Santino turns 43? w/ Funny Marco

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! Why, dude? I'm an Asian dude. Woo! You two are disgusting. Woo! Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. 43, I'm 42. This is wrong, and oh my god, look at this guy. Oop-dor-ra. He's got his kneecap, uh... kneecap balaclava on. Balaclava. That's pretty cool, man. I just had to teach Carlos how to say that word. He couldn't do it. I like that you're covering your face. Balaclava? Balaclava. No, balaclava. A baklava is... I love baklava. It's so good. I love the Greek dessert. And also, give it up for the return. We haven't seen him in a long time of Richard. Yeah, I had to worsen to come here. I was at Seven Eccles today. I saw Richard, just, you know, I don't know what he does there, but he was just kind of wandering around and I go, you got to come back to bad friends. He's like, well, if George allows me... George doesn't own you. You can do whatever you want. Well, I... He took his passport, so... I take my orders from Seven Eccles. I mean, my loyalty's to Andres, to be honest. Your loyalty is not to us? Well, no, it's to you, but it's to Andres. Without us, no Seven Eccles. That's right. It crumbles. What? Without him, no me. Yeah, but without us, no Andres. No anybody. Hey, man, it all comes back to us. Okay? Well, today is what a glorious day because our pal here, you know, the Paul Simon of the group. No, I'm the Garfunke. No. I'm the Garfunkel. Are they both still alive? Yeah, they are. Well, then we're... You know what? You know who we are? If we were Motley Crue. Mm. That's right. You're Tommy. For sure, Tommy. And who am I? I don't know. I'm the Rodey. You're the Rodey, dude. Loading it in. Just loading in. That's all I do. I'm loading it in, loading it out. Is Nikki Six in it? Yeah, Nikki Six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Nikki Six. I'm Nikki Five. Okay. You're Nikki 43. Johnny Five's still alive. You know, I rewatched Blow last night, by the way. Yeah, never seen it. Never seen it. What? Yeah. Please watch it. Is cocaine driven? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You had the wrong dream, George. Yeah. Who's in Blow? It may... Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz. It made me forget how dope Penelope Cruz was. It reminded me, I'm sorry. She's unbelievable. Anyway, I always have a speech prepared. Oh, I'm sorry. Give a speech. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Our honey baby here. What a voyage. And what a journey. And what an adventure that you've been on. For 42 years. Yeah. From the projects? From, yeah, from the bottom. From the Chicago projects. From the hood, yeah. To elite status. Good man. Good man. Yeah. Athlete. Athletic, yeah. Yeah. Comrade. Comrade. Yeah. Destroyer. Yeah. And healer. And healer. I'll do both. Yeah, yeah. I like that. Cambodian Freedom Fighter. CFF? Yeah, that's right, dude. And you know, you mean so much to me. You're one of my best friends in the whole world. And you know, we've had our differences. Oh, yeah. Big differences. Big. Big differences. Yeah, big differences. But we've had our moments as well. I think that's what makes a good friendship. Exactly. And so why don't we give my comrade here a happy birthday? I like it. I'm really enjoying it. No. A happy birthday. Yeah. So, I'm gonna hurry. What the fuck are you doing, man? He's always slow. Yeah, anyway. Always slow on the upswing, that kid. He's the binder, the creator. Trapper keeper. No, fill time. I like it. No, you're good at this. You can fill time. Yeah, you float distance. You do. Hell yeah. You float distance. Hell yeah. And you create havoc within two means. And the two means are two buttons. And the two buttons are life. Yeah, baby. He's the order. You're the order of all Smiths. Oh, he's the order and you're the chaos. Yeah. But you know, you'd be the head Smith in some village. I'll tell you that right now. Really? Yeah. Where do you get the best axes, Andrew? You know what I mean? Where do you get, you know what I mean? The clogs for the horses. I don't know what you call them. No clogs. Yeah, they were clogs. Stirrups, dude. You go to Andrew, right? I'm the, I churn butter in that village. But I come to you for the arrows. I don't know what else do they do there. You're doing good. Yeah. And you're a locksmith as well. I really, I fix everything. You can break into houses as well. Really? Yeah, dude. You make the best lockspics in the village. The best lockspics in the whole village. Yeah. And the wizard, the wizard that lives there. Avaaz? Your best friend. I'm friends with the wizard. Yeah, your friends with the wizard. Wow. Your friends with the ladies that sing the songs. In the church, the sirens. The sirens. Yeah. Ooh. That's you. So I'm important to the village. You're important to it all. Yeah. Yeah. And guess what? Guess what? You're going to be mayor of this village. And then the emperor, he sees your good deeds and your good works. Thank you, sir. And he promotes you. To? Clergy. I'm now part of the clergy. I feel like that's down clergymen. But you move up. I move it up. Yeah, yeah. I elect to move up. The bishop is very thorough. Happy birthday. Thank God. Happy birthday, dear Andrew. Thank you. Happy birthday to you. So much more. Yes. Success. What is this? Termes. Oh, it's my favorite. Let's get the gifts out. It's my favorite. The gift out. Oh my God. Do I love tiramisu? Thank you, tiramisu. Very nice. Is it the best tiramisu in Los Angeles, as they say? Is that true? Fancy? Yep. Bishop Santino. Yes, my son. You were once a smith. I was once a smith. Defeated the wizard in the old battle of ages. You created axes and swords and horse clogs. You mean best smith in the business? Thank you. And you were clergy. You moved yourself up to bishop. Thank you. And we would like to say happy birthday to you, my bishop, Bishop Santino. Thank you. Wow. My lord. An envelope. An envelope. Inside is a card with a little golf club. Exactly. This is from Tacomo Spa. Wow. Happy birthday from your pals and bad friends. Bobby Carlos, Fancy MacCone, and Sometimes Broody. And this is to the spa. This is incredible. It's incredible. Thank you so very much. You deserve it, Bishop. I would like a little spa. And this says MacCone, Much Love, Carlos, Lovia, Happy Birthday from Richie, Feliz Coplanos, Jefe, El Jefe. Am I El Jefe? Yeah, did Richie sign it? And this is beautiful. Richie didn't. And I got to tell you, happy he didn't. I don't want his signature. Happy birthday, pal. Thank you. I love you. And I have to say. This is all I want. Just a little massage, a little spa time for the kids. I have some things coming. I know you do. You're the best gift giver. Yeah, I'm the best gift giver. So anyway, well, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, happy birthday, hurrah. My favorite thing about our birthdays going back to back like this is that the whole episode is about your birthday. And mine is less than two minutes. Mine is literally. No, no, hurrah, hurrah. They're born. Yeah, yeah. He's bored already. Bravo. Mmm, get yours for me, sir. Okay, I'm going to start. You know, MacCone, take this one. Let me reflect on birthdays real fast. Yeah. We don't give a shit. Thank you. Exactly. Yeah. It is a very good tourist, Missou. It's phenomenal. It's phenomenal. What's the name of the place? Giovanni's. Giovanni's. Very nice. A good birthday it will be. You know what you want to know where I'm doing for my birthday? I'd like to know, Bishop, please. I'm going to, of all places, Albuquerque to go see the Hot Air Balloon Festival and go on a Hot Air Balloon. Have you ever seen this? No, but be careful. Yeah. It's one of the most beautiful events I think I've ever seen. Don Ambacol. Look at how pretty that is. What'd you say? What'd you say? What'd you say? Don Ambacol. Don Ambacol. Don Ambacol, okay. But it's beautiful. It's early in the morning. You go at dawn and you see all the balloons arise. Have you really done this before? I'm about to go do this for the first time. You've never done it before? No, I'm going to go do this. But it looks incredible. Yeah. Hundreds of balloons in the sky. Yeah, you're not scared at all. Why would I be? Do you have a high quality balloon? We got a mid-level. Okay. A mid-level balloon. Yeah. It was on discount. Now, how does that work? Let's bring up some accidents. There we go. That's you. That's me. Yeah. Now, if that happens, what would you do? 2025 Santa Catarina Hot Air Balloon crashed. June 21st, Hot Air Balloon caught fire, crashed. Okay. Yeah. Look in. Look inward. Killing eight of the 21 people. Come on, that's not bad. Good chance. I think I'd be one of the others. Don't you think? Five non-fatal incidents. I don't know. Non-fatal. So, okay, so honestly, yeah. A couple people got dinged. 2013 Luxor Hot Air Balloon crashed. All right, so that's been a long time. So, you know what? In 2013, that's a long time to 2025. They were due. Yeah. And they got it out of the way this year. Yeah, what's the old school one from the black and white? What was that called again? That's the Hindenburg. The Hindenburg. Yes, I remember that one. Yeah. The Hindenburg. Hate to tell you, that was not a hot air balloon. Yeah, how many people died on the Hindenburg? Hindenburg. Hindenburg. The Hindenburg was down in May 6, 1937, Manchester. It's already six deaths. Let me guess, all white. All white? Yeah, yeah. All white. Yeah. Well, you know what that thing was filled with, right? What? Black sadness. Black sadness? What is that? Can I just precaution? I'm ready to go. No, precaution. I'm 42, this says 43. I'm ready to go. You couldn't even get that right. McCone, you stayed at my house. It wasn't McCone. Who was it? It was me. You think I'm 43? I heard you say 42. Exactly, you did say the other day you were 42. I am 42 because it's my birthday. I see. Yeah. 41 pretty good. Wow. What an incredible. You know what I'm looking forward to? What? 43. 43. Yeah. Yeah, looking forward to 43. You're looking forward to 43. Now, in this, may I ask, upcoming year, what do you expect here? 42. What do I expect in my 43s? Yeah, what are some goals? The Bad Friends animated show to get lifted off the ground so we can finally start making that masterpiece. Yeah, Bad Friends. Bad Friends animated. Yeah. I'm excited to start touring again and doing new material, scared out of my mind. I'm excited for the Bobby Lee stand-up special taping. Very excited for that. And I'm even more excited to take the entire summer off next year. No shows, no podcasts, no nothing. I'm gone for three and a half months. Where are you going? I'm turning off my phone and I'm disappearing. Okay. I might interfere with work. Doesn't matter to me. Yeah. Yeah, this is all worth it. Well, we'll have to backlog. No. Okay, well, then are we done? You got to get a new host, a co-host. Okay. Now you're excited. Taylor Williamson. I don't know who else. He's the only one available. Taylor Williamson. He is great. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I too want to have a, I want to do a, what do you call it, when you go dark in a cave? A little sadness retreat? No, no, no, no, a darkness retreat. Yeah. Have you ever seen those? I want to do that. I want to, I would love to try the one you and I, we should go together, try to do the one where you don't speak for five days. Yeah. I'd love that. Fucking impossible. Yeah. You don't talk for five. Neil Brennan did it, I think. Yeah. You voluntarily go to this thing and you don't talk. And all of LA was relieved. You go there for five. Love you, Neil. We love you, Neil. We love you, Neil. Darkness retreats near Los Angeles, within the ultimate darkness retreat. Yeah. Look what they look like. Is there an image of my friend? Well, there's one in Malibu, but you know, you would, you come home at night. You know that you wouldn't last. Yeah. You don't think so? You and I would never last. You know what I would do a darkness retreat if there was a competition? Yes. Well, we could make it a competition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they don't have- Who taps out first? They don't have Sukum and ramen out there. Yeah. I'm sure you're eating tofu bowls and stuff and- I just think that it would be, I just want to know what it's like. Just to feel it. Yeah, to feel it. Kind of like when you try to go vegan or something. Oh, there's another thing. Have we talked about this? There's another thing that I want to do, which is go to that room with no sound. Oh, God, the hyperbaric chamber. Is that what it's called? There's a room with no sound and people can only last an hour or they go crazy. That one right there. What's it called? And how do you say that? Any choic chamber? Yeah, and a lot of YouTubers and viral people get to go. I want to make a proposition. Is there any way bad friends can go visit this room? Because I'm just so curious. That'll be a great episode. But you can only go for a short amount of time because people go crazy, don't they? Yeah, within 15, 20 minutes people start seeing things and they start hearing their veins. That's cool. Yeah. So I sat in something, not this level, but I sat in something like this in Hobart. They had a museum and in the museum, they had something as close as they could, but you can hear your own heartbeat. It is very weird. Yeah. I did not like it at all. Yeah. Like your brain, and this one isn't even like this. This was like a low down version of this, but that thing scares me. You can see even the look of it scary. George, honestly, Carlos, be real. I'm trying to make this happen. Okay, okay. I'm really scared of it. I'm not going to lie. I know. If you do 15 minutes, you do 15 minutes. I'm not going to laugh at you. 15? Yeah. I'm doing two. Yeah. I think I can do an hour. No chance. Oh, yeah, I can do it. What's the longest someone's been in one of these? How do you even say? It's an hour and a half. I think an hour and a half. Everybody take a guess on how you say that. Yeah. Anatoic, anatoic chamber, anatoic chamber. Yeah. Anacowic. Anacowic chamber. Yeah, yeah. How long has someone been in there? The longest person to stay in there is Raymond Red, Microsoft's Redmond campus, 55 minutes. Wow. Wow. 45 minutes in another lab. YouTube's Calix one hour and 26 minutes in a London chamber. Yeah. These durations are challenged by the disorienting effects of the profound silence. Century deprivation, hallucinations, increased awareness of internal body sounds like heart beats and breathing. See, what if you had a heart attack in there? Could you hear your heart? Well, there's video camera. Look at this man who broke the record for time spent in the world's quietest room. Yeah. Reported experiencing several hallucinations. Mm. Yeah, see, I just, 32 year old is allowed to speak. He spoke for one minute every five minutes to keep sound levels below 25 decibels. So he would just talk to himself. No, no, no. I saw the video because it's on video. So you can, every minute, every five minutes, he would talk for a minute and he would tell people what was going on. It looks like a horror film. Look at that. I know. We got to do it. We got to try it. What a good point of this. Well, they say you like clear your brain, you reconnect. You also like hallucinate and stuff. Yeah. He said, it sounds like someone's dragging a trolley across my ear. It feels like seconds are going slower while I talk. And the trolley in your ears, you can hear your blood vessels in your ear. Yeah, we got to try it, dude. It's the hardest five minutes he's ever done, he said. He felt like he was going crazy. Wow. I'm so curious. See, but if you have any, if you have any, if you're prone to panic attacks or claustrophobia, this is going to kill you. What? Yeah, I have panic attacks sometimes. Oh, then I'll do it. Okay, I'll watch. Yeah, yeah. You'll watch though? Oh yeah, I'm going to cuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to cuck this. Yeah. That is creepy to think about. We're going to try it. I'm down to do it. We got to go to London. Is there one in Los Angeles? I think there's one in Minnesota. Anasoic chamber. Oh, the UCLA physics department has one. Research purposes requiring a professor's sponsorship for access. UC Irvine also has one. We could try. Let's give it a go. Are you prepped and ready for your special taping? No, I'm not. You're coming up on it, babe. I know. That's why I booked a bunch of shows. So I'm going to just try to bang it out. You know, at this point, it's like, I have what I have. I can't change what I'm not. You can keep manipulating it and piecing it. We are trying, but it's like, I have what I have. You know what I mean? I'm just going to do what I'm going to do. And if they said, don't ever do another one, then I'm not going to do one. Then don't do another one. Yeah, yeah. Right. But I think it's going to be fine. I think it's going to be wonderful. Yeah, yeah. I like some of my jokes. And I'm a performer. It'll be fine. What's so funny? I mean, when you see me perform, I don't bomb. Never. I never bomb, right? I do well, right? Yeah. Okay, good. You think it's going to go well? Who in the room in the back? I'm not allowed there, so I have no opinion. Yeah, you're coming. You told me I was. I was kidding. Of course I want you to be there. What do you think? I think it's going to go great. Okay. What do we, Andres? Absolutely. Okay. Carlos, be real. I think any hint of it not going well, you'll just hop on a joke that works. So it can't not go well. It can't not go well. How much time do you have? I have 40. 40 is all you need? What are you going for? Well, I have a musical number and some other things. Yes, it'll fill. But I'm also working on another 10. So let's see what happens. Musical number. I like that. Yeah, I'm going to play the piano and sing. Live at the Yellow Onion. What? Live at the Yellow Onion. Anyway. Let's bring in our guest. We should. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Bonnie Marco. Bonnie Marco, ladies and gentlemen. Factor. Fall always feels like a reset between back to school, busy routines and shorter days. Finding time to cook can be tough, man. That's why I love factor. Their chef pre-prepped, dietitian approved meals make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious no matter how hectic the season gets. You can choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. A lot of people are getting meals delivered to their front door and factor is here for you to deliver you delicious, healthy, wonderful meals when you're in a little bit of a rush. I know I am. I'm always traveling all the time. We're always on the go. Don't have time to eat a meal of my own that I can cook. 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Um, and what like in year human years? How old are you just looking at me? Well, I just learned that the virus 56. No, no, no. He's 45. He's 45. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Burt Kreischer told me that you thought he was 29. Yeah, I thought he was young. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, to hold them I'm gonna say 43. Okay. Very good. What about me? Marco, what about me? Marco, do you have age? Asians, we do age. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't know like you always look good. Yeah. Let me ask you this. What kind of Asian am I? This is a fun game. A beautiful one. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm, let me just say Marco. Can I call you Marco? Yeah. Right. I'm not one of those Asians that get offended. Yeah, you can say what. Throw it out there. No, no, no. It's like, What's my fucking, what kind of Asian? I say like the one off of hangover. Yeah. Yeah. The one off of hangover. He's writing stuff down. Yeah, I'm writing stuff up today. So don't forget. Okay. Hangover. And also how old am I Marco? Oh, you don't age. I know I don't. Like if you put up a baby picture, you probably still look the same. Yeah. Put it up. Like I'm putting, put it, put a gas up. There's Bobby's baby. He looks the same. Look, and his dad right there, his dad in that photo is 94. Yeah. So no guess. Oh, I'm gonna say 36. Wow. Thank you. That's offensive as fuck. That's offensive as fuck. I look younger than Andrew. God, that hurts. That hurts. I'm 54 years old. Are you serious? Yeah. How do you feel? Like what do your dad look like? He's dead. He's dead. Oh, he is. Yeah. He looks like that. Okay. So what is, where's your culture again? Korean. Korean. Yeah. How are Korean? Annyeong, Annyeong haaseyo. How? Annyeong, I want to say it back. It's only polite. Annyeong haaseyo. Annyeong haaseyo. Annyeong haaseyo. Neh. Okay. How are the funerals? Can you break it down? I've never been on one before. Ikumoya? Oh. Ikumoya. Oh, he's asking you, how are you today? I'm doing good. Oh. Yeah. Gochujang. Ah. Mashi sa. Yeah. I got subtitles. Yeah. Yeah. For the audience. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, he asked about how your funerals are. Well, we love black funerals. We've talked about on this show. They're probably the best thing in the world. Yeah, they are. Have you been to one of those where they prop them up and they like play with them? I did that one. That's the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. Well, Asian funerals, we're quiet people. Yeah. So we go... Everybody does that the same way. Yeah. Yeah. Does it nobody cries? No. That's me crying. They have smaller tear ducts. Yeah. I don't really cry. Yeah, smaller eyes. How you been away? With them? To an extreme funeral? Yeah. Yeah. No, I, you know, he invited me to one, but I couldn't go. But I do want to go because it does look like a party. This looks like a party. Because he lost his gi. I lost my gi. He lost his gi. That's an African funeral with their encased in there and that's a celebration. Yeah. She was a mermaid. Well, she was alive. Funny Marko, you think they're a black mermaid? I wouldn't know what a, I feel like a mermaid would just be a no race. Just nothing. Oh, it's a nothing race. I'll say that to her. That's the new little mermaid. So she would disagree. Yeah. I just feel like it would be like see through. Oh, like jellyfish. Yeah. Oh, translucent. I see. Right. But would you hook up with a mermaid, you think? No, no, no. What? Mermaids do have. They have. They have whole. They have whole. Mermaid have whole. Yeah. They are real. They are real. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. We've only caught three, one alive. Yeah. That's the whole. There it is. It's like a little diamond. You can fit in there. Yeah. I'm glad you're here. I was the part where you were like, oh, wow. Yeah. No. Okay. No. I was contemplating that and I, yeah, you're right. I could fit in there. Yeah. I could. You know why? I have a small penis. Oh. I wouldn't call it like. No. My penis is fine. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. You get in you somewhere. Yeah. Everybody likes something, you know? So I feel like it could be big to somebody. You know? Yeah. For a little dwarf. If that's what you like. That's what you like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you in a relationship? No. Well, I'm just hanging out. Who does that mean? I mean, I feel like relationships are just like, you know, relationships. I feel like they just, they there, you know? Yeah. I feel like Mary. You're playing the field. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, until you get married, it's like, you know, yeah, hanging out. Until you're married, you're just, yeah. You're doing your thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What, what, what married? I'm married. He's not. I'm not. He's single. He's ready. Single? What do you want to go on the town? I think it was taking you so long. What does that mean? Well, you're 54, he knows. And so he's asking. Yeah. You know, I've been in long-term relationships. They haven't worked out. And then now I'm back on the prowl. Yeah. You can do that. So what do you meet your girls at? Or, or really? At the dojo. Is that what you're saying? I don't know. What the fuck are you saying? I remember asking you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. Yeah. Like on the app? Yeah. Yeah. Can we see how you DM girls? Well, let me call the emperor and see if the geishas are available. What the fuck are you talking about, man? Which part? He wants to see your game. Show him. He wants to know that you have. I'm on a dating app called Raya. Can you show us like how you got a girl, how it goes? A thread that you comfortable with? Yeah. Show a thread. What do you mean a thread? To read us what the exchange is. Talk to a girl, like and get her number. How do you, or you don't, you're not on the apps. I, I, on Instagram, usually, I make sure that they're single. By watching their stories. That helps. Yeah. I got one. Okay. Can he explain how he gets girls? He's in, we gotta take this right now before you go. What is it? No, no, I can do it. I can do it. Okay. Um, in the end, always watch their story and start a conversation. Never going like you want to talk to them. What's your first line? What's your, It depends on what they post on a story that day. Okay. Okay. I'm, I've got, I mean, um, Abita. No, no, what? No. Abita with the girls. You know, I'm playing dodgeball with a Samoan. Right. He's yanked back, right? And I'm going like, don't hit me. Right. So what's that opening line? What? He's not interested. She's a hottie. She's a hottie, but she's playing dodge. She's playing dodgeball with Samoans. She's a 10, but she's playing dodgeball with Samoans. He's 27 years old dog. Right. Big kiddies, Brazilian ass, everything. Yeah. Right. So she's like, born a woman, right? What? She born a woman. Well, you'll have to find out. Does it matter? You're going to have to find out. She has the right parts now. Okay. She got the op. Wait, I'll probably pass it to you if you like. No, okay. She's born a woman. She is a woman. She identifies as a woman. She's just playing dodgeball with Samoans. Yeah, I just don't get, I wouldn't be in that room. Right. What? It's an Instagram post. Oh, yeah. And then they posted that. They posted that. How did the game go? How did the game go? That's good. Fuck. Yeah. Finally, Marko. You said it like it was live. You didn't say it was a picture. All right, so. I'll just give him a scenario. I'll respond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I like it. I think it's smart. How did the game go? Yeah. And the girl responds, we lost. Can you help me? I'm down. What do you say? Down? There's a lot of double entendres happening. We lost. Can you help me? I'm down. I'm down. What does she really say?�������� Does Samoan's Jenna will smell different? I didn't get that far. Right. My first girlfriend and I didn't take her virginity and she thought something was wrong with me but I just wasn't ready. Good for you. What's your favorite flavor then of girl? I feel like anybody that love theyself. Beautiful answer. We're talking about flavors. Is this, it varies. Yeah. Yeah, I got like. Can I throw out some flavors? I didn't date it all tight. Quiantae. Yeah. Quiantae. Yeah. Like that flavor? Who's Quiantae? Anyway. Quiantae sound like a black girl. It does. Yeah, that does. How about hazelnut? That's a white girl. That's a guy. That's a guy. That's a guy? Yeah. Because of the nut? Yeah. How about chartreuse? Chartreuse. Sound like another guy. Sounds like a guy. Yeah. Let's give him Rocky Road. Another guy. Okay. Give him a, oh, rose. Rose? Yeah. That sound like an older woman. Okay. Lavender. Yes, I like that. Lavender Vag? An older woman that you can, Okay. She, you know, Lavender. For you and put you to bed. Cook for you, put you to bed. What about Rosemary? How is she? Rosemary, an older lady too. Yeah, she's much older. Yeah. Would you date an older woman? Yeah. What are we talking as a ceiling? If they got like some, you know, something that they're gonna leave behind, I definitely stay. Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Bring her up, please. Bring her up. Yeah. Would you date Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Cause she did here, you were coming on the show. She was interested in talking to her. I don't think she'd like me. Yeah. Yeah. And when you say you or anybody like you. Yeah, yeah. There she is with her three children. Right? Yeah, she wouldn't like me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, she has no black kids. Okay. Well, let's give her one. I just think she already got what she liked. You know? She got what she's like. And you gotta respect it. Do you have any kids? Yeah, I got kids. How many kids? I got three kids. Three? Yeah. Boy, boy, girl. I got two girls, one boy. Other way. Yeah. Beautiful. What holds the oldest one? 12. She's me. Her mom is white and black. And then I got me a black baby. You know, that Mexican baby. Oh, you have different mommas. Yeah, not an Asian yet. Three black mommas. Let's get you an Asian. Three mommas. Okay. Is your momma love? She is. Momma love? Yeah. What is that? Some sort of terminology I'm not aware of. Momma love? He said is your mother alive. Oh, she's alive, yeah. Yeah. Is she single? She is single, actually. What, what, what, what stops out? You got an Instagram? She doesn't have an Instagram. I don't like the line of. She does TikTok. But does your mom have an Instagram? No, she don't. Would she like me? Why? She like people that's like, you know. Excuse me? She like people that have been been through shit. Oh, I've been through a fire. He's actually been through a lot. You know what I'm saying? The fire, electrocuted. He's been shot at. You have? Yeah, electrocuted. In a movie or like real life? No, in real life, man. Yeah. What was that like? Yeah, I've been hit by a mallet. But if you was to get shot at and you know who did it, would you tell? Oh, I like this. Are you a street lawyer? I love street law. I love it. Say that again? If you know who shot at you and you could tell, would you? No homie, cause I'm not no snitch. So you want to keep him out there to shoot at other people? I would snitch. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't snitch. But guess what, dude? They'll get their day. Oh. Yeah. I'll rip their asshole. Yeah. No, no. I'll rip it. I'll rip it, Terry. Have you been shot at? No. Who's shooting you? You're so lovable. No, I'll say that's what my mama likes. Wow. Every man she's been with has been shot? Yes. That's a prerequisite for your mother. Yeah. What a dating app. Has she been shot? No, she haven't. Oh good, thanks for taking it. Well, she keeps hanging out with guys that do it. No, she's staying in the house though. My mama's like, oh. Okay, I got it. I got it. She stays in the house and she likes guys that are in the streets. Where does she live? In Kansas City. KC, that's where you're from. Yeah. You don't live there now though? No, I don't. Where do you live now? It's bad. I live in Atlanta. What do you mean it's bad? In Kansas City, it's really like, the crime rate is bad. Really? Yeah. How's Atlanta though? Is Atlanta up and down too? It's so big, like you can like go to court. You can get away from it. KC, KC or KC Moe? KC Moe. Okay. I got a question for y'all. Go ahead. What do you say, like, you know, how would you compare, what would you say about y'all success right now? What do you feel like you haven't done yet that you wanna do? Both of y'all. What haven't we done that we'd like to do? I mean solo, not together. Oh, well we don't do much separate. We're one unit. You know, I'll be honest with you, I've done everything I've dreamt of doing. I've been in movies, I've been serious regular on TV shows. I've done stand up on TV. I've toured. I'm about to go up in a hot air balloon for the first time. Yeah. And I hope it doesn't crash. Okay. Would you go up in a hot air balloon? I would. Good. Would you skydive? Yeah. Would you bungee jump? I don't like that. You don't like that one? I just tried the indoor, you know, skydiving in the sky and it was a lot for me. You didn't like that? No, I didn't. Yeah. And it felt good. What's going on, man? He's sick. My allergies. We're gonna get sick. So I'm telling you. I think you're getting sick. Could you just be honest? I'm sorry. No, okay, so. You know what, you're right, you're right. Yeah, yeah. I keep going for allergies. Asians get allergies as well. Wait a minute, white people invented allergies. Yeah, they invented it. That's our thing. No, you didn't invent that. No, we didn't. You invented a lot of stuff. Peanut butter, traffic lights. The doorknob. We invented allergies. The doorknob. The doorknob. Yeah, yeah. Do you know about black invention? Yeah. Do you know about all the black inventions? Of course. Because we go over them on the show pretty often. Yeah. Play stations. No, you didn't invent them. No, that's it. I think the Japanese. That's the Japanese. Yeah, that's our people. Okay. Home security system. Home security system. Traffic lights. Yeah. Elevator doors, gas masks. Doorknob though too. Blood banks, ironing boards, hair straighteners, refrigeration, air conditioning, super soakers. Yeah. Super soaker is amazing. Lonnie Johnson invented the super soaker water gun. Those are very important. Now would your mother date Lonnie Johnson? Because he's into guns, but they're water guns. No. She couldn't fuck with Lonnie Johnson. No. Lonnie Johnson. They say he just now got paid for that. He never got paid. He just recently got paid for it. Oh, really? He just got paid for a super soaker? He just recently got paid for it. Some white guy claimed it was his. Yeah, they never paid him. Fucking white. Wow. Look at that. Men in black style. Yeah. Wow. Look at him. So he finally got paid. Lonnie Johnson finally got paid. I think you look it up. It says he just got paid at the many years, like him getting paid for the super soaker. And cause some scumbag took all the money. Yes, 2013 super soaker inventor Lonnie Johnson was paid after a legal battle with Hasbro, which acquired the company to license the toy. $72.9 million in underpaid royalties. Wow. Now your mother would definitely date Lonnie Johnson. Yeah, she would fuck Lonnie Johnson. She would fuck Lonnie? Yes. Yeah. Well, I have a little money, would she fuck me? No, not Lonnie Johnson money, buddy. Okay, I know I don't have Lonnie Johnson money. No, Lonnie Johnson money. Okay. What do you think is the best black invention? That's a good question. We got stop signs, right? Traffic lights, I think was, traffic lights. Yeah, that would be good. That's huge. Home security. We were just dying before that was crash. I mean, home security is so fucked up because you just watch it happen. But you know what's happening, but it's like, it's done. Like you can't do shit. You can't do shit. What do you mean? Explain. If somebody's breaking it, how do you just see it? You watch. But then you can do some action, like call somebody. No, if they made home security with lasers, we can shoot through. Yeah. I see. They need that. Now we're thinking. Yeah. Lasers. Yeah. I always wondered, like in the bank and the movies where they try to go through, why don't we just have those in the house? That's true. You and I breaking into his house. Breaking into his home? Yeah. We could just ask to go over. He'd let us in. Oh, you would? I'm gonna break in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna break in. I leave my doors unlocked. I live in a nice neighborhood. You do? You do. You leave your doors unlocked? Yeah. Seems risky to me. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I would never leave my door unlocked. I mean, why? Because if they's gonna wanna go and they gonna get in anyway, you think if somebody wanted to break in your house, they gonna be like, oh, the doors is locked. We're gonna turn around tomorrow. They still gonna get in. Well, it's a little bit easier. I don't wanna get a new door. Right. Ah, dude. Let him in. He's got something there. Yeah. Now, if they do get in, what do you do? Once they're in, you just let them have it or you protect your house? I don't know. It depends if I'm there or not there. If you're there. Oh, I mean, it'd probably be like a shooting range. You keep that thing on you. I mean, not Omi, but it's like. You keep that thing at the house. It's like John Wick style. I got you. Yeah. Georgia have eminent domain. You know what that is, right? Isn't that what it's called? Where if somebody breaks into your house, you could shoot and kill them. But you gotta scream and let them know I got a gun. I will kill you? Yeah. Right, stand your ground. That's right. Georgia stand your ground law eliminates the duty to retreat before using deadly force. So in Georgia, no duty to retreat. The individuals are not legally required to attempt to flee a threatening situation before using deadly force. So someone breaks into your home, you could kill them. Right. But I don't want to. I just, I'd like to. Yeah, but. It's a free pass to kill somebody. Yeah, but it's like. I know. I'm with you dude. Cause it's like, I don't wanna clean my house up. Like it's in my house. All right, right. Funny Marco, you got plenty of money to pay someone to clean that house. Yeah. How about just go break an A house then? I got the, okay. So once they break into your house, you break into their house. So you would make an announcement, do you think? Chess, not checkers. Well, how would you say it? I'm breaking your house. I want to do an act out. Right. I've been trying to do an act out for three minutes. Trust me. We've seen, yeah. Eee. Meow, meow. Those are the lasers. Ha ha ha ha. Meow, meow, meow, meow. And I dodged it like, I'm dodging the lasers, right? There we go. Right, right. I knew about Marco has the lasers, right? Right. And then all of a sudden, okay, I'm going to steal this, this Mexican baby's toy. I'm a Mexican one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mexican baby's toy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else? I wrote down with the lynchette. A half white baby's toy. And then I'm going to ask someone to say, who's down there? It's me. Ha ha ha ha ha. Bob. It's me, Bob. And then I'm going to laugh because I'll be like, what the fuck is wrong with him? Why would he say his name? It's Bob Lee. Right. Right. Yeah. And that's when I say I got a warning shot and I fired one in the air. Yeah, but we're bros, no? No, not. And then when I come down, since you heard the fire and it has to go off again. So you always got to shoot one into the air. Oh, so I have one shot. To go away. To go away. But then your roof has a hole in it. I know. Okay. And then you're going to have one too. So it's like, you know. Even, I'm sorry. Yeah. Excuse me. You know it's me. We've met before. We've had lasers and everything. Yeah, you did go past the laser. Oh, that's right. Because of my ninjas skills. And I'm on the corner. I'm just hanging. I'm waiting for you to come back. Okay. Are you the getaway driver? Always. Oh, okay. You get shot too. Oh, seriously? Shit. Oh, shit. I guess we're dead if we go to his house. Yeah. Not mine. I'm just saying in general. Just in general. Yeah, I will attack on me. Really? Yeah. All right, we're going to come over. Ridge wallet. Dude, Ridge wallet is the only wallet I use. You know what? They're compact, right? They're sleek. And you know what? I've been using Ridge wallet for years, but guess what, man? They come up with new stuff and they have something new. Tell me about it, Andrew. Now they got it East. Now they got the power bank. Look at this thing is incredible. Comes with a couple of different plugs there at the top. It's sexy, convenient and small, tiny, compact. 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Depends on what she's wearing. Right, okay, well I'll tell you, she's wearing like a halter top, like a cute little halter top, her midriff is showing, her stomach is showing flat stomach, beautiful. Huh? You talking about her prostate? No, no, no, not anymore. What's down below? Huh? What's down below? She's wearing those pants that, you know where that hugs your butt, the stretchy pants where it goes into the crack of your ass? You know what trends I'm talking about. There's also a little compartment with high to penis. Pop. I don't have to. There's a little compartment where they talk, they tuck the penis, right? I'm listening to him. You didn't add that in there. Show me the stretchy pants that like your butt, he knows which ones I'm talking about. And she's, and she's shoeless, she's shoeless. No shoes. And she's outside at the park. You know these pants that like, right, the ones that like your butt. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, those, those from the internet. Mm-hmm. Butt crack leggings. Yeah, and at the back, you can just see the tip of the penis tuck back. Why? Marko. Why? I don't know. He hates it. I'm sorry, Marko. What? You say I, no, I didn't say that. No, I said you hate that. What? Penis. I don't see that. I don't see that. I'm sorry, dude. My bad, I read it wrong. You read it wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You read it wrong. How about this girl? That's her right there. Ooh, love that, don't you bud? Now give me your intro line to her on Instagram. Oh, somebody that kind of do that, it's kind of like a too much attention. I don't like somebody that kind of like, earth trap. You like someone to lay low. You like a little jiggle. Yeah, like, I like to like, you know, like hide it a little bit. You like the jiggle or what? What, the jiggle what? When the butt jiggles? Oh, okay. You're the butt. Something else jiggling. No, no more. We're not doing that anymore. No more. Okay, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Penis doesn't jiggle by the way. Depends. It just rises. Right. Depends. Like a comet. Will you wake up in the morning? What do you do? Why do you keep asking me questions? Cause I'm a normal human being, dude. Hey, hey, why are you jumping? He's asking a real question. Okay, what I do is respond. Okay, so I wash my gi. You know what I mean? And you know, I have a black belt with a stripe. The stripe I can take off. So I wash that to a hand wash that, right? And then go to the dojo, right? And I, you know, me and my son say, right, we do some meditation. We'll do some yoga, right? And then, you know, I'll battle out. You know what I mean? I'll do some rounds with people. Keanu sometimes comes over and we'll do some, you know what I mean? Take one dough. Take me through your day. When you wake up, what do you do? What does funny Marco do first thing in the morning? I wake up. I realize that, you know, my feet work cause you never know. God is good. Yeah, I'll be thankful for that. I listen to motivation, like Steve Harvey motivation. And I always try to like, Show me motivation. We love Steve Harvey. Yeah. He's one of our feet. That offended you. It was like, That offended you. It was like, We love Steve Harvey. It was like, That, It was like a push. That did it. It was a push. It was a little snap. It was like a black creature, like he went like this. Show me motivation. Show me motivation. He says that on the show. Yeah. We did the show. Did you do it? I didn't. Yeah. Interesting. We did it, you didn't. We did it, you didn't. It just happens. He's a godly man. Are you a godly man? You are? You go to church? I'm ADHD. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so you can't concentrate. Yeah, I need some medicine. They do need a church for ADHD. They do. I need. How much money do you put in the basket when it comes around? The most I put in there, the most I put in there. Cause I was young. Oh, you've been a while. What is this church? That's a fun church. Oh yeah, that's like a church I go to. Yeah. That's how I'm like a church look. Yeah. That's how your church looks. Yeah. They got a 50 inch flat screen TV there. It's like the playground of my daughter. It's like where his daughter goes to the playground. The most racist thing I've ever heard. No, he's saying his playground where his daughter goes to is diverse. The most racist thing I've ever heard. I'm just gonna write that down. I've ever heard. Yeah, write that down. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I apologize. They happy. That's the celebration of Hallelujah. That's Christ. That's the Lord getting in you. Yeah. Now could I go in that church you think? No. Yeah, you could. Yeah, yeah. And they would welcome me. I'd rather you not. Yeah, we definitely would let them in there. I'd rather him not. How much would you put in the pot? 100 bucks. That's good. Yeah. Can I ask one more religious question if I may? Please. Yeah. Do you think Jesus would approve you having three babies from three different babies, mamas? Yeah. Yeah, I feel like yeah, because they're gonna do something in life. That's right. And they're gonna save other people. Good answer. That also says in the Bible, be fruitful. Yeah. And you're being very fruitful. Very good. Yeah. Be fruitful. How many kids y'all got? I have zero. I have zero. We have zero. Oh, what do you have? We pull out. Blanks. Shooting blanks. No, we pull out. You pull out, you back up. What? Yeah. Do I back up? Oh, do you back up? No, I'm saying do you back up. He backs up. No, I pull out. Well, he usually falls out. I fall out. He'll fall rather. Yeah, I slip out. Yeah. I slip out. There's nothing to grab onto. That's good. Yeah. And I make a noise. I say something usually. Oh, oh, oh, stop, stop. What is your favorite sex word? Excuse me? What is your favorite sex word? Oh, is it excuse me? No, no, no, no, no. It could be. My favorite sex word. Word, phrase. Phrase. Dang that Hoochie is stinky. Yeah, dang that Hoochie is stinky. That's what he's saying. That's usually what he's saying. That's my favorite sentence. Yeah. Dang that Hoochie is stinky. What's yours? What's yours? I guess when I'm making love, it's like back that ass up, back that ass up. Back that ass up. Yeah, I'll say that pretty frequently to my wife. Back that ass up. Yeah. Baby doll, back that ass up. Yeah, yeah. And then I'll give her a little, get over here. Back that ass up. Yeah. What do you say? Oh shit. Oh shit. That's what you say? Oh shit. Oh shit. When you come? Well, this is like, oh shit. Oh shit. What is the sound that you make when you orgasm people? Oh shit. I really don't, I really don't, I don't make no orgasm. I'm trying to save the energy. Right. Right, so you just, you just look at them. No, sometimes you gotta close your eyes. Oh, you close your eyes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I see that. Yeah. Like that, no noise? Don't do no noise. Okay. Put your eyebrows down. Can't. Like this? Can't. Yeah, like that. She gonna think it's stink if you look like that. Okay, okay. Well, this is, that's my face. Yeah. Good bit. Shut up, I tried. I tried. It's a good bit. All right, if I can guess, can I guess, are you a car guy? No. You don't like car, you don't drive? I do, but I don't care for cars. You don't care at all. What is it, what is the thing you like the most? That's what's, that's, like what toy, like toys. A lot of money I can buy some, I really, I couldn't even say, cause I didn't know I was gonna have money to buy anything. And now you have it though. Yeah, but I just, I like to help people. That's beautiful. That's it. I don't really, it's not something like, oh, I knew I was gonna get that or I want that. Like PlayStation, PS5s, in games, I played a lot of games. He loves video games. I love video games. I used to be into like Razzling Man and stuff. WWE was like my thing. That was your shit. Yeah. Who was your guy? Oh, I like mankind cause he had different personalities. Right. And Mick Foley, hardcore, he had different personalities. Have you met any of your heroes? I was upset when I found out Kane Undertaker was in Brothers, Row Brothers. And I was upset when the Dudley boys were in Row Brothers, I thought they was Row Brothers. That fucked you up a little bit. That fucked you up. It's a lie. Yeah. But who have you met that surprised you the most? You was up the Dudley boys. Yeah, the Dudley boys for him. Who surprised you the most that you've met someone and you go, wow, I really like that person. I didn't know if I'd like them. No. Yeah, I thought they was Row Brothers. Yeah. What do you think gave it a way that they weren't? I just. The way they dress? Yeah, it was just the energy. Yeah. Something in the room. What do you think about Diddy's 50 month sentence? Too much, too little? I don't know, I don't get it. Come on. I don't get it. Don't, don't, don't. That's what you feel. We know you though that you're like, Let me tell y'all, can y'all listen to what? If you pull up anything about me, I don't get into people business. Cause look, when you believe in God, God's gonna handle the real thing. So I feel like when you living on this earth, people doing this and doing that, but it's only one answer. And that's where he gonna decide. God's gonna decide. That's what really, can't nobody ever outdo it. I'll tell you, the judge decided he deserved 50 months. So that was the judge's opinion. So if you were a jury member, what would you have said? I would be sleep, I got ADHD. Oh, okay. Yeah, jury number 12 is asleep. Read your DMs to Marco. He'd like to see how one of the exchanges goes with the girls. Yeah, here we go. With what? With any of the girls. He wants to play a game and we skip right over the game. Yeah, so here's one. Can you read it? Here. So this one says, hey, Jocelyn. And Jocelyn wrote, hi, Bobby. And that was it. That was last time they talked. That was it. So that was that one. Can you write her back? Here's another one. Bobby, hey, UNLA. A day later, sorry, barely checked notifications. Here for one more day. Do you come often to NYC? Never responded. So his game is tight. Pretty tight, pretty tight shit. Why are you don't respond? He gets really over it. Yeah, if they live in, and when's the next time I'm gonna be at NYC, this and that, I just like, you know, if you're in town, you're in LA, then I'll take you out, whatever, but other than that, nah, you know? Yeah, all these, you stop responding to literally all of these women. And four of them sent the IMOG like this, you know, the double I. Where are you? I mean, this has gotten really bad. I'm actually shocked. Darn, come back, please come back. Okay. One more. Okay, they being real? Yeah, hey, how are you? Hey, Bobby, how are you? And then literally a month later, she goes, okay, well, I'm on a show. Would you like to give me some tips on being on camera? And you responded, what do you think you said? Nothing. Yeah, you said nothing. Yeah, one more time you said nothing. Pretty bad. So what is it? He's afraid of commitment. I'm not. I think he's just not interested in girls that aren't interesting. So what do you feel like his type is? Someone who's dynamic, someone that's... Is a dynamic person. Someone that's got their own thing. Their own thing going on. You know what I mean? He likes women that... Like an arts and crafts store. Right. Like how Roseanne was. Just like Roseanne, but just like Roseanne Bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Style-wise. Style-wise. You know, fashion, from a fashion perspective, Roseanne is kind of like the kind of girls you date. Yeah, yeah. Because Roseanne, I mean, this is kind of some of the stuff back then. No, that's not... Big, beautiful blouses. Yeah, yeah. I do... Always carry in laundry. Do you get along with her? Roseanne? Yeah. We've never met. We don't know each other. Oh. Do you love her? I do love her, so... Yeah, I don't know her. I mean, I have that story I told you. Do you remember? Yes, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to meet Roseanne one day? I would like to meet her. Who's your comedy heroes? Who in comedy do you love? Steve Harvey. We know that. Show me. I like him for motivations. Okay, but not the comedy. Okay, who do you like? I didn't know he digs. Stand up? No. He did for a long time, yeah. I just thought he did motivations. True. Who's your hero now? I love Dave Chappelle, cause he just band-aid. Have you met Dave? I met him through Donnell Rowling. Yeah, we love Donnell. We love Donnell. Yeah, he don't like you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that real? Yeah. No, no, wait, wait, wait. Are you being real? How do you know this? No, I'm serious, he don't like you. Yeah, yeah. What did he say? I'm not gonna go back and forth about him. Yeah, yeah. You just said you stay out of people's business. Right. I'm gonna call him. Yeah, call Donnell. Yeah, I can't. We can't have this. I don't, this is, that hurts. That hurts, dude. It's also late where he is, so he might not answer cause it's gotta be one in the morning. Yeah. If he's in New York. That really hurts that you said that cause I thought we had something with him. Him. Oh, he doesn't like Bobby. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. Let me leave a message. No, no, no. No, he said he doesn't like you, I'm fine with it. He did something about, he was naked. Oh. Yeah. What? That's insane. What? He said you. I was naked, I being real right now, Funny Marco. I'm serious, I yielded dick, sign is stuck in my head, sign. Yeah. Oh yeah, sign, yeah, yeah. That is what he says. Yeah, yeah. That's out of control, dude. Just type, text him, do you not like me? Why don't you like me? Funny Marco says. Okay. Let me say goodnight, boo. That is how you sign on. Don't have this number. You don't like me either. Why not? Is this a different type of energy? But it's like a bit like. Yeah, but he, you could have just said though, whenever I do see him, he does hug me. Yeah. Yeah. It's just to like not come off as racist. Yeah, yeah, and then he goes, you're a fool to me. Yeah. And he goes, get the fuck out of here. Right. That's telling you a lie. That's telling me a lie, okay. That's not good. That's not good. So do you think he's racist underneath at all? No. He's not. Are you racist? Uh-uh. Not even a little bit? Marco? Come on. No. I mean, what is racist? You know. Yeah. No, tell me. Bring up some pictures. Yeah. Let me know, because I didn't, y'all can tell me something though. So racism and the NFL is actively fighting it right now, as I might say. It's a pandemic. So like not, not liking a group of people because it's what they look like. Well, prejudice is a discrimination. I think that's stupid to me. Or just individual community or institution against a person, people based on their membership, a particular racial ethnic group, typically. Yeah. No. No, you don't like, you just like it. I go out for people off the experience that I meet them. Everybody's different. That's great. Yeah. So it's like, that's the good way to be. I really don't, because if you took away color, then what? What do you mean? Everybody was the same color, then what? If the world was black and white. Right. Then it's still. We'd still see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. He'd probably be eliminated, but what I'm saying is, eliminated. Yeah, what up? I like that you're writing stuff down. Here's what it is though. I don't know if funny Marco likes me. He loves you. Yeah. I told you, I love hangover. See, that's what I mean. It's that kind of stuff. What do you mean? I don't know what you mean. Well, he knows I'm not in hangover. No, he doesn't. You're not in hangover? No, I'm not in hangover, dude. That's Ken Jeong. Oh my God. Well, was you on mad TV? Yes. Okay, yeah. Yeah, same guy. I like you, see? Yeah, yeah, but you think we're the same guy? I thought it was. No. Now, based on this photo, do you know that that's not me? I know you're on mad TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had like screen time. Yeah, I was on the show. Yeah. Yeah, that's screen time. Wow, how old are you? 54, I already told you. Are you like, are you sure? Yeah. Mad TV is like, how old was you when mad TV was? I was 30. 24 years ago. You remember it? I do. I remember it very well. Who was the guy that was, the guy that, stop, stop? Stuart. Yeah, Stuart. Michael McDonald. Yeah, good friend of ours. He's around, he's doing great. Great guy. He's directing a lot. He's a director. I think they should bring it back. Yeah. We do too. We do too. I don't know what it was about. I just remember watching it as a kid and it was just. It's just a sketch show. Yeah. Like, do you like Saturday Night Live or no? I think mad TV is better. Yeah, thank you so much. That's right. Mad TV was fun. It was great fun. You had some writing to do on there? I did some writing, yeah, yeah. No. I did. No. Actually, I did. He did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he did. He did, he did. He wrote a lot. No, no, no. I didn't write a lot, but I did write some stuff. Why do you do that? He writes some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, hot dog. And your last name is Lee. Lee. Yeah. You guys are really pissing me off today. Oh, keep writing it down. Maybe it'll come in fruition. What? Where'd you get your last name from? It's a good question. That's the craziest. It makes sense. Yeah. Well, my father Bruce had Lee. Right. When he gave birth to me, I just took on the family name. The Korean surname Lee originates from the Chinese character for plum. Yeah. Which is the shape of my testicle. You don't think that was racist for them to have it? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because that's real. The Chinese name of the Lee was the Chinese origin to live from the character meaning plum or plum tree. It's actually pretty beautiful. Yeah. That's actually beautiful. It is beautiful. Lee just sounds like a name. I'm a plum, dude. Like you would love to have like it sounds respectable. Because Lee is very, it's one syllable, it's quick. Lee. Yeah. Yeah. Lee. So when you get married, do you get your name up? No, no, my wife would take on my name, no. You don't want her name? I don't know what her last name, give me an example of what her last name would be. Henderson. What? Henderson. Henderson? Yeah. Margot. Bobby Henderson. Bobby Henderson. Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. Like Ricky Henderson. Yeah, would you change your last name? Would you change your last name? I'm gonna ask you a question. No, no, why can't I ask you? You can, I'm gonna answer it first. Okay, go ahead. I mean, I'm gonna answer it second. What do you sound, Henderson sound like? What race would you put that with? Henderson. Let me see. That's a red. Henderson. Henderson. Henderson. Henderson. What race would you feel? It white. Okay. Ricky Henderson was black, great baseball player. Yeah. Really? Ricky Henderson was black? Yeah. It's a black last name. It is? It's a black last name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Henderson. It says right there, AI. Only for black people. Says it right there in AI. It originates from the Germanic given name Henry, meaning home ruler. It's a patronomic name, meaning son of Henry. It's a prominent Scottish surname. Cause the movie Harry and the Henderson, it's not a bunch of fucking black people. It should have been. I know. Go Google Harry and the Henderson. It's once again, Hollywood doing their thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Harry and the Henderson. Taking rolls away. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me say something. Are you in that? Oh my God. That's the Henderson's though. Let's tread lightly here. Okay. Why? Yeah. Let's tread lightly. Why tread lightly? Let's tread lightly here. Crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. For you to bring that up. Let's just tread. Why cause there's a white gorilla in it? Let's tread as lightly as we possibly can. Oh wow. You know, let's really, let's dance on the surface. Let's do the Jesus lizard and dance right across the water and not even touch it really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. You're right. Point taken. Harry is the dog. That's the biggest bit about this whole thing. That's the fun part. Right, and that's John Henderson. Do you ever see that movie? I have not. You need to watch that. Does it seem scary? No, it don't seem scary. It seemed very relaxing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is actually a story about immigration, that whole thing. That's what that really was about. Bring up Ricky Henderson, the baseball player. One of the greatest of all that. So this, so it was a black man then. So maybe it changes, it changes. There he is, Ricky, the dog. Oh shit. One of the best. Rest in peace. He passed? 2021 maybe? When did he die? 2024? Oh my God. God, it was that recent. Shorten his years. Just last year. Would you change your last name? I got two last names. Okay. And Henderson in summers. Oh, so. I'll go back and forth. But if you met a woman, she's like, you need to have my last name. Would you do it? Well, how you talking? It sound like it's gonna be a Lee. Oh my God. No, my last name's Hodorito. I could take it. Yeah, Hodorito, though. Yeah, Hodorito, though. I like that. Okay, good. Yeah, I would take that last name. Okay, cool. See, I think when you get married, you guys should make up a new last name. That's my theory. That's dope. They should just make up a new last name. Yeah. It's a new family. Oh, this is fun. You come up with half and then you finish it. Right. Right, so go ahead. Which one? The last name? Yeah, just start. Well, I had last name and he's gonna finish it. You can create a new last name. Half of a last name. Go ahead and go. Funny Marco. So start a half of a last name. Funny, what the fuck? It's coming to me. Okay. Her? Gaser. Her Gaser. Her Gaser. Love this game. You didn't do like, Hurtson or nothing? No, Her Gaser. Yeah. Hey man, you do your thing, I do mine. Yeah. I'll give you one and you finish it. I wanna play. Okay. Sit this one out. Okay. Okay, ready? I'll give you one. Yeah, yeah. Shan? Penis. Shan Penis. I did know that was gonna go that way. Hey, give me another one. Did you see that coming? Yeah. Give me, let's be real. I'll do it real. Bane? Bane Merkel? Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Bane Merkel. Why you saying my call like that? Yeah, it's got instead of a Scottish twang. It's Scottish, English is your second language. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you feel like? When you're on stage, do y'all sometimes have a moment where it just seems so like, you could just, it's like, it's just in a matrix. Some just hit you like, God damn, I'm really on stage. Sometimes, yeah. Matrix moment. Where you kind of feel surreal, where you don't even, you can't believe it. Oh my God. Yeah. Where you just like a tunnel. Where you just go, yeah. That's kind of how it feels sometimes. And then wake up, I'm in a pod. Dripping wet. Dripping wet in a pod. That's no fantasies. I'm talking about real life. Real life. I gotta tell you, 18 coughs later, you're definitely sick. There's no chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting, you know, okay, let me say something. You know we're gonna get sick. We're gonna get sick. Oh yeah. Okay, so I have mucus and it's coming out. Yeah, that's when you're sick. Yeah, that's sick. No, it's mucus. It's allergy. Allergy mucus. Allergy mucus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How often does allergies create a cough? Uh, I only cough 17 times as I've been here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 17 or 18, yeah. How long have you been sick? How long? About two months. Oh, okay. Okay. Why you laugh? No, just because that's a big sickness. Two months is longer than it should be. No, that's like normal. Average sickness. What are your symptoms right now? Is sore throat? Normal. What's your manager's name again? Jackie. Jackie. Is he sick? Yeah. Good manager. That's a really good man. Good fucking manager. Can I show a question? Cause I was arguing with my brother about this. I stopped wearing pull ups at the age six, going on seven. When did y'all stop? Diapers? Pull ups. Same thing, I think. You pissing those, yes? Yeah. Those are diapers, yeah. Yeah. Oh, what's the normal age to get out of? To get out of diapers? Yeah. I was three. I was probably around three or four, right? Yeah. I was six, going on seven. Did you wet the bed as a kid? I had a pull up on. But when after that. Yeah, but you pee in the pull up while you're in bed. No, no, after you were six, did you wet the bed? Or sit or pee? Did you have a bed wetting problem at all as a kid? No, after I got out of the pull ups, I was six, going on seven. You were straight. Mm. But I thought that's the average age. What's the average age to get out of diapers? Between two and three. When do people get out of diapers? Two, maybe three sounds right. Four is a late, that's a late bloomer. Funny Marko, do you ever shit your pants? Well, I guess, you know, shard it before. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. I was trying to show out and try to fart, but that was it. Okay. When's the last time it happened? I don't do that no more. Okay. Two and four. I'll do right that now. That was right. Two and four is about right. So why did I, why are they six or seven? I don't know. Maybe you're underdeveloped. Well, maybe you needed a little bit extra time. Some people need a little bit more extra time. Yeah, I went to normal schools too. Normal schools? Yeah. You mean like, were we slow? Are we slow? I wouldn't call it slow. We didn't, we went. Did you need special attention? We did, yeah. Yeah. Did you? Yeah. We did. You really didn't special attention? Like what kind? Well, I was in a program called care. Care stands for children and real experts. Something. So it was an alternative school for those that learn different, correct? That's kind of what it is? Yeah. Oh shit, y'all been having headphones the whole time. Y'all can hear me? Yeah. Can you hear us? No, I didn't, yeah, I'm saying y'all didn't. Do you want them? They're right here. We have them, but you've been doing so fine without them. Do you want them? I mean, y'all didn't tell me. But you look good. We didn't want to fuck up your hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, you got Pusisi in here. Yeah, Pusisi in this motherfucker. Try them. I just didn't want to fuck up your hat. Let's try them. Does that sound better now? Yeah, better. You want to keep them on? Yeah, I like them. Okay. God bless. God bless you. Yeah. Strip clubs are big in Atlanta, do you go to those? Yeah, you gotta support strip clubs. You have to. What's your favorite one? I like Blue Flame. You got Magic City. Magic City's pretty standard. Yeah, Blue Flame though. Yeah, Blue Flame. Are you befriending the dancers? Do you know them personally? Yeah, I get to hear their story, why they ended up there. If they dad know they why they ended here. That's the first question I asked. Do your mom know you do this? And what do they say usually? Why would you ask that? You know. Right. And what do you say in return? I just want to know, kind of like, you know getting to know their background. Right. It's important. Have you ever dated a stripper? Yeah. You have? Yeah. More than one? I had one solid one. Yeah, one solid, one good one. From the flame, father is suing Atlanta gentlemen's club after son is shot dead outside of Blue Flame. Deshaun Marquis Lee. Ah, what do you know? Deshaun Marquis Lee Hendren. Now this is a guy that took a few last names. Yeah. After a fight inside the Blue Flame lounge spilled into the nearby parking lot. When was this shooting? Trust me, it's a good club. Yeah, I know, it was a long time ago. Look at that. Three years ago. Three years ago, that's so far removed. RP to him too. Yeah. All right, Peter that gentleman, that's terrible. The Blue Flame lounge though. They have $5 pancakes. Wow. Not bad. Have you had the food there? No. Okay. I don't eat food from like, you know, anywhere. Where do you get food from then? Papados. Only papados and then do you cook at home? Yeah, I cook at home. I like cooking. You do? Yeah. What would you make us if we came over? We came over, what was it? We make you some fried chicken. Okay. Okay, sorry, I shouldn't have went that deep. Fried chicken. Yeah, fried chicken with some fries. French fries? Yeah. Anything else? Some ketchup and hot sauce. Ketchup and hot sauce. Salad or? What are you drinking? Liquor, no liquor? Okay. Are you a drinker? No, I drink Mike's hard lemonade. Right. That's it. You get high? No, I don't like coffee. Right. No drugs. Just a little. I smoked before, but it was hard to cough. Like, I did an edible before and it was just like. That was just, oh shit. So you're no more of that? Yeah, these are edibles. That was like powerful. It's heavy. Those are powerful. Yeah, they're heavy. But Mike's hard lemonade, you like? Yeah, that doesn't get me on a bus. I like those. Three of those in your set. Yeah. I used to drink those in high school all the time. Why you say it like that? I used to drink them in high school all the time. I know, but why you say it like I used to? Cause I don't do it anymore. Just past tense. They're too sweet for me. Yeah. When you get older, you start to feel that way. Yeah, sugar, too much sugar. Like you don't like desserts, like I don't like Mike's hard lemonade. Yeah, hold on, we don't know how old you are. I'm 32. Okay. Yeah. You said it like he wasn't gonna answer. I love it. You look like a backup quirk. I love you. I look like a backup quirk. I'll take that. You look like a backup quarterback. I'll take that. What do I look like? What's his name, Rush? If y'all look up, look up the bottom or quarterback right now. Oh yeah, that's right. I got tagged a lot online by that guy. People said I look like that guy. Man, you are sick. I'm not. There's no way that's it. There I am. Yeah. Yeah, that's you. That's fucking awesome. What do I look, do me, do me now. Bob does know that's not an insult. That's fantastic to be in the NFL. Do I look like I'm in the fucking NFL? That's a good thing. It's huge. And you still going like you smart. Yeah, watch what he gives me now. What does he look like? Hella interceptions. Oh. What does he look like? Type in Panda Express. Panda Express. Workers. Not gonna lie, you do look like three of the five of us. That's a Mexican woman. That's a Mexican woman. Or maybe the owners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that Mr. Express right there? Look, look, look. Do you know why I've never seen a black Chinese worker? Like, I mean, I've never seen a black person working at a Chinese restaurant. Why? Why not? Why isn't there not a black person working at a Chinese restaurant? Yeah, they don't hire. I asked for application before. They didn't give me. You wanted to work at Panda Express? Not that one. No, they hire black people, Chinese restaurant. So like if you walked into a soul food restaurant, you don't want to see white people back there working. Yeah. It happened. Really? If you saw an Asian guy, do you want some grit? You want color for how? Color green? You wouldn't like it. It happened. It happened at Popeye's churches. No, no, no, that's fast food that's different. He's talking about like a family owned restaurant is different. Because I guarantee you there's a black guy that works at a Panda Express. I bet my life on it. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But at a family owned restaurant? Yeah. I don't think so. No, you're not gonna get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a cracker barrel. Yeah. My parents own a couple of cracker barrels. Yeah. We won't hire anybody but crackers. And they kept the barrel and that man on the side. And they better bring it back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald Trump. Have you been to cracker barrel? No, I've never been there. It's great breakfast. You like breakfast? I really don't eat breakfast. I told you. You don't eat anything? I eat at night. Late at night. Are you having fun? Yeah. I got to learn a lot about y'all. And this is a moment because everybody in this room is gonna die eventually. But we created a moment. We did. I think we did. At least we're not dies. We came inside each other. I came inside the room. We came inside the room, I think. And we did come inside each other. That part's true. That part's not true, that part. Okay, that is not what you thought. I'm saying like from spiritually hearing you. Spiritually we did come inside. I think our energies combined. Yeah, but it came inside. I don't think so. I think our energies met. My energy came inside you. Right, yeah. I could feel it. Yeah, yeah, I could feel it too. I don't feel it. I didn't pull out. I feel it. Yeah, I didn't pull out. No, it's always gonna stick with me. Yeah, it's gonna stick inside you. I'm gonna go and go to YouTube. And I'm gonna watch Mad TV tonight. Yeah? Yeah. I'm gonna watch your videos. Will you show it to your son tomorrow? What, the Mad TV? Yeah, show your son Mad TV. Why not? I mean, what's the skit that you were in that you remember? That was big. What's the one that you did? I did a punch, but I don't know. What was a big one? Like you're like, this is a good one. I did, no, don't do a hot dog. This was, uh-oh, hot dog was huge. North Korean scientists was big. North Korean scientists? US Connie Chung was big. No, North Korean scientists is my biggest one. Yeah, that one was huge. That's me and my brother, Steve. Huge. Yeah, that was a great one. You was in Pineapple Express? I had one line in that, yes. He was in it? Yeah. How do you remember? He was in the van in one cutaway scene. Yeah, yeah, and that was me and the guy from Hangover. And that's why he confused you? Yeah, uh-huh. That doesn't make sense. That's what you can do. That's what I say, you know. They're almost one and the same. And they're one and the same, yeah. That's you, right? Yeah, and it is me. There I am again. Marco, do you have any burning questions to ask us before we end this interview? I don't burn. Oh, no, do you have any honest questions to ask us before we end? What do you see yourself in like, you know, like 20 years, what do you see yourself? Well, I'll be 74. I just feel like I'll be on a beat somewhere tanning, drinking some sweet drink, yeah, get my dick set. I'll be 60, 62. I don't know what to say. You think I'll be dead? Yeah. 62, 62. I'll be living in the woods in Canada somewhere. So he's gonna be out of your life. 100%, yeah, this is only gonna last a couple of years. We gotta enjoy these moments. That's what I mean. He'll be writing his manifesto. Right. He's gonna make things, send it in the mail. Yeah. I won't send it to you though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But some people, yeah, I don't take my mailbox. Please don't. And then... Where are you gonna be in 20 years? It'll be 52. I won't be 52. I'm 32 now, I'll probably, what, 20 years? 52. I'll be what, 42, 42? 52. 52, same thing, it's pretty close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be almost his age. In 20 years, you'll still be younger than Bobby. I wanna be living in a... That's crazy to think. Yeah, that's gross. Yeah, that's gross. That's weird. I'll probably just be living in, I wanna like a dope treehouse. A dope treehouse. Yeah. Would you build it? No, he'll not. No. I'll pay somebody to do it. Yeah, it's just, I don't... You're emotionally healthy. Yeah, it's okay. I'll probably get mad two times a month. What do you get mad about? Try getting maddened, fucked up my record. Maddened, in Madden? Yeah. Yeah. That'll set you off a little bit. Just that. What team do you play with in Madden? I play, I was playing with the Chiefs, it's all to play with, but I play with Philadelphia Eagles, because they're cheap. Because they're cheap. Yeah, I know like the Eagles, but... But you play them. They get a good squad. Yeah, they do. But the Chiefs are going back to the Subo. You think so? I know so. You do? Yeah. Interesting. You heard it here? It's part of the storyline. It is part of the storyline. Yeah. They need to go back. Yeah. Okay, I believe in you. Funny Marko, it's been more than a pleasure to have you on my birthday. You say that to every fucking guest. No, no, no. It's been more than a pleasure to have you on my birthday episode. Oh wow. This has been an actual great birthday. And I will get sick. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah. Azad. Azad? Yeah. Do we have what? Cake and ice cream, do they bring it out right now? We already did that. You said you don't want tiramisu. You don't want tiramisu. But yeah, is the vanilla? Tiramisu, tiramisu. Yeah. Is it chocolate or vanilla? Yeah, it's got all of it in it. It's got all of it. You wanna try it? It's all of it in there? Yeah, just try it. Give them peaks. Yeah, you don't like to mix? Just try a piece. I like stuff straight up. Okay. You have multicultural babies. You definitely like to mix. Okay. Am I wrong? Yeah. You have multicultural children, so you love to mix. Is that wrong? You're right. Yeah. You wanna. Beautiful babies. Yeah, take me through there. See? Thank you for watching Being a Bad Friend. Woo. Woo. Yeah. Woo. We looked at city cars and quietly disagreed with the formula. Quietly, we added more space. Quietly, we upgraded the tech, but kept the price honest. The all new MG4 EV Urban, from just £239 a month with 0% APR. MG Motor Financial Services, £2,300 deposit over 49 months, £7,223 optional final payment, offer ends March 2026. Conditions apply. Visit mg.co.uk.