I REFUSED to wear my mother-in-law’s gift… because I want to honor someone else! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2670

Hey, this is Angie. And this is Carly, your favorite OK Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up. But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from our sponsors that keep the show alive. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. I refused to wear my mother-in-law's gift because I want to honor someone else. Well then, do it. On my honor as a gentleman. Hi, my wedding is next week, and on Thursday, my soon-to-be-mother-in-law gifted me a very extravagant necklace set. I thanked her for it, and then she said it would look good at the wedding on me. I kind of froze and did not know what to say because it seemed like it was assumed I would wear it. I was caught off guard and did not want to react poorly in the moment. By the way, this comes from user Heavy Leading1937. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Sophia. And I'm Vincent. And we're here to give good advice, Goofley. But we don't have all the answers to all life's questions. We only know what we know. So if you know stuff that we don't know, why don't you tell us in the comments? As OP says, I had been planning on wearing my late grandma's necklace that she had left for me. I was very close to my maternal grandparents. My parents are doctors, and because they had long hours, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and became very close to them. As it is, I already get a bit sad knowing that they're not here for my wedding and wearing her necklace felt meaningful to me. I brought this up with my fiance and my parents. My fiance says he understands what I'm coming from, but mentioned that his mom really likes me and gave the gift with a lot of love. He said it would hurt her if I didn't wear it and that it could lead to misunderstandings in a new relationship. He also said that I obviously have the final say, but he wanted me to think about all of that before deciding. OK. Did we think about just freaking telling the mother-in-law this for God's sakes? What? That's so weird of him. He's like, obviously you have the final say, but I'm going to make you feel really bad and also guilt trip you. Now what do you say? My mom is really sympathetic to me too, but she also said that my grandma would understand. She echoed my fiance sentiment that my mother-in-law had given the necklace with love and good intentions. I understand all of that, and I genuinely like my mother-in-law. She is a sweet woman, and I don't want to look difficult or ungrateful by rejecting such a generous gift. At the same time, I really want to wear my grandma's necklace. It feels personal, emotional, and important to me on this specific day. I'm struggling with how to balance honoring my grandmother while also navigating my relationship with my future mother-in-law. Would that make me an a-hole? And there is an edit. I'm editing this to paste my answer to a suggestion in the comments about wearing a different necklace to the ceremony versus the reception. Yeah, I could do that. The only thing is that both events are not the same for us culturally. We are an immigrant family, so when I say wedding, I'm talking about the RUXATI event, which is the main one where I symbolically leave my parents' household and leave with my husband, and where basically anyone we remotely know is invited. A couple of days later is the VALIMA, which is essentially a reception by the new couple. In our case, it's a far smaller event. I would be okay with wearing my mother-in-law's necklace at the VALIMA, but my mother-in-law had wanted me to wear it at the RUXATI. That is where my hesitation and emotional conflict really come from. I feel like you just go to your mother-in-law and say, Hi, I really appreciate and I'm deeply touched that you have offered me your jewelry, and I would love to wear it at this event. However, I have already promised my grandmother that I would wear her jewelry for this event. Yeah, I think if your mother-in-law really likes you that much and cares about you that much, if you tell her, Hey, I already had a plan to wear my deceased grandmother's necklace. My cat's name is Karen saying that Julie has a significant meaning in Indian wedding ceremonies. So I wonder if it means, like, do we know exactly how much it means? Oh, so maybe that's it. It's like, she's like, you should wear this because we're going to for you and I love you. And if you don't, that would make me feel bad. Yeah, I mean, there are different pieces of jewelry. Like you can have like the bangles and stuff, which I have a lot of meaning and stuff, but I think regardless, you have the same answer. It's, I've been asked to wear this piece already and I would love to wear the piece that you've given me at a different event. I think it's kind of the same answer. But we have some comments here. Comment one, you'd have been fine if you just told her immediately what you were wearing and why. Comment two says, I think it's rather presumptuous to give somebody a necklace less than two weeks before their wedding with the expectation they wear it on their wedding day. All of this stuff would have been worked out already. I think she would understand. Comment three says, not the a-hole, but talk to your mother-in-law and explain to her that you love what she got you, but you always envisioned and have been planning on wearing your grandmother's necklace. Comment four, no a-holes here. Could you wear your grandma's necklace for the ceremony and the new one for the reception? Oh, he says, the stuff we already heard. Comment five, I don't know what the necklaces look like or how big they are, but is it possible to wear both at the same time? Get a little stack going. Opie says, I tried that. Hers is quite a bit on its own. Adding my grandma's to it makes the whole thing look gaudy. I think gaudy can be cool. Yeah, but also no. Okay, fair enough. Comment number six, I'd have a conversation with my mother-in-law and be honest and say what a predicament you're in. If she seems to not be immediately, oh gosh, darling, of course she should wear your grandma's necklace, then ask her opinion on what to do. Willst steering towards your grandma's necklace. So it feels like she has made the decision for you, but really it was yours all along. Ooh, we're playing mind games now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Win! Opie says, yeah, I'm gonna have to talk to her if I decide to go with my grandma's like I want to. I'll have to break it to her and hope it goes well. I really messed up by letting this drag on since Thursday. I should have spoken up on the spot. Yes, you should have. I've just been delaying it because if I did decide to compromise and go with hers, there is no reason to talk to her at all about this in that case. And there's an update. Yeah, go talk to your mom and your meal. Your mama-law. Mama-law. Talk to your mama-law. Now, say don't delay. My necklace from my grandma is the one I'm wearing to the Rukshatya Lala. I was trying to continue the vibe. It didn't work. It didn't work at all. Yeah, but like you were almost there. Thanks for all the advice in my last post. I truly appreciate it. I agree with what some had said that I should have just spoken up at the time. I messed up. I just froze and I guessed stupidly. I thought it would all magically go away. I've considered a lot of the comments and their suggestions. So my mother-in-law's necklace is quite a handful on its own. Adding that to my grandma's necklace would leave no breathing room for my neck. It would take away from my bridal dress. But the most important suggestion was the one I'd been avoiding, which was to talk to her directly. I stopped by her place yesterday after doing some shopping. I went by myself. I brought up the issue and thanked her again for her gift. I told her I'm sorry I delayed this, but I had my heart set on wearing my late grandma's necklace for the main wedding event. She asked to see it. I showed her the pictures of how it looked on me with my bridal dress. And she gently said she thought the necklace she was giving had more work done and would bring out my dress better. She's like, I think it looks bad. Mine's prettier. Mine is better. Have we thought about how your grandmother's necklace, your family heirloom is ugly? Yeah, have we, have you ever considered that your grandma had some garbage, stank-taste? Your grandma had bad taste and I have good taste. And it's going to make your, your dress look like you're wearing a garbage bag. And you couldn't choose whatever you want, but that would be the wrong choice. Yeah, you can choose to look ugly on your wedding, or you can choose to look like the most beautiful person who's ever lived. You decide. It's all your choice. And I have no feelings about it either way. No, completely unbiased. I said that I get that it looks good, but I'd always wanted to wear it. I was close to her and this necklace was the only piece of wealth my grandma had taken with them when they had migrated, when my native country had gotten independence in the 40s. I guess she could see I was getting stressed and she said it was fine. I can wear hers at the reception, the Valima. But at the main wedding event, the Ruxati, which has essentially everyone we know invited, we could do a gifting event on the stage where she could give me the entire set and all other gifts they've gotten me with pictures taken of all of it. I said that would work out great. I hope she didn't take it the wrong way and it didn't sound like she did, at least. I'm glad I cleared it because this had been at the back of my mind along with all the other wedding stresses. So at least it's one less thing to worry about. Thank you for the help. And we have some comments here. But before we do... I feel like it went well. I mean, regardless of her insulting your grandmother's jewelry, seems like it went well. I don't know. One of our commenters, Shawnee OP says, this is a Muslim wedding, not Hindu. Oh, everyone else in the comments lied. Thank you, Shawnee OP for correcting. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Pakistan got independence in the 40s. Yeah, that makes sense. Where's that the 50s? I don't know. That does make sense. There's a lot of overlap in certain cultural things though. Yeah. In terms of like even Pakistani winnings. Right next to India. Comment one, I'm glad it worked out in a way that you're comfortable with. And it sounds like she was concerned about your perspective too. So that's a big positive in your new mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship. Comment two, maybe send her a thoughtful gift or note that again tells her how important she is. And how excited you are to be a part of their family. How much you appreciated her thoughtful compromise suggestion, etc. Spread some honey so things continue to be smooth. Think honey makes things sticky. That's true. Comment three. Ah, exactly what I thought it was. She wanted to show off as the generous mother-in-law in front of everyone. Comment four, I don't like how she said her necklace would look better than your grandma's. And the fact that you had to justify two or your reasons for preferring your grandma's necklace. And the fact that fiance also tried to guilt you to go with his mom's necklace over your grandma's. Something to watch out for for the future. You are his wife now. He should be your number one cheerleader, not his mom's. Don't really think that's what was going on, but anyway. But I'm glad your future mother-in-law gave in in the end. Also learn from this for future interactions with her. If something is important to you, fight for it. Be it your kids, their names, who gets to be there in the hospital when they are born. Or how soon you host visitors to see your newborn. Or where you spend all your holidays, etc. All issues that could potentially cause issues with in-laws. Especially if you're not on the same page with your spouse. Have a lovely wedding. Aw. Comment five. It's a little worrying that she still pushed you, but thankfully she relented in the end. You're probably going to have to be vigilant with your mother-in-law in the future. I think she would absolutely stomp a boundary if you let her. There is a final comment here. A sixth and final comment. Oh boy. And here it is. I think you got good advice and a good outcome. But in the future, you're going to get more nuanced opinions from subreddits with folks who understand the cultural aspect. I'm assuming you're having an Islamic wedding. My understanding is the rksati is when you symbolically leave home for your in-laws. And gifts can be a part of this as a way to welcome you to the family. It is a totally appropriate option to resolve this, and that seems to be lost on people. It's not the same as say a mother-in-law standing up in a Western Catholic wedding reception to hand over jewelry. There's also a cultural element to jewelry here. Gold jewelry has historically been a way for women to hold their own wealth. It is a safety net and a way for autonomy in bad situations. Your grandmother keeping this necklace is so symbolic and it makes sense why it means so much. Your mother-in-law wanting to give you a necklace is also cultural and is very specifically a gift to you. It is also a part of the same history. That history is all really important because you weren't doing this to be difficult. And she wasn't doing this to be a boundary-stopping villain. You were both attempting to honor traditions that affect you both, and you came to a solution. All good things. I agree. I feel like there was no issue here, except I didn't really like the husband being like, well, my mom's gonna hate you forever. But that's like your choice. She didn't really say that. He kind of did though. He was kind of like, it might affect your relationship with my mom literally forever. Which I feel like it was so completely fine. All good things. And just like all good things, they must come to an end. True. And the story has done that. And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go on to the next one. My in-laws resent me because I took away my fiance from them. He's my fiance. Am I the petty a-hole? I, female 41. And my fiance, 34 male, have been engaged for a little over 18 months and have known one another for six years. We get along great and are best friends and treat each other with respect and completely support one another. By the way, this comes from NoPresence5765. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay, storytime subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Dakota. I'm Carly, eventually Vincent. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says, Our relationship started when he was selling something we collect. We collect jointly on Facebook. And from that sales, and we started talking more, became friends, and then three years ago finally took the time to meet in person. We live 500 miles apart and in completely different states. I in Michigan, he in central Illinois, which wasn't a problem. When we finally met in person, it was beyond what I could have dreamed, what my childhood ideals were. Well, blown out of the water to how wonderful and kind he is. Let's call my fiance, Dante. After picking me up at the airport, we made our way to the family farm and met his parents. First meeting was nice. They were civil and friendly. I ended up staying about a week before heading back to my home state. Things between Dante and I were more than dreamlike and were so amazing as months passed. His younger sister invited me to her wedding, which was held in June that year. So I made the second trip down and we had a grand trip. I enjoyed every moment. Dante's parents were still being civil and it asked us to help with caring for a few things. Running last minute errands for finalizing things. No biggie. I offered to help with setup and getting things ready out of the kindness of my heart. That visit went well. The wedding had a few hiccups, but nothing major. Fast forward last year, started out rough for me. My father had some serious health issues and ended up being put into hospice, where he passed away at home, per his wishes. I was there helping support my mom and my father through this process. I was beyond shattered. We had time to cope knowing it was coming. But when it came down to it, the loss of a parent or even a loved one in general is hard to deal with. Yeah. Absolutely. That's what they say. I had kept Dante in form what was going on and even being so many miles apart, he was my rock. Dante had met my parents and they had become fast friends and adored him. He and my dad had weekly conversations about what was going on at the farm and where my fiance worked, since we are both used to the agricultural side of life. My father had passed. Dante made the trip up to support and be with me, as I was completely at a loss. His parents had made the rude comment to him that he didn't know my family anything, that he didn't know as well enough to make the trip up and support us in our time of grief. Red flag one. You guys were together at that point, no? Yeah, this just sounds like weird vibes. Weird bad vibes. He did anyway and helped me cope with the loss. We made plans for the end of June, early July, to have him come up for some vacation time. I had it all planned out. I figured heading to the UP was a perfect getaway. I hadn't been up there in some years and thought he would enjoy seeing some of the spots I spent time at growing up that were further north. Time for a vacation time. And just so we all know, UP stands for the Upper Peninsula. I didn't know that, thank you. That's the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Time for a vacation time. Dante was excited to head up and see other spots of my childhood. We took back roads to avoid the S-curves and Grand Rapids, hit some lovely antique spot along the way, stopped and hit some old stomping grounds before we arrived in Mackinaw City where we camped. Yes, we camped rustically where we could see the Mighty Mac Bridge. We had gotten out to stretch and relax before setting up the tent. Our toes were in Lake Huron when he asked a couple nearby to record us. He proposed to me. With your little piggies in Lake Huron? And it was fairy tale perfect. We got a round of congratulations from the couple. I feel like that is so much pressure for that other couple. If you're like handed a phone and you're like, hey, can you record this? Like what if you take a picture? Yeah, you just start recording and you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, okay. Sorry. Lighting someone, someone, someone flashlight please. You were just like, if it was me, I'd probably end up doing the thing where you like, you just are taking a bunch of selfies. Like wait, wait. To leave on their phone and then they start proposing. I'd be like, imagine you miss the moment because you're like taking selfies. Yeah. You're just like, okay guys, have a good one here. Oh no. That would be, yeah, I'd be running away so fast. I'd steal the phone. I just, I would throw it in the lake. Do it again. And go, and then I would also jump in the lake. Yeah. Because they're not going to follow me into the lake. That's crazy. I just screamed. They're going to let me swim away. And you threw their phone in the lake. That's going to be a little more problematic. Yeah, probably. And we stayed on the beach for a few more minutes before setting up for the night. The next day we made our way across the bridge after we played tourist in the area, even doing a lighthouse tour. We made our way further north and enjoyed our time together. We walked, took Guamanan Falls, and then added towards our final camping spot along Lake Superior. When I say this, let me say we could see the lake from our site, which was about 1000 yards from the lake. We stayed there two nights, and surprisingly, the lake was quite calm for those days. The final night we enjoyed the sunset and the lake was mirror calm. It was perfect. Everything with Dante has been perfect even since then. After our vacation, and he headed back to Illinois, things on his side of the family got more interesting. They didn't offer help to find a house for us. They were strongly against us getting engaged, saying that he's not known me long enough. We've been good at ignoring that for the most part. I kept in mind that we had to be living fairly close to the family farm, so that when he had to do checks during calving season, he was near enough, and was closer to where I would transfer to once we found a home together. We finally found one end of November, jumped on it, and closed within a short amount of time. His parents have only been in our house two times since then, even after offering to host some of the holidays just to have more space. That's been shot down. The last time they were here, all we heard was his mom critiquing how we had things set up. That's some of the prints she had gotten him, would get ruined in the basement, though our basement is very dry and no issues. I had made supper, and they visited and then basically ran. I love taking photos as a hobby, and like going to the farm and taking pictures of all the cattle and things that inspire me around there. Well, this year, after having helped with some of the chores during last calving season, I've now been told I'm not welcome out there unless Dante is there with me. Mind you, I've been around livestock my entire life, more horses than cattle, but the mindset is still the same. Whatever, move on. Sister becomes pregnant, has the baby, and they do it on them like no other. Things are planned more around the convenience for them. At first, I don't mind, but then being excluded from things started to be noticed. His dad was making the effort to keep Dante at the farm longer, even though there was nothing going on. Them going out to lunch, even though I was home that day, and failed to invite me. We are 10 minutes from the farm, mind you. Well, since moving in, any time we've had get-togethers, I've been ignored to the point it's gotten me so mad. I can say I've become accustomed to that due to some family issues in the past, and just generally not feeling adequate by some people. As the holidays approached, I sent messages to future mother-in-law to see about plans for meals. Thanksgiving, I was ignored on messages sent and calls. Now, here we are, coming up to Christmas and getting the same thing. I called and got a response. The caller is not accepting calls at this time. Text gone on-scene. DM on Facebook, ignored. I now suspect she's blocked me. And it's like, good. Who, good riddance. Yeah, truly. It seems like they're just nasty. They're just nasty little folks. You and your husband, I got your own stuff to worry about now. Last night, sister-in-law, bless her for being so honest, came out with the truth. Dante's parents have stated to her that they flat out ate me. Why? Why? Because you stole a cowboy away from the farm. But the thing is that he lives 10 minutes away from the farm. That's 10 minutes too far away. What if the ponies need his help? Vincent, what are your thoughts about this? Of living 10 minutes away from a farm? Yeah. I mean- You're from a farm. I grew up on a farm and yeah, we had some cows. We normally have them close in the winter, in our feedlot, but we have pastures 10, 20 minutes, half an hour away sometimes. And we don't have a big herd. It's like 100 cattle. I don't know how big of a farm they're talking about. But if it's a small one, being 10 minutes away is nothing, man. Yeah. It ain't nothing. I mean, it is nothing. There you go. It's definitely jizzable. Yeah. I've been nothing but kind and supportive to their son. I've gone out of my way to prove how genuine I am and I'm nothing to hide. Several reasons she told was the age difference. Then the issue of my weight came in. I'm slightly heavier. As mother thinks, I have a multitude of health issues, which I don't. And it made comments about my fertility or the fact if we get pregnant, our child could have disabilities. His father has ignored any and all attempts to talk. I'm sorry. You mean like every child? Yeah. Like every pregnancy? Yeah. What do you mean? Just a lot of assumptions here. I've tried talking about the cattle, on hunting, on a number of topics just to be ignored. This Christmas is hitting me harder on the loss of my father and knowing next year, we are planning our wedding and he won't be there to walk me down the aisle. I have been struggling to look at his father as a father figure and I'm getting this reaction. It completely guts me. I'm now at the point that I know we need to have an open conversation to clear the air, but also know if that happens, I'm going to lose my temper. And show them just how bad my temper is and flat out tell them off. Dante says he will stop helping on the farm to cut them off completely, but I don't want that to come to either. As working cattle, he loves so very much, but I want to so badly tell them off on how selfish and stupid they're being. Am I the A-hole for wanting to do this or just completely wanting to wash my hands of being around them other than oddice? I don't even want them celebrating my birthday if they don't like me. It's that horrible. Dante worries I'll leave him due to their behaviors, but I won't as I'm so completely happy with him. And backstory. Yeah, I don't think you'll be leaving him unless he was like, well, that's all fine and that's all okay. Yeah, no, he's super supportive. And we should all accept that they hate you. Yeah, he was like willing to cut them off for you. So clearly you guys have a good relationship, which is good. But there is a little backstory. Guess the best way to summarize more of this is the fact that Dante has still been living at their home and working his butt off to the ground for basically free on the farm like he was barely getting paid for being on call 24 seven from December to April for calving season for doing all the grunt work, even as they have a hired hand who's worthless. But I took him away from them and out from under their thumb. I didn't mind the fact when we met he was staying at home yet just because of the situation with the farm. But it's been since that moment he's decided to be with me. I've been treated like crap by them. He was having health issues with severe GERD. And since we've been together, he's improved on that. He's eating healthier and a more diverse diet than what his mother was making. Also, we aren't eating out a lot. I just feel like I could be the a-hole if I finally fly off the handle at them. I would rather do it sooner than later. But in the thought of it being so close to Christmas, I'm at a loss. There is an update. Why don't you go freaking do that, man? Don't freaking do that. Why don't you just do that? There is an update to finish this story off. What do you think? Do I think you should fly off the handle? Probably not. You know, I don't think that. Do I think that you guys should just be like, hey, your behavior is gross and because you outwardly express how much you hate me or and then from your husband's perspective, my wife, we're not really going to be around. Unless you can chill out and apologize and be normal people. But that doesn't feel like that's going to happen. But I do think that you should really work on not flying off the handle. We shouldn't be solving any issues that we have with yelling or just a lack of control. Yeah. Once you fly off the handle, you leave the high road behind. So if you can, do your best to take the high road and be **** with kindness, but also draw that firm line. But there's a little bit left. Update. Future mother-in-law after asking Dante about our plans for Christmas and Dante repeatedly asking her if she's checked her messages admitted to blocking my number. Surprise. But this was due to the fact that when we were both super busy during the fall at our jobs, I picked up working at a grain elevator for harvest season. And we both were working 12 hour shifts. Had helped take our dog out to potty midday after her pushing boundaries and saying things to Dante, that he had no knowledge of the dog as he came down with me. Example, he's in a kennel in the kitchen so he can see the cats and not alone. She decided to put him in the spare bathroom and close the door. He was alone and couldn't see anything and panicked. So now we have to trim to repair. I had sent messages if she had questions to ask me. So now here we are at this stage and I've decided Sunday we will have our talk and clear the air. Our wedding more than likely is going to get moved ahead and a few changes too in that regard. As Dante's grandmother has staged for a **** and has been the only one of the family who has supported and loved me. Aww. I'm so sorry OP. When I had asked future mother-in-law, she said that it would be better just to go over and play cards with her. Sorry, breaking point reached and hearing. There are so many stipulations. They said, for me coming to the farm, I'm making it clear that I will not go anywhere if I'm not welcome. The soapbox drama will continue I'm sure, but I'm at least going to say my piece. And that is the end of that story folks. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here. And we're going to get back to the stories, but here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors. My in-laws gave me a gift and it was something I gave them already. They re-gifted your own gift back to you. I, 22 female and my partner 24 male just spent our first Christmas together as an engaged couple. We are still in college, so we didn't have a lot of money to spend this year. Instead, we volunteered as a Christmas gift to each other sporadically throughout the holiday season. Love that. By the way, this comes from DryBid5188, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time separate it. I'm Sophia. I am Darth Cota. I'm Vincent and we also have Carly back here. But OPI says, my fiance's dad, George, 61 male lost his job two years ago and has been struggling financially since. We invited him and my fiance's mother, Kaya, 58 female, to volunteer with us in lieu of gifts. They politely declined, but understood we couldn't afford monetary gifts this year. Lashed forward to a week before Christmas, they start calling and asking when we are getting together to exchange gifts. We re-explained that we couldn't afford gifts because of school. Price is going up everywhere, our rent just doubled, and we're struggling. They got upset saying the whole point of Christmas was to give to people you love. We apologized and said we'd love to spend time with them, but we can't afford gifts. Party day comes. We get there and begin our celebration. They were still not ready when we arrived. The house was a mess and none of the food was ready, which was fine of course. I offered to help in the kitchen, but I got snapped at by Kaya saying, you don't say that in this house. So we weren't allowed to help and could do nothing but watch as they ran around and got things ready. About 45 minutes later, everything was ready. Mark, my fiance, asked what we would be eating. Sloppy Joes with sesame seed, crusted bread. I am d***ly allergic to sesame seeds, and they've known this for four years that we've been together. Luckily, I brought my own sourdough bread that I made, so I was able to use that as my bread. And for dessert, we're gone. Bye. Which by the way, I'm also d***ly allergic to tree nuts. George made a joke about how they were just hick-man on and alive in me, which didn't land because I am not that close with them. It just felt weird and my laugh obviously came off as forced, which I feel bad about. A lot of awkward and uncomfortable conversations passed, and then we exchanged gifts. As I mentioned before, we couldn't spend money on gifts this year, but I still gifted them each a homemade sourdough loaf. That's a pretty good gift. Yeah, homemade loaf. Sourdough loaf? Pretty nice. Making loaves at home. That's how I do it. I put in different inserts based on what Mark told me they liked. So George got a chocolate cinnamon sourdough loaf. Kaya got a blueberry sourdough loaf. That sounds like a great gift. I want that. A blueberry sourdough loaf? They looked like they couldn't care less, which I tried not to act hurt about, but it obviously hurt. But they didn't even say thank you. When Kaya pulled out her gifts for me and Mark, she made a lot of comments about them to make us feel bad. She talked about how she spent a lot of money on them, and how it took her forever at the mall to pick the perfect gifts for us. It was obviously a dig at the non-monetary gifts we gave them. Are you really trying to play the card of like, oh yeah, it took me so long to pick out like a thoughtful gift. It's like, that's how it works. Yep. You got to go look for the thing. You got to go dig for them. I had to go to the mall and spend money to find your gift. And all you had to do is make me food from the bottom of your heart. Yeah, it's really not that crazy. When I opened mine, my heart sank. Silver earrings and a silver bracelet. A few things you should know about why this hurt my feelings. I'm allergic to silver. Yeah, you might be, or she should never wear a silver. Can you be allergic to silver? Oh yeah, you can be allergic to minerals. I'm allergic to silver. I'm allergic to silver. You're allergic to silver? I can only wear like certain types of silver, but most earrings I can't wear. So if you put this on, you would explode. I was going to say like a very common thing is that most girls can't wear regular earrings in their ears. And you need special silver earrings. Yeah, I can only wear sterling silver if it's like a non-allergenic one. So if you put this ring on. In my ear. On your finger. Oh, my finger is usually fine, but like my neck, I can't have cheap stuff. So your ears are allergic to silver and your neck is allergic to silver. Yeah. But not your fingers. I don't know. I feel like your fingers are. Dude, we're such interesting creatures. I feel like your hands are kind of rough and tumble, you know? But your ears are, it's like literally a hole in your skin, you know? Anyway. Wow. The first and least important thing is that I wear gold jewelry, which she knows because my engagement ring is gold. But like I said, not that important. I don't have my ears pierced. She has gifted me earrings for every celebration, which Mark has reminded her of. And she gifts them anyway. The box was old. It was nearly ripping at the hinges and the words were fading. It was juicy couture. The gems were broken, falling off and discolored with dirt. So very obviously old jewelry she didn't want anymore. It reeked of devil's lettuce. Both Kaya and George have their history with substances, albeit I know devil's lettuce isn't bad. But a few Christmases ago, Kaya was found passed away in the living room and had to be resuscitated. Oh my goodness. She was on strong substances. She was on the fence. She lied about her substance and booze use and mistreatment. She lied about her substance use problems. And this drove Mark to move out of the house. Mark's conditions on regaining contact with them were that they sought treatment. She has since claimed she has stopped drinking and smoking. I plastered a smile on my face and hugged her. She looked smug and proud and continued to talk about how they were the last ones on the shelf. And she just had to buy them despite the price. What shelf? The one in your room? I need to clarify that I wouldn't be upset if I was gifted something old. But she was using it as a weapon to hurt my feelings since I didn't buy anything from the store for Christmas. So obviously I'm very upset. A fresh baked loaf of sourdough. Didn't they say like blueberry sourdough? That's like a $10 loaf at a farmers market. That sounds delicious. There's something with humans and food where it's like one of the things that made us split off and become so successful is that instead of hoarding our resources, we began to share our resources. So like the act of a human giving another human food is like an ancient primal thing baked into us that is like an expression of care. So it's absurd. Eating was a communal thing. That's how we got clans and families stayed together in family groups. Yeah. So your gift is phenomenal. And their gift sucks. But that wasn't all. She also got us a gift card which was the same gift card I gifted them after George's knee replacement surgery. The card had our names on it in my handwriting. I was too scared to check and see if it had a balance on it. Shortly after that, we left. Now that a day has passed, I'm so angry. I feel like I was too nice and should have said something. Mark was also gifted his dad's old coat. This is a pattern for them. At our engagement party, they gifted us a key finder. And when Mark tried to hook it up, it came up as Mark's tracker. It was Mark's old key tracker that he left at their house. I know they struggle with money as well. And I've tried to make it very clear to them that I did not care what they spent on us, if anything at all. I wouldn't have cared if they came right out and said they wanted to give us things they've loved in the past, but don't find use for anymore and thought we would love. Beautiful. Love it. Would have been totally fine. But they tried to use it against us and made us feel guilty for spending money we don't have. This is just a new level of disrespect I didn't expect we would get from them. I have been nothing but nice and I don't know what to do aside from going no contact. You take back the loaves, you eat them. Eat those loaves. You take back those loaves. Eat those loaves. Eat the loaf. Now I'm trying to talk to my family about how hurt and upset I am and they're saying, I shouldn't say something and least of all should not cut contact. They're being too nice. They didn't see those smelly earrings. They are saying I'm overreacting for being angry and offended by it. They lied about so much, even their sobriety. I can't really hold that one against them. Yeah, that's kind of- I mean, you can, but it's like, I would just take all the jewelry that they got me that they're like, I would sell it all and then take the money and then buy myself something nice. I would give it back to them. Yeah, the old disgusting broken necklace or bracelet or whatever that was that smelled like Snoop Dogg's closet. Actually, his closet probably smells pretty nice. But yeah, I would give that one back a year later. It'd be like, you know, I found- It's so much time. I found this. I traveled to a boutique jewelry store across town and I saw this and I just knew you would love it. I spent so much money on it. Yeah, do it. Do it. Do it. My family is claiming that I was wrong for bringing bread as a gift and that money clearly matters to them. And I should have at least given them a gift card or something. They're telling me that they obviously have issues and that I should just have grace and let the moment pass. My fiance doesn't know what to do. He's extremely embarrassed. And I don't want to make him feel worse, but I also cannot stand this treatment. Am I the A-hole? And there are some comments. Comment one says not the A-hole. I would message Kaya with concern. Hey, are you and George doing okay? I noticed you re-gifted the card we gave you and the earrings were some you already had. We couldn't afford gifts either, so it's not a big deal. And going forward, we don't have to exchange them. Low key though. Actually- That might be exactly what's going on. And like that would be the perfect way to do that. Yeah. You don't even have to do it in like a nasty way. Yeah. It's just like a yeah like actually- Because I didn't think about that at all. It's like are y'all having a hard time and just trying to like play it off? Because people do that man. Yeah. People do that and I don't know why. I mean like I know why, but it's so silly. Yeah. Opie says I might say something, but I'm currently trying to talk with Mark about it. Personally, I want his parents at our wedding because Mark deserves to have his parents there. Simultaneously, I want to go no contact. You can see how it contradicts. I think it's less of wanting to go no contact and more of wanting their behaviors to stop. Mark has to be the one to do it, unfortunately, because they are his parents. And he knows how they are. He already knows it'll make matters worse. But at what point can we stop letting it go and finally stick up for ourselves? I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about Mark and our children that I absolutely do not want those people around. You know what you can do? What? You can just get them, I don't know how much coal costs, but if you get them coal, you can be like, wait till Christmas next year. I got you a diamond. Just takes a little harm. Like this is coal and then you go, no, no, no, no, that's just a diamond and it hasn't been formed yet. It's a make your own diamond kit. Isn't that fun? Yeah. So if you just give it a little time and give it a little pressure, you're going to have a big fat rock on your hands. Update. The card is $1.29 left on it. We have mutually decided to go low contact for now. No, wait a minute. No, no, no. $1.29. $1.29. I refuse. I refuse to accept that. Yeah, that's what that much has. I mean, you're not even wrong. It's like $0.29 of a dollar, but I just my brain hated that. $1.29. But that's an insane amount to give to someone and be like, you're welcome. Yeah. Mark wishes to go absolutely no contact, but wants to maintain a positive relationship with his sisters. So low contact it is for now. I can definitely see it changing in the future. I will learn to lower my expectations from them and will no longer be eating at their place. I had a phone call with Kaya and said I just don't feel safe continuing to eat at her house. She apologized by saying that she's just so sorry that I feel so unsafe that I have to keep her son from her on Christmas of all days. Mark chimed in here and stuck up for me and I'm not marrying a man child. LOL. But that's the end of that story. Hey, it's Carly. Your favorite axolotl host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My partner hid my laptop out of spite. And now I want to break up. I mean, yeah, that sounds about right. Trigger warning for mentions of mistreatment. Some context. My partner, late 20s female and I late 20s female have been together seven years. We've had periods of breaking up and getting back together. We recently moved in together after a long period of what felt like stability and growth. But since the moving process and moving in, there's been a lot of strife and fighting. Some of it old problems resurfacing and some of it new issues. By the way, this comes from Disney University 587. And if you want to spend your own stories, go to the r slash okay, story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Angie. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says, One recurring problem is that my partner struggles with organization and will put her things such as clothes and accessories in piles in a specific but non designated place. For example, she might put a pile of clothes and jewelry on the couch or the entryway table. When I or she accidentally moves these items, usually because we need to use that space for its intended purpose or another purpose, it becomes a huge problem. She gets frustrated and overwhelmed quickly, often wanting me to drop what I'm doing to look for it with an undercurrent that it is my fault, it's misplaced and my responsibility to find it. This dynamic has made me not want to help. And off the time it ends up in a fight. It's exhausting. We're still on the process of unpacking and settling in right now. One of our bathrooms is filled with storage and she's put a stack of her clothes, including a hat on top of the storage items. I needed to get to those items to organize the house and I did my best to put her things together. I don't recall moving that. Hugh breakfast time. We're having a fine morning chatting and everything seems good. She goes to get her hat, which is not where she remembers putting it. Immediately she's upset with me, telling me I need to stop touching her stuff and that I always do this. Maybe you just misplaced your own hat. It's like so annoying. I've always hated that when people like can't find something and they're immediately like, who took this thing? Yeah, everyone blames me in the house, but it's usually because I moved it. Oh well, okay. But they left it. It's trash. It was on the table, it's trash. It's probably in a cupboard. She becomes agitated and frustrated. I tell her calmly but firmly that I have no intention of moving her things, but if I need to get to the storage, I'll have to touch her stuff. I suggest it probably fell behind some things and that she should keep looking because I know she'll find it. She doesn't want to hear that and becomes increasingly upset and talking at me while storming around and criticizing me instead of actively looking, to be honest. Feel after one at most two, but like two is cutting it close. Breakups or breaks, don't get back together. Yeah, I don't think that's going to work. I don't think so either. It feels like it's really an annoying thing to happen in any friendship, but in a relationship that's like, okay, well now you just like either don't trust me or you just don't have the patience with me that you should. Yeah. It just feels like every time you go on a break, you're just like, a piece of glass and you're just like, until it shatters. It's like, well, just break up with you. You know what you want. I lose my patience and leave on a walk in the middle of her talking. Fast forward to that afternoon. My partner is not home. I'm looking around for my laptop because I have finals due the next day and need to start working. I do have another laptop that I just bought to replace my old one, but I hadn't set it up yet. To manage my fickle ADHD motivation, I was going to use setting up my new computer as a reward for completing my finals on my old laptop. I cannot find my old laptop anywhere. It's not in the place I always leave it. My gut immediately says she took it or moved it, but I decide to look around first to make sure I didn't miss anything. I look everywhere. I texture, did you take my laptop with you? She takes a while to text back. No, I don't have your laptop. I ask her if she's seen it and suggest she check her iCloud since it used to be connected. She says, no, it's been disconnected for a while. I text again. Okay, so have you seen it? No reply. I am now 95% convinced she's lying, but I don't want to believe she would actually do that. She comes home in the evening. I ask again about my laptop. She sits on the couch, not looking at me, focusing on something else while I try to talk to her. She tortles at my suggestion that the only other logical option if you don't have it, and it's not in the apartment, is that it's stolen. I keep pressing her and she says offhandedly, I don't know, did you check that closet? She walks over to the closet to put away her jacket, and I walk over watching her, suspecting she would pull it out of her bag or something. I don't see her move anything and ask why she suggested that closet specifically. This goes on for a few more minutes with her smiling smugly and snickering while I become increasingly upset. She says she's too busy to help me find it. By answering my questions, finally I walk over again to the closet, the tiniest piece of doubt remaining that maybe I didn't check it fully. Lo and behold, it's sitting right there on top of some jackets, the same jackets I completely pulled out while digging through the closet. Oh my gosh. So she definitely put it in there. 100%. Yeah, she was like, I don't know, have you checked the closet? Yeah, I don't know. Just like wild guess. Yeah. I think your computer would be away in the coat closet. She's like, did you check behind your ear? Yeah. Yeah. I absolutely lose it. I'm livid. I'm yelling at her that she's weird and that her behavior is cruel and disgusting. I tell her I don't want to be in a relationship with her and that I do not want to be in a relationship like this. She doubles down because she thinks I broke out with her. Well, yeah, it does sound like a breakup. And dismisses it saying it's just a computer and not that serious. She attempts to make it seem like it was there in the closet the whole time, turns out she hit it on a top shelf, the only place I didn't check. She still is not apologized and says she has no reason to since we're broken up. Her response and the whole situation made me feel sick to my stomach. That's crazy. Yeah. Like, well, we are broken up so I can treat you just as poorly as I'd like and I don't need to say sorry because we're not in a relationship. We're not in a relationship. So there are no consequences actually. Yeah. Only girlfriends say I'm sorry. So maybe. I guess you'll have to make me your girlfriend and then I'll apologize. Maybe I'll reconsider. Yeah. I absolutely hate pranks and she knows this. This wasn't even a prank. She admitted to doing it because she was angry that I lost her hat. Even though I found her hat while looking for my laptop, exactly where I said it would be. Oh my God. This feels extremely serious and feels disrespectful. A breach of privacy and our shared space and genuinely cruel. I told her, I don't think you can care for someone and love them and do something like this intentionally causing distress, confusion and harm. I cannot fathom how she thought this would play out. The process of breaking up is daunting. I historically have not been good at maintaining my boundaries or resolve when breaking up in the past. We live together now while the apartment is spacious. It's challenging to split up rooms. There's only one bed and the other room is still being used as storage. Finding a new apartment is even more challenging with financial constraints. Having just moved recently, I have been feeling a lot of frustration with our dynamics. Aside from the situation, as has she. I love her a lot, but I'm at my wit's end. We've tried couples counseling again recently, but it didn't go well. My partner was shut down and didn't like the therapist. Our communication is not improving. I need advice on how to move forward in this situation. Break up. Yeah. Follow through with the breakup. Yeah. I mean, if- What else is there? Yeah, right. Because if you know that you have a problem with those boundaries, it's not going to get any better by staying with someone. No. Like, you just have to keep practicing it to get better at it. So just break up and do your absolute best to remain broken up. Yeah, please. Please stay broken up. Yeah. Comment one says, I would point out that a missing hat is not even on the same planet as a missing laptop when your finals are due tomorrow. Oh my God. I don't know what I would have done if my boyfriend had done something like that to me, knowing full well that my finals were due immediately. Probably would have called the police on him and actually pressed charges for theft by deception. But also, he would never do such a thing to the point that he canceled all plans for the day to help me search the house more thoroughly than the DEA on a substance raid until we found my computer so I could get back to finishing my finals. Is that a hypothetical or did he actually do that? I think it's hypothetical. We've come pretty close to that level of a search attempt for something else important that I don't recall. Aside from the absolute disaster the house was after we pulled everything out of everywhere looking for it. And a downvoted commenter says, Nowhere does it say OP told her about the finals. Yeah, I'm sure his girlfriend doesn't know that he's taking finals. Right. Like it didn't maybe mention it in this story. And that commenter was the only one that like the only way that we've heard about finals, right? Because I didn't know about the finals. I... let's... see. But I mean either way it's kind of like it's still everything else still stands. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, he said I'm looking around for my laptop because I have finals due the next day. Okay. Yeah. Like it doesn't explicitly say in the story that the girlfriend didn't know. Yeah. But there's no way that she didn't know. Yeah. And even if she didn't know, they're still like why would you do that? Nowhere does it say OP told her about the finals. I don't think she knew it was that important. She even said it's just a computer. Edit OP, clarify that she had two laptops. So my guess is ex-girlfriend thought she wouldn't need both. OP says, oh, I female. Okay. OP is woman. My bad. Definitely told her about my finals. She was well aware. She probably justified it to herself by saying I do have another laptop, the unopened one, but she knew how important it was. Another commenter says then you had another laptop. She made you feel how she's felt many times in just a single day, how she's made herself feel. Yeah. Literally how she's made herself feel. Right. Let's remember comments that she didn't steal her stuff or hide this girlfriend stuff. Like OP was completely innocent. Yeah. It doesn't matter how important her things are to you or if you think they're unimportant, they're important to her and you should respect that. You didn't and she took matters into her own hands. You both suck here. No pity for me. Sorry about the misgendering. I also have ADHD as well as autism and miss that detail, but it doesn't change how I feel here at all. I also missed it. So you're good. OP says for clarity, if someone accidentally moved a pile of things you left somewhere, it gets to storage underneath and something on that pile fell off into the storage area without them realizing it before they put the pile back in the same spot. And you then couldn't find one of your items. Would you think it's justified to take one of their personal belongings and hide it from them to make them feel how you felt? Just want to add, this is a genuine question to understand how you process things as someone with ADHD and autism. Comment two says and that it probably fell behind some things and to keep looking because I know you shall find it. Mind you, I found her daying hat while looking for my laptop exactly where I said it would be. Commenter says, so did you know exactly where the hat was or not? Sounds like the pot calling the kettle back, but you can break up for whatever reason you want. OP says I didn't know where the hat was. No, I knew where her pile of clothes was in the storage area and did my best to keep everything together and put it back where I found it when I needed to get things underneath. Everything was stacked half hazardly. I didn't realize that was missing or even that it was specifically was there until she was looking for a black hat. I remembered seeing something black. There was also a black hand towel, which was where she and then I left it. I genuinely don't know if I was the one who moved it. It's not a low traffic area. I found the hat because I completely emptied the storage area and reorganized it in the process of looking for my laptop and it was at the bottom of the stuff. I guess this is the feedback I'm curious about because I am really resistant to being told that I need to drop everything to help my partner or anyone find something before she's looked herself. Wasn't like she had searched extensively and I watched carelessly. There was less than a minute of looking before the blame started. It feels to me like weaponized incompetence and that triggers me. I know the stems from my experiences growing up where enmeshed family turned a missing item or any other personal problem into a level 10 emergency that they needed someone else to solve. Feels like all these commenters of like, well, you did the same thing. You did the same thing. OP accidentally maybe misplaced the hat or maybe placed it somewhere else. Yeah. Girlfriend fully purposely hid the laptop. Yeah. Like these commenters suck. Yeah. I was often the one to find it or try to fix it because one, I had large patients and two, I had a large need to please. And there is an update three days later, but do you have any points? Yeah, I think you're fine. OP. Yeah. I don't know what those commenters are on, but clearly not on stupid reason. Yeah. They're not on reason and pills. They're on stupid pills. Exactly. Being little poopy heads. Yep. Three days later, I female late twenties posted a few days ago about my partner female late twenties hiding my laptop in revenge for me accidentally misplacing her hat allegedly. Your honor. There's no proof and me breaking up with her for it. An update. I've been avoiding speaking to her sleeping on the couch, getting my affairs in order quietly. She's been finding ways to try and rage bait me. Last night at 2am, she comes to the living room where I'm sleeping to ask where I put my rose toy, if you know, you know, I put it away because it's mine. It was always meant to be my personal toy, but she took quasi ownership of it. And I simply don't want her using it anymore. She proceeds to pester me for 40 minutes straight to tell her where it is to please give it to her that she just needs to sleep as she disrupts my sleep. I had to lock myself in the bathroom twice because she wouldn't respect me telling her to leave me alone and kept coming back. At the end of this tirade, she asks, what are you leaving for the holidays? I tell her, I don't know. Let me sleep. No, I just need to know when you're going to be gone for an extended period of time, because yeah, I just need to know. Sounds like she's good. She wants a cheat. Yeah, right? And kind of does sound like that. I'm confused on whether or not you guys are still together. Yeah. Implying she needs to know when I'll be gone so she can get her rocks off with someone else in the house. I didn't get to sleep until after 3am. She gets up at 7.30am. Never used to get up this early. Comes to the living room loudly, tries to hug me. I was sleeping. I tell her, please do not touch me. She says, really? How long are we going to do this for? Dude, you literally came in last night to tell OP vaguely that you were going to have spices to sleep with someone else. Yeah, I really need to ask the question, what are we? I know I'm not in this relationship, but what are we? What are we doing, guys? What are we doing? I pull the covers over my face and try and ignore her and stay calm. She pulls them off my face to ask me a question. She then proceeds to turn on all of the lights, even though it's already bright. She blends something for no exaggeration, 20 minutes straight. What is she blending? Why does it have to be like a paste? Yeah, right? She stomps around, slams doors, loudly rummages through items. I stay under the covers and just contain my energy. Before she leaves, she again tries to hug me after I told her multiple times to please not touch me. She forces a kiss on my head and says, I love you. And again asks how long we're going to do this. Finally, as she leaves for the day, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, you got to get out of there. I'm so exhausted by your guys' relationship. Yeah, this is why the breaks and then the breakups and the breaks and the ongoing cycle of that doesn't usually work out. When I got up, I see that she turned the heater in the living room up to 86 degrees from 70 degrees to make me hot and uncomfortable. We have pets. I just wanted to update because I needed to hear how messed up, manipulative and harmful it is. And I just want to witness myself by writing this down and be witnessed by others. I can't wait to get myself out of here. Comment one says, when you get out, please take the pets with you. I wouldn't trust her to take care of them or not hurt them out of spite. OP says, unfortunately, some of the pets are hers. Mine are coming with me. And there is an update two days later. Any other thoughts? I really hope that this update is like having spoken to her in these two days, yeah, planning on never speaking to her again. Or like officially broken up. Yeah, yeah, officially broke up with her center of the season to this letter. Yeah. She can't talk to me legally anymore. Yeah. Great. That would be really nice. Two days later, after this post, I may have to switch to posting in a different subreddit. I am abundantly clear now that it was indeed more than breakup worthy. I started reading, why does he do that? After a couple of recommendations, a book that I circled around for years, but subconsciously avoided to protect my own denial. This relationship has been nothing but harmful. I feel like a veil has been lifted, a bubble burst. And I am so grateful for this clarity, although it comes at a high emotional cost. I'm still getting things in order. I fear that she will find these posts if she hasn't already, because she knows how much I use Reddit and could find it with keywords. I don't know if it matters though, as she just read my journal, where I wrote extensively about all her instances of mistreatment for my own records. While I was on a walk, I meant to bring it with me, but I left in a rush and was disoriented. When I returned, she said something that made it clear to me she read my journal. She has done this before knowing that my journals are sacred to me. I stated, I assume you read my journal. She proceeded to verbally mistreat me. For over 30 minutes, calling me insane. Mocked me repeatedly about the journal, called me all kinds of names. When I ignored her, she got in my face, banging on the table to get my attention, and tried to pull my headphones off. Geez, girl! Oh my god. Cool your jets, man! Yeah. I have receipts of most of this tirade. This is after two nights straight of her blasting music to continue to disturb my sleep. How is she not sleeping either? How is she getting through this if she's constantly blasting music? Yeah, right. Or maybe she just has so much irrational rage that she just doesn't need to sleep. Yeah, but those are literal torture tactics. So get out of there. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of there. Get out of there. Yeah. Run. And it sounds like you know that now that you should get out of there, so that's great. Annie, if you have, I don't know, can we go on the holidays earlier? Yeah, right. Last night, she played the same song over and over again from 10 p.m. to 9 a.m. Is she there? I'm so confused. A song by someone she was romantically interested in and almost took that with. Like Jan from The Office. It would be funny if it wasn't so wicked. I lost my patience last night and banged on the door and yelled for her to put on headphones. She wanted me to do this because now she's saying I've been pressuring her. Classic. There was maybe a 15 minute break and she started the same song up again at 9 30 screaming, singing, stomping, slamming. My family is coming to get me and pets and I'll be away and safe for a little while. I want to extend a sincere thank you to everyone who has commented and asked for updates. I have anxiety about these posts being up, but it is cathartic to write them and it helped me to hold myself accountable and be held accountable and strengthen my resolve. And that is the end of that story. Okay. This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.