Ep. 394 - Why Love, Intimacy, and Friendships Feel Harder Than Ever (And The Truth About Manifesting Them)

If you don't clearly state what you want, how can someone meet you there? What are those things that are standing in your way of the version of you that sits down at a table with your dream relationships, friendships, etc.? What's in the way? That is where change really happens. Why love, intimacy, and friendships feel harder than ever and what no one is talking about when it comes to manifesting them. we are in a collective relationship reckoning we are becoming new people all the time new identities are shifting we are stripping old parts of our ego old identities and our relationships are starting to constrict we're feeling lonely in friendships unseen unfulfilled in relationships and we're wondering where the heck is our dream manifestation partner that we've been calling in It almost feels harder than ever. What the heck is going on? If you are someone who is doing the work and feeling into this loneliness and feeling this unseen and unfamiliar territory when it comes to relationships, or even just looking to take your relationships in general to the next level and feeling a bit unclear of where to start, this episode is going to be for you. By the end of the episode, you're going to understand why love and relationships are so challenging in this moment in time, how it's mirroring exactly what you need to work on in order to integrate it and get to the next level in relationships, whether that's to yourself, to friendships, to romantic partners, or manifesting your dream partner. And you're going to hear some expander stories of alignment of people who have manifested on the other side of these things to show you that it's possible for you as well. And very exciting announcement for our TBM audience. So those of you who could not make our speaking tour this fall, who wanted to hear the conversation with myself and Lacey and Jenna Zoe and Elizabeth Arrigo, who you hear about in this episode as well, we are finally launching the virtual NYC speaking tour where you can get not only the recorded portion, but the deep imagining we did live in person and the journal prompts to go along with it. The speaking tour is really about anchoring into our authentic purpose in this season. You get the soul's essence and purpose, deep imagining. You get journal prompts all about the soul and reconnecting to the soul. This will be available for free if you're a pathway member already, or if you're not a pathway member yet, you can purchase a la carte or you can become a pathway member and get it in there as well as all of our workshops, our deep imaginings, our tools, all of our challenges that help chip away all the blocks that are standing between us and what we really want and our manifestations. So come join us, check it out. It is dropping on Monday, February 16th. I'm so excited for you guys to check this out. It is mind blowing. Open your minds. It's a big year. Okay, let's get into it. 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It supports your entire gut wall integrity, your microbiome, your immune health balance, which impacts everything from metabolism to skin to energy. It's a bioactive whole food bovine colostrum with calf first sourcing that works as a blueprint for your body to helping your cells do what they already know how to do just better. We've worked out a special offer for our audience. Receive 30% off your first subscription order. Go to armra.com backslash TBM or enter TBM all caps to get 30% off your first subscription order. That's A-R-M-R-A dot com slash TBM. Or you can check the link in the show notes. And now onto the episode. first and foremost we are in an era where we are more self-aware than ever before if you scroll your feed and you are anyone who is curious in self-development personal growth you're seeing things about relationships constantly friendships romantic relationships different patterns dynamics ways of communicating. And a lot of it anchors you into therapeutic insights, therapeutic tools, codependency patterns, but it doesn't give you a lot of instruction of how to actually embody this knowledge. If anything, it's probably making you question your relationships more than ever. You're saying, oh my gosh, that pattern plays out for me. Does that mean I'm settling in my relationship or in my friendship. Oh my gosh, that date did that thing I saw on Instagram. They must be a red flag. I have to dismiss them immediately. And I think what's happening is we are so aware of all the places that things could be going wrong. And we're not really sure how to embody it, how to relate to it, except for to shut it down, except for to say, okay, that's a no. On the flip side, especially when it comes to manifesting friendships or manifesting partners, I'm also seeing a lot of people who are allowing old energetic imprints of these people, of these dynamics, of these relational patterns from the past still into their orbit, even after they've been hit over and over and over again, because they are fearing that loneliness. because they are in that in-between state where just saying no to these outside things feels more uncomfortable than allowing the same pattern back in again. And if you're new here, if this is the first time you're listening to anything from To Be Magnetic, one thing we talk about a lot is how our no is one of the most magnetic ways we can take our power back. It's how we communicate our self-worth by discerning what's for us and what's not for us. And to be able to sit in that and not have to compromise core, core values or pillars about yourself. So when it comes to manifesting a partner, a friendship, knowing and being able to discern early on, ooh, this is an old pattern I used to replicate again and again. And the second I see semblance of it, instead of falling back into the trap, hoping I can change the person, hoping things will be different this time, can I say no faster and know that this person isn't for me? One way I see this present a lot is when people are manifesting romantic partners and they don't want to be too needy in the beginning and they want someone to kind of reveal who they are. And maybe that person's communication style is too ambiguous. They're not clear when they want to see them. They don't directly say like, Hey, I had a great time here. I'd love to see you again. It feels almost like you're in this uncharted game. And in order to not feel like you're desperate or needy of them, you may take a pause or sit back and let them kind of dictate it. This is where our clear communication needs to come in. This is where our empowered know needs to come in saying, hey, I'm looking for a long-term partner. What are you looking for? Just you being in that power and that self-worth and not in a way where you're trying to manipulate them or do anything to them. But if you don't clearly state what you want, how can someone meet you there? One thing that kept popping into my mind when I was taking notes for this episode was how so much of our relational manifestations feel like I've gotten so close with this person or there's so many things that they check the box in. But there's a couple I'm filtering out of my brain because I want it to work so badly. But if you zoom out and realize how many people are on the planet and have that trust and faith that know that your person is out there who can meet you exactly where you're at, who can meet you and want that relationship that you want and want to communicate and do those things, it may feel hard, especially if you've had many dating scenarios that didn't work out. But if you could zoom out and see how many other suitors are available to you and they're going to be more available the more that you say no to the ones that don't have what you need sooner. So that's one aspect of it. The second aspect of sort of this paradigm shift, and this is more about in relationships, in friendships, is that as we are more self-aware, we have all these labels of what is correct for us, what is not correct for us, but we don't really have the tools of how to navigate them or even how to embody them in our relationship. The amount of times I get messages from people that are like, oh my gosh, I started TBM. I'm learning math and code. I'm learning who I am. I don't know if my partnership matches up anymore. That is so common and it's going to progress over the next year because we are really evolving rapidly as a collective. And so the nuance I want you guys to think about through the lens of manifestation is not that rigid black and white thinking that you do need to bring to your dating dynamic, right? When you're dating, when you have possible suitors, if they're showing a red flag, you can be a little bit more discerning and be a bit harsher and quicker with that no. But when you're in relationship, when you're in friendships, especially ones that you have already invested that time and effort in, that's where this dynamic becomes the mirror. That is where the mirror becomes the medicine. That is where you can start to see, wow, where am I actually guarded from my intimacy? Where am I guarded from my vulnerability? Where am I guarded from being seen as all aspects of me, not just the ones I hope I am, not just the ones I want to step into more. But how is this dynamic actually mirroring to me where I'm at right now? And I need to accept the parts of me that maybe I don't like or don't want to settle for or don't want as part of my self-identity. But instead, can I see this person as a mirror that's helping me to reveal that aspect of me so I can internalize it, work with it, have compassion for those parts of me and thus bring out a different energy to the relationship and allowing for someone else to do the same. And so much of that comes down to communication, self-awareness, also that inner reflection and really truly nervous system regulation, because it is very hard when our protector parts pop up, run the show, allowing everything to cool down, to sit in the seat of our higher self and be able to make decisions from that place. So to recap, in relationships, the manifestation dynamic is really being able to discern the no. And the no is not, is this the person that my parent will want, society wants, what will be cool on paper, but is this the person that lights my soul on fire, that makes me feel safe, that is helping me to see that the relationship I desire can meet me where I'm at, even if I'm imperfect in this season. If you listen to any of our prior episodes on relationships, you know that our relationship dynamics are always bringing up what we had modeled to us. So what were the dynamics that our parents modeled to us? What did we see in the romantic relationships of our grandparents, our aunts and uncles, the adult figures in your life. And whatever you saw modeled there, is that what you authentically want? And that is why in our relationship, we're bringing up the familiar. We're projecting out and calling back in and manifesting in relationships that are really going to model to us the same things we saw growing up because our brains don't like change. They don't like unfamiliarity. They like homeostasis. They like, okay, we saw that. That's how it worked. Even though it wasn't authentically what I wanted or to my highest good, we know there was a level of survival there. So let's go for that again. And that's why people wind up attracting in the same dynamics that they don't want anymore because it mirrors one that they saw growing up and our relationship to our caregivers growing up. But if we can take that self-awareness and this is everything we do in the To Be Magnetic Tools, like going back through Inner Child as a community, we just moved through our Return to Magic challenge. I went through every single childhood phase, understanding what did I need from my parent at this phase? What was modeled to me about relationships at this phase? If you're looking for a masterclass and how to peel back all of your programming from childhood, Return to Magic is going to be it for sure. because it is showing you what needs you didn't get met that you are now outsourcing to the romantic partner. One other thing I'll say to this is something I notice again and again and again when it comes to specifically manifesting partners and also friendships, that there is almost a pedestalization of manifesting the partner. And it feels like the more time goes on that you haven't manifested it, the more shame may pop up that we haven't manifested it as if it's saying like something's wrong with you for not having it which is absolutely not true but I think there's something and this kind of goes for any manifestation when we stake a claim and say I want to manifest this and time goes by and we chipping away at it and we have expanders and tests and all of these things pop up we almost forget that all of the growth that we've made thus far is part of the manifestation. So we set this manifestation list up and unless we have the full package, the whole deal, I mean, in some people's mind's eye, maybe that's marriage, maybe that's getting engaged, maybe that's finding their forever partner, whatever it is. It's like, until I'm there, I haven't really succeeded in this category. And if I haven't succeeded, then something must be wrong with me. It must be an internal issue with me. And gosh, I feel shame about that or guilt or maybe questioning, like, what is wrong with me that I can't find this? And I really want to flip that on its head for people, because as you are in this journey, you are having so many lessons and so many growth opportunities. The fact that you were able to potentially say no to someone who in the past, you would have easily gone on more and more dates with them. That is massive growth. That is a reflection of your soul being in alignment that I would even clock as a manifestation. So start seeing all of these little wins as many manifestations in the route to this bigger manifestation. That can also help take the pressure off of, oh, I'm not worthy until I have this thing or something's wrong with me until I have this thing. When you're manifesting anything, you're not coming from a broken place. You're not coming from a something's wrong with you place. You just have blocks, limiting beliefs, fears like everybody else. Literally everyone else has this for different subjects and different things in their life. and you're just chipping away at yours until you have the divine timing with someone else who is also probably chipping away at theirs. And then you guys can meet. And I say the divine timing piece because when we try to control the timeline of when our partner comes through or when our manifestation comes through, it immediately puts it above us. It says, I want it in this timeline. And if it doesn't happen this way, something must be wrong. There's so much rushing. And that's kind of the paradigm shift narrative too, where there's this urgency culture around what is meant for our soul. And we have to kind of zoom out and say, okay, what if the universe is helping teach me the lessons I need to know and I need to learn and embody in the seasons and in the time I want to learn them and need to learn them. So when my partner comes around, when my manifestation comes around, I can move into it with ease and joy simultaneously, the chapter before your manifestation comes through, are you soaking up everything there? I started going to this before, but I want to bring this back up again is that every single time someone manifests a big partnership or relationship or even big manifestation, they have a moment where they take it off the pedestal. They're like, okay, I'm actually detached from this. It'll come when it's going to come. And in the meantime, I'm going to live my life. I'm going to have a love affair with my life. I'm going to romanticize my life. I'm going to enjoy my life. And that energy where they say, I'm not going to put this in the back of my mind. This isn't going to be the thing I think about before I fall asleep every night. This isn't going to be the thing I'm judging myself on. And the thing that I'm just obsessing over all day long, I'm just going to kind of put it to the side. It's right here alongside And I know it's there and I'm aware of the tests and the triggers and I'm, I'm processing them as they're coming up. But the main focus is how do I have a love affair with my life in this season? How do I bring the joy and the pleasure and follow my pings and go out with girlfriends and do the things that make me feel most me have the rituals, light the candle, take the bubble bath, you know, focus on career things, the things that really light you up, not avoiding this thing that's but not idolizing the thing above you, having it be one of the things you think about and pick up with your very full magnetic life. People who manifest, their partners, it is one of the things in orbit around them amongst the many other things that they're calling in and they're aware of it, they're passing the test, taking aligned action, but it is not this sole focus above them that they're trying to shoot to. So I just wanted to bring that to everyone. Now, more into this TVM principle that our relationships are our mirrors. So whether you're talking about your friendships, your coworkers, your romantic relationships, your dating experiences, they are mirroring back dynamics from us that we are trying to get a corrective experience on. We're trying to get a healing on. They are helping reveal our subconscious beliefs, our subconscious fears faster than anything else. They're almost like a masterclass. And the more intimate the relationship, the more of a masterclass it is. And this kind of brings me to the people who are in relationships who are maybe feeling a little unfulfilled, wanting more, or just in a rough patch with their relationship. they're starting to learn and see things that are expanding them in their ultimate or dream relationship they're not really feeling there yet this is the opportunity to utilize the mirror this isn't let's get black and white and cut them out this is what about this dynamic can help me integrate can help me understand what i want what i don't want where i don't feel worthy of it yet how can that start to understand how I want to be treated and the dynamics I want to pull forth. I also want to flag that relationships don't show you what you deserve. They show you what you expect, what is familiar to you. And in that, if you don't like a dynamic and it's really irritating or it's bothering you on a deep level, amazing. You just found your next growth edge. You just found your next pain point that you are going to have to be more intimate and honest with yourself about where you are at, more self-awareness and accountability to where you're at, and then have those open lines of communication with your partner upon healing those dynamics. So if you have familiar patterns in friendships or romantic relationships where they keep repeating this similar dynamic and you're like at a standstill, it feels like the finger traps where you, the more you pull, the more you feel angry about something, the tighter it gets. And the more you feel stuck in the dynamic. If one of those are presenting, it can actually be a beautiful thing because it's telling you the way in which you've gone about solving this dynamic before the way in which you're trying to get your needs met here doesn't work anymore. Paradigms are shifting, people are shifting, our self-awareness is shifting, and it's asking you to become a different version of yourself to relate to yourself differently to now show up in this relationship differently. And that is how you can manifest your dream relationship, even if you're already in one. So that awareness plus accountability piece is really key for the relationships that we are in because it allows us to ask where are we projecting what we want on someone else? Where are we projecting our shadow? Where are we projecting the things we don't want to be? Where are we projecting where we do not feel whole yet? Where we are looking for a partner or a friend to fulfill a gap that we don't yet feel secure in. One good test of this is if you are manifesting a certain relationship dynamic, if you're in partnership or you're manifesting a partner or you're manifesting a friend group, look at that list of the things you want in that. Are you embodying those things for yourself? Are you open, accountable, able to express your emotions, not emotionally dumping on another person? Are you sitting with your own big feelings so you can come and hold space for someone else? If these are things you want in a partner or in a friend, do you have them? If you want a partner that's at a certain level of success, are you at a certain level of success? Let's say you're a mom who's manifesting more mom friends and you want more balance in your life. And you think you're going to manifest friends and women who have more balance in their life to help expand you, which is a great thing to do, but you're going to get closer to those friendships. The more that you create that balance in your own life first, the more that you can attune to those needs to you first, they can help be expanders. They can help show you more possibilities of it, but stop relying on those outside relationships to save you from the places that you don't feel whole within yourself in the moment. Okay. So this brings me back to the love affair with self. I actually think this is one of the most magnetic things you can do in this season, whether whatever you're manifesting in relationship. And we talked about this recently as a TBM team of how we're kind of in this in-between crab shell. We're shedding old identities. We're not quite stepping into the new ones yet. If you set a manifestation list at the top of the year, you likely haven't manifested it yet because you're in the curriculum phase where all the tests and triggers are hitting you to show you where you need to uplevel your self-worth, where you need to see more of your heart and soul, where you need to be more authentic, where you need to step through those fears. And in doing that, how can you be present to the right now. This is also a really good way of taking things off of a pedestal and detaching from them. So instead of saying my life will be better when my relationship's better, my life will be better when I have the friends, the friend groups that really expand me, my life will be better when I've manifested my partner. Okay, clear it from your head for a moment. Even close your eyes if you want. In the next six to 12 months, those dynamics are present. You have the dream relationship. you have the dream friend group your romantic relationship has gotten better and better you feel more seen supported safe in it maybe more romance has been sparked you feel alive in your relationships let's just assume that is true in the future 100 no questions asked okay now let's go back to now. How are you showing up today assuming that that is true in the future? If you know without a doubt that's coming, it's in the pipeline, it's in the works, it's manifesting, you actually don't need to think about it right now. How do you want to live your life in the present, in the six to 12 months leading up to those manifestations coming through? Let's say that partner knocks on your door tomorrow, who would you want to be to show up? What version of you is answering the door? And I can almost bet every single one of you is like, well, I would want to be doing a little bit more of this, or I'd want more time to be self-reflective and journaling, or maybe I want to be off my phone more, or, oh, there's this one habit I know that's really holding me back. And I keep self-sabotaging here. Like I'd really want to have worked on that habit? What are those things that are standing in your way of the version of you that sits down at a table with your dream relationships, friendships, et cetera? What's in the way? And simultaneously, how can you find little rituals to return back to yourself in this season? That's spark love, that's spark joy. That is going to be your superpower for love and relationships in this season. The last thing before we hear from some expanders on this is the self-love journey. I want to make something abundantly clear. As you are starting to develop a trust muscle with yourself, that is how your self-love starts to develop. You start to love aspects of you and that kind of comes in two waves. In one way, you start to love the things about you that you think are special, are unique, your gifts, your authentic code, the things that you have a special sauce to. Maybe you learned you couldn't like them because people were going to shame you for them or cut you down if you embodied them, but you're starting to learn to love them and step into that light. And on the flip side, the other aspect of self-love that almost no one talks about is loving the parts of you that you do not like, the parts in your shadow. can you hold space for them can you have compassion for them can you understand why they are showing up this week in particular we're in a big transitory chapter where we're moving from this year of the snake into the year of the fire horse and i'm not going to pretend i'm an expert in the subject by any means but i do think it's very telling with what is coming up internally for so many people. And one of the ways that's coming up is our inner critic, our inner protective parts, our inner fearful parts, maybe resurfacing a little bit louder. Maybe they're criticizing us. Maybe, you know, that voice is kind of correcting us or saying where we could be better or nitpicking in certain ways. And I want you to just witness those parts. And instead of relating to them by however you used to relate to him in the past. Maybe that was believing them. Maybe that was trying to fix yourself. Can you instead just see them as parts of you that are trying to keep you safe, keep you out of rejection, keep you out of an unfamiliar, uncharted territory and just hold them close and say, oh, I see you. I see why you're coming up. I see why you're criticizing me. I see why this part is really nitpicking at this moment in time. See the candle's going nuts because it knows this is happening. It's really asking you to sit with all of these parts of you And in doing that and creating space to have compassion for the parts that we want to be like whoa I don want to be that I want to shove that down That how we start to love ourselves. That's how we start to have a deep trusting relationship with ourselves. That's where from that place we can discern that partner's no longer for me, or I can say no to that dating test or actually I need this in this season of my life. We released a self-love deep imagining playlist. Our deep imaginings are self-hypnosis audios that help you reprogram limiting beliefs. They help you regulate your nervous system. They're backed with a lot of science and neuroscience and EMDR informed all these amazing things. And we dropped a little self-love playlist in our pathway membership, just for people to start to practice some of the neuroplasticity of what it feels like to relate to yourself on that level. Specifically, the self-love DI is fantastic for this because it allows you moments to love on different parts of you, including the ones that feel most uncomfortable to love. Can we love the parts of us that we find the most unlikable and the most unworthy. That is where change really happens. And we don't have to become all of a sudden, I love this thing I've always hated about me. No, but can we have compassion for it? Can we hold space for it? Can we see it as a protector part that's really trying to get our needs met and keep us in safety and security instead of letting it lead the show? And especially if we see it pop up, all these protector parts pop up in route to our friendship manifestations, our relational dynamics, in our manifesting our partners, can we say, whoa, how am I trying to get my needs met through this dynamic? How can I use this person as a mirror to connect to myself deeper, to connect to my voice, my vulnerability, my heart, my soul in a deeper way? Okay. I hope that was helpful for you guys. Have you ever pulled somebody out of the oven and thought, wait, did I just become the kind of person who bakes fresh sourdough on a Tuesday afternoon? Because same. This episode of the expanded podcast is brought to you by Wild Grain. Wild Grain is the first bake from frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, artisanal pastries, and fresh pasta, and bakes everything in 25 minutes or less. 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I highly recommend giving Wild Grain a try. Right now, Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box, plus free croissants for life when you go to wildgrain.com backslash expanded, all caps, to start your subscription today. That's $30 off your box and free croissants for life when you visit wildgrain.com backslash expanded, or use promo code EXPANDED, all caps, at checkout. Or check the link in the show notes. There's just so much in relationship dynamics. We have so many episodes on this. We have some great ones with Janelle Nelson and Lacey. And if you just search Expanded Podcast Love Relationships, it'll pop up all of the previous ones if you're needing a bit more. But I wanted to dive into some expander stories that can help you see to believe for your relationship. So I'm going to kick off with a process guest from Elizabeth Arrigo, who you guys have heard and loved her episode. But you will hear very clearly the way in which she has compassion for the part of her self who is chasing relationship from ego, from pedestalization, and then the shift she made to finally start honoring herself and how that was a thing that allowed her partner to come in. I will say like, especially for people that are listening who are single or dating, and I don't want to act like I did this whole thing perfectly. I think dating is really an energetics game. I went through two different periods of two different approaches and one landed me with my fiance and the other had me sitting on the couch, watching TV shows, distracted, swiping on apps and feeling like I needed a hit of dopamine from getting a guy to like me or going on a date with someone who was a love bomber. Like I went through both stages of that. And, you know, in the beginning I was really like excited about dating and I wanted to go out and I wanted to get attention. And I was kind of doing it to fill a void and stay really busy and keep myself distracted. Right. And then once I burnt out from that, I was like, okay, I need to take some me time. I scheduled a whole summer of travel with one of my best girlfriends in Spain. And that of course is when I met Clayton. And it was actually interesting timing because I then ended up having to leave and go to Europe and be away from him. And I actually think it worked out beautifully because we didn't rush into things at all. So again, all in divine timing, but when I was in that state of urgency and needing to find the one and, you know, just sort of dating from a little bit of a toxic energy. And I think if we really tune in, the listener can probably tell whether they're doing that or not. So good. And I also want to call out one thing for people listening. When you are approaching your current relationship, your friendship, your dating dynamic, are you approaching it from a place of lack? Are you approaching it from a place of, I'll be worthy when they will fulfill me. They're showing me how important or good I am. Or are you approaching it from a place of curiosity, of openness, of, wow, I'm gonna let the world surprise me. I know I'm worthy. I know how much I bring to the table. I value myself so much because I have shown up for myself and got to know myself and understood myself on so many levels that I can approach this dynamic from this or something better. This is also so, so prevalent to remember, especially in friendship dynamics, because we can pedestalize certain girl groups, friend groups, and think, oh gosh, if they just see me like me, I will be accepted. I will belong. And can we say, I actually trust the bigger plan of the universe that the friends that are going to fill my cup up so much and help me in this lifetime are uniquely out there for me. And they are likely searching for me too. And instead of trying to morph yourself to be the puzzle piece, to fit with someone else that you've idealized may have what you want. Can you remember that you have the power. And all you need to do is be present with you and what's coming up for you. And the right people will just come in. They'll just meet you. They will kismetly connect with you in various ways. So I just want you to remember that when you're thinking about stepping into any scenario that everything you want will not miss you. And there is not one partner, not one friend group that you can be denied that would remove you from your highest potential and your highest dreams. That that truth is unequivocal and that is out there. And just know that that is coming, no matter it's now, the divine timing of it, but know that it's out there. And from that place, can you be discerning? Can you be loving? Can you be curious? Can you be accountable to how you might be projecting? That's where the magic really lies. Okay. Here's another expander story. Hi, everyone. Hi, Jessica, Lacey, and TBM team. So I wanted to share my story because I feel like it could be very expansive for someone who's looking for a husband or just, you know, love in their life. Essentially, in my 20s, I was really looking for love. And I felt like I was in relationships. And overall, I felt like if I could change myself, or if I could somehow be the most perfect, shiniest thing, that somehow would make the man somehow change his ways, be less emotionally unavailable, just be more loving or whatever the case may be. And that somehow that would prove to myself that I was worthy and I was good enough that he stayed. And I think approaching my 30s, I didn't realize at that time that was my Saturn return, but I just realized I was not going to meet my husband with the friends that I was hanging out with, with the New York City nightlife. It was just very clear to me that that was not going to happen. So essentially I became almost like reclusive. I pulled away from friends. I stopped really going out and I just became really intentional about who I wanted to date. And actually a year leading up to my husband, after I became very intentional of it and I worked a lot on myself and I did therapy for many years. There was a series of three men and I realized that they were all tests because they all came down to the same thing where I wanted something more and they were just not willing to meet me on that side. And I remember like the third guy, I basically vocalized to him that we can keep meeting for drinks, but you know, I want something more besides drinks. How about dinner? How about something more? And I just see his body language completely shut down. And I think for me, that was like the moment where I, yeah, of course I felt sad. It didn't work out, but I was like, okay, I guess we're in different places and that's fine. and that I would meet my husband a month later. And I met him. It wasn't like the romance movies, Sparks and all that, but it was a very slow burn. And a month in, I realized he was really different and I really wanted to get to know him. And I'm going to be honest, it felt completely scary to really fall in love with him. I was just so tired of holding my love back, of basically assessing, does this guy love me more than I love him? And basically this constant wane of it that I was just like, I'm ready to do something different. And I knew that if I let myself love him, there would be no ceiling, no limit to how much I could love him. And for me, that has been the most scariest thing and also the thing that I'm most proud of. And for me now, 13 years since I met him, I'm 10 years married with him. We have three beautiful kids. I have to say, I'm so proud of my journey. I'm so proud of where I am right now. I feel like it took a lot of courage, a lot of vulnerability, a lot of it to get over myself and get over my own issue. But I think for me with my husband, one thing that I felt like I didn't get from any other relationship I was in was that he really like sees me. He really makes me feel safe. I can sometimes be in my head. I'm very Gemini, so sometimes I'm like think things too deeply. He gives me a safe place where I can fully express myself. And he doesn't look at me like I have three heads. And for me, that's just been so wonderful to have and also has been so freeing. I just wanted to just give this expansive story because I just, I remember the 20-year-old person that I was. I just wanted to give people hope that it is possible to meet someone who really sees you, you feel completely at home with, that it is possible once we become clear and we also feel like we're worthy of that type of love. Oh, so good. So expansive on so many levels, quick hits. This is the manifestation process to a T. She looked at her next six to 12 months. If I'm very serious about wanting to manifest this partner, are the things I'm doing today, the things I'll be doing when that person comes through? No. So she switched up her life. She went into therapy. She was doing the internal work. She was looking at her blocks and limiting beliefs and fears and the things that she was projecting out. She changed out her social dynamic. She knew it wasn't going to be at a nightclub. She knew it wasn't going to be with friends who were doing these things on the weekend. That wasn't expanding her anymore. And you know what? If you were in that season, it can also be lonely and it can also be hard because it feels isolating having to shift and shed off all these things. But it doesn't mean that it's wrong. You are looking for your more aligned home, your more aligned crab shell. So keep going. Then the dating opportunity, the clear communication, stating what she wanted, not from a, oh, I hope this doesn't push them away, but from a, I know what I need and want. And it's totally fine if it's not you, but I'm going to bring this up in a way that I can understand where you're at. So we can see if this is a good match or not. And her being unafraid to take that step away was massive. And it's no surprise to me that a month later, she then found her partner. And the last piece I think is extremely expansive besides the fact that her relationship can hold her and make her feel safe and seen and all of these things is that in that dating dynamic, there were moments where she was noticing a withholding of her intimacy or her love or going deeper because it felt terrifying to be seen on that level. Because the more you share, the more open you are, the more exposed you feel, the more you're open to hurt. Deeply being loved and loving others does not come without risk. And one thing we talk about to be magnetic all the time, stepping through fear, stepping through your fear, things that are fearful to you are the ways that you are overriding those old neural pathways. They're overriding the places where you didn't feel safe to fully be yourself. And oftentimes our biggest manifestations are after a threshold of stepping through that internal fear, metabolizing it in a different way. I'm so excited for this member. Congratulations. Such a good story. If they If there was one practice that I could recommend to you that has transformed my life more than anything else, it has been the 2B Magnetic work. Obviously, I may be biased because I am the chief content officer. I'm the host of the podcast. I develop all the workshops with the brand, but it is also the tool that has helped my life the most. When I am in a season of doubt, when I'm in a season of fear or tests or triggers, when I am trying to get clarity on my next chapter, when I'm trying to design a life for my future that I want to be really deeply connected to my soul, to my potential, to my purpose, to my ambition, TBM houses all the tools and workshops that you need to connect deeper to yourself and not let your past patterning, your past programming, your limiting beliefs run the show anymore. Because every time I get tripped up on one of those things, it is always younger versions of myself coming in, taking the driver's seat and running rampant. And until I can connect with them through the TBM work and really learn to process it in a new way and recontextualize the things, that is when my life actually shifts and I reprogram my neural pathways to be in alignment with what I truly want, which is how you manifest. If you are interested in joining the pathway, we have a special offer for our podcast guests where you can get the first month for $20 and then join our annual membership. You can use this work through our various workshops that we teach you how to manifest. We go through an inner child program. There's a shadow program, one for rut, rock bottom, money, love, you name it, or you can use it as a daily tool to reprogram in the moment issues as they come up to reset your nervous system, give you high self-worth, reconnect with your magnetic self, or talk to your inner child part that may be in the way and running the show and self-sabotaging. So if you're getting the ping to join TBM, now's the time and you can use code EXPANDED for $20 off your first month to join the pathway. Hi, Lacey and Jessica. My name is Austin. I've done one of these before, these mini testimonials with you guys, but this one hits particularly close to home. So I've been happily married. We're almost 10 years in now, but it wasn't until I started really doing the to be magnetic work. I mean, really, really, really diving in, doing all that inner child work that I realized that I'd never really made room for my husband's love because I didn't know how to accept it. I didn't understand that I had the capacity to even receive something like that because I had spent so much of my life in survival mode that my nervous system had never been regulated enough to receive really good things in a meaningful way and to recognize them and to feel them at their full capacity. When I finally had that breakthrough and healed that inner child that was bullied so much and treated so poorly and had been just walked all over in previous relationships, when I finally healed her and expanded my nervous system, I was able to experience actual, true, deep love for the first time. There's a Tim Keller quote that says, to be truly loved but not truly known is superficial. To be fully known but not truly loved is our biggest fear, but to be truly loved and truly known is the closest that we can ever get to understanding how God loves us. That's what I experience in my marriage, and it's all because of To Be Magnetic and healing my nervous system and expanding my nervous system to be able to carry that love for the first time in my life. So I am so grateful for you guys because marriage to my husband is the biggest blessing of my entire life. And I owe the capacity to be able to receive that to this work. Oh, there are so many good nuggets in here. And especially that quote, fire. We talk so much about the to be magnetic work. And for anyone who is not a member or who's never done any of our workshops or joined us, it really is that reconnection and return to self. It's allowing a deep capacity to love and honor yourself, your gifts, your self-worth. And through that lens, your entire reality shifts and you can manifest what you want. So I do not take lightly the words that she used to describe this of TBM being able to shift her capacity for love. And in that capacity for love to herself, it has deepened and widened her relational capacity for love. In a marriage she had been in for years, that maybe she was convinced wasn't going to give her those things. So I just say to anyone out there who's in relationship and maybe navigating if it's the right one for them, or maybe they just want to go deeper or they want to get their relationship more aligned or more vibrant in different ways. How do we tap back into that joy and that self-love and that loving connection to us so we can stop seeing our relationships or friendships as transactional, but as containers to see our partner, to see their value and their beauty so they can then see ours as well. And not from a place of lack because we haven't seen our own first. How can we see ourselves fully first in order to fully see them? And in that, we will likely also be seen. So beautiful. Okay, last expander story here. Hi, everyone. My name is Kaylee, and I want to share this story of breaking up to come back together stronger because I know Lacey sometimes says going back to an ex is settling in low self-worth. But when both of you are really conscious about healing and showing up for each other and being mindful, breakups can actually be a portal to the ultimate relationship and the relationship that ticks all the boxes. My girlfriend and I were dating for eight months before we broke up. It felt like we hadn't given the full relationship a full go. And yet, as I leaned on every expanded episode possible, I really was checking in with the perspective of, okay, this has to be a portal to something greater. And in the four months between breaking up and getting back together, I really deepened my relationship with myself, my friendships, my family, my yoga practice, which was huge. and coming back together was a really kismet, divine, ordained way of reuniting with no ego, recognizing what had almost been lost. And there was this sense between both of us that we both love each other, we both miss each other, and we both want to be the best versions of each other. So we get back together and the Return to Magic Challenge is starting. She comes with me to a yin yoga class, and I have found yoga to be a complete portal for me. In yoga, I'm holding one of these deep poses, and I see this vision of my spirit team that comes to me in DIs. I just see them looking down at us fighting in that portal, and they were like, no, no, no, it's not supposed to be this way. We have to separate them for them to heal first so that we can preserve this in this lifetime. It was so moving. And I literally am moved to tears, even remembering that vision of like, oh, wait a second. It all makes sense. That portal of the breakup was so healing and beautiful. And this version of my girlfriend that I'm dating now feels like such a different, embodied, authentic, beautiful person that I am witnessing growing. I am so much more willing to go into battle against my shadow and my inner child wounds because not only am I showing up for myself and my inner child, but here's this person that I want to show up for in this way. She has even dabbled with TBM stuff. You know, on New Year's Day, we both got together, got our journals out and wrote our authentic codes together in order to welcome in the new year. And we filter our authentic code on every date that we go on, both of our authentic codes. If we take at least one of each of ours, it's a good date, you know, so we try to do that. I am just blown away by this work and I'm so grateful to it because when I started this work, I had never even had a romantic partner, nor was I out to my family as a lesbian. And now being here today with the great love of my life, it just is so remarkable. And there's such a sense of safety within myself through it all because that portal of the breakup I used to become the pillar of safety that I can always return to no matter what situation I'm in, no matter where I am, no matter who I'm with, it really is beautiful. So thank you so much for this work. Oh, so good. So good. And I think that is a really good thing to keep in mind when you want to bring back people from your past that maybe at one point you decided, okay, this is no longer aligned in my life and you're maybe trying to date them again, or maybe it was a dating opportunity test that you would send no to, but then they come back around and you think they've shifted and changed. You can create your own story. People change and evolve many times over in relationships that last decades. You will be many different versions of yourself. So it's not to say that a door is always closed, but I think to know whether or not the next evolution is settling or aligned is have you gone away and done the work? Have you each looked at the parts of you that were coming up to the relationship as unhealed versions of selves? And not to say you have to be fully healed and perfect, but are you aware? Are you in progress of working on them? And are those old toxic patterns still repeating? They're repeating in any way, in any major way that is causing that disconnect, that's settling. But if they are coming back and they're like, no, I've really taken a look at this and I don't need to rely on you for this dynamic and I can show up to you in this way, that is where real magic can happen. One other note I want to give people is so much of relationship work can be dysregulating. We cannot access our higher self, our empathetic or compassionate self if we are dysregulated, which often happens when we're in conflict in partnerships. So I just want to point you to some of our nervous system regulating tools that will help that period. The conflict, deep imagining, especially in relationships, all of our calming DIs, the reset DI, the safe with money DI, surprisingly, if you reframe, I'm safe, things move in and out, I'm okay in this container. It's the same principle. The way that we relate to money is very similar to the way that we relate to love. It's an external thing that we think we're getting safety and security that's outside of our bodies, but actually we need to find that safety and security within. And then we can have this beautiful ebb and flow with love and with money. We also have our regulate DIs, which are great for this, but just try as much as you can. And that has been my biggest growth edge and relationship. I've been with my partner for now almost 10 years, which is crazy. We're engaged and we've had many challenges in our relationships, many growth points, many places where we've had to question like, okay, we're both growing in this direction. Are we still aligned here? Do we still want this partnership on this track together? And who would we each need to become to really meet the non-negotiable needs of this next version of self? You know, we're having these conversations regularly to make sure we're both growing together. And one of the biggest things that impede that growth is when we are not responsible for our own regulation and the inner child parts just come out and then it gets to a place of, well, no one wanted that dynamic to play out. And in sitting with a metabolizing discomfort, in metabolizing a dynamic that can be very triggering and going back and attuning to yourself and saying like, oof, I'm viewing this dynamic through this lens. I am feeling triggered. This is the story I am projecting onto this dynamic. Is that story true? Could there be a different way to see this? Can my higher self see multiple perspectives here? That conflict AI is doing this stuff exactly. And how can I communicate my needs? What are my needs? Are these needs that I need to be meeting that I'm putting on him? Are these needs that he needs to be meeting that he's putting on me? How can I show up and be a teammate, a partner without compromising my own needs? These are the things that are going to come up constantly in relationships, especially if you're a self-aware person doing this work. It doesn't mean that it's wrong, but we have to show up to these dynamics and see them for what they are and be honest about where places feel sticky. And it's not going to look like rainbows and butterflies all the time. And that's okay. That neither is the human experience. That doesn't mean that there isn't a lot of love and joy and bliss and growth and support and safety on the other side. So have that vision, have that feeling, have that felt sense and stay in pursuit of it because you are so incredibly deserving of love and giving yourself that love to start with and letting those that are aligned come in and fill up your life with love as well. All right. Wishing you all a beautiful week and we'll see you next week.