Judy Greer

Whatever I was going to take away from that you said earlier that was awesome, it's now Celebrity Tip. Yeah. Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name. From hit sitcoms like Arrested Development and It's Always Sunny to blockbuster films like Ant-Man and War for the Planet of the Apes, Judy Greer has had an unbelievably prolific career as a talented character actor. So prolific that she wrote a book about it. It's called I Don't Know What You Know Me From, My Life as a Co-Star. Right now, you can see her on Apple TV Plus in Stick. So, ladies and gentlemen, here's Judy Greer. Can I do my first memory of you? Yes. My first memory was, I can't even remember how many, but 20 at least years ago. I and some other people were thinking about doing a show called Dancing Across America, where it was going to be real interviews or real connections with real people, gang members. You know, I would walk in their shoes for a mile or whatever to discover what they're like. And then, without making fun of them, we'd have very funny writers write backwards, meaning shoot the documentary part and then make the mockumentary part around what we got. I would go across the border with migrants from Mexico, but later we would shoot me arriving in a private jet. Yes. You know, all of that kind of stuff. Anyway, we were sitting around a table improvising. We actually had a filmmaker, a documentary filmmaker shooting it. And we were outside and you just walked in from my vantage point. You just walked in and started improvising immediately. But improvising sounds like you were doing something different. It was just all of a sudden you were there totally participating. And at the end of the evening, I was going, wait, who is that person? tell me your point of view from it um terror nerves like what like like asking like being asked to okay so my point of view is I got asked to do like the presentation right the pilot presentation of this idea um that you were putting together and it was gonna just be it wasn't like a job, but it could maybe become a job. And you want to do this. And it's all sort of improv, like loosely outlined. So you'll be told the outline of the day and then kind of like the role you're going to be playing. And then you'll just improvise it all. And I was terrified because it's you. And you are an icon. I grew up with you. And also hoping if I was good enough and improv-y enough and interesting enough that when this became a TV show or whatever it was going to be, that I would get to be a part of it. For me, it felt like an audition. And then also, So it was going to be at your house, which like I had never been to a celebrity's house before. I was like. They are different. They have gates and there's boxes and buttons. Now we all have that. But at the time, it was really only you. And were you late or something? Why? Why had we started without you? I don't know. Well, I think that part I don't remember. It could have been that I was meant to arrive. Because was I pretending to be your assistant or something? Sorry. Yeah, no. I think maybe I was held back. Oh. I'm not a late person. So I would imagine that was by design. But I literally did not know you were there. And then all of a sudden, here comes this person. Yeah. I remember seeing your kitchen. Not the current kitchen, but a kitchen of your 20 years ago kitchen. And yeah, just being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm in their house. I think the only other celebrity house that I was in was I auditioned for a movie that Penny Marshall was directing and they had the auditions at her house. Right. And they had put us all in different rooms and the room that they put me in, in Penny Marshall's house, which also had a gate and a button, was covered. And I'm not exaggerating, like floor to ceiling on every single surface with Beanie Babies. there wasn't even actually anywhere for me to sit except on the floor, the carpeted floor of this guest room that was so covered in beanie babies. Like I couldn't sit on the bed. There was a bench that was covered in beanie babies. The beanie babies were all over the bed. The beanie babies were hanging from the walls in like shoe pockets. They were coming out of drawers that were open to display the beanie babies. It was like... Like almost scary. Right. Like a little bit like, is this a hidden camera show? Before that was a thing. And then I went to your house and was like, what's, what am I going to, what's going to be here? But it was just really. My memory just was how amazingly nimble you were and how I had no idea. You just came out, for me, out of left field. And then later we got to work to kind it together on the amateurs. It started off The Moguls with Jeff Bridges. Yes. What? Why? I thought that was one of the best scripts I've ever read. Me too. Me too. I don't know why it didn't. I know they had trouble in the first 10 or 15 minutes, supposedly, setting it up. But it was one of the funniest. Honestly. And the cast and even the sort of vibe on set making it was so incredible. and I just thought, yeah, like I thought it was just the most incredible story and it was so fresh and new and interesting. And then you have like all of you, it was like you, Jeff Bridges, I remember Lauren Graham was in it, Patrick Feud. Joey Pants. I mean, Joey Pants, like we, and we were shooting in Piru. Do you remember going to that like crazy faraway land? And I remember calling my agent and thinking like, don't they have to pay me to go this far away? Yeah, yeah, it was. Because I thought it was like location because it was so far. And they're like, nope, it's just on the edge, just on the inside of that line. And I was like, oh. The story was the town, very small town, and Jeff was kind of the leader of the town in this kind of, you know, bunch of losers kind of way. I was going to say the word loser, but I'm glad you did. He feels like the only way for this town to be noticed and find its way is if they make the entire town, Everyone in it makes an amateur porn film. Well, it's about money. Yeah. Because he, yes, the town is like down and out. And his ex-wife, Lauren Graham, is about to marry a guy with money and his son. And he needs to like make some money. And he gets this whole town involved. And it like revives the whole town. Like the whole town makes this porno. And they went, one of the first people I went to was you because you worked in a mattress store so clearly. That's the best scene. Well, everyone knows girls in mattress stores are slutty. And I think it was Jeff's character. I was like, you can't just assume that. Like that, why would anyone, nobody knows that. And then you come in and ask me and the mattress store owner. I think you ask me. And then I'm like, well, yeah, obviously, of course I will do porn. And you should have like the owner of the store do it with me. And she walks out and she's like super hot. She might actually have been an exotic dancer. Yeah. Anyway, and then we have that fun scene where we jump up and down on all the mattresses. It was the dirtiest, cleanest movie. Yeah. And sweetest, innocent movie. It was so good. But yeah. Aw. And then I get to watch you over and over and over and over again, just being so good. You are one of my favorite actors. When you appear on screen or I know you're in it, I relax. because I know I'm in such good hands and you're going to take me someplace and be funny or real or sweet or touching. You're really a good actor. Thank you. Thank you. I'm also really bad at taking compliments. Yeah, because they go straight to that ego part of your brain, which is a horrible place to be. I can't believe it. You are a good actor. Thank you. Okay. I'm a good actor. You're a good actor. You really are. How did that start? acting high school junior high ish high school ish um it started uh it started in high school because I was actually a ballet dancer and there was a like a special arts program in my high school and they had that they had dance but my ballet instructor didn't want me to do it because she didn't want me like getting weird, weird advice and teaching, getting taught by. I mean, it wasn't like the instructor of the dance program was great, but she just was like, no, don't mess with what we're doing here. And so I didn't. But I also wanted to audition for something in the arts program because I didn't really want to do academics that intensely. So I auditioned for the acting program and I got in. So I did that in high school, like for the last two years or something. While doing regular studying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like, like it was like, or LaGuardia, I guess it is. No, it was a very, very lovely, but basic public high school in a suburb of Detroit called Livonia, Michigan. And so I did that. I did the acting bit there. I really liked it. I liked being on stage because I'd been sort of used to being on stage when I was dancing. So it didn't feel too weird to me. But then when it came time to go to college, I didn't really know what I was going to do. And there was an acting program at DePaul University, which I ended up getting into, but it was hard to get into. And this girl from high school was telling me about it. And it was in Chicago. And my parents didn't want me to go farther away than Chicago. But I was like, how far away can I go? Please. Can I go to New York? They were like, no. Can I go to California? No. I'm like, Chicago? They were like, yes. So I was like, okay. So I auditioned. I got into that. That was all acting all the time, which at the time that I auditioned, I had no idea about. I didn't know what a conservatory was. And I remember I got in and I get to school and I'd been watching all these like, you know, movies where you like sign up for your classes in college and there's crowds everywhere. I'm like specifically thinking of Rodney Dangerfield's back to school for some reason. And I'm like, they hand me my classes when I get there. And I'm like, where's the part where I sign up for like, first of all, where's my academics? Second of all, like, where do I sign up for my classes? They're like, no, it's a conservatory. Like, this is what you take. And I was like, well, I can't stay here. I'm not going to learn anything. But it was fun. And I didn't leave. And then I just kept staying. And then I just kept staying. And then I got better at it. And I liked it. It was at the time. Three years, three years. It was four years. My parents didn't really care because I was going to get a degree. And they were like, you're getting a bachelor's degree. It's fine. I'm like, but you don't understand. Like, I don't take academics. Like, I'm in a class with the basketball players. Like. Why were you blowing the whistle on yourself? I know. I mean. I know. I was thrilled to be in a conservatory and not have to do that. Which, by the way, in high school, I would have loved it. In college, I was like, no, now's the time where like where I need to learn. And so I was kind of like, well, this is where I'm going to get smarter. And if I'm only taking acting classes, I'm not going to get smarter. But again, yeah, like I just kept staying. I'd be like, next year I'm going to leave. But I got competitive. So the program I was in, where did you go? I went to Stanford for two years and did nothing. Oh, well, that makes me feel better. Fell in love with acting and transferred to Carnegie, which is a conservative bachelor of fine arts. That one I found out after the fact. I was like, oh, you go to like Carnegie Mellon. You go to Northwestern. Obviously, NYU. Or like, I guess, DePaul. I didn't know. Anyway, ours, we got cut after the first and second year. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. It was the old look to the left of you, look to the right of you nonsense. Right. Those people won't be there. Right. I know. So if you can make it to your third year, you're fine in our program. At the time, they don't do it anymore. So on both years, my first and second year, I was warned that I was going to get cut. And then I just got, yeah. Which gave you a little fuck you. A little like competitive nature, a little fuck you, a little like, yeah, I was kind of like, dare you. But also thinking, like, great, maybe that's the push I need. Like, maybe I'm not meant to be here. Maybe I'm not. But the reasoning was often the first year I was told it was because of my Midwestern accent. Do you still have that, by the way? Our mutual friend, Ajay Segal, will tease me about for the rest of my life. I'm not hearing it, am I, right now? I think not. But I mean, it was bad. It was like, oh, my God. And everything I said ended with a question mark. And they called it like you speak with an upglide. And we never really know if you're asking a question or what you're saying because it's really hard to decipher. And that was how I talked. And also, I'm talking like that. And it's very nasally. And I mean, I get it now. but it's also funny to make use of it with some characters it's a very funny dialogue do you know what i found when i got to la i'm skipping forward a bit but when i got to la what i found was interesting to casting directors here and i did loads and loads of generals and i would meet with all the assistants and then i would meet with the casting directors was that there was something so midwestern about me i mean there is there was like interesting because i was in new york i was in la I was Chicago and it was like this more, I don't know. It was just something that felt at the time, lightning in a bottle moment where I came here and I had like this thing that was a little bit different. And it was very authentic, like to me. It wasn't like, that was not me. That was me. That was not either of our butts. I'm just, yeah, not my butt. Anyway, I made it through the whole process in school. And once I got to the third year, then I was like, well, shit, I kind of like this. And now I'm kind of into it. And I always had jobs on the side and I quit my jobs. And I was like, I'm like going all in with school right now. I'm going to focus on school and I'm going to be a good actor. Sorry, I'm bad. DePaul is in Chicago. Chicago. No, you're not bad. It is. So you can make use of. Yeah. all of the theater and everything in Chicago at the same time or not? No, they frowned on that, although everyone did it. But I'm a real rule follower, so we were not allowed to work professionally. So I was like, oh, when I found out some people were doing commercials on the side secretly, I was like, oh. Oh, rotten hell. I am not turning them in, but I could. I could. I was like, how could they do that? How could he do that? Was this Sandy Meisner-like technique? Because he won't let you work either. I think it was. I mean, I don't even remember techniques. Yes, it must have been kind of-ish. We didn't. We had this teacher. She's passed away, but her name was Bella Itkin. Oh, Uta Hagen. She loved Uta Hagen. And we had that book, the Uta Hagen book. Right. But I don't remember. I've since used an acting coach that I love and I think Meisner is something that comes up but Do you still use acting coaches when you get a part? Yeah, I do. Not every role but sometimes I do. I am about to compare myself to an Olympic athlete At first I was embarrassed about it for some reason I thought that it was like a secret And then I was reminding myself that like Olympic athletes have like lots of coaches for one thing you know and that how you get better is by working with people And the thing about acting is that you don't always get to act every day. Like you don't always get your 10,000 hours in. So like preparing and showing someone something who is coming to it without anything, you know, having, I mean, should I have the luxury of being able to sit down with a director before we start a project and actually go through things? And then rehearse for two weeks. By the way, never happens. like you're still getting like all the noise that the director has about the project like going to someone a coach going to someone who doesn't know anything about the project and they're just like looking at a scene floating in the ether and like seeing that scene for something that like I can't see a different version a different way a different way in a different choice. It's really incredible. And I think it helps a lot on set, especially these days. Like you said, there's no rehearsal. You're so rushed all the time, I feel like. A great director never makes you feel rushed, but that's hard to do. Because they are rushed. They are so rushed. And especially, I mean, sometimes, man, you'll spend like all day shooting like one weird special effect. And then you have like a really poignant like character arc scene with another person. And they're like, I think we got it. Let's move on. And you're like, wait. That was really good. Lunch. Yeah. Yeah, that was great. That was great. I think we got it. I don't think we even need to come back after lunch. Huh? But okay. It's so bizarre. I had an acting coach once. Uh-huh. Only once? I went back to him a lot. Yeah, yeah. This was in New York, and it was very strange because we were about to shoot Damages. And the writers, who were absolutely amazing writers, came up to me the week before. And we had gathered for two weeks in New York before we started shooting and said, would you mind going, this was after reading and rehearsing, going to our acting coach. He's really wonderful. You know, Glenn Close goes to him and they tried to make it not sound like what I was just hearing, which is, whoa, you need some help. And I went and it was the best thing I've ever done. But at the moment, I would have died if someone. I died. Yeah. But then I swallowed it and went, this is too good. Yeah. To be stupid. Yeah. I walked in and he said, do you have a page from the script or something, anything, just read. And I read and he stopped me after a page and went, okay. And I was playing a kind of a sociopath billionaire. But he said, okay, now I know that you're a really, that was very good, really nice actor. Meaning when you start, I know you're going to go all the way through and finish that paragraph for me. And I know you are. And it was good and all that, but you're a really nice actor. You need to take that kind of billionaire, fuck you, I'll do what I want point of view and treat the material with irreverence so that, yeah, here's my first line. And you know what? Fuck you. I may or may not say my next line. Not literally because, you know, you might get fired. Yeah, right. But he instilled that irreverence because I found that, sorry, is this your podcast or mine? I can't remember. It's yours. I'm very jet-like. I'm dying to hear the rest of this. Okay, my little thing is when you do half hour, it is like a musical. There is music. There is a rhythm. And you got to stick to it. You have to make all little bends and twists and turns to the rhythm. There's a metronome going. Yeah. You can't stop and be indulgent in a good way. You're talking about... Comedy. Yes, yes, yes. Three-camera comedy in front of an audience. Because now half hour... I know. Now it's a film, which is great. And I love it. But yes, agreed. So I became a nice actor. Yeah. You know, I kept to the rhythm. Right. And he really helped break that. I love acting coaches. I wish I could go back to school, but it'd be weird and kind of false. But I do love that. That is kind of how I found my way to her, to this woman, because I wanted to go back to class. And I was working so much I couldn't. Like, I just couldn't. I mean, God bless, thank God, all that. But like, I would pay for the month of class and then I would never go. And I was kind of like, I knew people worked with coaches, had heard it before, but I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know even where to start. And then like, yeah, I was like, I need to get back into class. I want to grow. Like, I want to get better. I want to be a better actor. and I couldn't go to the classes. And I was like, oh, I was kind of starting to just say it out loud to people at work. And I remember I was shooting Jurassic World and I think, I don't remember how it came up, but Bryce Dallas Howard, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't out her. But anyway, she was telling me- She's wonderful. She's the best. But she was like, oh, you should, you know, call this woman. And then another person was like, oh, have you ever heard of this woman? And then a third person was saying like, oh you should talk to this person and it was all the same woman and I was like to have three people tell me the same name right I was like okay this is God or universe whatever telling me to like call this woman so I called her and we had this like great talk on the phone and she was like what do you want like why do you want to work with me and I said I just like want to be a better actor like I act a lot I work a lot but my roles like like I don't always get like a big juicy hunk you know? So I'm not like getting better always at work. Sometimes I'm like walking into a room and being like, who threw out my leftovers? You look sad. What happened? Is your dad still out of town? Like I'm exposition sometimes. So I'm like, how can I get to that next level? How can I get better? Or how can I take what I'm getting, which is already great, and just like make a little bit like more something of it, you know? That's what I think a great coach does. And they do see things like, they see us differently too. I think also, if you're not just repeating yourself because the last thing you did worked and was successful or whatever, that you do have to start, I think this is true, should be true about all creative processes, starting at zero. Each time? Not knowing each time. And that's scary to do. And I think having a coach or somebody in your corner going, no, no, no. Don't know. It's good. I remember one of the first things I went, oh, dear Lord, Judy, was Mel Gibson. Sorry, What Women Want. that was such a wonderful performance thank you really good i loved her i loved erin the file clerk woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown kind of part but sweet and funny yeah it was really really good i really i auditioned for every role in that movie i think besides the one that Helen Hunt played. I auditioned several times for the role that I got. I felt like really lucky to get that role to be a part of that project. And I felt because I was still sort of new and starting out like a real outsider on set. And I'm always so pleasantly surprised when And the reality mimics the art in a way where I don't have to do that much. Like, I didn't really know what I was doing. I was still learning how to be in movies. I was still learning all the crap about light and bananas and all this stuff. I'll never forget a camera operator telling me like, hey, can you just like banana to your mark? And I was like, yes. And then I walked like straight to my market. If you're listening, a banana is where, because camera lenses are weird. a banana means like instead of walking from like point a to point b you walk to point b like a banana you kind of like curve it and it's such a silly thing but at the time he's like hey can you just banana to your mark and i'm like uh yeah and not asking like what the fuck is a banana like what are you saying because i was like from the theater i feel like a banana yes i'm like i okay like like be little anyway so i walked to my mark straight and he's like yeah so how about like just for the next take? If you could just like do a little banana to your mark. And I'm like, okay, dude, I don't know what a banana is. I thought maybe I could fake it, but he's like, okay, right. So it's this. And he told me and he was so sweet. But that was... Usually you're blocking something perhaps in the background that they want to see or something. Right, or like the way the camera angle is. I don't even... I still don't know. But if they tell me to banana, I know what to do now. But at the time, I didn't. And so all of this is leading to me feeling like I don't know what I'm doing, which is how this girl feels, which is like, the best thing I can do is just try to find some reality to the situation to bring. That's so smart. Yeah. And this poor girl who I fell in love with. And I've always kind of thought because it was early in my career, I've always wondered, like, sometimes I play a role and I'm like, oh, this is Erin now. Like, this is her now. She's a part of me, I think, forever, for some reason, because it was such an important moment in my career, but also in And in my life, I had the first day of work, I did my big, big scene at the end with Mel. That was my first day. And I got all this street cred with the crew after that. But the whole rest of the movie, I don't have a line. Because it was a long, big scene and it was good and emotional and all that. And it was like, I showed up. Nobody knew who I was. We shot it for, I think, two days at a frat house, like on campus of USC or just off campus. I'll never forget because Nancy Meyer's video village was like set up in a bedroom. And like next to her chair was like a bunk bed filled with dirty clothes. It was like a fraternities. It was just like so bizarre to see her because she's like so classy and cool. And she's like sitting next to like fraternity bed. Anyway, so it was like great because while I was like, I can't believe I have to do these like first, this huge scene. It's like the first thing I'm going to do. But I realized after the fact, it was great. Because instead of just basically being like a background artist who was falling down the stairs for the entire movie, like I got to show up and act. And then for the rest of the movie, when I was background falling down the stairs, like people were nicer to me. Which wasn't always the case. I've heard you do other podcasts. I was listening this morning. So I don't want to jump around too much. But your ability, you were talking about, you know, being able to be uncomfortable without medicating with a drink or something. Yeah, yeah. But it's that's enacting. It's a little bit that way, too. This is what's going on with me today. I am depressed and terrified. Use it. This is what you're getting. Because that's all you've got to use. Yeah. I've never really subscribed to, like, changing myself. Like, that's awfully smart and sometimes takes me a long time to get to. I think it's like, it feels like cheating sometimes. But I think that like, what's the most important thing I can do is be honest. And so if I'm honestly exhausted, I'm cranky, or I'm honestly in like one of the best moods I've ever been in, in a scene where I have to kill someone, like that's fun too. Like that's, I just would rather use that than try to like squash down what's really happening to find some like fake feeling. I don't know, but have you, I mean, like once music became digital, I think it just changed the game for me. Because I can listen to a song and be just like so immediately put in a mood. But what I've learned and when I ask directors sometimes like, hey, can you send me a playlist of what you're thinking of for tone and mood and songs for the movie or TV show? And they're like, yeah, totally. And I'll listen. I'll be like, oh, no, no, this isn't. I'll just have songs for each scene that aren't really what I think they are thinking, but for me, help me get... Or if I am in a good mood and I have to be in a bad mood, maybe there's a song that can just instantly take me there. But there's always a good energy to being a happy person. And I've always been very, I'm curious about like, do you have to be crazy to be a true artist? I've been asking myself this since theater school. And I think like, I always wonder, and I don't totally know the answer, but I'd like the answer to be no, because I'm not crazy and I'd like to be a good artist. but I think that like, you know, trying to, you know, when you talk about method, right? Like staying up for days because you are playing a junkie who can't sleep or like all of those things. Like, I mean, I don't know. I don't, I don't know the answer, but I don't want it to be that you have to be crazy or you have to be on a substance in order to like dig into something that's real or diggy or even funny or dark or anything like that. But I struggle with that topic a lot in my brain. I do too. I was told by, I think it's okay to mention Joel Schumacher. He's passed and he was, I think, a wonderful director. But we were just having a conversation and he said, you can't be an artist with middle class more age. Well, I'm... I am so middle class. So middle class. I've been, I've sold if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. You know, I was not trained to be a rebel. Me neither. I like rules. I like structure. I probably not cut out. You know, all that stuff. It's nice to be nice. There's stickers of that all over the Minneapolis airport. And I was like, oh, I want that on a pillow. Hidden, but I do want it. But I know I, that's so interesting. You said that. But I think that there is like a people pleasing sort of martyry version of a me that is what he's talking about. And he might say it's middle class or I think Midwest or just mid basic. Yeah. that I think like his version of it is what I'm thinking of when I'm not like being authentic to myself, which is a term I think is overused, especially now. But like when I'm not really, when I'm trying to be like two people-pleasy is when I know that I. Me too. My tendency is to tilt way too far forward in life. Even like a, even something as small as like, where's your chair on set? Like when you walk off the set and you have to sit down while they're changing a lens or a light or something, like, are you like, Hey, how are you? Oh, hi. What'd you do last night? Or like, do you know, like, I'm like, I have a really diggy scene today. I need to be alone in the corner. Like, I need my chair to be away from everybody. I need to be by myself or I need to go back to my trailer. so I'm not like, hi, oh my God, I love your blouse. Did your kid win their soccer game yesterday that you left early to go to? Yeah. Like that's not gonna, I mean, in that sense, I think I agree with him. I was trained to be nice by my mom I was very but I didn have a choice You know I had to be nice kind sensitive I still learning to discover that I a dick that I can be mean as hell that I can be petty and all those things And when Mary calls me on one of those moments, that's the only time we fight is when I'm wrong about being a dick. Because I, you know, I don't want to be that. Yeah. So I will fight to the death. That's not who I am. Yeah. And as soon as I go, yeah, that was mean. Right. Yeah, I am mean. First off, it's very relaxing. But then you have a choice. If you have to be nice and kind because of your upbringing or your whatever, and I think that's maybe what he was talking about because it's great to be nice and kind, But I think you need to know both sides of that middle line in life. You need to know that you're fully human. And you are as petty and mean and jealous somewhere or full of anger or stuff. So that if you know it, then you can choose it. Then it's a much more important kindness, I find, for myself. Right. Choosing, yes, to choose to be kind rather than to have it be your… Knee jerk. yes and what is behind wanting to be nice and kind because i think wanting to be nice and kind when i'm genuinely like when i'm not like if i'm doing it because i just want to because it's just coming naturally or is it from the the point of view for me of wanting to be liked then it's fake I have a problem with that because I do it, you know, because fake is a, you know, a go-to for me. Not really. That's harsh. But if you do something, if you, this is my favorite kind of example, you're, you're the barista gives you your cup of coffee and you're going to give him a celebrity tip, but you wait until he's looking. If he's turned around, you don't just slip it in. You wait. Okay, but he got a good tip. You were doing it clearly for yourself. So at best or worst. The celebrity tip is fully what I'm taking away from today. What's that? Oh, yeah. Whatever I was going to take away from that you said earlier that was awesome, it's now a celebrity tip. Yeah. And make sure you're being seen. I know. I have to give a celebrity tip, so I'll just do the tip. But if you ask the fellow, he doesn't care. He doesn't give a shit. If you're tipping him five If you're full of shit, fine. If I bust on a $2 coffee, he's like, great. Yeah. Great if I see it or not. So you can do things for other people and have it be kind of iffy, your motivation. Yes, yes. But it's still better than not doing something good. For sure. Smiling at someone is always preferable. And it makes you feel better. So are you doing it for yourself? I would say yes. Yes. I like being happy. My body feels better if I'm happy. Those two things can be true. Like you can be doing it to make someone happy, to make someone like you, see you, like accept you, take you in. And you can also just be doing it because it's the right thing to do. Thank you, Judy. I've been wrestling with this. You have not. The celebrity tip is so good. I have a friend who, for years, I don't allow it anymore. He would wait till we would split the bill and he would wait until I filled out mine. And then he would leave fucking more than me. And I'd be like, God damn it. And he would do it every time. And even just last week, we went to dinner and we both had our pens and I went after you. And he was like, like he's nodding his head. Yeah, I know. Okay, you got me. I've done one where there is some degree of truth that celebrities are expected to tip more. I mean, I can't even imagine you at a bar with a bartender. I don't do that. Ironically, I never did. But boy, that's my hellhole. but I have been so bad as to go out with people who either aren't aware of the celebrity tip part but they insist on picking up the tip and and as we get up to leave I'll put some cash down for a little bigger tip yeah that's worse that's that's bad is it isn't it what we're talking about Like, isn't it just like, like, yeah, I'll never forget. I probably shouldn't say who it was. I was in college. I was waiting tables while I was in college. And I waited on. George Winn. No. No. You know it. No, I'm just kidding. I waited on two super duper crazy, insane, famous athletes at the time. and it was a full, straight down the middle, 20% tip. And it was like, they were so famous that my manager at work took all my tables away and I just waited on them for the night. Wow. And they ordered... We're talking basketball. Maybe, yeah. Maybe. We're talking Chicago Bulls. Yeah. One round of drinks, like a basic bitch dinner, Like them, their wives, they all got like one drink and they shared two salads and they got one entree and they left. And I got a 20% tip, which by the way, is okay. But it was like, I had no other tables at night. Yeah. And I was like, fuck, man. Like, and also I wasn't like, I was very cool. I didn't bug them. I just, you know, I didn't even talk to them. Maybe I was not being a great waiter, but I just the way it was going, it felt like they were really on a double date, like two total norms. And I wasn't going to be like, are you guys loving your tagliata? How's it going? How are those Caesars? Like, I'm not going to do that ever, but to them. Mary was a waitress in New York for seven years while she was going to school. And then later before she started working, working as an actor. If I, when she met me, if I'd been a shitty tipper, I literally would not have stood a chance with her. I mean, you, like, I know people say this, but I believe that everyone should wait tables for, like, at least six months. Yeah. Like, you have to be in the weeds, and you have to have, like, a bad, I mean, you just have to. Yeah. I chased a table out of a restaurant once, like, asking them because they didn't leave me a tip. And I was, I'd been working at this restaurant for long enough at this point that I had, like, I was pretty confident. And I, like, followed them out of the restaurant. And I was like, excuse me, was there a problem with the service? Just curious. I just want to know if I can do anything to improve because you didn't leave me a tip. And I'm just wondering. And they were like, yeah. I just turned and walked away. Good for you. I felt really good about that, though. They didn't, you know, come back and give me any money. But, like, I saw what you did. Yeah. You think we don't know? If you can't afford to eat here, don't. I won't say who, but Mary waited tables on somebody and left her 10%. It was like a dime or, you know, a quarter on a $3 bill or whatever. Yeah. And he went on to become a famous talk show host and had her on the show. Did she? She told him exactly what he ordered and exactly how much the bill was and how much it was. Oh, my God. I love her even more. And I didn't think it was possible to have more love for her. Have you worked with her? She's the best. It seems like we should have, but I don't think so. I know I auditioned for a movie that she was in, and I obviously didn't get the role. But I can't remember if we've actually worked together or not. I've just been circling you two for so long. I auditioned for a part in a movie. She didn't get it either. Thank God, because I was a hot mess at the time. Now you have the best role in her life ever. My favorite waitress story for her, she walked by a table and some guy brushed, who was sitting down, brushed her kind of ass as she walked by. And she went, was that? Yeah, it was. but came back and he did it more obviously. Customer or worker? Customer. Okay. And she grabbed a pot of coffee and said, if I walk by and he does it again, and he did, and she poured the entire thing of coffee. It wasn't scalding hot, she's quick to add, in his lap. And he leapt up, and I don't know what would have happened, but the bartender was her buddy and leapt across the bar, grabbed the guy by the scrambling and threw him out into the street. I love that. Oh, I love that too. Waitress come up in stories. Yeah. Kind of my favorite. Oh my gosh. That's really good. That used to happen a lot. Yeah. I mean. How long did you wait tables? I did it in high school at like a mall restaurant. This place called Olga's Kitchen which was like a take on Greek food. in high school. So that would have been like junior, senior year. And then in college, I did it for like on and off all through college. But I was a waitress. I was a cocktail server. I was a bartender at a nightclub. I worked at a coffee shop. There were these four guys when I was working at this coffee shop once, there were these four guys that came in all day, every day, because they were studying for the bar. And I was so invested. And they never came back. And I never knew if they passed it. I was like, you guys have to come back. And they're like, oh my God, we totally will. And they didn't. And I still to this day, I'm like, I wonder if those assholes passed the bar. Like, I wonder if they're attorneys in Illinois now. Or sitting on the Supreme Court or something horrible. Dear God. I never even thought about that but you know I was like that was a lot of coffee I was serving them and when you're you know at a diner coffee shop you get refills it's like poo covered in pee what you make yeah you know poo covered in pee I mean it was like free refills on coffee and like these guys have just put themselves through law school and they sit there all day in the good table yeah i'm like but they're gonna be really fancy lawyers they're gonna come back here and they're gonna tip me and they're gonna remember me and they never did let me pull you from your waitress and plop you down in the middle of uh stick no stick yeah singular you were i loved it isn't it great it is wonderful it's a wonderful story everybody is so good i love it but you really here i'm gonna mess you up again but you it was so you had so much gravitas and then when you come back around and you think maybe you guys will get back you were so beautiful and so wise and you had this I don't know what. Thank you. It was really lovely. I love that show. Yeah, Owen is, must be a dream to work with. He is amazing. We have also kind of been circling each other for a really long time. Like timing didn't work out or I don't know, things like past projects. Although I reminded him we did work together technically on a film called Marmaduke where he voiced the dog Marmaduke. And I was a live action human. I was Marmaduke's mom. We did not meet. Anyway, yeah, we have been kind of almost worked together so many times, Owen and I. So when I finally got cast in this with him, it was funny. I'm always nervous before I start. I mean, I'm generally nervous anyway, but like the first day of work with him just felt like I'd known him forever. We just clicked right away. and the scenes were really good. So well-written. There was so much compassion in the dialogue, I felt, between these two people. I think that what tore them apart, what causes them to split up, was never a lack of love for each other. It wasn't infidelity. And I think that that is something that is important to understand like why they can still be so connected and why they can have so much love for each other because they just dealt with the grief in very different ways, you know? And like, and so it just was really fun to do. And I love him. And everything that comes out of his mouth is so honest and so not what I think of when I read a scene. Like he just brings something so special. Yeah. And I think the role is so good for him. And honestly, like it's really fun to be in a show that people actually watch and really love. Streaming is something else. When something gets dropped like they do on streaming and the world all of a sudden sees it. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel very lucky that I got to be a part of it and we're doing a second season. Are you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm so excited. I know, I'm excited to see what these people do now. I think it was a little bit, you know, teed up that maybe he might want to try golfing again. I don't know. We'll see. I don't know anything about the new season. Jason Keller, who created the show, is a friend of mine. I've known him for years, actually, socially. And he wrote Ford vs. Ferrari, and he's such a talented— Fantastic. I know, he's such a great screenwriter. And he was sort of talking to us socially, just like, yeah, I've got this idea about like a golf pro who's not. And we're like, oh, cool, whatever. Awesome. And then it's just like, you know, seeing your friends do something and have so much success and do it so well. Like, it's just really exciting. You are a stepmom. I am. So are you. I'm a stepdad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a different path. Yes. And not tricky bad, but like, I think early on, both Mary and I realized, because I had two kids and she had two kids, that, and we actually included it in our wedding vows. We realized we needed to say a vow to them, which was basically, you know, promised to be the best friend I can be to you. for the rest of your life because you're not their parent. No. You're not their mom and dad or whatever. No, and sometimes they remind you of that. Yes. Yes, it can be thankless. But if you realize, oh, all right, I'm your cheerleader is what I am. Yeah. You know, and I... I had a therapist, a different one that I... I love therapy, by the way. A different one that I see now. But at the time, my therapist said, she was like, step-parenting is hard because you have all the responsibility with none of the authority. and when she put that into words became very crystal clear what my job was like I was like oh I'm just here to you know like like be a good like a I don't know like an aunt like a godparent like a I mean in my particular situation step parenting is you know every situation is so specific mine was really easy and good and like yeah I was supposed to you know I I have no complaints and And there was never, I mean, there was like, you know, a couple times where I was like, oh, right. Yeah, no, I'm not your mom. But mostly it was like me telling my husband and needed to tell them something. And he'd be like, oh. Your husband, your mate is definitely in the middle. Yeah. And he would just be like, oh. I'm like, they need chores. And he like well tell them to have chores And I like that unfair It unfair for me to have to tell them they have to have chores and he be like oh man I like I think it interesting that he has a test tomorrow but you're still having the pitching coach come and work on his pitching for baseball but not a tutor helping him with his test he'd be like oh oh how old were you no how old were they yeah it's okay I could also tell you, they were nine and 12. Because I remember, yeah, he was. That's pretty close to what we were too. Yeah, it was actually great. And truthfully, like I wasn't, I didn't have a baby, but I was planning on it kind of. I was like, yeah, I mean, obviously I'm going to have a kid. And then really it's not because like, I could see the story going like they were so terrible. I didn't want to have a kid, but like they were so great that I was like, why would I like ruin all this? Like, this is like so good. Everything is so good. And your hands are full. Yeah, I mean, I was busy. I didn't slow down my work at all. So it was like, I was all this set. I went from being like, yeah, maybe I'll stay a couple extra days on location and like do a thing to like get me on the first plane out. Like I have to get to Thousand Oaks because like Emily has a soccer game. Lucas has a baseball tournament. Like there was like, I went from like, I always say like I went from having like the basket in the supermarket to having like the big cart overnight where I'm like, what do you feed these humans? Like, what do they eat? You have to cook them food all the time. I know. I was like, holy shit. It was a crash course. I always think that mothers who work, it's probably true of mothers who work in any job, but as an actor, you love your work. Mary loves her work, loves her children. especially when they were young she would feel guilty about leaving and she told her young I don't know, four-year-old Lily because she was feeling guilty about about to get on a plane saying I have this job, I love being your mom so much and I love my job as an actor and sometimes my job makes me go away and I hope you someday have But, you know, this speech went on for about 10, 15 minutes. Oh, boy. So I hope you and Lily sucks it in and says, well, picking my nose, that's my job. And Mary went, okay. All right. Perhaps we'll have this same conversation again in a few years. Oh, my gosh. It's hard. I think it's easier being a father, you know, just because it shouldn't be. but there is this sense of, oh, this is what we do. The man has to go. Yeah, I know. And we're still like, we're still screwed for wanting it all or for thinking we can do it all. Or like, yeah, I mean, I know that the trend is definitely shifting. I know of several stay-at-home dads. And I love that. And I, but I, but yes, I think I felt very much like if I had a baby that I would have to really slow down my work. And I like just wasn't sure. I wasn't sure I could or would want to or like be able to raise a baby the way I would have wanted to, working as much as I wanted to. And I love working. Now, had I not had stepkids, that would be different. But it was like I met these beautiful humans. And so I got to have like I got to have all of it. Right. I got to have like the kids and we all have such a great relationship and I'm so lucky and they're so great. And we're all so close. And even their mom, like it's all, it all worked out really, really well. But I don't know. I just didn't really know if I wanted to like rock the boat with like one. But who knows? It doesn't matter anymore. I don't even think about it anymore. but I was like can I and my mom was a working mom and I'm an only child and she was working a lot she had a really big career and I mean hospital administrator yes so like you know without being like I didn't want to leave my kid as much as she left me that was kind of what I was thinking I could say that because I don't think she knows how to listen to a podcast I'm always like mom listen to podcasts when you take your walk they sound so midwestern mom listen to a podcast when you take your walk I don't know how to do that I'm like okay but yeah I was always like oh I wish that she would have been around more you know by the way didn't because I'm a victim of it too I didn't really wish my dad would have been around more even though I have a great relationship with both of them it just was like oh I wish my mom was I think all of my activist-like stuff that I do, especially the ocean advocacy, is because I wanted my father to go, oh, I see. You're an actor, but you're hanging around with scientists. And I really think that was a big impetus. Yeah. How are you with what's going on in the world? How do you handle your heart? I just want to stay in this dark room. Yeah. Or Denmark. we just came back from Denmark oh my god yes was it magical? magical it's 8.5 million people so I imagine we could scrabble together 8.5 million people here and have the same kind of thing but it's very sweet and gentle and kind yeah yeah but also like they're very direct aren't they? aren't they like a direct people? there's like a directness to sort of this Scandinavian culture that I really like Like there's... Even their, I find like their design, because everything is about the food now and design, but design is functional. Yes. It's beautiful. Yes. But it's for a function. Right. So it has that simplicity, which kind of is what you're saying too. That's kind of what I like about, like about the people I've met from there, but I've never been. But also, it just looks really peaceful and calming and beautiful. Unlike here, which, how does my heart feel? It's such a kind of beautiful question. It just depends on how I allow it to feel. Like, I think I've gotten involved with an organization called International Medical Corps, which has helped me a lot feel like I'm doing something. something more than just like sending checks like willy-nilly to who reaches out. And it was something I met this organization when I was shooting in Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria and they were there helping. And so I kind of got involved with them on my days off and I just kept up with them. And I've done trips with them. We just went to Ukraine in May. Wow. What was that like? I mean, stupid question, but what was that like? It's beautiful. It was, you know, again, the people were so filled with hope. The people I was around. And again, I'm seeing a certain section of it, you know, but the people are, they have so much pride. and they are so hopeful and resilient. And what was explained to us very early on in our trip was that if a building is blown up, they'll have it cleaned up immediately. And that's something that was happening in Kiev that is because they are so proud and they're so proud of their city, their communities. It's like they don't, yes, you'll see a building that has been reduced to rubble, but they will clean it up and get it sort of get all the rubble moved away as soon as possible because it's like we don't even want to look at that. Like probably not explaining it well, but. No, you are. That was something to me that was very telling that they A, have the ability to do that and that that is a priority during this war is to like, like keep, keep everything moving and functioning as well as possible. The train, the underground train stations are where a lot of people shelter when they have to. And so, you know, that, that becomes like a bit of a community. The men aren't allowed to leave the country at all. So when we were traveling to and from, we were going through Poland and it was just all women and children on the trains crossing the border. And like Ukrainian men, the men that we were with are because they're not Ukrainian to be specific because they all have to fight. you know, they fight in shifts and they're all expected to, if you're healthy, to do your part. We were seeing, we visited clinics because a lot of what International Medical Corps does, they do obviously like medicine, but they're really super focused on mental health. And so they're really focused. When I went with them to Jordan, I was visiting a Syrian refugee camp that even now still has 60,000 Syrian refugees living in it. And so much of their focus after doing sort of the like triage of what's going on and getting people there and getting people settled is like leaving them with the mental health, the facilities, the clinics, the people, the staff to, you know, try to get people like medication they might need, therapy, like classes, clinics on how to deal with PTSD and trauma. and that is something beyond like frontline medicine we forget about that like when organizations leave the people are still there and they are affected by this obviously but like when you're there and you see it like they need help. They need help with their brains. They need help learning how to cope with what their life is now and what they've lost and what the future might bring. And then add onto it people who already have mental health struggles, who like already have things that they're dealing with that have nothing to do with what they're seeing and what they're living through right now. And they're not getting the help that they need. So it does sort of multiply. So seeing these clinics and these places where like International Medical Corps is like getting drugs there, they're training local staff, that's another thing that I was really impressed by, um, was that they train all the locals so that they can leave and that the people, it's not like we're just leaving and we're like, well, good luck. Like they're training everyone so that when they, when they're, when their people do have to leave, um, or funding is cut, that's a fun thing. Um, that at least the, that they've trained like local therapists and doctors and clinicians to carry on because, you know, we're not able to do it here. We can't do it forever. All these organizations, whichever organization you're involved with or interested in, like we're all losing money. They're all, the funding is getting cut. And so it's even doubly important to train local people when you're there. Yeah. But I'm not here to talk about that. No, you are, actually. Okay, good. You are. I mean, from my point of view, I love hearing that from you. There's something about this time, which is, you know, social media, mainstream media, my side, their side, everybody is dealing in fear and anger. And part of that is because that's how news work. Part of it is because it's true. There's a lot of sadness and suffering. But I have grandchildren. And when I let myself dip into hopelessness, then it's a bit of a shame on me. Because, no, there are so many things that you can either do to bring joy or healing out in the world and hope. You know, making people laugh is also a way to bring hope to people. Look what Bob Hope did. He put himself in the middle of wars to make people forget their fears and feel a sense of community. And that's something that we as, when we do it right in our business, we do put out hope and joy in a sense of community. so I dip into hopelessness which I can do sure daily yeah you know yeah is is not right you know it's not and we have been for whatever reason given a somewhat of an opportunity and I hate this word now but platform for it because because we can get a voice out there yeah but I think I read I wish I could remember where I read it but I remember almost nothing these days super fun about like, like starting, like if you want to help and you don't know what to do and you don't have money, maybe to send a check. So like, you can always just start, like start on your block, start in your building and then like kind of just let it see what happens, like see how it expands from there. Like, is there someone in your block that might need something? Like, is there garbage on your streets that you could pick up one day? Like, can you take a garbage Do you ever, like, I know David Sedaris, I love his books and I love to listen to them because he reads them. But he talks about, like, doing his trash walks and just picking up garbage on the side of the road when he does his walk. And it's like, someone will see him doing that and not know who he is. Just see a man on a walk, like, picking up garbage, you know? And, like, that is inspiring. Just that little thing. And it doesn't really cost anything. You should be out walking anyway. I don't know. that's a thing you can do that isn't necessarily like going to Ukraine, but in your little tiny world, you know? No, no, absolutely. And I think that's really important to put out that it's each one of us trying to be just a little bit better. Yeah. A tiny little, tiny little thing you can do. Yeah. I really love seeing you again. I so admire you. I hope you get that as an actor. You really are brilliant. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Fun talking to you. Likewise. That was the delightful Judy Greer. Earlier you heard us talk about the amateurs. I highly recommend it. You don't actually get to laugh and see a porno film being made at the same time. So enjoy. That's all for our show this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to someone you love. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full-length episodes are on YouTube. Visit youtube.com slash teamcoco. See you next time, where everybody knows. you've been listening to where everybody knows your name with ted danson and woody harrelson sometimes the show is produced by me nick leau our executive producers are adam sacks jeff ross and myself sarah fedorovich is our supervising producer engineering and mixing by joanna samuel with support from eduardo perez research by elisa grahl talent booking by paula davis and jane Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Yen, Mary Steenburgen, and John Osborne.