music program is going to make sure everyone can hold their own weight and do it alone. That's in the whip lash too. And like I will never forget being like, I'm just going to jump in the pool. You're just going to do all the notes and one of the notes. Michael's like, when he's like everybody else had lessons, is that the norm that like you don't learn how to play your own instrument? You have to come in sort of knowing what you're doing. Because I never did band. Different programs are all, they're all. It's different by school, I think. So when I was in band, I think for the first couple of years I would go and it would be like just the saxophone players. And we would just play. And then like that was an elementary school. You're usually grouped by instrument. So you just learn together and all play a C or all play a D and you learn it on the thing. Interesting. But then it also depends on like arts funding. Hate to get political. If you're not funding the arts, then I guess you have to come in and be BYO, bring your own understanding. Biao. Bayou. Yeah. When we had the like, when we had this, the saxophone practice, you'd have to play. Like you'd have, you can't get away with it. But then we'd have full band practice or especially when we get to our concerts and we're in the auditorium in front of all of our parents. That's where sometimes I would know the specific parts and songs where I'm like I've squeaked every time. Yeah. I've got to this point. I'm just going to not do it. Yeah. The thing that really lightly. The thing that's so weird to me about this though is like, if this is a program where most kids are taking lessons in order to understand the instrument, then the mom has to know that like, you know, she forced him to do this. So she has to know that if he's learning at school in her mind, he would have to practice at home, right? Like, she never hears any French horn practice at home ever. Like this is just, I don't know. Yeah, I know. It still happens to me honestly to this day with Star Kid, they'll give you your vocal parts and sometimes it'll be like just the altos. And then sometimes we'll be like, someone's not singing right here. And I was like, yeah, we got to strengthen our part. We really do. It's hard. I think it's Jake. We got a killing. In the comments, someone said, did they not do a try out assessment each semester slash year? Did the conductor never go down the line or have you play solo? If not, what is going on in music? Well, maybe we're not paying our conductors. Yeah. OP responded saying, my instructor didn't seem to care that much about the band. She was the same instructor for Chorus and Show Choir and was definitely more into that. And she never had us individually do our parts. She'd just have us all play together and only stop us to individually play if she heard something was off. Sometimes she'd have the bigger sections play without the other sections to hear them. But for the sections with one to two players, she'd never have us do it individually. We went over very basic music theory and for our final exams, we took a written test. I still never learned to play the French horn, but I've gone on to learn the piano guitar and become a classically trained vocalist. When I'm not at my day job, I'm part of a musical theater club and I promise I'm not lip syncing LOL. Same. Wow. That's crazy. So they were like, actually, you know what? I'm going to start playing other instruments. Yeah. I play a lot and Angela, you're right about the like not paying teacher thing. Like a part of me wants to be like, oh, it sucks. The teacher didn't care. But at the same time, I'm like, you want to teach three different groups of kids, every instrument and singing and then also performance singing. Yeah. That's true. She takes a huge hit of her vape. She goes, I think the French horn sounds fine. I'm laughing at like her not caring about band, but she loves Show Choir. She's like, all right, guys, great, great work, everyone. All right, see you later. And as their leaving show choir comes in, you see her just like, what's up guys? Come on in. And just like love them. She just flip and watches Glee every day. Yeah. She's like, this sounds great. No, I was listening to our cast recording of Dear Evan Hansen and I think it's going to be great. Greatest girl window. Someone else said, LOL, I did the same thing in middle school. Only one other saxophone player ever found out I never played during concerts or practices. I think it's very relatable and happens everywhere. Oh, totally. Lastly, someone said, maybe the judges just hate the French horn and thought it sounded so great because it was missing. Wow. Makes you think. I'm going to book it today. ZockDoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. And it's all online. 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No. No, I just, it's a common thing. Oh, I thought it was a bit, because you guys are roommates. Actually, no, Damien never did that. Why would you immediately go to that? Why would you think that he didn't eat my food? Why would you, why would you? Because I'm sitting now with two old roommates. Why would you? I'm not that old. And by the time this comes out, I'm so, my back doesn't even hurt. In 2010, while I was in college, I lived in off-campus housing with the male roommate who frequently had friends over, which did not bother me. But their lack of common decency really frustrated me. One week, I purchased a significant amount of groceries for myself. I had to go home for the weekend due to an emergency. Once I returned, all of my groceries were gone. After addressing the issue with my roommate, he assured me it wouldn't happen again. But unfortunately, it continued to occur. This one time, my mother made me chicken and spinach. He asked me who made the chicken. I told him my mom. He said it was really good. I never gave him permission to eat my food. I started storing most of my food in my room. The breaking point came when my mother prepared a delicious meal of salmon, broccoli, and sweet potatoes for me. I left the food in the fridge while I went to campus to help make meals for the homeless. I should have packed him a sandwich. Once I returned, I found my roommate's friends enjoying my mother's cooking and praising it. Feeling disrespected, I took matters into my own hands. While my roommate was in class, I entered his room, collected all of his books and clickers, and sold them to a resell bookstore on campus. After that, he never touched my shit. Truth is that I would have never had an issue with sharing if he asked and saved me some of my food. They never asked and they always ate everything. Additional information, we never had a conversation about what happened, but he stopped eating my food so I'm sure he knew I took his books. I don't think I got more than $100 for the books and clickers, but the money was not the motive. Clickers, we used to use this back in the day for attendance and pop quiz. It's like a remote connected to your student ID. Um... I'm a little ticked off. Yeah? What do you think? Those are his books! I don't know! UCLA books were so... They're so expensive, so stupid, you have to wait in so many lines to get them. I'm like, you can get new yams, new mom's yams. You can get a new mom. Your dad's been doing mom. Or like, eat his food. Don't go for his education, man. You're saying go for an eye for an eye. Yeah, don't go for foot. It doesn't sound like they have any food. The roommate's eating all of her food and the roommate's friends are eating all of her food and bragging about it in front of her face. No, I have to say that sucks. That's rude. That sucks. It's a dick move. It's bullying. It's really entitled. But I do get what you're saying about like, yeah, take your petty revenge, whatever. It's just a weird left turn. It's not like, well, I'm going to make you food. We've heard stories where it's like, I made food that was way too spicy and that'll teach them. This one's like, well, I'm going to take your bed and throw it in a river. It's a conversation of, is she elevating it? Because, and now it's like in the... Is that like, because like someone's education. But also that's their food. You're right. No, there's no one... My thinking is always this. And I know some people disagree because some people view of like, no, you get your revenge. Yeah. Right? I never thought that way. I still don't think that way, especially with roommates because I'm like, you live with this person. They have access to all your shit. Yeah. They elevate it. Like your books. You can, or get your revenge. You can, but now you, you, they're probably going to go for their strike now. Yeah. And now they hate you because now you've established your enemies. I'm like, you grab their books. What are they going to grab my wallet next? Like you're upping the game. That would be where I'm thinking. I'm not thinking a matter of what they deserve. I'm thinking a matter of like, my own safety and stuff. Already they disrespect me. They clearly don't care about me. Yes. Are they the types that are going to go all out? Like, the escalation of revenge is kind of funny. Like if you did something really small and lame, like, or like something like, just like something stupid, just like getting released a bunch of bugs in his room. That's, that's awesome. Just like, just like, just like kill him. Just a little kill. Just like kill him. Just like kill him. Um, college roommates is such a weird time because people are in their own insular little bubble, growing up, however they grow up in their own house, generally not seeing how anyone else lives, what anyone else's food rules are, like living style is, and then you live together and it's immediately like, you do what? You do what? I know. Like, I, I like, in my family, it was like, hey, you throw out lunch meat after five or six days because it's not good in the fridge after that. And when I said that, like, one day when living with people, three other people turned around and they're like, what, only five or six days? And someone's like, two weeks is fine. And then someone's like, it's like, who's right? I don't know. But still, like everybody's like, no, this is the way it is because that's how I grew up. I grew up in a spoiled little man, baby. I think there's a lot of spoiled people who, once they have roommates, they grew up their whole life just being able to, they were just provided for so much. Yeah. That they're just like, yeah, everything that's in the house I eat. You know what's weird to me too is like, usually if, when you hear stories like this, it's like, oh, my roommate ate all my chips. All his friends came over and were like, do you have any snacks? He's like, yeah, we have chips. I can't imagine being someone's friend, being like, do you have any food? And it's like, yeah, we have some delicious salmon and broccoli with sweet potatoes. It's like, got an entire ass meal. Let's go. Like, four people? Yeah. I'd be, if I went over to, say I went over to your house and you had roommates and, and you were like, oh, I have this delicious, delicious meal. I'm like, oh, cool. And we're eating it. And then your roommate gets home and they go, hey, where's the, like, like, where's that meal I have? And it's like, oh, who cooked it? It's like my mom. And you're like, delicious. I'd be like, I need to leave. We just committed a crime. Like, how are we? I don't actually live here. You got to go. You got to go. You like a candlelit dinner. We got to go. We have to get out. Oh, the owner showed up. We got to leave. If in college, someone offered me like sweet potatoes and chicken made from their mom. I'd be like, do you have like a PBR? And like maybe like a Toys L'R. I don't have like a vegetable. Do you have top ramen and maybe a Coke? I've been surviving off that. And then going, this doesn't belong to you. Dude, but like we've all met these people that are this entitled. It's like mind blowing when you're, when you're face to face with them. You're like, wait, how, how do you not care? Yeah, yeah. It's shocking. I'm curious what the comments will say. Someone said, I had a similar situation that I've definitely mentioned on Reddit before. I bought a huge bag of rice at the local Asian grocery store, like 50 pounds because I was broke as hell, but it's a lot cheaper to buy it that way. I caught my roommate giving some random person a significant portion of my rice one day. I said, hey, what the fuck? That's my rice, not yours. You can't give away like one fifth of it without asking. He said, but you have so much of it. Yeah, because I'm rashing it out for the rest of the year, you idiot. He thought of himself as a musician and had a lot of musical instruments in his room. So later that week I gave away some of his guitars to various people in that dorm. He was very angry, but my response was simply, but you have so many of them. Rice for guitars? It's a fun story, but he's dead now. Don't go skiing at night, y'all, or I'll get you. Whoa. What do you mean? All of these stories have hard lift terms. See, I got it. This is why though, these types of comments are why I'm like, hey, I don't fuck with people. Because you never know who's just a murderer in the making. I'm like, I don't think you killed him, but I think you could kill someone. He gave away a fifth of my rice, so I sold his dog. Anyway, don't ski at night. I'm like, all right, man. Cool. He stole my pork rinds? I took your skin. The way he's telling that story, I'm like, I understand that he took a fifth of your rice and gave it to someone. You seem like you're happy he's dead. It's so ominous to end everything with something completely about something else and be like, anyway, don't hydroplane when it's snowing. I mean, like, uh, uh, uh. I was the ice. Someone said I would have sold his info on the internet. I don't play about my mom's food, but that's just me. OP said that was what pushed me over the edge. It was literally my favorite dish and they ate everything, LOL. I guess this is the petty revenge, right? Like, people are going to be here. People are here for revenge. They love revenge. Someone said college roommates suck. I had two that were eating my food and refused to clean up their messes. One roommate constantly left bowls of his leftover milk from cereal. Cereal he never purchased in the sink until the milk went rancid. The other roommate and I started putting those bowls full of milk under his bed. His room literally, his room, his room really smelled bad. We kept one bowl each and would immediately clean it and hide it in our rooms. Okay, that's, that is more in line of revenge that I think is fair. I'm like, he's leaving this out. It's rancid, it smells bad for everyone. You're just taking what he's doing. You're making the consequences of his actions affect him more than everyone else. That to me is like, that's the right. How do you do that in this person's situation where it's like you take my mom's salmon, I'm taking it back from you. Vomit. I, I, I, all, my only thought with this is I'm just like, okay, well you're moving out now, right? Yeah. Or they're moving out like you can't live together now. You declared war. You absolutely declared war and some people are out of their mind. Yeah. That's just where my head goes. 100%. It's where you have to like abandon the idea of like fairness sometimes where it's like, totally. Oh man, they still have like one over on me and I want to get them back. But I don't know. It's like sometimes you can just be like, it sucks. They took my thing. I'd rather not get stabbed in the middle of the night. Right. But that takes a lot of growth. It does. I think that's, we're old now. That's how I've, I feel like that's how I've always been though. I'm the type that if someone wrongs me, now a roommate is so tough, right? But if someone wrongs me, my initial thought is not, how do I get back at them? My initial thought is how do I get removed, how do I remove them from my life or I remove myself from their sphere as quickly as possible? That's you take care of yourself. But there are some people that when you are so deeply hurt, you like your body's reaction for some reason is to also hurt. Like it's just this like fucked up part of the cycle. It's the desire for catharsis, right? Like, and I understand that's a very valid thing. I think where I also go though, and what I would ask anyone who's like seeking revenge is like, I'm going to do this. I'm like, what is the outcome you desire? Yes, that's great. Right? Because the whole purpose I think deep down with revenge is that you want to teach them a lesson. You want them to stop. Yeah. Now I guess they are saying in this that they haven't touched their food since. Truth is, but so all we know is that actually it luckily worked out. But I'm like, for me, nine times out of 10 doing something like that is going to culminate in horrible shit. Yeah. It's like bringing a gun to a knife fight or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's why even like on the road, especially in LA, I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't flip people off. I don't do no matter how wrong someone is, I'm not escalating it because I'm like, people have guns. Yeah. Like people be having guns. I've been like chased in a car before by a guy that's like the next man like, oh, yeah, me too. Like it's, it's crazy shit. Yeah. Well, next story. Oh, there's a third. Thank goodness. I took off the blanket because it's now a little bit warmer in here and I feel good. So you can really see the full Hollywood hot dog. We're winning. The better, the better team. Yeah. We are winning right now. And this is like a manifestation. It's going to be so embarrassing if we are horribly losing by this point. Chance single-handedly is like this old boy. Just crushing us. Or if we have a massive falling out, you and me. Yeah. We'll look back at this footage and be like, remember they used to talk. Wow. And then they became hot dogs. Falling out when we were on the same team. That's brutal. I can see it happening. It's actually more likely. It's most, it's a lot of games videos already. Yeah. It's true. Next story. This comes from today I fucked up. Today I fucked up by holding a grudge for 29 years against a kid at school who called me carrot boy. People really come packing with these titles. Now, OP is saying that he messed up by holding a grudge for 29 years. All right. The names including my own have been modified to false names. About 29 years ago, I was in the third grade. I took one of those carrot packs out of my lunchbox, the kind that came with a little cup of ranch dressing. All of a sudden this kid, Balthazar, said, hey, everyone, look, Tim is a carrot boy. Everyone at the whole lunch table started to laugh. I couldn't believe it. For some reason, that incident really stuck with me. Nobody really brought it up again, but I became self-conscious in elementary school for eating carrots. Later, I lost that self-consciousness, but all through school and into adulthood, I always thought of that and built it up in my head as this big, disrespectful insult to me. Whenever I eat carrots, the memory pops up basically and voluntarily. Whenever I see carrots, I remember Balthazar going, hey, everyone, look, Tim is a carrot boy and hear the laughter. What you should know is that I am from a small town and although I left, a lot of the kids I knew are still there. I saw that over the holidays, there was an impromptu high school reunion event scheduled. I decided to show up. I haven't seen these people regularly in a long time. Well, who should be there but Balthazar? All of a sudden, the old anger welled up in me. I don't know what I was thinking. It seems so ridiculous now, but I saw a big tray of carrots meant for everyone at the buffet table and I picked up the entire tray and carried it to Balthy's table. I started eating carrots angrily. Everyone at the table and surrounding tables were staring at me. I then said, guess I'm still a carrot boy, huh? I almost immediately realized my fuck up when everyone looked at me like I was insane and they had no idea what I was referencing. So I awkwardly asked Baltho and the other people around if they remembered him calling me a carrot boy in the third grade and nobody did. So I was like, this did happen. You really did call me a carrot boy and he was like, uh, okay. Sorry, man. Somebody next to me put their hand on my arm and whispered to me, are you okay? As if I was having a mental breakdown or something. I was so embarrassed that I just got up and left. Multiple people have texted me asking me if I'm all right and why did I do that? And did I really hold a grudge for some innocuous, silly remark that a third grader made almost 30 years ago? When it was put to me like that, I realized maybe I was the one being weird. Balthazar wasn't like a bully or something. Aside from that one insult, he never did anything else to me and in high school was kind of known as being a do-gooder. I had built it up as this major incident, but nobody else even remembered it. I was horrified to find that several people from the reunion unfriended me on Facebook and I saw photos of the event and somebody had tagged me in the background as Carrot Boy and none other than Balthazar responded to the post, asking the poster to remove the tag, even though several other people had replied with laugh emojis. Now I feel like I have made a huge fool of myself and can never show myself in this town again. Well, maybe that's okay. I don't like the town anyways, but I am so embarrassed I can hardly sleep and it has been a few weeks since the incident. Oh God. Another 30 years are going to pass and he's going to meet up with him and he's going to be like, hey, I want to talk about that high school. This is a gem. The entire first half I imagined like him writing in a thunderstorm at midnight like the Raven style, like it was then that he called me carrot boy and I remember. It didn't even become a nickname. It didn't even stick. No, it was the one incident. He's 37 or 38 right now. And that carrot boy comment, which means the rest of his school years were a breeze. If carrot boy from third grade is what stands out to you, then you made it through high school without anything that much worse. That's a crazy point. He did puberty and just drove right on by. Nothing else. Nothing else stuck. Carrot boy. It's not even that bad. No, and also like to his credit, you know, eight year olds, nine year olds, that's not even a good joke for them to laugh at. Like the whole class laughing at it. I know. Carrot boy, that sucks. That does suck. A little disappointing. But what's really remarkable to me about this story is the fact that he made himself carrot boy at the end. That he got tagged in a post that sometimes the things that we keep, we decide stay with us. Yeah, it's a good carrot boy. He became carrot boy. He did the carrots at the reunion as an adult. As a boy. He was like, I am carrot boy. No one said he was carrot boy besides him. I once think it would be wild to like be at the trade with somebody and be like, well, I guess you expect me to eat all these, huh? The fact that he brought it over to the table, like he really spent 29 years as carrot boy in his mind. But also I also get it. Like it's it's it's wild. The things that stick with you, right? That you like bring up friends and you're like, remember that happened? And they're like, no, like we have my brother all the time. I'll remember some of the most embarrassing shit. He's like, I don't remember that at all. And it's like, oh, it sticks with you long. It does. It does. No, that's fair. It's real. But it's like at a certain point going, OK, like putting it into the context of like, well, they're not going to remember that. That's from third grade. Yeah. Like it affected me. It's a core memory for me. But that doesn't mean it's a core memory for them. But like it's a core memory for me, right? And I have no control over it because I felt humiliated. But I do have control the rest of my life and I don't want it to be a core memory anymore. Like I don't have to bring it into these new spaces. Yeah. Therapy is expensive. So in the next 29 years, you can maybe find, scrape together some change for one session at some point in there. So carrot boy. So carrot boy. I also, what's funny is round fourth grade, fifth grade, I have a carrot related story where, you know, I was a little bit of a goofster in my day. Well, you're kidding. Angela, if you can believe it, as I live and breathe, I was a goofster. And I had these little carrot sticks, right? And I put one sort of where my teeth go. And you guys know the animal, the walrus. I've heard of it. So I was sort of like a carrot walrus. And it was, it slayed. And then this girl, I'll change her name for posterity. With all the stuff. Balthazena. Yeah. Balthazena came up and went, poof, and hit both carrots. And it kind of hurt my gums a little bit. Okay. And you want to know the crazy thing is I didn't think about that from then until now. It was only that day and then only right now. And it's just that easy. That girl that bumped him up, Kate Hudson. Okay. And she turned out to be Kate Hudson. Yeah. No, I mean, I cannot knock this person for like this sticking with him, right? Because stuff like from your childhood. Like, like I core memory in middle school, it might have been elementary or middle school. There was a dance and like a dance circle form of just kids were hopping into it. I remember I got booed out of it. And like to this day, I'm like, I won't dance. Oh no. She was the saddest thing ever. It's all so deeply funny. I'm trying to keep going. Oh, I'm wrapping something. Shay, this is going to sound like an insult and I mean it as the highest compliment. You turned out so well. You turned out so well for all the things of like, yeah, I got food while dancing. I was homeschooled. Like your life is awesome. You did great. And there were all these things going against me. And then they got to us on a Disney show where the end of the first episode, they're like, all right, now here's the part where you all dance. And he goes like, oh, like, Shay, I also got made fun of for dancing in elementary school. Like there was a day where everybody had to dance this song and people were like, look what Damien's doing. And I stopped and to this day, I think it's a very base level insult dudes throw at each other in elementary school. Like boys are just like, oh, you're dancing. You're dumb. I think learning to dance is humiliating no matter the gender. When you're young, I remember we used to play big booty in my like, like in theaters class. And I was humiliating to play. Was there dancing in big booty? It was like, it was a, it was a version of it that you would dance. But thinking of someone getting booed out of it. Yeah, that sucks a lot. It was pretty rough. So sorry. Pretty rough. Damn dude. And then like, what if you went back to your reunion, you're like, how about this, huh? And everyone's like, what? You do a full like footloose routine. And then like, sick dude. Like, all right. Is that the guy that looks like a YouTuber now? I think that's the Goldberg's kid. Okay, comments. That's some self-fulfilling prophecy shit. Yeah. 10,000 up votes. Someone said, I have hard secondhand cringe. Someone said, I picked up the entire tray and carried it to Balthy's table. Oh my God, he's going to dump the carrots on his classmates. I started eating carrots angrily. Question marks. And then he realized he was no longer a carrot boy. Wipes tear, but a carrot man. I will say that this, the self-fulfilling prophecy thing is true of like, the things that hold, you hold on to, you will become. You bring it into the room. You will become it. Like it wasn't, it wasn't there and you brought it in. That's a Greek tragedy level of like, this is the prophecy and because you know about it is going to happen. It's actually very much like a, it's true. It's like Oedipus. It's like he was punished for what he's going to do in the future and he was punished by being abandoned as a baby. And that's what leads to him doing all that stuff in the future. First Oedipus reference in a Reddit story. Which is not even about the mom stuff. That's actually kind of shocking that Oedipus has not been brought up before in Reddit. I was going to say this. Oedipus. Oedipus. James with the, with the slam dunk. I have caught. I wish they could have seen Oedipus. This sounds like a Spencer. Did I say Oedipus? It's actually very much like an acting thing where in like scenes that like, I've had coaches be like, yeah, whatever you're thinking about is what we're going to see. Yeah. It's like, it's true. Like if you're, if you're uncomfortable or something, it's like, we're just going to see that. Like you have to focus on what you want us to see and what you'll become. Yep. I mean, not to shoot my own horn, but I'm the fist bump guy. Don't, don't. And this is my carrot man moment. I really wasn't the fist bump guy. Are you okay? Am I taking up too much? No, no, no. I just move a lot. I move a lot too. Keep up. It's okay. Oh, that's some challenging. Oedipus. Oedipus. Our next story. Thank you. Today I messed up by nailing my crush with a football and making the whole school hate me. This came from nine years ago. I was in PE today playing football with the boys class. The girls class was on the side of the field warming up to run laps. Only one girl caught my attention though, my crush leaning on the chain link fence. As usual, she was too cool to be there. Fuck yeah. Smoking a cigarette, legs all the way down to the ground. As I half acidly played the game, I decided I'd get her attention by tossing the football nearby her, then coolly saying hi when I went to retrieve it. Maybe that would blossom into a conversation later. I was so excited. What a great idea. Well, the moment I got that ball, I sent it flying in her direction with all my strength. Oh shit. I realized too late. I forgot to make that look like an accident. Also, that throw was way too close. Fuck. It's going to hit her. She noticed too. Directly in the ball's path with no time to run, she covered her face. It nailed her in the groin. Everyone went silent as she collapsed to the grass in a ball. They stared at her, then at me. They did not look happy. I was overloaded with horror between my instant pariah status and the ghastly fate of this poor girl's womanhood. Fuck this. I took off sprinting right to the junior parking lot. PE is the last class of the day, so I jumped in my car and got the fuck out of there. What a coward. I was sobbing when I got home. My mother asked me why, and I told her that I stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and got jalapenos in my eye. Coward. Weird. Okay, I throw it, it hits her, she's on the ground crying, I go, I like you. Better shot. I double down, I go, oh, I have a Christian of you, I fucked up. It's the knowledge that you get as an adult that, whenever someone's like, what would you tell your teenage self? It's like nothing, you have to learn the lessons you learned. I take that back, it would be just like, just go talk to someone. Just go say like, hey, I think you're cute, how's it going? And if they're not interested, you go away, and that's how it goes. But the fact that it's like, okay, you go over here, and I'll throw this to you, and then I'll pretend to trip, and I'll look up and be like, oops, can I kiss you? I'm just saying, it's so stupid. But this is the logic we pull in high school, and also what so many people pull in their 30s. I was going to say, why'd you look at me when you said that? I don't know. You know what I'm talking about? When someone needs to tell your food is a roommate, you know what I'm talking about? What? When someone needs to tell your food is a roommate, you know what I'm talking about? I did that kind of shit even in college, I'd be like, oh, we're meeting here. I feel like you think when you have crushes that you have to do, you have to just create a bunch of meat cutes and organic stuff, instead of just doing anything. I think everything in media tells us that that's how it should go. You can't just have a desire to go up to somebody and talk to them. You just have to be like, oops, that ball fell. You know what it is? It's because we fear that it's boring, right? Direct communication seems boring, because it's not movie-like, it's not TV show-like. It's just like, oh, you're just going up and you're just saying, hey, would you ever want to hang out? Also, there's a bad rep around just trying. Absolutely, especially when you're young. Just trying anything and doing it, and not falling accidentally into this and going, hey, what's up? And the more directly you put yourself out there, the more directly it's asking someone out, the more cemented their rejection is, right? Because if it's just throwing out hints and they kind of shoot away, you can tell yourself, like, oh, well, you know, it's whatever, and you're not hurt. But if you go and you say, hey, I'm interested in you, and they go, I'm not interested in you, it's like, oh, and now I know that for real. I've had great interactions with people when I've just been like forthright, where it's just like, hey, I think you're really attractive and I'm interested in you. Would you like to go do this something sometime? And not like I've never been rejected before, but I'm saying if the person is at all interested, that's very like, oh my god, it's so refreshing. I was really direct and I was like, thank you, yep, that's... Yeah, absolutely. It's sometimes called the tisris, where you're just like, it is. This is how I feel. And then someone's like, oh, shit, like, cool. Nice. Throwing a ball at her is so funny. It's very funny. And I mean, that's a great opener for a conversation. You just walk over and you'd be like, you didn't catch it. Girl, keep up. Remember the ball? You remember the ball? You remember the ball? You okay? I saw that that guy threw that at you. That was me. I did that. I was aiming for it. Well, it looks like you need a little less on how to catch. Why don't we hang? Fuck. Uh, comments. So I jumped in my car. Damn, up until that point, I was picturing you in like eighth grade. Yeah. Yeah. You were driving a car. I did so too, especially PE. Yeah. Someone said, she might have forgiven you for hitting her with the ball, but not for running away. Dude, you're screwed. Someone said, LOL, I hit my crush twice with a football and soccer ball, totally by accident. Both times the ball hit her in the head. It was terrible when it occurred, but she is now my girlfriend. So all is good. Just make sure to apologize to her. Someone said, my very concussed girlfriend. Someone said, 2029, married to her with two kids, placing that bet now. That's possible. Probably not. It's a little too soon. Yeah. He ran away. Yeah. He ran away and then did this weird Taco Bell lie that didn't, doesn't really matter. Yeah, you lied to your mom. I think what's most important is that your mom doesn't respect you anymore. I went through the drive-thru and I got jalapenos and I put them all over my eyes and I came back. It's like, you don't even know how to eat Taco Bell. Give me your license. You can't drive. She's like, hun, jalapenos are an extra 49 cents and we have them at home. You don't know how to use your money anymore. Use your carbidolus. Oh my God. I got hit in the face with the tennis ball once by my best friend and I watched it happen. We were trying to collect the tennis balls after playing and so he like hit it back toward me and I just watched and I was like, oh shit, it's coming right from my face and the teeth hit me right in the mouth. You don't make it through school without getting just rocked. I was walking, hey UCLA, it was an awful day. I had a really hot tri-lattain in my hand and a frisbee hit me so big. And I, when I tell you, I was so upset. I was like, who the fuck are you two little children boys playing frisbee while we all have school work? I was stressed, I was mad, my tri-lattain went flying. Did it hit the tri-lattain or did it hit my face? And I just, I think the impact was probably enough that you're like in shock. You dropped though. We're just like hanging out. I was like, it's not a Saturday, you dumb two fucks. It's a Tuesday and we all have school. I was so pissed. Getting hit by a frisbee is rough. That's hard. Do you mind, was it like eyebrow or like what was? Like right. Like through flask? No, it was like right here. You were yelling and you started crying and you were like, how dare you? No, it started crying and I was like, I'm fine, it's okay. And then I started walking and I was talking to them. I left them and I was still talking. That's those, who are you? You realize that's those kids like stand by me moment. That's, they're going to meet up 20 years from now and be like, remember when we hit that girl? That girl looks stressed. Remember when we really, yeah, before that you didn't even like theater. You get hit and you're just like, ugh and your whole life is different. It's like, just hits your brain just the right way. Like I feel just like, stark it. That's so funny. That's so funny. Damn. That's awful. I think this is crazy. We used to just throw rocks at each other. That's crazy, huh? It was Arizona and there was just like rocks everywhere. And we were bored so we're just throwing rocks at each other. It's like a gamble. And not like bubbles. We're throwing like rocks at each other. When I say again, you're so- And I did get rocked. I got rocked in the fucking forehead by one of these rocks. You turned out so well for every circumstance in your life. Like yeah, we each had it with rocks. So it was all in school. They got made fun of for dancing. And you're like the most well adjusted person I've ever met. I was so drowned. Yeah, I drowned. Twice. The elements got me. Yeah, we used to throw rocks. Fire, earth, water. That's all we had. So we'd throw rocks at each other. Thank God kids have the internet now. Cool. Actually, yeah. That was loaded. We throw different kinds of rocks now. Twain Johnson, get on up here. We throw up votes at each other now. Yeah, back to Reddit. Yeah. All right. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for telling my daughter that life isn't high school? And if it was, she would be the loser now. Oh. Calling your daughter a loser is rough. Guys, let's hear them out. Let's hear them out. Something where it was tough love conversations that you're like, this will set them straight and you're like, you're going to give them a complex. Okay. My daughter is 24. Kelly. Get it fixed. And my younger daughter is 23. Kelly and Sarah, they both had very different high school experiences. Kelly was very social and in different sports. Sarah was very academic and had a small group of friends. I'm so sorry. Can you go back to which one's which again? So Kelly is the 24 year old daughter. Sarah is the 23 year old daughter. Okay. Cool. Thank you. Okay. Kelly was the one who was popular and very social and did different sports in high school. Kelly got a sports scholarship for college but soon dropped out of college after she failed multiple classes. She basically partied and did her sport and nothing else. Sarah went on to finish her degree and is doing well in life. Kelly has a jealousy issue and I have talked with her before about it. She is never happy when Sarah has an accomplishment. Today, Sarah told us that she is going on a cruise for her vacation this year. Kelly always wanted to go on a cruise and couldn't afford it with her waiter job. In the car, she blew up saying that Sarah was a loser in high school. So it isn't fair that she has all this now. She went on for a bit when I had enough. I told her that life isn't like high school and if it was, she was the loser now. This started an argument and she called me a bitch. Yeah, it feels like everybody's kind of wrong. I don't know their dynamic and I know, you know, you should never call your kid something like that because it really could stick with them. But at the same time, if you see them not doing what they even wanted with their life and putting down their sibling for doing all the quote-unquote right things, it's like you have to snap out of this complex. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes there is this aspect of like, hey, snap out of it. I don't know what the right way to do it is. It's almost like telling someone who's having a lot of anxiety to calm down and you're like, how much is this helping? It's also the context of a parent. Yeah. Because I'm like a friend. If you had a friend and your friend was like, yeah, well, you're the loser now. It's like that's a different context. A parent calling their child a loser. But it was the other child calling that other child a loser too. She was doing it. It's not necessarily an eye for eye thing and I don't know what it's like to be a parent. And like, again, I've had some conversations that have stuck with me, you know, from parents and I know my sister does. I feel like a lot of people do. And I still feel like overall my parents did a pretty damn good job. So one of those things can really stick with you. But if someone is really like in total burnout mode and they're calling someone else a loser, it's like, oh, is this what the thing is? Is this what's holding you back? Is that you still think you deserve these other things without working for it? Well, then here's the reality. She doesn't need a reality check. Yes. Right? Because she's sitting there going like, well, she doesn't deserve a good life because she wasn't cool in high school. Say she's the loser now because she's a waiter is wrong. Yes. That is not cool. But it's like... Yeah. Because it's like, I don't think that's fair to say she's a loser. She's a loser because of how she's treating her sister. That's what I think that person is going to say. But to say you're a loser now because of your job and your living situation isn't cool. Yeah. But we don't have that context. She didn't say why she's saying it. You don't know why. She's saying, I told her that if life isn't like high school and if it was, she was the loser now. I mean, that still could be because of her attitude being like, I'm mad when people get good things. It's just, I don't know. But it's definitely wild logic the sister is using of like, it's like you're 24 and you're still in high school. It's been over six years. You're in denial. Move on. Yeah. But the verdict was not the asshole. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, I, it's also tough. I'm not a parent either. So it's like, I'm, I'm thinking of this from my perspective where I'm like, oh, I'm thinking about people I know who are like this. Yeah. But I'm thinking more from a peer situation where I'm like, what I call them a loser. Yeah. But I'm like, it feels different from like when you're saying it to someone in your own age, but if like you have a kid. Yeah. And you call your kid a loser. Yeah. There's like inherently from the big jump, there's a power dynamic with your parents and there's like a want for approval. I think like, yeah, you calling me a loser versus like my parents, there is a level of like, oh, I let him down. And as my friend, you're just like identifying me being acting like a loser rather than like your parent being like, you loo, like that's rough. Yeah. I'm thinking, sorry, go ahead. I was just going to say the only difference I see, because you're, I agree with you 100%. The only difference I see is specifically because she was saying my sister doesn't deserve these things because no one liked her in high school. Meanwhile, the sister like did all the, you know, all these steps to earn the things that she has. And that's never a guarantee. But like the fact that she is putting down her sister saying she does not deserve these things is what would maybe I'm not a parent, but would maybe make me go like, okay, like let's lock in. Yeah. Right. Loser is not the right word. Yeah. It's the, how hard she's going on her daughter is not necessarily my problem. Like I think she could say a lot of things in my eyes that I wouldn't have a problem with like being like, hey, your attitude is embarrassing. Your jealousy is embarrassing. Like the fact that you think you deserve something in life because of your high school experience is entitled and embarrassing. Like I'm like, you are acting pathetic right now. Like all those things, but just calling someone a loser for their life is just so, you know, that's so deep. That's so rough. Like it's in one of those, in some of those ways that I'm like, is as we go back to the earlier thing, I'm like, what result are you going to get from that? Is that going to just make it worse? Yeah. Like she going to hate her life even more because what you want is for her to like wake up and not think this way and not treat her sister horribly. But maybe it did work. I don't know. Several comments go back and forth with like, is it not the asshole or is it everyone sucks here? The big deciding factor is that Kelly is a 24 year old adult, but she is still a daughter. That's kind of where I'm getting up on. Like I don't know. Like I said, in most situations that I can think of in my personal life, this wouldn't be like a problem as much. But you know, it's the parent child dynamic. One that I don't know. I would never talk to my cats like that. No. Oh, well I do. Yeah. How did you get their number? Oh, your cats. Yeah. It's just, so just always a little bit of a goof back in the morning. Yeah. Bringing it back for the school episode. Someone said, not the asshole, Kelly is obviously behaving like a complete brat and I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. But I can guarantee that Kelly is going to remember her mother calling her a loser for the rest of her life. That's the sort of thing you just don't forget. My siblings can call me a loser and it's a water off a duck's back. Let my mom or dad say that and I would be devastated. Some things just hit differently coming from a parent. It's so real. That's just, yeah. My mom takes a deep breath at a weird time and it hits a different one. Sure. Like it's just family. And already Kelly, what she's saying is awful. We know that Kelly is so insecure about herself. Exactly. Yeah. Continuing that comment, there was probably a more constructive way for you to respond to Kelly. If I were you, I would definitely sit her down and have a conversation. Something expressing how you don't view her as a loser, but you worry about the way she views herself and the overt jealousy slash resentment she has towards her sister. I find her that if she's so unhappy with her life, it's on her to fix it and hating on her sister isn't going to solve anything. It's cheesy, but tell her that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Mainly though, you just want to convey that you don't consider her a loser. Someone else said, everyone sucks here. I 100% agree with what you told your daughter, but you missed a huge opportunity to ask her what her plans are to improve her life today. It was a perfect opportunity to push her towards college slash trade slash business ownership. We live in a time where college is not the only path to success. Even though your daughter is an adult as a parent, I hope you're pushing her to find a path that will allow her to fulfill her goals. Kelly obviously is the asshole for her jealousy, being stuck in high school and calling you a bitch. I agree with that. I would agree. It's also one of those things where we get the luxury of reading it in the future. That was not the right thing to call her. That was not the right way to do it. Yes, you should sit her down now, but in that moment, letting it build up, the kettle just starts to whistle a little bit. Sister is a loser. She doesn't deserve that moment of just like, hey, guess what? I'm angry now. It's a bummer because I'm sure she probably would want to take it back. I feel like it's a caveat that we never really cover on this show of calling someone an asshole doesn't mean that you're a bad person. I'm like, oh, you're the asshole in this situation. That just means, oh, like... It's like, you have the right of way. I'm like, oh, you're being an asshole. I went, you're morals and who you are at your core is asshole. That's not what we're saying. Am I the asshole? You're just being like, am I the one that did the mistake here? Because if you give, yeah, like there's am I the devil? And then we're like, okay, we're saying that you're a bad person. But then with like, am I the asshole? We are kind of just being like, yeah, maybe don't do that again. Dick moves. There's so many situations where we've deemed someone the asshole where I'm like, but I don't think you're a bad person by any means. I don't even think what you did is necessarily a bad thing. I think like the saying of am I the asshole in this situation. It's like, yes, you are. If someone was wearing the hat in this scene, it's you. Yeah, absolutely. Someone said, not the asshole. While it's never a good call to call your child a loser, you were using the word she used for her sister and in a conditional manner. So I'll give that a pass. I think it's probably closer to the truth that Sarah was never a loser. She was just playing a different game. She did what she was interested in, had close friends and probably never wanted to be popular. Research has shown that siblings intentionally differentiate themselves from each other. I had five siblings and we were all very different. My closest brother, only 14 months older, was on the chess club in high school. I could never beat him at home, so I never joined. In this case, since Kelly was older and liked sports, Sarah could never be as good as Kelly in sports. So she chose to focus on classwork. Kelly was a favorite with the coaches and Sarah with the teachers. That's really fascinating. Yeah, maybe it's early competitive vibes where there's only two of you and you're stepping into your first steps of being originality and you're like, I remember when my brother played guitar, I played piano. And when I picked up the guitar, it was like, no, this doesn't make sense. You can't play that too. And I thought that, he thought that, we all thought that. It was just like, no, we have our separate things. That's true. I don't know why. That's interesting. I also feel like another thing I'd like to add is in this world today that we live in where everything is bullshit, I think it's like no 24 year old is a loser for what they're doing. It's just so hard. I'm in my 30s and I'm like, it's okay if even in your 30s you haven't figured it out because it's just so fucking hard to find those paths nowadays. Why she's a loser is because she's being so toxic. I think it was in the different stories that I watched with y'all. I think it was like restaurant stories, but it was like Tommy brought up the point or maybe it was chance. It was like their career waiters. It's not a loser thing to be a waiter. My sister dropped out of school for a while, worked as a waiter and then came back to school to finish her degree. Now as her master's degree, but it was working as a waiter for a lot of that time. And it's a very viable way to do things. And now with the job market, we should be so lucky to be able to be a waiter if you don't have a job. So that is not the loser thing. It's her putting her sister down based off of a high school status, which is already to borrow your word bullshit. And holding on to high school is embarrassing at a certain age. It gets embarrassing. It's like you got to move on from that. You'll be the next carrot boy. Yeah. Boom. And you don't want to do that. And we're back. And we're back. Okay. Our next story. Another today I messed up. These are relatable to me more than any of the other categories. Well, because you mess up all the time. Fuck you. Not the, oh. I got moved out of a dance circle. I get to say whatever. And you can. Am I the asshole for saying my friend messes up when she really does all the time? I'm telling the truth. You walked towards that for his beat. You walked into it. Today I messed up by accidentally revealing my Reddit to one of my high school students. That's rough. That's, that's rough. You cannot reveal that you're a Redditor. Right. During my second year at my current school, I, a 25 year old man, was teaching a cover lesson. Normally during a cover lesson, I'm a lot more relaxed since the work is usually simple and the kids know it's just trying to fill the hour. I got chatting with a couple of students about Reddit and talked about a post I'd made which I thought was a fairly ambiguous and buried and totally safe for work anyway. The students I was talking to were two lads, both around 14 or 15 and both pretty nice kids who I have a good relationship with. Little did I know, one of them would go all super sleuth and track down the post. It must have taken him ages since the post was at least four months old at this point and my username contained nothing related to anything I could be identified by. A couple of days later, I see one of the lads on the corridor and he says, what would you do if you were a girl for a day, sir? At first, I have no idea what he's talking about, but then his smirk helps the horror melt into my brain. A day or two previous, I had rather immaturely answered that question on Ask Reddit with finger blast myself into oblivion. After a mad dash across the school to the staff room, which is the only place in the school that I get signal, my Reddit account was no more. Dude. So he was talking about a post he'd made on his Reddit account. They went and found his Reddit account where you can not only see the post you made, but all the replies, all the replies you do to everything else and he had answered the question, what would you do if you were a woman for a day and he said finger blast himself into oblivion. This is a teacher of teenage students. That's a huge mistake. I don't want to laugh. I also, I want to, you can laugh. I'm not laughing back here. Art did do a good job with the set. You're right. We're looking at it. Finger blast into oblivion. What's in the name of oblivion? It's that. Finger blasts myself the more wind. So, nerds out there. When he said like, yeah, little did I know this 15 year old would be super sleuth, buddy, we live in a different age. I can't imagine going to school in this day and age with digital footprints being that big where you could find your teacher in a second and you could find anything they've never done in a second. Could you imagine if we were teachers? Oh, God. They'd be able to find the most cringe shit of me. Can't. Yeah. What? You can't. You can't. It's just like, it is wild to live in a world where everything's online so you can just find your teacher or your therapist or like you could find anybody out there and be like, this is what you posted back then. I almost feel like though, we've, it's so much for us. It's so much that we're kind of vulnerable. We can't be harmed because we've embarrassed ourselves in every kind of way. No, you're right. Here's what I think is embarrassing about this over what we do. What part of this is embarrassing is that it was anonymous. Yeah. He had anonymously answered this question. He didn't say this publicly. He said this in private. Yeah. And then they found like that in the privacy of his home by himself, he wrote this. That is exactly the point. And that's what's rough. It's different than if they found a video of him hanging out with his friends and he said that. And he was like, I don't know when was 9-11. And it was like. He was on camera. He knew. Yeah. Let's do it. He did not know this was public. Yeah, exactly. But like this is, this is, I can't, I can't get over the failure of my second. It's a very funny answer. For your teacher to say. But like, what do you do now? Because even though he's like, oh, I deleted the account. It's like, okay, well, the kid knows almost guarantee we screenshot of it. Oh yeah. Well, that's why I think we've talked about this before on episodes where we're like, gosh, are there HRs? At schools? Because like, it's just such, it's like a walking HR violation. Like that one woman who found out that those boys were like watching her. Oh my God. Yeah. And she was like in the bathtub. Like it's just, it's weird. I don't know how teachers can really have this. We call it the super intended. How do you do that? Like, how do you get on, like how do you, how do you honestly get on a dating app? Like, even if you like, just anything online, like how do you put yourself out there in a horrible way at all? I think it's a matter of like keeping those boundaries, you know, and it's hard too because like, I'm sure if you see your students every day, it's almost like seeing a coworker every day in a weird way, but it's not. So I was watching like the most recent Reddit stories that came out as the time of filming this and there was the one with the teacher that was like, yeah, it turns out my husband's been cheating with this other person and multiple other people he likes redheads. And now I have to tell all my students that like the, the man I love and have been gushing about, you know, why aren't I talking about him anymore? I'm like, yeah, and that's awful. But like, maybe you shouldn't have any part of your personal life with your students in the first place. I don't, it's got to be a hard line to walk. It's a tough job. Yeah. I had a lot of actor teachers, like acting coaches. Acting coaches. No, but I just mean like I was in LA, like a lot of my math teachers were like also actors and like, I remember like our one teacher was like our science teacher. Like we, we saw an episode of like CSI with her on there. I was gonna say like a procedural. Laugh that or so hard. Like, like we were like, where's Mrs. Blah Blah Blah on the episode of CSI? Like we were like, we thought it was so silly. When you're a kid, it's weird to see like your authority figures being human. Yes, it's like that. It's like that quote where it's like seeing a teacher outside is like seeing a dog on his hind legs where it's like, I don't know. Like wait, you do things? Yeah. It's weird. I remember seeing a martial arts teacher because I took karate for like most of my youth. I remember seeing one of those teachers at Blockbuster and I was just like, my brain was like fried. I was like, I don't, what is going on here? You're not in your gi. Yeah. I think she actually was. I think she's coming from martial arts. Well then very easy to respond. Why aren't you renting a kung fu movie? Yeah. It was like, it doesn't make sense. Our final story comes from Today I Messed Up. Again. Today I messed up by telling my kid to throat punch his bully at school. So it just like stumble out of your mouth? No, it takes too much. Did you trip and say it? I actually said it. Actual fuck up happened yesterday at the dinner table after school. After effects of my fuck up have me currently at the ER getting my son checked out for anaphylactic shock. Yesterday my- He stopped to shrimp down his throat. Yeah. My kid came home and was obviously upset. So I asked him what was wrong. He's eight so he still talks to me about this stuff. He proceeds to tell me that at lunch another kid in his class is bullying him about his peanut allergy saying that he's faking his allergy and that he's going to wipe some peanut butter on him to prove that he is faking. My kid says to him that he isn't faking and that he could die just from touching peanut butter. Another kid said he didn't care and that he wanted him to die anyway. At this point my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunch room monitor who both know about this allergy and they were able to intervene yesterday. I had a long talk with my kid about doing the right thing and telling the teacher and not letting this other kid make him lash out. Then we talked about the hard part. Now I'm sure I'm going to generate some hate with some people here with what I told him next and that's fine. We are allowed to have differing opinions but I'm not apologizing to anyone for teaching my kid to stand up and defend himself. Every time we talked about doing the right thing and doing everything you can to avoid a bad situation I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself and that should always be the absolute last resort. When he asked what I meant I told him that kid as long as the bully is only taunting him with words then he should always walk away. But if he ever did try to put peanut butter on you then you hit him as hard as you can with the side of your hand in the throat. Kind of like a throat chop. Then you stop unless the bully keeps trying. Fast forward to this very afternoon and I get a call from the principal of the school saying that my son assaulted another student and needed to be picked up. I asked what happened and of course they won't talk about it over the phone but I smiled a little bit because I already knew. I get to school and I see my kid sitting in the office tears streaming down his face so I walk in and the principal tries talking to me but I blow right past her and ask my kid what happened. He says the bully had peanut butter on his fingers and he was threatening to wipe it on his face. Then my kid said that he did what I told him to do and hit the kid in the throat because he wiped peanut butter on his arm. I looked at his arm that was pretty swollen up and asked him if he was having trouble breathing. Kid said he was fine just a little shaky. At this point the principal interrupts with her. Mr. So-and-so we can't just have kids hitting other children just because they had a little peanut butter wiped on them. Kids do this kind of thing we're going to have to suspend him for a few days. It's obvious to me that principal is clueless about the peanut allergy so I cut her off and asked my kid if he told the bully to stop before he hit the other kid. He said yes I yelled at him several times that I'm allergic to peanut butter and told him to stop and he just kept acting like he was going to wipe it on me. Now the principal has a shocked look on her face. I asked to see the video from the cafeteria and sure as shit my kid can be seen and heard screaming and trying to back away from his bully. At the point where it looks like the bully grabs my kid's arm my kid yells at the top of his little lungs I told you to stop. Then he grabs the bully by the arm pulls him towards himself and executes the best clothes line I've ever seen anyone do and floors this kid. Then my kid sits down and starts crying in the middle of the cafeteria. At this point I told the principal that if my kid isn't allowed back at school tomorrow I was consulting with a lawyer about the attempted murder of my son. I also said that assuming he didn't have any other ill effects from this I would be fine not pressing charges against the school and the bully since it looks like he may have already learned his lesson. Since I didn't get a response and it's been about a half an hour since the peanut butter was wiped on my kid's arm I picked him up and left to take him to the ER to get checked out. About ten minutes ago I got a call from the school board superintendent saying that the school board has decided to let my kid come back to school tomorrow. At number one kid has a clean bill of health from the hospital swelling is starting to go down after some epinephrine. At number two kid got cookies and cream ice cream. At number three I have been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon. We'll update afterwards. Did the principal and them just not review the footage? I guess they're not thinking to do that. So you haven't been to public school Shane? I guess that's true. I went to elementary school and stuff but uh wow like just to like call him in and be like yeah and then he asked for the footage then they watch it and the principal's like oh. They do like a football sidelines playback? Yes they do. 30 for 30. There you can see the kid. And then we saw the best clothesline we've ever seen in our life. Oh and Mollie you got an arm on that kid. Look out for the NFL. Your kid's the real deal. He was the next linebacker. The height difference was like oh fffwa and you're like that's Heisman right there. Uh I mean. This is loaded. I mean hey the kid tried to murder him. Yeah that is people talk about peanut allergies like yeah seriously be careful but like if someone's doing that that is attempted murder and it doesn't matter if you're eight years old or not like kids can really hurt other kids. Totally. The teachers weren't doing anything about it. If you were screaming at the top of his lungs like you know violence is a last resort and I maybe wouldn't have personally been like yeah just punch his throat that one specific spot that's kind of hard to reach. Like it's that's a specific way to be like this is the one move you know but like. Oh my god. It's like when Hamilton tells his kid go do a challenge him to a duel. Ooh. And then he challenges him to a duel and there's spoiler alert if you have. Hamilton spoilers. If you haven't seen the show or history. Sorry you were saying. No I'm just saying like violence is not the answer generally but like that is defending your life. Right. A kid did say like I don't I'm gonna kid basically threatened his life. Yeah they oh I forgot about the kid that said I want to kill you. Yeah. And he also told the kid like if you wipe it on me I'm going to die and he's like no and it's like it doesn't matter at that point like it's like if you you know release the arrow from the bow and arrow straight at my brain I'm going to die. No it doesn't matter. Yeah you've got to. If I yeah another another kid said he didn't care and that he wanted him to die anyways. Oh my god if I hear that stage. You see you see I'm in the corner. A frisbee comes flying. Hits that kid right in the face and I'm like. Because what he brought up all the things before he's like you gotta talk you gotta find all the ways not to have this happen. Scream. In life like as a I'm not a parent but as a parent I feel like you're you're setting your kid up for like how life works. It's like in life you can't just resort to violence or else you will end up in prison or or like just sued or just horrible situations. Life is unfair and you have to play your cards right and he's like here's all these cards and once your hand is out and then they're coming at you with peanut butter. The last the last move is the throat chop. Do you think you tell your kid just for the sake of conversation just for the sake of conversation. Do you think you tell your kid to run away or run to a teacher. That's what he said first. He said that if you can get if you can get away if like but use your words. You can't use you can't get a teacher there. Absolutely can't if you're in the situation you gotta do this and I'm not being like he should have done that. I just am like how much like is it. This is why I can't even imagine parenting is like do you like instill fight or flight like what is better is running away or or is fight like it's so layered and like. I think also realistically in life there's sit there situations where both yeah right like that's what's complicated. Yeah like it's just like when kids with kids like you deal with situations that you just hope you don't deal with as much as an adult but like kids are vicious like it is good to like show your kid that you could stand up for yourself. I think it's just like a scary territory to get into it is because there isn't necessarily a right answer and I think when it when it comes to consequences fight usually has a lot more like no one's going to be like well I proved he was the stronger kid you did it like there's always going to be something that comes with it but when it comes to protecting your life or the lives of someone you know like and it's just yeah. It's tough it's a tough reality. Comments 10 out of 10 response your kids life was legit and danger that's the only way to defend himself after screaming and demanding to be left alone. Yeah he could have died. No he didn't. Personally I would be proud of my son and probably reward him for defeating himself. Someone said teacher here I'm missing the part where you fucked up. Opie left a comment saying honestly I'm proud of him. I just don't know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence. Yeah. Not that I disagree with what he did I just don't want that to be the point of this whole thing. Yeah. I agree with that. I would say you don't want to like teach like that's how you do it. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that. Like����� I wanna reaffirm that you did the right thing at that point because you tried everything else first. And I'm like, you know, my parents put me in karate as a kid so that I could learn how to defend myself. And that was kind of the point where it's like, hey, if you ever had to, you would at least know in your mind that you maybe can and have a better shot at that than just being like, I don't know what to do. But it's- For sure, for sure. This is like one of those, it should be rare that it's like it should come down to like, you're in a corner and they are grabbing you and they have peanut butter. I liked that the teacher piped up in there and was like, I don't see a problem. Someone replied to OP saying, you could phrase it something like, I saw the video footage of what happened. You were really brave, stood up to the bully and tried to resolve things peacefully. You only resorted to hitting him when it was absolutely necessary. And I'm proud of you for showing such restraint while you were scared. Put the emphasis on the behavioral pattern of restraint rather than the actual fighting part. I agree with that. And I'd say praise him for being like, you hit him and then you stopped. And that's what you're supposed to do. Like you stop as soon as the danger is gone. I'd say maybe don't sit down and cry after. You gotta hit a pose of some kind. Yeah. Just like. You gotta hit a taunt. You gotta be like, huh, you surely don't think you can defeat me. Round two goes to Benjamin. That's so funny. Round two. That the keyboard sits. And then you gotta be like carrot boy. That's hip hop. And then you take the peanut butter and you go, yeah. I'm allergic. I'll see you in hell, motherfucker. Which one of us breathes again first? Yeah. The kids on the ground just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, motherfucker. Okay. Update. Update. Two days later, just left the meeting which wasn't with the school board as I was led to believe on the phone. It was with the principal and a legal representative from the school board. I had a lawyer with me prior to this meeting and we discussed what I wanted out of this meeting. My main concerns were making sure that there was a procedure in place to keep allergens away from my child, ensuring that this child has no ability to assault my child again. I also wanted to know how it was that the principal wasn't informed or aware of my child's allergy prior to trying to tell me that he was gonna be suspended. Lawyers talked legal stuff for a little bit while I listened and the principal listened. Eventually my turn to talk came and I simply explained points one and two above. I also asked why the principal didn't take time to assess the whole situation. The explanation I got was that she was told by the monitor that it was almond butter, not peanut butter, by the monitor. So she really didn't look further into it which I can understand her point but it doesn't make things any better from my perspective. So cut and dry stuff first. The bully child has been moved to a different school. Unfortunately, I don't have any legal recourse to find out which school he has been moved to and frankly, don't care. Cafeteria monitor has been fired. I didn't hear this at the meeting but my son's teacher called last night after school and told me. I asked why and I was told that she was distracted by her phone when all of the commotion started which explains why this was allowed to progress in the first place. Based on the recommendation of a friend, thanks AX and many of you via private message, I requested and was accommodated with an allergy free table at our school. And I'm being told every other school in the district will be implementing one as well. Where children with known allergies will eat lunch at and anyone who eats with them will have their lunches inspected by a teacher and a monitor to ensure no allergens are present. Now the weird stuff. The kid probably did wipe almond butter on my son. The kid's parents found out through a mutual friend where we lived and showed up at my house last night. The bully kid was very apologetic to me and asked if he could apologize to my son which I said yes of course to. I invited parents and son into the living room and this child started crying and said he didn't mean to hurt my son. My son started crying as well and said he didn't wanna hit him and he apologized as well. Then the parents asked bully child to explain what happened. So apparently this kid likes peanut butter and almond butter and has almond butter on a sandwich and a little pack of peanut butter in his lunch for crackers. Bully child thought it would be funny to continue the tormenting from the previous day and said something about putting peanut butter on my son and put a little bit on his fingers to make him think it was peanut butter. Then he wiped them off afterwards and got some of the almond butter from his sandwich and that's what was on his hands when he grabbed my son's arms. I can only guess that there was a little peanut residue left on the bully's hands when he grabbed my son which explains the subdued swelling reaction. I asked the kid if he knew what a peanut allergy actually does to a person which to the other parents credit they had actually made him read WebMD about it and he explained the whole inability to breathe and some other things his mind grasped on to. So I took the opportunity to show this young man the EpiPen needle. We have one that we've had to use previously just for show and tell purposes that you have to stick a person with it in an anaphylactic shock scenario. Then I gave him the trainer unit and showed him where it goes and how to press the button. Yes, I told him it was the trainer unit but I really thought hard about not telling him. I ultimately decided against that because that wouldn't make me any better than the bully kid in front of me. When the button activated, I think he jumped about 15 feet in the air and he was obviously scared. Parents apologized again as did the bully kid. I told all of them I was satisfied that a lesson was learned here and I wouldn't be pursuing any additional charges against the kid or his parents. Yeah, I know you can roast me for it with downvotes. As the parents and bully kid are leaving, my son runs right past us and gives the bully a hug and tells him that he hopes he isn't in too much trouble. I love this kid. This is so sweet. I was asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement which I of course declined. I want my options open to me in case something like this happens again. Until then, I'm letting this die. Well, I think that's a great, I think once you have that pressing charges, like, I don't know, I guess I don't, this is a personal opinion, but in our country, the desire to sue, I think only makes, has made things worse often. Sometimes it's justified, but most of the time, it's like, what are you doing? I've only seen situations that make sense. There was one recently where an aunt broke her arm because of a 10-year-old nephew and is suing the 10-year-old nephew. And everyone's like, that's awful. The point was the insurance, or the payments were so much that because they had insurance, she had to sue so that insurance would pay her and not the family. If you're in desperate need of money because of a situation that was caused, I guess, but like, in this situation, I don't think. But I mean, this is best case scenario. I gotta say, I'm shocked. Because typically you'd expect a bully to not have parents who are down for teaching a lesson. Usually it's like, oh, and we're gonna find out why you're a bully. Yeah. But no, I would feel like my head goes to, oh, shit, the parents. Yeah, you never know, yeah. Like, that's what's so scary. So they found my house and showed up. I'm like, that's not what I thought. Because he also said, now the weird stuff. Every part of this, he's been like, I know you guys are gonna be mad at me, but I taught my son self-defense. And everyone's like, yeah! And then he's like, hate me if you want, downvote me, but I'm not gonna sue the nice family. I'm like, what do you think? Like, I think people are gonna like me. I know, it's like, now the weird stuff. They came over and the bully learned a lesson. They hugged and I thought it was kind of weird. And everything worked out. It's like, that's weird to you? We don't hug in my family. Probably just them showing up, but. Here's what I'm gonna end this episode with. That ended very sweet. Summer games, not gonna end that way. That's the truth. It's gonna end with drama. The superintendent from that last story didn't even show up to that meeting. I'm gonna be showing up and making sure y'all meet with some drama. Hell yeah. All right, thanks for watching. Check out Summer Games on the pit and games channels. It's going for another week. You gotta keep watching. All right, we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Bye. Happy birthday. Fits your birthday.