Babies vs. Puppies

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We're so excited to be back with an epic new season, and it's all thanks to our smarty past members. They're the big-hearted helpers who power us by joining at smartypass.org. You can be one of them. Your support helps pay our debaters and sound designers so we can keep making the fun and fact-filled shows your family loves. Plus, you can add free versions of all of our shows, bonus stuff, and access to virtual hangs with me, Molly. Again, that's smartypass.org. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, on with the show. From the brains behind brainson, it's Smash Boom Best. The show for people with big opinions. Hi, I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today, we've got an episode that sure to make you go aww, to cute and cuddly creatures are battling to win your heart. It's Baby's Versus Puppies. We've got Smash Boom Best producer Anna Weggle here to rep bouncing, blushing babies. What's up, former babies? You were a baby and you were a baby. And look at us now. And he's an actor, he's an animator, he's stepping up for pubs. It's Brent Miller. I'm tired of changing so many dirty diapers. Bring on the puppy love. And this is an interesting match-up today because, Grant and Anna, you're actually married and have two kids. And a dog, right? Yeah, ew, gross. This is all true. They are married. It's going to make for some heated debate, I'm sure. And here to judge it all is Coco from Claremont, California. Coco plays Water Polo. Has a dog, but also loves babies. Enjoys horror movies, rocks the drums, and recently had her wisdom teeth out. Hi Coco. Hi Molly, thanks for having me. Oh my gosh, thank you for being here. So Coco, can you explain what Water Polo is to someone who might not know? Well, it's kind of like soccer in the water. Like, instead of running, you're swimming and instead of using your feet to kick the ball, you're throwing the ball to other people. It's pretty fun. That's incredible. And also, amazing because you guys are treading water the whole time, right? Yeah. And I'm a goalie, so I'm in the pool the whole game. What? Yeah. How long are the games? So there's four quarters and each quarter is six minutes, so that's 24 minutes. 24 minutes of treading water. That is very, very impressive. And okay, so you got your wisdom teeth out? Yes. How did you recover? I stayed home and I laid in bed for a very long time. I ate a lot of jello, so much jello and whipped cream. Oh, delicious. Is there a particular flavor of jello that you were into? I think it's cherry. It's whatever the red one is. The red one, delicious. Okay. So you like babies and dogs? So are you evenly split on them right now? I would say, yeah. I mean, I think babies are pretty cute. I have a dog, but sometimes she's mean to me. Oh, interesting. So do you have any advice for our debaters today? Um, you know, I like to laugh, so you know, that might help you. Mm. Tickle the funny bone. Well, Coco, side with Anna or brand, only time will tell, but first here are the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds, the declaration of greatness, the micro round, the sneak attack, and the final six. After each round, our judge Coco will award points to the team that impresses her the most, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen at the end of the show, head to our website, smash boom.org and vote for whichever team you think one. Okay. Brand, Coco and Anna, are you ready? Oh yeah, let's do this. Woof, woof, I am ready. Then it's time for the declaration of greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent statements. With FyptoCoin and Anna, you're up first. Tell us what makes babies the apple of your eye. To get the scoop on how great babies are, I've phoned someone who absolutely loved. A certain little bundle of joy. When I first laid eyes on my baby boy, I felt complete. I felt I understood the meaning of my life. He was the most beautiful baby, the most perfect baby. He would bring us joy when moments were difficult. He would show us the path that we didn't know even existed. I love you, dear son. My incredible sweet, brand miller. That's right. That baby endorsement came from none other than my competitors' mother herself. Thanks, Brantz, mom. And I get what she's saying. I'm a mom. And I have never loved anything like I love my babies. They taught me to see the world with new eyes. Because to babies, everything is new. Babies are sophisticated learning machines. Did you know the human brain triples in size in the first three years of life? Being around that much development is fun and exhilarating. And do not get me started on how cute they are. Oh wait, this is a debate. You get me started. Because humans are hardwired to find babies cute. From their big eyes to their squishy limbs to the little noises they make. Scientists think we evolved to find all this adorable so that we pay attention to and help little babies. They get taken care of and we get to go, ah, win, win. But I'm a little puppy and I'm cute too. Sure. But some researchers think the whole reason we find puppies and other small things cute is because they remind us of babies. In our brains, babies are always number one. Oh, sorry puppy. And babies don't just poop and cry. No, no, no, no. babies are capable of abstract thinking, empathy, imagination and even art. Sometimes that art comes in the form of markers on the walls, but hey, they think outside the box because they don't even know what a box is. Brilliant. One of the things I was most concerned about when I knew I was going to become a mom was, you know, the baby's messy bodily functions. But let me tell you, if you have to have a newborn in your life, let it be a humankind. Babies wear diapers 24, 7. Try doing that with a puppy. But a diaper on me and you're going to lose a finger, lady. Plus babies are easy to contain. They spend most of their life in a crib or a carrier or in your arms and they sleep up to 17 hours a day. Meanwhile puppies are storms of destruction, chewing shoes, peeing on furniture, tracking dirt, sharing your Disney plus passwords with strangers. Wait, scratch that last one. The real reason you should vote team baby is that babies are our future. Picture a baby. Cute, right? Well, that baby might be a teacher someday or a veterinarian or a lumberjack or a garbage collector or a science innovator or a podcast host like Molly Bloom, who rumor has it was once a baby. Now, picture a puppy. One day that puppy will become a dog. That's it. Just a dog. I love dogs. I have a dog, but playing with a dog is just that. Playing with a baby is an investment in the future of the universe. Today's babies are going to take care of us someday. Our nurses, doctors, caregivers, our geriatric zumba instructors. It's truly the circle of life. I've debated on Smash Boom best roughly 18 times. It's usually a real toss up because what does better even mean? But this time I can say with my entire heart that babies are better than puppies. Right, brands mom? Brand, I love you, but I got aside with your wife on this one. She gave me two new grand babies to love. Babies are brilliant, adorable, and they're our future. And quote one of the many, many amazing babies I've met. Guguguglurp. And doesn't that really say it all? Guguguglurp indeed. Coco, what's set out to you about Anna's declaration of greatness? I really liked all the fact she put in about the human brain getting bigger by three times. The first three years, I thought that was interesting. And then of course they're very cute. So got to take that into account. Indeed. Okay, Brand, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why babies are less Guguglurp and more you, you. You've got 30 seconds and your time starts now. Okay, okay, just start. Anna, you brought my mom into this? She loved it. Okay, okay, okay. You came to play, I see. All right, well first puppies make little noises too. You said the babies do puppies. They go, you know, also puppies, you talked about pooping. They don't just poop and cry. Well, well puppies poop outside and babies poop inside but not in a toilet. Also you said babies are our future, but dogs are future. They're not just dogs. Dogs can act. They, they, they, dogs do a lot. I'm sorry, Brent, would you cast our dog in a show? Absolutely not. No. Unless it was like a prank show or something while where the dog was not behaving whatsoever. Okay, fair. Yes. I mean, okay, but I'm sorry, show me a puppy that like knows to go outside. Like that would be an anomaly, a puppy genius. But they learn quick, you know, like we, we haven't even started putting training our little one. But you can train a puppy really quick to go outside. Yeah, but in the, in the span of his entire life, you know, it's not that much time. In the span of a dog's life, two months, two of the worst months of your life, we are trying to putty train that thing. Why was so focused on their time and your own time? I mean, two years is a long time for me to be changing dirty diapers. Okay. I will give you that you are the only diaper changer in the South Side. Thank you. That is true. Okay. And I called in a favor from France mom. Incredible. Brandt, you will have a chance to bark back right after the break. So stay tuned. Smash Boom. We're back with Smash Boom Best Babies versus puppies. Okay, brandt, it is your turn. All is why these furry friends are forever your faith. In a world where there are no tails wagging, no slubbery kisses, no yips or yaps. Okay, I know it's a bold choice to start with a movie trailer on an audio podcast, but that's what imagination is for. Picture this. It's a beautiful morning in sunny Vale Heights, but underneath the surface, something is very, very wrong. Mom, mom, guess what? Pax and Braxton across the street so that their dad was getting a puppy. Can we get a puppy? A puppy. Oh, sweetie. They're just pulling your leg. You know puppies aren't real. What? Just like unicorns kiddo. Hmm, there's no such thing as puppies. Coming this summer to a horror film festival near you, it's the world without puppies. Yikes. No such thing as puppies terrifying. I'm going to address the elephant in the puppy versus baby room right away. It's true. I'm here to tell you how splendid and fantastic puppies are, but I want to make one thing super duper pooper scooper clear. I have two beautiful little children. I love them so much. My opponent may say that it's absurd to call puppies better than babies. Four babies that we have together, to that I say, hear me out. I'm not saying that I would rather have puppies than children. I'm just here to say that puppies are incredible. I'm totally a dog guy. I grew up with dogs and I love them. And I come from a long, long history of dog loving people. We all do. See, the ancestors of dogs were some very hungry and very clever wild wolves who realized that if they hung out with humans, they got free food and a nice warm fire to snooze next to. That was more than 23,000 years ago. In all that time, dogs and humans became really good at communicating with each other. Have you seen a dog do those super cute, please give me one of your chicken nuggets, puppy dog eyes? They can do that because dogs evolved a special muscle above their eyes that lets them be expressive with their little doggy eyebrows. Wolves can't do that. A puppy and a baby are both a huge time commitment. I spend a whole lot of my time doing dad stuff with my kiddos, but let's be honest, babies take a long time to grow before they're fun to play with. They're squishy, potato-shaped, cutie pies for months before they can do much more than eat, sleep, poop, and drool. And because they're so squishy, they need constant attention to make sure they're safe, healthy, and happy. Just the other day, I turned my back on my son, Remi, for one second and he proceeded to pick up a tiny pumpkin and drop it on his toes immediately. That's how much attention they need. Poppies on the other hand are ready to snuggle and play and be your best buddy within a few weeks of being born. If you spend just a little time potty training them, they'll do their business outside with no stinky diapers to change. The drooling, well, it's pretty much the same, actually. At the end of the day, it all boils down to this. Why not love both? I have plenty of room in my big ol' heart for puppies and babies. Having more love in your life is never a bad idea. Poppies and babies are both really special and can add to our lives in so many ways. A world without puppies? That's no world for me. Oh, a heartwarming declaration of greatness there for the furry, furry cuties known as puppies. Coco, what's it out to you about brand's decoration of greatness? Well, I really like that beginning with the horror movie trailer. And I also like that little background on how we became friends with dogs. Yes, very, very good. All right, Anna, it is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to tell us why brand is barking up the wrong tree and your time starts. Now, oh, a world without puppies terrifying, but not terrifying enough for you because you adopted our dog when she was already a full grown woman. Probably because you secretly did not want a puppy because for as cute as they are, they're difficult and they bite really hard with razor sharp teeth and they pee on your kids. Your beloved shoes, babies. Yeah, they take a long time to grow up. Yes, but they adore us. And I have a question for you, rant pop quiz. What was both of our kids first words? Dad. Dad, that's right. And I love you. Okay, I rescued our dog. Yes. She wasn't a puppy, but she needed a home. So that's not shame me for giving our dog a beautiful home because she wasn't young enough to she had puppy energy. I'll say that. All right. Coco, it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the Declaration of Greatness that you liked best and then one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic impeccable? A word your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you made your decision? I have. Excellent. Brandon, Anna, how are you two feeling so far? I feel I'm feeling confident and I'm feeling like I want to check it on brand's feelings because I'm going really hard on him right now. Are you doing so much? Are you okay? I can take it. I can take it. Just a little bit more though. Just a little bit more. Just a little bit more. Okay, a little more. Okay, I got it. Yeah, I mean, you just bring his mom into it. I know. All right, it's time for a quick break. Let your pups out for a potty break and double check that diaper. And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best. You're listening to state of debate, home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation. Hi, debate heads. I'm Taylor Lincoln here with my Bestie from the Westie. Todd Douglas. Hey, Tay money. I'll never believe what I overheard at the soda shop the other day. Soda shop? What year is it? Two workers were gossiping about summer sales. The drama. And one was using a wapper of a logical fallacy. Those are debate no-nose that make your argument easy to defeat. Let's listen in. All right, Betty. I'm going to head out for the day. I'm beat. Okay, but you might want to take an umbrella with you, Jeannie. Oh, yeah, is it going to rain? Probably, but not what you're thinking. Is it going to rain something else? Oh, yeah. Every summer when our sales go up, more bird poop falls out of the sky. Oh, no, my perm. Just run to your thunderbird as fast as you can and try not to get hit by a flying splash. But Betty, what do our ice cream sales have to do with bird turds? Well, the more ice cream we sell, the more birds poop on unsuspecting ice cream enjoyers and employees. So what I'm saying is you got to be careful out there. Oof, Betty just used a correlation fallacy. That's when you think one thing causes another, but the relationship is actually totally random. Right. And even though the soda shop sales do go up in the summer, when there are more tourists in town, there are also more birds around in the summer. And more birds means more chances for flying splat, as they say. But when doesn't cause the other? Phew, because I love ice cream. But I don't love bird poop. I'll remember that for your birthday. See you next time on State of Debate. You're listening to Snash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom. And I'm your judge, Coco. And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners, like this one. How I knew I was going to do it, my debate idea is summer versus winter. A seasonal showdown, very cool or hot. We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side Ken and things should win. And now it's back to our debate. Babies versus puppies. That's right. Let's move around to the micro round. In this micro round, Brant and Animal each get three chances to make a micro argument backed by a cool fact. Anna went first last, so Brant, you start us off. OK, first, dogs come in tons of different sizes. Because in the thousands of years that we've been pals, humans have needed different kinds of help from dogs. Today, dogs can work on a farm, comfort people's therapy animals, act as guides for people who can't move around on their own and find people who are lost or hurt. With an incredible sense of smell, dogs can even help detect diseases like cancer before doctors can. Here I'll throw you a bone, Brant. A bone fact. Babies have around 100 more bones than adults do. Adults have a little over 200 bones and babies can have up to 300. That's because as they grow, the smaller bones fuse to become one larger bone. So when you're holding a baby, you're actually holding a magnificent, adorable, super skeleton. All right. What's cuter than a puppy? Try 24 puppies. That's the record for the biggest litter of puppies in history. Not even a non-record breaking litter almost always includes several pups because the more the merrier, right? Imagine having six puppies on your lap, huh? Adorable. And possible. Imagine six babies. Chaos. Impossible. Case closed. Babies have incredible color-changing eyes. So many are born with a baby blue or lightish gray set of eyes, but this can change over the first year of life. That's because after they're born, they're exposed to light, which creates pigment, and that adds color. So it's like slowly unwrapping a gift, finding out what soulful shade of eye your little one will gaze at you with. Now Brant, one of our kids has brown eyes like yours, and the other has green eyes like mine. Isn't that kind of them? One for each of us. Yes. It's magic. It's magic. Speaking of color, some puppies are born with green-ish fur. This is likely due to this liquid from inside their mom, Ms. Belly, but also how cool is a green puppy. A green baby, if your baby's green, I mean, that means something is wrong. And you got to see a duck or a wicked. Study suggests babies start learning language in the womb, and then they come out being able to recognize a parent's voice. Brant, do you remember when Luna was born? And she recognized that like La Luna song that you used to sing to her in my tummy? And then she stopped crying. One of the best moments of your life, right? Or maybe not. Sorry. Maybe you prefer expressing our dog's butt glands on a weekly basis. I guess dogs are better, Brant. Okay. You brought up the gland. They had to come in. They had to. You'd be surprised how many times it comes up into baits. You brought up the glands. Yeah. Oh, man. Wow. Fasciniferious facts there. Incredible. Okay, Coco. What stood out to you about this micro-round? This micro-round, I liked the puppies with green fur. They remind me of aliens. That's pretty cool. Alien puppies. And the babies that have like more than 100 bones than us right now is very interesting to me. I think that's very cool. They fuse together like a robot. Mm-hmm. I feel like both of those facts, the green puppies and the many, many bones like feed into your love of horror movies kind of. That's true. That's true. All right, Coco, it's time to award a point. But don't tell us who it's going to. Criteria are totally subjective and totally up to you. Have you made your decision? I have. Fantastic. Then it's time for our third round. The super stealthy. Sneak attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called Secret Society. What? Pretend there is a secret group of people who meet to honor your side. Tell us what rituals they do. Maybe describe their clubhouse. Do they have a handshake or a song they sing to kick off medians? What's their secret society called? Tell us about the secret society dedicated to your side. Debaters, does this make sense? Yes. Yes. Wonderful. Okay, Anna, we're going to start with you. Let's hear about your secret society of baby fans. Okay. This society is called the BAS. It stands for Baby Appreciation Society. It is made entirely of dogs. Okay. Where their clubhouse is is the kitchen floor underneath the table. And they have their handshake as they put two paws together and then they hold them there as they chant each your dinner. Spill your dinner. Give us your dinner. Thank you, baby. And they just do that over and over. And then as the baby eats tiny morsels of food and throws most of it on the floor, they get to have the best dinner of their lives. Okay. They get to have like screamed corn. They get to have milk. They get to have those pouches that babies love. Little crackers. Oh, it's wonderful. The BAS. The BAS. We're going to chant. I love it. All right, Brant, it is your turn. It's here, your clandestine club for a pup aficionados. You've been invited to join Puppos of the full moon. We have a secret handshake that I'm going to have to teach you. You walk up to another member and you proceed to lick their hand. Meeting places. Oh, you know, different dog parks around town. We no longer sniff each other's bottoms. That has been banned. We have a lot of songs, you know, how much is that doggy in the secret society window, stuff like that. And of course, we end every night, howling at the moon and chewing on rawhide. I have a question. Is this a secret society for dogs or humans? Who are really into dogs and acting like dogs? I was wondering where you go at night, Brant. It explains a lot. Puppos of the full moon, they're great. They're my friends stuff. Oh, wow, wow, both incredible secret societies that were all just clamoring to join. Okay, go go. Please think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point. And BAS get you or Puppos of the full moon. Have you made your decision? I have. Wonderful. Then it's time for our final round. The final six. In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Brant, let's hear your six words for those possum puppies. Babies make me exhausted. Puppy parade. Excellent work. Okay, Anna, it is your turn. Give us six words on why babies are best. Someday a baby might cure cancer. Oh, wow. Very good. Okay, Coco, please award a final point for this final six. Have you made your decision? My decision is made. Okay, are you ready to crown one team this mash boom best? I think I am. Oh my gosh, all right, drum roll, please. And the winner is Babies. Oh, dog got it. My dog is actually sitting right next to me. Sorry, CC. She looks very disappointed actually. Now she knew it was always going to be this way. She's part of that baby secret society. It's true. She benefits from food on the floor every single day. So Coco, was there a moment that decided things for you? Was it close? Tell us. Yeah, I think the points were two to three. So very close. I think the sneak attack really won me over for babies. I thought it was very funny. Very funny, very good. Oh my God, I'm going to try not to cry because, Brent Miller, you did such an amazing job. And when I zoom out on my life, you have given me dog. You have given me babies. Like how this is not a loss. This is just a win for both of us. How lucky am I? Thank you guys. And you did a great job too. Thank you. Anna, you did such a good job. Not just on all of this, but on making some of the greatest babies in the world. So you're good at that. So you're also a really good dog mom. Thanks. Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Coco crowned babies the Smash Boom Best. But what about you? Head to Smash Boom.org and vote to tell us who you think won. This episode was produced by me, Molly Bloom, Santa Dotten, and Mark Sanchez. It was sound designed by Mark Sanchez. And he also wrote our theme song, Special Thanks to Dieta Miller, Vicki Lintour, and Izzy. Our announcer is Marley, Fireworker Otto. And we want to give a super duper special thanks to Austin Kraus and Taylor, Kaufman. Anna, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today? Oh my gosh. Seven people that live directly in my heart, Molly, Mark, and Sandin, and Luna Remi, Brent, and C.C. Thank you so much. I love being in your heart. OK, Brent, what about you, any special shout outs? Luna, Remi, and Anna just fill this heart in this home. And then C.C. over here for being the best dog I've ever had and teaching me how to love a dog. Oh, beauty. All right, Coco, how about you and his special thanks or shout outs? I want to shout out the best dad, Mark Sanchez, and the best mom, Vicki Lintour, and also my friends, Charlie Evelin, Tatum, Quinn, and Julia. Hello. Today's episode is a family affair for real. Before we go, let's check in and see who kind of thinks should win the winter versus summer debate. I think winter should win because you can be very tosy and you can go do a lot of fun stuff and winter. And then in summer, it's really hot. If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knockdown drag out debate, head to smashboom.org slash contact and drop us a line. And if you're a fan of the show and want to keep it going, head to smartypass.org to subscribe. It makes a huge difference. We'll be back next week with a new Smash Boom best episode, Harmonica's versus Glockenspiels. Bye. See you later. Bye, bye, baby. Woof, woof, bye, bye. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Oh, you have a smash boom best. Eat your dinner. Fill your dinner. Give us your dinner. Thank you, baby.