What and How to Pray for Your Future Husband with Christian Bevere

Watch how you speak about singleness because you will either perpetuate this loop of less than or you will perpetuate this hope for what can be. How do you keep praying with faith but not lose hope in the midst of it? Do you have a character? Do you have a true relationship with God? Are you a man of integrity? Are you a man of your word? For the person that's asking like, what should I actually be praying for my future spouse? What would you say to them? There's all these negative attachments that we are putting on singleness and wondering why we feel hopeless. If you're like faking what you got to do to get the guy. We're not catfishing. You have to fake to keep the guy. Pray for the things that are going to be part of your marriage, not just part of your dating. How can they steward this season well and let God heal their heart? The car rides, like looking out the window. Looking out the window and like a tear streaming down your face. You're like, maybe the car passing will be my husband. And you're like seven years old. What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Stay True Podcast. I'm your host, Madison Pruitt-Trout, and we have a guest on the podcast today who has been on the podcast before and who I'm related to, who has her own podcast, and who has another book coming out. If you guys haven't guessed it yet, it's Christian Bevere. Hello, everybody. Thanks for having me back, Maddie. Yay! And it's her first time we just realized in the studio because whenever I recorded with Chris, I call her Chris. She's cousin. you guys can't call her Chris no I'm just kidding I guess you guys according to Arden you can't because it's too guy yeah it's too boyish he's like Chris and Arden that just feels weird sounds like a good guy store brand yeah but we recorded in my house I think I had moved in like two or three weeks before I was very pregnant yeah Hosanna had not moved in yet I don't even think her room was done yet and uh yeah I was very pregnant I look back at the episode and I was like wow I was like uh my tummy was it was popping it was really popping but the people loved that episode that one was on your last book um and that was how to break up with what broke you break up with what break up with what broke you break up with what broke you phenomenal book such a good book and um really encouraged a lot of people and so I'm excited to talk about this new book but before we get into that if you guys can't tell if you're not watching this episode I am in a sweater with hearts all over it and it's pink and that is because it's about to be valentine's day i don't wear this on the norm really i saw you wearing it last week like i think i'm usually in my neutrals my black and white even when i do your color on your jordans yeah my color my jordans i my last book i was like i have to go a little bit more subtle because my first two books were so like in your face like this like pop of blue this pop of hot pink and this last one i was like we got to like dial it back a little bit because my personality is actually much more chill well actually it's not chill like i'm talking about my color palette i should say my color palette is a lot more chill she's like your personality is not chill so chris and i went through a lot of seasons of life and we now it's so cute are getting to watch our daughters like start just like playing with each other and chris and i laugh all the time because there's this like one moment that our moms tell us about where you stole my crackers is that what it was yeah or my bottle or my passing probably all of it all of it everything because we're six months apart six months apart you were chunky i was chunky so and then both of our babies are chunky but the other day our babies are together and i can't remember what was happening i don't know if tatum or rosanna was trying to steal what the other person's food and i was like this is literally like it's a generational thing now yeah this is i think it was like trying to like hold her face and then grab her cheeks. And she was like, another girl, another girl. She's like, praise God. This brother just keeps tackling me. No, but it's, it's so fun. Like getting to now witness like our little, like they're going to get to grow up together. We grew up together all the time. Like my mom tells me that every single time we would play together and she was like, okay, it's time to go Maddie. Like I would pitch a fit and have a full on breakdown come apart. Like, no, you will not take Christian from me. Like you were like my favorite thing. my mom was telling me about a time that we were at the mall and uh I think I talked about this in my book a little bit but we were at the mall and she was like it's time to go and I did not want to go I wanted to stay with you and keep shopping at the mall and I literally had like the biggest breakdown in the middle of the mall parking lot I'm like ripping out her earrings I'm screaming but anyways that's a strong love bond right we that is a strong I mean from day one and uh I mean And also when you're just like living in a small town in Alabama, it's just like all we did was play outside. And I think we like called in radio stations a few times, did some car washing. We would always, when we went out, whether it was like on an actual vacation or it was just to Walmart or Piggly Wiggly because we're from a small town in Alabama, we would switch shoes. Like I'd wear one of my shoes and one of your shoes. Oh, my gosh. And then often we'd like fake accents. I don't know. Oh, I remember that. This is why we shouldn't have screens because, I mean, look at that kind of creativity. Listen, guys, we've been grinding since day one. I mean, I think we did the accent thing whenever we called in, like, the radio stations. And we, okay, no, this is actually so relevant to what we're talking about with your book and also to Valentine's Day because we were such, like, hopeless romantic. We loved love. And I feel like we would call in these radio stations and, like, we would always ask them to play some type of, like, love song. Jesse McCartney. Yes. He was our favorite. oh my gosh some type of love song and then we would just like think about like who we're gonna end up with one day making music video i mean we were just like i was literally thinking about that the other day about how much i was such a i loved love from a young age i would like sit out in the pouring rain and play hillary duff and like literally like just like act like i was on a music video yeah like what the car rides like looking out the window looking out the window and like a tear streaming down your face like maybe the car passing over my husband you're like seven years old. And it doesn't like ever really go away. Cause then you get older and you're like, I'm going to sit down and hopefully on this plane ride next to my like, you know, forever person. Like maybe this is my person. Yeah. I did just see a video yesterday of that actually happened for a couple. So, I mean, so don't maybe some of this like imaginative stuff. And that's honestly what a lot of this book was rooted out of is me trying to decipher between what is my hopeless romanticness and then what is actually my planning, my preparation and my surrender. yes i don't think we talk about those actually being in the same wheelhouse enough yeah so that's why i wrote a book oh yeah you know literally i was asking christian right before this because okay so it's called so the book is called future i'm like okay so i'm trying to get a test future husband present prayers but then the journal is called dear future husband and i love this concept so much because it's very much tied to what you did with arden and kind of that whole process so get us into that. Like what was your journey of singleness and then meeting Arden and then you guys getting married and then kind of transition that into like why you wrote this book and journal. Yeah. I'd love to share that story. And I mean, you got to walk through some of it and honestly, you walked out some of it too, in your own way. And for anyone listening, it's like, how did she get a guy sounding like that? I'm so sorry. We have a sinus infection. So you know just pretend just pretend this is really methodical and all the things um but we went to college together and that was such an amazing gift honestly that was a big turning point in my singleness I feel like I didn't have a lot of really close good girlfriends through high school and part of that was a lot of where some of my first identity issues with relationships came from is trying to find validation through guys um I wasn't so much keen on like the hookup culture and stuff i just really wanted to be noticed yeah and then i can point back now to dave where a lot of that stems from and a lot of when i started to choose those things but um we went to college together and it was great i started to like actually walk in my identity walk in my faith more and by we she means me and her not already yet yeah he's not entered the he wasn't here he was here but not with you no no we were still trying to figure out australia and virginia and all these places at that time um he was trying to find me he was on a hunt exactly um a little treasure hunt because women are a gift. Um, more on that later, but yeah, Maddie and I were in college and I think we were both going through a lot. We both were in two good relationships with, um, you know, God fearing men, but throwing this cause out there just because they love the Lord does not mean that they are your spouse. I think there's so much intentionality, one of who we are when we are ready to choose that person. Like that really has to be there to make, not just you choose a good person, but to make a good connection and good covenant together. But then, um, yeah, we heard that advice. Uh, I won't say who, but we have a leader who we trusted that was like, just find someone that's cute and loves Jesus. And I was like, I feel like there has to be a little bit more ingredients to making this great recipe. And so, um, I feel like the day that I got my diploma and walked across that college stage, I also got this like postponed notice where I went through a breakup. I didn't get the jobs I thought I wanted. I was moving back home to my old job that I started before college. And I was like, Lord, I feel like we've been growing. And now we're just taking like 10 steps back. Like literally just spent thousands of dollars to do what I was doing before school. Like none of this really makes sense from one, what I want, but also what makes sense. And a lot of our friends were getting married and they were getting the dream jobs and they were moving to the big cities. It's a whole new season. Yeah. I was like, cool, cool, Lord. um loneliness let's do it but honestly that was one of the best things that could have happened to me yeah because I felt like I had this catalytic growth of hey let's re-steward what your identity is and then it almost got swept away of okay but let's really cement that and let's uproot the things that were causing those bad behaviors those bad choices the things that happened to you and the things that you were doing to other people by the way that you were carrying yourself and it was just such a beautiful season of yes I did feel isolated and I did watch the rom-coms And I did cry and I did get tempted to settle at some points. But then I really cemented to, Lord, what is your design for marriage? What are the things that you've promised me that I have cast away as falses because of what I've seen in the world? What are the things you want to heal in my heart so I can be not just married, but be a good, fruitful wife and be a daughter of you that carries out marriage in such this beautiful way because you've designed it. And so that led to getting this Dudish Bible on Amazon. Dudish as in it was brown. I was like, yeah, cool. Checks the box. And just started praying into it. And granted, I had my own Bible. So like there's still this intimate time with the Lord if he was healing me. But then it also was this, you know, if I believe for marriage, if this is such a keen desire in my heart that I'm making music videos at seven years old for this, like let me back that up with not just hope, but with action, but with faith. And Hebrews 11 says that faces the assurance of the things not yet seen. So that means I have to walk as if I'm in it before I even see it. And that's not just like, please, please, please. And like your knuckles turning pale because you're grasping it so tight. It is, wow, I'm going to steward this before it's even in my hands. And so that's why I'm such a big proponent of prayer, not just because it, quote unquote, works. And like I got my guy, but it transformed me. It cemented something. And when that guy came, I said, Lord, I know that this is you because of the ways you prepared me for it, the ways that you've shown up, the ways that you've confirmed this, the fruit that it has brought about. And so that's my hope for women. Like, yes, that we can find our parts and be this beautiful expression of Christ in the body in marriage, but also that we can be whole beings and that we can say, look what God did. And look what he did through my faith and through my application, because we see so many moves of God's spirit throughout the whole Bible. I mean, Moses, he says, hey, I see the suffering that my Israelites have in Egypt. I see the way that they're persecuted, that their hearts hurt. So I'm going to send you to go do something about it. Joshua, I want my people to live in this area. I'm going to send you to go be a conqueror. And so it's like there has to be this action that is moved. And so if you're single, I'm thinking, man, I'm just lonely. I feel like God doesn't see me. What is the part he's calling you to do to carry out the things that he wants for you? Because he knows us. The word yada means that there's this intimate knowing. So if you were struggling in singleness, I don't think it should just be like, oh, you're fine, honey. Like, don't care about it. It's OK, man, the Lord hears every single prayer I pray. He knows my heart's desire. He knows my longing in which, granted, we can skew that to be more painful than it is. If it's just like, OK, once I get married, I'm going to be successful or something. I don't think the Lord's like, well, no, like I'm still here with you now. But if it does come with those aches and longings, he knows us in an intimate way. And so I believe prayer is a way, one, to cast those anxieties on him, but then also to say, Lord, like, refine me, recalibrate me to your direction. What do you want me to see and work on and do and move? Like, I want to hear you to if it's, hey, I need you to get this idol out of your heart. I need to get this pain and this trauma. Or it's I want you to go to this place on a Thursday and your guys there. Like, all of that is so incrementally huge in that walk and in that desire. Hey friends, it's Maddie. If you've read my new book, Dare to be True, I would love to hear what you think. Your reviews mean so much to me. They help more people discover the message and the heart behind this book. So if this book has encouraged you, challenged you, or reminded you to live with bold faith and honesty, would you just take a minute to leave a review? It truly makes such a difference. And if you haven't gotten my new book yet, Dare to be True, you can go and find it anywhere books are sold. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey and for daring to be true right alongside me. Stay true merch drop. We got a new stay true merch collection, you guys. And this is my favorite collection yet. I am wearing the jersey from the stay true merch collection. And you guys, it is so amazing. It says stay true on the front, stay free on the back. It's got john 832. It is the coolest jersey you've ever seen. But we have sweatshirts. We got t shirts. This is seriously my favorite collection yet. This is the perfect Christmas gift, birthday gift, new year gift to yourself. You guys, you need to check out this new collection. I'm so excited about it. And you can go to stay true podcast.com. We'll also include the link to the exact merch landing page in the show notes. You guys got to go and check it out. Let me know what you think. If you rep it, tag us. We want to see it. Go and check it out, you guys. That's so good. You hit on so many things that I want to dive into. And one of those things being, you talked about how you were in a season for a while where you were seeking validation and you were seeking attention and just wanted to be seen. You just wanted to be loved. And I think that's so real. Like, I don't care if you come from a broken home, a whole home. I don't care if you have had traumatic breakups in the past or relationships in the past, or you've never dated before. I think that's such a, especially for women and, um, you know, for, for those of us who are women, I mean, guys too, I guess, but for a lot of the women out there, it's so ingrained in our mind and our hearts, whether that's because of Hollywood songs, music, like whatever it may be. Um, some of it is even just the way that we're designed by God. Um, but we just so desire that. And so I would love to have you kind of speak into maybe the person who is who doesn't feel whole like they feel like they're waiting for that person. You know, there's that whole phrase like you complete me when you find your person, you will be completed. And you're just like walking around half a person until you find that person that can make you this whole person. And, you know, of course, as believers, we don't believe that because we believe that Jesus makes us fully whole. However, when you find the person that God has for you, they are such a compliment and an addition to all that God has in store for the two of you to do together. But to the person who right now is seeking that validation, seeking that wholeness, seeking that completion, and is just really in a place right now where they feel confused on their identity or their purpose because they haven't received that. can you speak into that a little bit and how can you when you're in a state of singleness not feel lack and feel like you're a less than person because you haven't found your person yet yeah it's so real and I love that you touched on that specific specification of you know it doesn't really matter what that root is I think you're right some of it is just we are made relationally as beings. And so it's like, you will feel half untapped if you are not pouring into people, if you're not in a community, you know, relationships fulfill us in a certain way, because they carry out the facets of God, and we get to see him working in and through us. So, you know, yeah, if you're staying home every Friday night, and all this stuff, you're gonna feel like, woe is me, because there's something in you untapped. And so I think a healthy way of walking that out and walking out how to be a good wife in the future is being a good friend, being a good sibling being a good mentor or um you know you and i did an internship and so for us a lot of that was wow i'm doing school and internships and friendships and dating i'm getting all my little tabs checked um but it also like serving is such a way to carry that out in a way of like honestly good marriage prep marriage is servanthood um and especially when you have young children. It's like, it does feel like we're like tapping in and out. And so it's like, I have to really love you and serve you well. And so start tapping into, you know, where, where those longings being pronged in right now doesn't mean it has to only stay there. Um, but it's a good way to facilitate that. And I think once you're getting those healthy fill-ins, you can identify, Oh, maybe I do have too much of an expectation to this be filled. Maybe I haven tapped into an identity yet Um or maybe I seeing like wow this feels really good to give back It feels really good to be poured into It feels really good to be even if I know that that is a big desire in my heart, that I'm in a house that is going to perpetuate the presence of God. Like going back to Hebrews 11, it says that, the Christian version, because I'm not saying it but whoever draws near to him must believe that he hears and that he rewards those who call upon him. And so the reward is his presence. It's not that, you know, I'm going to get my identity completely fulfilled in this life, or I'm going to have my presence or my identity wrapped up in my marriage because there will always be this longing until we are in eternity. And so I think knowing that, um, like we talked about this when you had Xana, no one prepares you for postpartum of like, Hey, there's still going to be things you work through. It's not, you have the baby and then you bounce back and you're like, oh, I feel better. Um, there's still these post things that you go through and the same is true of marriage. You don't just get married and think, oh, my life is completely better. I got a ring. I'm good to go. Like you still have this relational longing that can only be satisfied in God. Amen. And so knowing that I think is a huge first thing in us because then you're like, oh, something's not completely wrong with me. It helps you to fulfill that. But then also, um, yeah, just walking in that. And then another part of it, I think we really have entertained the fear of man and dating. And it's like, Oh, I have to be the best catch. I have to be noticed by the guys. I have to stand out as the prettiest or the funniest or whatever it is. And if we can get back to the fear of the Lord, and I think actually having reverence for what marriage is, it's not to just fluff you up. And it's not to have like the social standard of like getting the best guy. And there's so much of that, especially you mentioned coming from a small town is like, Oh, well, who's coming out with who? And like, your status is almost equated or your worth to like, if you can get the best guy, that means you're a really good catch. And so if we take the fear of man out of, you know, that comes from like a pride issue, it also comes from an insecurity of Oh, goodness, what are they thinking when they see me like, I'm so nervous to go on this date. Some of those butterflies are cute and a fun part of it, but some of it can really be damaging to our identity. And so you're not actually walking in your true personality or your true character because you're just burdened by the thoughts of, well, what if I say this? And what if I do that? And it comes across so differently. That is something that the Lord really healed me in. And I would think, okay, I don't want to be a burden to this person. So I'm just not going to say something. And then it burdens them because I'm not actually communicating something, right? The same comes in when we're dating. If like you were not you and you were a guy, you're talking to me and you were trying to get to know me. But my whole time I'm thinking, oh, that sounds stupid. I'm not going to say that I really hope this person likes me You're not going to get to know me because i'm not actually opening up and so I've run around your question a bunch but the fear of the lord of what is the intention of marriage? How am I pursuing that even through the way that I date? What is the intention of relationships in my life? And how am I living that even before I get to the most intimate relationship? I will have on this earth and that is marriage. That's so good. I love that you brought it back to that because I think if we are dissatisfied and discontent with who God is and who we are in him, then we're going to continue to experience disappointment in life because no person can satisfy what only Jesus can. And no relationship status can satisfy what only Jesus can. But what you're saying is, is when you allow the Lord to do the work in your heart and you get healed and you get healthy and you get whole and you find that truly satisfied content state with Jesus, then whenever that right person comes, you're fully ready and you hear God's voice in it. There's not that like confusion or that insecurity. Not that there's not moments of that, but like you overall have this more like sure, secure sense of like, I know who I am in Christ. I feel God's presence in this. I'm hearing God's voice because I've let him do the hard work in that season of healing before this. And I remember when I broke up with, with my ex that we were talking about earlier that I dated for five years, thought I was going to marry. And I was going through that season of breakup and it was so hard. And all of my friends were getting married and it was so, so, um, man, just like, I don't even know the word humbling, embarrassing, uh, isolating so many different things. And I remember praying that prayer of like, Lord, don't let me come out of this season until you're done doing with me what you need to do with me. And like what, when you're done doing in me, what you need to do in me. And I just think so often we can be so much more focused on what we're waiting for than who we're waiting with. And we're so focused on like what God can give us than just being with God who is the giver and who is the reward, like you're saying. And in that season, I just remember praying like, Lord, heal my heart so that whenever you want to, if that's your will, give me this beautiful gift of marriage. If that's your will for my life, like I want to be ready for it and I want to steward it well and right. Like you're talking about. And I think so often we don't fully let ourselves like do that and get there and pray those prayers and really sit with the Lord in it. Rather, we're like constantly focused on, you know, our insecurities or our unmet expectations or what everybody else has. And so we don't let the Lord really, you know, heal our heart. And so how, how was that for you? you, you touched on it a little bit, but when you're in that in-between season, you graduated college, you went back home, your life was not the way you thought it was going to be. And you know, everyone around you is getting married and maybe landed their dream job. And your season was kind of met with like unmet expectations and disappointment. And how did you face that? And what was your process like and relationship like with God as you were in that healing journey? I mean, really going practical for people who are like, yeah, that's me. Like my season is not what I thought. I thought I was going to be married by now. I thought I was going to have kids by now. And my prayers haven't been answered. I've been in this waiting, disappointed season. Can you kind of speak to that person for a second of just one, like spiritually, what did that look like? But even like some practicals of how can they steward this season well and let God heal their heart? Yeah. I mean, you say speak. That is the biggest thing. my singles, watch how you speak about singleness because you will either perpetuate this loop of less than, or you will perpetuate this hope for what can be. And I see so many singles. I mean, I love our dear future husband community. Like there's so many amazing girls there. We have some that will say practically, Hey, I implemented this advice and I broke up with a bad guy. And six months later, I met this incredible guy that I didn't even think existed. And we have other women that say, I've been doing this and it's brought a joy, but I've been single still for three years, but I have this hope and I have this peace. And so I think it really is your mindset. It doesn't have the genie in the bottle effective like, Oh, just put on a happy face and then he'll come. But it changes the way you show up in singleness. I hear quite a few women say, well, there's just no one to date or every other girl got a guy or how I ever meet someone here. Like there's all these negative attachments that we are putting on singleness and wondering why we feel hopeless and we wonder why we feel disappointed. And it's not because we really are evaluating where we're going or what possibilities are. It's because we're speaking death over it. I mean, we know that the power of life and death is in the tongue and not just about actuality of what's going to happen, but just even how you feel until you meet someone of if you're just speaking all this death over it. And there is a there's a clear difference in delusion and declaration. like I don't want you to just sit at home and say the Lord's gonna bring them and like it's just gonna happen and I'm not even gonna brush my hair today but like hallelujah there's a love story you know that that might be a little delusional but there is also declaration but then there's also um I've seen some friends that have some challenges with their their kids and they're like yeah they're just they're disobedient and all this stuff I'm like no no no do not speak death over that child identify maybe where the issues are and how are we going to combat that with hope and and with grace and with also declaration like say this child is learning something I'm going to partner with them in it and you know you might not be a parent yet if you're single you probably aren't a parent yet but that same mindset of like I have this hope of a relationship it is like in its infancy and how I speak over it and how I believe for it is going to decide the way that it grows. That's so, so important. And so like, I want you to not be delusional in singleness, but be declarative. And it's not of, I'll get my husband in six months, but it's, I understand the heartbeat of marriage. I understand that marriage is a representation of Christ. I understand that I get to be the bride, that I get to be chosen, that I get to be pursued. That's going to change how you approach any date practically. Right. That's marrying the two. And I think that is such the blend here because there is a lot of practicalities and dating. And some of those are opinionated and they're different for each person. Um, but spiritually it's like, okay, the Lord said that, um, a husband lays down his life, um, in the way that Jesus laid down his, what his life for the, the, the church. And so it's like, I'm going to only really pursue men that are going to honor me. I'm only going to pursue someone that I can see a partnership with. Like there's all these wisdoms that are spiritual, but actually blend to practicalities. And that's more of the dating side. You asked about that singleness time is I would work from probably like seven to some days three, some days eight, maybe go to the gym if I still had any energy left. And then I'd come home. And sometimes I could just really whomp and think, I only saw like three different people today at the office. And I'm not anywhere closer to meeting my guy. I'm in Alabama. I met everyone through high school, and there's no one new. I could sit here and just speak death over my singleness. Or I could say, Lord what do you what do you want to do tonight like how are we going to pray for him and it that time of praying for my future husband started real awkward I was like hey you bless you thank you God amen um but then it grew to really interceding and I feel like the more we lean into God for a certain area and then even just practice that that okay with feeling awkward and not fully knowing what we're praying for, but like groaning for what the Lord has to come and just blessing and saying, your will be done. Like, I'm going to lay all this at your feet, Lord. But at the end of the day, like you were saying, I want this to be your will. I want this to be my free will matching your best wisdom. And I would just start praying over this guy that I didn't know yet. And then I started having dreams, Maddie. I started having instructions of like, okay, well, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to do this instead. I'd have dreams at night of what he looked like and all these little things. And so I started piecing those together and thinking, okay, well, you're speaking to me in this area. One, I'm going to keep leaning into it because I know you're giving me something. And then there were certain times where, um, I'd really feel the call to intercede. I'm like, Oh, I'm going to go to war for you today. Cause I feel that strongly because of my time praying for you. I feel like, I don't know your name yet. I don't know where you live when I'll meet you, but I do have this one piece and I'm going to go to war for that. And later when we were engaged, um, Arden would tell me stuff because, you know, the closer you get an engagement, the more you learn about each other in those deep areas. And I found out those times of interceding for him were some of the hardest trials he was going through yet. And I'm just like, don't tell me that God is not within our singleness and preparation for our marriage. If he is uniting us even far apart. I mean, I think about the disciples and in acts and all these times where they're all over, you know, Asia, Turkey, wherever they're going, but there's this unity within them that keeps the church growing strong and not fully equating marriage to church and like myself to Peter or anything like that. But I just see the presence of unity that transcends time and place and understanding. And I think that can happen with our singleness of, I don't know when this is going to happen, but I know that right now I'll have a time of dedicated time to pray. I know that I can ask you, Lord, search my heart and know me and that you'll actually do it. And this is preparatory. This is actually better for my marriage if I get to some of the roots because that first year of marriage, you know, it's like, here's my trunk. Let's go through it together. 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And I think another question too, you talked about earlier, like delusional versus declaration. And I think that's, that's powerful, even in the concept of, I think a lot of times we can have these really surface level, superficial, unrealistic expectations that we're not even holding ourselves to. Like some of the things that we're hoping for in a spouse, we're not even walking out. We're not even living. That's delusion. And that's delusion. It It is like, I think, I mean, we joke about it as far as like, you know, um, hoping for a guy with six pack abs and we haven't even gotten in the gym in like two years, you know, whatever, but also in, in the form, like spiritually, you know, I think so many women want to be led spiritually, but we're not even taking our spiritual life seriously. So many women want to be led and want a man to be, you know, the, the leader of the home. But we haven't even submitted to the Holy spirit where we haven't even submitted to the word of God. We don't even know what it looks like to be led. And you think that's just going to switch whenever you get married that that don't just switch whenever you get married. If you haven't learned true submission to the scriptures and to the Holy Spirit. And so I'd love to just talk. I guess that's kind of almost two different approaches, but we'll tackle first just the power and importance of prayer. And what did that look like for you praying for your future husband? And how do we pray for our future husband? I mean I'm married now but you know for my for my people listening yeah to be honest I was the girl that like loved going to church but when it was time for my quiet time I'd like read a chapter and I'm like okay I'm kind of zoning out like I'm done um and so like intentionally praying for something so deeply was was new to me and I don't say that um I say that with a little bit not shame but shyness because like I wish I was always doing that when I saw how powerful praying for my future husband was. I was like, why wasn't I praying for my kids before I had them? Why wasn't I praying for my career besides just Lord bring me one before I walked into it? Because there's something about preemptiveness that just, I think it's like this banner of faith, like shouting it out there. Even thinking of David conquering Goliath is like, he goes out and says like, the Lord will be with me. And so there's something about almost casting this net first of this is going to be done in faith. That doesn't mean it's going to happen the way that I see it, but that means like, before I take a step, I'm already declaring like, this is the, the, the land of, of the Lord. Like, this is where he is going to encompass Like my prayers are going out into something And so I think that can be scary in singleness Cause it like well what if I say the Lord blessing my relationship and then I don see one coming Which is honestly a real thing. Like we could, we can put our faith in something and not see it actually come about. But then also on the other side of that, it can all change overnight. Like it takes that first encounter with someone for them to come into your life. And so it can seem like, it's not working. There's no movement. And then like suddenly, swiftly. Happens so quick. Right. And so it's like, you're not really going to know it's happening until it happens. So you do almost have to have this blind faith and then just keep walking in it. Praying for my future husband was something where more than I really believed that God was going to bring me someone. Because even when I was praying for my husband, I did still think, I'm like, there's no one in Alabama. Like, I'm going to have to go on a road trip around the world or something, and be online a lot to meet someone. But what I did know is I'm tired of dating and it being unsuccessful. I'm tired of dating and it being painful. I'm tired of settling. And so what I actually got real serious about was I'm praying for my future husband, but I'm also praying to not be cast in this idea of like, well, I just want it to be my way. I want to settle. I want to have this like instant comfort. I want to have the dedication to wait it out for the right thing. and that was the biggest shift I saw right away is changing my dating and to the point of when Arden did first reach out I read it I read his message could you not threw my phone in the back of the car yeah I was texting and driving so sorry that's like seven years ago no one can arrest me now um threw my phone in the back of the car and I said lord I'm seeing that this is a guy that walks out his faith and so I don't want to go on a date unless this is my future husband and that can sound legalistic but I was like you know my track record you know that I catch feelings best you know that you know all these things so if it's a guy that looks great on paper I do not want to mess this up unless you leave me like I don't want to go unless you leave me type of mentality and um and so I was just constantly so dependent on the Lord for every step of the way and there's some people that are friends with someone and then they have the the spark come and then there's some people they're like oh I'm just gonna try it out and see and the Lord will speak to me. But where I was in that time and place, I was like, Lord, you know that I have depended on you. And I've seen such fruit in myself from being in that place of like, reverence for I don't want to walk alone in an area that is so important to my heart. And so yeah, I got my phone eventually when I got back home, because I did throw a far in the back of my car. And then just even on our second date, I was like, okay, what, what's your intentions for marriage. Like I just started grilling my husband in the loving way, but that actually led to him saying, wow, this is a woman that is serious about marriage. This is a woman that knows what she's looking for. That isn't going to settle, which was not me like a year or five prior. And I think that really burst something within me that yes, the prayer is beautiful for preemptiveness, but it also just recalibrates you to like, this is the way I'm going. And if you're not on it with me, I'm not going to stray from it because that's going to waste both of our time. that's just going to be problematic in the long run. It can be blinding now. And I think a lot of women do worry about coming off too strong in singleness of like, well, I don't want to seem like that weird Christian girl that's like, how many kids do you want to have on the first day? Maybe don't ask them how many kids you want. Maybe you don't ask that. But do ask them like, what are your morals? And that kind of goes back to the fear of man too. Because let me tell you, my kids needed me this morning, like right before I came here. And I was texting Maddie. I'm like, it might be like five minutes late. So on the way here, I was like, I'm going to have to finish my makeup. So let me tell you, when I got to the stoplight before your house, I was finishing my makeup because I was like, I know when I show up, I got to be ready to go. Yes, there was a sweet man next to me staring at me like, what are you doing? But I know I need to be prepared because when I go there, I want to be ready. We need to do the same thing about singleness. We need to know I am doing what I can now because I do not want to waste time. I don't want to be caught off guard. I want to be ready to walk when the Lord calls me. That does come with wisdom. Like I wasn't doing it while I was driving. I didn't want to get arrested or have a ticket that would make me show up even later. But when I had time to really be dedicated, when I had time to finish my makeup, I did it. And so if you're in a place of singleness of like, yes, you don't want to look at every guy of like, no, don't talk to me unless I know you're my future husband. Like I can't. There is this almost too much where we could do of feeling like every date has to be a job interview or something like have fun with it. but also know like what has been your MO and dating? What is the ways that the Lord has guarded your heart? What has been the things that he has put really strongly on your heart? Like we know, um, Riley and Jack, I think Riley's in on the episode. They both have a heart for missions. If that's something that's really important to your walk and something that Lord has spoken to you, don't feel shy away from, Hey, like, Hey, this is important to me. Right. So I really want to encourage all our single girlfriends, like keep showing up as you, not who you think the guy wants, It's not what the trending girls or the popular girls on Instagram are doing right now. But who has the Lord called you to specifically by design? Because that is going to influence your marriage. It's not just be the best catch so you can get the guy. But it's like, what does the Lord put on your heart together? It's going to impact the kingdom. It's going to be specific. Then you've got to keep the guy. You know what I mean? And if you're faking what you've got to do to get the guy, then you have to fake to keep the guy. And so you want someone to choose you for who you truly are and who God's called you to be. And I love this. I want to take this for a second in the direction of you've alluded to just the fear of the Lord and the true heart behind marriage. And I think so often why we settle or we feel so disappointed is because we have the wrong view of marriage. We have the wrong view of God's design, the biblical context of womanhood and manhood and togetherness in marriage and partnering with each other in marriage. and having such a kingdom mindset in it. And so can we talk for a second of what is the eternal perspective of marriage? Why did God create marriage? And what kind of perspective should we be having in our seasons of singleness pertaining to marriage? Well, we see clearly in the Bible that the Lord equates marriage to this representation between the bride and the groom of his love for the church. And so it is this example of selflessness, of servanthood, of dedication, of faithfulness, that let's just say we cannot do without Jesus. Like the church is nothing without Jesus. The marriage is nothing without Jesus. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. So it's not just you and your husband in a relationship. It's you and your husband before God. He is the glue of when you're having the bad days, when you're having the tough seasons, When you're having, you know, the conflict that arises, it's like we have to go back to the root that Jesus has joined us together. He is our commonality. He is our mission in this relationship. And so, like you're saying, if we don't have that from the beginning, we're going to question, well, goodness, the sparks have faded. Or, you know, it did get tough. Or I didn't know when we were dating and I thought you're Mr. Perfect that you were going to have you're going to snore or take a long time in the bathroom or have like this actually really hard thing that we have to work to together. And so when you know that the Lord is your union of why you came together and I can go so far as saying when you've been praying for that and you felt the Lord connects you and guide you together, you're going to have the sustenance needed, that glue for when, you know, the things try to tear you apart. whether that is a spiritual attack or it's just the pools of being a human being on this imperfect earth. When you have God at the center of that, it's really going to change the trajectory in your dedication to being together. I'm so burdened when I see the fact that the divorce rate of the church is really similar to the world, because I'm thinking we have a lot of people that know Jesus, but we don't know how he's designed us to be in relationship together. we're not like you're saying either understanding that or fearing it properly but the the stats for people in the church that um just go to church is about the same in the world but the stats for people that couples that pray together i think it's about a 0.1 or something like that percent of divorce when you have prayer as your union together pre-marriage and in marriage it is something so unifying. I mean, we talk about sex as being this unification for intimacy, but prayer is as well. Like when you talk about melting, um, your walls and like melting your frustrations, prayer will do that so much. Cause if I'm saying, um, and I think that's why God tells us to pray for our enemies. Yeah. Cause you know, some days we need to melt those down. If you didn't take out the trash or something, it's like, Oh, you have, you have hurt me. You did not listen to like all these things. Um, it just melts the barriers. There's no way that I can say, like, I can say, Oh, I love Maddie. We're the best. And we get in a fight and I'm not like having this intimate glue of prayer with you. It's going to be a lot easier. Just keep telling myself, Oh, she did that on purpose and all this stuff. But if I say, Lord, pray for Maddie. And I just start going to prayer for you. I'm going to see things clear. My soul is going to rise over, or my spirit is going to rise over my soul. And, um, doing that in your marriage is just top tier, top tier. And it also not even just the hard parts. Like it's easy. We're only seven years in, but it's easy to get caught up in your own new rhythms. Like that first year of marriage, you blend your worlds together and then you kind of get in a rhythm and then it's like, okay, we're doing this and we're going through the motions a little bit. I have to keep praying for my husband because it's so easy for me to say, I got my podcast today and this going on. And like, I'm doing this and like, well, what is he doing? I have to pray. I'm like, Lord, what have you put on Arden's heart? Am I actually stewarding the man that he's called to be? Am I ushering in the things that you want to do in his life? And that's some of the best marriage advice I ever got is, um, similar to the verse of I'll do each other and showing honor. It's like, how can I serve you so much? And in practical sense, it's like, Oh, if I give more to him, there's less taken care of, of me. But it's just, when you have a marriage where God is at the center, it's like this redistribution and this multiplication factor that makes no sense. It's like, oh man, giving more to him fills me up. And then also loving on him. He can, they can tell they're like, huh, I feel this. I want to do more for you. 100%. You're not going to get what you're looking for by nagging. That's for sure. I learned that real fast. Nagging, complaining, beating them over the head with what they're not doing. Doesn't get you very far. You can call them to a higher standard. You can call them to a higher standard and you can be honest about what you're feeling. but doing it with a heart posture to be united and not to be right. Right. And not to just be heard, but to hear them and to listen to them, which is so listen, this is coming from like a professional arguer. Okay. That's so good. And I love a lot of what we're talking about when we're talking about this idea of prayer. I've talked a lot on this podcast about how when I started praying in marriage, like consistently every single day, Lord, make us one. Help me to be the godly wife you've called me to be. Show me how to love my husband. Show me how to truly submit the way you call me to submit. Like, what does biblical submission look like to you? How do I honor you? Because I know when I love you most and I honor you best, like that's how I'm going to love my husband best and honor him best. And so really just that kind of prayer life really started completely shaping mine and Grant's marriage. And before it was like I wanted to be right. I wanted all my expectations met. I had these these demands and expectations when they weren't met. I was disappointed, frustrated, angry, and I let him know about it. And it was when I started taking that to God and just being vulnerable with the Lord of what does my heart actually want? Oh, OK, I actually want to be united to my husband. I actually want. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. 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Text TRUE to 64000. that's t-r-u-e to 64,000 message and data rates may apply see terms for details us to be hand in hand in this together with god and and to make a difference with our marriage and for other people to see our marriage and then want to know god more yeah oh yeah that's actually what i want like i it's not that i really just like want to be right and like have a cute relationship on instagram it's like oh no that's that's not actually what i want and it's like getting to those roots and taking time in prayer, because what you've been speaking to is like so often we'll go into prayer with all of these wants and dreams and desires and requests to God. And we should be honest about those. But also what happens so often in prayer is that the Lord begins to change our hearts and begins to create in us a new heart and new desire for him most and foremost. And I'd love to specifically like I just feel like there's probably some people listening, those who are specifically in a season of singleness who are like, yes, but what should I practically specifically be praying for my future husband? What is like not delusional and unrealistic? What is just like the like, okay, every day, here's the thing that I'm praying for my future husband. Because I know for me personally, I started writing a list and some people say tear up the list. I was about to ask you, have you talked about lists yet? I believe in having a list, but the list should be biblical. I think that the list should be realistic. And it should be something that we are pursuing also. And so that was like, for me, I mean, I'd have to like go back and look, but it was seven things that I wrote down. And, you know, one was like a servant's heart. You know, I wanted a man who, who, cause like you're saying, what is a true biblical man? It's one who lays his life down. That's what scripture says. That's what the call of a husband is. So I wanted a man who served. I wanted a man who had vision and who lived his life with purpose and mission. I wanted a man who was joyful and funny. And, um, and like, I had these things written down and sure. Some were like tied to maybe like you could say personality or some were tied to, um, like I wanted to, I wanted us to be attracted to each other. Um, so you could say, Oh, maybe that's like a physical thing. And so I don't know. I'd love for you to speak into that because I think that you hear some people say like, rip up the list. Let's don't matter. Like, don't pray for anything other than what we joked about earlier. Like just want them to love God. And, uh, and then I think you also hit, you know, the other extreme of people where it's like, uh, they're praying for a lot of really superficial things and, you know, they want the person to, they want to meet them. And the, the, the, the guy is wearing, you know, a cowboy hat, you know, whatever, fill in the blank. Like, you know, the guy has this job and he he makes this amount of money yeah um I mean you name it like I think a lot of times we have these really unrealistic expectations as well and I've fallen into that in my past too and so for the person that's asking like what should I actually be praying for my future spouse what would you say to them yeah I think that you can be specific if it is intentional so if you're just saying I want a guy that's cute because um or he's this or he makes money because I want that to serve me, that's a little, um, untrue to the heart of marriage. Or like you're saying, I want him to be, this isn't this, but I'm not actually rising to that call too. Um, then that's not really a faithful request, but don't tell me that God can't do something with specific requests because we see when, uh, Abraham sends his servant to get Isaac a wife, he looks for specific things. Um, intentionally, like, does she come from a lineage of honor? Is she going to be a servant? Like you said, is she going to be kind and courteous? Like there are these specific things and some of them are, you know, character. I think those are like the bread and butter that we should be looking for. But then, Hey, I want her to be a people of my tribe. I want her to come from a good background. I want him to come from a good family. There are some specifics within there that I feel like we can request. And as Abraham sends a servant, the servant goes, um, Lord, will you unite? Like, will you let her be someone that fills up my camp, my water and my camels. Will you have her act in this certain way? So there's a really specific request laid out there that comforts me when I'm like, Lord, if I go on a date with him, he needs to be my future husband. But when we say things out of the heart of God, I want to be guided in this. I want this union to be your handwritten all over it. Then I think the Lord loves to delight in showing up in specific ways and like unheard of ways. I mean, we all love those stories of you did what? And he was there. And like, you knew it because of this. Um, I had a dream when I was praying for my future husband that I walked out onto this balcony and there was like all these trees in the background and people started clapping and I knew nobody. I'm like, what on earth is going on here And I looked down I holding hands with someone and I look up and it tall handsome guy wearing glasses and he said everyone clapping because it our engagement and I woke up and I was like shoot I don know that guy so maybe the lord is bringing my future husband and man was he cute you're like thank you lord I was like I received this dream um and then when on my second day with Arden actually he put on his glasses and like that image came into my mind where I was like crazy oh my goodness like, this is you. Now, granted, I still, I didn't say marry me right now. Like the Lord told me, but I kept that in my heart of, okay, God, I'm going to lean into that specificness with that I'm looking for. I'm still ultimately looking at this guy's character. Like, is he going to walk in the way that he perceives to walk just because he comes from a good family? I'm not going to mean that that's just like, he's all fine and dandy. I want him to walk that out and show that with the way he honors me in this courting. But I also see the specifics that you are highlighting. So I think the specific things that we call for are almost like attention grabbers, but those bread and butter requests are the things that actually like, this is what I'm going to say yes to are the things that are truly important. Like, do you have a character? Do you have a true relationship with God? Um, are you a man of integrity? Are you a man of your word? These are all things that we can actually test and see. Um, I mean, I can test him and take away his glasses and be like, do you really wear glasses? Like, can you not see how many fingers? He's like, Really? He's like, do? I mean, I can see that. But like the things that you can test are the things that you should bank your guess on. Yeah. And but I do think that we can be specific, especially if it is, oh, I wasn't even knowing to be specific about that. But like the Lord highlighted it or my husband. And I can't remember if it was a dream or just a request for a woman with long brown hair. And so I'm like, well, thank you, Jesus. I didn't cut my hair. Yeah. Or dye a blonde. Yeah. That would not look good anyways. um and so i think there can be these specific things and like i don't know the lord is just so interesting to me like the people that say i don't want to become a christian because it's all boring it's like no this is such a fun and exciting um walk the bible says that the lord works in mysterious ways and here's all these like treasures that we uncover as we walk with him and so um i i want people to get excited about their dating relationship too like yes be be reverent of it, but like, have fun. I'm like, Lord, I'm, I'm open to new ideas of what you want to share. Um, I, I think the type mindset is what I would be more cautious about of, well, he has to look this, this way. And I've only dated people like this. I dated a lot of musicians cause I was like, Oh, I want to be creative. So they need to be creative. I think if you're, that goes back to the trap of, I want to be seen. And so if I can see something in them that would edify something in me, um, Not really the potential of sharpening one another, but it's like, oh, man, I've seen that this is a hindrance in my life. Lord, will you bring someone that is strong in their faith or speaks up because I'm a little bit more timid? Like, can you bring a partnership mindset? That is powerful. That's really good. So say bye-bye to the type mindset. Yeah. But say hello to the biblical mindset where you say, Lord, send me someone that compliments me and helps me put like, I want to be as close to you as possible and helps me do more for the kingdom. Because what you're saying is, is like maybe there was an area in your talent that you would say, quote unquote, was you were weaker in, but that Arden was strong and you guys got to come together and be great together in it. And then there's an area where he's weakened that you're strong and then you come together and be great together. which we joke because i think grant and i are similar in personality and you and ardent are similar in personality so maybe that longing when we leave each other when we're little we're like the lord was like this is actually a vision for what's to come this is a vision for what's to come it was a prophetic word from day one and i also just want to say you can be physically or you should be physically attractive to who you're with i mean rebecca was marked as being beautiful boaz is marked as being handsome david was marked as being handsome like there is and but that looks different totally it doesn't have to be the most handsome standard on earth but it's like there is a physical attraction that will grow 100 and beauty really is in the eye of the beholder like it really is it's like okay you can be so attracted to someone that maybe by the world standard um is not like oh he he's a 10 you know she's a she's a 10 like no but if you're especially if you have a heart that is like lord i want to be married to someone that's going to help me make a difference for the kingdom of god and i see marriage as a covenant i see marriage as through an eternal lens that this is also for people to see our marriage as a reflection of you and your love for us like if that is truly our heart then we're going to enter into date dates dating relationships differently because it's not just like i want him to be like successful by the world standards or attractive by the world standards or this by the world standards or treat me like the world says that he should be treating me it's like no no i'm not expecting him to, you know, have a dozen roses for me every single day and do all of these like things that the world says he should be doing. I'm like, what scripture say he should be doing? And what does scripture say that marriage should look like? And I think when we have that, then it's like, sure, it's a cherry on top if they like the same sports team that you like, or, you know, dress the way that you dress or, you know, whatever the style, I guess, of dressing that you like to dress. But it's like the things that really matter and getting back to that. And I'd love to kind of like in this episode for the person who, you know, it's Valentine's week and this can be a really hard, lonely, frustrating time for for some people, whether it's you're dating and your expectations aren't met, you're married and your expectations aren't met, you're single and you thought you would have someone like maybe you said last Valentine's Day. This is my last single Valentine's Day. And this Valentine's Day, you're like, dang it. I'm still single and I'm so mad and I'm frustrated. God, like, where is he? Why is he not here? Or the relationship is just not going like you thought you thought you'd be married by now. You've been dating for a long time. It's like, why hasn't he proposed? I just know that there's probably a lot of people listening that aren't where they thought they would be or the relationship isn't going like they thought it would be going. The Lord hasn't moved or answered the prayers and the way that they've been praying. And so one question I would just have for you specifically and then anything else you want to add on to kind of what I'm alluding to and speaking to is for the person that has been praying and the prayers haven't been answered yet. How do you keep praying with faith, but not lose hope in the midst of it? That's such a, that's such a big question. I mean, scripture speaks to that realness. Um, when it says a hope, um, deferred makes the heart sick and there is this restlessness that comes with feeling like you're in monotony of prayer but i'm comforted by the fact and there's things outside of having a husband that i'm still praying for that i will continue to pray for things that still come about and so it's again not this idea that this is the only type of of longing or delayed waiting that you'll experience and but um the whole verse of like perseverance creates character and so like we see that even in our delays and our doubts like there's some reward doesn't sound like the right word, but there's something gained by going through that traction. And what I think is really interesting, I was looking at the story of Moses in Exodus three, when God speaks to him through the bush is he was in this area that was the desert and then the mountain of God. And so the Lord encounters him in this great in-between of like, what seems like there is no hope. There's such desperation. And then there's this really high lofty place that only God inhabits. And so many times the Lord meets us in the middle and the conversions of those or the presence of them being there at the same time. And he speaks to them through, um, the shrub bush, which is actually represented in the garden of Eden. And, um, when the presence leaves, when his presence leaves because they sin. And so like, there's this manifestation of the thing that was dead because of, um, the world and flesh and sin and all these things, but then the Lord inhabits that and has this all burning bush moment where he manifests his presence to Moses. And so the idea that even in our hopelessness, even in our brokenness, even when it feels like the in-between, it's like, goodness, how do I get to that answer prayer when I feel like I'm just stuck in this wilderness season? It's like the Lord is there in that moment. So having spiritual eyes to see it, asking God, you know, what are you, again, what are you wanting me to do? How are you here that I may not be aware of? Like, what can I do to even not feel isolated, but isolate myself for your presence? I feel like that's such a huge thing. When I went from, oh man, I'm home again on a Friday night to, or I have time with you, or you can speak where I have been deaf to covering up by relationships and just comfort blankets. It really changes maybe not so much your actuality in that moment, but who you are and how you receive him. And so that's kind of like the spiritual lens of that. But then on the practical sense of it is, you know, if it does feel monotonous, like maybe take a break from praying for it. Maybe take a, um, take a new adventure, like keep praying for your future husband, but also, okay, Lord, I'm gonna try a new hobby in this time. Maybe there's a career thing that you want me to pursue before I meet him. Um, or maybe you just need to get out there a little bit more. You need to go to a small group. You need to like be friends with people. Maybe your future husband is your new friend's brother. Like, I don't know. Like there's, um, you know, if there does feel like there's some monotony, like invite the Lord into that. Like, okay, if there's hope, Lord, give me new hope. If there's action, give me new action. Bring me out of my comfort zone. There's just so many different ways for that. And you mentioned it's Valentine's day. And I think of what's so neat about Valentine's day is like, it is this really fun thing. I spent my last five Valentine's Day with single women. I don't even really spend it with my husband anymore because he's like, that's Galentine's Day for the dear future husband community. So I'm like, we have other lovey-dovey times, but Valentine's isn't even that for me. And I'm married. But I love getting to be around those women that are praying for their future husbands. They're hungry. They're praying for their future children as well. And even looking back historically at Valentine's Day, it was this time where the Roman culture was so subdued by sexuality and sin. And they were so far away from God's design for marriage that Valentine was marrying people and he was uniting Christian couples and saying like, hey, this is the way walk in it. And so if you are single and feel like, man, everything else is going on, like dating is so confusing. There aren't a lot of men out there that are pursuing godly characteristics. Like that's what this whole holiday started as is like, hey, no, you know what? Even in a world that's not honoring this, we need to be people that are going to pray for our future husband, that are going to have a standard for marriage, that are going to walk in this, um, even if there is frustrations along with it. And so again, going spiritual, but like if you feel lonely on Valentine's day, so did so many other people. And, um, this is a time I think, even if we have spiritual eyes to say, man, what God, what kind of, we've been saying this whole podcast, what is your design for marriage? What have you called me to walk into? And what is the world doing that I'm not going to partake in. Yeah. Even if that means, I mean, St. Valentine was thrown into jail and all these things. But even hopefully I'm not saying go to jail because you feel single, like stand up for him in a way that it might even surprise the people that you do go on dates with. It's like, I know who I serve. I know why I want to be married. And I don't think I answered this earlier, but like the what to pray for your future husband, pray for his dedication, pray for his character. We have all these sample prayers on the Dear Future Husband page, which I love just sharing with people because it's like it gives something to lean into. But like pray for the things that are going to be part of your marriage, not just part of your dating. Like the things that are going to be long lasting, that are going to bring clarity to your relationship, clarity to your yes. Those are the things that I would pray into. That's so good. That's so good. Yeah. I love that you're speaking to like this idea of hope and frustration can coexist at the same time. So you can still hope for things that you don't see right in front of you yet. And because your hope is in something greater than what you see, you can still keep having hope. And that's what I would just encourage to every person listening is even if you're in a season where you're not where you thought you would be, you're disappointed, you're frustrated, continuing to remind yourself, like, what is my hope in? Who is my hope in? Is my hope just in this situation changing? Is my hope just in God bringing me my future husband? If so, you're going to experience disappointment, not only in a season of singleness, even if you get married, because your hope is in the wrong thing. Your hope is in the wrong person. And so for me, it's a continuous reminder, even in marriage, my hope is in heaven. My hope is in Jesus. My hope is not in my spouse. My hope is not in my child. My hope is not in my career. Those things, if Jesus is the foundation of it and I'm operating through his spirit for his glory, there's great joy in those things. There's great purpose in those things, but those are just blessings from God. But it is truly reminding ourselves that our hope is in Jesus and our hope is in heaven. And like there's desires on our heart and God created marriage and designed marriage. And we weren't made to go through life alone. And so even if you feel like you're in a season and you're waiting for your future spouse, like one of our greatest encouragements would be, yes, to pray for your future spouse and to put yourself out there, surround yourself with godly community, put yourself in situations where you can be around other strong believers that are going to pray for you for this thing that you're hoping for. Encourage you while you're in the waiting for that thing. Maybe it's other married couples. Maybe it's other singles. But putting yourself in environments to where you don't feel like you're sitting on the sidelines and you're just angry and discontent all the time. But you're putting yourself in the game saying, no, no, I'm not. This isn't like waiting inactive. This is like waiting playing. Like I'm in the game playing right now. And whenever God brings me the right person, if that's God's will, great. Like we're going to be playing the game together and we're going to be able to do more together than we could apart. I want to end this with just anything, any last thoughts you want to speak to of just what this like journal is, what you help people get out of it. And we're going to be linking her book actually will be coming out tomorrow if you're listening to this on Monday. And if you're listening to this after Monday, it's out. and so go get it um but yeah if you want to just like talk a little bit as we wrap up just um your hope for this journal and this book and when people buy it like what you hope they get out of it and do with it you know my favorite thing maddie on our wedding day not our wedding day my husband and I's wedding you were there you were a big part I was there yeah um there were so many beautiful things from like getting ready together and just like the the peace that I felt but one of of favorite things is sending Arden on a scavenger hunt to receive his husband's Bible. And I am just so excited for the fact to get to share that with women of, I had no idea when I started writing letters and praying for my future husband and journaling to him that I really would be marrying the man of my dreams. And so many of the things that the Lord had promised to me of, um, you know, he'll be a virgin. He'll be a man of faith. All these things where I was just like sitting there like, God, you're so good. So much more than I deserve so much more than, um, I could have believed in the natural, but sending him on the scavenger hunt where he got to see before we said yes to each other officially the prayers that I've been praying over him. It's just the sweetest thing. And like one of the proudest moments, um, that I had with my singleness and, um, one, just because I'm like, Lord, I, I delighted in you and you were so kind to me. And so now the fact that I finally get to have a resource because so many women are like, what buy hold did you get? Like, how do I do this? I'm like, I don't know. You got it. But now I get to have something where I'm like, Hey, this is just a fun thing from one girl that was longing for marriage to another, like start praying over these. And it's just going to be the most beautiful thing if and when the Lord does bring that man into your life to give that to him on your wedding day. It's just such like a big sister, like happy friend moment for me to like see other people doing the same thing because I know what it feels like to be longing and I know what it feels like to be just overcome by like, wow, Lord, you did that. I was believing for it, but still, wow. So I'm so excited for that. But then also if it does seem daunting to someone of like, well, how do I pray for someone? I don't know them yet. I, I need more clarity and context within dating. The future husband present prayers is a book that goes through the why, the how, and the what to pray. And so, um, sadly, you know, technology is great because we can be around the people, but I wish I could just sit and talk to other people for hours because dating is one of those areas where it's like, I have so many questions and there's so many possibilities, but this book really dives into dating, singleness, marriage, intention, prayer, even making the Lord your first love. And so I'm excited for people to have, you know, longer than just the 30 to 60 minutes on this podcast to dive into that and to have that as like a beginning for their own relationship for God, for him to speak to them specifically. Amen. Amen. So good. I'm so excited to hear just the testimonials that are going to come out of this that you guys, I mean, And some of you guys are going to be giving this to your future husband one day before you walk down the aisle. And just how special that is. I'm so thankful that you wrote this. And you wrote it in a hard season of life. And I just believe it's going to produce so much fruit. And I've just seen the way that God has used you and Arden together. And you really are better together. And it's just been so cool to see both of our journeys that the Lord so knew. Like we talked about what we needed. and just that we are so much stronger together and better together. And just the beauty of, yeah, like we have not been perfect in the past and have made mistakes in the past. But like when you just give God your pain and your shame and your hurts and your dreams and your hopes and you lay it all at the foot of the cross, like what the Lord can do with that and not only just for you but in you and what the Lord has done so much in our own hearts and lives and what he's produced in us. I'm just so thankful for him. So thankful for you and for this resource, which we're going to be linking on this podcast or if you're watching this on YouTube. And so thank you so much for coming on. Stay true. Well, as always, guys, be sure to stay you and stay true. We love you.