Trixie Mattel asks about party invitations

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Hey, it's your friend Tig on the Handsome Pod. Sitting here with my co-hosts. May Martin. And Fortune Feimster. Together again. Together again. Three handsome friends. They said we couldn't do it and we did. We said we wouldn't do it after April. But we kept doing it after April. We need to put that song on our website. Has anyone looked at our website in a while? Has anyone ever looked at our website? Honestly, that jam, that Christmas jam we did was delightful. I'm going to pat ourselves on the back for that Yeah Because we do have a handsome band now Maybe we should do like an Easter jam Like He has risen Oh wow He has risen Welcome to the Christian handsome band That would be really unexpected Where we love the Lord and we talk about our love of the Lord. Jesus Christ. It doesn't occur to me, but there's like a whole other entertainment industry that's just Jesus-based, right? Oh, yeah. There's bands that are massive. Big money, babe. There's like stand-ups. There's all kinds of people that just, it's like we don't cross paths with that world, but they're filling out stadiums. Sorry, of course. You're at Hillsong every Sunday. Over here on the Christian Handsome pod. We know exactly what's going on. you know it's up yeah well they have all those songs that you'll be like i'll be driving in the midwest you know from one city to another and some song will come on the radio and it's like i love you more than i've ever loved anyone in my life and it's like a jam and i'm like oh this is gorgeous and then it's like jesus you're like oh you got me i thought this was a love song to a lady friend That's like Maria Bamford's joke about how like those churches will be like kind of in disguise and they'll be like, come on in, there's free coffee and live music right now. And she's like, oh my gosh, that's so great. And then you wander in and it's like, ah, they got me. This is a church. And that happened to me and Stephanie when we were in Austin the last time. we were with max and finn and walking down the street and and we were like whoa look at this like 10 in the morning rocking out i'm like this is awesome and uh and it said free coffee and you know snacks and i was like what is this all about i love this vibe and then it was like ah they got me not that you can't love the lord no no shade of that it's just uh quickly or nothing It'd be a real pivot for this podcast for sure. My best experience like dropping into a place of worship was, you know, in the Baz Luhrmann, Romeo and Juliet, Leo wears this like knight costume, you know. So I ordered one online like from a woman in Germany. And then. Of course you did. It somehow got. I'd love to order from that woman in Germany. Yeah, that woman who, and it was a gay woman in Germany making Leo costumes for lesbians, I guess. And then so I ordered it. And then I had to pick it up from a guy who was coordinating it. And he was like, can you meet me at my, my temple, my like Hindu temple? It was, so I showed up and it was like, everyone quietly in prayer and this beautiful temple. And this is in London on the outskirts. And I go with, I'm like, should I come in? And he's like, yeah, come in and meet my family. And then he's like, oh, yes, this person's getting a knight's costume. And then I went into like, they took me all around. I was in there for like 90 minutes. It was beautiful, snacks. And yeah, it was really nice. That was good. The Lord, the Lord's inviting you for coffee. Come on in, rock and roll. I can see you wearing that costume. That seems like a good fit for you. I wore it in feel good. Yeah. I was just trying to make my dreams come true. So transparent. Just being like, can I think of a reason why I'd have to wear this night costume? How are you guys? Are you filming, Fortune? I am filming. Everything's going really good. It's been going well. It's long days, but we're moving fast. And I'm having a good time with the gals. Have you come up with any games that you're into in between takes? The game is have Kim Kardashian tell us as many fun stories as possible. Yes. Is she a good storyteller? Yes, there are many good stories. Oh, my. She must have seen it all. She has seen it all. And boy, is it fun to listen to. Yeah. You got to leak some of those on the pod. Never. I cannot. You're a vault. I'm a vault. otherwise you don't get fun stories i know yeah are you trading are you giving her something too that you're telling her about when you're dressed up as elf i did tell her the other day i said i apologize that none of us have anything fun to give you in return we're all very boring in comparison hey don't talk about my co-host that way exactly my point may i just don't have any crazy stories like that that she's just got so and she's just lived out here forever they know everyone what about your meetup days you don't want to tell her about um the craigslist what are my meetups oh when yeah when you first moved to la or what about when you were went by yourself on a sound of music tour yes she would be riveted by all of these things i'm sure she did the same In the very beginning, she like, I couldn't tell when I was joking. So she would kind of like look at me and she like, you're joking, right? I'm like, yeah. But now she's like, just starts laughing. Yeah, that's good. Oh, success. She's starting to figure me out. Yeah. Now one day you're going to come in and say something really sad and she's going to be cackling away. I remember one time going to a party, meeting people. and they were like um where were you and i was like oh um there was a lot of traffic there was an accident and uh-huh and what well no it was like 10 car pile up and okay and not everything's a joke like i really am late because there was an accident Oh my God. Well, in their defense, you do set up jokes in that way. I look, I'm not, I'm not saying I'm right. I'm rarely saying I'm right. Yeah. I'm oftentimes. Wrong even. Yeah. Yeah. Not, not often. I can't think of a single time. That I've been right. Wrong. Wrong. Oh, right. Right. You're right. Right. Wrong. You're right. Right. Tig, how are you? Well, as you know, I've been dealing with some, you know, tough stuff over in Kitty City. Yes. But we're staying positive. Poor little Fluff has been going downhill for a few weeks. And we just, we kind of, I can't remember, have you had animals or no? Like growing up, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's just, it's like, you know how they behave. Yeah. You know, you know, their vibe and you're like, something's off. Yeah. Like fluff is always a part of Kitty City and going upstairs, downstairs, eating with the other cats. And then it just started to seem like she's a little lethargic, you know, even though, yes, cats sleep all day and night. There was still, even the way she was lying down seemed oddly lethargic. anyway this past week really uh things took a turn and then man last night really took a turn and stephanie was like i feel like we need to go right now to the emergency room and so we did we went to this place so great um it's called mash i had never heard of it but it's an er in la Thomas said he used it for his pup. And so they gave her, we had had a vet, this is a boring story. But now I'm imagining you at a party telling it and people going, yeah. Well, a week ago we had a vet come over and check her out and he took her blood and urine sample and all that. And we're waiting on that. But in the meantime, it just, like I said, took a turn. And so they gave her, they kept her overnight, gave her an IV and some steroids and some medication to help her stop throwing up. And so now we're just waiting on the scans that should be in by the end of the week. And man, are we just hoping for the best. Because like right now, we just went and picked her up this afternoon. and she ate when she got home, but then she immediately got into Finn's dirty clothes basket, which that's not where she goes. Oh, like hiding? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They hide when they're not doing well. So anyway, it's been. Fingers crossed. Thank you. Fingers, paws, toes, everything crossed. But also, simultaneously, when I got good news of being nominated for the Oscar for Come See Me in the Good Light. I can't. Yeah, that's incredible. I can't. Which has been really... Really, to be fair, always believed that you guys were going to get nominated. I know. Did you really? Oh, 100%. Like 100%. Yeah, because I've never had a more of... But then you were like, no, it's so hard. and we were both like, no, I think. Yeah, you were like, I've never had a more affecting experience watching a documentary. So I was like any of those voters who see it, there's no way. I hear that and I appreciate it so much. If you ever make a documentary with Ryan White, the director, he will be sure to let you know there's no chance in hell the project you're working on is going to get nominated or win anything. So I've just been in, it's not actually, it's not him being negative. He really gave me some insight into how this process works. Right. The politics of it. The politics behind it. He said, you know, the past few Oscars, there's been no American films nominated in this category. Just there's a lot going on. Yeah. And I could sit and talk to you about it for like an hour, like into even more detail. But girl, we want to know where were you when you got the call? Did you get giddy? Were you freaking? Like that is, it's the childhood fantasy. I saw you on a Zoom picture with no shirt on. Yes. Yeah. Well, that'll happen. Especially when you're looking for it. Did you at least have Ponties on? I had Ponties on. Okay. But the night before we had a Zoom call with all the producers and everyone and Meg and Ryan, again, was like, so, you know, I've we've been on the shortlist for the Oscar nominations a few times before. And he said the morning it's announced it's on Oscars dot com. They go on stage in a theater in front of a live audience and just list off the nominees just one after the other in every category. and he said and I've set my alarm for 5 a.m to watch this happen and only to not hear my project called and he said you know and it's it's a bummer he said I'm not sure if I'm gonna actually set my alarm tomorrow and I originally thought maybe I would and then after he said it like that and then he was like and there's not been any American documentaries nominated for the last few years I was like oh I don't know if I can handle I don't know if my heart can take like not the anticipation this documentary announced because it's really the first time I have campaigned and really given something my all in that kind of way and I think it's because it was easier because I'm not the star of it you know um and because I believe in this project and my friends and all of that stuff So anyway, when Stephanie and I went to bed, she said, are you going to set your alarm? And I said, I don't think I am. I think I'm just going to go to bed and I'll just hear when I hear. She was like, all right. So I put on my eye mask and my earplugs. And I snuggle into my R2D2 suit. And then, yeah, I went to sleep. And Stephanie woke up at five and she was like, oh, I'll just watch this, even though Tig isn't. So she watched it in bed next to me while I was snoozing up a storm. And she said that when they said, you know, feature documentary film or yeah, feature length documentary. And then they said, come see me in the good light. She said it was that feeling of like thinking you're crazy and you're misunderstanding something. And she was like, okay, wait, hold on a second. This says documentary, best documentary. Yep. That's it. That's the category. Right. And come see me in the good light. Yeah, that's it. That's the name of the, and right. That's her lying next to me. And so she's like, Tig, Oh my God, you got the nomination. And I'm like pulling all my gear off my face. I'm like, huh? What? And she was like, you got nominated. I was like, no, no, we didn't. No, we did not. And she was like, yes, you did. Oh, that's the best feeling. Yeah, it was really wild. And all of you very kindly reached out and congratulated. I was up at 630, so I gave you an early morning shout out. You did. Yeah you did And it was very much appreciated and then our producers wanted to get on a Zoom first thing in the morning And I was like still lying in bed in my Pontes. And so I got on topless. Yeah, you got to because I'm a pro. It's time to refresh your space and make your home the best possible version of itself with Wayfair. From furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials, Handsome loves Wayfair because they make it easy to find the exact items to fit your style, needs, and budget. Upgrade your space, find quality pieces, and get fast shipping and easy assembly options with Wayfair. As we move into spring, I'm doing a little refresh on my decor. I'm trying to make my patio a place to hang out and relax. So I've already got my sauna, my foosball table out there, but I found some really comfy outdoor chairs on Wayfair that look great and fit in with the look of my space. Wayfair offers a bunch of filters so I could narrow stuff down by reviews as well as color and aesthetic style. Assembly was a breeze as well, and I'm so happy with the new look. Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk a little bit about travel. Tig, as you know, I'm about to go on my first big tour around the United States. And while I'm traveling in a bus, I want to make sure I get a couple nights in a nice comfy bed that's not on wheels. So I'm going to book a couple nights stay on Airbnb. That sounds like a plan, Mae. What area are you looking? Well, I'm going to be in Florida, which I'm very excited about. And I'd love to find somewhere with a hot tub or a sauna that I can relax in, maybe some nice nature nearby, like a big park or something. I love finding a home on Airbnb because I know I can get the place all to myself and I can read tons of reviews and make sure it's a great place. Airbnb also has guest favorites badges that show me the highest rated and most loved homes. I've just never gone wrong booking one of those. You know, I swam with sharks in Florida. Is that something you would ever try? I hadn't thought about that, but if I'm near the ocean, then who knows? Maybe I will. On the other hand, if I find a really nice place on Airbnb, I may just never want to leave. A well-built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and hold up over time. That's what Quince does best. 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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash handsome. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash handsome. Fortune Zootopia 2 also nominated. Yeah. This is fucked. What do you mean fortune? It's the three of us. That's right. I mean, we're the stars. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, we're all nominated for it. Do you go to the Oscars? I don't know. I haven't heard yet. I don't know where the cutoff is. I don't know how many tickets they get. But aren't you the first gay beaver in a Disney movie? We know no sexuality. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. I've done a couple of Oscar things for them. They wanted me to do more, but I'm filming, and I'm unfortunately not being able to be a part of it. So I don't know. I have no idea if I get to go or not. If I do, amazing. If not, I'll be. That's fine, too. I could take you as my date to the Oscars. Oh, yeah. I'm sure Stephanie would love that. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to appear as one of the waiters or something. You're going to go to the bathroom and I'll be the bathroom attendant. That's right. I went as a journalist to the Oscars back in the day in the press room, but I've never been. Wait, what? You were a journalist? Yes, Mae. For seven years. And talked about it for the first seven years of our podcast. How did I did I really I I miss this. I don't know. That was my day job for seven years. I interviewed every celebrity in Los Angeles. I don't know how I didn't know that. I don't know. I definitely talked about it. Right. Oh, my God. Yes. If I know and I remember. So sorry. It is something. It was it was my day job. Like I started it part time while I was an assistant. and then it led to a full-time position and I did it till 2010 uh and it was for um the newspaper a bunch of newspapers and it was when online stuff was becoming a thing like news online was just becoming a thing uh it was syndicated so you'd write it and it would go to like hundreds of newspapers yeah and then um uh yeah so I've I would interview uh it was entertainment journalism so i would interview like actors on the phone writers directors i would go to premieres i would go to award shows and i would be the person on the red carpet or in the press room do you feel like a lot of journalists would want to be in entertainment outside of journalism no like it's gonna be me up there a lot of the people i knew were like if i had wanted to be a journalist i would have had that would have i would have made it that was a really cool job um but it just they and that i worked for these amazing people the this my boss stacy knew i wanted to be a comedian so uh she was very supportive of that and like that's nice i was taking groundlings classes at the time at night so that it was like the perfect job to like have to pay my bills and it was cool and it was adjacent to what i wanted to be doing so I still got to learn a lot about the business I run into publicists to this day who knew me as a journalist it's pretty trippy that's funny what if I am undercover I'm actually a journalist writing an expose on you guys and I've done this whole podcast has been research undercover oh yeah okay I hope you're learning a lot I'm playing a long game it's a really long game it is a long game Yeah. How much longer do you... What a career going for someone just trying to be a journalist. But that's why I was going, this is not going to go past April, right? They're going to stay. I've got to get back to work. Yeah. Well, and what's funny is I'm realizing this is mid-February that this is coming out. We're taping it a little early. And I will have just been at the Independent Spirit Awards. So I wonder if I won. I wonder if you won. I've never been to that one either, but that one looks like a cool, like a fun one. Yeah, that one looks cool. Yeah. So, I mean, imagine if we were all three of us hosting the Oscars and you were nominated, you're sprinting between your chair and the stage. Wow. Whatever has to be done, you know. We still need to get on our tap dancing lessons for whenever that day comes. Maybe I'll wear tap shoes to the Oscars. And then if I win. Oh, my God. Tig. I'll take. Uh-oh. May's into this. You have to do that. And then I just start tap dancing on stage. What's that noise? Oh, God. Click, click, click. I mean. While everyone's giving these heartfelt Andrea Gibson speeches, then I'm just like tap dancing in the background. I feel like Andrea would get that. Andrea would love that. The temptation to do a bit on such a global stage like that is so... Do you think Andrea is whispering in voters' ears? I hope so. But, you know, I have to say, and maybe I've said this to you guys before, of course, I've heard a million times people say, oh, it's an honor to be nominated. Yeah. Not that I wasn't honored in any other nomination. this particular category is mind bending. Yeah. Have you seen the other documentaries? I've seen some of them. I'm still in the process, but man, this is, and not to take away from like scripted or any, any other jobs in, in this business or awards or whatever, but documentary filmmakers that are working on passion projects for years, raising money independently and, and being in the scene because I've been on this massive, you know, press tour and festival tour and just meeting all these people. They're so interesting and talented and highly intelligent. and yeah it's it's it's it's like man whoever wins yeah it's sincere congrats like i like i'm i met a documentary filmmaker who'd been making a documentary about a kid who but it was following him for 10 years it was following him from age 10 to 20 and it was like they would do a couple weeks every year basically but yeah like a passion project no funding just like everyone doing it because they know they're making something amazing. And I just watched that documentary Secret Mall Apartment on Netflix. Have you seen it? Group of artists, they are kind of trying to make a statement about like corporate, like this mall that bulldozed a bunch of old buildings in their town and like took over. And so they are really interested in this mall and they have all the plans to the mall and they find like a little pocket in the mall that you can access via one. oh well i guess may went back to their um their investigative job yeah whoever may has been called to hire things that was wild that was wild it's like you're taught you're saying too much we told you not to ever reveal you signed an nda um oh my god okay i'm back i'm back yes well wi-fi went out um they build an apartment in the mall but i mean with electricity with they somehow smuggle like a couch that they have to break into pieces and get up there and they have it for four years where they are like living in the i won't ruin it but yeah what and this is all top secret nobody knows they're living in the mall No, and there's close calls with security and all this stuff. Wow, that would be exciting. Oh, my God. That would stress me out. So stressful. But the magic of it is that they're like, we're just doing this as art, like for no audience, no money. And they're like, life as art, like a big scale prank like that almost. Oh, my gosh. And they remember it forever. And you've got to watch it. It's really inspiring. I would love to see it. Really good. Yeah. Yeah. I, too, am watching inspired television. What are you watching? Sounds like maybe Fortune is not watching Inspire. It's called Tell Me Lies, and it's on Hulu, and it's a bunch of people banging and being awful to each other in college. Reality? TV or not? No, it's scripted. Okay. And it'll really hook you. Really? They are so horny. Oh, God. And also so awful to each other. And I don't know why, but you like start watching and you can't stop. You love it? I love it. And it's called what? It's called Tell Me Lies. And there's a bad boy. There's a bad boy named Steven who you will hate more than any character on television you've ever hated. Really? But he loves to bang. yeah he's a hot bad boy he's a bad boy that just knows how to put it down you know what I mean yeah what did he put down his wiener he knows how to put his wiener down and you're saying the other contestants do not know how to put their wieners down it's like a TV show scripted oh oh oh whatever contestant and he has a he has a girlfriend that he breaks up with for another girl and then they're passionate and they love each other and then he screws her over and gets back with the other one and then they're all lying to each other and they're mean and they're looking at fortune to act out just saying you guys i've also watched important stuff and what do you suppose that like what do you think sparks that interest for you where you're because i'm not saying i wouldn't be interested if i watch it i'm just curious with you haven't you having seen it i don't know it's like one of those shows where you can't really describe why you're into it but you can't stop watching it i recommended it to another lesbian friend and she and her wife could not stop watching it really yeah okay i don't know i don't know how to explain it like it honestly i don't know give one episode a try and see if you get hooked if you're not hooked on one you're probably not gonna be into it like you know right away if you're into this vibe or not it's called tell me lies that's right okay grace van patten is the star of it is the theme song tell me lies tell me sweet little no but they do tell me tell me lies so it starts in modern day but modern day for them is like 2015 and then it goes back seven years to when they were in college okay and so it they they have a really good music in this show but it's um covers of songs that were super popular in the 90s and that's really fun too i like that can i say not 90s 2000s like mr brightside and stuff oh um so i don't know i'm into it and it made me realize that i was very boring in college well and so you saying this is more inspiring than like come see me in the good light I mean in a different kind of way Because what I feel like my documentary has going for it is like positivity and hope in the world. Yeah, this is not that. Oh, okay. This is tantalizing, scintillating. This is dark, horny bitches. that is your spinoff podcast dark horny bitches yeah and it's just you welcome to dark horny bitches with your host fortune feemster wow yeah listen i'm just saying i'm not comparing the two like apples more like apples to oranges apple tv to orange tv is what this is yeah but we're very excited for you well thanks i appreciate the support and um it's gonna be interesting yeah it sure will and you know when you said it's a childhood dream i i can't say i imagined i'd ever be doing anything that would call for an Oscar nomination. But it feels good. And it feels like everybody that worked on this film did exactly the right job to make this exactly what it is. Yeah. It was an inspired doc. Yeah. About living. Man, the in memoriam at this Oscars is going to be... We just lost Catherine O'Hara. I know. I know. very sad day for Canadians well for everyone but uh yeah so awful I'm speaking of documentaries I'm excited there's a documentary coming out about the Melania yeah I can't wait uh no the um this production of uh Godspell in the 70s in Toronto yeah that had like Martin Short and Catherine O'Hara and Gilda Radner Eugene Levy Dan Aykroyd they were all in this one yeah so that'll be good and also what i was gonna say before and now it's not relevant but when i first moved to england i was so bad at comedy and i did musical comedy and all i had was i rewrote tell me lies tell me sweet little lies to feed me pies feed me chickeny pies it was bad chicken chicken pies feed me and you just sang that on stage and people were kind of like huh yeah or Did the crowd go wild? No, it was very much, huh? Yeah. How long did you do that and then go, I think I'm going to move beyond chicken pot pie humor? I mean, it was a good six months I was thinking, they're just not getting it, but I'm going to. I'm going to keep giving it to them. Well, you should record it and we'll release it on the website. Am I right? How did it go? I feel like it was just that joke. It was just feed me pies, feed me chicken. Yeah, we have an entire website that can just be dedicated to any song you feel like putting out there. Oh, great. Yeah. Yeah. Around Easter time, you know what I'm doing. Yeah, you're going to be singing to the Lord. Yeah. A thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to pieces that mix well and last. That's where Quince shines. Premium fabrics, considered design, and everyday essentials that feel effortless to wear and dependable, even as the seasons change. It's cozy season, and I got a pair of everyday fleece straight leg sweatpants from Quince for only $39.90. They're so comfy. They're my new favorite thing to wear around the house. And I just ordered a pair of Australian shearling moccasin slippers to go with them as well. Quince has tons of pajama options and robes too. Whatever suits your style, they've got it. Right now, go to quince.com slash handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. go to quince.com slash handsome for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash handsome. Happy Easter. He is risen. Should we get to our question? Yeah, let's do it. Yes, we should. Tig? Well, today's question asker is a hugely famous and popular drag queen and musician who won season three of RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars and served as a judge on Queen of the Universe. She produced and starred in the docuseries Trixie Motel and launched her own cosmetics brand, Trixie Cosmetics, which that line is ginormous as well. Trixie Mattel is asking today's question I love Trixie I don't think Trixie's in drag for this question but have you seen Trixie's drag is incredible that would take hours to put on not for me I could just slap that right on you could do that in the car one hand while you're driving slap slap slap there it is i think trixie is uh one of the best drag queens there is definitely has a podcast with katya and their podcast is very popular as well um and i could watch clips of the two of them all day long they are so funny well you gotta turn off uh tell me lies for just half a second i know it's hard to break myself away from all those steven a bad boy it sounded like gossip girl to me like that vibe um it's way hornier than that whoa yeah i don't know they're just always doing it and they're always lying to each other that hints tell me lies their podcast um trixie's podcast is called the bald and the beautiful with trixie and katya very very funny pod well let's hear it give it to us hello folks over at handsome i am tricks and mattel at least i usually am hello i know all of you separately but not all of you together i've been thinking about this a lot last summer i had a pool party and i put on the invitation two to five and everybody was like damn bitch jump in the water and get wet and leave huh but i don't think it's rude when you invite people to something to add an end time do you guys think that's rude i have strong feelings i i love an end time because it means that people will arrive on time because they know that it's not like oh it says start at two but you know people won't get there till four it's like you know get there at two and then get out ready to party i'm ready to party and then you could tell a select group of people hey i said on the invite five but stick around after you know what i mean i know i know exactly what you mean you do do that yeah by the way are you back to doing that again what orgies no it has to happen organically okay but yeah i am in that era again i would say you're in that era again okay because i know you have a you'll still not yeah you're not in i know i'm i can't do that either um i know that you have a like this is the this is the party the beginning party and then there's a late party well you're thinking about that one party you came to that became an orgy after you left. No, no, no. I was not at that party, but I came to the party a few weeks later where I was told, did you know what happened at the last party? And I was like, what? And then I heard tell that. I don't know. I don't know if you did it again. Maybe you did it again. I don't think I was even invited to any of these parties or orgies. My wife is invited to these parties. No, you were invited. you were invited you just don't go yeah no i i'm not at every party like doing telling people stay after for an orgy but i do if you don't give a little personal invitation no as they come in i slip a little card in their pocket no i don't but i was like this chick at the party fortune's mind what was about to go down i feel like that's you at any party i've seen you at a party where you just kind of peek around and then you're like i gotta go i got yeah because when when things are when it starts to get salacious i do have to leave you have to bounce fortune i can't sit and watch that fortune i are bolting out the door i do not want to be the old woman in the corner that's me this that wouldn't happen though it wouldn't it wouldn't start if there were two people who didn't want to be there just standing against the wall. So, so when it happened, there were no spectators. Everyone was involved. Are we, we're back to the, we're back to the instructing the origin. I think that's a fair question. Seems like Fortune's interested in origins after all. I am not at all, but I would like to know. Girl. No, this is a light soft body. And that cannot happen in one of these situations. I don't want, I don't need people looking at me while this is happening. You know what I mean? Everyone's just worried about themselves looking, you know, and looking all around at the, at the whole. Nobody's thinking about you. They're just thinking about their own privates. It's still not for me. I don't want that. There was one spectator who said. Was it my wife? Was it my wife? There was one spectator. No, there was, there was someone who said. I don't want to keep her on a tight leash or anything it's fine if she was there peekabooing but go on yeah who was this person you don't have to tell us the name but who was this person what's her name a friend of mine and she was like yeah I don't think I'm she'd been in the last orgy and she was like I don't think I'm going to get involved but I'm going to be here to help like if anyone needs me to pass them lube or whatever or like just needs fortune's fame wait that is the shocking part is that that's used in an orgy we're just like oh well this has gone a little too far I'm going back to the Christian pod we started with he is risen what's the name of your other pod is he is risen I guess that person can stay around and watch only because they did participate before no anyone could stay and watch if they're Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't think anyone can stay in watch. What does this have to do with... Don't open the door. What does any of this have to do with... Should we get an out-of-the-day party? I think it has everything to do with it. Fair enough. If you have an end time, you either... I think that's good because the people that you don't want just hanging around leave at the end time you've given. Those fuggos. No, no, come on. Wait, what did you say? The Fuggos get an end time tag. They don't get to be part of the... Do you know what Fuggos is? I don't. Like, like... That's horrible. Fucking ugly. That's horrible. Fortune Marie. What? I can't believe you call people that. I would be given an end time. I'm included in this. No. No. I'm not ripping on anybody else. How did this question become about me excluding people on it for an orgy? Well, not everyone can be there. I was just making a joke. Everyone's beautiful. That was a joke. Well, I mean, I don't get it. It's funnier to say fuckos than the longer. That is a fun word. It sounds familiar. But when you make me say it, that's not as nice. Say it again and tell us what it means. No, I don't want to. Do you guys want to play a game? No. Okay. So are you getting end dates, end times for your kids' birthday parties? I'm open to a game. Why do you really want a game? Okay, the game is just, and then you can decide. I'll put a big gulp of water in my mouth. Wait, Tigg's taking her headphones out. Are you not participating? Wow. Wow. I'll listen. How about a little yes and over here? Go ahead. No, but. I'm sorry, my friend's being a fuggo. it's just funny you can you can you can just fuck off also when do we talk about the end of the party that's asking trixie okay go do your game it's not even good but no who cares no game is good i stood up for you okay if i put a i put a big gulp of water in my mouth and then you guys one by one say you say one word out loud and and and try to make me laugh and spit the water out okay yeah okay so it's one word and neither of you say fuck oh please oh that was my word i know it was that's not mine okay okay i'm really gonna try not to spell it don't hurt your mic pony rides wait we said the same time pony rides cooter rides um cooter rides is good uh go to youtube uh this is the most handsome i've ever seen may oh i got a word for you yeah lube ah butthole lube we had a laugh but no water spilled god we're not good at this or may's really good at this games take old witties do you have i would keep saying you know i swallowed the water i think we lost no i think we just lost this is a terrible game I got clothes with cooter rides. You almost had me at cooter rides. I know. Cooter rides was good. That was really good. I felt like I would have gone. On a cooter ride? All right, Tig, we've been dying to know about your thoughts on the end time of a party. Yes or no? Yes, absolutely. End times, right? Yeah, yeah, I think so. I don't know if it was on here or another podcast I was doing. Who knows? We talk for a living, right? We have no idea what we're saying ever. No idea. So I used to have like a big blowout, you know, used to have like big parties. Oh, yeah. Because your birthday is coming up. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. You're not going to do it? What do you mean? I don like that you done because I never got to go to any of these parties because I was always out of because I didn invite you You did but I was out of town I never been invited You know maybe some weird thing will happen and I do it again But like, I would go wide, big and wide with the party. What does that mean? Just like bartenders and food and like every, like if I knew you on some level. You weren't invited. To some degree. I mean, it's like, it's hard to invite everyone because not everyone from the orgies getting an invite. No. Do you find it hard? I think we've talked about this, like having moved so many times in life and being the ages that we are and the different professions that we've had of like keeping in touch with everyone. It is hard. It's really hard. And it's unnatural to have to be carrying on like a hundred conversations at once on your phone. Like I, yeah, yeah. And different time zones it's it's really hard hard but that's why parties are good because you got everyone in one place you see them once a year you know i know i don't think you should give up on parties you can like not have one this year but then revisit it at some point thank you could we throw you one yeah you could you could but after the oscars and everything this year i this when i'm having my first plastic surgery operation oh my god yes on the back on our track on my eyes somebody's found them in the dumpster yeah coming back couple of rodents hanging off of them but they're getting sewn on too they both have ornaments on them but yeah i have my um we should podcast some night when i'm so exhausted because i am popeye face like nobody's business My eyelid, the muscle of it cannot open at all. Can we podcast when you're recovering from the surge? Oh, for sure. Oh, that would be fun. I would love to show everyone. We're on some kind of hill. Yeah, with an eyepatch. Yeah. Hello, everyone. It's your old sea captain, Tig. That's a really good impression of me. It'd be you with an eyepatch because we would be a sea captain. well I'm for sure gonna get on and as long as I'm feeling okay you know because apparently can take a couple of weeks to like really feel like you're back in your body hopefully it'll be sooner but um I am more than willing to get on here and be like this is my new Hollywood face yeah oh I really want you to show up and you've you've had a couple other things done too just just for fun. Like what? Like Botox so that you, I mean, not, not that you're like making crazy faces all the time as it is, but Botox. So you're really still. I did Botox once for my, I have bad like head stuff. Yeah. And, and I was told that maybe Botox can help. And, um, Stephanie was teasing me the other night about that those few months that I had Botox and how she goes um she was like that was um she said you were one of those examples of like you looked like a completely different person oh my god and I and I just said um please don't ever bring that up again that was a mistake I made oh my god um but yeah it's uh I don't know if I can do that again but it also didn't help my head at all yeah but um we all have our problems right yeah but yes get out of my house by 5 p.m. I also love an early thing what I do enjoy more than a huge party is just a dinner party oh i love a dinner party eight to ten people love that and you hang out start early you have five honestly yes you have hors d'oeuvres and drinks and you just chat and then you move into the food when you're ready listen to some tunes i could do that until the cows come home but like a million people running around my house and property like yeah it's stressful it's so stressful and you don't get to sit down and talk to people one-on-one and i just i love that so much more and if you add like the party ends at eight but you're having a good time you're like guys by the way i wasn't sure if you'd be a fun bunch in a big group together we can go till 8 30 yeah yeah i i do love an end time i do not mind an end time at all and i will say if trixie's friends are a little bit right in that like two to five for a pool party scene does seem short no yeah you know what's enough time to tread water i would have added one more hour one to five yeah and pool party feels like it should be able to get a little wild what like cannonballs what are you talking about you gotta be doing cannonballs yeah if you'd ruined the whole part everybody was looking for a chill day and you're just like belly flop i yeah i think i threw one pool party years and years and years ago and it was so much work and i was like never again i'm not great at throwing i don't throw a lot of parties personally Oh, but you want me to throw my big... I did. I'll throw it for you. I did in my... From 30 to 35, I threw myself a lot of birthday parties. I did do that. Six a year. I mean, one a year, you know. I was going to say more than five in that window of time. And I had some good ones. I had one at the Gay Country Western Bar. I had one at a piano. The piano bar was really fun. I had one at my house. um i had one uh i don't remember but i had some good b-day parties back back in my single days i miss the days where it's your birthday and you know i just gotta invite everyone in my class just the 25 kids in my class and there's no hierarchy it's just yeah i went to a kid's birthday party on sunday and there was a bouncy castle and uh pizza and then all these did you know anyone there? No, I just was walking by. Yeah, it was Sabrina's son's birthday and all the parents were there. And it is weird that they don't know each other and they all have to socialize because their kids are there together. And then someone said to me, hey, a lot of these kids love the Beatles. You want to grab a guitar and play a Beatles song? And a part of me was like picturing this magical moment, all the kids singing along. And then I thought about what it would really be like and how I'd bomb and the kids wouldn't really want to listen and the parents would be like what is this I get the I get the lyrics wrong and it would seem like I wanted attention and you didn't do it I didn't do it I didn't do it you just gotta be like when I find myself in times of trouble that's Bob Dylan singing the Beatles yeah Should we hear Trixie's answer? I personally don't think that's rude I think it gives everybody an idea of when things are meant to wrap up. Quality over quantity. Come over for lunch doesn't mean you should be here at 10pm. Do you guys think that's crazy? Fair, fair point. Fair. Because there are people that don't read the room yes god and it's never who you want to stay it's never the there's always one person that shows up like 10 minutes before the party starts and then and you're still like putting things out and they're just there not helping and staring at you yeah and then there's always a person you don't want to stay late is not leaving yeah so it's the time the time um book uh bookends helps with the people that aren't as self-aware. Yeah. Well, and that's the problem with being so jacked up on drugs and alcohol. Oh, that's a good one. So we'll end there. That you don't pick up on cues? I'm just assuming. Like if you're trashed and you're just like, party continues. Did I tell you about when I went to that party years ago? It was like Nick Kroll, Jason Sudeikis, Olivia Wilde. They had done like some film and they were like, hey, we're at the director's house. Come over and hang out. And I went over there and it was very intimate. And like maybe 10 people. And then I said to the friends of mine in the cast, I was like, okay, when you guys leave, I'm just going to hang out at your director's house and act like I don't pick up that it's time to leave. And so they all laughed and I was just sitting at his kitchen table and I was like, man, so that was really fun. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You actually went through with the bits. Oh, I did it. I did it. Oh, my God. And he was like, yeah, you know, and he was like cleaning up and you could tell he was like, what in the hell is happening? You thought you were trying to bang. Yeah. But to this day, when I see him every now and then, we have a laugh about that. You love a bit. Oh, my God. Well, I love an awkward bit. Wouldn't you want to see that? Wouldn't you want to see me? I couldn't put myself through the pain of that. Okay. But wouldn't you want to watch me doing it? I wouldn't want to watch you do it, but it would be painful to be the person doing it. I need to have a prank show. Yeah, you do. There's no audience for that. Your friends have left. It's just you and him. Well, yeah, it's just I do so many bits just for me. And then I share them. So that's great. That's my nightmare. Being in an awkward situation, you thrive. I love it. I love it so much. I have something really related to that, which is I took Parv's daughter, Alma, to the Muppets premiere. And so I kept bumping into people I knew. And I was so excited. It was just me and Alma. Like Kermit? Yeah, my buddy Kermit. no like like friends who were coming up and then ama was like geez like people keep distracting us from talking and i was like yeah it's uh people keep coming over and she was like are they your friends and i was like some of them but uh i said actually sometimes people come over and i don't really even want to talk to them i don't really know them that well so i just know you from your imdb score i said ama you could say you could make up a wreath could go oh may you we gotta go over here we gotta you know you distract me and she was like okay got it got it and then this guy came over not five minutes later and was like may hey and i was like hey and she goes may told me they don't want to talk to people at this party and that they want me to make up an excuse to get them out of the conversation i was like oh she's referring to something else that's not you that is so funny that was really good she was doing a bunch of bits actually in the bathroom she goes may i flushed my hairband down the toilet i went what and she goes yeah but fell in i flushed it right down i was like she's doing a bit she goes come in and look and i go and it's nowhere to be found and and then she'd hidden it behind the door but if she really committed for a long time uh she got you she got me good yeah yeah she and i need to have a prank show yeah so my god What if that was my story? I was like, and after everyone left, I hung my hairband on his bathroom hook behind the door. You've been ticked. And he didn't know it. Well, what a podcast. What a podcast, y'all. Well, before we get into promotions, I want to say really quickly that the Handsome Pod is doing a live show. it has been a minute since we have gotten to um we did our dynasty typewriter holly bobs um but this will be our next one in may may 4th as part of the netflix is a joke festival it'll be at the wiltern um we've got a really cool guest malin ackerman and britney snow from the hunting wives yeah uh so get your tickets this is going to be a really fun big show and it will not be live live streamed so yeah it's gonna be a grand old time grand old time you have to get your tickets right now yeah i'm excited link is on our social media pages and um you can also go to tignotaro.com if you want to come see me live on my tour or doing la dates and final push check out come see me in the good light on apple tv it is a documentary full of hope and life even though it seems like it won't be and a lot of humor in there too so it's so beautiful please check it out you can also sign up for apple for a trial subscription if you're like i don't have apple tv trial trial subscription i'm going on tour real soon if you go to maymartin.net uh there's still tickets left and i'm going to Oklahoma first at the end of February. And then I'm going to Texas and I would love to see everyone there. I want to sell it out. It's selling really well, but then there's some random cities that aren't, I mean, I've never toured before. So I'm talking about this like, it's crazy. Some cities don't sell and some do, but please come and see me. MayMartin.net. It's going to be very, very joyful. Yes. Have a grand old time. I'm in San Diego March 7th. And then the rest of my tour picks back up in April. All those dates I had to reschedule are definitely happening. Oklahoma City, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Little Rock, San Antonio, Des Moines, Toronto, Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Omaha, Portland, Maine, Detroit. Those are all coming up soon. love it and please you love you too you as well may rate and review subscribe to this podcast and the youtube page and please share your favorite episodes with friends and let's keep building this community also um we're up for a glad award hey yeah we are yeah for best podcast of the year Hey, hey, hey. So that's also why you should share the podcast because we are the best. We're number one in our hearts. Yeah, in our hearts. So until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Theemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast.