Afroman Teaches Us How to Eat Lemon Pound Cake & Win in Court (w. Afroman)

This is exactly right. Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael Foote. I'm Melissa Malbranch. Today we're going to be talking about nuns and their podcasts, politicians posturing for the midterm elections, the record number of Republicans who are retiring right now, Americans who love their gasoline, Melissa's AI Fruit Telenovellas, an interview with Afro Man, the man behind the titular song Lemon Pound Cake, and I'm going to answer all your burning questions from my DMs, so stick around. The only thing I know about the Latter Day Saints is what was on the commercial in the 90s. Do you remember that? I do remember that commercial. Like the infomercials that would come up? Well, since you brought it up. No, Jenna. Now your algorithm's going to be, have you seen the podcast of the nuns let's get into a sidebar with the nuns podcast let's what's happening with the nuns in america because they're taking a break from praying and podcasting everyone has a podcast now there are these two nuns i'm obsessed are they in habits and stuff yeah they're in like the full whoopi goldberg they're doing um yes sister it's are they being cheeky it's edited to be cheeky. I don't know if they're intentionally being cheeky. Are we sure that they're nuns? I mean, I didn't. They say they're nuns? They say they're nuns, and it's like a faith-based podcast. Oh, okay. But they're always like, sister, tell me. And they tell like modern woman stories from the habit. Okay. I know you have a lot of nun trauma from your life. I do have a lot of nun trauma. It probably doesn't hit as hard for you. Yeah, it's like whatever. Anyway. So I used to, I used to, I worked someplace where the office manager had been a nun and she became a nun because she was a lesbian and she was much older. Right. And she had said that in her day, like when she became a nun because she was a lesbian. Yes. Because her family would have expected her to get married to a man. She was like, she was like, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know for a fact that I don't want to be with a man. She was like, I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. And she was like, so I'm going to become a nun. Good for her. And so, you know, I can't remember how long she was a nun for, but she said she met her first girlfriend in the conflict. I would watch that next heated rivalry season, too. Oh, yeah. Back in the monastery. What is it? There are probably a lot of former nuns who have had that experience, right? Right. Is there like a women's field hockey team at the nunnery where they meet? Maybe. Because that's the heated rivalry episode I want to watch. I don't know. But I remember thinking that was really funny. Like, oh, okay. And she joined because she was like, I'm too gay. I'm going to. Yes. Imagine joining the sisterhood to like meet a girl. I mean. That's a meet you. It isn't it? I would read that book. Yeah. I mean, I am not surprised that like 1956 that somebody who was a lesbian or a gay man would be like, what am I going to do? I know I'll be I'll be, you know, participate in a religious order. I was hooking up in college with one of the guys who was like in the like religious studies program. But he was just like studying it as like a scholar. And I remember for like. Was he out? Yeah. OK. And I remember for spring break, he went to a monastery for like a week. And I was like, I can't talk to my boyfriend. He's in the monastery. Do you remember if it was a silent retreat? I think it was. I think it was a silent retreat. A friend of mine did a silent retreat. And he said that like day, it was for 10 days. Day three, he said he felt like he was losing his money. He said, fuck this. But he stayed. He stayed. And he was really happy that he did it. But he was like, it was fucking hard. Yeah. Like, no books, no. No podcasting. No podcasting. Yeah. It's going to be really. So you would miss us. No podcasting, no nothing. Wait, no books? No books. Oh, because some people move their lips when they read. No. That's probably why they do that. Can I tell you something? When I was, I was the worst. Remember when you were a little kid? I don't know if they did this when you were a kid. You would have to read something out loud and everybody had a turn. Yeah. So I always read faster, right? Because I used to really like to read. So I would figure out where my point was. Your Harlequin novels. I would figure out where my point was and I would like hold it. And then if some kid, whatever, I won't even say the name because I was in trouble. But like if some kid got stuck on a word, I would like, let's say the word was hippopotamus. And the kid was like, hippopotamus. And I would get in. So Melissa, you can't do that. Sister Teresa was. Sister Mary Claire was second grade. Sister Mary Claire. And I would get so mad when the kid would be stuck on a word. And I'm just like. You freaking pet aunt. Why are you just correcting all the kids at school? I would do it all the time. And I remember one time I asked the kid why he. You freaking know it all. And you still to this day will be like, I told you so. Oh. You still are. You've been that girl. Yeah. You've always been that girl. Yes. Even in Sister Mary Claire's class. up until now. I don't. Oh, I make no apology. That's who I am. That's who she is. She's going to correct you. I am going to correct you. Let the record reflect. Let the record reflect. And if you do something that I suggested that you not do and it fucks up, I'm going to say to you, I told you. Alyssa. I say that to her all the time. Should we call her? Let's see if she'll answer. She's not going to answer. A bit. She's going to like be somewhere. That's the thing with Alyssa. She's always somewhere. She's not going to answer. Because you know what? She's probably on a plane. Yeah, see? All right. She got a third concussion this year. I know she did. Unbelievable. I asked, I was like, why do you keep on hitting your head? And she's like, I know it's not ideal. I know it's not ideal. So I got it out of her. I had to pull out full litigation strategies just to get the information out of her as to how she busted her head for a third time. she walked into a glass door in Miami. It was her glass door. In her home? In her house. I am so deeply concerned about this girl. It is never her fault. Never. She was like, my friend closed the door. That door's always open. You leave the door open in your house? Which door? I'm texting her. Call one of us back immediately. Which door? Like, what? I mean, was it like? It was like the sliding glass door to the patio. Oh. And she walked into it, hit her head again. And I found out about this because I called her and she was like, I'm driving and everything's really blurry. I was like, Alyssa, get off the road. Pull over. You know what? I have a neighbor. I have a neighbor who I can't remember why. Oh, he was upset because our building, we live in a condo. Our building would not let him get an e-bike. Oh, because they explode or whatever. And he said that's why. Yeah, that's why I don't eat bikes explode a little bit like the lithium battery. Yes, yes. Wow. So anyway, and so he said that the reason why he wanted an e-bike was because the DMV. Wait, wait, wait. The DMV was going to take away his driver's license because his vision was going. No. When I tell you this man is still driving his car and I keep on looking at him like, what are you doing? No. I know. No. And now he's going to be flying down the road on an e-bike maybe. I don't know what's worse. All of it is dangerous. All of it is dangerous. You shouldn't be driving. You need to develop an relationship with Uber or Lyft or something. Get off the fucking road. But I remember thinking before my dad died, I was like, at some point, we're going to have to take his keys away from him. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, just, you know, he wasn't, by the time he passed away, he wasn't, yeah, he wasn't there yet. But I remember just like, looking at my dad, I was driving behind my dad once. We were both going back to my parents' house. And I was like, oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Here we go. I remember driving around with my grandma. And I don't even think I knew how to drive yet. And I remember being like, this isn't how it's supposed to go. I don't think this is right. I don't think this is how you're supposed to park this car. I remember being like 10 and being like, that's not the way you do it. That's not how that works. I don't want to be a backseat driver. However, Yaya, that's not how that worked. It was your Yaya, right? I did have a Yaya, but she was my great auntie was my Yaya. But my grandmother was my grandmother. But Greek people have Yaya's. Yeah. And Yaya, towards the end, my mom would have to teach me how to make Yaya's cocktails because. What was Yaya's cocktail? It's usually vodka water with ice. But towards the end. Vodka, like just vodka and water? With ice. Yeah. In a pie ball. But, and I was, I was little. And so they would have me as the bartender. And so because they wouldn't have to pay you. So, but Yaya, what they would do is towards the end, she couldn't drink. She wasn't supposed to drink that much on all their medications. They would have me just put a little bit of vodka on the top of the glass of water. So that when she sipped it, it tasted like vodka, but it was really mostly water. Mostly water. Yeah. I have a relative who does that with her husband. She adds water to the wine. She waters it down. She waters it down. And I'm like, he doesn't, doesn't he know? And she was like, no. There was a TikTok this week that really sent me to Jupiter. This girl was like, I know they're watering down the gasoline. They're watering down the gasoline with Iran because it tastes different. Oh, bitch. This is what I'm saying. I weep for our nation. What is happening? She was like, it tastes different than it does. before the war like it's funny but i'm also like chagrin like what did she really i think she was really joking oh yeah did you ever see that show my weird addiction where she's eating the sofa cushion and she was like i didn't and they're always they're always the doctor is always sitting across from them like this i have to tell you my strange addiction cj's holding it up yeah yeah the doctor sitting across, I have to tell you the sofa cushion. If you keep eating it, it is going to, you're going to have kidney failure and you'll die. And the person's always like shocked. I couldn't munch, munch, munch nibbling away. What do you mean? The cup of bleach I drank this morning. This was not a show that I watched, but my friend watched it and she made me watch a couple of episodes with her. But the one episode that I will never forget was this woman, And her husband had passed away. Okay. And some of the ashes spilled. No. And she started eating it. Okay. We're going to take a break. I swear to God. I know it's fucking gross. Oh, no. And her whole thing was like, she was afraid to like. Run out? No, like throw it away. Like, I don't know what happened. The urn or whatever tipped over and she like tried to sweep it up and was like. What it tastes like. I don't know. Okay. Ash. I don't know if she's sad. I don't remember. Ash. It tastes like ash. whatever ash tastes like oh man people are not okay that's not as wild people are not i mean this why are you eating your sofa yeah i mean like what's what is happening right there's what is happening in the home what's happening in the home what's happening in the segment what's happening in the home nothing good what's happening in my home actually this is not helping because my stomach is already a little bit weird why because brad cooked and that's that he made the corn shower and this is last rights okay because he was like oh i want to make a red sauce like like like pasta like okay uh-huh at two in the morning i'm texting charmaine i don't feel good oh no because i called her when he was cooking because i was like please help me please keep me from going in the kitchen to fix whatever he we know he's not doing it right right and she was like don't go in there no okay he would never watch anything i'm a part of go ahead so she's Like, don't go in there and interrupt his flow. And so at two in the morning, I was texting her. I was like, I don't feel good. This is something. Something is amiss in the home. What do you think he did? I honestly don't want to know. I want to just recover and move on. Okay. Just a stomach to be better. Okay. That's why I'm drinking a full fat Coke and crackers today. That's what I've been eating. Oh, no. When was this? Last night. Oh, okay. Yeah. What's going on in the home? What's going on in the home? Bradley, what'd you put in the sauce? I don't know. Let's take a break. What'd you put in the gravy? This is your algorithm is showing what's happening in your feed because the news has been freaky deaky, wicked and wild. It has been kind of nuts. It's been Action Park, DC. Bless you. Bless you. It's been Action Park, DC. It's allergy season, actually. We've got a sneeze in the studio. We do. Or maybe they're like me. They feel uncomfortable. So they sneezed. Stop with the fake sneezing. Anyway, go ahead. I feel really left out. I can't fake sneeze. Yes, you can. That's terrible. That was the best I could do. You need to work on that. I'm going to have at some point during recording this show, one week, I will real sneeze. Good. Because I went to the allergist. They did the test. Is it like everything? they left and came back and they were like oh my god they had to like do triage because my whole arm was like swollen yeah yeah they were like you're allergic to every type of tree pollen and i was like you didn't want to ease into it you did no they do it they do the whole thing yeah they do everything yeah i know yeah so i have to take crazy allergy medications but anyway speaking of things i'm allergic to we should talk to we should talk about what the senate approved legislation to fund all of DHS except ICE and CBP. And then the House was like, no. Right. They just shut it down really fast. Are we surprised? I wasn't surprised that we're still in a shutdown. That's not surprising to me. There was a flurry of activity where I just imagine papers flying, like Senate quickly passed it. And then they were just bolted to the airport to leave for the week for recess. So they bolted to the airport and then sort of like, it seems like they just left a turd on the doorstep of and lit it on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They did. Like at the house. Yeah. Put it in a paper bag. Yeah. And then I mean, I think a lot of what's happening in DC right now is people are just doing really petty things at our expense as citizens so that they have talking points in the midterm elections. Yeah. So they did this left it with the House knowing they probably would never approve it And then they were the House Republicans were like we don approve We not going to approve this whatsoever So we're in the same situation. And travel is getting worse for people. Right. I guess it did score some political points for the campaign trail for Democrats in the midterms to be able to say, look, they didn't pass. They were given the opportunity to reopen the airports and they didn't. And they chose not to. And they chose not to. And they all did have to go on the record. I mean, they had a press conference and said, like, we are absolutely not agreeing to all of this. But I don't know. What do you think about it? Because I have very specific opinions because it's like ICE funding. Again, I just think that every day something new happens that tells me that these people don't really care about what happens to the people in this country. Right. They're so focused on winning. Yes. Getting their way. Yeah. That there is no compromise. For me, it just feels so profoundly selfish. Yeah. I think it's like, A, it's very selfish. B, it's like every single time we come up against this, it's like we are again in a place where the system that was set up hundreds of years ago is not serving us in modern society. No. And we have congressmen and men and women who are been in Congress forever or Susan Collins, who is a Democrat and supposed to be a Democrat, but then votes every time with Trump and has like a MAGA hat. She literally has a MAGA hat. Right, right, right, right. I was reading today that Republican, a record number of Republicans are retiring before the midterm elections. ABC reported on this. since 1930, there's almost 100 years, there have never been this many Republicans retiring before a midterm election. Why? What do you think that's about? I think they know they're about to get walloped. They're about to get dog walked in the midterms. And I think that everyone's trying to save face rather than spend all the money to lose and then be a big fat loser. They're like, all right, I'm going to wait five years and run again in 20, what would it be? 2030? Let's just wait and see. It's easier to do that. Go on the speaking circuit, write a book. I wonder if people will remember what they didn't do. Do you know what I'm saying? You had the opportunity to put the country back together again. At the very least, the airport's running appropriately again. And instead you decided not to because you were being petty. And now you realize you're probably not going to win. So you're going to quit. You're not going to run again. You're not going to quit, but you're not going to run again. And now that this sort of things have settled down, then you're going to go back and try and run again. I will say the one thing that people do not forget in this country, and it may seem really weird to you and me gas prices if you had some sort of effect on the gas prices as a politician they will eat you up no crumbs absolutely gobble you up miss piggy what does it say about us no i mean literally if it's like a quarter they're like get him what does it say about us though that like that's gonna be the thing not kids being killed in school not gun control no the gas americans if you fuck with their gas prices they snap off the nails they take off the earrings vaseline on the face they take the folding chair la plancha they go they go lucharito on you if you fuck with the gas prices even a little bit did you see that interview with the woman at she was at the pump and she was like this like a local reporter was interviewing her and they were like so what do you think about what trump is doing in iran and she tore into this man if you could say something to president trump he was going to hear you right now what would it be you're a worthless pile of this woman i think i want to say was in philly or pittsburgh it was it was definitely one of these cities in america where they will beat you to death with a sock filled with batteries you know like it's one of those towns and so she she was like and i voted for him three times and i she's like and that's my bad Oh, I did see her. She's like, shame on me. She's got the sunglasses on and she's next to her Honda. Her Honda Accord. Her 2000 Honda Accord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, this woman, but it's true. That is what I think we're in a bubble, right? Like we live in New York. For sure. Most of the people we know are on the coast. Yes, yes, yes. There are a lot of people in America who 50 cents at the pump is a huge deal. They've got to drive to work. They've got to drive to pick the kids up. Like people really, really care about the gas prices. They do. They do. And Americans love their cars, right? And they spend so much time in their cars. And now the things that – let's say you couldn't afford to go on like a vacation where everybody gets on a plane and goes someplace. But you would like drive to your grandmother's house or take a road trip. And now that is – it's cost prohibitive. You can't – they can't do it like they used to. And also like there's something about the inconvenience of transport, whether it's the subway, the bus, the car, the bike. The second it's like remotely interrupted, it is the thing we're doing to get to the place. It's like it is not joyous. Never. Transportation is never any type. Never. Planes, whatever. Right. It's a means to an end. We're trying to get to a place to do a thing. It's usually to make money because we're all stuck in a capitalist hellscape. Right. Like it's never. Right. It's very rarely for pleasure. I mean, you're going someplace because you have to go. So when that shit gets interrupted or a little bit more expensive, you're like, are you fucking kidding? Now it's just it adds to it. It does. My bike. Someone locked my bike to their bike accidentally. Oh, no. Town in Soho. I know this is different than the plight of working class America spending more money at the pump. But I did. Someone did lock their bike to my bike. That's how you get around. And it's how we get around everywhere. Yeah. And so all weekend, so I went to this party on Thursday night and I tied up my bike. Have you been visiting your bike? Did you get your bike back? Melissa, I've been visiting it. Yeah. And I've been putting flowers at its gravesite. Yeah. I've had to go back like three or four days in a row because in New York City, your bike survives maybe 24 hours chained up outside. Then people start taking shit off it. So the wheels are gone. Yep, yep, yep. And things just start disappearing. I mean, you should have just gotten a bolt cutter. It's a giant. It's a huge. I would need like an actual electric saw to get through this lock. Okay. So I've been going every day. You still don't have it back? I've been biking. I finally got it back yesterday, but it was four days without my bike. And you just showed up and it was untethered, like the person had taken the lock off? My lock was still locked, but they went over my lock. and left it there for days. I was like, this person has some nerve. And they don't go anywhere. And they don't, where are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't you have anything to do? I finally got it back. And then I get a text message from the girl who sells me my glasses. Okay. At the store. Yeah. She sent me a photo of me trying to unbuckle my bike. So instead of being helpful, she was just recording your- just like me picking a fucking lock on the side sitting on the sidewalk in soho were you crying i was like you just saw me on the street and kept going yeah kept going it was so sad yeah anyway that's my algorithm for this week wait what's in your algorithm it's a photo for me oh what is in my algorithm yeah you didn't say well well like a disease that's been infected by someone who's sending me AI fruit videos. Melissa. What? The only AI fruit videos I want to see. Yeah. Which AI fruit videos do you need to see? Actually, none. Yeah, I was just going to say, I don't think there's any. Yeah. I know I'm not alone. Last week, for some reason, all of a sudden, I started seeing- I know we're not alone. We stand in solidarity with Melissa's AI Fruit Video. All of a sudden, I started seeing like these weird AI vegetable soap operas. Now, a lot more have come out and I'm losing interest. Like I will say, so it didn't last very long. Season two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Describe for the people at home who have taste who have no idea what this is. Fuck off. So the one that I saw that really pulled me in, right? I hate myself. It was a broccoli. And the broccoli was an old woman who's 60 years old because she keeps on saying, oh, my God, I'm 60 years old, who had an affair with a carrot. And she has a baby. And my question was, how can a carrot and a broccoli have a baby and the baby is a broccoli? Like, why is it? Oh, yeah. It doesn't make sense. That's an interspecies. And for some reason, she's like really embarrassed that she's had this broccoli baby and she throws it in the dumpster. Infanticide. Yes. Infanticide. But the broccoli baby is rescued by the old homeless potato woman. Imagine, I'm just imagining the backstage casting call. Homeless potato woman seeking voice actor for homeless potato woman. I don't know. And now they're getting like more like spicy, right? So like there's a banana who's having a threesome with some black beans. I swear to God. Oh, and this is what happened. So I can't remember. It doesn't matter. I can't remember if the banana. Wait, I don't remember if the banana is male or female, but it doesn't matter. Because then the spouse of the banana, who I think is a strawberry. Thank you for using the gender neutral term. I wouldn't want this to ever get. Well, no, because whatever. It doesn't matter. I wouldn't ever want us to get canceled for the AI fruit video. And then somehow the strawberry and the banana get into it. A smoothie. She throws, I think the banana gets thrown out. And now the strawberry is having an affair with the beans. This is the days of our lives. Yes. And let me tell you, the reason why it's getting spicier is because you're interacting with it. And now this AI bot is creating more and more insane shit. It's absolutely wild. A couple of beans and a banana. It's three beans. That is that's polyamory. I mean, that's a Bushwick throuple. But also like the beans are like very muscular for some reason. I feel like this is like this is vegan porn. Like, I feel like the vegans are watching this and getting off. It's so fucking weird, but I can't stop watching it. Although I did say I put it to the side this week and I was like, enough. because the three beans and the banana was too much for me. It was too much for me. So that's what's been in my algorithm. I need something else. I want something else. All right. We'll get you. I'll start sending you something. Lastly, I do have an update on the Neato's. Okay. I am riveted. I went back to the store because I saw my niece. She took me to the Slime Museum of New York. Actually, no, put some respect on their name. Slime Institute. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. I know there's a lot of research happening at the Slime Institute. People will correct you. Yes. And so before we went, I was like, you know what? Let me check the store. For the Nitos. Let me go back to the local toy store. I get there and there's a new sign on the door. Oh, Michael. What does it say? It says, if you're reading this. no it what does it say there's a nuke aimed for your face shut up all right no new sign it says we still don't have the neato's no one can find the fedex box we've called them multiple times like no longer now it's not now it's not a sign on the door now it's a missive. Like what is going on? There's a whole thing. There's a whole thing because people are still harassing this woman for these Nitos. And I asked my sister and she said that my niece has her driving all over Long Island looking for them and they're nowhere to be found. You know, when I was a kid, we played with rocks. Well, yeah. Literally no one give a shit about us. But like when I was a kid, if I wanted something, granted, nothing ever went this crazy. I mean, Cabbage Patch Kids, but I don't know. My parents would just say no and I'd be like, okay. It's like, you know, I've had this conversation with people. I grew up in a house with guns and the guns, just listen, my dad used to hunt. Okay, sorry. You went from being told no to guns. Well, yes, because I'll tell you why. And because my dad used to go hunting and his rifles were in his closet. Okay. They were not locked up. Yeah. The bullets were right there. Oh my God. And my dad said. Was this in New York or Haiti? Okay. Here. Wow. Here. And in Haiti, but here. Oh, wow. And he said, don't touch it. And you didn't touch it. And I didn't touch it. Yeah, of course. Like, you know what I'm saying? My parents would say no to stuff. And I'd be like, okay. And now when I got older. Right. I would argue with them. But when I was a kid, no. Je dis non. I said no. Okay. And I would cry. But like, whatever. My mother never would have taken me in the car traipsing around the streets of Long Island to look for this fucking slinky. Yeah, it's the new generation. Slinky. Slinky, slinky. Melissa sent me a photo of her confirmation this weekend. This is crazy. Had braces and straight hair. Oh my God. And it was one of those pictures where, you know, the double picture where there's like, you're looking straight and then the other you was looking that way. And it was like modern photography. I think it was for my confirmation. It was the ghost of you looking over the shoulder. It was so funny. It was the Holy Ghost. It was for your confirmation. Yeah. All right. Let's take a break. This is Under Oath. We're going to get into a deep dive on an awesome topic in the news right now. I'm really excited. We have Afro Man joining us. Can't wait. It's going to be such a great interview. Thank you It not about running a small bakery It is not It not He joins us today to discuss how a local sheriff department raided his house under false pretenses and then tried to play the victim and sue him for defamation And it's a case they recently lost very famously all over the headlines last week. So we are thrilled to welcome Afro man to brief recess. Yay. Yay! Afro man, I have to tell you, my birthday is 420, and the number of people that forget to wish me happy birthday... Because they're so high? I'm looking at you, grandma. I think I just might drop it 419 now, just after this conversation. That's a good idea. Please do. Well, congratulations on your win in court. We wanted to talk to you a little bit today about your win. I just can do a quick update for everyone. Afro man. His home was broken into by police who were conducting a raid based off false information. Isn't that right? Yes, sir. Thereafter, because they destroyed your property and ate your cake. You wrote an album inspired by that experience, right? You really turned lemon into lemonade. Lemon pound cake, actually. Right. Yes. And so could you tell us a little bit more about that? Tell us about your experience and your court case and sort of what happened. The cops raided my house. You know, they have authority and power and I don't have any. They took advantage of that authority and power and they they vandalized the place. And then they were kind of cheerful and unapologetic about the destruction they left. kind of brought a little delight to their souls that they destroyed my house. Even though they didn't find nothing, they kind of got a kick in destroying everything. So anyway, I know you need police and society. I mean, society needs a scarecrow. The bad man needs to wake up and know that there is consequences for his bad actions. So even if a police officer didn't do anything, we need like a society scarecrow. sure police officers um at the same time you know when people do wrong they need to be checked yeah i thought about everything they didn't want to help me with the damages so i make money rapping so i didn't want to spend my because i got high money paying for police damage right so i thought i would write an album about the police officers and let my story about them pay for their damage that they brought to my house. That was my solution. I didn't want to go down to the police department and throw trash cans up against the door and get arrested in the lawn and get taken into jail and get Epstein. So I thought the most positive, constructive thing I could do was to make money off the situation. I thought about my life and I thought about how I sung my way through all my problems. I was going to clean my room, but then I got high. You know, like, that song is not funny. I made it funny after I put it on a piece of paper. Yeah. And I let everybody laugh at my heartache and my disappointments. And it turned funny with strength and time. But it wasn't funny at first. But I remember how that song helped me get through those bad times. So, in other words, in my life, I have rapped and sung my way through my problems. So this is like another little thing. You know, okay, all right, I'm going to just make a little song about these cops. And they got songs out there like F the police and I'm going to kill it. Ice-T got cop killed. I have never said F the police. Man, police officers take pictures with me all day long. They come over with slices of lemon pound cake. They're smiling. You know, hey, sweetheart, hey, hey, hey. So I never said fuck the police or none of that. I called them out by name. I found out who they were. And I didn't even say fuck them. I just said, you know, you really like my mom's lemon pound cake. Look how you're looking at it, you know? And I sold the records. They got a lot of attention. Not that much money. It's hard to make money off of records in, you know, this side of 2000. You know, I was the first rapper to go viral, but that was the beginning of artists getting ripped off. Like, the reason why I didn't go platinum them is people didn't have to pay for my record. The whole world had it and nobody, nobody wanted, they was like file sharing. They was just laughing at me in the street. Like I got your whole album free, dude. Like, like, you know, anyway, blah, blah. So it didn't make that much money record wise, you know? Um, but I think it paid for the damage. The cops gave me about 14 to $30,000 worth of damage to my house. And last time I looked at my royalty statements two, three years ago, I think I had them sold about like $25,000, $30,000 worth of lemon pound cake. A lot of people don't know this, but you don't. If the police damage your house while they are trying to execute a search warrant or are searching for evidence or something, a lot of that most people don't get that money back. So in this case, you sued or they sued you because you made this album about them. And then you just won this case in court. Yes. So you just won. I think it was last week. What has life been like? It's been seven days. Right. How do you feel? Like, what's the feeling? Like once once that sort of judgment came in and you realized that you had won, how did you feel? So many different ways. I felt like everything was one of those weird blessings and disguises. Like the Lord works in mysterious ways. Like the whale threw up and Jonah was just in Nineveh. You know what I'm saying? It's like some stuff like that, dude. It's some Old Testament shit. I'm not an angel. I'm not super religious. The book of Afro-Man. Yes. I guess, you know, God, you know, from what I read and hear, God invented Jesus to see if he could give the average human being faith. You hear what I'm saying? Right. And so he had to test drive Jesus before he sent him into the public. So he made Jesus. He got baptized. And then he said, Jesus was led by the spirit into the wilderness. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that little sentence. I'm not. And part of the Lord's prayer or the daily prayer we're supposed to pray is, you guys have probably heard it. Everybody stand up. They go, our Father. Jesus told us to pray like this. Our Father, who art in heaven. Okay, it says all that stuff. Now, there's this one key part. He goes, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from anything. Okay, now that line right there, I believe that line right there stops you from getting into mass shootings. it stops it stops you know it gets you out of that wrong place wrong time and you don't get in the earthquake you don't get on that bad airplane you know what I'm saying so I really believe that God must have led the cops to my house it was just too much stuff was falling in my hand like if you look at my Lickam Lolisa video I can't pay a woman that's my enemy to say those things like to really set me up that good Like, are you serious? Yeah. Yes. Like, my only witness was the ex-cop's wife. Like, this is like, this is like, this is thug masturbation material right here. I don't believe this. Just for people who don't know the case. This dude on national TV talking about he don't know if I flipped his wife or not. So basically, I just need to set it up so people understand what you're talking about, Aferman, for people who aren't familiar with your case, in the trial that they held in the defamation suit, a defense to defamation is the truth, right? If you're telling the truth, then you cannot sue that person for damages because they're not making things up about you. Therefore, it's not defamation. So what Aferman had to do as part of his defense was he had to call these people who he wrote songs about and the assertions he made in the songs, he then had to defend by proving the truth of what he was saying. So for example, in the song, what is it? Lick him low Lisa. He had to, uh, as part of his defense, call certain witnesses to attest to the truth of the lyrics of those songs. So that's what you're talking about, right? Yes, sir. Okay. Why do you think people were so drawn to the, because I think people were really drawn to this case and it really took over headlines. And I honestly think it's because of one of these situations, the situation we're in, in this country where there's so many times where the little person, not to call you a little person, but the person of the David and the Goliath, I hate to admit it, but I am the average person, the David and Goliath does the David does not win because they're up against a giant institution and they get the, and they don't win for that reason. But you won, like they sued you. They were trying to take, you know, sue you for damages because you wrote this album. They were the aggressor in the situation. They broke down your door. They did $30,000 worth of damages to your home for a search warrant that was based off a tip that was erroneous. I don't think there was any truth. No, there was no truth to it. Right. And then they were going to leave you with a bill. And then they took you to court because you made this album about them and claimed defamation. Affirmant, let me ask you this. How do you feel? Right. You know, since this happened, a lot of the sheriffs have retired or they've left or they moved away. Do you feel like how do you feel that a part of the reason why they've done that is because, I mean, you basically drag that you drag them. Right. You drag them. You showed exactly what they did, how they did. And they are, I mean, obviously humiliated. Right. As they should be. What was like what was the goal? The goal was to raise money and pay for the damages. Personally, I thought they was tough, badass cops and they didn't give it. I have never cared. I have never seen a cop care about what I say once he left. Yeah. These are some real super sensitive, poor sports. Other police officers are making fun of these guys, dude. And I'm not. Yeah. So the key was my key was to pay for the damages. Yes. So I was trying to make the songs juicy enough for people to give a damn to go viral. Right. Yeah. I mean, so, I mean, I feel like even though I'm sure it was, you know, such a pain to have to go through this in the first place, but it feels like it's worked out in your favor. Like it's gotten so much more attention because of this case. I hate to keep getting religious. I hate it. I really do. I really want to stay neutral. But there's got to be God. Right. Yes. No, I hear you. Or some sort of karmic retribution. Dude, I drink Coke 45. I chase every woman I see. I'm not no answer. But this got to be God. I've been trying to boost my followers for years. I've had 200,000 people on Instagram for like the last 10, 15 years. I go crazy when I finally get that slow-ass thousand. And I'm like, oh, my God, it just went up a number. Yes, yes. Dude, to watch 800,000 people get on my situation in four or five days. That's incredible. It is incredible. I can't do that. I didn't do that by myself. Like God sent me these people. He gave me a story that's interesting that people are financially involved in. I've tried everything. I've tried everything. I wear different suits every night. I started doing the running man forward and backwards. I have tried everything. And then after I try everything, I thought I was at my low. I don't know if y'all ever seen trading places. Yeah. It's like when the dog started peeing on the guy and it started raining. Like, it's like that was my part of the movie. Like, they kicked down my door. I'm powerless. My raps ain't taking off no more. I thought about buying a silencer and getting an address. I was feeling less than a man. Like, I was feeling less than a man. Like, I was like, why can these guys, you know, you think about slavery, you think about disrespect, and you wonder, if it ain't gonna stop, you know, maybe I need to give up the ghost. And, you know, what? What do I do? You know, because they get to walk around with their guns, but I don't. And then I realized how their AR-15s couldn't hurt me but my jokes just killed them. Yes, that's right. My silly little cake song retired is sensitive acts. Yes. You know what I'm saying? And you know what? Here go God again. How many other people have they done this to? Countless. Right. Who did it on the platform. Dude, I won everything in that court. They didn't make me pay for those people's hot dogs sodas or nothing. Do the police have to pay for your legal fees now that you want in court? Are they paying your lawyers? We get it. We get it. So again, just to go on with what you were saying. Melissa, stop trying to host this interview. It's not going to, it's neither of us it's not going to work. I was just going to say like what you've been saying, like we say, look at God, right? Like look at this thing that just fell into your lap. You couldn't have possibly if somebody had made a movie about this, we wouldn't believe it. What cop would get on the stand and be like, yeah, he called me off some pound cake and I'm mad about it. I get hundreds of cakes every day. I can't pay nobody to be that. Like this is like it's like super troopers or something. It's like police academy. It's something goofy. Like I can't pay for that, dude. Like what a script. Didn't you call you called the police chief's ex-wife to the stand as a witness? He wasn't in the police. He was just like a regular. Officer. Yeah, his name is Sean Grooms. I got a song called Sean Grooming Grooms. He blamed his divorce on me. I'm going to find out. What did you ask his ex-wife on the stand? What did your lawyers ask? If she had a restraining order against him and all kind of good stuff, you know, just let him know. The bottom line is he's a liar. And a liar shouldn't have police authority or power. He's a liar, bad character. One other cop was married to an ex-convict thief. Now, they say birds of a feather. You can finish the rest of that. You know what I'm saying? Then another cop, you know, all the people in town, they say he's a statutory rapist, but he's a sheriff and can't nobody do nothing about it. And then his brother, you can go look it up right now, is a convicted pedophile that got fired from the People Police Department He the chief of police over there Okay We have we have live fact checking and that has checked out to be true So yeah, brother, that's not defamation. And see, that's why they were trying to, they were trying to sue me and shut me up and scare me and intimidate me. But I told the truth. And what did the truth do? It set me free. Free. Yep. And all of these rivers are just leading back to the ocean of God. And it's like, it's got to be a blessing from God. What's next for you? What are you working on now? Where are you headed next? You're in Texas. What's on the horizon for Afro Man? I'm going to run it down to you. Here it comes. No, please. Here we go. All right. First of all, the album's coming out. You know, I am a rapper. First things first. McDonald always got to serve you the Big Mac with the Coke. We're going to come with the Mac story and the Mac rib. We're going to do everything. But first, we're going to take care of business. We're going to keep the Big Mac number one. Number one, I'm going to make an album. And that's April 19th, anywhere you get music. After that, the lemon pound cake line is coming. You know what I'm saying? I would like to get a big chain. I would like to get a big chain that professionally knows how to do it. But if they don't step up, I'm going to move on with a little man, and I'm going to make him a big man. We're going to be big together. The lemon pound cake is coming together. Then the Afro man's signature freedom of speech American dream suit is coming. Beautiful. I'll wear one on the show. I'm happy. Yes, yes, it's coming. Uh, after this, you know, just more of it, everything, the Afro man superhero cartoon. Um, if you see the, uh, battle hymn of the police whistleblower, uh, I got my superhero character. Uh, he's, he's singing the last part of my song as I lose my voice and he's dropping down, but he, but it's a superhero. this superhero is he's gonna save society against bad cops so when cops, I'm gonna have cartoon cops like, hey, we're gonna steal your money and plant drugs on you you're going to prison I'm gonna have like these bad cops, and then they're gonna be like is it a bird, is it a plant, it's Afro Man and then the bad cops are gonna be like, Afro Man they're gonna have guns and stuff, they're gonna start shaking but Afro Man, please don't rap about us like kids, please don't give us your emotional distress. Don't give us humiliation. Just don't rap about us. You're rapping. Because they know they know what will happen. I'm going to start rapping and they're going to run away and then all the community going to be like, thanks, Afro man, for saving us from the bad cup. It's coming, brother. Well, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for your work. I can't wait for it. The sky's the limit. We're so happy for you. Like, this just feels like, you know, the little man got ahead. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's yeah. I think I thank God he used the foolish to confirm the wise. He worked in mysterious ways. Yeah. I think he let me he let this go down so he could use me to bring worldwide attention to corruption in government. Period. Yeah. And they can all see it. I did it with rap music. No money. Just a little just a little goofy drunk rapper. Thank you. Thank you so much. He closed the government to the world. Thank you. And now all the scholars and the little man can use his freedom of speech to acknowledge there is a problem. Use his freedom of speech to address the problem. Use his freedom of speech to solve the problem. Amen. Hey. Hey. Oh, it's so great speaking to you. It's really nice to talk to you. Thank you so much. Thank you, Aphromen, for joining us on Brief Recess. Yeah, take care. I just got run over. That God gave us Lickam Low Lisa a song about some woman going down on another woman. Thank God for Lickam Low Lisa. And then he's for somebody who's just like, and I'm not religious. Here's another story about God. I was like, oh my God. This is so weird. That was actually, that was, it was fun. That was so wild. It was fun. It was fun. And he's. Oh, my God. He's kind of cute. Oh, my God. No, Tinochet. I was just like. He's adorable. You're right. It was like, I don't like God at all, but let me quote him. Multiple times. But he sent me here and this whole situation was his doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be God. It's got to be God. It's got to be God. I was like, okay, the Big Mac. The Big Mac. The Big Mac and the Coke and the McRib. We got to keep it number one. The Big Mac will always be number one on the menu. I'm going to start saying that. I love that. I love that. I actually really love this for him. It was fun. That was great. No, I love it because it, you're right. It is like, it feels like the little man. Finally a fucking win. And, you know, and what he was saying, you know, not every rapper becomes Jay-Z, right? You know what I'm saying? So, like, this idea that this rapper who's known for making, like, jokes and he said that he'd been struggling. He was like a one-hit wonder. Correct. And this, you know, it must be a terrible thing, right? When the police come barging into your home, it's scary and all the things. And he took this terrible situation and look at what he's done. He's revitalized his career. Totally. And I think like he said, they do this to so many people. Right. And we don't hear about it. We never hear about it. And they never get their bills paid. Nothing ever happens. Right. And there's no accountability. Correct. So I think this is like one of those rare times in fucking life and society where it feels like the bad guys got what was coming. Especially because we know like many times, far too many times, the police have barged into someone's home and the person there gets killed. Yes. So thank God this didn't happen to him. Of course. And he was able to take a scary, terrible situation and like make it really funny. And now he's got new followers and he's probably going to go on tour and do all this really cool stuff. I really want a Big Mac. I think I want some lemon pound cake. I love lemon pound. I love lemon crown cake. I do. You do. You love a lemon dessert. I love a lemon dessert. Okay. We'll be right back. Let's get into the DMs. I'm still so sick from whatever Brad fed me. Oh, no. I'm sorry. This is Tales from the DMs. Let's talk about all the crazy things y'all send us on the internet. You send me some really good stuff. And I have been better at keeping track of who sends me what. Okay. I'm following up and I'm asking people, you know, can we read this? And then CJ gets involved. So, we're being really official. I'm happy to hear that. Yeah. Friends, what do I always say? While Michael is a lawyer, he is not your lawyer. So get your own. This one. I actually love this. This is just a good let's read some reviews. This is from last week's episode about the Epstein files. Red Rose tells us the ongoing studio lighting changes are interesting to observe. It's Michael's fault. He's so vain. Oh, it's 100 percent. I don't give a shit. No, Nick explained it to me. Yes, I know. And he really did a full breakdown for me of the lighting, of how it reflects off certain boards and how they use certain lighting in some studios and not in others. So I'm on the journey as well, and I'm enjoying it. I know you are. This is from Mandy. She was talking about the America's Next Top Model with Johanna. Laundry chair girl here, an active hippopotamus and pitipotomatous lover. I need this podcast in my life. Thank you for the last, the serious business, the tea, and the strong reality-based perception of the world, its warts and highlights. She likes pit bulls. Pit bulls are so cute. I love them. My sister had pit bulls for many years when I was in college. And they were so snuggly. So snuggly. Like spooning on the sofa. They were really, really cute. When I was a kid, there was a pit bull in my neighborhood whose name was Cupcake. and Cupcake would like lay down and like splay and like beg for belly rubs. They're really sweet dogs. I've gotten more and more. It's not that I'm hoping something happens to Jack. No. But he is getting older. Sure. Actually, I do need to kvetch about this for a second. Okay. Because I love Jack, my dog. Yeah. My 13-year-old Shiba Inu. Who's not very nice. But he's getting old and he's demented. Is he demented? I think so. Does he sundown? Yes. Okay. But I love him. No. Yes, of course. He is following me around, panting everywhere I go. And I'm reading about how dogs, when they're older, follow you around because they can't see or hear anymore. So they like smell you. They just kind of are trying to. They're getting more like nervous about. Being alone? Yeah. Oh, no. And it's sad. Yeah. It's also. Annoying. It's on my, he's tippy tap dancing with his long claws on my last fucking nerve some days. And I'm like, I don't know how y'all caregivers do it. I don't know how nurses do it. I don't know how people in these jobs do this because I'm like, this is just my dog and I get to leave the house and like go live my life and come back. But oh my God, leaving today. Does he cry? No. Oh. He's just following me around, like looking for a treat or whatever, just like trying to make sure I'm home or not or whatever. and then and it's it's most of the time it's really sweet but today i was like i'm actually gonna lose my shit you need to get away from me leave me alone for one second i can't go in the other room without him following me and it breaks my heart but it's also very frustrating it's really frustrating but i know one day i'm gonna like wish you were following me around and that i'm annoyed by him not being there but on the other side of that coin i've also been really excited about potentially adopting another dog once jack crosses the rainbow bridge which will probably be years from now he's still 13 is like actually kind of young for that breed uh and he's showing no sign of slowing down he still goes on like four walks a day for like a 20 30 40 minutes sometimes but i'm like falling in love with all these other dogs as i'm like looking around on the end i'm like oh i'm actually really excited andre really wants a dog and i won't get one but um but i look at them and they're so cute especially the ones who like need homes the dodo the dodo is like the worst thing i can't it just reels you in i know but i love it just this homeless dog who all of a sudden finds their home and now they're beautiful and i love i saw one and it was like we're gonna test her out for the weekend and like before the video was even over they were like there's no way they're taking the dog shopping i was like there's no way you're sending that dog back there. Yeah. In credit card debt. Okay. Oh, from the Boomer Banks episode, Nicole Phillips says, Melissa and Michael are so perfectly paired as hosts. It makes every guest feel like such a natural fit for them. And I'm always obsessed with Melissa's jewelry. Oh, thanks, Nicole. That's cute. What do you think of this? I love that. What do you think of this? I love this. Where'd you get that? Estate sale. Estate sale. Oh, my God. All right. Let's get into some questions. We got a clip from CJ. I have a quick question regarding actual dual citizenship from the U.S. to Canada. My son's great grandfather was born in Canada, and I know that they had voted on Bill C-3 to allow those descendants to apply. But the extension temporary measure expired on March 19th. So at this point, does my son have any way to apply for Canadian citizenship due to his great-grandfather being born there, thus being a naturalized Canadian citizen? Thanks so much. Okay, so this is actually, I'm really glad this came up because I'm actually doing this. Brad's great-great-grandmother was Canadian. So I was like, boots, let's do it just for fun. Let's have Canadian passports if we want them. Why not? So I'm actually in the middle of doing this right now. So I'm glad you called in because I actually know a lot about this. I'm in the middle of it right now. And I think whoever gave you that March 19th extension deadline might have been wrong or maybe we're talking about different things here. But from my understanding, the C3 bill is in full effect right now. We're almost in this will air in April 2026. And there is no extension deadline that sort of felt that you are you have since passed. So I think you should still be able to file for citizenship by descendant in Canada. you're just going to have to prove that that just that chain of descendant right so you're going to have to get the birth certificate of whatever I guess it is his great grandfather who is Canadian so you'll need that birth certificate to prove right that they're indeed related okay yeah so that's sort of how that works and then you follow it there and I called I had to call and I talked to a super nice person And a super nice Canadian. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I called and this person had the craziest fucking accent. Like a Canadian accent or like some other accent? And I was like, wow, Michael, like you're so ignorant. You didn't know that Canadians have these extreme accents. She was like, hello. And I was like, huh, that is so obscure. What part of Canada is this person from? And she was like, oh, yeah, I just went through this myself. from from ireland i was gonna say i was like she's probably an immigrant from someplace else there's also immigrants in ireland they're not all from immigrants in canada there are a lot of immigrants in canada not everyone in canada is canadian for example you michael you're applying for canadian citizenship you stupid bitch are you you're applying with brad or is brad applying and i'm applying for brad no no no i understand No, I understand that. Lord only knows what will happen if he applies. So then if Brad gets it. I will then apply through him for me to get status. But I'm doing the whole thing. No, no, no. Because he wouldn't be able to. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much for sending in your DMs. Thanks, guys. We appreciate that. Thank you for sending in your messages. We've got some more. We'll get to them next week. This was really fun. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week. And before then, I'll see you in court. Not me. You can find me on Instagram at Department of Redundancy Department or on TikTok at Michael Foote. And I'm on both Instagram and TikTok as Melissa Malbranch. Got legal questions? Reach out at briefrecess at exactlyrightmedia.com. Listen to Brief Recess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And of course, we're a podcast with video. Search for Brief Recess on YouTube.