Yellow Peril & Cave Butter

Hey, what's up, bad friends? I am on tour. I'm back out on the road. First up I do San Francisco. Sadly, that's sold out. I think there's a wait list now. Brea, Southern California. Brea Improv, come out and see me, Brea. Then I'm gonna be at the Tempe Improv out there in my old stomping grounds of ASU. I'm gonna be in Hammond, Indiana, right before Thanksgiving. I'm gonna be at Caesars, Windsor, and Ontario, Canada. Then I'm going to Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City at the Borgata, that's getting close to being sold out. Valley Center, Harris Casino down in Valley Center, which is near San Diego, Canyonville, Oregon, over there during Valentine's Day. And then I'm gonna be at the Wind Casino in Las Vegas in March of the new year. So get your ticket to andressantino.com, andressantino.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. Woo! You two are disgusting. Woo! You two are something. We're bad friends. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. Yes he is. I went for a hike today, and I had to carry my dog up half of the hill. She's getting old. Oh no. My heart break. It is so funny. She's getting to the point now where she just lays down when she's over it. You know when dogs like sit and they just won't get up cause you're like, come on, come on. She just lay down in the dirt. I was like, please get up and go, please, can we go? And then she just looked up, I was like, I'll pick you. How old is? 36. Wow, that's good. That's really good. She's gonna be nine, I think. So I made the decision. She's an old dog. We have a dog named Remy. Eyes completely white. You're gonna do it, aren't you? You're gonna put her down? Okay, spine crooked. Dude bro, what? No, but when a dog's eyes significantly, stress or fear when they have. Completely blind, Remy is deaf, crooked spine, right? Won't leave his bed, right? So the vet said, you guys might wanna start thinking about. Don't put him down. And I go, we're doing Christmas. We're doing Christmas. I go, we're doing Christmas. Well put him down on Christmas. Maybe in January. Put him down on Christmas. Yeah, but when I told Jules that information two days ago, we all just started crying. I know. I don't wanna hear it. What? You don't wanna hear the cry? I don't wanna hear how you cry. Woo. And then you start thinking about your other animals because I have seven of them. They're all gonna go. And it's just devastating. But we're all gonna go. Yeah. I wanna do that full body scan thing you were talking about. Yeah, I gotta do it too. Because we know a comic that had that done and they found a little something. They found a little something in our friend. I wanna do a full body scan. Carlos, you should do a full body scan. Yeah. I just got health insurance this summer. I'm excited. Is that the first time you've ever had it? No, not since I got dropped off my parents like 11 years ago. Your parents disappointed in you? That's what it feels like. No, I think they're- How could they look back at their lives and you and they go, oh, we're proud? Yeah. Because I'm not like, I'm not dead. Yeah, you didn't die. Yeah. I don't work like a- I'm proud of you. You are? Oh yeah, the glory holes. You know what I mean? The stuff's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very cool. I kept this job. I kept this job. I've almost died and survived. I kept this job. Yeah, that's true. Is this the longest job you've ever had? Yeah, 100,000%. Yeah, dude, since I got- Have you thought about quitting ever? No, never. I love this job. You do? Yeah, I love it. You got the, like the fame. That's not why- That's why it is made. That's projecting. That is projecting. I don't like the fame. Oh, you don't. I don't have, get any fame. Well, I do, but you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't bask in it. Here's how much Bobby hates the fame. When I said, where'd you go see the movie that we're talking about? He goes, the Grove. The most look at me, look at me, look at me location. The Grove of all places to go see a movie. That's like being like, I went to Universal Studios. It's- Chap-N-2. I know, it's the busiest. You love that. Yeah. I go to the little quiet as far away- No, you go to the hipster one where all the hipsters say, what's up, man, with their fancy mustaches. I go to Burbank. No, you don't. I do. I shouldn't say that. You went to Echo Park or something. No, I go to Burbank. Where did I go to see this movie? Yeah. Lemily on Sunset, 8,000 Sunset. Yeah. That's because I had dinner down there. And it's- Already? Can I just say something? And it's the only one that had an 8 o'clock. When your lips tighten up, dude, you're starting a fight. You know what it is. It's because my lips are sunburned. Oh, okay. I went to, I usually go to Burbank because I like it, it's quiet. And there's four theaters up there. Have you noticed that they've cut down the Nicole Kidman video? Yeah, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. It's too long of a walk. It's too long of a walk. Too much talking. Too much. Right? The audience goes a little too haywire for me. But then Friday night, when I saw one battle after the next, it was just one thing she said. And I was like, that was perfect. That is good. Editing. You know the scene where they're like, put away your cell phone, done and the other thing. I went down to watch a movie in Englewood. Yeah. They run a different pre-roll down. Different pre-roll. Like take out your cell phone, turn that shit on. Text and FaceTime, the whole time the movie going. Yeah. It was not as loud as you can. It was not as loud as you can. The vital moment. Walk out to P4 five more times. Yeah. Yeah, it was different down there. Start at right, start at right, start at right. You know what else I'm tired of? Actually, wait, this reminds me of the first time. I went to go see Belly in the movie theater. Remember Belly? She's bringing up Belly. He probably doesn't even remember Belly. Look at this movie. I went to go see this in a tough neighborhood. Yeah. And spoiler alert, DMX gets killed pretty early on. And a black dude in front of us stands up and he goes, oh, hell no! And they walked out. They wanted DMX in the whole fucking movie. That's what I do when Michelle Yao dies early. Oh, hell no! I go, oh, fuck no! No, so I'm tired of- God, Belly was such a good movie. The Coca-Cola commercials with the two people. Right, and then also, they're race car driving. And then all of a sudden, they're dancing. Right, and then all of a sudden, they're basically just in love on the middle of a New York street and they hit the coax together. I hate that one. And it has nothing to do with it because they're black. It has nothing to do with it. If they were white, it would annoy me too. I don't know, maybe it wouldn't. No, no. Well, I met this girl at the comedy store. It was Thursday. Okay. Pretty. Yeah? Yeah. And then she was like, then she's kind of made out with me in the hallway. Just started making out with you. Well, we talked a little bit, had cigarette, right, about her drink. Like the Coke commercial. Just like the Coke commercial. And then we race cars and we started dancing. It was crazy. It's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. One battle after another, though. That's one of the best movies I've seen. Best movies I've ever seen. Also, underrated as far as comedy goes, it won't be considered a comedy, but it absolutely is a comedy. It's an action movie, but it's a comedy for sure. Yeah, I find Leo, because of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood too, I think he was very funny in that at times. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think that it's, because he plays it real as well. It's interesting. They're funny situations, but he's such a good actor. And when you play it real, That's when it's funny. That's when it's super funny. He's not like, it's not like, it's not like, you know, like a Will Ferrell character that he's supposed to be, he is just being funny. Cause this one, the situations are very honest, but the reaction is funny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And Benicio was great in it. So good. How old is Benicio Del Toro at this point? Let's take a guess. Okay. I thought maybe almost 60 by now, 60 gotta be. 62 is my guess. Do you wanna guess, Bob? Well, I remember when he first came, when he did usual suspects, I was at the Mondrian. I was a doorman. But how old was he then, 30? But he's seen my age, but he was like on fire cause it was him and Michael Rappaport wearing that Mondrian. I see them like dancing with these hot chicks. And I remember just sitting there by myself with a Diet Coke sipping going, oh my God, that's the new Hollywood. Oh, I wanna ask you this, this is interesting. These newer theaters, these nicer movie theaters now, it's not just the old school snacks. The upgrade is crazy. Crazy. Bro, they had, we had, what's it? Raisinets. That's old school. Fuck. Let me guess, let me guess. No, no, no, this is just insane. They had those high end dark chocolate bars with mixed in like raspberry flakes and all that stuff. And I was like, I'm not getting at the fucking movie theater. And she was like, let's just get it just with their popcorn. I can't go back. The dark chocolate with like the raspberry, like the lint chocolate bars, you know those? They had those on display. They had 10 different flavors. I was like, I'll get three or four. How do you get the butter at the bottom of the bucket? Say it again. How do you get the butter at the bottom of the bucket? Well, you're gonna think I'm a psychopath. No, but, because I don't know how to do it. Because I squared a cup of butter. I get a side cup for a fountain and I put butter in it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? And then I eat the popcorn and I sip the butter. Whoa. Like a shock, like a chaser, a chaser. A chaser, a chaser. A butter chaser. A butter chaser. But how do you do it, do you move? Sometimes I try to move it. Or you put the butter on top and you do a shake. Like what do you do? How do you get the butter on the bottom? Do you want my secret? Yeah. So you get the bucket. You can't get the bag. The bag is an issue, right? You get the bucket and you go, hey, can you fill that up just below the line? I know, don't overflow it. And they fill it up just below the line and you go, can I get a second bucket? I'll pay for just an empty bucket. And I put the bucket on top of the bucket and I shake it like a salad and then mix it all up. And I just throw. You really do that? Yeah, I throw away the second bucket. That's ingenious. It's that or the bucket or the butter shot. I do a butter shot too. I'll take a little cup. Yeah, okay. Take a little butter back. Yeah. A little popcorn butter back. What kind of butter is it? It seems like oil. It's oil butter. It's oil. Yeah. Well, it's also been sitting in that vat for about 40 days. There's no way they clean it. It's not good for you. You know that's how I got sick in college, right? What? Oh, I got. Butter? My buddy, Colin and I, I could call him. My buddy Colin and I got food poisoning during finals week of college. We went to go see a movie with our buddy, Colorado John. And John was the only guy that didn't eat popcorn. He's like, no, I don't want popcorn, man. And we shared a bucket of popcorn and we got so fucking sick. How do you get food poisoning from popcorn? From the butter, the butter. From the butter. The butter spoiled. The oil butter. The butter spoiled. Oh my God. The doctor was like, what did you eat? I went down the list. I was like, dude, I had ramen, which literally doesn't go bad. Ramen lasts about nine million years in that packet. I go ahead, ramen for lunch. That's all I ate till we got to the theater. And then Colin had a totally different meal. We both were sick for two full days. I lost like nine pounds. It was insane. Wow. I look good for finals. I wasn't wearing my shirt off. A, B, C. Yeah. Dude, I was sick. That's the sickest I've ever been food poisoning. And the doctor concluded, he was like, well, it had to been the, did you put butter? I said, yeah, of course we had butter on the bottom. He goes, that's a deep brother. That's a hundred percent what it was. You know, it's also a college campus movie theater. The fucking goons work in there are stoned to the bone like us. They're not paying attention and cleaning shit. Dirty, dirty, dirty. So if you go to major domo, they used to, they used to have cave butter. There's a cave somewhere in California where they get the butter. What are you talking about? Butter comes from cows. No, there's cave butter. So it just organically grows in the cave? You know, there's like a bat in there. I don't know what it is, but like. Major domo cave butter refers to cave aged butter from Crown Finish Cave served at David Chang's restaurant. That's what I'm saying. Right. Right. So what I'm saying, and you can taste the difference. Because it's from a cave. Yeah, it's definitely cave butter. What is it? No cave butter when it's. It's just, they store it in a cave. That's all it is. No, that's what I'm saying. I didn't say it's from the cave. There's not one cow in there going. How funny if there was just a cow in cave? He's exhausted. They're milking them all day long. Leave me alone. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, is you take fancy butter like that. Right. And then you put that in popcorn somehow. Ah, this is. Like level it out. No, level out. Because the oil butter is fucking bad for you. Of course. And cave butter is so flavorful. Why don't we just take it to the next level? Take it to the next level with the cave butter. How do you do it? Do you condense the cave butter into a liquid form? If you have to judge more. Of course you have to. Well, it can't be that much more. How much is cave butter very expensive? That's like a thousand dollars a bar. Ha ha ha ha. Fancy cave butter. Yeah, yeah. Like elevate the popcorn. We must. At this point it is. Yeah. Frank's gourmet popcorn butter flavored coconut oil. Oh. Yeah. It's a substitute. Now these are all substitutes my guy. But still not elevated enough for me to. OK. But how about this? When you get a candy like an M&M's, you sprinkle that in the popcorn. Yes? No. Insane you don't do that. Do you do that? Everybody does that. You sprinkle them in there, then you get to grab a couple handfuls, then you get some. You'll get one popcorn with some of the M&M's. Because M&M's don't go all the way through. They stick halfway in some of the crevasses. OK. I know I got a good idea. You just you make it so it's like a fucking yogurt chop. Oh. Yeah. So it's just not just cave butter, right? But you put gram. The gram crumb. A little bit of gram crumb. From some toffee, some sort of toffee thing. Maybe candy pecans. Exactly. If you're getting nuts, candy walnuts are getting fucking insane. But you put the butter in first so that all the other stuff sticks to it. I like this. Right? What do you think? Maybe a blueberry. You know it's a stretch, but I like it. I like it. One blueberry. One blueberry. In the bottom of it, you have to try to find it. And your partner goes, you got the blueberry? Yeah, there was only one in there, you know? That's good for good luck. That's for yeah. That's actually a good idea. Elevate the popcorn. What else can we elevate in there? Yeah. Well, they do. Like at Lemely's, they have a full bar, which I think is insane. That you can just get like a cocktail with it, which I thought was kind of crazy. That's nice. No drinking, but still. Garrets is good. I see that. You got to elevate the popcorn, man. We got to move on up. Yeah, let's move on to popcorn. We're running thin on that. And also then the snacks, the snacks, though, the snack game is very, what's William Sonoma? What's this? Opal Pop? $50 popcorn. And Bobby's going to love it. Yeah, that's it. What is that? Williams and Sonoma makes Sonoma popcorn gift set. No, no. That that's the bowl thing you're paying for. It's not for the popcorn. Yeah, yeah. Glad I didn't get it. Yeah. This guy was just going to buy it. Is there elevated corn? Google is there elevated corn. I'm really getting into this. We're trying to get to the next level of popcorn. Yeah, yeah, it starts with the corn. Cave corn. Ooh, there can be elevated, significantly taller corn. No, that's not what we're talking about. Yeah, is there fancy corn? Is there fancy corn? Is there Andres corn? Yeah, organic fancy corn. Is there? Yes, there is fancy corn. Yeah. It's you referred to corn in multiple. Indian corn. Oh yeah, Indian corn is fancy. We need Indian corn. We need Indian popcorn. Because they're different colors. They're going to be mad at us for appropriating that as well. Look at that. There's Indian corn. Yeah, you use Indian corn, cave butter. Indian corn with cave butter. Popping, right? Imagine. I just sounded like John F. Kennedy. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. So I mean. Indian popcorn with cave butter. With cave butter and also all the fixings. And sea salt. And sea salt. Dude, that's what I'm saying. Elevate the shit. Kosher sea salt. Yeah, dude. Imagine. Wow. I think we should. Imagine. Imagine. We can elevate the menu at a movie theater. I think we can. I don't know, dude. It's time. It's time, dude. I will say those Coke machines they have now have every flavor of everything on Earth, and it's fucking amazing. I refuse to do the flavors. You're out of your fucking mind. I refuse to. Cherry Coke is phenomenal. If you get a diet fucking Coke, and you put a sugary cherry thing, it defeats the purpose of the diet part of it. You're still getting sugar. What do you mean? They do fake sugar. They do not have the diet of everything. Yeah, they do fake sugar now. They do aspartame versions of all of it. Oh, really? So it's not real sugar? No, it's fake. OK, well, then I'll do lime. You have them both. Yeah, they have both. Look at all the options. I want one of those at my house. Yeah, that's a great thing. That's one of those things. Like, I had a friend in high school who's a super rich kid, and we go over to his house. In his basement, he had a Coke bottle machine. We could get Coke by the bottle. Oh, my God. You hit it, if it dispensed. We drink like nine Cokes a day. Oh, my God. My colleague Culkin movie, where he gets a million dollars. Brewster's Millions? Put the McDonald's in your house. Yeah, the McDonald's in your house? Yeah. I was hankering this morning, by the way, for a Sausage Egg McMuffin. I almost went to MacD's for one. Sausage Egg McMuffin's the best thing in the fucking world. I think so, too. It's so fucking good. Amen, dude. You slide that hash brown inside? I don't do that. No, you know. You don't put the hash brown inside the Sausage Egg McMuffin? No, but I love the Sausage. It'll change your life. It won't change my life. I'm telling you, why eat it separately? Yeah. Why eat it out of it? So if I do that, the light, it'll turn completely bright. Imagine. Right, and I'll have a spiritual awakening. What the fuck are you talking about? You'll see in color for the first time. Yeah, no, I don't think so. But I think it'll be good. It's phenomenal. OK. Here's what you do. You want a real little secret topper. They sell Taco Bell hot sauce now in the grocery store, which my fridge has five of them in there right now. Honestly, of all the hot sauce. Diablo? They sell the fire. You can get hot fire. Look, there they are. Yeah. Taco Bell hot sauce sold in the store, in the bottle. We buy that shit. I put that on everything. It's good? That on breakfast. Do you not like Taco Bell hot sauce? It's so good. I just pack it. I don't really think about it. Oh, brother. Really? When you go to Taco Bell, you don't use it? I use Diablo or fire, yeah. But I don't think, oh, this is an amazing hot sauce. Oh, no, no, no. It's not that it's amazing. It's the flavor is just good. The flavor's OK. But I put that on my breakfast sandwiches. You do? And you know what? Yeah. I bet it is. Yeah. It's a kiss on the mouth. Yeah. Do you ever do the taco? This guy's selling 50 hot sauce packets. That's so funny. That's funny. I bet you people buy it. Do you do the breakfast burrito at McDonald's too? Or no? I've never done the breakfast burrito. Yeah. I'm too scared. It's a tube. I don't like it. Tube of fear. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I call it tube of fear. I don't like it. But this is the thing. McDonald's has been switching up their menu a little bit with introducing new items. They're risky. And some of the new ones, I'm not. Their chicken menu's getting too big. Slow down with all the chicken. Amen. Give McDonald's new menu. Yeah. We went the other week and I thought, you guys need to slow down. Go back to the basics, dude. They got new shit on there that I'm just not. Like chicken strips, get the fuck out of here. It's nuggets or nothing, dude. It's nuggets or nothing. What's new on there? New addition? Boo buckets. Oh, boo buckets. Wait, wait, Tiny Tan Happy Meal. That's for the Philippines only, isn't it? Tiny Tan. Wow. There's a meetup in Los Angeles. For Tiny Tan? Yeah. For parents, I guess. Can we go back to the movie popcorn real quick? Look at this, special edition gold sauce. Yeah. All right, what do you want to do with the popcorn? We already got it. No, no, I'm just saying. So I went to see that movie with a date. We got a large popcorn, a small bottle of smart water. Not needed, but go ahead. Why? Waste of money. OK, anyway, that's what we got. Yeah. And a Diet Coke, $30. Oh, yeah, well, it's a fucking. How much are they making off of that? Can you imagine how much our fancy Indian corn cave butter is going to be? 80 bucks a bucket. We're never going to be able to source it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. We're going to be ripping people off. Yeah. But the movie we can make cheaper, because we won't. What we'll do is we'll run a bunch of, you know, previews will be an hour and a half to pay for the Indian corn. OK, OK, yeah, yeah. So you'll have an hour of previews. Movie theaters make almost no money with the movie. They make older money with the concessions. But they also make money using the previews, right? So they have to pay to have those previews put in front of those films. Is that not true? Yeah. Yes. But have you smuggled in stuff? I have. And they don't give a shit. What do you mean? That was my whole life. Yeah, yeah. The only reason I do it now is because I'm just timing wise. I don't feel like bringing shit in. Yeah. But I would say the majority of people still sneak in food. And you shouldn't sneak, because it's a teenager ripping tickets. He doesn't give a fuck. You think a 16-year-old's going to be like, Sarah, what's in your packets? Yeah, they don't do this. He doesn't fucking care. Yeah. It's a fucking. It's a. It's mostly coffee. You sneak in coffee? Yeah. Like an iced, you know what I mean? Venti, something, right? How do you. What? Put it in your. No, I do this. This, right? Right? And I do one of these. I hand the ticket like this. Yeah, they'll never see that when you walk around. No, can you see it now? Well, I'm just on this angle now. I know. You think you can spin around to this side? He can hear the ice jingle janglin' in that cup. It's basically on the walk, dude. I'm a limp, dude. Yeah, and I go, here you go, right? Smart. And then when they're. I always keep. You always have to keep an eye contact. Got it. Right? There you go. What if there's an employee behind you? Sir. Yeah. You got to cup it. You sneak in coffee? Yeah. Because in high school, you should have both cigarettes. I was good at cupping the cigarette. Oh. Yeah, you're just walking down the hallway, you're right. Oh, yeah, cupping the. Cuping the smoke. I know how to cup that. I know there's smoke, but they thought I was Asian. I was doing something for you. You know what I mean? Like, street fighter thing. All you can, whatever. But yeah. That's smart. Yeah, I'm very smart with my hands. My friend Sarah and I used to sneak in 40s. She'd just bring in a big person in college and sneak in 40s. That's college days, dude, the good old days. Yeah. Sneak in a 40. Sneak in a 40. Actually, the fans down below, comment the craziest thing you've snuck into the movie theater, because I'm actually curious to know who's snuck in some wild. Like, what do you think the biggest thing? You could put something down your pants if it's long. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I mean, if you have like a fucking, if it's like a big thing, you just put it in your pants. They're not really, they don't care. Jackets, by the way. Midwest, we don't have that out here. When winter comes, you can sneak in a fucking entire kitchen into a movie theater. Have you ever peed in the movie? Into what? The bucket? No, on the ground. You just pissed on the ground? One time I did. It goes that way. What? It just goes away from me. It was back in the early 80s. Yeah, back when it was normal. Yeah, it was normal. Back in the 80s. Yeah. Do you remember the movie? Evil Dead. Evil Dead? Yeah, yeah. That was not the 80s? Yeah, it was like late 70s. You didn't even want to miss a minute. Now as a kid, I remember, and my friend, my cousin Jennifer, because here's what, we went to the movie, there was Empire Strikes Back playing and Evil Dead. And I was like, can we do Empire Strikes Back? And she was like, older. I said, no, we're doing evil. You already saw Empire Strikes Back. See a double feature, dude? Yeah, so I was, no, our parents, we only had two hours. So anyway, we went in there, right? And just to make her mad, I peed on the ground. And I remember it ruined the movie for her. She fucking hated it. But anyway, I did it at that time, yeah. You never done that? No. OK. Never peed in a theater? Blue two. Into the room, dick first. Get in there, dick first. Blue two, not just a tablet. It's a cheat code for your crotch. Stronger, harder, longer lasting, like someone gave you downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership that Bobby is finally getting. Blue two has saved my sex life, because when you get older, sometimes papa's not awake. That's right. And you know what I mean? Blue two goes, it's like its own coffee almost. It's like, wake up. And it does work. Last time I took blue two, my dad got sponsored by an energy drink company and refused to do missionary. Guys, this isn't just about performances, it's about legacy or third legacy. Hey, hey, hey, give her a group chat, something to talk about. You know when you lay it down, they're talking about how it gets up. Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little bit of blue two. Discover your options at blue two dot com. We got a special deal for our listeners. As always, get your first month of blue two for free. Just use promo code, bad friends at checkout, and just pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join blue choose mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to blue two dot com for details and safety info. And we thank you, blue two, for sponsoring the podcast. Draft King Sportsbook. NFL fans, what's your favorite touchdown? For me, it's the next one. Because with Draft King Sportsbook, an official sporting betting partner of the NFL, every touchdown can bring you closer to cashing in. 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Tax may apply in Illinois. 21 plus Asian eligibility varies by jurisdiction, Void and Ontario bet must win to receive bonus bets, which expire seven days minimum odds required for additional terms and responsible gaming resources to CDKNG.CO slash audio limit time offer. Also, I saw a sign yesterday that bugged me to no end. They had a, okay. It's one of these like progressive places, but they're trying way too hard. It had a men's bathroom and a women's bathroom, right? So it literally said M men, W women. Then below that on each door had an image of, and you've seen this before, it's like half man, half a dress and then it says, and then a disabled icon and it says, whatever, just wash your hands. So I was like, so what is it? That's the symbol, that one right there, gender neutral, it was a gender neutral. So it had that below the other sign that already said man or woman. So it's like, just say fucking bathroom. This is what I, Say bathroom then. It's the guy that's doing the signs. So it's that guy that's doing the signs. No, just listen to the, no, just listen. Fuck the guy that made these signs. No, it's not that sign. It's this, okay? That the original one is the men's one, right? And then somebody at the meeting said, hey, we need new signs. I don't think that's what they said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, you know, it's 2025, bro. We need fucking new signs, right? Well, Pedro, I don't think we're trust, you're aligned. But let me tell you something. I bought the new signs on, you know, Amazon, right? But you know what? I'm gonna keep the old sign on. Just in case. Yeah, yeah, no, because he's lazy. Oh. Yeah, nothing, because the character's Mexican. See, I think. Yeah, I'm just saying. He's like, I'm just gonna put this sign underneath the old sign, right? Yeah. But you know, they'll get it. They'll get it. But then Santino comes along and goes, I don't like that. I don't, just say bathroom. By the way, they should all just say bathroom then. That's the deal. If you're gonna keep doing this game, just say fucking bathroom. And it should, you know what the signs should say? If you're a guy, lift the fucking seat up and piss and put it down when you're done. That's what the sign should actually say. Don't piss on the seat, don't be an asshole. And then it's just a place to pee and poop. But, but you- They should have ones. This is big signage at its back. See the little white head on it? Yeah. What if they have race specific ones? Oh, that's funny. Race neutral bathroom? No, just, no, why don't we just go the reverse way? Oh, just white and black bathrooms? No, and different ones. Oh, you like water fountains like that too? What else do you wanna do? You want schools to be only one color? No, because can I say something? For Asians, right? We like- Carlos is not- We like lower, you know, toilets. You need lower sinks, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, lower things, you know what I mean? We like, you know. Yeah, we'll make the Asian only. Yeah. I get that. What would the black one have in it? Well, it'd be taller, that's for sure, on average. Go back to that picture. There'd be graffiti. It's an art. Oh my God, dude. You see that video of that girl that fucking had a panic attack, parasailing, and then unclipped her shit? Did she die? Oh, big time. Oh. Oh, fucking big time. Big time died. Look at it. Her? What the fuck, that's not it. Oh, there it is, there's the footage. So she's like, she's freaking out. She's freaking out, and then she unclipped the fucking harness. Why? Because she's having a panic attack. You don't see anything gruesome here, she just disappears. But look, she gets out of it, she takes off the jacket, she must be having a severe, look at how high she is. This poor girl, she gets out of the harness, and is like, no, I don't wanna be here anymore. And then, gone. It's like Tom Cruise. Yeah, well that turns out that mission was possible. I mean, mission complete. That's insane, I don't know why she would do that. She must've had a crazy panic attack. By the way, these things are all, these things are fucking atrocious. How many times a year do you hear these accidents? They go down, kids go down to Mexico, and he sings some fucking wild shit happens with parasailing, it's a terrible, they're so dumb. Can you see if she died? She did die, dude, it just said that in the article. Oh my God. But did she know she was gonna die? I think if you're 200 feet up, you'd know you're gonna die. Then why would she do that? I think she had a panic attack. 60 accidents, injuries, and fatalities. Over. One death for 100,000 trips, let me tell you something. If one in one, every- That's worth it. That's not worth it. That's not it? No. 100,000 is worth it. There's no exact number of parasailing deaths per year. You know why? They all happen in Mexico, and they don't fucking report it. If there was a roller coaster, and they go one in every 100,000 people die on this, would you go on a roller coaster? Not interested, that's why I do roller coasters, because it's not one in, a roller coaster is probably like one in every fucking hundred million. Yeah. It never happened. But it puts more fear into the roller coaster. That's what makes it funner, right, Carlos? Come on. That's not what makes it more funner. I mean, two to four, that's not enough to get my blood going. That's not even fatalities half the time, it's just accidents. Health, the fatalities from these accidents are often guest health issues, right? Like heart attack, people have heart attack or stroke. Should drive fast on the freeway and turn your lights off for two seconds. Yeah. That's exciting. Okay. Yeah, I do that sometimes. Cause I've always, I- It's like these girls, they have all this dash footage of these girls texting and flipping their cars. That is some of the funniest shit, dude. Cause I have a morbid fantasy of creating a water park, but it's everyone dies on each ride. Oh. Like I have a water- Wait till word gets out about it. I have a water slide where you go in a tube, but it gets smaller and smaller. Oh my God, that's like my nightmare. And then you get stuck, right? But the water's still flowing. Oh, Bob. Other people, you know what I mean, right? Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so that's one of them. Death trap water slide. Yeah. Welcome to death trap park. You don't have thoughts like that? Absolutely not. What? What's wrong with me? I don't know. Yeah. Well, you know, Nate Bargazzi's making a theme park. Maybe you can pitch this theme park. Yeah. At Nate land, you could die in the water park. Exactly, numbers aren't spent. There are specifically a few fatalities, annual in the US water parks. Drowning is a significant risk. By the way, no, this has got to be fucked up too. Every year a kid dies at those wave pools. Every year a kid dies at one of these wave pools. Because they get stuck in the thing, they can't swim. Wave pools are sick though. They're sick. They're so fun. Yeah. You know what you and I got to go to at least one time? Look at, yeah, look at that, the wave pool. Would you go in that? I don't think you would go in there. No. I've been to pools with you. If there's one person in it, sometimes you're like, I'm not going in there. That's true. I'm not going if there's one person in the pool. I want it to be quiet. Yeah. That is a, this is genuinely, that's an anxiety attack. That's where you pull out the shoot. I can't do that. Also, rest a piece of that girl, I wasn't making fun of her. I was saying that's crazy, the poor girl had a panic attack and jumped. Which SARS or is in that water? That's where COVID- There's got to be SARS in there. That's where COVID really started at a wave pool. Oh man, I saw a funny meme online of the kid of, Ron Weasley, I don't know that camera of the actress name. Yeah. Of yelling, it was like he was holding gasoline in the air. Yeah. What did he say? Expensive petroleum. Exp, yeah, what did he say? This is a great. Expenser petroleum. Dude, that is- He's Ron Weasley 24 seven that guy dude. That's amazing. But that's killer. That's so funny. But that's almost like a wand he pulled up there. Yeah. That's why he did it. Wow. That's so fun. Expensive petroleum. God, he's so good. What a brilliant thing to do, play into the bit though. Yeah. So good man. So funny. Oh, I got bad news for you too. Your boy Diddy just got 50 months. I know. Does he go to your meetings at Ron Weasley or no? He hasn't been in years. I don't know, it's, he doesn't look- Who's been showing up to your meetings lately? Kathy Griffin's there, she leaves it. Kara Top, look at the picture that they put up of Diddy bending over on the stool. Did you see that? They're like, man, they did Diddy wrong. They drew him like bent over the stool crying. 50 months. Yeah, that one that's second one. Yeah, they were like, they did him wrong in the court drawing. Isn't that a good time though? I mean, he was gonna get way worse, right? He should have gotten worse. He should have got like 40 years. I think four years he got off. You say 50 months, is that the truth? Is that what it was? Four months? They cut that in half, you'll get out earlier. Yes, time served and all that stuff. Yeah, probably get out and fucking two and a half years. And then would you go to the next Diddy party when he gets out? Oh yeah. Look at how good it's gonna be. How do you get invited to those? I've never been to one. How do you get invited to those? I don't know. Yeah, I don't, yeah, you know, let me, who would get invited first, you or me? Oh, brother. You. Carlos. Oh, Carlos first. But you and I don't get invited to any parties. I know, but I wonder what I would wear. To a Diddy party? Yeah. You want easy access to your tush, maybe one of those assless chaps. Yeah. You know, with a little flap. I would be nervous. To a Diddy party? Yeah. Imagine he is gonna throw a party when he gets out. You do know that. That's gonna be sick. It's gonna be a sick. Carlos. It's gonna be sick, sick, it's gonna be. Would you rather go to a Diddy party or a Cosby party? No, I did it, because I wanna remember it. Cosby party and no recollection over the party. Yeah, I just woke up in my car to the next day. I didn't like it when he made those kids walk to fucking Brooklyn for cheesecake. That's like the first time I actually hated him. You don't even know the reference I'm making. No, I don't. Diddy did a show called, was it making the band or whatever the, what was the name of his show? Making the band. Making the band and he would make them go on these missions, right? And they had to go do shit for him. And he had to make, one time he made them walk, I wanna say it was across Brooklyn Bridge for cheesecake, making, that's not a like, that's not a proof of that you're loyal to him. Is it good cheesecake though? It was phenomenal cheesecake. Yeah, I did. What kind of cheesecake it is, no? There's no cheesecake that good. Now, if it was Tiramisu, we have a totally different conversation. But Tiramisu is undoubtedly the best at it. Are they being televised? Yeah, it was on MTV. Well, then yeah, do it. I don't do it. I knew it, you would agree with me. I know, see, TV guy. I knew you'd agree with this method. Well, no, it's basically like this. It's like when Leah was on the Revenant, right? He was out there in the cold. Yeah. That's so different than this. It's not, it's not. You do the job. Leah was in character. Yeah, and these kids are on the character. They're not in character. I'm playing the fucking cheesecake guy. You're the cheesecake guy. Oh, okay. You are the cheesecake guy, dude. No, you are. Okay, what do you mean by that? What do you want on it? Yeah, I don't like cheesecake. Well, then fucking it. Why would I be the cheesecake guy? Well, exactly. What I'm saying though is if the cameras are rolling and they're playing a role, you're a reality show, it's the whole guy. If the cameras are rolling. You know what I mean? It's like get the cheesecake. Haven't you done this with someone where you made him get you breakfast burritos at like five in the morning? Yeah, but I pay them good. Okay. Who got your breakfast burritos? Still slightly demeaning. Like Alex and stuff. I'll call Alex and go because there's some breakfast burritos that don't deliver. So you say go get it for me. Yeah. And they get it. Yeah. Crazy. What do you get? 100 bucks? Lucky boys in Pasadena. Oh. You've been there? Mm-mm. Lucky boys Pasadena has the best breakfast burritos in LA. Look it up. I want to see what they have. And they don't deliver. So sometimes I'll call somebody and go, yo, I'll give you $100. Go down to Pasadena. Lucky boys fucking breakfast burritos. Do you get cheese fries with it? Yeah, I get the whole thing. That looks good. The best thing about, see, that's the key. You have the breakfast burrito, right? To the right. It's the perfect amount of everything. Dispersed equal. Eggs, cheese, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and that's it. Yes. And look it to the left. The best ranch sauce with the best hot sauce. And you duck them together. I know you don't get the chili cheese fries. No, I don't get that. I can only eat one lucky boy. One lucky boy burrito. Burrito, yeah, yeah. And that's 900 calories. My second favorite. That's a big burrito. Yeah. Is the corner cottage. Where the fuck is that? In Burbank. They deliver. Get the corner cottage breakfast burrito. That's my second favorite. My third favorite is cofax. Cofax is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've been good for years. And if you don't have an opinion about breakfast burrito, don't be my friend. All right. Do you have an opinion about it? I tell you who's got a pretty good ass fucking breakfast burrito is right here up at Sportsman's Lodge. It's called... Everyone has a good one. No, no, fuck that. What's the spot that's civil coffee? They have a good fucking breakfast burrito. I like that. You know why? I like that they have chunky potatoes. I like those big, cute potatoes. I don't know, man. Oh, look at that thing. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Oh, look at the big chunky. I like big, chunky fucking potatoes, baby. Okay, dude. Give me chunky potatoes. Look at that thing. Something with that fucking noise, dude. And look at it, wait, zoom in. And look at the fry oil, because you can still see through the burrito. Yeah. Mm. Mm-mm. By the way, as soon as I eat that. The lucky boy fucking burrito. Mm. Oh, like that. As soon as I eat that, my stomach. Lucky boys. Lucky boys. Me and lucky boys. Me and with lucky boys. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Okay. That's me and with lucky boys. I'll kiss the burrito. I'll fuck the burrito. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want me to fuck a burrito, dude? I don't. Okay. That's your... All right, my bad, dude, YouTube, but I get it. I get it. All right, yeah. We get it. If there are places in LA where you get the best of something, you know what I mean? That's why the city is still a... It's a great, great. But why it's still holding up. Yeah, yeah. What should we be for Halloween this year? The girl from Silent Hill F. Oh, that looks like you. Yeah. Yeah, I've been playing that game. No, I haven't started yet. I have. I've been playing it. The fast. I'm gonna give up. I've died 15 times already. I was gonna say, it looks really hard. I don't want to deal with that right now. I'll tell you, can I tell you what's hard? There's only two modes. Story and hard. So story's like too easy. No, story's too hard. I don't even know what hard's like. Fuck that then. All right. In the beginning of the game, you're stuck in this small little Japanese town. Yeah. Okay. And then there's these creatures that come out with a knife. It's fucking scary as fuck. What's the name of the game? Silent Hill F. And um. I'm ready for some fucking Halloween shit. Are we gonna go to a haunted house? Oh yeah, let's do it. You see that creature? Yeah, they're like. Is that Ally Wong? Yeah. Ally Wong's it. You play Ally Wong. And the first 20 minutes of the game, you're just dodging, like running from them. And you can hear them chase you. It's so petrifying scary. And there's no, it's all melee weapons. So you eventually you pick up a pole. Like that. Or yeah, or something like that. Or like a pipe. And you're fighting these creatures with a pipe. It's so hard. That's too hard. It's so fucking hard. But it is beautiful. And it's pretty scary. Bad friends Halloween. What are we gonna be for Halloween? Yeah, I was just writing on my notes. Okay. Bad Bunny. Oh yeah, people are mad at Bad Bunny for doing the Super Bowl. Is that what it is? Why? He was so good on SNL. Yeah dude, he's the man. He's the man. What's the issue? What's the issue with Bad Bunny playing the Super Bowl? I think people don't like that he speaks Spanish. Only Spanish. What percentage of America speaks Spanish? He speaks English. Yeah, like me. Right, bad English. Doesn't matter. 15% of the 14% of about 45 million people speak Spanish. A lot of people will get it. Me encanto bailar. I think Bad Bunny is the fucking. Ilar escuela los bailar. Ilar biblioteca. We should do a Bad Friends Spanish edition. And try to speak only in Spanish? Good luck. Well, how do you say Bad Friends in Spanish? Malos. Malos amigos. Malos amigos. Hey, welcome to Malos amigos. Dude, that was one thing that Leo did right in that movie. He got the Spanish shit right. When he was like vibing with those dudes, you could tell they loved him. Shia can do that too with the Mexicans. He vibes with them. Oh yeah, dude, look at that. Yeah, because Shia, but Shia is from where in LA? He's from Echo Park. He can do that. And Leo. Didn't Leo grow up a little bit nicer? Los Feliz area. A little bit nicer. I wish that we grew up in LA. Not me. Why? I like being from Chicago. It would have been easier, I think, though. Well, for the business? Yeah. I don't think so. But you watch a Charlie Sheen documentary in Malibu when Sean Penn and all those guys, neighborhood kids, were making films. It started then. I know, but that's a fantasy moment in time. In the same way that, what are the chances that the Will Ferrell class of SNL, it's like these are fantasy moments in time. I wanna be in a fantasy moment. I didn't have a fantasy moment. We're living in it right now. Oh, now we're together. We made bad friends together. Exactly. This is our little fantasy moment. Yeah, but it'd be cool that you're in an avocado field with young Keanu Reeves. You know what I mean? What are you doing out there? What? We're gonna cook avocados with each other. You know what I mean? Cut it out. Yeah, you're like, cut it out, dude. Cut it out, bro. Yeah, and it was fucking great. What a great throw, Bobby. You know what I mean? I thank you, Keanu. I talk like that too. He's trying to. I wouldn't probably talk like that too, dude. Because Keanu Reeves would influence me. Yeah. It's like, bro, dude, fucking fantastic. You got an A in geometry, dude. Now you just sound like your brother. I know, but this is what- That sounds like Stevie. Yeah. I think it influences you, right? So it's like, you grow up with DeNiro, right? Right. DeNiro. Hey, you doing all DeNiro? Yeah, hey. You know, if you want me to help you tutor in that biology class, I think I will help you. I think you would have been in good, fellas. Don't you think? That's really good. Yeah. I don't want to grow up in L- Don't you have to grow up in San Diego? I'm two-time Nikki Bob. Two-time Nikki Bob? Yeah. Two-time Nikki Bob. I see Nikki Bob twice, every time. Nikki Bob, Nikki Bob. That's what they call me two-time. Okay. What do you mean? No, I like it, Nikki Bob. Nikki Bob, Nikki Bob. Nikki Bob, Nikki Bob. That's right. That's two-time Nikki Bob. You always said everything twice. Yeah, everything twice. Yeah, what's your name? Say it again. What's your name? What's your name? I'm Slippery Santines. Yeah. Do the slides, do the slides. Cops never caught me, Slippery Santines. Yeah. As I sneak through. As he sneaks through, as he sneaks through. It's actually pretty good. It's pretty good. They're pretty good, pretty good. You would have grown up in L-A. Okay, you would have grown up in Koreatown. Here's your life. Yeah, yeah. You're fucking busing at Soul Park. Yeah. You're busing tables. You're still gonna take your same route. You're gonna get mad TV. Like nothing's gonna change. Oh, you think that no matter where I was, I was gonna always gonna end up here. Or you're gonna be on a roof during the riots. Yeah, I'm a rooftop Korean for sure. For 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm at that college in your drive-through, like what is going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have been Bobby Lee no matter where you were placed in the world. You were born to be Bobby Lee. Yeah. You were gonna be you. And that's what we love about you. Oh, I said those fantasies aren't real. They're bullshit. You're living a fantasy. You live a dream. We get to talk to our fans and do stand-up. And like this is the best dream we've ever lived. Yeah. I don't ever wanna wake up. But it'd be great. Like you're in Echo Park, like Shia is like, hey, let's go duck hunting. You think he's gonna be friends with you? You think you would have been his click? I think Shia would have liked me. Cause he liked me. Okay. He likes you now. All right. Chances of becoming famous are extremely slim. Said is less than 0.01% of the global population. And he's still not happy. He's still not happy. The likelihood is- I'm so happy and so grateful. You just wish you were from LA. No, but when you watch that movie, Charlie Sheehan, it's just like, what an exciting life. You know what I mean? He lived under the guise of famous parents. So it like ushered him into the world naturally. Right? Like I told you that documentary, I love better bastards of baseball. It's great. Better bastards of paper, better bastards of paper. There it is. There's Nicky two times. Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitor your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. That's right. Look, we all have way too many subscriptions. This is an old point that we've made so many times on this show. Bobby saved so much money by doing this. And by the way, Rocket Money's five million members have saved a total of 500 million in cancer subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Get alerts of your bills increase in price. If there's unusual activity in your accounts, if you're close to going over budget. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate to lower your bills for you. This app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save. And it goes to work to get you better deals. They even talk to customer service. You don't want to talk to them. They're going to do it for you. You do not have to. Bobby had the dashboard and it laid out his total financial picture. So they include the bill due dates and pay days. And it's easier to digest that way the way they lay it out. Some of us are visual learners like Bob and I. You can automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending. So they're trying to help you save your money. Stop wasting it. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends today. You heard it. That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Shopify. Hey, if you're running a small business, you know there's nothing small about it. There's a lot going on. And as business owners, we provide and merch for you guys. And the Shopify point of sale system is unified command center for your retail businesses. It brings together in store and online operations across up to a thousand locations. Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisle, shipped to customer, buy online pickup in store. All made simpler so customers can shop how they want. And staff have the tools to close the sale every time. And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive. With Shopify POS, you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first party data that give marketing teams a competitive edge. In fact, it's proven based on a report from EY Business on Shopify POSC real results. Like 22% better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8.9% uplift in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed and we use Shopify. And you must if you're running a business. Bob, tell them how to get it. We love Shopify and we've been using it since our inception and we love it. Get all the big stuff for your small businesses right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash badfriends. Go to Shopify.com slash badfriends. Hey, Sainsbury's, we get through so many snacks. Have you got anything to help me save? Well, we're always matching and lowering prices. So hundreds of Sainsbury's fresh fruit, veg and everyday products are price matched to Aldi. And every week with Nectar, you can save money on thousands of the products your family loves. So you can snack away knowing you're saving money. Sainsbury's good food for all of us. Selected products, Aldi price match not in an eye. Nectar prices require Nectar account. Terms at Sainsbury's.co.uk slash Aldi price match and Nectar.com slash prices terms. Oh, that, I could be that for Halloween. Yes. Yeah, that's great. Shave my beard like that. Little Fu Manchu. Where do the name Fu Manchu come from? I don't know, man. Asia. It's a real guy. Is Fu Manchu a real guy? It's a guy, yeah. Come on, you don't know that to be a fact. We're just guessing. The name Fu Manchu is invented by British author Arthur Wilde writing as Sax Romer, 1913 is series of novels about a sinister Chinese villain, Bobby Lee, becoming the embodiment of the yellow peril, Bobby Lee. The specific name likely comes from the generic Chinese surname Fu, historical ethnic group Manchu, creating an exotic and threatening identity for the character. So is Fu Manchu gonna be ex out of our vernacular now because it's on PC? It's funny because people still call it Fu Manchu. Like, isn't that called a Fu Manchu? What up? Yeah, right? No, you just aren't people who would change how they talk. The character name originally from Arthur Ward. I like yellow peril. Yellow peril is a great name for your special. Yeah, yeah. The yellow peril. Yeah, that's good. Wendy, are you ready to tape? Are you getting close? No. Come on. I'm not. You're not at all close. But when, when, when Hula goes, this is the amount of time we expect. I'm like, okay, I got it. It's an hour, right? No. What do they expect out of you? 40 minutes. You're doing just 40? I'm gonna do more, but I mean, that's, I mean, that's the, I have 40. So then I'm like, okay. You want to do the least possible. Yeah, I'm doing the least possible. Smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank for your phone. And then the next one is gonna be great. Cause I'll clean slate. I'm gonna walk on. I just can figure it out. I genuinely think you'll never do another one. I think one is good. No, I'm gonna do another one. I have to. Why? Because there's no more personal things I want to talk about about how I really feel that I don't do. And I want to go in, why are you smarking? Because it's all like a pipe dream because you were trying to show off for Louis. Like, oh, after this special, I promise I'll really get into the depths of comedy. And, you know. Okay. You know, my whole life has been this. I believe in you. No, this is what I'm being real. My whole life has been, you can't do it. It's not, no, no, no, no, listen. My whole life has been this. Don't say me. You can't do it. It's not gonna happen. This and that. And I always do it. And I always prevail. And I can't wait. And then when that happens. I would love that. I can look at you and go, what's up? I would love that. And then you're gonna be like, well, I never said that. Right? And then we're gonna have another conflict. All right? You'll see moment. It's actually just. You'll see is my whole reason why I'm even, where I'm at. It's a good thing to bring up. You'll see. Because that was my favorite phrase when we were in Australia. Bobby's first thing I was about, I'm gonna be jacked. I'm gonna get so jacked. And I go, and I go, no, you won't. You go, you'll see. But we're past a year. You lost it. The sea hasn't happened. Okay. I'm excited for the sea. When the sea happens, you'll do it. When the tide's changed. All right. So I went to that fucking gym next to my house, Planet Fitness. Thanks. I swear to God, I walked in there and I go, can I join? And they're like, well, we need your bank account. Why? I don't know why. I go, I just have a credit card and they say, we don't do it that way. We need your bank account. No, no, no, no, no. That's what they said. I've never heard of that before in my life. I've never heard of that before in my life too. Bank account? Go to Equinox. What? Go to Equinox. What's wrong with that? Yeah, I don't want to be slothy in front of those people. You know what I mean? Just get a personal trainer then. Yeah. So then I brought my friend Alex over there. You know my friend Alex. Yeah. From Mietaigi. Yeah. And I didn't know how any of the machines worked either. Right? So once we go, we already went once, he's gonna teach me how the, those machines, you don't even know how to get in them. Yeah. It's like a pole away and you don't know how to put the stick in and I don't know what it works. It's like that Japanese game show where they got to go through those cart, cart, cart outs on the thing. That's what it's like. Yeah. Yeah. And then every machine works on one thing. Like, I don't want this muscle to be fucking thick. This is a good muscle. Look at this though. Yeah. I know. You don't want that? Yeah, but I don't want that. You don't want that? Yeah, yeah. Or like, you know, my, my elbow is like gigantic. And I'm like, I did this machine too long. All you really need to do is like pushups, sit ups, and then, you know, some squatty stuff. No, but I want to learn how to do this one. The butterfly one. What the fuck is that? There's one with the sticks above and you do this. Wait. What, will you do flies? Yeah. I want to do this one like flies again. Flies, yeah. Right? Yeah. I want to be able to do, but even this machine is different. The bench press? Yeah. Just get on a free, just get on. Go to plant fitness, it's evolved. Oh, they've changed. Yeah. I don't know what the machines do. Look at the machines that are fucking so complex. You sound like a, the Kimmy Schmidt who has like been buried for like 50 years. Yeah. Is he on all the machines? See that machine right there? I didn't sit on that. I went reverse and my knees were on that thing, right? I was staring backwards. It would be funny to see a Bobby Lee workout video trying the machines for the first time. Yeah. Like I don't know how to get into that. She's in it right now, just like that. Well now I know after seeing her. Squat and press. Yeah. So you're not going to be going to plant fitness. Why don't you have someone come to your house to train you from your house? I don't have weights. You don't need much. You can do bands. You can do, you can do exercise with so little today. Yeah. Maybe. Tomorrow night, I just decided. Just now? No, I just literally decided because I have, I have my pod tomorrow at four and then Alex will be there afterwards. I'm going to give him a little money. Go right to the, right to plant fitness and we're going to finish the training. I thought you couldn't get in without your bank. No, you can do a day pass. That's what I'm going to do. Yeah. I'm going to get two bit day passes. I'm going to figure out how all the machines work. I'll even video it. Okay. No, I'm being real. I want to do it. I want you to do it. Because I'm just, I think my thinness isn't good. What do you mean? I still look fat. What's the tone? You don't look fat. No, if you take my shirt off, it's not good. What do you mean? It's just, it's just lumpy. It's undressed like, I'm so no offense. We don't know what he looks like without a shirt. I do. No offense dude. And none taken? None taken. So much offense he's taken. I know what I'm saying is, is that it's, can I be honest with you? No. I'm a pork too. Yeah, you're more like a flan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm flan-y dude. Flan. You're like a flan. Yeah. What's dessert? Nema, we're all desserts. He's flan. What's Carlos? What is it? He's like a churro. No, he's like a baguette. Oh yeah. Yeah. A baguette? Yeah, nobody wants it. Nobody wants it. Yeah. I'm flaky and yeah. You have a great body. It's fine. It's up and down. Yeah. But it's pretty, you can see the muscles. It can be if I- Or they're supposed to be. If I work out. With me and Andreas, no. We don't know what muscles what. That's what I'm saying. You get what I'm saying? But he's also- No offense taken. He's a father now, he has less time to work out. Dads have way less time. He's busy, he's either editing, taking care of his kid or editing. Dad bod. Dad bod life. And dude, his, dude, the chicks, especially in our age range, they love dad bods. They do? Yes, they fucking do. You ask any girl of an age that's our range, right? I'm sure girls in their like, twenties don't like dad bods. They want young, but like thirties and up, those girls love dad bods. I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Oh, I can't wait, I'm inspired that I do. You are? Oh yeah, I'm doing it because you're right. I did say that by now I would. Oh yeah. And I didn't? I did lose the weight. You have five weeks. No, I don't, well I'm gonna start tomorrow. What can I, in five weeks, do you think, if I start tomorrow, in five weeks, do you think you'll be able to see the difference? If you have to, if you go every, every like other day, yeah. He would. You have to go like literally three, four days a week. Yeah, yeah. You're gonna do it. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do it. God, I think it's a great day, I love this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. Who are you doing it for though? That's the real question. What? Who are you doing it for? It's fine. No, I'm doing it because when I, when I- I get giggles when I walk into the Weespa steam room. From who, little Asians? No, from all the, everybody. They giggle because they know who you are. I don't know if that's okay. That's- In my mind, I think it's it, but it could be my poor G. Andrea's like body. No, so bad. You know he's gonna go home and be like, I'm gonna quit the show. Oh, keep calling me. Or join the gym. Yeah. Are you a member of the gym? No. Yeah. Your wife is though. Yes. She's in, your wife's in phenomenal shape. She works full time, is a full time mom, and still has time to go work out. Damn, dude. How did you get her? He's funny. Yeah, you're funny. Sorry. You know what? I love you, you're right. I see your skillsets. Not taken. Not taken? Not taken. Hopefully not. On a none taken, he has to- None taken. He's building all this up to like shut us down. Are you offended right now? No. I love you. Yeah. You know that? Yeah. Deeply. Okay. Fancy. Fancy. I love it. It's emotional abuse. Yeah. Yeah. Is it emotional abuse? Yeah, I think if you were doing this to like your partner, they could like recording, like show all their friends and they'd be mad at you. Right, like that Mel Gibson. You should just shut up and blow me. Andre's gonna have this long loop in the courtroom. Pork, pork, pork. You know what, I apologize dude. I'll use a different reference next time. Okay. Yeah. I think it's just because he loves you. Yeah. We love each other because we love each other. Thank you. That's the only reason we do it. That's the only reason. Have you ever hooked up in the movie theater? No, have you? Oh yeah. Well, the movie's empty, right? No, people were there. You have to watch a bad movie, right? No, I got a hand tug over a coat underneath a coat. Like Gremlins Five. Yeah, Mel's in there, yeah. You couldn't fucking, it fucking would be impossible. I don't think so, dude. Where are you fucking, unless no one's in there? Like in Germany, there's like on porn hub videos of like Germans fucking. That's a casted porno, it's not hidden camera. No, it's like a real movie playing in the background. Yeah, but Germans are fucking lunatics. They're lunatics, yeah. Yeah, I was like a muck all the time. What do you fuck me into, Seattle? They created two girls, one cup, bud. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they gonna add another cup? Yeah. They can't just share that one forever. Yeah, no, I got a handy tug in a movie theater. I thought that was kind of tight. Was there a one girl, one cup? I mean, why'd you go to the second movie first? Elevated, dude. Jump, jump. It went right to two. Do part one. Anyway. You know what that reminds me of every time? It's an old joke. Every time somebody brings up two girls, one cup, I always think about cake farts. Do you remember cake farts? Oh, cake farts were great. One of the best, dude. That was when the internet was really finding itself. Now it's just evil and fucking dark and sad and nasty. And you know, you wanna see a guy get killed live on Twitter? Well, look, we're gonna create our movie theater of Indian corn and cave butter. Native corn. And native corn. So please come to our new movie theater and they're gonna be called... Fancy corn, what? What's the name of our theater chain? We're gonna make a chain of theaters. You're good at naming things. Yeah. You've always been good. There's gotta be a la. La. There's gotta be make a French. You know what I mean? La Crochet. La Crochet Prefile. Yeah, that's what it's called. The preferred crochet. The preferred crochet, yeah, that's it. La Prefile Crochet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So please come see the La Prefile Crochet. Yeah, we'll have fancy native butter, not Indian. Sorry, I said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll have cave butter. La La the Fixins, right? No smart water, you don't like that. It's bullshit. Yeah, it's bullshit, okay. And we'll have filtered water, no charge. No charge, and you can pee at your seat. There's a little toilet. Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo! Fire and ice. What's up? What is it? It's a move called fire and ice. Go on. You get like Mentos or like some sort of like mouthwash. You make it super like crisp and stuff and you go down on them like a girl does it to a guy. What does this call her daddy now? What show are we doing? Where's the fire part? The ice. It's like, it's like. Oh, so it's ice and ice. It's ice and ice. The name is more just. Where's the fire come from? Yeah, where's the fire part? You're saying the menthol and mint makes it hot. Yeah, I got that wrong. But the ice is like just super intense and you go back and forth between the two. One time in high school, this guy was. Okay. Go ahead. No, I mean, it just, it doesn't make any sense. Hit him, go ahead, hit him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could be remembering the escort ad. Yeah, I think it's just called ice. Sounds like ice and ice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The door fucking flips open, right? There's guys with guns and stuff. Is that what it is? Show me your papers! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just going down on ice agents? Ice and ice. No, I promise. Have you ever had a blumpkin? Oh wait, what's that again? I don't know. It's where you get ahead when you're taking a poop. That's right. That's not a good one. That's not a good one. It's not a good one at all. I mean. What do you mean? Nah, be fun. I've never had had it be fun. Yeah, yeah. Kind of fun. Yeah, I've never had one. A blump? No, not even close. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah.