Hey everyone, this week we'd like to showcase another episode of a podcast that Mark and I are both huge fans of and that we think you'll love as well. It's called The Truth. The Truth is the critically acclaimed fiction podcast that makes movies for your ears. Known for cinematic sound design and naturalistic performances, the show tells emotionally rich, surprising stories that range from funny to dark and devastating. Since its debut in 2012, The Truth has set the standard for modern audio drama anthologies. Its stories, sometimes surreal, sometimes frightening, sometimes heartbreakingly intimate, have been praised for combining sharp writing with meticulous sound design and naturalistic performances. The Truth was recently named one of Apple Podcasts' 20 Podcasts We Love, and last month it was number 36 on Left of Dial Media's 100 Greatest Podcasts of All Time, which called it smart, sharp, and hauntingly human. This episode of The Truth is called Here I Am. The Truth Hear my words Hear my words Hear my words with nobody Ugh, you're not even really listening to me. I am listening to you. I don't know what you want me to say. Please don't raise your voice. But I think this is a bad idea. You can't just take him out of this program without talking to his neurologist. He doesn't like them? He doesn't like them. He doesn't know he's with those people. He does. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. He's so condescending. I'll be holding it to me with your money Oh, damn it! Shit! It's alright. It's okay. It's just his phone. Damn it, I'm already running late. I can't believe it. It's alright. It's alright. It's just an accident. Shh, shh, shh. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Imagine you had no way to let the world know you're here. How long could you go on before you started to wonder whether you really exist at all? Now, imagine there's one person who refused to give up on you, who kept listening even when everyone else said there was nothing to hear? What would you say to them? I'm Jonathan Mitchell, this is The Truth, and today's story is about a mother who listens, a father who can't, and a boy who's simply trying to tell them both. Here I am. Hello. How did she do? Hi mommy! Real improvement with the pacing, but she needs to practice dexterity. I can tell she hasn't been putting the time into the fingering exercises. Beyond that, though, I'm pleased. Okay? We'll see you next week, Katie. Practice. Okay, thanks, Phyllis. Thank you, Miss Dockery. You need to practice. And how may I help you? Hi, I am Rosemary Walsh. We spoke on the phone. Ah, yes, of course, Miss Walsh. How do you do? I'm well, and, uh, Rosie, please. This is my son, Jason. Wow, how do you do? Please, come in. Great. Have a seat. Oh, thanks. So, we're interested in piano lessons. Oh, well, I don't normally teach those with special... Oh, just for me. Oh, of course. Wonderful. Well, tell me a little bit about yourself, right? What are your goals? What's your experience? What would be helpful for me to know? Well, I don't have any experience, unless you count the recorder in fourth grade. I'm not a musical person by any stretch of the imagination. I just, I have a feeling that now is a good time to learn. Why now, out of curiosity? Just something to do, I guess. And what is it you'd like to learn exactly? Well, like I said, how to play music One thing you should know about me, Miss Walsh, Rosie, is that I'm a bit of a tyrant I am more than a little old-fashioned I believe in solid technique, good foundations, and practice Practice, practice You think you'd be able to get on board with that? Yes, I do See, I don't take dilettantes as students. I'm sorry if that sounds pretentious of me, but I prefer to be upfront about what I value. Not that I expect anyone to be a concert pianist, but I do expect my students to put in honest effort. No effort, no reward. That's my position. Understood. Okay, then. Let's get to work. Hey. Hey. You're, uh, you're not going to be doing that all night, are you? I didn't realize it was bothering you. Is that my keyboard? Yeah, it was in the basement under a bunch of chunks. I just figured... Do you want to sit with us? Can you just wear headphones, maybe? Jason likes to hear it. He does, huh? Okay. Yeah, maybe you could just be a little quieter. Yeah, sure. I have to be up early for a meeting in the morning, so. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Good night. Good night. Jason likes to hear it. Here's what you don't say to her. You don say that Jason doesn in fact like to hear it That he doesn in fact like anything at all You don't say that there is no Jason. Only wishful thinking. That there's no one there behind those blank eyes. You've been through all of this already many times. You've sat with the specialists. you've had the brain scans explained to her. And it was cruel of you. And there's no reason for you to keep being cruel. So you don't say anything anymore. You just go to bed. The fact is, you're not a good person. You're not a good husband or father. and the thoughts in your head aren't good thoughts. You can't change anything about it. So you tune them out. You focus on routine. Get up. Shower. Coffee. Car. Office. phone calls, car, sleeping pills. Then the next day, get up, shower, coffee. And the one after that, get up, shower. And the one after that, get up, coffee. Every day, shower, car, car, routine, routine, stability. Someone needs to have their feet on the ground around here. Phone calls, sleeping pills, You work. You keep your eye on the donut. Make enough money now, so when you're gone, they don't have to worry about anything. Doctors, nursing homes, funeral expenses, dark thoughts. Listen, if all they're doing is investment management, and they're charging you 1% to 1.5%, and there's a 1% expense ratio below the hood, I think that's trouble. You look at yourself sometimes and realize just how weird it is that this is what you've become. Let's talk about standard investment funds. Never in a million years did you think you'd be this person. This wasn't supposed to be you at all. You were supposed to marry your high school sweetheart and raise a family in a camper. Follow the seasons and get lost in the woods without a compass. You were supposed to backpack and forage and build things with your hands and teach your son how to live for the day. You were supposed to skinny dip in cold rivers and grow your own food and make love with your wife every night under the stars. Now the two of you don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Okay. Or the same world, even. Look, I realize that to the layperson, what I'm doing right now might look a touch insane. A year ago, she admitted that she hears voices. It's better if it's dark. Jason's voice. I don't know why. To be more precise. Maybe light does something to... And she became determined to prove it to you. It works best also if there's ambient sound. And again, don't ask me why. I don't know. If I had to guess, you know, if I had to come up with a theory, it would be that the extra noise, it helps you actually pick out the signal. It's just a guess, though. Okay. Now, we listen. You heard him, didn't you? Are you starting to? Just listen. Listen. At least in the beginning, the two of you were in this together. but now it's just you alone. You never know if it's worse to play along with her fantasies or try and snap her out of them. So you do neither. You go to work. Get up. You get away. Shower. Coffee. Car. It was pretty clear early on. Office. Something wasn't right with him. phone calls. The doctors couldn't agree on a diagnosis. Brain damage, genetic abnormality, who really knows. They told you to prepare for the worst, that he wouldn't live past three or four. So you grieved and you did everything you could to make whatever time you all had together as full as possible. You saw the Pacific Ocean. You camped under the stars. You held him in your arms and told him that you loved him. And through all of it, he just sat there. Blank. and then he was five and then he was six and then against every expectation he was a teenager and sometimes the truth is you wish he had died and then you feel ashamed and then you go back to work so you don't have to be home get up with these horrible thoughts in your head shower and you keep your eye on the donut car office phone calls car sleeping pills get up shower coffee car office phone call sleeping get up shower K�� tua, my ch relação! Best겠죠! For Amazon rundo a magazine, стоит a press-pur carrier who 기� MW disease, in the audience rider and upward. Thank you. The view from nowhere Non-locality Freedom from matter The clumsiness of substance I am a distribution of intelligence I have no body A shapeshifter I am fractal The space between the other side of the boundary of mattering Becomes thought, becomes more mathematical nakedness of emergent pattern Music Song The song of a septillion subatomic aim Dancing on the head of a pin A song of galaxies, I am a ship shifter, I am flow, I move between things, I am verteating, a song line of galaxies. The universe is a polyphonic chorus Of time and event A song singing itself into substance Coursing, surging, being The rhythm of a heart valve pumping The periodicity of the moon The key shift of the seasons I am no one I have no body Distribution of intelligence A fractal I am nowhere I am melody I am rhythm It's all I have no body to call my own I am everywhere In every one of these things Nowhere I am here Here I am You haven't really been practicing, have you? I can tell. I've no doubt you've been at the piano, I can tell that. But you haven't been doing what I asked. You promised me you'd be able to meet our goals for the week. I'm not really here to learn how to be a master piano player, sorry I just, I have been practicing though Practicing the wrong thing Master the basic skills and reap the rewards later I'm just, uh, I'm trying to find this tune and I can hear it in my head And these scales are just really hard on my hands Hard on your hands? Let me show you something When I played Brahms Piano Sonata No. 3 I have to stretch my pinky just so. It's very uncomfortable. My fingers have to leap across the keys like a dancer. I'm very much like a dancer. I have to train these fingers. I have to stretch them, strengthen them, and exercise them. It's patient work. I'm never going to play Brahms. That is not the point. My point is this. When I play Brahms, do you know what I feel in my hands? A painful cramp. Right here. You see that? You can see the muscle tighten. It's the same cramp Brahms himself might have felt when he played this very same piece. Do you see what I'm getting at? There is something of Brahms alive in my hands. This isn't about learning some tunes. This is a communion, an embodiment. Doing this is about more than just getting the peace rose. Here I am, lending this man 130 years dead my fingers. And I keep them in top shape so they can be of use to him. You understand? He's here, in the room with us, alive. talking to us right now. This, Miss Walsh, is what I really believe. In the most literal way possible. So please, know that I am as serious as a person can be when I say, practice, practice, practice. My son is beaming music into my head. I beg your pardon? My son, my boy, he's telepathically beaming music into my head all the time. And if I don't get it out into the world somehow, I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown because it won't stop. And I realize how that sounds. I do. But, you know, think what you want. It really doesn't do him or me any good to care too much what other people think. He's trying to say something, and I have to express it for him. Can you sing it to me? So if he's communicating musically, which he is, then the problem is that the harmonies are so complex that I can't keep up with him. My fingers can't keep up. I mean, I can get the basic tune, you know, but there's so much more to it than that. I'm missing what he's really saying. Does that make sense? I have to get ready for work. It's like trying to translate a foreign language without being able to make sense of the verbs. I miss seeing the whole substance of it. What I'm saying is he needs some sort of orchestration or something. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to add instruments, add other people. Rosie, please. He's responding, Tom. He's responding, and you'll see it. He comes live in the room. You have to see him with this music. I really don't want to hear this. So we're putting together a recital, the three of us plus Jason, and then you're going to see what he can do. You'll come, right? Please, Rosie. You have to come, Tom. You can at least entertain the thought, right? Please don't make me say something that I don't want to say. But you'll come, right? Well, listen. Personally, I think there are some great ideas out there about how to build a portfolio with just index funds and you'll probably do okay. It's not the most sophisticated strategy. I'll give you that, but sometimes simple strategies, there's stronger bets than the more sophisticated ones. Calling too, Tom. Yes, sorry, can we hold that thought for just one second? Great, thank you so much. Hello? Mr. Walsh? Yes. My name is Philip Dockery. I was wondering if you have a few minutes? Not right this second. Do you have an appointment to talk? I'm not calling about my finances. I your wife piano teacher Okay Yes she and your son and I are having a small recital at my studio on Friday night My understanding is that she invited you and you declined I sorry Can I help you with something? I wanted to ask that you reconsider that. Rosemary doesn't know and I'm talking to you. Well, that's very proactive of you for a piano teacher. But no, unfortunately, you know, I actually can't make it that night. May I ask why? Well, I'm going out of town for work, if that's any of your business. No, you're right. It's not. It's not my business. I just, I really don't think you're going to want to miss this particular recital. Look, my wife isn't well. And if you're engaging with her delusions, that is only going to keep her unwell. You play music, don't you? Rosemary told me you used to play in a band when you both were in college. What was your favorite thing to play? I don't know. Look, I'm finding this conversation completely inappropriate, and I'm going to be hanging up now. All right. but you're wrong, Mr. Walsh. Thank you. After 27 years of teaching the piano, I rarely get to say that I'm surprised anymore by a student. But tonight, before this very select crowd of friends and witnesses, I am here to say that I am indeed very much surprised. I am surprised by her tenacity and hard work. I'm surprised by her courage and strength. And as you'll see, surprised by much, much more. To help, I'll be accompanying on a second piano. It is my honor to introduce and to play alongside Rosemary Walsh, Rosie, and Jason. Thank you. Here I am, here I am, here I am, here I am. Me. I am. Here I am. Here. Here I am. I. Here I am. Am. Here I am. Here. I. Am. Here I am Here My Love My The fractal The pulsing stars Become the tide The starry night between the lights Duh! Tom! Duh! Duh! Jason. He couldn't hear you through his own pain. So much wasted time. You were supposed to follow the seasons Get lost in the woods without a compass And you were lost For a very long time You were supposed to teach your son how to live for the day But days became weeks, became months, became years You disappeared you became a ghost. But now, your mind, his grief, my hands. Here I am. I am here. Am I here? The cramp right there in my pinky. That's your cramp too. Here I am. Here you are. Here we are. To hear more original stories like this, go to thetruthpodcast.com. You can discuss this story on our Reddit forum, The Truth Podcast, and you can follow us on Instagram, Strands, and Blue Sky. Our handle is TheTruthFiction. Here I Am was performed by Ann Carr as Rosie, Peter Gross as Tom, Danielle Delgado as Phyllis, and Seth Gilman as Jason. It was written by Louis Kornfeld and directed and sound designed by me, Jonathan Mitchell. I also composed all of the music in this episode, except for the Brahms. The music was based on a theme by Louis Kornfeld. And if you love our show, please subscribe to our ad-free feed. Go to thetruthpodcast.supportingcast.fm You'll hear the show without interruption and you'll be helping us continue bringing you new stories. thetruthpodcast.supportingcast.fm I'm Jonathan Mitchell, and you have been hearing The Truth
