720 - Charley Sweeney

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Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go, software for managing staff, marketing, and customer insights, and banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly. It's fast, it's smart, it's transparent. It's built for how people run businesses. It makes everything super easy. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. And right now you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com slash go slash dollop. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash G-O slash dollop. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. The dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. and 26th, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name it theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Preston, when you edit this, can you tell Gary? You have to go fuck yourself over Gareth's head. You're listening to The Dollop. On the All Things Comedy Network, this is an American History podcaster. Each week, I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a very bad— Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Nor does he even care. You've been bad. You've been bad. To a member of ICE. You're bad. You're bad. If you were ICE, this show might dip. I have considered joining ICE just to get in there and fuck shit up. By the way, how crazy is it that you could get in? That they'd be like, cool, all right, here you go. They would take me in a heartbeat. Yeah. In a heartbeat. Yes. I don't think anybody would a heartbeat. I mean, demographic-wise, you break down perfectly for ICE. You're white, 50, pissed off. Yeah, but I'm pissed off at them. Yeah, but they would just be like. They don't care. Yeah, they would be like, it's cool. if dean can join ice anyone can uh april 13th 1863 year of our lord jay town the magic man he of the jet ski you know what i'm saying talk about turning water into wine you know what i mean what does that mean jet ski because it It goes on water? Exactly what I'm saying. Charles Joseph Sweeney was born to Edward and Mary Sweeney in San Francisco, California. Okay. They were Irish immigrants who came to the U.S. around 1850. Now, Charles had a 12-year-old older brother, Edward. Okay. Probably called him Eddie, right? Eddie, yeah. Eds. Yep, Eddie. Smed sometimes, probably. Shed. Fred. Apparently you don't understand anything. I thought you were doing a nickname thing. A nickname for that is Fred. Wrong. I think so. I think that's wrong. Edward was the father. Edward's father was a cop. Okay. He was also a serious drinker and a very tough dad, very tough man in general. While he was a cop, he had several incidents of using excessive force on and off duty. Hmm. So a cop. Yeah. So he's an officer. The Sweeney's kept cranking out kids. Good. They also had Mary, Rebecca, Margaret, James, Elizabeth, Francis, John, and William. All those nicknamed Fred. No. I think so. I would imagine if you didn't make it, too. Yeah. So this woman was. Because it's 1860, so they're definitely not making it. There's definitely ones that are coming out. She Airbnb'd the womb. Not ready. Yeah. Undercooked ones. Yeah. Yeah, indeed. That's a lot of kids, though. The children got very little schooling. Good. But then they get a job or they get married, and that would be it. You know, off they went. Good. In 1880, Charlie was working as a butcher's apprentice. That's got to be great. Just think about the shit you're doing as a butcher's apprentice. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Then you cut his head off. Pick up the intestines. These are the good parts. This is called a rump. This is a sirloin. I'm 11. There you go. There you go. You ever seen the inside of a cow's anus? No. Here you go. Take a look at that. I don't want to see that. It's a backwards mouth. What does this have to do with butchering? I don't know. You just got to find ways to make this a little fun for yourself, because in many ways, this just gets a little old. It's not. You're going to want to do stuff. It's not fun. Let me show you how to wear a cow's rectum like a turtleneck. I don't want to do that. Look at that. Oh, I'm off to my Aspen Chalet. See? You gotta have fun with it. I should have... I should have... Apprentice for the furniture guy. That guy's a sick fuck. You're wearing a cow-inus. Yeah. As a... Like a collar. Hold on, watch. I'm gonna take the tail and make it look like I got a weird hairdo. Oh, excuse me. I'm off to my Aspen Chalet. I'm doing quite well. See? That's funny. Are you even a butcher? No. What? Butcher? What are you? What do you mean? I thought I was apprenticing for a butcher. Oh! Oh, no, I'm a murderer. Oh, I'm so sorry. I can... Oh, okay. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, boy. I don't want to be a murderer. All right, well, to each their own, my friend. All right, bye. All right, take care now. I can leave, right? Cool, yeah, of course. I don't do kids. Okay. Cool kid. Is that actually a cow anus? Oh, he's still here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, get out. No, seriously. Fuck off. Bye. I'm doing some stuff. Bye. Charlie's big thing was baseball. And he made a name for himself playing on fields around the Bay Area. He was, quote, a large man of great strength and endurance. Okay. Like you. Yeah. He was 5'10", 181 pounds. That's so funny because my son is bigger. We know this, though. Back then, they're like, you had a huge foot, size six. Everything was smaller. Yeah. If you're from a terrible country, that's 170 centimeters and 82 kilograms. Okay. But like the backwards. I don't think we should be translating for those people. Just get on board with the best weights and measurements units in the world. When Charlie was 17 years old, he started playing for the San Francisco Athletics. I just Go ahead If you're a baseball team You can't call yourself the athletics Because I don't know if people have seen baseball players But a lot of it I just can't go with the athletic part Some are athletic though But there's been crazy Out of shape people playing baseball for years This guy's a real fatty He's 115 pounds A paper said he had quote Good command of the ball But lacked the understanding of an experienced player Charlie Pitch, he played the outfield Is that because he was inexperienced? Yeah, he was 17 Charlie Pitch played the outfield, first base That is a crazy thing to say But he plays unfortunately like he's never played the game professionally before He's actually never played the game before And it's showing up So that's a knock against him It shouldn't be He lacks the experience And we're looking for people with experience He's never done this before So he doesn't have the experience. It's a bit of a, it's a problem that we don't see any way to solve it. You either have it or you don't. Please don't tell me you're running the team. I am the owner GM coach, and I know what I'm doing. Also, starting pitcher. You actually still sound better than my son's high school coach. Charlie Sweeney played the 1882 season for different West Coast teams The Athletic, the Niantics, the Renos The Renos Renos? I'm sure they're just from Reno and they're like, what's a name? Where the Renos? It's so dumb Why not Rinos? The Reno Rinos That's a good name What's I'm here for? Mostly with the Niantics who The what? Niantics? Jesus Christ I-A-N-T-I-X. Niantics? Sure. Niantics? Niantics. Niantic. Niantic. He played with them until May 13, 1883, when he was cut for, quote, dishonorable conduct. Is it true they always cut someone when they cut them back then? Yeah, they would slice their, usually from sternum all the way up to the head. Get the goodbye sword. Apparently, he tried to lose the game as a pitcher and basically threw the ball so the other team could hit it very easily, and they lost 21-2. So he got mad. Because he was gay? Wait. No, he just got upset with the team and purposely lost the game. Oh, right. Okay, okay. Which I get. Yeah. Yeah. After this, the league unanimously voted to formally expel him two weeks later. Wait, why are they expelling him? Because he purposely let the other team win. But because they were done. is that what you're saying no he went out as a pitcher uh-huh and just threw the ball so they could hit it as easy as possible and just crush his team okay all right gotcha so yeah sure okay it's like there's a there's a kid who um i think it was college but no it was the minors and his team sucked and if they and if they like lost this game their season would be over and they could go home. And he wanted to go home. So every time a batter would come up, he'd tell, he was the catcher. He'd be like, hey, this is going to be a fastball. And the other team just crushed him. But now he can't play baseball ever again. Because he's like barred from baseball. That's good. He ended up, oh, so he's been expelled there. So now he gets the West Coast. So now he hits the East Coast. And he ends up playing for the Providence Grays in the National League. It's a good team. They were in Rhode Island, which is our most pointless state. It's a driveway. I get by Delaware. It's basically Massachusetts' driveway. Delaware. I mean, honestly, it's North and South Dakota. Yes. Yes. Yep, they should be one. Yeah. But we did get Christy Noem because of them. did you hear we're going to try to start uh um problems with alberta and the rest of canada so alberta will succeed us god we're such fucking lunatics no out of i mean what is what the fuck is even you know what i mean just batshit crazy country everything is so it's just you're it's just you're like wow dumb Hitler he had two ex-West Coast teammates on the team Jerry Denny and Sandy Nava Charlie's first game was on June 11th against the defending champion Chicago White Stockings he won 6-2 and was praised by reporters quote he maintained a cool head and a cool judgment all through the game, and his last ball was pitched as well as the first. It's like he has experience, which is something we're looking for. Which he doesn't actually have. Right. He won his next game, but in the third game, his arms started hurting, and he was replaced in the fifth inning. Okay, fine. On July 4th, they had two games, one in Philadelphia in the morning, and then a night game in New York. Fucking bad shit. That is brutal. That is crazy. I mean, we do two shows sometimes on a tour, and we're like, this can't go on. Yeah, make it stop. This is exhausting. I mean, do you ever do three stand-up shows? Yeah, I have one in Portland in like a week or two. Those, like I would be up there and just totally forget my act and be like, did I say this already? Which show? I honestly. Did I do that joke? I always find that one of them is amazing later on because I'm just out of my mind. Yeah. Yeah. And it's honestly like people are just watching like a circus monkey. Yeah. Where you just. That's most of your. That's a fair point. Yeah. That's a fair point. Are you the guy who takes your shirt off? Yes. I take my shirt off and then I put it on my boner. On July 4th, they had two games, one in Philadelphia, and I came into New York. So they cut the Philly game short and left pulling. Cut it short? Yeah. We got it. We have another game. We're out. So, yeah, this has been great. Thank you for having us. We do have to go to another game. We got to go. See you later. Thank you so much. But that meant they forfeit. Right. So what's the point? I don't know. They took a train to New York and lost one to nothing. Hey, we're going to go back to Philly. If they're still out there, maybe we can try to win that one. They might still be on the field. Charlie's best game that year was September 14th. He only gave up one run over 10 innings and drove in both the runs that his team scored. Wow. Over the entire first season, he pitched 146 in two-thirds innings and was 7-7 and hit 218. So, meh, okay. The next great season, there's this new manager, but they had lost a pitcher. So now it was just Charlie and this guy named Radborn who has been in. Those are the two pitchers? Yeah. Two pitchers. Radborn. Radborn has come up with other episodes. First name? We've had him in. No, it's his last name. Okay. He's been in other episodes. Okay. They did have a position player who could pitch if there's an emergency. Now, Radborn was kind of a star, so he was getting paid a lot, and he spent the preseason complaining about different areas of pain in his body, so the manager took it easy on him. Okay. And Radborn then complained so much that the manager started Charlie for the opening game of the season, and he lost 2-1. But over the next couple weeks, Charlie and Radborn became annoying rivals. There's tons of jealousy between them, and it got worse every day. They're both prima donnas and narcissists. Where does prima donna come from? I don't know, but I'm sure someone knows, and they'll tell me online. But we've had that before Madonna, Madonna. Yeah, that's well before Madonna. So it is prima donna. It's a fucking asshole. Let's ask AI to get a fake answer. I can't wait. It would probably say exactly what you just said. Yeah, probably. Prima donna refers to several distinct entries. The lingerie brand originated in Germany in 1865. That's right. The cheese brand is from the Netherlands. So none of this is what we're asking. It's like there's Madonna cheese and then you can put it on a lady. Okay. There's Italian for first lady. It historically refers to the lead female singer in an opera. That's probably where it's from. I would imagine. Okay. Yeah, right. It literally means first lady and obviously. Why pre? Over time it evolved in English to describe anyone who acts temperamental, vain and demanding and expecting special treatment like a temperamental star like you so this is what i'm doing the you bit what i have to do you you i'm the best you're ice what wrong you spilled your salad like a dumb shit and i went down the street and bought you a salad from a bar that is true who's pre-madonna i'm the guy i'm post madonna you sound more like scared madonna i'm confused Madonna. I just realized fucking, I was at my house and I got a sandwich and I just realized I had a sandwich, a salad from yesterday that I could have eaten and now I'm mad. It's prima donna shit. Fuck. You're the prima donna. Listen to that. So they're getting more and more jealous and more crazy every day and they're constantly complaining about their aching arms. Like they're almost trying to one up each other. So they're having an arm off. Achy arm off. Achy arm off. Oh, wow. But they wouldn't rest because they want to be each other. My clicks when I move it. Well, I wish I could move mine. That sounds awesome. Well, I mean, I can't move it because of something like that. Clicking? Yeah, because of the clicking. Yeah, I can't. My fingers are gone. Oh, yeah. Fingers? You had fingers? I had fingers. Oh, I never had them. No, I don't even have those. I was born without them. I don't have an elbow. My arm is gone. My arm is going to be studied for science. I can't. A bunch of guys reached out to me and they said they want to study it because it's just the most useless arm. Anyway, have a good pitch. Well, I don't have an arm. It's just a stub. Oh, stub? Yeah, I got stub. Good for you. I don't even have that. Mine's just socket. Socket. Exposed socket. An any? Yeah. You got an any arm? Yeah. I can't see. You lost this. I can't see. You lost. I lied. Who said that? Are you talking to me? Hello? Hello? Is anybody here? Hey, Chief. Neither one of us think we can go because we don't have arms and we're both blind. The hell are you talking about? So it was also the weather was really bad at this time, so that doesn't help. There are aches and pains. By the way, the solution is to have another pitcher. No, that costs money. But they still keep winning and they take up a first place in May. And then the pitchers finally agree that they will take a day off. So they wouldn't take a day off. The manager's like, so if you hurt so much, take a day off. And they refused. Why? Because they're in competition. But are they in competition to not pitch? No, with each other. They're like, they want to win. They want to go out and show they're the better pitcher, but they also want to complain the whole time. Oh, my God. It's the worst. That is a difficult needle to throw. So they played an important game, seven series, seven game series. Jesus Christ. So now we have three. We're doing the World Series. We do the World Series a few times a year Yeah, so if you don't know baseball now Like four is the most you have in a series But that's very rare, it's usually three That's crazy They played an important seven game series against the team in second Who of course had pitcher Grasshopper Whitney Yeah, of course When, back then when pitchers threw So they throw from a, it's not a mound, it's a rectangular box Okay And some would hop in it before they threw Some would hop in the box to warm up? No, to literally- Like a running pitch sort of thing. But it like a hoppy thing So they leap in the And the hoppiest was this guy They leap in the air In what world of physics are they like, that's where you get the good stuff done? It just takes one idiot to do it well and everyone's like, that's a thing you gotta do. Have you ever seen the guys in soccer where they do the ball on the ground and then they somersault kind of into the throw-in? It makes no sense. That actually seems like it has a little bit. But even then, you're just like, okay, all right, grasshopper. But someone, someone thinking that you're getting torque by jumping, stopping your momentum and then throwing. I don't think they're thinking torque. Yeah. Um, so this is what Winnie did. He leapt in the air. So he became, he got the nickname grasshopper, uh, Jim. You boys ready to face the grasshopper? I know. You look a little intimidated. Is it? Cause you're about to play the happiest guy in the league. I wonder if it's because you're throwing off the batter by jumping up and down or something. Well, the only thing you could be doing is trying to distract. Yeah. Because there is no... You know what I mean? It's like if I jump in the air, I don't run faster when I land. I do. It's always been my thing. In the second game, Charlie struck about 19 batters. That is a record that stood until 1986 when Roger Clemens broke it. Wow. By the way, Roger Clemens just did it because he loved to see all those Ks together. You know they don't do that, right? What? They do K, K, and then they reverse the third one. Oh. They never put them in order. I mean, how fucking great? How great is this country? How great is America? We're like, look, three Ks together is going to be problematic. We have to be very careful with what we're doing. Our letters can be perceived as completely racist murders. So after that, Charlie becomes the story of baseball. And the Graves manager decided to pitch him the next two days also. His arm is just dead. Lost 2-0 and 3-1. The hell happened? You were great yesterday. You suck! Now you dog shit. And then Radborn lost the next game, so the team falls out of first. And by the end of June, Charlie's elbow is now really hurting, So the manager's like, I got to rest you. And when he found out, Radborn, now he's like, I'm going to be pitching more, so I want more money. If I'm going to be pitching all the games, that guy's taking time off. I'm going to be honest. Radborn's great. Radborn is playing a game for one guy. Yeah. He plays for the Radborns. Yeah. And he wants to complain, pitch as little as possible. The second he's called up to duty, he's like, a thousand bucks a game. Got any more scratch, coach. A thousand bucks a game. That's what you do. There's three teams. You can either do that or 25 bucks a pitch. You'll pick. Whatever you want, chief. The manager refused to give him more money, and then rumors began that Radborn wanted out and that the St. Louis Maroons were interested in him. We like difficult positions. Bring him to us. Sounds like this guy's a real problem. We love him to be marooned. Do you have a complaining asshole on your team? We'd love to try to make that work. So Charlie took, guess how many days he took off? Hurt arm? Four. Eleven. Oh, okay. So you did the thing. Yeah. Can't do that. You tell me and then I go, that's crazy. He came back and he only made it to the fifth inning in his first game. Then he took off another six days. And the grade has now dropped three games out of first. and Radborn loses his shit because he is pitching so much during this pennant race. I mean, once again. And then he's also jealous that Charlie is looking like the pitcher the team can't have missing. Right. So that's upsetting. Now he's being exposed and he's pitching too much. Yeah. Yes. Again, I can't help but think that another pitcher might be the move. What I hear from you is crazy. Okay. Bring in the cricket. And he's also not getting extra pay, so Radborn's not happy. And he thinks umpire Stuart Decker was making bad calls. So there's a lot of stuff that Radborn is saying that's against him. Again, I like this guy. Radborn seems like a guy who's like, if I lose, it's not my fault. He is before sports divas. Yeah. He's the Trump of pitchers. Yeah. I'm unable to pitch. Everything hurts, and I need a lot more money to make it happen. On top of that, he wasn't really playing well, so he was suspended by the Grays. And by the way, I've won every game so far. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. No, you haven't. I have. Nobody's hit the ball. Are you believe that? Nobody's hit the ball off me one time. They look at you and they go, hey, nobody's ever hit him before. Wild. It's been a while. So the team suspends him. Okay. And now that means Charlie has to pitch no matter how bad he's feeling. What the fuck is happening? What are they going to do? They got no option to. They got to pitch the hurt guy. Get another guy. What? You keep saying this weird thing that doesn't make sense. By the way, I think you need two more, if I'm being totally honest with you. Well, Charlie won three games. Okay. And in the fourth game back, he was winning 6-2 against Philadelphia when the manager came out to the mound to take him out and move him to the outfield. and he unloads on the manager in this crazy swear-filled rant. Fellow player Arthur Irwin described Charlie as a, quote, sulk. He deliberately walked off the field the sixth. He went to the dressing room, changed his clothes, and left the lot. So he wouldn't go to the outfield. Right. And he just left. He left. He just left. Again, I do like it. And then they suspended him for the rest of the season. Okay. And the Grays lost that game. Well, Radborn, I got bad news, buddy. We got 80 games left. How's that arm? It hoits. Can we get another pitcher? No, probably not. We're going to need you to pitch every game going forward. Oh, my God. Yeah. You're the last of a dying breed. Unfortunately, God's left us with no other choice. Well, all I got is an innie. Yeah, we're going to have to use it because we are totally screwed. Coach, I can't. There's just nothing that can be done. Besides the fact. We have tried everything. We used Charlie when you weren't good, and then we used you when he wasn't good, and then he's gone. What about another pitcher? We're just down to you. I can't see. This is going to be tough on you. You're really going to have a very difficult task ahead. I'm going to need more money if this is the route we're going down. This is just hard. Going to need more money. All right. We're bringing in Grasshopper. Oh, fuck. The team also lost the game after they took him out, so that was a bad idea. Okay. Now the papers are saying the team might completely disband. All right. And the pitching staff was in ruins, and the starters are both suspended. And in desperation, the directors quickly renegotiated Radborn's contract and signed a rookie pitcher. Ah, here we go. Yeah. Just one? Yeah. So that means Charlie's out. Yep. So he signs with the St. Louis Maroons. Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and got a deal almost exactly like what Radborn had. He's now, but he's now the league's highest player, Charlie. Highest paid player. Highest paid player, yeah. Darryl Strawberry was the league's highest player. I don't know if he was. Was he? He's pretty high. Yeah. Coke. But it feels like there were other guys. Yeah, he probably was. Steve Howe. Okay. The team was full of big names, and the millionaire owner treated them very well. The St. Joseph Daily Press quote, Lucas clothed them in silk, rode them about the country in palace cars, and fed them on the best in the lang. I don't know what that means. Land? Lang. L-A-N-G. Okay. Lang. His first game was on August 31. A local reporter. Hold on. They're in kimonos going around. I think they're just really nice. Outfits. Outfits, yeah. But they're being paraded around. Like it's the dream. Yeah, they got – well, palace cars are like the fancy – what do they have? Trains? Yeah, they got trains. Yeah, it's like the fancy – Oh, like the – Train car. Yeah, Pullman's. Pullman, yeah. So he wins his first game, August 3rd, and a local reporter is amazed at, quote, his ease, deceitful change of pace, speed, and mastery of different styles of delivery. And then the Maroons go on to win the league by 21 games. Charlie went 24-7 with a 1.83 ERA and 271 innings. On top of that, he hit 316. Wow. That's a great player. Very good. Yeah. Very good. The Grays went 41-9 and won. The Grays? Yeah. OK. Without him and won their league championship. OK. It's a different league. So Charlie was now blacklisted by the National League for signing with the Union Association league which was an upstart not honoring the other league's contracts so explain that to me okay so we've talked about this before but there's two leagues yep basically it's like say american and national and they when you sign with them as a rookie you forever are under their contract so they can decide whether or not they want to sell you but if you want to play you have to play with them no other team will take you right so this new new league starts as a union league basically that's what i thought players are behind it is it is it an off season basically that that they formed yes yeah okay and they and so they um so they they don't care about the other team's contracts they'll just be like we'll fucking sign whoever right fuck you and so he plays with them he plays he's still honoring his contract but he's not allowed to play with anyone else well yeah he's breaking that part of the he breaks the contracts with the other team although remember they suspended him but they can suspend him and he just can't play anymore right he he's not allowed to go to another team under their rules, which is obviously insane. Right. So, you know, it's a big deal because now you don't have to stay with the same team forever. But then the St. Louis Union Association team moves into the National League. Oh, fuck. And he's blacklisted. Right. So he goes east and gets work as an umpire in exhibition games. Wow, that's the next move? Yeah. That's all he has left? That's all he's got. Has to be an ump? That's fucked up. I'll tell you what, I know a couple teams that he probably shouldn't be uping for. He spent the next month begging owners of National League teams to take the players off the blacklist so St. Louis could actually field a decent team. And in mid-April, they finally agreed, and Charlie was back on the Maroons. Wow. He was named opening day pitcher, which means he's the best pitcher on the team, and won 3-2. and a month later he beat Radborn in a game. Charlie was just better than him. But then a week later he lost to Radborn. Okay. The team wasn't as good in the new league and then in a game in Chicago he was pitching. Maroons are winning one to nothing in the ninth and Charlie threw a pitch and his arm gave out. Yeesh. The Boston Herald reported his season might be over and suggested that changing teams, quote, might cure him. What? I don't know. Goddamn idiots. Maybe another team. But my arm hurts from throwing. What your arm needs is a change of scenery. No, the arm, it hurts when I move it. For the maroons, yeah. No, I think, I just think in general. Like if I go home and I'm trying to put on a shirt, it hurts. Because you're still a maroon. I don't think that's the thing. Yeah, no, that's the problem. You're a maroon and then you're trying to put on a shirt because you're still a maroon. Now, I would love to see what would happen. if you change teams and then you changed your shirt. Now, that'd be very interesting, just to take it out of the thought experiment realm and see that. Because a lot of guys, when they switch teams, their arms heal. That's absolutely not something to happen. So there's a long list. There's a lot of people who that's worked for. Name one. White McMahonian. White McMahonian? Yeah. Okay, another. Curly Rasputin. Okay, name another. Well, I'm going to keep naming him. Name another. Alan Baseballman. Okay, one more. You need one more for me to tell you? Yeah, yeah. Hippo. Hippo? Yeah. The guy who every time he throws a ball, his pants fall down. God, I want to watch that game. Yeah. Coming to the mound, Hippo. You just created a Savannah banana player. Coming to the mound. His pants are down again. Hippo pulls him up. can't believe that his pants fell down again checking the count tosses another ball his pants are down again he's really having trouble getting them on today every pitch they're dropping full count hippo's about to toss here we are uh-huh cross the plate yo foul hippo's pants are down they're gonna keep this one going hippo's got his pants back up again shakes off the first shakes off the second. He likes what he sees third. Here we are. Hippo tosses another foul ball. Hippo's pants are obviously... I'll tell you what his pants aren't down going forward. I'll just... Please. Yeah, his pants are down obviously. It's every time. It would be like saying his arm goes forward. It's the same thing. It's happening every time. So you should stop saying it. Still a full count. Probably just stop talking. Bottom of the seventh. Notted up at 5-5. That's the third half. Hippo tosses. Oh! It happened again. His pants are... His pants are down. That's the end of the game. No, that would make no sense. Thanks for coming. Now I can see this at bat lasting quite a while longer. It's the thing you do. Repetition can create comedy sometimes. Rule of three. I say rule of 30. Other times not. And then he definitely has something. Hippo's pants are again down. He definitely has. He bent over. His boxers split. We're seeing holes. This isn't one of those cases. Oh, crikey. Hippo is really, his pants are off. He's making an interesting choice to now pitch bottomless. Should I leave? Yeah, absolutely. We got plenty of time here. It's not reel-to-reel anymore. So he definitely has something wrong with his arm, and they dropped him down to the number two pitcher. Wow. That's what you do. That's good. It's on IR. And then the team did sign a third pitcher. Okay. On August 13th, Buffalo crushed Charlie, getting 23. Jesus Christ, what, like a stampede? Yeah. 23 hits and 14 runs. That's a lot. Wow. The team crashed out. They went 2-20 and were in last place. Despite the injury, he just kept pitching. Fuck. And then after the season. There's so much of this. Yeah. Right back then when they were just like, you've got to find your way through it. Yeah. Doctors are telling us that your arm will heal if you hurt it more. It seems like at this point you just have any player coming in pitching to be better. Yeah, right. So after the season, they go right into exhibition games, and he really doesn't start playing until November 1st. The arm pain, the losing, and then, of course, his increasing drinking made him a surly character. Here we go. The local papers are now reporting that he drank too much, as he had in Providence, they said. So he wrote to the St. Louis dispatch to deny a story of him being drunk during a game when he was with the Grays, and also a Boston story, which he kind of half copped to, And he said he'd never drink again. And the Providence star responded, quote, was it Sweeney's sore arm that made him walk up Manchester Street in the midst of a heavy rainstorm with no umbrella, taking off his hat to everyone he met? It was too much crooked of the arm, not the soreness, Charlie. Fucking A. I want to see that. Every part of that's awesome. You can't lose a word there. Hello, ma'am. How are you? Jesus Christ, we're in a hurricane. How's everybody doing over here? Oh, good, my lady. Oh, my God, get home. They're saying that this is going to topple telephone lines. Well, hello, Mr. Telephone Line. Jesus Christ, sir, I'm a man. Get home. Good day, man. Crikey, almighty, do you need an umbrella? I need nothing to drink. Oh, my God. God, I wish this was whiskey. The St. Louis Dispatch Reported that during a game of poker At a saloon Charlie and the captain of the team Got into a drunken shouting match It was mostly You can't bet your arm I sure as hell can Well then why is it on the table It's because God damn it Charlie You know you came for the last time It looks like you're betting two arms Alright As a matter of fact I raised you an arm There we are All in. Oh, Christ, he's laying on the table. Add that myself. The captain was accusing Charlie of spreading rumors about him. Charlie, quote, you can afford to talk that way. You're the captain. You can talk to me in that style when I'm sober. What? Okay. Yeah, I'm too drunk to be yelled at. How about that? Take care of me. I ain't ever going to remember this. How about that? The captain said he could lick him drunk or sober. So I think he's saying, like, you wouldn't dare do that when I'm sober because I'll kick your ass. Right, okay. And then they just went back to the game. But it's just another Charlie's drunk story. Right. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you by Rocket Money. Oh, baby. It is a personal – Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And Garrett, that's exactly what it did for me. Dave, you've never been more financially profitable. I've saved. Can I ask you this? Why do I have to give you everything I save on Rocket Money? You've never been big on explaining that. It's a personal finance app that has saved me money. Rocket Money went and renegotiated my internet contracts. I saved like 300 bucks a year. Rocket Money got me a deal with the Mariners. The Mariners. I don't know what that means. But you go on there and it's like, here's the bills that are coming. Here's the ones you forgot about because we all forget about these things. You sign up for a month. You're like, I'll cancel it next month. 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Get started today. And he was becoming quite the drunk. St. Louis Dispatch, quote, In Scott's saloon at the Union Grounds, Charlie Sweeney walked in considerably under the influence of liquor. He drew a piece of paper from his pocket and walked up to left fielder Siri, so guy on the team, held it under his nose and said, there, you son of a bitch, read this. Read it out loud. So. I can't read it. It's illegible. Okay, what? It looks like a picture of a donut and a tiger? Yeah. tell everybody. We gotta figure this out. Siri thought Sweeney was joking and he laughingly said, you let me get up, won't you? Did fucking Siri on your phone? I was like, yes, sir. You let me get up, won't you? Who said that? Siri. Siri thinks he's joking. He's like, so you let me stand up to do that, right? As he took off his coat. And without another word, the two sailed to each other and for about 20 minutes were fighting give and take on the floor, on the tables and chair and all around the saloon. Do you know how long 20 minutes is for a fight? I mean, they must have rested. Like you can't just punch for 20 minutes. All right. Well, are you guys done? No. No. I'm still going to kick this out of a bitch's ass. When both were finally covered with the blood, it was too much for the spectators and they interfered just as two policemen entered. I'm waiting 20 minutes to step in. All right, now hold on a minute. But that's like. This has gone on long enough. But remember, boxing matches back then were like hours long. Oh, like 31 rounds. Yeah, just nightmares. Day four. The next night, Charlie's out again, and he sees Siri. And he walks up and puts out his hand to shake. Did he say, hey, Siri? Damn it. And he put it. Come on, right here, buddy. and then Charlie sucker punched him when he went to shake his hand. I should have seen that coming. When Charlie returned home to California, he had his arm in a sling. It was a bad season. He had gone 11 and 21 with a 3.93 ERA and a 206 batting average. And reporters were already writing that he was a shadow of his former self on the mound. Okay. So the next season, he's back in St. Louis and he's making $3,000 a year, which is a lot for them. So funny. After the two-night fight with Siri, Sweeney was now- Is it good that 3,000 a year is starting to sound kind of closer and closer to what average it is for a lot of people here? It's very close to what we make now. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Yes. 99,000. Okay. Back then, you were expected to get a job in the off season. So he's a guy who doesn't have to, really. Right. In America, he would. um after the two-night fight with siri sweeney was now a polarizing player on the team um in mid-may he was walking home from the ballpark after game when five men attacked and assaulted him oh boy some thought the attackers were friends of siri and that they were also after other players on the team who were on charlie's side so then after this charlie was given a permit to carry a gun by the mayor. Whoa. Look out. That's how you want to do it. There's a really, really drunk guy in your town. Give him a gun. Yeah. Let him carry a gun. Put ice on his chest and let's go. Jerry Denny, Tom Dolan, and Charlie, all teammates, began drinking heavily together. Stories of drunk Charlie pulling his gun on people who annoyed him began to seep out. Why don't you shut the fuck up? Hey, what about this? Fuck you. Charlie, I just... I got a permit. I said great game. Say it again, son of a bitch. Great game? All right. Get out of here. On June 12th, Charlie pitched against Detroit. Charlie, there's another sick kid here who wants to say hi to you. I will shoot him in the fucking head. You're my favorite baseball player. Oh, God. Oh, I want to do it. All right, kid, get out of here. All right, just six more, Charlie. I need a second gun. Okie dokie. He pitches against Detroit and gives up 21 runs. Seven were home runs. This was the most HRs ever given up in a game by one pitcher, and it remains a record to this day. Wow. How many? Seven HRs by one pitcher. That's never happened before? There's been a lot of sixes in the major leagues, but I looked it up. I think it's still the record, yeah. Wow. I would imagine that has been broken. All right. After an East Coast trip, Charlie came into the locker room to find a sign on his dressing area that read, quote, Charles Dead Arm Sweeney. Oh, fuck, put this up there. You did Charlie before the game. Oh, that's pretty funny. Fuck me. Only this and nothing more is what it said. The next day, Dolan, Tom Dolan, found a sign on his locker that said, quote, Thomas Ham Fat Dolan, only this and nothing more. That's a great nickname. Who came up with that? That's March. If anyone calls me Thomas again, you're in trouble. I'm now known as Ham Fat. The next day during a game, while they were on the field, they started calling each other Ham Fat and Dead Arm. There we are. And kept taunting each other, calling out each other's recent bad games. Okay. And then the next day they were practicing and they started going at it again. And Charlie said they should go to the cellar under the clubhouse and work this out. Okay. What happened? So they did. What the hell just happened? What do you mean? I mean, things were going okay. Well, yeah, but then they called it. Fight club. Someone put a name on his locker so it's all over. Fight club. So they go down there, all the teammates, and the groundskeeper is watching. The groundskeeper. You mind if I watch? You guys, can I get in on this? I'm taking bets. Hold on. Before you guys do this, let me wipe the floor down. Could be better. So they fight. And then the manager finally comes down and breaks it up. The Sporting News reported, quote, the saddest part was that the writing on their dressing cases was the act of a practical joker, not each other. Yeah. I'm not surprised. No, I'm not either. Fucking idiot. Just their drunken idiot. Yeah, they're just drunk boys, right. Charlie and Dolan were fined $50 and suspended. Okay. Later that week, Charlie was drinking at 2 a.m. and became upset that the bartender was closing down because he didn't want to go. So other patrons helped push Charlie out the door. Quote, he drew the revolver and made an attack on the front door. Some climbed over the counter and hid under the pop bottles and kegs. Others jumped behind the posts. Others made their escape to the windows in the rear. A few scrambled under the table. Sweeney emptied his revolver and then reloaded it and emptied it again. Wow. The reload. He fired 15 shots. Don't worry, he's out of bullets. 15 shots. Fuck. What? And then the cops arrived. Hi, guys. Hey, what's up? Quote, in the coolest manner possible, he put his revolver in his pocket, laughed, and walked away. Ha! Ha! I think I have had too much. I mean, look, fellas, if you got here when I was actually shooting, you could arrest me. I think I should go home. I'm done here. You know what? I'm drunk. Great night, boys! Hey, I was awesome. What a really good night. There's nothing in that article. Holy fuck, there's a bunch of bullet holes in here. There's nothing in that article but it being charged. He just walked away. No. Both he and Dolan were then cut from the team a couple days later. At this point, Charlie had a 5-6 record in a 4.16 ERA, but the papers reported three teams wanted him as a player slash manager and two wanted him just as a player. Crazy. Yeah. But the owner wasn't completely done with Charlie. He just didn't want him to pitch anymore, so he offered him a new contract as an outfielder for the same amount of money. You're the mascot. You are going to be great. Why? Because he just still has some skill? Yeah, he can still hit. Okay. Oh, right. But Charlie wants to be a pitcher, so he leaves the team. And he signs with Syracuse, and he pitched two games in July, got absolutely crushed in both, played one game as an outfielder, and then headed back to California. That's a good move. So he's thinking, just rest the arm at this point. Right. So he shuts down until January, and then he starts playing again, but now at first base. And the manager of the Cleveland Blues was told he was playing well and quickly signed Charlie to play first base for the 1887 season. It really is amazing back then, I guess, how long you could actually play if you became, once you were good, you just lived off the fat of that for as long as possible. Yeah. But you got like a lot of years out of it. Yeah. He was the number three hitter on the team, but the team was absolute shit. Started 3-13, and the manager's desperate. So he asks Charlie to pitch. It would be a dream. And the papers make a really big deal about it because it's Charlie coming back to pitch. So he could have just done this as a PR move to get people to come to the stadium instead of him actually being able to pitch. Right. But he does keep the game close and they only lose by a run. So he did good. And then after the game, Charlie renegotiates his contract so he would be paid extra for pitching. Okay. A bump. Yeah. And he pitched a week later and had, quote, neither speed nor curve and was wild besides. But other than that. Good. Pretty good game. I mean, he threw it. Fairly good outing. He gave up 25. Where's about 50 bucks? He gave up 25 hits in 13 runs. Ooh. Ouchy. A week later, he gave up 23 hits in 18 runs. Oof. But he's still a good hitter. He's hitting 378. So just have his hitter. But he can't hit 13 runs. So they put him in the outfield. And on July 9th, the field was wet after a thunderstorm. For some reason, they had him play shortstop. And they're ahead in the seventh, and he makes a terrible error that lets three runs score. And then the next day, they just cut him from the team. Three run error is bad. That's horrendous. Once again. He's just there like, I literally don't think the ball's anywhere around here. I don't think we'll find it. So once again, he goes back to California. Rest up, right? Yeah. And the next spring, he joins a team in Stockton. That's low. That's not good. That's not. You never want to join a team in Stockton. It's over. We're the Stockton-wise. They played games on Sundays and holidays. And on this team, Charlie is shortstop. OK. Stockton wins the pennant. And for winter baseball, he signed to play with the Knickerbockers. Now, off the field, Charlie and his buddy James McDonald ran a drinking gathering place called The Battery in San Francisco. Great. Good. At first, it was successful. Then it starts to fall off, and then it eventually closes. McDonald was a longtime baseball player who had become an umpire, and Charlie marries McDonald's sister, Jenny. They have at least one kid. It's a boy, but there's no really record about him. Oh, and Charlie also works as a cop. I think he sounds like the kind of temperament you would want as a cop. You're out of your mind. You carry a gun that you use too much. You're drinking a ton. You're exactly what we need on the force. But not for long, because he was fired. From being a cop? I don't know. I couldn't find any. I'll tell you what. We're big pieces of shit, but you are a dirtbag, my friend. Get out of here. It's crazy what you're doing. So he turns to bartending He also worked as a bodyguard For a gambler promoter in San Francisco Named King Mechanus Okay This is probably not the best world for Charlie To get involved in at this point It seems like he doesn't have addictive personality I don't know On July 5th, 1894 He's hanging out with Con Gossoon McManus So I'm going to call him Gossoon Sure Gosson G-O-S-S-O-O-N. Gassoon. Gassoon. And so they're good friends, him and Gassoon. And the cassoon was King's younger brother. And they are drinking together when the gazoon says something that pisses off Charlie and they start arguing. This is what you want from your bodyguard. Mm-hmm. And then maybe punches were thrown and then Charlie whips out his pistol. Jesus, take the gun away from this guy. And shoots the cassoon three times. Oh, crikey. One bullet went into his liver. Stop resisting! One bullet went into his liver. So Charlie grabbed the bat of a patron, put it on his head, and ran down the street. Put it on his head? That part, I don't know. Okay. I'm a helicopter. I'm a helicopter. He went home, and he tells his wife what he's done, and then he went, and he turns. How was the night out? Well, I shh. How was work? Before you say anything, I have to confess something. Uh-huh. I had to make two suppers. Oh, good lordy. Because the first one, no, because they burned the first one. Oh. So I've had a pretty hectic night. Plus, I don't know, it's just been one of those days. You ever have a day where you're in a bad mood? Uh I don know I ran around with a You should probably have a drink I ran around with a bat on my head Why hon Well I shot a guy and then I was just feeling weird about it so I put a bat on my head and ran around By the way, the carrots have honey on them. Oh, shit. Would you say he committed a murder? Yeah, I murdered a guy and ran around with a bat on my head. Come here, you little devil. So he turns himself in. Gassoun dies the next day, and the San Francisco headline was, quote, Three shots at a bully. At a bully? Yeah. Okay. They're calling Gassouin. Because Gassouin is a mobster-y type fella. All right. But the article said, quote, both men were considerably intoxicated. Well, unfortunately, no judge can find him guilty because he was drunk when he did it. As my buddy in college, Jesse Aguilar, used to say, I am not responsible for what I do on tequila. That's just one of those things where you're like Hey Yeah He would say that before he drank I still Then guess what We would get tequila and be like Alright boys you ready? I'm not responsible for what I do on tequila Then don't have it He was right though he wasn't But that's why you're like That's why you don't drink that He's a teacher now Oh fuck me The paper also reported The Gosun punched Charlie first So that's why they called him a bully This, by the way, this truly is Iceland. Exactly. Yeah. So what are you allowed to do? I mean, based on the story I've read, I'm sure Charlie just shot him. Yeah, right. And then he reached into his pocket for a gun. So Charlie was justified in shooting him, basically. Sure. There were only two witnesses, one of whom was the bartender. The other was Charlie. And it's at King's Bar. So a coroner's inquest said it was murder and Charlie was arrested and held without bail until trial, which came three months later. Okay. The prosecution said Charlie was a drunken hothead. On what ground? I don't see any. There's nothing in the story I've read that would justify it. Objection? No. Did you want to just shoot up a bar because they asked you to leave? My client will not be answering that question. Now, that is an absurd question. Who amongst us has not been at a bar inebriated when they told you that liquor was done for the night? And who walks amongst us who has not pulled out a revolver that they loaded two to three times to send the message that they were unhappy? I mean, this is the— I have not. I have not done that. I have not done that. Okay. I have not done that. Well, Jesus is here. I have not done that. Jesus, ladies and gentlemen. I have not done that. Everyone else has done that. And who amongst us hasn't murdered a man? No, I have not murdered a man. We've all done it. Nope. Everyone's done it. Is your defense that everybody kills drunkenly? I need a moment with my client. Hey, so we're going to need to rethink a tremendous amount of this. This guy's fucking unbelievable. I didn't realize we were up against the shark here. He's poking holes in a lot of stuff we're saying. One second. Yeah, no. So, yeah. All right. The Gassoon had a bomb. Okay. All right. Guilty. I thought you were the lawyer. I'm all of it. Okay. So, Charlie said it's self-defense, right? The Gesun is over six feet tall and 220 pounds. Because this involved the gambling gangster world, there were accusations of perjury and witness intimidation. Charlie's main witness switched his testimony when he got on the stand and said the complete opposite of what he told police. Yeah, I guess you're right. He did do it that way. What the fuck? Yeah, all right. You're right. It was that way. Newspapers had complete... I guess he wasn't allowed to do it. Newspapers in the city had completely different, they're reporting completely different versions of what happened at the trial. Okay. Some reporters said that King McManus perjured himself. But at the end of the day, Charlene shot and killed a man who did not have a gun. The jury did take a long time to reach a verdict. But when they did, it was guilty of voluntary manslaughter. Super voluntary. I mean, that is so. Crazy voluntary manslaughter. Yeah. No, because it's not premeditated. I think so, yeah. Like a bar fight. On the fly murder. Yeah. Look, but you didn't plan on doing it. No. And that's why you're okay. I did not. So crazy. The jury only gave Charlie eight years, which was much less than the maximum, and he could get out in five if he was a good boy. Wow. He had many friends who continually pushed the governor and parole board to release him. He was, at the time, one of the most famous, if not the most famous baseball player from California. Well, still. Nah, if you're a sports guy, you get away with it. We can't keep him in the bullpen. Get him out. Love, he plays sports. King McManus died of dropsy in 1896. Dropsy? Yeah. What's that one again? You fall down a lot. Whoops, sir. The parole board had recommended Charlie be given parole six months before, and with King dead, Governor of California James Budd then pardoned Charlie. What does that have to do with anything? Well, because McManus is like a rich guy, mobster guy in San Francisco, so you just don't want him to be on your bad side. Okay. Still, it's crazy, but okay. The reason he gave was that the governor gave was that the trial had been a circus. So Charlie is released from prison on, from San Quentin on March 1st, 1898, and he quickly got work as an umpire in the California League. I mean, I just don't know. That's how you want to umpire. I don't know if I would be comfortable, A, listening to the calls of a murderer, and B, arguing the calls of the man who's killed. Hey, fellas. I'm going to call a fair game, and if any of you starts arguing, balls and strikes or whatever, I will fucking kill you. You mean you're just not allowed to say that? I will kill you. You're not allowed to say that. And after every inning, shots, we're doing shots. You're not allowed to say that. Sir, you are the legal voice of this game. I'm recommending we do some shooting. You're not allowed to say that. And the seventh inning stretch. No, this should just be a baseball game. You are not allowed to say that. All right, let's play ball. I really think that you're out of line with a lot of stuff. Do you want to push this? I just think that— I will kill you. Let's have a good game. That's what I'm saying. All right, let's have a good game, boys. In August, he is in Fresno, umpiring a game between the Fresnos and the Santa Cruz— I'd rather go to San Quentin. And the Santa Cruz Sand Crabs. Okay. There's a fucking name for a team right there. Yep, absolutely. It's actually a girl on the beach once. That's what I get. He made the correct call at the end of the game, which led to the Sand Crab's winning. Okay. Later, in front of the hotel, he was surrounded by Fresno fans and players. And the Fresno's catcher, Mangarina, insults Charlie. So Charlie slapped his face. That's the most insulting thing you can do. Slapping is tough. It's really the worst thing you can do to another man. Ow! Like a punch is like, hey, he punched me. Aggressive, it's not great. Slapping is just like. is just like, I'm so confident I can win this. I want you to turn your head back right away. So... Can you imagine the first... You know when someone used to take a glove off? Yeah. You imagine the first time that happened? People were like, oh, God! What the fuck? Takes it off finger by finger. What the fuck is this guy doing? Now... Charlie said, quote, if you were not so small, I would lick you good. And then he offered to fight anyone in the crowd, and no one took him up on it. The Fresno team lawyer then swore out a warrant for Charlie's arrest. Sorry, manager. Oh, okay. That's so funny. The Fresno team manager then swore out a warrant for Charlie's arrest. And a telegraph account of the moment exaggerated and said he'd punched the catcher and just dropped him. So his bail is set at $250, which is an insane amount for back then. But a wealthy man in Fresno paid the bail money, and so Charlie took a train home with the Santa Cruz team. Interesting. The SF Bulletin, quote, on the way, the deplorable and unsportsmanlike behavior of the Fresno manager was freely discussed. Wow. About 90 minutes in, as Charlie was sleeping, he was woken by a constable and told Fresno had ordered him be arrested for jumping bail. What? But I'm already on the train. Even though he didn't jump bail. Yeah, right. Yeah. So they take him off. They didn't let him get dressed on the train. They let him get dressed in a saloon after they took him off. Right. Because saloons used to be courts. Yeah. And how many are in your party? We're actually a trial man. And since they're in a saloon and the constable's nice, they start hanging out and drinking. It's just the fuck. By the way. All right. Better time. Let's talk about going back to it. The downside is obvious, but I think we're at the point where we can do this. We can do this. We've basically stripped everything. Yeah. Let's just. Do this stuff. Let's lighten it up a little bit. Let's just not be so rigid about this sort of stuff. So after a few drinks, the constable decided that Charlie was, quote, all right. That is so— I would thrive. I would thrive under a system where if you could get a few drinks in people and hang out and you're having a good time, you're free. I mean, I would fucking—I would be murdering people. I would be out there just shooting whoever I want, just be like, I'll tell you what, man. I really, you are a hell of a guy. This guy's pretty good. And so he's like, you know what? Just be in court at 9 a.m. tomorrow. And I will see you later. You listen to me, you son of a bitch. You just give it a quarter to 9 a.m. You got it. You got it. You're my buddy. You're not that good? This is my buddy. Why did we even bring you? So instead, Charlie just ran for it. But that was my best friend. He headed to the town of Tracy on foot and arrived in the morning. And there he talked to a woman in the train depot, and he talked her into getting him approval to ride on a freight train and then headed back to SF. But you're not freight. Well, I am now. Have you seen me pitch lately? Kind of freight. Okay. In November of that year, in the lead up to a local Tenderloin election, Tenderloin is the worst area of San Francisco. Right. Okay. It's so funny. Oh, Your Honor, my opponent is a terrible cut. Charlie was fiercely supporting the Republican candidate, and then he bumps into an old baseball player friend, also a Republican, but who was supporting the Democratic candidate and very active. Charlie's going to have an issue with that. Yes, he is. they met for lunch and soon were in an ugly argument quote herring says sweeney has a habit of boxing his friends and did so with him so herring says he raised his hands and accidentally hit charlie just quote happened to strike him and then charlie stormed out in a rage and then came back three hours later with a revolver okay i accidentally hit him yeah it's The most bullshit. So walk through. Well, so he was there, and then I was trying to grab the salt. But as I was coming in and my fist was closed when I was trying to grab the salt, because I had not gotten the salt yet. So you make a fist when you're grabbing something? Well, I needed to get it. I mean, sometimes, yes. But because I would have opened it. I was trying to just get there as fast as possible. If I had my hand open when I was trying to get it, that's going to slow it down. My soup was getting cold. So I wanted to get it there as fast as possible. So I made a fist to cut through the air friction. And the salt was next to Charlie because he had used it earlier in the meal for his soup. As a matter of fact, I remember very clearly him saying, this soup needs a little salt. And I said, I'm good. Keep it right next to you. And he said, I'll put it on my shoulder. And I said, okay. So as I was going in to grab the shoulder salt, again, I'm trying to get there as fast as possible. I misjudged it by an inch or five, and I just popped him right across the chin. Then got the salt, and we had a hell of a laugh about it. So the whole thing, so it's an accidental punch. It does not sound like it. Yeah. That's what you get for putting salt on your shoulder. I think the real issue here is with the chef. I mean, that soup is just bland. Is he even tasting it? Is he even tasting it? Charlie came back three hours later with a gun. Okay. Herring had his back to the door, and Charlie pointed the gun toward Herring's waist and said, quote, Take that, you son of a bitch. Before he shot? Yeah, as he was like, all the same time, he's moving in, he's pointing like at his waist area. but someone yelled here he comes so herring turns just as charlie's like pressing the gun against his waist uh and he's he's bigger than charlie so he knocks his arm aside and then grabs it and holds his arm up wow one of those yeah so while it's up there someone grabs the revolver and takes it out of his hand um and then they get separated and a cop comes in but herring refuses to make a complaint, and the gun, no one knows what the gun is now. It's just vanished. That's so funny. Some guy was like, perfect. Herring, quote, I shall not have him arrested. What's the use? These things happen time to time, you know? Oh, for God's sake. It was a lunch. And the least said about it, the better. I think we just need to move on. Charlie's a good man. Charlie's a good man. The next year, Charlie apparently has a saloon. Good. He's either running it or he owns it. Drinking it. But he's across the street from a Chinese laundry. And some boys, including Charlie's son, blocked Mr. Tong in his laundry by putting a mattress in front of the door. That's a very funny prank, though. I think what we're missing is that it is a funny prank. Hilarious. So Mr. Tong pushed the mattress out of the way and came out swinging a board. Another funny bit. Very funny. And he hit Charlie's son. So then- When you hit a kid with a big thing of wood, it's funny. They love it. It's a funny bit. They love it. It's a good thing there's a mattress there. He's got somewhere to fall. Thank you. So Charlie comes out and he decks Tong and then kicks him. And he takes the board and he has Tong arrested. So that's what Charlie tells the cops and the papers. uh tong had a different story he said that charlie had owed him 225 for laundry and when he asked for it he hit him who are you gonna believe who are you gonna believe well i'm not gonna believe it's tong fella no tong tong are you kidding me i don't think so or charlie a man who's only murdered one guy and tried to murder another baseball hero yeah in november i don't know who to believe I mean, Charlie's got one and a half murders in his back pocket, and the other guy's a non-white American. Charlie did press charges for assault. I don't know. I feel like the guy had to pay a fine or something, the Chinese guy. Sure. It's called justice. Yep. So by 1900, Charlie is a widower, and he has consumption, and he slowly worsened over time and was hospitalized in February 1902 in the, quote, final stages of consumption. And he died April 4th and is buried in Colma, California. well what uh what a shit bag what a shitty drunk yep you could just i wish there were still drunk baseball players i think it'd be more fun than what it is now like there should be an actual like a drunk league there should if we have the savannah bananas there's no doubt that we should have a drunk league yeah we should have a drunk league absolutely all the sports should have a i agree yeah i agree i think also it's the regular leagues are becoming worse and worse Yeah, they're terrible. And I'll go one further. Yeah. These fucking morning debate shows, those should be drunk. Oh, yeah. Like, first take should be drunk. CNN cocktail hour? What about that? No, that, like, Scott Jennings? That would be great. Yeah. Oh, my God. What about that woman? She has the table of five or something. The Fox News one? No, it's CNN. Five people sitting around. Yeah, that's what I mean. That woman. Yeah, right. I can't remember her name. But, yeah. Yeah. Everyone gets four shots. Yeah, that's Scott Jennings. Scott Jennings. Four shots. Scott Jennings is the one who's just like, no, come on, man. Look, that guy murdered the ICE officer for all we know. And everyone's like, you mother fuck. Like, it's just the easiest thing. That guy just took the money to be the worst shit bag ever and just sit there and be a punching bag. And then he's like, I also have a book. My new book is called I'm a Fucking Anus. And please get it. And it's like, Jesus Christ. uh sources st louis dispatch samsung examiner uh st joseph daily press courier journal samsung chronicle providence star um the uh baseball history daily and then the uh what's it called uh i don't know what it's called fucking oh boy uh the society for american baseball research in the article is by Charles Rainey. Hmm. Rainey. You want to see him? Rainey? No. Charlie? Oh, yeah. Sure. Let's get eyes on this filler. Wow. Okay. He looks like a badass. Yeah, he does. He looks like a Daniel Day-Lewis character. Yeah, he would fuck you up. Yeah, that mustache. It's a serious mustache. It's very much a Daniel Day-Lewis. Yeah. Okay. All right. Bye-bye. Hey, what's up, dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from The Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to giveitupfilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening, so go to giveitupfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th I'll be in Spokane, February 5th Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th and February 7th, three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers in Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas, April 24th, finally. Houston, April 25th, two shows. Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th. And then San Antonio, April 28th. And Tucson, April 29th. GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. But also, if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, GiveItUpFilm.com.