3 Sports Psychology Tips That Will Stop You From Obsessing Over Your DUPR Score and Build Unshakeable Mental Toughness, with Executive Coach Lauren Vosbein

This is really important. Not every person is for every coach. Not every person is for every therapist. But some of them are. When you find your kind of person that can help you see you and accept you and grow you, I mean, from the inside out, you can go to the moon. It's phenomenal. But chemistry is everything. And we've talked about that before. Of course. Yeah. Well, and I'm so glad you explained the difference because a lot of people don't know that. But I also think, you know, and you've always said, you know, this is this is not just woo woo pep talks. This is really rooted in science, and that's why I'm assuming you talk about your love for neurology. So what I'm interested in hearing from you, and hopefully you can share this with our listeners, is what are we actually training when we train the mental side of the game? Welcome to Dinks on Tap, where the pickleball meets the margarita. Or martini, because we enjoy a bit of both. We're your hosts, Casey and Lauren. And each week, we explore what makes pickleball so darn fun. Not to mention the community and the connection that's built along with it. All right, dinkers and drinkers, it's our first pour of the year. And this one's going to be fun. I'm super excited about this episode because we're doing something a little bit different. I am flying a little bit solo, sort of. I am interviewing not just any guest, but my doubles partner, my ride or die pickleball buddy, and the co-host of this very podcast, Lauren Vosbean from LPV Coaching, and now the Mental Caddy. Lauren is an executive leadership coach to Fortune 100 companies, an accidental sports psychologist, and the founder of the Mental Caddy, a new coaching venture helping pickleball and golf players master their mindset before they melt down. Here's the deal, y'all. We all love a good technical tip. But how often do we talk about the real matchmaker or breaker? Your mindset. So today we're diving into the mental side of the game, the part that most players ignore until it's already unrivaled like a cheap overgrip. So please welcome to the show, someone who's here every episode anyway, Lauren Vosbein, or how we say it in the States, Lauren Vosbein. Cheers, my friend. Welcome to your show. What? an intro, Kate. Listen, how's it feel being on the other side of the mic? You know what? It feels a little weird and also just a little natural, gang. You are a natural. Seriously, when it comes to the mental side of the game and navigating this whole, you know, the mindset and fortifying your mind in this sport of pickleball, there's no, I mean, there's really no, nobody else that I trust. I mean, I have experience with you, of course, but I mean, seriously, you've coached Fortune 100 executives, you've coached PPA players. You've coached me. You've talked me off of so many mental spirals in the middle of a match. We've talked about it on the pod. Yes, me. So there's really no one else that I trust to talk about this stuff with. You and I said, this is an important conversation. And we thought this, and you've, of course, launched a new part of your business. So it's timely. And I thought, we thought this was a great episode, the first episode of the easier to kick this off. And so, so yeah, we've talked about how important this is. Yeah, it really is. I know we've talked about it, but we talk about it all the time. And mostly because I'm a geek about this sort of thing. And you have to listen to me because I make sure you do on the court, but it is this fifth player, your mindset, your mental game, the energetic exchange that gets squeezed out of the, of weed toothpaste tubes when we're on the court in such close proximity. I talk about it all the time, but it's just because it's true and it's real. And And for those of you who have ever felt, you know, the anger of, you know, the frustration, rather, on the other side of the net, or your partner comes in and is bringing something heavy from the day, or, you know, your own sort of disappointment as you tense up and make a mistake, and then all of a sudden another mistake happens and another, and you're just thinking, what's going on with me? I've got the yips. There's some version of that. It's all mental. And that's the hardest part for us to sort of grasp and recognize because we want to blame our technical skills, right? Or at least the paddle. Of course. It's always the paddle. It's always the paddle and or the wind. Right. For sure. If you're indoors, definitely the paddle. Definitely the sun in your face indoors. But ultimately, it's the mindset, right? It's the mental game. It's what the subconscious is playing out without our permission. So, yeah, diving into this today, kicking off the year with it seems like an appropriate move. Well, and it's a hot topic in that I think players are waking up to just how much this fifth player, as you say, matters to our game. But before we get too far in or too deep into sort of the toolbox that you can offer, can you talk a little bit about your background, your coaching background, and how LPV coaching came to be? And then I also want you to talk about the mental caddy and just kind of walk us through your coaching style and just for the people that are new to your. Sure. Of course. Guys, buckle up. It's quite a ride. So, I mean, look, I've always been drawn to psychology and human behavior and understanding it. You know, there's so many people in the world that are constantly, especially post-COVID, that are constantly saying how much they dislike people, right? They're like, people suck. And it would have been such a great party if no one was there, you know, this kind of thing. I'm the opposite. I actually really adore people. I think that everyone's got an interesting story and I enjoy meeting people and getting to know that story. And whether it's that, you know, surface level conversation that you just have meeting someone on the pickleball court or if it's something really in depth over a glass of wine where they're spilling at your heart like either way and all in between i'm kind of digging it have done since i was a young young lad a wee gal so gosh the career is a windy one and i want to talk about it in length i will try to shorten it guys don't you worry but i want to talk about it because it's it's a master class in people ultimately and i think that you know it's also evidence that you don't have to know exactly what you want to do when you first launch into the workforce, right? And this is something we all face when we're in our 20s. What are we going to do with our lives? What's our purpose? Well, my story, my career trajectory is definitely one that suggests you don't need to know, right? So when I left college, I moved to California and I worked in Hollywood. I wanted to be on movie sets and understand how the art of moviemaking was made. Now, quite a lesson. I was there for three and a half years in that industry and working with actors, producers, on set, crew. And the roles that I took in those three years, a lot of them were purposely done so that I could observe most of the bigger, you know, important roles. So I was all fluttered about and talking to people and getting to know people. And I had to really form relationships early so that people could do favors for me, right? Because I needed to get things done for the production to be moving along. And ultimately, I ended up writing a TV series treatment about a concierge in hotels. I start interviewing concierge in various hotels all throughout Los Angeles. And one of which calls me back, this is around 2009 when the writer's strike hit and the movie industry was kind of limping along at this point. Writer strikes tend to do that for movies. So I'm interviewing these folks and one of them calls me back and says, hey, listen, you were here garnering stories from me and there's been an opening on the desk and I think you should come interview for it because you just have some skills that might be aligned. So I'm thinking, I don't really fully understand what it is that you do, but sure, I'll come interview for it because there was a three-month probation period. So if I didn't like it, I could just bounce. And I was thinking, well, I'll do that for three months and then I'll get some stories for my script, right? Very exciting. Very cool. So for some reason, they do hire me. And I do the job for three months. And it's the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, which is the Pretty Woman Hotel. Yeah, pretty much the corner of Rodeo and Wilshire in Beverly Hills. So it is rife with all kinds of characters. People who think they're pretty women, you know. Tons of actors, tons of, you know, business travelers from all over the world. And the concierge desk at the time, guys, this is like pre, you know, we're working with like MapQuest at this point, okay? So you really did need concierge to get your stuff done. The phone wasn't the concierge that it is today, right? So we were sort of the nucleus for guests and or patrons of the hotel to get anything that they wanted complete. So three months was exhilarating. And I basically had the key to the city. And three months turned into three years. And here we are about, you know, six and a half years later. And I'm loving life and everything's great. And I'm learning and I'm writing and I'm working with people. But I'm ready to kind of move on. So I ended up moving to Austin, Texas, where I traded movies for music. And I ended up working at the Four Seasons in Austin. And I basically liaison bands who are coming to the hotel to stay for various concerts and festivals and what have you. And this is when social media is kind of coming on board and taking the reins with regards to businesses, having some sort of interest party in the conversation, the cultural conversation. So I helmed that role. And I'm taking all kinds of pictures to showcase the hotel and the various outlets. And I'm producing a voice for the hotel. So I'm sort of the social media voice of the Four Seasons in Austin, right? So again, we are talking about lots of relational sort of endeavors. I have to create all kinds of relationships and contacts and create voice. And it's all about people and connection and building rapport and building trust, right? And I'm having a ball at the same time. So it's great. Cut to a company from Las Vegas, of all places, reaches out and says, we have just acquired Hilton Hotels and Resorts Global. we're looking for people to come move to vegas and helm these accounts it's a social media boutique high-end agency and for some unknown reason i say yes to that and then i'm off to vegas doing the same thing but for a different kind of entity and this is really fun because i'm covering events like the grammys and you know concert series at all the hilton hotels and various things so a wild and crazy time but again people layered people focused how do you understand the consumer how do you understand the brand? How do you merge the two? All of that sort of natural by-factor education is going on. That gig ultimately ends and I moved to New Orleans and back home doing all those things there. Same kind of endeavor, but I'm on my own now. So I'm learning what it's like to be on your own and I'm really having to lean into my relationships and my network and everything to start my own business and to keep it afloat, right? Still in the marketing, personal branding media realm. And I end up moving to Nashville a couple of years later where I take this to the next level because at this point, this buzzy thing called culture is coming into play. So I am now still looking for myself, but I contract with a company that is a random old manufacturing company, right? But they've got branches all over the country, headquartered in Nashville. Now, super interesting because they're trying to reinvent themselves and become more relevant and they have a communication problem. So they hire me to come in and help liaison communication between HQ and the various branches, all the while making employees brand ambassadors and happy with where they work. So I have to go around figuring out what's broken and how to fix it effectively. So I'm leading all these focus groups and this gal during one of the focus groups, I'm in Portland, Maine of all places, comes up to me and she says, you know what, this is fascinating stuff and I'm wondering if there's any way you can help me with my own career trajectory. Now, again, I've gone from micro to macro to micro, and I'm back at macro at this point. And she comes up and I think, hmm, that's interesting. I'd be happy to help. Sure. Let me see what I can do kind of deal. And so we just, you know, chat a bit. I do a little research. I'm helping her out. She meets her goal. Everything's copacetic. And I'm thinking, this is a turn on. I like that I was able to have a hand in this gal's career success. So I start researching at this point what it would be like to do that more full-time and I stumble stumble upon the industry that is coaching now again I was always turned on to psychology and therapy and counseling but I never wanted to bear the weight of that kind of burden it seemed really heavy for me and to me and the narrative in my head was that people were somewhat broken and needed fixing right and that was a lot of responsibility now that narrative is not true and it's not true today as maybe a little bit more faintly true in the past, but that was my interpretation of it, right? So I kind of didn't want to dabble there. But when coaching came on the scene, it was a version that I could play with. It was exactly what I wanted. It fit all six cylinders. I mean, I was firing high and hot. And when I first started my training, because I kind of do things all in when I go, it was to the moon. I just did not, there was no way I was turning back. so many moons later i've done four or five different training modalities to create a tapestry of my own fingerprint with this work which is a combination of psychology neurology and coaching right so i definitely dip into the past guys we gotta look at where we were to know where we are just a little uh i love neurology because the body and the mind work together and they are intricately related and our neurological system plays a big role in our decisions and in our actions. And so when we start to get aware of that, we can really have more autonomy over how we show up and the vibrations we put out and all that energetic stuff that sticks to it. So neurology is a big piece that is definitely woven into my style. And then of course, the coaching element, which is definitely a lot more accountability based tips, tricks, tools, you know, all kinds of baskets of, you know, fun, kitschy things to pull out from and to execute when you are trying to create steps forward. So that's how we got here. That's the style. I hope that's not too long and boring. It's been, I've lived like seven lives. I know. I hope everyone followed that. I mean, it was, and it was cross country like twice. I know with stints in like South Africa, various other places. But this is the thing, this is the point in telling you all of that backstory, which is I have immersed deeply in cultures around the country and around the globe. And in that, that's professionally. I've also traveled quite a bit. And I only mention that because that is a masterclass in people. You are learning different cultures, how people communicate, what are the universal languages, what are the bespoke languages, how the human mind works, how to connect with people. Because I have to go to these new cities and I'm not reinventing, Let's be real clear. I'm me, me, me. But I have to create community and create a life in these various places over and over again. Right. And that's something I'm drawn to and I can do. Although I think Dallas is the last stop gang. You heard it here first. The point being is that it is all about cultivating these strengths and these talents that easily align with this kind of work. So when people work with me, it's a way to create trust so that they feel comfortable looking at themselves from angles in which they never thought to see. And that is a big piece of how I begin with clients. And with regards to where we're going in terms of what they need, it relates to their goals. It relates to their goals, right? So for the longest time, I enjoy business immensely. I love people that are building and creating businesses. I love people that are leading businesses. I love working with C-suites and VPs and directors who touch a lot of other people, whose decisions, whose mindset really affect other people in a very large ripple effect way. it makes me feel like my work helping them ripple effects far and wide and I can therefore positively impact many people from that perspective so it's been a turn on it's been a delight and this stuff exists wherever we go it exists at home with your friends it exists with your family it exists with your endeavors your hobbies and it certainly exists if not completely you know squeezed out of us in sports. So pickleball, as you know, is a love of mine. And yes, the mental caddy is born because there's a way to help tighten, fortify, and sort of free up the mindset on the court so that we can play free. And I'll just say that what play free means to me is that you're allowed to play at your optimum because the optimum being the best that you've trained your body to be, the technical skills you've learned, all of the practice you've endured to create the level of optimum play without your mind getting in the way and hijacking that from any given game. And there is a way to get out of your own way. And that is the mental freedom. So play free is how I coach people to be. And that is why I want to lean into and expand my practice towards both golf and pickleball. Gosh, there's so much to really unpack there. And I want to talk about, I want to ask you about your process, which of course I know a little bit about, But I want to get into, you talked earlier about neurology and how much you love that side of it. Yeah. And before we get into that, I just want to ask you a question because, you know, you mentioned earlier about, you know, the therapeutic side versus coaching. Can you talk a little bit about the difference between the two? Coaching versus if you're like an LPC? Yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay. So most people are familiar with therapy and or counseling. A lot of people these days are familiar with coaching. They are different. They are, however, in a Venn diagram, they do overlap these days. So whereas when I think coaching first came on the scene, it was sort of starkly different from counseling. And that was intentional. Whereas, again, as time has moved on, 20, 30 years, the two mediums have found a nice overlap. So I don't want to speak for everyone in either category. However, when you are training and you're learning as a young coach how to coach or what that's all about, they do point out differences. And so those differences look like, okay, so coaching views both parties as creative, resourceful, and whole, right? Whereas therapy is more apt to view clients from a medical model. Coaching does not diagnose or treat. That's a big one. Whereas therapy does or tends or can diagnose and treat, right? coaching is um you know we're trained to work with functioning clients whereas some therapists are trained to work with major mental illness okay um you know in coaching the way i was taught it's very much a co-active model meaning like we are there's no hierarchy we are very much the same we're just walking down the path together like you and a good bud witnessing hearing listening all that good stuff whereas the therapist is usually an expert and holds that role so they're the hierarchy is just a little bit different. Coaches and clients, again, on this peer basis where there's a hierarchical difference between therapists and clients. And then there's an alliance designed by a coach and a client together. So it's kind of like, this is how we're going to do this. And this is how it's going to look. Do you agree? I agree. This kind of thing. Whereas in therapy, it's largely designed by the therapist. You know, like they've got this sort of treatment plan kind of deal that they're going to enact and effectively, you know, offer. And then with Coaching, you know, the emphasis is definitely on the present and the future. Now, I do bring in some psychology, so I will dip into the past, right? So that's just, again, where that overlap might be as an example. But for the most part, their therapist's emphasis is on the past and the present, whereas coaching technically is on present and future. Gotcha. Right. And then, you know, coaching is mostly solution-oriented. Like, you've got this thing, this block, you know, and we accept that that block exists for the reasons it exists, but let's just figure out how to circumvent or bust through. Whereas therapy is more problem-oriented. So solution-oriented versus problem-oriented, again, those are very black and white. Right. And I can see how they can overlap. Correct. Yep. And then with coaching, accountability between sessions is really held as important. Whereas in therapy, accountability is less commonly expected. Sure. Right. So you can see how the two mediums can easily overlap. You can see how there are some stark differences. And it is really based on the practitioner as to how they weave the two or not. And frankly, this is really important. Not every person is for every coach. Not every person is for every therapist. But some of them are. And when you find your kind of person that can help you see you and accept you and grow you, I mean, from the inside out, you can go to the moon. It's phenomenal. But chemistry is everything. And we've talked about that before. Of course, yeah. Well, and I'm so glad you explained the difference because a lot of people don't know that. But I also think, you know, and you've always said, you know, this is this is not just woo woo pep talks. This is really rooted in science. And that's why I'm assuming you talk about your love for neurology. So what I'm interested in in hearing from you and hopefully you can share this with our listeners is what are we actually training when we train the mental side of the game? Yes. OK. Great, great, great, great question. So I want to lean on, like I told you, I've had basically four different intensive years training methodologies, right, that have been kind of imbibed and woven into the tapestry of coaching that I provide. Now, one of which is called positive intelligence, right, helmed by a guy named Shrizar Shamin. He was the CEO of my basic training, which is CTI, Coactive Training Institute. He's amazing. He branched off into his own thing, very neurological based, tons of studies with MRIs. I mean, understanding the human brain, the nervous system and how it's connected to thought and what have you. So in answering your question, I'll lean deeply into his teaching and talk about the positive intelligence quotient. So PQ, right? So what that is, is a measure of how much your mind is working for you versus against you. Okay, so this is the interesting part. High PQ means your thoughts are your ally. Okay. Okay. Low PQ means your inner critic, right? We all know the inner critic is driving the bus and nobody likes that driver. Okay. Nobody. I mean, that's, that's the naysayer in your mind. It's kind of mean. Let's be real. It can be an asshole, right? It's just not your, it's not your friend. And yet it's there a lot and some for more than others. Is this the saboteurs that you talk about? Yeah. I talk about that. So I call the inner critic your saboteurs. Gotcha. Okay. And so does positive intelligence so the pq brain is your sage brain okay this is the one that's the sort of the one that your thoughts are working for you the positive let's say the positive okay the healthy side well the positive positive okay let's say positive yeah it lives so this is interesting it lives primarily in the right hemisphere and parts of the midbrain okay so like it's it's got an area so this is the cool thing he noticed this in mri studying thousands and thousands of people. Like thoughts light up in certain hemispheres of your brain based on whether they're positive or negative effectively. Okay. Fascinating. So this is where your sage brain, your right hemisphere and parts of your middle, right, is where your curiosity lives, your empathy, creativity, the calm and decisive action all come from this, what we'll call the sage brain. Okay. Okay. It's the part of your brain that can handle pressure and still play the long game. Like we want, we want that side of the brain more active than the other side of the brain, which is what we're going to call the saboteur brain, the inner critic brain, right? So the saboteur brain is your survival brain. Now, listen, we all need that. Okay. That's a good thing. We want to know that when the stove is hot, we're going to move our hand from it and doesn't burn our flesh. Like, yes, that's a good thing. Survival brain, largely left hemisphere and limbic system. Okay. It's fast. It's judgmental, reactive, and very, very convincing. Very convincing, gang. It's trying to protect you, but it doesn't, sorry, but it does do so by creating stress, self-doubt, control issues, and just mental noise. Okay. This is how it works. It's helpful if you're being chased by a bear. Yeah. Get out of here. Let's go. Boom, boom, Boom. Reactive. Boom. Let's go. It's danger. Danger flight. Get out. But it's less helpful in a board meeting or on pickleball court. Okay? That's just noise. We don't need it. It's not serving us. Plus, it's referencing old data. It's predicated on old experiences. And that's a deeper thing we'll go into another time. Sure. But building your PQ, your positive intelligent quotient, right, that right hemisphere stuff, is like building a muscle. Okay? This is the cool thing. This is what Shazard found out. you have autonomy over this. You can actually strengthen this side of your brain, guys. Like this is the part that's way cool. So it's like lifting weights for your brain. It's like lifting weights for your brain. And what does it look like? You can do it through short, frequent reps, tiny movements of full sensory focus. Now I know you're smiling because we've done this. I've done this with you. But I'll circle back in depth later. But what that effectively equates to is feeling your breath, the texture of an object, the sound of your feet on the ground just 10 seconds of time many times a day 10 seconds is like a full rep it's like doing a bicep curl 10 seconds of this stuff dude like that's it that is not a lot of time but it has to be full focus like full awareness no other thought no other distraction full sensory acute awareness okay 10 seconds and each time you do it it weakens the saboteur part of your brain and it strengthens the sage part of your brain like what like that is so cool is that not so cool i mean you can actually strengthen this part that allies for you the thoughts that come in and actually lift you up like this doesn't have to be a passing thing it doesn't have to be something that you're victim to you have autonomy right and we all go well a lot of us go to the gym where we sure uh i mean obviously that's a big big thing and people are all about getting healthy in the gym or getting healthy with their bodies. And it's like, we're forgetting about the brain and about, right. So it's so fascinating. And here's the interesting part. Okay. Here's the punchline. You do not eliminate your critic. Okay. I want to make that very, very clear because people think, oh, I've done this work. And then there she is again. And I failed. No, no, I'm not good at this. No, no, no, no, no. None of that people. And if you work with me, we will set that straight real, real close, real upfront, real clear. You train it out. You train it out. And once people feel the difference, that difference, even a little, they want more. They want more. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Well, so Lauren, this is fascinating. And so much of what you've just talked about feels so meaty to me, but I know there's so much more and I really want to get into it and into your process. And of course, you've coached 100, 500, but you've also- One million. One million. But you're now getting into, or recently getting into the sports side of things, and you've coached PPA professionals. The one that comes to mind recently is Yvonne Yacovievic. I'm going to say that. Yvonne, I hope you're tuning in. I was just saying Yvonne. Because you made us try- Yacovievic. I'm probably saying it wrong, but anyway. Yacovievic. Yacovievic. Yes, I believe that's right. He's so great. Go ahead. He is great. Hi, Yvonne. But I'm curious if you would talk a little bit about the three line. Talk about the process that you use. I think you've identified or you have a lot of tools, but you've narrowed it down to really kind of a four step process. Yes. Can you walk us through that? Yes. OK. Yes, of course. So it's not terribly dissimilar from what I do with my corporate clients, but this is going to be tweaked and bespoke for individuals in sports. Now, I want to make that really, really clear. This process is very bespoke. And that's because I don't know your stuff. I am not an expert in your life. I'm an expert in showing you you. So we are going to elicit what it is about you that is getting in your way, right? Sure. Now, yes, there's sort of a four-step way to approach how we're going to get you there. And it looks like this. So the first step is really this discovery kind of session, right? You and I do a deep dive one-on-one into your game goals, your mindset challenges, and performance patterns, laying the foundation for trust and growth. So that's just going to be a universal first step. Then we get into your personal values and vision mapping. I call it vision mapping. It's a very buzzy little term. Get excited. But that means just effectively we clarify what you really want from your game. Simple as that. Then we identify the thoughts and habits like perfectionism or fear of failure, this kind of stuff that pull you off course. And listen, we all have it. This is not bespoke to you specifically. This is not unique. I'll say it's not unique to you. It is bespoke in how it manifests for you. But we all have some version of this kind of thing. So it's going to be fun to kind of acknowledge, accept, and then get to know a little bit because that's the third step. in the getting to know, then we will create tools for the pressure and the presence, right? We're going to build your mental toolbox, routines, resets, breath work, cues, calming techniques for match around days, right? Like what is it that you need to draw upon to get you personally through the match or through the course at your freedom, at your playing optimum level of free, right? That's the goal. So that your PQ, your sage brain is aflame and your saboteur brain is real quiet, right? That's the goal. And then step four is integration and long-term growth. Look, I want you to be able to do this without me. Now I'll have some premium packages where I'm going to be walking the course with folks and like on the court with folks and just being that accountability partner. For those of you that can afford me, I'll be there. But no, ultimately, you'll walk away with clear strategies, self-coaching skills you can carry into every game, tournament, or tee time, all right? Like, that's what I want for you. I want you to leave with these techniques, these tools, this tool belt, right, this kit that you can draw from that feels resonant, that feels real to you. It's not some jargon on a wall on a plaque somewhere that said, like, it worked for somebody else sometime. No, this is for you. So you can walk away and feel like you can, you can address the inner critic that flares up and takes hold of your game. Not allowed. Right. I love it. That's the plan. You have a lot of tricks and tools in that in that toolkit Sure Because I been coached by you I love to get into some of those tips and tricks that you pull out of your magic hat And so if you good with that I love to ask you about some of those Yeah, yeah, let's go. So I want to talk about someone very special. Oh. She's bold. She's confident. And she's got a lot of on-court swagger. Oh, she sure does. Listeners, you've heard us mention her in the past. She's the one. She's the only. LaLonda. All right. She is my favorite. She's and she, of course, is very she goes way back with you. She's your she's your mental hype queen. And I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about I think you call it embodying a character or creating a character. Yeah. And I know that's one of your techniques and it's a powerful one. I've seen you use it. I have started using it on the court. And so can you talk a little bit about how LaRonda came into the picture and then how we can create our own inner LaRonda? Absolutely. Such a great question, Kate. I know. Oh, Barbara Walters across the way from me, gang. Very privileged. Okay, so, of course, LaRonda, she's a great, it's a great reference that you've brought up. So, okay, this is an example of, yes, I call it creating a character. And what that really means is, I'll speak to me. So LaRonda is a character I created for me, specifically to evoke on the Big Ball Court. Now, what I did was a version of what I just outlined. And so I noticed when I was back, and this was like a couple years ago, and I was auditing my game. I sat there and I was like, what is it about my game that I want to improve? Now, at the time, my net game wasn't as awesome. And what I mean by that is I recognized what I would do was I would be really polite to my partner at the time. Like, I never wanted to take. She's not anymore. Listen, leave a vault. We all evolve. It's partly the Ronda's fault, but here's the deal. So I audited my game. I noticed that I was really polite on the court where I didn't want to take my partner's balls. Heaven forbid there would be a ball that was literally coming for her. I know there's a new window here and you can't use to hold your tongue, so stop. But the point is sometimes there would be a ball that was actually better for me to take. Maybe I was on the forehand side and I could really rip it, but I was nervous or I'd pull back because I didn't want my partner to feel like I was taking all of their balls or that they didn't, you know, I was hogging the court. This business, okay, which was a concern of mine when I first started playing this game. I was a little timid about some of those types of shots and I found that it wasn't serving the overall game. It wasn't, or the overall partnership. It was like, I knew that I could take some of those and really crush a point and it wasn't converting because I wouldn't. And I was nervous or scared or worried about being obnoxious or being judged as, you know, hogging the ball or hogging the court and this kind of thing. So what I realized was that that was a lie and that had to go. So how was it going to go? What did I need to evoke in me to let that go? And the answer are distilled into the word assertion or assertiveness, right? I need to be more assertive at the net and or aggressive even. And my aggressive, my Jew, is really just everyone else's assertion. I'm not an aggressive person. I don't have like, that's not a natural default for me. So I wanted to evoke what could be some of those characteristics and get assertive at the net. Like it serves the game. It serves the partnership. It served the point. So none of this meek little backup just in case I was feeling and looking rude, right? So how was I going to do that? And this is where the character comes into play. I effectively thought of this aggressiveness part of me and what could pull that out? What could evoke that? What image would bring that out in me? Could I create a character that felt like a version of me that had those characteristics readily on display. And, you know, we often, so I surveyed the landscape. Now, I will often tell clients like, hey, do you, do you have someone in your life that's like this, that brings out certain characteristics that you want to have that you maybe don't default to, that you can point to? Like, is there someone in your life that's like this? Or is there a movie character or a book character or a superhero or, you know, some version that's really visceral, that's very vivid, that you can lock into in your mind and channel from, right? Can you channel their characteristics and let them flow in you and through you? Now that sounds a little wild and crazy, okay? But it's definitely rooted in the science and all of the neuro stuff that I will explain if we're in session. But for the point of this pod and this story, I came up with this character that I kind of already knew. She'd been with me before. So it was pretty easy for me to bring her out. And she was a street tough. She looks very different from me. She has blonde hair. She wears all black. She's like kind of ghetto. She's very hip. She takes no crap from anybody. She is, she can rough and tumble. She says a lot of curse words. She listens to hardcore music. and she is just kind of a badass all right so i had this image of her and i knew her name because i've known her name for a little bit her name's laronda you picked her up if i remember you telling the story right from a family guy or somebody from an old uh business of yours nicknamed you this from an old family guy episode yeah it's predicated on a nickname coming from my vegas days awesome um spurred on by a family guy episode and that story is long and intricate and fun yeah yeah but for another time so interesting it is so it's just this mosaic right of pieces that fell into place when I needed to find some character, some visual reference to evoke the aggression slash assertion at the net. So what I did was I had this picture in my mind of LaRonda and her attitude. And I would focus my awareness on her attitude. And I would start to feel her aggressive kind of no games taking no bullshit mindset in my body like what would that feel like if I felt that way like how would that look how would my shots look like if I was on the pickleball court and I was the ronda like how would I take the forehand if it was in the middle right like how would that look and I just started emulating what I thought that would look like and then I started channeling like some of her music. I would listen to some of the music before a match and I would, yeah, I'd be like, Hey partner, listen, whoever that is, you might hear me throw out a cuss word here and there. Cause I'm, I'm channeling something. Well, I have to interject and say, it's one of my favorite things when, when we'll be playing and I don't know, we might be down, you know, in a game or something and Lauren will look over at me and she'll go, LaRonda is going to come out just so you know, or I'm about to channel LaRonda. and it's it's it's always so funny but um but i know what's about to happen she about to get ghetto and getting pissed i'm like getting in it you know i love it when maronda comes out i mean i disclaim it right yeah yeah she does but it's helpful it's helpful case and you've seen it in action but i know it to be true when i am channeling maronda man i'm aggressive at that net like i will take the balls that are mine i'm playing no games i am in it and those balls convert she will press me out. No, no, no. No, that's not true. But yeah, it's it's it's an aggressive style of play. It's definitely I can tell when you bring out my version of aggressive, which is really just assertive. Right. Like I just I just get better. I get better because I get assertive and I'm I'm confident and I do. It helps. It helps me pull up, pull forth the energy and just go for it. So I lean on La Ronda. And that is a tool, a trick, a technique, what have you, that I evoke when I need it. Now, there are all kinds of versions of that. And it's, again, bespoke. I'm using that word intentionally for every single person. But that's an example of one of the techniques that I will use to help a client pull forth what they need to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be with their game. That's awesome. I want to ask you about the time that you first coached me on the court. I remember it as if it were yesterday. And I remember it was one of the first league matches that we played together. And, you know, I just know that we were somewhat spiraling. I was spiraling and, you know, we were losing this game or whatnot. And I was mentally, mentally melting down. And you walked over to me and, of course, I didn't know what you were doing, but I think we called it, I know we called a timeout. And you walked over to me and you said, can you think of a time when you felt genuine euphoria? you. And I thought, well, gosh, it happened to be the week before this match. I had just come back from this amazing vacation in Turks and Caicos. And I said, well, yeah, it was just last week. And you said, okay, well, where did you feel that in your body? And I joke with Lauren all the time. I'm like, Lauren, here's where I feel it in my body. But again, I'm like, what is she doing? And I just remember feeling this, you know, I was describing the vacation and, you know, just the calmness and the just the fun of celebration and the relaxing, you know, turquoise waters of the ocean and the cocaine sand beaches and, you know, all the things that were. You were doing cocaine. No, I was not doing them. Never done cocaine, just for the record. and it was just this this uh this feeling of bliss yeah and um and so but that particular instance where I did not know what you're doing I'm like we're in the middle of a timeout why is she asking me about my vacation like shouldn't we be talking about this later at happy hour or whatever we were doing but it worked and I won't go into the detail of that but we turned that match around. You turn that. Well, I, I, well, I had a partner in it with me, but, but my mental spiral that I, that I was just like, again, melting down flipped. And so I'd love for you to tell the listeners about what was really happening in that moment and the trick, um, or the tool, sorry, that you use. And I believe you call it empowerment pose. Can you talk about that one? Yes, sure. No, I do remember this. It's a, it's a fun story. because you looked at me like I had four eyes when I asked you initially. And she was holding my hands. I was. And I'm like, oh, my God. You're like, this is weird. This is weird. What's happening? So I was like, grab my hands right now. Okay. Absolutely. So just keeping it high level here. Top of the waves. The Turks and Caicos waves. The turquoise waves. The turquoise waves. Waves of paradise on the cocaine sand. That's pretty much what it was. so we all know the term triggered it's real buzzy these days and um gosh we're triggered or watch your triggers and all this good stuff i hate that it's kind of buzzy because it's true what's going on is that your nervous system is activated oh no but what happens there is that when the nervous system is activated uh everything heightens and most of your body tenses and when we're talking about sports oriented, where you are physically, you know, moving your body, when the nervous system is triggered, your body will likely respond in a way that's opposite of loose, right? It kind of tightens up. Now, it's different from executive leadership coaching to sports coaching, but in the sports realm, when you're triggered, the same chemistry is going on, but you notice it differently. So again, you're tightened up, which means that your action is going to be a little bit different. Your outcome is going to be very different. So in the case of golf or pickleball, you know, your swing is going to be just, even if it's a micro movement, it's going to be a micro movement different than the way that you've trained it. So the result, the ball that you hit is going to go in a different direction or a different angle or a different speed than you've trained it, right? Now, the problem with that is that you'll notice the result that is not exactly what you're after. It's going to be off-center. Now, it could be way off-center, it could be a little off-center, but it'll be off-center, right? And you're going to notice that. And that's going to be troublesome because you're not going to like off-center. You didn't train for off-center. So you're going to be disappointed in the result. And sometimes that disappointment will lead to more disappointment and more disappointment. And here we are in a thought spiral. We don't like going downhill. But your body is activated. So that little trick that I did was a way to counterbalance that activation. We wanted to diffuse the tightness that was subconsciously or consciously, depending on the person, at play. Your movements were, the outcome of your movements were not as expected and you were disappointed and so that was beginning so we needed to stop that thought spiral and we need to stop your body from that tight reaction so what i did was i had you think of some place sometime some experience that was incredibly happy and euphoric even so when we have those experiences our bodies most generally are in a relaxed state. Happy usually equates relaxation of some sort, freedom, ease, flow, this kind of thing, right? So having you remember the experience and then, and here's the part that's interesting and cool in the neuroscience piece, which is channel the feeling of it, not just the thought, oh yeah, we're on this boat and it was so nice and pretty and the waves were this and the sun was that, but how did you feel in that time in that moment can you describe it to me yeah i have you describe it because when you describe something you have to experience it so in real time in that 30 second minute window that we had i had you channeling the feeling of euphoria in your body and in that experience as you were having it real time euphoria what was allowed was euphoria What it combated was the tense upset activated piece that was connected to your disappointment So in real time your body loosened yeah I remember it well and I again I did not know what you were doing at the core but I do remember sort of exhaling and feeling um yeah it was almost as if the tightness and the the nervousness and you know anxiousness sort of unraveled in that moment and I was like oh and we just played we we did we went into what I know now is playing free yes yes and so by grabbing your hands right i know that's a weird thing but it shocks your mind out of the present tense of what's happening and it puts all your awareness on the part of you that is being connected to something else or someone else so you are distracted from your current spiral of thought to this person's holding my hands and i'm thinking of euphoria and this is all weird and kind of interesting and i don't even know what's happening right but that distraction was intentional because I needed to stop the thought pattern. I needed to stop the neurological pathway and to get you rerouted to your stage brain, which ended up being effective. It did. Yeah. We put it in your body. So you embodied this feeling. Like, yes. Right? And I think I even said, like, what does, if it was a position, this euphoria, what would your body do? I may have done that. That's the empowerment pose part. It's body language stuff. So you're activating your body, you're using and leveraging your body for your mind and your nervous system together. Because remember, they all work together. They're intricately related and linked. So we want to leverage all parts of you. Well, you've used an example in the past of like the Incredible Hulk, right? In the empowerment pose thing. Yes. Talk about that. I mean, that's essentially what you're saying. Same thing. It's just, again, if someone's going to channel a feeling, something they need in their game, maybe it's just like full-blown confidence or maybe it's just like power. right they need to channel like raw immense power right and they're just focusing everything on the hulk this character from marvel and they're siphoning from that visual from that image just sheer power and then i tell them where does your power live where does this channel into your body feel it in your body right now where is it is your biceps is your core is your back is your head and like i get acute with that experience because that experience is real time our minds can go in the past and into the future, but our body is always ever present. So use the body in present tense and give your nervous system a real-time experience. It is magic. It feels like magic. It's actually just brain science, but it's magic. So it can be applied and these can be siphoned and distilled into real-time tips and tricks that you can employ quickly in a fast-paced environment like a pickleball game. Yeah. And what I love so much about how you coach and this toolbox that you have is like, you make it fun. All of this is fun. Yeah, you really do. So let's move into one more. Okay. And it's my personal favorite. Oh, I know this one. You know this one. And it is perhaps one of the most effective tools that you've given me. And probably since you've talked to me, it's definitely my go-to of these that you're talking about. And it's a little thing called going blank. And it's, it's real, for me, it's just, it's easy, it's quick. And so for those of you who have no idea what this means, can you explain why going blank is one of the, I guess, most effective tools or sharpest tools in the mental game toolbox? Yeah, yeah, of course. So this harkens back to the sort of the PQ stuff we were talking about earlier, right? So really wanting you to get into that sage brain to counteract your saboteur brain when there is disappointment, self-doubt, you know, all the thought spirals going south on the court. The cool thing about going blank is that it's effective for fast-paced environments. Because in pickleball specifically, now golf is a different story. We have a little bit more time in golf and so that's just a different beast. And pickleball is quick. You have small reaction times. You have maybe 10-15 seconds between points. You know, you've only got a minute time out, this kind of jazz. So going blink really, really can be effective in that fast-paced environment. So what it means is this. Now, those of you who have some sort of meditation practice or some version of peacefulness that you go to, this might be an easier tool to grab onto than those who don't. But for anybody, it can be effective and helpful so all it means is clearing your mind for 10 seconds or more so that you can reroute your intention and your awareness to that pq it's a pq rep in 10 seconds is all that okay so remember how i said that a pq wrapped right the positive intelligent quotient which is really a muscle in the right hemisphere to mid limbic brain um this is your safe sage brain this is where all the positive thoughts live this is where your empathy and curiosity and your freedom lives effectively going blank is a 10 second rep to strengthen that part of your brain what i want you to do specifically is to hyper focus on something sensory that is acute okay so your five senses you can lean on any one of them in a pickleball game it's something fast-paced like this i recommend physical touch as being the sensory system that you use. System, sorry, sensory system that you use. So what does that look like? Maybe it's gripping your paddle five times and noticing what parts of your palm actually connect with the paddle. Maybe it's counting your toes from the pinky toe to the big toe on both sides of your feet simultaneously. And you're talking about feeling it with your toes, not just counting your toes out loud. You're feeling it. So like you move your each toe as you think of it or count it, right? Notice how it bumps up against your sock and your shoe. Notice how your sock bumps up against the edge of your shoe. You know, notice how your big toe feels differently than your little toe, right? Like get very acute with your sensory touch. If you're holding the pickleball because it's your turn to serve and you're walking back from the net to the baseline, maybe you push your fingers into your finger and thumb into the holes of the pickleball and notice what that feels like, right? Like you just bring all of your awareness to something very physical that you can touch in the moment in your body with whatever equipment you have in your hands And 10 seconds of noticing that is enough to clear the neurological pathway of that downward disappointment spiral and effectively wipe the slate clean to therefore move into the next action. Now, what I recommend is after those 10 seconds, you go right ahead and hit the ball. Right? You make that time extend until your very next action on the pickleball court. Maybe you make it extend all the way until the server on the other side of the net hits the ball and now it's your time to react. And then you let it go and you react. Yeah. And you watch what happens. Because what you're doing is you are intentionally bridging from your left hemisphere to your right. You are now giving your sage brain a pump of oxygen effectively. You have cleared your neurological pathway and now you are blank. You are clear to go do the next thing free of your aforementioned disappointment. So the act, the PQ rep, the act of your sensory input is the blank part. You've just gone blank. You've wiped the slate clean and now you are free to act anew. Now, this does not guarantee that you win the point. Right, right. Very important piece here. You are just allowing yourself to operate at your optimum. And if it's new to you, it may not work the first time. Another disclaimer, you got to do it again and maybe again and maybe again. And guess what? You got to get this to be real natural for yourself. It's almost like a pattern. You do it enough times. It's a new pattern. Yep. It's a new habit. This is what we want. And the more you do it, the more naturally it will come and the more effective it'll be. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Brain science. It's brain chemistry. I'm not making this up. I know it. And for the listener, because again, this one's my favorite. I just want to recap, but make sure everybody and I'm hearing you again, what you're saying. It's like, it's almost like three steps. It's like, you're thinking of something benign. And I remember you giving me the example one time is sometimes that could even be, as a lot of the examples that you mentioned, but hearing the birds chirp, like think of the furthest sound away that you can hear and do that for, and then the second piece of that is 10 seconds at least. Right. And the third thing is then you go back to go do the thing, go hit the ball. Go do the thing that you were trained to do. Right. That you were trained to do because if I'm hearing you correctly, your body already knows what to do. Yes. Because you've trained it. You've just got yourself into some kind of mental milkshake and you need to get out of it. And so it's like whether you're, you know, walking back, I love just walking back to the baseline and doing this or walking to the backboard or fence or whatever and just kind of touch touching the fence while doing this. And it's like you always say, it's stopping that synapse, that negative spiral. So I love that. Okay. Let's wrap this up with my favorite. I love that I get to control this interview. It's so weird and wild. Okay. So a few rapid fire fun questions. Yeah, go ahead. Now we're overthinking here. I just want you to channel your inner LaRonda. Okay. So speaking of LaRonda, what's LaRonda's walk-up song? Oh. Gangster's Paradise. Duh. Duh. That's good. Oh, that's a good one. I love it. Okay, and these are fast, so Pickleball Pet Pee. Oh, I mean, I hate a hooker, you know? I definitely hate a hooker. But you know what? Really more than that, I dislike it when someone reacts to a bad call and wears it. Oh, yeah. You know, like they can't shake something that they perceive as a bad call or just a bad point. They just can't shake it. I think that that's a perfume that they wear and it can permeate the whole game and the whole court and the whole fun. Well, quick question. Somebody gets a bad line call. They're pissed. They're like, that ball was in. what trick would you tell them to do in that moment go blank go blank easy go blank watch the baseline and do it again next point you gotta earn it like keep earning it and also this is not curing cancer like get over it like it sucked but move on let's move on yeah like this is pickleball okay one word that sums up your coaching philosophy oh god fun i agree i mean i don't know like some people might think that it's intense but it's not it's fun well it can be i'm gonna say so i want it to be fun and i hope that it's fun but ultimately freeing that's the word freeing that's great i love that okay last last one what's something that every rec player should stop doing immediately other than hooking calls yeah stop your hooking um um what should they stop doing immediately uh shoot man this is a why is it's a hard one well because i saved the tough for last you sure do it's a tall question what should they stop doing immediately uh oh yes got it they should stop identifying their pickleball game with their duper score 100 million it's a metric not a mirror thank you coach casey y'all casey came up with that and it was so coachy and I was like turned on. She told me that's very coachy of you to say. I said, well, I happen to have a good coach. Oh my God. It was so good. I was like, y'all, anybody who wants to turn me on, just talk coach. Just talk a little coach. Well, you heard I'm here first on Dinks on Tap. No, but really you said it. I was like, that's so good. That's really true. It's a metric, not a mirror. Stop making it a mirror. Stop thinking that it defines you. It doesn't. It really doesn't. It's great. It's important. sometimes. It helps you get into games and it qualifies you to some form of your match. Yeah. But like it moves. It's ethereal. It's not sticky. Yeah. Like let it go. Well, you know how much I love that. Well, and speaking of which, I love you. And this has been so fun. I have loved having you on the other side of the mic. This is really, really cool and so, so helpful. And I can speak from experience, your coaching is freeing and fun and transformational. So I hope that this conversation gives people the permission that they need to look at their game a different way and to look at something that is often neglected. And it's our mental game on and off the court. Pickleball golf also in life. So it's so, so valuable. You know, it's about learning to work with your brain and body and not against it. So that is something really special. And it's a gift that you have given so many. And so if people, if our listeners would like to find you, where do they find you? Oh, my, my. LLPDcoaching.com. There for, you know, leadership coaching and sports. The mental caddy will be there, too. So we'll put it in the show notes for sure. Yeah, we'll put it out there. If you guys want, let's go. We'll have a real good time. Thanks, pal. It's been fun. I love it. Listen, this is what our guests go through. Let's go. Yeah. Who wouldn't want to be on Dinks on Tap? Don't forget. Strike that pose. And if in doubt, ask yourself, what would LaRonda do? Cheers, my friend. And that's a wrap on this episode of Dinks on Tap. Thanks for listening. And if you like the pod, leave us a review and share it with your favorite dinking buddy. After all, Pickleball's more fun with friends, both on and off the court.