Funny Money with Comedian Josh Johnson: Senators Smooching, Lifestyle Creep and the Mental Gymnastics of Financial Goals

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US Bank can help to make both possible at the same time. Let's set this summer up right together at USBank.com. That's the power of us. Member FDIC, trademark 2026 US Bank. As far as the NFTs go, they could have got me. All they would have needed was like a nice space jam NFT, and I probably would have been in a bad way. I'd probably be on money rehab for a totally different reason. You have me on the couch crying right now, talking about how I owe somebody named Dexter online, $1800 still to this day. One of my favorite ways to think critically about money is to laugh about it. This is Josh Johnson's superpower. Josh is a writer, stand-up comedian and weekly host on The Daily Show. He talks about what it's like to grow up with no money. When I was at my brokess, it's like, you don't even make decisions. Like, if you're not in the pool, everything that a drowning person does looks wild to you, because you're not drowning, so you're like, why aren't they just swimming? Why are they flailing like that? Or when someone comes to help them, why are they pushing that person's head down? And it's like, well, it's out of panic, and they don't know how to swim. And I get his takes on some bizarre money stories. I think that tax dollars are a lot like someone's ever owed you money. And then you saw an Instapost of them partying. Right. And you're like, what money did you buy the drinks? Because some of that got to be my money. And so then when you see your government doing things that forget, disagree with things that you are actively horrified by, you're like, oh, I paid for, oh, that's insane. And so not only am I a little bit broker because I had to pay the taxes, but you're not even using it for a thing that benefits me directly. You're like, oh, this is devastating me twice. Because one, you made me count, which is also crazy. You know how much I owe. Tell me how much I owe. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money. OK, Josh Johnson, welcome back. Thanks to money rehab. I know, I feel like we should have what did they do on SNL? The jackets, you're on two now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many do you need to do to get the jacket? Five is five. Five, OK, so we got I'll do 10. I'll come see you any time. You just let me know. How have you been? Yeah. No, no, you know, you have way more news than I have. Because I had a baby. Yes. That's new people. New people. Yeah. Yeah, you've you've like a person. Yeah, you may hold person and you have like a new life from the last time that I saw you. Oh, and I am doing more of the same. More of the same the last time. So and cooler and and bigger and better and that's very kind. But it is more of the same. True. Yeah. Yeah. So you didn't make a human that you know of. No, no, no. Who I can only imagine. Like the way that my friends who have kids have. It's like more synapses fire in your in your brain for so many different things, but especially for things that could go wrong. For sure. Yeah, I mean, like, but not even with your kid. You'll you'll just see me like leaning against something that looks precarious. I'd be like, you could fall. And that is that's that's the thing that I've noticed. Every one of my friends who has a kid, they end up being more. Yes. Yes. Yes. They'll be like, oh, don't spill. Don't spill. Don't spill. And you're going to tell your kids. So I this is going to happen regardless with time because things change. But like about the world, you now have a person that you can tell that used to be a CVS. Like that, like, like when my when my dad would do that to me, I'd be like, what is a Woolworth's? You know what I mean? But then my dad would I'd be in the car by day and he just pointed what stuff used to be. And I was like, OK, I guess I guess everything will just stay like this from now on. And now when my friends visit New York, that's the closest I get to being like that used to be a Walgreens. And now they made it a table tennis player. Back in my day. Back in my day, 10 years ago, 90s is back. Yeah, shit is becoming cool. What do you think about like that that sort of wave towards ownership, though? Because I think that's one of the reasons it's coming back. It's like whether you're a gamer or you like movies or anything, it's like all these things exist digitally now in a way where you don't really own it. But do we own anything? What do we even own in this world? Anyway, like, do we own wealth? Do we own? Yeah, I guess I guess that's no, no, we just borrowing. That's very zen of you. Getting deep, I guess so. I mean, I more meant towards like it probably is worth it to have physical copies of the things that you like. So then that way, the people who technically sold them to you can't just like take them back one day. But then your house burns down. But then your house burns down and then you realize that you don't own anything. Yeah, I yeah, or like, yes, that could happen. I could fucking suck. Or just God. Yeah, just owns will be like you actually own nothing. God does the same thing to you that your parents do. Like when you get an attitude at home and your parents are like, you don't even own anything here. I bought everything. And then God will do it to you on like a metaphysical level. And that's my relationship with the divine. Yeah, it's just like, what are you going to take it away? It's true. Like you own nothing. Yeah, it's it's a humbling experience. Yeah, but in the meantime, you do a crew. Well, you do like, you know, give people tips on how to have stuff. Yeah, I think, you know, growing stuff is more important than just having stuff. Well, like in all aspects. Yeah, I think if you grow something, you one, you get the journey, you get the memories, right? And then two, you then get to, especially in the case of like farming, sustain yourself. In quite literal sense. Yeah, yeah, because I could be honest with you right now. I don't know how to grow anything. So I would actually be useful with enough land. I don't know what to do. Like if there's not a store in any direction, they tag. Yeah, I'm like, oh, well, I guess I'll eat whatever I see a person with food. You you grow a lot of things. I'm I hope that you've grown your money. I've since the last time you've seen me. Yes, I've I've learned some things and been able to apply them. I feel like. Based off the thing you were saying before, it's like you never actually have enough money to feel safe, which is also I think why even billionaires are like stressed out. Like like you you'll look at people who have ridiculous money, like money on a level that you're that you're like, oh, this seems like you could stop if you wanted to. You could do nothing. And they are still like grinding, grinding in a way that I don't. Like if you were watching the movie about their life, you would then be like, I don't know if this is sad now. Do you have a like there's there's something to the idea of building something and maybe want to leave some sort of legacy or. Be that sort of captain of industry that helps propel all of us forward, like all of the ideas that we have of what people who amass large amounts of capital are supposed to do or that they believe in. But then you actually see it in practice and you're like, oh, no, it it kind of just seems like you don't like being at home. So I have a hot take on this. OK, I think in order to feel safe with money, you have to define what safe means and stop changing the definition constantly on yourself. Because that's what I think ends up happening. Yes. Is that once you get to that definition of safe or having it all, you all of a sudden like midgame, I'm not going to do well with any sports analogies here, just let the records out. Like you you move the goalpost midgame or the goal thing a midgame. And that's how people never get to the other side of feeling safe or feeling happy or feeling like they have it all or enough. I mean, as far as analogies go, you actually did really well. Thank you so much. You actually did really, really well. I thought you were going to be like, you know, sometimes you swing the best, hard as you can to get that touchdown. And then before you know it, there's a goal. Wow. Way to beat low expectations. No, you crushed it because I when you said no, no sports analogy, I was like, OK, we're going to be on a ride, but you just moved the goalpost. And that was that was perfect. Thank you so much. So what's your definition of feeling safe with money? Have you come up with that for yourself? I've started to try. I think that the best advice I was given was how much money do you need to live, like whatever that number is for you? And maybe it's a lifestyle question or whatever, but like how much exactly do you need to maintain just to like keep the lights on and stay fed with you and your people or your family? Right. And then when you come up with that number, that's actually the most money you need. So they're like the least amount that you need once everything's taken care of is actually the most that you need because by your own definition, everything's taken care of. And so I think that now I feel relatively safe. I think that there's, you know, straight of hormones or not, or like, you know, impending war or more war or ceasefire or not. Like I think that there's there are some external factors that I can't control that would obviously shift how far money goes or what I'd be able to to do as far as touring or anything like that. But I think that knowing that my number for safety hasn't changed in like two or three years, so it doesn't really matter whether I've made more or less money. I think is a general success. Yeah, no lifestyle creep. Yeah, I mean, I feel like there's been a little bit in the way of Ubers. Ubers will do me in. And then I have admittedly started buying more comic books. I've I've significantly more comic books since the last time you saw me. Wow, like an investment. No, no, I'm not a collector. I feel like that that thing to me is a trap. I'd be interested in what you think about this. There are some things that are like whether it's a collection or it's it's almost like has that ish. Yeah, like almost has that NFT-ness to it, you know, and those things hold value for just the specific people in that niche, but it's never going to maintain the value to be like valuable to anyone outside of it. You know, booze, booze or there are some old comics. Like let's say I was a collector. There are some comics you can buy for of Spider-Man from back in the day, like whatever, 70 Spider-Man, $10,000. It's like, what is the likelihood that you find someone with both $10,000 that also likes Spider-Man this much for this price? I know. And so I don't really get into the out there. The collection is for me. I think some people use it as an excuse. Like, oh, I buy sneakers as a as a collection or as a collectible item or something like that. And then you outside of, yeah, outside of like you said, some sort of fetish. Nobody wants your pre-worn Nike's. I mean, I have a lot of stories about people who have wanted to buy my shoes when I was broke. I. I. I sold my old stinky shoes on eBay. And. Somebody offered me a hundred extra dollars for a photo of my foot in the shoe. That I'm being honest with you. That seems so particular. I know it's not really. I know that feet is a thing. There's like what, like footpedia or something like that, like Wikipedia. We were talking about this right before you came. Oh, OK. It is called wiki feet. Weakie feet. And I am aware that I am on it. You're on it. Who not only am I on it, Josh, we were recently informed. Somebody DMed us and said that I have a five star rating. Is it five stars? Five. Wow. Did you know I didn't know that these. I didn't know there was a system. There's there's a backup plan, basically. Yeah, my life. If all this fails, fresh it. I mean, I look, I don't think all this is going to fail. I think you are far and away away from the, you know, the feet stuff. But it's nice to know that you have a fallback plan. It's like, yeah. I don't even know if it's B. It seems like a like plan like B plus G minus. I feel like you have a lot of like, where are we going in the no, I feel you're an author, you got a lot going on. Dreams of a. Outside of, yeah. I don't need that one either. You didn't even ask me if I sent the photo. Did you? What do you think? I think, I don't know, if you had one laying around, it wouldn't have hurt to throw it in there, I guess, but. This was so long ago. This was like pre iPhone days, everything. Oh, you would have had to like grab a Polaroid. Yeah. Oh, like, uh, this disposable or like a digital. Yeah. You know, okay. The day, the Tumblr days. Did you? No, I was too scared. You were already getting the shoes. It was a hundred dollars though, and it was a lot of money. So I'm just telling you, it was like a moral dilemma. And so I just, I sent the shoes. Stinky and all, like no questions. See, I have never had that through a means of like opportunity. I've, I've always like, I've always had it. It can happen. The thing that has always got me is, um, I'll be so broke. Like those, this pizza, they, you know, those door knockers that they put on your doorknob and stuff like that in my apartment building. I was living with my roommates and I just did not have, I didn't have money. And so they put one on and my friends and I saw it and was three five dollar pizzas for, yeah, it was like 15 bucks. They were all medium sized though. So we could all each like just have our own and we did it. We put our money together. We got the pizzas and we got so sick. We got like ridiculously sick. Like all, everyone was poisoned. And I knew I was broke because I was like, it was probably a pizza. I'm gonna eat a little bit more and I'm gonna throw it away. All right. Like that next day came around. I was like, in case it wasn't the pizza. Just for sure. Just to be sure it is a meal. And so I got my money's worth. Yeah, which I guess, you know, it was the pizza. It was the pizza. It was it was 100 percent the pizza. I was so sick. Well, in one of your shows, you compare being broke to the time you almost drowned. Sure. Sure. Can you explain? And that is what it feels like. I love that analogy. Yeah, I think it. Well, no, I just I think that I think that when I was at my brokess, it's like, you don't even make decisions. Like if you're not in the pool, everything that a drowning person does looks wild to you because you're not drowning. So you're like, why are they just swimming? Why are they flailing like that? Or like, or when someone comes to help them, why are they pushing that person's head down? And it's like, well, it's out of panic. And they don't know how to swim. Right. And they're they would love to not be drowning. I mean, every time I've seen a drowning person on TV, like in a TV show, they would love to not be in that situation. And that's what being broke is the most like is just even the decisions that you have in front of you, that you don't necessarily always have the opportunity to make the best possible choice. Like like those good choices and good advice sometimes come at the. At the rate of making a sacrifice that you can't really expect anyone to be able to do over a long period of time. Like, you know, maybe there's saving a portion of your income if you just don't eat or if you just don't pay a bill or something like that. It's like if you're if you're stripped down to your absolute barest, I think that. Yeah, you might you might do something that seems insane to someone who is in your situation like buy a lottery ticket. It's like, all right, this is at least a chance at not being in this situation. And you see some of the same stuff where people are drowning. They're just like punching the water. And you're like, well, swimming is kind of like that, but with a little bit more grace. And it's like when you're in dire straits, you don't really have the time to think about things from a perspective of of what the next smartest possible move is. So when you felt like you were broke or you needed money rehab, people are just like, duh, Josh, make money. Duh, obviously. That was some of it. There was there was like, we had a district manager that was talking as like just chilling. And this is rare because she was in charge of like five different stores is when I worked at a grocery store. So she was always going to like each part of her district to oversee something or meet with someone or something like that. And she was giving us all of this money advice, which is like in in one sense, very kind of her in the way of no one has to like impart knowledge to you really, you know, like you could keep all of your ideas and everything to yourself. But she was also so clearly coming from the perspective of someone making six figures because she was literally telling us she gave us like this this like hierarchy thing that she used of like how you should break down your paycheck and everything. And we were like, oh, this sounds fantastic. This is this is this is definitely for someone making money. Like this as soon as I'm making money, I'll do all these things. But like, I don't know if you know what you pay us at that. And that's where you have to make those adjustments even in even in how you relay information. It's like, OK, is this person making $12 an hour? Then they probably especially in a city like Chicago, they might not be able to afford to set aside like, you know, 30 percent of their income for investments or something like that. Like she was giving good advice. Don't get me wrong, but it was like it wasn't for you. Yeah, at the time. Yeah. So you grew up in Louisiana. You moved to Chicago. You landed in New York besides eating some sketchy pizza. What's the wildest thing you did to save money to save money? OK. I did this. This is yeah. I know you won't judge me, judge me, but you I'll make low key judge you. Yeah, whenever people you tell people certain things, they do look at you differently after it. There was a time where we were like pinched for enough pennies that my roommate and I were like, I we're just going to wear all of our clothes. We stretched it out to the point where we were basically didn't have money for the laundry downstairs. And so we were like, all right, we're just going to wear all of our clothes as many times as we can. We won't stink, but like we dig it down to like our actual suits. Like it was like it was like we're going to wear everything that we can to hold off this dollar 25 for as long as possible. And what what usually would have been us like doing the laundry, you know, every once a while, we stretched it out for like a couple weeks longer because we were like, oh, yeah, I never wear this shirt. I never wear these pants. And like our outfits didn't make sense. Nothing like nothing matched for it matching outright. And then finally we were like, OK, it's time. And we started washing our clothes and then we realized that we had saved nothing because now we had more clothes to wash. So it was like, all right, we made it through one payday. So we have the money. But like it was one of those things where I was like, oh, yeah, I don't know if I should move back to Louisiana. I mean, my question on that is who was the judge? Who is the arbiter of stink? We were each other's. We were like each other's monitor. Wow. Yeah. And so luckily we made it through. All guys. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. So it does seem it seems like the barrier would be too low, but it actually pretty high because we really tried to do each other a favor. And so there were a couple of times where I had to be like, don't. I thought what you were going to say was you put on all your clothes so you didn't have to check a bag, which is actually on my way to New York. What my husband did kind of is put his backpack underneath his jacket and then brought another carry on so that we didn't have to pay for. Yes. Check another thing. So you've got to easily, easily. That I. OK. Yeah. Now when I get now, now it's all out there. I've also the first winter I had in Chicago, I did just wear three layers top and bottom to not buy the coat yet because I didn't have the money for like a nice winter coat. Yeah. So I did triple up on layers and then I've tripled up on layers for the flight, like what you're talking about there. I feel like as far as layers go, I've done it all. Now that you have made more money, you're not. You're able to operate the laundry at your leisure. Order. Delicious pizza, I assume. Sure. Yeah. So what's your relationship with money now? I think that now I. I understand the tool side of it a bit more. I think that, you know, so much about money in the way that people have a relationship with it before you feel like you've caught up or you can at least take a breath is so much more about survival. It's like, you know, to me, it's very much in the same category as like water. If there are people who are dying of thirst, they don't think of water as a as a tool, the way that they use dams to to power things and stuff like that. It's like water can be this tool, you know, but you can only picture it as one thing when you're when you're so thirsty. And I think that when I was once again, like when I was like really broke, I didn't see how money could be anything other than just like a vehicle to literally just survive. And now I think I have a better understanding of the ways that that people use money to improve their life for their future and everything like that. But I also think I have a much deeper understanding how money has corrupted some people and how and how so much of greed is unnecessary. And I think that those things to me were kind of apparent when I was broke. And I look at people who who had a lot and weren't willing to part with any of it or felt like they needed so much more. But it's it's only like now that I get a real appreciation and understanding of what of what like greed actually is. And so I do everything in my power to not let myself become greedy and to even if even if I see it somewhere to try to hopefully address that underlying issue that is the cause of someone's greed. You know, I think that it's it's so easy to be like, oh, if you have a lot of money, you must have cheated or you must be doing something that you're not supposed to be doing or you must not be paying people well or whatever whatever the things are. And some of those things definitely exist. But I also think that so much of our education around money, some things get taught as just good business sense and not greed or just good business and not exploitation, you know, at our absolute most pragmatic of what would get us from point A to point B, which is let's say we have a startup and we want this billion dollar company. Well, the things that would within within some reasonable distance of what is legal, the things that will help us double down on all of our efforts and get to that money the quickest are going to be some form of exploitation. It is going to be some form of getting people to sign contracts that maybe if you read a little closer, it takes advantage of their of their efforts instead of like like fairly compensates them and everything. And then when you see that out in the world, you'll actually see a lot of people defended as like just pragmatic business or just good business. But we've we've also seen whether it's from other countries or other points in our own history as a country where companies have been able to to work in a way that really did benefit themselves, the workers at large. Like I don't I don't think that the this sort of like consolidated effort around like one individual's goals is is the way it has to be. And I think that now I've I've made enough money to be able to take that deep breath, not just be surviving, look around, look at the way things are and just see that. Yeah, that thing right there is just greed. Or this thing is like, all right, the optics don't look great, but I see how they land it here. Or these people are actually doing the the best they can with what they have. To continue your analogy, you're now satiated. You're not thirsty and dying for water. So what's your hydroelectric dam? The equivalent? I think I think like food insecurity is probably one of the wildest things to have as a problem in a nation like the United States. I think that whether it's food deserts or it's just people not having access to healthy food, those things, to me, are like medieval level problems, considering the technology that we have and and the way that we're able to live on a on a certain tier. Like there's there's people who whether you want to call them like the top 10 percent of earners or whatever in the US. It's like the way that that they can live where they have so many choices around their food and so many choices of how their food is even sourced. I think that those things could very well become something that's accessible for way more people than than there are right now. And and I think that a good example is you look at a sort of McDonald's, right? And McDonald's will say they'll send out a spokesperson to say, well, look, you know, people have choices when it comes to food. We don't make anybody eat our food and we also provide some healthy choices. It's just that these are the things that people like. And it's like on on an even enough playing field. All that is completely fair. All that's like that. Yes, true. Free will. But love that for us. What ends up happening is you see when McDonald's goes in these places that are the sort of like food deserts or how there there is competition and not just competition from a from a business standpoint, but there are people who don't want McDonald's in a school. They're like, look, I understand the kids can make their choices, blah, blah, blah. But you're McDonald's and you also market the kids and you also you should. You shouldn't be in the school. If the kids want you that bad, then they can ask for some McDonald's when I pick them up from school. But you being alone with with my kid in school and my kid choosing you every day is like that's a choice that you shouldn't lay lay at a kid's feet, right? And so now there's going to be people who want the McDonald's out of school. McDonald's wants to stay in the school. And so if I'm if I'm saying my goal is to give everyone as much access to healthy food as possible, it's like, I'm going to at some point but heads with McDonald's, probably, you know. And and look, maybe not. Maybe maybe I'm completely wrong about this. And McDonald's will be like, oh, we had no idea the cholesterol. And I'll we'll back off. That's our bad. But I think that I I look at food as a thing that is like. It's a yeah, it seems like an insurmountable thing to tackle. But I think that it's it's possible with the right efforts. And yeah, I would hopefully be able to contribute to that. It's not as if people aren't already out there doing the work all the time. It's just I I would like to figure out something that maybe hasn't been done yet and apply that. Well, Josh, I love and probably I messed up this analogy. But the hydroelectric dam for me was like, what would you buy? Like, what's the fanciest thing you would buy? And you were like, oh, God, I'm going to fix food food insecurity. You are a good dude. Oh, good man. I do my best. I mean, I'll say this. OK, if I had to buy a thing, let's see. I moved into a new apartment and bought furniture. No, not furniture. I say, yeah, I mean, like, who knows? Some of it was actually. I guess you had some trouble. My girlfriend actually saved us a ton of money because she got she got a couch for free, like a new couch. Yeah. Yeah. She know she's incredible. She's always getting the deals, which is also part of why I don't end up spending crazy money. There's probably things that would be very juicy on the list, but she probably, I don't know, she probably got for free. So then I love her. Yeah, she's great. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's amazing. Well, I've heard you say and you've quoted your friend's joke saying that you just want enough money so that two senators would kiss. Oh, yeah, to make two sacred. Do you believe that? Um, is that what you want? I don't even know how much that is. You know, it's a little disappointing because I feel like that's a much cheaper number than people would be imagine it. Like how much is it and who are the senators? I haven't picked yet. Hmm. Well, I think maybe I'm as now maybe. OK, you got to have Fetterman in there. Maybe Fetterman and. Lindsey Graham. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. They'd have the height difference. They have the beauty and the beast thing going. That'd be incredible. But how much would that go for? Do you think? I don't know. Probably like $20,000. I don't know. Like truly like you. I don't know. You you look at some look. Maybe some people's convictions genuinely just change over over time. But I think that whenever people are becoming advocates for everything that they actually ran against within their term, there has to be like some sort of lobbying or some sort of money involved. And so I look at like a Kristen cinema or something and I'm like, all right, you changed a lot pretty quickly. And it doesn't seem like I don't know her finances or anything. Maybe she's doing very well. But it seems like all she got out of it were those outfits. Like I feel like for the most part, American house reps and senators are incredibly cheap to buy. It's like you look at Eric Adams. Eric Adams was probably one of the easiest people. You just needed tickets to Turkey. You can get Eric Adams to do you a solid. Like if you're an elected official, you should be so hard to bribe. Moral convictions aside, you should be like, no, I'm giving you at least with. What was it? Was it Menendez or who was it in Illinois who got like gold bars? That's what they caught it was gold. But like actual Looney Tunes corruption is a type of corruption you need to be on if you are an elected official. Have you been surprised? Like when you've seen and you don't have to go into it or we could bleep it out or whatever you want to say. Like when you've seen like one of these big juicy TV money wires hit. Have you been like? Damn, honestly, no, it's like, you know, what's funny about it is that you. Luckily, I've been blessed enough to be writing for long enough that honestly, even getting that step up and increase in pay, it was like an adjustment. I felt ready to make because it was happening at the same time as other things were coming in. So it wasn't like there was just one big check that changed my life or anything like that. I also feel like if anything, you know, I didn't really start investing and didn't have the money to invest until I was about 29. And so I'm still feel relatively new and fresh to like a lot of the tools and everything. So I'm fingers crossed. I'm just getting started as far as that that stuff goes. But if anything, what what made me what gave me that reaction more so than any like one check was actually getting the returns on a structured note. Because that's when I was like, oh, geez, I don't know if this, y'all, I don't know if this is good. He's just pulled out structured note. Yeah, but this thing about structured note is that I think if if more people knew what it was, I think more people would be upset more than just want one. Do you have me? Like, like I I I understand that there's still risk with a structured note. But like the upside is so high that if you are investing and you don't have enough money for a structured note, like let's say I'm 25 again and I just have my poison pizza and and and like 18 extra dollars, I don't have structured note like access. OK, so let's pause for one moment. So first of all, starting at 29 is awesome to start investing. Second of all, you have a friend that you can call it literally anytime. Third of all, structured notes are basically principal protected products. There's all sorts of varieties of them. You get your principal protected. There's a downside cap and an upside cap. Continue. But the I guess the issue is that when you are a regular investor, a retail investor or whatever, you are in a position where you can't protect your principal. And I think that more people, if they if they were aware of what a structured note was, would be furious about the idea that people who already have this chunk get to protect their chunk and participate and then people who have anything less than that chunk are like more on the hook for how the market behaves. And so I think just just from a place of more so fairness than from a place of like incredible gains, I was like really shocked. I think the analogy for me on that one is like the more famous you get, the more stuff you get for free. Sure, sure. So you have to pay for stuff. And then when you can afford the stuff, you get it for free. Yeah, which is I what I'm setting to the people who that's that's very fair. The money to pay for that product. That's very, very fair. I mean, right now I'm at a level where the only things I really get for free are fries and napkins. If I if I go somewhere and somebody recognized, they go together. They'll they get together exactly. How my husband all the time, they're important to go together. But when I tell you what I'm about with friends and we got to wait in a long line and they're like, tell them who you are. I'm like, I don't think they know. I also already spoke to them. So that was their moment to notice if they were going to know. You got a napkin. I get an extra couple napkins with a with a wink, too, which means that's how I know they're giving the napkins because it's me. And I'm like, oh, thanks. Well, you're killing the game. So structured notes. Awesome. OK. Hell, yeah. I will say to be fair, I'll just put a small asterisk here for anyone listening who's confused about structured notes. We don't get into them often in the show. So a little bit more advanced, but they're similar to what somebody can buy as a bond or treasury or CD. And those are accessible. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I know that's fair. That that's very fair. I I feel like as far as like the actual financial instruments go, I'm like just dipping my my toes in. And then I try not to be. I mean, you're very good about not being doom and gloom. Like sometimes I'll see something and then you'll have a post about it that is like either the reason not to panic or the actual upside. But that being said, I'm I don't know. Oh, yeah, 100 percent. But I don't know what to think of this whole SpaceX thing. It does make me very nervous. Why? Because I think that there is a large amount of speculation to the point of like fraud. Like we are doing NFTs again, but now with AI in a way where a company that was about to have a ton of layoffs because they did some over hiring. And it's that seasonal thing of like we, you know, they bulk up for winter and and then they get lean in the summer or whatever. They now get to do that with the at least the. Intentional misdirection of doing it because they're leaner because of AI, which isn't really the reason they did it. Like they are laying people off that they lay people off seasonally. You can look back 10 years and it's like every year, Microsoft does a little shedding, but now they get to be like, oh, we're just leaner because we replaced all these people with AI. And it's like, OK, maybe that's true. But there's a high likelihood for a lot of companies doing it that it's not. Then they also have these these products that they use. There's like a there's like a self imposed in the markets and in a lot of industries. A thing of like we use our AI tools, even if they aren't working and even if our current staff have to work around the bugs in the system. So what is being offered isn't actually better and it's not improving lives just yet. I'm not saying it's not going to get better, but just like for what it is right now. So to invest off of that, like that's the reason to me that so many people are comparing this to the sort of dot com bubble, not dot com in that we stopped using the internet. Obviously, the internet got bigger. We use it more than ever. But, you know, was it pets dot com was not like viable because it just because they put dot com things that are AI aren't viable just because they're they say AI like you see what happened with was it all birds or fly bird or whatever. And they went from a shoe company to like now they're like, oh, we're an AI company. And then their stock went up and it's like that type of that type of thing is dangerous to me. So I think that there are bubble like qualities within the space for sure. So it's yes and like it technology that's going to be transformative. Yes. And are there bubble qualities? Yes. And are there crazy SPVs and all sorts of charlatans that are coming out of the woodwork? Yes. So I think both things can be true with AI. So it sounds like you're not buying any of these IPOs right now. Yeah, I mean, I I feel like, you know, I don't think I would buy just because I'm OK, you know, to what we talked about before, I'm OK, making a little bit less money if I can understand it. You know, like, I don't know if I should jump in the water with a thing that is a trend that's making a lot of people a lot of money because I also won't know when to get out of the pool. Like I won't know when the drain has been pulled. And like, you know, now people are getting sucked to the bottom and drowning or whatever. Like I personally feel like, OK, maybe I don't get why Jim and I make sense. But, you know, maybe maybe I won't invest and that's OK, because I didn't get it anyway. And so I think that this is an important lesson. If you don't understand it, don't put your money in it. Yeah, because I think anything I'm missing out on, it's like, am I missing out? Because I wouldn't even understand why I got the money. You know, like, like if I invest it and then the IPO just like skyrocketed, I think I'd be like, all right, that's good. I think. And then I then whether or not I stayed in would be according to some like sunken cost or or some belief that it was going to go even higher, but not anything connected to like a tangible understanding of what I'm investing in. So I don't know that that's why it makes me nervous. And I'm also nervous and would pull a lot of the market down with it. You're nervous about a lot of things, I was going to say, by the way, I have a lot of issues. Your original definition to me about whether or not you're safe with your money. Start talking about the strain of hormones and like all this stuff. And by the way, like no offense, Josh, I love you. I've loved you a long time. If something happened, if there's a war, you're not the only one whose tour is going to be affected. Oh, 100%. No offense. Like I think it's going to. No, no. By the time they get by the time I'm affected, we're all in a bad way. I guess I'm just more thinking about like, what would I do? Because I don't know how to grow food. So like what would I do next? Seamless, seamless. Yes. So I loved that the first time you were on the show, you really broke down the business of comedy. We're going to link that in the show notes so you could see, you know, where you're making money, where you're not making money with somebody who's an aspiring comedian. We do a segment called Funny Money on the show with comedians. So I'm going to be the money part. I'm going to give you some headlines. OK. And you as the funny expert are going to give me your take. Are you ready? OK. Men went viral after asking his date for a refund after their unsuccessful first meetup. He paid for her drinks on their first date. And a few days later, he asked to go on a second date and she declined. In response, he asked her if she could then mo him back for the payment for her drinks. Whose side are you on? I'm definitely on the woman's side because I've seen a thing like this happen before. My friend once went out with a guy and it wasn't working out. And after like two, three weeks, she was like, hey, I don't think we're meant to be. And he was like, well, you owe me 45, 62. What? And then she was like, what? And did she counter? No, no, she was like, well, you owe me $300 for my everything hair, all that stuff. She didn't even get there because she didn't know where this number came from. But this number came from him getting her breakfast burritos. And he had counted up. He had tallyed the breakfast burritos. And it was like in my head, I was like, all right, but what have you all been together longer? Do you have me? Like, is he just is he just has so little faith in his own relationship that he tallyed every day in case six months or not? She's like, it's not working out. Well, you owe me 1265. Wow. So yeah, no, I I feel like in those cases, you guys just understand that, you know, when you go out on a date, you're making this investment in the person that you're on the date with. And sometimes the investment has no return. Kind of like an AI IPO. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm saying is right. Yeah, a woman says she cut over $15,000 in grocery costs in two years by going on frequent dates and letting her partners cover the bill. Well, what do you think of this strategy? And is this how we close the wage gap? I mean, this would actually be phenomenal if the first person met up with the second person like that. Wow. You got to bring people together. Um, OK, 15,000 dollars is a lot of money. And I don't know even expensive dates. I'm not that good with math, but even at dates that are like 150 or like how much are you unless they are taking you to the actual grocery store. Many times are you going out to because you got to be going out to eat quite a while because even over two years, $15,000, $7,500 a year. Yeah. Seven. I guess my thing is 7,500 a year, but you're only counting them taking care of your portion, though. Like she's not she's not saying that the whole date was this much. She's saying her part of it was this much that she saved on her grocery costs. Yeah. You're like, I need more receipts. It's a lot of dates. And it's like that to me is like just just dates. Like it didn't work out with anybody. Do you have me like? I don't know. I feel like there's probably some of the therapy that would help you have that 75 to cover by one person. If she went out with dude number one, she would have to. That was alone. Oh, he would sue. He is sure 100 percent. Victoria's Secret stock soared nearly 48 percent after swapping its ticker from VSCO to VSXY. With that case study, when open AI IPOs, what should their ticker symbol be? I don't know. I feel like whenever I see stuff like this, I'm like, I mentioned have money. Then that to me is like the idea. Yeah. Just like, oh, wow. This I bet you this one's good. You know, it's like things like this and NFTs was what I was like. Oh, yeah. Like never never mind like closing any sort of wage gap on some sort of moral standard or just like a like an understanding of what what people's labor is worth like job for job effort for effort. But also just like this is what we do. Like as guys, I'm like the NFTs and this stuff like this because I guarantee you it's like 12,000 dudes that were like one of the IP one says sexy. I've always heard that sex sells. And so we should probably put thousands of dollars into that. Meanwhile, it's the same company. Nothing has changed but the letters and it. Oh, Lord. OK. That's also like the stuff that goes into Tesla with all those nerds that are like, yeah, here's the fart mechanism. Yeah. Whatever. No, 100 percent. I think open a. I mode. Yeah. Yeah. Now look Mad Max mode. You will get a couple extra people who are like, this is awesome. Get one out. Um, I think open a. Eyes should be nerd. Oh, a dollar sign dollar side. No, no, you can't do dollar signs. But if you were able to do dollar sign dollar sign, would they that would that would get all the money? They'd be like, there's literally a dollar sign in this one. I have to go with this one. The market says. Yeah. What were you thinking? Like any R.D. Any R.D. would work. I like yours. I mean, if you whatever the first IPO is to get a dollar sign in it, it's going to crush. We're already like barely serious anymore as a market. Yeah. Society. So like, why would we not just let the dollar side slip in? Totally agree. I think that's the best idea I've heard. Really? Take it to the SEC. Let's fucking go. Okay. A woman was scammed out of $80,000 after being catfished by someone who used AI deep fakes of soap opera actor Steve Burton. Have you ever fallen for a deep fake scam or a scam? I've definitely fallen for scams before. Um, but as far as an AI deep fake scam, I don't know if I. Interact with. Enough people that I buy things from to have that happen. Like I'm sure that I, one of the reasons I don't argue online, like I don't, like if we want to have a like a conversation in person, happy to talk something out or even if people are mad at me, happy to have a conversation. But one of the reasons I don't engage with like a lot of keyboard. Yeah. Because you do now don't know if they're real. So it's like, obviously people get upset about things. And if enough people are upset, then clearly real people are upset about this thing. But then if it's like, when someone's just trying to straight up pick a fight, you don't know if that's a real person. And so I try to avoid some of the deep fakes by not engaging in like, um, um, like too much of an argument. But. That also probably means I've been swayed by a couple of deep fakes. Now that I think about it, if someone has something nice to say, I'll hear them out. And that, that probably has led me to be, there's probably a couple of deep fakes out there. They're like, I think you're hilarious. And I'm like, wow, I'm going to take that to the moon. Um, I think the issue with this thing, especially as they target a lot of older people. I know there's a special place in hell for people who scam the elderly. Yeah. It's like, especially the soap opera, because that's one, when soap operas come on, everybody's at work with soap operas come on. Like, like when you, when a soap opera is playing, you are doing your job, whether you are working in an office or you're like a stay at home mom or something like that, everybody's working when the soap operas come on. So the only people who really have the time to notice who, what's his name? Oh my God. Hold on. Steve Burton. Okay. The only like Steve Burton stands are a bit, are a bit older and they're watching to follow the plot line. It's a great point. Okay. 54% of Gen Z taxpayers said filing taxes has either brought them to cheers in the past or expect it to next year. Have taxes ever made you cry? Easily. 100%. I think, okay. You know what taxes feel like? And this is, this is like, in part why I do understand when people are so, um, like obviously passionate about how their tax dollars get spent. It's your money. But I think that tax dollars are a lot like if you've ever owed somebody money or no, sorry, if someone's ever owed you money. And then you saw like an Instapost of them partying. Right. And you're like, what money did you buy the drinks? Cause some of that got to be my money. And so then when you see your government doing things that forget disagree with things that you are actively like horrified by, you're like, Oh, I paid for, Oh, that's insane. And so not only am I a little bit broker because I had to pay the taxes, but you're not even using it for a thing that like benefits me directly. Like if it was like, if you named each pothole in New York after the person whose taxes paid for it, then you would see the thing. You would be like, Oh, thank you so much. This person for a smooth road. But because you don't see any of that. And like, especially on a federal level, you just see, uh, you know, whatever, whatever the next like, uh, uh, insane project is, you're like, Oh, this, this is devastating me twice. Cause one, you made me count, which is also crazy. You know how much I owe. Tell me how much I owe. That makes me so bad. Like the fact that we don't have to live like this. We don't. They could just send us the bill. Everyone else sends a bill. The doctor will send you a bill. Your lawyer sends you a bill. Like you figure it out. Was that clavicle surgery? Imagine if your doctor was like, I don't know how hard do you think I work? Maybe you should decide how much I get paid. And maybe if the numbers wrong, I'll call the police. Like that, that's, that's what it is. It's so infuriating. So it's like, you made me do the work and then you checked my work, which means you had the number the whole time. Then you use the money to then do something insane. And, and, and I don't get a say in that thing because I elected the people who did the insane thing through a totally different process where they said they wouldn't do any of the insane things. And so I feel like whether, no matter which administration you're talking about, no matter which time period you're talking about, there is a, there is a level of a heartbreak when you are doing all the math yourself. Yeah. Heartbreaking. Yeah. I mean. Many tears. That's actually a lower number than I thought it would be. Like 54. 54% means that some jidzy, you know, what's probably happening as well is that with, with so many companies leaning towards AI, a lot of them probably don't have to really file. They probably just need a file to get their refund or something. Yeah. Who are these 46%? I mean, probably recent graduates. Like, did you see the thing where the, the CEOs that were given the commencement speeches were getting booed because they were saying the AI is the future. And then it's like, you, I've never seen somebody read a room worse than, than like a CEO whose company is like, how much for your brain? You just paid all this money and you're graduating. This is the party to celebrate you graduate. And it's like, y'all, y'all have nothing. Turn on the light. You'll never have anything. AI is taking everything. I win, you lose. Like they were getting booed so hard. The Trump administration is reportedly pushing a prototype of a $250 bill featuring President Trump's face. Yeah. Would you want your face on any currency? No, no, I especially don't want the like Trump's face on any currency is already insane, but the face that they chose of him making is worse. Like, did you see the bill, the proposed bill? Yeah. And it's also the first living. Think I, president. It's the one where he's like, do you have me? Like that's his you using your look. Now it is, but he used to have that big old smile. Remember that that first term he had that big old smile. Like he was like, he just got two scoops of ice cream. And now he's got the stake out because he's a felon. Now he's over here. Oh, and that, that to me is, is gross. I like you're like, it's fine, but just bring back the ice cream picture. No, no, I hate that one too. I don't, I don't know if I've made it clear, but I, I really do. Hey, Donald Trump with a passion and everything they does. But I also think that it's weird that we got Donald Trump on money before Harry Tubman. Remember those Harriet Tubman twenties that everybody was pitching? When I saw the picture, I was like, oh, this is a joke. And then I like, this is a deep fake. Yeah. Yeah. And that's all Scott Besson holding it. And I was like, oh, maybe this isn't a joke. And then I heard about the news and I was like, it's sad that this isn't a joke. Kentucky has piloted a big relocation package to recruit new workers. Many offer five thousand dollars cash along with perks, such as discounts on childcare and a free monthly delivery of eggs. How many free eggs would it take for you, Josh, to move to Kentucky? Carry the one. OK. So look, I think eggs are not going to be enough. I'm sorry. I just I I've been to Kentucky. I've worked in Kentucky. I've no wonderful people from Kentucky. But to get me to move there, I don't think eggs is going to cut it. I also don't think like here's the five thousand dollars is a lot of money to help along with a relocation. But if it's a one time thing, I don't know. Nothing to know for you. Yeah. Yeah. There's no amount of eggs. Yeah. What how many eggs would take you? I mean, it would take some like like eggs, like fertility eggs. Oh, yeah. Take a whole other. Sure, sure. But still like six figures worth of eggs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did my Kentucky time. I'm good. That's fair. Put it in my time. What part did you live in? In Lexington. OK. WKYT. Yeah. 27 News. That's right. Was that the tagline? I remember I saw one of your one of your old like reports from it. Oh, my God. Like it was like a part of a compilation thing that you made. No. Yeah. It was adorable. Thank you so much. I was like 18 years old. That's very impressive. Trying to make it in this world, you know. Why are you why are you saying, oh, no, it was adorable. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. The station was on Manowar. They were all the streets were named after horses. Mm hmm. I didn't. Anyway. But yeah, they got a whole derby. They got a whole thing. Yeah. Horses make sense there. They totally make sense there. Josh, since you're a veteran of money rehab, OK, you know that we end all of our episodes by asking our guests for one final money tip they can take straight to the bank. So what's one lesson that you've learned about money that you can share with our listeners? Because of what it takes to sort of like make it in in the US, a lot of people have turned all their efforts into like, oh, I'm building a brand or I'm building like I'm treating myself like a business and everything. And I think that one of the most important things you can do is that while all that stuff may be happening on like some sort of external level, that may be how people perceive you. I think it's very important that you yourself remember that you are a person and that you need your days off and you need your time off and everything like that and that you also don't look at every opportunity that comes for just the money and don't get swept up in in crazes. I think that once again, it's very easy to see the money that was made in like twenty twenty two with NFTs or with certain cryptos and and feel like you're missing out. Like as an example, I definitely felt like I was missing out at the time. And now I look back and I'm like, well, I didn't. I didn't understand it. Yeah. Joy of missing out. Yeah. And then also, where's all that stuff now? Like all of it because a lot of those JPEGs don't work anymore. Like a like a ton of them don't work anymore. And people pay thousands of dollars. Some of them just that broken link with the little, you know, the little like house in the green and the blue edit and stuff like that with a question mark, that's as much as your body is worth now. And so, yeah, I think I think engaging in some more joy of missing out because I think that some of these crazes are, you know, people's money grabs and and to to miss out on it completely. There's nothing like missing out on a scam. I don't know if you've I don't know if you've ever had somebody scam next to you. Not one set of who it's to be like, oh, I didn't fall for that thing. Not because I'm smarter. I'm very scammable. Like I like I've done many things where I'm like, wait, I didn't even know it was bad. I'm sorry. Like I've please believe me. That's why sometimes I'm not even outside like that, because I'm like, I don't want to get involved in anything. But I I genuinely take the fact that I missed out on a lot of that stuff as a as a lesson for how I'm going to move moving forward. And a badge of honor. Yeah, to a degree like I don't I don't do any bragging about it because. Bragging now, they almost got me. As far as the NFTs go, they could have got me. All they would have needed was like. Like a nice space jab NFT, and I probably would have been in a bad way. Like I'd probably be on money rehab for a totally different reason. You have me on the couch crying right now, talking about how I owe somebody named Dexter online. Eighteen hundred dollars still to this day. Like no, no, I don't I badge of honor. I I pass that off to the people who just knew it was dumb from the beginning. I was more like, oh, I don't get it. And I think that that's a different thing that being too smart to be taken with it. Because they almost got me. They really did. I think if you if you had had like the Looney Tunes as the Spartans from three hundred, that's an NFT. I was such a nerd. Immediately, I would have bought I'd be in trouble right now. Nobody would be able to get me out of this hole. It'd be very bad. So, yeah, yeah, I'm I'm doing my best to just be content. I guess that's the other thing. Sorry, I know you're only supposed to have one. But if I could cheat real quick, I think the best money tip is is is like practicing being content. Because once again, all the money that you need to survive is the most money that you need. But also if they had if they had made an NFT with like Bugs Bunny as Batman, had the ears coming out where Batman's ears come out and everything. He'd be done. Problems.