EP 53: Pitbulls & Addicts (With Mike Favor)

Disclaimer, at Two Addicts in the Moron we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. Like a 70 year old dude trying to fuck my nephew. Yeah let's talk. Let's talk about it. It's time to talk about it. I want to start a podcast called Let's Talk About It. Fuck yeah dude. Throughout my social media adventure I get a lot of shit. Some people don't want to, they have a problem with me going to the gym. They got to probably wear nice sneakers. Everything is like forget the fact that he has 40 dogs and they need to scare that of all came from rock bottom and all smiling and happy. Let's judge that asshole because he looks good, takes care of himself. It's fucking insane. To the point that I stop posting my life. I'm out here, I didn't even want to post on my here. I fund my place, it's five dollars Friday and they're like money is in Texas. I'm in Texas, I'm not paying for nothing. I paid for food, me and my brother. I'm not on vacation, I'm working my mission. About to talk to two addicts in Amora. You are talking to two addicts in Amora. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be talking to you. That's right. Social media is fucking crazy. Well look dude, we couldn't be more honored to have you here. I mean, we've been talking to you for a little bit and your brother is our brother. Any brother of our brother is our brother. We're all family. By addiction. We all ended up in this room because we're all fucked up. I'm the more, I'm not an addict, but I'm no less fucked up. It happens. You may be an addict, just not in recovery. Yeah, maybe. I didn't think that I was an addict. That's very fair. This thing has made me work through shit that I would have never imagined that I would have done before I did it. I say it all the time, but I'm not an addict or I don't identify as one anyway. Not yet. Not yet, but I do have a lot of addict tendencies. So you're an addict. So yeah. It's not an addict in recovery. Just that. And addiction is not only drug addiction. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you have, there's somebody in the world right now like Eaton Crayon. Yeah. And thinking that that it's normal. You know what I'm saying? Like addiction is addiction. Eaton packs the sugar. That we choose drug addiction because it numbs us. Yeah. There's a lot of things that don't numb you unless it's a drug or alcohol. Yeah. It's like Kobe Bryant, he was an addict. Just a different kind of addict. Correct. Right? Yeah. You're going to tell me that guy didn't have an addiction to what he did? Correct. Absolutely he did. I think that anybody who's successful is an addict. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're not going to be successful if you're not addicted to what you do. That's true. You know, they say like love what you do and you never work a day in your life. Yep. You know, you put drugs and alcohol on top of that. Yeah. You love what you do. Yeah. Yeah. You're never working a day in your life. Yeah. You just honestly, you're not even living. Yeah. It's existing. Yeah. It's existing through alcohol and drugs. Just making it through the day. That's it. Yeah. It's all a facade. You see these walls that we're sitting in? Yeah. That's a facade. Yeah. Take them down. What do you have? You have a house? Yeah. Mm-hmm. No. It's that simple. Yeah, for sure. Well, man, what an intro. Yeah. And let's do it. Hey, Mike. Yes. Mike, you are working with two things that are near and dear to my heart. Attics and pit bulls. Yes. And I own a pit bull. Okay. And I've told this story before, but it's like, I'll walk him down the street and he's the most lovable, sweet, good-hearted boy I've ever been around. Mm-hmm. Literally saved my life. But when I walk him down the street in my neighborhood, people are clearing off the sidewalks when I'm walking them through. You know? And to me, it's like you're not even giving him a chance. You're not even giving him a shot. And I witnessed that with my boy Mike, you know, going through addiction. Mm-hmm. Not giving him a chance. Right. So the parallels when we started talking and going back and forth with each other, it's near and dear to my heart, not just for one thing, but for the other. So I appreciate that. Well, I think that you understand it a little bit more because you've experienced it. Yeah. There are a lot of people that don't experience the stigma that pit bulls and addicts walk around with. You know, the moment that somebody sees a pit bull, they think that that pit bull is going to rip them apart. Yeah. The moment that a man or a woman is open about them being in recovery, they're a junkie and it's just a matter of time. Mm-hmm. You know, we are the two misunderstood breeds in the world. Yeah. You know, we are judged and labeled for people's, you know, actions. And, you know, what I could tell you is that, like, my whole life, I never felt accepted and loved for who I was because I didn't accept and love myself. Mm-hmm. When I did enter this world of recovery, it was still an uphill battle. I still battle to this day, you know, every day, any man or woman that's in recovery that could tell you, like, you know, we have to literally go to war every day and hope to make it home. Mm-hmm. You know, we are always one bad choice about a way from ruining our lives. All it takes is one phone call to ruin our lives. Life is fragile, brother. Correct. And a pit bull, all it takes is one moron to disrespect that pit bull to get the action that the pit bull is going to get. Right. And the action is going to be to fight or fight. Most of the time, if they don't know you, they're going to bite you. Right. And there's a reason. And I tell people, like, you know, like, Pit Bulls and Attics started because when I first got sober after 13 years of drug addiction. But let me just tell you where it stems from because we could talk about Pit Bulls and Attics, but there's a story behind it. Yeah, so let's start. It's a story. It's a story that may not resonate with a lot of people because a lot of people may not have been in the sea. That I was in when it happened to me. But what I've noticed is that there's just way too many people that are sitting behind a closed door in self doubt and self hate. And nowadays social media has become a cesspool of negativity and doubt and hate and judgment. And meanwhile, people are not looking in the mirror and saying, well, you know, maybe I should change my ways. Maybe I need to take a, you know, a different approach at something. Maybe I need to accept the fact that I have a problem and accept the fact that I'm the only one that could make it out because we make choices every day. I could sit here and I could tell everybody exactly what to do to get sober. If they don't do it, they're not going to get sober. I could tell everybody how to work with a dog that has been defeated by humans to make that dog accept you. But if you don't do what I tell you to do, you're not going to get the results that I get. So my addiction stems from being mentally abused by a dentist at 11 years old. You know, hereditary, I don't have, I mean, genetically, I don't have good teeth. So, you know, I had cavities and stuff and I went in and they did x-rays and, you know, back in the day, it was a little bit different. You know, my parents just dropped the sofa at the dentist and went back to work and stuff. And I remember like I got my exam and then he came into this like dark room is like there was no LED lighting. It was a darker room and I was just embarrassed. Like, you know, here I am. My God, you know, somebody's looking at my teeth and I'm embarrassed. And, you know, 11 years old and this dentist slammed his hand on the table and he told me that, you know, screamed, you'll have no teeth in your mouth by the age of 30. And to some people that's like, well, how like why that's not it's that's just words. It didn't, you know, well, 11 years old, I already have an insecurity and I already have self doubt and self hate. And I'm living in pain and embarrassment at a little kid and don't know who I am, you know. So when I left that office, I felt hopeless and worthless. Yeah. And what I did was I found my coping. Coping was a mechanism. No, my coping. Vehicle mechanism. Yeah, like just the way that I coped with the way that I felt was true hockey. Okay. Right. So, you know, I never I never spoke about it. I was very, very quiet about it. I suffered in silence up into 33 years old is when I came forth and I started to, you know, fix myself because if I didn't fix myself, I wouldn't be here today to sit with you guys. But, you know, just feeling hopeless and worthless at such an early age, I found ways to cope with it and coping with it. I found hockey. So hockey was like my drug of choice, you know, I would literally like wake up, go to school, come home, do my homework. Most of the time I didn't do my homework. I told my parents the homework was done. But, you know, I just wanted to get into where I was, where I felt safe, you know, so I would put on my skates or I would go to the rink or whatever it was. I was always playing hockey. And then I was a punk and, you know, I went on a tour and up to Lake Placid and we were supposed to be in a room at 9 o'clock and I wound up coming in like 11, 30, 12 o'clock drunk. We were playing Celo and I was winning. So I was taking everybody's money, you know, like, and I don't know if you guys know about gambling, but, you know, like, I'm living through like self-pain and I hate everything and all of a sudden I start to win. So it's like, I'm not going up there. Like I make the game tomorrow, but I'm going to take everybody's money and this makes me feel good, you know. Make a long story short, they sat me down for the game. When we came back to stand on, he wanted to sit me down again and I didn't like that. So I took my skate off and I tried to throw it at his neck. So then I was thrown off my team and that's when I started to drink on the weekends. How old were you? I was in 10th grade. Whoa. So like 15, 16. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Real deal. You know, he would come home with the surveillance vans. You know, I used to go into the office with him and see it all happen in the wire taps and, you know, the detectors working behind the scene. You were new. My father used to preach to me about, you know, what that drug addict becomes. You know, like I knew what was going to happen to me, but I just never thought that I would let it happen to me. That makes any sense. Like I was raised different. I'm not going to become a drug addict. I can't become a drug addict. Everybody knows. But at that time, I didn't know what I was doing to myself. And what I was doing to myself was I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole that when I was now stripped of my happiness, which was hockey, I went and I found happiness in alcohol. Now I've drank before, you know, but it was the weekends, Friday, Saturday nights, we're just a total blackout. We were drinking in this little field and right next to a school, right down the church, we had guys in delis that would sell it to us through the back door. And, you know, it made me feel like I was okay. It accepted me for who I was. And what were you, what were you buying at the time? Alcohol. Only alcohol. Okay, not drugs. Yeah, because like I said, I was raised by an narcotics detective. I was around it. I seen it. I remember I used to go to school with this little green book with like poppy seeds on the front and there's like all the details of the drugs. Like it wasn't like, you know, what would happen to you, but just the details about the drugs, everything from heroin to mescaline to dust to meth to cocaine to crack, you know, everything. So I never thought that I would, I thought that I would eventually become like my father, you know, like I was raised, my grandfather was a bronze knowledge general. My father was a community man, a detective. I was raised by men. Also, I was raised by gangsters in little Italy. So I was gravitated towards men that truly were like, like family men and like, you know, men that wanted the best for everybody around them. Like growing up in New York, you had good guys and you had bad guys, but I never judged a man if he was good or as bad. Doesn't matter if he's a gangster or if he was a cop, you know, if he treated me and accepted me for who I am, I felt comfortable. You got to remember something. I was never comfortable in my own skin. So when I used to go in those places and they would accept me, I felt like I was part of something. Yeah. Right. So, you know, basically when I got thrown off my team and I started drinking alcohol, it just made me feel like I was okay. We continued to drink, continued to drink. And I said, I would never become a drug addict. I actually used to go up to my friend's college and there would be these kids and they would be like, you know, trying to bite their ear and I'm drunk, right? I'm drunk and I would literally call them out and abuse them. Like, look at you. Like, how disgusting are you? You drug addict. Get out of here. Drug addict. You know, I was 17, 18 years old. And then 21 years old, I was down at Jersey Shore with the wrong people. Somebody had, you know, you want to bump and I instead of saying I never did it, I did it. And that was the moment I just felt like, like the superpower come inside of me. And it made me feel like I was great. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then I realized that I could drink more on her. Right. So when it all started off was one bag a weekend, I go up to the Jersey Shore, do a couple of key bumps, you know. And fast forward 13 years, I'm ripping 50 bags the minute I wake up, you know, I'm hiding cocaine underneath my, my, my, I'm hiding cocaine underneath my, my placemat in my bathroom, so that in the middle of the night when I'm going to the bathroom, I could do a bump, you know, it just became my life. And it made me feel like I couldn't live without it. You know, it became part of me. Yeah. But there's a couple of good things that I'm proud of. I'm proud of the fact that, you know, through 13 years, I, you know, through 13 years of drug addiction, I never robbed nothing. I never stole nothing. I never sold anything to support my habit. You know, if I needed something, I borrowed money, you know, and I paid it back. So like being raised by, you know, the men that I was raised, I was raised with morals and respect. So I'm super thankful that I never let that go because if I let that go back in the day, I would never be sitting here today. Yeah. You know, I would be locked up. I would be dead, you know, like streets are real, you know, drug addiction is real. Like, you know, that lifestyle, that fast lifestyle is real. And maybe I wouldn't be killed by, you know, like another human, but like I could have killed myself. Like I drank and drove every day of my life. There's days that I got home. I didn't know how I got home. Literally questioning myself like, yo, what bridge did I take home? Like it wasn't even like, it wasn't normal. You know, like I wasn't normal. And I was literally suffering in silence and nobody knew about it. People knew that I partied. People knew that I drank here and there. But I was, you know, I was in my own, I was my own boss. So therefore, you know, people weren't all over me. I didn't have to answer to nobody. So cocaine became part of my daily routine where I woke up and I would drink the sniff and sniff the drink. And I got to the point where, you know, you know, I did, I was sniffing cocaine in my best friend's memorial mass. My best friend, my brother, Armin, you know, I went to his mass and sitting there and most people would be remembering and, you know, taking a moment. Like, even if you're an addict, like you're in church, like take a moment to just reflect and understand like, you know, life is good. Life is beautiful. But I was so fucked up that I couldn't even sit there and reflect on life. I couldn't even sit there and remember my brother. I was in the bathroom sniffing blow. I've done that before. I've had friends that die from addiction. And I'll go to like, if you killed one of my friends, I'm never going to hang out with you. I'm going to be looking for you. Correct. But I've had friends die from addiction. And I'll go to their fucking service. And in the bathroom, I'm fucking using the shit that they died from. Correct. Right. And not even thinking twice about it. The crazy part is I remember when I got the phone call. I was working on 17th Street. I got a phone call from his cousin, Jamie. And as soon as I seen her name come up, I knew it. You knew it. And I felt it. And my whole body dropped. I went to my knees and I said, um, what's up? And she said, he's gone. You know, it's, uh, it's just a crazy, um, feeling that goes through me is because like at that moment when I went to my knees, I wasn't, I wasn't as bad as I was. It was more of just like a weekend thing, you know, but I went to my knees and I just realized like, yo, this kid's dead. And we, we've all spoke about his addiction and what he was doing. So even though I lost a brother, I also did learn some things at that moment. And the moment that I realized that my best friend and my brother was dead, I realized that he didn't die from just using cocaine. So he was taking Xanax to go to sleep, drinking sniffing, taking Xanax to go to sleep. And that became his life. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, being raised and being in the, in the clubs and being out and seeing, seeing people because like cocaine, you're still aware of things. Like even though if I wasn't able to speak, I could still observe. You know what I'm saying? And one of the things that my father raised me would raise me to do was always to show up no matter what, whether they're right or the wrong. If they're part of you, you show up no matter what. So I always said to myself, like no matter how fucked up I am, if I got a phone call and I got to run for my family and my friends, I have to be able to show up. I don't got to talk as long as I'm there. So, you know, I'm just super thankful that seeing and observing everybody else, like going into K holes and not being able to like just conduct themselves because of a pill or a powder, whatever it was, I just said that I never want to be that person. You know what I'm saying? And I stuck by that. So I never did a pill. I never did any other drug besides cocaine. And I'm again, it's nothing to be proud of, but it's everything to be proud of because I wouldn't be alive today. The type of addict that I was, it was, I was all in. You know what I'm saying? Like it got to the point, my addiction, it got to the point where I would literally be buying five bags at a time, five, 50 bags at a time, five for 200 from four or five different dealers. Because the dealers that I dealt with wouldn't deal me the amount of drugs that I was doing a day. They weren't trying to kill their customers. They were working men. They just knew that they could make money off it. You're going to buy it from somebody. You may as well buy it from somebody that, you know, not going to kill you. Some drug dealers will serve you to your death bed and then serve you in your death bed. You know, like I would never surround myself with people. So I was always like, you know, like aware of who I surrounded myself with. And you know, just I, again, I never wanted to be the person that I was, but I was stuck in something. And the pain, and as the year, as I got older, the pain got worse. And, you know, as men, we were raised to just shut up and make it happen. Yeah. There's no reason to cry about things. There's no reason to, you know, just, just shut up and just fucking make it happen. No matter what needs to be done, you need to make it happen. And I was, I lived by that. Yeah. And I never came forth about anything until I just got to the point where I felt completely numb inside. I was empty. I was heartless. I had no emotions that I didn't feel like life was even, I wasn't living. I was existing in pain. And, you know, I would get out of the shower and I would look at myself at disgust. And then I started to not being able to accept myself really started to weigh on me to the point that I would get out of a shower and put a sweatshirt right on. So I didn't have to see myself in the mirror. You know, so I ran for a long, long time. And then it got to the point where near death, driving over the bridge every morning, you know, like I contemplated jumping off the bridge. I contemplated like, you know, just all this crazy shit of like, I didn't want to be this person, but I also didn't know no better. Yeah. You know, and back in the day, social media wasn't as like it is now. Like, you know, like I have people that contact me and I'm like, listen, I'm here for you. You know what I'm saying? And the reason why I do what I do today is because like I am the man that I needed when I was at my lowest. I can't. I accept you. I accept you for who you are. Yeah. Let's build who you could become. We're all different. You know, today I'm a man that people look at and like, wow, he changed his life around. He's a good dude, you know, like, and I'm not no better than anybody else. But I use my past so I could, I could inspire people that you don't got to sit through the pain of an addict because I'm just, I'm one of millions. There's millions of addicts. Most of us just suffer in silence. We don't, we don't do what we're supposed to do. And most of us end up in a grave. Don't ask for help. We don't ask for help. Yeah. So understanding that, like even as an addict towards the end of it, I understood that like, you know, like, this shit ain't going to change itself. As long as I'm sniffing, the cocaine's going to go up my nose. I'm sniffing it. You know, I'm putting it to my nose. It's the choices that we make that determine the life that we live. You know what I'm saying? So after, after all of that, you know, 13 years of ruining everything, feeling hopeless and worthless my whole life, I just got to the point that if I didn't make the change that I was going to be dead and I knew it, I was already dead inside. I was just a walking zombie. But the, the crazy part is that I was able to still withhold a construction company to make money. So I would show up every day. I actually had my dealers work for me. So I didn't have to pay for Coke every day. On Friday was a paycheck and a blow check. So, you know, I would, at the end of the week, I'm giving thousands of dollars for cocaine that, you know, I didn't see it as a problem. You know, I just thought that I was working to support a habit, you know, got the best of me. I wasn't supposed to be this guy. No gangsters would approve this. My father wouldn't approve this. This is not a way of being a man. You know, like I was a broken little boy just making excuses for everything. It got to the point that I, that if I didn't make the change and do what I did, I was going to be dead. And, and, you know, like being raised by a narcotics detective, I just always like, you know, I just felt embarrassed and I felt like I was letting my father down and I wasn't raised to be the man that I have become. But the only way to change it is to actually fucking change it instead of doing it. So I said to myself on March 26th, 2016, if I make it home tonight, it's the last night. Right. And I had no other choice but to do it myself because I don't think that rehabs are set up properly. I think that the systems are broken. What you need to realize is that, you know, private rehabs are a lot different. And nowadays, like, I mean, I see it because I actually work beside it. And like, you know, like Frank and, you know, like I have people in my life that have shown me that recovery and rehab is possible with the right people, but the states, the state rehabs, they're not setting the addicts up for success. Right. So I refused to go to a typical rehab. And then I started to like search for like programs and the programs were unaffordable. I can't afford 50,000, 60,000. You can't do it. Yeah. You know, my father was, my father was on the wealthy man. I had no money. I was just, I was an addict with, you know, like this hope of this, like this, this doubt in my mind that I'm just not going to be able to do it hopeless. Well, I love the fact that you're talking about that, man, because there's so many ways to do it. Correct. Right. I always describe, like just from being an observer of people who are addicts who come into this room, it's like, I once used this, but it's, it's a maze, right? Like you enter that maze of addiction and I imagine it's big cornrows and shit, you know, and everybody takes off down their different paths, right? But there's only one way out of that motherfucker, right? And some people get lost in it and they'll never find their way out. Yeah. You know, and the people who do find their way out, you know, so it's a, I've been involved in, in, uh, in this, this recovery for now, March 26th will be nine years, right? I've been open since day one about who I was and who I'm going to be on March 26th, 2016. If you go back on the calendar, it's Easter Sunday. Okay. Okay. So I rose on Easter Sunday. Wow. Okay. I was in an empty house. My, my, my, uh, my fiance or girlfriend at the time picked up and left. She went to go with her family. I told my family that I was just sick. I didn't feel well. And I looked at myself and I said, Mike, you need to do this. I looked in the mirror. I was just like screaming at myself, like, you know, like you need to fucking do this. Figure it out. So I went on the internet. I found a guy I typed in sober and a guy named Austin from sober evolution was the only one to answer me. Okay. And he told me, he said, Mike, you know, there's different ways to do it. If you don't have insurance and you don't have money, like you're going to have to do this on your own, there's people that could guide you, but you need to do it, bro. What I recommend is that you find a motivational speech that, you know, touches you and that you could understand. And then you just start, you know, every day you have to put the effort into it. So I was like, all right, you know, I never listened to motivation in my life and I typed in, you know, motivation. And the first one was like this little geeky guy and like, you know, glasses, like this dweeb. I'm like this fucking guy ain't going to inspire me. Second one was like a female. And the third one was legacy. Right. It was this big jack to look like 50 cent chiseled out black eye and I'm like this fucking one. Yeah. Right. It's legacy by William King Hollis. William King Hollis is actually a man in my life today. I actually reached out to him and thanked him for saving my life because the words that are in that speech, if you listen to that speech are the words that I, that this is my life today. Yeah. Yeah. It says one of them says like, you know, like I'm going to take drug dealers and make them community leaders. Yeah. You know, and I'm a man of my community. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So after accepting that, like, you know, just sitting in complete and again, the detox was, you know, it was horrible, but I also wanted it. Yeah. I was over it. 13 years. I never was myself. I never accepted myself to be honest with you. I never gave myself a chance. Yeah. Right. So now it's like I'm all out. I told my girl what was going on. Like I'm in an empty house. It's like, yo, you got to do this. So you're going to die. So I started to do it and motivation truly motivated me to become a better person. Right. March 27th, day one of sobriety. I sat with my father on my childhood stoop. And I told my father that I didn't know what I was going to do, but I'm going to go from zero to hero. And my father looked at me and said, Michael, if there's one man in this world that could do it, it's you. He said, whatever you could do, whatever you're going to do, however you're going to do it, I could stand beside you, but I can't do it for you. Was he always supportive of you? Yes. Yes. I come, my parents are awesome. Like I said, you know, like addiction runs in my family. My mother, my mother is an alcoholic. She drinks every day of her life to this day. And she's not a drunk. She drinks a couple of beers. But if you talk about addiction and the reality of it is that there are so many addicts that don't identify as an addict because they think that it's okay. It's not a drug. I think that the worst drug out there is alcohol. Fuck yeah. We talk about it all the time. It's like you can literally go anywhere and get alcohol. You know what I'm saying? An alcohol to me is the devil in a bottle. I don't have the devil inside me no more. Like I'm not making those choices that are putting my life at risk. Listen, at the end of the day, we all going to die. Right. But I'm going to die because of doing something that I love doing. Right. I'm going to, I'm going to be attacked. I'm going to be shot going to get a dog. I'm going to be, you know, like, listen, I rescue abuse and neglect dogs from shitty people. Yeah. Right. When you go in there, you post up as a threat. Nowadays, people are not afraid to pull that trigger. They pull baseball bats. I've had cops come surround me. There's a guy in Brooklyn who's like, there's six foot five Puerto Rican. I'm not Puerto Rican. I'm a white guy. You know, he's here. He's trying to take my dog. He's got a gun. Yeah. I could walk out of the building because I had something on me. I was going to put it on my truck. It wasn't a gun, but I had, I had protection on me. Yeah. And the cops surrounding me, I got guns to my head and get to your knees, hands up. You know, I had my father's little baton with me and I had a knife with me. And I told him, I said, listen, I don't know where I'm going. This is why I'm here. And this is what I did. I don't have no gun, but you know, it's serious out there. Yeah. And if you really think about it, when you talk about like animals that have been neglected by a human, that's a choice. And if they could do it to that animal that has no voice and that's not able to say, hey, I need help. Somebody help me. This person is abusing me. They just sit there and suffer in silence and that was me as a kid. Yeah. So it's a little different for me. Yeah. So if you could do that to that animal, I know you could do it to me. So when I come in, I'm ready, I'm ready for war. Yeah. Most of the time people don't want it because I come in with the right energy. I'm not here. I'm not, I don't want no problems. Yeah. But you're also a pretty intimidating presence. Just physically brother. Like, I mean, yeah. I took a broken boy and built a man. Yeah. I built a man that I want to be. I built a man that I want people to know like, yo, that's a man. That's not a kid who play like, and I don't play victim of my past. Right. You know, like I'm proud of who I am today. Yeah, you should be brother. I represent something. I stand for something. I do something that nobody in the world does. There's not one man in the world that could say that they do what I do. And some people say like, how could you say that? Find me one man that threw his entire life away because he resorted to drugs and alcohol. Right. I threw away Carpenter's Union. I threw away local 79. I threw away Longshoreman. I threw away sanitation. Okay. When I got sober, I knew that I had to find something to replace this negative addiction. So I say it all the time, negative addictions can become positive addictions and I'm living proof. Yeah. Right. So you got to get addicted to something else. You know, like currently today I'm addicted to inspiring other people, spreading my word, my real story. This is not made up. This is real life shit. Yeah. Right. I'm not going on social media trying to be something that I'm not. I'm everything that I say I am. Right. I'm real. Yeah. Okay. This is me. This is me after all I've been through. Right. I forget about everything that I've been through when I have to. But I live with this burning desire inside of me to just make a change in somebody's life that nobody cares about. Because when I was at my lowest, I felt that nobody cared about me. And even at my highest points, I still sometimes feel that nobody cares about me. But I've accepted the fact that, you know, I have to love myself and you are exactly what you bring in. So if you're a broken human, you're going to be surrounded by broken people. When you're a changed person and you accept yourself for who you are and you love yourself for who you are, and you make all the changes that are necessary, all of a sudden people are going to start gravitating towards you because they want to know like, you know, how did you do it? Because there's so many people that do suffer, but they're not going to open up their mouth. Especially when it comes to fucking men. I don't want them to know that I sit inside and cry because I miss this or I miss that. Like, you know, there's too many men that suffer in silence. So I want to be open about everything. I want people to understand like, listen, if Mike could do it, I could do it. Because I'm not no better than anybody else. I did it with no rehab. I just had this drive inside. You don't want no, I could tell you right now that there's no drug addict that wants to be that drug addict. Whether they're active or they're dead. You could go dig up every, every, every addict that has lost their life. If you dug them up and we're able to have a conversation with them and said, was it worth it? They would say, no. I wish that I didn't do that. Life is beautiful. Life is great. But when we're numb to shit and we don't care about anything, we don't care about ourselves, we don't care about our, you know, you got parents that are selling, you know, they sell their children's toys for drugs. You know what I'm saying? You have men and women that are just so lost and caught up in this, this world of, you know, the world of drugs. You know, like just self doubt and self hate. And it all stems from within and most of it is done at home. Because when everybody leaves their house, they put on this facade. And I put that facade on for most of my life. So when I'm going through something, people know I'm going through it. Yeah. I'm not, I'm, you know, like if I got a cry, I'm letting the devil out of me. Yeah. Because what I realized is that an idle mind is a devil's playground. That's the devil inside of me. So if I'm so emotional after 42 years, I'll be 42 in May, I'm so emotional about some things. If I'm going to cry, I'm going to let it out. Because if I don't let it out, it's going to build up. And eventually I'm going to snap. The damn old bus. It's it. And when I snap, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like I said, we are one choice away from ruining our life or better in our life. So I made a choice that I don't give a fuck if I shed a tear. I don't give a fuck if I have to sit with my head down. I'll take a knee. Yeah. But I'm not going down no more. You'll never catch me on my back. Yeah. I'll take a knee. I take time to just reflect. I understand what I have to do to get through it. And then I stand up and I go. And you know what? It's never a loss. I will never lose that life. I realize that with every loss, there's a lesson. With every lesson comes a blessing. And that blessing could change your life. So I took all of this stuff and I realized like, hey, I need to find a purpose in life. My purpose used to be building dope shit and getting fucked up. And where did it get me? I was making money. So I was supporting my own habit, but I was nobody. I had, I had, I was, I was, I was a walking dead man. Yeah. Yeah. So after telling my father I was going to go from zero to hero. I said, I need to find a purpose. I need to replace this. Like I, I'm not going to heal. I'm not going to change unless I change everything about me. Now a lot of people say it's always people, places and things. With me, it's completely different. I was, me, it was trauma. You know, like 11 years old, I was mentally abused. I lived this life. I doubted myself. I hated myself. I hated everything. I hated everyone. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel anything. I hated everyone. I didn't feel nothing. I was numb. Just didn't want to beat us no more. So I knew that in order for me to feel a human, like I was a human, I would have to do what most humans do. And that's why you see men in the gym with their heads down. You see men going out of their way to make sure that their children love them and their children feel appreciated. You see parents being parents. You see, you know, people excelling at their work because they're taking all of that negative addictions and they're changing them into positive addictions to better who they are. I want to be a better me. I want to be a better me. So after just seeing how it really was in the big world out there and what I had to step into, you know, after not knowing who I was for most of my life at 33 years old, like, hey, I'm a drug addict with nothing. Yeah. You know, this and that. I'm like, you know, nobody gives a fuck. Yeah. Nobody gives a fuck. I did that. Yeah. And it's time for me to get out of it. So searching for a purpose, searching for a purpose. I came home and my my ex was like, my no, I'm sorry. So on July 4th, 2016, I walked into this place called Husky House, which is an amazing rescue that I support. I love everything about them there. They're a little bit different than what I do, but she does her best and, you know, the dogs. That she rescues are in like, you know, come from horrible situations like myself. And she's also somebody who inspired me to do what I do today. July 4th, 2016, instead of going to a Fourth of July party, I went to go work at the rescue. And a couple of days before that, I was asked if I could foster a two month old German Shepherd. That was terminally ill that they gave six months to live. Little baby. Yeah, a little baby, honey. And I said, I can't. I said, if I lose this dog, I'm going to lose my life. I'm just starting to understand what life is without a drug. Like I haven't, I've been on drugs for 13 years. Yeah. Like for me to go now and be a man of like, that this dog is going to count on me. Like if I lose this dog, I'm going to lose myself. I don't know who I am. July 4th, I walked in there and I seen that little dog. Yeah. And I said, I'm going to give that dog the best four months of its life. Yeah. So I took her home and that dog accepted me for who I was. Yeah. That dog wanted to love me. She opened up my heart. She made me feel like a man. She made me feel like a dad. You know, like I'm not a father. Yeah. I never had this feeling like, and it's so crazy because they don't talk. Yeah. She was a puppy. Yeah. She's sitting there and there was one time I have a picture of it because I just took that moment picture. You know, like you ever stuck in a moment? Mm-hmm. You know, like I'm balling, crying, and she's just in my arms. And I looked at her and I was like, you can't go yet. You can't go. Please. Like she was literally, so she was born with subbiotic stenosis. Okay. Which is a heart condition. The one of the worst cases that the specialists have ever seen. They said six months, there's no way that this dog is going to live. Right. So me knowing that, and then this dog is like basically trembling on the floor. Like, you know, like, and I'm like, no, no, you can't go, you can't go. And she didn't go. And every day I would come home and I would just, that became my purpose. I'm living for this dog, living for this dog. Little did I know I was just opening up my heart and a whole new world that I was just like continuing to like run home because she made me feel okay. And you were accountable for that dog. Emotionally accountable. She accepted me for who I was. She didn't know where I've been. Yeah. So it's like, I couldn't, I couldn't get enough of her. That's awesome. Right. Negative addictions into positive addictions. A broken heart into a full heart. She made me feel like something. So I came home one weekend and I was, you know, I got home and my ex was like, you know, there's this, there's this woman who rescues goats. That's looking for a carpenter. Like, why don't you go up there and build on the weekends? And I was like, message her. She messes this woman, Leanne from Goal to Vanity. And she's like, Hey, you know, Mike is a creative builder. He wants to come and help you. Like whatever you need done, he's, he's, you know, newly in recovery and he's looking for, you know, to find a new way of life. Like he's just looking for outlets and she was like, Hey, come up. But you know, gave the address and the next weekend we went up and, you know, when I met her, I instantly felt at home. You know, she, we, you know, we took a walk in the woods and she was like, Hey, I just want to let you know, like I heard a little bit about your story and your struggles. And I understand you and you can consider this place a second home. What you're going to need to realize is that these animals are not going to judge you. And I already had that experience with that dog. So like now it's like, Oh, I cool. So I'm accepted by a dog and now that's my week. And then on the weekends, instead of going to get fucked up and ruin my whole life, maybe I could just go and help a life in need. Yeah. So I started to volunteer with Goal to Vanity. And then I actually became an employee. She, she, you know, I built her whole sanctuary. But throughout that time, you know, I just started to see the difference between sanctuary and shelter. Right. Okay. The shelter system is broken. Sanction and the people in the shelter system suck. Yeah. Sanctuaries are built with love and the people that are around them want to do this to better and help these animals. They're not doing it because they have to do it. Most of them are volunteer based, but they are voluntarily giving their heart and their soul to better an animal's life. Well, these are just farm animals. You know what I'm saying? Goal to Vanity is, is a special needs goat rescue. Okay. And that they're running around with fake prosthetic legs and wheelchairs and, and I'm building all this dope shit and I'm like, wow, this is great. And the people around have never seen it before. So they're like blown away. And every time I go up there, like I built an octa goat, like with a trampoline, the goat used to jump and fight each other with stadium seating. I built a goat circle. I did like, I traced out a motorcycle and I carved it out. I had to paint that, paint it, you know, hanging swings. And all of a sudden I start to look and I'm like, wow, like this is amazing. These animals are able to live because of what I'm like, even though I'm hired, but how come this isn't done anywhere else? Yeah, they're having fun. I'm providing them with a different life. So then, you know, I got really attached to animals and I just started to see like, you know, the shelter system and stuff like that. And being around the sanctuary really opened me up. So I started to like put some effort into rescued animals. And I, one time I was working on a job and I got a phone call about some dogs that were in a backyard and it was full of garbage. And, you know, I went over there and, you know, I had no clue what the fuck I was doing. All I knew is that I wasn't, you know, this is what I'm here for. You know, I don't give a fuck what neighborhood it is. You know, so I woke up the driveway and I see like this backyard full of garbage and these two little puppies running around and somebody comes out the back and he's like, what are you doing here? I'm like, who's dogs are these? He's like, those are the landlords. He'll be back in an hour. I said, all right, I'm Mike from the ASPCA and tell him if these dogs aren't out of here, we're taking them. And he's like, all right, he'll be back. And then like underneath the steps, like four or five more dogs came out, like little puppies. I was like, fuck this. I emptied a milk crate. I put all the puppies in it and I brought them to my job site. So I put them in the kitchen and I put a board up and they're running around and I'm like, wow. But by the end of the day, I had placed all of those dogs in homes. I was like, this is beautiful pits. They were pits. Yeah. So I was like, this is beautiful. So I went home and I said to my ex, I said, you know, let's start a rescue. And she's like, let's go. You know, she loved it. She's, you know, so we named the rescue no more pain rescue. Okay. Because like once they reach, once I touch these animals, there's no more pain. I'll sit through the pain to give you the life that you deserve. Yeah. You got no voice. You can't ask for nothing. I'm going to give you what you deserve. Right. Because these animals made me feel like I was just okay. Yeah. And when I started to feel like I was okay, it just started to open up my eyes and started to open up my heart and made me realize like, all right, cool. I could do this. These animals don't accept that these animals are accepting me for who I am. They're not going to question where I've been. And it's just, it's a different life. And I think that I can get into this. Right. Love that. They're also the most loyal fucking anything. You know, who was it that was on the podcast recently that says, you know, dog is backwards God. Yeah. Ironically, the guy who I spoke with yesterday sent that to Frank later night. Oh, right. And it's Mike, if he knows what God spoke back, a dog spoke backwards. Yeah. You know, so when I started to rescue my ex, I mean, when we started to rescue, we started to, you know, just try to help just like most people in rescue. You still have that same rescue? Same one, same name, same everything. You're going to hear. Nice. Let's go. So December 22nd, 23rd, 2016, we get a phone call. About an abandoned people that's locked in an attic that if we don't go get it, that they're going to call that ASPCA. And the real estate agent like kind of gave me like a guilt trip. Locked in an attic. Like it's a little puppy, a little puppy. He's in the attic. He's this white dog, whatever, whatever. I said, okay, give me an address. So a little thing, a couple of things that opened up my mind was that, you know, when you tell people, when I tell people what I do, right, women love it. They adore it. I think they, you know, they're just proud to know that there's somebody out there doing it. And nine out of 10 men would tell me, yo, call me. I want to come. But I got your back. I'll come into anywhere with you, bro. I'm coming. So I had somebody who just come home from prison. Tough guy. Yeah. Said he was coming. I called him. I was like, yo, I don't know what the fuck this is. But I want to go. Can you come with me? And his girlfriend wouldn't let him out. This big tough guy, his girlfriend won't let him out to go rescue a dog. So right there, I'm, I'm fresh. I don't know people. I have no connections. You know, I just know guys who say that they're tough guys and he was a tough guy. I'm not going to lie. He's a tough guy. Yeah. But I actually speak louder than words. So here I am driving into the Bronx with this little girl from Jersey, never been in a fist fight sweet girl. I'm teaching how to open up knives, telling her they come near you, put your back against the car, you start stabbing everybody. Baseball bats, this and that. Right. So now, so we were on our way to mom, her mom's calling like, you know, I love her mom. And she's like, what are you just doing? You made the accent. She's like, we're going to rescue dog. Mike showed me at open up knives. And she's like, where? And we're like in the Bronx. And she's like, no, I'm going to call the cops. And I'm like, don't call the cop. We don't call cops. Are you crazy? So I get sent to the wrong address. So in the Bronx, there's roads and streets and avenues. Right. So I went to the wrong one. I go down dead end to a strip club that's closed down. So I call this person like, where the fuck are you, bro? He's like, what do you mean I'm here? I'm like, what are you trying to set me up? He's like, where were you? And I was like, whatever it was, 131 Avenue. He's like, no, it's 131 street. So I'm like, all right, here we go. I go to 131st street. And he's there. He's like, here's the house. Just knock downstairs and they'll let you up. And he left. I says, he's got to go. Knock on the door. The door opens and it's a red party. Not familiar. Okay. Explain. So there's red and blue. Oh. Crips and blood. Got. Okay. Okay. All right. All red. Very dark. Okay. White guy. White girl. I didn't let her come to the door. She stood at the car with a baseball bat. But, you know, knock on the door and he's like, they're like, yo, I'm like, listen, I'm here for the dog. And they're like, what? I'm like, there's a dog here. And then finally the kid that was there, like lived there, was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's upstairs. And the side of the house was like this like metal staircase that went up to the second floor. And I was like, bro, like, I ain't going up there alone. You're going to come and get me into the apartment. And then I'll do what I have to do. But I don't know what's behind that door, bro. I wasn't, I wasn't born yesterday. Yeah. You're going to come, you're going to go down with me. Let me in. The dog was locked in an attic. Right. So all you heard was like nails. Yeah. These kids didn't even know what the dog looked like. So I was told that it was a puppy. I'm thinking I'm here to pick up this little white pitbull puppy. Yeah. So I kicked the attic door open and this door comes charging down. And again, I'm not experienced like I am now. There's an approach. You know, these dogs are in fear. Like, so what I did was I just, I stood my ground. My energy was right. And I realized it like 40 minutes of trying to like get this dog to understand that I'm not here to hurt it, that I'm here to rescue it and help it. You know, like, there was just moments that I was just like question to myself and like scared and nervous. And like, if this door gets me like, what the fuck am I going to do? And 45 minutes later, make a long story short. I got to slip lead over her, brought it downstairs, put her into the truck. Now we had like this 90 pound woman that volunteered to like force to the dog. Right. Now I'm a man's man. When it comes to women, I'll always protect a woman. I'm not going to go dump a dog at this 90, 90 pound woman's house because I want to be a hero. You know what I'm saying? To me, that's the wrong thing to do. Right. So the dog was showing me some signs of being uncomfortable, you know, like those low, low growls. Like you look at it. So I told her, I said, yo, we can't bring this dog up there. We got to bring it home. So at the time I signed the BSL law, right? Breed restriction. I wasn't allowed to have people's in my community, but I put her in my garage and it lasted up into like the beginning of June. I had her out of her kennel for the day. I used to do one day in and one day out because her day, her daytime became my nighttime and my nighttime became her daytime. Right. So like nobody could see her. Nobody even knew what this dog was, but there was a worker that put up an extension ladder behind my house and she heard it and she was at, she was at the door. So the box actually reached the office and somebody else, a little rat in the neighborhood, with nothing better to do himself, retired loser called up corporate and told him that I had a vicious people, not only a people, but it was vicious. Okay. So I'm on a roof and I get a phone call that I have to come into the office. So I fly there and they're like, you know, like we can't do anything for you, Mike. Like we're proud of you for what you're doing, but this dog is not allowed here. Somebody called corporate on you. You have to either, you know, get rid of the dog or you're going to be evicted. And I said, just give me a little bit of time. The next day or like a couple of days after I got a phone call from a childhood friend Tyron and Tyron was looking to have some work repaired that a contractor messed up on her. Sister in law's house. And I was like, yeah, I could take care of it for you. And she's like, and by the way, Craig owns a piece of property in Tottenville and, you know, the previous rescue walked away from it. They said they couldn't afford it. If you ever want to start something, you know, he'll help you. And I'm like, when can I meet him? She's like, whenever you want, I said, can I meet him tomorrow? So I met Craig find the next day, complete strangers to each other. And he was like, look, he's like, I love everything about rescue. He's like, I can't do what you do, but I could help you. I could give you this, this, this room and this yard, you know, do whatever you want to do with it. Beautiful. Right. Crazy. I'm an alcoholic. I'm in recovery. Yeah. Right. Now at the time, so whatever time I had, I was still fresh, right? Because it takes a long time to rebuild everything that we destroyed. So the first thing is acceptance and then building your everyday life, not to resort to drugs, to resort to different things. So I was super fresh. I was a hothead. I was still ready to kill everybody. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But, you know, I took an empty room in the back of a bar and built my safe haven. So for the first year, I used to walk through a bar to get to my place. Right. Yeah. So that day that Craig offered that to me, I looked him in the eyes and I said, with tears in my eyes, I said, thank you. And I promised that you will not regret this. And he says, I don't have a doubt about it. Yeah. So I started building, you know, I got burnt down. Somebody threw a cocktail on me. You know, I don't know. When I got there to fire marshals the next morning, they wanted to do investigations and, you know, pull cameras and stuff like that. And I looked at him and I was like, you know, to be honest with you, I don't want to know who did this. Because if you did this to me, you tried to kill my animals. I don't give a fuck about who you are. I don't give a fuck about who's in your house. I'm going to come. I'm a contractor. I got pieces of plywood. I got nail guns. I'm going to nail your whole house. I'm plywooding your whole house and I'm going to cocktail your house. And I'll go sit in fucking jail with a smile on my face. I wasn't raised to do that. You know what I'm saying? You've got a problem with me. Come and see me. Yeah. Come and see me. I left my place that night. I left my place on camera. I was like 120 something. My place was engulfed in flames at 141. They knew I wasn't there. So whoever did it, if they're listening to this, you should be thankful that I don't know who you are. But the same thing is like, you know, I can't live the life that I used to live, which was resorting to violence and hurting people. Right? But if I have to, I'll hurt you. You hurt me or my family or somebody that I love. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. And I won't regret it because you know what? I'm a good man today. And sometimes you just have to remind people that just because I'm a good man doesn't mean that I'm going to be spit on. You're not going to disrespect me. There's a dog in you. Yeah. There's a dog in me. Yeah. And I give everybody the utmost respect until you disrespect me. Yeah. And then you're going to know what time it is. Yeah. Whether it's physical, verbal, cutting you out of my life, like every action has a reaction. My reactions nowadays are a little different. You know, I'm a man of a community. I'm a man that, you know, like I have a thing for children and animals. And the reason why I gravitate towards that is because I was a broken boy. Yeah. And I was a broken boy because of words. Right. So when I talk to these kids, these kids, they just, they feel it. You know, like I look these kids in the eyes and they're broken. And I'm like, you know, you feel this way because of what? My dad's not around. So what you need to do is you need to stop that and you need to start a new generation and you need to become the father that you don't have. Yeah. The father that you want, the father that you, that you're in pain because you don't have something. Then fucking create it for your future. Become the best father. And I say that to everybody. Most of the time we hate who we are during certain times and like I hated who I was. So I changed who I was and I become who I am, but it took a lot of work. So these kids that, that aren't being shown the right way because most people are afraid of the way to speak to children. Like these kids need to hear the truth behind it. It's not old sunshine and rainbows. This is not a fairy tale book, bro. Yeah. Like life is life. Break the cycle. Correct. And it's just that I deal with, you know, I deal with a lot of kids that come from places that I don't come from. I wasn't supposed to be who I was, you know what I'm saying? But I become that person. Yeah, that's why I would argue against that, man. I think you are exactly who you were meant to be, brother. But I wasn't raised in the project. I wasn't raised without a father. Sure. But I was still a kid that was suffering in silence. Yeah. So like I made the change and I become the man that I wanted to become. I'm not a father. But if I was a father, I'd be the best fucking father that I could be. Yeah. You know, I become the best man that I can. So today, what I could tell you is that after eight years of sacrifice in my entire life, every single dollar that I make, I'm on a self-funded mission called pit bulls and addicts. Yeah. So when me and me and my ex parted ways, it was just like because I, you know, it was nothing but acceptance and like we respected each other. But, you know, I just, I didn't feel like I was able to grow by looking at somebody that I didn't hate her. You know what I'm saying? There's no hate, but I still needed to elevate and I still needed to become something and to continue to look at somebody that I fucked up. Like I did a lot of damage to her and now I'm sober and I'm trying to do better and things like we're just growing apart because all I'm doing is I'm focused on building something that's going to keep me sober, keep my peace and serenity within. It was a safe haven for me. You know what I'm saying? And I didn't realize what I was doing, but you know, at the end of the day when we parted ways, it was there's no hate. You know, she's a friend of mine. She's somebody who today I could call like she's about to have a baby and I'm like, hey, what could I buy for your kid? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, yo, her family accepted me for who I was. You know, I can, I'm just thankful for that because I wasn't a good man. I was abusive with my mouth because I hated myself. So the fight that was in me of hate and self-hate came out in every single which way. And then I say it all the time, like hurt people hurt people. There's a reason why people are acting that way. And I understand this. So I needed to change my ways and I had to let it go. And I was like, you know, at that point, it's like, what are you going to do? And I said, okay, we're going to just, she could have no more pain rescue. And I'm just going to go go ahead and show the world that pipples and addicts are too misunderstood breeds. And I took all of that. You know, I had to accept this and it's so hard to accept things that you don't want to accept. Right. Absolutely. How is this happening now? Why didn't you leave me when I was fucked up? You know, but at the end of the day, I still didn't know who I was. I was still a broken boy. I was just like lost. I was, I was nothing. I was just an empty soul. I was a sober soul, but I was empty. You know what I'm saying? I didn't love myself. I wasn't in the gym. The reason why I walked into the gym is because I, I just needed something, man. I needed a place where I could feel accepted, but beside what I had built. So like, I started to like put personal work in and what I could tell you is that you are who you attract. So I used to attract all these fucking deadbeats and all these fucking loses. And you know what? It was cool. I felt like one of them, like you can't come near me now. My energy keeps those motherfuckers away from me. Like I won't accept you. Like actions speak louder than words. You could promise me the world. If you don't deliver me shit, I'll never respect you. Yeah. You know, I have a friend that, um, his marriage was the whole marriage. He was not an addict. His wife was an alcoholic and she would get fucked up and then he would go and rescue her wherever she was. And that's what their whole marriage was. And like she, he was like her superhero. Right. Always saved the day. Always saved the day. And then when she got sober, that's when their marriage went to shit because that's what she was in love with. Yes. She was in love with the guy that came and saved her and rescued her. And that guy wasn't there anymore because she didn't have to. And they had to go their own separate ways. And he was always like, why didn't this happen whenever, you know, fucking she, she was going out and getting fucked up and all this. And that's just sometimes the way that God plays it out. Yeah. I just truly believe that, um, I believe that, you know, um, she wasn't an addict. And I think that she understood my struggles, but I never was open about, she didn't know that what was going on. Right. Yeah. I didn't come forth about who I was and where I come from until I really like studied myself when I was sober. Like I had to step back and, and, and like look back at my whole life and, and remember things that I didn't want to remember. And, you know, accept the fact that like, Hey, here I am today. Like, what are we going to do? Probably, right? All shame, trauma, embarrassment, you know, like we self sabotage and self hate and we just turn to things that we shouldn't be turning to. And it's like, after all of these years and this and that, but at the end of the day, like, you know, I could tell you that, that I honor and I respect her today because at my lowest, she was there. She stood by side by side. Yeah. You know, and I was talking with Frank on the way here and we were just talking about life and, you know, we are both heavily in love with our fathers. You know, like I'm my father right here. That's dope, man. Yeah. So that's a good tattoo. A lot of times when people get a face on them, it doesn't come out looking good. I've seen some terrible. So, you know, being, being, being raised by, by men and changing my ways and having my father in my life early in sobriety was huge. But, you know, when my father took his, his turn, you know, it just, it became a moment where I had to, I had to be the son that he needed. Yeah. Uh huh. You know what I mean? I told my father that I was ready and ready and willing to do whatever it took to change my life. And that man stood beside me to my lowest and now I'm a sober man and my father gets sick. And, you know, when I first got sober, we had about two years and it was two beautiful years. I do things today that remind me of my father because I still, as crazy as it sounds, I don't think that my father is dead. You know, like, I just feel like he's just not here, but he's in me. Yeah. And, you know, coming from like a family of like warriors, I said, my, my, my grandfather's a bronze star general. My father was a veteran and a high rank, you know, great detective and a man of the community. And, you know, we come from men and we come from men and women that serve and, and want to help everybody. And, you know, like for all those years that I wasted all those opportunities, like, you know, when I just feel like my father never left me. And except in the fact that he's gone is extremely difficult, but no one that he, he died. No one that his, his son had changed his life and is now putting his life on the line to help other people. You know, my father would, would come home after like, you know, I would hit the news and then my father will come home from the bank and be calling me and he's crying on the phone. I'm like, what are you crying about? He's like, Michael, I just walked in and all the tellers are hugging me and they're praising you and I'm so proud of you. And I'm just like, thank God that you changed your life around. And this is like all that I like, you know, I just never forget what this meant to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, because you live in so much regret when you get sober and it's like, some parents will never forgive their children. Some spouses will never forgive their loved one. Some children will never forgive their parents. Some parents will never forgive their children. Some friends will walk away and slam that door and not give you an opportunity. And it's like, you know, like I didn't do a lot of shit that the most addicts do because I wasn't raised to be this man, you know? So when my father took his turn, when my father took his turn, you know, I stood beside my father for 18 months and I watched my hero just totally, you know, decompose into this like weak, frail man. And he, you know, like all he was concerned about was us. And I'm like, how is this man suffering? And he's worried about me. That's the job, brother. Correct. That's the job. So, you know, I stood beside my father for 18 months and when I lost my father, man, I lost a part of me. And, you know, I feel, I feel something that would like, you know, it doesn't matter about how old you are as a man to me. It's like, what type of man are you? So like when I look at my friends that are fatherless and like real good father figures, I'm the type of person to let them know like, you're fucking awesome. And the reason why I do that is because a lot of men may not feel like they're doing a good job. Right. Because so nowadays, social media has ruined so much of life where people are, they're just existing and they're living their lives through social media and they're forgetting about what life is supposed to be. I'm saying like, so when you have fathers that are going out of their ways to raise children, like Frankie boy, you know, like I tell them, like you are the father that that child needs. You are fucking awesome. Don't you ever fucking change. Don't you ever go back to your old ways because if you do, where is this kid going to end up? We're all going to fucking die, Frank. We're all going to die Joey Brown. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to. There's facts and there's things that we have to remember. And what we have to remember is that we leave behind a legacy. And what legacy do you want to leave behind? The fact that my father got sober and then he gave up on life, he became a junkie and I found my father dead in the bathroom. Right. It's only a matter of time. Yeah. You know, so when I see men that have changed their lives that come from something or come from nothing, but they put an effort into being a better man. And to me, it's like I had a father who like took pride in what he did. And even though I was suffering in silence and my father had no clue what was going on, my father was the one who took me to every single hockey game we traveled on the weekend. He was my biggest supporter to the day that he died. Yeah. And, you know, when you understand that and you understand the circle of life is that we come and we go. Yeah. But like when you go, how do you want to be remembered? Because there's the most impactful statement that I've ever heard was you are three generations away from being forgotten about. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what made me realize like I can't change everything, but I could definitely change a couple of generations. Yeah. And with that is where I can leave a legacy. Yeah. And the legacy is that Pippos and Attics are too misunderstood breeds. Right. Why is that my legacy? It's because I sacrificed my entire life to go ahead and fight that fight. It's a fight every day. You hear Pippos and Attics. What the fuck is that? That's a man who was an addict that was rescued and challenged by a Pippo to change his way because nobody would help that Pippo. He started building the sanctuary and now he goes off and I took all of that energy building and creating something. And now I found that there's there's comfort in helping children that need a second chance or children that just need a word. Like I understand what you're going through, but here's the way around it. Here's the good word. Here's what you have to do. Right. And these kids, they make me feel like I'm worth something. That's beautiful, man. Well, I like, look, I'd like to just read it. You wind your clock back to that stoop, zero to hero. And that's my point. Yeah. Is that I said it and the same effort that I put into being a drug addict, I just put into becoming a better person. And Pops got to see it. He got to see it. He got the witness. He died happy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, like I still struggle with it every day. Like there's times that like, you know, something will pop up or like, you know, like I'm not, I'm not somebody who says like I pick up my phone to call my dad, but there's times that I wish I could pick up the phone. But I could tell you that, you know, obviously you see I'm covered in tattoos and some tattoos are meaningful and some of them are not. I fully accepted the fact that I no longer have a father in my real life. Real life, my day, I don't have a dad. But I said the day that my father had passed away is that as a boy, I always had a father to protect me no matter what I needed. Yeah. Even at my lowest, my father was always there for me. He wasn't an enabler. My father was a man. Yeah. Right. They didn't enable me, but my father always supported me. The day that I seen my father in that casket, I said to myself, it's time to become a man. Every boy has a dad. Most men don't. Yeah. It's a matter of time. When do you become a man? And it's when you have to stand on your own two feet and make it happen. Yeah. But I put this on my, the day I put this on my arm and I'm able to see my dad every day is the day that I finally accepted the fact that I got to do this alone. But I don't have to do it alone because he's still within me. I literally talk to myself. I talk to my dad. Yeah. I look for signs. I know he's with me. You know, like one time I had, I got out of the shower. I had, my mirrors were clean. Right. I had just got my mirror, my, my bathroom cleaned. Right. So I know for a fact that my mirror was clean. Yeah. And it was a difficult period of my life, you know, like ups and downs and a lot of losses, a lot of heartbreak and a lot of fucked up emotions, you know, and I go in the shower, I come out of the shower and I'm doing something. I look up and at the top left corner, there's a handprint on my mirror. I'm like, yo, that's my fucking dad. There's, that's a smaller hand than like, I got a big hand. Yeah. And I put it up to it and what do you know? It was my father's hand. Nice. So there's always signs and I, and you know, like I'm very, I'm spiritually connected, you know, like I feel like there's, you know, like I'm not super religious. I just, you know, I met somebody who opened up a world of religion and I started to follow it. And even though like, my brain and the way that I operate and my everyday life, it's like sometimes reading to me is not, it doesn't do it for me. Like I get lost. My brain shuts down. I forget, you know, like I never read in school. Like I never put the effort into it. So like reading to me, you know, reading the Bible, like I tried to read a Bible and tried to get connected. It wasn't working. But, you know, being, I'm searching for something, you know, like, and a lot of people say in sobriety, it's always about a higher power. And I never understood that because I didn't go to the rooms, right? The rooms, some rooms are good and some rooms are bad and the rooms that I was going to, I just couldn't find myself in it. I don't like the fact that, you know, people go there and it's always the same story. You know, I ruined my life. I live in my grandmother's basement and I work at McDonald's. Okay, cool. How are you inspiring me, bro? How are you inspiring me, bro? Like, you know what I'm saying? And the sob stories and everyone, every, you know, the sort of drug addicts or drug addicts, we ruin everything and everything, everything and everyone around us. We just totally give, don't give a fuck about, or give, we give a fuck about us getting high. It's every addict. That's it, right? So in those rooms, it's cool to go there early in sobriety so you see that it's possible. But at the end of the day, like, coming from where I come from, people that talk shit about one another are not trustworthy. And when I walked out of that meeting and I would hear people talking about the next person, I kind of said like, I can't be here. So that's why I started to find the other things. So I was never in a room where like they practiced religion and this and that. So I was like, I did all of this on my own. So when I met somebody who was super religious, I started to like, you know, like I started to listen with her and I started to like, you know, I went to church and I felt that home. You know, like I started to like listen to music and that's where I really feel like I'm connected to my higher powers, just to listen into music and, you know, like I'm driving and I'm singing like, trusting God, you know? And it's like, and I feel okay. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, no matter what's going on in my life, I feel okay. And then somebody told me that there's a difference between, you know, like listening and speaking. So when you listen to something, you gain, you know, like this feeling inside of you and you like, you know, you believe in things and so on and so forth, right? But then they said, when you, when you speak it, you build your faith. So that's when I started to like open up and I started to pray and I started to be super thankful for what I have and be grateful. And to be honest with you, like, you know, like I grew up in a, in a, in a, in a Catholic family, but if you read my shirt and says, you tonight's pedophiles, right? So early in my life, when the priest started to get exposed for being pedophiles, like my father was totally against that. Then I realized that the Catholic church was extorting us. Like if we didn't show up to church, we had to bring an envelope of cash, you know what I'm saying? Like, and just the way that I looked at it was like, how could a man of God touch children and God be okay with this, right? And I guess now that I could actually sit down and think about it from all different perspectives, right? The reason why I hated that so much was because even though I wasn't touched by a man, I was mentally abused by a man. Yeah. So you don't got to touch me to ruin my fucking life. Your words ruin my fucking life. These children are now fucking ruined. By a pedophile. I think that pedophile should be brought to the center of the fucking town, hung upside down on a noose, and every child in the fucking town should go beat them with a baseball bat, and then we should light them on fire and kick them. You fucking ruin them. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I'm strong enough that I was able to. And again, I wasn't strong. I had no choice to accept the fact that I need to change my life. There's a lot of people that don't accept this that are fucking dead today. Yeah. You know, they're children that are molested by their parents, their cousins, their uncles. You know what I'm saying? And then you got innocent people that did what should be done. They killed that motherfucker that are now sitting in jail for the rest of their life because they killed the motherfucker that basically killed a walking dead kid because that kid is dead inside. Yeah. And people don't understand. And the road back is. It's horrible. It's terrible. That child will never be the same again. And you know what? The trauma that they're going to live through, they'll never, they're going to definitely become a drug addict somehow, some way. Right? Now drugs aren't just the drugs that are going to kill you. You could be addicted to food. Right? You could be addicted to porn. You could be addicted to cutting. Right? So people say drug addicts, that's cool. Yeah, we use drugs. But what about the people that aren't using drugs? Like what about the people that are sitting there cutting their wrist? What about the people that are just doing things that they don't want to be doing, but they don't know no better because they don't feel worthy of anything? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It just never to me, as I look back on it, the reason why I started to like walk away from that and not feel welcome in that is because it all comes back to the pedophiles. You know what I'm saying? Like euthanize them. Yeah, I think pedophilers and rapists are the two worst people. Correct. But they're way worse than murderers. They should be eliminated. Yeah, way worse than murderers. Correct. I think that's the... It's, and I won't say that people can't come back from it, but the journey back is fucking, like I was molested when I was four. And the journey back, mine wasn't as bad as other people. And I, you know, my fiancee asked me when I finally told her, because it's not something I ever really talk about. Correct. And she said, do you hate the person for doing it? And I said, no. I said, I don't. I said, because I don't know what they were going through. Like it was a 12 year old, I was four. Who's to say his dad or his uncle wasn't fucking raping him? To me, that's a different, and I understand that. And if it was a man, you would feel different. It would probably, probably so. It would. I'd probably be looking for him still to this day. If it was a grown man that did it to you, you would feel completely different. Probably so. It's only eight years old. Yeah. You know, like I understand that, and I feel your pain, and I'm proud of you for, you know, opening up about it, because some people may not think that that was a type of, you know, that wasn't anything because it was... You know, when I told my mom about it, I didn't know how to say something, and I forgave you already, mother. But I mentioned it to her, and I was like, Mom, if this happens, what happens? And she said, well, you go to hell because you're gay, right? And so at four years old, and I thought, shit, I did something wrong, and now I'm going to hell because that's not what God wants you to be. And so that was something like, I had pushed that in the back of my memory for years. Yeah. And I never, I just now recently talked about it on here, right? Mm-hmm. And it's not, if it would have been an adult or somebody consistently, I could see that that... Would have been different for you. I always tell anybody that if you ever went through that, you definitely need to go to therapy. Yeah. You should go to counseling. It's a long road back. Yeah. And, you know, some people, unfortunately, don't make it back. Correct. Because they just... And I'm just super thankful that I was able to, you know, like I said, my drug addiction, there's no excuse for it. My life, there's no excuse for it. Acceptance is key. And just, you know, there comes a point in your life where you just have to look at yourself and say, who am I and where do I want to go? How you live? Because, yeah, because as we get older, you know, the child, like I said, as a child, you know, like I turned to the wrong things, which was like violence and self-hate, you know, hurt people hurt people. You know, and then as an adult, it's like you're resorting to places and you're not really living a life, you're just existing in pain. And it's like, do you want to go down like this, man? Like, you know, life is beautiful, life is great. You know, but at the end of the day, I just think that like, when you're in love with yourself and you love life and you surround yourself with people that, you know, like truly want the best of you, you become the best version of yourself. And it doesn't matter about where you've been, but trauma will always be within that person. And that's why you see like, some people just don't know, like me, like I don't know how to talk. Right. Which is crazy because like people like, yo, you're so inspirational. I'm like, when I'm with the right people, I talk, but coming from such like, and it wasn't a shouted life, but I was shouted. You know what I'm saying? I never spoke about anything. So like when it comes to like, when it comes to me being like open about rescue and what I'm against the rescue community and the reasons why I have no problem with it, like this is shit that I learned. I grew through it and I become something in it. Right. So it's just experience. I speak from experience. I don't speak about what I see on social media. I live this shit and I'm going to speak this shit. But when it comes to like, you know, open it up and just like speaking to people or like, maybe understand like people don't understand like why maybe I'm maybe they, everybody always says like, Mike, you're difficult to talk to. And I'm like, why? Because I'm a no bullshit type of guy. You want me to sit here and bullshit you and tell you like, it's okay to talk to me like that. It's like, listen, at the end of the day, you know, everybody has beliefs. We all believe in something. Everybody has opinions and thoughts. And, you know, we should be accepting of each other for who you are and how you feel about things. And if we don't agree on something, it's okay. But together we could get through it. You know what I'm saying? I have a problem speaking. I don't know how to speak. Got me fooled, brother. Yeah. You're doing good. It's like, you know, like I lost a lot of good things in my life because I just don't know how to speak. And naturally I'm used to running. So I have no problem running away from something and not having something in my life. I didn't have shit in my life for most of my life. Yeah. Most of my life, I didn't have what I wanted. Everybody wants that perfect life. I never had it. I'm never going to have a fucking perfect life. I don't want a perfect life no more. I want to become the best motherfucker that I am. I want to touch as many lives as I can. And when I die, I know that when I get up to those pearly gates that I'm going to have no regrets. I lived my whole life in regret. Fuck that. I'm getting up there and I'm proud of who I am. I'm thankful that I got the strength to become who I become. My life today is beautiful. I'm building an animal sanctuary. I'm on a worldwide mission that people, you know, a lot of people understand it. Understand they're starting to understand that the more and more that I put out there, the more and more I put out there is I treat my animals as if I would treat my children and in return I have good animals. Yeah. Right? I treat my kids that come into my home. It's called freedom home. Right? Everything about me is always a home. Yeah. Right? So like I'm not a father, but I built a home. Yeah. Because there's a difference between a house and a home. A house is a place where people just go to and sleep and the walls are empty. There's no love. I was raised in a home where it was full of love. So I named my place freedom home because I'm now free and this is our home, freedom home. The results that I get are because my animals don't live in fear. The results that I get because these kids are in ashamed of the shit that they've been through to open up and speak to me because I want them to. I want them to know that you're not alone. I understand you. I could help you get through this, but if you don't speak to me, I can't. Yeah. Right? And some kids won't speak, but then I start to tell them about the reasons why they should, you know, maybe accept it and just move forward because you're 16, you're 13 years old, 14 years old. I'm 42 and this is where I'm at. So I put my story on the line to change their life. And in return, I'm changing my life. Because when I leave a group of kids, I feel unstoppable. When I leave a group of men like talking this podcast, I'm leaving here. I'm unstoppable. I feel like I'm worth something. And again, I say it all the time, like, children that don't feel that they're worthy, living this self doubt and it's really, you know, it's not a good place for them because most of those kids don't make it out because they get so used to just running and running. And as a 42 year old man, I still run from a lot. But you know what? I'm not a perfect man today, but I am way better than who I was. And every morning that I wake up, my mind says the same. I'm going to be 1% better today. They could take it or leave it. If people are going to talk about me, I'm going to give them something to talk about. Well said, brother. Man, I'm honored that you came by and came such a long way. And like I said, Frank is our boy here. And I always extend this to everybody who comes and sits on that chair. You need us for anything, brother. Like whether it's a kid goes both ways, whether like we'll come running both ways. And that's what it is. Like nowadays, like I've noticed like, listen, if you walk with me in New York, you're back. Wow. This kid knows everybody. Everybody loves Mike. Yeah. It's not how it is. Yeah. You know, I asked for a dollar on Fridays. I asked for $5 on Fridays and a dollar on Sundays to support a mission. Yeah. Where you at? You understand? Like everybody loves me. Everybody loves me until I need help. Yeah. So I pick and choose who I stand with. We don't sit no more. We stand tall, you know? Yeah. And Frank is definitely a man that I stand with. You know? And all of the men that I've met through Frank, I could honestly say, I stand with them too. Because Frank knows where I come from. Frank knows what I'm about. And if Frank is going to put me in jeopardy, then Frank's not my friend. Frank don't care about me. Yeah. I know that Frank has the best interest in my well-being because we both come from the same place. Maybe a different lifestyle, but we both come from the same place. Trauma, hate, violence, drugs. Frank lost his life. Frank came out of his body and seen himself. I lost my life. I didn't come out of my body, but I fucking see myself. I look at my picture every day and I'm like, fuck, I was a dead man walking. He was a dead man flying. He came back to his body and it changed his ways. You know, like, and I stand, the reason why I stand beside him is because he's a man's fucking man. You know? 100%. That's it. We both, like I said, we both, we were raised to completely different. I was raised by, you know, narcotics detective in my house and gangsters. You know, Frank, I know you all know his story. He was raised by, you know, who he was raised by. And to now be 40 years old and come connected and like just understand, like, yo, let's take our past and change the future. You know, like I sit there and I just talk to his kid and I'm like, yo, listen kid. Like you understand something that the happiness is within. Yeah. And there's a lot of roads that could follow and that will lead you to the places that me and your dad have been. But that happiness is a straight line right to your heart. Yeah. Don't you ever come off that road. And if you're coming off that road and you're afraid to go to your father, you could turn to me. There's no reason to be afraid to go to your father, but as we all know, some kids don't want to turn to their parents. 100%. But you could always turn to me. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And to have like, and it's not only just Frank's kid, it's all my friends, family, kids, like every kid loves me. And it's because they know that I mean well. Yeah. Yeah. I'm this big six foot, 220 pound guy, tattoos, loud, this and that. But at the end of the day, I was a broken kid. Yeah. You don't gotta live the life that I live to be half of the person that I am. And I'm not no better than anybody else. But I just put forth the effort every day to be the person that I want to be. I never wanted to be that drug addict. I wanted to be something. Well, you're changing your legacy. Correct. Right. And I tell people, I always had a problem that people were fearing me for somebody that I wasn't. So as I changed my life around, I don't want nobody to fear me for something that I'm not. I want them to love and respect me for who I am. And this is what I am. This is where I come from. And this is what I'm going to do. And when my casket drops, I could tell you that I went all in. I took a negative addiction. I made a positive addiction. I took a broken heart. I fixed myself and I became the best version of myself. Maybe I may never be the best man that ever walked the planet. It's okay. I'm the best Mike favor that will ever walk this earth. Just like that, man. Mike favor. How do they find you? How do they find you? So I operate on Instagram. My platform is called Pippos and Attics. My website is PipposandAttics.org. I'm very active on Instagram. I show people what it is and how we do it. And the reason why we do it, we're a community. We're a community of people that most of my people are broken. And we feel like we're okay because we are. As long as we have each other and we all understand and help each other, we'll make it out okay. So I'm real. I can't stand Facebook. I can't stand all these other things. Like, you know, that's the whole job itself. I create my own content. I do everything myself in-house because I've watched organizations pummel because of, you know, who doesn't agree with something or this. And go, this is my life. This is all I got. I'm all in. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not going to risk somebody's like soft ass emotions because they don't understand it, you know, to have everything in an uproar. And at the end of the day, the animals suffer from it. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's not what I'm here for. Yes, sir. You know, I'm Pippos and Attics. Well, $5 Fridays. $5 Fridays, supporters. Everybody fucking. I'm a nonprofit organization. My nonprofit organization is called Broken Souls. Rescue and Recovery. We're based out of Starnow, New York. And, you know, I've touched lives across the world because people from across the world, you know, they understand that he's a real one. Well, you are. You are as real as I get my friend. That's right. Listen, all I do is I accept myself and I just want to be a better man. You're doing it, man. And thank you for all the work that you do. Thank you. All of the two addicts in the moron world. Go load this guy's nonprofit up. Let's help out some animals. Let's do that. If there's anybody out there that's struggling with addiction, and you're currently struggling, like if you want to reach out, we there is help out there. Like, you know, we have help out here in Texas. We have help in California. We have help in New York. We have men and women that won't even charge you if you're ready and willing to put the work. And there's so many people out there that have been through what you're going through. You're not alone. And it's okay to accept the fact that maybe you do need help. And the first thing you have to do is just reach out. As for... Reach out to somebody and say, hey, I need fucking help. And if you can't afford it, we get it. There's somebody out there that could help you change your fucking life. Like I said, I know people that own rehabs. I know people that never been, you know, I've never been in any type of program because I didn't think it was going to work for me. I was coming with too much trauma. I knew that the only way that I was going to change was changing my ways. Get to work, get to work, get to work. I'm a working man. You know what I'm saying? Like, I worked this program because this is all I know. This is all I know. There's way too many people out there that think that they can't change their life around us because they never ask for anything. I didn't accept the fact that I was traumatized and that I needed help until I actually asked for the help. And I was blessed. I was blessed when a dentist said, I'm going to do your work pro bono. You know, and even with that, I still, you know, nowadays I'm going to go enter another dark phase of my life because now it's all going to come back and I have to get some more work done. But you know, what I could tell you is that when this happened to me and I was broken, I ran to suicide. And now that I'm a changed man, I'm going to run into the fire and do what I have to do to better myself to understand that this too could have been prevented if I did what I had to do when I was supposed to do it. So stop putting shit to the back burner and start fucking get making it happen. Let's fucking go. And that's it. Well, just like that, man. Thank you so much. Two addicts and a moron. Let's fucking go. Thank you. Hey, thank you guys.