Women's Hotline with Rachel Dratch

From the trusted team behind 48 Hours, welcome to Case by Case, your weekly update on the biggest true crime stories unfolding right now. Nick Ryder remains in custody without bail. Luigi Mangione accused of stalking and gunning down United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson. From high-profile trials and stunning evidence to major breaks in cold cases, we'll follow it all Case by Case. Follow and listen to 48 Hours, Case by Case, wherever you get your podcasts. It's the Late Show Pot Show with Stephen Colbert. Women. They're everywhere. And there have been so many great women through the ages who deserve recognition like Rosa Parks, Marie Curie, and the Mama Charmin Bear. She's got three furry kids always bragging about how clean their holes are. The woman is a damn saint. And we here at the Late Show care so deeply about solving women's problems. Unfortunately, I am not a woman. If only there were a woman nearby. Did someone say nearby woman? Rachel Tratch. Yes! Hi! Oh, hi Stephen! Rachel! Rachel, thank you for joining me. Well, as we say in the female community, glad to be here. Well, I'm glad you're glad because it's time for our first ever. The Late Show's Women's Hotline. Yeah, hi. Can I get some garlic knots? Welcome. The Late Show Women's Hotline is already packed with calls, so let's get to it. But first, a big thanks to our sponsor, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Your child seems calm. We can help. Our first caller is Kendra from Boston. Hey, I suspect I'm being paid 30% less of my coworkers, even though I'm equally qualified. How do I approach my boss about this? Oh, that's easy, Kendra. Talk to your manager and outline your contributions and why you deserve a raise. Yes, and if that doesn't work, get your manager's computer and download Shrek Erotica onto it before... Before calling HR. You can find that Shrek Erotica at HotShrek.com and Donkeysaddy.net. Or LordSQuad.edu. It's accredited. Next up, we have Danny from Queens. Hi, Late Show Women's Hotline. As a woman living in New York City, I'm wondering, where can I get a haircut that costs less than $200? I got you, Danny. You're going to want to see my guy, Big Tony. He lives under the D train and cuts hair with hedge clippers. Satisfaction guaranteed or a bag of your hair back. Our next caller is Layla in Virginia. Hi, my daughter wants to study biology. Can you suggest any female role models and STEM? Absolutely. The one and only Eliza Von Bishmark, the inventor of the second boob. Before that, women only had one boob on the left and we were always falling over or we'd swim in circles like a wounded shark. Thanks for your call, Layla. And now, another quick word from our sponsor, Yamaha. Yamaha. Motorbikes or pianos. Guys, you got to pick a lane. Next up is Caitlin from Milwaukee. Hi, I'm pregnant and my health insurance is really difficult to navigate. What do I do? You're in luck, Caitlin, because Big Tony is also an OBGYN, fully licensed by eBay. Satisfaction guaranteed or your placenta back. To reach Big Tony, just fill out a new patient form at lordasqua.edu. They do it all. Yes. Okay, well, now we go to Beth from Alaska. Hi, I'm in my early 40s. Like many women my age, I often wonder, if two mermaids have sex, do they produce a full human or a full fish? Wow. Excellent question. You know, you actually just get a reverse mermaid. Fish on top, lady downtown. Fun fact, reverse mermaid, also a sex move you can learn on lordasqua.edu. We have time for one more. Well, we have time for one more and now for our final caller. Hi, my name's Dave. I was trying to call Wendy, he's told her a baconater and ended up here. But I have always wondered, what is Victoria's secret? Excellent question. Victoria's secret is that she seems to have it together, but she's exhausted all the time. She's got work and taxes and her parents are expecting her to organize this year's family vacation because her younger sister never answers her texts. Not to mention Victoria recently had an endometriosis flare up, forcing her to once again interact with a healthcare system that has historically misunderstood how women's bodies work. But she can't get too frustrated or she'll be labeled difficult. Not to mention she's trying to date, but the apps are the worst and she feels like no one's really explained how you're supposed to be fun, flirty and open to love, while still reckoning with the very real safety issues involved in meeting a stranger and a brewery that has axe throwing. Yeah. And even when things are great, she's playing Mario Kart with her friends lurking in the corner of her mind is the crippling fear that her country is being led by death spots who are systematically targeting women's autonomy. Also, she wants to start watching Chicago Fire, but it's on Peacock and no one knows what that is. And that's all we have time for. A big shout out to the sponsor of the late show women's hotline, Rezzy. Rezzy, there are no tables available in any restaurant and there never will be. Catch Rachel Dratch as the narrator in the Rocky Horror Show now on Broadway. Thank you, Rachel. We'll be right back. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod Show with Steven Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to the Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. When beloved family patriarch Gary Ferris went missing, his family looked everywhere on their property until they came across something horrifying. It's a homicide. Absolutely. The blame game in this family went round and round. This is Bloodesticker, the Ferris Wheel. I would don't see how anyone can look at this story and think they were happy. Binge the full series, Bloodesticker, the Ferris Wheel on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.