Fiona Cauley

hello he's so good it's insane he's a perfect dog truly hello where it makes sense for you to sit back there out of the way I mean you're not in the way I mean literally behind this is out of the way how are you with the dog it seems like you like him but I could put him somewhere I'm a big dog person I got one too the way his arms are on the guy she's so macho I'm going to get myself a water I'm going to take a quick shower normally I have some of this going before you guys got here, but I had the time wrong there. All right. All right. Okay. Should we do this? Yeah, let's do it. Alvin, bring me my microphone. Scoop-doom. Blabba-dee-bloom. Scoop-dee. Oh yeah! Rick Glassman, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. You messaged me a bit ago. Mm-hmm. And you know about my podcast, huh? No. I'm saying that, I guess. Sorry, bro. Sorry about that. How'd you find my podcast? I'm a huge fan of Lisa Gilroy. and she popped up and then I could not stop watching every episode. Where did you find her? I don't know. I guess Reels. TikTok maybe. Could you do me a favor? I've been having a focus issue. Will you just look into that? Does it look like I'm in focus? This one? Yeah. Could you see? But if you go in front of the lens, it's going to focus you. You can come over. But you have to go by the side of the desk without going in front. Yeah. Could you see the screen? No, it's on my side. Fuck it, dude. But if you go in front of the lens, it might look like it's focused. All right. My assistant got me a lens that didn't do very well. Anyway, Lisa Gilroy, I think is one of the funniest people in the world. Yeah. And I think she's going to be massive soon. And I'm curious where people discover her. Just from like Instagram, huh? I think there were some reels of you and her, like the rap you guys did that went so viral. Here's 25 cents. Take this. Right. Pull that mole off your face. Right. Right. Trains. Automobiles. Trains and planes. Planes and automobiles. Trains and planes. But just in general, like how do people, you're a fan of hers. You had to find her somewhere. I mean, it's similar to you, but with Kill Tony. Yeah. Like people find somebody from something and then they see the other stuff. Right. Yeah. I don't, I don't even know where I first saw her. That monster thing she did. Maybe. Yeah. Well, she's a yellow monster. That was perfect. Do you want to do stuff like that? Do you want to do sketch? I do. I don't think I'd be as good as she is. I can only play this character. My voice is not very good. You can't do other voices? Mm-mm. Have you tried? Yeah. What's the best thing you have? I'd do a decent Matthew McConaughey. Can I hear something? That's what I love about these high school girls. I get older, they stay the same age It actually sounds so much like him It just didn't look like him Yeah, it's the physical part of the disability That really gets me Now correct me if I'm wrong Your disability is degenerative, right? Yeah So did you used to look like Matthew McConaughey? Are we going? Okay What do you want? Nothing You want to take a look at the copy? Yeah, real quick $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. Make sure to snap first. Thank you, Underdog Fantasy. You had it all memorized. Make picks, win money. What are you waiting for? Download the app today. Underdog.com. Oh, no. What are you waiting for? Download the app today. Use promo code TISO for a bonus of $75 in entries, bonus entries, when you play your first $5. That's promo code TISO. Terms apply. See set for details. Head to factormeals.com slash TISO50off and use code TISO50off to get 50% off your first Factor Box plus free breakfast for one year. Really? Offer only valid. Seriously? But you've been a member for over a year. I know that. This offer is only valid for new Factor customers with the code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. We're going to talk about it in a little bit. All right. Ricky's on the loose, and I have five cities currently announced, and I have another five coming soon. Go to punchup.live slash Rick Glassman to find out when I'm coming to San Francisco, Denver, Houston, Cleveland, Dallas, Portland, South Lake City Austin Indianapolis St. Louis and also sign up for my email list so you can find out when I'm coming near your city and I don't mean that when I'm going to be visiting I mean that having an orgasm in the room right before the show tell me the truth how many times do you masturbate if you do a weekend of five shows do you even do that anymore or are you too successful no I'll do fives if you do five Thursday, Friday, Saturday 26 tell me the truth 26 do you masturbate before a show after before and right after and if you want to find out when I'm coming to your city, remember? You get it. Yeah, no one asked me about that, so thank you. How do you feel about that? It was easier before. Say, all right, all right. All right, all right. I know, you were teeing me off, you were feeding it. All right, all right, all right. So, what is it called again? Free drinks with taxia. And that means, as time goes on, you look less and less like Matthew McGonaghan. Yeah. But because you still make some proteins it sounds still like him is that correct yeah that's and that's why you don't get into sketch yeah it's crazy but i think you do the same what do you mean if you used to you lose a lot of your confidence when you were mccann and now you're mcculley you know i don't know i've never been matthew mccann hey it's really big of you to admit that? I did get, I have been noticing that the past couple nights my TMJ has been a lot worse. My TMJ disorder. TMJ. Do you know what that is? I think it's the temporal mandible joint. You ever go like that? Do you have lockjaw? I did during COVID. I don't know if it's technically lockjaw, but I couldn't open my mouth very wide. My wife didn't mind. I'm not married. Are you guys married? Yeah. How long have you guys been married? Three months. Oh, you just got married. I would like to find a wife. Yeah. Where are you looking? Where am I looking? Well, I walk my dog a lot of places. And sometimes I'll walk by places that I'm not interested in. I often do this at coffee shops. I don't drink coffee anymore. I go in. I look around. I see. Is there anybody where I want my dog to accidentally go bother? Every now and then. And you stick him on him? I don't stick him on him. I just, I let him go where he wants to go. And then sometimes if he goes up to a woman that I'm attracted to, I'll say something like, I am so sorry. He's about to be put down. He was. and I decided to rescue him. And she goes, oh, did you rescue this dog? And then I say, well, a lot of people think, like, did I rescue the dog or did the dog rescue me? She said, oh, and I said, but I actually rescued the dog. I did it. I did it. Definitely. And then usually she'll go something like, are you looking for a wife? And, well, this is my dreams. Oh, okay. normally if I see a pretty girl I just I just keep walking yeah when did you two meet three years ago four months ago oh dear line how did you two meet like what was the not also you're not mic'd up and so I'm going to keep doing this I do apologize unless it's good I don't know normally I have my friend here McCone who helps with a handheld but he's not in town um but the first meeting who approached whom? I approached him. What did you do? I said, hey, you were funny up there. Oh, pardon me. You're a comedian as well. So, do this for me. Give me as many details as you can. If this were a script, Interior Comedy Club, do you know who he is before this? No. I didn't hit on him until much later, though. I knew him for a long time. so you were friends first and did you want to hit on him no what changed your mind maybe I'm friends with somebody who might be my wife probably I have to sneeze sneezing on the truth also this is such a cheat isn't it yeah it's kind of like when you're in a public bathroom and you don't wash your hair I don't know about you but I generally wash my hands before I pee and not after. My penis is clean. I'm keeping it clean and I wash it. I don't pee in my hands. But sometimes when you're in there with a bunch of people and especially if it's somebody who's like, oh hey man, I watch your podcast. I'm like, I put a blanket down on the couch. So I'll go over to the sink and I'll say, I'm putting my fingers under the water while not using soap. I don't want to lie. I go like this. you say it out loud yeah that's good yeah I feel like that's what sneezing into your elbow is yeah but we started doing the elbow bumps instead of shaking hands but we're sneezing into our elbows who are you giving elbow bumps to? everybody anyone that'll take one you're just dishing out elbow bumps? do you give more elbow bumps than fist bumps or handshakes? no yeah I do fist I'll miss it's a bigger target got it because stability wise yeah you'll miss I can't land a fist bump go try it yeah you know what the problem is you're doing something that nobody does you're punching the fist you're missing because you're punching yeah try this with me pretend that we don't even need to touch. You're just showing me your knuckles and I'm showing you mine. And then as we're showing, we want our knuckles to meet each other. Okay. You're like my knuckles. You're doing it like this. Like a target. That's the problem. Nobody does that. I mean, I don't do that. I should just speak for myself. Matthew McConaughey does. Yeah, he's not perfect. He does it all right. All right. Yeah, all right. yeah so you see him on stage you think he's funny but you're not um what's that over there you're not sexually attracted to him everything's recording right i'm worried now that not recording okay so you're not sexually attracted to him yet was there something that changed it or just as you got to know him um something that changed it uh there was one time where i have like a two wheelchair system one for indoor one for outdoor i understand Right, and it's so like I can go drive by myself. I keep one in the car, and that's my outside one. Now I'll roll out to the car and put a tarp over that one and get in the car and leave it. I want to visualize this. Hold on, please. You're in the house. In the house, you have a wheelchair. Yes. You use that wheelchair predominantly in the house with the exception of to get to your car. Yes. And you leave it. Is your car in a garage? No. The car's outside. That sucks. I know. So you put a tarp over it for weather? For weather. It's not waterproof, so if it rains... Do you care about the wheels outside getting the house dirty? No, I think I can't care. Well, you could have a three-wheel chair system. Yeah. You have just the one from your front door to your car. Is that what you would do? I don't know. I mean, the truth is, like what you're saying, you can't care. I have a dog I wipe his paws now whenever he comes in but I don't wipe his I don't shower him every day he sits on the ground, he plays with other dogs, he gets dirty he doesn't have to sit on a blanket I've just decided it's okay, his dirt is cleaner than my dirt for whatever reason it's just how we survive and be okay with stuff so I think like when there's logic that supersedes at least for me the relatively irrational fears and like discomforts of cleanliness then it kind of beats it. Yeah. So you leave it on a tarp and then you get in your car and you drive with just your hands? Yeah. How do you get the wheelchair out? I have to pay Mr. People to help me. Right. Because I can't afford like a van I could roll into, you know. Is that a thing? Yeah. but those are like $50,000. Why don't you ask Tony Henschcliffe to get it for you? I hadn't thought about that. I'm calling you out, Tony. A van for $50,000. Is that a priority for you or no? It was until I met. Now I know why you became sexually attracted to him. Yeah, he's my van. So you're not a big fan. He's just a big van. I understand. You get it. You know what van is backwards? Nav. For navigation. To my heart. Do you know that van is the only word that nav spells backwards? Isn't that weird? That's so weird. I'm glad we're talking. But do you remember when you became attracted to him, really? Yeah. I think we started doing a lot of sketches together because I was saying my chair broke so I needed a ride to the show and he was on the show I just texted the group and he offered to get me and he uh actually left my wheels jury charger on the roof of his car we had to drive down like on the interstate and he we didn't realize he had done that till we got there because it got stuck in like the trunk there's a little space between like sliding off right got stuck there i was very mad and then he was goofy so we started shooting sketches together and which this was back when you were looking more like mccannay and you like sketch yes and he likes mccannay this you had a you had a show right where didn't you do sketches on youtube me yeah capable you were not part of this that was pre-met yeah pre-met it sounds like if you're going to be a doctor your first set of classes you have to go to pre-met and then were you interested before the charger I guess you're not mic'd up just yell yeah right around the same time he said I don't want to answer that until I buy some of your merch Rick no no friends to marriage yeah that's the way to do it right see the way i did it i was real bad at dating before him though was that obstacles uh like what obstacles did that exist even before like is you said when you were an athlete before was you bad at dating then too or was it yeah why just like who i am as a person probably and then the chair you know it adds the third party in the relationship yeah i guess that's kind of like if somebody's a single parent you have to meet somebody that's that is like i'm not ready to introduce you guys yeah I'd be careful with it. The chair? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. People who are in a wheelchair, there's obstacles, I think, that are like obstacles that I wouldn't have thought about. Have you ever dated someone in a wheelchair? No. Hmm. I've also never dated an Asian girl. Not an Asian in a wheelchair. No. But I tell you something. Yeah. I have a thing for one of the two. Asian wheelchairs. Asian women, man. Maybe I don't date Asian women for the same reason I haven't dated anybody in a wheelchair. I haven't found one that I'm interested in yet. No. yeah that's a good reason what's the biggest obstacle that you feel exists not like dating for example would be I don't know if that's not tangible you know what I'm saying like not stairs yeah not something that is an obstacle for like navigating from getting from place to place but like being in a wheelchair what obstacle exists In life or in dating? In general, but if you have specific for dating, I'd like to know that too. It's not just the wheelchair. I think with dating, it's hard to explain like this disease is progressive until I get someone on board with it because it's like you're signing up for me right now. But in 10 years, I'm going to look very different, you know? and then in general I think as my voice is affected by this disease people don't think they think I'm mentally disabled so they don't want to look me in the eyes there's a lot of similarities to what you're saying to Matthew McConaughey people used to think he was like a mentally disabled guy and then he got really then he did that movie where he had AIDS what was that called? I ran her in a Oh no No no Well he just looked a lot different Dallas Fire's Club Dallas Fire's Club Oh shit we just watched that Yeah We watched it not that long ago Why? Never seen it It's good to see yourself And things Do you not, how much do you like discussing this? Like, not in, like, because podcasts are, I think when people watch podcasts, they feel that they're watching a conversation, which they are, but also all parties involved are aware that they're on a podcast. Right. You know, similar to like stage, like you talk about, we talk about things that we want to talk about, but then do we still want to talk about them six months, one year, three years later? Sometimes it depends on how the bit has evolved and what our points of view is. But like, uh, how much is this disability of yours? Uh, not, not for better or worse, but how much do you feel? And do you think about this, that it's an identity for part of the business of it as well? Does that make sense? Like your point of view is this, if you're a mother, you're not only a mother, but you talk a lot about being a mother or father. Right. I think it's probably a lot. I don't I like talking about it because I'm always trying to bring some more awareness I guess. That's very important to me. Awareness to the disability itself? You said it's like 5,000 people? Yeah. What's it called? Friedrichs ataxia. Do you know how to spell that? Nope. Friedrichs. fried reich's what ataxia ataxia your sister has it my brother too that's new but why how old is he 24 so this could be dormant in people until they're they could they could when it would become active in you uh i got diagnosed 18 but symptoms started 15 but i've met people that it was dormant until they were 65. Did they know that they had it? No. No shit. So the awareness you want to bring is also to say, hey, go get checked? Yeah, but also living that kind of fear isn't good. I'm glad I didn't get diagnosed until I was 18 because I had no reason to think I couldn't do stuff. I was a server. I got fired for falling and dropping stuff all the time but i tried and that's important yeah those are the symptoms you're saying 15 symptoms was you're falling yeah like downstairs and spilling stuff and breaking everything and i walked like i was drunk you know was it in and out or no constant so what those three years what did you guys think was going on i thought something was wrong i thought it was like an equilibrium issue maybe because it seemed to be balanced but my older sister had different health issues so everyone thought i was copying her and she was not diagnosed with this either copying her as in like you're making fun yeah you're just making a joke and like you throw yourself down the stairs yeah i really committed to those bids that's when i knew i'd be comedian monday but wait who thought you were copying her your parents my mom yeah how did that feel when you're trying not good i thought i was out of my mind for a long time because i was like maybe i am like making this up i used to like practice walking in a straight line in my room i got in trouble at school for trying to use like that you know they have an elevator at some places for like people that break their legs They have to go upstairs. An elevator specifically for people who break their legs? Yeah. Or just an elevator for people who need an elevator? I guess people who need the elevator. What an interesting way to explain what an elevator is. You know that room you go into specifically for people who break their legs? Yeah, an elevator. Okay. So you got in trouble for using the elevator because you were scared to go up the steps? Yeah, I would just fall a lot because the backpacks are heavy. What's your relationship like with your mom? It's good now. It was real hard for a long time. Because of this? Mm-hmm. Because you felt like she didn't believe you. Yeah, I used to get, like, grounded for faking it. And then I took myself at 18 to a bunch of doctors. They eventually sent me to a neurologist, and that's when I involved my mom. What tests does the neurologist do? Is it not blood work or it is? It is. It's a genetic test. They take your blood. They feel like you either have a genetic disease or a tumor on your cerebellum. And I was rooting for the tumor. Right. Yeah, because, you know. You could maybe get that removed. Yeah, and then PD and we're back at it, you know. I didn't think it would be anything this serious. I thought it was just something I wanted to fix before college. sometimes I do podcasts and people say well the guests not saying that they're going to say this here but they have said this and they probably will I've seen this guest be so funny Rick finds a way of making people not funny and my thought is why does this always have to be funny you know what I'm saying why can't there just be funny and stuff I can be funny. Well, I don't think what I'm saying is an insecurity as much as maybe it is. I haven't really articulated this myself. But what I'm saying is becoming aware of like, oh, I have some questions I want to ask about that dynamic with you and your mom right now. And I'm thinking, I think I'm thinking, and I don't like this. I'm like, oh, I can imagine what some comments will be. I've stopped. I haven't stopped reading, but I don't read as much. But I want to ask you about your mom. And that's like a very specific. your relationship before 15 with your mom was healthy and fine uh no oh that makes more sense then so it was always a little trouble yeah she worked a lot my parents split when i was nine you know she she did what she had to to support a family by herself you know so her not believing you wasn't just out of nowhere this was just yeah i was the middle child like through and through be everything classic about it, you know? Which is what? No one listened, no one cared, no one believed you. Is that part of your life now? Like, do you have a sensitivity to honesty and people believing not believing Probably not as much now I just like the circle of people who I really care about their opinions on things I made real small Because? Because a lot of people are fucking stupid. And I can't like put too much weight and value into what they think about me. What do you mean? Because they're saying. It's like the world is two dimensional to a lot. Could you give me an example of why you've had to make your circle smaller? Don't trust people. That's what I'm saying. Trust. Yeah. It's a big one for me. Yeah? Yeah. Do you have siblings? Yeah. I have an older brother. I don't know if it has to do with the siblings as much, but I've learned that people lie all the time. And I kind of consciously discovered that more as an adult. Yeah. And I probably recognized it when I was younger, too, without recognizing it. I'm so skeptical of people's intentions, even if I believe they believe them. You know? Yeah. Like, why? Why are you saying that? Why are you doing that? differently, but I've had, I had experienced where there was in school where I had to go to special school because of stuff that the teachers were saying about me that wasn't true. I didn't even know they were saying this stuff about me until after the fact. Don't need to get into it. I've talked about it here before, but I don't know if that's what did it, but that I could recall that feeling and it made me think of kind of what you were saying of like am I crazy yeah it's weird how easy it is to believe other people believe about you before you have an identity yourself which is a lot harder to have as a 15 year old yeah what has that given you like for me it's given me I feel like the ability to question things. Yeah. Do you find that like, like you said, you made your circle smaller. Is that where you want it to stay? Yeah, I like that a lot. I think my biggest like takeaway from that is I don't blindly trust people that I think know more than me about something. like I have more faith in what I know is true and that was hard because I've always you know thought like oh I probably don't know you know best you know about everyone and everything and that's not the truth could you think of any example that's hard I mean I'm specifically talking about like knowing your okay there was one uh clinical trial that I just like didn't feel good about and I didn't want to take the medication they were giving like I had a bad feeling and I decided to trust my gut and it really upset my family because they were like you know this could be something great and then we found out a couple months later that trial was shut down because it was making everyone epileptic that took the meds. You know, it's stuff like that, like believing how I feel about something and the environment that it's occurring in. Was that an energy thing or did you start taking the pills and you notice something and you stop? It was an energy thing. I never took them. Your siblings didn't either? Mm-mm, because of that. Yeah. Why comedy? I well I started that web series as like you know it's supposed to be kind of funny kind of serious like this podcast art imitates podcast that's not the same alright alright okay so listen just download the underdog app okay and there's tons of choices that you can play and pick different players if they're going to be higher or lower. I'll be honest with you. I'm not much of a football player, but since my father is a big sports nut, I thought... I don't have to be a sports nut. You have to be a sports nut to do this stuff. It's the biggest sporting event. It's the biggest TV day of the year for everybody. 100 million people, okay? Everybody's having parties. This week on Underdog, you're looking at the game on Sunday, and you're selecting what player? Well, I'm selecting Derek May. And do you think he's going to go higher or lower in what stat? I think he's going to go higher in touchdown passes he made. So that's how it works. Basically, you're creating your own contest. It also gets everybody in the party involved, okay? Make sure we're doing this responsibly. If we're getting everybody involved, make sure that this is money that you can play with. This is money that you're okay losing. Now, if you're somebody who wants to give this a shot and you're not sure quite how it works, I'll be honest with you. It'll help the podcast out. You get $75 in bonus entries. Just sign up for it and use promo code TISO and just use that. So I have a question. What are you waiting for? Download the app now. Use promo code TISO for $75 in free entries. And fantasy bonus entries when you play your first $5 on fantasy. That's promo code TISO. Underdog. Make picks. Win money. Yeah. Must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama, New England, 19 plus in Colorado for some games. 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts, and Virginia, and present in the state where Underdog Fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets at underdogfantasy.com slash web slash play and get terms underscore DFS underscore HTML. Off-road ballot in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. Concerning if you play, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. New York, call the 24-7-HOPE line at 1-877-8-HOPE, H-O-P-E-N-Y. Or text H-O-P-E-N-Y, 467-369. We told you that we were going to talk a little bit more about Factor. I don't know if you remember. Factor, you guys. We're going to talk about it in a little bit. Hi. I love Factor. Factor box comes to my house and I sing Kumbaya. My mom's a little stoned, but the truth is she's been a Factor customer since we started working with Factor, I think over a year ago now. Yeah, I love it, you guys. Why? I'll be honest with you. That's all I'm asking for, Ma. This is the truth, you guys, because I love to eat and I love big portions. I do. When I first got it, I thought the portions, I'm never going to be full from one of these dinners. You can't eat another bite. It is so filling. It is so delicious. It is so restaurant quality. She microwaves them and she goes, oh, it's like I'm at a restaurant. She says it out loud. She says it out loud. I would order this at a restaurant. There's soups too. It's very, very good. Head to factormeals.com slash. Tyso. 50 off and use code. Tyso. T-Y-S-O. Boobs. What do I say? Okay. Tyso 50 off. That's T-Y-S-O-5-0-O-F-F to get 50% off and free breakfast from delicious. 50% off your first factor box plus free breakfast for one year. Offer valid to new customers only with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor. Oh, I was going to say something else. I was going to say it's so easy to have your dinners ready in two minutes. Two minutes. That's it. Done. am i supposed to be talking okay this episode is brought to you by better health what about it am i supposed to be talking oh sometimes i feel it's so difficult to hang around family mom sometimes doesn't it feel like everybody else has it all together but you're just a forgetful silly loud you're hungry your stomach hurts you don't know where your phone is you don't where your bra is. I have some money. I want to order stuff, some nuts.com. Could you guys please leave me alone? I'm reading a book. Could you guys please leave me alone? I'm taking a poop. Could you guys please leave me alone? I'm watching a movie. Could you guys please leave me alone? I'm trying to sleep. But everyone else is just happy-go-lucky and easy to be around. I'm sure you could relate. Well, let me tell you something. That would make me one miserable person who better get some help. Better help doesn't just give you somebody to talk to. It gives you somebody to talk to from the comfort of your own home. You could sign up from home, and if you don't like your therapist you could match with a new licensed therapist until you find the person that you feel comfortable with right excuse me are the therapy sessions video or audio or either either either i didn't know that so you could either look at the person that's giving you some advice or just talk to them yes yes okay i like that and you know there's nobody including me with all my problems and all my issues there is nobody out there watching this that doesn't need a little bit of help once in a while for whatever you have some questions that you want answered maybe you don't know what questions to ask maybe you don't have somebody in your life even if they're an advocate of yours who doesn't maybe tell you as it is maybe they could only tell you as experienced as they are that's why it's nice to speak to a professional so you could sign up and get 10 off at taiso no oh better help dot taiso dot com slash taiso i try it again okay better help slash no betterhelp.com get 10% off when you sign up at betterhelp.com slash Tysol and by the way I'll be doing it right now again because I obviously need it H-E-L-P dot com slash Tysol I started that as kind of a way to talk about just being disabled and a younger person because I was real sick of no one knows anything about like how complex different disabilities are like i'm not paralyzed that looks different for me you know everyone gets real mad when i can move my feet my legs you know who gets mad just the internet it really pisses them off i'm not like disabled enough maybe oh you're saying like comments yeah I read them too knock it off believe me I wish your symptom was not being able to read no you don't I know you're joking but it really is it is a choice that is like I've heard people say and I was always like no why they're nice comments are nice but like yeah people just say shit man it's crazy So what are they saying? They're saying that you're lying? Yeah. Or they're saying that that's what it is? A lot of people think I'm faking it. I'm like doing this because it's getting me on stuff. Wheeling yourself from your front door to your car, putting a tarp on it. Because what? For the bit. I'm a mastermind. So when they get mad at you for moving your feet, do they also say, but fuck does she commit? Right. Where's the appreciation? and respect. Was that something that started happening more so after you went on Kill Tony? Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of people saying I don't look disabled. Like, I thought the wheelchair made me look disabled. Man, yeah. Maybe right now I don't look disabled. Yeah, well, we do. We have a good lighting and you're moving your feet. The reason I decided to read less comments was when I was reading comments of me on other people's podcasts. And sure enough, I go over there and it's just, what is that? It's a lot of hate. What are they, why, is it because they have an idea of what comedy is supposed to be? Or is it that they're just lonely? They're just for a good in both. I'd say like the platform Kill Tony is about you know if someone that like the people I don't know doesn't do a joke that does well or something it's about roasting them yeah but that exists that exists that's a great form of comedy I think Kill Tony though it's a lot of people's first and only introduction into comedy the thing is it gets so many views there's so many different types of people that watch it. A lot of my friends watch it. People who aren't even comedians that I know, they love the show and they are nice people. So I think when you have 2 million people watching something, imagine seeing something online and then being like, hold on a second. This fucking needs to get his shit together. I've never left a mean comment on anything. What do you think it is? Is it masochistic going into those comments? Yeah. There's also, I don't know. It feels familiar. Everyone doesn't believe me. Been there? Done that? What do you get out of it, though? Why? Nothing. Well, you have to get something out of it. Maybe it checks your ego. I don't know. Is your ego getting too big? No. when you need help going to the bathroom you can afford to have an ego yeah you think is that true you think does it does it for me have you been needing help to go to the bathroom for a long time no I mean I'm fine it depends on the shoes and the pants I'm worried right maybe it's a new thing hmm well it's just like when you need other people to do basic stuff. For me, at least, it's very humbling. So I might be on my high horse, but I need help getting down. That's good merch. That's a good saying. Be on your high horse, but I need help getting down. Yeah. Do you watch the show Queer Eye? Not recently, but I have. Love it. New season just came out. and there's a woman, she's a fireman, and she feels like she's the help. She's a single mother of two daughters, and she feels like she's the person who helps. And they were just talking, but everybody needs help. And it did seem like there was a little bit, I was trying to understand, how do you not want to ask for help? I love when people help me with stuff. I understand. I don't hear that from a lot of people. That they like being helped? Yeah. You think because they don't feel that way, or they don't want to say that. There's a part of the ego where a lot of people are like, don't help me. I can do this by myself. Yeah. I've seen all the movies. I know that's a thing. Okay. That's a very macho thing. I could do like, get off me. Don't help me. I could get up myself. Yeah, that was good. I've seen the movies. but like help me are you fucking kidding me help me I love helping too like I feel of value when I get to help somebody and I feel valued when they help me it's a win win all around right I mean part of me feels like if I do need help with something and not asking for it or allowing someone that's offering help to do it it's like robbing them up feeling good and then you also need the help yeah yeah yeah part you know i at the beginning as i was talking about how much i want a wife i do i look at that because you want the help uh that's definitely part of it yeah absolutely a partnership yeah like yeah absolutely um feel myself like uh maybe not wanting to get too emotional yes i want i i want somebody to help me with things and I want to be able to help them with things and I feel that way with this podcast I feel like my John Michael and Tom who helped me out it feels like a team and I love it I love it like hey man I'm really struggling with this thing sometimes could you just do this for me there will be times with this podcast that I used to look over everything and then I had help and they would do it and then I would look over and I still do a lot of the time but sometimes I'm just overwhelmed them like hey is this good to go is this can we just do this and i trust them you're right and i have that in my professional life and i'm very grateful uh but i don't have that in my personal life um and i think about it a lot i want a lot so the idea of like you're taking off your high horse because you have somebody who helps you do something that isn't a challenge for them to help you. I'm not in your position. Pardon, which I don't mean this as judgment. I guess maybe it is, but I think that's a bummer. I think it's a bummer that that's an ego bump for you. To get that kind of help. But maybe I don't know if that's not fair. I'm just speaking candidly. and it's not the thing I ever thought about. Like you said, like, oh, yeah, clearly, you know, you need a ramp or a broken leg box to get upstairs. But, like, what other things? Like, yeah, that's got to fuck up your psyche. If, like, there might be times you have to figure out, if I get help, what does this do to my mind versus what does it do tangibly? Or, like, just simple stuff, even, like, opening soda cans, like having to ask strangers. it's like you what did you say? like having to ask strangers will you open this for me you feel like a kid and like trying to maintain I'm an independent adult I do a lot of stuff that I don't think a lot of people could do but there are also things that I can't do and I'm just hyper aware of it maybe that makes sense so is it maybe is it Not that the other person is helping you that hurts the ego as much as that you need to help. You're recognizing I can no longer do this by myself. Man, that's got to be tough. Yeah. Yeah, so whether they help you or not, you're feeling that. Yeah. Because then, right, I'm going to break a fucking nail. And there are things that have come up for you that you've been able to do. and then like, oh, I can't do this today. Right. Oh, man, that's tough. Every day is different. It's like being a stranger in your own body, you know? But it's not all bad. A couple years ago, a drug was FDA approved, and it's like three pills I take every day that's supposed to stop the progression, which gave me a lot of like sense of self and hope and oh my god like i get to wake up and know what i can and can't do you know how long you've been taking it uh about two and a half years i don't think i've gotten worse which again the scariest part about my disease is the progression so stopping that is huge but matt and i started dating before that so you know he thought it was gonna get real bad now we're here and you notice too it seems to have stayed yeah it's a lot easier for people to notice to see her more intermittently than me because i see her every single day so But there is a change. Yeah. People that see are less regularly. They seem to agree. And is like kids possible? It is, but I wouldn't do it, I don't think. Is that because of fear of passing the genetics? Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't do this to another person. And then also, I mean, with, I don't, I don't think it'd be fair. And that's not fair to say. Just like I can't run around with the kids and do all that. And a lot of the burden of raising small kids would fall on him. And we're both full-time comics, you know? So it's like one of us would have to take a backseat and I'm not doing it. I love kids, but I also don't feel the need to have my own. Did you used to want them? Mm-hmm. But that was before the disability and before comedy, yeah. I still keep thinking about you, your mom, thinking that you were throwing yourself downstairs to make fun of your sister. what a stretch well jackass it does come out is that real? do you really think like you're just constantly watching jackass oh it's going to kill me yeah your mom not believing you and then going on the internet and people not believing you which you know what don't believe me That's great. I wish I were faking it. That would be hilarious. Isn't that a funny thing? Trust. I think about this a lot, and I am again now. Like, somebody doesn't believe you, or you don't believe somebody. And a lot of times, there's nothing to do about that. Do you lie? Do you consider, like, are you someone who lies? No. Not anymore. Why? There's no reason. I mean, maybe when I was younger, I would like lie to keep the peace between family members. And I just felt like, no, they didn't say that about you. You know. Who else is funny in your family? My siblings are very funny. But they're also disabled. so I don't know if that comes with the territory or... Do you think? Maybe. I mean, you've got to laugh. Yeah, right. It's so dark, you know. And that's why I like comedy because now everyone's laughing with me, you know. When their innate reaction is like, I should feel bad for her, you know. Is that something that you come across? Do you feel people having a sense of pity that you're like, stop? Yeah, I hate pity. When I started comedy, it was really hard to figure out if they were giving me pity laughs. All their laughs end with... Yeah. I do dark comedy. All my stuff is pretty dark. Like you run the light? Yeah. Yep. Yep. Did that make sense that I was saying that's what black comics do? Or did you make me think that I was just saying like, oh, it would be dark to run the light? No, I got it. Pity laugh. How could you tell the difference? Between black comics and... No, no. How could you tell the difference between laughing and pity laughing? I guess watching people try to hold it in and bursting out like they're trying it's not right to laugh at this and it pains them so much they have to so noticing a turn in the audience that's interesting so if you get laughs up top you might not believe them I'm telling you man trust, understanding stuff it really is a mind fuck I sometimes try I don't know if this services me, but I am not looking for laughs. A lot of times I don't believe them. Anyway, I'm not trying to not get laughs. I want laughs. That's a great thing that happens. But that's not what I'm looking for. Do you connect with that at all? Sometimes. I think a lot I'm looking for understanding maybe more so. because I've started in my comedy, I do talk a lot about my disability, but now I'm talking more about, like, harder things that have happened to me, darker stuff, you know. Like running the light? Mm-hmm. Just like that. What do you mean? Like, that's not related to disability? Yeah. I don't, I think it'd be bad to say it, like, getting griped. yeah I mean what the fuck am I supposed to say to you now I know, good luck you're talking, that's black right? your favorite color of juice is grape I mean you just keep talking is that what you're saying? yeah they say grape instead of purple right? sometimes they say purple yeah, their favorite flavor is purple the color of what? the color of what? The Color Purple. She's not a comic, but yes. That was funny. The Color Purple? Have you seen the bloopers? I once hosted an award show, and the front table was the cast of the new Color Purple. And they did not like my act. Yeah. I have an app that does something. I know this room is very anti-artificial intelligence. It's fine. Calm down. One second. Hey, please make me an opening sketch for the 2024 HTA Film Awards hosted by Rick Glassman. Take us to a podcast. Make it smart. Make it current. Make it matter. Figure it out. You got it. Yeah. So, yeah, I know what you're saying. That could be tough. Yeah. I think whatever you're saying is probably a similar experience to when I was hosting the award show in that table. It sounds just like it. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You know what? It's not my fault. No. What were you wearing? It doesn't matter what I was wearing. I was wearing it for me, not for them. When I get dressed up, I'm not getting dressed up for them. No. Sorry them People For girls or guys So you on stage You talking about your favorite flavor of juice and the disability Yeah. I think that's more of an HBO. I think if you're pitching somewhere, that sounds more HBO than it does Amazon. Does that sound fair? Yeah. Is this conversation okay to have? yeah I'm okay are you okay I'm okay I'm okay I told you at the beginning I wanted to take an edible but I decided not to because I also think I'm going to do a therapy session tonight I've never done therapy high I don't do therapy why I don't know did you think maybe you would be able to walk if you did therapy nah so is that why you don't do it I tried to do it when I first got diagnosed because it was a lot of process every therapist just would like chalk it all up to being like a 20 something girl wait the disability they are like my like anxiety and panic about it what yeah you gotta find like a specialist someone that works with people with progressive diseases and i have not really looked for one i'm sure they're out there i think therapy is so helpful yeah so helpful like better help um i my therapist is not through better help they've sponsored this podcast i've talked about better help with this podcast um because i do believe in therapy so much but yeah I think even that like whatever you have to find a therapist that you like but I mean yeah I love therapy I love it I think I would do one day when when I'm making more money and I can afford it do you have insurance? no we're in America insurance went up so much I have a pre-existing condition I thought that can't get it wasn't there a bill that passed that that can't stop when yeah that's that they can't they keep saying they I'm sorry the people can't that can't be a barrier to entry I think anymore oh I also So it would complicate meds. I'm on a program where having insurance would make stuff more expensive. Isn't that nuts? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't have insurance for a little bit. I went to a doctor. And if the insurance I was going to have, it would have been more expensive to use the insurance because it wasn't the right insurance. Yeah. Then it's gross. Do you want that? Yeah. Can I open it? Please. Look at that. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, good boy. So is that an example of something where, like, you wanted the water, but is it worth asking? Have you thought about that? Did I clock that late? like where have you been watering the water since I gave it to you man that's yeah that's an interesting name is that something that you're able to pick up on like oh I think something to help with so you just do it yeah that's nice because I don't have to ask for help right I think that probably exists with everybody more specific obviously with you but like anticipating needs yeah yeah that's another nice thing about having a partnership which tangibly i could see what what what what like that even as an example but just like somebody who knows you not necessarily anything that anybody else could even pick up and like oh i think this person might you know wouldn't a simple one is you know oh i could tell they haven't eaten yet maybe we need to get them up their blood sugar up a little bit or something yeah yeah how much of your how much do you think because you said you want to bring awareness do you have advice not specifically for disability but like as somebody who maybe needs help opening this water and it's not worth asking now I don't want to interrupt or whatever it might be and like when have you found it is worth asking when it's not and where do you think that could become more efficient for you or for somebody else? I mean, if it's something that's going to make me uncomfortable or in danger or something, if it's going to drastically affect you, ask for the help immediately. Kind of like when you call somebody and they're like, if this is an emergency, hang up and call 911. That's my voicemail, yeah. Is it really? No. sometimes it says that's like i'm calling it like it's expedia you know like what are you saying um my friend is a therapist that's his his his voicemail i'm like who's calling you because they fell down the stairs me my mom you're not your therapist does comedy feel like like uh an outlet to you or does comedy feel more like uh something you're trying to not the mutually exclusive but is it something you're trying to build away from what the outlet is like i'll sometimes go up on stage because i want to talk about something and then i'll sometimes go up on stage because i want to work on something and those are separate to me mindsets yeah i i'm the same way but it's definitely an outlet like if something is really buzzing me off i'll bring it to stage and see if people relate to it. Is there anything you'll say on stage before you'll say it to Matt? Yeah, we'll run up by each other a lot. No, but I mean like something you want to talk about. Oh, yeah. Does that make sense? Like things that he's like, eh. I wouldn't do that. Can't name an example of it, but that's definitely happened a lot. which is two different styles and topics and i think sometimes our ideas of our comedy can blend into theirs you don't want to yeah talk too much yeah i go on the road with a friend of mine and i've noticed that sometimes wait a minute what's going on with that bit and he's like i've been doing this for years i go okay is that what you're talking about yeah which by the way i'm sure he has been i'm sure he has been i'm sure everything you're doing is fantastic i just never saw that bit before um mad starts talking real slow i'm like what the fuck yeah he starts he's sitting in your chair yeah is a special something you think about or have you do you feel like you haven't been doing it long enough i don't think i've been doing it long enough it's been like five years. And maybe in like a year or two I might consider, but I don't think it's ready. But are you working on the special? We're doing a show together tomorrow. You're doing an hour or are you doing a shorter set? I'm doing a shorter set because there are a lot of people on the show with me. And mic drop in San Diego is your hour? Yeah. And that's the hour that you're trying to build into a special? Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing that now too. Would that be your first? Yeah, I've been doing stand-up since 2007. Oh, shit. Nice. Yeah, it took me a long time before I started doing hours consistently though. Yeah. So when you've been doing it for five years, it's an interesting dynamic. Not dynamic, it's interesting to have the opportunity to do hours because of your popularity from the show. You know, you get like, it's almost like you get to work in like extra gravity before a lot of people can. Yeah. It's a luxury and also maybe scary. I mean, I remember the first time, it was maybe a month after my first Kiltonity performance, I had to do my first hour. Happens like that, huh? yeah for some people I mean I got really lucky why do you think that happened um like Uncle Tony specifically whatever happened you think you got lucky at I think getting on that show and just how well it went is lucky I know there are a lot of disabled comedians on that show but I think a lot of people have resonated but though I talked about disability and kind of made me pop because sometimes people will do well and it won't do anything for them and I think also being a girl you know there are a lot of perverts in my DMs and stuff do you really? do you think they're trying to be funny? I mean not that they can't be both I don't think they're trying to be funny. I get a lot of messages with a lot of anti-Semitic things. And I can't tell. I don't like any of them. But I sometimes like, oh, it seems like this person is trying to be shocking. And versus, I think this person is a very hateful person. Right. So you go on Kill Tony and then you do an hour. How does that, because the club said, hey, do you want to do it? Yeah. I started getting out my first hour. It is fun in Zanies. Oh, yeah. Nashville? Nashville Zanies? So they saw you on Kill Tony? Well, I already was working that club. I mean, thankfully, I had about 40 minutes of material by the time I went on Kill Tony. I'm not saying it was all good. It was alright, alright, alright. It truly was. And yeah, I started touring pretty quickly. I got management. Touring what? Touring, like doing an hour. Like the country. You know. yeah that's wild it feels so old school I've heard people make this comparison before but like that's like when you used to hear stories of people when they would go on Carson and it went well that's what Tony's show is now yeah and then you got these opportunities and were you like yes or were you like yes to some no to some I said yes to everything which I'm glad I did because now I'm very confident my hour. Can I get that for you? No, I'm okay. Is that tobacco? Yeah. Question for you. Does it sound like chewing? I don't know. No, I'm not doing it. Oh, you've had it in there? Oh, it's one of those packs, right? That just wakes you up or something? I used to smoke cigarettes and I vaped and I started having a hard time breathing, so I switched to these. I'm just addicted to nicotine. What does it do? Because I've never smoked a cigarette. I know it wakes you up. Is it like coffee? Kind of. It's a little high, right? Yeah. Maybe wake you up. I don't know. It's been so long. Oh my God. It's just normal now. You doing too? Was it wake you up? It's kind of like a buzz. Like a head buzz. sometimes but then you get so addicted to it it doesn't work anymore so what happens when you stop so you just do it because it feels bad to not have it yeah you almost yeah you become addicted to having nicotine in your system and you feel like something's missing without it kind of like kind of like when i walk my dog every morning i don't bring my phone and then i get home and i'm like check your phone and i go wash your hands, feed the dog and then you can check your phone. Wash his hands. I wash his hands before we even come past the front door. So you said yes to everything and how does that feel? Really good. Do you remember some feelings? I like hearing about experience. Yeah. It was going well. I remember my third time med-thoning maybe. I was in Buffalo. and yeah i like it there and i didn't sell well like at all and i made i lost a lot of money trying to get because you didn't have a guarantee uh yeah right i didn't have a manager yet so you lost money because you were just getting a percentage of the ticket sales you didn't sell enough to cover the cost of transportation yeah like he opened for me and i made 13 more than him well you didn't lose money yeah i did though on the travel and stuff i had to pay like 700 wait wait wait so so so oh so you probably got 100 or 150 per show and you got and you got 113 163 he got 100 i got 113 i know i never cashed the check i was so mad what are you talking about I don't know. You stole the check on cash? Yeah, I'm pissed. I'm going back there. You lost 813. Yeah, you're real good at math. 700 plus 113, just like that. I'm real good. 113. I did a show with my buddy Mike. I don't remember where it was, but it wasn't a very big venue to begin with. And I like to stay in nice hotels. and I think I don't remember what it was but I made $100 less than him for the weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of soul crushing because you're like I'm doing it and it's doing you. Are you talking about the money aspect or seeing the audience be sparse? Both. I think hurts pretty bad because you're like, well, I go to, I let everyone down. That's always my first. Who's everyone? The club? The club, my family. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I feel that way about the club. I don't feel that way about my family. Maybe because I've been doing it longer too, but I'm used, like I know what it's like to perform in front of audiences that are like, do you want to be here? See, I've done that too, but when it's your own audience, that hit me different you know I do know I've had conversations with myself about this I'm happy with my perspective on it now because I don't think of myself as somebody who is this huge draw I think if I did then I would be like what happened to me I can imagine what it might be like if you were selling out arenas and now you can't sell out a club but still there's anything wrong with that that's the life cycle of this stuff but like I still feel I go on the road sometimes where all the shows are sold out and I've been on the I've been on the road did one recently where they cancelled one of the shows because it didn't sell enough I think I did three shows instead of four or four instead of five whatever both times I feel like whenever anybody buys tickets I'm like this is crazy like this is if there's 20 people there I think it's so flattering and I don't want to lose that I don't want to lose that feeling because also there's guarantees. Yeah. You know, like I'm not, I know I'm not going to lose money. So that's a different thing. Yeah. Which you have now, I assume. Yes. Yeah. It is so much better. I mean, yeah, I freak out when people buy tickets too. I mean. I want to apologize sometimes. Yeah. I'm like, what's that worth it? I'll pay you back. Give me your Venmo. You know. Yeah, I do. You still, you feel that way all the time? Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm about to go to Denver and it's selling super well. Nice. I'm about to be there, too. When are you going to be there? The 1st of February. I'm there February, I think, 26th through 28th. Hey, at the comedy work. I hear that club is amazing. Is that your first time there? So there's two clubs in Denver. I did a one-nighter last year. I don't remember which one, but now I'm at a different one. It's my first time doing a weekend there. Oh, that's so fun. It's Comedy Works. I'm doing a one-nighter people say that it's like comedians say it's like their favorite club to perform I've heard that from everyone I'm so excited about that one cool I think my show is good I like my show I want people to come I think they'll really like it and I feel like I think people buying tickets to a show and getting a babysitter or something It really is a sense of pressure that's different than just going up at a club. Oh, my God, yeah. Well, I had my first time at this one club. This guy came up, and he was in a wheelchair. He has what I have, but he's older, so it was worse. And he had his parents with him. And his mom was talking to me, and he's like almost 40. and she was like I just want to thank you for doing what you're doing we've been able to get him to leave the house in three years and this is the first time he's wanted to and so like they rented an ADA van and drove two hours to come like it made me cry yeah so and then you talked about grapes yeah the whole time and he was like I can't relate yeah when you said it made you cry is that a nice feeling is that a bad feeling really good no i mean that's what i'm like that's why i'm doing this you know yeah wow did they tell you after or before after thank god if they told you before or messaged you before do you think that would have affected your performance yeah because the pressure of like knowing like all the effort that one end is because you know but part of your brain's like, nah, it's fine. We're having fun. Because you know what? What do you mean? You said because you know, but your brain's like, it's fine. Well, like the approach of knowing all the hoops people jump through to get there. Yeah. So interesting. There's such a selfish part of this art form and a selfless part of this art form. And I think it's fluid, and I'm sure the percentages are different for everybody. but it gets switched like on the day like a certain mindset i want to be selfish walking on the stage right it makes it a lot easier when i say selfish i mean literally just thinking about what i want to say and do not considering what they want to hear and how they got there um i think it makes it easier to be present and to do where i think i'm best and then after is where i'm like i really want them to enjoy this feel that this was worth it i want them to feel good it's like putting on a persona kind of because yeah if you go out there with like like the stress of it's going to affect your performance that you're doing you and them a disservice if you're like considering all how appreciative you are of them being there i've had i've comedian friends that have told me that they want to go out there and make people laugh and feel good which absolutely but then if you don't or if you're looking at them and they seem like they're not that would affect me negatively so i don't know if everybody feels that way it seems like maybe you connect with what i'm saying do you do you have a take i don't know if you were even listening to what the part we were just saying i should have put a microphone plugged a microphone in for you wait hold on one second i'm gonna try something go ahead do you remember the question uh as far as like uh self serving sense and but also uh the mindset of before you go on stage and when you go on stage of wanting them to feel good and wanting to laugh and making sure you give them a good show versus trying not to think about that kind of stuff and the pros and cons of that and where you stand yeah i mean it's tough for me because i came from before uh comedy i was a social worker for 10 years so leaving social work completely to do comedy full-time felt very narcissistic in my end because i left a profession that was solely on helping others and i had to find a way to accept that um doing my comedy on stage and providing you know levity to life to the people that come was also not as equal maybe to what I was doing, but still providing something that maybe helps somebody. But before going on stage, yeah, I'm solely in my head on what I'm going to say and making sure that people see things from my perspective and hope that they relate to it in the end. So that one, the making people or wanting to make people see your perspective, is that a pressure that you put on yourself? or is that because what if they don't yeah that's the risk but I don't want to pander to what I think a crowd would want to hear right coming from a place of like craft what I'm talking about I sometimes think that it doesn't matter what they think it does though I know it does and also it doesn't and that's what kind of am I getting at the jumping back and forth, the you, you keeping your circle small, for example, in your personal life. And I'm sure that translates to professional as well. But like for an analogy, like you keeping the small because these are the people that matter. You said everybody else is an idiot or could be an asshole or whatever it is. It doesn't matter what they think. Of course, I'm sure you'd like everybody here to think nice things of you, but it doesn't matter. It does, but it doesn't. That's what I'm saying. Like this circle when I'm on stage is just, and this probably came from a place of defensiveness but i'm happy with it it's just i me if you do not like this if you do not laugh at this that's that that's i don't want that to be an obstacle i don't know just being really happy with what you've done if i am yeah i could go on stage and not like what i did have you ever do you ever get like maybe this is what you're talking about with pity laughs but sometimes you're getting laughs and you're like this isn't funny yeah yeah like yeah definitely and then yeah but this all started because this conversation of you having the opportunity to perform on stages more specifically how long you get to do on these stages like doing hours just like that because there's now people that like you so much and want to see it Yeah. And I know I've talked to people who have had that opportunity pretty early on and they said they get a lot of shit for it. But what are you supposed to say? No, I don't want to work out in this in this gym. Right. Like, would you say no? No. Right. I'd be scared. I am scared. I'm actually recently for the first time not so scared anymore. And it's taken me a long time and I still sometimes get scared. It's so scary. I get scared every time I did. Because of Keltony last year, I did seven shows in arenas. How long were your sets? A minute. Minutes, right. Yeah, and then the interview. So I'm up there like 12 minutes normally. It's just like. Is that scarier, doing a minute of stand-up in an arena or an hour at a helium comedy in Buffalo? I think the arena. just because it's so hard to like get like convince people you're funny in a minute like picking the joke that will stand well on its own is so difficult like that's an art form in and of itself i think that's the same thing i'm talking like having to make people convince people that Your something is already, I think, such an uphill battle of not what this is supposed to be. But it's also not supposed to be one minute. I mean, you know, when I do shows in L.A. that people ask me to do shows for 10 minutes, I usually say no. What am I going to do for 10 minutes? Right. What can I say in 10 minutes? A minute? I mean, I get it. That's a it's a it's a it's a form of media now. It's like it offers so much value. But a minute is crazy. It's crazy. I can't do anything in a minute. yeah that's it's kind of like like you want you made this movie and they're like we don't have time for a movie but could you show me a trailer it's like well i can't introduce i guess you don't have to introduce characters in a trailer you just have to start with something and people will fill in the blanks on what this device might be and that's like part of writing a minute do you take a minute from your act or you write a minute for it yeah yeah i wish i could just that's the worst part I think when you are doing an hour having to burn a minute every time you go on it's like eh. You don't have to burn a minute. You're saying you don't think you could do that minute again in your hour? That's something I struggle with. Let me do the minute. You did not burn that minute. You did not burn that minute. I get it. I barely post clips. I don't want to post clips. I'm going to San Francisco on February 7th I did San Francisco in March of 2004 so it'll be almost two years when I was starting this hour I going back it different it been two years almost I almost didn go back I don go back to other cities that I did full weekends at But I only did one show there I say this to say I get what you're saying. You did a minute in a forum without context where people then are deciding to go see you because of that minute. Yeah. Absolutely do not do that to yourself. go on stage do that minute and be insecure about it I mean it feel bad, perform it poorly be in your head apologize at the end I did that minute you'll get over it after you do it enough you absolutely cannot burn no I'm mad at you you're the first person to react like that that feels so good because other people say you can't do it again Well, they're like, yeah, I get that. People are brutal. I get it. I do get it. Yeah. I get the insecurity. We're wrong. We are. We're wrong. People don't remember. I've, like, introduced, like, a joke or two that I have done on the show before, and people never see it coming. And I'm like, oh. And if they did, they don't care. They don't care. They don't care. It's a minute. also it's a minute without seeing this stuff that came before it and this stuff that comes after it that make this so much stronger I mean you watch Game of Thrones the pilot and you're like what the fuck is going on and as it goes on you love the show you go back and you watch Game of Thrones and that pilot is brilliant and how much stuff was set up that I didn't even realize the first time there's a difference between doing an hour set and then doing the same hour set. Doing an hour set with the same minute from something. Yeah, okay, anyway. I feel really, really strongly about that because then you have to pick minutes that you don't love when you go and kill Tony or you have to lose minutes instead of being able to make that minute better, better, better, better. That is exactly what the process feels like. I'm like, which one can I let go of? You know? Yeah. so do you have now seven minutes that you want to be doing that you don't have in your hour yeah now i'm like well fuck and are they isolated minutes no no they're they're that's a part of stories yeah i'm mad at you start doing those okay and if you feel at the type of insecurity that i do i'll sometimes say when i promote hey i'm coming back to san francisco if you were there before, probably half of it is going to be the same. And it was two years ago. I'm starting to return to cities too and I'm like, yeah. I was just in Chandler, Arizona and I had been there less than a year before. Was it one-nighter? The first time was one, this was four. Yeah, that's what I'm not doing. I'm going back to places that did one-nighters. Some people will say, don't go back. Some people say, I go back all the time. there are some people that do the same hour for a decade which do what you want to do just make sure the audience knows what they're getting into I don't want to go back until I have something brand new but at the same time there's only so many markets and I'm working on this I'm trying to make this thing great you've got to make that minute great you've got to make those seven minute things great and maybe you end up not doing four of them maybe you take a part of it and move it over here but yeah it's so hard, this is so hard And then you have something that you think is worthy and then be like, all right, it's over there on somebody else's YouTube channel. Fuck that. It's yours. You know, do you agree with that? I do. I would say it's tougher for some of the Kill Tony people that are on there regularly, like every week, because you do 40 spots in a year. That's 40 minutes on a 60 minute set that has been out on one of the largest platforms. Do you think that people that are coming to that hour saw every episode of Kill Tony? And watch every minute? Yeah. I mean, no. I would say no. Yeah, it's part of the beast, I guess. I don't know. I've never thought about that before. I could definitely empathize with how that would make me feel insecure. And I don't want to feel that way. But yeah, you've been on it seven times, not 40. Anyway, we're going in circles. Can I say that? But at the end of the day, you've got to make that minute and make it great. And then you put on a special. And then don't do it again. America. Right? Yeah. I think that's fair. I agree with you. You know, that doesn't usually happen either. Look at this. Yeah. Finding common ground. He is knocked out under your butt right now. It's a good place to be. Is that true? Very true. I concur. Have you been on Kill Tony? I have. What I'm missing. I mean, the minute was good, but the interview part is what I found more difficult. I was talking about the first. We don't talk about that one. Six months into comedy, I just did 60 seconds out of a five minute bid that wasn't good anyway. Like before Kill Tony was big. Yeah, it went up. I mean, and then the interview part, I think at one point Tony was like, wow, you're the most boring fucking person I've ever talked to in my life. and I was like, well, I checked out. Yeah. I just started comedy, decided to sign up. Is that something you would advise people not to? Because a lot of the people that I meet, you include me, five years isn't long. I mean, it's definitely longer than people have been doing it for a year. It's about five times as long. But it does seem like it's an amateur by design. You have the amateurs go up to do a minute and the people who are more established traditionally are on the panel, right? Mm-hmm. that's what it is yeah but would you still advise people like from your experience to maybe not do it when you first start yeah i'd say get good first that way it also wasn't at the level it was when i first went up i was eight years ago when did it really blow up like it was like during time right maybe after covid i didn't know what kill tony was before i went on what made you go do it then my uncle was like you'd be really good on this show and you coincidentally signed up and got on your first time well i actually i found out um what it was i looked it up and i was like i could do that and i didn't want to i didn't have the funds or the time to go because you were in Nashville yeah 12 hour drive yeah and um uh then I found out Tony was coming to Nashville for the comedy festival there that year and I'm close with the owner of Zany's and I was like hey could you introduce me to him and he did and I was like you should put me on your show oh so you weren't a bucket pole no i was a special guest and is that still just the same thing is a bucket pole and special guest like ari maddie was also a special guest it's like when someone tony trusts in comedy recommends but i mean i mean uh like structurally is it the same thing where you're injured you come out you do a random yeah so it's It comes with a recommendation, but it's still the same amount of time and the same structure as a pole. Same treatment if you don't do well. And it went well, obviously. Yeah, it went really well. Did you notice the next day or once it airs? Yeah, it took two weeks to come out, which was a real weird waiting period because everyone was like, you're going to be a star. You know, and I'm like, okay. you know and yeah almost instantaneously i mean i went on i not that any of this matters but i had like 30 000 followers when i went on and now i have like more than 600 000 like it's like the online stuff it does exponentially grow it yeah and there's going to be some creeps if you have half a million people. Yeah. And I'm sure so many nice people. So many nice people, yeah. Wow. What a platform. You dropped the ball, dude, on that first appearance. I know. Out and being playful, do you really think that that is a thing? No. I think the toughest part of it is where you're like a minute's hard once you're so far in the comedy like oh the minute is the easy part but having something afterwards in the interview that makes you stand out past just doing a minute of comedy is the hard part for me oh interesting so you think of that as trying to stand out yeah trying to be like a recognizable figure i was like what's the most interesting thing yeah that's ever happened to you and it's like do you have something like that in your mind ready to say no that's just i don't you know there's i don't really know anything that stands out as overtly interesting in my life but if you know that question is coming do you you try to think of something before you go on right yeah now what would you say now unless you don't want to burn it uh what's something interesting trying to think like in the format of that show like i don't know like i used to love playing like big pranks on people so to have like an interesting story out there like i pranked the city into believing that creed was coming to their kmart parking lot to the point that people showed up and were like in this facebook group being like where the hell are they and it's created a lot of anger within the city and anger because they didn't show up or anger because they didn't like creed uh because they didn't show up and then because somebody made a fake facebook event that everybody showed up to yeah you know for a social worker who takes care of people you're an asshole I didn't write from your social work desk it'd be funny to do that just so you have a Kill Tony story listen guys I want to let everyone know I apologize for what I'm about to do I need to have something interesting you guys are touring together then yeah do you do merch yeah do you sell it or do the club sell it I sell it. My buddy Mike helps. I never sold merch before, but he suggested him selling my merch because it helps pay. You know, you got to pay for these people to go with us. I know. And I feel a little tacky selling merch. Why? Is it good? It's great. Okay, then. Great merch. If they want to buy it, they buy it. Wait, he's getting paid to sell merch? No. No. Well, I'm paying for his flight. Rick, you're blowing up my spot, dude. I'm paying for his flight and hotel, I mean. Pay for his flight, his hotel, his food. Oh, what? Do you pay for your own flight and hotel? Sometimes. I got a lot of points. But listen, you don't have to go. Mike doesn't have to go. I pay for his hotel. It's also a lot different. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, it's a benefit. Yeah, it's funny. It's funny dynamics, right? It's like your feature, but also your husband, but also somebody who doesn't have to go. But also, is it somebody that has to go? You know, like, what do you get to write off? Right. We're tackling that right now. I don't know. When I'm paying, is that a write-off? But I'm also, like, paying myself because we're the – Are you incorporated? like an LL yeah but I don't know how to use it I have one do you have an accountant? no we got to get you an accountant, insurance and a therapist and then you can come back I don't know if I've ever had somebody on my podcast who didn't have at least one of those three an accountant, a therapist and what was the other one? insurance I'm a type B person He said, I have an LLC, but I don't know how to use it as if it's like a screwdriver. Yeah. Are you selling tickets well now? Yeah. They're starting to move for real now. Because if you have that many followers that followed you from that thing, those people probably want to come. Yeah. I mean, and now, you know, I've gone on the road with Nikki Glaser and, like, I did Fallon and, yeah, I have a TED Talk thing coming out. I don't know. Seth and Farland's movie? What? Oh, Ted. Oh, Ted, yeah. Wow. Yeah. So, hey, you're going to have to start paying for us. No. Have you seen that? Look at that over there real quick. I just want you to see what that is I mean I mean you gotta pull his weight Pull his weight but pull him my weight Yeah he's pulling your weight too I didn't say anything Yeah sorry I thought I saw something So I think In conclusion As far as me soliciting Advice to somebody that you just met And whom of which I just met Redo your minute And pay for his flights it's really fucked up get health insurance no pay for a slice if you're pay for a slice sorry I'm sorry you'll look at this and afterwards you can text me I can edit that out but I feel strongly about that I pay for your flight sometimes I think that I think that if he doesn't make like if he makes 100 a show and you do 5 shows and he makes $500 and his flight was $500 that's him breaking even oh yeah I wouldn't do that but if you pay for his flight he makes $500 now he makes $500 yeah we make $500 hey you want to go on the road with me instead whoa chill you never have to pay for your flights I don't like Yeah, but you gotta sleep in a bed with Rick. No, you have to sleep in a bed with Michael and Ochi. It's tough. Going on the road with somebody is so much better. You never do it without going. You do it by... I used to. Until Michael said that he'll go on the road. I'm like, I don't... I mean, that's just so expensive. Yeah. And he goes, I'll sell your merch for you, which I wasn't doing. So now the money I make from selling merch, I just look at it as that pays for Michael's trip. Oh. and it's so much better you know I mean you have a different relationship you know obviously he's pulling your weight also you guys are I'm assuming intimate I don't know about depending on how the show goes is that ever a thing like when one of you does well and the other one does bad are you guys not horny? yeah I make him sleep on a cot if you do bad or he does bad if I do bad hey listen I don't feel pretty I had a bad set I'm not paying for your flight today you're stuck in Minneapolis I could have chose somewhere else yeah that was crazy is that a real thing though? do you ever feel like after shows is your relationship different because you were both on stage? it hasn't been long but so far neither one of us have had a really good set and a really bad set you guys just always have good and bad or is it always good? They've all been good. It's been pretty good so far. That sounds so annoying. Why does it sound annoying? They wanted to see you and you gave them what they wanted to see. That's great. It rips. We also aren't nighttime sex people. That's what I heard. Small window. A lot of people are talking about how you guys usually fuck in the afternoon. Yeah, more of an afternoon. I just got a text about it. Oh, interesting. At least they were talking about me. I like that. Yeah. they also thought that you were paying for his flight let him keep thinking that this is funny because it feels like it feels wrong it feels wrong for me to be saying you know it's interesting like you were talking about grape juice and you were talking about your wheelchair and all this stuff and the only time I feel like I'm sure I'm going to talk about this is this thing but I feel strongly about it I feel strongly about it I wasn't making money before and I just started like oh I'm saying if you're selling out oh I'm not doing that or if you're selling 70% capacity for multiple shows is this what you want is this like out of all the things for the art form stand up is that it I love stand up I definitely am curious about getting into like acting. I don't really have any plans right now to do that, but I think it'd be fun to... You'd be good on True Detective. Yeah. Yeah. What? Matthew McConaughey was on it. Oh, shit, yeah. I'm dropping the ball in the McConaughey. It's okay. You're a lot younger than Matt, but we're probably the same age. And so I don't... I'm 29. How old are you? 39? How old is he? Are you not 30? 29. Oh, you're 29 too? We're all 29. Alright, alright, alright. 38. That's my old man, dude. Oh. Yeah, so you probably know about True Detective when it came out with Matthew McConaughey. Oh yeah. I only know about it because of the trades. Oh, wow. I was young when it came out. How young? Let me find out. Oh, it came out 12 years ago this month. We weren't even born yet. I was 17. Yeah. Yeah, I was 17. I was in high school. I was probably getting my dick sucked or something. It's like cool guy stuff. When I was in high school, all I was doing was smoking weed, getting my dick sucked, and dunking. What was his name? why would it matter if it was a guy but it happened to have been a girl and her name was Brian with a Y because that's how girls spell their name there are some names that are girl guy names but they're spelled different like Aaron guy Aaron is A-A girl Aaron is E Ricky ends in a Y girls ends in an I Ricky Lake my friend Zad's name is Courtney Courtney probably with a K I just made that up I knew a Courtney with a K in high school as a guy really? did he suck your dick? remember that's the kind of joke you did I thought it was funny well back when you were in high school calling people gay was like a fun cool thing to do I'm trying to be entertaining the mad generation and pandering. Yeah. Well, and buy his flight. You know what we should do? We should get you guys a sponsorship in an airline that only covers his flight. So there's a joke there. You know? do you have any people doing that reaching out for you for sponsors and stuff yet for your social following not yet I have no idea how to do that yeah I don't either there's people that do that kind of stuff no I get my ads from a company like and like there's agencies that do that I work with all things comedy I don't know if you know who that is yeah it's Libby but they get my ads but I have a podcast you have a really big insta following so maybe I have a podcast yeah what's your podcast called? ramping up I knew that I remember because when I heard it I was like good name me and Matt podcast pays for his flights does it? does it? oh the money you make for the podcast so I still pay for my flight right how long have you been doing it? about a year almost a year how is it? good you have ads and stuff? we just got our first sponsor Zipix Zipix oh that's like what an abusive husband says to her wife when she's talking too much Zipix Yeah, Zipix, right? Yeah. And Zipix is paying for his flights then? Yeah. They're giving us nicotine toothpicks to make the flight, having to pay for the flight easier. Yeah. Yeah, you should find somebody, if you feel it's worth it, that could help with getting ads and stuff. I could help with that. Maybe. I don't know. I would be willing to make introductions. I'm sure you know a lot of people. I know some. Ramp it up. Are you guys talking about being on tour? Talking about married life? We kind of talk about anything and everything. We have people on. So you heard here first. They talk about anything and everything and that's not all. They also have people on. Thank you. If Tony ever asks what's the most interesting thing about you, you could say we have a podcast but it's a little different. Because we actually talk about anything and we have people on. What would you say this your podcast is about? I would say this podcast is capturing a moment between my guest or guests and me where we get very silly and we talk a lot about serious stuff. And what's crazy about it is we talk about anything. And a lot of times I have people on. I get you. It's hard to kind of sell what it is. I don't fucking know. You guys talk about anything, but do y'all talk about everything? No. In fact, a lot of things I actually don't talk about. Yeah, a lot of things I don't talk about. What's that? Interesting. Yeah, you're just saying it. You're so good and sweet. Alright, well, this is where I'd like to ask if there's anything you want to plug, but we already know. Ramping up. You're on tour. Do you know something? We could put up here if you have it on your website. We'll put them all up on the screen. When is this? This, I believe, is coming out next week. Yeah, the fourth I'm in Pittsburgh, the fifth I'm in Raleigh, and I'm on a ton of dates at funeralcolly.com. We'll put the link in the description. We'll have the dates up here now. And what's your IG? Spell it. It's P-I-O-N-A-C-A-U-L-E-Y. Matt, what's your IG? Matt Taylor Comedy. M-A-T-T-T-A-Y-L-O-R-C-O-M-E-D-Y. That's it. A lot of T's in the middle. Easier to spell. Was Matt Taylor taken? Yeah. It was. If you're Matt Taylor and you have that, do you know who he is? I've messaged him a few times to ask for it. His account has been enacted. Has he gotten back to you? Could we all please send kindly, kindly, M-A-T-T-T-A-Y-L-O-R. Nothing's coming up for it. Wait, shut up. Try and switch it now real quick. Just so you know what to plug. Oh, wait, no, it just didn't show up for some reason. There it is. Writer, podcaster, photographer. Last post was 2020. Exactly. I wonder if COVID got him now, you know? Yeah, because he doesn't seem active. I looked up obituary for this. Yeah, we've done it. And I think I've, I don't know. Go to Matt Taylor's page kindly. Somebody here 170 weeks ago said, please check DMs. That wasn't you, though. Doesn't look like it's happening. Leave some comments or send some messages. I don't know. I don't want to, like, litter his stuff. But say, we got another Matt Taylor that really wants to buy this. We'll give you, how much money are you willing to give? How much is a flight, dude? I'll pay $250. I'll batch that. Okay. So $500. Yeah, and I'll spend $250, too. No way, dude. No. No, $500. That goes to your next flight. Matt Taylor, we'll give you $500 for your Instagram. good deal also who gives a shit Matt Taylor comedy is fine yeah but it's also taken on TikTok by a different person which one would you rather have Instagram yeah yeah send Matt Taylor some messages saying hey we got somebody who wants to buy you for $500 alright I smell a documentary that nobody wants to watch alright nice to meet you It is so nice of me. Also, pardon me that I didn't know that you were a comedian. I mean, I could have set up, and I'm glad we got at least the microphone. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, we're here together the whole time. Also, normally I have another camera that would have blah, blah, blah. But nice to meet you both. Yeah, you too. And thanks for taking your shoes off over here. Of course. Alvin, you make good buddies. I'm going to take a Polaroid and then we'll call it theme music Scoot do Oh, Alvin loves theme music Blabbity blue Scoot do Oh yeah He he he he he He he he he He he he he He he he he He he he he