Overly Italian

At TUI, we give you more. More outfit choices with 20 kilograms of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels built around what you love, like that swim-up suite. More, race you to the bottom, water parks on site. More, ooh, that looks good. Food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in-store or online. You book it, TUI sort it. At all and after protected, keys and Cs apply selected hotels Grab the unrivaled Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra with an incredible privacy display on EE, the UK's best network. You can save £20 per month, plus claim a Samsung Galaxy Tab S10 Lite. Now we're talking. So get yours today. Offer ends 28th May. Saving on minimum, 24 months, 125 GB of airtime plan. Eligibility, credit check and terms of apply, credit by EE Limited. Claim from Samsung within 30 days of purchase. Verify best network at EE.cadk.cash claims. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Crossen and Robert Kelly. Bobby's upset with me because I wasn't hook-lining sinker into his potato truck idea. No, it's not that. You came in with fucking... I mean, do it. You came in with radio guy vibe. What was that? I don't talk until the cans go on. I talk to everybody in this room. Yeah, you don't talk like you regularly talk. Hey, gahoo, hey! You're like, how you doing? You talked about hot dogs? I pitched... Well, I had a foreshort into the hot dog talk. I said, rate it and you were like, what? I didn't hear you said it first and I said a two. You said a two, but grudgingly. You could have went on with it. That's even a funny number. But then I pitched you a side gig. You know, a fallback plan if something happens. And... Well, you pitched it as a formulated idea. Yeah. Upon any scrutiny, you then said, it's the basis. It can lead to other ideas. That's what I... That maybe aren't that idea at all. Buddy, you think that when Leonardo came up with the fucking wing dude that... The wing dude? Yeah, the wing dude that he thought it was going to turn into a plane? No. Is any of this right? Yeah, the wing dude. Leonardo and the wing dude? Yeah, you don't know who he is. Oh, he's a Ninja Turtle. No, he's an artist. Well, yeah, I mean, with his sword. No, he was in the departed. Well, they were departed. They had to live in the sewers. No, it's not. It's a different one. He was an artist. You were trained by a rat. He was an artist. Sure. The way he handles the foot clan? No, it's not. Absolutely. Jay, you're missing the foot... No, it's not... I'm a fan of Leonardo. Donatello, all the greats. No, those... Michelangelo? That was an artist too. They were at the same kind of time. They were right, but just a different... Just like a sigh. One had a boast there. No, no, no, no. I'm talking... Ironically, learn from a guy who didn't use a weapon at all. A guy. A rat. A guy. Listen to me. Okay, you turned it on when those cans come on, though. This is the J.I. I thought it was walking on. It was really... It's a constant professional. You really are. You put those cans on. Whatever happened before you came in here, gone. That's right. See ya. Two hours. You mean for two hours? Yeah. Hour and 45 minutes, actually. Why don't you get technical? An hour, 46 minutes, I think, is when we have to hard out. And we do hard out every day. We just fucking big boners. Yeah, we leave hard. Yeah, we leave hard. Everyone here always leaves hard. Except for Christine. Except for Christine. Thank God she doesn't leave hard. Fucking soft limp. Quarterline limp. Yeah. I have a very strong purse. Why would you even have that? For that? Why would you even say I have a strong purse? Do you remember how we started that once in a while? We got the origin of the drops? Yeah. Show? Find out what that one's about. I don't know half of where they come from. Oh. Well, from now on, start taking markers. I know, Christine's are never what you think they are. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's reading from a book or something. We should all take a guess of where it's from and then see who's right. Play it again. I have a very strong purse. I don't know. I have no idea. I'm doing a guess. I thought that she was probably taking a Pilates class, got into some Pilates, and found out that she had a very strong purse. It's a pleasure. I can't believe you're a pussy. It's a real question. I don't know the answer. And I'm going to give you a real answer. Me neither. Okay. Me neither. So let's assume that's what it is. I just wanted to say the word Pilates because it's a fun word. Try it. Pilates. You got your strong puss from Pilates. Pretty cool, right? It is. I think I have these pop guards. Pop, pop, pop. Yeah, what's up? It's Wednesday. It's our last live day. I've got news. You do. Breaking news, you said. I've got breaking news. I wish we had a guy to pump that in. Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to interrupt the bonfire, live. Don't you wish I had my second camera right now? Oh, your second camera is great. I want one. You know, when you get things that I want, that fucking stupid thing, I'm not getting it, by the way. The machine. The machine. Yeah, yell that. I got to fucking go fuck yourself face. Really? Yeah. You're getting it. Why don't you just do it? Just do it. Get it. Well, I got to get the other one out. I got to call a neighbor. Don't get it. And cheat. You know what I mean? I want it so bad. You got it. And then when you cheat, you could be like, well, I didn't get the thing. That's going to be much more important. Here's where you sold me on it. Aluminum. Aluminum polis. I don't know why. I'm not going to get that on that. The aluminum polis. I went like, Don, they're aluminum polis. The aluminum polis is the best polis. It's the smoothest. Everything's smoothest because it's aluminum. It's aluminum. She was like, I don't give a fuck if it was fucking die cast metal. You're not getting it. Damn, dude. Yeah. She just sealed her fate. You're going to cheat. Yeah, I'm going to cheat. I'm going to cheat on somebody way better than her, too. Well, maybe not because you can't work out now because you don't have that awesome machine. So no, there may be a big fat awful person, but. I did get in contact with the people though. They got back to me. We got a little rapport going. Do you? Yeah. It's funny. They don't seem interested in me and I've given them money already. Are you already contacted them? I hit them up on DM and I asked them a couple of questions. It was an auto response, but then someone got back to me. I think they know me, but maybe they don't, but you can tell by their response. My bench showed up today. You did? How good is it? Did you work out today? I think he sent me an extra piece. What do you mean? I think he sent me the crunch. Go to the bench. I think he sent me the crunch attachment. Oh, because there's a separate box that has a crunch attachment. You guys, you don't know what we're talking about. Hopefully you do. Jay has the ultimate. It's the B 52. This is not the ultimate anything. It's a home gym. Well, you can go along with me as the improv. You have to just contradict me and now I have to stop. Well, I don't feel uncomfortable. It's not. Don't feel uncomfortable. You got the ultimate. Who gives you shit? It's not the ultimate. All right. But you're getting Jim grade equipment. Go look at Rogue. Look at Rogue fitnesses. Same thing. Jacob, he has low self-esteem. He doesn't want people to go. He doesn't want to get hit up. Dude, it's not the best one. This is the best one. It's not the best one. It's not the best one. All right. It's not the best one. It's the middle of the road. It's a good one. Jay has a, Jay got a good one. Yeah. A good one. You got New York sports club level equipment. Sure that plays as a shithole. Yeah. That's where I go. You're such a dick. Fuck it. It's a shithole. So I hit him up, blah, blah, blah. Look at that. Look at that price. Yeah, it's great. It's the same thing. How much? $7,000, $6,000. Yeah, but why is that better than yours? Yours does more. Yours has the, yours does way more. No, it doesn't. Yeah, it does, dude. I'm going to tell you why it does. It has the incline, the, what are those things? The tricep ones, the bars that you push up on. Body dip bars. They have dip bars. I assure you there's an attachment. And you have a row machine that comes with it. The dip bars come with it. You have aluminum. Correct. Let me explain what it is. I do like this one. This thing is like going to be better quality in every possible way. All right. Does that make sense? I mean, listen, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I was trying to make you feel good and apparently it made you feel bad. You're good made me feel bad. Yeah. I don't know if that's my problem more than your fucking problem. Okay. I mean, I got a. Anywho. Anyhow. Anyhow. So I hit the machine. I hit them up, right? Then they sent me the, hello, thank you for your contacting me. And they gave me all the numbers and the emails, you know, blah, blah, blah. So I wrote, hello. It is not really, I wrote, I wrote, is it hard to put together? Little questions. Just see if somebody would answer it. It's a good feeler because there's not a chance you're putting it together yourself. It's a feeler. Okay. Exactly. That's fair. Two of my comic friends, I was going to put you in there. Maybe they'll throw you a little something, right? Extra, maybe a little thing. I think they don't like me if they do know me. Maybe I won't mention your name then. Just it looks a little daunting to put together, but if you say so, pretty amazing setup. LOL. But he wrote this. Ready? Um, daunting. Okay. Hang on. Take your kudos. You wrote daunting. I wrote daunting. Is that, is it a good one? That's a great one. I just spell it. D-A-U-N-T-I-N-G. Yeah. That's fantastic. Thanks, buddy. Go ahead. See, I took that compliment right in, even though it hurts somehow because I feel like you're, I'm so dumb that the word daunting is a thing, but I'm not going to say that a lot. You're not so dumb at all. I see. But you flub words plenty and that was a goodie and you spelled it and you killed it. Yeah. Everything about it was fantastic. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. You're going to get this machine. They wrote this back from the daunting thing. I've assembled these racks at the company before and it's not that hard in my opinion and I read this wrong. I read, you're pretty good with tools. I thought he maybe followed me and saw me build something. You think that would be why he knew you? Yeah. If you read it back as I did just now, if was the key word. Right. The word if I missed. The word if was all the lifting of that sentence. It changes it from a sentence to a question. Well, here's the thing. If you read it my way, you're pretty handy with tools. He knows me. He's my friend. He follows me. Wait, wait, wait. Say it again. You're pretty good with tools. He wrote that to you? No. He put the word if. Oh, okay, I got you. I thought he came again. Oh, yeah, no, I understood from the first time. So apparently we're not friends. You could put it together, Bobby. Yeah. Well, I know I could but I thought the way I read it myself is that you're pretty good with tools. I thought he was like, he had a connection with you. Yeah, you're Bobby Kelly and before anything else, I know that you're good with tools. Words? Nah. Won't say anything to you about your comedy or your long 30-year career of making people laugh and entertaining at the highest level. Yeah. He knows you're good with tools. You took that. You know, when you make a good point, you make a good point. And yeah, if not, it's totally fine. Just round up a couple of your buddies. The tool guy? I don't know. The tool guy? Fromope and Anthony? First of all, I have no, who am I going to round up? I don't know but don't round up anybody. All my friends rounded up fans to do it. And you hire a person because the things I've read on it, they go, it's like four-hour build, like, you know, fast. And then some people go, took me about like seven hours over a course of a couple days, I would go back to it, like kind of did it leisurely. And I'm just like, all of it sounds like a fucking nightmare though. I'm like, now I'm all right. Here's the thing though, it's safe. Yeah, I'm going to put one of those aluminum polis through a fucking drywall. I know by the end of it. Yeah. What'd you say? It's what? It's safe. The bar. The bar itself. What's that word? Smith machine? The Smith machine. Is there a guy named Smith who invented it? I don't know. He invented it? No, for sure he did not. Maybe invented it and just never used it. Or maybe they use his name because it's rigid and goes only up and down. No in-betweens. I did like yours. Nice. But now I'm looking at the Rogue trainer. Oh, yeah, I like his better. His comes with more stuff. I like that pull-up part. I'd rather get the mid-grade one that Jay got, you know, the OK one than the ultimate one. Okay, the Smith machine is named after Rudy Smith, a gym manager and executive in the Vic Taney gym chain who popularized the equipment in the 1950s while fitness pioneer, Jack LaLaine, designed the original prototype for safer weightlifting. It was Rudy Smith who commissioned improvements and installed the machine in his gyms, leading to its widespread adoption. The safety Smith machine. You ever see the videos of, like, early videos of Jack LaLaine working out? Yeah. Oh, god, this guy's gonna hurt break something. I would have thought it was the early days of him working out, but when I was watching it in the, I assume, early 80s, mid-80s, he was like, the whole thing was that he was like 100, but he was still wearing a one-piece and like running around with a lunatic. Yeah, still wearing a one-piece, pulling a truck with his teeth. He had like a Mr. Furley scarf on his neck. The whole thing was crazy looking. He was like an eccentric rich guy, like showing me how he lifts weights. Buddy, the 50s were wild. I mean, the 50s were wild. That man could just wear that. He's wearing slippers. He's wearing slippers. Oh, hang on. Jay might cry. He's dancing. This isn't that kind of dance. I'm just saying, you know, you get emotional. You never know what's gonna hit you. He's not dancing. He's exercising. He's dance exercising. I mean, in a weird way, he's also telling his father he's gay in this dance. Look at his shoes, though. His shoes have little, what are those, dance shoes? Yeah, I said they're slip, Bob. He said they're sleeves. We're in ballet slippers. Well, my foster father, Ken Laz, the Jewish dad I had who I lived with for a while, his dad made all his money in Jacqueline Jims. And in the basement, he had all the, he literally had the shake machine, the big leather thing. He had the balls that you kind of, you went, that rubbed your stomach and was supposed to get all the fat away. So, for the machine, the shake machine is one of the funniest things. I can't believe that even existed. Yeah. Just jerk your belly around until I guess weight comes off somehow. I guess the weight comes off or you throw up. That was on the Titanic. The one that goes jiggle, jiggle, jiggle around your waist. Yeah. It is funny what your, your body will do some strange things though. It does take shape. There's some, when people wear those things like the, like corsets and stuff like that, it eventually changes the shape of your body. Yeah. You like take that shape. Yeah, women had it. Women back in the 1800s, in the heat, it just had to dress. They had like the corset on. They had to tie your body in half. Tie your body up, then wear a thing over that and then another thing over that and then oh my God. They're just shitting with no toilet paper, free bleeding. Stretches took 95 minutes. Oh, thank God. Can you please help me with these 85 buttons on my back? I have to wash my bloody vagina. Bobby, this is a gay guy showing you, I mean everything he's doing is a gay activity from his shoes to his, the whole thing. Yeah, he's a. He's jiggling. He's also got a fucking thick ass. It's not even muscular. It's a sick, sick ass. I don't know. Those shoes are nice though. Too much. I might get those to work out. You should. They really are ballerina slippers. Are they attached to his pants? I don't know. He's wearing a garter belt or something. Why does his dick and ball seem like they're so low? What's he got? MC Hammer? He's got a belt buckle on. Can we see if he was confirmed gay man? I think he was married. Two. Two, a woman. Straight man. Well, come on. He's straight. Come on. Yeah, back in the 50s. The 50s, what was he gonna say? Everybody was straight. Even the gays. Yeah, Ellen John was straight in the 50s. I seem to remember him doing like a lat pull down later in life and his technique looked like he was about to like snap his spine. Can I tell you why this guy's gay? Queer's a fucking $2 bill. Why? Because he's not married to his wife. So he's married to his wife for 51 years from 1959 until his death. Gay. Gay. Gay. It's a gay guy. He just stayed with her and did his gay thing behind her back for 51 years. Yeah, that's the only way you can stay with a woman your whole life is you're doing gay stuff behind your back. Trust me, I've been gone for 18 years. You're right on the cusp of some gay stuff. I'm on the cusp. Nah, dude. That's why he bosses always on the road alone. He's not doing golf. Nah, dude, you have a new credo in your house, dude. Machiner cheat. I know. I think I might get... T-shirt, kid, get a shirt. Machiner cheat. Yeah, I'll get sued by Burke. Go back to it. I mean, he's... Go back to that right about him. Everything he does is feminine. He was feminine until the end. He wore neckerchiefs. There's the one piece, yeah. But he's got a little symbol. He's got a little pin on his tit, too. Yeah, I think the tit... A little brooch. I think his belt buckle is logo, too. He's wearing a fucking jack-o'-lantern brooch. Absolutely wearing a brooch. What the hell? With a pin. It's got a pin. It's an old kind, too. Favorite furniture, though. He's got really nice furniture. You think? Yeah, I love that little Danish... By the way, that's a fake outside. No, that's real. No? That's not real. Nah, I just started duck-lending on that fucking pond. What a weird setup. Yeah, it's a studio. Yeah, he was a gay guy. Jack LaWayne raped boys. Let's see if... Look if... See if he's got a piece, though. You can always see a guy in a... Of course you can. Look how much space he needs. He's got a broider that says Jack on it. Oh, okay. He's curious. He's got a little piece. Look up old work out of Jack LaWayne work out equipment. I want to see what they were doing back in the day to work out. We know the shake machine. God damn. They were here. What an old pud. Yeah. He was so... He was a little guy, though. How tall was he? Oh. What was he? He's like Jacob's height, right? Probably. That's Bobby Height. That's not my height. I'm not your height. It is Bobby Height. I'm not your height. Bobby Height. That's Bobby Height. That's your height. That's taller than you. Are you and Jacob same height? No, I'm 5'8". I thought you were a little bit taller than me. I am. I'm a little bit taller, a little bit smaller. Wish you were a baller. 5'7". I think it's like I'm going to solve this one-on-one basketball game. Oh, come on, fucking. I'll tumble. Trampoline dunk contest. I'll do it. I'll do that. With mascot outfit on. With mascot outfits on. Yeah. Would you do it? Sure. Trampoline dunk contest. You're going to go get... Oh, trampoline dunk? You're going to go against the moose? I don't think you got it, kid. I don't think you'll beat the moose. Oh, yeah. Bobby bangs you down low. It's over. Can you pull up older videos of him working out? Do they have photos? Let me see the photos of the exercise equipment. I don't want to read about it. Old Jack Lelaine exercise. You can get a belt buckle. I'd get his belt buckle. Can you get it? Dude, we should get those. This is your waistline is your lifeline. Jack Lelaine. We should get those. I want one. Oh, my God. Look at the weights. The little screw on the... By the way, Christine's got a set of those and doesn't want to part ways with them. I go, what are you going to fucking kill someone intruding into your hut? Why do you need something that old and antiquated? Stupid. And they unscrew while you're lifting them, Bobby? Because the way the weights... So you're just... You're watching them unscrew. Yeah. They're the shittiest things I've ever seen. They take up a weird amount of space and they're so oddly heavy. Oh, remember you had the Jack Lelaine juicer? Isn't that what you have? No, I don't have that. I don't have a juicer. You have the shake machine? I don't... No, the shake machine... Oh, you were kidding all around. I thought you had it. No, he... My foster dad had it in the basement. Oh, you meant the shake machine like that? The exercise equipment. I thought you meant like milking like protein shakes or something. No. He had the actual... The exercise equipment. Whatever... I think this here, the Jack Lelaine food processor thing is what I saw when I was a kid. Type in Jack Lelaine exercise equipment. Don't do remember that. Don't type in shake machine because I think he did have some type of shake thing for drinks. Oh, look at that. There's some over there. Scroll down. What is the equipment? That looks like just something in a gynecologist's office. Yeah. Just stirrups. It is like BDSM, like fuck equipment. Yeah, look at the arms on the side. You can turn all of Jack Lelaine's equipment into fucking machines. You know that website fucking machines? They're all gay fucking machines. Absolutely. Every one of these things is meant to blast your asshole open for another guy to enter it. I mean, nothing about this guy wasn't gay from the time he was a boy till a dying adult. Everything about him. Look at his pictures. He's pretty shredded though. Sure. Pretty shredded. You gotta be though. Lots of gay guys are. Oh, wow. Look at his legs. You're gonna be able to walk right into that fucking gay bar and have dudes pawing at your pecker. How funny is that that he was more shredded than Superman at that time? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Remember Dumpy Superman? He was straight. He was straight. He was man in shape. Yeah, he was just regular guy. In the 50s, this was gay in shape. You had the only care about your body. There's a fat lady taking that fucking shake machine. Yeah, there it is right there. That's a shake. My foster father had those in the basement. He had like five of them. Multiple. Yeah, because his father owned Jack Lelaine gyms. So you'd get on it and it would just go, and the things would spin. He looks like a mixer. Yeah, it was a fat person mixer. God damn, that is a shitty looking piece of equipment. That looks like the girl who was always breaking down. Is she alive? Have we ever checked on Evelyn in fucking forever? I know. I don't know. I haven't seen. She hasn't popped up on my feed for a minute. Yeah, she's out of the feed. Probably dead. Either that or the government got her. Well, that mean, I'm assuming that would be the same outcome. Well, they might just have her and, you know, putting more stuff in her brain and tongue. Yeah. And vagina. We're putting stuff in her vagina. Remember that. I guess that's true. It is weird when you find out that the, when they took the president of Venezuela, it was Delta team that did it. And they actually used like these crazy weapons, sonic weapons to shoot at these other soldiers. So like we have. Did they get the ultimate bad guy with a motorcycle with two small missiles built in the front of it? Because that's what the Delta team did that I'm aware of. Headed up by Chuck Norris. By, well, Chuck Norris. General Chuck Norris. Commandant Chuck Norris. You know, Delta is like the highest level of, they're the baddest motherfuckers on the planet. And nobody made, they all make movies about seal team and seal team Delta and Rangers look down on seal team like whatever, like they ain't shit. I would rather watch Chuck Norris is Delta force movie over any movie, Black Hawk down or any of that shit. Black Hawk down was so good. You think it's as good as Delta force? I'm not saying that. Am I saying that Chuck Norris almost single-handedly stopped terrorism. And those people were being tortured on that plane. I'm not saying that Robert Forrester in full body paint. In actual, in illegal action today. A cancelable offense these days. It's so funny. Let me see it. I love that he just had like a bazooka. One of the old ones. Dude, he's got every weapon possible and he's on a motorcycle most of the time. He has a World War One bazooka. I still remember. How do you even travel with that? Every time he kills somebody else they play the song. Robert Forrester. Didn't you have an Italian accent? Awesome Israeli people were on the plane. I almost forgot about them Do I remember the hot stewardess No one even did anything sexual assaulted her at all. They didn't even try to do like an Arab accent It was just a Spanish. Yeah, Indian do it go up to the front and turn it by that Palestine is here. We want to make love to you Um It's all about the end of Delta Force, dude when he turns a motorcycle towards a guy and shoots missiles out of the front of it He's got machine guns on it too Oh I forgot kung fu Jones was in it Kung fu Jones from I'm gonna I'm gonna get you sucker and the American Ninja franchise. He died real young who Kung fu Jones. Yeah, did he write almost right? Drove a motorcycle through a window and kick the guy in the kitchen, of course Delta Force is the highest trained guys in the world. Hi there better than the top of the top of the heap Yeah, starring Chuck Norris. Yeah, this is better than you're right. This is better than any other movie so much better black Hawk down any documentary about the wars The wars the wars are multiple multiple front wars Sorry, I talked to Dave today No, you did okay, so I talked to Dave Smith earlier. I'm worried about the wars Um, so I have breaking news. Yes breaking news Thanks, Jay No, that was not the breaking news I have breaking news Hey machine you thought can you break into the news for me? Be bop-de-bop-de-bop-de-bop. This is a breaking news report with Robert Kelly. Thanks, buddy Oh Hey ladies and gentlemen Breaking news here on the bonfire apparently We might have a new Senator in our mix New Jersey The New Jersey Senate race has a new runner Vinnie Brand, no, I swear to God Vinnie Brand the owner of the stress factory is Dipping his toes into the political water Senator to become senator Foxy wanted to be a senator for I don't know why do you want to be a comic? Oh, right? Okay? I mean he's made he's made weird choices, but he is He is a Chow Cory Cory Booker. He's gonna challenge him For the for the Senate race a businessman stand-up comedian who owns the stress factory Total group of Republican leaders tonight that he is considering a run for the US Senate against incumbent Cory Booker He told a group of Republican leaders tonight. What was he doing with a bunch of Republican leaders? He's getting his backers his funding his supporters brand 62 Wow, that means what I meant Vinnie he was in his Looking late 30s 30 still wow Spoken a fundraiser for state senator John Bram Nick who's up for reelection in 2027 attendees at the event Held at Bramwick's Westfield home included the Republican County chairs blah blah blah Bing Bang boom boring people boring people boring people and Vinnie Brand More boring people I'm voting for him three times I'll vote for him even I'll move to Jersey and get a little apartment so I can vote for him He was I would I want to vote for him so he leaves the stress factory so I can work there again Well, by the way, here's the thing Brand is performed on television and radio including appearances on Rosie O'Donnell Last comic standing in the opening Anthony show, so he's already starting lying out of the gates. Good politician work Why he hasn't he wasn't on Rosie O'Donnell. I'm kidding It is just funny to give you credits at the end of it, too Yeah, I give you credits from 30 years ago I should run for Senate so they should be like one of the legionist skanks You've seen him on white boys in the hood. You may know him from P. Diddy's bad boys of comedy He was managed by P. Diddy himself managed by P. Diddy for three years Yeah, he's running he's gonna run for said that's crazy and here's the thing he is good at that shit that Schmutz and politician. Yeah, he's he stands by the it's gonna be funny though Cuz all the horseshit he's gonna pull in the Senate if he gets he's gonna have a payphone putting his He's gonna start a point in comics he wants to come to the club to things Andrew Schultz is our secretary of All his press conferences what? Oh my god, what the fuck is he gonna do what'd you say? That's a nightmare. He's deaf What You only have to write the senator no one could talk to Songs about that is It's me Vinnie Brandt go with the frog Ray Roboto. Hey Yeah, see what you want to stand up a comedian club owner who has hearing aids. Oh my god, he can't hear But he is very I mean I've talked to him over the years when we used to talk I talked to him all the time He's really smart with Politics sure he's really involved in that and then he's he's a smart guy. He's a smart guy It's just you know kind of a little smart to figure out his final solution where he wants black Lou and his family out of the state Get Cory Booker out you can Cory Booker out first and he's sitting in black Lou with him And all your stupid fire alarms You're blinking fire along as only thinking here they're taking the whole neighborhood. That's why he's running cuz that fucks up his hearing aids Like a dog freaking out no one else knows what the problem is Only black Lou and Vinnie Brandt are pissed Yeah, so he's I mean he you know not that he I mean Once you're a politician you kind of in until you fuck up bad Cuz people just vote for you cuz they're lazy, but he's gonna run for a Senate That's pretty wild and if he if he gets in if he becomes the Senate if he becomes the senator of New Jersey Oh my god. Yeah, he still shows up to do a 45 minute spot when you're there on weekends But it's just a secret service comes in Takes over the green room Hey, hey, what's going on the food's not gonna get better at that club This definitely means the food's not gonna get better his mind's gonna be elsewhere. Hmm. Well You know it's going to do that club in Bridgeport. I think it's in the middle of a bad neighborhood with a balcony Actually one of the worst neighborhoods in Connecticut And he sold it to me he's like it's coming back It's you know, this is part of the process the club there. They got a new restaurant Restaurant one under clubs still there. Huh, huh? Bridgeport bridgeport. Oh that that place is never coming back. He opened a restaurant, too Well, they had a no they had a burger place next door that he would get the food from and he's like they were starting it They were starting to put businesses downtown and he was like we're coming back It's gonna be old Bridgeport and they forgot to get the people that live in Bridgeport out But new Bridgeport one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember it was I came home from that gig I did that gig once and I came home with like We had bonfire material for weeks. We looked up like there's like five child rappers that had their flyers I'm like the bodega Just child rappers. They're like check out my shit motherfucker like seven I remember there's a you there's a park right in front of the club Like one of those little town parks and I had a park on the other side of it And I remember I would have to run through the park every day. It's a little tiny park I would just run through the front door of the club and just bang on it. Let me in The door's open freaking out. He's somebody else out here and he's an adult My friend went to school the University of Bridgeport and you would never leave Why did he go there? I mean he wasn't smart. Yeah, he transferred after a wonderful track program. Yeah, he's yeah, he realized very quickly living hell Yeah, that that town is gabaj And and the jokes didn't help it out of it. I wonder where where does Vinny live? Like we're part of jersey. Oh, he lives in uh, he lives in the country dude. He has like a mansion in the country But you don't know what part ish. I think it's near the club. It's it's not too far. No way it's near the club I think it's not too far. It's not too far. The club's also a shitty neighborhood new bronzoic. Oh, yeah It's a college town shitty. It's college and shitty college college and ghetto Yeah, yeah, but the college kids at certain times of the year make it all right You know and they're not there. It's pretty fucking crazy monmouth county He's serving the local board of education. Huh? Huh? We need new buses. Huh buses Huh It's from my hometown Well, oh, oh mom with count and mom. Oh, now you have to vote for now jigsaw's hometown Yeah, so he uh, we come from mom with county. It's not much to do Skip rocks you and susie Catch a little smooch with his kick accent. You get a little smooch underneath the bleachers susie Reach up her skirt cotton panties bicycles Hey, I just want to say that abortion is illegal in jersey now. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It's still legal You can get if you want If any brand definitely doesn't believe in abortion. He's got like 15 kids You could make it into the city in 50 minutes from where where the boss grew up. Sure and he's got that accent Yeah Well, you grow up in a steel mill. There's no steel mills near you. Oh Shit, what does my dad do then? Yeah, be careful. I was confused uh, veni brand with veni guagguadagnino Jersey shore who resides in statten island. What who's making that mistake? You think someone's talking to you think that's why they think he's running for senate They go veni guadagnino is running for senate The guagguino veni guagguino is running. It's gonna be ballie d It's either me or the guy who can't hear yo, where's the smush room in the senator's mansion Yo, the senator's man needs a smush room Hey, there should be a condom dispenser in the bathroom all over You have a press conference, sir t-shirt time Hey, get that fat cap secretary out of here Yo, this chick's too big. She's making me upset Get somebody hotter in here. Hey I want gabagol every day. It's my gabagol 80s chicken colored time pound the damn flat like ma It's called gravy not sauce All right, this is the time where everybody in the house has to beat up the beat. 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I'm a flight risk A j bell feel good investing the value of your investments can go up or down well Hey, can I ask you a question? Yeah, because I've now heard the name twice and someone made it. I thought they were kidding Yeah, when they go, hey, I'm opening Uh, it's been a fun weekend working with you. It's good because next week I have to work with little little mozzarella Yeah And I go who's a little mozzarella go the biggest thing in the world right now What's whose little mozzarella it's a comedian. Well, he's not a comedian. He's more of um He's more of a uh influencer that Went to clubs and did his little thing What do you do? I actually had him on my podcast. He's a pretty nice guy. Yeah, but it's like a character. He does And he goes, uh, yeah He does uh, he does bobby had him once and bobby's gonna watch bobby goes. I don't know my show and he was uh Uh Pretty good, dude. There's a problem. You're over you're over pot. You're over uh broadcast. Let me try it again. You ask me again You know little mozzarella. Yeah, buddy. I had him on my pod. He's all right, dude Nice guy nice guy really nice guy does like a character It's a character. So you want to move on? No I don't know who he is Oh How you done this it's jacob on a level dude this guy has put Jacob has felt Jacob has felt the hot wet Arm pit of that guy on the back of his neck so many times in his life Whether it's in a fucking noogie or an arm around you or this little guy right this little guy right here. Yeah, dude Last week on the train back to queens. He had the Italian flag tattooed on his arm for sure Absolutely. Well, I always said this I understand this guy. I've said it years ago on opian anthony You need a catchphrase and a people. Yeah, we're all taking cheese. That's it That's it catchphrase. How you doing a little steak and cheese Italian people. That's it. Marshmallows, dude I wish I fucking doubled down on it. You should have doubled down anymore. You ran from it You should have been marshmallow Oh, I would have when I came out it'd be thousands of people going Let's see Yeah, dude Little mozzarella. So he is doing shows. He's doing live shows. He's doing I mean, dude He works every comic spoke of them every weekend. He's working Edmonton Vick de potato is it the same kind of thing? Well, yeah, but I think Vic had an act I think he goes up and does his thing. What's he doing? You know, you know who worked working Danny Braff worked with them Little mozzarella little mozzarella. Um, can I see some of his stand-up please? Little mozzarella stand-up It's got a lollipop in his hand He sells it. That's his merch. Is it? No I believe you I would if I was him But all these all these people are coming here to see him Like they're there to see this How you doing give me wise guys show flashbacks right now. Let's see Jacob loves them Jacob loves it Pack it up Jacob, when'd you get that fucking where'd you get that can? Lou? That's my sound effect, please Helium comedy Buffalo thinks it's fire Are you done? Yes, sister Jacob loves Jacob loves him Dude, you guys had a ball together on your show on the podcast. Yeah He was all right. He was he was actually pretty cool. You know, what's hell? We had uh, we had uh, no I was a little nervous around little steak and cheese. That he was gonna come in and just be how you doing? And I was gonna have to do put up with that. You should be a little chowder. He was uh, I don't want to be chowder Little chowder. No, I don't be chowder Little chowder. I don't want little chowder. I want to be like, uh, little lobsters not good roast beef. Maybe something with roast beef Yeah, how about how about uh, kelly clams? How about a little freckle boston shit? No, I'm not freckles. I don't fucking be Italian sir. Little clover Uh, you went to the town side little garlic little garlic Little marinara little marinara I mean you and my new and what's it all can go out together Instead of little little i'll be big months. Well, you could be balsamic glaze. I put all the i'll be tomato You'll be beef steak tomato Bobby tomatoes actually, I think i'm beef steak tomato now that I hear it now that I hear that loud I think I'd be beef steak tomato Hey beef steak tomato over here gabbago. Hey, hey, your sister. How you doing? Hey, your sister's bulls Bulls Your sister's bulls. I like the Italian when they go bulls We're doing i mean he's still laughing that's how much you love him. You fucking love this guy. Love guinea humor dude You're a big fan. Yeah Damn dude part of the flashbacks Yeah, your flash was getting fucking jumped by little mozzarella and his little fat friends Dumbos. Yeah, oh guys always got sweat in the middle of his white tank top He's got like some he's got a little gold chain with a little Italian horn that always got in your face when you push you Against the wall jerk off pride Oh, they're so proud of being a place. I've never been they never went to when they were younger either Never went their italian pride. Oh, what about you and your jewish pride? Yeah, you do a stupid jewish pride too I don't I don't say anything. Oh, yeah, I do you say palestine. Fuck you say fuck palestine Every hour on the hour every hour in the hour you go over in the corner do some weird prayer Yeah, you gotta get fucking weird shit You know you put a like a fucking gopro in your forehead and wrap your arm and shit. You wear a yamak under your toupee Yep Everybody knows it's a toupee everyone knows he has a yamak. It's a hair. It's a hair system. That's what you should get a yamaka You don't remember what the yamaka with hair It should be dreadlocks like the uh, like when you get the big hat the jamaica hat Yeah, well, do I remember what what the laughter iraq stood for? Yeah, what was it tell us italian retard out cruising? That's what they used to say. Yeah, that's what that's what the nerd used to say I didn't make it up while you were saying while you were saying that bobby was taking the teetop Yeah, I had a car with teetop. Of course you did Stupidest invention ever buddy. Yeah, you had to take them off and then put them in your back seat Yeah, pull over put them in a sleeve and then put them in your trunk. It sucked And hope to god you didn't hit a lot of bumps. Yeah without a doubt the biggest jerk-off group of high school What the italians? Yeah, where'd you grow up? Marlboro Marlboro, New Jersey. New Jersey. Yeah next to the boss is home town I love Italians beat That's who he was surrounded by What this accent they made fun of jacob because he brought a bag lunch every day Fucking loza going down to the Whole Foods next to Trader Joe's sweet salmon at lunch Jacob 12 yeah jacob ate with chopsticks like molly ringwald and breakfast club He brought his own soy sauce packets Just assimilated to a Yeah Jacob was afraid to throw his chinese stars at the Italian kids. It's called sashimi you grease ball It's called sashimi Jacob Did a lot of work full circle then I came here in the first show they attached me to is the wise guy's show worst fucking Worship Of all radio you remember on it everybody was talentless. I did it once went on. I did it once they fucking Fucking cut my knees out when I went on Rob show specifically You got the oh, is that why you're five six? They were Five eight you piece of shit. Oh jacob's you were five six. I uh, it's fine. I'm biffing it when you become five eight um I uh, I went on there and they were just dicks like I I was So excited to go on that show. I love that type of dude. I thought I was gonna go on They were going hey, this fucking guy's all right You're already dead. It was a very Robert patrick kelly. I wanted it. I wanted it was very The energy in there was very they're told they have to have guests on their book guests are booked for them They just find out so they go. Oh, I guess the comedians coming in and they treated me as such Yeah, I don't even I barely remember it. Uh cha-cha, right? Yes that big fat shithead He was the worst it wasn't polyworn. I'm sorry. It was vincent pestory Vincent yeah, he was the The lead he was the it was his show basically but sometimes but he would be out away a lot And cha-cha and but it wasn't polio. Floyd was on I believe Uh, and then cha-cha was the worst It was such a terrible atmosphere when you walked in because they didn't want you there and then when they brought you in They're like go. What do you got and they ate? Like massive quantities of food. I did I did like that part massive and what's their thing? What was the show about it was built around the sopranos About the show no talking about being italian and being it it was the whatever happened on the sopranos that week and just being italian Talking about being italian. What a bunch of fucking jerkoffs. Yeah, and they're bachi ball. Huh? Talk about it. I do like a bachi ball. Yeah, I do like that Do you leave do you put the pork bones in the sauce and you just take the meat off the sauce You got to put the sauce on friday. Let it simmer till sunday. I'll do it Whatever you come up with won't you you're not even coming close. It was that italian I have the theme song to give jacob flash hey before you do that guys we have to uh We got to get this out there You guys it's your chance to win a pair of tickets to see sal volcano on the uh, let's set the song I'm advertising me with this if you can uh, sal volcano. He's very Italian Hey, you want to see this gindaloon go up there and do his thing sal comedy very italian centric Yes, black loo if you if he's online one he wanted to uh speak to you. Who is can I mic finoya? What's up? What's up mickey mickey finoy cheese finoy cheese Hey, bobby bread bowl. What's happening? What's going on snake killer? Oh scoom gilly scoom gilly v. Finoya Hey, gaba gooch. I hear any talking shit about a little mow. I'm gonna fuck you all Hey, I'm not hey. Whoa. Whoa. I'm not talking nothing about him. I had none more respect It's jay throwing him onto the fucking bus the mozarel jays the rat. No, I just asked about him I had my first time ever hearing his voice was today How you doing your sister? Let me tell you something Little mo little mo mozarel is the reason that one day you guys are gonna hear that i'm Hung and hang myself in my fucking closet. Why? Why? What you have your own money or something? Mike, can you can you not do it in the club? Can you do it in the shed just to keep the value of the house up? Yes, true. That is true, dude. Yeah, do it out in the shed. You can always get rid of the shed the house They're gonna have to bring it down. It's gonna be an amnival house. Yeah, dude You don't do that to your wife. We don't want your ghost living in the house Isn't the trippy grateful dead music all the time? Yes I wish they would just say boo Whatever happened to just making a boo noise all night Three hours later, I can't sleep Hey, is the black hoof pig hanging from the ceiling dude the wise guys I don't know if he makes me more upset as a comic or as an italian Mike I always forget you're italian. I always think you're jewish and I don't know why Because he's friends with me Nine of them are vows I still can't get it right finia finanios finarios finuccio Financio Yeah, but look at he's stealing fucking joey. That's that's joey from friends, dude This is what this is like even how you're doing is not fucking original Mike, how do you how do you really how do you really feel about him? Also Mike also also mozzarella is a cheese not a person What? I'm breaking this whole thing. I know this whole thing's bullshit. Just a nickname. I'm just blindly getting my back That's not how you spell little you forgot the t that's right It's a lil doesn't mean anything. It's not even a word guys. It's a it's a nickname Oof I had him on my podcast He's bobby's best friend. Hey, can I can I their co-owners of punch up live? Can I book? Can I book you and him on ykwd together so we can have this discussion? Oh Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Little mozzarella versus a little pepper Little mickey peppers hanging mic like little mickey peppers I They call me mickey peppers. I always bring me charged in peppers You can put me in a salad or you can see me regular Yeah, fucking mickey money got mickey mother god I like that mic. That's your new name by the way mickey mother god. He's coming to the concert little mozzarella I love you when I hate you guys. Love you too. Bye buddy. I'll learn to hate him for you You know, he's on 93 right now going somewhere You hate him. I love you. Love me. That's right. I love you. So I hate him. I love I I love all of you I love everybody. We're gonna melt that little mozzarella Melted mozzarella's not good Melted mozzarella. I don't like it. What I don't like it I don't you like regular cheese raw mozzarella cheese over just melted mozzarella cheese The mozzarella with the tomato and a little uh balsamic glaze. Yeah, sure. I'd rather take that over it on a pizza That's a lie. I like regular cheese on the pizza. What do you lie for to your friends? I'm not lying. You're trying to make him think you're not fucking Italian that Italian so he's not afraid of you anymore Hey, how you doing? I like regular. I like my pizza cheese or pepperoni. That's it. I don't like any of the Fancy fucking horseshit. You're talking about just fresh mozzarella Yeah, not like the not the chunks of it. I don't want to clump a mozzarella melted on my thing No, but who does that they do that, dude. Do you know the cheese on pizzas mozzarella cheese? Yeah, but it's shredded mozzarella I don't like the clumps of it Bobby, this is why you were rejected on the wise guy show. Yeah, this I'll be honest with you right now. I'm with them Oh this guy doesn't even understand how the mozzarella works. I thought you were talking What do you think's other? I like I like breed cheese pizza. Oh christ with the rind. Oh this guy's doing artisan pizzas now Have you ever had a havarrati pizza to die? Oh my god, dude. Good at pizza. I'm gonna go upside you not right now stand there And then another one over here And then I went right in your sucking your guts You know, yeah, like see this see the square the circles later. I don't like it like Bobby I don't even like a pizza that's cooked like this. I hate someone should take this and throw it out Yeah, it's a piece of shit. Yeah, it should be a perfect circle the way dominoes figured it out Why can't you wood fire cold oven horseshit? Yeah, I hate when they get look at that one down the bottom Hey, can I always have a half burnt half cheese falling off the other side shitty pizza from your tavern? And it's it's like just open Seize him nobody wants that unless you're a jerk off a lot of people like that stupid shit the fucking wise guys like that shit No, no, we they don't You remember Jay they fucking don't like how dare you disrespect them. Were you guys there when they had jake up? Show you I'm talking to jay right now. Go ahead. Oh Pipe down you don't fucking learn from high school. Do you fucking jukin runs his mouth all day long Fucking pipsqueak. You give me a sock across your not okay hang on here comes and then the other one right here And then I'm bang boom Give me kicking the ass from me and a little kick in the ass. Take that your cock suck take his change Give me a fucking change right now. Give me a fucking change. Take his dick cross the david take that too Whatever that started. What is this? What's your fucking crazy star right here? What is this? What are you doing? You fucking good in school. What is this? Everything they did had an Stick again, Jay suckers dig about to get your dick suck pull your shit out right now Oh Shut up. I'm sucking your fucking dick. How are you disrespectful when a man sucking your dick you fucking keep your mouth shut You're gonna hit you All right, let me finish off Great now i'm out of fucking spit Now i'm done with this. This guy's an asshole Fucking I got a dry mouth Full balls Mike He met a guy that's on the highway right now all fueled up It was among the italians. It was real greaseball shit So anyway, if you want to see sal talk for I heard the show is two and a half hours long of straight italian talk And that the handy brings up little little muts around and then little muts want to come up and they make up songs on the spot They play improv games and none of them are prepared. Yeah, but they uh using accordion Did you know that? If you guys want to see sal volcano perform for what four and a half hours in some cities, I understand exclusively ranting and rambling about being italian Sal is one of the funniest fucking people on the planet One of the nicest guys. I love one of my good friends one of our both of our great friends Um, make sure you enter to try to get those tickets. They got to call our number. Yeah, it's uh, nine six nine eight six six eight six six nine six nine 1969 you can call and get uh three tickets, right? Yeah, and when you call uh figure out uh, what's a pair of tickets? We have different shows. Is it a pair of tickets? Different tickets for different shows. You can see them in colorado springs. You can see them in austin texas And I said vag, you can vagus if you're in the area vagus austin and colorado spring. But when you call up you gotta go How you doing? Yeah, only talk to me in little muts. Yes, if you call up you have to talk We have to have full italian conversation You can't if you call up regular stew gods if you call up like hide like the tit you ain't getting them Well, if you don't fucking live there, what do you want the tickets for you? Fuck you have to call up and go hey, I heard a couple tickets fell off a truck over in jersey We told you that Just heard a thing little birdie. What are you fucking doing talking to here cover your mouth when you're talking All right, a little birdie day. I don't want to rattle jake up your fucking mouth when you talk everyone's looking Can I ask a question? Fucking you want your dick sucked again. Is that what you're looking for? What do you want to take a break? I'll break your fucking hand. I'm gonna give you one of these jake up right here And what and then what is right here? You know what jay suck it again. I'm gonna suck it again He's still headed out Guys laughing while you're sucking. Oh, it's funny. I'm sucking your dick, huh? I'm gonna give you that one. He fucking not what are you gay and then one right to your cock Who laughs while they're getting their dick sucked? Put some ice on that thing and I'll suck it later. You fucking homosexual you are There you are They call me little fissile Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the comedy works south in colorado Competing directly with salvo cano where you can get free tickets for him You can get free tickets for me That's february 5th through the 7th after that he'll be in columbus, ohio Batavia illinois and comics roadhouse in connecticut for tickets and all their tour dates Go to punch up that live slash robert kelly and check out bobby's youtube channel youtube.com slash at robert kelly comedy And of course every tuesday night at 7 p.m. At the fat black pussycat lounger the comedy cell How was it last night fun? Uh, no it was not now the weather is shitty man. It's just tough Uh, guess how many people were there? How many? Yes? 300 no 80s I just stay in the city and do that every tuesday 79 seats 79 80 It's 80. It's 80. Yeah How many people No lower 72 nope, we don't get time for this Anyways, big jay levy live this weekend the 30th in the 31st after that he's gonna be in dania beach For nope Forth Forth and then in nashville for ticket. No, you're wrong again. Go lower go low low Uh for tickets zero people uh, no go up just a little bit and all of the tour dates go to big jay comedy dot com No, low again go back low youtube.com slash at big j. Oakson one person No a little bit up than that just a little bit don't go too far Uh for his live show and all his specials up. You guys skip to 60s. Yeah, no go down Nope up a little more Three nope up a little more 55 no You got one of those numbers, right? five Shut up And I was yeah, why'd you do it? Well because I promised there's a waiter over at the seller Who is a stand-up comic in a couple weeks ago? I was like, hey come by. I'll let you do a spot So he came by with his girlfriend And if she left him humiliation for the five people she left it only before so I need This is why you won't get me both hocks in my armpits anymore. Dr. Gay was there. Dr. Gay was there. He gave me a wolverine juice Um, so we did he did a great job though. It was good and uh, the crowd was the the people I was gonna say crowd I said the people were great So there you go, and uh, I got a couple new bits working my hero bit is killing it. So yeah, you are a hero I do I'm a hero. It's not a bit