Ep 598 - Night Shadow (feat. Dan Soder, Chris O'Connor, Billy)

The Wild Wild West. Ew, dude. Ew. What is that? Ew, dude. Oh, I don't know what that is. Reggie's a pommage on from the Wild Wild Rap, baby. Did you spit that onto your phone? No, no, no. I was eating earlier, and I had it like this, so maybe a little raunch dipped on that is what it is. A little patina didn't hurt anyone. You got some raunch on your phone? Ew, it smells, though. No. It smells like raunch. Do you ever spit up that stuff that was like a tauter as a kid? No. You ever spit up like a ball of just... Oh, like phlegm or what? No, it was like... I think it was like a thing that... My buddy had it real bad. He had to have like surgery. It was like something wrong with his tonsils or something. But like... I think there's a period during your adolescence where you can cough up. It's just like a solid... Tonsils of tartar. It's like a pocket in the back of your throat. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's a tonsil stone, yeah. Like a gumball machine? They smell like fucking assholes. Do they really? Oh. What is it? It's just fucking gunk? And your tonsils, it's little deposits of shit. I don't know. Damn. It's just like, did you do that? Is that what's happening? It only happened like once. But my buddy had it so bad, he had to get like surgery. You smelled it? I did smell that? Yeah, when it came up, I was like. Did he one time it? Take tail off? Tag and throw off. It's like an alien egg, dude. Because I smelled it. It didn't smell like anything, and I broke it, and it was like, oh, my God. Chris, you were a curious man. I mean, dude, if you – He did gender alter – he tried to poke his nipples when they were getting puffy as a boy. I know a kid who did that, but his dad had them on HGH, and his nipples started lactating. What? And then he put a fucking pin in it and squeezed it. Can I tell you he was a puffy nipple guy? That's crazy. Forever? Listen, I've been a puffy nipple since I was a boy, but here's what you do at the public pool. That's sexy. You do a side tickle. Get them things down. Oh, really? Then you look great. This gets your nipples down? You just go like you tickle over. You get hard nipples. You get like, yeah, hard nipples. You get cold nipples. You get your nipples hard before you get pulled. Yeah. Why not? I'm not walking around with puffy nipples. Puffy nipples. You really get puffy nipples? Always, dog. Whoa. Not like crazy puff. Just like a little puff. Just like pill. And you never thought about getting rid of them? What am I, the rock? You know The Rock had nipple surgery. Really? Yeah, when he was like Rocky Maivia and he came in, he had like big puffy nipples. And then you see him a couple years later and it like looks like. Yeah, you got to do that. Yeah, if you're a pro wrestler, you can't have. Was it that? That's a fucking disaster. That's crazy. That's like oval pads on your tits. Yeah, you're just definitely a heel. There's nothing you can do. You have to have straps. That's straps if you're a pro wrestler. You're in the Vader suit. Sometimes you got to get a surgery because you're like if you take steroids, you get like gyno. And you get fluid build up in your nipples. Well, no, I'm natural, but... You are a lifetime natural. Matt's juice to the gills. I saw a picture of him the other day. He's actually fucked in big. Looks like Jocko Willock. I saw a picture of him in the back. Can't make my birthday party good. Don't want to make me a call on my 40th? Good. Matt's juice to the gills. We pray for him. We pray. dude i hope i hope he just takes over austin when you're gone i mean you come back and there's gates built he's fully yeah that's the austin lifestyle he's juiced biohacking yeah you got to go down there get get giant with hot dog nick that's something yeah that's good stuff well i'm glad you're here dude i want to settle this austin new york beef once it's the gayest i hate it It's like it is like an old person with dimension. Yeah. You go, Hinchcliffe. Let's go. Let's go. The deadliest game. Yeah. Yeah, the LaMare thing was like I didn't even know. I got told like Bush got told the towers got hit. Yeah. I sat down for the regs and they whispered into my ear and I was like. He said LaMare got attacked. LaMare got crushed. We put his tweet at the end of our intro this week. Did you see it? Yeah. No, so did. Oh, my God. LeMere's got full MSNBC brain. I mean, I don't know. It's wonderful. MSNBC brain is crazy because now that means you also have stuck through the shifting, through the trans surgery that the network went through, where it's like, that's my dead name. My new network name is S.N. Yeah. He's all about that shit. Really? I swear to God, if it's on The View, he agrees. he could be the sixth chair just to let you know where LaMera's brain is my grandmother he's the guardian he's the guardian of the mantle he's Kymera my grandmother before she died I want to say like 93 to 97 we should wake up and just blare the view at like 73 volume so I'd be in her I'd just wake up and hear Joy Bayard being like I'm sorry He's not okay. And you're like, look, wake up my grandma's guest bedroom. Like, what the fuck is that? Let me see. That's me. Here, I'll tell you. Alex Jones might be the biggest victim of this Epstein shit because, like, he tried and then he fell for the Hillary shit. And then he kept falling into Epstein traps. Joe Rogan, too. Yeah. Fully concise thought. It makes sense. I can't even decipher what that means. I love that. What do you think it means? I think it's one of those things where you've got to look at it backwards and see the pattern. He's speaking to us strictly in coats. Like listening to Led Zeppelin backwards. He goes, see, it was Dershowitz the whole time. Yeah. He's just telling. That's high level. The only time I talk to the man now is – He's just Maddow undercover in his suit. Just my – My bear is a character. My ring camera – on my ring camera, I see him pick up his Grubhub. So I get to – anytime of the thing, I get to talk to him and go, put the fucking Twitter down, bro. Dude. Delete your Twitter. And he's like, okay, I will. It's so funny. I got some good photos of them scratching. You have a Nat Geo camera of La Mer. It is. It's like those live cameras of Falcons on Skyscraper. You know, ooh, he's eating again. That's him. That's him picking up the pizza. That's so fucking funny. You should put it on the local Facebook group. Has anyone seen this man at the front of him? I filmed him collecting his pizza. Please turn him into Austin Sasquatch. Oh, no. Oh, that's so – You got to make a highlight video. Seriously, too. I love one, man. You got to call him to wake him up, too. He'll order a grub-hub and fall asleep. Yes. And I'll just keep checking the ring camera and be like, dude, your food's still outside. It's been outside for two hours. He's like, I want to fall asleep. You got to do a highlight video to I'm a Boss by Rick Ross and him picking up all the grub-hub. Yeah, that's what he's up to. Excuse me? Why'd you touch my leg, bro? Companionship. Okay. Nothing more. I did that the other night. I ordered McDonald's for the first time in a long time. Which night? Arch has called your name? I think it was Friday. It could have been Saturday. Was I with you? Because you've been putting together some performance. Really? Are you a comment? Yeah, yeah. Well, I will say the whole crew, because we've got to work Monday through Friday. So then Friday rolls around. You go, oh, we're going to back out. Splash. The squad's not used to not being able to drink during the week. You pulled a dastardly trick on Saturday where you were like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm going to go across the street and watch the Flyers game. And you were like, you gave me every indication you'd show up, and then I just started throwing them back. I was sitting alone. I showed up to the bar like 9, 10 p.m. He was already back in bed. He went back to sleep. You ripped him. He was on the game. He got fucking ripped by himself at a dog bar. Did they blame you? He was like, where were you? I kind of told you I was going. I sat down and started drinking. Why didn't you? Why were you there? It would have been nice. I feel like I had something to do. I don't think so. I couldn't have gotten day drunk. No, you were thinking about going to the Sixers. Oh, yeah. They had a little doubleheader at Willis-Horgo. It would have been nice. It would have been nice. But you shit your pants. We can't go to day Flyers games. Yeah, we can. That was another disaster. No, that was funny. I took him, DeRosa, and Beezer to a Flyers game. It's a crew. It is a rough crew. That's crazy. That's like a bank heist crew. It's a terrible crew. That's just all the bad guy from Heat. It's just a whole crew of Lingo's. The whole squad's bad guys. The whole crew is Lingo. You guys are all fucking bad. Well, DeRosa, he was the key to the fall. How did you fall? No, he didn't fall down. I swear. He was doing shots. He's always suggesting. I wasn't drinking at the game, really. I might have had three beers. So then we go to a bar after. I'm talking to Chris. I turn my head for 15 minutes. I look back. He's asleep. He's like, what the fuck happened to you? He's like, DeRosa. How is he asleep? I look to my right, DeRosa's all over. Just a head in the hands. Head in the hands. Do you do the heads up, seven up sleep on the bar? Probably do. Oh, you do little kid pictures? Yes. he's like a sleeping dog he likes that's funny dude taking a little day siesta from boozing that's crazy we went hard the night before yeah and then I made it through the game and into the night and people were taking performance enhancers yeah yeah i refuse yeah i refuse the performance it's great dude adderall hitting the drinking scene was like steroids and baseball in the late 90s you were like motherfuckers were hitting dingers in ways that you were like it's probably responsible for like 75 of the duis yeah yeah i'm absolutely fine you find that data you'll see a spike you're fucking 100 there mentally like i'll drive right now yeah you're totally fine he's witnessed he's witnessed me in my song get out of my body shuts down and off so i'm like dude i'm ready to go if you are like i can't walk we're fucked we got to stay here one of the most embarrassing drunks i've ever been was i did an all-nighter in vegas when i was like in my 20s and my friend and i were gambling late and i was so drunk i dropped a chip it was a hundred dollar chip and the and the guy was like jesus christ and i was like i can't find And he was just like, well, he goes like, I was looking for it. I just remember him going like this. Well, I can't help you look for it. And I was going, it's $100 chip. And I needed to write something down, and I couldn't write. And I was like, this is fucking. I found the chip. Leans get dangerous at that hour, too. Dude, the lean over. Because your vector or whatever is much smaller. You go right off the stool. And I'm not joking. I want to put the time at around 630 in the morning in Vegas. That's terrible. It's a terrible way to go. Yeah. That's like the all pro kick. What? In Mademoiselle. You're like, this could go good. Probably not. When you're falling into the moment of acceptance, there is like a little. There's so much time, dude. When you're drunk full, there's so much time to be like, no way, I'm falling. It fucking kills. Back in the day, Artie Fuqua would just have women with him at the cellar. so you'd like finish a show at the cellar and already be like oh you don't know my home girl and it'd be like two swiss women that you'd be like hey nice to meet you i was blackout and already was like oh my australian friends and they're like we got into all italian drinking you want to go and i goes blackout and i was on the patio smoking a cigarette and i came in and didn't see a table and took a chop block on my right on my right leg where i fucking dude i still remember how long that fall was because i was like whoa it just ate shit but got up quick and was like it was the thing when you check your shin later and you go oh it's just fucking busted but dude i remember that just but and they're like are you all right and they're like i'm at yeah what what did you not see yeah being in westchester in the show recovery you should do recovery it's bringing it back for me big time i used to bite it yeah every every yeah i'll be here in college there's no but there's snow and ice there's everything's a brick sidewalk here so it'd be frozen i'd just be like we're trying to leave a bar i'd fall like 10 times into snow banks like it's tough to get out of it's like a beanbag chair you're getting up hammered oh and a slippery substance here's your original brewski tumble back to the house coming snow spade took the it was the original brewski tumble yeah spade it like blew his fucking eyebrow doing blood's involved it's so it makes it funnier yeah oh my pop-up used to do it like every like three months i was taking brewski dude he's a beat like he would just watch the phillies we go over there sunday and then like every like five to six months the ambulance would come because he'd be out back and he'd just fucking eat shit and he was like 72 so he would Just be bleeding out of his head. I'm okay. I'm okay. And they just bring him to the hospital and bring him back. He's scared. Yeah. I forgot Phil took a brewski tumble recently. He gets fucked up on the deck. He fell on the deck. So it was loud as hell. Oh, my God. The room in the house heard it. He came out and he was laying on the ground laughing. They're like, get up. Yeah. It is like my grandma was in her. We started falling in her 80s. They are less worried about it than you are. My grandma called me one time She was like yeah I fell in the garage She lived by herself and I was like how long were you down there for And she was like 20 minutes And you're like She's like She's on the garage floor and then she's like Just getting up Not today Every trip to the basement is 127 hours She just lives her life I'm ready to cut it off I'll cut it the fuck off Man Yeah, you're lucky if you get old and fall like that. I mean, that's a good life. That must be crazy. Constantly taking basically the equivalent of drunk falls. Say you're 80, you go, this is going to be tough getting out of this chair. Oh, dude. I'm going to fall and die. You just shatter my arm. You just think back to every Christmas on the whole fall. You're like, oh, that one in 96 was real good. You're just fucking heading for the ground. I'm talking about before. My grandma was falling a lot before she died. One of them, she went to turn the faucet on behind her house. She fell behind a bush and got stuck behind her house. She had to wait until the neighbor's kids came home from school and was laying under the bush like, hello, boy. I was like, they probably thought it was a witch. They're probably like, it's so scary. I want to go, that bush is dark. And then you see an old woman's face. So scary, dude. She probably sprinted inside. Help me. Dude, turning off a drippy hose, scary. As a little kid? Yeah. Yeah. You never know which way to turn it. I turned it on full blast every time You just slip in the mud when the mud all wet Yeah We had that going on here Just been jumping through the sprinkler It been going on at my house Really Yeah the water kept shutting off because of the day It was like a suspected leak. It's a sensor now. Yeah, it was a sensor, so it just keeps shutting the water off. Oh, so they don't blow the pipes? Our hose was on for like four days. Damn, you just had a swampy-ass backyard? No, it's frozen. It was just a sheet of ice. It was just a kid fucking standing on the back. So I got that going on. now you know now you know that's something you know I've never been in a house where the water shuts off like that will it kick on if you take a long shower no you gotta I bet it actually would you'd have to take like a fucking hour three hours yeah bro same guy is that the same I just want to reach for you down that relax that happened this weekend this episode is brought to you by Price Picks shoot your shot on Price Picks and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. PrizePix is giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime, and every board that much more exciting. So don't miss the chance to get started on America's number one app for sports picks. How did you feel about the Super Bowl game? Kind of boring. And every decision I made, I was wrong. I was going for high numbers, a lot of touchdowns, stuff like that. I was real wrong on my choices. But I feel like I'm going to be – what about you? What do you think about it? I don't know. I mean, I barely watched it. I was in and out kind of like messing with the kids and stuff. I did one of those like block pool things and all the numbers. You didn't even know what they were. It was all like random, and I didn't do well on that. Double loss. Yeah, it was a double loss for sure. Discuss what sports you're excited about now that the NFL is over. I mean, I'm hype on basketball. I've been hype on basketball. I was trying to get into hockey this year. The Flyers were looking really good to start the season. They stink now, so kind of a bummer. How about the hockey in the Winter Olympics? That'll be fun. That'll be good. U.S. versus Canada. Awesome. Hopefully we got them this time. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you something. The reason I choose prize picks is prize picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections. If you get your picks right, you could cash in. Pick from all your favorite sports. Anything from basketball, baseball, hockey, UFC, soccer, college basketball, tennis, golf, esports, and more. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one Sports Picks app. Download the Price Picks app today and use code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price Picks. It's good to be right. Yeah, so that's basically what's been going on with me. I know I haven't done the podcast in two months, but... That's the update. That's what's going on. Backyards flooded like a sunbearing. Matt's carrying the load right now. Yo, Matt's got it all. That's why he's juiced up. He's got to carry it. I mean, you should... Somebody's got to carry the boats. For what? You guys have Peter T. I wasn't there. That was Matt's boy, dude. That's Matt's boy. That's crazy. Yeah, we had one of the major Epstein bros on. I don't know anything about it. Peter T. He's like a dude who drives you $250,000 to live forever. And he was like, I don't really know much about Epstein. Like I talked to him a few times and like, there's just all these correspondence and allegedly like his kid was dying and his memoir talks about it. And then he was actually just in New York and he's like, yeah, I'll go. I'll come chill. And in his book, he's like, dude, I was just, I was drowning in work. But he's just, he said he was enamored by famous people and he really didn't mean it. And he doesn't know about any of the pedophilia stuff. That getting caught, like your email getting leaked. My text messages got leaked. Bro, somebody was telling me they were going to add the future of what you share on Instagram. I have to explain how it's a joke. Like to each other? No. Yeah. Somebody mentioned that to me. I hope that's not true. That's the destruction of society. An Instagram reel, it'll say who shared it. No, don't do that. Which if that happens, we're in trouble. Don't do that. What do you mean? Like, you know how they do who liked it or who follows you? I have to say who shared this. Maybe the person, but is that the book now? No, not yet. Don't worry. I'm with you. I'm telling you right now, that's the only thing that might get. Dude's kissing is a joke. No one can see that. Dude's kissing is a joke. Dude's kissing is a funny. I think I'm being an aggressive. I think I say yes one to all you guys. Yeah, the juicy booty one? Yeah. That's what I sent back to you. Why are you gay? No, I'm not worried about the gay stuff. Yeah, dude, but that might be the only thing that would blot. Zuckerberg clip. What, emails? No, if they fucking start showing you who shares shit, leave that between us. Let us have fun. Let us have fun. I thought you said if he got on the Epstein file. No, that shit won't get you in trouble. Why is it all just be like 1-0-0-0-1-1-1-1-0-0-0? You're up. Dude, how do you feel? Your boy's on the hill. Your boy Trump. Your boy Trump. All, you know. What are you going to do? could have called that one but you know we don't have to we don't want politics here they say that but at the same time it's like there's other people I like way worse sometimes you get a speed bump I hear you tiny speed bumps people have like messed with me I was like dude I fell for QAnon like what did you expect obviously this shit's going to happen and it's going to get me every time Fadden's a nasty little fucker there Fadden's on there he's like bullies with that yeah oh they like cultivated the culture war they like created it you read it you go i knew it yeah i knew someone smarter than all of us was behind this going like you two should fight yeah yeah oh fuck dude there's like a four hour long interview with him on like pbs that's like incredible really bannon yeah oh yeah america's watched all of his shit rocks his shit rocks he's yeah like starts talking about like cincinnatus and shit like that yes he really is the kind of thing that you like turn on to be like fuck this fucking guy yeah and then you're like oh shit oh man he's a he's a really good dude and he's pretty yeah he's good at yeah you listen to he wouldn't talk though he was a little effeminate a little bit really oh dude there's like he's showing his private eyes like this is my beach uh it's private so no one can come on here this is my pool it's like very yeah might be the ultimate reverse he might have i'm not a pedophile I'm just gay. Might hit the old Spacey. Yeah, I ain't doing any of that shit. For the record, I'm gay. That was the best. Shit rocks. What a move. What a Houdini out of cuffs. How could I be raving women when I like men? I think they were all male accusations. There were still guys. He's like, right? But I'm gay. He should have caused his so-so. He should have crippled. He should have done the reverse. after he got called he'd be like actually I'm fucked up oh no I actually have a lip you can't come after me that's that with Noam Chomsky Noam Chomsky's all over he's just old as balls he's like fucking he looks like some of cats Chomsky's all over Noam Chomsky's all over boy that's not my boy I fucking hate that guy you love that shit I hate that you're a liberal you're a Trumpaholic yes dude he loves liberal history yeah you guys you guys wish you were as sinner as I am I hate Chomsky what a centrist Yeah. I'm so in the center, it's unbelievable. You guys wish. Oh, you mean Chris the Balanced O'Connor? Well, sure, he's for guns, but he's also for fucking universal health care in a way that's pretty taxpayer-friendly. Now you're talking the actual balanced. All right. Guns? This guy screams and cries about guns. Maybe you've changed your mind. Oh, you know. Haven't we shot guns together? Yeah. You guys went to the range? How did I cry? Pro guns? Yeah. When did I have a problem with you? Oh, okay. That's new. Damn. I think we should do something to keep you from shooting up schools. Oh, well, that for sure. Yeah. That's one way to put it. Oh, you're one of those Uvaldi liberals. I bet you think cops shouldn't have Punisher logos on their phone, too, while they're waiting for the green country. It became cool for the libs to let guns, I'd say, five years ago. No, dude. Ice flipped everybody. Now liberals are like, dude, I'm fucking pissed. No, no. Well, that was. Now, the only one I've gone. Punisher skull? Yeah. But the teeth are the rainbow, the LGBTQ. Have you ever watched Punisher logo? With Brenthal or Barenthal Harrison? Yeah, I watched it. Fucking sick. Yeah, it's great. He's got PTSD, which is what he should have. He's just a full fucking vigilante with PTSD. And I, yeah, the scene where you're like. That's check spots for me. I was done watching. And once he put the skull on his chest, I was like, holy shit, cops think this is them. Yeah. There's cops out there like, that's pretty much it. They don't understand that he's in so many edits that cops share on Instagram. It's like, I'm putting the thing on. The Punisher edit. Punisher's a good ass. Season one, good as fuck. It's great. I gotta watch it. I never watched that. The season he did with Daredevil was great, too. I didn't see that one. Season three of Daredevil or shit, where Punisher comes in, fucking rule. Multiverse, a crossover. I used to love the Punisher that had, like, what's the guy from Hong in it? What's that guy? Oh, yeah. That was great. Aaron. Yeah. Is that Aaron Eckhart? No, it was. Ever gay. Kind of looks like him, though. Yeah, but I know what you're talking about. That shit was awesome. Was Hong about a dude with a big dick? Yeah. He's about a gigolo. Oh, okay. I remember I tried it and I never watched it. By the way, that's how bullshit it was. All of his clients were just sexy ladies. Obviously, yeah. It's not like an old, gross, gay dude. Fem cells. Yeah. Obviously, that's every juggalo. Gigalos. I want to watch you. I want to watch you play with your pink pack. Old dudes. You're doing it. Thomas Jane. Yes. Thomas Chainz is beating off for like a dude that looks like the guy that put together NSYNC. I won't touch it. It should have been the pilot episode. Beating off. It's a loo. It's a guy. What's that guy's name? Lou. Witski? No. No, that's fucking. Shout out Bonfire. Don't do that. Pedophile. Lou Whiskey? Pedophile. Oh, yeah. That's such a funny edit. Patriot. Traitor. Retarded. Mental retard. Mental retard. traitor yeah i used to watch tv guide like at night at my cousin's house i would just sit there and watch tv guide wait for hba to come up see if it was tv ma and then it would say hung and i put on like fuck this is gay yeah and then even sex in the city i would turn it on but at what point do they get naked yeah do you really turn it off rarely yeah you missed the golden age it was tough to catch a beat to sex in the city i got it done but it was tough uh mad dog on um what's the a flashing one. Oh. Infomercial one. Girls go wild. Well, that was a guaranteed. Rock hard. Yeah. I had no idea what jerking off was yet. Yeah. Oh, man. It was hard to use. All those years you just go into bed with a full tank. Yeah. I don't know what this is. Oh, my God. But then the first Z's after you pull it, where you go, I think I've just reached a different state of life. now i i was panicked because i did i had no idea what was going on i freaked the fuck out that night of sleep was like the first night you busted yep after i lost it i was like do i need to tell my did i break something oh yeah yeah i just i just laid in bed and i was like i hope the same trip but you had brought hope i didn't do anything i don't know it's like if i wake up tomorrow and everything's fine i know it's a different topic but first time i got a calf cramp while i was sleeping i was like great my season's over I just tore everything in my leg. I don't know what that was, but I'm done. Because you know what's funny is were you dead asleep? Yeah, it was in the morning. And I got a calf cramp. It was either my sophomore year going into my junior or junior. It was the offseason. It was right before football started. And I was genuinely like, season's done. I just tore everything. That's the most painful thing I've ever had. My shit was atrocious because I did have older brothers. and I had a portable DVD player, and I found one of their porno DVDs, which was Busting Up My Butt Volume 2. Shut up. And there was like a bunch of tries, but nothing happened. Then one day it happened, and it was like kind of nighttime. Got immediately scared, thought I was going to hell, so I just sprinted outside and started playing basketball. Yeah, sweat out the soon. I was so scared. I was like, what the fuck did I just do? The only time I've ever been afraid like that from waking up is waking up with the hiccups for the first time. You feel like you're drowning on dry land. It's terrifying. You're like, go to sleep? When you wake up, you go, ah. You woke up with a hiccup? I've done it. Dude, I've done it a while. And you have, like, terrible indigestion. Yeah. And you just got, like, grubbing before sleeping every night. I was basically living with you. I saw the way you grow. I would eat big mac and cheese and go to sleep. Dude, he was eating fucking 50 high chews. Oh, dude, I used to walk through high chews. It's shit. He eats fucking 10 pounds of candy. You might as well eat that curtain eating a high chews. Dude, I was, yeah, it's for real. It's just Japanese rubber that they sent over here. But I would order these big fucking tins of mac and cheese and dump hot sauce on it. And then just at three in the morning, be like. You wake up and you're like, dude, it's fucking terrifying. You're like, uh-oh, uh-oh. I try to go. You're like sleepy, but scared. It's the worst. I've been getting scared waking up a lot lately. I'll just start having crazy running thoughts. My dude, what the fuck is going on? I'll say, man, today's the day you die. You're going to die right now. Here we go. dude i was having a completely fine day yeah i think i had sleep paralysis this week same here when you guys get woke up are you so scared you're just scared you can't do anything no at this point i can i can see it hat like i'll be having a dream and go like i'll wake up try to go back to sleep and i'll start having a dream where like i'm getting i'm about to like fall over i was like you motherfucker i'm about to have sleep paralysis then i have sleep paralysis I can like feel it coming on and go you fuck damn I didn't have the full I just woke up scared as fuck from something I don't know what that was it sounded like something was in my room screaming yeah cause you like think like you always kind of dream a little like two minutes I was yeah it was terrifying you remember that one of you was so terrified but then immediately you go to sleep it's so funny whatever nothing we haven't seen before but then you're like ah you ever have the knock where you're going to sleep and you literally thought someone knocked on the door and you're like looking around like no that would scare the fuck fuck me scares i was i'd much rather wake up with the cups yeah then fucking did a castle door knock just like a it's like a cop knock i'm like what the fuck but i'm just dreaming i told you i had one where somebody walked across my room and it was so real i thought it was my dad i was like no one else is here i was like phil get the fuck out of my room dude he just walked and stood in the corner where it was really dark i couldn't see anything and then it took me like two minutes to be like no one's there this is that was i saw a ghost walk across that's when the fears but for some reason i wasn't scared at all really i don't know why yeah even after the realization yeah you're like no one's in the room yeah no one's in the room probably from that time of the service bro probably skeleton the closet damn you're the punisher if you guys saw what i saw damn you're frank castle you guys have no idea you guys were fucking around in college yeah i was at the point yeah you were yeah you were what year was it oh 07 I was graduating eighth grade my friend Okay I talking about your time in college You went. You fucked off. They said, this is not a man for higher education. No, no. Fuck no. He's not ready for books. Where'd you get? It's time for podcasts. I went to Delaware County Community College for a year. President's list. No big deal. And then Temple, I quit after a year, two years. And I was like, I had to. Two years? It was like three classes. I was like, you can take three classes. It's sweet. So I just took three classes. I was like, physics is fuck. I did a thing where I had a dream about this, that I was going to somehow miss a class. And it was like some second semester or some shit. MLK Day was on that Monday. And I was like, I'm taking a screenshot of my fucking courses so I can just use this every fucking week. And then in physics, they kept talking about this lab that I had no idea what the fuck they were talking about. It turns out I took a screenshot of MLK Day, which we were off that day. There was no class. So I missed a construction safety class and a physics lab for about a month and a half. And then I came to the construction safety thing. I was like, I had no idea I had this class. I passed that one, but I just dropped physics because fuck that. Physics is impossible. You're missing all that time that are coming in and being like, you've learned basic things that I have no concept of. They kept talking about it in class. I was like Beetlejuice in class. I was like, okay. No clue what's going on in the lab in class. Oh, yeah. I went to one lab, and I was like, I got to drop this. Yeah. Dude, when you fucking outkick your coverage in college, you go to – I was like, I needed a class. And I was like, I'll do philosophy. I'm a pretty philosophical dude. Yeah. And I was like, what is it, rationalism? Let's fucking go. I didn't realize Arizona has one of the top philosophy departments in the fucking country. And I took like 400. And it was Rene Descartes. And it was so hard that I was just rereading sentences, and I had to go to the teacher like I was retarded. I was like, I don't understand any of this. He's like, well, you took a couple 100s and 200s. I was like, no. Anyway, how were you able to sign up for this class? I was like, I don't know, brother, but we're here. You said I signed up, therefore I am. Yeah, yeah, there you go. A fucking difference between body and mind, or is there? I don't know. He needs a fuck. Yeah, I'd just smoke camels before I'd go in there, and he just always looked at me like, get out of here. I think I got a D. That's good. Those books are bullshit anyway. I've tried to read them. It's nonsense. Just a French fucking heroin addict. Just being like, am I alive? Are you alive? And they don't write it in a way that's like building an argument. And they say that from the jump. Drugs. Yeah. Old drugs. They didn't even know there were drugs. They thought they were just fucking inspired. supposedly all those grim fairy tale people were on heroin and shit like ansel and granola they were just fucked up on heroin and made all these scary ass that is that makes so much sense if shakespeare two 14 year olds falling in love to the point of suicide is just a guy fucking working out heroin he's like i was in love yesterday and now i'm fucking sweating i'll kill myself she killed herself fuck all this shit yeah that makes sense yeah what if homeless or heroin guys are still hitting fucking scary stories. Absolutely not. In those camps? In those tents? Oh, dude, those are the grandfathers. Yeah, around the fucking trash can fire. I was in a three-bedroom, two baths, a year ago. I had a family. I had a family. I was trusted and loved. Ooh. Ooh, this is too scary. I'm going to bed. Hold on. I got to go before the sun bakes me under this highway. Have you played Stalker, too? No. very good game you should try it i'm all about arc raiders right now i didn't play that i've been hearing a lot about our creators there's a fucking sorry it just reminds me of did you see liverking went to whataburger you got a show the video though i have redemption there's a fucking there's like one moment of silence on the podcast billy billy tried to hit a new topic out of nowhere he just goes great yo did you guys see liverking go to whataburger with his family and order like a huge meal i didn't i didn't sell it with that much authority i was very tired but if You watch it. Is it not crazy? It was fun. It was fucking insane. What happened? What was the total cost? I don't know. He orders everything, but I think it was like when he was going through like a psychosis. He was having a breakdown. It was fucking nuts. And he just kept like fucking saying the weirdest shit to people. Do you think anybody in his family, like when, you know, you've known people go crazy when he locked in on Rogan? Were people like, hey, why don't we just shift off? I don't think, dude. They were riding like in caravans. caravans they were yeah they're like multiple cars together it's crazy driving a super maricard all together in a pole barn and they each have a 65 inch tv this close to their face i would do anything that if that was my dad but i will die liverking does yes it's family bonding time they all have 65 inch tvs literally like a foot away from their face play maricard you would get in a jeep and go and fight i'll take out entire podcast networks went to one of the boys i go through an Austin killing spree for fucking 65 inch Mario Kart. He went to Whataburger and ordered fucking everything. Those kids will probably murder someone for it. Yeah, true. Yeah, that is like. Is he allowed to get toppings on stuff? Is that against his mantra? 3.0. 1.0 was all about that shit. 3.0. Holy Trinity. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. You just got to be happy. You just got to lock it down. Yeah. And do HGH. $30,000 of it a month. A month? It was something wild. Like he was doing like 20 grand of HGH a month. and then he had people like fucking like i think i'm gonna turn my life around honey and buy liver and eat it raw that's the first it's always the first guy yeah this sounds like a great idea this guy looks fantastic yeah liver's so hard on him no pain no gain he's like we're trying to gut it down he's like i'm gonna look like you all right this guy's just like dude could liver king hit a baseball? I doubt it. It'd be fun if you just fucking... That'd be awesome if you got... Angers? He's just hitting like 5'30". Yeah. He's just showing a ton. He's like... That'd be sick. Nah, he's not a fine motor skills guy. No, but I'm just saying... He's running with weights. If he could. You never know, dude. There's no way. The king? The king. There's no way. Not to be confused with... I bet he could throw a dart. I don't think his fine motor skills are all there, and he also has a hurt eye. Yeah, he does have a hurt eye. Oh, yeah. He actually is good, like the superheroes. They have the IP. They have like sitting here. To be Hawkeye. Hawkeye, yeah. Least favorite person. He just threw it. Yeah, just got a bow and arrow. Yeah, he pissed me off. I just watched. I'm going through the multiverse in correct order right now, so I just got to Hawkeye fighting with Thor and them. It's pretty good. With the bow and arrow, though. Yeah, just fucking people up. But all he got is driven by Loki. But does he do anything other than fire a bow and arrow? No, he just got that fucking Hawkeye. He's security. No, he just got that fucking Hawkeye. He's security. but also once they die with a bow and arrow but he's got wild fucking i think he's like some sort of fucking freak ninja or something like that wait somebody should fight him that just has a gun yeah they go hey cool bow and arrow yeah i have an ak-47 look at this hey hawkeye no he's like the comanche dude yeah how'd that turn out for that you were on the whole ran into some fucking gun yeah they ran into iron but it's got next level movement i'm sure yeah can he move it fast or something i don't fucking know honestly i really don't it's just a guy with an archer No offense to him, I just don't like Hawkeye. Nothing against Jaren Rennard. Yeah, Jaren Rennard kind of rules. Yeah, he's cool. I think he got fucked up for a while. He did. He got smushed by like a snowmobile. Yeah. That would kill. A huge one. Did you ever see the size of it? See those cats? He got rolled up on it. Yeah. What? He got rolled up on it. He got smushed. He got like actually smushed. Ever think you could take a car rolling over your foot? Yeah. I think about them is every time a car backs up next to me, I just want to fucking put my foot on it. Quickly, you'd be fine, I think. I think it would just go like, boom, boom. I don't know. I think if it stopped on your foot, you're in fucking big trouble. Yeah, then you're in trouble. That pressure crack. I don't know. Something to think about this week. I've been watching Sri Lanka's Got Talent on Instagram. Who? Sri Lanka, the island nation. That is good shit. So good. Who are the judges? One of them was, I don't know, just whoever, like three fat guys from Sri Lanka. Yeah. They're like, dude, you're fat. You must be so powerful. You have a Warren shirt on. Sir, did you judge this dance competition? Who's the dude? Is that from Street Fighter? he's from Sri Lanka is it Cigar the fucking crazy mullet that's like Blanca is from Brazil he's from Brazil I thought he's from Sri Lanka maybe it's just Blanca I just know from the map selecting him Street Fighter 2 it looks like it's filmed in the parking lot of America's Got Talent like it looks like they were like you guys can go outside this is crazy That's his talent. Wheels flat, bro. He gets run over by a tractor. How do you think he discovered this talent? Over his cheeks. Damn. You got to tune in to Sri Lanka's Got Talent, season three. Yeah, you never think about how worst countries have way better talent shows because it's like basic necessity. Bro, you got to see how bad these talents are. It's like four dudes roller skating. That was one of them. Yeah. This is incredible. How the fuck did you guys get roller skates? Yeah. What? I like the action. I was drinking non-potable water. Look at this. Look at this cloudy cup. It's honestly like fifth grade kids have talent. That's what their moves are. It's like when a kid goes outside, he goes, yeah, I got a bike. I'm going to jump over one trash can and go, holy fuck, this kid's unbelievable. He goes, I bet you I'll eat that. I'll eat any. He goes, see his two words? Yeah. Don't give me an X. I've been getting hit with African skateboarders, like on dirt roads. It's fucking sick. That's nice. Very good. African pro wrestling is what's up. Really? You seen those guys in Ghana? No, I don't think I have. They're doing the mud ring. They do some crazy shit. I like that. Those power bombs on the mud look fucking cool as hell. That's a kill. They're hitting like cool-ass moves, and you're like, these guys aren't doing it with like a ring with any break in it, and you're like, it's great. Is it like mud splash? Yeah, huge mud splash. Like the big Indian guys, fake wrestling, whatever that is. They slap each other's chests. Yeah, you said that. I don't even understand what's going on there. That kills. Yeah, that would hurt. It slapped in the chest as hard as a fuck. taking chops they like jump occasionally they throw like superman slap i see my cousin ajax he's fucking huge and he was up on a ladder on an extension ladder and he either hit a power wash or something like that like pressed it fell back from the top hit the ground i saw him make an imprint in the grass and dirt and got the fuck up really it was the craziest shit i've ever seen was it like do you think he has like drunk driver brain where he was just like relaxed and just went No, Ajax is like an animal. He's like Ajax is a fucking beast. It's crazy to watch him hit and then watch him get that. Got right up. Wait, didn't he crush a burrito? What was it? Oh, he used to crush burritos all the time, but he'll drink a whole pot of coffee cold. What? Yeah. Hey, guys, really quickly, please, for the love of God, come out this weekend. Las Vegas, Nevada, the Palazzo Theater. You guys are a last-minute town. You do this to me every time I come there and you just you buy tickets like two days before and it makes me nervous. Please come. And that's that's this Friday night, 2-13-2026, 2-14 Valentine's Day. I'll be at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado. It's looking pretty solid, but, you know, just come out. If you don't know about it, you're hearing about it. If you want to come, come. And then after that, I'll be in Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Indianapolis. I'll be in a bunch of places. Go to mattmccusker.com for tickets, please. And just please come to Optimal Noctis. Me, LaMare, Sean. It's always a good time. The next one is February 17th at the Creek in the Cave. You can get tickets on creekinthecave.com. Please. And LaMare's mom will be at this next one. I mean, come on now. Mrs. Lee will be at the next Optimal Noctis if that sells you. and i'll also be in salt lake city with nathan march 27th and 28th i believe tickets are at sean gardini.com this is sean gardini thank you so much also go to lincoln financial field for shane show oh yeah you see shane that's gonna be very very sick and hey guys i'm looking at the seat map right now don't think like oh get around to it this is gonna sell out i'm looking at it it's pretty close to sold out so you better go shane m gillis.com that's awesome all right and we're back what a wow what a great what a wow what a great audience wow oh i haven't talked since we did the garden that was fun fucking awesome yeah thanks for having me that was so fucking fun you were saturday right yeah yeah yeah i was friday's yeah i heard that friday was bananas right it had to be saturday i lost my voice but friday ruled friday was crazy because um it was me che a tell then louie but i've never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like louis where david tell went louis ck and everyone went yeah and then they saw him and they were like it was crazy like they didn't believe it they went like yeah louis ck's here then you see him walk up the steps and everyone was like yeah it was awesome holy shit it was fucking really cool we also both went thursday for scouting report yeah we both watched funniest shit was santino was going first on thursday and i got coffee with him because originally i was supposed to go second on Friday and I'm like I had like I'm going second confidence where I'm talking to Santino on Thursday I go dude going first is fine you just go up there fucking lay on the jokes you'll be great Santino's like all right all right and then I go there and Shane goes hey you're going first on Friday and I was like fuck immediately walked in and I was like how was it he's like it was good he's like after he went no you go first I was like oh and you had to stretch did you know yeah yeah i laughed it off did i tell you that natalia came and went like this and i went yeah because i was like you're in the round and you're like yeah there's no chance if somebody if somebody walked out while i was on stage at the fucking garden was like do more time yeah yeah and i was like zero thanks just finished the joke and i went no and then i came back around and she was like and i was like i would be in my head to be like that has to be a bit did you guys see liverking i thought he was fucking with me there wasn't where i was like what is this because yeah joke is this this is where ali fought frazier what are we doing here it was cool as fuck shay old mikey jay he was a little animal i know i mean dude to show up late shows up late in the dips yeah i didn't even show up late killed and then left i went after uh when you went up i was watching you for a while then i was like came back and i was like where the fuck is jay like he laughed after a snack you're like he's crazy oh my he's dropping to his set go it's got another spot i did new york comedy club the garden and then uh fucking the stand late but it was dude that was fucking awesome that was that was can i tell you my favorite part was cath and i were watching for one of the secret hallways and it was when you were shit talking sarah then you were like she fucking terrorized me and then i see shango that bitch is here tonight He says it on stage, and he goes, and he brought her daughter, that little bitch is with her. He's talking shit, and then Sarah walks up as we're standing there, and I go, did you hear him talk shit? And your sister went, oh, we deserve everything. She's like, we were horrible to him. They suck. He was so funny watching her go yeah whatever Let talk shit to the whole guard It a good leg back I knew it was coming I didn think it be this but I knew it was coming Hey what sweet revenge Watch it click in your head to go nice to see you now Oh, yeah. You fucking bitch. You giant fat bitch. It was crazy. That was very fun to watch. Yeah, it was awesome. Voss, man. Yeah. Big Voss out there. That was great. It was great, dude. Colin Quinn. It was fun to see Voss be nervous. Yeah. Before this, he was so nervous. Should I tell you something that I don't know if he'll admit, but. In a good way. Louis was nervous. Everyone was. Everyone was nervous. It was crazy to watch Louis, though, but, like, I was standing there, him being like. Especially, you're like, a tell was killing. A tell was killing. A tell was killing. Yeah, that hurt. A tell called the subway Lord Choo Choo. He must be fed. It was so funny. It was like, if you're a tourist, go down, ride the subway, get assaulted. Lord Choo Choo needs blood. He was just like, he just looked like a homeless guy that went up there and fucking killed for free. It was so sad. Yeah, dude. He was the man. But then Louie went up, and it was great. It was fucking really cool. Yeah, I like having all those guys. People are like, aren't you worried to follow all those guys? It's like, no, I mean, they're going to bury me. It's just I want the people to pay to go to an arena and be like, that shit was cool. Yeah. It's less pressure on me. Did Attell hit the recorder? No. No. He did hit a recorder. The recorder would have been nice. I mean, dude, I used to hear him playing that during COVID when we were doing outside shows. I swear to God you would take a corner and you're like and you'd be like a tell is near if I was like tracking him like you hear him you'd be like a tell is near the corner it's like Grand Theft Auto when you hear a mission go ah I'm not doing it yeah no fuck that I don't want to do that one that was cool as fuck man three nights at the garden that was sick yeah it did suck I got sick on Saturday you couldn't tell everyone said you couldn't tell I couldn't tell and I was in my head the whole time I forgot how many fucking impressions I do. I'd start a joke and be like, great. I scream in this joke. I scream in like 10 fucking jokes. Dude, there's nothing funnier than a gay act out getting killed by you being like, no voice. Yeah. You're like, I really, in that moment you go, I really am gay. Those moments where you're doing a voice and you can't because you're sick. You're like. It's just any time bombing an act out. You're like, I am the fucking gayest dude alive right now. Oh, my God, dude. The funniest shit that I used to love to watch on YouTube was comics bombing with act-outs and then having to get off the ground. Oh, laying down? Yeah, laying down joke. And then they get up and they go, so anyways, that's just kind of – that's what that's like. That shit always fucking deals with. People laying on their back and talking into the mic and no one laughing and then having to stand up. Stand up? I've seen it. I've seen it. You've seen it a million times. Not knowing the floor is dusty as fuck. It's just covered in stuff. Especially like a black comic doing like an act hour. He's like, and then I get popped. It pops up and then it's on. He's like, how y'all doing tonight? A lot of beautiful women here. Oh, ladies, y'all look beautiful. It doesn't look so long. Yeah, I saw a guy hit the lay down bomb at McGoobe's. Getting heckled while laying down. Jesus. Laying on his back, getting heckled. Get up. Do that. You suck, asshole. Yeah, all right, mister. hey whatever fuck you dude just laying down on the goobies just looking up at a fucking ceiling of a comedy well here i'm gonna kill myself in timonium never thought i'd blow my head off in timonium maryland dude last one of the last times i was in high school tonight i tried finding a ps4 controller this was like a couple years ago and i drove all over timonium looking for that mall there went to the game stop yeah we got into it with the guy i was like i need a playstation 4 controller he's like we don't sell him and i was like how how you're fucking game stop and he's like sir you're cursing at me he hit the don't curse at me in the store i mean how your fucking game stop is it's a little aggressive yeah i would have gone how was it like ps5 out or like it was like ps5 was not out yet but they like only had the controller it was one of those times where you couldn't get a ps5 like i think that might have been out but only in stores were like the controllers for them and i was trying to get a ps4 controller i was like dude i need a ps4 saying did you break the other one uh no you throw a pick no i don't break stuff anymore after after i moved out with the punching table i don't punch stuff actually you know what stopped me from punching it was terrifying you got a glass table no katie katie bought these uh ikea fucking tables and i put my hand through one and her reaction from the other room was so i was so embarrassed by it uh i think it might have been madden it might have been madden and i think i threw a pick six to end it and i fucking came i came down with a hammer fist on it it just broke the table and just her from the other room going what was that struck me in a way as an adult that i was like i went on ikea and ordered one immediately they were 12 bucks yeah so it wasn't that bad it was 12 out of the table yeah fine you eventually you're gonna put a cup down on it this thing's gonna explode and just wear swell up just that like hearing your groan it like now me back to reality that i was like oh the what said oops that goes gravity i mean we just happened to hear your grown woman go by watching you guys watching me spazz out didn't affect me at all. I've said it 10 million times. Your spaz on DeRosa is my favorite spaz. I think he's the only person to be able to get me to that. He can get anyone to go like, what's your fucking stop? My nephew just did this to my niece. Really? I got him Super Nintendo for Christmas and they're all playing. He died and she laughed at him. He just went, you're the fucking head. They had to break him up. I was like, bro, you gotta fucking chill out and he immediately got even more pissed off so i didn't hit her like we just saw you hit mario gets you so angry video that's a different anger it is it's a different i've hit a new angry i just rage quit yeah i just hit home screen immediately shut the fucking thing i mean throw a pic i go i'm done the way that people cope for most of their life as they go the computer's fucking yeah it's crooked dude i remember big j would hit me with that when i'd he beat him in Madden, he'd go, the computer likes you more. You're like, what? You think this is a popularity contest with a computer? Dude, I had a meltdown the other night in Hell That Loose. I got into building. I got into building, like, fortresses. I'd love to learn how to do that. Yeah, so I was just running supplies for, like, 20 minutes to just dump a million supplies. I was, like, starting to build a fortress, and then all the other engineers came and started building shit. and this guy just put a piece of barbed wire fence and like butt fucked it so hard. And I was like, no! That isn't a lot of work though. And it's not... It probably ran for like an hour. Yeah, it's not important. No, I was driving the supply truck. Damn. Yes, it's also, that's crazy to play that game and be like, I'm going to be the supply truck guy. That's wild. I see no action, dude. You just literally just drive the truck. You gotta start dressing up in the fucking regalia. No, it was a perfect point. I was building sick bunkers and shit everywhere. Like we had the whole thing defended. We just needed to close off this one side and this motherfucker just put – and you can't dismantle barbed wire. You have to like blow it up. And it was like – Just for the game to end. Yeah, yeah. And that guy knew what he was doing. He was like, watch this. That's always frustrating. We were getting a tank. You got to drive the length of the battlefield out of the ends. Yeah. I just did that in Call of Duty. I've just been using a bazooka over and over. I don't have my headset. And the dude was just like, why don't you stop fucking shooting and stuff and take down a UAV, you fucking asshole? I just fucking went over and over there. I had an officer try to steal one supply truck and I shot him in the head. Really? Yeah. I was like, get your own, dude. Talk to the commander. Get another. Yeah, Vietnam's going to be nice. Yeah, it's going to be nice. Hell, I lose Vietnam. Really? You like me and the O'Connor? I don't do one. I mean, I'll play. It's weird. I get into video games, but I have to be recommended them. Yeah. I have to be. Stalker 2, you'll fucking play the show. I mean, Ark Raiders was the thing I got at New Year's, and I fucking love it. But motherfuckers just camp out and kill you when you're about to leave in the elevator. They just rat your ass. I heard it's awesome. I got recommended that game. I was thinking about getting it. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. You can team up, right? Oh, yeah. Go on a team of threes. Go trios, bro. Gabe's doing Twitch. That would be nice. Yeah, Twitch. Tarkov on Twitch. Gabe Davis. I got into Twitch. I never got Twitch. It's hilarious. It's so... Oh, watch people play? I watched it last night. Twitch is nuts. Yeah. I just watch games. You can watch all types of shit. Nobody's watching it. There's like people with zero views. It's awesome. Do you know how much you can fuck with someone? If you just go to their thing and then give them like a hundred bucks. Oh, they'd be like, Shane Gillis is getting a hundred bucks. There you go. Anyways, you guys are going to see here. It's a zero views. It's I've looked at it last night. A lot of it's girls doing like ASMR. And I, I clicked one report. And I like almost entered the, I think I entered the chat, but I don't think, I don't think it shows your name, but I panicked. Wow. Wow. Oh, there he is. Welcome back. It's fun, man. I never even knew that thing existed. Yeah, I set it up. I was trying to stream on it for a while. That would have been fun. I'm a mod in Gabe's Twitch. Yeah, I just kick everyone out to talk shit. I like that. Yeah, it's fun. Kick his fucking brother out. You just talk him shit? Yeah, because Gabe keeps saying he's going to beat me up. I say, Gabe, I'm going to literally pay someone to kill you. he was he was you're not gonna ban people that like Gabe that's referred he was playing and kept just messaging Gabe remember our time in Cleveland that was so much fun remember what we did in Cleveland he's fucking freaking yeah he doesn't he doesn't take kindly to it I get in there I say show holes show cheeks show your feet he's like what the fuck is wrong with you also with the lighting yeah headset it's very I was just trying to get him to kill his teammates he won't shoot I mean one of the hardest you've ever made me laugh was when I started playing Red Dead Redemption 2. And I went to the bathroom, and I come back out, and Shane has my controller unpaused, and he's aiming my gun at my horse's head. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like, I'm going to kill your fucking, I'm going to kill Night Shadow. He's like, I'm going to kill Night Shadow. I had a black horse. He's like, don't you kill my black horse. He came in and he was a hostage. It's a custom name. He named it Night Shadow. He sat tight in Night Shadow. What a cool name for a horse. That's why I wanted to kill it. No, what a cool name. Destroy something beautiful. No, it is beautiful. So you admit it's beauty. Night Shadows. No, that's weird. With a white man. You're in high as fucking queens and naming your horse Night Shadow. Take me back. Sure. Take me back. I agree. Take me back to the innocent time of riding around Night Shadow to St. Denis. Oh, old St. Denis? Yeah, we had some times back then. Yeah, dude. Find the vampire in St. Denis. I would love to. I would love to. I want to go into that game, but I feel like I'd get swallowed by it. You should. Red Dead Redemption is awesome. You never played it? No. Dude, what? Yes. Yeah. But I really want to do the thing where I just want to open a general store and run. You get to that. You get to that. You can do some shit like that. I want to just be a good businessman in town. I'm with you. I'm trying to play Fallout. Anytime a new season of Fallout comes out, I just play the game. And I forgot I don't play the game. I just scrap metal and try to build forts. Crack it. I'm literally on the first level. Yeah. I'm on the first level. All air converters. I just get under doors. All seven extra. For real. I just scrap metal barrels. I can build a gun turret. You just play a meth head of the game? For real. I can get in that fucking soul house. You can take meth. You can take, yeah. Yeah. I get addicted, yeah. And then you have withdrawals if you can't find it. Really? Yeah. I'm addicted to jet and scrap metal. So fun. I play it for hours. And then I go, I didn't beat one level. On arc graders, you can hit yourself with stimulant. So you don't have it. But the other players are here. So they'll run ahead of me. And you hear me going. Just me being like. I'm just hopping up and down, and it's like, ugh. Every time I fucking hit it. Every time I hit the stimmy. Were you good at that cyberpunk game? No, I never played it, though, because it came out and it was too shitty. Yeah. It had dongs, though. You choose your dong size. Yeah. Fucking nuts. Do you know what I found out about the Olympics? Do you know those ski jumpers? Yeah. Do this shit where when they're getting fitted for suit, they, like, shoot something in their dick to make their dick bigger. Yeah. And then they get fitted for their ski jump suit. What do you mean? Why? So they have extra flat. So it carries them farther. It carries them like nine feet farther. They were like, and that's why make that a little bigger. Because it's illegal. It's illegal. You got to go in and in. You got to have a fake dong. Is that a sock in there? Yeah. It can only be a, it can only be a, it can only be a, it can only be a, it can only be a, it can only be two rolls of socks in an other sock. It can only be so much bigger than your actual body. It's just a remote. It's a cucumber and tinfoil. So you got to have a big dick to be, I mean, just one more hurdle from me becoming a great ski jumper. Yeah. I know how gravity was better, But if dick's on, there's no injection. What they do is they inject it to make it puffier, puff out, and then when they're competing, their dick's normal again. I would just go inside my body and not make my dick bigger. That'd be huge, like, fuck it. Just go get super embarrassed and have your dick tiny. Well, can you just crap your pants and have it sag? I should probably cut weight. That's what she just gained a ton of weight for the suit fitting, and then you have to do the opposite of it. Yeah. Very fat for the event. He's not fitting in the back. He's weak as hell flying down that thing. And then take it out. I like it. That's a good ass idea. I don't know about you guys. I've been watching some figure skating, and some of those guys have nice asses. Every single one of these little twinks that gets up there. The quad guy? Yeah. I watched the quad guy do that. Dude, he looks great. He looks like he can fly. Like, he looks like if you were like, his mom's a fairy. You'd be like, oh, yeah. His backflips and shit? He landed one footed? His number one rival is just this little tiny Japanese man. It's a good battle. I don't know if you watched their short program. I did today. On the team. The Japanese man took a little stumble, and they didn't fucking penalize him for shit. I was talking about the team one. The team one, he was flawless. Quad God, though, hitting those backflips. Well, apparently those don't do shit for you. Really? Yeah, that's not part of the... He just rubs you in the other. It's part of the... There's like... Because of how gay the sport is, half your points are like dancing. Yeah, you have to like... presentation and shit one of them and the moves are just half your we're like sense we're just who's gayest how are they not busy as fuck i went on a right beer you go around type thing at a park the other day dude if i roll if i do a neck roll if i do a neck roll i'm dizzy yeah i gotta sit down i cut my nephew put me on so i spin around i got off that's hilarious like oh fuck it was like three minutes of dizzy and they always try to say do that thing you look at a spot like you snap your head around and come back to the spot. That makes it worse. Spinning my head fast. That's when you take a long tumble. Take a brewski tumble. Here we go. We're fucking going in. All right. It's a great scene. Great time to go eat dinner. What do you guys think about getting some dinner? You want some lemon meringue? I'm going to fuck up some lemon meringue. You want some meatloaf? Where's the lemon meringue spot? One out of two ain't bad. Don't worry about it. All right. Sick. See you guys soon. I'll try to do this again. Sorry. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.