One thing I've learned about people's sex lives after talking to them for over 11 years on my show, the Strictly Anonymous Confessions podcast, is that their sex lives are way more interesting than they let on. On my show, I talk to real people about what they're really doing behind closed doors. I talk to hot wives and swingers and men and women with secret lives and secret fetishes and so much more. The anonymous conversations are real, raw, fun, and funny, and spicy, and educational too. So if you're super curious and want to hear all about the wild lives that regular people are really living, then go check out the Strictly Anonymous Confessions podcast, wherever you get podcasts. That's Strictly Anonymous Confessions podcast. I post new episodes daily so there's always something new to explore. You're listening to After Action Report at savage.nl. Welcome to After Action Report, where I talk with people about brand new experiences that they've had. This time, in this week's After Action Report, I talk with Lauren about a three-way that Lauren had. It wasn't Lauren's first three-way, but Lauren had a three-way in a brand new way, in a way I've never heard of. Have a listen. Lauren, welcome to After Action Report. Hi, happy to be here. So what is it that you did? What did you try? What was the new experience? Okay, well, it's not exactly a new experience because I have had threesome before, but I did something that I am calling the two-minute threesome. The two-minute threesome trademark. Exactly. It's a thing now. It's a two-minute threesome. So what was it about a two-minute threesome that appealed to you? Well, it kind of happened organically. So my partner and I, we like to, I'm partnered with a man, and I'm a woman, and we like to have a very special guest. We like a third man involved. And we usually set these things up in advance. We have like a big date, and it's a whole thing, you know, get together, do the warm-up, et cetera. But... Plug here for scheduled sex. Scheduled sex could be great sex. 100%. 100%. And so we've been talking to this man, there's been some mutual interest. We were having a non-kink party, and we kind of talked about getting together potentially, but because there was just so much going on at the party, there were like Xs at the party, there were like other playmates at the party. I just didn't think it was a really appropriate time to do that. And I thought if we, you know, we couldn't kick everybody out. So we just decided that, you know what, we're just going to make a date, and we're going to do this at a different time, which was the right thing to do. But at the party, you know, I'm talking to the guy, and we're kind of like curious. Like, yeah, we're vibing, we're kind of excited about it. We want to have some fun, and I, but we decided like we should do this at a different time. Let's make a date for next weekend or something. And then I said, well, what if we just like fool around a little bit? Yeah, he didn't use like a little bit. What do you mean? It's like, what if we just went upstairs for like two minutes, just a little bit, just to kind of, you know, have a little amuse-bouche, so to speak, you know, to get us excited about it for the next weekend. And he was like, that sounds like fun. Let's do that. Because I figure like nobody's going to miss us for two minutes. So I tell my partner, he's into it. I'm like, you guys meet me upstairs in our room, come to the room, you know, new guy, he's never been with us before, you know, and he's just like, okay, I don't know what's going on. Like, all right, Siri set timer for two minutes and go. And I definitely set it up to go crazy because it did go crazy. But like the second my partner got the go, he was so excited about this, that he just like pushed me over, pulled down my panties, started going down on me. The other guy's like, okay, and he just starts making out with me. And then I come immediately because it's like an incredibly hot and kind of scary dangerous. Oh my God, we don't want to get caught situation. So that was really fun. And then they switched places. Same deal. And then the alarm goes off, you know, the timer goes off at two minutes. And we just did you honor the timer? Did you both? We absolutely honor the timer. Absolutely. We just like everything dead halt. And everyone's just like stunned, especially new guy. Because he's like, what? Whoa, I've never done that before. And he's a kinky guy. He goes to play parties and stuff. But I don't think he'd ever been in a situation that was just that kind of out of control. Well, it sounds pretty in control if everybody waited for the starting gun and for Siri to start the timer and the second the two minute alarm went off, everybody stopped. That's something very controlled. What was maybe out of control was how much you guys went for it in those two minutes. We went for it. It wasn't like we're just going to make out in a corner for two minutes. Exactly. And like, you guys had sex. We did. Yeah, we didn't have penetrative sex, but it was definitely sex. And I was thinking in my mind, this is an appetizer. So this is to get me all excited about it. It's get to him excited, like get him to come back and get us all revved up. I wasn't expecting to just pull on go for it. There's a trailer for the superhero movie. The trailer at the movie theater that gets you to come back. Right. And it was definitely more than that. We all now have carnal knowledge of each other. And it was really funny because then I was like, okay, we got to get out of here. Let's go. And I just look at him like, nobody, no eye contact. You three of you can't tumble back downstairs to the party looking to shoveled. And like you've just fucked, you guys got to pull it together. So it's not just you had a two minute threesome. You had a secret two minute threesome in a house full of people who couldn't know. Right. Or weren't supposed to know because they have been awkward, other playmates, Xs. Right. What just happened? Did you get away with it? Did anybody else realize the three of you were gone for an incriminating two minutes? I do. I really don't think so. Like I think we got away with it, you know, but, you know, so after a respectable amount of time had passed, you know, I sidled up to new guy and he just was kind of looking stunned because I mean, my partner and I like we're experienced in this world. So we've got like a high comfort level and so like, and we're really just really forward, you know, like extremely enthusiastic. Like I just don't think he was expecting like that much. So you say that you came right away? I did. Twice. When your partner began to go down on you. Yeah. Yeah. Did either of the guys come? Oh, hell no. Well, speaking for the guy community, like, is that fair? They're fine. I'm sorry. You know what this is? This is paybacks for the patriarchy. Okay. Like I'm narrowing the orgasm gap here, just like one orgasm at a time. Yeah. Because the orgasm gap isn't just about increasing the number of orgasms that women have. To narrow the orgasm gap, you should decrease the numbers of orgasms men have. And you ratcheted up one on the woman side and down two on the dude side. So you are a hero in the fight to narrow the orgasm. I'm a super feminist. Yes. I'm doing what I gotta do. I would class this as a kind of secret perving. Like you got away with something at a party. Maybe it would have made other people at the party uncomfortable if they know that you two were slipping upstairs to have a two minute three way, but nobody knew. But then when you came back down to the party, you guys had a secret, the three of you. Right. And part of what made that secret sexy was the presence of these other people, right? Yeah. And some would say, like, maybe there's a consent violation there. These other people didn't consent to being extras in the dirty little movie that made the turn the three of you on. But I will allow it because I am a big proponent of permissible secret perving. And if nobody else realized, but even in a case like this, if everybody else realized who gives a fucking shit, I am pro this, I'm pro the two minute three way. And you know, I think that knowing this group of people, like everyone would have been fine with it. Nobody was harmed. No innocent bystanders were harmed in the secret three way. And it was fun to kind of once we got out in the open and calm down a little bit and like got less red in the face. It was kind of fun to speak openly yet coded about it. And so that was like also kind of fun because we're just sitting there. Had to be fun for you to smell their faces if you got close enough to the one you were chatting, because they were covered in you. Weren't they? Probably. Yeah. Did you like also speaking for the pro people who like Dix community, which I believe you sound like you remember of, did either of them get their dicks out or was it just about servicing you? Neither of them got their dicks out, which was somewhat tragic because the thing that I would say about this that made it not a success for me was that I did have an agenda and my agenda was I wanted to see this guy's dick. Like I have it on good authority that it's extremely nice. And so that was also kind of part of like why I wanted to do this. I'm like, I kind of want to see what I'm in for here. So what could you have done differently in the two minutes of time that you had? I mean, it would have been a completely different approach. I mean, I could have sucked some cock instead. You could have just pulled his pants down. Well, I was moving towards that and then the alarm went off. But it was one of those, you know, I almost would have rather sucked some cock. Like for me, it would have been more fun, I think, if I had pulled both their pants down and just like blown them real quick, both of them, because then I would have been leaving them in an extreme state of sexual frustration, not to say that they weren't already sexually frustrated. But maybe this is like a power play on my part. I would have enjoyed the orgasm gap intact. This is true. You know, you can't have it all. Maybe I need to do the three minute three way. I was going to say, usually I ask people on after action report, if you are going to do it again, what would you do differently? And I think you'd give yourself an extra 30 seconds. I would have definitely given myself an extra. I needed to see the dick. I have not seen the dick. I couldn't even get a good feel for it. Like I tried, but he was in kind of like heavy pants and under our like, this is not helping me at all. Okay. So you had lots of three ways you said. So I usually ask people this new thing that they've tried, would you do it again? Would I do this in the future? Yes. The difference is I would probably tie my partner to a chair. To a cock chair. Yes. Yes. Like with his hands tied behind his back, like he's going to get action, you know, like he's going to be in on the play, but like I need to be a little bit more in control of the situation. It takes time. You only got two minutes tying your partner to chair that eats up precious, precious. No, baby. He's tied up before the timer goes off. He will be waiting in the room, tied to the chair. That's twice you have to sneak out of the party. You have to sneak out of the party with your partner to tie them to a chair in a room, then leave them in that room and hope nobody else looking for a bathroom walks into that room where your partner is naked, tied to a chair, then go retrieve your very special guest star. Dan, you're overthinking this. Well, you know, logistics. No, yes. The logistics are very simple. My partner and I, we leave and we tell our guest, come up in one minute. So we leave, I get him ready to go, and then it starts. Is this something you and your partner have done before, him tied to a chair while you fuck somebody else? No, but I think I need to. In retrospect, talking about it more ahead of time, setting some expectations, you know, just all the best practices that happen with good sex need to be in place. I just didn't expect it to go so crazy. So what you need is, before you're two-minute three-way, you need two minutes of processing and negotiation. And you can set a timer for that, set your limits and boundaries, and then go for it. So any advice for somebody thinking about incorporating the two-minute three-way into their sex life? It's super fun. You know, if you want to spice things up, like, it's a super fun way to spice things up, even if it's not like a resum or something like that, even if it's just like, we're going to be at a party, or we want to do something dangerous, because you talk about, like, how do you spice up your relationship where you're getting kind of bored? Is like, add the element of danger? Well, this is the element of danger, you know, but like, having that time constraint really made it kind of fun and definitely made for a creative experience. And you could have gotten caught and it was a lotty. There's a room full of people downstairs, you're at a party. And then you think about being 15. How often, when we're 15, 16, 17, are we at a party? And then we like, slip off into a bathroom or like, a house party, like, so much of our like early, just electric, you know, those moments of the first sexual experiences are often furtive and not private. Right. And you're, they're stolen sexual moments. And you guys recreated that for yourselves as adults. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you, you absolutely nailed it. Like, when I walked downstairs, I felt like I was a 15 year old who had just kind of like, snuck off to the parents bedroom with my boyfriend and, you know, fooled around a little bit, although like, I never did anything like that when I was 15, but your boyfriend and some other dude, the captain of the football team and your boyfriend, your cuck boyfriend. All right, you have to call us when the boyfriend is in the cuck chair. I will definitely do that. Lauren, thank you so much for coming on an after action report. Thanks for having me. Thank you again, Lauren. And thank you. Thank you for listening to After Action Report. And if you have a good, bad, mad story about a new experience that you want to talk with me about, write us at qatsabbage.love with After Action Report in the subject line, and we might just get back to it. This episode of the Savage Love Cast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable, made in the USA, NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility, thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by Load Boost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences, if you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use Code Savage for 10% off, or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer code SAVAGE.
