EP 60: Starting All Over With Joseph Herrera

Disclaimer. At Two Addicts in the Moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. Yeah. And we are back to episode 60 of Two Addicts in the Moron. We're almost to 69. You know how a special guest for that one is super special. Who are you thinking? I don't know. Maybe two twins. I just went to a stripper. And I'm so jealous about it. It was fire, bro. I bet it was. I'm so jealous. Me and when you told me I was, I put the phone on mute and I said, Josh just went to see my strippers. I mean, where else do you take a group of sober guys? Like, I didn't want to take them to the real strip club. I was like, we could get in a lot of trouble. Yeah, and there, but. And they weren't technically strippers. Like they had pasties and shit. Yeah, yeah. But it was fun. It was fire. Dude, Destiny was like, we would have went. Yeah. What was cute is he sent me a picture and they're all holding them. Yeah. Gosh. It's fire. You got two and one in each arm. It was awesome. Dude. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is incredible. It was a good time. She's like, you're getting married. Hey, bro. I was I was so salty when I got off the phone with him. I was like, I can't believe he didn't let us know. Dude, I would have pretended like I was a giant. The entire night. I would have felt like a giant. Yeah, no, but I would have like been in character. Yeah. Like I am a giant. Look at me. I would have had small carrots and little baby potatoes and shit. It'd be like this regular potato that I have in my hands. Oh, yeah. It was. We went to wrestling a few years ago before I got sober. And that was probably one of the coolest things ever went. Yeah, I went recently instead of hitting each other with chairs. They use cookie sheets, aluminum. Oh, yeah. And the and the the when I went, it was the slippery, win, wet, yellow signs. We're talking to each other on the. The caution face with that. The caution dude, it was great. Oh, man. Yeah, we need to check that out. When did they come again? It's my buddy's birthday when they come back in March next year. I think it's every year. It's terrible. Yeah. And when we pulled up like, I was like, dude, I think the bandido's on this bar. Yeah, because like they're like all out there in their cuts and shit. And I'm like, yeah, they definitely on this bar. Yeah. Nice. It's a brilliant thing to own. Yeah. I was fucking great. Yeah, dude. You know, they partied hard after we left. I'm sure I bet. Yeah, I bet. It was it was a good time, man. Well, good. Yeah. Well, good. Well, what that being said, ladies and gentlemen, Josh is in the building. Dude, it's been a little long time. This is a long time coming, brother. For sure. Yeah, we we threw out a little a little carrot to Tamara when she came on that you have you come on. I relapsed since then. I know, brother. I know, but I think it's an important story to tell. And I've that never deterred us from having you on by the way. It was always just like, hey, he still needs to come on. We still need to talk about this shit in a real way, right? Because that's a real thing. Yeah. It's a real life thing. Well, we've we've never really had we've had people come on that are six months a year, two years, 10 years, 20, 25 years and shit. But we've never had someone come on. 59 days today still going through the struggle. Yeah. Like relapse, 60 days relapse, 90 days. So that's something when you saw when I talked to you recently and you were like, man, I just just now back into it. I said, I know that's one of the reasons we really want you to come on so you can talk about that. Yeah. There's a lot of people that watch us are really not 20 years sober. They're still fighting and wondering, fuck, can I do it? Yeah. No, I get that for sure. I went out to Nova the other day with my sponsor and did my first H&I, which was kind of cool because that was like the first treatment center I went to. What's H&I for people that don't know? Hospitals and institutions. You just go out there and like sometimes you tell your story. Sometimes you give solution. He kind of put me on the spot and was just like, you know, what's different for you this time? You know, and I was just like, and I told him that I went to the Arbor and I was fucking miserable. You know, I just hated it. Yeah. Jacob D. was my sponsor at the time and he got me in there, him and Robin. And this last relapse, it kind of freaked me out. You know, I was shooting dope and just I thought it was 2017 and like I finally came up for air, you know? Mm-hmm. And I called Jake and I was like, hey man, I need somewhere to go, dog. And he's like, call Robin. So I called Robin and you know, they waived a bunch of fees and they got me in there. Yeah. I even drove myself to detox mostly because I wanted to do one last shot before I went in there. But nonetheless, I went, you know, and I still went and I almost made it 30 days. I mean, I think it was like 26 days I was there. Yeah. But I was fucking miserable, bro. Like I just was like not trying to hear it. I tried to leave like at least three or four times. Yeah. I did leave one day on Tamra's birthday. No, it wasn't her birthday. It was our five year anniversary. And but I knew, you know, I've been to so many rehabs at this point. I know the ones that like take insurance. You can leave for 24 hours. And as long as you come back and you're clean, everybody gets a moment and you know what I mean? So like I knew I was going to come back and I Ubered from from the arbor to rise where my truck was. And I put my stuff in the back of my truck. Could have sworn I closed the fucking tailgate. And I get to HB and I'm and I'm like, I see my tailgate open. I look and all my fucking luggage is gone. I'm like, fuck me, dude. Okay, God, check good. Yeah, I'm going back. Like just let me chill for a little bit. And then I wound up having to go back that night and. But I was still miserable, you know what I mean? Like and the one thing that people have been telling me since like Nova, like you need to hit your knees, dude, like, yeah, humble yourself. And I was like, I never would do it. Like I don't want nobody to see me on my knees. Like, yeah, I'm not like. Some bitch, you know, that was my that was my mindset. Yeah, I ain't sucking no dick. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot of people's mindset. I would think that was my mindset for a long time for sure. And my ego and that's your yeah, I always say that's the devil telling me that. Yeah, man. Um, but one night I did it, you know, and I hit my knees and I said a prayer and it was probably the worst prayer prayers ever prayed. You know, fucking selfish ass prayer. Like, but nonetheless, it was a. It was a prayer, you know, and I did it the next morning too. And something clicked like and ever since then I've done it every day since and. Never have I ever even when I've had like, you know, four or five months. So have I ever been this just. Comfortable. Mm hmm. Um, I think I told Teremonial that I was like, I don't think there's anything that could happen right now that would make me want to get high. Yeah. Um, someone hit my fucking truck two weeks ago, dude, it was the best fucking day I've ever had. Yeah. Like I still haven't even filed the claim and I don't even know if I will. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like I didn't skip a beat. Yeah. You know, maybe for a split second, I was like, oh, yeah. And then I was like, ah, fuck it. Yeah. I mean, like not that big of a deal, not that big of a deal. You know what I mean? And, uh, so I told those guys and Nova, I was like, you know, I hit my knees and like the only thing that I can explain is that like I finally, um. Surrender. Do you hear that word a lot and treat me like you need to surrender. And I struggled with that. Arboros, I would only just render to my fucking insurance. Yeah. I mean, like. But now I get it. Like it's like, uh, the humbling experience walking through the humility of having to get on my knees and like ask something greater than me to like, yeah, like help me out here, man. Like I'm fucking struggling. That was a big word that Jake line used to use was surrender. Yeah. He said when he finally surrendered, that's when everything changed for him. Yeah. And like. I can't explain it. You know what I mean? I really can't and I'm cool with that. Like the cool thing is you don't have to explain it. Yeah. And I don't even know what my God is really. You know what I mean? Like, uh, my family was Christian, partly Christian, partly Catholic. You know, my girl's Buddhist. Like, it's, uh, I don't know what it is. And you know, uh, Jacob D. You saw it say like, I don't know my higher power is and I'm okay with that. Like, and if I knew what it was, I think it would take the magic away from it. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm kind of fucking with that, you know, and I kind of lean towards like, you know, like great spirit. Um, the Native American thing. Like, but whatever it is, it's working and it's helping me, man. And, uh, I dig it, bro. Like I really do. I'm happy. I got peace. Um, the kids still stress me out, but yeah, they always will brother. I'm gonna work in progress. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Um, it's nice having the sober living to go back to my little safe spot. Uh huh. And I got my first overnight tonight. I'll get to kick it with baby. We're going to go to the prom after this. Yeah. Yeah. So that's good. Life is getting better. Um, and my sponsors really helped me go through this work in a different way than I've ever seen or done. Uh huh. Uh, I've never even made an amends. You know, I think I made one of the Tamer one time, but I was so high on heroin. Like I was like, I was so sorry. You know what I mean? Like, um, but yeah, it's a I got a long way to go, man, but like this time, like I was like, something's different. Yeah. You know, that's one thing I'll tell you is you have a really good girl. Oh, she's the best man. You have, you have someone that that will deal with your bullshit and put up with your bullshit and, and I don't mean that in a, and I'm not trying to talk to you. Yeah, for sure. You have someone that will take the responsibility of taking care of the girls while you go and get better. That's something that's so important to have that not a lot of people have. And that's something blessed. It's so blessed. And that's like an understatement. Yeah. You know, um, because she gets it too. Right. Yeah. You know, she was a one and done. Like she went to full broken. She just got it, bro. I was too. And, it's crazy. You know, like she's really been a a fucking rock. For me and the kids and it's been quite a, quite the journey watching her grow in her sobriety. I don't know how she stayed because like, man, I'm well, especially especially like I say that for, I have a lot of respect for her because I have a lot of respect for destiny too. Yeah. Because destiny, my daughter's not destinies. Yeah. And your oldest daughter is not Tambers. Right. But she's still, you wouldn't know that like I would have never known that until you told me. Yeah. Because whenever she's been out to places when you wasn't there, mm hmm. You would never know that. Oh, they're tired. They're all thick as thieves. Those three, I'm out numbered four to one. Yeah. Yeah. By women, you know, my son moved back to Port A and it's like, it's just me. Yeah. Even our dogs are grown. Yeah. It's like, I'm a girl dad to the fullest. You know what I mean? I got Hannah tattooed up today. And my toenails are still painted. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it's a vibe at the house for sure. Yeah. You know, uh, but yeah, she she she's great man. Yeah. Like couldn't ask for a better partner. You know, that's good. So what was the longest stretch that you were sober? I think like, I said six months, but I think I was already getting high behind everybody's back one time. I think it was like five months, maybe. Okay. Um, and I know you're saying this time is different, but what like even then like, um, I wanted to get high all the time. It was like, it was always on my mind. You know, and like, I don't even think about it now. Like we went out for the bachelor party and, uh, there was a couple guys in the group that did drink that weren't one of us, you know, and I was like, man, I'll drive. You know what I'm saying? Uh, and on the way home. Um, I'll pause. I was like, who would have thought that I'd be the fucking DD tonight? You know, like, I'm usually the one that gets us kicked out of the fucking bar. You know, right? Um, so, but I don't think about it, man. Like, I'm comfortable. You know, drug drugs were never my problem. They were my solution to like, uh, push all that shit that I didn't want to have to deal with. You know, and, like, I look forward to like dealing with that stuff. Like I'm ready to move. I'm on my big boy shit now. Yeah, those are good. Those are good, um, goals to set for yourself. Yeah. Like, because things are going to pop up for sure. And there's, there's gonna be some bad days. Always. There's gonna be some days that are like, fuck, like, to where you can't use, but when you get past them, you can look back at them and say, well, I didn't use on that day. Uh, I remember when, when Johnny was my sponsor, you know, Johnny, yeah, Johnny was my sponsor. He was one too. Bro, he's too smart for me. I couldn't use him as he made me feel like fucking. Yeah, small. Yeah. Um, but something he used to always say is, what would make you relapse? And I used to always say, if something happened to my daughter, and he would say, cool. So you're setting yourself up for relapse already. That's not good. And I never understood that really because I'm like, bro, sometimes my daughter, that's the reason I got sober. And destiny asked me not long ago. She said, um, what would make you use again? And I told her nothing. Yeah. And she said, even if something happened to your daughter. And I said, no, because I still have to be her superhero, whether she's here or not. And I made a promise to her that on every, use meth again. Amen. And that was like the first time in my sobriety that I was able to say, holy shit. Like, I really wouldn't use if something happened to her. You know, now, I'm not in that situation. I really don't know. But in my mindset, when I said it, I didn't even think twice. Yeah. And that was a phenomenal feeling to think shit. I don't, I don't have to use if something happens, right? Yeah. I'm going to go to a good friend's funeral tomorrow and I haven't been to a funeral in a long time. And I know there are so many funerals before in my past that I was getting high at their funeral. And I know for a fact that won't happen tomorrow. So those are good milestones to put forward for yourself. Good feeling to you know, and those are great feelings. Yeah. Well, keep keep the goal short, brother. Like, yeah, for you know, like, baby steps, baby. Yeah, keep keep them small. You know, like, and I think that's just good advice for anyone, even somebody like myself, right? Like you've got goals like, you know, if you're trying to go to the major leagues and you're in high school, there's college in between that shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's minor league. Yeah, there's all kinds of steps that have to be gone through to do that. So it, I've always heard this is the first time I've met you, but I've always heard that you had a real good head on your shoulders. And when I'm thinking right, well, look, man, we all slip up. Yeah, we all do. We all do our things that, but that's why I think it's important that you're on here. Uh huh. I mean, I really do. I thought it was important. Way back on episode 30 when Tamara was on here was that long ago. Yeah, dude, it was a long time ago. Yeah. I would bring you up often to them. I'd be like, Hey, like we, we got to, we have a, I fucking looked at a camera and said that like, so I have to fucking make sure that this dude gets on and told me about your slip ups and that you weren't quite comfortable. A couple of times with coming on and yeah, you know, it's not nearly as bad. I was nervous on the way here too. Cause like public speaking is like, you know, I struggled with that at meetings for a long time, but now it's like, who better to talk in front of them than a bunch of fucking junkies and I'm like, yeah, these motherfuckers ain't judging me. Yeah. Plus, you know, it's just us in here. Yeah, dude. We'll see. So how did rewind in the clock man? Like so heroin was, no, I mean, that wasn't always my thing. You know, I guess it all started with alcohol for me. Okay. Like when, when abouts? You know, both of my parents were drinkers, alcoholics. My mom's a recovering heroin addict. She's sober now. And my dad, he passed away in 2015 or 2016. I'm not one of those and he died of alcoholism and a broken heart, you know, but I remember, you know, dropping out of high school and my dad told me either, you know, you move out or you get a job. So I want to work with him and I remember before that that on the weekends, you know, we're talking like in the in the late 90s. Uh, now I grew up out in Cedar Park when I was with my dad and we used to go party in Johnstown every weekend. And for 10 bucks, you get a case of Milwaukee best back then, you know, and then the other 10 bucks gets your bag of reefer, you know, we'd fucking watch wrestling on weekend and get fucking shit face at my buddy's house. Yeah. And then we do school all next week and that was like a normal thing. And then after I dropped out, I started pouring concrete with my dad and you know, you work all day in the heat, you get a couple of courts on the way home and then I'd buy me a case of beer and that turned into an everyday thing. And then I went to prison for a long time. And then I came home and I got back with my ex, who's my ex-wife now, but she was the girl I was with before I went to prison and I went to move to Port A and we had a restaurant down there and you know, you work in the food industry, you're drinking, you know what I mean? But like drugs really got introduced to me. Fuck. I took my first hit of crack when I was 14. Damn. Yeah. And that was crazy. Is that like at a friend's house or? My mom gave it to me. Really? Okay. Yeah. And you know, she gave me a shotgun. You know, she's like, I didn't think you'd like it. What's fucking crack? You know, like cracking back fired on you, you know, jokes on you and I've had a lot of resentment towards my mom over the years to the point where Sunday, I'm supposed to go hang out with her, you know, and that's like my sponsor is like, you need to you know, you only got one mom, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And now I can look back like she was just sick, you know, trying to figure out a way to deal with me because my dad had kicked me out. I stole my stepmom's car and flipped it and so they kicked me out and I moved back to Austin. And then that's kind of when the drug started happening like ecstasy and I love psychedelic science to eat acid like fucking Skittles and hold. Are you I'm 41. So you was around ecstasy when it was really. Yeah, then blue dolphins and yeah, white. Yeah. The green airplanes for sure. Yeah. And mushrooms. I always like that and I've always been a pothead. I don't like Coke. I don't like the come down on it and I've heard that it puts me in a terrible mood where I want to fight people. Yeah, I'm like real agitated irritable and discontent for sure. But then in poor day, my ex and me were already like shit was going south between us, you know, we were together for a real long time. And her cousin moved to town and he went through divorce. She moved back from Miami and he did math. And I had done meth a few times when I was younger, but like it burned my fucking nose and shit and made my fucking eyes wide. I was like, fuck that, you know, but then I smoked it. And I was like, okay, I fuck with this. Yeah, like because I got a bad back to and you know, at first I would say, oh, it helps my back. You know what I mean? Like and that that's cool for a little bit. But then like I went from just hitting his bowl every now and then to like I got my own sack now, you know, and then that just kind of was the thing and then I moved to Austin. I left and I was like, I'm done. Like I can't do this no more with you. And I ran into an old buddy of mine who was like the plug, you know what I mean? And he put me on and I was hustling. Turns out I'm the worst fucking drug dealer ever. Like I like to say that I was doing big things, but like really I spent all my money on the boosters. Yeah. Like and that's how Tamara, you know, we got real bad for a while. You know, she stayed in that bathroom. Hot row queen. That one was it was it was it was crazy though, but I never looked like fucked up. I stayed fresh. You know what I mean? Yeah. That was just never home. You know, and man, I caught like fucking 18 felonies or something like that in less than a year and a half. Fuck dude. Yeah. And it was crazy. You can Google it. It was in Port A. It was and it said the biggest drug bust in Port Aransas history. I know that sounds like oh shit. Yeah. If it would happen in Austin, it wouldn't even have been. Yeah, wouldn't have been on the radio. Yeah. You're talking about a little fucking island, you know, and like and I don't even remember how much dope it was, but I had some meth and some coke and some heroin and I went down there to kick it for a little bit and I was in a solo. I remember at one point Tim was like and no more solos at the house, you know, and like was we'd like park him down the street. Yeah. And then she was like my brother who just got married. She was like no more smoking dope in the house. And so he started shooting dope in the bathroom. Yeah. I was like wasn't smoking it. Yeah. You know, it is like I'm following the rule. Yeah. Sure. It was crazy. It's been so fucking crazy, bro. Like I look at it now and I'm like what the fuck. But then I was doing good with the heroin hustle, you know what I mean? And I went back to rehab and he was like I ain't got no work right now. But I got this and I was like what the fuck is that? He's like that's heroin. I was like I don't know anybody that does heroin. I'm like and I hated motherfuckers that did heroin because I grew up around it. You know, I grew up in that trap house on Springdale. I was raised by fucking prostitutes and fucking bikers, you know, and so I took it, you know, heroin is different, you know, like meth and weed everything is 28 grams for an ounce. Yeah. Meth is 25. So he gave me like all these ounces and I sold them for 28 grams. I mean, you kind of shorter me like you only gave me heroin. Yeah, I was like you only gave me like you shorter me like, you know, a quarter or half and he's like, bro, tell me you didn't sell those ounces at 28 grand. I was like, yeah. You idiot. Oh fuck. I didn't know. Yeah. But I had made money. I saw what the difference was in money. So like you probably wasn't using the heroin either. Were you not yet? Yeah. But then I started to, you know, I started just smoking it. And I can't even remember that it's been a minute since I've done heroin. Like Solstice saved me on that one, man. Ryan English and all the guys like Ryan Ryan was a guy I was I worked with when I was over there. Love that dude. Shout out to Ryan English. Man, I do this. I'll take some of the answer. It's up. Love's blue October fucking a ride. And such a sweet man. That one is a weird favorite band, by the way. Yeah, for sure. Weird. My first day in Solstice, they were like, Hey, when you get around him, you got to tell him like, October sucks ass. Yeah. So he was playing. I was like, this fucking band sucks. Yeah. I said, who the fuck? I knew who they were. He's like, we're talking about the fucking Chargers. Bro, yeah, you were. You would have thought that fucking someone fucking just stabbed his mother. Yeah. He was fucking so. By lady. It was at the charger, the Rams. It was a Rams. The Rams. You're right. It is the Rams. Same team. Yeah. It doesn't matter. They're both the same place. Then I caught a dope case here in Austin, too. Or it was like I had an unauthorized use and I had like a bag. It was like cut for the for the dark, but it was fatty in there. Anyways, I had never been dope sick like ever because I always had it. You know what I mean? And I fucking cold turkeyed in the county. You know, it was fucking horrible, bro. What do they do when you go to jail and you're fucking going through withdrawals in there? And did they just if it's alcohol? Yeah, they bless your game like, you know what I mean? They help you out. But if you're not on a like a like a methadone program or a suboxone program, I don't know. It's been a minute since I've been in jail. Yeah. I mean, you know, they got fucking tablets now. Yeah. That's what we put money on Destiny's Brothers tablet all the time. Yeah. So he can buy movies in his little cellies crazy. We used to gather crazy like fucking daycare in there. Yeah. I'm going to claim your asses on taxes when I finally got the motherfuckers. Um, so I kick cold turkey in the county. I mean, like fuck, it was the worst 12, 13 days in my life. Yeah. At first I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to die. Then I'm like, I'm not going to die. Please let me die. Yeah. Like take me out now. And uh, and of course, like poor Tamri like I'm calling her like all day, every day like it was wild. Um, I'm like, man, get me out of here, man. You know, and they're like, no one would give me a bond. She wrote a letter to the judge and was like, if I do a door to door transfer on them and I get them into rehab, we let them bond out. She's like, yeah. And I had already been to Nova, you know what I mean? And a made, I made it like two weeks and I left. Yeah. Um, that's my MO. Like I, I think I, I've only ever stayed and I always leave a day early anyways. Like even when I did do almost the full standard, I left the day before so I could do Thanksgiving or something like that. Same thing at Solstice. Yeah. Um, nonetheless, the judge, okay. Is it they, they let me out. Tamara picks me up there and she got me into this place. It was called like Liberty Lodge out in Alice, Texas. And this was not a rehab, bro. This was like a halfway house for people that just got out of prison. Like we're using five gallon buckets to flush the toilets. You know what I'm saying? Like not nice. It was horrible, bro. But, um, you're not supposed, they didn't let you have cigarettes in there, but there was cigarettes in there. Like it was, it was like, it was a vibe. You know what I mean? But the place got shut down. Like the power just goes off one day and I was there voluntarily. So like we're outside and they're like, Oh, so-and-so you go to this van. So-and-so you go to this van and I'm like, what about me? You know, and they're like, are you a volunteer here? I was like, yeah. And they're like, you're on your own. Like this place got shut down. Oh man. The funds have ran dry and, uh, I had to call the one person I didn't want to call my ex, you know, I'm like, Hey, will you come get me? Cause Tamara was like, it would have been like. I remember where she was. It was going to take her all like hours and hours to get there. And I was like, fuck it. I'll go see the kids, you know? And then I was there for like a day and she called me. She's like, you're going to be a worse boy. Like she saw Presley and the guys at Westlake and just was crying. Like dude, I don't know what I'm going to do with them. And like- What year was this? When was that? Um, 22. 22. Ah. So- So you went right after I did then. Yeah. And Presley at the end of me is like, call your boy, tell him pack his shit, bring him out to Solstice. So were you one of the last ones in Solstice? Not quite the last group, but I was one of the last, you know, like I was there with, uh, there was a couple of guys that ain't even, there's hardly many of us left, you know? Yeah. Um, cause I left in February, 2022. I left in November 22. Oh, 21. Okay. So you got, you left right before I got there. Yeah. I got you. Um, but I loved Solstice, man. How did you? Like fucking cold dude. Love that dude. He caught us all laying down with the blind shut one day, uh, watching TV. And he got pissed and he took air. You know, we had those wooden shutters. Uh huh. He'd not know more. He took all of them off. And then, uh, funny story about that place. I kept telling him like, bro, get the propane tank filled up. We got this hot tub out here. We're trying to, you know, it was kind of cool, you know? Yeah. So he finally filled it up and like, uh, we had some cigars. We were going to fucking do the Stuggies with the homies in the hot tub, you know, and that it had like a controller box. It looked like a fucking old Atari Jaguar controller. Okay. The box never fucking worked. So we've, it took me a minute, but we finally figured out I got the waterfall coming out of the hot tub into the pool. Got the lights on. Uh, we got that bitch up to like one oh five. Nice. You know what I'm saying? How does cigars had a good time? Go to bed. Wake up the next morning. I would make coffee, take a piss off the back porch, light up a cigarette. And the whole fucking hot tub in the pool is just steaming. I had turned the whole fucking pool into a hot tub and burned through the whole fucking tank of propane. It went through three times. He, he's still bitched about that in January. Cold was pissed. Yeah. He's like, well, I hope y'all had a good time. It's been like three grand on a night. And you were like, we did. We did. We had a good time, man. You know, and we had a hot pool for like a couple of days, three or four days, you know, but uh, fuck yeah, man. RIP solstice, man. That place was fire, dude. I think he's going to open another place up eventually. I sure hope so, man. When he came on that you could tell like, yeah, he was, uh, he missed it. Well, we were bringing up like, I don't know that we've ever had a guest where, you know, he was in the spot that, that you're sitting in and, you know, Mike was just bringing up names and he would just start to fucking like, you could just see his soul light up through his smile, dude. It was coming from within, right? Like you could just tell that he would just look back on that and be like, man. Man, I'm terrible with names. I fucking he remembers everybody. He remembered everyone and anytime he you were struggling with a name. Yeah, he was like, oh, yeah, it's that guy and he would just be, it would just sit back and be like, yeah, like almost like looking in the distance, like remembering, right? Like that dude was something else. Like you could tell that place. I mean, I know it meant something to you. I could clearly tell it meant something to you. I call it place my Hogwarts, man. Yeah. Yeah. Like Tim, we used to, we used to always go to Westlake on Mondays because the honeys are there, you know, boys want to go there. Yeah. Yeah. But that's baby's home group. So yeah, my bitch has had like a jewelry box, a fucking beat pill, a fucking, I had stolen fucking thumbtacks from the bulletin board at Westlake. So I can hang up on my hats and shit. He's like, we moving in or what? You know, Ryan would come up there like, what the hell's going on up here? And I was like, shit, I don't even know, man. Like, yeah. They even took us to, I told Ryan one time, I said, Hey man, it's my son's birthday and poor day, you know, I'd really like to go see him. Cause I don't know, let me see what I can do. Like, I mean, let me talk to Cole. And so he comes back later that day. He's like, all right, man, mean you're going to go. I said, nah, I can't do that. I was like, if the homies can't go, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to. That's not cool. So fucking Ryan and Johnny drove us all in the fucking needle beetle and the fucking druggy buggy and we all went to poor day and fucking. Yeah. My daughter pushed one of the guys in the pool and like smashed him with a cupcake and that was awesome. It was tight. That's great, dude. And then any other place that would do that. No, no fucking. Like, no, even if they were in Austin, they're not going to say, okay, never, ever, not going to fucking have no. Um, you know, the only thing that I've that has come close to any kind of solstice vibe was Heartwood recovery, man. And shout out to Heartwood, dude, those guys are on top of their fucking game. And Nick Borgus is an amazing dude. He saved me from going to jail. Um, I got jammed up down in live Oak County, uh, George West. Where everything goes to die. I guess, you know what I mean? Like there's nothing there. Um, I had two unauthorized uses there and, uh, he sent me down there one day with, uh, just a RA, just a tech. But like this dude was like, you know, all he did was play games and work at the treatment center. You know what I mean? And he tried bless his heart. Like he tried to like speak on my behalf and I was like, look, I told the lawyer, I was like, man, if I, my therapist and the COO of Heartwood will like come and speak on my behalf, can we get this thing reset before, you know, this lady, cause she was handing out like 18 year sentences. Like it wasn't shit. And not even blinking. And, uh, so we went back, you know, he took the day off for me and we drove down there and me him and Tamara never have I ever seen a DA or, you know, there's always somebody there to represent the probation. Just be so salty. And I tried not to make any facial expressions at all. I just stood there with my hands and looked at the ground and Nick smooth talking ass. He's like, you know, he just give a beat. And so they gave me probation. I'm on probation in Austin, Corpus and in George West. You're a busy guy. Yeah. And, uh, I should be in prison, man. Like I should be in prison. Well, maybe that's the other reason it's changed this time is different because you might not have another time. And I've said that, you know, I was like, I'm sure that I could relapse again without dying, but I don't think I'd ever make it back to the rooms or get sober again, you know, and that really scares me, you know, yeah. This last time I asked Jammer, I was like, how long have I been on this run? And she's like, since November. Yeah. You know, my sober date is a three five 25. All right. And she's like, you slept next to me like four times since November. And I was like, oh, yeah, it seemed like a month. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, um, but just makes me sick to my stomach now. But like, you know, we got to live like that and I'm wearing, I mean, so. So what do you think is different this time around? I know you said you kind of went to your knees. Yeah, but like, I want to kind of talk about that a little bit more because it it does sound different, you know, but I just want us. It feels different. Yeah. You know, um, are you doing more step work? Yeah, I'm working. I got a new sponsor shout out to blind Dave. He's a real one. Uh, love that dude. Um, amazing. Uh, which was also ironic that I went back to Nova to do my first H and I with blind Dave because the first time I ever met or heard of blind Dave, he was doing an H and I via zoom because it was still like, you know, scary times after COVID and they weren't letting people come onto the campus and here's this. The guys are like, and you're going to like this whole blind biker dude. He's going to do the H and I tonight. He's cool. First thing he says coming out like, sorry, y'all had to pay $38,000 for that damn book. I gave you one for free and I can teach you a hell of a lot more than they can. And I was just like, dude, that dude's fucking awesome. You know, and, um, he's very spiritual man. That man is and, uh, he's really helping me a lot. You know, uh, I just did finish my fourth step. I'm going to do five, six and seven on Wednesday and, uh, like I'm fucking ready. You know, I've never been more excited to do the work. I usually drag my feet to the point where I don't even make it to the fourth. But this higher power thing and, you know, like I said, I'm not really quite sure what it is, but that's cool. Um, because whatever it is, it's helping me grow not just like in recovery, but like as a, uh, a dad as a human, you know what I mean? Just like as a good fucking person. Um, my feelings are coming back. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's scary though too. Yeah. That and it is scary. That's scary shit when you start feeling things again, but at this point, you know, after all out of all the relapses, Dave said something to the days like, you know, a lot of people look down on people who relapse all the time, but really like you've learned a lot through all your relapses. You've been to all these treatment centers and like, I didn't realize how much knowledge I had about the program. Yeah. Like, um, you know, Tamron was saying the other day, she's like, you probably know more about the program than I do. You know, cause I can like when they start talking about stuff, I can, I know where it's at and I know what they're talking about. You know, um, but the application of it was always just, yeah, you know, I got like a black belt and relapse, you know, but I also got a degree in recovery. Right. You know what I mean? You sit through enough fucking classes and it's just like muscle memory. Right. Um, I'm looking forward to working and helping people out. You know, I am. Have you ever got through the steps where you sponsored people? I've never sponsored people. I've only attempted to make that one amends. Um, I think that would be a big deal for you because I've been to rooms before I ever met you. Yeah. And like Alicia, that's my dog. Love her. I love Alicia, one of my favorite people in the world. And Alicia used to speak so highly about you before I met you. Really? Yeah. And when we had Tamron, she was like, man, she said, I love Tamron. You know, she loves both of y'all, but she used to talk so much about you and then I met you and I realized it wasn't just Alicia that loved you. A lot of people in the rooms love you, especially at one on one. And I know that that would be a big deal for you. That's definitely one of those goals that if I were you, I would put in front of you because you could do a lot of good helping people and it would help you stay sober too. Like passing that gift on. Yeah. You know what I answer people's calls. There's not anybody someone's going to call you and say, Hey, guess what? I just did. It's not like it's going to surprise me. I'm going to blow your mind. Yeah. I'm like, you're not going to drop the phone for sure. You know, and I've heard that a lot through my journey through treatment. Centers like they would tell me like, if you could just get this right, man, like you could help a lot of people that other people can just because you can relate. You know, because of everything that I've endured, you know, prison, my childhood, just running the streets, not really having someone to tell me to come home. I can almost acclimate to any situation pretty quickly. And that's like a character defect that served me. Right. But like now I think I'll be able to use it to for good for a good purpose. And yeah, I'm really looking forward to being able to raise my hand like anybody willing to sponsor like, I'm, you know, I'm ready. Like I'm just, I got to get through a few more steps and make some amends and it's on man. Yeah. What do you feel like you're so fresh in these steps right now? Yeah. So and you're actually working them for sure. And it's something that I want to do too. Yeah. Like I, you know, I don't have an addiction that I know of. I guess I'd have to find one, you know, and I'm sure I can baseball cards, baseball cards. Yeah. So but I read them in the rooms, right? Like when I first started going, I was going more like more for like PR. Like when we started doing the same, it was like, I'm going to get mixed up. They're going to see the moron. Yeah. And then it was like, okay, now I really enjoyed that. Like I took something from it, but every time I'm like sitting there looking at that wall and I'm reading it, right? And I'm like, first it happens to me every time I read through it real quick and I'm like, oh, that seems like it's pretty easy. And then I listen to somebody's story or something that I go back to it. I'm like, that looks pretty fucking hard. Like when you look at it again. Yeah. So the question for you would be, what step do you feel like is the hardest one to get through? You know, I used to say the fourth, but that's bullshit. You know, the fourth step is not a hard step. Really. It's just where you get to see how you're showing up. And you know, I remember the first time I did one. I was like, oh, I'm the fucking asshole. It's not everybody's fault because you play that victim game, especially in addiction and it just shows you how your part is in it. You know what I mean? I think the hardest step and it's even more obvious to me as I'm thinking right now is, you know, the higher power. You know what I'm saying? I've always struggled. Like I'm a master manipulator, right? So like I've unfortunately, I've even manipulated myself to think that I didn't need the higher power. You know, I'll use Tamar as my higher power or I'll use like, you know, my dad who passed away as my higher power, which, you know, that's cool. And maybe that could work. But like, I still never surrendered to either one of those things. Right. I mean, like. Drugs were my higher power for the longest time. Yeah, just definitely the higher power part of it all. I agree with that. A hundred percent. Like I reading it, it was like, man, yeah, that one's tough for me. I'm, yeah, I'm like, I've got, I've got a whole set of issues with religion just generally, like, absolutely all of them. And, uh, and doesn't mean that I'm not a man of faith or spirituality or whatever you want to call it, right? But having that, having to identify that for me, that does struggle with these would be very difficult. Like I relate to you a lot in that and how it seems to me though that that's like the key in everybody's story because you have figured it out, don't know what to call it. Just know it's there. Yeah. And you're embracing it and it's coming to you. And it's like, I'm, it makes me envious of you. It's like a weight's been lifted off my shoulder, man. Like, or like, like I said, I even when I was sober, like, I always wanted to get high, but I was like, you know, sitting there, like going through a meeting like, damn, sure, it'd be nice to. Yeah. And I also struggled. It's in a meeting. I wonder who has some shit in here. You know, it was always too like, um, when I first going through treatment, I'll be like, okay, I'm a, I'm a heroin addict. Not a meth addict. I can smoke meth or like now I'm a heroin and meth addict, but I'm not an alcoholic. Yeah. I'll still drink like a gentleman. Yeah. But then you drink so much and it's like, fuck it. Let's go get some dope. Right. You know what I mean? Uh, that's a common tale. Yeah. And I like on that seed, it's like, well, alcohol was my deal was meth. Right. Yeah. I'm coming out. I'm going to just still knock him back and. But now it's just like, I really look forward to going to my meetings. I really enjoy like the fellowship. Like I did not want to leave Zooker Park today, man. Like it was such a vibe down there. Um, but my son, he's going to prom tonight. Yeah. So we were going to go take pictures with him. My link up with him a little bit. I'm sure, uh, me and baby are going to prom tonight. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Uh, so that's tight. I feel like the prom king kind of thing. Yeah, bro. I got a killer outfit out in the car. I'm going to put on. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to crush on him. Yeah. There's still some ego I'm dealing with. Hey, we all be brother and we all. Yeah, man. The higher power is. It's the only thing that makes sense, man. Uh, and I'm not religious. I don't even know if I'm spiritual. But I know that obviously I can't do it. Yeah. Cause I've been trying to. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Even with Taylor like holding my hand through it all. And this last time she didn't, that was a different thing to this time. She's like, why aren't you ever home? Like, cause you won't let me get high at the house. You know, like she's like, okay, well you can. Well, that backfired. Yeah. Be careful what you wish for. You know what I mean? Cause like it escalated so quickly. And I freaked myself out, you know, which it wasn't never really something I dealt with. And I think I hung around like drug people because they would never challenge me to like. You know, ask me questions about my past or make me look at things that I'm falling short in. And you know what I mean? So that was just what I knew, you know, but now it's like most of my friends are in recovery now. Like I don't really hang out with anybody anymore. And you know, I don't need to get high no more to have fun. Yeah. That's one thing I changed for sure is when I was at Solstice, there's a dude in there, his name's Mickey. Mickey. Mickey Fallon. You know Mickey O'Fallon? And the name sounds familiar. Even though I let him borrow my car and erected and left it there after he relapsed. But I was telling him in there, I was like, you know, the hardest part for me when I get out is I'm a very loyal person. And like I'm with you until we're with you until the wheels fall off. Right. For sure. And I said, I've got to let people know that I can't be around him anymore. Yeah. And I don't know how I feel about that. And he said, you don't owe them fucking anything. You don't owe them an explanation. You're changing your life and you're getting sober. It's all they need to know. And if they're really, if they really care for you, they're going to be fine with that anyways. They're going to miss you. But the ones that fucking get all offended by that, they didn't, you didn't need them in your life anyways. And there's still three dudes that I still keep in contact with that I used to get high with, but I never go visit them. Never anything like that. If they ever want to get sober, I'll be happy to help them. Yeah. But I still text with them and they'll text me and say, Hey man, I miss you every from my birthday. It's normally those three are the first people that text me. Yeah. And it's like, Hey man, I miss you. Love you. Still doing what I was doing. So I understand that you can't be around me, but just know happy birthday and I miss you. That's tight. And it's like, I don't, I don't, and when you separate yourself from the people that I used to get high with people that didn't work, like none of them ever had jobs or anything. So I always thought I was doing so much better because I have a steady job. I see my daughter. I still pay child support. I'm doing great compared to who I'm around. Right. Yeah. And whenever I got sober and I started getting around people in recovery, then those were people that were going after the same goals that I was trying to stay sober, trying to get their life back together. And then you just keep going from there and then you just find new people, new people, new people. And that's, that's how I feel like that's one way that I've been able to stay sober is just keep surrounding yourself around good people. Yeah. And that fellowship to me is so fucking important. It's fire, dude. It's so important. Like being, being like that outsider to all of this, you know, and I don't really feel like I'm an outsider anymore, kind of used to in the new kid on the block. Yeah. Like, oh, and you're not even one of us, right? But they quickly learn there ain't shit you're going to say to me that's going to offend me or that's going to make me judge you. Right. Like I don't, I'm the last fucking person that's going to do that. So, but to your point of like having fun sober, yeah, like some of the best, dude, we just did a pickleball tournament. We were out there. I missed that one. And bro, that was a fucking blast. I'm telling you, like it was just nobody in there. And you remember it all? Yeah. Nobody's doing a lick of anything. Yeah. And I was like, man, this is fucking great. This is like the fun of shit ever. Shout out Alicia. Yeah. Alicia put that on and brought us into it and she did the not a glum lot thing the day two was fire. I wasn't, she doing such good. So gar rolling Hanna. They had the guy that makes the cartoon drawings of you. Oh, yeah. Fucking magician blew my mind. Yeah. Yeah. Chick on the stills out there. The fucking axe throwing. I was like, well, let's go. Yeah. Yeah. They needed Alicia in that program. Yeah. She's a dude. We, we won our first pickleball match. Me and destiny. Destiny was on a team with me. Yeah. We won our first one and then we played the people that won it all and we got fucking destroyed. The kick just asked, bro. It was terrible. It was so bad that before we lost destiny was like, Hey, on this last point, just grab your fucking paddle. We're leaving like she was, she went out to the car. She was so competitive. He was crying when we got to the car. She was like, they kept picking me because we you're not and I had to tell it looked I'm more I'm faster, quicker, stronger. You're not going to hit the ball my side most of the time. They're going to go at you. Yeah. Time they're just, that's what I'm going to do. If I play a guy girl, I'm going to find it. Every fucking thing. We're here. She's the guy girl that we played against were fucking both phenomenal. She's called. Yeah. I was rocking balls at her and she's like, right back at me. I'm like, this motherfucker here. So I found out from that lady that she was a collegiate fucking hockey player. Like she played like college hockey. The plus she was just fucking like, I mean, bro, she was moving around like fucking Serena Williams, the pickleball court, dude. And I was like, dude, these people are going to win it all. Yeah. We found out the next day they won it all. So that softened the blow a little bit. I got to tell Destiny, hey, that that team we lost against, they beat everybody. Even the double, the guys that were both two guys on a team, they beat everybody. And she's like, well, that makes me feel a little bit better. But she was, she was crying when we left. She's like, they're picking on me. I need to lose weight so I can get quicker. I'm like, oh, Christ, bro. It was a whole therapy session on the way home. There was one thing I used to always say. I thought about this earlier and I was going to say it that I usually say in, in treatment. And I'll be like, can y'all imagine if we all had our drugs of choice right now? Because I remember the first time I had fun at treatment. The guys took us down to Barton Springs when we was at Solstice and. It was like the first time I had ever had fun sober. Yeah. I remember it like it was yesterday. Yeah. We were on the rope swings. Yeah. And it was just a good fucking time. It was a fucking good vibe. And every time I have fun when I go to treatment for the first time, I usually say, I'm like, can y'all imagine if we all had our substance of choice? Like the alcoholics would be over there fighting. Yeah. The fucking heroin addicts would be over here, nodded out in the corner. I'd be in the bathroom beating off. They have the methods to be like, take your shit apart and jerking off. And we know like none of us would be smiling. Yeah. I'm saying like and like I can't. I don't remember when drugs stopped being fun because at one point they were fun. Like, hey, we're going camping this week and I got to go get some party supplies. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I got the goodies. Looking forward to it all the way. Yeah. I mean like but now it was just like. Yeah. It's not fun. There's a there's a rapper. His name is Dooby. He's dooby. He's out of Michigan. Okay. He's out of Michigan. He has a song. It's a. What am I going to do when the drugs don't work? And for such a long time, drugs worked for me, right? And they were my solution. They were my answer to everything for sure. Right. And there was a time where they were fun. Like people ask all the time. Did you ever have fun? Fuck yeah. I like I'll tell everybody I love meth. That's the reason I can't do it. I enjoy it. Right. And I have ADHD. So it actually calms me down. Me too. Where I'm not all fucking sputted out. Yeah. But he when I started thinking about getting sober, I was listening to that song one day and is what I'm what I'm supposed to what am I supposed to do when the drugs don't work? And that was such a scary spot for me because they weren't working anymore. At that time, I was just doing them just to do them. Right. Yeah. And then the full fentanyl shit started coming in now. I'm now I'm scared. Yeah. Because I just wanted to get high. I didn't want to die. All right. I didn't and I started thinking like if something did happen to me, like my daughter was six at the time. Right. That means I'll never see all the second grade, third grade, fourth grade, never gonna see all those. Someone else is gonna walk her down the aisle. I'm not someone else are gonna razor. Kinsigneta. I won't be there. Right. So these are all things that I started like that's that's where I started really saying, okay, now I need to get sober, but then I didn't know how, right? Cause for 10 years drugs was just what I did. Like it just became second nature. And once I got to that point to where it wasn't fun anymore. It wasn't working anymore. Now I'm scared that I'm going to die. Well, now how do I get sober? That was the biggest question for me. And thank God, thank God, I went to the place where I went. I mean, I think if I would have went anywhere else besides solstice, if I would have went to a co-ed rehab, there's no fucking way. I'd have been in there like, I'm going to save every bitch in here. I should where recovery goes to die. Lock the meat part out. I'm going to save every female in here. Yeah. I'm going to take care of all of y'all. Yeah, but I think like witnessing YouTube now just sitting in here with you for a little bit and knowing you mean you're my brother, but I love you. I love you too. So I think that. Watching the people who are around you and how much they love you guys. Yeah, even when you're in the addiction, right? Like that speaks volumes about you guys as people. And I can only imagine that adds a lot of pressure to I don't know. Maybe I misspeak in here, but like, yeah, for sure. When you have a girl who is in the program and sober and you slip up and you're like, like, you know what I mean? Like, it's not like you're going to hide it from her. You're not. Yeah. That's funny because I think I can. Yeah. If she'll give me Alex, you know, she'll be like, are you high? I'm like, no. How dare you ask me that? I was like, I would tell you, it should be like, you know, I won't get mad. And I'm like, to your question, this one before and then like she'll drive off and I'm like, fuck, why did I do that? Like I obviously am fucking scattered all the way the fuck out. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, I was high. She's like, you're high still. I know. Yeah. Yeah. But dude, I, it's the same. I drink from time to time. Yeah. And I'll come home and my girl, she's like, you had a drink, didn't you? And I'm like, no. Yeah. How do you fucking know? Like I had one in my car listening to whatever. I know it's against the law, but. Yeah. Road beer. Yeah. Roadie. I remember the shower beers. Shower beers, dude. Yeah. Yeah. They're so cool. Yeah. That's for the good old days. Yeah. Yeah. That's back when it was still fun though. You know what I mean? Like. Let me ask you this. When you do relapse, this is what I've always appreciated about people that relapse. And then they come back into the room and they're honest about it. Yeah. To me, that's, that's got to be so fucking hard because I know myself. The scare. I heard this guy in a room say one time, the thing I'm the thing I'm the thing that scares me the most is relapsing. And I never understood that when he said it because I'm like, it's just a relapse. Like fucking come back tomorrow. But then as I got further in the program, I realized. Oh, he meant that he's not coming back in a minute because I'm not coming back in the room tomorrow and saying, I got to start over or I got to get a 24 hour chip. Like I'm going to have so much and I know that people don't fucking care. Right. But I think that they care so much that I'm like, I would never want to have to go back in there and fucking say, Oh, three years down the drain. I'm starting over. Right. Even though people are going to still welcome you. Like, you know how the rooms are. It's not like anybody gives a fuck. They're like, Hey, great for coming back. Yeah, that's your shit though. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like it's a me thing with me, like not the first year of us doing this. I was invited to sober events all the time and like, where's the moron? And I always felt like an imposter. Yeah. I didn't want people thinking that I'm like, got this weird attic fetish or you know what I'm saying? Like I just I don't want to infringe myself upon you guys who have this thing and me coming into it. Right. But that's my shit. Like that's a me problem because I'm I know that those places are the most welcoming places on the planet for sure. And and you've had to deal with this motherfucker. So like, oh yeah, that's Alan on right there. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's where you need to be going. Bro. Like you got some healing to do. Yeah. I caught him at the tail end of his, you know, like and he hadn't quite like reached the point with me where he was hitting me up for stuff or yeah. Or so we always have there was still a boundary there at the end of love them and he was my dog. I just knew that I couldn't be involved in him like the way I am now with him. Right. Like, yeah, I just knew that. Um, yeah. But what else is that was is that hard for you when you go back to the rooms and you start over? It was when I first got into 101 and I started going to DAA like and you know people started telling me how proud they were and shit like or like when I first got into the ha ha group. The first couple of times I relapsed. It was it was kind of like come back in with my tail tucked. Yeah. Um, I think that's my ego for sure. You know what I'm saying? But like I said earlier, like when I was at Heartwood, like my boy Nick really tried to fucking shatter that shit. Like I wasn't allowed to take my satches to treatment. I had to take like two hats or one two pairs of shoes because the first time I went I had like eight hats like my piece in chain like what I'm like couple pairs of Yeezy some Jordan some fucking air max and he's like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? Are you here? It's like throwing a fucking runway show. Like, no. Yeah. No, not happening. Yep. You know, um, they had to cut me off at souls to your Ryan did. Yeah. Hey, bro, you got what was the girl that worked there was her name? Oh, you talking about Charlie Moffitt's wife. Yes. What was her name? Kylie. He's like the house mom. She was close. Fuck. Love her. And he had to come and grab me. He says, Hey, bro, let me talk to you real quick. It's like, what's up? He said, you've had Kylie order something off of Amazon for days in a row. Yeah. I said, Yeah, but I got money on my books. He said, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. He said, you're not entitled here. You ain't you don't have a shit. He came here with what you have. Yeah. And anything else that you need ordered not going to fucking happen. I know it. I like, all right, cool. And that from that day forward, I couldn't order shit no more. I was like, well, why do I have money then? I mean, I was there when like, you know, Zach Cox. Yeah. So I was there with him. He was my roommate. Mm hmm. And you know, he had cases of fucking that's when like the bang energy drinks were going hard. Oh, I still I'm on those ones. Really pop ones. All right. No, I'm fucking go hard. Peach mango, bro. Yeah. And Tamer would send like cases. Yeah. And first thing in the morning, we're shot. You want him fucking banging? You know what I mean? Like, we're just switching it up, you know? Yeah. Oh, it was horrible. Dude, that's gross. It was a horrible good time. You know what I mean? I kind of want to do that now. Yeah. We should do that. I'm all about. I still shot gun a fucking red boy right now. And then just just for the fuck of it. Yeah. You know, you pop it in the middle and then pop it at the top and go. I hit it at the bottom. Put my thumb and then I got you. You know, all right. Dude, that is got to be a wild, insane hit to the dome of caffeine. I mean, bro, I should shoot meth. That's not shit. Yeah. Like this is my ignorant dumbass. Like I'm just like, that's the one I should have ever heard. Meanwhile, these guys are fucking smoking meth and shit. I'm like, I'm taking our meth and our booty home. Do like good booty bump. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking man. I was going to say something that I forgot what the fuck I was going to say. We do it all the time. I know it's brain fart. Yeah. I mean, we did say booty bump. Yeah, I did show that I have anything to do with it. I don't think okay. Good. All right. Shotgunning Red Bull. No smoking meth. I'm just ran back through the thing that we were. No, it will come to him. It will come to him. So this time around, how is it? Um, how's your relationship with the girls? I'm a lot more patient. Yeah. You know, it's sometimes you have to take a second. I've got to take a second. Sometimes my daughter and say, I'm going to the room for five minutes. You need it. You need it. You need to just give me a minute because there's a few times where I still lose my shit and I feel fucking terrible. Of course. Cause like growing up, that's something that my mom did was she was always, I mean, she was single mom for kids. Fucking yelled a lot. Right. And that was something I used to always say when I have a, when I have a kid, I'm never going to yell at her because it would, it would know and I love my mom to death, but that's just something I wanted to change. There's sometimes where I yell at her and I'm like, fuck, like I feel terrible and I have to, I have to apologize and tell her like, Hey, I need to do better. I'm sorry. Like, dude, we, we were on the way here today and she didn't want to get out of the car at, uh, at Rudy's to get some drinks and I'm like, can't let me get out of the car and she was God. And I was like, bro, I'm about to take your phone away. Right. I totally feel you on that. She's like, she does the God and she goes, Jesus. And I'm like, bro, I'm about to take your phone away. Yeah. So she's walking and I'm turned around looking at her just mean dog in her and she's mean mugging me too. And right back, we have the same mean mug. Yeah. So I'm looking at her and I'm like, bro, I can't even be mad at you because you have the same mad face. She mean, but me when she found out I didn't bring the kids, she's like, we cleaned the shit out of that room for the kids to come over and get it and bring him. I knew whenever y'all said they wasn't here, I was like, fuck, she can be mad at me and she sends me a text message saying, don't come to my room for 30 minutes. So, you know, like with Echo, she's just like Tam, I just a little sweet, emotional, little butterfly, you know? Yeah. Then you got Justine, who's just like thug boss. You know what I mean? Like if I if I get too hard on Echo, she cries. If I if I even buck up a little bit, just seeing she's bucking back and I'm like, yeah, hey, what do I do? You know, poor Tam, I'm so just cry. I'm like, what are you crying? She's just letting me cry. Okay, we're coming here. You know, I remember what I was going to say. There we go. Yeah, let's go. It came back. All right. Let's do it. The fucking brain cells are getting back. We're getting there. I remember when you said like when you quit, like you wrote a letter, a letter to Crystal. Yeah. Yeah. I need to read that on here. So this last time, um, fucking crazy, bro. Uh, before I went to the Arbor this time, Tamra, I was like, I told you, I was like, baby, I need help. She's like, okay. And she got me into origins down in South Padre, which I wish I wouldn't have left that place was fire, but we'd go on beach walks and shit. Like the food was amazing. Rehab at South Padre. Yes, dude. Sounds like I want to be there. If you go outside, you could hear the waves. Yeah. You know, we go on night walks on the beach. Like who fucking am I from there? And I don't even remember why. Yeah, I wanted to get. Yeah. So before I went, before we went, we went to Houston and we stayed in, um, in fucking, uh, uh, sugar, sugar, sugar land. Yeah. We stayed in sugar land, bro. And like, I took my bong with me, you know, and like, I took a big old bag of dove and like, literally I had to go to this detox and I'm sitting there and you know, she's like, all right, baby. You know, you got to go. And I was like, take me back to Austin and I'll drive myself. And she's like, no, I'm like, you know, and so I'm sitting there and I'm smoking this last bowl and I'm like, I still got a bag of dope, you know, and I'm just like, I just started out of the blue. I just started talking to this dope bag. I'm like, Crystal, I love you girl. But like, bitch, you ain't no good for me. You bring me down. I can't fucking shoot up more. And like, you're going to have to find someone else to torture because you're bringing me down, girl. And like, I shattered my fucking bong and I poured the dope out and like, I was going to like try to keep some, you know, and she's like, pour it all out. I'm like, whatever. Now take me to jail. You know, yeah. And, um, but that's what I was remembering earlier. I read my letter on here one day. Cause I was crying as I'm like saying this, like it was like a good like five minute, not five minutes, but a couple minutes. You write it down. You were right there and like, yeah. Broke is my, I know in mine, it's like, I pass you around all my friends and they all hit it. And then I'm fucking still like, come back baby. Yeah. It was deep bro. Like it was some real hard. Dude, all my friends are smashing and fucking from the soul. Rilling you down. I'm like, this to me like, right? I was like, dude, you gotta, he read it to me. Oh, you got it still. Yeah. I have it. I need to read it on here. And it was just like, dude, I want him to read it with like that force gum music playing over the top of it. You know, like, dude, he's like, dear crystal. Like, I was like, bro, this is kind of like in some ways a little romantic. It's sexual. Bro. My like as far as you dirty little horror. Yeah. I know she's a horror jury, but I love her. Yeah. Like fucking. Oh, God. I'm going to find it. I'm going to read it out on this. You've been saying that for a year. You just need to put it there and just leave it and fuck it. Let's go. Yeah. Dude, I really put a lot into that. Evan was the one that had me do it. Evan was like, you should write a breakup letter to crystal. Really? I was like, cool. So I wrote this fight like, and I put a lot of thought into it. It is like pages. Yeah. It was like five pages. It's a long fucking. It's a long one. It's a long term relationship. I didn't want to let her go yet. So I just kept going. Yeah. Like I noticed that like early on in the fucking thing, it was like, but you keep coming back. Yeah. And I do love you. And then it like, and then it got like more distant. Yeah. It's almost like you could see the arc of it. Yeah. Like that. Okay. It's hard dude. Like I think 2% of meth users recover. I even told her in the letter like, I know what you're saying. He's going to come back. Not this time bitch. Yeah. I came back every single time before and I'm not coming back. Like it's, it was deep. It was a deep. I've never wrote breakup letters that were that good. I literally thought of you before I started saying that shit in that car that day. I was like, and it was weird because it like, it came out of nowhere. You know what I mean? And I was just like, I just started saying then I could hear her over there like. Fucking laughing. No, she was crying. I was just crying. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Um. Dude, destiny filmed me one time in the bed talking about this. I just made up a story. Right. I didn't know she was filming me and she, I was laying in bed and I was talking about spot and this dude that had one leg they smoke crack with. I'm only ever smoked crack one time. I just made the whole story up. Yeah. But I was just going on and on and rambling, rambling and she's filming me and she put on Facebook and I turn over and look and I realized she's filming. I just fucking started laughing, but I can pop some crazy shit off. Same. And like I can put stories together to where you'll think, damn, he really knew somebody like that. I didn't know anybody like that. Yeah. But that letter was like the most intense letter I've ever wrote my life. But I think it's a, it's Evan told me to do it and I was like, cool, I'll do that. I think it's a good tool for anybody to use because crystal meth for so long just had me wrapped. I mean, it had my whole life. Other nuts. It had me the whole way. I've never been in a relationship that had me wrap like that. And it was like, it was definitely a good tool for me to write her this letter and say, look, this is it. We're done. Like, yeah. And I went back and read that letter many times, especially in my first six months. Like, because I talk about all the things that you caused in my life, right? And I'll, and really I caused it, but like you were no good for me. She didn't help. Right. She didn't help. Right. And I went back and read that letter a lot of times early in sobriety and I was just to remind myself like, man, because, you know, when you get sober for a minute, you forget how bad it was. At least I did. I forget like, I'll remember some good times from it. Yeah. And I'm like, man, there's been thoughts where maybe I'm far enough now where I can go back and have some of those good times, but I know it shuts off quick because I'm like, I ain't no fucking way. I can just go back and have one good day. Right. And I also, you know, my relapses the over and over again is because I would always forget about that first step experience, man. And, uh, this last one, like, I don't think I'll ever forget it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, and this was the first time I ever did the footwork myself to get me into treatment. And I know I am made anyways, but like, it's cause I was ready to get to work. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think if someone leaves early, that's not always a bad, terrible thing. Yeah. If you, depending on like, I left today early, right? I know some people leave a week early or whatever, but I was ready. I was kind of like you. I was already, I was ready to see my daughter, right? And I was ready to get my life going where I wanted it. Right. I've been sitting here for a month and I've already know all the wrongs that I've done. I've know what I've caused and the problems. Now I got to go start fixing them. I think it's just a matter of, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's like a matter of where you're at. I mean, you know when you should and shouldn't be leaving yet, right? Like whether it's a day or a week or whatever, you fucking know. This last one wasn't like, I couldn't have just went to detox and went back home. Like I had to be removed from everybody and everything and completely unplug and just reset. But I've been to so many treatment centers and I've been through so many fucking PHP's, IOPs and after cares. There's not much that I can really learn, you know, in treatment, like as far as like cognitive thinking and like relapse prevention and you know, the steps. It's just about your plan now. My sponsor is teaching me a whole new thing in it, but it's mostly about like the spirituality and like the higher power of the thing. And like I said, I think that's just what I've always really been lacking was like the surrender and really having to ask every day like, yo, God, help me. Help me to do what you have me, what you would have me do. Like so I can like learn to like walk in your footsteps and like help another motherfucker suffering man. Yeah. Um, and that's what my prayers were for like the last month until I met Dave and now he's got me doing like the third step prayer in the morning and, uh, I told him what my prayers look like. Yeah, you can quit that. He's like, do this. You know what I mean? And like, he's such a great guy, dude. Like you should bring him on here. Yeah. I've never, I've never heard of him. I'll be happy. We'd be happy to come to PPG man on Tuesdays. I make the best coffee in the South side. I'm six o'clock. Challenge accepted. Yeah. It's fire. Well, when I do our prayers before we eat my brother, when we went to New Orleans, it was me, Destiny, my brother and his fiance. And I feel like I do fire prayers, right? Yeah. And my brother, after like 30 seconds, he's like, bro, Jesus already fucking left. Cut the shit off. And I'm like, bro, what the hell are you going to stop my prayer? He's like, bro, he's gone. Yeah. This prayer is, this prayer lasts a way too long. My food's cold. Yeah, we're hungry, bro. We're fucking hungry. Destiny still gives me shit now. She's like, hey, can you, hey, let's see. I'm like, damn dude, I'm just trying to get everything out. So yeah. But yeah. But you said Tuesday, right? Yeah. Tuesday is PPG. It starts at 730. And I remember the, I had never been. Is that the one in the big gym? It's the one at the church, the O4 church around South of Marnexton, Matzel Rancho. Hmm. It's, it's the OGs, bro. Is it a big gym? It's a church. Did they pass, I know, but did they pass a mic around? Yeah. I've been there. So Solstice brought us there a couple of times. Yeah. And I went there for the first night with my buddy, Nevin. And, you know, we used to get high together and then we actually were in jail together. Mm-hmm. Um, he's a good dude, man. He's in Oxford doing his thing. Like he's, he's a fucking solid ass dude. And, uh, we're sitting there and, and, you know, they, they asked like, who, who's all worked to 12 steps and can, and can help someone else please stand up and like the whole fucking thing stands up and we're like, we're in the big leagues now. Right. And Dave tells me like, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your fucking mouth and listen. Yeah. You know, um, and it's a trip. You know, that places, it's different than any meeting I've ever been to. Yeah. But, um, I'm starting to kind of pick up on it because like I've read the book, you know, but like they break it down. Yeah. It's where you can really understand it. Well, that's what they're, they're Tuesday is a big book. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Primary purpose group, man. Um, May 20th, we're having our big barbecue. Uh, there's going to be food snacks. Uh, it's going to be a, it's going to, they have child care. You know, we're going to take the girls. Uh, it's going to be tight. They told me to invite everybody. So come on out. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, man. It's, uh, it's different this time and I'm so excited, dude. Like I really am. I've never had, uh, because you normally I'm just like on the edge of my seat, like, fuck, I'm going to get high, dude. Like, I'm, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Like one thing stresses me out. I fucking, I'm a runner. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you upset me or challenged me or put me in a corner. I'm gone. Like before you turn around, where'd Josh go? Oh, there he goes. He left to the store two weeks ago. Yeah. I like, you know, and we got that camera at the house. So I would look and make sure nobody's home and then I'd go home and grab some clothes and get back out. You know what I mean? Oh, no shit? Yeah. And, uh, but like this time, man, it's like, I'm just so eager to continue to like, I'm hungry, bro. I'm hungry for this shit. And, uh, you know, I, I give it up all to, you know, my HP baby. Yeah. Well, brother, thanks for coming on. Man, man, no, this was long overdue, bro. Like, I, I've been excited about having you on for a while and, uh, appreciate it. And Tamra knows this and now you know it, but the door's always open to you. Appreciate it. Like even if you want to sit behind the camera, if you want to sit in front of it, you just let us know and we'll have you by any time. And as far as coming and hanging out with you Tuesday and the barbecue May 20th barbecue, where's it at? Where is it? It said, uh, the Oh four church on South Lamar. Okay. Yeah. It starts at six o'clock. It's going down. All right. How do people find you? Uh, me? Yeah, you like there? Yeah, no, like, just in general. Oh yeah. I'm on social media. I got the Facebook. I got Instagram. Uh, I mean, I fuck with the snap chat. What's your name on there? Um, what? On any of them? Uh, it's Joseph Herrera on, uh, on Facebook and on Snapchat is good fellow Josh. Uh, I don't know what it is on Instagram. I have to get it. Let me see. Yeah. Figure that out and tell the masses. It is a good fellow Josh too. Good fellow Josh. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. My password. Good. So is my favorite movie of all time. My password for everything for the longest time was fuck you pay me. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you pay me. Fuck you pay me. Can't get hit by a bus. Fuck you pay. Wife just died. Fuck you. Yeah. Now he's got a poly. He can charge up the place and fucking, you know, that was my shit. Great fucking movie. Yeah. Greatest movie. So what's Tamar's favorite movie? Uh, probably the notebook or something like that. I don't know. God. No, hold on. Look dude, she's one of ours. So we got to make sure you're taking care of her too. Oh fuck. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Dirty dancing, bro. Dirty dancing. Yeah. Wow. So we did this. Um, John Bryant, one of our buddies. My sponsor. Yeah. His sponsor. He was on and I set him up with his girl. Yeah. And so she's like a friend of mine too. Yeah. So I just, at the end of it, I knew she would be watching. So I was like, what's her favorite movie? What's her favorite food? Like I just, I can't know what, and he's like, you motherfucker dude. Like, so that. Oh, that's horrible. Yeah. And then he was saying like throw him under the bus. Yeah. What's her favorite color? What's her favorite color? Like all that shit. I think he went one for three. And then Mike goes, what's Amy's favorite color? I was like pink. I didn't even know. I was just like being sure in my eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, I was like, you're gonna make me look stupid. He was like pink, dirty dancing, tacos. And I was like, good fellas has always been my favorite movie. Back when I was growing up though, you know what I'm saying? We had the VHS tapes. Yeah. Remember that shoot? Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna pause it. I was like, pause it. I was like, why don't you get it? All right, about to start. Click it. Well, on our VHS tape that we had good fellas on it was like Last of the Mohicans, Good Fellows, Last Boy Scout. You can also do like three or four movies, you know what I'm saying? And like. I forgot. The Good Fellows movie that we had would end like right after the LaStanza heist when Jimmy's whacking everybody in and they find Homeboy in the fucking meat truck and shit. Yeah. And then like four or 20 something years, you know, my ex got me a stocking stuffer and it was a DVD of Good Fellows and Casino. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm telling my kids like, all right guys. Yeah. You know, they're little. We're gonna watch daddy's favorite movie. So I watched the movie and then like it keeps going. Yeah. And then I find out Henry Hill's a fucking rat. And he fucking flipped on the fucking, you know, pause, you know, and everybody. I call my dad. That'd be why I'm like, Hey, Dad, what the fuck? He's like, what's the matter? Me, I was like, I just watched Good Fellows on a DVD set. Oh, yeah, dude. It doesn't end at the latines. Me, you love that movie so much. Like I didn't know how to. You just love this. We just let you think that forever. And I was like, what the fuck? Dude, you miss so many good. Like you had your mind out of been blown. Dude, it was fucking. I felt just violated. I was like, oh my God, this movie gets so much better. Well, there was a lot more to the movie, but like, and in the end, you know, he flipped on everybody. And I was like, dude, he was like my favorite. I can't stand that motherfucker, you know, well, it has the greatest opening line to any movie ever made. Yeah. Do you know? No, I always wanted to do it even before that. That's the second line. But it's it's when they're in the they're in the car, it's in black and they're in the fucking car with the dude in the back that they stabbed in the bar. Oh, yeah. And they go, what? Billy, Billy Bates. And there's a dunk. This is the opening. Like dunk dunk. What the fuck is that? As far as the opening line, the whole movie. And then it cuts to it's what the fuck is that? And then they go back and they show. Tommy and yeah, Tommy stabs them. And then every since I was young, I wanted to be a gangster. I got to cut the hook. It's a sin. You can't leave it there. Yeah. Yeah, the fucking the VCR tapes. I remember like we never when we would watch one, we never rewound it. Of course not. So fucking like our rewinder took fucking like you might as well just sit there for 10 minutes for sure. So it was always like fuck no, the last person didn't rewind it. So we have to rewind that bitch all the way back. But I forgot you had three movies on some. Some you could get four on. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, done enough tape. And then we when we found out that you could record over them by putting the tape over the little square. Yeah, they put that little part. Yeah, you got to put tape over it and then you can record them. My mom lost all of our fucking family videos. Oh, yeah. You're fucking like, here's someone's recital and it's fucking got Lesbian lovers part seven on there. You kids these days will never know the struggle. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, dude, they smoke, swag weed with fucking seeds and shit. Well, and it's like we used to have to travel to get our weed. Like now they're like like now they go to 7-Eleven to get the shit. They're like, is that shit legit? I mean, I don't know. I don't do it. Yeah, fuck all that. But I'm saying it will be by the time they're of age for sure. They're gonna be like, why did you drive two hours to buy a $20 worth of weed? Destiny has never seen a map. She don't know what a map is like a road map. And I was explaining to her that we've never, we didn't always have GPS and she's like, so what did y'all do? And I say, well, when we would travel, my sister, she was the oldest. We got lost. She got her ass fucking whipped the whole fucking way because, you know, you're trying to find these little roads that you got to fucking turn on and they're like so small. And let Sandi O'Brien, my mom, miss a fucking turn. Got damn right. You're a fraud or you're a fraud. You're getting your ass whipped. Fucking they're right. My sister got her ass whipped the whole way to New York and back. Someone told Monday, like, ask somebody. I thought you're taking a picture and see what they do. If they go like this, they're young as fuck. They go like this. Yeah. They're one of us. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, dude, there's all kinds of like, my son, he's 16 now, but he was seven years old or something. And he got into a car that had a window crank. He had no, he was like, what's that? And he started flying. He was like, holy shit. You used to fucking read this is the funnest thing ever. Like you started playing with it. He'd never seen a window crank fucking ever. I learned how to drive on a three on the tree. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. It's the finest shit ever. Fuck yeah. Well, hey, dude, we got to get you to prom night. Yeah, it's prom night. Yeah, it's prom night. You got to fucking we got to get down. We got to get you all dressed up for the ball. Stay tuned, mother. That's awesome. Hey, I'm going to say, I lost one of my friends this week. Yeah, yeah, he's a big supporter of the podcast. His name was Joe. His real name, legal name was Johannes McGee. And we lost him. So y'all keep him and his family and your prayers, his mom, dad, his sisters. And his son just turned 16. Wow. His son's name's Jaden. So thoughts and prayers. We love you, Joe. I'll be at your funeral tomorrow and I'm getting to speak at his funeral tomorrow. Yeah, dude. How do you feel about that? Well, it's it's crazy because destiny asked me, she's like, you're going to speak at us. They haven't asked me to, but I would. And then his sister texts me like 30 seconds later, like, hey, mom wants to know if you'll speak at it. And I was like, holy shit. I started getting all like, yeah, scared and stuff. But yeah, dude, that's that's sometimes how God makes me forces my hand. He just said I would do it. And they asked me to say, I'm going to do it. And again, I asked her, I said, can I can I say all of our stories? And she said, yeah, not for mom and dad. And she said, you're going to have to say some of the stuff that he did. Yeah, for sure. But yeah, so well, sorry about your loss, brother. Lots of prayers for sure. And I'm glad with the angels homie. Yes, sir. I want you guys know, I do want to bring this up on a lighter note. I've developed a baseball card habit. Right. Fairly recently, I've given it up a little bit here recently. We're going to make you relive. Oh, no, it's only a matter of time for real. But I'm on an app called what not. And it's live auctions for baseball cards. Like dude puts a card and you get the bid on it with a bunch of other people. They sell other shoes. I see your shoe guy. Fuck with shoes. Oh, dude, they got it for shoes. You fucking yay. Yeezy's and everybody wants to go for it. No, for the better. It's not dope. It's for it. No, no, for good. And but for me, it's kind of been evil. But there's a guy who whose auctions I was hopping in. And his name is Tappin bird on the on the website. So I was on the auction and he plays music while everybody's bidding. And he was like, Hey, dude, why do you call yourself a moron? Like he can speak. So I'm like, it's, um, it's my podcast. And he's like, you have a podcast. So I start telling him what it's about. And he's like, Oh shit. So he cuts the music off and starts playing our podcast in the background while. And he's like, dude, I am in recovery. My girl works in recovery. So there's a San Francisco Giants hat. That's my team. Yeah. He just randomly sent this to me as a gift because he's a cool dude and a supporter of the place. So yeah. I thought it was pretty awesome that he did that. So I wanted to give him a shout out because he is watching everything. He put a lot of auctions out there. We are looking for a sponsor. Yeah. You know, just saying. Yeah. Yeah. For real. We're looking for so many sponsors. Actually, we have, we have another one. I forgot to talk about it today. We'll talk about the next one. Okay. Yeah. Well, boxer boxers, some undies. Man. We got a commercial? I'll put one on. I don't give a shit. I am, I am pretty loyal to my Duluth underwear, bro. How are you? Like they changed my life. They have the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, a bum. Some of us do as a hat. I had some fresh supreme. Nike shit like Biorri fucking Lulu. Choose. Man, mother fucker. Well, this underwear company is going to have to really convince me because my Duluth underwear is. It's important. You know, it's funny, as you said, when you when you left, you got an Uber to get to where you got. Mm hmm. You remember at Solstice, they didn't let you drive there. Right. At least when I was there. So if you wanted to leave, they were in the middle of fucking nowhere. No, nowhere. They brought you to H.E.B. Yeah, you sat there until your ride got there. Yeah. So one of the dudes that was leaving. Well, you know, we always know it's a terrible idea. I like bro, stop. He's like, no, it was his his chick. I'm going home to kill her. All this crazy shit. Right. She's she's not I'm going home to I'm going to kill her. I'm like, bro, this is a terrible idea. Yeah. Right. So he's like it was like three in the morning. And he and it's freezing. It's February and it's raining. And they're like, all right, well, if you they're not going to talk, you know, Stan, right, you want to go, they'll go. They brought him to H.E.B. with his little bag of clothes and his guitar and dropped him off there at three thirty in the morning and his ride didn't show up till nine. He said he ended up coming back like two days later. He pissed clean. So they let him come back. Yeah. And he said he was out there and people were pat were dropping money on his guitar. That's great. Yeah. That's beautiful. Well, let's get you off to the prom. I know I've said it before. All night. It was a big, big day. I don't want to turn into a pumpkin. No, man. Hey, let's get you off, Cinderella. Yeah. And I got my first overnight. Hey, let's go. She's taking me home with her too. After all. Hey, yeah, man. Well, thanks for having me. Thanks for coming on, brother. It's always open. We're going to be seeing you in the future. No, yeah. Let's let's keep that door open for you. You got to sign the wall. We got to take some pictures. All right. And then we'll get you out of here, brother. Sounds good. We're out. Love you, Joe.