Fashion Snail/My Impossible Vest (feat. Elyse Myers)

Hey Story Pirates Podcast listeners, Lee here. On today's episode, Megan and Rollo meet a theater maker who changed the world. I know, a theater maker who changed the world? Sounds preposterous, but it really happens every once in a while. And today's special guest is the wonderful comedian and digital content creator, Elise Meyers. The Grown Ups, Elise's debut book and New York Times bestseller is out now. It's called That's a Great Question I'd Love to Tell You. And you can get it wherever books are sold. And of course, we have two brand new stories written by kids and more story love with Lee and Peter. And it's all coming up after a few words for the grown ups. Well, it's official, we've run out of gas again. If only there was some sort of gas gauge to tell you when you're getting low. No, no Peter, sarcasm isn't going to help us. Who's sarcasm? Why isn't he going to help us? There is a gas gauge, Peter, but I keep getting distracted by pavement. You know, the thing we're driving on. And the band. And the guy who's always how he still hits. I prefer bright in the corners. Said no one ever. We can't get into this again, Nimini. Now, since I got us into this mess, I'll do the noble thing and stay here with the car while Megan and Rollo walk down that empty looking forest road to find help. Okay, I could stand to stretch my legs. I'm not going. Do you really think I'm so easily manipulated, Lee? Why don't you see this as an acting exercise and act like you want to walk down that abandoned dirt road? Interesting. Actress mode activated. Let's go, Rollo. Okay, acting. Why have I never thought of that before? I love story pirates. It just filled me up with joy. My mom loves the jokes. Yo, yo, my Jack. It made me very proud about my writing. Warning, it's impossible, so do not buy it. I definitely think I can be more creative now. I'm a champion. The story pirates. Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast, everyone. Where we take stories written by kids. And turn them into sketch comedy. And songs. We've been walking for a while and there's nothing down this road. Should we turn around? Sure. I've done all the character work I can for Donna. That's the name I gave the woman whom I'm pretending to be who likes walking. She's a first born, a vegetarian and a bus driver. A bus driver who likes walking? That's so complex. I thought so too. Oh my. Look at this cat. It's old. Like really old. Really, really old. Wow. Wait, it has a collar. There must be a house nearby. Let's try to find it. And while we do, how about a new story? Yeah. Here's the author to introduce it. My name is Robin and I'm nine years old and I live in New Zealand. This is my story, fashion snail. Honey, she's a fashion snail. Once upon a time there was a snail That snail was named Robin She had the dreams of a life in the city Being a fashion model No snail had done that Oh, oh, oh No snails were fashion models But she said I believe in my fashion dreams One day I'll be your Snail, snail, fashion snail Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do She'll be a fashion snail Snail, snail, fashion snail Snails and blazing trails Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Honey, she's a fashion snail Mama said this dream of yours is just a phase Snails can't be fashion models You take all day to walk down the runway And leave a trail of slime Trailer She found a bottle Oh, oh, oh A sparkling blue polish She did it at Nail So she put it on her shell And from that day on she was a Snail, snail, fashion snail She was a fashion snail Snail, snail, fashion snail Serving looks and blazing trails Honey, she's a fashion snail Fashion, fashion, snail couture Breaking glass ceilings, opening doors New York, Paris, Tokyo and Escargot. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Bonjour! I'm at Paris Fashion Week, the hottest show of the season, where the world's first and only fashion snail is about to make her debut. Here she comes now in her blue nail polish. She's gliding down the runway. And she's still making her way down the runway. I just wanted to update everyone, fashion snails still making her way down the runway. She's gone about two inches, and she has around 40 more feet to go. Snail, snail, fashion snail. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. She is a fashion snail. Snail, snail, fashion snail. Snail, snail, fashion snail. She's not just a regular snail. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Honey, she's a fashion snail. Snail, snail, fashion snail. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. She is a fashion snail. Snail, snail, fashion snail. She's not just a regular snail. Do-do-do-do-do. Honey, she's a fashion snail. And she's still making her way down the runway. Oh wow, I've really enjoyed that story. It was great. Oh, don't worry, Kitty. We're sure to find your home soon. J.Lo, where are you? Come here, buddy. J.Lo. Look! Someone's coming through the trees! J.Lo, there you are. People! What are you doing here? Sorry to frighten you. We ran out of gas a few miles back and we're looking for a hand. I'm Rolo. Hello, Rolo. And I'm Donna. I'm a bus driver, a vegetarian, and I love walking. No, you're not. You're clearly acting. What? How did you know that? Your posture, your pupils, you even projected. That's great for a proscenium, but honey, take a look around you. We're not at a Lord A. We're in the woods, okay? Meow. You got that right, J.Lo. Okay, you got me. My real name is Megan and I'm a fantastic actress. And who are you? My name is, um, Lucy Belt. And I'm a fisherman. Nice to meet you. Goodbye forever. Okay, come on, J.Lo. Wait, I accused you of acting. You're clearly not a fisherman. And the only Lucy Belt I've ever heard of is the protagonist of one of the greatest underground theater pieces from the last 50 years, which leads me to think you're none other than its playwright who hasn't been seen since 1982. Phoenix Maystone. Fine, you caught me. Come on up to the house. I'll explain everything. Here's my house. Um, welcome. We're, what, whatever. I've been living off grid and hiding for like 40 plus years, talking to nobody except my cat J.Lo. So please forgive me if my hosting skills are a little out of practice. Well, as far as houses go, this is definitely the most, uh, recent one we've been in, right, Rollo? Thank you. Meow. Meow. Did you name your cat J.Lo after the famous singer? No, the famous author. Wait, there's a famous singer named Jack London? Not quite. Wow, I am way out of the loop. Next thing you'll be telling me is that everyone is required by lot of our seat belts while driving. Oh, everyone is required. Rollo, why is there a handle in my mouth? Rollo, you had some bean soup in your mustache. Well, or maybe it's Thomas. I'll just keep my hand there until we figure it out. Bean soup? What are you talking about, Megan? Sorry, excuse me. J.Lo wants to show me something in the other room. I'm coming, sweetie. If this is another dust bunny you think looks like Margaret Thatcher, we're gonna have some work. Phew. Sorry about the fake bean soup story, Rollo, but you'll understand after I get you up to speed. There was no bean in my mustache? Wow, Megan. Phoenix may be able to tell when you're acting, but I cannot. Thank you. Now, Phoenix Maystone is an incredible gorilla theater artist. She was absolutely ahead of her time. Clearly she named her cat J.Lo before there was a J.Lo. By the way, is it just me or is that the oldest cat you've seen? It's a...concerningly old cat. Anyway, Phoenix's whole thing was that she thought people should wear seat belts. She wrote, produced, and starred in several influential plays that everyone studies in drama school. He Who Belted, Buckle Up Tabitha, and her most famous one, Click It or Ticket. Fascinating. But what is gorilla theater? The only theater that matters? Phoenix, you're back! Or at least the only theater worth living off the grid for? It happens out in the world. We take over public spaces and stage dramatic happenings to get people to think about some very important issues. I was just telling him about your pieces, like, Buckle Up Tabitha. What was Buckle Up Tabitha about? We wanted people to petition their representatives to create seat belt laws, so my theater troupe and I got a bunch of seat belts and belted ourselves to the outside of people's cars and groceries or parking lots all around San Francisco. They had to have deep, meaningful conversations with us about seat belt safety before we would unbuckle. That sounds annoying. It was. And that was the point, though, because sometimes keeping yourself safe boils down to little annoying tasks. I never thought of it that way. But you're right. I got so sunburned that day and developed an allergy to car wax, but it was all for the greater good. Well... Oh, J.Lo also wanted me to tell you that I went into hiding after that last performance for my own safety. Safety from what? The auto industry. They wanted to censor me because I was trying to get them regulated by the government for the safety of people everywhere. Wow! Safety has totally shaped your destiny! It's been my life's mission, Rolo. I moved into this abandoned house after my troupe's last performance. October 11th, 1982. 1982? I bet J.Lo was just a kitten back then, right, J.Lo? Sorry, go on, Phoenix. I've lived off-grid ever since. Sure, it's been tough at times, but totally worth it for my art. Speaking of which, can I share something I've written with all of you? Please! I'd love to read it. It's a script I've been working on since 1985. It's called FASIN. Guess what it's about. Uh, seat belts? Nope, seat belts. Wait, did you say seat belts? Yeah, it is about seat belts, and maybe this will be the piece that will finally get seat belt laws on the books. Rooo! J.Lo, I'm coming. He needs to get the zoomies out, so I'm gonna go chase him around for a minute. But read through the script. It's incredible and important. Let's read! This is brilliant. It's very moving. I'm tearing up at this part on page three. And this seat belt ballet on page ten? It feels like the most powerful thing I've read in years. So that seat belt laws went into effect in 1984, so it's totally irrelevant. Shh! We can't tell her that. Why not? We can't tell Phoenix she's been living like this for nothing? How do you think she'd react? She's so passionate, so dedicated. And honestly, I'm a little scared of her. Me too. I mean, I'm more scared of J.Lo, but still. If she thinks her mission is complete, she won't want to do this play with us, and there's a really good part for me in it. Fine. We keep it under wraps until we can find a way to break it to her gently. Like what to her gently? Uh, that...this is one of the best guerrilla theater pieces we've ever read. Why would you need to break that to me gently? Because...normal reasons? I can see you acting again, actress. Tell me the truth or I will fasten myself with safety belts to my kitchen table. Where did I put my box of safety belts? No, Phoenix. I'm telling you the truth. I'm just always on, you know? I'm such a pro, it's hard to know where. Megan, the girl from Kalamazoo, stops, and Megan, the actress begins. Surely as an artist, you understand. Honestly, I do. Sorry. I've really only been conversing with J.Lo for many, many years, but you like the script for Fasten. No notes! Good. Because we're going to stage it tonight. But where? How? Why for? In town. With you two. Because it must be done. Oh dear. We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-up. Okay, Megan and Rollo. Thanks for catching me up on everything I missed while I've been out here, but it's time to drive into town and stage the first ever presentation of Fasten. See ya, J.Lo. Would one of you drive? I kind of forgot how since I haven't left the house since Reagan was in office. I haven't actually even looked at the car since then. Let me just take the tarp off. Wow! Where did you find the car shaped like an iguana? I don't know. Came with the house. Wow. Hey, you both buckled your belts without me saying anything. Oh, that's because I was so moved by your new script. Hmm. It feels like you're acting right now, Rollo. I think we're going to have to work on that during the rehearsals of Fasten. First things first. We need to make sure this lizard car starts so we can bring Gorilla Theater to the people. Hooray! Here we go. Let's put on some tunes. This is what music is like now? I love it. I forgot how much fun it is to be in a car on the open road with a safety belt on, of course. Take the turn here, Rollo. Oh, wow. I really wasn't that far from the highway all these years. Look, a road sign. I haven't seen one of those since 1982. What does it say? Oh, no. Click it or ticket. That was the name of one of my theater pieces. What gives? Is someone doing a production of my play? Uh, probably. Hey, maybe we should all take a look at the script again. Phoenix, what do you mean by this line? Which line? This one. Here. Wait, another sign. What does it say? Bacala. It's the law. Rollo, what are you doing? Oh, it's the law? Please pull over. Pull over now. Phoenix, we can explain. Be honest with me. Are there seatbelt laws now? Yes. Seatbelt laws vary by state, but people in most states are required to wear seatbelts or they get a ticket. Rollo. Megan, she deserves to know the truth. When did these seatbelt laws start? 1984. Ish. So you're telling me that all of my hard work paid off in the 80s? That's wonderful. It is? Of course. Sure. It would have been nice to learn this sooner and I could have been living with that ironet you were talking about earlier. Internet. Okay, whatever. But finding out that something I made as an artist has had an impact. Wow, this feels really good. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. I was worried about how you would take the news. Well, unlike seatbelts, which hold you firmly in place, the truth has set me free. Yay! Which means I have to work on my next big idea. Listen to this. Because I've only been living with a cat for 40 plus years, I've developed a cat toy that's actually a laser light. I know, it sounds wild, but I think it could be a big thing in cat toys. What do you think? Oh, wow. That is... that's incredible. And new. Yeah! Rolo, tell me the truth. People have been using laser pointers as cat toys for decades. Ah, shoot. Alright, well, guess I gotta come up with another earth-moving successful project to focus on. Well, while you meditate on that, should we do another story? Yes, please. And here to introduce it is the author. Hi, my name is Margo. I'm eight years old and I live in North Carolina. This is my story, my impossible best. Anna, I'm home from the store. Look what I brought you. A brand new vest. Thanks, Mom. I'm gonna take it to my room and put it away so it doesn't get wrinkled. Before I put this vest away, maybe I should try it on. What do you think, new vest? I'm so funny. Talking to a vest even though it can't talk back. I'm happy with whatever you decide. Oh my gosh, you can talk? That's right. I'm a talking vest. But that's impossible. Not really. I mean, I'm doing it, aren't I? I suppose you are. Oh, also? I want to marry a lemon. You're a talking vest that wants to marry a lemon? Not just any lemon. The most wonderful, kind, smart, fun and loving lemon in the whole entire world. Their name is Lemon. Ah, so you have a specific lemon in mind. Yes, but I can't marry them unless I get to the wedding, which is in one hour. Can you help me? Sure. Why wouldn't I help a talking vest get to their wedding to a lemon? There aren't any obstacles to that goal that I can see. Hey, wait a minute. Is that... Oh no! What? Don't leave me hanging. Even though I'm an article of clothing and it's considered an act of love in my culture to leave me hanging in your closet. You've got a hole! There's no way you can get married to your beloved lemon with a hole in yourself. You're right. My wedding day is ruined. Not if I can help it. I have an idea. Let's go to my backyard. Here we are in my backyard. Isn't it nice? Yes, yes, native plants. We love to see it. But what's your plan to fix the hole? I can fix the hole with a pebble. Is that the best solution? We'll see. I'll just pick up a pebble from the rockscape. And now to put it into the hole, which should plug it right up. All set. Now let's head off to the wedding so you can marry that lemon. Hooray! Let's go! Oh no! The hole ripped! Uh oh, now it's even bigger. Well, you tried, but it's okay. I think lemon will understand. No need to let this delay the wedding. No need to delay the wedding because I already thought of another solution. To my mom's craft room. Here we are in my mom's craft room. I'm definitely allowed in here by the way. Are you? Now to fix that hole. First we'll put that pebble back in. And now to put in some stitches. Really feels like we could have started with that. There! All done! You look as good as new. Thanks! Now I'd better get to that wedding. Here I go. Oh no! The hole ripped again! The pebble and stitch didn't work and the wedding's in 30 minutes! Don't worry. I know just how to fix it. It's okay. I really don't want to be late to the wedding and I'm sure lemon won't mind. Nonsense. To my school! Ah, is there anything more relaxing than being a teacher at school when it's closed? Hello Mr. McMillan, the art teacher. Anna, the student. What are you doing here and why are you carrying a sewing machine? I have a problem that only educational strength glue can solve. May I borrow some? Sure. Here you go. Thanks! Now to fix up the hole in this vest. First a pebble, then a stitch. And now glue! Perfect! Now let's get you to that wedding so you can marry your lemon. I'm sorry what? Here I go. Oh no! The hole ripped again! Is that a talking vest? The pebble, stitch and glue didn't work. So maybe we can drop it and just head to the wedding. It starts in 20 minutes. Never! To the shipping store! The what? Welcome to We Pack You Ship, the store where you pack it, we ship it. It's a terrible name. How can I help you? I need a roll of your strongest shipping tape please. Here you go. Thanks! Now to fix this hole once and for all. First the pebble, a stitch, glue and finally tape! Zoom! How does that feel, vest? Great! Now can we please head to the wedding so I don't leave lemon at the altar? You got it! Did that vest just talk? Did the hole just get worse? No, it's fine! Never been better. Let's go to the wedding. You're lying! I will not let this hole defeat me to the clothing store! Welcome to Pots and Pans. We sell clothes. It's a terrible name. You sell clothes? Yes. How can I help you? Where is your vest section? Talking or regular. Doesn't matter. They're both right here next to the cash register. Thanks! Now to fix this hole so you can get married. Please Anna, we only have ten minutes and I really think that lemon... Pebble! Stitch, glue, tape and finally another vest! Hello, I'm another vest. Poof! Oh, oh my good. Oh, oh wow. Hello. This, this, this is happening. Oh, this is happening. Very nice. There, I put the second vest over you to hold it all in. I'm hanging on. That ought to do it for good this time. Hey, it's not ripping Anna. I think you did it. Oh no. I'm falling off. Sorry, I did my best, but I couldn't hold it any longer. It's okay second vest. You tried. I tried. But it wasn't good enough. And no, lemon will never marry you. Vest up because fixing this hole is impossible. Anna, of course lemon will marry me. What do you mean? I've been trying to tell you this whole time. Lemon doesn't care if I have a hole. Lemon loves me for who I am in spite of my flaws of maybe even because of them. Really? Yes. I appreciate that you tried, but it was really unnecessary. A love like lemon and I have can't be stopped by a little hole. That's beautiful. Let's get you to that wedding. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate the marriage of lemon. Hello. And vest. But I don't see vest anywhere. I suppose the wedding is off. Wait, I'm here. Vest, you made it. Of course I made it. I love you lemon. Nothing was going to stop me from getting to this wedding. Not even a well-meaning human fixated on fixing this hole. You always say that. By the power vested in me. See what I did there? Anyone? Moving on. I now pronounce you lemon and vest. You may kiss the lemon. Wow, sour. Is anyone going to mention how weird it is that I just married a talking lemon to a talking vest? Nope. The end. And now Lee speaks with the author. So Margo, you wrote my impossible vest. What? Yes. Can you tell me, does the hole in the vest ever get fixed? Because you don't tell us in the story. No, I don't think it ever will get fixed because it's impossible. Because the mom didn't see the tag that says warning. It's impossible. So do not buy it. Now we have to talk about the PS of your story. In the original story, it says the end and then PS it wanted to marry a lemon. Can you tell me more about that part? Is there a specific lemon that the vest has in mind? I think there was a lemon next to it when it was trying to get fixed. Oh, okay. So is it going to work out for these two starry-eyed lovers? Yeah. They're going to get married? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Can you tell me anything about the ceremony? I think all the guests will be the things that the kid uses to try to fix the vest. A lot of times when people get married, they like exchange rings. But since lemons and vests don't have fingers, is there anything that they exchange instead of rings to sort of show their commitment? I think the vest should give the lemon a golden lemon squeezer and the lemon should give the vest a golden zipper. Oh, it's beautiful. Did you get invited to the wedding because it says my impossible vest. So I have to assume it's you, Margot's vest. Did you get to go? Yeah. And what about your mom? Did your mom get to go? I think she got to go and she served all the cake. Wow. Such a beautiful wedding. Are they going to go anywhere after the wedding to sort of celebrate together? I think they will go to the mountain. They're going to climb the mountain and then they're going to go to a restaurant. Margot, thank you so much for letting us perform your story. Thank you for choosing it. You're so welcome. Bye, Margot. Bye. We'll be right back. After a few words ready to go now. Welcome back to Story Love where we take stories written by kids and we read them. Story Pirates get tens of thousands of stories a year. Sure do. We respond. We read every single one. Some of them get to be on our podcast and some of them we talk about in this segment, which is called Story Love. Let's do that right now. Okay. This is William, a 10-year-old in Tennessee. Here is the time I went to summer camp. My name is blah, blah, blah, chit chat doodle pants. This is about the time I went to summer camp. I live on Nonsense Lane. I speak gibberish and tomorrow is the day I go to summer camp. Also, I'm an evil mad scientist and I top dance and play the flute. Also, my shoes are made of mud. I was in the car for 10 hours when the car turned into a turkey that breathed fire. We flew to summer camp. When I got there, I went to my cabin and inside I found a monkey made out of marshmallows and his name was Jeff. Everything in my cabin is made of cacti and my bed is made of clouds and when I lay on it, it turned me into a pig made out of pillow fluff, but I can stand on my hind legs and now I can understand Jeff now when he sings. Ring around the rosy. Everyone at summer camp went to play soccer in a pool. I scored a point. Jeff scored a point. The end. Okay, Lee, I love this and I have a big theory about this. This character, blah, blah, blah, chit chat doodle pants, is from Nonsense Lane and speaks gibberish. So do you think that, because there's a lot of very silly and almost nonsensical things in here, do you think that's just the language of gibberish and then in fact, he did a very normal camp, but this is how you would say it in gibberish because he's speaking in English. So what is the language of gibberish? That's a really good theory. This is in their language and if you were to translate in English, it would be something like, and I go to summer camp. Also, I'm interested in science and dance and music and I love to play in the mud and when I got there, there was, we had turkey for dinner and it was spicy, you know, like instead of a turkey that breathed fire. Yeah, and then I played soccer and got a point. I think that's pretty good. I have an alternate theory about this story because we do get a lot of stories that are just like, you know, laundry lists of funny, silly details. And I think this is not that. To me, this whole thing is symbolic about how hard it can be to relate to others. Right? Especially in a new environment. In a new environment like summer camp, like a person, you know, you go to summer camp and it can seem when you're in a new place that everything is just madness. Right? You're not used to the routine. Is that a monkey man out of marshmallows? What is happening? That's right. You don't, you can't even talk to your cabinets because they're from some other state, you know, like they have a totally different perspective and life experience than you. They might as well be a monkey man out of marshmallows named Jeff. And they probably see me as some sort of evil mad scientist that tap dances and plays the flute with munch shoes. That's right. And then once you sort of, you know, get used to an environment, eventually you get turned into a pygmy out of pillow fluff, but most importantly, you can understand Jeff. So like the connection is made, it's formed, but it was never easy to get there. And then you come home and you have all these inside jokes that your school friends don't get. That's right. And that's the magic of summer camp. Right. Some details in here I need to point out that I really like. I love that the marshmallow or the monkey man marshmallow's name is not just Jeff. It's Jeff. Capital J E F F. My other favorite detail of this story is that the imagery of these characters, an evil mad scientist that tap dances, but has shoes made of mud. So I love imagining somebody tap dancing with sloppy mud shoes. Oh yeah. I didn't get that and playing the flute. Mud shoes and the sound of a flute are completely the contrast of those sounds. Yeah. The timbre is intriguing. Yeah. It's a buffet of a delectable audio. Incredible story. Liam. Thank you, my friend. Great story. Thanks for sending it in. All right. Peter, would you read this next one for us? This next story comes to us from an eight year old from South Korea named Izzy. An Izzy story is called the Alpaca wearing sunglasses. Once upon a time, there was an Alpaca wearing sunglasses who lived on a farm. When the residents came by, they all screamed and put their hands in the air and stomped their feet. It's an Alpaca wearing sunglasses. Make as much noise as possible to alert the farmer. But the farmer knew about this. He always tried to take the sunglasses off the Alpaca, but he kept getting new ones somehow. So the farmer set off on a quest to find out where he got the sunglasses. The Alpaca liked his sunglasses, but there was one secret nobody knew about the Alpaca. What was it? He could talk. It was incredible, but they never found out. So yeah. At night time, the Alpaca would go into the farmer's bedroom to get the sunglasses back. Then he would go back to sleep as if nothing happened. The farmer thought the Alpaca could talk for some reason, so he put up security cameras. And he was right. The Alpaca could talk. Wow, these sunglasses are amazables, said the Alpaca. The farmer continued on his mission. Hmm, how do I find out why my Alpaca wears sunglasses? Hmm, hmm. So we asked everyone he met, do you know why my Alpaca wears sunglasses? No, most would respond. Oh, I see, the farmer would say as he went on. Some would just ignore him. Hey you! Okay, you there! All right. He asked literally everyone he crossed paths with, but no one knew. Then he heard a sound. Woo, you should let the mystery go. No, said the farmer in a sharp tone. No, I won't! Oh, then I can't help you. Then the farmer was drawn to his destiny. Like literally. Ah! He cried. He let the Alpaca go and he told all his customers about the Alpaca wearing sunglasses. And you know what? Said the Alpaca. The end! So who or what is this mystery sound? I think it is the Alpaca. You do. Telling, trying to get the farmer to just forget it. Yeah. There's a lot of specifically not revealing things. Like earlier on, he could talk. It was incredible, but they never found out. So yeah. The farmer does find out. There's a lot of secrets and lies going on in this story. Who can we trust? I'm not sure you can trust anyone. I like a story that creates that little bit of unease. Yeah, the Alpaca sneaking into the farmer's room and I and stealing the sunglasses back felt very mischievous and a little sneaky to me. Well, this farmer is not perhaps the most clever because every day he's like, he got new sunglasses, but hasn't noticed the old ones he took are gone. Yeah. At the end, the farmer was drawn to his destiny. Like literally. And what is his destiny? His destiny is to just run around and scream at people and go, Alpaca! Anywhere's sunglasses! It says he let the Alpaca go. Does that mean he set him free? Oh. And the Alpaca became a legend. Because he told all his future customers about the farmer. He was literally going mad with not being able to figure it out to the point where he was running up to strangers going, do you know why my Alpaca wore sunglasses? Yeah, the farmer's driven mad and so the Alpaca finally gets what he wants, which is to hit the road. I feel like the final shot of this, the Alpaca is in a convertible with the sunglasses on and you hear like bad to the bone or something. This was his plan. The whole time was how do I escape the farm? By driving the farmer mad. And so at the very end, he gets behind the wheel and I like to think that he's got the sunglasses you can flip down. Because he's like, and you know what? Flip the end. Off into the sunset. All right. This is amazing. Izzy, what a story. Incredible. Wow. Fantastic. Lee, do you want to read this final story? I'd love to. Okay. From Dachstan, age six in California, here is how to turn a piranha plant into a football. If you are in your backyard and you see a piranha plant, you might want to turn it into a football. How turn a piranha plant into a football? First, you feed it a football. Next, you tame it. Last, it turns into a football. That's how you turn a piranha plant into a football. Wow. The end. I wish I'd known this and I would have saved myself so many piranha plant bites. Do you have those in your backyard? No. What is a piranha plant? Are you imagining it's like a fish growing out of a plant or is it more like a Venus fly trap? Or is it like Mario Brothers? Oh. I was first picturing just a fish on a stem. I was. That's what I was for sure. I mean, that's what a piranha is. Yeah. They do have sharp teeth. They do. I had a friend growing up who had piranha in a fish tank. No. Yeah. He'd feed them little meatballs. No. Yeah. I saw it. I saw it once. Are you sure you're not making that up? Or he might have lied to me, but I saw. He would serve him little meatballs? Yeah, little meatballs and he'd just drop a little. Like raw meat or cooked? Don't remember, but I remember it was probably cooked because he was just touching with his hands. And he'd go, bloop, bloop, bloop. And I was like, oh, piranha. Now I remember thinking, it's a little boring. Could you see the teeth? No. I don't remember. Are you sure it was a piranha? Can you have a piranha at home? Listeners, viewers. I haven't thought of this. Do any of you have piranhas? And over 30 years. Wow. But it happened. He could have lied to me. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that is reasonable doubt right there. Yeah. I also, this reminded me of how to make a basketball plant. I also thought of that how to make a basketball plant, how to make a basketball plant. A classic story pirate story and a Doxton in a, in the long history of amazing stories about how to make certain kinds of plants into different things or not. A worthy entry into the cabin. It is a worthy entry. You have really, really done it, my friend. Thank you so much for sending it in. And to read all of today's story love stories, just head to story pirates dot. Come. And guess what grownups you can find an even longer version of today's story love on YouTube. And while you're there, subscribe to our channel and make sure to watch the new videos every week. And grownups, story love isn't just the name of a segment on our show. It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program to find out more about story love or our digital creative writing program story quest or our nonprofit arm story pirates change makers. Check the show notes for links. That's it for today's episode. Thanks to today's authors Robin and Margot. And guess what you can still send us your stories and we respond to every single story we receive. Grownups, your link to submit stories is in the show notes for today's episode. We'll be back next week with another brand new episode. Until then, stay creative and stay kind. Bye. The story pirates podcast is a production of story pirate studios executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka. Co-executive producers are Holly and Rizwan Kasim, Monya Lissy, Murray Sampson, Jack Schaefer and Jacob Bond. This episode was produced by Isabella Ricchio, Sam Baer, Gregg Barnett, Peter McNerney, Lee Overtree and Brittany Stahl. Recording sound design and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City. Additional production by Brett Toobin. Theme song by Bobby Lord. Musical scoring by Eric Urson and Jack Mitchell. Our head writer is Peter McNerney. Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson and contributing writing by Lee Overtree. Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin. Special guest, Elise Myers. This episode features performances by Langston Darby, Justin Coon, Caroline Lux, Inamar, Peter McNerney, Kyle Moore, Megan O'Neill, Lee Overtree, Ned Risely, Peter Russo, Julius Schroeder, Rachel Winnitzkirk, Rachel Winnitzky and Nimini Ware. Fashion Snail was written by Ned Risely and Rachel Winnitzky and produced by Eric Urson with Vocal Direction by Jack Mitchell. Hmm, what should I do today? Oh, wait! I almost forgot! There's a fashion show on TV! I'll just turn the TV on and... Looks like the fashion snails still moving down the catwalk. Alright, I just wanted to give a quick check-in. We are now in, it looks like it's now our 5th of the fashion show. And it seems like many of the models and quite a few of the spectators and... Oh, wow! Even the designer of the collection himself have all left. Hmm. But, uh, excitingly enough, Fashion Snail is just now reaching the end of the runway. This is... really interesting. Gosh, wow! She looks really, really spectacular in her blue nail polish and we are so excited to... Oh, she's turning back around. Okay! That's Fashion Snail, hour 5!