Joy To The Void: Part Two

Starting a business can be overwhelming. You're juggling multiple roles, designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life. Shopify helps millions of business sell online. Build fast with templates and AI descriptions and photos, inventory and shipping. Sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at shopify.nl. That's shopify.nl. It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. starting a business can be overwhelming you're juggling multiple roles designer marketer logistics manager all while bringing your vision to life shopify helps millions of business sell online build fast with templates and ai descriptions and photos inventory and shipping sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at shopify.nl that's shopify.nl it's time to see what you can accomplish with shopify by your side Hello, friends. I'm Andrew Crabtree, the creator of The Void, and I cannot thank you enough for listening. If you're enjoying The Void, it would mean the world if you checked out our Patreon. In addition to week-ahead, ad-free episodes of The Void, you'll find The Minds of Milton, another full production, full cast audio drama set in the same place and timeline as The Void. You'll also find our Director's Cut podcast, where I sit down with a cast member and give you behind-the-scenes commentary on each episode. If you're loving The Void, you won't want to miss this. There's a link in this episode's description. Now enjoy The Void. I sat cross-legged on my bed, alone in my room. My copy of the Christmas Carol script spread out before me on my sheets, one last cramming session before that night's performance. It was a Milton City tradition, cramming half the town into the school's gymnasium to watch a Christmas Eve performance put on by the high school students. I had been chosen to play Ebenezer Scrooge, the lead role. Lucky me. The only reason I had even gone to the audition was to spend a few more minutes with Beth. Beth, Caleb, Nathan, and I had spent a few more nights in her living room running our lines. She had been patient and cordial with me, never mentioning the awkwardness of our exchange on the porch. I desperately wished I could go back in time and replay that night. Wished I could ignore that memory of my mother, the one that continued to haunt me ever since. A haunting that actually had very little to do with my mother. Sure, I missed her, and memories like that didn't help. but it was Morris. The love in his eyes. The way he had hugged me. Held me tightly to his chest. I couldn't reconcile that image with the man one room over, currently drinking his way through his last bottle of whiskey. As we approached tonight's big performance, I finally felt comfortable with my lines. It took longer than it should have, but as I ran through the script one final time on my bed, I didn't stumble once. A smile flashed on my face as I thought about how proud Beth would be when I flawlessly delivered the dialogue. Butterflies stirred in my stomach at the thought of such a large crowd watching me. The Christmas play was probably Milton's biggest single gathering of the year, and while I wasn't necessarily excited about being on stage, I was pretty eager for the cast party. Every year after the play, the PTO moms hosted a big, fancy gathering for cast and crew. It was probably the only day of the year I'd actually wear a tie. I'd overheard Beth telling Bella Thompson at practice that she had a really nice dress to wear. Maybe she'd even want to dance with me. If the stage fright stirred the butterflies in my stomach, that thought sent them into overdrive. I grabbed a page of the script from my bed and a pen off my nightstand. At the top of the page, I wrote, Goal for today. Don't choke. Underneath it, in smaller letters, I added, Remember your lines and kiss Beth. There, I put it out into the world. I was a pretty goal-oriented person. It always helped me to stay focused to write down my goals and work towards them. I folded the paper up and shoved it in my pocket. The red lights illuminating my alarm clock told me the time was 4 o'clock. I wasn't due at the school until 5. Curtain was at 6.30. I was plenty early, but I'd rather wait around the school than here in Morris' shadow. So I bundled up to battle the frigid temperatures and falling snow. It was clear, though, as I passed through the living room on my way to the front door, that my dad had other plans for me. Hey, boy, where are you going? He asked, waving his hands at me. His speech was slurred, clearly drunk. I'm headed to the school, Dad. School? You're on break. There's no school. The Christmas play Dad Remember I the lead in the school play tonight He rolled his eyes Oh yeah whatever Before you go I need you to run to the corner store and pick me up a package from the cashier Drugs? Seriously? On my way to the biggest night of my high school career and he needed me to go get his drugs? I technically had the time as early as I was, but the request grinded on my nerves. He couldn't just let me be. One night. It was my turn to roll my eyes. You got money? Hey, easy with the attitude. He leaned over the arm of the couch and took a white envelope out of the end table, tossing a small stack of bills at my feet. Dad, really? This is the money for the electric bill. You want to sleep here tonight? Just go. Anger rose in my chest. I picked up the money off the ground and slammed the door behind me. This was far from the first time he'd asked me to run his spice. I used to feel sorry for him, but the older I got, the more of these stupid trips I made, the more resentful I became. This man wasn't my father. I thought back to the memory of my mom's last Christmas. He had been so kind, so loving, soft with me even. Who was Morris? Was he a pitiful, angry drunk at heart, only softened by my mother's presence? Or was he actually the guy from the Christmas memory? Was he really loving at heart, hardened by the loss of my mother? In the end, I guess it didn't really matter. At the end of the day, he was a jerk and a junkie, but my heart longed to see some sort of redemption in the man. The tiny corner store was warm, uncomfortably heating me up as I adjusted from the contrast of bitter cold outside. I went straight to the counter. I'm here for Morris. The mention of my father's name brought recognition and a subtle smile to the cashier's face. He knew Morris all right. Checking the door to make sure we were alone, he pulled out a wrinkled and worn brown paper sack from under the counter. Quickly digging through its contents, he tossed a Ziploc bag on the counter. That'll be $30. Morris had given me $40. I pulled a single red rose from a vase at the corner of the counter, advertised at $2, the perfect gift for Beth to celebrate her theatrical debut. Taking $8 back from the cashier, I quickly made my way into the cold, greeted by the rush of fresh snow. It was really starting to pick up. The ground turned white through town. If my mind wasn't so preoccupied with annoyance at my dad and nerves about the night's goals, I might have even stopped to appreciate how pretty it looked. But it was 4.30 now. I was really going to have to hustle to make it to the school on time. I picked up my pace, bounding up the porch stairs when I made it home. As I reached the door, I tucked Beth's rose into my coat, not the kind of thing I wanted to advertise to Morris. Inside, I tossed the little bag on my dad's chest as he lay sprawled out on the couch. The same couch he sat on in my memory. The couch was the same, but not much else. The beautiful tree and Christmas decorations that adorned my memory were long gone. Morris' loving smile replaced with bloodshot, unfocused eyes. Bye, Dad. Wait, wait, where are you going? School, Dad. The play. Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. I turned for the door. Hey! What, Dad? Where's my change? I pulled his $8 from my pocket and tossed it next to the bag on his chest. He counted it. This is $8. He sat up on the couch, leaning in. My heart sank. Yeah, $8. That's your change. Except this cost $30. Where's my $2? Thinking back on it now, I should have just ran. I was already at the door and he was too drunk to chase me. I could have been to the school on time, given Beth her flower, and Morris would have forgotten all about it by the time he sobered up. But I didn't run. Maybe I was just ready for the confrontation. Maybe I was done putting up with his nonsense. He stood up and faced me. I stood my ground. I spent it? You spent it? He moved closer, his expression menacing. Again, I stood my ground. Spend it on what? I opened up my coat and pulled out the rose. He swung at me, connecting directly with my left eye socket. Pain blasted into my brain like a tidal wave. Everything in me begged to cower away from him, to cover my face or hide, anything but stand and face him. But I didn't. I stood my ground. After he made contact, I swore I could see the briefest glimmer of the man from my memory, the fleeting ghost of compassion and remorse but it disappeared quickly he turned away from me in shame grabbing his coat off the back of the couch I go into the bar I go into the bar month trial and start selling today at shopify.nl that's shopify.nl it's time to see what you can accomplish with shopify by your side starting a business can be overwhelming you're juggling multiple roles designer marketer logistics manager all while bringing your vision to life shopify helps millions of business sell online build fast with templates and ai descriptions and photos, inventory and shipping. Sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at shopify.nl. That's shopify.nl. It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. I stood there in shock. As the adrenaline faded it was replaced with pure pain. The whole left side of my face was on fire. But in that moment the pain was not my primary concern. I staggered to the bathroom sink, afraid of what I'd see in the mirror. My reflection confirmed my fear. The eye was already darkening, swelling up more and more by the second. No amount of stage makeup was going to hide this. I pushed my back against the bathroom wall and slid down to the floor, head in my hands. And I wept. For the first time in years, I just let it go. All the pressure I carried released into tears and sobs. My dad, the memory of my mother, the constant presence of the void. I was usually so strong, but here on the linoleum, I just let it go. I could feel the weight of each tear on my cheek. I don't even know how long I sat there unloading my grief, but eventually I wiped the tears enough to peer through the open door to my bedroom. My alarm clock said 7 o'clock. Scrooge should be just about ready to meet the ghost of Christmas present. I imagined Nathan on stage, the understudy taking my place under the lights. I imagined Beth in her costume. Would she be mad that I didn't show? Did I blow my chance with her for the last time? What more could this horrid place take from me? So far, it had my mother, my father, and my youth. The back door opened slowly. Did Morris get kicked out of the bar early? Before I could scurry off to my room, I heard something I definitely didn't expect. Sam? You here, buddy? Caleb? What in the world was he doing here? He should be fully done up in his ghostly Marley makeup right now. When I looked up, Caleb was standing at the door to the bathroom, and he wasn't alone. Nathan stood beside him. And to my absolute astonishment, and if I'm honest, embarrassment, was Beth. Hey, man. Caleb entered the bathroom, stepping over me. Nathan and Beth followed. Crowding into the tiny space, they each joined me in sitting on the floor. Caleb and Nathan scooting back by the tub, tucking their comically long legs tight to their chest to make room for Beth to sit beside me. I'm guessing Morris? I nodded, ducking my head in shame. Hey, don't do that. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. This isn't your fault. We all have baggage. With that, she took my chin in her delicate hand and lifted it up. When I looked into her eyes, I saw something there akin to Morris in my memory. She was warm, compassionate. And then she kissed me. Quickly, but softly, right on the lips. The pain in my eye eased. The weight of my tears lightened. Maybe this place hadn't taken everything yet. Caleb fake coughed, bringing me back to the bathroom floor. What are you guys doing here? Some things are more important than a school play, you know? We know your dad doesn't handle holidays very well, so when you didn't show up, we had a pretty good idea of what was up. I figured you wouldn't want Beth to know, but she was pretty concerned. No, it's okay. This isn't even close to how I pictured this night going, but honestly, I'm glad. You guys reminded me there are still some things in Milton worth caring about. There sure are. she said as she slipped her hand into mine. It's funny. From that day on, Beth and I were nearly inseparable. Well, until I left with the guide and we actually were separated. But I never asked her to be my girlfriend. We never talked about it at all. We just showed up for each other. This is going to sound crazy but I really need to get out of here You guys want to go sledding Like in the dark Sounds unconventional and maybe a little dangerous A smile spread across his face. The hill in front of the power plant? We did go sledding that night, and Caleb did accidentally run his sled into a tree. We had matching black eyes and everyone around town just assumed we got into a scrap. Took some of the pressure off the real story. It was fun. Beth and I awkwardly taking those first steps into a new relationship, brushing hands as we stood too close, catching each other, staring. Caleb rolled his eyes at us more than once. But it felt right. The four of us together. All the pain and pressure from earlier was propped up and supported by their friendship. The only thing that kept that moment from being perfect was the void. We were having fun, but it was still there. Every time I slid down that hill, I directly faced it. the moonlight bouncing eerily off the trees, the fog emanating from inside the forest. The void was a dark cloud, a constant distraction in the back of every head in Milton. The void had taken so much from all of us, and Lord knows it wasn't done taking. But tonight, I wasn't going to let it take tonight, so I pushed the dark woods out of my mind and threw myself into the present. Taking in the scene, smiling with the people I was closest to. Maybe the ghost of Christmas future wasn't nearly as scary as the ghost of Christmas past. And just like that, he had hope again. I had worked so hard to stack the deck against the boy, against this chosen son of Milton. But my work wasn't done. I would turn up the pressure on his fool of a father, make his life harder, make the cursed town even more bleak. It wouldn't be today, but I will break him. See you soon, boy. Thank you so much for listening to the second and final installment of Joy to the Void, our two-part flashback miniseries. From myself and everyone involved in this production, I want to sincerely wish you a Merry Christmas and hope that you're enjoying your holiday season. Before I do read the episode's credits, I want to take a brief moment and remind you about what we have going on over on Patreon. For a limited time, new members can sign up and get their first month 50% off. You can think of it like our Christmas gift to you. That discount runs from now until the end of December 2025. You'll get access to all 18 episodes of our companion audio drama, The Minds of Milton, in all tiers. I just love the community we're building over there, so I hope you'll check it out and reach out and say hello to me. There is a link for our Patreon in this episode's description. I am Andrew Crabtree, creator of The Void I wrote, directed, and edited this episode As well as I narrated Adult Sam I want to give a huge thank you to our talented cast And they are, in order of appearance Joel Dallas as the voice of Morris Noah Hobson as Sam Beto Vaca Diaz voices Caleb Anna Hobson as Beth While Bryce Henry gives his voice to Nathan And the multi-talented Aaron Wright brings to life the dreaded Hat Man Thank you guys so much for everything you do for The Void. I love you all. I don't want to miss an opportunity to give another special shout out to Aaron Wright. Without his talents, inputs, and friendship, I am quite confident that The Void never would have been made. Also, special thanks to Jeff Umbro and the Fable and Folly Network for their support and contributions. Thank you again so much for listening. I do hope you had fun with Joy to the Void. Please, check out the Patreon and take advantage of that discount. Enjoy your Christmas and we will see you again here next week for another episode of After the Void. See you then. Ready, set, fort.