Nelly Furtado: Embracing the Single Life (FBF)

JPMorgan payments helps you drive efficiency with automated payments and intelligent algorithms across 200 countries and territories. That's automation driven finance. That's JPMorgan payments. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Nelly Furtado, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Hi. I am so happy we are finally doing this. I'm the biggest fan. Thank you for coming today. Oh my gosh, I'm, this is so fun. So I've only been here a few minutes. I'm having so much fun. I'm having so much fun. We have to tell the Daddy Gang who are my audience. First of all, Daddy Gang. Nelly's daughter is Daddy Gang. Can you tell me what did she say when she found out that you were coming and Call Her Daddy? Well, she's been wanting me to come on the show forever. She's been talking about it since like we started making music for this album, some of it together. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I love that. It would be great. Like your show's amazing. You're amazing. Love your energy. So she's thrilled. She's like right on. And then I was like, oh, okay, can you come help me with that? So yeah, her friend are here today. They're excited. She almost stayed in the room, but I was like, I'm just going to be like looking at her the whole time. So she's in the other room. It's so fun to have you here. And it's so cool to like know that your daughter is Daddy Gang. Meanwhile, I'm the biggest fan of you. So it's all coming full circle. You've had such an incredible career, obviously. You've been in the spotlight. You've also made decisions to step out of it at times. Like when are you at your happiest? Oh, wow. In general, in life. Yeah. Oh my God, probably when I'm like at the park with my children, just kind of like pushing them on a swing or something. But then I'm also quite happy when I am kind of waving my freak flag at a concert and singing on my concert on stage. Because it's also my other chance to really be myself. Like I do feel very myself when I'm on stage. Like I'm like, this is my chance to just be as weird as I want to be. I fit in when I'm on stage, right? I think though that's like a relatable, somewhat relatable idea of like, we have these two sides to ourselves, like no one is just one dimensional, right? Not at all. And that is like key. That is like, aha. Yes. Would you say you're able to have somewhat of a normal life? Like if you're at the park, are you at the park as like mom Nelly or like, do people like come up to you and are you? No, I am very good. I'm very chameleonic, like not only in my music, but like in the way I look. So I can be, I like, you wouldn't, you wouldn't recognize me. I mean, sometimes I don't care. Like sometimes a little, it depends what mood you're in, right? So true. Like sometimes you're like, let's be social. And other times she's like, yeah, but usually I find around my kids, like I'm not really, yeah, I'm pretty, I don't really want to kind of engage in that way. Okay, I have to know because this is Collard Addy. What is the difference in your opinion dating Canadian men versus American men? This is such a good question. Now we're getting the juicy bits. Just so you all my friends know this about me. I love, love. It's my favorite topic. I try to set people up all the time. Poorly, I don't have a very good success rate. So they kind of roll their eyeballs at me. Little cute kid, but I do love American men. I do, but I've found some interesting Canadians along the way. You have. I was gonna say, like if you had to say some high quality, yeah, what is your type? My type. Oh, it's changing. Okay. Yeah, my type is changing. Yeah, talk to me about it. Well, I'm in my 40s now. So I'm about I'm 45. I'll be 46 soon. And it's like a new beginning for me. It's like a fun, a very fun time in my life because I didn't really get to be single in my 20s, right? I was pretty like locked down in relationships, like from the time I'm not locked down in a negative way, but just like, you know, I was in really long term relationships for much of my 20s and 30s. So only recently, I think in the last few years, I've become single again. It's so fun dating. I love it. You do. I do love it. Wait, Nellie, you. Because it's on my watch when I feel like it, right? You're like, on my terms, on my terms, and it's like when you come correct, you know what I mean? Yeah. So now my type is like, come correct, you know, they asked me out on a date or for dinner or just like, it's all in the way, you know, the words, you know, use the sort of, um, yeah, I like confidence. I adore confidence. Not you saying come correct, boys. Come correct, man. I'm upset. That's a great attitude to have because I know I have a lot of single girls listening and it's like, I think a lot of people want to have that like excitement towards dating. Yes. But you have to enjoy being single authentically. You can't just say, oh, yeah, I'm out here. I'm having fun dating. No, if you, if you're looking for a relationship for real, then be authentic about that. But if that's not what you're looking for, ask yourself, what do you want? You know, and if you want to just have fun and see what's out there and, and, and that's fine too. True. You just have to know what you want. But be real with it. Yeah. We're going to talk so much more dating. First, I have to acknowledge there is a another very famous musician that obviously is from Canada who you actually performed with. Can you please explain how you ended up singing? Yeah. I'm like a bird with Drake. Oh my God, Drake. Yes, we go way back. Actually, he just asked me to come sing again a couple of nights ago on Saturday night. He's like, he asked me at 11pm to show up at 1am and I love him to death. But I was like, I am not showing up without glam. I thought you were going to say like I'm asleep. Like bitch, get me glam. Then maybe I'll roll up. I was up. Okay. I was up, but I was like, it was an event. It was like this really fun event in Toronto. And I was like, no, I can't show up without glam because of course, you know, he's so famous. It'll be everywhere. You're like, I want to have my beat on. Okay. I want to make sure it looks like when I'm out. Wait, like you got to come snatch to the gods with the lashes and the beat. You're like, babe, give me five hours. Oh my God. So you just didn't go. No, I could. I couldn't make it that time, but I'm obsessed. But anyways, yeah, I do. I do love him a lot. And he's a great guy. And I think that, um, I mean, he's done a lot for the music industry. You know, Toronto was a secret for a long time, a secret that I loved as well growing up there and making music there in my teens, my early twenties. But now it's just so nice. He kind of really put Toronto on a map in a different kind of way in Canada in general. But anyways, yeah, that's how that went down. The fact that you can be like, Drake, like I don't have my makeup tonight. Like I'll pass on this one. Like, oh my God. So baller. I know. I kind of wish I did though, because I saw a video and he looked pretty cute. He had a yellow track suit or something. And then he looked good. Shout out, Drake. But then I'm like, what would I have worn pink? Because it would have been all videos of yellow and then, you know, like, I love that you think of all this stuff. That's what, that's what performers do. They always think about what things like pop, especially in pop music, you think about what things look like too. I want to talk before you were a performer because like it is such a glamorous life and we get to talk about like the outfits and the fashion and all of it. But before you were famous, you worked as a housekeeper in a motel. Yes, a chambermaid. Was that your first job? Well, that's a good question. My very first job was actually, it was the same year. I did like, I would jump over the fence at my childhood home and I would do filing for like a home inspection company. So I would, but I would, it was long hours, but it was helpful, I think, to just sit there and organize. And then I got a job at the motel. It was called the Robinhead Motel. Yes. And my mom worked there, my sister, my aunt, my cousin, my mom ran the housekeeping department. She was like the head honcho there. And so she hired me and I would, every morning, just show up, I mean, harder in the teen years when you're out the night before and then you get there at six a.m. And I'm like, where's the coffee? Right? And my brother was gardening there at the time too. So we would be like Saturday mornings, like, okay. But it was such a good experience because I worked there for probably 10 summers straight. Wow. I even worked there one summer when I thought like after I graduated high school and I went to Toronto and thought I was going to be famous in two months. But reality, you know, like that's not how it works. Your goals take a while to achieve. Move back home, work there again that year when I was going to college in my hometown of Victoria. Oh my God. And that was the year where I was like, oh, I wonder if my dreams will come true, you know, but growing up doing that was good because the work ethic because when you get into this industry, the hours can be long when you're starting out. It's a lot of hustling. I wanted to talk about that though, because the juxtaposition of like being someone that is hardworking, working with your family, and then you get famous. And I think everyone in the world now kind of has an understanding at least of like, when you get famous, people start treating the famous person differently. Right? Is there a moment that comes to mind when you really started to notice like, whoa, people are just treating me nice because I have all these things that I am famous now. That's an interesting question. I think for me in particular, my parents come from these like really, really like working class roots. Like my parents are from the Azores Islands and from a tiny island called San Miguel, like from a tiny village, you know, farmers, you know, like just they were already like picking beans and like carrying their water from, you know, the main water fountain to home, like when they were like 10 or 11, you know what I mean? They're already working at the farm by the time they're 12. And so that's what that's where I come from. So you really can't get bougie on people when you come from those roots. You get canceled in your family. You can get canceled. So you can't, you can't even go there. Like I have no business like acting like I'm better than anyone because I know I'm not, you know, because I go and I'm humbled. I think that's so fun to hear though, because obviously like, I didn't know that, but hearing that immediately, it does paint a better picture of like how you are so normal and like even talking to your daughter, like before you came in here, you're like, I need to start being bougie. I need to air. But it's interesting even talking to your daughter how she was like, I grew up with like a very normal life because she had stepped kind of out of the spotlight. And now all the resurgence of everything and you coming out with this album and, you know, TikTok and everything, she's like, now I'm seeing my mom out there being like, Oh, like, Oh my God, that's Nelly Furtado, but it's cool to see that like you've been able to live a pretty normal life while also having this super stardom on the other side of your life. If that makes sense. It's really funny. Sorry, I have a story in my mind because she said, I remember, you know, be careful what you wish for, right? Because she's like, Oh mom, yeah, you should start working again. And then a year later, she's like, why are your hair appointments five hours long? And your nail appointments are three hours? Like, like you've kind of become a diva. I'm laughing like, well, you know, this is my job. You're like, sweetie, you know, mom Nelly, now you're about to meet Nelly Furtado, the superstar. She said, what do you mean you can't pick me up at the airport anymore? I'm sorry, my hair appointment went over. She was sorry. She was livid. I'm obsessed. Oh my God. It's like, well, you want a mom to be back at work here. This is what I'm doing my thing. I'm back to work, babe. It's what it takes. Yeah. That is amazing. She's like, God damn it. I read that magazines used to edit your photos by lightening your skin and changing your body. Oh, yeah. How did that affect you back then? It's so funny because that's, I always find it interesting what people cling to in stories. So I did a real like a general interview about with my daughter for people, but then that became a thing like, Oh, this is the story. But then I realized, Oh, I get it. It's like, I wrote a song about it in 2003. I think it was my second album. And yeah, it kind of, it's called powerless. And it's like paint my face in your magazines, make it look lighter than it seems, paint me over with your dreams, like Cheveway, my ethnicity. So at the time, it's more about the idea of, okay, wait, like I'm in this bit, like when you're young and you're 22, 23, it's like, it's a whirlwind, right? Like all of a sudden, becoming successful at the career you always dreamed of. And you know, if you're in it for the music, like I always was, I think that all that other stuff with the visuals and the aesthetics and the, Oh, wow, they like you when you look great on the red carpet. And but then the opposite is true as well. And just kind of questioning it all. But it is true. Yeah, I bring my own clothes to photo shoots because I was like a girl, like I was 21, 22, young girl. But yeah, you'd see at the time, I think, yeah, the beauty standard was a bit different. So I think that they would Photoshop a lot and just kind of like, Oh, I thought I had hips or my but it's, it's hard anyways, because when you see yourself on TV for the first time, you know, you always look different on the camera. And it can be a little jarring like to be on TV and in at the spotlight that much at a young, at a young age, I guess. So when you look back, like, because obviously, like, I think it's helpful, like I get what you're saying, like, wait, I did such a long interview. And that's the one thing people picked up on. I think, no, I know, but I think it's I get what you're saying. It's like, that I think for a lot of people now pick up on things because people finally do feel more comfortable to talk about things that were kind of like, Hey, that was kind of a weird decision. Like, am I not good enough as me? Like, yes, when do you Oh my God, when you look back, like, when did you feel your most confident when you were younger? You know, what's so funny? I feel the most confident now. What do you think that is 100% Wow, it's now I don't know something happened. I don't know. I just had like, I had the 40s glow up. I was just like, wow, I just feel like me, you know, I feel like I know what happened. I had time to work on my inner life. You know, I had time to work on the things you don't have time to do when you're busy, right? And then you, you know, when you're burnt out, and you don't get to journal, you don't get to, you know, go to therapy, you don't get to go do those things. But I had, I had a good time of three or four years of doing that. So I think by the time I got to this stage in my life, um, yeah, I just feel super happy with myself. Even when I get criticized, you know what I mean? Like, I like even, I mean, who doesn't read the comments sometimes, right? It's hard not to. I think it's human nature to go, Oh, what are people saying? Of course. And then you're like, Wow, certain things, right? Like, I feel like me personally have experienced like my body's polarizing, you know what I mean? Which is so, it's crazy to say that, but it is because I see like, Oh, wow, why did it's, it's just like, wow, there's a lot of like comments and people arguing about like what I look like, or like, you know what I mean? It's so interesting what, uh, fuels and triggers people. But I think at the end of the day, it can be really positive because you're starting conversations and that comes from confidence. And I think that's what it is. It's like, when you, when you are confident, I don't know what it is, but I guess sometimes it could be threatening or very empowering. I think sometimes, yes, like people online are like so triggered by certain things, which is interesting because you never know what's going to trip people up. And the fact that you're saying like, my body is so polarizing, like, why do you think that's been? Well, first of all, my body's changed a lot. I've had three kids. Uh, I'm curvy, you know, and I have a curvy body and like my, if you go to like where I'm, where my parents are from, from San Miguel, my body is no big deal. Like everybody, every girl on the beach has the same bum that I have, but like, it's like, I love it. It's true though. So it's all context and just maybe they're comparing you to another era when maybe you looked different or anything like that. Um, but I've had fun with it because I've been wearing very body con clothing and it's very empowering and I just kind of, I love, I love feeling this confident. You know, I, I literally didn't even wear underwear on stage till like a year ago. I'm upset. It's only been six months. I only let the booty out like six months ago. I'm upset. Natalie, I appreciate you talking about that. 25 years into my career. I love it. I love that you're talking about that though, because I do feel like people tell you like, Oh my God, your twenties are going to be the best years of your life. And as much as those are really fun years, I do think the amount of women that I get to speak to, it is very inspiring to hear like, no, it actually only gets better because you do get to know when you're young and you're 20, as fun as you can have, you don't fully know yourself yet. You haven't fully lived enough to really like know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you like uncomfortable. And it feels like I've now had enough conversations with these like really inspiring women to be like, Oh, bitch, it only gets better. Like get ready, like get ready for your 30s, get ready for your 40s, get ready for your 50s. Like that's really exciting. Yeah, because you learn, you know yourself and then you can kind of look back and not laugh at yourself, but find things charming. Like, Oh wow, like even in my 30s seems like a lifetime ago. Right? You know what I mean? But each decade is so beautiful, but I kind of feel like as women, like we just get more confident. And when you can block out the noise of all the comments that are negative, it's like, Oh yeah, bitch, my booty looks amazing. Bye. Like get out of here. When I was 37, I had like a flingation ship. I just coined this term. Wait, sorry. What? Flingation ship is like a fling relationship. So flingation ship of love with someone who was 23. And at the time it was just like, it wasn't that big a deal, but like I had was contextualizing it in my mind, like, Oh, that's so interesting. Cause your perspective continues to change as you get older on and you reflect on different things in your life differently. Like my new album just came out, but I was listening to the one before it, not this one. So it's like a diary, so you can go back and go. And so for me, music is a diary. So it's kind of fun. It makes it fun. Let's talk about some of your iconic songs. Yeah, let's talk about some of your iconic songs. Okay. First, I just want to discuss I'm Like a Bird is such a classic. What inspired that song? I'm Like a Bird was inspired by I was in a relationship in my very early 20s. Right? It was kind of like a first relationship, kind of first kind of more like very serious relationship after my long sort of long-term high school boyfriend. It was the next relationship after that. And yeah, I was in a relationship and I was out in Los Angeles finishing my album kind of on my own. I was very isolated. I was probably 20, I was 20 or 21 or something out there kind of in this little apartment, just working on music. And my collaborators were kind of older than me and they had their girlfriends and their wives up there, but not me. So it was a bit lonely. And they're like, okay, write some new songs, you know, and bring them into the studio. I think it was our first day working in LA trying to finish my album after having made the rest of it in Canada. And I was sitting on a sofa at the time this place was called the Oakwood Suites here in LA. And you'd go to the gym and you'd see like, I don't know, like kids, I guess, who are doing, I don't know if they're working with Disney or what they're working, but you know, it was the place that people went to make their dreams come true where they would stay when they weren't yet living in LA. So I sat on a sofa and picked up my guitar and I wrote three songs that day. And the third one I wrote was I'm Like a Bird. And I'm telling you, the one I wrote before was Trash. It was a really bad song, really corny, not good. Yeah, you never know, you might just be on the edge of something good, you know? Do you remember like the when you played it for everyone like on your team? Like was everyone like, yes? My manager was at the studio. Yeah, my manager, Chris was at the studio and and he's like, oh, okay, I want to hear what you wrote today. So I played him the three songs. And I was convinced the corny one was good. It was really bad. I can, I can sing it. Wait, please sing it for me. I'll sing it in a second. But like, it's really crazy. No. But anyways, so how corny are we talking? All right, so this is the one that I thought was better than I'm like a bird. Okay. It goes, okay, wait, it's like, he was cock sure and I was a pussy had it in the corner, I couldn't come out, he was cock sure and I was a pussy had it in the corner, I couldn't come out. And I think the end was like, here, kitty, kitty, like I swear to God, I'm not even kidding. I thought that was better than I'm like a bird, which I then was the third song on the the demo that I had made that morning. No. Okay, I think I think the bird ones really good. They both had bird themes. One was cockshares like a rooster. I am literally like, no, this is like the best thing I've heard all day to know that it was between like a cock and a pussy versus a bird. Oh my God, watch that literally trend on TikTok. Isn't it funny though, because I actually forgot about that till like, like a couple months ago. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy that I had written a very horrible song and a song that might be quite good right after. I mean, I'm like a bird is I feel like forever going to be iconic. I'm curious because that song is so inspiring, right? Have you ever walked away from someone that you felt like was holding you back like in a romantic relationship? Well, that song was about that. So that song, I did I did want to I did want to break up, you know, with that guy. So I kind of wrote the song. Oh my God, did you write the song and then break up with it? Well, I sanded him and he and he and he said, Hey, I feel like I heard the song like what's Nelly. Yeah, I did. Yeah. So you know, context, you just sent him the song. I was like, Oh, this is my latest thing. Yeah. No, but no, I think I ended up that I ended that relationship on tour, but it was literally it wasn't very it was like from a pay phone, you know, on tour, like I was with my band, you know, like it was one of those moments, but it's very normal. It's kind of like, you know, your college boyfriend or something, you know, and then you move on. So that was my college is like making music and touring. So I only did one year of college. So then I met him around that time. So yeah, I had to make my dreams come true. And I had to I had things to do and places to be. So but like not like as sad as it is to get broken up with for him. It is kind of iconic that there is a man out there that can be like that song is about me. Like that is pretty fucking cool. I'm sorry. Like I would take that song being written about me. I can't I can't historically are you usually the one ending relationships or you? Oh, I like this question. Um, I've been dumped before. Okay. Yeah, only once. Oh, yeah. It is a flex. No, that's not true. Two or three times, but more like when I was younger. But but yeah, like being having your heart actually broken by someone that doesn't want to be with you anymore really hurts really badly. So sad. Yeah, it's really, really upsetting. And I hadn't experienced that till like much later in life till quite recently in the last five years. And that was really hard for me because I wanted to hang on. I wanted to hang on and I didn't get it. And I built up a lot of expectations and things based on things that maybe were more about me and selfishness, right? And then it was like, okay, like when do I come to grips with reality? But I've also left. Yes, I've been the ender breaker upper. Yeah. Do you think it's easier to be the person breaking up or getting broken up with? Oh, my God. It's hard. It's easier to break up with someone than to have somebody dump you. You've been dumped is the worst. It is pretty hard. I think no, no, no, it's the best though. Because they tell us, oh, because then you go, it's that whole thing. Like you got to hit dirt, man. You got to hit rock bottom. I had hit rock bottom before and it's beautiful because then I just come out so strong. And it's good. And I'm not saying it's like perfect. And I'm like, oh, you know, we wear our wounds, don't we? Like our wounds never really go away. I don't think we can work on them. You know what I mean? We can work on them. But like, it's okay. You know, you have stuff to deal with stuff to work through. But um, but yeah, I think I think it could be a good place for that bottom of like, oh, you know what I go back to a lot? Oh, he's just not that into you. Just look up if you're ever struggling with somebody who's broken up with you or somebody, even anybody, a flingation ship, something like that. And you feel they're not giving you the tension you want and something's off. Just like go look up quotes from he's just not that into you. It is so healing because that often I've done it before, I think twice in my life. Why I'm like, oh, humbling. It's good. It's good stuff. Me too. Yeah. I'm obsessed with you. You're like, yeah, it's great stuff. It really just knocks you back to reality. Yeah, because it's that whole if you wanted to he would thing. Absolutely. It's so true. It is. It is. It's true. It worked girls if we wanted to we would. Right. Done. Okay, one of my personal favorite songs of yours is Man Eater. How would you describe the woman you're singing about essentially? This is so interesting. So I really did kind of face that off of a woman that was friends with at the time that was a colleague was like engaged to her and she was a knockout and just really was did personify that man eater energy. And what at the time, what I really, really felt at the time when I was making that whole album with Timbaland and when we're making Man Eater as I did feel very, I was actually only about 26 or something when I wrote that song, but I felt like there's something really empowering about masculine and feminine energy together. You know what I mean? When somebody embodies both and I was trying to capture that in a song. And I really feel that when I play it live, it feels primal. It feels like it's for everyone. It's like, it's like almost like a verb like your man eatery. Where's your like man eatery right now? Your man eatery. Yeah, I think it's an energy, you know? It's such a confident song. I actually play a part of it in my tour because I'm like, you do? Oh, I can't wait for you to see it. Nellie, it's like all of these men come up and they're like magic mic dancers around me and I'm just in my element. I'm the only woman on stage. And it's like, it is it like this empowering feeling when you hear that song. I love that. I love that for people. It's so good. Did anyone in your team ever when you have like the song you're like the pussy cock, the bird, the man eater, promiscuous girl, did anyone ever think that it was like too edgy or was everyone around you like we love this? No, not really. I think I was like just making that record in Miami. I was feeling the vibes. I was feeling myself like spent all day in a bathing suit like playing with my kid on the beach. You know, like I was feeling myself in the sun to be totally honest. And I was newly single. See every time. Nuly single brought us a man. Oh my God. Yeah, that's amazing. Just kind of that fresh energy that kind of seen the world through new like, I guess red colored glasses. I love it. Yeah. That energy is very like red and like passionate. But also with promiscuous, I actually didn't write that chorus. It was Timbaland's idea. It was. Yeah, it was. And then I sat down and finished the lyrics with attitude, this amazing rapper that he was working with at the time. And I was hesitant. But my good friend Jim Bean sat me down. He's like, I think this is authentic. And I really like this energy and you sound great on it. And I didn't know I didn't know that I like a lace up the verses and I sounded good and all that. And now when I sing it, I love it. It's like karaoke time. It's promiscuous is another one of my favorites. I made a really bad music video too. And I was younger, which you'll never see. Um, can you tell me though, like from that song, how has your because it is a very again, emboldening and powering song, how has your relationship to your sexuality evolved over the years? How has your relationship to your sexuality evolved over the years? That's a good question. And I will also give a quick shout out to the music I grew up on. So Salt and PEPA, TLC, Trail Blazers, those girl groups in the late nineties, when I was a teenager, I was coming of age 14, 15, I was blessed to have that music to listen to. It was like Mary J Blotch, TLC, Salt and PEPA. And they were giving this empowered sexuality and choice. It was about choice. It was about I'm in control of my choices. And that was the energy we wanted to capture with a song like promiscuous. It's a choice. It's an even playing field. I think to feel sexy, to feel sensual, you have to spend time on yourself. You have to spend time alone. You have to spend time. Just you have to tap into pleasure, which is joy, right? Joy is pleasure, right? So if you really feel and embodied like in your body, like I'm not going to lie, like I feel, I feel pretty sexy when I'm like dancing, you know, like I'm in the dance studio, because it's such an act of self love to apply your mind and body to something like choreography and to just be to feel that I would say it's like almost like an equilibrium. And I think from there, you can feel very confident, you know? And I think it's something you develop. I think your sexuality is something you develop, you know, when you start, you know, whenever in your early teens and then you do, you just develop for the self, you know, and I think that's a healthy place to start, you know? I think that's such a good like piece of advice, because I think sometimes women can really feel like, oh my gosh, like whether they were repressed when they were younger or religion or whatever folds into it or shame. Like sometimes we can feel like, maybe I just have to be as sexual as I want it to be or maybe I don't feel as empowered to like own it and it's really like if you know, the more you know yourself, the more you'll know what you enjoy and the more that you'll feel confident to be able to explore. Yeah, it's almost like it's a quiet game, you know what I mean? Yes. You're just on the search for whatever like makes you feel your best and no one can tell you and you shouldn't ever search for it through someone else. No, I mean, I think people can teach you, you know, like I think you can grow in relationships. Like I think you can grow and you can kind of like pick up things as you go and like that ebb and flow again. But at the end of the day, yeah, you got to feel, you got to feel good. You got to feel good, right? Do you fall in love easily? I'm changing. I used to. That was a pure yes, Alex. And I'm a lover. I love love. I need muses. I'm a muses girl. Like I need, I think it's because I'm an artist. I'm a writer. I create and it's like I grew up thinking and just feeling like I'm, I love like lovers. Like I love to think that I love the idea of being just really inspired and the joy in dating and like that. It's like there's nothing like that, but I also enjoy my solitude so much that I have had people ask me like friends, like colleagues, like why are you even in a relationship? You have so much going on in your mind. You should just date yourself. How are you even able to be with and it is true. I like my solitude so much that sometimes it is hard for me to be in a relationship. Yeah, because I'm just like get away from me. It's too hard. Yeah. It's like I always felt like more comfortable to be like more like a like a like an enjoyable kind of like, I'm not gonna say part time. I don't know what to say. No, what was the thing you said earlier? I don't know. A flippuation ship? No, a what was it? Oh, a flingation ship. A flingation ship. Your flingation ship. You're always wanting to be in your flingation ship. Is that how you say it? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Flingation ship. I think it's fun. And just kind of, I don't know, I follow my passions and my lust and my interests too. I do have ADHD and I think it's affected me. Women experience it differently than men. I was only recently diagnosed, but I read a great book and it talked about how even as women with ADHD, we can pick partners that kind of make us feel like we're in the passenger seat because you want somebody else to make all the decisions for us and we just want to coast, right? Interesting. And I found that really interesting when I read that because I was like, oh, yeah. And I think when I'm on my own, I'm more able to kind of navigate to my whole life in a way that works for my brain and for my comfort levels. Oh, interesting. But I do love love and I do love falling in love and I find that fun still, but I think my priorities have changed. I mean, I think that's amazing to even just acknowledge your priorities have changed and you even talking about like recognizing something that can affect your relationships, you being like, I don't want to just coast. Like I do want to have more control over my relationships. Even you just recognizing that will probably affect the next relationship you get into and how you approach it, right? Yes. And you want to stay yourself. I think that's the most important thing. You know, I have had a tendency to lose myself in relationships. So, yeah. A part of why you returned to music was because you were going through a difficult breakup. You talk about in these songs, that experience. Can you share like what made this breakup so painful for you? Oh my god. Oh, I need a sip of water. Yeah, let's take a sip of water. I saw your body just go, two of an hour, sweetie. Yeah, you know, I don't know. Isn't it sort of like life, you know, and then again, again, we talk about this experience even when you're in your 20s and you're growing. Everybody, I mean, I always wanted to have a family, you know, to me and an app children and this, we all have that dream, you know, of just kind of settling down and like, oh, now I'm at the Yellow Brick Road. This is so great. Oh wait, and now I'm at the Yellow Brick Road, right? And it comes in all these variations, but um, I think I just had that feeling like I had finally kind of arrived at that, you know, Yellow Brick Road and it was like going to be that for me and then it turned out that it wasn't and that's why it hit so hard. You know what I mean? I absolutely love it. Because it was the first time it had felt, you know, like that right, you know, where it was like, oh, you know, where you felt like, you had that profound sense of a certain kind of peace, you know what I mean, and a certain kind of certainty, right? And it's that idea when the certainty just kind of gets pulled out from under you or the rug gets pulled out and you go, oh, oh my god, I have a lot to learn still. I have a lot to learn about me and you might have had a horrible experience, you know, and I for sure like I went through a very difficult time where I think I accepted some things that, uh, that I would never accept now, you know, in terms of, um, the way you're treated. Yeah. And I could you share just a little bit, like not, yeah, I can. I will say. Just for women listening, like, of course, I know. Because you can't see it when you're in it sometimes. You cannot at all. You cannot see it at all when you're in it. And sometimes we just love so hard and we love and I'm sure there's women out there too, you know, when we become mothers, we're quite vulnerable when we become mothers because we just want what's best for our kids and we want to protect them. And I think that in general, I'll say that it can really happen to anybody feeling powerless, you know what I mean? You could have all the money in the world and all the resources, but in the mind really that is your only wealth is in your mind. And so, um, if you can't feel strong enough and clear enough to move out of a situation that might be toxic for you and not the best for you and also abusive in any way, you know, um, I think that Yeah, like I'm definitely like not here to like tear, you know, of course anyone down or anything. But I think that it's honest to say that it is hard when you're in a relationship, um, that has that imbalance, I will say and I'll I'll and and abusive qualities. Yeah, it is hard to uh, it is hard to see outside of it because you isolate yourself. You stop talking to your friends and you don't tell, you know, your friends the truth about what's going on in your life. You live in a bubble and it's hard to admit, you know, that you have chosen um, to not say anything, right? It's hard to admit to yourself. It is. It is, right? And then on top of that the love, right? Love, you know, keeps you there because oh you want to, you know, and I and I will say that too, like I think as women, we think we tend to sacrifice our happiness sometimes, you know, once we're once we're in it. Of course. Once we're once we've fallen in love, right? We tend to we sacrifice ourselves sometimes. Yeah, and we think we're doing the right thing. Yeah, so often and I I appreciate you sharing that too because I think when you are in those situations and you get so isolated a lot of times you're like how would I even begin to unravel this, right? Like how do I even begin to get away and like to restart? Fear is huge too because when you have, when you fear, you know, when you have fear, that can be a very powerful emotion. You can be afraid, but you can, it kind of like you create it in your mind, you know, you can be afraid like, oh, what's the person going to do to me or say about me or like, you know, etc, etc. I don't know. You just you fear, you fear that and again, it's heightened when you have, you know, like you need kids and like there's whole other things to think about or I and I I also agree with you because I have talked about this on the show before too of like the thought sometimes of leaving and all the things that you think it would take to leave. It just feels more daunting almost than just staying. Yeah, can you share like how, how do you know? I have a song about it on my album. It's and I appreciate you writing about it because it's like it's so real and so many women listening to this are going to be like, Nelly, thank you. Water! Thank you for sharing though because it's like, I do think and it's not like on you to help all these women, but it is like the more we talk about it, the more people I know someone's going to be watching at home right now being like, oh my god, if Nelly was going through this and she says that she got out of it, like I can too. Like can you share how you knew it was time and like how you actually took the steps to get away essentially? I think there were moments where I almost had the strength but again, like something would keep me there, you know, where I was like, oh, this is, you know, this is the moment. So I think that in I will say having remarkable friends, like I'm very lucky. I have some really, really, really amazing friends, really core like childhood friends that have been there for me my whole entire life and they just they just kind of knew what to say to me and knew what was too much or too little and even the hard stuff, you know, I have some friends that I will say to ladies out there, you know what, those people that are telling you what you don't want to hear, those are the ones you need to keep close. Hopefully they know you well enough to not repel you with judgment or anything like that. And it's not judgment if you you can sense when it's love and I think everyone has someone, you know, maybe one person or one voice in their life that is maybe like reminding you when stuff is not okay and like what your worth is and what behavior is unacceptable if you cannot see it for yourself. It's so true. It's like you just see one person. Yeah, you do one person. Yeah to just kind of be like no, actually, I'm not going to talk to you anymore if right, right or whatnot. But like, but tough love doesn't work all the time, but like it's in doses, right? And I think I'm trying to think of another thing that helped me. I think, geez, that's such a good question. I think you have aha moments, you know what I mean? They just have sometimes like a moment where you're like, okay, you know, and then sometimes I guess I was lucky in a way because maybe like on top that I wasn't really the one who chose at the end of the day, like, you know what I mean? I went through a rough time, but then at the end of the day, it wasn't really my decision. But then I quickly learned that then, okay, now I'm doing me. Now, you know, I'm doing me now. It's such a vicious cycle that you can get so wrapped up into and then when you get released from something like that, it can almost feel like withdrawal symptoms because you're like so used to the up and the down and the toxic. Like you do. And then for some reason, your brain only feeds you happy memories. It's really weird. Nellie, it is so fucked up. You're like maybe she was actually the best. The restaurant, the coffee shop, like the movie we went to. And it's like very weird. It's so fucked up. That's a tough phase. Yeah, that's tough phase when your brain feeds you all these happy memories. Let's flood you with happy because there are happy memories, right? That's why you stay there because there are some great things, right? So it's tricky to navigate. It is. It's a big mind FUCK. But I really appreciate you like talking about it that way too, because I know so many women write in feeling like I feel so much shame that I'm even thinking about this person that hurt me. And I feel like it's like, don't feel shame, right? No, don't feel shame about it. It's not natural. You know what I mean? Like it's natural to want to, you know, to still feel a multitude of feelings. And it, yeah, it's just totally normal. It's a process, you know what I mean? Because the truth is it's like anything, right? Like how many band-aids do you have, right? And how long do those take to heal? It takes time. What is a difficult lesson that you've learned about love that you would tell your kids one day? Oh my God. Love. It's funny. I almost call my album. Let's Be Honest. You Know Nothing About Love. Oh my God. Stop. I'm serious. And that was my, it was either called Seven or Let's Be Honest. You Know Nothing About Love. Maybe I'll call the deluxe that. I'm about to say that's what you call it in your head and then to the world that Seven. You're like what it really is. Let's Be Honest. You Know Nothing About Love. Oh my God. What? The story of everyone's life, right? It's like we know love, of course. Like I know great love, you know, Abby, I'm blessed to be a mother and have wonderful family and friends and things like that. So I know what love is. But if I was to give advice on romantic love to my children, I'm gonna vote for the golden retriever. I'm sorry. You gotta be best friends. I think you have to have an authentic true friendship. It's about partnership, you know? Forget all the other stuff. It's about partnership. But also stay you, man. Stay you. Yeah. And listen to your friends. When you have a gut feeling, your friends are usually always, oh, that's the other thing. Your gut is always right. The little voice in your head that tells you, and this is not even this like, I mean, this is past relationship, but the little voice, it's always right. And it's so hard because I know it's so cliche to say, but it's like, then why do we always ignore our gut? I don't know why. Why are we always like, but that's like we gaslight ourselves. I have a song, actually, I think I'm gonna put on my blocks called Gaslight. Yeah. Another album title was Red Flags. Oh my God. Too relatable. I'll take these. So anyways, yeah, so Gaslight, we gaslight ourselves in a way, you know what I mean? Because it's like boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, it's it. Yeah, it's like an echo chamber. Can you share like, how do you get your confidence back after a breakup? Oh, me? Kind of like exercise and going out. I started to go out a lot. Oh, after my breakup, I was ready. I was like, I'm because it was such a long dwindling breakup at the end. I was like, okay, I'm dating that. This is awesome. Like I'm gonna see after we did, you know, all the ending stuff. And then I and I, yeah, just went out and had fun. And just I think I like really found a lot of joy in like dressing up again and like clothing and fashion and yeah, because I think I was like really kind of wearing like a momma uniform for like three years. What was your mom? My place was a block away from the target. Oh, what were we buying at Target? Okay, I will, I do remember taking my my teenager on a tour of Target of a university. She was shopping for universities out in California. I thought my shirt was nice, but it would look like uptable cloth because it was blue and white checkers, but it wasn't even a flattering cut. Okay. And I didn't have time to shop. So I would just grab like whatever I saw nothing against Target, but like, I love targets. Yeah, yeah, targets fun. You can find great stuff. But I think that I didn't diversify. Got it. I wasn't really like, I didn't have time and have time. Right. Or I just wore stuff that was baggy, which is totally normal. Like I breastfed all my kids. Yeah, of course, you're gonna you need easy access. So you just weren't like boobs. So you just weren't feeling yourself as much. And then once you got through the breakup, you're like, you know what, I'm gonna like start putting my cute outfits on. I'm gonna do my glam. I'm gonna get out there. I'm gonna go have fun. Well, the studio helped me too. So I started going to the studio and I started writing and I started recording music again. And I got so many emotions out. Oh my God, I got so many emotions out of the studio. I would cry in there. I would get angry in there. It was so good for me. Such a good therapy. Wait, is it true that you actually wrote like 400 songs? I did. Yeah. Nelly, can you just like rewind and tell me like how like if this house was my studio, what I would do is I would adjust like we're in LA today. So I'd be like, who's in LA today, which are my friends are in LA, which producers, which writers, which friends. And that's what informed this album. This album is really just like a let's party type of album because I was getting over a breakup and I was like, my social life became the studio. So like, you know, like, I, you know, I don't, I wasn't in the mood to like go away and write songs by myself on a guitar. It was like, no, we're bringing everybody and I would invite like people after their concerts to come hang out and make music with me. Yeah. And then my daughter was really coaching me on too, because she was having fun in there too. So it was like, we're making music now or we're, we're, we're doing it with this like really cooking now and like really having fun. How do you pick between 400 songs of what to put on an album? I like to stay up late making music till really late till like the sun comes up and I get really inspired and I get my bongo draw just joking. I'm picturing you in there with a bongo drum like, let's go, let's go. My jembe and I just go till seven. No, but it's pretty much, yeah, we just like a bunch of music. We just have fun and the way I pick the songs, oh my God, it's almost like, I always say like, you know, when you go and like you, you put flowers together at a flower shop, it's like, why do you like those flowers? Right? And I think it's also like, whatever goes together and it's like a bit like a fashion collection, just kind of putting it together. I love it. One session I had had like a bunch of different people who like didn't even necessarily make music. Like I think at one time, like, like a, like a comedian ended up in there. And I was like, oh, what you got? Like, I'm very like, I'm a hippie that way. Like if you were, I would make you sing. No. Yes. I believe anybody can write a song. I've done that before. I've done like art. Wait, let's see. How do you start? Okay, how do you start writing a song? Like, where does you even start? I'd be like, what's your favorite childhood vacation you went on? Oh, shit. Oh, like Disneyland. See, I would got you in your field. Yeah, I'm like, oh my God. So we start there. Okay, Disney. So like in a Disney like, so what did you like about it? Oh, just like, the euphoric feeling of seeing these things come to life that I always saw on TV. Yes. Yes. Just like, to be like, oh, like euphoria. Everything's telling me a story. Oh, seen it before. Yeah. Seen it before. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? I am fucking chilled. That's how I write. That's how I write. Starts a song in two seconds. Yeah. Oh, then we'd go somewhere with it. If I keep going, but the yeah, I am fucking obsessed. Yeah. I'm not okay that you just said, thank you. fireworks above the castle blowing my mind. No, your voice. I can stay here every night. It's like, whatever. Nelly, me just being like, okay, for the rest of the interview, just saying no. And then we call it Disneyland. JP Morgan payments helps you drive efficiency with automated payments and intelligent algorithms across 200 countries and territories. That's automation driven finance. That's JP Morgan payments. JP Morgan internal data 2024 copyright 2025 JP Morgan chasing company all rights reserved JP Morgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC deposits held non US branches are not FDIC insured non deposit products are not FDIC insured. This is not a legal commitment for credit or services availability varies eligibility determined by JP Morgan Chase visit JP Morgan comm slash payments disclosure for details. What is your stance on breakup sex? Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I think it's necessary at a certain stage. It is, let's be honest. I'd be honest on this show. We're being very honest. I mean, that's all we're doing. I love it. I mean, it's always like energy. You have to like, you know, squeeze the lemon. Right. It's like squeeze the lemon until the juice is gone. So that's what it's like. So then I'm one day like, well, this lemon has no more juice. So no more breakup sex. Yeah, I think it's natural. That is what I hear from other people too. Yeah, I think that's a great take. I love that. Guys, right guys, when they break up with something like, yeah, yes, well, yeah, let me mind us in each other. Last week. Literally. Um, okay, so are you single right now? Okay, you're single. I'm dating though. Like I'm dating, but I'm dating different people. Oh, yeah. Just like, yeah, you've got like a little roster going on. I mean, I don't have a roster, but it's like, I feel like that's derivative. Yeah. I like the roster. I've got a plus Rob option. No, I mean, I call it the flingation chips. So it's like, ooh, like it's like a potential. I will say that I have like, there's different potentialities and there's different like, levels of like interest and just kind of and romance in different areas. I will say, I'll describe it that way. Are you going on? So yes, I'm single again. I've been single for a couple of years. What is your ideal date? I went on a really nice date recently where it was daytime. Okay. Yeah. You love that? Yeah. I kind of like, I think I recommend the daytime date for a first date because it's broad daylight. So the particular date it was very hot. So it was like very sweaty, but that was unfortunate. Actually I had boobs. A classic. I know. Or just like dinner, like that type of thing. I love being like, yeah, just kind of like chill. Yeah. Just going out for dinner. But I like the idea of dressing up for dates sometimes if it's appropriate. But ironically, I like never have time. So like get ready so fast. But but I do like that idea. Yeah. Would you ever bring a guy to one of your shows? I brought guys to my shows. Yeah. But it's like, it's not really fair because they just go, oh my God. Right. They're going to just like fall in love immediately. It's like show me so different, but it is cool because you get to show like what you do. True. You know what I mean? But they're immediately in love. I mean, it's pretty awesome. The concert's awesome. Like it's cool. It's see me go up there and do my thing. Yeah. So I'm strategic about inviting the win though. Right. It's not always like appropriate in the right setting, but for sure. It's almost like what would be like the best weapon in the weapon shed? What will be called? Like a machete? Like a machete. The show is like a machete move. Yeah. You'd be like, come to my show. So like, you know, pull out the machete right away. You want to time it out. Anyway, you're like moving on. Oh my God. The machete is the show. Nelly the machete. No, I'm done. We're moving on. What are some non-negotiables that you're looking for in a partner? Like you're like, if they don't have this, I'm out. The self work. Yeah. For actual partnership, like long-term partner, I would want somebody who's worked on their self in an authentic way. Not in like a surface way, but like more like this, the spiritual side, like a little bit of exploration there, you know what I mean? Yeah. But like authentically and also like some growth in that department, I would say. Maybe growth and like specifically like ego, I think. Let's just pause on that. We need some third eye coming into the mix. It's when the ego is out of control, it's like it can, especially when you start dating a guy, you can first think it's confidence and like hot, but then all of a sudden you're like, oh, you're a dick. But yeah, you want somebody confident. Yeah. But confidence comes from, I think a genuine good heart, you know what I mean? I think for partners, you want somebody with a good heart, you want somebody nice. Yeah. Like I don't know why, but like sometimes we're attracted to, you know, people aren't that nice just like to people. Watch how they talk to like the people you encounter like on your date or whatever when you're dating, like how they treat your friends, your family. If your friends like them, if your family likes them, all those big green flags, you know? Sometimes we don't listen to our friends and like our friends at some point don't really care. Like they have no agenda other than wanting you to be happy. Yes. So when people, when you guys are trying to like math it in your head, like, well, my friends just don't get it. They don't see that good side of him. It's like, no, no, no, your friends just want you to be happy. They don't care. Listen to your friends. If they're like, he's a dick. There's a reason and they're only seeing a percentage. How crazy is that? And they can even see he's not a good person, but we rationalize in our head. That's a lot of rationalization. Okay. Back to your music. You ended up taking a break from music. Were you nervous at all? Like how people were going to react with you coming back? I'm very lucky because I got to tiptoe like very slowly into the waters and then things kind of lined up in a really cool way. So started with, I was already making music by the time I kind of showed up on stage after five years with Drake at an event in Toronto and I sang and it was like, oh, this is fun. I realized, oh, maybe I have something new to offer this. I've worked on myself. I feel different. Maybe I'll be better at my job now, you know? I'm older, better, wiser. At that time, then I started booking more shows. I booked a show in Australia where I met Dom Dalla, then we make this track and then we're playing it at Lollapalooza and Coachella and it's like crazy and that his raves that he throws after his shows, like just the whole thing. So fun. So everything lined up so nicely that I was making my album while I was getting out there again. So it wasn't so scary, right? It was baby steps and that to me was a blessing. What did you learn about yourself from writing this new album? Oh my God. Wow. I learned that I've become an even better like producer and person who brings people together because I got to try new ideas. I got to try like like weird juxtapositions of people and sounds on my album and I think that's just because, oh my God, I love people genuinely. I have such a curious mind. Like I told you, I'd love to have you in the studio and I want you to see. So I am more interested in the craft of making it almost in the outcome. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Like I'm more into just like, oh, the mad scientist part, you know? Love. Right. So like, and I found such confidence in there this time around. I've always been confident, but this time I was more open-hearted. Like before I used to not like writing songs in front of people and now I don't care. I would just turn the mic on like this, have everything blasted to the speakers. It feels like you're at a live show and then we just like hang out and have a good time. So I think I grew in vulnerability. That's amazing. Yeah, my vulnerability. Yeah. It's really incredible to see how your life has evolved and like you're such an incredible talented performer and producer and you've built an incredible family and you have these gorgeous children. Last question, what are you the most proud of with this new album as a whole? And like, why do you want people to go stream it? Oh my God, I think the album has a lot of emotion. I think it has a lot of purity. And if you just want to escape, like if you just want to feel like, you know, music that makes you feel something for real, I will humbly say that I think a lot of the songs do make you really feel something and make you really escape. And I spent my time making it and I definitely think it's just really good quality music. Oh my God. Genuinely. Nelly Fritado, I... But of course I'm just thinking about what do I make now? Like I'm just never satisfied. You, I mean, you have 400 in the bank. Like meanwhile I'm like, it's high. Would you ever pull the songs from the 400 and make another album out of them or no? And we're kind of minds of luck right now. Who is your dream collab? Dream collab. I mean, I still, I still think it'd be cool to have a song with Drake. I think people would love that because we're both Canadian, the lore, you know, Toronto lore. Can you please? Yeah. That's our last request is yes, Nelly Fritado Drake song, putting in the crest now done. Yeah, I think it would, I think it would be really good. Thank you so much for taking the time and coming on today. It was truly a pleasure. You are even better hanging out with you in person. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you for having me. This was really fun. I had a good time. Yeah, I even cried. 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