#3215 RHOBH S15E09 Part One: Hamptons Manifesto

My name is Sherlock Holmes. It's an unusual name. Young Sherlock. A new series of Guy Ritchie. What game are we playing today? Find the origin of the iconian's meesterbrij. There has been a break-in. Astounding. You should be a detective. With Harrow Fiennes, Stephen, Donald Finn and Colin Firth. If you start wearing a hat like that, I will no longer be friends with you. Young Sherlock. A new series. Look now. Only on Prime Video. Watch What Crappens is Mr. Benjamus Mandel-Certunius. Hello, Ben. How are you doing? That's my scientific name. Benjamus Mandel-Certunius. Hi, how are you? Yes, I am of the genus Mandel-Certunius. How are you, Ronnie? It's a happy Friday. Aren't you excited for today's slate of shows to talk about? Yeah, we've got a lot of them. Today, we are doing Beverly Hills, The Valley, and the Twaitos. So join us. We'll be here all day. So should you be. Everybody, welcome to the show on the 27th of February in a couple weeks. Less than a couple weeks. That's terrifying. Is, well, no, two weeks almost exactly. That's two weeks from today. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm not ready. Sorry. Is the Golden Crappies in Hollywood. It's going to be so much fun. Get your tickets. They're pretty much gone. So plan on getting live streaming tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com. There might be like 10 tickets left if you do want to come. Um, get those at watchwhatcrappens.com guys, live streaming through Kizwi the same night. It's going to be amazing. Also, if you want our video recaps or bonus episodes or newsletter, which is free by the way, and it's weekly, or, um, what else is there over there? Bonus episodes, videos, discord, newsletter, discord, all that good stuff. Go over to patreon.com and add free listing. That's right. And also voting. We, we are just finishing up round one voting. so we've got all the nominations together and now it's time to vote on the actual awards that starts on Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday Monday, Monday so find us on social, you know Instagram or Patreon or WatchWhatCrapHands.com, you'll find links for it all there, join us for that we're super excited, also we wanted to shout out our friend Sue Funk Sue Funk, F-U-N-K-E Sue Funky, is a comedian, she's a really close friend of ours a really funny comic and she came out with her first comedy album today which is called congratulations sorry a congratulations sorry mixed together okay so go check it out it's on all the streaming platforms um you can also find her links at the sue funk.com we love sue go support sue congratulations you know people i don't know if people realize um just in terms because I'm going to make it about us. But like when we put on the crappies, it has become over the years, it has become a full fledged, like it is a production, a true production. And we call upon our friends to help us backstage with everything. And Sue has helped out with a past few. And like her help has been, she's like thrown herself into it. And so like, let's all give back to Sue. Cause like the, the show part of the reason why the crap, the crap is even is able to go forward is because Sue has helped out so much. so everyone go listen to her album and thank you sue you're the best we love you so we love you okay so let's get on with real housewives of booby-lee-hoo season 15 episode 9 vacation and manifestation darling by the way okay so i want to i'm excited i'm excited ronnie so about two or three weeks ago, we went on to Amy O'Dell's podcast called back row. We were talking about Beverly Hills for an hour. We're talking about fashion. We mentioned this all before. And Amy asked us to give letter grades to various housewives. And she asked us about Rachel. So, and I gave Rachel Zoe a C I gave this Rachel Zoe. See exactly like, because I felt like she's been fine, but not anything special. And I, and she's not obviously very confrontational, But it's almost like the moment I gave her the C was the moment I felt like she bloomed for me. It's almost like, did I make Rachel Zoe better? Was it me? Guys, can I take credit for this? But for real, I felt like the first half of the season, Rachel Zoe was kind of just there and saying some things, but I felt like I wanted more from her. And then it's either either I wrap my head around Rachel Zoe or now Rachel Zoe got comfortable enough where we could start to see kind of like a little bit more than just, I don't know, than what she had been giving that now she I think she has really like become really good all of a sudden. And in fact, I think the entire show has suddenly had a massive turnaround in the past two weeks. Like I loved last night's episode. What do you think about all these things, Ronnie? I still like Rachel. I think she's doing great. Yeah, she took her midterm progress report and she was like, you know what? I'm like going to be dead, but louder. And she's doing great. I don't know. Massive turnaround. I don't know. It's still, you know, it's still like, I still enjoy the show. I mean, you know, it's not one of the most exciting shows to me, but I still always enjoy watching it. It's always a good hour. And I really like this one where they all calmly gave Amanda the business. I thought that was really funny. Amanda with her bullshit, her bullshit business of charging people 50 grand to learn to manifest. Y'all buy a book. It's $5. Get it on. It was hilarious. It was hilarious. It was good. It was funny. And her dress was so stupid, too. I'm like, I hope she cuts herself on that thing because the dress is all like those golden butterflies like hanging off of it. And, you know, like a paper will cut you. So that's got to cut you, you know, in some way. And I was like, you deserve it. You robber. You burglar. I guess the reason why I call it a massive turnaround is because prior to two weeks ago or last week, the show was just fully boring. Nothing was happening. It was just scenes of them having dinner and it just had no heartbeat whatsoever. It was just so dull. And then you had Rachel's blackout party. And then I was like, oh, signs of life coming around here. And then I was like, okay, now we have a good episode. and then this past episode we're about to recap I thought was like legitimately very funny and I think you know Dorit being unhinged is great and I just think it's like going in the right direction and I'm just like really happy it's like okay the show it's like it's like it's come out of its coma okay and now it's fallen in love with Sandra Bullock I'm so happy it's eyebrows are still a little weird but we love it all the same yeah so here we go we're at Rachel's house she's like I've got sunglasses on inside because I'm literally insane like there are people in my bushes right now it's crazy okay director of business development Mary Elizabeth let's talk okay so she's like well Rachel we have some scheduling stuff to figure out wow like I'm incredibly burned out already just by that sentence like I'm like I was like I was like a candle and guess what all the blacks just like went away and I'm just like burnt out now like I have not into the Hamptons and I'm normally there the entire summer with like much more interesting and cooler people than I'm stuck with this summer and I just I can't do it anymore I honestly miss my New York friends like so much like so much like I can't I'm dead Rachel's whole like I'm depressed without the Hamptons is cracking me up she's so like every week she's like I can't I can't live without being in the Hamptons like what am I even doing here I should be in the Hamptons right now like what am I doing I'm losing my fucking mind please get me to the like Rachel's though is so funny to me because I think that she's like blatantly status obsessed like she's blatantly wants to like there's like a crowd of people who she's like these are like my people but they're like the cooler more famous more wealthy people whatever or maybe not necessarily more wealthy because there's actually a lot of money on Beverly Hills but like there's a sense that she wants to be with the true fashion people the true chic people and she's stuck on this show because she had to like bravo offered a good deal. So she went for it. And she's like, I can't do it. I need to be with the chic people again. And it's like, you know, on a different show, we'd be like, wow, how pretentious of her. Look, she thinks she's better. But in this show, it's so funny to me. She's like, I got to get out of here. I cannot be around Amanda Francis any longer. Take me to the Hamptons. I mean, look what happens in Beverly Hills in the summer. Amanda Francis. Okay. That's who's not in the Hamptons this summer. Get me out of here. I need to go to the Hamptons. Look how vulnerable I just was saying that I need the Hamptons in my life. I'm like so vulnerable about the Hamptons right now. Dead. The Hamptons is home for me. Like I'm from New York. It's literally my happiest place. Like it's where every major life event has happened. My ex proposed to me there. Every birthday I've ever had was there. Every single birthday I've ever had was in New York. It's pretty important. There are literally pictures of me naked as like a one-year-old in the dunes of Amagansett. I could hear her to say Amagansett. Like for an entire hour. You guys go to Amagansett? Oh my God. I was, I was, I've been in Amagansett since I was one years old, naked, naked, literal naked one-year-old pictures of me in Amagansett. Of course she loves Amagansett because if she, if you say Amagansett the way Rachel says it, it sounds like she's saying, Oh my God. Amagansett. So then we do see little pictures of Rachel as a toddler and I'm a God sad, but you know, you can't show naked babies on TV. So she's wearing like a little, they've like, you know, Photoshopped like a little feather boa, you know, a calf can on her. Yeah. She says, I hate petty man girl shit. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And that's why this episode, I'm going to make sure to take only two people to the cool place. yeah i gotta hate being girl shit yeah that's true huh she's like so i'm gonna like not include the non-cool people on my track you know like i hope kyle and dorit can get along because nothing would make me happier i mean literally being in the hamptons naked and i'm a concert would but like seriously if i could bring to read like a dorit needs to go out like what and then kyle's like, I'm not drinking, whatever. I get tired, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? One of my friends has like five bedrooms. So she's like, take my house. Stay here. Like, I don't care. If you have sober people who are tired, bring them. Like, what do I care? We don't judge here. We're not mean girls. Yeah. I was like, just do whatever you can do to get me back to Amazon. So, um, Rachel FaceTimes to read and she's like, guess what? I'm about to make you smile. She goes, wow. Well, I'm, I'm so excited. I don't even know what this is yet, but I'm already so excited about it. Well, don't get that excited. Okay, it's not like I'm taking you to... Oh my God, it's hot. I want you to come to the Hamptons with me. Oh, Riju! Honestly, you don't even know how much I need this. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. My name is Sherlock Holmes. It's an unusual name. Young Sherlock. A new series of Guy Ritchie. What game are we playing today? I found the origin of the iconian's meesterbreed. There has been a break-in. Astounding. You should be a detective. With Harrow Fiennes-Stiffen, Donald Finn and Colin Firth. If you start wearing a hat like that, I will no longer be friends with you. Young Sherlock. A new series. It's like, did someone's soul literally get ripped from their body? Was there a horror movie happening? But here's the thing. It's going to be you, me, and Kyle. Reverse. However you want to do that in your mind. Just do a reverse version of that. Tariq goes, there's nothing that could make me upset right now. Not even the idea that that stupid little imp would be joining us in the Hamptons. Not even that that little cross-eyed garden gnome will be joining us in the Hamptons. Well, it's so nice to know that we'll be actually traveling somewhere with the real-life Travelocity gnome. things have been so shitty recently so i don't give a shit where car left off she's gonna have to play nice and there's nothing that's gonna stoop me from having food this weekend see dorit is smart dorit dorit i think literally no one has ever said that so i know sorry i'm the first time for everything it's crazy things are topsy-turvy it's like i just manifested that um dorit i should say i'm gonna say dorita savvy no people don't say that but the truth is rachel's dorit's dorit is poor no rachel's oh it's to reach on ramp into the inner echelons of fashion which is where dorit also known as the proprietor of beverly beach uh wants to be it's like the Punta Cana that's where you want to be okay and so she's normally we're spending our summer in the Punta Cana that's where you go so she is like Rachel Zoe is inviting me to the Hamptons I'm probably going to get to go have dinner somewhere where I don't know Donna Karen's going to come stumbling over to the table I'm just going to say yes and I don't care what like what twists or turns that she throws my way I'm just going to say yes no questions asked so she gets it and she's like absolutely there's no reason i would never be upset with anyone who might join us on this trip i mean like you could have had like i don't know who her who's to read's biggest rival i don know if she ever had a major major rival garcelle vanderpump vanderpump she would have been happy so she was like unfazed by the fact that Kyle would be coming on this trip She just getting somebody to pay for her to go out of town She like literally doesn't care. She's going. And so she calls Kyle next. And Kyle is of course staring at herself on the FaceTime like fluffing her hair. Like, oh my god. Hi. Yeah. Like looking at herself in all the different angles. Like, Kyle, do you not look at yourself enough? Jesus. It's like, well, you know how you've been talking about Hot Girl Summer, and we've been having an opposite of that? It's been Cold Girl Summer. It's been Pashmina Summer, and I'm over it. We're going to the hampf. We're going. And Kyle's like, oh my god. Well, yeah, I'm going to say yes. Yeah. Cool. And then Rachel's like, have you spoken to Dorit? And she's like, well, Dorit and I haven't spoken at all, but I have spoken to PK, who's told me that she's cray-cray. Right? And Rachel's like, well, I also unbite a Dorit because I feel like she really needs to get out. So then Kyle, unlike Dorit, Kyle does like a whole face and looks left and right and is like, um, like totally registers her dismay. It's like, Kyle, just say thank you so much for the invitation. I would love to come to the Hamptons with you. But of course she has to be so rude about it. And then she's always wondering why she's not viewed as a girl's girl. um yeah i mean i don't know i don't know my reaction of going to the hamptons with dorito be like i don't know that's a long time because you don't just go right into the hamptons right don't you have to fly to new york and then drive to the hamptons or is there like a little air there must be a little airport out there now isn't there or there is a little airport but they did not take the i think they were they took the schlep route the little airport i think is it's a big pain in the arse so i think you go to jfk and then you either take your car or you drive for a couple hours at least how long does the yes i'm gonna drive like put on a dipe right put on a dipe and get out get on the jitney yeah like sonia ronnie i love you're like isn't it kind of a schlep to get out there i was like as if we haven't watched summer house for 10 years in a row watch them drive out there every single episode yeah that's true and i've done it myself and i is but then the reason i was doubting myself is because i was like well maybe rich people like do like a helicopter from the airport to the thing i mean i don't know i don't know what maricio is definitely doing the helicopter at the airport i'm sure but yeah it's like a schlep and then you're you're not only stuck on the plane with dorit you're stuck you know in a car with dorit for three hours it's like a whole thing you know so yeah i don't know that i'd be happy either but you know you're shooting so just go so uh she agrees to go i was just trying to you know the thing is this is this the strongest anti-kyle point in the world that she made a face when she who's invited and, you know, and knowing that she have to spend this fun time with Dorit, it's not the strongest anti-Kyle point, but I will, I just can't miss an opportunity to add another piece of evidence into the anti-Kyle file, which is that, you know, Rachel invited her to go to the Hamptons, which is pretty cool. And Kyle can't just say, Oh my God. Yeah. Awesome. Just be like, sure. Like no problem. I'm fine with Dorit. I'll be fine. And then, so, and then she wants, and then Kyle wants us to be on her side. I'm like, you're the one who is the, you're the, you're the guilty party in this situation. Even when you make your face on the FaceTime thing, I am done on this point and we can move on. You don't have to be. I'm enjoying it. There's nothing more to say about it. I'm on the three hour ride right now to the Hamptons. I'm just like, whatever happens. Yeah. I just pooped my dipe. I pooped my dipe on the jitney with that. Really important point. So now we go to Amanda's house and her toddlers are all over the place. Kanan and Delilah and the assistant's helping out because Amanda is setting up for a party. And Amanda's like, oh my God, do we get everything we need for the party? And she's like, yeah, we got bags and journals. Oh God. The second I heard journals, I was like, this is not a friend. Bags and journals. Yeah. Amanda's like, and did we get copies of it for everyone of my book, Rich's Fog? Cause I'll sign it for them. I'm sure that's what exactly these women are looking forward to Sutton who's on the board of ABT is like oh I do hope I get a signed edition of the money queen so rich ass fuck can't wait it'll be worth it just to see Reba flipping through it I know Reba's like can I manifest an anvil falling on this ding dong's head yeah so Amanda says I feel like I'm not really understood by these women And so I'm going to have like a party and they're going to really understand me better. Amanda, they understand you and they don't like you. It's not it's not you're not some mystery. OK, you're some lady who's taking pop psychology from the 60s, 70s and 80s. That is like a dollar in the used bookstore and repurposing it for fifty thousand dollars to board housewives who are going into extreme debt to pay for it. OK, you're a monster. Yeah, yeah, you're the worst. so Amanda now does the ritual of FaceTiming everyone and she has this really high voice when she's trying to be nice she's like I am having a dinner called the Manifestation Moment Dinner and Erica's like oh wow love that idea love that idea sorry I was talking to my dog who just proposed me feeding him I said I love that idea I'm gonna do that after this phone call what were you asking about hun listen you could have just stopped it ma'am okay yeah we're going to a man fest can't wait so next is sutton and sutton's like wow manifestation that's fun that's fun great and then boz is like what manifestation party what the hell kind of name is that the name of name for dinner party is that and they show boz's and she goes no i think it's gonna be a moment and then you see boz's face in the face i'm looking at her like what's wrong with you girl Moses is like I am so confused you're ridiculous and Amanda is like um I think it's gonna be a moment it's like oh god so Amanda says um yeah like other than a really small group of online haters like I'm typically praised for what I do the bots I hire from China all leave me really good comments so I'm not sure what these people are talking about because I'm loved so I'm gonna approach It's just like, you know, I'm not going to, I'm inviting them into my home. I'm sharing with them something I love. I'm opening up my world. I'm talking about manifestation and hopefully we'll understand each other a little bit better. Yeah. You're going to look at the pages of those journals when you leave and they're all going to say Red Rum over and over again, page after page. Honestly, Amanda is such a great casting choice for the show because she is so full of it. She's so full of bullshit. And it is so funny to see everyone reacting to her. Like it is just, it is pure comedy. I love it so much. I mean, she's awful. She's awful in so many different ways, but wow, is this like not hilarious. So, um, Amanda and Anna, her assistant are talking still. And Amanda's like, one thing that I'm learning about these ladies is that they're all working on like big things and big goals. And when I'm in that situation, I try to manifest the fuck out of it. And I'm going to just have them do some classic journal prompts about manifestation at the table. So get ready, Sunstrak. You're going to get a classic journal prompt. Yeah. Going to the Hamptons. And because you're all idiots. I'm at it's like journaling is like writing down your goals and your dreams and desires. It's an opportunity for self-reflection, emotional regulation, and clarity. Have you read any of yours? how could anyone like you write this stuff down and still believe it afterwards you're so full of shit so she wants everyone to create their best lives and her assistant who's making like a minimum wage and you know her ringing kids and dealing like dealing with kids and all this other shit it's just like wow sounds like good vibes i'm sure it works which is why i'm stuck in this fucking predicament i just started watching i love la and um it's basically if you took that entire show and just like poured it into one person it's amanda just ridiculous stereotypes of los angeles all just rolled up in one vapid toothy person so the person i don't know why she just sort of has that like cheshire smile grin you know like a charlatan would. So now Dorit is in the backseat of the car. She's sipping a juice and sighing. Arnott Taker pointed that out, which I think is such a funny, oh, juice. Well, Dorit's solo in a car scenes are more the norm now because she doesn't really have anyone to get ready with or do all of that. So I'm really enjoying the Dorit. like, well, we can at least do a scene of me sipping a juice in the car. And she'll just make the whole thing out of it. Like when she was like, I need a Coca-Cola or I can't come on with me day. Remember in the first episode, walking around her kitchen, talking about how much she loves Coca-Cola. Driving down the street, drinking G and juice in my Chevy Tahoe, laid back. I've spent months trying to get Piqui to talk to me I don't know what his intentions are I don't know where his head is Where is it? Where is his head? He's walking around a torso A torso without any heads They said he went over to Sleepy Hollow I said, what does that even mean? Where is his head? He's riding a horse A horse made of Pringles I don't know where his head is He's just a sack of flour Wandering around VIP stations around the city Making up with youngsters I'm in limbo and I have no control I need to do something about it So I'm going to go piss him off Via his best friend At a restaurant And it's called Lady Hawk Lady Hawk Which by the way is a restaurant The chef, I believe the chef of Lady Hawk Is Charbel Who is on Top Chef 20 World All Stars There you go everyone, little bravo Easter egg in there I just think it's funny she's going into a place called Ladyhawk when she's like two steps from being that lady who has to hawk everything just to pay her rent. This is too on the nose. Ladyhawk. It's too on the nose. Yeah. Go to Rostos Madre. For some help. She needs to go to Voodoo Donuts maybe. That's what she really needs to deal with the PK situation. So Dorit enters. So Mauricio was there which means we get yet another scene of Mauricio on Bravo. Well, this is his home turf, but still, it's like a lot of Mauricio these days. It's a lot. It's like his fifth time in a week. Go away. And again, it's another scene of him looking at to read, like he's trying to read something on his laptop. Furrow browsed and opened and furrowed and then trying to figure out how to zoom in. And then he zooms in too much. Uh-oh. Something's happening here. I sense lady feelings. Hold on. Let me give you my face for lady emotions. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. He's so confused. Is he auditioning to be in stock footage? It's like, I need some stock footage of a man smiling. And he's like, ha, smile. It's like, now he's confused. Confused. We need stock footage for Google Maps of somebody just lost. Okay, could you just give us lost face? I don't know what you mean. Okay, a woman is feeling something. Oh, what? What is that, a stoplight? What? I don't understand. to be a detective. Met heroine Stiffen, Donald Finn, and Colin Firth. If you start wearing a hat like that, I will no longer be friends with you. Young Sherlock, a new series. Kijk nu, alleen op Prime Video. So, to read orders for a classic drink. I'll have a Belvedere on the rocks and I'll have three limones and squeeze them in, just squeeze them in and, but don't, God, I don't want to say it. I don't want to say, don't say carcass out, don't say. She's trying so hard not to say carcass out. But you see in her face that she knows now she's going to get a drink with three damn lemons taking up the space. And she's pissed. But she doesn't want to give Mauricio the satisfaction of saying carcass out. Because she knows that he'll make fun of him in his mind. He'll make fun of her in his mind. Mauricio, I basically am a carcass in my own glass. Thanks to PK. Well, thank you very much for inviting me. I say carcass out after I said it so many times. And then PK left. Turns out manifesting does work. Yeah, well, thank you for inviting me to do this. I hope I can be of help. I'm not here to take sides, only to advocate for PK's side. Okay, tell me what you want to say. So she's like, well, I would like for PK and I to not be on opposite sides. Okay, I want to be, you know, because the thing is, you know what the joke is about when your mama is so big that when she walks around the block she's around the block I think you got that joke wrong and I'm not I'm just trying to make a joke about PK and size to lighten up the mood a little bit Mauricio I'm not really following the yo mama and the PK thing a little bit you want to start from the top well I literally cannot get PK to communicado with me And I'm hoping Mo can nudge him to get on the same page. Because that's what's best for the kids. Now, I don't know what PK is saying to you. And he's like, well, you know, I know he'd like to have a schedule with the kids. You know, actually be able to see them. Well, I want him involved in their lives, Mo. I do, Mo. Involved. Involved in their lives. You know, I've started covering little Jaggy in powdered sugar just to get his father to pay any sort of attention to him. It hasn't worked. Now I've just got a child with allergies. Yeah, well, yeah, okay. Well, hopefully it all works out, right? He just doesn't know what to say at any point. And I'm not restricting him from them at all. Well, I mean, so according to him, he texted you asking to see the kids and asking to be with the kids He has never texted me once asking me to see the kids Well he shown me his phone and I scrolled up and down and seen your replies and his replies and conversations about the kids and conversations about him asking for a schedule, you know. And he's like, look, this is how I do it. I scroll up and I scroll down and I scroll up again and I scroll down again. That's how you know I've done it because I can actually mimic the action of scrolling up and down with my fingers. Yeah. Mo, Mo, listen to me. Okay, paint, paint. You're painting a fence. No, no, no. Okay, wax on, wax off. No, it's not charades. I'm doing scrolling up and down on the phone. Oh, karate kid, got it, nailed it, nailed it. He will tell her a story and make sure it's very one-sided, Mo. And Marisa's like, well, I mean, I've seen it all. Like, I promise you. I've seen the spreadsheets for his plan for the money. I'm like, well, him having spreadsheets is one thing. Him actually communicating that or anything with Dorit is a whole other thing. You know, I don't know. I mean, when Marisa says he's seen the text messages, his vibe is kind of like, I've seen it. I've seen that he's texted you. It is kind of convincing. But I also have to imagine that this is very selective on PK's part to make him look like he's in the best light. And I just have to believe Dorit on this, you know. I mean, I believe PK too, though. I do believe that. Look, no one's going to tell the exact whole truth. Like she's getting her side to say her thing. And he's been using his side to say all of PK's things. So they're basically just saying that the other one is a bad parent. You know, PK never shows up. Dorita's trying to turn the kids against him. I mean, it's kind of typical in a divorce. But I do believe that PK's probably said, yeah, I want to see the kids or whatever. Mauricio's seen the text. I believe that. The thing is, PK is doing that so he can then show his friend, look, I sent these texts and she's not answering me. PK has been out of town months at a time. We all know that. He's not arguing that. So how is he going to see the kids if he's not even here? And he's not. He's trying to cut the mom off for the money and leave her with this mortgage that he put everything in her name to fuck her over with. So PK is fucking her over. No matter how Mauricio wants to slice it and dice it and be like, OK, wow, he wants to see the kids. Well, that's nice because he's been gone for six weeks in a row and he's about to leave for another two months. So where are we going with that, Mauricio? I'm like, come on, you dick. And of course, Mauricio is going to come up here and stand for the other terrible man on the show. Of course he will. Yeah. Team Tariq. Yeah. But I'm sure that PK has sent texts being like, can I see the kids? I'm just like, well, did you better do it on my time? He's like, well, I'll be there in six weeks. I better see them because you're a terrible mother. So he's probably sending her texts to get evidence. Yeah. And I feel like Mauricio, his role, first of all, if I were him, I would not have even agreed to do this. Honestly, like, like it's not, you're going to just always lose. It's just, just stay out of it. Let the two of them deal with it. But I think his energy should have been more like, you know, PK has shown me texts that seem to indicate otherwise. So maybe you could show me and like, we can sort of piece together where the gaps are because I can be a third party. I can see how you guys are miscommunicating. But his was kind of like, no, you're crazy. PK does text you. PK does text you. He does. And that's like not helpful at all. Yeah, he's like, but he sent them to me. He showed me everything. And she's like, look at me, Mo. And he's like, but okay. But then you haven't opened them then because they're in your text. I promise you, look at your text. She's like, Mo, let me break out my text and see this proposal I've never seen. Oh, June 20th. Oh, still don't have a proposal. Where is that? And he's like, but I can only tell you what I've seen. And I've seen it. I've seen it myself. The Google Sheet. I've seen the Google Sheet. gee i know pk's tactics and his game and he'll isolate texts and send them to people or shows people when he's with him be like look look but he omits the context and it's very easy for pk to peddle a false narrative when i'm not around to defend myself and this is the same old same old mo same old he's like well i think we're derailing the conversation into the wrong space okay so let's go one thing, let's attack one thing at a time. He's telling me he wants to see the kids and you're telling me he wants to see the kids. You're telling me you want him to see the kids. So where are the kids? Well, they're covered in powdered sugar. You can't see them. They match the tablecloth. Jaggi's right there. I don't see him. You see? They're not scrolling properly. It's very important for me. I want my children to see their father, but I don't want them to be scared. So until we find out where his head is, we cannot have the children see him in this state. I want them to see their father, but I also don't want them to realize that they've been talking to an uncooked croissant. So, Mauricio is like, now he's like, he's taken off his jacket, his arms are crossed, so he sort of has more of a hostile stance. And she's like, well, go tell your friend and say, Piquet, what is the matter with you? Dorit has tried to sit down and speak to you. Tell him he's got a thing about the kids and I'm on his side. I'm actually on his side about this. He's like, oh, okay. Okay. Okay, okay. But I'm not his enemy. I'm not keeping him from the kids. Okay. Well, I know what's going on with him, and I want to share. I want him to be involved. I need him to be involved. Did you know that Jakey only asked for his grandfather now? He doesn't even remember his father. Yeah, love it. Great, great, great. Okay, cool. Okay, so I'm going to go tell PK Dorit is Crazy Crazy Cocoa Puffs. Okay, got it. got it. But if he's going to be involved, he has to show up clear-headed. He's like, oh, oh, oh, he's 100% will do that. He's always clear-headed. Mo, he started drinking again. He's like, well, you know, you've not been with him. He's not drinking every day. He's not over-drinking. When we go to dinner, he orders a glass of wine, maybe eight. You know, we're not pounding it. That's not what he's doing. I'm not talking about wine. I'm talking about Bisquick. He's drinking Bisquick. He needs to stop right away. well but he didn't just quit drinking for a year as a casual thing Mauricio he stopped drinking because he needs to stop drinking he's like well there's two sides to every story you know there's different perceptions you know some people can say the alphabet backwards because they practice it what are you gonna do uh sounds like you guys just need to talk I'm like yeah that's the whole reason why you're here is because he won't talk to Dorit. This is Mauricio being like, okay, this is getting, I can't do this anymore. Now you're accusing him of being a full blown alcoholic again. Yeah, exactly. So, um, now we're moving on to his alcoholism. Now I don't know, you know, I know that she's talking to him as a friend and being like, okay, well you need to help him or whatever, but I don't know. There's just some things I don't think you can go to the friend to do like make him stop drinking and tell him to show up sober too i mean to really what she needs to do you know to read gets pissed because she thought that this was going to be a huge help and of course mauricio is not even trying to hide that he's kind of hostile here right he's like i'm on pk side you're nuts i've seen all these text messages you're trying to make him look like a bad dad and that's his stance and dorit's like well okay then remind him he's an alcoholic and if he wants to see his kids it's just not the right way to do this to read you need to get a forensic accountant because she tells us again in this episode she still has no idea how much money there is where the money is because pk keeps redacting everything you need to get a forensic he's got you he's got you by the toes right now because of money this is you need to this is need to get a lawyer this is crazy so i don't like this is these are areas i don't know and i don't understand i don't know why pk is allowed to have redacted elements of his financial records I don't know why this is the way it is. But if there is a professional that Dorit could be using to help her, she needs to get that professional in her life. I don't know if it's like, oh, if it's, I don't know. Because there's all these different tiers of divorce. Mediation and this is sealed and unsealed. And I'm learning it all from Bravo, you know. And so I don't know what realm her divorce is in. But what I do know is, like, I feel like she should be able to get those numbers about what money he has and how much that she owed. Once you file, you're supposed to get a lawyer. They freeze all of that shit, and they do forensic accounting, and they get all that information. You can't just redact it. I mean, who's his lawyer, Pam Bondi? You don't get to just redact the whole thing. This divorce is taking place in Culver City, so everyone watch out. put on your bulletproof vests. Jesus. Yeah, this is crazy. She needs to, she needs to stop worrying about Mauricio or PK or visitation or all that shit. And she needs to get a fucking lawyer and she needs to get a financial. She needs to get a forensic accountant. This is such a waste of time to go. She should honestly, she shouldn't have really, I think gone to Mauricio in the first place. I mean, I'm sure realistically it was Bravo. Bravo is like, we need to have you guys have a scene. Mauricio should not be involved in, And two people who are getting divorced, you do not want to put yourself in that position ever. I mean, even if it's just a breakup, just like a regular breakup, it's not even a divorce. You don't want to be in that position. But a divorce is like, it gets messy. You just steer clear of all of that. And yeah, but it also feels like, this feels almost like a weird lateral move. you need to in my own un-expert legal opinion get a lawyer get someone who goes through the proper channels to deal with this because going through mauricio waste of time mauricio yeah and it feels like it feels like what she's trying to do is she's got kyle you know kind of saying what pk is saying to mauricio so pk is getting his side out even not being on camera he's he's painting dorit as being like crazy and holding the kids from him right and so she's like well that's not fair so then i'll get the story out by if kyle's not going to support me and let me get the story out then i'll have mauricio over here and i'll get the story out to mauricio and then that's how i'll kind of but you can't do it through mauricio because mauricio is not your friend you know he acted like your friend but ultimately it's the guys who were friends never you guys yeah what also further confirms is that like kyle obviously is getting her intel either directly from pk or from mauricio and actually we see a clip of it like and this is not that's not a shock but it also goes to show that kyle would rather take mauricio's word over this whole situation than the words of her alleged friend you know and i think that's kind of shitty yeah so we go to sutton's house and um she has a new puppy and she facetimes porter to show her the port the puppy and uh it's aussie her new dog okay and i just i need to talk to you the pope sent aussie a letter and it was addressed to Ozzy Brown. Big deal. Big deal. How do you feel about the fact that I got a dog and I named it a name that sort of sounds like Avi, but not quite? It's like, I don't care. Well, guess what? Also, the Pope wants me to be called Sutton Brown, not Sutton Strack anymore. Do you have any feelings about that? She's like, I don't care, mother. I'm just trying to put in my order at Chipotle. She's like, I don't have to go by Brown, do I? No, but I always thought I'd have the same last name as my daughter. She's like, Mom, you're breaking up right now. Bye, Mom. It's like, Brown, like, Charlie? Well, I've never really thought of it like that one. Mommy couldn't even kick a football. Well, I really didn't think about it like that. Listen, I'm trying to have a storyline. I'm alone in the house. I got a dog that rhymes with Avi, so I can finally have somebody in my life working for me that doesn't, you know, go against an NDA. So just please, please. Porter's like, you're stupid, and your time on the show is over. Okay. All you have to talk about is a last name that nobody cares about. Okay. The Pope doesn't even want to talk about this mother. Okay. The Pope has canceled you. Get off this show. Fine. I'll bore America with it. Well, America, here I am. 50, changing my name. I never thought it would happen. You know, I'm an empty nester now. My baby birds have left. Literally, I had some baby birds. They just flew out the window. Cannot keep a window open. That's the real story with Avi, by the way. Left that window open. lost my baby birds anyway and to name on top of that now i'm just brown um um you just call me sutton k brown downtown sutton brown so i'm known who am i where am i going yeah what's my identity i mean am i brown sutton you need more you need to you need more you need to get avi over here and fight something needs to happen because this is you're you're fired okay so we got a boring downward spiral in her living room. It's the bad. Who am I? Am I my resume? Well, am I brand? Who am I? So then we go to Dorit's house, and Dorit is packing for the Hinton's. And she's like, oh, this might be the start to an actual hot girl's meal. Yes. And then she's really happy because she has her little mini kelly hermes bag that she's matching and then we go to kyle's house and this this was funny to me so she's packing with with jen her friend and uh kyle's like yeah this is gonna be a hot girl summer jen and jen goes are we still saying hot girl summer i thought that was like two summers ago i was like thank you for someone finally acknowledging this this is what i've been thinking all season i can't believe i didn't really articulate it on the show but i was like isn't hot girl summer kind of like isn't that like passe and then kyle goes yeah but Rachel doesn't know that and she keeps saying it so I'm just going along with it and I was like wow it's bad when even Kyle knows did Kyle know though remember when Kyle was like my eyebrows are on fleek this hot girl summer's on fleek can't wait to be Audi 5000 to Beverly Hills so Dana Rachel's assistant is pulling all of her caftans out and she's like oh my god love Dolce oh my god this is vintage Poochie that I got at the vintage show do you remember Oh, my God. Joanna Ortiz Kaftan. She is the Hamptons. All of these are classic Hamptons, and they're all the same Kaftan. It's just all the same Kaftan, slightly different. Rachel can find a vintage Kaftan wherever she goes. It's a talent. Someone is banging at my door. Hold on one second. One second. There's someone from FedEx here. One second. Jalouse. Who am I? I so sorry about that He was banging and Dom wasn't here to open the door. That's quite all right, didn't it? He wasn't leaving the package. I'm sorry. Sorry about that. So, yeah. Vintage Poochie. Joanna Ortiz Kaftan. Vintage Chloe dress. Priceless. I love how surprised she is. I love that. Sorry. I love how surprised she is by all the items in her closet. Oh my God. A Chloe dress. Oh my God. Carlegar. That was from like when Carlegar. Oh my God. Chanel. I love this Chanel. Oh my God. There's the kaleidoscope from, from Sedona. Oh my God. It's just watching someone that excited to look like Mrs. Roper cracks me. Well, who wouldn't be? Honestly. Stanley. I'm dead Actually it's really endearing It's like very funny to me but it's really endearing This is someone who loves fashion on like Like a deep deep level That when she sees an item that she bought Like she acts like someone just brought this to her Like she's at Like a restaurant and someone says Miss Zoe special order for you And then they bring out like a Chanel dress But these are things that she already has acquired But she's just so excited to like rediscover them again in her closet Yeah she's like for me I approach the Hamptons like I approach the south of France, like caftans, backless dresses, gold jewelry. You're not supposed to wear heels in the Hamptons. I don't care because I'm me. I do whatever I fucking want to. This is hot, girl. Summer. Yeah, because you know what? That's not me. Said me, never. I don't know if I even understand that. It is me. so now we go to the lax luxury terminal the place where the celebrities i guess go there's some sort of like satellite space they this is what's so funny this is here's what's funny about celebrity culture it's like hey you're so famous you don't even have to go into the main terminal we're gonna give you your own special little spot and it's basically like it looks like like avis rent a car rental car you know it's like it's this tiny little thing where they put out like a fruit platter but because it's like far away from everyone else it's like oh the height of luxury ava's desk yeah i mean obviously it's great we were always trying to get into those airport lounges we're like oh my god our dream when we're touring is to go to an airport lounge so we got all the right credit cards you know like it took us a while but like we worked our way into those lounges and then we finally get into the lounge and we're like oh it's just a shitty hyatt place buffet. What the hell? But that's what's so funny. And look, don't get me wrong. If I can get ever access to that special little LAX, you know, hobby hole of a receiving location, I will a hundred percent go and be happy about it. But I just think it's so funny that like, it's by and large, like a very nothing burger, little sitting space, right? Like seating space. There's just some chairs, a little table and they do bring out caviar and everything, but like, it's not, I wouldn't look at that and be like, wow, this is so chic. But the fact that it's just like far away from everyone else, it's like, wow, this is the coolest spot in all of LAX. It's a chair, it's like two chairs and some caviar. But you get to do things like pick up a landline and be like, hi, can we get some coffee and like some caviar? Yeah. Thanks. You have landline. Stir the caviar in. I just want fish, egg, coffee. Just bring it to me. Dress it in a caftan. Go crazy. Caviar caftan. Yeah. Said me never. here's what I don't want. Coffee dressed in a caftan. Said me never. Hot coffee summer. I noticed, by the way, when Kyle was packing, she has a big ass landline in our house. And I have to assume like, okay, maybe for like security gates and everything like that. But this was like a full on 1994 office phone that was like wide. It was like as wide as like a PS5. And I was like, what's happening with that giant ass phone in Kyle's bedroom. I want to know if anyone else saw that and if they have any theories. And Kyle's like, oh my God, I have to go on vacation with someone I'm not even talking to. How's that going to work? Rachel's like, do you want a cappuccino? And Dorit finally gets there. An hour late, but you know, it's pretty good for Dorit. She's like, I've had two cappuccinos already. I just haven't slept. I haven't slept. Let me tell you. PK had an emergency mediation and he agreed to take the kids. Well, I mean the Hamptons. Although he didn't pick them up until much later than we agreed upon. But you know what? It doesn't matter because there's nothing that's going to take away the ability to have food this weekend. I like how when Dorit says, I've had two cappuccinos already. And Kyle goes, I'm on my third. You win, you win, Kyle. But they're all competing because Dorit's like, well, I haven't slept you guys. And Rachel's like, yeah, me neither. I slept an hour and a half. Oh my God. We're just all feeding you today. Sorry. Emergency mediation. We both beat Dorit. Guys, I actually slept for like 88 minutes. So it's just like a little bit less time than like the 90 minutes. So like, I don't know, maybe I'm like the most tired here. So now we cross cut with this luxury with, um, uh, to Amanda's house. And Amanda is setting up her table and, um, Eddie joins her. She's like, hi Eddie. Like the way she says hello to her children and Eddie drives me nuts. Hi, sweet thing. So she goes, so you remember how you said Dorit can't come to our house and yell at a table of people in front of our kids and that whole thing? Well, I found out that Kyle and Dorit and Rachel are in the Hamptons this weekend. And he's like, so worst case, we got booze. She's like, yeah. See, manifestation works. Dorit is 3,000 miles away from me. Now 3,000 miles away in the Hamptons. Kyle and Dorit and Rachel are going to their destination and Kyle's like, did Amanda invite you guys to our manifestation thing? It's crazy. Which, by the way, it's really important for me to note this because I went back, I rewound for this exact moment in the recap. Which is, there was Kyle asked Amanda when Amanda invited her, Kyle asked if she was inviting Dorit and Amanda was like, I don't know, I think maybe I'm not sure. I have to think about it, blah, blah, blah. and so Kyle knows that Dorit's not invited so the fact that she's sitting there and is like so did everyone get invited to Amanda's thing? I'm like what a fucker. You're such a fucker. You know Dorit didn't get invited. Yes, I got invited. It's like I said the same thing that I said to PAMS the last time they tried it. I declined. Oh, yeah, that's also the same thing that machines say to Dorit's credit card. So she invited everyone but moi. That's me in Spanish. Rachel's like, are you devastated? Are you devastated that you're missing the manifestation party? Wow. Not only am I not devastated. You don't give a shit. Let me just guess. That's the rest of the sentence. Yes, I'm done. I am done and I am done. And she tells us, Amanda is 40 going on four. Do you think I'm bothered? Yeah, you actually did me a favor because I manifested not. getting an invite. So think about that. The manifestation in reverse worked out. I manifested not getting invited before you manifested me not being there. So that's what you do say. Let's pretend that that joke just wasn't already made by a moondah. Just keep it in there, did it? Guys, I made the joke first, actually. We'll go to the mat with manifestation jokes. Guys, I made the joke already. Sorry for interrupting you like 10 times today, Ronnie. Yeah. I made that joke like three times already. so now we go to rachel's friend's house and um rachel's like oh my god i don't know that i needed like a leash for to read like is she gonna come in like what the hell i'm not not not not not so we meet suzanne rachel's friend and pamela rachel's sister and rachel comes into this house which is kind of you know it's like nice but it's like a basic hampton's house they all look the same it's like the houses in beverly hills they all kind of look the same and she walks in she's like oh my god this is my happy place i'm happy here i'm so happy this is like my god it's like a normal foyer but like in the hamsons totally different literally so happy being back with the cool girls um first of all pamela i feel like pamela's a throwback to the rachel zo project because i was like oh my god i remember pamela second of all i am gonna push back i think these houses are much nicer than the beverly hills houses i think the beverly hills houses are actually trying to copy sometimes the hamptons look but this is like hamptons so if i had to choose between foyers i'm choosing the hamptons foyer for sure just want to draw a line of that one ronnie that's okay i think it looks like a another like farmhouse modern remodel mouse um so rachel's like oh my god you know what i just realized holy shit everybody stop four years are different in the Hamptons okay keep walking oh my god stop I realized something else we're all divorced you guys like we're literally all divorced right now and Kyle's like um actually I um I'm I'm separated so don't call me divorce please please don't call me divorce and if I was divorced I would be divorced much more peacefully than all of you so I kind of would have the best divorce out of all of you guys like no offense Rich's like okay well all right well we're all husbandless not together you know and to read like but I filed and you're the only one that didn't file kyle oh that rhymes i was like um okay fine i guess i guess i'm the only one with like a really peaceful separation that doesn't require filing yeah um like my sister she's been divorced more than she's like not been divorced like she's been divorced so many years i was like do you even remember being married she's like you know what i'm divorcing the idea that i was ever married i was like holy shit you're like double divorced now It's crazy. She wins. Yeah. Oh my God. Remember Pamela? Did you know what we were doing this time last year? Do you remember this Pamela? She's like, um, I think we were ordering takeout. No, no. She was taking an Ativan from my mother. By the way, Ativan, I also call it what Dorit's doing. Cause she always hangs out Ativan. Am I right guys? Anyway, she was taking Ativan from my mother. That's Dorit's future address. Hey you guys, where does Dorit live? Ativan. Down by the river. So, She was taking Alivan from my mother, breaking it in half, and trying to put it in my mouth because I couldn't breathe. I was like, I'm sorry. I have this vision of, like, Rachel being, like, a little puppy or a cat, like, being fed medication. Like, open, open. Do not make me put this in a little Vienna sausage and shove it down your throat, okay? I can't open my mouth. I can't. I can't. Literally. I can't. I'm too devastated. I love medication, said me never. I can't. and pamela goes oh yeah and where's he now huh just living his best fucking life that's where he's so she says that it got really bad for her in the summer of 2024 and my sister called me and said you have to do something different either way because the way you're living right now isn't working i just suggest taking whatever you're doing and changing it do the opposite but also still wear caftans because like what are you a monster so i did it i remember getting to the hamptons breathing and i think in that moment i was like trying to feel what it was like to be alone and i knew like almost instantly that that was better it was actually literally better to sit there breathing in the toxic fumes of the hampton jitney exhaust pipe than it was to be with raj any longer. Yeah. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. 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