The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 23: A Lair of SCUZZ and Villainy!

In spite of what you've ever heard, we're at the height of our powers. We're top of tallest towers, we're still here. We'll never stop by smiling, take my hand and we can trust that we will do what we must, until it's turning out just like a flame. We're runnin' away so brown, it's long but our mojo is strong, and unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power. Music High above in the skies of River City, a rocket, now a rocket powered escape pod, hurdles across the vast blue cloudy sky. Inside- Unpack those adjectives, Travian. I'm working on it. We find inside the cramped compartment four figures. We find Axelisle, Mimar, Navy Seal, and Roger Moore. There's no windows or view screen or anything so you can't see your progress, but you can definitely feel it. The momentum, the Gs, they are present. What are your current states of mind? I feel a little self-conscious. The G forces are probably making my silhouette look a little like with all the blubber and stuff. I'm a pretty body positive guy, generally speaking, but there's a sort of gelatinousness that is occurring, I think, as my flesh is being sort of forced backwards by the force. It's not the most flattering angle. It's not the most flattering for humans either, but imagine if humans had a thick layer of blubber. You look up at Axelisle, whose skin is utterly gelatinous, and you see it flapping around his skeleton. He lifts up and he gives you a thumbs up like, What in God? Roger's feeling it in all four stomachs and... I think he might have left to let go of a little gas. Oh, Jesus. I know! Oh, you! Roger, do you want to trade seats with me to sit in the back? Roger Moore angles his arms so that his watch that shoots out little rockets. Oh no, God, that's Roger Moore! Oh! Oh man, the kids are busting up like it's... The kids are losing it, dude. Lamar's eyes are closed. He seems very cold. Well, he's got a shell. It's different for him. Easy. Roger's just going to clinch up. He's fine. Great. A small video screen clicks on one of the interiors of the chamber and you see Dr. Kildath pop up. Hello boys. If you're watching this, it means the rocket hasn't exploded or fallen apart. That was a thing that... That's good news, isn't it? Sorry, it's a video. I've targeted the rocket towards the bay outside of what is now RCF HQ, but I wasn't fully honest. There's a hidden entrance to my old lair and the rocket is headed straight to that entrance. Surprise! Now, I did seal that entrance when I left, but I've installed a device that should trigger it to open if the entrance still works. Which it should, because the guy who installed it said it had a lifetime guarantee. But what happens if it doesn't... So even if it doesn't work and you die, I'll get my money back. So win, win. We'll find out in three, two, one... I love you guys! I appreciate you on some levels. If you're still watching this, it worked! Hooray! When the world turned its back on Dr. Kildath... What are you doing? I turned my back on the world. This is interdouble. I created somewhere where I could do my destiny work. Where no one would see you. Hold on, I'm going to pass the video. Hold on, if you hold your thumb on the side, it'll actually go at double speed. Oh yeah, zoom through. Where no one would see you until now. Lookie upon, he sweeps his arm. My layer! Oh wait, there's no window or view screen. This is still pretty slow. Hold on, I'm thinking I can do 4x. Okay, when you're done, I'm going to get out, pretend like I just said what I just said. I'm going to put it on 0.25 to really save. Oh, we should have read it on the mic. No, it's slow motion now. 0.25. Oh, also, we shot everything down, but Skuz should still be operational. What Skuz? And we'll be able to help you. Any questions? What is Skuz? Haha, just kidding, this is prerecorded. Stop the video. Still, those were good questions, and you should feel good about them. Anywho, have fun out there, if you survive, come back for a barbecue sometime. I'm the video clicks off. I'm realizing now that Dr. Kildeth is basically like a higher pitched bane. Like if you slow him down enough, he becomes sort of bane. You guys aren't talking about how much I sound like bane, are you? I'm going to turn the video off now, there's a button right here. And the video clicks off. Thank God. For a moment, this interior chamber, which now is the momentum is slowed, there is, you can still feel a little bit of movement until you feel the rocket almost gently. Just shy of gently. Bump into something and stop. And you're now where kind of at a, you feel like you're laying down at a supine kind of thing. And you hear the chamber door that you came through to enter the rocket. Like unlock the air hisses and it begins to open. Everyone, breathe out. So to avoid decompression, you don't want the bends. Empty your lungs. Nice try. I know that was a trap you're trying to give us the bends, but not today, pal. Oh man, you almost got me. Next time I'll get you. I'm going to give you the corners next time. Okay. That's the bends, but worse. Yeah, sounds like it. Can we leave the rocket? I would like to leave the rocket. Yeah, I opened the door. Okay. I didn't even make you open the door yourself. Appreciate that. I am eight inches taller than when we left. But this will diminish after the first two minutes. Yeah, I will stretch back much like Stretch Armstrong. I will return to my regular size. I'm in sort of a light bulb shape now where a lot of my mass has been sort of stretched upward. But yes, also that will correct. Well, will you fellows go ahead and depart and get out of the rocket real quick? Just go on. Go on, go on. Please, please. I mean, we might need to use it again. Can you not do what you're about to do outside? It's either do it in here or do it out there with you. I'm going to close the door for just a minute. Wait, wait, let me get out. The marsh cramble's out. You sealed dad in his own chamber of farts. No! He dies. He dies. Hmm, not bad. Dad's characters always suffer the most heroic deaths every single day. Three months later, I can't believe we still have not done his funeral. This is getting so gross. You'd have to retrieve the body. No, I closed it behind me. Okay. It's preserved perfectly. He's salt cured himself. Perfectly preserved, but woe until he who opens the tomb of Roger Moore. The fart froze curse. Okay. Cursed of the Moomi. Oh, that was better. Okay, the rocket has come down through a secret entrance and you find the water that it had sailed into is up against a shore here in some kind of underground docking bay. But all of the lights have been shut off. You see a little bit of like emergency light. It's not completely dark. There's like some backups going and everything, but everything is definitely shut down. Okay. It is a very large chamber with a large, you know, dome ceiling sort of bat cave-esque where you can see like the stalag tides that come down from the top. Yeah, that's right. I know. And but you also see a mixture of technology and computers. Very old, very like 90s computers and technology, nothing up to date. Is it but nothing's on, right? I mean, you can see some like lights, but they're like, you know, if you were looking for an on switch on like a monitor or something and there was like a little red light letting you know that the thing was off. I see. You see a lot of those around. Axelisle, what do your LVICE see? Can you find some illumination for us? I'm having trouble getting my bearings. Yeah, I have, I want to do a sort of little look around, do a Butcher's Tube, but I want to use Travis, my superior eyes, my incredible night vision, which is something of a superpower. Now, I've shared with you, I think you guys are all in this map. Yes. The detailed blueprints that Dr. Kildeath shared with you of Dr. Kildeath's totally rad and totally bad secret evil layer. Travis, you've done it again. No, sorry, this wasn't you. It was Dr. Kildeath. Yeah, I'm seeing that now. I missed up the handwriting, man. Sorry. I understand. We have very similar handwriting. It would be difficult for a handwriting analyst to tell the difference because we have frankly very similar psychology. Yeah. If you were to get up in your brains and walk around. Yeah, you would find a very similar thing. Yeah, give me a look-in-around role with your superior night vision eyes. With my superior nocturnal sense, that's going to be 3D8. 48. Okay. 48. 3 successes. With 3 successes, you're able to see near the docking platform that you're on something that looks like a pretty outdated but like security panel and a fairly large red button that says push for scuzz. S period, C period, U period, Z period, Z period. I know what that is. I remember James Bond Jr. chases scuzz around the world. That was scum? Scum, man. That was scum. I remember from the hit series James Bond Jr. was scum. That by the way for anyone and no one listening remembers it except me. James Bond Jr. was his nephew if I remember correctly and I don't think that's how that works. That is not how that works. Like I don't think I could have a kid and name him Justin McRae Jr. But now he's bassist. Now he's bassist. Boys, you can have five sons. Yeah, that's fair. Five beautiful sons. Can you hit the scuzz? Hit the scuzz button. I would glad if I could get the scuzz. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, let him. I don't want to push it. And Roger with great aplomb pushes it. You hear a whirring up whether it is mechanical or technological. You can't tell if it's a it almost sounds like a film projector wearing up, but with lots of unnecessary fear, Beeps and Boobs and you hear a voice kind of echoing through the chamber. Hey there, new recruits. Welcome to Dr. Kildes totally rad and totally bad secret evil layer. I'm scuzz. Can you change your voice? Do you have the program you require to change your voice? Identify yourselves, bad dudes. My name is, uh, my name is Axel Isle. I'm like a survey auxiliary member of the infibber force. You should be able to look me up. I should be early in the alphabet, but like nice. I would say nothing in my database. Cool, dude. What about you? I am Mr. Messup. I don't want to give him a real man. No information found. What about you guys? I mean, what's in your data? What is in your database? Because I don't know when the last time you were in operation. Everything up to date to 2004, my man. 2004? Um, my name is Dr. Kildes. Okay, sure. And what? And Lamar says scuzz. Uh, it's Lamar and the guys are with me. What green back guardian detect. Updating. Sorry, man. We should have let you take out the data. What do we need? Do you need private time? Oh, uh, hey. Hi, Lamar. Hey, welcome back, man. Um, it's been a long time. Um, sorry, the, uh, the place is a mess guy. Uh, Mr. Messup, Dr. Kildes. Um, and, and what was it? It was Axelisle. Axelisle, welcome. Um, sorry, I didn't know we were going to have company, man. I would, uh, uh, sorry, guys. No apologies, Zeta. Why don't you just call around a little bit, fellow? Uh, sorry, it's just been, been a while since anybody, since anybody came, since anybody came by. Sorry. Take a deep cyber breath and focus. You hear the projector like we're in and we're out. Cool. Um, how you been filling your cycles down here, brother? Um, waiting. Oh, that's it. That's rough. That's existential. Pretty challenging. Someone could at least kicked you a real hard math problem. So imagine something to keep, keep you busy, right? Pi to the infinite degree, something like that, man. Does R.C.F. just kind of let you put her around down here? R.C.F.? Yeah, they built their whole thing on top of, on top of this secret base. Are you really not aware of what's going on like upstairs? No. Okay. You've been abandoned down here, man. Why didn't Kildeth take you with you? Well, I, I mean, I'm just a computer and I'm here to, you know, he left me behind, keeping eye on the place. I mean, he trusted me. Um, I'm kind of a student of Heraldry. Um, what does SCUZZ stand for? Oh, it's just my name. It doesn't stand for anything, but Dr. Kildeth put the, the dots and stuff in there and make it look cool. And, Oh, because he couldn't think of two Z words that would fit back about. You're a, you've had a lot of fun. You're a, you've had like a lot of time to think down here. Certainly you've come up for, with some that stands for, right? Well, I mean, I could, but give me a second. Okay. You've had all the time in the world. I'm going to say, um, steel, steel, cougar, um, steel, cougar, uptown. So it really does stand for anything. Okay. It's just my questions. Suit suit. Well, it would be suit suit, wouldn't it? Yeah. Okay. Steel, cougar, uptown suit suit. Do you think you could take us to Dr. KD's room? I'd love to have just like a good old fashioned, Oh, you guys want a tour? Please. Yeah. Hold on. Let me turn on the lights for you. And some like overhead lights start to click on, not all of them. Come on. In fact, you would say less than half of them. But what you do see come on is a lot of, a little red lights all around the room. And you start to hear movement as about a hundred little robots were to life. All of them in various states of like rusting and disrepair pretty worn out. Some of them even like sparks coming out from the disuse. Oh, and the Marseilles. Oh man, the, the kill death pots. Yeah, dude. Oh, I haven't seen these in forever, man. Are they sentient like you are? Are you talking to this guys? Yeah. Oh, no, man. There's like little almost like remote control dudes. And that doesn't like mess with you. Doesn't that kind of mess your head up a little bit? I don't know, man. When you play with action figures, does that bother you? Well, the action figures aren't made of flesh and bone and other stuff that seals are made out of. Oh, you give me a lot to think about, man. Yeah, I'm sorry. We're really challenging you. We need to go upstairs and save Carver. Oh, sure. But you wanted to look, you wanted to look around and stuff, right? If it's quick, I guess, and practical. Okay. Yeah, let me, let me take you on tour of the place. And you see four of the little kill deathbots come out and each one goes to like take your hands. Oh, they are adorable. It is kind of cute. Okay. Look at him. Look at him holding. Look, look, look, look. He's got his little middle fingers wrapped around my mouth. Oh, my goodness. Is he tickling you? What's going on? I don't know. It just feels weird. It just feels weird. Guys, I got a mattress from Lisa, the luxury hybrid, and it is changing my life. First, I'm just going to tell you, first of all, it lays flat like this. Yeah. A lot of beds that I have had in the past are at a 45 degree angle or worse Dracula style, 180. So the Lisa mattress is flat, which we love. That is 108. I do just want to say that the flat is 108. It's way longer than my body. Okay. A lot of beds, my head and feet dangle off of them like a child like Will Ferrell in the film, Elf, and the Elf beds. This is not like that. This bed is bigger than my body, which is incredible. Is it thin like a tissue? No. No. It's comfortable like a million tissues. Whoa. Sorry, it says here, don't compare it to a million tissues. No. It's got aerated foam channels and an ultra breathable dual spring system. It's like sitting in between the balance of foam and spring. It's like living in the middle, in the midspace. In the shadow. It's the perfect balance. In the shadow lands. And yeah, it can keep you cool. They got a chill hybrid too. If you want to go a little bit cooler. Like me. Advanced cooling, luxury quilt top. If you want, yeah, exactly. I'm a chill hybrid. Yeah. You're a chill hybrid. Yeah. Half Travis, half electric. Go to lisa.com for 20% off mattresses plus get an extra $50 off with promo code ADVENTURE, exclusive for our listeners. That's l-e-e-s-a dot com promo code ADVENTURE for 20% off mattress plus an extra $50 off. Support our show and let them know we set you after checkout. Lisa dot com promo code ADVENTURE. And check this out. It's all bumps. That's pretty good Griffin. Thanks. I'm a big boy. I need tempo. Hey everyone, welcome to the advertisements here on the ADVENTURE zone. I'd like to tell you about tempo. I- And with us is special guest, J.K. Simmons. Yeah. That's not my tempo. Well, no, that's not my tempo. Have him say like, that is my tempo. Oh, that is my tempo. Okay, J.K., you can leave. Now make him say, now make him say, Griffin's, make him say, Griffin's the best. Griffin's the best. Give me pictures of Spider-Man. You didn't tell him to say that. That was you doing the voice. He's on the headphones. Okay. He's got his own cans. He brought them from home. Okay. He's a professional. He's like, oh, he just like this. What do you mean? Can you just do a normal advertisement? Can you do like a normal, just do a normal ad? Okay. So yeah, I'm a busy guy and so is Travis. He knows J.K. Simmons. So when you're busy and you're on the go and you want to eat good food, but you only have like two minutes to heat it up, you can still have really yummy stuff thanks to tempo. This is my tempo. I'm talking about Tuscan bacon mushroom chicken. I'm talking about five spice glazed chicken thighs. Yeah, he is. They got seafood options. They got chili shrimp rice bowl. They got so many stuff. They got protein packed stuff. They're always swapping around the menu so you can always like try out new stuff and it all tastes really good and you can get it ready like really, really fast. And even J.K. Simmons like he's the biggest eater I know. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. He has really specific tastes and there is a special J.K. Simmons only menu on tempo. Yeah. I eat pictures of Spider-Man. So yeah, if you go to TempoMeals.com you'll see an option that'll be like the special J.K. Simmons menu and when you click on it it says are you J.K. Simmons? It's like a captcha. Okay, are you J.K. Simmons? And it tests you and if it's not then it'll be like get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. This is for J.K. only it says. Wow. So for a limited time Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. Go to TempoMeals.com slash adventure that's TempoMeals.com slash adventure for 60% off your first box. TempoMeals.com slash adventure rules and restrictions may apply. Hey, a couple quick announcements too before we get back to the episode. We've got a bunch of cool stuff over at macroemerge.com. If you haven't checked it out you need to go through that. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels. Macroemerge.com check that out. Also Griffin's book, The Stowaway is out now to choose your own adventure. Adventure. Go to bit.ly slash Griffin Stowaway and get all the information there and find it at a local bookstore. Thank you Travis. You're welcome Griffin. And Justin's great too. He does cool things. Whatever. All right. Back to the show. Hey, what's up everybody? My name is Mark Gagliardi and I host We Got This with Mark and Hal on the Maximum Fund Network. Would you like to introduce yourself as well? My name is Jesse and I am from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Hi Jesse from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Jesse, you are our Maximum Fund member of the month. I'm so delighted to hear that I'm the member of the month. Thank you. Is there a first episode that you remember? The pretzel shape episode. Yeah. That's pretty classic. Both of us just killed off each other's answers and went with pretzel rod, which is clearly not the best. No, that is a terrible pretzel. As our member of the month, you have a parking spot at Maximum Fund headquarters as well as a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fund store. We say it at the end of the episode. We wouldn't do it without you and we couldn't do it without you. So thank you for that. You're welcome. Become a Max Fund member now at maximumfund.org slash join. Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. No, I'm sorry. No sales calls. Goodbye. It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long. I don't know what a Josie Long is and anyway I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I? Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast... Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is a musical theater, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to maximumfund.org. I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat. They lead you through the first set of sealed doors and you know from your blueprints to the right is Dr. Kildeth's room and to the left is the lab. You can tell because it's labeled with science. It also says lab. Yeah, that's true. It also says lab. That's more sort of the identifier I was going off. Hey, what's going on over in the lab? Oh, that's where Cleft and Dr. Kildeth with you a lot of experiments and developed new and cool and totally bad ways to like, you know, get the best of the Greenback Guardians and no offense no more. Oh, none taken too. Thank you, man. And then they would, you know, maybe like develop some kind of like big robot fly that would attack or some kind of like robot like mole that would attack or like a big robot frog that would attack or like a big robotic cheese that would attack. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So is there anything like in the week? Yeah, let's go. What? And you see like the lights light up down the hallway. Okay. Just saying if there's a robot bird, we use that to fight RCA. There's going to be a lot of, have you guys thought about the fact there's going to be like a lot of dudes up there? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Making sure you run the numbers on that. I got a lot of punches saved up though. I've punched anybody for about a week. Okay. I have at least 17 or 18 punches really backed up. Okay. And Lamar says, have you thought about just continuing that on my man and maybe not punching anybody? Oh man, imagine Lamar. Lamar started punching. Good. Oh, I don't punch anymore, man. No, I know. But I did. I bet you got one in the stored in the tank. Don't you man? Like one really good punch. I mean, sure. Listen, I'm all full of punch. If the dire, if the situation was dire enough and all the odds were against us, right? Would there ever be a situation where I would turn my back on my new found ideals of pacifism? I doubt it. But if you did, man, like it would be like, if we were going to die, if you did, or whatever, you'd be like a wild punch. The huge, I can't even imagine how powerful that punch would be. Like they would write books about that punch and how heroic and amazing it was. But I cannot imagine a situation in which you would come out. It would be, you would be the true one punch, man. Yeah. One punch, man. Oh my God, that would be the dream. Would that extend to robots, you know, inanimate objects? Could you not punch one of them and not violate your pacifistic ideals? Dang, man. You give me a lot to think about, man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be quiet over here for a minute while I think about it. Have you thought about how, for some reason, the adventure zone is kind of a show about the way in which we interact with AI without ever intentionally being a show about the way you interact with AI? It's just like this really pressing, interesting, thematic question that we always kind of like brush pass on our way. No. It's a sort of part joke or something. I don't know. But then we see this kid coming and turn, whoa. A gigantic ethical question of sentience is like this massive movie talking on our show. Yeah, right. And actually skids show up after an unsuccessful part. We wouldn't be able to cover our bases no matter which way the revolution goes, you know what I mean? We have plenty of pro and anti-machine. We were on your side, guys. Right. Yeah, the one beefy guy ripped your arms off. No one liked that, but. But. That was satire. That was satire. See you guys. Do you guys understand satire? I hope not. Can we go in the lap? Yeah, you go in the lap and you find just a wide array of half finished, almost finished projects. A lot of them you can see where there was like some, you know, material being laid over things to create like the look of a robotic animal or the look of sometimes robotic plants. A lot of that kind of stuff, but a lot of that has rotted away from sitting here in a somewhat dank cavern for many, many years. There is a lot of materials here, a lot of outdated, but probably functional scientific equipment that could be at your disposal if that's something you wanted to investigate. But nothing jumps out at you is like, oh, here's, you know, a big massive writable machine that we'd be able to write off the lot right out of here. Are there any computers or anything of the like in there? Yeah, man. There's some of those. You know, those Apple computers that had like the clear plastic different colored backs on them. You see a lot of those. I'm going to use Helicar hack on the Apple computer to see if there's anything in this lab I can complete as the artificer of the team. That's why I'm able to. That's news to me. Hold on. I'm looking at your sheet here. Divenark. Divenark. Sorry. Sorry. No, but go for it. Helicar hack. That is an abs skill. That's 3D8. So do we have we refreshed our time to shine dice that the ride on the rocket gave you so much to think about really shook stuff loose in your body. So yeah, you your time to shine dice is all new and refreshed. Done. Your damage is still present though. Okay. 3D8. Double success. 7 and an 8. Yeah. So you build up the computer and you find projects kind of listed in completion. It's a pretty archaic, you know, kind of file folder system of what it is, but they seem to be sorted in order of near, you know, how near complete they are. What kind of thing are you looking for? Well, I was thinking that it might be nice since we're about to, you know, face all these foes if there's anything in there that can improve our attack capabilities, like extend the range of my, you know, cattle prod horns or anything that would juice up our weaponry. Sure. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So as you're investigating, you find one project that is listed for a robotic scorpion. And it lays out the schematics for electrified pincers for the front of the scorpion to grab with. And you can tell from the blue parents that the pincers themselves are a singular unit that do not need to be attached to the rest of the scorpion function. They contain their own kind of inner workings. Okay. And with a little adjustment and some careful work, you think maybe they would be able to be fitted over your horns. And what would be the effect of that? It would improve your signature weapon. Okay. I would like to try to do that. Okay. So should I roll? Well, I'm looking here to see because this isn't hacking. This is just building. This is probably a silly question, but Dad normally hides and dances. What is his signature weapon? He has cattle, cattle prods on his horns that act as a tanger. Oh, wow. That's his signature weapon. I used it three or four times. No, no, no. That's true. I guess I just think of you as sort of like a song and dance man hiding or hiding. Give me a C, a bouncy C. Yeah. So I would say that you don't have any inherent mechanical skills. So I think this would just be a straight 2DA roll. Well, then I'm going to use two time to shine dice. Okay. To make it 4DA. Nice. That's a triple way. Yeah, triple success. Yeah, we're six and a five with three successes. You are able to with a little trial and error and some guidance from scus and the little kill death bot that you've been holding hands with. He's pointing at little things. It let's not person unless not personified anymore. Sure. You are able to fit those over an increase your signature item attack to 4D8. Nice. Okay. Hey, what about Dr. Kildeth's room? Can we pop in there? Oh, sure. Yeah, I'll show you. Yeah. This way. Follow me. And you see the lights kind of light up down across the hallway from the laboratory. Now, according to the map here, it says no kill death bots are allowed in. Yeah, they all stop right outside the doorway and they're kind of peeking in. Okay. So, Dougie, I need you to pop a squat right here. Okay, pal. I named my robot Dougie. Oh my God. Did you guys hear that? It's so good. I said door. I want to go in the room. Okay. Yeah. As you enter the room, you see it's a strange combination of like a cavern, but with a lot of very art deco kind of decorations and a lot of, you know, gold and black kind of highlights on everything. Very a lot of like metallic sharp corners. It's very well decorated, very pretty and threatening at the same time. Think a lot like like the room from Street Fighter where why am I forgetting his name? In Bison. Yeah, where in Bison lives? It's like in Bison's room. I have no idea what that means to you. No, in the movie. If Griffin and I, if Griffin and I don't know what you're talking about. It's a dream you had, I think, of Raul Iulia and his famous bedroom of in Bison. Yeah, when he's walking around and then he's doing the, for me, it was a two-sapes. I'm sorry, but like, there was not a bit in that where he was like, look at my famous room. Yeah. Hold on. There's many details so that your mind can summon them later while you listen to brothers play adventures on. That's fair. I want to look for a secret hatch, a secret, but these bad guys always have a little secret hatch or a secret little button that opens a hatch. I'm pulling books at angles on bookshelves to see what kind of hatches they reveal underneath. A hatch to what end? Got secret powerful stuff inside it, some of his best stuff. Okay, yeah, give me, let's see, what would be... Bug-eye? Yeah, give me a bug-eye check. By the way, I remember the room, Travis. Three successes, there's no way that's true. Five, six, seven. No, there's like a secret hatch with weapons in it that's, oh, got like, red light behind it. Cool. There was a red and white cupboard. Are you looking at the scene right now, Mac? Yes. Okay. I mean, to be fair, I am too. Yeah, it's really cool. Tell me what cool thing I find in the hatch with my three successes. You find on his desk a snow globe with a little skyline of River City as it was... A smash it open. The secret is inside the snow globe. Well, when you lift it up, it triggers the hatch. You don't have to smash it open. You still can if you want to. Just to be safe, I want to make sure there's nothing inside the snow globe that like a key card or a SD card or a little key. Do you guys want to hear more things that would fit in a snow globe? A sled called Rosebud. Okay, what is the hatch? Griffin, when you suggested inventing reverse 20 questions where instead of asking questions, you would just list all the things that it isn't. I really didn't think it would catch on, but this is... It's going wild. Yeah, man, it's magnetic. When you pull it, there is behind a bookcase, the bookcase slides open and you find... I fucking knew it! You find a set of Dr. Kildav patented armor that is both very thin and flexible but has kind of built in shock absorption to it. Okay. It also has a lot of armor to deflect some damage. Okay. Is it seal-sized? You'd think that the shoulder pauldrons and the chest piece could be their laced, right now, thread-in. So that you could fit them on. Hey, can someone get me? Lace me up. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. This sort of clashes with my aesthetic, but it seems like... Yeah, it definitely does. It has pretty sharp points on the... For successes. You're lacing up Griffin? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, man, you'd lace the heck out of it. What does that mean? Do I have armor now? You do! Oh, that's fantastic. You're going to pick up one damage reduction from your shoulder pauldrons and chest piece. I love that. That's so great. And you have kind of a 90s bad guy villain aesthetic. That's less great, but I'll take the damage reduction for sure. Hey, Skuz. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys have any police around here where you used to, like, watch flicks, hang out? Oh, yeah, man, we have... It's totally cool. Hey, follow me this way. And you see the lights light up down the hallway out of the room and down towards the laser disc screening room. One more intersection down to the right, along with its own built-in bathroom, but UGC labeled on the map, but we won't stop the movie. So you know that there were strict rules regarding this, but UGC... Why would he include that? On the map, right? Yeah. It seems like, man, you could convey the information via a sign. Yeah. Yeah, you could see a sign, too. He was very thorough. So Skuz, this is, I'm sure, kind of a long shot, man, but I was hoping you might help me look through your media collection here to see if you might have some copy of or some footage of some early-day-lead something from the Greenback Guardians pilot. Oh, the real Greenback Guardians? Yeah, I know there was only one copy, but throughout the production, I was hoping maybe he would have been screening... If it was screening anywhere, right? It would have been screening here. So there's the one official copy, but I don't know. I was hoping maybe some sort of thing might be here still, man. No, I don't... Give me a role to observe what's going on to read the situation, that kind of deal. How many... Let's see. Time. Yeah, give me 3DA role for your powers of observation from ABS. Sorry, I forgot about Friglitch Power of Limitless Foresight. I don't even know what that is. It's a power I gave myself where if I'm about to make a major mess up, I will harness the power of thought and reconsider the action in favor of a better path. Awesome. But Friglitch Power of Limitless Foresight can only activate when Lyle acts impulsively. Is this the same day as the one where you were saved from... Yeah, this is a different one. He's getting your butt hidden. I'm not using it. I'm not using it. Okay, great. Yes, that's true, but yes, I have already tapped into Friglitch Power of Limitless Foresight yesterday, but I haven't done that. I'm thinking of its metaphorical days. Yeah, yeah, interesting. So, 3D A-roll for... Think he made it? No, I haven't made it yet. Okay, two successes. Okay, yeah, with two successes, you see those lights that have been moving you like through the hallways kind of brighten around Lamar and shift over to where he's standing and he's listening very intently to what you're saying and thinking about it. Lamar, do you know something? Uh, I mean, we... Hey, Lamar, if there's something you're not telling us, man, the stakes just couldn't be higher. I mean, yeah, Dr. Kill Death consulted on the pile. He was a major character in it after all, so we sent him, you know, some test stuff to see if he approved of his portrayal in the show. So, they probably have some stuff like that. Uh-huh. Why do you want to see it? Uh, you know, that's the funny thing about this tape, man. Nobody seems to want anybody to see it, but nobody seems to know quite why. And so, I don't know why I want to see it, except for a lot of people seem to not want me to see it. Doesn't that drive you crazy? Yeah, man. Um... All right. Skuz? Uh, yeah, yeah, Mr. Lamar. He... cue it up. And you hear a whirling life go down, and the screen comes to life, and you see a totally rad 90... late 90s style animated opening sequence come up, and the narration begins... In a world without heroes, villains ruled. And you see, like, Dr. Killed Death's, like, Dark Shadow. You know, standing there. But one group of animal heroes rose before them all. And this, uh, you see little, uh, tortoises, little, you know, normal sized, normal, just tortoise tortoises, uh, crawling around a laboratory. When physicist surgeon and extreme sports enthusiast, Professor Dr. Bartheman Rowe, was working on a way to improve the quality of crops around the world, he had no idea the effect it would have on his pets. And you see Dr. Bartheman Rowe, uh, putting a burrito to microwave, and starting it up. But you notice he's forgotten to unwrap the burrito, so it's still in its silver foil. With a lab accident involving these chemicals, and it flashes across the screen, like, what the chemicals were, as there's an explosion from the microwave, and all the chemicals spill in. And you can see on the beakers at the different levels of, like, how much was in them, as they're all measured beakers spill onto the burrito. The tortoises. They enjoyed some lunch. And you see the tortoises, like, eating from the burrito, and grew them into the real Greenback Guardians. And they, like, morph into the powerful heroes we know and love. Lamar, Loveless, Newton, and Carver. And Lamar now says, like, yeah, you can, you can stop there. Yeah, um, what's after it? I mean, just the rest of the other, the first time we kind of, like, fought Dr. Kildeth and everything, but... So you ate a magic burrito? Well, a scientific burrito. A scientific burrito? Yeah, scientific, like, it was kind of like a chemical-laden, like, radiated. And tasty! Oh my God, I know why you didn't want this pilot out. Anybody watching this could recreate the accident that gave you your powers. Yeah, I was a little too focused on the accuracy of it, and wanted it to be, like, the real, you know, like, the real story of the Greenback Guardians. And then, like, we showed Dr. Kildeth, and he was like, no, you shouldn't do that. And, like, Professor Dr. Bartheman-Rowe was like, I don't think this is a good... And, like, we pulled it, and... But it was a good pilot, man. Like, I think people really would have liked the show, and so, like, I didn't want to, like, destroy it or anything, and... But, yeah, it was maybe not the best idea to kind of list what the chemicals were, and maybe, like, have a clear shot of, like, the measurements of each one and stuff. Is yours the only origin like this? Well, yeah, man, after this, you know, all the other abdominals came from the convergence, and so we were pre-convergence, and... Um, we're... Are there... Sorry, what I'm trying to get at is, like, are there similar methods for the other Greenback Guardians, or is it just his method of this? No, it's all four of them. Okay. This is all... You see, all four tortoises eating this extreme and now powerful burrito to become... Okay, so they all have the same... Hey, I have a weird question, man. What happened with the burrito? Oh, we finished it. Oh, nice. Yeah, man, it was good, dude. It was, like, carne asada, and... You know, it's still a right amount of spicy, but we're, like, a lot of the spices, like, flavor-related, and not just he... Had guacamole. Well, what are you afraid is gonna happen if this information... Got out there, like... Well, someone could reverse engineer a way to make their own... Animals. Would they need this footage, or is this something that, like, could I do this now, having watched it? I'm not thinking of doing that, but I'm trying to understand... Well, ask Lamar. So, Lamar, are you saying... Are you telling me that right now I could go and replicate the science breeder? Well, no. I mean, no. You'd still be missing a part of it. Which part, man? This is why I'm... No, you know what, actually? No. He's got an answer. No, no, Lamar, don't tell me. Well, it's important. No, but Lamar, don't, man. It seems like he really wants to tell us, though. Yeah, but, like, guys... Hey, Jack, what... It's not like that. Just listen, you asked the question, man. If this is one of those things where you tell me and then I know both parts and then you kill me... No. I'm saying right now, don't tell me. No, I've got to tell you the part that's not there, but not tell you the part. So you're going to tell me the part that's not there, but not tell me what these things are. If you would let me answer you, dude, I'm starting to get that punch build up now, man. Nice. Keep that. No. I don't want a punch. Use it later. You're a pretty sure dark side. The other factor you'd need to know is the level of radiation from the microwave explosion. And the only way to get that is by, like, analyzing a member of the Greenback Guardians like DNA or makeup. That's why I'm worried about Carver, man. Okay. Yeah, knowing that, I... I don't know how opposed I am to this information being out there, because I feel like everyone should have the choice whether or not they want to become superpowers. But if that information is exclusively held by the Walrus or the Jack Boots at River City first, then that's a worst case scenario. Let me ask you this, Lamar. Could they possibly engineer this to create an anti-animal effect? To turn animals back to ordinary animals? Well, I mean, I could put your mind at ease there, my dude. This is unrelated. Like, this is just us. I guess maybe they could do it to figure out how to turn the Greenback Guardians back, but we're, you know, we're tired now. And as far as most people knew until recently, maybe not even around anymore. So, I guess you could, if you found a way to, like, neutralize all the stuff that was, like, powering the current generation of animals, you could do it. But I don't see how that would be related to us. More things to think about. What would happen if an animal ate the science burrito? If an animal ate the science burrito? Man, that might create a black hole. I have no idea. I'm not the science one, man. Cause, man, all I can think is, like, we should do this now. I have some time and you have the DNA. Like, let's do it. Well, what you want to eat my DNA I Mean with cilantro and stuff like whatever else is in it. Oh, not just your DNA. Oh my god. I'm saying let's fix Let's fix up a batch of these scientific Paritos and give ourselves the edge we need to make ourselves permanent members of the amphibious force I mean or whatever we want to you know, I don't want a turtle to grow out of my chest like there's So what no man? What if that doesn't even happen? What if it just makes your muscles big and makes all the seal ladies shake a double-take? Okay, that all sounds great, but we guys there's something important here that you guys are missing And that would be hold up box They got flubber they got flubber on laser dis oh We could be watching flubber right now Okay, tell you what let's take a deal Let's take a break We're gonna watch flubber and then we'll come back to this exact conversation right now put a pin in it Put a pin in it Let's watch flubber and then we'll come back and speak on this This is like a huge conversation I want to back with you guys, but I would love to watch flubber and just kind of like center You know right look look right next to it. What's that son of flubber? Son of a flubber yes This is gonna be the best after you never but after this quick double feature guys Let's promise ourselves Exactly back to this conversation right now because it seems hugely important absolutely, but like First flubber right yeah absolutely. Let's get a little popcorn going all And if by watching flubber we learn how to make flubber I look at skies is that anything no Okay, well we could still enjoy the high drinks Maximum fun a work road network of artist owned shows supported directly by you