Walter Masterson and MAGA Trolling 101

This is Exactly Right. Huge news everybody, we're clearing out the merch store. That's right, our spring cleaning sale is happening now. You can get 20% off site-wide when you use code ERM, spring26, from March 26 to 29. That not only includes merch from My Favorite Murder, but all your favorite Exactly Right shows. And for even bigger deals, go to the last chance section and take 20% off already discounted items. This sale ends on March 29, so don't wait too long. That's ExactlyRightStore.com, promo code ERM, spring26. Some exclusions apply. Goodbye. Good bye. Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael Flitt. I'm Melissa Malbranche. Today we're going to be talking about Malaria Pills, the movies we watched this past week. My favorite murder live show was Theors. So good. We're going to be talking about that one gay bar in Maine, you know who you are. And we have our favorite guest, Walter Masterson, is on the show today. So good. So stick around, sit your butt down. It's very Mad Max Fury Road. I guess so. Or a little bit like a cranberry sauce, like a string of cranberry garland. It is a little bit like cranberry sauce. Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Happy Thanksgiving. You just went in my purse. I didn't go in your purse. Your purse was wide open. It was a ma. And there was a tissue. I said, do you want a tissue? And I looked over, purse is open. Yes. Tissue sitting right on top. But you went in it. My mother raised me right. I know not to ever go in a woman's purse. But you, she, she, right. I mean, did she? There's a, this was not, this was not being any, this wasn't breaking and entering into a. No, I mean, you weren't digging in the bag, but you, but you. I wasn't rooting around. But you reached into my purse. So I, I want to tell you something. So do you remember a couple of weeks ago? So after the podcast dropped and everybody. So I told my friends, I told my family. Yeah. And you made the Haitian family group chat. Do you remember this? This has been the goal of my entire. As well as should be. I, because okay, what people need to understand. Melissa's phone. It looks like, um, like a cluster of grapes of all the fucking group chat. She has like, I'm not kidding. I don't think she has normal. I don't think she has person one to one chats. It's all group chats. No, no, no, there's definitely, because here's the thing. When you have a large extended family, I have a huge extended family. There's like the main group chat and then they're like the sub group chat. Yes. Right. And then there's like, there's like the talking shit group chats. Like, I was going to say, there's got to be a group chat to talk about the. About the way word cousin or something. And if you're not in. If you're in a group chat and you're not in the sub group chat, it's because the sub group chat is about. Well, I am certain that there is also a sub group chat about me. Right. Because I am. There has to be. I'm sure there's a sub group chat of like, did you see Melissa's got that podcast with that white boy? Or, or, or you may be, but I also think that there's like a sub group chat about, because I am, I'm bossy, I'm bossy and opinionated. It's, listen, you have to know who you, and I'm also the, I told you so cousin, but I'm also. Let the record reflect. Fuck off. Is that I'm also the cousin that people tell their secrets to because they know. They know that I won't tell anybody. However, I will say, and I have a bone to pick with my brother and a lot of my cousins is they will tell me things in confidence and they will say, don't say anything to anybody. I am laughing so hard because Melissa is that person for me. She knows all of my secrets and I always say, I'm not saying this because I don't trust you. I'm saying this because I need to say it for myself. Sure. Please don't share this with anyone. And I don't. And you, but you get upset when I say, please don't tell anyone. You're like, well, because have I ever. No, but I still am saying it for me. It's for my guilt. It's so when I'm in bed at night, whatever, my sarcophagus. Foreign the morning and my eyes are still wide fucking open. I'm like, I know Melissa's not going to say anything because I said something. Right. So, but the problem with my family is that they will tell me things and say, don't say anything. And then when the thing comes out, like if like one of my cousins is pregnant, they just didn't want to say anything to anybody. They will say, oh, but Melissa knew. And then now my aunt, my mom is looking at me. My brother went away. When my brother was in college, he did study abroad in Mali. And while he was there, he got malaria. I did Mali and study abroad. Continuous. Did you really? No. Oh, I was like, no, you couldn't have. I just. And he called me and he said, this is like early 2000s. And he was just like, don't say anything. I'm okay, but I'm in the hospital and I have malaria. And I was like, oh my God, are you okay? Yes, yes, yes, yes. And he was like, don't tell mom and dad. All right. We have a rule in my family. If anyone's in the hospital, you have to tell my mother because whatever happened to you that landed you in the hospital, you'll be there an extra week because she'll fuck you up if you don't tell her that you're in the hospital. I'm serious. I believe you. Whatever. That was like the rule growing up. Yeah. If you were in the hospital, you have to call your mother no matter even if it's the most embarrassing sex related thing you have to call and tell her. Or else because she will mess, she will rock your shit. Whatever. Tipsy foot. Either way, I love tipsy foot though. Tipsy. She's out here. She's out here. She's out here, fan of the pod. Yeah. But he gets home and then he says, while I was in Mali, I got malaria, but don't worry, I told Melissa. And then my parents looking at me, this happens to me constantly. It is so in ranging. Your mom's like, Melissa. Melissa. You didn't tell me your son. My own son had malaria. But he told me not to tell you. When I was traveling abroad and there was a malaria risk where I was going, it was possible that you could get malaria. It was a school trip and we all had to take the preventative malaria medication. Those were bad dreams. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah. So I was taking them and I was like, guys, this is fucking me up. Like this is really, really, really messing with my life. And for some reason, I'm talking to my friend about it and I had the medication with me and I was showing her and I was like, and the pills are huge. And I was just like describing it. And I was like, they only gave me like so many. I had been taking the pills you take when you get malaria. I had been. You weren't preventing. I was treating myself. You were treating yourself with the disease that you did not have. I was treating myself for malaria at age 16. Who gave them to you? My doctor and probably my parents. That's the doctor's problem. And now they did an MRI. There's a big ice cream scoop out of my brain. Shut up. So anyway, so you made the family group chat. Oh yeah. What they say. Yeah. The tattoos and the. Yeah. The tattoos and the uncles and. Wait, is it uncle and talking? That's aunt and uncle is uncle. Cool. Remember I nice screen shot at it. I'll give it to CJ. I've been called way worse. Yeah. And you were called. No, no, no, no. But you, your response to me was like, oh, this is going to be great because I am going to get all the Haitian vanilla. Oh, do you have some? Oh my God. Sorry to the sound guy. I bequeath you. Oh my God. I've had this. Peria essence of vanilla. That's what they call me in the group chat. Essence of vanilla. Michael foot. Michael foot. Oh my God. Everyone's favorite belong. Screaming in the studio. I'm sorry to last call truly. So shooting that store. I had that for one. I had that for two. I had that for three. I had that for three. I had that for three. I had that for three. I had that for two. I had that for two. And I've been waiting to give this to you. I'm so excited because, okay. So for Christmas. Your muffs. Everyone in the studio because you're getting this. For Christmas. I make. I know. And I need a lot of vanilla for it. My recipe calls for a lot. And I'm going to spend all next weekend. Weekend baking. Oh my God. So, okay. So backstory. For yours. I want to say like at least five years. Melissa's been. Keeping. Keeping you in vanilla. family's been maybe illegally importing vanilla from Haiti for me. And what can only be described as an underground smuggling operation, but it does make my baked goods so much better. There's nothing like it. Yeah, I know. Watch your fucking back. Once you go Haitian vanilla, you never know. Jeffrey's going to leave your ass for me. OK. So great. Thank you so much. OK, I'm going to pour it directly in here. Get to baking. Get to baking. This is Sidebar. This is where we sort of talk about all the weird things happening in court, things happening in the judiciary, things happening in our personal lives. Anything you want to talk about right now that's going on? I mean, court has been courts been wild. We were we were out on Thanksgiving break. I can talk about that. We could talk. I want to hear about your Thanksgiving, Miss Crambary Necklace. But thank you. Oh, this was fun. All the fucking clerks at the courthouse submitted their rejections right before four fifty nine p.m. on Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. That that was methodical and planned out. Yes, it was cruel and unusual punishment. Eighth Amendment violation. Well, is it really? No, but OK. Gay people were allowed to be a little dramatic. It's a crutch using a little crutch. I saw I saw the what is that the bird cage? Which version? Robin Williams. So Robin Williams. There's one there's one you can see Robin Williams breaking in that show where he just starts losing a shit laughing. Like that movie. No. It's because you just don't like gay people or do you want to go on the record? Maybe straight to camera. I'll tell you what I didn't like about it. OK. What I didn't like about that movie was that the son comes back and he's basically asking his dad to not be himself so that he can get in good. With this senator. Oh, yeah, the plot is the plot. That's what I didn't like about it. I'll just say that's shitty. Yeah. Yeah. We I took it too seriously, I suppose. But that was my problem. I was like this comedy. I did. I was just like, what kind of a fucked up kid is that? You fucking ingrate like me while you're a straight mother. Gone. Just hit the bricks. Yeah. Follow the yellow barcode. No, I get hung up on certain things in movies where I'm like, we just watched Bagonia, Bagonia. It's like it's got Emma Stone. I must have Watson. There is something about it that really was bugging me the whole movie. And I was like, I can't wait for this to be over so I can scream about it. And it was like it was sort of like the gender power dynamic. Like we're sort of asked this woman sort of being held hostage. And I won't I won't reveal anything about it because it just came out. But she's sort of being held hostage. And she's like a corporate CEO of a tech company. And it's very much like a tongue in cheek, like jokey kind of movie. And like a lot of the punchlines and jokes, I was like, oh, we're kind of being asked to laugh at a woman being held hostage. Like I don't love this. Like this makes me feel weird. And I couldn't get past it and enjoy the movie because we don't take this seriously enough in society, women being held hostage, murdered, killed. Right. Like now it's the punchline. And it's it wasn't like the punchline, but the fact that she was such an abrasive like Elizabeth Holmes CEO kind of type. That was very much what they were trying to go for this like tech CEO and how she was sort of like unflinching in the face of this hostage situation. I was like. We're being asked to sympathize a lot with like the hostage holder. Like we got his entire backstory. We got like why. And all the reasons why this is justified. And then it's her being like, I'm a bitch. Like I'm not nice about to my hostage holder. And like that was the joke. And I was like, OK, no. Yeah, I guess I don't like this. This was it was. It happens, right? It's weird. Yeah. And there are there are there are twists in the movie. I won't give them away, but I don't think the twists justified. I couldn't get over that. Maybe it's because I do work in the criminal law space. Yeah. Or I'm on like the my favorite murder network. We're like always talking about like women getting murdered. But sure, right. And why is that funny? It's just, yeah, it's I was just like, I can't laugh at this. And like, I don't really like the idea that people are being asked to. That's OK. Even if they're cool laughing at it. I was just like, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. That's OK to not like that. We went to the My Favorite Murder Live. We did at the King's Theater. It was amazing. It was so good. And so you brought Brad. I brought Andre and my brother and sister in law. We had a great time. So fun. And I think it gave me like a perspective as to their fan base, which is these people are dedicated. It was so cool. So, so good. It was like the coolest part for me was like everyone's emotionally following along. Very much so. In like a really committed. Yes. Way. And I was too. It was just it was just like very cool to watch the storytelling unfold. It was it was really nice. It was really good. Yeah. I was so excited to be part of. And we were in a part of Brooklyn that Melissa described as the dark meat of the chicken. Melissa did not say. Yeah, you were like, this is the thigh meat. I was like, I've never been to this part of Brooklyn. You know what? I did say that. I was like, I've never been to this part of Brooklyn before. And Melissa goes, oh, you're used to the you're used to the breast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're used to the chicken breast over here in Park Slope. In Park Slope. And over here is more. What's that hipstery place? Williamsburg. Williamsburg. You're used to being there. Well, I used to live here. Cross it. I used to live over there. And I'll tell you, when I lived in Flatbush, the King's Theatre was boarded up. And it hadn't been renovated. And it hadn't been renovated. It was like on the chopping block. And I can't remember what happened. People were just like, you can't get rid of this theater. And now it's like a site. Yeah. Yeah. I've never met a man who loves himself more than you. I don't know what you're talking about. I've got six cameras on me right now. And it's all by my design. And you insisted you were just like, where's the fucking light? Where's my light? Can we add another camera? I don't think we're getting this. Meanwhile, the girl is like, whatever. But you are like, I need more light. I need more light. Karen Kilgarve said something to me when I was having dinner with her. She was like, your tiktoks are really close up on your face. It's like, yeah, there's about an inch away when I'm filming. It started out a little further away. Tell us where this all began for you, Michael. You know what? I do want to take you through a quick Genesis. What happened? What was happening in the hallway? And then as I was filming on the street, this, I was saying more and more and making more and more videos. So the camera got closer and closer to my face as the more and more I was filming in crowded public streets. I couldn't be like out here like this. And with a lot of people around me. So it just got it just got a lot closer. I like what I see on behalf of the people. We don't believe you. She said, we the people, we the people don't believe you. This is about this is about you. I mean, listen, if nobody should love your face more than you, you know what? I had that little speech in middle school. No, it's true. Love yourself. Love yourself. I really took it to heart. I mean, I think that we should take a book from the page of the lovely Anna Snap. Anna. OK, Anna, who's always talking about self love. Oh, my God, right? So I re listened to her interview. She's the and she really is. She's she's so great, but it is true. Wait, I didn't actually hear about your Thanksgiving. I'm sorry, I haven't seen Melissa in like many weeks. I know my Thanksgiving was fine. I think we did too much. Oh, and I got to tell you. So my friends were coming for you a little bit. Let me tell you why. Because I accept the challenge because and I will and I will tell you exactly why. And I get it. You went on Al Gore and Beyonce Knowles's Internet talking about how not stressful Thanksgiving. I did not. Oh, I was like, what did I say about Al Gore? I got what I said? Beyonce, nothing. Nothing. Yeah. But you were out here on these internet. It's not stressful. I and I'm going to double down. OK, I don't find it stressful. OK. What were what were your friends saying? Well, people first of all, people will come sliding into my DM asking me about this Michael person. Where do you even fucking know this guy from? And I will also say that what did you make for Thanksgiving this year? OK, so wait, because that's that's the problem. That's the problem. I'm not. I'm like, it's not stressful. It's not stressful. You weren't hosting for me. You made mashed potatoes. So so I went out to a drag show the night before because it was thanks. Thanksgiving Eve. A choice was made. And I was up in Portland, Maine, where the gay bars are a little bit. There's there's just a lot happening there. There's a lot happening there or not enough happening there. How do I say this? Like culturally, the gay scene in Maine is like very different from New York. OK. I would say New York. It's like there was a crust to the gay bars. There was a certain genocide qua to the. Well, tell me qua. It was. The gay bars and the gay. I want to say bars, it's one. It's one bar. It was a little bit more of a dive bar than I think I'm used to. So what Michael is trying to tell us. It was that the drinks were made with polyurethane and demoral. So what I'm saying is the next day, I was a little under the weather for Thanksgiving. We don't care. So we got home. Yeah. The bar. Brad's asleep on the sofa. I am now. Experiencing the polyurethane, the demoral, trying to prep the food that I have that I've promised everyone I was going to bring the next day. Mashed potatoes. I'm mashing. I'm trying to mash potatoes. OK. And I'm created. I had to make two pies. OK. And I like with crust, I had made the crust previously. I made Alison Roman stuffing. OK. Alison Roman girlies, you know who you are. OK. And I also made something else that I was too trying to remember. So I think it was. So sweet. Was it savory? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. So the next day, we were so tired, we're driving to my aunt's auntie's house. I need you to stop. I need you to stop. Nobody cares. I made like four or five things. Right. But I think what what the people are feeling is that for somebody who's not hosting people, people, people, you weren't hosting. OK. When you host, we hosted this weekend. You were invited. He was invited. He was invited and opted not to come, which is fine. But again, choices are being made. And I was very stressed out. I called you to like shoot the shit while you were in the middle of hosting. Yeah. A party that I had been invited. I had. And you said. And you said no, which is like, what's the list of today? I'm going to call her. Well, I don't have fucking time for you. I was like, what's going on? And you answered and you were you were entertaining it. And then two minutes in, you were like, you know, I'm hosting that party. That I literally fucking invited your ass to and you didn't. You said you could have. You know, you're free. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, calling me. But like when you are hosting people, you are stressed out. And I will say that. Yeah. There is not a time where I have hosted where Andre does not tell me to go get take a Xanax and that. Do you know, I don't. You don't you don't do a where my dollies moment. Just no pop in a Xanae bar. Well, I wouldn't be able to do anything. Yeah. No, I can't. You could wouldn't be able to like, I wouldn't be able to function. Oh, I can. I can function. I can panic my way clear through a con up in. No, I can't. Easily. No, I can't see that. I took a. Well, we should probably talk about the headlines a little bit, right? We should. And we haven't talked about my Thanksgiving, but it doesn't matter. I'm not taking a con up in. Let's talk about what's going on in the news right now. OK. This is your algorithm is showing. We're going to talk about what's going on in the headlines. We're going to be talking about what's happening right now. Diva boots on the ground. What's happening on your phone? What's popping up on the notifications? Today was all about the ice block app for me. I like couldn't get honestly couldn't get away from it. Basically, what happened was like there was this app. It was sort of like you could report ice presence in your neighborhood. We talked to Robert Garcia about this a little bit. He's doing something similar, but like on the congressional level. But you could report like ice activity, you know, I'm on such and such corner in Queens. This is what's going on. And you could sign up for it as a user and then be aware of where ice is in your neighborhood. And basically what happened was the Trump administration, Pam Bondi, pressured Apple to take it out of the Apple store because it was interfering with their and they did and they're folding. People are full. I feel like an Apple did. I think they capitulated instantly. I don't even think there was like public public discourse. Right. They just folding like a cheap suit, like a wet paper bag. Yeah. Yeah. You have to come for my suit like that. But well, I mean, I see you a lot. I and so now there's a lawsuit. Ice block is suing the government. Get a girl and Pam Bondi admitted. She was like, yeah, I did it. She like admitted it in a press briefing. Well, they don't. OK. They they no longer care. Right. Right. They no longer care. I mean, I keep on thinking about the president sitting there and saying Somali people are garbage and doubling down on that stuff. Yeah. Like there is no. Good sense decorum. Nothing has left. Yes. We are out here raw dogging it. And it's it's all. I mean, it's really. It's true. No, it's true. It's sand lube just out here. It is. And it's crazy because we're admitting two things that are now going to be used in court. Like when we talked to Robert Garcia, he talked about this a lot of just like we're papering the record, like we're filling up the record of what we're going to then sue for later. And that's what Ice Block is doing. They're taking Pam Bondi's statement and it's right there. It's quoted directly in the lawsuit. But I think they don't care because so far they're they have been able to get away with it. Right. And they think that we can do whatever we want. We own this. Yes, exactly. And like, you know, we've got we'll just we'll just get pardoned later. George Santo style. That bitch. I mess. I know. Mess. It is it is getting. It's well, it's also just, you know, I am I'm embarrassed. Yeah. Right. I'm embarrassed. Yes. I'm yes, I'm anxious. Yes, I'm angry. But also, there's a lot of like head holding like what is going on? Where are we? Why is this happening? Yeah. And I mean, and I think this is something I know we keep on sort of circling around this, but trying to figure out, well, what am I supposed to do? Right. So like, I was really hopeful about this Ice Block app, right? Because I want to know when ice is in my neighborhood or near my workplace or even just where I happen to be because I want to help. Yeah. Right. I want to help. I want to be sort of the town crier because I that I those are the things that I know that I can do. Right. We can go through right now. I could do a checklist of what you can do. Give us a checklist. You could be the town crier. Yeah. You just can't obstruct justice. So like that's a very subjective thing, but like. So if the so if OK, wait, wait, wait, hold on. But I think what I think would be really helpful is what does that look like? What does it look like by obstruct justice? Yeah. So ice is chasing some migrants in your neighborhood. Your home door happens to be open and they run inside. You can't like be like, guys, get in here. Like I'm going to help you. You have to be there has to be a sort of if your door is open and they happen to go inside and you happen to close it after. Then you can deny the entry. You can say this is my private home. You need to have a sign judicial warrant in order to search the premises. But if I were to say that then you are committing a crime. I am by. Yes, exactly. So I mean, I'm wondering if the same thing goes for your business. So if you so like if you run a 7-11 and you have a back room, a private area, the police can search that, right? So if people are hiding in there without a warrant, right? Without a warrant, the warrant has to have like a signature on it. It has to say honorable so and so at their signature. OK. Yeah. But yeah, it's crazy. I mean, and then, you know, we do all this stuff. And then I think I made a video about filing a G28 of how people can file this form in order to get a lawyer to help you. And then there's like new precedent that says that you can't get bonded out if you weren't crossing a border and being inspected by a border agent or an asylum officer. Yeah, it's crazy. And and like we, you know, we come up with these rules and then they change. Well, that's the thing is that they're changing so quickly. And it's it's like we're changing the tires on the car as the car is moving, right? Like that's what it feels like. You don't know what to do because it's happening so quickly and they're making it up as they go along. They are. They are. They very much are. I was remember that client who was texting me. He just texted me and said, Jew. Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah. No, God bless him. Kid. OK. So just for those who don't know the lore, I represent a child and he texted me. Well, he texts you this way. He texts me this way. He's learning English. And at one point, he just texted me and said, Jew. And I was like, we got to do we have to get into identity politics? I'm trying to like help him learn English a little bit and educate him a little. So I'm like, I'm pulling out more information on like what's going on with you. And turns out he was working at a Jewish summer camp. So it was like just like a surprise. I was like, oh, yeah, it's just like a very strange. Yeah, he does. Love it. Right. Just didn't know any better. Yeah, exactly. And so we got past that. But anyway, active case right now, we're like we're in the middle of getting him a green card and I've got all the judges approvals. I've been working the case for years and they just detained him. He's like a kid. Yeah. Just detained. And it's like, OK, I literally have four judges who have signed off on this and they know and gives a shit. What can you tell us without telling us? Right. Like was he just? Just rounded up. OK. If there was no like instance, there was no like there was there wasn't a crime that was committed. It was just like, you know, being brown in the wrong place. So then so then it becomes like, you know, what do I have to jump in? And then like, I have to figure out how to like bond this person out. It's like where we have to wait years in order to get him citizenship. Right. So for all those years, he's just at this high risk, potentially detained situation. Back to the checklist, I mean, I made a video today about like what white people can do because we we have to think about it this way. Like what can white people do to help? Like how do you flex your white privilege? And like I think and I've seen it done really well online, especially with the Portland raids, right to assembly, right to protest and right to record, especially in New York City, too. I mean, those are our new mayor, Mom Tani was talking a bit about in a video about how those rights are especially protected in New York. So those are really important rights to remember as you're thinking about supporting. And we talked about it with George and Karen, too. Like how do you how do you help from your sofa? Right. Right. Like how do you not like those of us who are maybe less confrontational? We're talking to the king of confrontation. Oh, we are. This episode, Walter Masterson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit where he's coming to the studio. But maybe not all of us are Walter. No, I think you want to do something from home. Right. I think the other thing, though, is that and I am sort of guilty of this as well is I feel like I have to be careful not just sort of just wish this stuff away. Right. Yeah. And be willing to sort of do the things. So are you willing to go out? Like you could be upset at the situation, but what are you willing to do? What are you willing to risk? Right. And I'm not just anybody like risk their lives or their livelihoods or anything like that. But like, are you willing to go out to the take, take it to the streets and protest? Yeah. Are you willing to call people out? Do you actually? I mean, and I know we get so tired of hearing this kind of thing, but are you actually willing to write your congressman? Are you actually willing to do those things? Are you willing to get involved in sort of grassroots organizations? And you have to hold the mirror up to yourself and be like, do you really want to do those things or do you wish that other people would do it and make the problem go away? And I'm going to make it easy for you because, you know what? I am that person who will pay the $40 delivery fee for the seamless thing. That's right down the street. So if you are one of those people, shame on you, you just want to support without actually doing anything other than throw money at the problem. That's OK. There is like a very real place for you in the fight for justice. For sure. My friend runs a nonprofit. She represents people who are deemed mentally unsound to stand trial by themselves. You don't have a right to a lawyer in immigration court. You have you have a right to consult a lawyer, but one will not be provided for you like in criminal court. So basically what she does is she's a defense attorney for those people who are not mentally sound to stand trial themselves. So you can go to the link in my link tree and you can make a tax deductible gift to her nonprofit where she does this defense work. She's incredible. But these legal defense funds really are a great venue for you. Maybe you don't feel like protesting or you are in the lawyer who can go do something. So somebody like your friend who has this nonprofit and she's an attorney so she has a very sort of a very sort of specific skill set. Do organizations like that need volunteers? People who do like people with a certain language skill. Maybe it's maybe if it's somebody with a mental health issue like a social worker, like somebody go to immigration justice campaign. I've done a lot of work for them in my life. They always need people with a language skill or a volunteer or support or like they they have incredible resources. They've supported my entire immigration career with just like people helping write briefs. People like it is this extraordinary network of people. Are you a good editor? Like can you help in that way? Yes, non-moyer support. Right. I think there are a lot of people and you know, and I think a lot about, you know, I have this language skill. How can I, you know, and it's one of those things that, you know, I didn't go to school to learn how to speak French and Creole. It just happened in my house. So I have it already and I know Haitian people very well and I understand the community and I think that what can I do to help my community, you know. So if you are somebody, you've got those language skills and you have the desire to be helpful, there is a way to do that. Yeah. Where are your girls? We're here every week. We got you. We'll be thinking this through with you, especially as like Melissa says, we're changing the tires on the car while the car is in motion. Unbelievable to me. Yeah, this will change every week. But we're also here to support each other. We got a fierce network of people. We do. And and we're here to support you. Interested in sort of like bringing more people into that network, right? And like, you know, if there's something that I don't know, you tell me, I'll tell somebody else. Damn it to me. Like you guys know, I probably overshare in my stories. So if there is info that I can quickly screenshot and just reshare, please, please. Michael loves a good oversharing. I'm happy to do it. And y'all know, I post without thinking. So anyway, Walter's here. So we're going to go ahead and reset. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with Walter Masterson. Huge news, everybody. We're clearing out the merch store. That's right. Our spring cleaning sale is happening now. You can get 20% off site-wide when you use code ERM, spring 26, from March 26 to 29. That not only includes merch from My Favorite Murder, but all your favorite, exactly right shows. And for even bigger deals, go to the last chance section and take 20% off already discounted items. This sale ends on March 29, so don't wait too long. That's exactly rightstore.com. Promocode ERM, spring 26. Some exclusions apply. Goodbye. We're so excited we're here with Walter Masterson. He creates satirical social street interviews and political pranks. His appearances have included rallies, protests, school board meetings. He sometimes adopts right-wing personas such as Maga Republican or supporter of Donald Trump. Welcome to the show. Welcome to Marie Marie Sass. Thank you for having me. Yeah, we're really excited to have you on. So I'm going to ask you a question right away. Because, sorry. Do it. Go run. So I've been paying attention to your social media for a really long time. I really appreciate the work that you're doing. I have to tell you, Walter, you go into these situations and you're speaking with these people and I legitimately have anxiety on your behalf and I get worried about your personal safety. Do people say that a lot that they have anxiety? Oh, yeah. People have said that. I have a problem with that. That's sort of my thing of I usually tell people that tag along as like, if you see me start to worry, then it's a huge issue. You should panic because I sort of have this very weird like, oh, everything's fine. Yeah. And then when it's when it's bad, I'm like, all right, you got to go. If you see me worrying, just runs the safety for the people that are with you. But do you ever, though? Because because here's the thing. I think that when we are talking about MAGA people, a lot of them come across to me anyway as absolutely unhinged and a little on the wrong side of crazy and sort of quick to violence, right? And you are out there putting a mirror in front of them if they get it right away, because sometimes they're too stupid to understand what you're doing. But when they finally maybe get an idea that you're coming for them. What like, what is the because we're seeing a couple of clips until media, right? So we don't have the big picture of what's happening. What is their reaction? What do they say to you? What do they want to do to you? Do you feel like do you ever feel like, oh, shit. There's been a few times when I've said, OK, like there's been time. One time I was getting kicked out of a city hall. I was getting kicked out of a town hall in Springfield, Ohio. OK, that was remember that they're eating the dogs. They're eating the canned gas. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that very well. My producing partner and I went there and spoke at the town hall as members of the JD Vance campaign. We believe in the American dream over at the JD Vance campaign. And in order to achieve that dream, we need to stop other people from that dream. Oh, God. And we like leaned all the way into it. Well, how did you how did you prepare for that? Did you dress a certain way? Were you I had on my Heritage Foundation hat? And we came there and it was very funny. So like the funny the part that went wrong was I was supposed to give a speech. Then my producing partner was supposed to give a speech. Right. I was a primer. His was absurd. So like over the way over the top, right, just absolute nonsense. So then they switched the order so that he went first. Then I went. Oh, no. And so right right on top of each other, I go, oh, wow, OK, this kind of screws things up, but OK, roll with it. Yeah, yeah. And they they tossed us after we're after our speeches. And I remember telling the police officer, I said, I mean, since you're since you're throwing me out, can you just walk us to our car? I mean, you're you're you're going to escort me out of the building anyway. You know, the car is 50 feet. I remember the police officer was like, sure, because people were like people were. Sure, like people. And it was and it was the perfect storm of furious because I had maggot people that knew I was making fun of them. Absolutely furious at me. Then I had people that were somewhat progressive that thought I was from the JD fans. Can they never furious with me? And then I had people that they were just furious. Hey, you know, you don't you're coming here. We're just mad because everyone's mad. You're mocking our town. You don't live here. You're coming here to make fun of us. And I had just managed to upset every demographic in that town. Simultaneously. And I was so worried. And I remember we get into we get in the car and my reducing partner is like, I'm like, so anyway, he's like, go, come on, come on. He's like, and then we're like running red lights. Like, she's like, do not take your foot off the gas until we get out of time. Oh, my God. Walter, you're often like behind enemy lines. Right. I love about all your videos is that you always have a backup. Like you have like through where you do it in waves, like you start making a toast, then someone else makes a toast. It's never just like one person. Yes, exactly. So like the Lee Zeldin video. I like the approach to Lee Zeldin for just destroying our access to clean air and clean water. What's next is Lane Maxwell for the Women's Empowerment Summit. I'm from Long Island. That was my former representative. Yeah. And it was so ironic. They the New York Cancer Society, which for the reason they do great work, right, they think they're curing cancer. They have a person speaking at their charity function that is going to be responsible for giving thousands of people cancer. Unequivocally, that is not that he is opening coal plants, you know, de regulating, deregulating air restrictions, water restrictions. I mean, you can put, you know, feces in water now, thanks to him. I mean, just across the board and he is speaking at the New York Cancer Society. Unironically. Unironically. And I'm like, so yeah, that was through cancer, that was through climate defiance, we bought out a bunch of those seats and planned it out. If anyone wants to do what you see on that in that video, just contact climate defiance. You can get in with them. Wow. So they they're they're always looking. Quick shout out to climate defiance if you want to get involved. We were just talking before this segment about like what people can actually do to get involved, because you are probably the all the way at this end of the spectrum of involvement. And there's a lot of people who are at the opposite end of the spectrum who are not involved at all. Getting involved makes it feels better. It does. I will say as someone as people who are involved, yeah, it feels great. Yeah, I think the the danger I not really a danger, but for me, like you get involved, but am I involved enough? Right? Like what's what's enough? What's enough for Walter is enough for Michael. Yeah, I go through that all the time. You're like, could I be doing more? You've got to be doing more. And then to the to the average person, it's it's a lot. But to my peer group, it's like, I mean, are we, you know, what more is there to do? And am I doing enough? Am I making a difference? Or am I just shitposting on the Internet? Right. I go through that, too. Like, especially as like immigration law cases get overturned or people get deported cases I've worked on for years, the person ends up getting deported. Anyway, I get I go through this cycle of like, did I actually fucking make a difference at a client who I worked with him for, I think, like a year. It was the trial. And after we won, he OD'd and died within a month. And I was like, did I fucking do anything? Like, did I actually like make a difference here? And it's like, it was just like something that I had to go through as I was really grieving. I mean, I think he did. I mean, it's it's tragedy, obviously, that he died that way. But you did really good work for him. That that part of it is not on you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I wasn't like, oh, this is on me. I was like, this is for me, I came away from it. And I was like, I did this thing. I was swinging hard for someone who no one ever swung for him before. So that I came away for it. And I was like, OK, we went down swinging. I gave him what probably very few people I've given him in his life, which is like a second chance at or third or whatever. I don't know. I still have like complicated emotions around it. But like that hits me because I'm sober. I've been sober for over a decade. Wow. So I don't congrats. And there's probably good reason. Yeah. I don't do it. I don't drink or drag. And I used to. So, you know, I am reformed. Yeah. And that's part of what radicalized me is. So I was going to ask you, so, you know, what what made you turn into this person? Like, who were you before? Just seeing how the criminal justice system treated me versus someone else. We're seeing the documentary about the Central Park five. Yeah. And great documentary. I lived probably 20, maybe 25 blocks from the Central Park five people. I grew up 25 blocks away. That's not far. No. No. However, I thought about the differences. I am white, come from a middle class family. Yeah. The cops treated me. And I did the same nasty stuff that they did, you know, you know, you accuse them of being hooligans and doing this and that. I looked at all that and said, this is nothing compared to what my friends and I did. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'd get arrested by the police, you know, like we we earned it. Merits through merits to arrest a white boy. And we, you know, we got there through merit. And this is like, you know, this is as kids and this it was very inconsequential. Yeah. Type of trouble. Then I saw what they went through versus myself and that like flipped a switch. I was going to say, was that your primary experience with the criminal justice system, just as a lawyer who does a lot of defense work? Like what was your experience like? Was it mostly through policing or was it the DA or was it with sentencing? Like what was your sort of relationship to it as you? And I could just see, first off, my family had means to support me. Yeah. That's huge. I saw the difference when I would hang out and get in trouble with my friends that were not white. So I remember they were they always went like we're like this around the cops. Like, yes, officer, yes, officer. And I would always mouth off. I remember we walking through the park one time and I was just being mouthy. Cops are there like, hey, park's closed. And my black friends are like, yes, sorry, officer, sorry. And I'm like, it's OK, officer, they're with me. And then remember the cop car, like just full speed. Of course. Throws everyone against the car. And the cops like, oh, do you remember? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you correctly. Meanwhile, my friends are getting coughed and they're like, bro, you you got to dial that back. Like, yeah, you know, yeah. It's really interesting though. So obviously I grew up as a black woman, but I remember being in high school with some white friends and we were going into the Genovese and my friend decided to shoplift and I and immediately I was like, I cannot be a part of this at all. Was your friend white? Yes. OK. Yeah. Yeah. And you know how I know the first and the last name, but I won't say it. But Genovese was already a deep cut to the 90s. Sure. Yeah. Genovese, bring her back. I love Genovese. I mean, but there was this feeling of like, I'm going to just leave because I can't be anywhere near you because I know that they are. You'll be the one who gets away. They're watching me. They're watching me. You know, there's this feeling and you're like, you know what? I'm going to go. You go ahead and shoplift. Right. So you played the decoy. Capitone tan. No, no, no, I left. No, no, no, it's actually funny because I remember one time I was accused of shoplifting when I was not. Meanwhile, every other time you were. And I was like, yeah, every other time. The one time that I was not doing crime. And I remember just being furious. And I was like, if that happened to me more than once. Right. Damn it. Like, yeah, something I paid for that they were like, you did not pay for them. I was like, excuse me. They like ran up on me and everything. And I was like, and I'm like, how dare you. And I was like, I am fear. Imagine if this happened to me more than once. Is this a regular occurrence? I would because I was like, I was a 10 at that moment. Right. The way that we sort of. Relate to crime. I just think it's just like so interesting to me as someone who just like studies it. And then I have to be in like the world around it. What gets policed and what doesn't get policed, right? We're constantly talking about that on the show and what I get away with as a white man in a suit walking past a security guard that other people don't. As you're sort of approaching this, I mean, you're creating these videos. You touched on it a little bit. What is the positive outcome that you have seen? Like, I think it's important for people to see we're trying to give like hopeful messages on the show. Any opportunity we can where you do this. What I find to be hilarious work. You're a stand up comic, like you've got an improv background. You go into these situations, you create these videos that are just very entertaining to watch. What has there been like a changed mind or a shift that you've witnessed or something that you have seen from doing this work that you've come away with us that being like a positive experience for you? Yeah, I think it's more like people are brought into the fold. And they I try to do something very sensational. It's very sensational. It makes funny. Yeah. I try to be funny. And it's something that there are people that contact me saying that they've gotten more involved because I this sort of made it humorous. Yes. Made it. Yeah. And they weren't really paying attention prior. And then so that was that was the hope of I mean, most people aren't really paying attention or most people are sort of overloaded. And there's I always look for like, what's the new medium to sort of deliver this information? And so it's like, all right, I could say that David Rubenstein is a climate criminal, or I could say it at a charity benefit where he's the main guest of honor. And I say it to a room of three to four hundred people amidst dead silence. Right. And then and I film it and then people like, oh, David Rubenstein, climate criminal, private equity, public enemy, got it. Right. And then it's versus me just saying that to camera. Right. There are other people are very eloquent with that and can make an impact. I'm I try to do better in that in that regard. Right. I mean, it's I think we're Michael and I were talking about this before. It's like you have this certain skill set, right? You're this is what you're really good at. And this is something that you are passionate about. You worry about it. So you're taking your skill set, you're taking your talent and you're making it so that now other people are become aware of it. Right. And they'll figure out what they can do. But this is what you do. Yeah. Yeah. So I had had someone that came up to me and told me that they were radicalized by my video where my friends and I disrupted and shut down Andrew Cuomo's press event. Good for you. That felt good for you. I saw I saw that video. I love that. I'm such a Cuomoator, so please. Oh, yeah. No, that was that was lovely. It was just we showed up. We outnumbered him. We outnumbered his staff. We outnumbered his supporters. We outnumbered the press. That it was a really small event. It was like this like in New York, if you're not if you're watching this and you're not in New York, they do these little like pop up. Oh, I'm out of school. I think it was at a library or something. It was in front of a school. Yes. And I showed up with a printout from the Board of Education saying that he did not have consent to use this school to the camp. And then. Yeah. This is the email from the Department of Education saying they don't have permission to be in front of the school or inside the school. And they grabbed his campaign, grabbed me first. And then meanwhile, there's six, seven, eight people already in front of him that they didn't recognize that they were like, like, I remember that you really outnumbered like his staffers. And it was live on Fox now. So for just 10 minutes, he was just getting dogged mercilessly. The thing that he came there to talk about didn't get addressed at all. And I was like, that's great. That's a way he was there to use there to talk about defunding public education. Right. That didn't get talked about. I was happy. I'm like, great. But you talked to the winner of that race. You talked to Mamatani recently. Yeah, I talked to him. Oh, yeah, it was it's funny. I I got to interview him right before he became a phenomenon. OK, it was it was really kind of just this kind of inside baseball where I'm like, I interviewed him, I posted the video and didn't go anywhere. People were like, yeah, whatever, bro. Like, then it then it comes back later. Every there's always that like resuscitation on the Internet. Yeah, then like someone gets any became becomes a phenomenon a month later. And I was like, oh, cool. I got I got this. I felt good. I was like, OK, you know what? I'm not just riding away. I was there. You were there. You were there. The DMs before the video is one viral. Yeah, that was that was nice. And that is it is it has been refreshing to speak to him to where he's actually he gives clear, concise answers that address what you asked. He's not afraid of his own ideas, whereas I feel like most the Democratic Party at large is terrified of their own ideas. Yes, like think about it. They health care of housing as a human right, water as a human right. Environment and, you know, education, education, all the all this stuff. And they are terrified of their own platform actually implementing that platform. Right. We see Governor Huckle all the time just sort of, oh, I'm going to do this big, bold thing. And then dials it back a couple weeks later. Yeah. And then just says something very milk toast. Yes. Homage. Millie now kind of. And then, meanwhile, you get Trump and his crew coming in saying, we should deport every Somali, not Somali immigrants, just Somali. Everyone. Just just. And there's there is a level to it. But you're like, you know what? Nothing matters anymore. Right. I'm going to call you just say what you but you believe they're going to call your communist. They're going to accuse you of trying to make everyone trans and, you know, your Soros back then. They're just going to say this anyway. You know, you know, you're you're all you're automatically an Israel hating Palestinian loving communists that wants to open our borders. Right. And, you know, just just lean into it. Do you see like a ripple effect of that? The fact that Mamdani did not back down from his platform and full chested was like, you know what, these are the three things I'm going to do, no matter what anyone says. Yeah. And he stuck with that and he's still sticking with it, I think. I know. And think about this. So think about if he had lost. Right. If he had lost, what would be happening right now? Forget the fact. Yes, Cuomo would be the mayor. If he had lost the entire Democratic Party, right, would take a harder right turn again and there would be a massive ideal. Yes. Yeah. It would be a man down. It would basically the mandate would be. Progressive fism loses elections. You will you'll even lose in New York. But if he if he did lose, it would mean. Right. That any progressive ideal is a campaign killer that we have to stay centrist, that we have to say that's been their narrative. Party line. Yes, exactly. Because, oh, look, well, it didn't work with Kamala. So therefore they have to go further and further. They run these very establishment campaigns, very uninspiring campaigns. Yep. Everyone else has to do the work of spreading the message because they're just terrible at this. And then when they lose the number one talking point as well, they were too progressive. And they're saying this about people that are it's like hurts my brain to call Biden a communist. It's called Kamala a communist. And I'm like, this is. I'm like, you know, I was a prosecutor. Right. You sort of establishment Joe Biden, who's like been part of the government since the Earth Corps. Yeah. You know, yeah. Famous Marxist Joe Biden. Stuff like that. And so that is that to me is in the past year. I mean, I used to be like, yes, we hate Magga. We hate Trump. In the past year, I'm like, you know what? I can open that tent to the Democratic Party. Sure. You know, my hatred. Absolutely. Of Magga. You know, I can I can fit the Democratic Party in that tent too. Yeah. Big tent. It's a big tent. And they're so big tent party disappointing. They're so disappointing. It's it's actually it's like kind of sickening. It's like you. You guys aren't standing for anything. And just for the record, it's the off season. I mean, if there was an election two weeks from now, I would be saying, hey, my God, have you seen Gavin Newsom's new meme? He just released a new meme. My God, it's a new meme. Nancy Pelosi. I'm such a. We love her. Oh, man. Yes, Queen. Girl boss. Hillary Clinton. Deva Hillary is back on the scene. Oh, my God. Yeah. Girl boss. Yes. Now that we are in the. Off season. Now is the time to. Appliation. Yeah. Yeah. When the elections two weeks from now, I'll be like, oh, my God. Yeah. We'll have you back on right before the. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll all be like, oh, my God. We love the Democratic establishment. Chuck Schumer get in here, honey. I feel good. It's a brush of breath there, right? Jeffries. Love you. Oh, my God. Jeffries. You see that picture with him? He's holding a baseball bat. Baseball is the truest American sport. He's holding a baseball bat. Beautiful. Landed the free. He's fostering kittens. He's fostering kittens. It was just. Oh, my God. Yeah. OK. So was there anything in the news cycle where we're sort of kind of trying to cover a little bit more of like the the news cycle as we come into the studio on. Monday. We were talking about Puffy before. We were. Oh, yeah. We were talking about. We were talking about. J.D. Doc. We were talking about. This weekend. That's right. Oh, man. OK. So it's just some random tea. This is unverified and stuff like that. But it's like my own personal experience is if you're part of the club scene and. The Aughts. Country Club. Or the teens. The nightclub scene in New York City during that time. Anyone that I would meet would talk about how. Diddy loved to get flated by men and it was a power thing. Anyone would explain that to you. And it was such a pervasive thing that I ignored it. Take me. I hate these like black rumors of like. Black men are all DL. Right. And it was something like a stop it like right because it would always come with other stuff. However, everyone. That like went out regularly to clubs had some connection with Diddy. They all repeated this. They're like, oh yeah, no. And they all would were very clear that it wasn't about. Sexuality. It was about power. It was power based. Wow. You liked big men to like get on their knees and submit to him. That was a very, you know, it was like it was almost like an open secret. It was a yeah. Well, I mean like the Cosby rumors were around for. Forever. Before. Yeah. Before. Yeah. Any actual cases or court cases. Yeah. Open secrets stuff like that. But the documentary is out now. Yeah. And 50 Cent is out on the media circuit. Oh yeah. He's on that junket. And doing interviews on ABC. Yeah, we don't. We don't like him. Yeah. This is a guy who does not. He's MAGA. He probably has really awful opinions about the Me Too movement. Yeah. And he's doing a documentary talking about. His nemesis. Yeah, about like. And he's playing it on. Interviewing people that came forward with essay allegations. Right. Right. And how we should believe them. And I guarantee you if Diddy wasn't his nemesis, he wouldn't be believing any of these people. So let's just get that. Let's just get that out of the way. Yeah, this is not somebody who's doing this for the greater good to put the information out. No, it's because he. Because he hates him. And he's just like, you know what? I'm going to take the stuff that we already know. And I'm just going to fan the flame of this. Right. And also, like his career isn't like. What do we. Haven't heard him on the radio. But what do we. What do we think about this though? Because there is this is like an ethical conundrum, right? Because ultimately these essay survivors are getting FaceTime. Their stories are being told. It's being told by a hater. He's playing it on ABC so that Diddy can watch it in prison because ABC plays on prison televisions. Like there is that piece, right? Of like 50 Cent is a hater and a MAGA supporter. And doing this for all the wrong reasons. But the outcome is actually supporting. I'll take it. These women's voices, right? Like, yeah, I'm like. Right. I'll take the win where I can get it, I guess. Yeah, how I'm like, you know, if we're just like, when are we going to. It's never going to be perfect. Right. If we're waiting for the perfect. Right. There is no. There's no. Messenger and. This is information that's it's important and people are interested in it. If it's coming from. See, CJ, CJ, I see. J's for a photo of 50 Cent, just his wide smile in the ABC interviews, because he's absolutely delighted to be talking about this on camera. Where it's almost, but it's almost. What's the word? Like, it's so unseemly. His joy at this is like, unseemly, right? Like, we all know that they hated each other, right? So this is not somebody who just like, I just thought it was really important that everybody knew about this. This is just like, I hate this motherfucker. And I'm and that's because that's what it is. It's like, I, I hate him and I want him to know that I hate him and I want everybody else to know this is how much I hate you. I hate you so much that I am willing to invest my own time and resources into this documentary that is going to sort of further chop you up into bits. But the flip side about it is that he deserves it, right? So it's like this weird place. And it's and it's a shame because prior to these essay allegations, this is going to sound very weird. Just I am not condoning his essay allegations. I don't like Diddy. OK, and this is this is a very left-handed compliment to him. Let's just say left-handed compliment is that he was an inspirational figure because he was an incredibly mediocre person that was hugely successful. I mean, not the best music producer. No, not the best rapper. No. Horendist actor. Horendist. However, this is a man who, you know, had multiple hit records, own his own label, terrible clothing designer, owned his own successful clothing line, and he was the lead. Right. On a Broadway show. God, I looked at that and I thought, I mean, you could be anything. This is a mediocre human being that let that inspire you. Yeah, that she can do that. Reba McIntyre can have a lip gloss line with no upper lip. Like we don't let these things stop you from succeeding from moving from Melissa to Reba McIntyre is famous for not assaying anyone. Reba, Reba, this one goes out to you. Yeah, just you can have all the lip liner. Here's your last chance, fancy. Don't let her down. Yeah. Oh, my God. But yeah, incredibly mediocre, driven human being that just reached. Don't let mediocrity stand in. The way of your dreams. Yeah, just I think that's what we should show that to kids. No, it's stitched onto like a cross stitch on the pillow. I like my therapist office. Yeah, but like, listen, don't listen. You can, you know, go for your dreams, kids. I mean, if this mediocre man can be talentless and you too can become president of the United States of America. All sorts of conspiracy. Oh, and just for the record, Diddy helped Elon Musk by Twitter. So I feel like people famously good for society. Yeah, so I mean, there's owning. If you're thinking, I mean, what good did he do? I mean, he helped Elon Musk, President Musk by Twitter. And it was just so, I mean, let's not. Let's, you know, I think we need to all remember. I'll just remember. Good friends with Trump, good friends with Elon. It was a good friend with the worst people. We had, I just remember that first day of Twitter when just every slur was back. Oh yeah, all over Twitter. Do you have a favorite conspiracy theory? Is this, they're like a conspiracy theory that you're like, this one is. There's so many. How do you pick? I think, I think Luigi didn't do it. That's my conspiracy. Oh, I don't mean that's even the photo at McDonald's. That's not him at McDonald's. I mean, we don't even know what happened that day. Really. If you look at the photos, I'm like, this is not the same person. Like what is happening? Do we even care? I mean, yeah, I mean, I just, yeah, my, my favorite conspiracy is the bullet diary that Cash Patel, Cash Patel's FBI leaves behind. Oh, yes. Every active murder scene. I mean, we all remember. I've heard about this. That episode of Law and Order where they go to an active crime scene and they tweet out all of the evidence confirmed and unconfirmed onto the internet within minutes. And there's bullets with just a total bullet diaries everywhere. There's a I did it. Nancy Pelosi. We love her. Chuck Schumer, King. King. Right on the bullet, right on the bullet. And then with a text message to thanks to Cash Patel's FBI. Tweeted that out. Yeah. And they just, yeah. And it goes, it goes out immediately. Forget waiting for detectives to corroborate. This right to do a full investigation. Or even to file it and log it into evidence. I mean, who needs that? Are you a Law and Order fan? We there's a show on this network that does recaps of. I was actually on fun fact. I was actually on Law and Order SVU. Okay. You pull up the clip. What were you? CJ, were you a victim? Were you the perpetrator? Were you a witness? I was on the show. Please be clear. Not in real life. On the show on SVU. Yes. Not, not IRL. No. It's one of these things. It's one of those things where they happen upon someone who's doing something questionable. But this is not the actual criminal. So the cops just sort of go like, you know what, whatever you're doing, this is garbage. But you know what, like we have an essay crime to solve here, but you're an asshole. It was one of those season 10 episode one. Love it. It was with Luc Perry. Did that paycheck hit hard? I love it. Oh, that was back before streaming was pervasive. Are you still getting royalty checks? I got royalty checks, the tons of them when there's more syndication. Because people would say, oh, I saw you on Law and Order and I go, what channel? What network? And they go NBC and I go, oh, yeah. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that. I'm getting a full days pay. Yeah. Again. Then they'd say, oh, I sold on Netflix and I go, oh, it's a good way for them. Why did you even watch it? Stream it on YouTube. I knew I'd get like something like maybe like, you know, a few several hundred dollars. It was a USA TNT. Well, in Marathon versus Netflix, I'd be like, oh, god damn it. Is there something you want to plug on the show? Come join me on my stand up tour. I'm going through DC, Boston, Phoenix, Colorado, San Francisco, San Diego. And yeah, join me. See me IRL. I'm really funny. Oh, you are hysterical. I'm really funny. I make people laugh. Funny people famously have to beg you to believe they're funny. Yeah. That's, you know, this comedy is that's you have to is. Good comedies when you have to explain the joke right afterwards. It's beautiful because it went over everyone's head. Yeah, there's a lawsuit we covered in law school. Just real quick shout out where there was a joke about a contract where you like got a plane if you got enough PepsiCo tickets. It's like a famous lawsuit and the judge and the clerk had to explain the joke of the commercial. It just ruined the whole thing. Oh, God. It was it was great. Anyway, oh, wait, I want to know that. I'll send you I'll send it to you. Yeah. So you have a website, right? Yes. Yeah. We'll do a Masterson doc. Yeah. So we'll plug it. Yeah. Where you can get tickets. And then you'll find where you can get tickets and everything on your website. Amazing. But you were in Chicago and Portland or just one for the ice. Crazy. So I made a comedy tour before Trump decided to send National Guard into all of these cities and ice. And and so I went to Chicago, Portland. Yeah. I went to Philly and then also Seattle. And while I was there, I went to the ice facilities. Yeah. And spoke to activists. And basically Chicago, I think, has it the worst because it's not targeted in. I mean, listen, the white supremacist playbook is to put it in certain areas and disperse it, right, you know, in certain areas so that the neoliberals can go like, what, what, like we're not. Yeah. What. So it's not like that in Chicago. It's everywhere all the time. Right. And it is just a hellhole in with regards to that, because parents do not feel safe letting their children walk alone to school. If they're black, if they're even if they're walking next to someone that is not white. Wow. It is like, hey, you know what? You're going to be stopped. You might be kidnapped. You'll be swept up with someone else. So they don't let children walk to school. There's tons of organizations that walk children to school and stand there during pickup. Portland's very similar. We're going to list those organizations so that you can support them. Yeah. Like, yeah, like there's very small mutual aid, pills in community defense and great ones that just are very, they're only known in the community. Portland is insane as well. Yeah. And they are like that ice facility has snipers standing on the roof at night. Purely for intimidation. No one is trying to break into this facility. They are nasty and they just behave like they're completely above the law. And I I'm saying this, you know, every any Democrat that wants to run for office, it says that they're going to reform ice and do this. I'm like, no, this is an agency that needs to be completely eradicated. Right. You cannot reform these people. These people joined to behave like exactly. Yeah. And it thugs. And it does seem to me like, you know, when you're sort of like getting a picture of the kind of person who's like, all right, this is what I'm going. This is my calling, right? I'm going to be a part of ice. It's when I think about it, it is the person that you went to high school or elementary school who was like the bully who like never really amounted to anything. It's the divorcee incel. It's like and this is their opportunity to shine, right? Because they're they're not really good at anything. So I'm going to do this and it gives me an opportunity to be a bully. I'm a professional bully. I'm getting paid for it. And it's like it sort of amps themselves up when they were like. To get some purpose. Yeah. And it's probably they were probably like living in their mother's basement, not doing anything. And now they're like important, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's they're getting a signing bonus. They're getting a full salary. None of that signing bonus is going towards child support payments at all. Right. Just, you know, confirmed fact check it confirmed. I mean, come on, you know, put that, you know, signing bonus towards child support payments. Yeah. Your kids 529 fund. Yeah, come on. But that was that was the case when I'd visited ice facilities and spoken to people on the ground in the communities there. I mean, Chicago, Portland, I think are the absolute worst. Yeah. In terms of and on top of that, you have tons of MAGA grifters showing up to the facilities. Yeah. I saw you talking to some of them. I saw you make content and be like, look, you know, this is how great this is. Yeah. And they go up with the don't tread on me hat. So the only people with a don't tread on me flag are counter protesting. You have a Gadsden flag. I thought they don't tread on me. You should be on the other side. You're counter protesting with a Gadsden flag. There's one video I'm speaking to a guy. I'm like, you're wearing a Gadsden flag hat. That is you cannot. That this is that is literally states rights, states rights, states rights. Don't tread on me. You know, let the states decide. Right. This is the opposite of letting the states decide. Exactly. Yeah. This is the you don't know what that means. You just like the snake chopped up image. You don't know what that actually means or what it means. They don't know what it means. And I mean, and I and I wonder. Do they do they even realize how stupid they are? I or like, I honestly think that it's more of like we voted for this. This is exactly what we want. And they're not interested in debating or being consistent. They're in a position right now where they can say, listen, this is what I want. I don't care. And I'm not trying to, you know, play into some consistency with you about this. This is exactly what I want. I don't care that I have rights and they don't. I want the, you know, fifth and fourteenth amendment to apply to myself. Yep. And only. Yeah. And there's such there's so many blind spots with that, right? Like they voted for all of this, but did you vote for higher cost for groceries? Like, did you vote for gas prices to go up? Like, did you vote for tariffs to increase everything for cost of living? Is God up? Did you vote for the lowest job numbers in almost a decade? Well, but listen, you're losing sight of the big picture here, which is OK. You can now say gay retard at work. Yeah. Right. There are two right. Trans volleyball players is all over. Yeah. Yeah. There's two trans volleyball players nationwide that won't get to play volleyball this year. Yep. Yep. And that's it's worth than half the decimation of the farmland. Yeah. This is the comedy you're going to get on Walter's tour. Yeah. Get in there. Yeah. Get tickets. Walter Masterson dot com. Thank you for joining us. I'm so glad we got a chance to chat today. This was great. Huge news, everybody. We're clearing out the merch store. That's right. Our spring cleaning sale is happening now. You can get 20 percent off site wide when you use code ERM spring 26 from March 26 to 29. That not only includes merch from my favorite murder, but all your favorite exactly right shows and for even bigger deals, go to the last chance section and take 20 percent off already discounted items. This sale ends on March 29. So don't wait too long. That's exactly right. Store dot com promo code ERM spring 26. Some exclusions apply. Goodbye. I mean, Walter was just so great and incredible. I did not expect him to do that. Anything other than what we got to go to his show. Yeah, if he's got dates in New York, we should go. Oh, 100 percent. I want to go. We'll take a selfie. We will. OK. Just quick YouTube comment. Michael, does your husband knew your bagel order? Yes, he does. I have a couple of different bagel orders, and he knows all of them based off my mood and what happened the night before. Because I can't eat locks if I was drinking hard liquor the night before I get nauseous. Thank you so much for watching. I'm Michael Foote. I'm Melissa Malbranche. And we'll see you in court. Not me. I don't go to court. This has been an exactly right production recorded at I Heart Studios, hosted by me, Michael Foote and me, Melissa Malbranche, our producer is CJ Ferroni. This episode was edited by Nicholas Gallucci. Our associate producer is Christina Chamberlain and our guest booker is Patrick Cottner. Our theme song was composed by Tom Vryfogle with artwork from Charlotte Delirio and Vanessa Lylak, with photography by Brad Obono. Brief Recess is executive produced by Karen Kilgariff, Georgia Heartstark and Danielle Cramer. You can find me on Instagram at Department of Redundancy Department or on TikTok at Michael Foote. And I'm on both Instagram and TikTok as Melissa Malbranche. Got legal questions? Reach out at briefrecess at exactlyrightmedia.com. Listen to Brief Recess on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And of course, we're a podcast with video. Search for Brief Recess on YouTube. Huge news, everybody. We're clearing out the merch store. That's right. Our spring cleaning sale is happening now. You can get 20% off site-wide when you use code ERM, spring26, from March 26 to 29. That not only includes merch from My Favorite Murder, but all your favorite Exactly Right shows. And for even bigger deals, go to the Last Chance section and take 20% off already discounted items. This sale ends on March 29, so don't wait too long. That's exactly right. Some exclusions apply. Goodbye.