Ostentatious Turban

And now, The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. Oi! Oi! Man. Oi! Oi! I like, uh... Ooh! I like Patti LaBelle's version better. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. Is that her name? Patti LaBelle? Kim Wilde. That too. Patti LaBelle's an African American legend. Who sang? On my own once again. That's my favorite. Maybe concert moment ever. Me and Christine in a fight. We're not talking. We're going to avoid and not go to a Michael McDonald concert we were given tickets to by Ari. Christine says, I don't want to lie to Ari. I don't want to lie to Ari and say we're not going. It was just her holding her ground on a thing. She's lied to Ari so many times. Is that true, Christine? Is what true? Have you lied to Ari so many times since? I'm sure I've lied to Ari, but I didn't want to, he got us these tickets, I didn't want to like fake an experience of this concert when he asked us, but like I would have given it away. I think we could have faked seeing Michael McDonald. Sure. It's not like, it's not like you're moving. I don't even know if he asked us about the concert after we went. Yeah. Maybe. But we weren't going to go, and then we did go, and it was like a train to a fucking icy walk. Ugh. To go into this theater in Montclair, Tarrytown. Mm-hmm. up in the Tarrytown Theater there. I'm familiar. Nice theater. It's Best Chester, where I live. It's a nice theater. It's not as nice as where I live, but yes. Sure. But we went in and watched the show, and it was like, you know, we're getting into as much as you can get into the songs you remember. You're like, oh yeah, this is a good song. But we're barely dealing with each other, me and Christine. Give me a couple of those songs. Well, I can't forget we're not in love anymore. I can't forget every time you leave. Give me one more. Y'all be there, up and over. Y'all be there, up and over. Yeah. What a fool believe he sees. The wise man has the power. The wise man? That's what I always say. That's what Lou says. Reason away. But then he started doing On My Own, the various song with him and Patti LaBelle. with his background singer. Right. Who was great. Right. Sitting in front of us the whole time was a family who I was enjoying watching a little bit because dorky little guy of a dad. Big energy, though. In this concert that is a sit-down, no one really is dealing, like, you know, like no one's standing up and dancing in this concert. It's all sitting. It's old. And this guy, his trophy wife, who is younger than him, definitely also not interested in the show, And his two kids who were like, kids that have to dress like they just got off a boat always. What? You know, they're like in their teens, but they were both wearing like clothes, like they made them wear, like a sweater over a button-down shirt. Right. Hair parted to the side kid. Yeah, the church outfit. Just, yeah, everyone's just dressed like, you know, like I said, like they're going to like a nice boat, a nice seafood restaurant first. Right. And then sit down for a nice show. But this dad is into it. And there's a part of the song where, historically, Patti LaBelle, hits this song and she goes, this isn't how it was supposed to be. She has some big note. And when she hits that note, dude, this guy, I mean, so loud in the theater, at least he's right in front of us, but she goes, it wasn't how it was supposed to be. And he goes, holy shit. I can't believe it. And that broke us. We were fine the rest of the night. I was like, yeah, we got to talk. I have to talk to somebody about what's happening here. You're the only person I know here. Christine, have you ever lied to me? Of course. Yeah, probably. Oh, shit. Really? Yeah. I don't know what I would have lied to you about. Remember, she said she doesn't think you own Punch-Up Live or that you look good in a turban or all those things. I don't understand what is going on, Bobby. What's happening? What do you mean? Well, I'll tell you. I'll tell you we're up front. Robert Cleo? I'll tell you we're up front. Immediately. A guy, what's that? Oh, yeah. You look like fucking Quaid in The Running Man. Not The Running Man, Total Recall. We were up front and just hanging out. You're smoking a little ganja. Sure. And some guy walks up, nondescript dude. Oh, yeah. Hey, man, big fan of everything you do, all the stuff you've ever done and are gonna do. I'm a huge fan, man. And I'm staring right in his face. And then I go, what about me? He goes, you're good, but you're not as good as him. He didn't even say you were good. He said... Hey, hang on one second. There's an illusion that I'm creating on the radio. So we don't have to tell them everything. Oh, I thought we were reporting the news. It's entertainment. Yeah, no, it's pretty entertaining what happened. Even the news that report the news. Tell your entertaining side of it, and then I'll tell my entertaining side of it. And then I just started trashing him, but then he trashed me back. We were just trashing each other. I was tense because it started off, so the guy walked past us and then doubled back. He heard my voice and then looked back and then he doubled back. I would say he saw your mittens. Maybe he saw my mittens. But whatever it was, he came back and he was just like, just put his fist out, very sweet. He was like, hey man, he goes, big fan of your stuff, man, big fan of all you do. And he knuckle pounded me and I said, oh thank you, man. And then Bobby goes, hey, what about me? He's driving my fans away from me now. He goes, what about me? And the guy goes, he goes, well, what about you? He goes, I know you're a comedian too, he's just better. And he just kept saying that. He's just better, and then Bobby started insulting his shoes and he insulted Bobby's shoes. They made fun of each other's pants and weight, hair, whole outfit, demeanor, voices. And then Bobby told him to suck his dick. And then the kid went, whoa. And Bobby went, I went too far. No, I said, I hope you die. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah. Oh, okay. And that's when I took it too far. He goes, I hope you die. And the guy goes, whoa. And he goes, I don't know, I took it too far. And he goes, you did. And then the kid put up peace signs and walked away. Yeah. And now he's my fan. Here's the thing. When you give him a pound, he actually went, ow, because of your spikes. By the way, I'm not unaware of that. I try to give everybody side pounds now. So this is my thing. Jay has a look. He has the gloves, the pants. He's peacocking all the time. I know that I don't have a look. This is my new look right here. I got it. I like it. Now that you said it like that, but you got to commit, dude. I'm committing. You have to be in a turban-like thing every day. Yeah. It's my thing. Like Nick Cannon. Yeah. Okay. But I'm going to wear a... Chris, can you bring up possible turbans for sale? I'd like to pick up Bobby's next week of turbans. Yeah, but it's got to be something maybe paisley. Fun. Something fun. No, it's got to pop. It's got to pop. That's the thing. We wear very regular clothes. Well, I'm wearing a Hecate's Torch shirt today. You're wearing a Hecate's Torch shirt. You're wearing poindex or glasses. You have pink gloves, pink mittens with spikes, and a chain. And wallet chains. Wallet chains. And a wallet chain. To nowhere. To nowhere. To nowhere. I watched the Grammys the other day. Let me tell you something. Everybody's wallet chains go to nowhere. Now you don't know that. I do. How do you know that? Because they're just clipped onto their pants on the other side. I look at it happen because no one keeps a back pocket wallet anymore. It's bad for your spine. It's bad for your sciatica. Right. So now you keep your wallet in your front pocket and your chain goes to nowhere. And I, once again, have set trends. You have. And I'm going to set a trend. What? I told you they're selling the chains to nowhere. I was sending pictures. I was in coach. They had chains to nowhere. Jane Snowwear like the new thing yeah Jay was ahead he has a trendsetter on that by the way this is very meta can't wait till these mittens take off this is very very meta right here today I listened to a clip from the Jim and Them show the Corey Feldman show oh I thought you were talking about Sam no I did the Jim and Them show the Sam Roberts show in the morning the Jim and Them show where I watched them talk about us talking about them really yeah it was great but they were nice oh there you go Bobby for sure. These turbans are a thing. But shout out to Jim and them. Yeah, they interviewed the girl. They got the girl, not Marcy. The girl that was in the band. The girl Margo. Okay. The main girl, yeah. They have her for like an hour. Oh, I want to see that. It's good. You can watch the clip. Yeah, it's good. Jim and them. Check it out if you haven't seen it. They interview her. She does not even want to, they all got, I don't want to blow the clip too much, but they all got to start Light Up Halos for them to put on. They had her in studio. And they had it for her and she put it on for a studio. They had to talk her into putting it on for a second. She really was like, no, I'm not putting it on. She's kind of serious about it. It's like me wearing a Sufi shirt. But it is funny that we go, they played a clip of us that made them laugh that was pretty good. It was like, because we were talking about them saying, like they said we did a softball interview with Marcy Hume. And we did a softball interview. And I was like, but we didn't. And he goes, you called. And I was like, Bobby got the call. like he took the phone call and you said that all she said and you were like yeah all she said was I can't talk about things I don't know or whatever and she said like you know and you told her like if there's something you don't want to talk about just like stop us from talking so I say you don't know or you can't really talk about that she was being sued right right I'm saying so you could say those things like don't talk about that and I go and then we did a softball interview with her I go we got the and then we did a softball interview with her but yeah those guys were good they did a good thing with that girl Margo it was very interesting they love they were funny the argument was the same because Jacob, you said in the clip you were like, we were ground level at Corey Feldman and they make a point. They said like they were about 12 years ago they were like doing stuff about it, which maybe, I'm not even, I'm sure actually, why would they lie? But they made a better point about all of it. He just goes, I mean really Howard Stern, I go, he's right. Howard Stern was doing Corey Feldman like and having him on the show to perform and he's just smart enough to go like, you're great buddy. Instead of us just going like, this guy sucks, look, he'll never be our friend. So Stern did it right. but he is actually way before all of us so that's fair enough fair fair point the fairest of points maybe I love when we walk in studio and there was just a lot of black dudes in the lobby yeah first of all black Lou drops around five spaces behind me and Jay he's right next to us all of a sudden he's just gone so then Bobby starts putting on his Erykah Badu head wrap trying to blend in and I just heard wabbily dabbily and then Jay Wait, were you wearing that in the lobby? Like this? Yeah. Really? You came up here like that? Yes. Christine, what is your problem? We were outside. Why are you giving me shit? Your man has pink mittens on. Do you fuck with him? That's his look. Well, you don't know my look yet. She doesn't. Me and Christine actually don't fuck with each other, and it might be the gloves. What the fuck? Why can't I discover? I just love that you looked like that in the lobby just now. Whatever, man. I got a lot of head nods from those dudes. Well, the crazy thing is he walked by a Wu-Tang Clan. Well, that's what he said. That's why I loved you. Anytime we walk by a group of black people, and I'm like, who's that? He's like, Wu-Tang. I'm like, is it? Nope. I go, it's a Wu-Tang clan. You know my rules. Nine or more black people, you're a Wu-Tang clan. You're not the Wu-Tang clan. Black Lou stopped in his tracks. I go, Wu-Tang clan. And Black Lou went, what? No. And I was like, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Not the. Hey. Uh. Uh. There was one black guy out there in the thing who was just sitting, like, I don't know. He was on those weird steps thing they have out there in the hallway, just looking sad and by himself and alone. Yeah. That was Master Killa of the Wu-Tang Clan. Bobby, these are going to be... I like the bouffant in the front. The two, dare I say this month, African? You know her now looks pretty African, Bobby. I need a little more... Something like Prince. I got you. One color, a little paisley. Fun print turbans for men. Yeah, that's too Indian. Don't put seek turban. Yeah, I don't want to seek one. No, no, no, no. So Prince turban? I thought that's what he wore. Fun turbans for men. No, not Prince. Print. No, I said Prince. I thought she said... Like Princey. Like Prince the singer. Yeah. He didn't wear turbans. I did say that. But he didn't wear turbans. Do you just think Prince is what means Paisleys? Sexy. Oh. Okay. Okay. Well. Well, type in, what's his name? What's that dude? Nick Cannon? Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon had a cool name. But those were the woman ones you were just not enjoying. Oh, were they? Well, I like that green one. This one? Oh, no, no, no. The one down the bottom. That's too big. Down there. That one right there. Oh, to the right. No, not the... Yeah, that one. Not that one. Bobby, I got to be honest with you. This is not her fault. This is your fault. Because she was... What's green? Right there. That's not green. That's completely blue. That's an ocean green. There's no such thing as ocean green. I just made it up. Oh. Well, then it's ocean green. But this is weird news, you're going to find out, Bobby. Yeah. And this is to protect you down the road. Yeah. A lot of people are going to tell you that ocean green is just blue. Yeah. Those people are wrong. Well, I believe you because you're wearing a turban. Yeah. I like that one, too. That one's nice. Oh, how about that one, the yellow, Bobby? That's what I'm thinking more like that. What, in the middle with the little wraps around it? Yeah, dude, like you're going to do laundry in a river. what about like this it looks like my laundry oh wait a minute what's that big no this is indiany hang on well let's just give it a second come on i like what i'm saying it's indiany yeah that's very that's very ostentatious i don't know if i could wear that that has a little too much a little too much you the word i said word ostentatious ostentatious ostentatious ostentatious what is it ostentatious ostentatious oh go fuck yourself I was close no no no so what did you say again ostentatious ostentatious like it's contagion you were doing a G ostentatious no you didn't ostentatious you just stole the word I gave you no I said it no you said like contagious oh yeah you said ostentatious No, you said ostentatious. Yeah, ostentatious. Did I say it right? Ostentatious. You repeatedly said ostentatious. I said dacious? I didn't say dacious. No, it wasn't that. We're all fucking it up around. He was saying it like contagious. He said ostentatious. Lou, what did I say? You said it like advantageous. I said ostentatious. No, you didn't say that at all. Ostentatious. No. Ostentatious? You said just, like G. Ostentatious. Like contagious. You say it the way I said it. Ostentatious. I said ostentatious. That's not the word ostentatious right it's not the word ostentatious Ostentatious ostentatious yes, you should have been a teacher nerd You got anything else you want to correct? He teaches wherever he goes He really does I tell you now before we get to your shit I'm gonna lay into you right now. You really you really love teaching people shit and it bugs me We don't have to go anywhere One of your happiest moments is when you hear somebody fuck up a word or a fucking stat You fuck you a nerd in fucking gay man clothes Can I tell you something Yes I Don know if I sure what ostentatious means I don like this thing too Will you become a victim No I don't know what it means. I'm just telling you said it wrong. Don't get cute Don't become don't do not Don't put your hands up on your cheeks your bear bear stop it. All right. I'm sorry ostentatious Bobby, learn. Bobby, learn. Bobby, learn. Now, what does it mean? It means fucking, you know, a lot of shit. A lot of too much stuff. Like elaborate. Too big, you want a little too big kind of idea? Yeah, it's too much. Yes. Too much would be the... What is Dane Cook? What a bitch. It looks like Dane Cook doesn't like. I just learned something and she goes, well, what does it mean now? I mean, what an asshole. That was because he said he didn't know what it meant. What does it mean? Too much, right? Yeah, pretty characterized by a vulgar, pretentious display designed to impress or attract notice. To be too loud. Being very loud. Yeah, you're loud. Wearing a turban as a white man. I'm trying to be loud. I'm trying to be loud. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be as loud as you. I saw an article there, though. If you go back, it says Dane Cook blasts Nick Cannon. And if it's about the turbans, that would be lovely because that would really get under Dane's skin if now you're a turban guy. If I can get him in my algorithm, both of them, whoa. for wearing turban. Utter disbelief. Whoa. Whoa, what does he say? Whoa, what is... How long ago was this? Which one's Dan Cook? God damn it. I'm not subscribed. How long ago was this? It's got to be years ago. This was 2016. Tell you what, Nick does pull it off a little bit. No, no he doesn't. A little bit. Not at all. He looks ridiculous. His beautiful skin with the tie. Oh, he's a good looking guy, but he looks absolutely ridiculous. But he was doing this because he was getting a hair weave, correct? He was getting his hair, he got his hair fixed. That may be. I never even thought of that for two seconds. Maybe it was that, but I don't know. His hand never seemed to be a problem, but very possibly. That would be good. Why does Dane look like he's farting right now? I don't know. He looks so unpleasant. He looks like he just got caught. Like he just farted and then was that you? And he was like, nope. No, why? No, why? Does he look like me? Go scroll down so I can see what it says. I need to subscribe to this to get in here. You're going to subscribe? No, don't you. It's not worth the bid. Yeah, no. Yeah, we're just fucking around. I bet you could also look up Dane Cook blasting the guy on Google. Whoa. Wow. Is that how the Google works? It wasn't happening, so I had to say something. You know what? You are a teacher. She was going to subscribe to a newsletter called The Wrap for $24 a month. That's crazy. He just said it to be funny. No, I just looked down. Is it $24 a month? It's like six something a week. Dane Cook isn't impressed with Nick Cannon's look and the actor is making... The actor? They don't call him a comedian anymore. You Boston guys. What? Cook took... Nice. Cook took to Instagram on Tuesday to rip in Nick Cannon's penchant for turbans which has even gotten its own Twitter account. Ooh. He went on an expletive-filled... He told me to work clean. He went on an expletive-filled rant in reference to a photo of Cannon wearing a pink turban during the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Last night, McCannon wore this shit. He put this on his head and he looked in a mirror and he walked away from the mirror without saying to himself, hey, self, maybe I shouldn't look like Zoltan and wear a fucking pink turban with one of the Infinity Stones from Avengers on it. Too wordy. Too wordy. Wordy nerd. He tried the Dane Cook words. He tried to Jim Norton it with nerd terms. Well, that's very Dane Cook. I hear the thing. He went over detailed in writing. It's such a long sentence. This is the whole sentence. He put this on his head and looked at himself in the mirror and he walked away from the mirror without saying to himself, hey self, maybe I shouldn't look like Zol. It's too many negatives in it. You gotta do it like Dane Cook though. He put it on his head and looked in the mirror and walked away from the mirror. There was a mirror and he walked away from the mirror without even saying to himself, hey self. I know it's audio, Bobby, but I need you to do the Dane Cook that you do that makes me happy when you walk away from the thing. You did the thing. So you got to walk away. I'm walking away. There's a mirror. There's a mirror. I'm walking away from the mirror. The mirror's here. I'm walking away from it. And then I have a turban. It's on my head. It's wrapped around. Wrapped around. That's what you do with turbans. Wrap them around. And then I walk back to the mirror. I didn't look in the mirror. I just went out without even looking at my fucking face. What the fuck's wrong with me? You got to pull that turban up a little bit because now I'm seeing top of head. No, no, no, no. I think I might switch it to a headband. No. I might just go headband. No. Why? Then you have to go low headband over the eyes like you're in suicidal tendencies. Like this? Yes. So I go headband. How about this, Christine? Now. Is this better? It looks badass. This is very American Indian, like Comanche. Even a little lower over the eyes. I know it's not comfortable. It's not comfortable at all. But no one sees your eyes and then you have to look like this when you go, hey, fucker. Hey, fucker. Hey, fucker. Hey, fucker. You know what, fucker? It's ostentatious, man. It's very ostentatious. It's ostentatious. Ostentatious, man. It's whatever I want it to be, hones. If I want to say ostentatious, ostentatious, it means a lot too much. English is my third language, fucker. Yo, fucker, I know two languages. One is Spanish, the other one's fuck you. Fucker? Fuck off. Blood in, blood out, hones. Fucker? Yo, Christine, how you doing? What's up, bitch? What's up, bitch? I know you're his fucking... Yo, take your pants off or shut the fuck up. You're his madre, but it's okay. Is madre girlfriend? No. Is madre mother? Yeah. Okay, Duolingo is doing good for me. Yeah. I'm 317 days. Christine's my mother. Bobby, she just looks like my mother. That's because I look very good for my age. That's not her fault. She just treats you like she's your mother. Yeah. What do you want for dinner, honey? Okay, I'm bringing it down. All right. I'll order it. I ordered everything. your flight's all set alright call me in the morning we love you bye flight's all set for sure that's my mother it's Chota Rosa want me to answer it? no wow I like your methods of distraction to say it's not crazy that you had that ringer on while we're doing a show buddy I always shut my phone off and I have but I turned my phone on to look up the word ostentatious right and now I have it well you couldn't look up that word because once again you massacred it and said it wrong. Did I say it again? No, yeah. Austintagious. No. Austintagian. Nope. Austintagious. No. Whoa. Am I fucking you up now? Yes. Am I making you dumb? I think so. What's up? Come on, baby. Is Joe DeRozzi okay? You want to text or check with him? No. How about learn when we do the bonfire fuck face? Yeah, I know. He knows that we're doing the bonfire five. I told him I'd call him back later You're saying Jess It's shuss What'd you say? You're saying Jess at the end It's shuss You know When Jay does it He does it with kind eyes When you do it You do it with disdain in your face He is sick of you Yeah man Can you change your face? I can't Okay I've tried Bobby How about this? Now The way that's sitting on your head right now Yes Bobby Yes I'm thinking a different look Because it's taking on different looks The more it moves around Right Now I'm thinking maybe like a moany love Moany in the middle kind of oversized yellow, like, 90s hip-hop, 1991 hip-hop hat. Do you get what I'm saying? No. Bring a picture of Moni Love, please. Bring up that ostentatious hat. Yes. Did I get it? Yes. Ostentatious. Thank you. I hate him, too. I really do hope we come out and there's an ambulance out front and that guy's in it. Well, the guy didn't enjoy your comedy. Well, first of all, he's never seen my comedy, because if you see my comedy, I'm funny. and number two the exchange with you was like hey man thanks bro me we had a little fun we had a little back and forth I made him laugh it's like who's funny you or me what if he's kidnapping your son right now he just hasn't let it go yet he's still pissed go ahead Max will choke him out and Don will bore him with her stories I'm thinking that dude Simone in the middle hats for you I don't mind some floppy brim I like it tall hats yeah do you see how Bobby how it is right now on his head It's kind of that. A little bit of that look. Little hi-hat. Sure. You give me the fucking hi-hat? Little flappy hi-hat. I think this would be a good one for you. If we're looking for a look for you. We've got to find something. Have you thought about studded jackets that say things in the back like Bob Rules? I was going to get one that says Rogue with a rose on it. Nice. How about that? You should just get a leather jacket with studded on the back. It just says Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan? To confuse the fuck out of everybody. Yeah. Just have a kettlebell on the sleeve. Why does he have a jacket that says Joe Rogan? I don't know. Joe Rogan collection? Yeah, did Joe Rogan make that? No. No, I made it myself. I did. I sell them after my show at the Mothership. Joe Rogan jackets. What a place that would be great. What's great merch you could sell after a fucking, your weekend at the Mothership? What's Mothership exclusive merch you could sell at that place? Needles. Needles? Yeah, like- Oh yeah, like subcutaneous needles maybe? Yeah, subcutaneous. I think maybe like whey protein with like a funny joke on the lid. Yeah, you could probably sell some type of dumbbell or a kettlebell. Any shirt that says the word bitch at the end, whatever the quote is with the word bitch. Yeah. Your workout is my warm-up, bitch. What's that, Black Loaf? I like the one, my life is your vacation. Yeah, bitch. I have the word bitch at the end of it. The mothership energy is very bitch at the end of your sentence. Well, let's go, bitch. Stop talking about it. Start doing it, bitch. Don't suck, bitch. Don't suck, bitch. Unless you're a bitch. Be funny, bitch. I saw you weren't up there doing fucking push-ups or shadow boxing. Good luck out there. Bobby, did you fart? No. No? Yes. It's awful. He didn't want to lie to you, though. I want to tell you why. Can I tell you what happened? It's not the first time. I've already, you've done it twice today. No, I didn't do it the first show. No, I mean like 10 minutes ago. Oh, in this show. Yes. I'm going to tell you why. I'm going to explain to you. We went for lunch and we went to soup dumplings. And soup dumplings go through me like soup dumplings. This is a YP, not an MP. You're making it an MP. What the fuck is he saying to me? your problem is that you had soup dumplings knowing what does your stomach my problem and my being with jacob here hey gen z i want to just say your sentence that's from the greatest movie of all time all time true romance no well all right i was gonna say boogie nights why you cracking ass lu make me hot um everything all right i just i was a you know what happened is the beef broth that we had, the broth that we had at that place. You had. I had. You had some. Jacob, I know I'm going to be around people. I don't eat beef broth. I had three pork soup dumplings. I kept it light, so my stomach will be okay for you. This is what I like about you, Jay. You have little techniques, sneaky techniques, that you don't tell me about. Staying away from broth on a show day? Yeah. That you know goes right through you? You know that broth goes through you? Your voice goes right through me. How's that? I mean... I did not know this... Not all broths go through me, but this broth happened to go through me. I didn't have broth. Bobby and Christine had broth, which I could also tell over there that DJ Lou has been constantly getting cracked by Christine's farts all day. Broth makes you fart? It's just broth. Don't shame me. What's brothy about? Don't shame me. Don't broth shame me. assy about broth. Goes right through me. Goes right through me. What does that mean? It's like a light lunch. No, it's the broth goes right through me and like mixes with the other poo and then comes out the other end as a toot. Yeah. He wasn't going to say anything. No, I gave it to you. Live in it. Live in it. No, you live in it. I gave it to you. That's what I'm saying. It was for you. We're all living in it. Not me. That's me as we're over here. It's not in you. I'd be upset. You're out of it. It's out of me. I'd be upset. But I'd be upset if it got over here, but it didn't make its way over here. I don't know why, for some reason, it never makes it over to your end. I'll tell you why, because I respect Jay. And when I do it, I do it over in that way towards you. It sticks to you guys. Oh, you send it. I send it. He creates a barrier. Yeah, I send it. I send it over that way. Like this? I don't go this way. I don't just let it go rogue. Dude, you're my partner, dude. I would never do that to you during a show. What if I stopped talking, because I've got to go, in the middle of it. I send it right over to that little angry face he was. Jacob, that's the job of executive producing. I'm not the only one who's upset. That's the executive producer's job. You got to be the fall guy, dude. You got to take the hits, bro. I guess. You got to take the hits. I guess. You got to take the hits, man. And I know for a fact this is in the job description. And don't forget, I've been drinking Body Brain Coffee by Luis J. Gomez, which goes through me, too. It's a lot of liquid. Yeah, dude. You've been sniffing farts since foxhole. I tell you, I did that band workout this morning. Nice. And that loosens up everything, too. So it kind of gets everything going. I was trying to find excuses to tell you other great things he's done today. Can I tell you? I'm also doing a cleanse, so that probably does it. I've also been getting up in the middle of the night just to do push-ups, and I think that kind of makes me change. I do do that. There's a lot of stuff coming together here. I did do that. And don't forget the new tea I got. There's a new tea I'm taking. Oh, you got some new tea, also. Yeah. I'm sipping on Don's menopause tea. Rogan life, dude. Get it together, bitch. That's not real. That's a sign in the green room. As soon as you... It's right by the door of the green room. On your way out, you have to touch it like the fucking sign in Notre Dame. Get it together, bitch. I love it. I don't like the word bitch at the end of... It seems like there's no thought put into it. I love everything he does. Some bitch. Like calling guys bitches in that regard. Just a thing where it's like, just that move, you know? Well, then get up off your ass, bitch. Yeah, it motivates me. It's like, that's just such a... Makes me feel good. I mean, it motivates me. Joe Rogan is really the bitch man. I love it. He motivates me. Did you just call him a bitch? No, but like the bitch man. That's fucking crazy. He's a bitch man? Are you nuts? This guy will kill you. You are clearly not in the verse. Is that fucking turban too tight? What are you saying? I love him. He's my friend. But? I love him. I love that he motivates people. Okay. I remember Joe Rogan one time. I had a hat and it was a little weird. And he was like, dude, fuck everybody. Wear your hat. Bitch. bitch and then I wore it that night and then I threw it out bitch because I was too scared to wear it without Joe I'm gonna throw it out bitch no dude wear it bitch I don't want to bitch can I um drink enough water today bitch I had a bad night last night yeah yeah dude I it been a rough week I know you uh you fell down on CNN ate shit like fucking Joe Biden in front of the free press What are you talking about? The free press thing you did. Let's talk about it. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. It's been a ... I had a great night with you. Friday night, great night. You got to feel good having those farts out of your body, though. Well, they're not all out. Oh. Yeah. All right, listen. Watch out, Steven Singer. Do you want to know or do you want to not know? Thank God those roses are covered in gold. I don't know why it has to. It's coming one way or the other. Let me ask you a question. What I'm saying is, do you want to know that the car is going to hit you, or do you want to just get hit by the car? Here's what I want. I want you to fart. No, I want to just get hit. I want you to fart and have the gold melt off the rose, and then the rose turn brown. What do you get to this? You go, oh, Steven, do these things hold up? He goes, oh, oh, the gold and the fucking flower. Now I got a coin. Yeah, Friday night was fun. I can only... I love my family. I love being home. I really do. But I can't do four days in a row because I lose my brain. So I went out with you Friday night to... You got yourself a nice little watch. Oh, I did get a nice little watch. Yeah. I did. Treat yourself. What did you get? I got a Casio. But it was a G-Shock. But it's clear with a gray clear band. It's a travel watch. That's how Josh, by the way, Josh can butter up Bobby good. even when Bobby's kind of like, uh, Josh, all they gotta do is they start looking at watches together and Josh just will like have that conversation. There's no reason Josh should be having conversations about $20,000 watches. He's like, is it the one with this kind of system? He knows the stuff because he wants to give a shit about it. Also, he's also involved everybody in the world in his watch buying decisions or something. Everybody's his dad. What do you think? I should get this one or that one? Here's 17 photos of 17 watches. What do you like? It's wild, dude. It's wild. Let me tell you something. I was kind of disappointed when I left because I didn't get joshed. No, there was no big joshing. I was hoping to get a nice hot josh. I miss it. You crave it. I wanted to get a nice hot josh. There's a couple, though. It's never going to come when you want it. How about this? You got a couple. Show push. Let's start the show a little bit later. That was one. What was that? Josh has to be able to start the show later. Remember, it was only the one show that I was like, we started it later. That was to you, but yes. No, no, it was to the guy. what was your show it was your show we were walking around I was like Jay's like we gotta get going because the show's gonna start in like 10 minutes and Josh goes wow we can start it late we can do it late your show we can just start late I'm like is that the way you look at this business it's like what you can't just start the show late they ain't gonna start till you get there he goes yeah but if I'm out if I'm in a fucking mall I'm in a footlocker downstairs it's not a good reason yeah we're in an escape room and we're 20 minutes late because we can't get out yeah I don't understand how the escape room works Fucking idiot. I told Bobby Bobby Laugh when I showed him the escape room we went to. The comedy club is next to a fucking escape room. That's one of those ones like when you figure out the one room, like a door opens, like a spaceship door opens with like smoke coming out. It's like Raiders of the Lost Ark. But in real life. For some reason, like maybe five years ago or more, we were up there. It was me, Christine, Louis. Louis was dating Kim Congdon. We walked by. it still exists somehow and we all laughed before we walked by because I didn't want him to look in to even prove that I was right about this yet I go I don't know why we know that place was there and then we went into this one it's another escape room place in there but the escape rooms are like only one room and it's like this size not even it's right it's like a massage room it's like a massage room it looks like a massage potlour it does and you go in there and you have to figure it and then they give you clues as much as you want because they don't give a fuck they just want this over with. A lot of the clues are in pencil and shit. One of the clues, in fact, they came out and they go, they came out and they go, you guys need a clue? That blurry, that smudged number on that piece of paper is an eight, not a six. That's the clue? And they go, a lot of people make that mistake. It goes, that's not a clue. That means you have to fix the thing. We'd have been moving and shaking if we saw that that was a six. We got like stuck on it, remember? We were stuck on it for a long time. I gave up. I tell you, that escape room broke down things. I stopped doing the escape room. I just sat and went. Once there was a chair, I was like, I'm going to sit in the chair. I go, you guys escape. I don't care about this at all. Yeah, but the other escape room, like a wall will go up and a fucking ball will come up. It's like amazing. This one is just a doorknob you could literally unlock with your fingernail. You can leave whenever you want. It's like a bathroom door. You can leave whenever you want. Yeah. You can just leave. It was so bad. Yeah. And the clue was like, what's next? He goes, if you want to take a look, maybe the answer's in a book. He's like, only one book in the room. I guess it's in there. We're almost like it's too easy, and then we're stuck for 45 minutes on one thing, and they go, you want a clue? That's an eight, not a six. Yeah. If you can't see, maybe you've got to take a pee, and there's just a toilet. Everything was so obvious and bad. But I left that night, and I was like, oh, shit, I didn't get joshed. But I did. I got micro-joshed. Number one, we're going back to the car. First of all, we go into the room, the green room, and there's a couch, and there's two regular metal chairs, and then there's this comfortable, holy shit chair, a nice chair to sit in, right? Josh runs in and sits down in that comfortable chair, like their house. That's my chair. This is where I sit. he sat down in that chair like immediately like almost like hugged around the chair to get into it faster it's a chair and I just like you can have the fucking chair dude you don't have to fuck it's not we're not playing fucking musical chairs that's how fast he got in the chair like there was music playing it stopped and he jumped in the chair and again it's not yeah it's Michael Josh it's more like big bad things and these are all fine things technically it's just weird when you're hosting the show particularly also that like the lady, you know, with everything, you know, what do you guys want? I go, oh, just bring like four appetizer things and, you know, bring like some, the two wings and however they come and whatever, whatever. No big deal. And then at one point you're coming and you see the girl running back in there with like a tray that's got like four loose burger patties with like some kind of other like, you know, he's like, oh, I didn't want a full, what, proteins. He's just a weird ask for the club, dude. Yeah, dude. Just a weird ask. but so the other one so then we go out to the the stage and the other kid John is on a really nice kid and he's on and I'm back there getting ready to go on I'm going to do a little spot and Josh is just talking about Josh and he's going on and on and on to the point where he hypnotized I'm like I'm literally just staring at his face and you start to care and I'm somewhere else and I'm like and I start answering him And then I went, Josh, I literally went, Josh, shut the fuck up. I'm about to go on stage in a minute or so. I need to kind of think about what I'm doing. He's like, yeah, no, I'm sorry about that. Sometimes I go off. Sometimes I just talk. I don't know why I talk. Billy said that to me one time. I got to stop. And he just went into it again and got me again. I was just staring at his face for another minute to the point where I had to shake it up. Burr says I talk. Burr. Bill Burr. And then I told you this, though. He came off stage. He's like, they're tough. They're not good. You know, whatever. You'll have a good time. And I walked out and I killed it. And I walked off and I go, it was you. By the way, that's the thing. By the way, that's the other thing, too. He's doing this to himself. I told him this, too. This thing, he's, you only want to do shows with me. If he's not working, I'm like, yeah, dude, come do the show. He's going, I think he's going to, yeah, he is. He's going to Florida with me this weekend. Yeah. And like, he wants to do shows. And then he comes out, he goes, dude, he goes, I go out there. I just see your fans. And I just know all I think about is the Reddit thing. and Josh sucks and Josh is an idiot. I go, why do you go on Reddit and look at your name ever? It's stupid. It's stupid. It's the same thing is there about me, Josh, I promise you. And it's just like you're going out through the things. I go, then if that's the game, why do you keep asking to do these shows? And you come off and he goes, they hated me right away. Ah, fucking went terrible. I don't know. This crowd just hates my guts. And I'm like, buddy, that's just like a terrible way to feel about it. First of all, it's hard to go out in front of somebody else's crowd and host. To go out cold, it's a tough spot. It takes a couple minutes. My audience knows Josh, for sure. Of course, but it is a hard thing to, they just got food, blah, blah, blah. You got to take that into account. Cut yourself some fucking slack. But then he joshes me again. We're leaving. Micro Josh. I didn't get full joshed. No, you had a good time. I did. I love Josh. That just means you didn't snap. Dude, micro joshes mean you had a good night. Had a great night. If you can get micro joshed until you can get away from Josh to talk to somebody else about the joshing. It's great. It's a great night. Yeah, you talk about it. So we're going to the car and I just, Jay, he's just one of the sweetest. He's always looking out for somebody else. He goes, where'd you park? I go, I parked way down on the other end of Target. And he goes, I'll give you a ride. I parked right out front. Let me drive you over there. I go, all right, great. But as we're walking out to the car, I'm just looking at Josh and he's kind of speeding his walk up. It's almost like Mario Brothers where he's getting in his lane to make a pass. Because he gets passenger seat. This fucking, he's like a kid. He wants shotgun. You know what I mean? But it's like, you know, if we're going, look, I don't care about a backseat. I don't give a shit. But he almost kind of runs and jumps in and like, this is where I sit next to Jake. I do feel, though, in the, if we were all driving back together somewhere, though, he would get in the back. No. I do think that. I don't think so. I do. He's worse than Max. He would jump in the front seat. Max doesn't understand why you're in the front seat, not him. Yeah, no. I mean, look, if I was walking with somebody, if I say Josh was driving, he was driving, and I was with him, and you were, if I was with somebody, I would be like, all you have to do is go, you want the front seat? I would just say to Jay, Jay, you want the front seat? Because of who you are. You know what I mean? And I've known Jay a long time. Sometimes size also. Size too, but you know, and career. but the thing i mean accomplishments accoutrements did i say that right uh but he yeah i just i knew here's the thing i'm it's a micro josh it's not a big deal but i saw it happen like i forecast it i was like he's gonna get that front i know he's gonna get that front seat i knew he was gonna go and get the most comfortable chair and he jumped in the front seat and just let's go we know it's interesting yeah theoretically for set up there if you're going by the thing and this was just a booking times when they were booked issue because john's been doing comedy a lot long less a lot less than josh and um it just doesn't done as much as josh you know so josh would have been if they were booked together instead of josh asking last minute if he can jump on um it would have been the flip side you should have john host and then josh go up right but i wasn't going to change i was giving him his first opportunity featuring right john so i don't want to pull that from him to be like, well, Josh. Well, it would have been harder for John, too, to go up front. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good spot. Yeah, it's a good spot. I mean, I would have went out first. I would have fucking went out. I don't care. I'll go out and host. And the crowd would have been pumped up by the time you got on. But everybody would have had a good spot. But no. But even when they came in, when I picked them up to go to the show, when they came out of John's house, as much as Josh just goes right for the front seat. And the thing is like, sure. but I'm like I wonder do they have a conversation inside or is John just like Merrily going like nah I'll sit in the back I mean again we are me and Josh are like closer friends of course but it's even if you're not closer he's gonna go for that seat well that's what you're arguing I'm wondering if he would that's a Josh that he wants to get his would Josh get in that front seat over you yeah you think so yeah on a real drive he would on a real drive I wouldn't let it fucking happen no no I know that but i'm not even arguing that but i'm saying we're doing the thing let's this yeah this is a great example here we're gonna drive to philly hey we're going josh is gonna go with we're gonna get cheesesteaks for a game we're gonna watch something yeah we're doing three hours round trip four hours maybe um fun you think josh argues for the front seat at all wouldn't argue he doesn't argue for the front seat goes for it and makes you ask for it oh and then it's a it's kind of an LA thing. You understand? Like, East Coast people, we have kind of a code where it's like, hey, do you want a front seat? We'll ask. You want to sit in front? No. I would, but if you want to, I don't care. LA people go for it. They go, get it. Just get it. Get yours. You understand what I'm saying? He would not ask. Don't bring it up. You just go for it and make me say something. Because then he would go, nah, you can sit up front. I don't care. I'm tough with that, especially. I'm the person, I get so many, I get so much shit of someone picks you up like a comic in another city or something like hey you want to ride home from the club and it's a comic who's got his girlfriend or something with him and the girlfriend gets in the back seat and I'm always just like no no no I'm getting out right away and they're like no no it's like you're tall and they're being nice but I don't even hate that I'm always like oh just squeeze in the back we're going three blocks or whatever you know because you have a moral compass do you understand? do you understand that? yeah you're fine you know it's it you have a moral come you know right from wrong yeah yeah this is the third josh seat taking story that i know of this i want to i want to preface this for the reddit it's a micro josh micro josh i i we had a fun time i love josh love hanging out with him and he did great he didn't he didn't bomb he went out and fucking that crowd was you know they're eating you gotta forget at these levities and improvs they're eating a full fucking meal and drinking and And Josh is going, do you fuck her in the ass or not? How much money do you make a year? Poor Josh. He's so on edge, Josh. So it bums me out. I do feel bad because I bust his ball so much, really. And then I just feel him. It bums him out beyond the thing. So when I said that, I was like, dude, I go, your drops are my favorite drops in the bonfire. He goes, yeah. It was like me sounding like a fucking idiot. I go, no, no, no. It's just like singing things. Like you're doing the skidoo thing. He's like, oh, I'm surprised it's not just something shitting on me or something. I go, no, no, no. Come on, dude. I fucking, you guys called me up. I dressed like a fucking Cupid. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You got to, listen, you cannot go, the comments and the Reddits are not for you. They're for them. You can't, who gives a fuck? You can, the only thing Josh is trying to do or any of us trying to do is entertain people for an amount of time. When you come on, you're going to do stuff that people are going to make fun of you for. you're gonna do stuff that's gonna suck you're gonna fail but you're gonna he for the most part josh is so fun when he comes on the show and fucking it great you know i mean i get i play that hey melissa Fucking Marshmally Marshmally Dude you gotta roll with that shit If you can roll with that shit you fucked He does roll with it. He just thinks that the underlying thing... He's like, yeah, I'm rolling with the fact that most people hate me from the bonfire. I'm like, they don't hate you, dude. Listen, it's those things. Most people hate me on the bonfire fucking Facebook page. I mean, people left because they were sick of defending me. You know what I mean? It's like, dude, what are you gonna do, man? You gotta roll with it. Just understand it. It is what it is. It's them for the bitch. It's all it is. The bitching soundboard. Yeah, dude. They like the bitch, man. I mean, that guy up front was dead wrong about fucking me being not as funny as you. But, I mean, he could just see me. If you could just come to one of my shows, I'd get you tickets. If you're out there, dude. I know you listen to all my work. So if you're out there. Me and Patrice used to do that after shows. We used to stand in front and see who got the most U2s. U2. Hey, man, you were the fucking funniest guy. U2. You were good. Oh, no, you were there. Yeah, dude. I was like, you were there. Tell him how good he was. So Friday night was awesome. Had a great night. Went home fucking awesome. I just felt good getting out. You know what I mean? Not being in. And then Saturday night, what the fuck was Saturday? Free press? No. Saturday night was family night, whatever. Sunday, had to wake up at 7. Max had a wrestling tournament, which is the worst. Dude, there's... Well, it depends how fast you come. If you finish the boys rolling around the floor with each other early, dude, then it's just you're fucking waiting to die after that, right? I've got to take my turban off. I was fucking overheating, dude. That was fast. My eyes were getting wet. I was fucking... I think I'm bleeding out of my nose. What do you make a year? No, it's because they have like 15 schools show up and they do weight class. But there's like 765-pound kids in seventh grade. and Max is 185. So there's only like four kids at his weight class. So we had to wait till the end. Then they put him up against this kid. It was two and a half hours before he fought. We're sitting on these hard benches. My flat ass is killing me. I hate that. I hate it. Bring a little pillow and just accept age. Dude, I put my scarf down. I was sitting on my scarf, but it kept flattening out. I kept fluffing it up like a fucking... It's gayer than bringing a cushion. It was 100% gayer than a cushion. And then now bring a cushion. you can use your scarf for what it's supposed to be, a turban. So that's a ring, by the way, not a scarf. So Max finally fights. We're sitting there watching. He's talking to this kid who's like six feet, maybe six something. And he looks like he's 230 pounds. He looked like a man in a singlet. And Max is like talking to him and shaking his hand. And Don goes, I hope it's not him. Sure enough, this fucking kid, they line up. And Max, I mean, look, he did his best. The kid just handled him? Dude, the kid, dude, I'll show you the arm. The kid's arm was bigger than mine and yours. Like muscular. Dude, he was shredded. How old was he, 13? This kid, I think he was an eighth grader. Max is a seventh grader. But this guy was like, I don't think they had another 185 for him to fight. Probably what it was. And this kid, they definitely didn't have a two-something. So this kid grabbed him, took him down. He was all bummed out. Then I had to leave. He won a second match. Just give him credit. He handled it. He fucking beat the shit out of the kid the next match. He did great. So we lost one. He goes, it was a kid they had to pick out of his wheelchair and put him on the ground in the position. Everyone gets to wrestle. Everyone gets to wrestle. So I had to leave early because Noam, your friend Noam. Noam. Your new friend Noam. Noam Dwarman. Amosilich, Amangahoretz. Amen. Absolutely. Muy complianos. He asked me a couple weeks ago to do this show for the Free Press. Which I don't even know what the fuck is. Repressed? What is it? Yeah, I think it's a website or a magazine. Tim Dillon just made fun of the lady who runs it. He actually dressed like her. Nice. Whatever. So I'm like, dude, I don't know if I... It's a political thing, though. It's a political thing. Okay. And they have Colin Quinn, Judy Gold, and this kid, Alex... What's his name, Christine? Alex... English. English. Who's that? he's a new guy he was an sl uh snl writer for a while yeah he's like a gay black guy really good guy really good guy funny funny guy yeah exactly yeah i have nothing i'm just a fucking dirty white guy and uh i go down there as soon as i get into the room dude i'm like i'm gonna bomb this is not right this is not this is you know that feeling yeah when you look at the crowd you're like they're gonna hate me this is not my this is not gonna work yeah my jokes are not going to work. Okay. And then on stage, they had chairs all lined up, five of them. So there was no stage. You had to just stand- In front of the chairs. In front of the chairs, and you couldn't move or have ... You know, dude, I like to move around. Your fucking knees are on their table. Yeah, dude. I like to fucking move and- Original cellar, correct? No, Village. VU. VU. Bigger stage, okay. Bigger stage. But still- They took up the whole stage. The chairs. So I'm just standing in the front, and first of all, Judy goes up and does ... I mean, Judy, I love Judy. She's hilarious. But she goes up and does... That's a lot of exposition there, Bobby. No, I do love... She's hilarious, but she went up and did... Say it again. She's awesome. I love her. She's one of the best in the business. Lay a few more out. I do love Judy. She's great. Five more. And then... I mean, she's fantastic. She's one of the best in the business. Yes. You got three more? I mean, she's just a solid comedian. Uh-huh. And I love her. And... She's awesome. Okay. So... Jews. Exactly. She goes up, and it's, I guess it's for the Jews, this event, right? What isn't anymore? A lot. A lot. Ask Dave Smith. Every rally? Yeah, everything. Every award show. What isn't about that anymore? Gaza? So she goes up, and she has this really funny joke about being in Israel when the bombings had, couldn't get out, and her son. And it's murdering, because it's topical. It just happened. It's about the Jews. And I'm going up next. I'm like, I shouldn't go up first on this. You saved a black child in Costa Rica, dude. I should have told that story. It would have been fucking way better than going up and talking about sticking shit in my ass. You should have been like, I saved her, brought her back to the country, and then I had ice kill her. Buddy. Yeah? I went up there and just didn't have it. Oh, no. You realize as soon as you got up there, you didn't want to do it anymore? Buddy, I felt like I worked at Best Buy. That was the energy I had when I got up there. I was like, hey, what's going on, fuckers? And they were just looking at me. And I was like, in my head, I go, you don't got it. And I went into a joke. I can't even remember the first joke I did, but it was not the joke I should have did. I did some joke. Hey, why can't Ray Charles read? That would have killed. No, no. Oh, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I did another joke and it did mediocre. The jokes weren't hitting fully. They were kind of, it was kind of like sputtering. Like I get a laugh and then I do the tag and it would get nothing. And then, you know, I'm energetic too. So the energy bomb is the worst bomb of all. Bobby's in a marshmallios pose. Bobby's giving a fucking suhummer da heights point. You should have pulled out all the hits, dude. You should have stool fucked. You should have fucking gotten down on it. I couldn't stool fuck. There was too many stools on the stage. What, you think the other one's going to get jealous? Just pick a stool and fuck it, dude. Buddy, dude. What made you think you should do this show? Hello, chairs. Don't fight. There's plenty for all of you. Dude, I start speed doing my act. Oh, I know that feeling. I start speed through. Dude, I'm going. And then they go, no, no, no, don't look down. That's all you're thinking in your mind. You go, no, no, no. Every word I'm saying, we'll get to it. I promise we'll get to the funny parts. So I go into this other joke, and then I start going into hits. And the hits, the timing's off. I'm going too fast. You have no confidence in it. But I'm going downhill with no brakes, and I can't go slower. I'm building up speed. And then I go into a joke. I don't know where it came from about sticking stuff in your ass. Okay. And the girl in the front row The free press is too good for that? The girl in the front row, this lady She goes, oh no, no And I just doubled down I go, wow, you never stuck something in your ass? No! I thought this was the free press This sounds like the oppressed If you know what I'm saying Wink, wink, I'm out of here You should have started crying and screaming and covering your ears I just started yelling in her face And I was like, this is the free press I just wish I'd say whatever the fuck I want. I go, finger in your ass. You never stuck something in your ass? I go, I stuck this finger in my ass tonight. And I went, smell it. And I put it in her face. Oh, God. That woman, Gloria Allred. I heard Colin Quinn go, ha, ha. He didn't go on yet. Buddy, I had to say good. Did he go on after you? No, he's going last, of course, because he's the great Colin Quinn. Did he kill? Murdered. Yeah, he's got fucking great political jokes. He goes, hey, you guys want me to run some of my one-man shows? So then I literally had to go, I go, I shouldn't have fucking been here. I'm out. And I just left. And I get off stage, and I'm like, oh, fuck off. And then the kid Alex went up. He went up great, gay, black, hey, people. Free, press. He's very funny. He's a very funny kid. He's hilarious. He's great, funny. But he went up, and I went upstairs. I was like, fuck it, I'm out. but I have to go back on. There's a panel. They're going to ask you questions now about hard politic questions. Why are you involved? By the way, I like that you, I'm going to take a little, I'm going to take a little, Bobby, I'm going to take a little credit here. Yeah. And say, you know, this is your bear bear talking right now. Bear bear. Okay? When you, I think you take it as an affront when I say things to you when you go, and I got to do this thing for the free press with Gnome on Sunday, and I said, as soon as I found out I go wait for real and you went yeah I go oh get out of that yeah I was telling you to come over on Sunday I know I was like I was like get out of that and you go I can't dude it's no I go but what's the point of you doing it it's like it's the free press I go this is like a politically based like thing and he's like yeah it's me Colin Judy Gold I mean he might as well have said like Tom Brokaw because of my and it's a why were you asked to be part of this And why did you say yes to it? I'll tell you why. I very rarely do I bomb. Very rarely do I bomb. So in my brain, I'm not thinking. I'm saying I shouldn't do this. I probably will bomb. But in your brain, you're like, I got it. But why the panel? If it was just comedy, maybe even. Like, I'll entertain whoever. Why did you think afterwards? You'd like to hear your real deep thoughts about that little dust-up going on in the Ukraine right now. Well, we went. So I walk up to know him. I go, fuck you. he goes I go why would you put me on this he goes I don't know he's laughing by the way I look at names I just say them he's laughing he goes Colin told me to put you on he thought you said you'd be good I go I should have just been on the panel I could have been on the panel and just sat there and thrown quips or been funny or said stupid shit these people don't get my fucking comedy he's like I know now Right? Noam loved it. He was dying that I bombed. He goes, why would you talk about sticking stuff in your ass in front of the free press? Well, Bobby, it might seem like he loves it, but you better hope they don't have to write a book. That might come out a little bit different when they retell the story. So then Colin goes up, and he goes, and then we all have to go up for this panel. And I'm like, ugh. So we all go up on the stage for the panel. But I can say, I knew I was going to save myself. Mr. Kelly, do you feel like your bomb was more devastating than the one that took that hospital out over in Palestine? Well, it is funny because they were talking about the word woke. First of all, I went up, the first thing I said, I go, I wasn't supposed to be here. You guys are not my tax bracket. My tax bracket is $125 a year or less. You guys suck. I shouldn't have been here. And then they start talking about the word woke, right? They were taking questions or whatever. and no one was asking questions. And the kid, Alex, was like, you know, can I just say something about this word? That's our word. You know, that's black people's word. Black people or gay people? Black people. The black people side. But not black gay people. No, just black people. He goes, white people took that word from us. It meant woke to the black struggle. Well, you took our favorite word. Well, hang on. Let me give it to you before you fucking bury it. So he goes like this. He goes, I would like to do a trade. I would like to take that word back, and we'll give you back the N-word. I literally just stood up, walked over, and I go, deal. And I just shook his hand. I love it. That's official. I was two seconds away from saying the word, though. I thought it would be hilarious, but I'd be canceled. I've been there, too. You almost hear the clock ticking. You're almost like, let time run out before I make this terrible decision. I've done that so much on podcasts. You're sitting there, you go, this is going to be a doozy, but if it hits, it's going to hit big. and you're just going, it's like, maybe the time will run out. You start having a conversation with yourself and you go, it's only about 10 minutes and I probably shouldn't do it now. But I walked over, I go, deal. And I almost said it and I was like, Colin would love this. Colin would laugh at this for the rest of his life but I'm done. And I pulled back and I was gonna negotiate the F word because he's gay too. I was like, can we get this one? Is there any chance we can get this back? Yeah. If you don't want any retards while you're at it. So then, actually it was weird because it was this serious thing that I don't understand why they want a comedy show. But the guy stands up, he goes, you know, comedy. And the comics are out there talking about against Israel, blah, blah, blah. Like comics like Dave Smith. And he starts bringing up, how do you feel about what Dave Smith is saying? This is why I love Colin. He goes, not talking about other comedians. Nice. And I go, that's right. I go, we're the mob. We don't rat. So sit out. Dave Smith is a fucking commie piece of shit. Fucking. But Colin was like, forget it. Oh, we're way past. Yeah, we're way past. We got to take a break. Bobby Kelly's going to be at the Comedy Works South in Denver, Colorado this weekend. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Make sure you get your tickets for that over at punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. We can get all of his tour dates. Yep. And Big Jay's going to be Daniel Beach, Florida, Friday and Saturday. A few tickets still available. So get them right now. Nashville, San Antonio, San Francisco. For tickets and tour dates, bigjacomedy.com. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.