Tim & Christine Learn About Bimbofication | Your Mom's House Ep. 854

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. At EDF, we don't just encourage you to use less electricity, we actually reward you for it. That's why when you use less during peak times on weekdays, we give you free electricity on Sundays. How you use it is up to you. EDF. Change is in our power. Households can ship weekday peak usage by 40%. Can earn up to 16 hours of free electricity. Subject to fair usage caps. All to these and see you visit edfenergy.com forward slash r-power. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. I'm Tom, a.k.a. T-Buns. She's Chrissy, a.k.a. Fart Dog. Oh. And we are so excited. We have so much ground to cover today. I can't wait to get into all this. So many things. One thing I wanted to point out at the very tip top of this show is that we here at YMH Studios, with this great staff and great production, produced The End, Ari Shaffir's new and final storytelling show that is a collection of stories told by incredible comics. And it comes out April 16th. It is on pre-sale right now. The amount of talent on this thing is so phenomenal. He really, he got Nate Bargatze, Jim Brewer, Chris DiStefano, Shane Gillis, Tony Hinchcliffe, Jordan Jensen, Robert Kelly, Joe Liss, Mark Norman, Big Jay Oakerson, Miss Pat, Jessa Reed, myself, Ari, Ali Sadiq, Steve Simone, Dan Soder, Sam Tallent, and so on and so on. It was so many great comics, all in that format. If you ever saw Ari's storytelling show that at first he would tour L.A. with, I think he also did it many times in New York. It was a Comedy Central show. This is him doing that, I believe, one last time. And so you can watch it starting April 16th. You can get all the episodes. You can buy individual episodes. But if you do it now, you get a discount for doing it. And all you have to do is go to ymhtstudios.com. The show is called The End. And it's fantastic. It really is so great. This staff did an incredible job producing it, and we're very proud of it. So, if you could, if you'd love to, support the show. And if you support shows like this, it just leads to more things like this coming out. Yeah, try it out. Try it out, man. Try it out. So, there's that. Jean, I know you have. Oh, I'm making stand-ups, very limited runs. This weekend, just here in Texas, I'm doing Comedy Mothership, April 10th and 11th. And then I go to Irving, Texas, which is Phallus, April 24th and 25th. And then Comedy Works. Yes, it does. Comedy and Prayer. And you're doing Downtown, which is the most incredible place to do stand-up comedy. Honestly, you've heard it from a million comedians, and the reason is because it's true. But that place is magical. It really is. And I think you're really going to enjoy it. And Chicago, the Den Theater, September 18th and 19th. And also, buy my lipsticks. I'm wearing my new liquid lipstick. This is the Cuts You Up color, and I fucking love it. It's so high quality. It's from Italy. It's well made. And I do this myself because I believe in these products, all of them. And then I also did my Velvet Crush blush today. This is Forever Winona. Take it out. ChristinaPete.com. Go see her live. Get your makeups. Do your things. Do your stuff like that. That's that. We are very excited to have many discussions and show you many interesting things, things that the mainstream media won't show you. You're not going to see this on CNN. You're not going to see this on MSNBC. You're not going to see this on Fox News. You're only going to see it here. I understand that sometimes people write articles about what we do on this show, and we will continue to be the people that bring you the real story. That's correct, Tom. Are you ready to open the show? Because I think this is an interesting point. Oh, I can't wait. Here we go. Here you go. Can someone explain to me what the moral problem with incest is? I think that I don't see really a problem with it as long as you know having a kid. Yeah. That's a really good point. Don't bring anyone to the fuck. We'll talk about it. Don't bother with the fucking stand. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura and Christina Paget. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow. Oh, you felt it. I felt that way. I felt it, dude. He's not right. Can someone explain the fucking issue with incest? That's a really great question. Can I say something? Yeah. When I was an undergrad in philosophy, we discussed this. I'm sure this is a great philosophical topic. It kind of is, though, because historically, to maintain and preserve wealth in big families, you would marry a cousin. You would marry your own blood. In tradition, throughout history, this has been done so much, especially in royalty, right? Yes, they're all in bread. But aside from that, in today's world, there are many occurrences of first cousins marrying. Yeah. This is not a rare thing. And I don't think you necessarily produce R words if you do your first cousin. I think the only reason incest is discouraged is because of the breeding stuff. So what you're saying is we've got a real philosopher here. I think this is Nietzsche. This is. But do you see a moral problem? I don't. Let's say you grew up and you're like, I fucking love my sister Maria. The chemistry. Oh, my God. Is that necessarily wrong? I'm sorry. Think about it. we know someone. I know we do know someone. Who one time just went on and on. We were talking to this person about their love life. And the person that we spoke to was like, you know who would be my ideal mate? And we were both like, oh, who? And the person said, my sibling. And we were like, what? And then they were like, no, my sibling is fun and beautiful and interesting and all this stuff. And we were like, you're talking about your sibling right now? Yeah. And he was very like. Very and very, very normal. Like, yeah, we do everything together. We have a great time. I wish I could meet someone like this. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't have. I have stepsisters. Well, here's the thing, though. But you do have first cousins. Now, could you see yourself scissoring with. You know what I mean? Like, what would you be licking each other to death? Licking each other to death. No, no. I did French one of my cousins, though, in Hungary. Remember? The summer. First cousin? 94. No. No. Now, that changes everything. I mean, I've fucked six second cousins. But a first cousin, here's the other thing about a first cousin. How often does someone see their first cousin? Like a kind of sometimes a lot if you're close. I'm saying that I think that plays a role because if you see them all the time, maybe it feels more incestuous. Yeah. If they're like, this is your first cousin, but you go 11 years without seeing them. Yeah. Then you might be like, oh, this feels like a stranger in a way, right? Yeah. I think, I don't know, I think it would be very, very strange. Well, the second cousin that I Frenched, I had not met him prior to that summer. But that is – So that's – you're right. There's something to the distance. Feels. You know. Also, a second cousin, it's not as much of a line being – No. Yeah. And it felt we honestly, though, after we did, I was kind of like, OK, I think I've tried that. That's the end of that. But was it because it's the second cousin? Yeah, I was like, this is I can't tell anybody. Yeah. Until now, I'm, you know, 30 years down the road because it was so embarrassing. And my best friend was there with Sean was there. So she knew. And I just I felt so embarrassed. Really? But but but but back to this thing, he's right. Because if you're both of the same age, there's no power discrepancy. Like, for instance, Woody Allen and his stepdaughter, Sunyi Previn, that's a power thing. That's an older person. Definitely, because they're like, remember when I raised you? Yeah. But if you're together, and let's say you're close in age, what if you're twins? Fraternal twins? I don't know. Maybe it could be ideal. you know that person so well I still can't believe that I always think about the guy I know that saw me with Sean was like twins you do look like each other no we do people say it all the time on set they're like why isn't this your stand in why isn't this your double you guys look alike but this guy looked at me and goes twins and then we were like yeah he goes yeah I'm a twin and we were like but do you think if you were gay you would want to be with Sean Yeah, of course. Why, of course. He's your type, meaning you're your type? No, we're close. Like we've, you know, we've showered together. We've bathed together. We sleep together. Yeah. We feed each other. Yeah. But you're your gay type is what you're saying. No, I don't know what my gay type is. What's your gay type? I haven't really put much thought into it. What I'm saying is, though, this guy makes somewhat of a point, But I still think, what's the moral issue with incest? Offspring. Yeah, it's just offspring? If they're the same age, let's say you two have the same mental capacity. Nobody's a diminished mental capacity. You two are raised together. You're adults. Pussy. Like no one's like that? Yeah. Okay. Then it is the offspring. That's the problem. Yeah. Because then they come out all touched. They come out a little funky. Well, I never thought that playing this video would lead to such an interesting dialogue. You know what, though? Let's tap this guy more often. I think I am my gay type. You're your gay type? Yes. A woman like you? Yeah, because I'm so gay for Charlize Theron. Not that I'm as attractive as her, but she's a blonde. And what color eyes. I think I just, maybe I'm narcissistic. Okay, buddy. I've never noticed she had eyes. Maybe I'm attracted to my ideal physical type. Oh, yeah. Does that make sense? In my dream world, I would look like, I'd want to look like her. But now that you say it, I'm definitely not gay attracted to my type. Okay. I'd definitely not, because I wouldn't want a hairy guy. I'd be like, oh, my God. I'd want the most feminine version of a man. If I had to be with a man, I'd be like, please don't be masculine. Like a Timothy Chalamet. He's very famous. Someone I could ragdoll. Yeah. Just put him in a headlock like, I'm fucking you little shit. Yeah. That's exciting. Thanks. You would need like a small hairless European. Not American. Oh. Little Italian guy. Yeah, well he does make a good point, this guy. Thank you, sir. You led to a really interesting conversation. Jesus Christ. Real thought-provoking. Thank you. Welcome to the end, everybody. It's a storytelling show. Me and my comedian friends, we're all telling true and really terrible stories. Into a toddler's face. Wild face. Play sometime. Regretful. Every STD. Horrible. I'm going to fuck you up. And amazing stories. We just got started. I'm going to stop the terrorists. You're in trouble, Mr. Anani, huh? This is going to be a good night. It's going to kill us all. I'm about to be fucked. You should be in jail. Hey, man, are you okay? I actually do well. You don't fucking talk to me, okay? I'm a disciple of the Lord. I didn't miss the spot. What the fuck? How did I get here? How did this happen? That's a good question. You guys ready to start the show? So this has been in the news, and I know it's certainly not breaking news for us, but it's so fascinating, this Christy Noem's husband story. Oh, boy. I'm just like – Oh, boy. I'm just – I've only seen peripherally what's happening. Yeah. I don't really know the story. Me too. What is the actual story? Can you bring this up for me, please? Because I know that this guy's photo was revealed to, he likes putting on big tits, right? Putting on the tits. That's his kink. That's his thing. That's his thing. Yeah. We had just briefly talked about, why do you have to put it out there? Just jerk off at home with your tits on. Well, okay, because, Tom, the whole point of getting big fakers is to show off your big fakers. Have them acknowledged. Yeah, like that's why you get them. You get big fakers for people to fucking say nice tits. Nice tits. So look at this guy, too. By the way, very like gruff looking guy, too. I know. I would never peg him. Like it's always like. So let's say model was paid $25 a minute to talk dirty with the cross-dressing husband. $25 a minute. Yeah. Damn, that's good. He liked to perform for her during the video sessions. And why did this bitch sell him out? See, like, he paid her, right? Did he stiff you on the payment? I definitely remember his face, but there's no way I could ever forget the fake boobs. This woman who uses his name said, earlier in the week, the Daily Mail published photos of him, Christy's husband of 34 years, seemingly wearing a large pair of fake breasts under a tight top and a pair of hot pants. So he liked, it's part of the bimbofication scene, a role-playing kink centered around exaggerated hypersexual femininity. So this is the woman he would talk to. They sent shockwaves around Washington. President Trump addressed it. I don't know anything about it. That's too bad. I don't know anything about it. Security experts suggest the existence of photographs could have made his wife subject to potential blackmail threats. Okay, it's astounding that somebody whose spouse is at the level has that kind of back. So maybe it's just that he kept those photos around and then they leaked, you know, somehow leaked. They were stolen or something. I don't fucking know. So I heard that they were, yeah, they were leaked on a Reddit. But first of all, if this hoe, she just ruined her own business. I know. Why would you do this? But maybe she's saying it after, like she had nothing to do with the leak. That's the part that I don't really know about. She claimed that he paid her webcam services between 10 and 15 times over a two-year period. So he's fucking, why are you talking about him? I don't know. I wondered what happened to him. Oh, but clients come and go. So she hasn't dealt with him in a while. She said she never judged her client's preferences, but saw hypocrisy. Oh, and a conservative Christian father. Oh, he's one of those. He was married to a Trump official. So maybe she's like, oh, fuck this guy. I don't know. Fuck that guy. But there it is. I will say. Fucking hot, dude. Those are some big old tips. No, his nips are fucked up, too. Nobody's nipples are that. But that's just the thing he throws on when he wants to get off. Yeah, of course a dude does it wrong like that. Nobody's nips are. right but I mean what do you expect them to have they're not implants he just puts this on he goes look at my big tits that's so dumb yeah see I do agree if he's like a conservative telling people how to live their lives it's always that that's why it's always these pastors that they're like I have a fucking grinder account you know I'm getting sucked off in the back of the chapel just go for it they have to go like gay is evil the lord has it's just like They have to repress the thing. They repress it so much. And then you've got to. Wow. This is such a neat one. But, you know, you make a good point. You make a good point. You want people to say, those are some great big tits you got. So if it's hyper feminization. Yeah. And that's what those chicks want. And then they're like, your tits are so big. That's what they want. Oh, my God. I know. Aren't they? Yeah. They're so heavy. My back hurts. Like all I see is back pain when I see that guy. I'm like, ugh. Oh, my nipples are so sensitive today. Ugh. I hate it. He's like learned all the things to say. Sometimes they still leak, but from my breast fat. God, I hated having big tits. This is the absolute worst fetish for me. Ah, wow. I'm so glad I don't have tits like that. He just wanted those big tits acknowledged, you know? I know. I think you're right. He just wanted to show them off. Because look at his mouth, too. He's like, look at me. He's a bad girl. The pursed lips. Uh-huh. Can we see like what he was actually putting out there in the world? I want to see his frame of mind. Who does he think he is when he's wearing those big tits? That's what's interesting. Yeah. See, he's doing like duck face. Yeah, he's doing duck face. So he's like, I'm just a bad little girl with my big tits. And he likes to like. He's got his little hot pink pants on. Is there a carousel there? Is there like other photos? know but why doesn't he wear a wig and lipstick too it's just the tits that's like you like a beard and tits it's so weird i'm such an ugly woman there's like there's there's no amount of shit you know if you want it i've done it yeah i've i've you'll see me as a woman and uh it ain't Good. Oh, okay. So he did accessories. He wore the hot pants. Yeah, yeah. So this is the article that Leake did from the Daily Mail. Oh, is there lipstick on? There's lipstick on there. Oh, yeah. It's pink. So he did do lipstick. Okay, good girl. Well, at least he tried. He should have put a wig on. I would have gone with longer hair. See, but look at his face. Go down. Yeah, he's doing serious fuck me vibes. He's like, don't I look good like this? Yeah. Bitch, you know you want this. But who wants this? Guys or girls? Well, that's the thing. Who wants this? If it's exaggerated, it says hyper-femininity and it's exaggerated. I wonder if his thing is he wants other women to go, because he hired a female to be like, you're so hot, just like me. Maybe the sex person is like, we're both hot. Because otherwise, wouldn't he want a guy to be like, you're so fucking. I want to fuck you, you're not. So he doesn't necessarily. So wait a minute. He's a straight guy. Green leggings. Who wants to be a lesbian. Maybe. That's what it seems like. Yeah. Because he's asking a female. And maybe the female he asking because the woman that he was tricking with was a brunette like his wife Yeah So that his type Maybe that what he wanted you know Interesting God that such an easy and can I also say that in terms of fetishes that like the easiest one to accommodate for a husband. If he's like, I like to put on tits and hot pants, great. Let's lock the door and put on your tits. And I'll tell you how hot your tits are. Okay. This is such a nothing burger in sexuality. There's no cleanup. It's just the simplest, easiest thing. Well, it doesn't say if then he just like stroked it and he's like, oh, no, my cum got all over my head. You know, there's no. I'm sure. But also that's easy to. Yeah. It's fine. But what I'm saying by no cleanup is that he's not asking to shit on your face. He stuffed two balloons. No. That's what it says. So positioning the knots mimic nipples. That's why I look like scroll down. See if that is right. Like, look at them. So. Yeah. Yeah. Those are balloon knots. What an idiot. Yeah. You dope. He didn't want to have a big set of tits laying around. So what he did was in the morning, he would go out, come home, be like, hey, kids, I got you some balloons. And then when the kids would go down, he'd get those balloons. And then put it online, which is much more secretive. Well, I don't know that he, I think this is a hooker. Some type of leak. Yeah, some type of leak. Somehow took a screenshot of him and put that show on there, dude. Well, you can't trust fools on the Internet, bro. What are you doing? Bimbo-fication scene. Yeah. it's really wild. Bimbofication. Alright. Cool. Oh, hold on. They transform themselves into real life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of saline into their breasts. That's the ones who really do it. The real girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I totally understand. The Barbie thing, because we grew up playing with those dolls and you want to look like them. And also, we are in society when you're walking around. Yeah. You're seeing, sometimes you're just like whatever. You're at the mall or the grocery store and you'll see a woman walk by and you're like and it's like colossal tits. And you're like, oh, she's really doing it. She's like, don't I look good? And you're like, oh, really cool look you got going on. You don't look even human. What is this? He sent his secret roster of online acquaintances at least 25 grand. Cash app and PayPal. Idiot. When the payments were delayed or failed to materialize the chest would quickly turn sour. Oh, there you go. Yep. That's crazy. And he's not a bad looking dude. No. He could have been an attractive woman if he tried. If he really tried. Just try. Guys are so lazy. Oh, just put the fucking balloons under a nude shirt. Looks terrible. Yeah. Crazy. Fucking asshole. There you go. Really crazy. It's hot pants. It's always bad fashion, too. It's like guys never know how to be good at looking like chicks. Like there needs to be a consultation, like a place where dudes can go and like a woman can help you look like a better woman. I would do this. Yeah. Like you look terrible, sir. That is a really good service for like the man that goes, I want to look more like a woman to have women help, help consult with them and be like, yeah, because these guys don't know how to do it. Every time I see these clowns on Instagram, they look terrible. Terrible. I will help you, gaysers. It's not good. That's okay. All right. Speaking of kinky sexy things. I'm not helping anybody do anything anymore. Tom, you deserve spanking. She looks great, by the way. She does look great. She's your mom's age. Awesome. We played Her previous videos aren't in here But we played this woman before And she was doing Sexy things I believe she has an OnlyFans Yes, she's supporting herself We played those And we talked about them And then this came out How do you feel being a sex symbol now? I don't think that's not what's happening She just told me that I deserved a spanking Which makes you a sex symbol. People are making sexy videos for you now. Doesn't that feel nice? Yeah, it does feel nice. But as far as the 80-year-old market goes, I would say she's top shelf. She's really good looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, I hope you support this lady. Yes. I really do hope you support her. We support her. Well, let's give her a shout out. What's her OnlyFans name? Do you know? This is Linda Hope, 1939, the year of her birth. Jesus Christ. She's wearing a nine-inch nail shirt. Oh, Jesus. The link is on my Instagram, bitch. Hi, I'm Linda Hope. The link is on who wore it best, me, or that sad lady. Linda, Linda, Linda. You love this. I love her, dude. Yeah. So now she's just tagging us and everything, too. Yeah. Oh, nice. All right. Well, please support Linda. Yeah, that's really cool. I really hope you continue to create content, as the folks say. And you guys don't have to watch it, but maybe somebody out there will. I will. Oh, there you go. Oh, yeah, Annie's smashing it. We'll have a watch party for it. I'm sorry? You will? Yeah. Nice. Dudes, you already know what time it is. It's time to level up. and Blue Chew just dropped something crazy. Blue Chew Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. This isn't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is the four-in-one performance pill that's setting the gold standard. 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Oh, I also, I should have told you that I did this, but I just did this. I hope you're okay with this. I'm going to play this for you right now. Just make sure you're okay with it. Oh, dear. Look what Tom Segura gave me for being the Michelin star, Chef. Look what he gave me for being the Michelin star, Chef. Beautiful at night. Look what he gave me for being the Michelin star, Chef, and winning. Segura. Tom Segura. Zoom, zoom, zoom. So I probably should have, you know, run it by you. But I was like, man, you're such a good chef. And then I bought him this Lamborghini. You bought him a Lamborghini? Well, he did a great job cooking. How much did that cost? I don't think that was much. It was maybe like 300 grand or something. Oh, my God, Tom. Yeah. Great. So just so you know, I was like, man, whenever anyone cooks me like an awesome meal, a lot of times I'll buy him a car you know yeah I know I'm like man that was fucking really good you know so I'll be like do you want a car and I'll just like ship him a car so yeah just so you know I got him that Lamborghini perfect I was not expecting him to put it out there but I guess he was overwhelmed by the gesture and he was like thank you for sending this cool so you know Um, anyway, if you want to cook, you know, for me, you know how it goes. If it's good, it'll probably be like a car or something as a thank you. Yeah. Very generous. Yeah. I mean, well, I just, I was like, man, this, I've never had anything like this. Remember he did the John Segura here. It was kind of worth it. I'm sorry. You're right. Like I was first upset. Yeah. And then I was like, how much would you pay for that meal? 300,000? Easily. Easily. Yeah. No, you're right. I'm so stupid. Yeah. First I don't see it. And then I see it. In a way, too, if you really think about it, he's only crediting me with this gift. Maybe you should send him something, too, and be like, oh, that was from Tom. This is from me. It's a great idea. What can I send him to top a Lamborghini? There's so many things. He needs a yacht. They are jewelry. He loves jewelry. He wears mink coats. Half a million dollars. You could be like, that was Tom's thanks. This is my thanks. Okay. Okay. He's always walking out of designer stores. He'll be like, are you rolling? And he'll walk out. And then, you know, so maybe you get him a shopping spree or something. It's a great idea at Hermes. Hermes. Hermes, Louis Veddon, all those places. They love that stuff. People love that stuff. All right, let's do it. I mean, I think it's reasonable. The meal was fucking unbelievable. Like, you're not going to say thank you? Obviously, I said a huge thanks. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's cool. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay? He needs a Lamborghini. What's fair is fair. All right. You and I both actually speaking, but we love food. We love good restaurants, good experiences. I saw this review that I thought would be fun for us to review. So today I fucking went to the fucking most expensive fucking restaurant in my city. And the fucking vibe of this fucking restaurant is so amazing. Like there were flowers and everything decorative. I love the fucking vibe here. And then I fucking ordered this fucking, I don't know, pasta. It's a fucking pasta. And I ordered this fucking garlic noodles. It's a fucking noodles. And I ordered this fucking pizza, too. It's a very delicious pizza. And I ate all these things, and these old things are so good. I loved it. I liked it. I love it. I love this. These are the best reviews. Yeah. This is all I understand. Yeah. This is all I understand in the world. And you have, you know, the connection to your Indian. My Indian step family. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. So then he does, I think a... And this fucking video is sponsored by Rochester Wood Studio from Michigan, United States. They paid for this food. I loved it, man. Follow me for more fucking content. This kid's brilliant. I love it. To have people sponsoring him to eat in nice restaurants. Good on you, son. This is Sumit Yadav, a.k.a. I don't even know how to say the something Sumit. But he does these reviews. Do you know where in India he is? Where is he? Guys, send this guy some cash. Let the boy eat. I love these guys put their descriptions in my folder. It says, where? Some fucking expensive restaurant. And it says he was sponsored by a business in Michigan. And it says, aftermath, he digested the fucking meal. Yeah. Well done, boys. Well done. Hey. This guy rules. Yes. I could watch him do this, by the way, all day. That's what I was like. I really liked it. This is really nice. This is really cool. is some fucking noodles and you're like yes dude that's how people talk i don't know people fucking shit and it was good i'd like to ask you do you want to see something you will like or won't like start me off with something sour and then give me something that you like yeah this is just weird and i just saw it today i did not i didn't send this i didn't plan this but this is just strange i think you'll be like oh my god why you do that yeah i just told you it was gonna be why do you do it i didn't i don't like it he's just he did it's just water yeah but it's not i don't like it i don't like it okay all right jesus stop it i told you it was gonna be sour okay okay all right what is fucking wrong with you why is he puking up so much water that's what he does to ask i didn't fucking why are you doing that. This is trick. I don't like it. Okay, I took it off. It's done. This is the one that I think you'll like. Okay? Here's the worst. Here's what I think you'll like. I fucking hate you so much. Here's what I think you'll like. Dick. Okay. If you after the $7,000 and dream to own large house with pool and backyard, this house can be yours. Just if we call and I'll make it happen. Yeah. Thank you. This is every Hungarian guy I grew up with. This is San Fernando Valley, dude. Yes, Janos. She's so cute. Friends, this Beautiful dream home, approximately $1,000 mortgage every month, close to the funeral, amazing location, right there on public transportation and the grocery. Now, one of the things that I love about these is it highlights just how low the bar is to get into real estate. Like, you don't even have to be able to speak the language. And you can be like, you know what's great about this? There's a funeral home across the street. These guys, there's no bar for real estate. I know. That's why my mother told me because she's like, it's for foreigners, okay? Yeah. Immigrants. Because my Indian stepdad was doing real estate. She was doing real estate. It is something, you can have like a prison record and sell real estate. You can be scum of the earth and sell fucking real estate and make a great living. It's not in the folder, but I just saw one where a guy, his entire face is completely tatted, and he's doing a tour. He's like, check out this house right here. He's doing a full tour. He's like, hit me up, Sotheby's, whatever. You're like, yeah, dude, it's for anyone. Well, I don't know if it's for any. And it's for people who are very hyperactive, too. Yeah, a lot of energy. You need energy. You need a lot because. The Russian didn't have a lot, by the way. No, he's like, come on. You're 24-7 working in real estate. It's very demanding. Yeah. This is not who I was talking about, but this is another example. Yeah. This guy's wearing a prison jumpsuit. We're going to start this tour off with the mess hall right here. You and your partners can come over here and eat. You can play Jimmy or Domino. See, but this guy, this is not what I'm talking about. Because he's doing it. It's a joke. That's kind of comedically. I was talking about a guy who I just saw who did a genuine real tour and is, I mean, all tatted up, right? And he works for a real estate place. I'll find it. I'll find it. I'll send it to you. But I kind of like that now that society is so open. Fucking great. Let that guy have a shot at life. Yeah. Before, you couldn't do anything if you were weird. It's great that there's one final option for you. If everything has gone wrong for you professionally, there's always real estate. It's the last stop. That's the real thing. Yeah. You could be like, I have been arrested. Shit's fallen apart. I have a piss tested positive for Coke and fentanyl. I have a record of all. Bankruptcy. Fraud. And they'll be like, you want to come sell some houses? And you're like, yes, you can still do that. You can still sell houses. You can't even bartend if you're fucked up. No. Like, no. Real estate, bro. Well, look. Let's stop fucking around with jokes and talk about something serious. Uh-oh. Right? Everybody, I want you to take a look at these videos. Ah! Shit! Oh, no! Oh, shit! Oh, dude, no! Oh, dude, no, no! Not the kid! No. No, no, no, no! Fuck. Dude, if you got wheels, don't go near the escalator. Look what this psycho does. You got a walker? No, they jump on the handrail. Is this your first time on an... Oh, my God. Oh! Oh! Oh! Dummy. Fuck. Take the elevator, you stupid shit. Larry, what's the point of all this? Now, getting on and off an escalator. Please, do not bring strollers. Do not bring shopping carts. Do not bring wheelchairs. Do not bring walkers. As we could see from these videos, things ended badly for these people. These are pieces of machinery that just will not stop. So be extra cautious when stepping onto an escalator. Be well. Be safe. Thank you, Larry. Finally, somebody said it. Yeah. The whole time I've been like, I never think when I get on an escalator. Never. Sometimes I have like a cart or like, you know. Oh, I've done luggage, shopping carts, stroll. I've done everything. Nobody told me not to. I've started scanning rooms and parking lots like crazy. Yes, me too. Right. I always look for exits. And I also go, what could be an improvised weapon in any moment? I always think of that. I've been using knives more, mace. I've been trying to go to the range to kind of get a little sharper with my shot. But, man, escalators, you're like, I never think about that. Never thought about that before. That's the fucking value of Larry, honestly, is he brings up stuff that you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I just get on escalators willy-nilly all the time. Willy-nilly, not even thinking. You know what? I always think about is his garage tip, that string that hangs down. Oh, my God. That haunts me nightly. And I don't know if he's on a video about automatic doors, but I've been thinking about those more. Really? I think those can cut you in half, right? Yeah. Like if you don't think about when it's going to close. Yeah. You got to time those out. Yeah. The sensor doesn't work and it chops you in half. Or you walk right into the glass, shatter the glass. Face goes through the glass. Oh, my God. Whole life is different. Well, not even just escalators, but like stairs in general. Remember when I fell downstairs? And I broke my ankle. I do remember. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah I do recall You remember Yeah I do recall And just regular stares are scary too Yeah Everything scary And Larry here to remind us Yeah Thank you Larry Everything scary That's a good name for this next book. Everything's scary, Larry. Everything is scary, Larry. Written by Larry. Be scared. You forgot to be afraid today. Larry is here to remind us that everything is scary. And then sometimes we have to remind him of other things. Hold the testicle. Yeah. And you put one hand on the navel. and we call it sparrow. Sparrow, so this, when your hand holds its way and the hand has qi, so it changes the sperm, the sexual energy. Are you doing it? The sexual energy comes up and when you massage this 36 times and it changes the qing back into qi. It changes the qing back into chong? Can you imagine if Montauk and Larry got together for a session? And this guy's like, and Larry's like, I am looking over your shoulders. I'm wondering if there's an intruder. Or Montauk and Will Blunderfeld. The two of them love their genitals. They love their fluids. I think Will would take a natural student approach. Because Montauk's the legend. This guy's the legend. I mean, this guy does worldwide tours tours that people go to to hear him talk about their testicles and put the egg in your vagina. He's converted me more because I follow him on Instagram. Mantuck? Yeah. And now it kind of makes more sense to me. He's brilliant. All of a sudden, the energy does circulate in your body. It's just that he's talking about a topic that most people just don't talk about. So then you hear him talk about it and it makes you laugh with your juvenile mind. and then the accents also meatless to be ours. It's fucking funny. It's the worst. Okay, because you bring the jing chi up, the sexual energy up, up, and you have the dan tian, dan tian. And you have this dan tian can form chi. The jing chi, the sexual energy. So you spiral 36 times. Not one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, eight, you know where he's going. Yeah. Going to other numbers. He's going to do the whole 36 times. Yeah, he is. And he's gripping his balls. Yeah. And you have to sit at one of these conferences that everyone's like, I'm so excited. You've got to watch this man, this somewhat elderly man, just hold on to his nuts as he talks to you and be like, yes, master. Thank you. But he's so real with it. Yeah, he is. It's not nasty. It's not nasty. It's not salacious. No. I think that's why he sells this for me now. And then you have to go like, I feel like you could be someone who like literally goes up to him and go like, I started taking your courses and like I stroke my sword 150 times a day. And he's just like, good, good. And I'm like, so much control, so much excitement now. I feel the energy. And he's like, yeah. And you don't feel like you had a perverted conversation. That's right. Yeah. But what is he like sexually then? The greatest lover of all. That's the thing is, you think the greatest lover of all time looks like Fabio, like the flowing hair and the physique. This guy is actually who I believe makes love better than anybody on planet Earth. Because he understands the energy, the chi, the sexual organ. It would be so awesome if at the end of his seminar, he just turned and women came out and gave testimonies. testimonies. They were like, this guy fucking made me weep and come and my whole life changed. And then they leave and the next one he goes, and you remember what I did to you? And she's like, yeah. You can't fight 50 times. My insides take hold. My brain and my body were so connected. He's like, you leave now. Next person. And then the next woman comes. She's like, I'm still blown away by what you did to me. He's like, I know. I am bad. We got to see. Does he have a wife? Like, who is the wife of Monty? He's always alone. He always fucking does this shit alone. Maybe he's a player. Like, maybe this is how he gets chicks. Could be. You know, we always talk about it. Every guy's got an angle. Every guy's got an angle. Everything's an angle. There's no such thing as no angle. For dudes, of course not. Every dude's got an angle. All right. I have to make a peachy break. Sure, sure. And then we will be back with very, very exciting stuff. Push hard. Okay. Ugh. you gonna swallow that when you're done oh my god she asked me like yesterday she goes so when you're done with those do you just swallow them i'm like a nicotine pouch she's like yeah i'm like no i spit it out she's like oh i thought you just swallowed well here's why hear me out hear me out hear me out buddy okay you suck the nicotine out of it so anything that is let's say toxic to your body has already been put into your body. Do you know what I'm saying? It's fiber at this point. Yeah, I don't think it works quite like that. Can you swallow nicotine patches? Go ahead. I'm just going to say no. It's going to discourage you, but one can. Or it'll block up your intestinal tract and you'll die. Either way. If swallowed, the nicotine still gets in your system, but less predictably, you could end up with too much nicotine, leading to nausea, vomiting, dizziness, sweating, rapid heart rates. In higher amounts, this could turn into nicotine poisoning, which is more serious. Okay. It doesn't say you're going to die. Yeah, you can suck it. You can swallow it. Can you shit it out? You can definitely shit. Yeah. Yeah. And probably, yeah, it's probably good for you. Give it a shot. All right. Do you want to see some horrible, hilarious stuff? Yes. Okay. Here we go. Here you go. uh-oh are you okay got me here Seth are you okay oh my god are you okay that's what you want to hear here's the other thing I don't understand when this was being like the setup you go like oh that's where this is going but then the person asking seems like they're genuinely doing like did you not think that was going to happen what did you think was going to happen and the bike was going to go over the building? I don't understand. That was... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's, like, right there. Yeah. This one is leading more hilarious because of how stupid it is. Here's why I get a little nervous. It's because they're just young, dumb boys. They're young boys, I know. You think about our boys. Your dumb kid could do that, yeah. Some 15-year-old, you're not thinking. Well, we always did all dumb shit. Yeah. This could happen to me. afterwards, once somebody's severely hurt, we're like, yeah, we shouldn't have done that. Yeah. Their brains aren't formed yet. Totally. Totally. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh! I don't like that at all. I did not enjoy it. It kind of reminded me of something that happened to me one time. Yeah, I was going to say. I was going to say, I was really hating it, too. The whole jump into the water. You know what I mean? People are just trying to enjoy themselves, whatever, at this place, have lunch, and someone's like, look at me, I'm flailing on the fountain. You're like, get the fuck out of here, dude. But then I felt bad for him. Fuck. This is why you can't run on wet floors. This is why you tell your kids, don't run on the wet floor. Don't run on the wet floor. You'll break your arm. You'll break your arm. Yeah, this is bad. Yeah. This is very bad. Now, were he a lighter person? Not color, weight-wise. Do you think that he would break his arm? I think we should talk about both. His weight definitely played a role in this break. his blackness I think affected it a little bit too interesting why do you think his blackness contributed I think we were all expecting him to react quicker right because they're usually so quick on their feet it's just like hey dude you know what this is like let's see more control but I think it's the weight that broke it not the blackness because I definitely know when I broke my ankle my doctor intimated that it was my weight falling on it. How can weight not be affected when something breaks? A bone breaks. I landed on... Was it discreet? Were they kind of polite about it? The weight of you on it. I was like, what are you trying to fucking say? You weren't like a two-year-old. A big woman. No, but I was still losing baby weight kind of i mean i weigh 10 pounds more than i do now but which is a lot for me yeah okay you could you could argue that like that break would happen at the weight you're at now 10 pounds less yeah i mean like you fell yes the angle and like the distance also you know it's uh it's physics right yeah it's like yeah physics for me it definitely played a factor in in my break but i think i could have broken it um again i think 10 10 pounds less 20 pounds less i still could have broken that arm the angles were fucked on everything fucked up can you imagine if you were black if i were black here's the thing i i think my body wouldn't have allowed it to break yeah that's what i'm saying especially it was basketball yeah basketball you have so much power Whereas a black person in basketball, you know what I mean? Like, it's really home. It feels like a white person in the ocean. It's like, I'm not going to drown, right? Like, this is my domain. It's your turf. And what happened when his arm broke? In water. That's why we don't do this. Oh! That's why we don't play games. The circle of life. Dude. Good point. He's right, dude. This guy fucked up by getting in the water. Because he fucked in the water, dude. You're right. yeah that's why they don't go on the water he never ran around a swimming pool when he was a kid that's what's up you didn't know how to play these games see there's always something to these racial things i still by the way related to the break because you forget that i also i break i snapped my patellar tending i still get so cautious about wet floors oh my god you know PTSD for sure. Yes. But wet floors, if I feel it, if I see it, if I sense it, I'm just, I'm an elderly woman at that point. I'm like, huh. Yes. I get so fucking scared of it. You think I don't walk down the stairs every time at a glacial pace now and my eyes on the, yeah, I don't fly downstairs anymore. Yes. Wait, was the floor wet when your accident happened? No, it's that afterwards I was in this, I was in a straight brace for six weeks and I couldn't use it. and I couldn't bend it. And the only thing that could like really go wrong for me would be a slip and fall. And I would remember that I used to take a shower and get out and feel like, you know, sometimes you get out of the shower, you have like a mini slide. So I feel like the mini ones and I would just like, the whole body would just freak out because I was like, oh my God, this floor is wide, what the fuck? Like you get so scared that you're going to slip and fall. It has dissipated because it's been years, but you still are like very cautious. I'm very cautious around wet floors. Yeah. Once you have, did you have a lot of PTSD, like replaying the accident? I remember after I fell with my ankle, I replayed it in my head so many times. I mean, I did replay. I can still see the accident in my head. So me, to me, it was more about my, my not using my better judgment of attention. attempting that because of what had just happened. In other words, I knew, this is rehashing an old thing, but I knew that I had just, we had this competition, and I actually won the competition. And I knew I had just done, like, close to my max. And then the other guy was like, you could do more. And I knew internally, you know when you're like, no, this is my limit? Yeah, you didn't say no. I knew it was my limit. But that whole thing, I think, of being around and like try more, try more. I knew I wasn't going to do more. And then my conditioning, like the condition of my body, like the fact that I hadn't been training for so long is why trying to explode with that much power and being out of shape is why the tendon snapped. But like if I could like the thing about it was like going back. I should have been like, oh, no, like this is this thing. Like what we're doing here, at least is done. This is over. Yeah, that's the thing that replays my head is like the guy telling me go for more and knowing that I don't have more and being like, OK, you know, which is a very, I think, male thing of like you got more. It's like another rep. It's like, you know, if you were bench pressing and you're like, I have and then someone's like one more rep and you're like, there's nothing left in me. And then you tear your fucking, you know, your peck because you push through for one more, but you know you don't have one. Yeah, yeah. That's what replays in my head about that. It's just that, like, I shouldn't have ignored my instinct to not try the next thing. Yeah. Yeah. And then also that guy was black. So it does, it is kind of a factor. We were on a basketball court. It was a black guy. And he was like, you can do it. And I was like, I'm not, this isn't, you know. Well, you wanted his black approval. Oh, my God. I was desperate for his black approval. Bigger than white approval. It's the best approval there is. A white guy being like, great job on that dunk? Fuck you. A black guy being like, you dunked, you slammed it? No. There's nothing better. Or when a black person tells you that your outfit is good or that you're funny, it counts so much more. There's a list. I feel like there's a top five for sure. I've never been told that I dance well from black people. And here's the thing. You never will. But the feeling is incredible about if it's your dancing, your musical taste. No, I don't like my music. Definitely not. But your style. Yeah, good style. And also not just within style, shoes, specific to shoes. Oh, yeah, yeah, sneakers. And then athletic prowess. And then athletic prowess is actually, I think, number one for males. And then number two is humor. If a black person says you're hilarious. That's just the best. That's the greatest. Yeah, or you're real. I really like that. I like that when they say that I'm real. You're so real. They're incredible, incredible compliments, man. They really carry you through the day. Yeah, they really do. All right. We didn't even make it to this next one. Oh. I don't like it. I hate it. Oh, my God. Well, you're already in the chair. Yeah, that's what I... You want to go for the upper half now? He's like, I don't really need this neck. Yeah, what do you... Jesus Christ. Is this guy okay? Or I mean like more okay? Did he recover from this? We think he's fine. We think he's okay. He's good. That's good to know. Jesus, man. That is wild that this guy's like, I'm paralyzed. Yeah. I'm going to do this kind of shit. Yeah. That is kind of a death wish. He's just like, oh, fuck it. Well, I hope he went out doing what he loved the first time. Do you know what I mean? Like what led to the wheelchair? Yeah. Something tells me this is what he was doing the first time around. And he's like, fuck it. Just like on a bike or something? Fuck this. Skateboard? He's a skateboarder. Like they're crazy. Yeah. Look at Tony Hawk. He's 80 years old and he's still doing this stuff. Hey, show him a little respect. You know how much I love him. Yeah. But you know what I mean? In skateboarder years? Yeah. Yeah. That's tough. Tough. Tough. Oh, this is going to be gnarly. No! Look at the car! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Wow, it's a man. Shut up. What the fuck happened? First of all, can we just say something about that? like that's a man yeah i like he got he's like fuck shit i just i barely nicked you okay i just shit i didn't realize you were he did that at like 35 miles an hour can i you know what though every time i see a motherfucker backing up in a parking lot this is my worst fear because you know you know you sometimes this shit happens it does happen i i always get i'm the most overly cautious i'm like larry yeah when um when i have the kids with me yes because i'm always like dudes stop looking down look up you don't know what any motherfucker could be like i mean he goes watch it again so fast bro like you know what it is he probably thought he was putting his foot on the brakes and he instead yeah he pushed it hard yeah right now he's releasing his brake, right? Yeah. You can see the brake brake. And then he's like, oh! Fuck! It's like the third time I've hit a guy. For sure what happened, I think, is that as he's making this turn right here, when he is not yet there, Not there. He's going to change in his drive. No, he sees the guy and goes, I'm going to press the brake hard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like hard because, you know, you see somebody, you hit the brake hard. And instead of hitting the brake hard, hits the gas hard. And that is so, that's full speed. This is my favorite part of the way it gets out. God damn. Fuck! Fuck! He knows his life is over. Now he's also like, I'm fucking going to a movie. You know? I got to fucking text. Change my plans. Guys, I can't go to the movie. I just killed this guy in the parking lot. Can you imagine, though, you do this to some dude? Your fucking life is ruined. His whole fucking... Your life is over, dude. Everything's different right now. Lawsuits and... Everything's different. You're fucked. Oh, God. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. This is stupid. I hate this. Oh, shit. Yeah, you deserve it. I always think of that when I see horse carriages, too. Stupid. I always think about it. Yeah. I really do. I hate the ones in Central Park. Yeah. I hate it. Horses don't want to be near traffic all day. And here's the thing. You see it in a movie, and you're like, that's beautiful or romantic. But when you walk and you see it you like this is not comfortable It smells The horse doesn want to do this Horrific Like the whole thing is not Then it hot in New York Yeah. And then you smell the garbage, the urine, the horse shit at the same time. And cigarette smokes and weed and everything else around. It's like, God damn it. The horse doesn't want to be there. And here's the thing. They're never taking you somewhere you want to go. What they're going to do is we're going to do this, and then I'm going to take you back to where we started. it. So you're like, what was the fucking point? I want to go somewhere. I want the horse to drop me off at the hotel. They're like, that's not a fucking option. You get to go for a ride. Or Long Island. Take me to Long Island. Take me to Brooklyn in the horse carriage. Get out of here, man. Fuck out of here. Look, it's real close to tax day. I think it's worth reminding people that this is a big deal, guys. You gotta fucking pay your tax Taxes. As a reminder, here's a clip just to remind you. If you're with me, you're not going to death. What will happen if I don't pay my taxes? Well, you could get levied, but I know how to block a levy. So we're going to block it until the tenure statute ends, and the IRS will then have to write off your debt. Have a good day. I mean, the cool thing about that is it's in many ways. Brilliant. Well, it's in many ways the message is just don't go ahead and don't pay your taxes. I mean, that's essentially, she's like, what happens if I don't? He said, I know how to stop a levy. Ten years later, they'll have to write it off. There you go. Anything else? Well, I love, this is, I mean, I wish my accountant did stuff like this. Tax season ends on Wednesday, April 15th. Yes, sir. There's only one thing I want you to know right now, if you're a taxpayer. Please. If you're getting a refund, you're confident you're getting a refund, there's no issues. You do not need to file. You are not getting a late filing penalty or a late payment penalty because you're getting a refund. If you are owing a significant amount of money, you are going to get a 5% penalty if you don't file an individual extension on a 4868. Okay. I think we're good. This is just like – God, I blacked out. I was so bored. Yeah, just unbelievable. it's also an interesting choice as like the accountant that's getting ready to shave and putting out your content that way but yeah I mean Mike makes a good point sometimes people do the there's Mike also there's the accountant clean shaved and with a nice lady it looks like at the gym his hair is always incredible He's got amazing hair, which I like in an accountant. The guy's a fucking winner. He does a lot of AMAs on Instagram. You see, this is what's happened to this generation. Someone goes, have you ever took a shit in a Rolex box? You would never have imagined a young person, let's say 18 or 20, ever asking a stupid, juvenile, idiotic question like this. Yeah. But did you? So what's the answer? He's like, and yeah, I did. Okay. When I was younger, 40 years ago plus, this is just juvenile idiocy. Answer the question. I mean, you're just a bunch of rappers full kids in adult bodies. Okay. You're lost, man. You guys are really lost if you're asking these kind of questions. And I don't know if there's any hope for you. What about when you hit it from behind and you twist it so it grabs your dick? Yeah. That was a cool. That was a very mature discussion. Yeah, he's like, you guys are asking. Yeah, ask something more dignified. You know, you guys are asking juvenile questions. Move her around from behind so that the pussy grips your dick. And that's the way it feels good. You got to do that, man. Yeah, you got to do that. That's a Brooklyn rap, Ru. That is a Brooklyn motherfucking rap. Ask mature questions. God, grow up. Yeah. Grow up. Grow up. Stop asking me silly things. When you hit it from behind, you got to grip so that the pussy grips it. And you're like, cool. So about this filing. It's unbelievable, man. All right. You want to go out on your talks? Please. All right. Have not seen any of these. I'm very excited to see what type of emotional experience the rest of us will have today. What if I told you that after 50, your body slowly starts developing the old people smell, and most people have absolutely no idea it's happening to them? There's a scientific name for it. It's called two non-enal, a compound your body starts producing naturally after 50. It's that musty, waxy, slightly stale smell, the one you associate with your grandparents' home or an older relative when they walk into a room. It has nothing to do with hygiene. You can shower twice a day, use the most expensive soaps. It keeps coming back because it's being produced from inside your body. Washing just masks it temporarily. And the scariest part? Your brain gets used to your own smell over time. You genuinely cannot detect it on yourself the way others can. Most people walking around with it have absolutely no idea. Think about the people in your life right now. So redundant. Would you tell any of them about their scent? Really? So there's no solution? That was the whole thing? There is a solution. Oh, okay. She's selling you pills. Oh, the pills will mask it? Okay. From the inside. It'll stop the smell of decay from the inside, which, believe you me, I'll be buying this. I mean, I think you should place your order now. I know. I'm going to be 50 in June. Oh, my God. God damn it. God damn, bro. Isn't it bad enough? We have to smell? Fingernails are not required. I want you to know I hate this video Why? I hate it I just hated that video Why? I don't like it You can't I'm not somebody who wants to waste Any kind of an opportunity that we have We're cutting hair So you can share with me or not What are we letting go of today? What are we releasing? What can we let go of that no longer serves us Through this haircut? in this past year. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for asking. Of course. Well, how do you do? Take a deep breath in. So there was a deep share and then no one got to see it. Stupid bitch. Thanks. Also, she's like... What are we letting go of? The fucking hair you're cutting, asshole. What do you fucking think? Well, she's like, you could share with me or not. What if you were like, no, I don't want to share with you. Okay. Like, how awful. Let's just not waste the fact that this haircut is also a release of what you're holding on to. Is it? Could you imagine? It's not just a trim. could you imagine this is your hairdresser? I would kill myself. Shut the fuck up and get the clippers out. Alan is like, hey, homie, is there anything you want to release right now? Right now? You know what I'm saying? It's been a rough year, right? Talk about it during the haircut? Do you want to actually just unwind and have me style your hair? My guy would never. Do you want this haircut to be more like an intense therapy session, or do you want to just get a haircut? Alan from East LA. Shout out. Oh, yeah. So this is my new... Your new lane? Cool girls. Cool older ladies talks. That are like, I'm down. Horny older ladies. Horny ladies, yeah. Yeah. A little handshake between friends never ruined a friendship. And she's intimating that it's a certain type of handshake. I hate it. Ayahuasca? Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah. That's what it feels like. Oh, no. It's the frog one. You lick the frog. Oh, my God. Could you imagine? I don't want to do this at all. There are all these dumb white people paying for this shit. This is the only context in which I've seen you okay with vomiting in my entire life. I've never seen you enjoy it. Because they're so stupid. It's so funny that you actually are like, this is great. And they're like... First of all, not only have they paid for the stupidity of licking this frog poison, they've flown to some remote jungle in some third world fucking country. If they die, they just die out there. They definitely do just die. Puking in buckets and shitting in buckets. and it's just some fucking some weirdo rubbing your back with strangers doing this? I would rather die. This is horrible. You could never do this. I'm trying to think. Will you at least consider watching the water vomit guy again? No, no. Just with this mindset. No, no. Because I know this is drug related. The other one, I can't. I don't understand why he's doing it. These people are just fucking sick. I'm releasing so much right now. I just got my hair cut, and now I'm doing this. I'm growing so much. Okay, here we go. That is piping hot. That's a branding. Yeah, it's treatment. What's the treatment? I was just poking you in the hot rod. That's a third-degree skin burn. But he can move his arm now. My arm moves again. See? It's because of the endorphins. He's like, if I do this, will you never hit me with that thing again? Relief from excursion pain? Yeah. I think it's panic. Just endorphins. Yeah, of course. And you're like, oh, can you move? Yeah, he's got adrenaline shooting through. He's like, I can't fucking move. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm good. You fixed it. You fixed it. Just get a steroid shot, man. Holy shit, bro. Go to your doctor. Get steroids. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Ha, more white people shit. I'm really into white people doing stupid healing things. What is worse? This or the haircutting lady? You have to choose one. You're getting your haircut and you have to... The haircut would be more unnerving. At least here you can take a fucking nap. You know, they have sleep masks on. You can be like, go ahead, do your fucking bullshit. I'm sleeping. Haircut lady or ayahuasca ceremony? Oh my God. I'm getting a haircut. I'll grow this shit out. I don't care. I'm not doing the jungle. The jungle is the worst. And I'm not against. It's the worst. I've done, you know. I know. I like that type of thing. I don't like the jungle vomit setting. Buckets. And they put out buckets in the dirt for you to puke and shit in in front of everybody. The lady was just like, I'll clean the vomit off of your face. She was like, hell yeah. And they're like doing it for you. Fuck, man. You're so wiped from that experience physically that it probably feels like such a release. Yeah. You know, you're like, I'm alive. I made it. I know. It's like getting food poisoning. You're just like, oh, thank God I'm back. It's not even. You guys see that right there? Oh, here's the new snack. That's right. That's the best snack there is right here. Salted peanuts and Coca-Cola. That's right. Don't get no better than that right there. I went to college with guys like this. I really did. I mean, if I never left, I might be making this video. Do you think he swallows? Y'all see this right here? The fucking best snack you can get right here, man. Put fucking salt and peanuts in your Coca-Cola. It's just a fucking slacks, dog. Yeah. Do you think he swallows his nicotine patch? This guy? He swallows dip. Yeah. Without question. But here's the deal, man. At first, I thought it was stupid. And then I'm like, that kind of probably does taste really good, though. Yeah. Salted peanuts in a Coke? Yeah. It's good shit, I bet. salty and sweet. Yeah, that's probably pretty good. I've never seen anyone do that. Especially when you got your period. Salty and sweet. That's probably why he likes it. You know where this guy is, but you don't know where this guy is, right? It's here. I wouldn't. I don't know. You think Georgia maybe? I was going to say Carolinas or Georgia would be my guess. But Tyler here in the office likes to do this too, he told us. Oh, yeah? He does it with Dr. Pepper. He says it's a Texas thing. Oh, you put a fucking solid penis in your Dr. Pepper? She fucking hates real good, man. Fuck yeah. Get you some, man. Try it. Try it out. Hey, baby. I just wanted to reach out to you. Let you know that I really sincerely apologize for this. I understand alcoholism is a disease, and I really want to apologize again that I peed in the oven. I really thought I was raising up the lid. I'm really sorry, baby. But I love you. Can you please come back home? This is one of the best things I've ever seen. Because it is for a person, but he publicly posted it. Number one, check. And here's the thing. I really apologize for pissing in the oven. He goes, I really thought I lifted the lid. So is he saying I was sleepwalking and I thought I lifted the lid of a toilet and pissed in the oven? Or is he saying, I know I pissed in the oven and I'm sorry. I thought I was pissing on the oven. You know what I mean? Like, there's a... But you understand? I understand. Now it's, we're home here now. Like, this is another... He just said, I really thought I lifted the lid. Yeah. That makes me think that he was like, no, I thought I peed in the toilet. I was sleepwalking. So we don't know what's going on here. Are you following me, guys? Yes. I hear you. It's a logic problem. No, we understand. Because she's like, what the fuck? You pissed in the oven. Yeah. And he's like, baby, you know how I sleepwalk. Sometimes I think the oven's the toilet, you know? I've been peeing in ovens for 35 hours. I don't understand. It makes complete sense to me. Right? Yeah, it's like they made a rule. He said lid. The lid at least has to be up. And you forgot. Yeah, yeah. The lid has to be up. In the oven? Yeah. I mean. Because it's either that he thought the oven was the toilet. Yes, yes. Or he's like, I know you're cool with me pissing on the stove. Oh, my God. But I accidentally pissed in the oven. you know it's the only way it makes sense is if he's such a drunk that he you know he just does this all the time all the time as long as the fucking oven lit is up yeah yeah yeah that's what it is yeah that's what it and then it's please come home please come yeah he's been drinking too much any any got it yeah i mean don't like look if my dad had hair yeah that's that's the kind of shit he'd say yeah for sure i've heard him say please go back home i've heard That exact, I'm like, oh, this is a drunk. This is a drunk. This is a drunk. Drinks. Pisses everywhere. This isn't from Gatorade, for sure. No. Pisses everywhere. Yeah, my dad pissed in my shoes one time. No. That does, yep. He does some shit. See? Really? Nice shoes, too. Damn. Drunk? Yeah. Of course. But just, like, because fuck you, or just because I'm pissing anywhere? No, he just does that. Again, it was like, you kind of just know that if he's super fucked up and he comes on, he's pissing somewhere where he's not supposed to. That's nuts. It could be in the closet. It could be in shoes. The closet was a big one. The closet? I think because it was a small space. I caught my son a few years ago sleepwalking. Yeah. And he was getting ready to pee, started peeing in the closet. But I had to, you know, I was like, what are you doing? He was like, what? I could tell that I startled him. He didn't know where he was. I also found him like one time he had gone to the bathroom. And then when he was done with the bathroom, I watched him walk into the living room, get on the couch, and get ready to go. I go, hey, you're in the living room. He was like, what? I was like, you're in the living room. He was sleepwalking. That's what I thought about sleepwalking with this. But I think the drunk story is much more fun. The drunk connection. Baby, please come home. I'm sick of pissing in the oven, too. Please. You know I love you. You know I love you. You know I piss in the mailbox. This is what it is. I pissed everywhere. I'm done with that shit. That's in the past. Yeah, yeah. No more pissing in the house. No more pissing. Just come home, baby. This year, I'm pissing in the toilet. All right. We've got to wrap it up. This was a lot of fun. It's beautiful. Please check out The End, Ari Shaffir's final storytelling show with an incredible lineup. It's on ymhtstudios.com. Please see Christina P. on tour. She's going to be in Austin, Irving, Texas, Denver, Colorado, and Chicago. and those are all at ChristinaPOnline.com. Just ChristinaP.com. Sorry, ChristinaP.com. And I think that's it. We'll see you guys very soon. Bye, mommy. Bye. Hi, I'm Roxanne DePalma and I want to know who out there is curious about EcoSets. What? What? One, two, three, four. What the fuck is EcoSat? The wind in your hair. Tree bark. That's exciting in itself. To really let your fingertips run across the tree bark and feel its eroticness. Now you get the penis out. Now you get the penis out. Here I'll get you alive. Here I'll get you alive. What the fuck is EcoSets? Me and my girlfriend Summer What the fuck is EcoSat? What? What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is so disgusting. I am embarrassed. Why are you embarrassed? Because this is disgusting. Would you marry your grandson? I am embarrassed. Why are you embarrassed? Because this is disgusting. What the fuck is eco-sex? Me and my girlfriend Summer. What the fuck is eco-sex? Would you marry your grandson? Oh my God.