Pretty Little Episode #69

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It's going to be so fun, so go to dynastetypewriter.com or follow the link in our bio and get your ticket for our December 22nd show today. Ho, ho, ho. Hey, Handsomes! Just a heads up that for your best chance of getting Handsome merch in time for Christmas, you should order by December 12th. Write it down, December 12th. So go to handsomepod.com and get your order in by December 12th. That's handsomepod.com. Chattin' the Friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' the Friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's a pretty little episode and I'm a pretty little host called Mae Martin. I'm joined by a pretty little host named Fortune Feemster. Hey bud. What's up bud? Not much. Well, my nervous system's fried because I just got out of my third driving lesson. Yeah. As you know, I've had lessons in the past, but this was, I have a new guy called Robert. And today I drove out to the hills. I'm driving around and he has a convertible and I'm in my shades and my convertibles. You're taking driver's lessons in a convertible. That's so LA. And then he goes, oh, we're not going to make it back in time for you to podcast. And I was like, oh, but we have to. And he goes, well, I guess we better go in the highway. I've never been on a highway. And I drove on the 405. Yeah. That's the one. And then the 101. Not a big one. I said, Robert, if we're going to do this, like you can't distract me. Like, is he chatting? Yeah. He'll show me stuff on his phone. Oh no. And I said, how do you do on the freeways? Well, like once you're on, it's easier than, yeah, but I don't know. When I look over my shoulder before I change lanes. The minute my eyes leave the road, the car starts to drift. Right. Right. Yeah. You ever have that? Oh, yeah. I mean, well, the newer cars, I don't know about his convertible, but a lot of cars now have the lights in the mirrors that they light up when, if there's a car to the right. So that's helpful. I want all of that. I'm going to need all that. Yeah. I mean, it is, but the freeways here are stressful. Probably the good thing is that traffic was traffic moving or no? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was driving 65 miles an hour. Well, there's so much traffic here that rarely you're able to go past like, say, you know, 70. Yeah. So that makes it a little less stressful, but LA would be a stressful place to learn to drive for sure. It was crazy. And then he goes, well, I just got a text. One of my students just passed his test and he only made one mistake. And then he shows me the picture and it's a child with braces, like grinning like full braces. Like I did it. I should have done this so long ago. When are you going to take the steps to do the actual driving tests of December 8th? Okay. Oh, you got a date. Oh, so it's already happened. Yeah. But I feel like I shouldn't. Yeah. Right. It should have already happened. We're filming this a few days before that. Yeah. So people know. God, I will see. I will see. May is going to leave us on the edge of our seats. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're just ready. I mean, it is time for you to have a little more autonomy, having your own car and not having to depend on Uber's. Oh, it's ridiculous. Yeah. But I think I've got to get a car so I can regularly practice and just go into the store and so like, if I get the license and don't have a car, I'm still going to stay rusty forever. Right. Yeah. At least that way you could just be driving around your neighborhood and stuff. You could still Uber to some of the bigger things if you weren't feeling it. Would you feel safe with me in driving? I don't want you to practice for a little bit longer. Okay. My friend is cautious. My friend had, I'm at the age where I have friends with teenagers and some of them are learning to drive and that is funny to hear about. Yeah. I'm going to be good. I just won't ever be able to have music playing in the car or anyone speaking. You'll get more comfortable in time, but it does take time. Give yourself some grace, my friend. Thank you, my friend. I'm glad you made it back in time. I see your Dodgers hat. The Dodgers, sorry. Yeah. I know they'd be your team. Stinks. The Blue Jays, but that was an amazing World Series in general. It really was. Well, I'm excited for the World Cup of Soccer. I want to go to some games. I'm super excited for that too. You got a game? I don't, but I was looking at tickets. They are crazy expensive. Really? Oh my God. Yeah. We got to find a way. Maybe we can like, can the World Cup be a sponsor on Handsome or something? Really? We don't need you guys. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I want to see some of those games. I'll be rooting for England. You were talking about people from all over the world wanting tickets, so that's what is, um, makes them so valuable and expensive is that it's not just like your favorite team here. It's like everyone all over the world wants to go to these things. Yeah. Glad I'm going to have my license for them. That's right. Because driving in LA will be great. It sure will. Should we hear some questions from our angelic listeners? Let's do it. Hello, Tig May and Fortune. My name is Naomi and I'm coming to you from South Korea and I love you guys so much. I love listening to your podcast every week. I actually had tickets to see Tig right before COVID hit and it got canceled and I haven't been back in the States since then, but I'm looking forward to seeing you all in the future. But I wanted to ask you if we lived in a world where instead of cars, we all rode on mounts and whichever mount you have, no one else could have that mount. What would you choose? And it can be full size. So if you choose a fish or a turtle, it can be big enough for you to write on it. Which one would you choose? To clarify, this is which animal would you mount? Yeah. I missed that too. I just heard to mount. Yeah. Okay, so we're mounting an animal. We're mounting something. Yeah. If we didn't have cars and such. Okay, well, I feel like the obvious answer is a large cat, like a cheetah. I guess there wasn't specifically, Naomi didn't specifically say animals, but gave animals as an example. Right. So it could be people. It says what would you have as a mount if there were no cars? I've never really heard the term and I'm like kind of delighted. Yeah, I haven't heard that either. I want fast but safe basically. So I want, oh, and maybe a little sexy. Like I'm still, I'm going to go leopard, you know, like Bagheera and Jungle Book and imagine the rippling muscles underneath your your bear games. What does make me think of the Zootopia 2 movie that we're all in having it all? I just watched it. So I'm thinking about all those animals from that world. Yeah. And one of the boats, the fairies was a walrus. And so they get on the walrus belly has like a seat on it and they got on the belly of the walrus and it and it swam them across the lake. Yeah, that's good. I mean, I mean, you'd struggle on land. Well, yeah, I don't think I'm going to go with the walrus, but it just made me think how funny having just seen animals being used in that way. Walruses are pretty majestic and silly creatures. Wait, yours was a what again? A leopard. A leopard. That's good because they're fast. Yeah. And sexy and and they're not going to make any mistakes and they're a little they might be a little too autonomous, like a little too rebellious. Right, right. I did ride on a camel once. Oh, you did? Yeah. When I was in Dubai. What was it? It's kind of great. It's not the most comfortable. Yeah. And you like get on it. They're so tall. Yeah. And you get on it like you really have to stretch your legs, get on it. And then they say like hold on when it gets up, like really hold on and they line. Really? Because it goes forward and then back when it stands up. So you it's almost like a riding like you see the bulls at the bars that people ride. It looks like that. So you you get on it and it wooshes you forward. So yeah, I almost like chipped the tooth banging into Jack's head. Oh my God. When it went forward and then it flings you back. Are you like between two humps? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, okay. So you're up and so tall and then and then it's like, you know, a steady walk. But it's not sounding. They're giant. They're big. So the it is not comfortable. But they ride them, you know, like people here ride horses. So yeah, yeah. But if you're if I'm going down the highway on my leopard and then you're clumping along on your camel, you know, I'm zooming. I'm zooming. You're going past me for sure. I don't the leopard would have to be really strong for me to get on that one. They're so strong. Nobody would fuck with you if you're on a rhino. That would be too big though. In a way, the rhino is kind of like what's that really ugly Tesla that's like armored. That's kind of the rhino is the armored Tesla of the animal kingdom. I would probably do like a like a cheetah or something. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is you, Cougar. I want to I want to be fast. Yeah. They don't want to eat me. No, they know their role in this world. I want to hear Naomi's answer. Yeah, let's see what Naomi said. I would choose a moose because they're very strong and fast and they're also very comfortable, I imagine, and beautiful. For day to day transport, they would be great. And also, if I ever gotten to some sort of battle, I think a moose would be really strong and fast. Thank you all so much. I look forward to hearing your answer. This feels like apocalyptic, like the grid is down. The grid's down and you've got to. You're trying to lasso them. Yeah, you've got to lasso a moose. Yeah, to be able to ride them. Let's hope that's not the case. It was a bit of a leap to say that moose are comfortable. I don't know about that, but who knows? Actually, wasn't there a guy? There was this is going to be a really garbled fact. Is this my fact? Yeah, there was a guy who had a pet moose that was an alcoholic. The moose was. And yeah, I can't remember the details. Is it Reagan and Bell Thomas guy with guy with a drunk moose? Moose alcohol. I mean, to be fair, the moose was supplied this alcohol. So yeah, I was an enabler for sure. Here we go. I found it. OK, the phrase drunk pet moose. That's what I googled refers to the historic. The historical anecdote of Tycho Brahe, a 16th century Danish astronomer who kept a pet moose that became so inebriated on beer at a banquet that it fell down a flight of stairs and died. Oh, this is sad. I'm so sorry. No, that's really dark. Oh, man. Poor moose. Yeah, that sucks. I don't think the moose is an alcoholic. It just got into a batch of something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just it's trough was filled. Oh, no. All right. Well, we're going to treat our thank you for that tidbit. Sorry. It was a different time. A different time. You had your moose at your banquet. That's right. I bet even at that time, he was eccentric, though, even I bet even in the 1600s, they were like, this is probably. Yeah, they're like, don't invite Tycho to the banquet. He's going to bring down loose cannon. Yeah. Should we hear another one? Hey, handsome. My name is Mallory. I'm from Knoxville, Tennessee. And here is my question. May, I'm not sure if you remember this or not, but you told Justin Trudeau that his legacy would be great. And now he is dating Katy Perry. Is that the great legacy that you envisioned for him? That's hilarious. And if not, what did y'all think his legacy would be? Oh, man. Of course, I remember it was a really impactful moment. If you don't know, I met Trudeau when he was prime minister. And I had all my friends were like, you've got to challenge him on his environmental policies and all this stuff. And then something I was bewitched by his charisma. And I heard myself say, your legacy will be great. And he just looked confused and was like, thanks. I think what I meant was he legalized marijuana in Canada. And he just at the time that he was elected, he seemed like a really a breath of fresh air. It was hopeful. It was like Obama. There was like a, yeah, it was like a surge of optimism. And then like Obama, like there's only so much you can do in power to live up to all your promises. And he, you know, he made by the end of his term, basically, or his reign, would you say? People were like really disappointed in him. But I don't know. But now he's dating Katy Perry. So how do we feel about that? We feel, I mean, it makes sense somehow. Yeah, they're both good looking. They're both good looking and they're like two very good looking. I can't do the accent. Ridiculously good looking people. He's I was about to. I've never called anyone a himbo. That's I was he a himbo. I don't know, but he's sort of he's like so like a Kendall. He's so classically good looking. Trudeau that I don't know. I truth be told, until the Katy Perry stuff did not know he was divorced. Wasn't he married? Or no, he was. He was Sophie Trudeau, who is the star of my favorite YouTube video of all time, which is her on Martin Luther King Day, getting up to make a speech after these deeply moving speeches have been made. And there was a gospel choir and then she gets up and no one's asked her to do this. And she goes, OK, I'm going to step up. This is not planned. Trust me. I'm going to sing an original song that I have no and she sings an original tune. You just got to watch the video and it is I know it off my heart. But it is French Canadian. Yeah, yeah, she sounds like Celine Dion, but not in the singing realm, probably. Totally. Yeah. Wow, I did not know about that. I will have to look it up. Yeah, it's pretty incredible. When did they get divorced? Was that a recent thing? Yeah, I think a couple of years ago, pretty recent. Oh, OK. Yeah. Yeah. I think they're going to have a have a blast together. Those two have a blast. They were on a boat recently and she was in a bikini and he was shirtless in jeans. I mean, everyone's living their best life over there on that boat. Whenever I see pictures of a celebrity couple standing on the stern of a yacht making out and getting photographed, I'm like, they must have known because what do you go and stand on the roof of your boat and make it? Like, remember J.Lo and Ben Affleck, their famous. Well, now I've heard various versions of this. Oh, OK. Not with this particular couple. But there are some celebrities who one thousand percent call the paparazzi. Yeah. And those pictures are there because they wanted those pictures to be there. Yeah. Now, who? How did a disaver who does that and who does not? I'm not sure. Yeah. But I do know there are other celebrities that genuinely are just like doing their thing. And they're these camera lenses are crazy. I remember filming in Toronto, actually, with Arnold. Yeah. We were on a boat in a harbor just filming and I looked up and saw like pretty far distance a guy taking pictures of Arnold in particular. And then those pictures were in the Daily Mail like two days later. Imagine if you saw a walrus with the camera attached to its head. And I know that Arnold doesn't care about that. So he's not calling. Of course. Yeah. If you were going to call the paparazzi because you wanted a photo to get out to project a certain image of yourself. OK. What situation would you like to be fake snapped in? Like, where you go, oh, damn, the pop, the pops are here. I mean, all I can think about is how many horrendous photos there are of me online. My my favorite thing to do back in the day was to Google like just my name and me walking and I have the craziest faces because really? Yeah, like I walked out of a thing. I didn't know that there was like a camera person there. And I'm like my face is like distorted. My belly is like hanging out. I have some of the worst photos. Oh, and obviously that's not a common occurrence. It's just once in once in a blue moon, there's a camera. I wouldn't mind staging a whole kind of hero situation for myself where I get actors to do a fake they start brawling on the street and I go up. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, come on. Oh, that's a good one. Because didn't Ryan Gosling have that? There was he broke up a fight and there was a photo of it and it was real. Oh, really? I would like that. Yeah, I would just I mean, I would I would do just the bare minimum of like I've actually like brushed my hair. Oh, right. OK. I have a little makeup on. You just want to circulate like a good that I can take a decent photo. My guts like, you know, they they a nice jacket's hiding the the the rolls a little bit like I'll take a nice jacket. All right. Yeah, well, we can arrange that. Oh, please. Did Mallory send an answer to that question? The answer to that question for me is, yeah, that's pretty much what I thought. All right, thanks. But that you did intend for that to be his legacy dating Katy Perry. Or that Mallory is saying that's what she expected Trudeau's legacy to be. Dating a son. Oh, I see, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's kind of fair. Yeah, I mean, I could see him kind of like living out the rest of his life, like doing speeches and stuff and going to like gallows and dinners and just dating. Good looking women. Yeah, for sure. He'll probably have a podcast. Oh, yeah, good. He'll he'll he might send us a question and then then we'll be sorry. Forever ridiculing him. Well, what a lovely couple of questions. I I always enjoy these because I never know what we're going to be asked. And these neither of these things are things I have thought about. So you never think about what your mount would be. I know. Well, now that now that this apocalyptic question has been presented, maybe I'll think about it more because there could be other animals that we're just not even considering. Oh, I mean, we didn't even touch on polar bear. I'd love to see a little mouse mount biggie and and for biggie to be the the vehicle for a mouse. That would be really cute. Yeah, well, it's December 12th. What do you got going on? I'm about to do some holiday shows in Florida and Orlando and St. Petersburg. And then I'm going to go spend some time with my mom for the holidays. And then I'll end the year in Norfolk, Virginia, Seattle, Washington, on New Year's Eve and then Vancouver. So any Canadians out there who want something to do at the end of the year? Come on out. Yeah. Big time. I think I'm I'm I have a Largo show coming up. But if you check out my my Instagram or maymartin.net for for stuff and then I'll probably be trying to chill over the over the holidays. But keep sending your questions, please. An advice request or whatever you want to say to us to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. And I guess in the meantime, keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feamster, Tignitaro and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Woulett. Email us at handsome pod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gun podcast.