Welcome back to another day of high school. Today, I had my first quizzes of the spring semester in trig and ken. You might be wondering, hey Evie, isn't it still the first week back at school? Don't they think your minds need time to thaw after weeks spent eating only cookies and cheese? Hey Evie, do you even know how to change the batteries on your TI-89? Of course I don't! Time for your book. Hey Evie, how'd the quizzes go? Sucked. Did you finish them at least? Actually I played with crayons instead. Okay. Then I ate them. Okay, I'm going to my desk now. No, wait. Come back here. We haven't talked about the plan. What happened to recon? Recon requires strategy. Duh. Miss Stacy is going to be here soon. Kinda evil to make a sub cover your book now. You didn't hear? She asked to cover it. She did? Apparently. She asked to help out. And Miss Harvey stuck her with the whole club. But she said she'd take on any after school activities available. What's with the crazy eyes? Don't you get it? Who has time for after school activities? Hmm, I wonder. Oh yeah, that's right, single people. Hi everyone! I'm so sorry I'm late. I was finishing up a meeting about the school camping trip. You're going on the school camping trip? They asked me to chaperone and after years in New York I'm ready for, you know, spooky dark woods. Bring it on. Except, are there spiders out there? Do you- never, never mind. So tell me about what you do here. Nothing really. I just take photos. Get quotes to go under them. That sounds like something. Nah, I just do whatever James tells me to do. She's in charge of layout. Daisy and Lance are in charge of the ads. You mean the advertisements in your high school yearbook? Yeah, like the pizza parlor and the pepper and patty and stuff. The ads help us pay for the yearbook to be printed in hardcover. So you're from New York, did you move here alone? How old are you? Okay, that's a lot of questions. Right, sorry, I forgot to mention the sub page of the yearbook. Yeah, it's this whole two page spread celebrating our substitutes. Wow, that is very thoughtful. I was hoping I could interview you for it. Shouldn't I be helping the other students with what they- No, they're fine. We're only a few weeks out from the layout being locked anyway, so mostly finishing tattoos now. Oh, you meant right now. If that's okay. Okay, I'll bite, sure. Okay, let's see here. I can't believe she agreed to let me interview her for my fake ass yearbook page. James is so gonna kill me. I'm totally supposed to be editing photos right now, but this is for our family, okay? Let's start with something easy. Where are you from? I'm from just outside of DC. Ah, yes, the DMV is it. Yes? But you were living in New York City before you moved to Willow Grove? Oh, um, no, I was living in a small town, not too far from the city. I moved there after college. Close to New York City? Expensive. Very. Very expensive for a teacher salary. You guys are like famously underpaid, no? Mm-hmm, famously. Did you have a roommate? Is this going to fit on one page? I like to get the subs full story so I can highlight something unique about each of you. Uh-huh, right, of course. So no roommate? I lived with someone. We split the rent. And did you move to Willow Grove together? No, I moved alone. And do you miss your roommate? Sometimes. It's not scary. Living alone as a single woman. Which part? The living alone or the being single? Both. Either. Living alone is not scary. Mm-hmm. And neither is being single. Um, just so I can make sure I have this right, you are not currently in a relationship. I-Ethi, what are you doing? Uh, James, Miss Stacy and I were just about to finish a per interview for the substitute teacher's page. Oh, really? What page? The substitute teacher's page. You know, in the yearbook. You do the layout. You should know this. I thought you were going to take photos of the gymnastics team today. James, please, no. Don't you need to go to the gym? Please don't make me photograph the flippers. I don't care. And I hate their stupid outfits. Evie, now. Fine, fine. I want to go to the stupid smelling gym. Someone wink. Oh my god, I'm so sorry about that. It's alright, I don't mind. Evie is very spirited. That's one word for it. Can I take a look at what you're working on? Yeah, of course. Um, right now it's just the theater pages. The musical gets three photos because the cast is the biggest. We try to make sure that everyone casts a scene at least once. The parents really like that. That photo is amazing. Evie actually took that one. She took most of these. She's pretty good. Like, really good. It comes naturally to her. She just knows what to capture. Wow, this is all looking really nice, James. Well, we're not done yet. But we're getting close. I guess I don't know much about your book, but I did work on the newspaper at Howard. You worked for the Hilltop? You know it? It's only the oldest black collegiate newspaper in the country. Okay, did you apply to Howard? No, I didn't. Why not? I don't know. Hmm, you sure about that? I didn't think that I would fit in. I think the whole point is that you would. No, well, I grew up here with people who all look the same and who all act the same. And, you know, I'm used to it. But I didn't want to stick out in college. What do you think? You're too white to go to Howard? Honestly. Honestly. Yeah, I do. You know, I have friends from college who look just like you. Really? Really. Oh. Don't worry. There's always grad school shining star. Ugh, it smells like chalk and sweat in here. How am I supposed to photograph these gymnasts if they never stop moving? And I was so close to finding out all the information I needed before setting up our dad. James just had to send me away to witness Lycra. But one thing's for sure, Miss Stacy is single. Hey, Evie. Oh, you actually came. Don't get too excited, Parker boy. I didn't have a choice. Look, the girls have been practicing the stunts they wanted photographed for weeks. They're very excited. Oh, yeah? Only the girls are excited? No, I've been looking forward to you seeing me on the beam. It's my best apparatus. I've never seen a boy on a beam before. Would you like to? Um, I don't know if I... Okay, great. Let's go. Okay. Oh, wait. You gotta get some pics of Maddie on the floor. You gotta tell me how to do my job, Parker. Look, she's been totally nailing her twist today. Plus, you kinda owe me. Oh, do I? For what? Uh, for telling Miss Harvey that I crapped myself. Hello. Okay, that is not what I even said. Okay, that's not what you said, but what you said was way worse. Okay, fair. Woo-hoo! Way to stick it, Maddie! Wow. She's good, right? I meant you. You're like really into this. Yeah, I love it. And you don't mind being the only boy? No. I'd never get to train like this if I were on a boys' team. And I like my teammates. Mm-hmm. And it has nothing to do with them wearing leotards. No, nothing at all. All right. Well... Okay, Parker, show me what you got. Do you have a good side? Nope. Listen, he's really good at beam. I wasn't prepared to be impressed, but unfortunately, I am. I won't be telling him that, of course. But damn, his balance is unbelievable. Okay, so? Good. And we're good. What? Come on, that's it? I got some good shots. I look pretty up there, don't I? I guess so. Oh, you're killing me, Dylan. Evie, Dylan, is that you? Mom! Hey, you're early. Hi, Mrs. Daly. Practice is like not even over, Mom. Thanks. Evie, you just get more gorgeous every time I see you. Oh, those Dylan girl curls. Isn't she gorgeous, Parker? Oh. Mom, please, come on. I just need to take a team photo on the floor, and then Parker's all yours. Oh, don't let me get in your way. Parker, sweetie, I'll be waiting by the bleachers. All right. Ladies, it's time for your close-up. Let's go. Okay, is it kind of cute how much all of the girls on this team seem to like him? Yeah, is it kind of cute how much he blushed from his mom called me gorgeous? Whatever, shut up. I have to focus. We got it. Thanks, everyone. Evie, honey, do you need a ride home? Oh, I'm okay. My dad's picking me up. How are you? How's your dad doing? Fine. Are you girls on the camping trip? Yep, we'll be there. They tried to rope me into chaperoning, but I just can't get away. With Gracie's dancer's side coming up, I can't bear to miss a second. Of course. Hey. And sweetheart, if you or your sister need anything, some other lead advice or even someone to help you pick out a prom dress, I'd be so happy to- What mom? Oh, thanks, Mrs. Daly. It was good to see you. I have to go. Wait, Evie! Careful, Evie. What did that door do to you? Sorry, dad. I've got dinner on the stove. I'm not hungry. When has your sister ever skipped dinner? Never. Except for- Yeah, your mom. Yeah. I don't know how you did it, James. Evie. She's younger. I'll go get her. No, no. It's okay. Uh, go ahead and eat. Baby? What's going on? Bad day. You want to tell me about it? Not really. Okay. I think I flunked my chem quiz. Oh boy. Well, it's one quiz, Evie's. I know. And it seems like you're worried about more than a quiz. I saw Mrs. Daly. She asked how we were doing and I didn't know what to say. How are we doing? We're doing fine, dad. We're doing fine. But we're not doing good yet, aren't we? No. Not yet. I wish I knew how to answer people's questions. You don't owe anyone any answers. Your mom left. I just think it would have been nice if she'd left an explanation so that I'd have something to say, you know? But I don't have anything and when I try it feels like I'm going to puke. You girls deserve an explanation and I hope one day you'll get one. What about you, daddy? What about me? Don't you deserve something too? Room for one more? Plenty. Come on. What about your dinner? Aren't you off schedule? It was boring down there. You missed me. Understandable. Shut up. Admit it. You missed me. You can't bear to eat a meal without me. Give her a break, Eve. Thank you, dad. You know she can't eat without you even as a baby she couldn't. Oh my god, you are so exaggerating. I'm not. It's part of why we had to put you in the same bedroom. You two couldn't be separated. You're obsessed with me. Oh please, don't make me go back downstairs. Don't make this about you, Jameson. I'm the one we're cheering up right now. She's right, James. You know the drill. Oh, aren't we a little old for this? Ah, lose the attitude. Find the accent. Whatever would cheer you up. Ahem. What would cheer you up, Your Majesty? Finally, gosh, I don't know. Maybe a car? Oh, a brand new car. That's quite a stretch, Your Majesty. I would have settled for Vespa. You would crash a Vespa so hard. Let's try a real suggestion. Oh, oh, okay. I think that dad should shop around the annual school camping trip. Oh, James, tell me your sister is kidding. She's not kidding. Come on, dad. It's one measly little weekend. It's my last one, dad. Your last chance to go on this trip was the both of us. Uh-huh, uh-huh. You two planned this, didn't you? No. Listen, I'm in the middle of two new builds, a full gut reno. It's not a good time. Dad, please. Don't even give me that look. Don't you give me that look. You know I can't handle that. Daddy, please. I'll think about it. Yes, sir. You know, it scares me that you can cry on command. I'm sorry about you let us eat in my room tonight, since you didn't fully agree to chaperone. You two are never allowed to go to law school. Dad and Miss Stacy can't meet for the first time on the camping trip. It's not for ages. Whoa, weren't you like crying a minute ago? Well, I'm done crying about my mother for today, thank you. Okay, you're right. They need to meet one-on-one. A camping trip is not right for a meet-cute. Their first interaction should feel like, I don't know, faded and magical and sexy. Please don't say sexy about our dad's love life. Well, it's gonna have to be sexy or it's not gonna work. Shit, how do we do it? I could flunk a history test. What? She'll bring dad in for a meeting. No, but then you're there. He won't hit on a woman in front of you. And honestly, do you even want to see that? Absolutely not. Wait, I've got it. I'm a genius. Well, Jameson. So, parent-teacher conferences. They're not for a couple of weeks, which gives us plenty of time to get as much intel as possible on Miss Stacy and get Dad a haircut and some new jeans and a couple of shirts. Okay, realistically, he needs makeover and I'm gonna have to do it. God, we're good. This is gonna work. No, unless... What if dad is not Miss Stacy's type? The ladies at the grocery store always flirt with dad. Well, yeah, but she's not just any lady at the grocery store. She's like, beautiful. And went to Howard. She did? How is that woman single? I have no idea. We need to find out more. What if she's too heartbroken and smart and took a vow of celibacy? Celebitacy? What the hell is celibacy? You know, like, nuns. They only do stuff with the Lord on their minds. What the hell? No, it's celibacy, Evie. And I'm pretty sure that's not what nuns do. Well, how would you know are you a nun? Knock, knock. Here's your dinner, your highness. Thank you, bubba. Thank you, father. So what I miss? Just James teaching me about a vow of celibacy. Oh, great. James and I fell asleep in my bed that night. When we woke up in the morning, it was finally the weekend, which meant two whole days to work on making over our dad. A trip to the mall meant we could hit the hair salon. My hair's fine, guys. No, it is not. A little shorter on the top, please. No, top stays long. But, dad, you have natural salt and pepper waves. Men travel to Turkey for this. Leave it. Then to Macy's to find jeans from this decade. James, honey, these jeans are squeezing my butt. Okay, well, they're straight leg, and it's not like I'm putting you in a skinny jean over here. Evie. They are squeezing its butt a little bit. Oh, fine. We will size up. Thank you. Then for the, what did James call it? The piece of resistance, a perfect chocolate brown leather bomber jacket. $200. Put it back. At least try it on. All right. Dad, I hate to say it. I hope it don't sound ridiculous, but you look... Like a hunk. Okay, maybe not that far. We celebrated our success with a treat. For James, a trip to Sephora, where she haggled our dad into buying her a $25 lip gloss. And for me, a warm, soft pretzel. Mmm. Thank you. Evie. Booger. Hey. Cinnamon sugar. Yeah, want a bite? No, thanks. Listen, I'm really sorry about my mom the other day. It's okay. She doesn't mean any harm. She has a bit of a butting in problem, you know? And, um, yeah, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Really? It's okay. It's okay. She's always been really nice to me. Okay. Cool. Cool. I should get back. My family is in it. Oh, yeah, totally. Right. See you Monday. Yeah. Hey, Evie. Yeah? Would you, would you, would you maybe want to come over sometime? To do what? Um, I don't know. We could study. I don't really like studying. Maybe you'd like studying with me. Um. Oh, and I've got a full pantry full of snacks. Oh, and I got an Xbox. Oh. Uh, okay. Okay. Okay. See you at school. Okay. Yeah, see you. Bye. Wait, were you talking to Parker daily? Yep. I've never seen him smile that big before.
