The day of judgment has come. Every soul, man, woman, child, will be judged for their sins. I am not the judge, nor the jury. I am but one of many angels sent by God to act as an advocate for mankind. 1945 McCollin. I was saving this for a special day. Might as well be judgment day. so so good been a long time my friend this brings back the old days make them wait why not god damn that's good I mean that's good never know who's listening right I'm coming I'm coming they call me Jimmy come on in David. All business, huh? No wings? Wow. So no wings. Not today. But you have access to them? Would you like to see them? Fuck yeah, I would. Kidding. Unless you're a large, hairy demon from the depths of hell, they just won't come out. No shit. That would have been pretty cool. I get that a lot. Wait, are you David? Like David and Goliath, David? Afraid not. That would have been pretty awesome. I'm sorry to disappoint. I would have had so many questions. What year is that whiskey? Looks pretty old. I've had it for ages. The only thing my father ever left me was a black eye in this bottle. Honestly, I don't think he meant to leave this for me. Bastard. Just had to pull it out for today, huh? Why not, right? Most people want to be of sound mind for this. Well, I can't lie to an angel, can I? Nervous? Like a chicken surrounded by foxes. I'm being rude. Would you like a drink? Sorry, I don't. Well, I don't either. But the clock stopped, right? Why did you stop drinking? You know, you need me to say it? Fine. Because I turn into a piece of shit when I drink. A real scumbag. That must have been tough to stop. No, it wasn't. When you're holding your best friend in your arms, watching him take his last breaths, and you look over and see his five-year-old son's head severed by the windshield glass, you tend to want to stop. Also, there's that little park called prison. Driving that day affected your whole life, hasn't it? Not a second that goes by, I don't think about it. Why did you drive that day? It was his car, his son. You were at his house drinking his booze. No Uber back then. Mainly because I'm gonna admit, I had a stash at my place a couple miles out. He wanted to put his son to sleep, said the kid always nodded off when he drove. Asshole had to bring his kid, didn't he? You're mad he brought the boy. Fuck yeah, I'm mad he brought him. Some lady cut us off, probably drunk herself, and hit us. Flipped the jeep six damn times. I'm the one who got stuck. One dead best friend in the passenger seat. And his son, no head attached to his shoulders. He should have driven. He should have drove and killed his own son. I would never put my own child into that situation. How many beers did you have that day? How much shit was in your system? Too many. Too much to count. At that time, I couldn't stop. I'm the kind of person that once I start, I just can't stop. No clue, no idea why the big man made me like that. Blame him, I guess. Tell God that he made you so it's his fault. In his image, right? In his likeness, right? So he's gotta get it. Who told the boy's mother what happened to her child? That his head got taken clean off because you had 46 beers and drove across town That many huh How could I The cops took me right in The mother and the entire family had to see it for themselves. Had to identify the body. Can you imagine that as a mother? Hoda, are you telling me whether I take responsibility for what happened or not? Of course I do. I got that boy killed because I drove. But my best friend asked me to drive because he couldn't. I didn't force anyone to come with me. No, sir, that's on him. Your friend, that boy, their family, suffered. And I didn't. You know how many beers I had, but you don't know how much I suffered. Come on, man. Your life, your family, your head on your shoulders was taken from you that day. I didn't say that, man. If you're asking me if I suffered, then yes, I have. Of course I have. Do you think they hand out good citizens' awards for doing something like that? No, man, they don't. I know you went through a lot. A lot? That's not the word, man. A lot, he said. You don't think I suffered? Or didn't suffer enough? Shit, man. Do you know what it's like to be in a maximum security prison? I do. Shocking. But then you know. For one, your privacy is gone. Poof. You're taking a shit next to very screwed up individuals every day. You can even go. The lights never go out. So you never sleep. Maniacs screaming. Making other maniacs scream all damn night. At this point, I'm not afraid of nothing. I've seen it all. Not afraid of hell? Hell? I lived it, man. Try being raped by three men almost every day for a year. Wow. That felt good saying that out loud. I never told anyone. Have you tried talking about it to anyone? Heck no. Who would understand that? Hey, sweetheart. Some big white dude took my manhood and laughed as they did it. And by the way, I was in and out of the hospital most of my years there. Hell Been there partner You act like you get me No you don't I do Too much in fact Don't take a sadness pissing contest with me buddy You'll lose Did I mention the guards would throw my food into the cell And I'd have to eat it off the floor I spit at one of them once He took my shoes Then gave them back to me But gave me two left feet I still can't walk right from all that You talk like you've pinned the market on suffering Blah blah blah Oh I suffered Boo hoo Cry me a river No time in history Has humanity had it this good Torture Prison Rape 200 years ago People invented new ways to make all that worse Every single day. This life, this world, is a gift. And you people squander it. Squander it. This is the real world, buddy. Every human's out here trying to figure out how they're gonna eat tonight. They do what they gotta do. To survive. Yes. You all think about how you'll be fed, but never if your neighbor eats. I can't. We can't all worry about the world, Eden. Not when it's doggy dog out there, can we? Maybe if you worried about someone beside yourself, your friend and his son would still be alive. I've paid my dues. I've suffered more than most men do for their crimes. I was spit on, pissed on, and raped. I think I'm good. What have you done for humanity since your release I left drugs Alcohol I never hit anyone Never abused anyone because I broken And I don want to break anyone else Have you ever loved anyone, Jimmy? No. How could I? I'm a mess. I would have just messed someone else up too. And I couldn't do that. I'm not an asshole, man. I never said that. But yes, I think you are. I guess I am. You obviously need closure from that crash. Maybe I do. Have you tried talking to the boy's mother? Or the mother of your friend? My friend's parents OD'd years ago. And the boy's mom, she's a dope fiend. So, no offense. Maybe they were, or at least the boy is, more well off. My best friend was the only thing that kid had. Now they're both gone. Is that not divine poetry at work? It's so sad that you feel that way. If my best friend drove and I was the one dead, he wouldn't have lasted a month in that prison. He'd have slit his wrist by week two. And that boy, if he lived, he'd be tossed into a boy's facility. Poof. Welcome to the gladiator school, asshole. I can only assume that's why God took them both. Spared them the pain. If he lived, that boy would have had a chance to love, to breathe And maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have squandered life the way that you did While I was raped, I begged God for forgiveness But you cursed him too, didn't you? Of course I did I called, I yelled, I screamed, but he chose to not hear me Did he not deliver you from that evil? He sure took his damn time, didn't he? You took your time too. Getting off the drugs, getting off the bottle. You took your time choosing to drive that day. Wow. Really? I get your parents were alcoholics, but you still had a choice. No, I didn't. I watched my parents drink for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They never loved each other. They didn't even pretend to. And now you sit there giving me shit. Because I never tried to love someone? Because I knew deep down that all I'd ever be was another abusive asshole like them I didn't become that man I fought it every day and instead of a medal I get shit for it You made your way out of prison but then you locked yourself in a different kind of cell A small, safe room where you never let the world back in Because I knew what kind of shit person I was Or what I could become I prayed for you, Jimmy I wanted you to break that ugly cycle. Yeah, you were dealt a bad hand, but you had a shot to play it better. I was afraid. That's all I've ever known. Fear. Thanks for your prayers, but they were always too late. I chose to be your saint because I saw sadness in you. The same sadness I saw in myself. And I saw the anger, too. Were you allowed to be angry? Sad? Of course, but not to be consumed by it. And you, you let it eat you alive. You live in it. You marinate in it. You barely lift a hand to pull yourself out. I've been in a hole, man, since I was a kid. A big, black hole. And what have you done to get yourself out of that big, black hole? That ain't fair. No. What's not fair is that every day you dig a new hole faster than I can pray you out of the last one. I never had help. Then you're not listening, Jimmy. If there was a hole, you'd run to it. Jump in and leave all the shovels at the top. You dug so many holes, you got used to the darkness. Comfortable in it. You were really there? You prayed for me? Every step of the way. Then why didn you stop me At nine when I had my first drink Or when I ran away and tried meth for the first time I tried I screamed I prayed, but you never listened. You ran into the fire not to save anyone, but just to burn. I never chose you. Not as a guardian angel, not as a patron saint. I chose you. Why would you do that? I'm such a fucking loser, man. You'd give me a hundred bucks and I wouldn't even make it to the damn casino. I'd lose it before I got there. Dropped out of my pocket. Blown down a sewer grate. That's my kind of luck. Then change it. God's cursed me. You have to make your own luck, Jimmy. You've got to turn it around. At some point, you gotta walk out that door and keep walking, keep trying. God's cursed me. You have cursed yourself. What does God want from me? From any of us, huh? I don't understand what this life is about anymore. I thought it was simple. Work hard, obey, keep your head down, stay out of everyone's way. God doesn't want obedience. He wants growth. He expects you to screw up. To make mistakes, to get it wrong and still get back up. He wants you to learn from yourself and from those who fell before you. Bullshit. God wants puppets. Lined up in pews so the churches can rake in the cash and his little fan club gets bigger. God wants doers, Jimmy. Not talkers. Don't preach the Bible. Live it. I know it's a long shot. Will I go to heaven? Jimmy, when you were 18, and the girl you loved, heart and soul, left you because of the drugs, you prayed. Please, Lord, if she comes back, I swear, I'll never touch the drugs again. But... And the day of the crash, as the car rolled, you screamed, Please, Lord, save me! I'll never drink or use again. I kept my word. And when they raped you, Your soul cried out to God I swear I'll never drink again And I didn't I kept my promise, you know I did I never touched alcohol again One last thing How's the bottle you've been drinking from this whole time taste? I kept my promise I was celebrating I was just celebrating You're gonna leave me down here Fine. I've been alone before. I've been around monsters before. This won't be new. I've been alone my whole damn life. This won't be different. Will it? All the best to you, my friends. Merry Christmas. All the best to you, my friends.
