137 | Transforming Adversity into Purpose: Shaun Murphy's Journey to Empowerment

This is becoming undone. Even when I was growing up in the hood, I'm from Brooklyn, you know, Brooklyn Dude. I remember our circumstances. You had drugs, crime, a lot of negativity. As I said, I grew up coming into this world with three strengths, right? Black dude, born in a poverty, born without a father. Super grounded and gratitude. Stayed out, I stayed out of the way. Didn't really get influenced by negativity. Like, now I always say, how do you become a dope dad if you know what you have in scene one? Right? I remember I was, I didn't even want to be a father to be a tobey. I was scared. I think most of them because I just didn't have the blueprint. You know, anybody teach me to do this and that. I had to like learn from the streets and then the streets. You can't really ask questions because they clap on you. You know what I mean? And I deducted the reason and skills built early. We had to have two kids. My daughter, she's eight. That's my baby girl and then my son's six. That's my young G. And man, Tobias, I tell you, I just dreamt what I wish I had and I 10X that. What's up good people? What's your boy? Mr. Motivation. And I am undone. Hey friend, I'm glad you're here. Welcome to yet another episode of Becoming Undone, the podcast for those who dare bravely, risk mightily and grow relentlessly. I'm Toby Brooks, a speaker, author, professor, and learning scientist. I spent much of the last two decades working as an athletic trainer and a strength coach in the pro, college, and high school sports settings. And over the years, I've grown more and more fascinated with what sets high achievers apart and how failures that can suck in the moment can end up being exactly the push we needed to propel us on our paths to success. Each week on Becoming Undone, I sit down with a guest whose life story proves that sometimes you have to make parts of yourself before you can rebuild stronger. I'd like to emphasize that this show is entirely separate from my role of Baylor University, but it's my attempt to apply what I've learned and what I'm learning and to share with others about the mindsets of high achievers. Today's conversation is one that almost didn't happen. Due to a string of technical issues, and I'll tell you a little bit more about those later, I almost didn't get to connect. Or when I finally did, almost didn't get to finish my interview with Sean Murphy, better known as Mr. Motivation. To add insult to my injury, after I finally managed to salvage the audio file from the brink of disaster, I've now had roofers on the roof, hammering and nailing for the past two days straight, making the insert recording, it's just like this one that I put in the show, impossible to record. I was more than once reminded of this scene from the Christmas classic Scrooge, where television exec Frank Cross is trying to reconnect with his long lost love interest in the middle of a TV scene construction. Take a listen. I'm walking up your husband and your kids. No, no, I've never gotten married. I'm still on my own. You? Ah, no. What's your halt? The **** and hammering, please? I better go. You're busy. No! No, don't go. What you hold, the **** and hammering, please! Frank, what did happen last night? Claire, it was something that I ate. It was probably a bad clam or something. We don't know yet. I'm definitely going to call because I'm a seafood nut and you know, to not eat clams and tell life for you. What's up, please? For the love of God and your own body, hold the hammering! This is Frank Cross. We at IBC are shocked and appalled by the senseless tragedy. I think as it does, it seems not good. Would you please hold the **** and hammering? No! You got it! Ah! Ah! Anyhow, I have survived, maybe barely, but I will tell you that the effort to make this episode actually happened, it was more than worth it. The proverbial juice was worth the squeeze. Sean Murphy is a veteran and educator, an artist and a transformational leader whose journey from adversity to empowerment is nothing short of inspiring. Sean grew up without a dad. He faced poverty and structural barriers and he experienced the jarring transition from soldier to civilian. But through it all, he discovered that our greatest breakthroughs often emerge from our greatest breakdowns. From his military leadership lessons to his creative expression and spoken word and music, Sean unpacks how he turned pain into purpose, how he chose to be more than his circumstances, and it gives us a rare peak into what remains undone in his own life and how he leans into that tension to keep pushing forward. So whether you're struggling with identity, reinventing your path, or wrestling without, this conversation is for you. I hope you'll enjoy my conversation with Sean Murphy, Mr. Motivation, in episode 137. Let's go. Hey y'all, greetings and welcome back, becoming undone as a podcast for those who dare bravely risk my Lee and grow relentlessly. Join me Toby Brooks as I invite a new guest each week where we examine how high achievers can transform from falling apart to falling into place. And this week, boy do I have a treat for you. A guy who goes by the name of Mr. Motivation and I've got high expectations for this one, Sean Murphy join us. Sean, thanks so much. What's good brother. Thank you for having me. Shout out to everybody tuning in visually or auditory without. Yeah. So glad to have you here tonight. A member of your team reached out and your story is remarkable and it certainly fits with the themes that we lean into heavily here on becoming undone. We'll get into that. I want to start at the beginning for you though. A little bit of a softball that I ask of all my guests. What do you want to be growing up and what? Yeah. So what do I want to be growing up and what? You know what's crazy? Two things to pop it out of my mind. I don't know why I might have wanted to be in a firefighter, but not a lot. Definitely a soldier. I was married to like those commercials that they go down in the water come up with the weapon. Oh, did you care me? Right. But in my mind, I wanted to. I didn't really know that I wanted to go through the training, but that's what I think I was leaning towards. Yeah. Well, you're probably a little younger than I am, but I know Top Gun was a formative Gen X experience. There were a lot of kind of media things that gravitated high fivers to look at the military. So I love that about your story. We'll flip it a little bit here. You've lost your father at the age of six and you grew up in what you described as some adverse circumstances. What was the moment that flipped the switch in your mind and transformed that pain into drive? You came on earlier, you're like, I love it. It's Monday. It's time to do better than last week. That's a pretty awesome switch. So talk to me about how that happened. Great question. Loaded. A few things coming to mind. So even when I was growing up in the hood, I'm from Brooklyn, Brooklyn, dude. I remember our circumstances. You had drugs, crime, a lot of negativity, but my mom's just a little, she ain't let me watch many, many shows. She's from Barbados, super strict. And I would watch Lifestyle's of the Rich and Famous, but Robin Leech. Miss a sizzling second of the all new Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Color vision's unchallenged up early on. Famous fortune delivers big surprises, bigger stories and the biggest names. Candid confessions from the styles of show business and big business. Clubs into the twals of the world's most luxurious homes. Seeing is believing. So get ready to party, Harvey, with all your favorite styles on the all new Lifestyles. Sunday night at 8. I'm Channel 9. Lifestyles traveling the world, just showcasing bansions, yachts. This lifestyle, I'm looking, I'm like, where's that at? Ready? And I think always talk about this. You know, we all have circumstances in life. You know, wherever you are on the spectrum, you have two choices. This is it. Meaning our life dealt me this card. This is what it is. Whatever. Or there's more. And there's something about that this more like Lifestyles help me see like this more than what I'm looking at right here. I got a pop right in here and say I am already loving talking with Sean and this mindset absolutely tracks with me too. He grew up in what he refers to as the hood in Brooklyn. I grew up on a farm in rural Illinois. Sean lost his father at the age of six. I often went months without seeing mine as what I've come to refer to as an orphan of the coal mining industry. Either way, we both saw how some were living on Robin Leach's lifestyles of the rich and famous. Before there was cribs and before there were influencers, there was lifestyles of the rich and famous. And I'm not going to lie. I was a greedy little kid. I wanted all that for myself. So what Sean says here resonates with me. Lifetel me this hand, which is obviously not what I'm seeing on TV and I'm stuck with it. Or the flip. There's more. For me that more in my ticket toward it was education. For Sean, it started in school and it transitioned to the military before other opportunities started showing up. Either way, I respect the heck out of someone who had the awareness at such a young age to know that he was destined for more. But only time would tell exactly what that destiny had in store. And I think that was like when the first things and the exposures everything, they say, when your mind's expanded or exposed to a thing or idea concept, it can never go back. So once you see that thing, you're like, wow, you chasing that wow. And subconscious, I think it was embedded in my head as I was maneuvering through life. Now that was the rawness of it that I go through life. I go to college, drop out, went to the military. And that's where a lot of growth happened. I learned how to be a man, learn how to lead. How to have empathy for others. I was a young leader and I have people older than me that I'm leading. I had to learn quick. And I transitioned. I'm fast forward and allowed. We can go back to where we want to go. I transitioned from military in 2006. And you start where I always have a plan. Merf always knows what's next, next three steps. And this particular time I didn't, I got out premature in hindsight. And this, when I write the book about my life, this is going to be the blue funk chapter. This is the blue thumb in the pits. It's like, man, when you just don't know, you don't know what's next. We're with the next checkered, where the next nails coming from. And that's like a crazy, for me, who's like, you know, I've learned that I'm not a control freak, but I like to be in control, you know, especially in my life. And that was tough. You know, you leave the military, you give them the uniform, you give them the structure, you give them your tribe, now you're alone in this world and you don't know. Like it was just scary and it's funny, you know, as I'm out of this stage in life. I don't think I've ever, like, reflected on this part of life. You get me so I love that I get to talk about this because my hope is that as I'm on these platforms, I share my story and how I got out of it. And I just hope that it becomes a blue thread of roadmap for someone going through it as well. I usually leave with this. I said I grew up coming into this world with three shranks, right? Black dude born in the poverty, born without a father. Now two of those I really can't do nothing about, born without a father. Now poverty though is one thing I could have changed, right? And my mom's, man, she has got my mom's prayer warrior. I'm talking about her night. She is just like I watch what she sacrificed just so we, my son, my sister had a chance at success. And I always knew one I didn't want to bring up kids in that environment. And I wanted more. And I was just so appreciative of my mom's super grounded in gratitude. And I just took a lot of the things characteristics from her and applied it to myself. I stayed out, I stayed out the way. Didn't really get influenced by negativity. And I just wanted so much more funny. I think about I'm on deviate, but this is where my energy's taking me. Like now I always say, how do you become a dope dad if you know you haven't seen one? Right? I remember I was, I didn't even want to be a father to be. I was scared. I think most of them because I, I just didn't have the blueprint. You know anybody teach me to do this and that. I had to like learn from the streets and then the streets. You can't really ask questions because they clap on you. You know what I said? You're like, my deductive reason in skills was built early. But I fast full. You know, shout out to wifey. She wanted three kids. I'm like, but I don't want none, but you are three. You have to get up. We end up having two kids. My daughter, she's eight. That's my baby girl and then my son's six. That's my young G. And man, Tobias, I tell you, I just dreamt what I wish I had and I 10X that. That right there is more than worth another look. Here Sean laments the power of a good example. That's an age old question. How can we be for someone else what we never witnessed or experienced for ourselves? In teaching and in coaching, we call this the apprenticeship of observation. To be on the receiving end of an educator or a coach who runs class in a certain way, develops a game plan in a certain way and responds to adversity in a certain way. In those contexts, the challenge for us is to decide what we like and what we want to keep when we transition from student to teacher or athlete to coach and what we want no part of what we want to get rid of. That's the power of a apprenticeship and the fact that we see with our own eyes and hear with our own ears and feel with our own hearts what we absolutely want to keep and what we absolutely won't perpetuate. In this way, even a bad example still serves an important purpose in our lives, demonstrating what we know we don't want to do or be. In Sean's case, however, he didn't have the benefit of an apprenticeship for fatherhood. His dad wasn't there. But I love the mentality here that he formed in deciding the kind of dad that he wanted and continues to want to be. Quote, I just dreamed what I wish I had and I tenxed that end quote. So in this way, even in the absence of an example of fatherhood, Sean still knew in his heart what he'd craved as a child and he now works every day to make sure his own children get there. Even this can be a tricky needle to thread though. And even though my dad is still around, this is a sentiment I can totally understand. I've shared on the show before how my dad sometimes works seven days a week for months on end while I was growing. My dad's dad was an alcoholic and home life for my dad was one of abuse and neglect, poverty. And my dad's attempts to build a life for me and my sister that he never had, he swung the other direction, sometimes leaving us for months at a time without seeing him. And over the years I've seen this play out time and time again where I'm tempted to over-correct for the things I perceived were missing growing up. And for Sean, it has meant purpose and presence. And even though he never got to experience it on the receiving end as a child, today he's committed to giving it both to his kids and his wife every single day. You know what I'm saying? I tell them all the time, my present to them is being present. You know what I'm saying? I'm here, everything they do and I'm locked in. I'll tell you this for those that my new fathers or about become fathers. My approach, I said, you know what do I want at 18? I want almost like a CIA operative, multiple languages, physically fit, mentally tough, able to negotiate, communicate, persuade, all the things that I took that idea and I reverse and generated. My daughter was four, she's reading, I had her study SAT words, right? So we only call, we call them SAT words and I'm a day words. You know what I mean? And that was my approach. My best advice ever got is grow, have no limitations. Zero. I mean, I have my kids, I have pictures, they have three doing suicides, doing drills. Like you can do anything and they know that and I will probably get into it as more about how I've modeled that. I taught middle school, old boys middle school, right? Six, seven, eight, great. And a lot of my boys, we had similar backgrounds. And I thought to myself, man, that father figure piece is so critical in the upbringing of our youth, especially young men. You know what I'm saying? And I just was like, I don't know why I just thought about that, but I think that helped me into even wanting to become a father because you're that for other people's kids. Yeah. And I love that role, don't roll in life. But yeah, that's what my thoughts led me to that question. Yeah. No, all good. So much about that. I think for many of us, we have examples that are either excellent footprints that we can follow in for they're an example of what we're not going to be. And I think far too often I have probably printed, you know, swung so far the other way that it can become pathological, maybe in a different way. But I love that you mentioned those many different hats. You're veteran, you are an educator, musician, father, husband, you wear a lot of hats. Yeah. Let's break this down a little bit. What's one lesson maybe from your military training that shows up in your parenting or even in your speaking styles? Hmm. One lesson from a military training that shows up, well, I'll tell you, I'm grounded in my army values, right? Selfless service. I think that is a common thread through it all, putting the welfare of others before my own, my kids, wifey, the people like I'm old. I don't think I've ever, I've took the uniform off, but I've never took off the brain or the hat that we had a stash on my, I got some guys in turn and I just started new venture and I have some intern about 12 of them. And I'm in there pouring into them like I just want them to be great. You know what I'm saying? You know, one of my surprise, I see talent in people and I think I just apply that like all my army values to life, you know, to fatherhood, to all things I'm doing. So the serve personal courage, integrity on a leadership. I think it all just translates well, you know what I'm saying? I'll be back after this quick message. Hey friend, let me take a quick second to tell you about something that's been making a real difference for me lately, Bubs' naturals. I've been dealing with this stubborn knee injury that I just couldn't get better and as somebody that's spent most of my life pushing my body, I know recovery doesn't happen by accident. So I started doing some research and I checked out Bub's collagen and I got to say I can feel the difference. It's clean and simple and it works. Bubs' products are all about helping your body heal, move and function at its best, which is a pretty good thing for a guy in my age, from collagen peptides to MCT oil and now even hydration products. It's legit fuel for high performers, especially when your body's been through some things. And the best part because you're part of the becoming undone crew, you can get 20% off your first order. Just head over to BubsNaturals.com backslash undone that's you in DONE to grab your discount. Just BubsNaturals.com backslash undone. Take care of your body, fuel your recovery and let's keep getting better. And when I look at all of my roles, education, census, you know, board service, it's all grounded in service and giving back and helping others. You know what I'm saying? A lot of times I tell people, you know, some of veterans, we lose veterans with 21, 22 a day to suicide. Everybody just ain't, they don't make it, right? Just like, man, how do I help the people? How do I, because I'm gonna be alright, I'll bid on me, but how can I help other people just so that we don't have that outcome? You know what I mean? Yeah. I had a former guest who was a Navy SEAL and I didn't realize this until he was on the show when he mentioned that I believe the number was 10 to 1 of American military veterans who've taken their own life versus those who've been killed in combat since the Vietnam War had no idea. I mean, there's so much to that unpack. But you also mentioned it. Maybe you got out a little early. One of the themes on this show, whether it's athletes or entrepreneurs or military is identity. And how, especially when you become something so early in your formative years, I mean, you go early in your life and when you're still developing neurologically, you're a soldier, you're in the army. And then one day you're not. One day you walk out or walk off the base for the last time and now you're a civilian. Talk to me a little bit about that transition and how that identity has, for better or for worse, spilled over into the work that you do today. Yeah, yeah. Like I said, I think I'll be talking about it earlier. I left, I think, prematurely. I was banking on because it's the frame it. I'm East Ex-Permode. We're running the S1 HR shop and the military was pivoting bringing in civilians to take going that slot. And I'm like, I got my social capital is pretty high up here. And then I'm high in signers, little arrogance there. I'm like, they're going to pick me up. I know everybody up in HR and I get out. I didn't really take full advantage of the ACAP process with this is the process that help you transition, right smoothly. And I get out and then nothing went how I thought it was going to go. So I go from, you know, making my East Ex-Permode will pay to crack rocks. I'm like, substitute teacher, I'm a local promoter because I did that on the side. But this was even more of a challenge for identity because now I'm this promoter as bringing artists to the area because of my social capital. But I don't got no capital. You know what I mean? It's like, man, it's just hard to be out and about and people think you're like on this level and just, you're not. You know what I mean? So I struggle with that. I struggle with leaving the military, leaving my tribe and having that support system. And I went, I think, like I said, I went into the blue funk. I just stayed in the house. I got to figure this out and I just kept fixating or figuring it out. But one of the things I think, you know, we're always going to deal with, with struggle setback, things not going to go your way. The question is how you bounce back, right? And for me, it's, I have this song, Psalms Wide Open. It's a mouth taking the church, pastor, what up? Shots out to the choir. Through him, I aspire to be great. I walk through the valley, his shadow, his death. I got a show of the big homie, Blue breath. Bless me abundantly, life, my wife. Get me two kids here, we live in no strike. My palm's wide open, I reach you in peace. And I recite my songs, that's my God, peace by peace. We need his guidance, the sword has the word. When you look in for wisdom, tap into my blood. I pray, I pray, I speak, I speak, meditate. I listen, I listen, I listen, I listen. And at this point of my life, I just had to sit still. I had to sit still. And it's a mindset thing, right? Because it wasn't about your Lord, why this happened to me. It was what am I supposed to learn from this? Because in life, things happen and you got to, you got to answer yourself. So what's the impiling thing I'm supposed to learn from this situation? Right? It's going to be painful, it's going to be hard. But what am I supposed to learn from this situation? And that was my approach when I was in my place where I didn't know it was next and I was struggling, I didn't know the next meal, next check, next opportunity. I didn't have any clarity, but I had to sit still. So again, the hook to my song, Psalms, wide open, I pray, I speak, meditate, I listen. And I just sat still and listen and just, you know, my spiritual father gave me the vision. And I was like, I gotta get out of here. I was struggling New York. I can't do it here. I loaded up the U-Haul, rolled out. My boys were talking me out of it. So I just had to do it for me. And that's another thing and I'm telling anybody, listening and watching. Don't worry about the people. Don't worry about family and friends. You got to formulate what's going to work for you. Even if it doesn't work out, right? Wherever you are, that's where you're supposed to be. And I've learned that over the years, you know, you're like, damn, if I did this, that what, no, no, no, you were supposed to be right here. Right. You understand? And for me, that's what I did after the transition from the military. And other than sitting still and listening, I had to really pursue my wife. You know, a lot of times I was chasing money, trying to get rich quick, you know. And that ain't it. That's not sustainable. So you got to sit still and like for me, one of the things I think is I've been reflecting on, I think my mom's, I think my, how much she did with little, not even a fraction of what I had. And I said, wow, but I didn't want to go back to that life ever like that, that poverty life that, that, that, that stayed in unknown and I felt like I was slipping back into that, you know what I'm saying? Because I didn't know what was next. I'm like, damn, I feel like I was growing up. And that scared me, scared me to, to where I had to act, right? So a lot of times, this was happening. What happens, y'all, you got to get to a place where you sick and tired of being sick and tired. You know what I'm saying? It's like, you know what? Because other than that, you comfortable, you know, it's not, it's not all that bad. No. This is nothing to well want to be. And I had to just start acting. So again, sitting still, lounging universal speak to me and then seeking my purpose is kind of like how I went from what I said, a piece of prosperity. Yeah. I love that. You write about unbreakable valor and you share your powerful codes for overcoming failure and you kind of talk about the genesis of that in your own story. What would you say was the toughest reset? Maybe it was that that transition out of the military. Maybe it was something different. Toughest reset you ever had to do. And how did you walk yourself through that season? Yeah. You know, what I was just talking about probably was the toughest because it was just so much uncertainty and, um, and Trump thing was another time, you know, I've been filled all with it. Say, oh, my life, I've been failing. Well, I think even, you know, when I left, when I left college, because a lot of people, you know, don't do well and they stay stick around and then I had been in school for seven eight years, no degree, it only took me two to figure out this. They weren't going to be, you know, um, now here's the thing, y'all. It takes time, right? I got out two years, I had about maybe four credits, one seven GPA fast forward job, 15 years. I'm a college professor. I teach a course on how to be successful in college, you know, um, I just never stopped. Right. I mean, I remember, and I dropped out so many times because I was in the military and I go to ticket class and now it's harder. It's three or four hours for the, maybe five hours. I'm trying to think because we did it once a week after waking up at four, going to train, then going to work, getting them at six to go sit in the classroom for hours. I'm like, see, I should did this right the first time, but that's what now I'm walking past my friends playing space, abdominals and after three or four hours, you know, I want to play cards, drop that again, but I want to give you, I want you to give yourself a commission to make mistakes, to fall off. It's just just just get back on that horse, you know, I'm saying 15 years later, I got my masters, my bachelor's, I just never stopped. And that's why I want to really impose on you to just keep going. Never quit. Especially with some of your mama boy says she says, son, your education is, it's something no one can take from you. And I remember the, I don't think that's one of the things subconsciously with always on my head keeping me to get back on the horse because with a big goal, like I go from four credits until I want to do a bachelor's, I was 100 some credits, I was an associate, 60. Let's do that, right? Because now you, you go, I get 10 credits, I get 20. Now I'm building what momentum, progress translates to happiness. You see what I'm saying? So you want to do them, break the gold out digestible. Now you build a momentum. Now you get confidence. Now you go for the next level. So that's kind of was my approach. Yeah. I read a great quote today that said, if you were to map your journey to success, a failed action gets you closer than a successful thought. And it's like, man, that's powerful. There's, there's beauty in being strategic about it. Like you said, reverse engineering, dissect that down, but then just execute. And that's been something that that I've tried to instill in my students is it's overwhelming when you get that syllabus on the first day. But I don't ask you to turn it all in on that afternoon. I love it. One at a time, one day at a time, one session at a time, and we'll get there. We'll be successful. I'm telling you on that quote, there's a book I'm going to recommend to you. Go for no. Forget the author's name, but he talks about the levels of failure. Level one is the ability to fail. The willingness to fail. The wantingness to fail. Next, you want to fail bigger and faster. And lastly, you want to fail exponentially. So if you have a team, you have everybody focused on a common goal objective. Everybody's okay with failing to reach that goal. What happens is speeds up your chance to get into success. Yeah. And I was talking to someone the other day and it was just like, you know, they grew up. Failure is not an option. And I didn't argue with them. I didn't push back. Now I respect how they, you know, grew up. Because I grew up the same way. Now eventually in my readings and learners experience, I like had a elevated thinking like, you know what, if I fail at this thing and I fail again and I fail again, what happened? I have three data points or what doesn't work. Yeah. Now I'm going to do what? How are you doing coaching? We got to make adjustments, baby. Okay. You got to pivot. And that's why I love failing. I chase failure. I chase the storms. I chase the setbacks. I chase discomfort because nothing grows in comfort. You got to get uncomfortable. Yeah. Okay. I want you to get comfortable being uncomfortable because that's what changed happens. Sure. Yeah. There's such a powerful mental shift that occurs there. And I agree with you. I've heard that all my life as well. That failure is not an option. That's all how you define it. Steps towards success. Oftentimes, zone in the way we would have asked for them. You didn't ask to be born into a home where you didn't have a dad. I didn't ask to grow up poor. I mean, there's so much that we can't control. But then there's also things that we can learn from. And there are aspects of our journey that frankly rocket our success in ways that success what if I thank goodness I didn't get everything I've ever asked for. You know, how insufferable would I have been? It's something from the book to your point. I said, you're real estate agent. If you set a goal, I want to sell in a cell 10 houses. This month. You sell the 10, you throw your hands up on. I'm all set. But if you set failure goals, I want to get a hundred knows. You may sell 30 houses. You see what I'm saying? So they just reengineered that approach. Love it. And I was like, huh. So I've adopted some of that. I started failing. I'm like, I want to tell me no. You know. So good. Yeah, that reminds me. And we're just kind of riffing off each other here. But my daughter is a vocal performance. I used to say major. She just graduated from college. She shared with me that they have these master classes and they'll have professional opera singers and musical theater folks come in. They said, your goal is not to land a role because you can't control it. Your job as a performer is to audition. You can control how many auditions you go to. You can't control what roles you get. And I thought, man, that's such a better way to approach it. And for me as a professor, instead of setting a goal of two or three articles for publication, 10 that I'm going to submit, whether those get rejected or not, I'm going to do my best, but some of that's out of my hands. And likewise, speaking gigs, I mean, there's so much failure. You reach out to a hundred different places to book a gig. You can control that. You can't control whether or not they've got the budget forward or whether or not they agree to. I love that mental shift. Oh, yeah. So you describe your presentations as hip hop cadence heart-centered truth and storytelling. That's not typical motivational speaker ease. So tell me what sets you apart from other motivational speakers. Yeah, yeah, it was a funny story. So, special ed teacher, I was. So I know that in my classroom, my scholars all learn different. So when I was visually auditorium, spoken, but I am going into speaking, I want to create a platform to share my story globally. I'm like, everybody's speaking. That's, how can I be different? And I just knew there's something about the power of spoken word, you know? And I remember I would listen to this dude, Adam won't lose on title or Spotify. He'd be like, dear hard work, I used to hate you. You made me better. And it's just a little beat. He's just talking over. I'm gonna scratch my mouth. I could do this. So call my god producer. I said, pig, I'm gonna do an album. He thought I was crazy. I'm like, listen to Adam on lose. He said, wow, okay, okay, I can see it. I got the beat. I'm like, yo, what do we do next? He said, start writing. So that was July. I forget the year, maybe 2021. And I said, and I dropped the album in November. I was finished with album in November. But I told my kids, Toby, I said, listen, you don't gotta be smarter talented to be successful. Focus in effort. You do anything you want. I said, daddy don't know nothing about music. But I'm about to go down this rabbit hole. I'm gonna, I'm putting my 20,000 hours. I'm gonna start studying J. Conner, Will Smith, all the most deaf, all the people I think I, you know, align with, and I'm gonna do this thing. So before I went full throttle on music, I did my album. I did one, one rap song. It was real slow beat. What Toby, let me tell you, it was hard. I had such a different appreciation. I was like, oh, these rappers, you there, the breathing, all the things. And I dropped the first album. And then I was just like, really, you know, people, yo, you're supposed to work on this. Tough, you know, that's your thing. I wasn't convinced that was it. I wanted the music. I like, because the music, like if I'm going to a high school and I dropped the bunker, dude, they're going crazy. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Now I got the attention. I got sprinkled some nuggets, dropped a spoken word piece. And it's an experience. And that's been my approach. And after the first album, I just got really married to the music part of it. And for those listening watching, I didn't need any validation from anybody I knew. Because here's what happens. People know you as the last thing that they really, like for me, the college dropout. People always know me as that. Or the army guy. You know, they always know me as that. Or always the promoter. But guess what? It's so much more than me. And y'all don't know all of it. And remember, your vision, it starts more in your head, your head. Only you can see it. And you're the first and only one to believe it. So you got to pursue that thing. I didn't let anybody tell me X, Y, or Z. I've done all the thing I studied beyond say homecoming. Because I always also do events. And I just love when I'm on stage, I sure make the experience. And I practice. Oh, my goodness, I practice. Practice, practice, practice makes improvement. And when you go and perform with your speak, like you know musician, even if you get nervous, and I do, you default to the level that you practice. So if you practice at the high level, you're not going to poop the bed up there. You're going to default today. You may be a little jittery, but it's going to kick in that muscle memory. And let me tell you, you know how you doing my, I said I'm living the dream. They think it's a catch phrase, help you. I literally think stuff up. Let me tell you, my daughter, the three years since I started, I was doing a show in Pennsylvania. 20 minutes set all music. I'm going crazy. The crowd's going crazy. So I come off stage, she runs up to me. She said daddy, you said you was going to do this. And you're doing it. Bro, I don't got no money on this. That right. Bro, right? You can't tell them they can't do anything. They seem you know, nothing. That's it. Bro, can't make this up. And I just encourage you, believing you better on you. Like why would I tell me no? You know what I'm saying? I am, and that's the start. And I said when I tell people, I didn't read this, I didn't make this up. I'm living it. You know, I'm getting better every day. I got a vocal coach. She coming up, we doing all kinds of crazy stuff. What am I, is this what the greats do? I need to be going that too. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, that's the only thing I want to shit out with you. It's awesome. Two things come to mind. First of all, the learning scientist in me would say, what makes for memorable material and content is differences. Our bodies, I say this all the time, will be in class and they'll be overhead fluorescent lights and they're buzzing, but nobody notices it, right? Our mind subconsciously filter that noise out. But when you call attention to it, everybody hears it. Like, oh, I can't stop hearing that, right? Right, right. So we, as a survival mechanism, tend to filter out things that are unchanging. Homeostasis. Our bodies love to be in the same place that they were yesterday. They don't want to encounter more load in the weight room. They don't want to encounter more distances out in the street. Our body wants to be the same as it's always been because it takes resources to change. Right. So when you're talking or speaking or rapping, and for me, I came across Vin Zhang. He's a speaking coach on the internet, Australian guy, but he talks about the vocal archetypes and he talks about how I can be a coach or a mentor or these different personalities essentially. And if I shift those and I go real quiet, pause and I use things. And then I get loud and boy stress. That captivates and that creates attention. We've all had the boring professor that just talks in the monitor and then you don't work. He has a motivational speaker, the fact that you integrate that into what you're doing means that your learning is stickier. People are much more likely to walk away from that. The second thing I would say before that is I love the idea that you're modeling behavior that you want your kids to see. And the fact that you've taken the humility and the vulnerability that it takes to not be great at something. That's powerful. I mean, we all suck at something the first time we try it. Call these. Yeah. Yeah. This podcast, I'm 127 episodes deep and you would have guessed today that I'm the world's most amateur podcaster. So maybe a bit of explanation is in order here. Sean and I recorded this episode over a month ago and I loved every second of our conversation. But what I did not love were the technical gaps that occurred. On the day of recording, about 10 minutes before we were scheduled to begin, a massive central Texas thunderstorm rolled in and knocked out power to my house. I was all set and ready to go when life threw me that curveball. It kicked back on pretty quickly, but I had to reboot everything. I scrambled to get everything back up and running in time. And I managed to connect just in time. Then about 10 minutes into the interview, the internet dropped out. Stranding my guest alone in the virtual studio as I frantically worked again to try to get back on. And then it happened again about 10 minutes later. It was not my best moment professionally. But Sean was a gracious guest and to his credit, he stuck it out to the end. So then I downloaded the show from my recording platform only to discover that it has duplicated his video and audio on the latter two thirds of the recording. Meaning if I watch the video of our conversation right now, there's me and two different Sean's talking. If one Mr. Motivation is good and Shirley too would be better, right? Not exactly, because there's just enough of a delay between the two that there's an annoying reverb and an echo through the remaining 30 minutes of the clip. All that to say my video of our talk was ruined. But I've learned a thing or two in the three years that I've been podcasting. So I was able to take the individual tracks of our audio and preserve it. This single episode took me about seven hours to produce, which is more than double my normal time. But I knew that what Sean had to share was so good that I could not settle for less. Had it happened three years ago, it would have been lost. I would have either had to re-record it at the inconvenience of my guest, or I'm more than likely would have just backed it. I would have lost it never would have been produced. But struggling through the process has taught me some things that breezing through never would. It's been said that a smooth seat never made a skilled sailor. I'm here to tell you, although a massive central Texas thunderstorm tried its best to ruin this episode, I'm still grateful that I was able to navigate it and bring it to you to here. That doesn't mean I wasn't embarrassed in the format though. I am quite sure it looked like amateur hour. I've dropped the internet twice. We didn't get enough. It's okay to suck. And I so appreciate the fact that you're not eating my lunch for the technical gaps in this. But man, there's just this power in saying, it's okay if I'm not the best at this. But like you said, I'm not pursuing perfection. Would you say practice makes improvement? And that's it, man. That mentality right there is enough to change my life, but it's also enough to change the trajectory of my family. And generational things can be broken through an example like that. So I love that. It's so powerful. So you've alluded to the breakthrough bunker. Talk to me about that. Just movement. You got this perfect world. Where do you want that to be five years from now? Oh man, so it's, it's, whoo, five years from now. She is, you know, it's crazy. I had a, I was every three years ago, I was on this kick with NFTs and the metaverse. And I was just like, I'm creating this moody verse. And I'm gonna have the speaking platform one there. So I create my own NFTs, all the things. And I was trying to think, cause what I do sometimes, I like, I, what am I doing? How will be doing this in 10 years? How can I do that now? Right? So that's what I was looking to do. Whether it's doing talks in metaverse or whatever. But that's something like the shelf. I'll get back to that. But I wanted to create a space, cause I travel when I give talks all over. But I'll come and get you fired up and I'm gone. And you may, you know, hit my social media up and, you know, it may not always be me, I'm from my social media manager. I was like, how do I create a space? Where I can almost be like professor Murf, but not in the classroom. So the bunkers that like transformational space built for people who are ready to grow, who may not know how to start, who can come as you are, where you are, no judgment. And whether you stuck, started, searching, we were on bill together. I do, I modeled this in my classroom how I teach. I'm the guy. I come in there and I make point and I tell stories, but I want you all to kind of teach each other. You know what I'm saying? And so the bunk is just that. When I go places, I'm like, oh, tap into the free bunker. I'm starting in September where I do a weekly community call where I'm going to do probably like a five power point slide of something I'm teaching. But really, well, what questions you got? What you trying to do, you want to start a business? What you stuck at? How can I help you? And we can share with each other. So that's what the bunker is. It's a transformational space, man. And I'm excited to really just put that out more. And a lot of times everybody's selling something. And of course I got the book out the hat. But here's the space. I'm not selling, I'm giving you. There's a book, the Go Giveer Toby. Oh, man, it talks about the things that five or six laws of stratospheric success. You got to lead with giving. The last law is the law of receptivity where you allow yourself to receive. I'm not worried about me. The universe is going to work. I meet people like, how can I help you? Oh, go to my LinkedIn. Anybody you need to know, I'll connect you. I offer, offer, offer, perform, ask if anything. And this is just another opportunity for me to give because I've found in life, man. It's about the people. Proximity is power, right? Who's in your space? And if I can be one of those people that help you, go next level, put a rung on the ladder, help you go up. I'm all for it, right? Because I'm here to guide to help you unearth your talents. And sometimes, you know, and I've learned from teaching middle school high school college, parents and friends of family might never tell you I'm proud of you or you may be a good at this thing. No kind of words of positivity. And then here I come, I'm overflowing you with like, oh, no, you could be great. You could do this. And I'm not with you. Where you want to go? And I think just having more of that, you know, on my platform is going to help a lot of people. Yeah, absolutely. I love it. Again, talking with Sean Murphy, Mr. Motivation. Sean, I love music. And you've kind of alluded to this. This is a question I ask of all my guests. I've got a mixtape on Spotify that I include that has pretty much all my guests answered to this. If we were to watch a montage of your life, what song would you pick to play in the background and why? Swing. Oh. Oh. Toby, oh Lord, that was funny. Many years ago, it would be the easy, I might have went to Jay Z quickly, right? We're not. That's a little more complicated than all that. Alone. Man. Huh. You know what? I think so it's going to be one of my songs. And this one is called Why. Talking I stop right now. So many people come know me. Yeah. Oh, why would I stop right now? I'm almost where I want to be. Yeah. Yes. Oh. Why? B-string letters are powerful. As a word, it is the foundation for which everything you're doing in life stands upon. Anything you do, any goal you're pursuing, you have to know your why. It's the reason behind you making yourself uncomfortable as you stretch and grow into the new you. And why it, I mean, these three letters of power for as a word is the foundation for which everything you're doing in life stands upon. And that's how it starts, right? And it goes in the wine and it talks about, you know, my mom's sacrificing everything. And like, I have to excel so that her work doesn't go in vain. And it leads me to quote about, you know, we on this journey of, you know, the success journey of life. And it's hard, man, to get tired. I'll get tired. I'll be tired now. I got another podcast, you know? I got writing another book. I got to finish the song. It's time. But who loses if I don't win? There's someone in Japan, Australia, Africa that needs to hear why, that needs to hear Murphy's Law that needs to hear my next song that I ain't even put out yet. You know, I'm saying, I mean, ultimately for me, you know, we always heard the wealthiest place in the world is the graveyard. It's with dreams, people to dreams that would have changed the world to the grave took ideas, inventions, for whatever reason, failure, for failure, lack of support, anxiety, self-doubt, bro, I'm leaving it all to take it all to the field. When Murphy go out, it's good, but he took his last breath. Yes. I gave it all to the world. There's another quote that says, you got to, you plant seeds to a tree that will bear shade that you will never enjoy. And that's just speaks to my purpose, my why, my mind, reason for being here. That's it. Is that Servant Hood you talked about earlier? I'm reminded of the less brown quote slash story where he talks about how you're on your deathbed and you're surrounded by the ghosts of the things that you were supposed to do that you never got around to doing. And how are you gonna look them in the eye and tell them, I'm sorry, I never got around to you, you know, writing that book or launching that podcast or whatever that is, whatever that why is, that purpose. I always say strategic and purpose for lentiless and pursuit better every day, the strategic and purpose. We've got to spend time aligning that because it can change, seasons change, finances change, opportunities change. I think about what we're doing right now, a Zoom type podcast, like five years ago, people didn't do this and this is so commonplace, you know, you ask a middle schooler, you said you taught middle schoolers, ask him what they want to do for a career when they grew up. What are they gonna say? Podcast the influencer. Yeah, I mean, that didn't exist during my childhood. So I mean, if I don't continue to seek out my purpose and recognize that the dials have to be twisted a little bit and you know, I've got to stay in tune with how I'm serving people without that, I get lost. It's funny when you said that, let's, Brown, one I gotta go look up for that clip, that story. For a man, a woman to die. It's our family members, praying with him as they cross over. He said, but imagine if you will, being on your deathbed and standing around your bed, the ghost of the ideas, the dreams, the abilities, the talents given to you by life and that you for whatever reason you never acted on those ideas, you never pursued that dream, you never used those talents, we never saw your leadership, you never used your voice, you never wrote that book and there they are standing around your bed looking at you with large angry eyes and we came to you and only you could have given us life. And now we must die with you forever. And the question is, if you die today, what ideas, what dreams, what abilities, what talents, what gifts, what die with you. But one of the things I've been studying is what are people saying who are on their deathbed? None of me. And a lot of them are saying, I wish I would have just took more risks. I wish I spent more time with family. I wish I didn't care what other people thought about me. And I, I'm encouraged you viewers and listeners, go look up some of those things that people are saying. That 80, 90 lived a long life. And at the end of it, this is the thought that happened. And I'm hoping that Edward inspire you to not have that same thought when it's your turn. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll definitely have to look up the, the song, is this song available on Spotify? Oh, Spotify, Apple, yeah, it's going to lie. Yeah. Oh, I'll also drop that in the, I create a page for every episode as well. So we'll drop that in as well. And absolutely no judgment that a guy from Brooklyn would have mentioned Jay Z right in front. So that's right. I, I, I follow you. So you've alluded a little bit to this, but I mean, the title of the show is becoming undone. How sometimes we follow apart before we fall into place. What for Mr. motivation remains undone? Oh, man, great question. No, it's funny. I am life is good, man. Life is good. I've always been just grounded in gratitude and living in the present. Right? I do, I am a visionary. So I do think future. One of the things I've been on this journey, is how do I use more of this brain of mine? You know, I, I, I, books downstairs, Dr. becoming supernatural is something I've been tapping into. Just talking about ascension and, you know, sitting still, meditating, breathing. So for me, you know, do I have things to do? Yeah, you know, we got the digital magazine I'm working on. I just, just brought into semi-probats, basketball team. So we got things, but it's like, how, I'm on this quest for self mastery, right? And I think on that quest is seeking wisdom, seeking knowledge. And then once I understand the knowledge is applying what I understand. So that's like the journey I'm on. And I think it just speaks to when I do that, I'm going to be able to help more people. Yeah. You know, I'm being more locked in and I can be speaking even smarter. So so that's, you know, what's, what's undone? Just uncovering me unearthed and gifts that I'm still not tapped into. It's funny. Like even when music, why don't you tell you I used to write poems back in that. My poems all the time. Especially on dating girls. So hey, girl, roses and red, it's a little, you know, that I forget about this thing. And I go on this journey and I tap into my music. So I'm like, wait, not some one, right? You know, why do you say you used to do this? So sometimes we forget our gifts, right? Because time separates us. We go on these different paths and these different paths in life. So I unearthed something from before. So now I'm like, I intentional to get to a place where unearthed other gifts of mine. So so that's how I would answer that. Toby. Yeah. Tremendous. It also calls the mind for me the fact that like we talked about failure. I mean, if you looked at your military career and said, I left too soon. And if you look back on that with sadness or despair or anything other than just you left it all out there, the thing to realize is with this growth mindset, it's not about failure. We're acquiring skills. You know, when you're dating and and and courting the attention of a beautiful young lady, you're crafting skills that you don't know you're going to use 30 years later, 20 years later, however long. And and it's it really reminds me that even in my failure, there are still lessons that I can take forward into my next success. And without that, it just feels like a loss. And I'm not one to believe in a moral victory, but I'm also not one to just wallow in at least anymore. I will say just wallow in all the negative that comes from failing to meet whatever standard was there. How can listeners connect with you? I know book business website. You got a lot of entrepreneurial pursuits. Give us those socials. Yeah, yeah. Well, definitely I have the one needs on hand, definitely tap in breakable valor, try to do a solar resilience. But on my website, Mr. Motivation, MISTR, hyphen motivation dot com. I'm on Instagram a lot. Mr MISTR motivation, the old is zero for zero excuses, y'all, but we'll love to tap in. And you know, I'm heavy in the DMs, definitely responsive on. On my website, you can find the link to the break the bunker. Well, you can tap in there too. And then Mr. Motivation music, you know, I would love you. I just dropped a song, grad cap in for graduates for the level women. That was from Mother's Day and let it to dad, let it to dad was one. And I, well, you know, that's something I really address for 20 plus years, Toby. And then one day I was sitting in. It just came and downloaded. So that's one of my new songs as well. So I would love to tap in. I definitely appreciate Toby for having me on the show. Yeah, with, with, I'll add all those links in the show notes and description. Sean, I really do appreciate it again. Apologies for the technical gap. I appreciate your patience. What's up, good people? Should we miss the motivation? And I am undone. Awesome. Man, that was the best one I've ever had right there. Huge thanks to Sean, Mr. Motivation Murphy for showing us that courage isn't the absence of our chip. It's choosing to keep going, even when the world tells you to quit. I'm thankful to Sean for dropping in and I hope you enjoyed our conversation. For more info on today's episode, be sure to check it out on the web. Simply go to undonepodcast.com, backslash, ep137, to see the notes, links, and images related to today's guest, Sean Murphy. If Sean's story moved you challenged you or sparked something inside, would you do me a favor? Share this episode with someone that you think needs to hear it. Leave a review, hit subscribe, and help us spread the message. The breakdowns don't get the last word. Come back, Stu. Got some exciting news this week. I'm launching a brand new coaching service and to kick things off, I've created something totally free just for you, my valued listener and friend. It's called the State of Your Life Assessment. It's a powerful tool designed to help you take an inventory, gain clarity, identify where you're ready to go. Think of it as a pre-post test for growth. Just head over to undonepodcast.com, backslash, survey, that's S-U-R-V-E-Y, to get started. Once you filled it out, you'll even have the option to schedule a completely free no obligation discovery call with me. I'll personally review your answers and help you interpret your results. Again, that's undonepodcast.com, backslash, survey. I truly hope you'll take advantage of it. Let's get you unstuck and moving forward with purpose. Coming up on the show, I've got a raw and unfiltered conversation with athlete turned record-breaking salesman, Jonathan Shorten, who overcame disappointments in athletics, hair-wing false accusations of threatened to leave behind bars, and a suffocating search for purpose to eventually become one of the most successful young performers in the entire auto sales industry, all before the age of 30. Then I've got Silicon Valley entrepreneur Ilyana Golan, who transitioned from an Air Force career to successful startup founder, only to wake up one day and discovered she'd been removed and locked out of the company she built herself. Here how she turned that experience of devastation and starting over, into a $10 million comeback, and the work she's doing today as the founder of LEAP Academy. This and more coming up on Becoming Undone. Becoming Undone is a nitro-hype creative production written and produced by me, Toby Brooks, tell a friend about the show, follow along on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, it becoming UndonePod, follow me at TobyJBrooks on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Check out my link tree at linktr.e, backslash Toby Brooks, listen, subscribe, and leave me a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. Till next time, friend, keep getting better.