#174 - Matteo Lane

Rural Britain, you've suffered too long. Your days of sluggish broadband are over. We're connecting rural homes to full fiber with thousands more joining every month. T-minus five. The gigaverse is expanding before my very eyes. Three. Gigaclear, faster broadband for rural Britain from only 19 pounds per month. We have lived off. DZC's apply. 18 month contract. Prices may rise during contract. Check availability at gigaclear.com. 500 orders a month was manageable. 5,000 is madness. Embrace intelligent order fulfilment with ShipStation. The only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns and analytics in one place. What used to take five separate tools, ShipStation does in one. Go to ShipStation.com and use code START to try ShipStation free for 60 days. Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stavis World 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. Returning to the couch, our pal Mateo Lane. I won't find it not funny. Yeah, the Greek music. I just won't find it not funny. I don't think many people grew up around Greek, so for me, I did. Yeah, you get it. You understand. It's a very joyous start to the show. We're happy to have you back in our temporary downtown studios. In an undisclosed location. Hopefully we will very soon, well actually I can't even say very soon we'll be in the proper studio because we won't be. You know, in a month, maybe two months, who knows. But for now, thanks for coming Mateo. It's been too long. I feel like we haven't had you in a while. I know what we've been. We've always, we've always, we've almost done each other's podcast a couple of times and then we're just too. You had a good reason not to do that. You had a big thing. I had an audition and I got it. That's amazing. Imagine you lost it because you had to talk to Nick. I know. Imagine. Yeah, I'm like, and what's funny is I was kind of so, so on the audition and you always look for obviously like no podcast is important as a big audition. But Nick was like, I'll do the audition. Yeah, yeah, but I was like, fuck dude, do I, I was looking for an excuse not to do it. But I did it. And Luke gave Starvus his first acting role. That's right. You played doctor. I did play doctor. Popolopolis. Popolopolis of. Yeah. Speaking of great portrayals of the Greeks in the media, fucking Mateo Booker, we need to play doctor Gyro Gyro fucking Gyro. Popolopolis. Gyros. Yeah. I put you in my Mexican aunt. Just you, my Mexican aunt Cindy. Me and one of my, my first scene partners was your aunt Cindy. Your aunt Cindy. I played one time I played a fat John in a prostitute horror movie. Oh. Where I get killed. That was maybe my first ever. Okay. Where, yeah, the, the call girl of Cthulhu is what it was called. I was in a movie that came out this year called maintenance required and Amazon romcom. Okay. I play faggot. That's what it's for the first three drafts. That's what it was. That eventually they gave you a name. They're like, I don't know. Aaron. No name. No, no. Yeah. They put me, I was in a romcom. It was, it was basically like you've got mail, but with cars, you know, everyone was like twenties and hot. And then I'm like, like, hello, you know, I was like, Mr. Burns when he dressed up like Jimbo. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. How do we do fellow? Oh no, that's, that's yeah. No, on how do we do fellow kids is from 30 Rock where it's a Buschambi's the private eye going back to the same concept. Same concept. But they were really nice and making the movie was fun. That's awesome. You know, I went to the premiere and Nick came with me. Oh, use your date. Nick was my date. He was my red carpet date. And it was so funny because everyone's like with their PR people and all important is just me and Nick. And then Nick can't help himself. So the movie's happening. He's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Come on. What are we doing here? And everyone's like looking at me and Nick. He's shit talking the movie. Yeah. That's fun though. You did you like it? You like doing it? I liked doing it. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. You know, I just, there was no, I mean, it was like play gay. Yeah. Okay. Like, yeah. I mean, I'm getting a lot of fat scumbag rules. I really have to dig. I have to who played Lincoln. What was his name? Daniel Day Lewis. Daniel Day Lewis. I was like, I was gay on set. Right. Right. I didn't want people to like you stayed in character. What I loved. I don't know if you're like me. I've only done one movie. No, I did play a movie. It was like a whatever. I played a British, a futuristic British host like Ryan secrets. And I got murdered by that's awesome. That was great. But it was so funny because like on set, like I never been in a movie before, but we're comics. So like the other actors, like if the director had to give them a note, like they pull them aside, they have a conversation, they kind of have a back and forth. And I was like, well, this seems like it takes a lot of time. So I just told the director, I was like, just yell at me what you want me to do. Just tell me what you want. They were like, really? I was like, yeah, I was like, I know. I care. I've bombed. I know that is the thing where it's like, I don't fucking have, I don't, I don't think I, I don't respect my acting abilities. Tell me exactly what to do. I don't fucking care. Like doesn't think it's like for actors, they really take it really seriously. But for me, I'm like, dude, I just don't want to look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. So if you could wear a green screen suit and move me and like move my arm, mouth up and down, like if you control me to that level, great. I don't fucking care. Just tell me exactly what you want. I'm not interested in art. You know, I, I might, if I really disagree, I might be like, really? But right. Usually I'm just like, great, whatever you need, whatever you need. Because in your mouth, you're like, can I? Yeah, I don't know. When did we do this rewrite? Is there even a camera on? I'm doing, I'm going to the workshop for Chicago, the musical on Broadway. Oh hell yeah. And they want me to play Billy Flint. So I have to memorize all the songs and I go in tomorrow to meet the people. That's awesome. Yeah, they want me to do it. But I said, I'm touring so like I could do it in June. Like I could do a three week run. Like sure. That's awesome. Yeah. That's really fucking cool. Yeah. It is fun. I always forget how you can just fucking fully sing. And you net like, so that makes sense. Would you want to do that? Would you want to do more? I mean, it's hard because stand up. I don't know if you feel this way, but it's like all these other art forms that are better are so much harder and there's so much more like planning. Where it's like, ultimately with stand up, it's like, you know, shows a week. That's not the way. And I said, it was like, I would love to do it. But you want to do it just to experience it, right? Well, I have to. It's almost like a super sane gay. Like I have to like fully. But I would love it because I would love to be singing a bit back in vocal practice and do that and like be a part of something because stand up is kind of lonely. Like you're just up there yourself chatting and totally, you know, that's what's cool about movies. That like, yeah, it's like there's a squad or the I mean, tires the best. It's like not only the people on screen, you know, they're all my friends, but it's also like we've had the same crew for three years now. So we're all friends. So I do love that shit. It does. It feels like you're working in and off. It's like the good parts of an office. Yeah. But with like the job being going to a strip club or whatever. Well, I want to be if I act, I mean, I'm happy to say like I'm thrilled. Like if I just do this the rest of my life and throw, but I want to do like a buddy of mine is going to do a project where I don't want to say anything you give away yet. But basically I'd play like a 62 year old woman named Deb. Who smokes my name's Deb and I work at the law. My daughter's name is Deb too. And so is our dog. Like that's what I want to do. You know, cause I'm too old to play the, well, I can't, I'm really limited in what I can play. I can play hair style. It is really funny how different it is being a gay guy and be like, I feel like this is the prime of my life. Being fat and bald. And I'm like, yes, this is my 40s. Here I come. Cause all the roles for my body type are 40 plus. No one wants like a fat, a fat bald ingenue. You know, everything is like diner owner, fucking weird, fucking, you know, creep, cop. You know, like, I'd love to play, you know, like some kind of mobster. Are you kidding me? Are you be great? That would be so fun. Slick the hair back. All this shit is like, these are all, it's all, it's all for me now. Like this is, I feel like this was, these were my long teenage years. I'm about to, being a fat, fat straight guy, 40s. In my 40s, my job, like the, the acting roles I can do are pretty limited into like best friend of white lady. Of course. Hey, you better, you better leave him. You're better than that. Like you might be the best friend of an Asian or a, or a light skin black woman. You know what I mean? I'm talking Hallmark Christmas movies. Like I'm pretty limit. I'm just going to be, and it's not even necessarily the main character. It's like any woman. Yes. Right. Who's having an issue with a man that she just met. You know, I'm going to be, which on Hallmark is usually some dumb blonde lady who can't, you know, she's leaving her big executive job. Of course. You know, and then I'm going to be that guy. She's a brunette, the one with the big executive job. That's right. Cause blond right. You know what I mean? The blond's like the, the one where if it's a guy leaving his high power job, he sees a, or actually maybe it's a high powered blonde. I don't know. Maybe it could be like gay. It's more homie. I feel like brunette can signify like that back at home. Maybe it's redhead to be safe. I think an Auburn. An Auburn. Yeah. But I'm thrilled. I'm happy to. I mean, Lindsay Lohan has been crushing the Hallmark. She did not look unbelievable. Who, listen, her surgeon, the Michelangelo. No, no, she said in an interview that she's just resting. Oh, is that what it is? Just resting. I mean, dude, it's literally like if this reveals, because didn't she marry like a Saudi prince or something? Someone with a lot of money. Something crazy. Something crazy. Yeah. We've been really into the idea of witchcraft on the show recently. Oh, I have much to talk about. To me, this reveals this could possibly reveal that wherever she lives, Dubai, the UAE, whatever, they have sorcery because because that what and I'm a you will not. There's no disrespect. I love Lindsay Lohan. You know, we were the same age. I was I was a 16 year old boy when mean girls mean girls comes out. And I'm a I was a low hand guy. All the different, all the hot late girls in that movie. I'm a low hand guy, right? I'm not disrespecting her. Her face looks it's a miracle. It's literally insane. Like the I just saw a picture where I was like, OK, how is she getting young? Like, is she going to get the substance like is in two years? She like it all falls apart because it right now feels too good to be true. I don't know what's going on. It was a well, I'm happy to see it. A lower neck and face full face lift dissolved fillers. OK, transfer under the eye. You know, that guy was cooking, man. Look, I met her mom, Dina Lohan. You met you met Dina Lohan. I met her. She dressed like a manager of Claire's. And this was at a logo red carpet event I used to do back in the day. And allegedly was pulled out by security for screaming. And while she locked herself in the bathroom, that's allegedly. So but it was amazing. You know, at one point I went by gay cousin Brian was there and I was like, hey, can we get a photo with you? She's like, why not? You know, she was great. There's a picture of her kind of. And I love Dina because like she puts like AI like pictures of herself. Like like just another human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas from Dina. Yeah, a lot of old Greek. We saw a friend's dad. Old Greek guys were like vain. They have started AIing themselves. And like what? Like just a sexier version of themselves. Like it's really interesting because it's like they will look as hot as they can, but not. But still you could identify it's them. But it's clear. It's kind of like they went through the Lindsay Lohan faceless basically. I've seen old Greek men. I had a distant like relative who was like he like hit up me and my brothers on Facebook. I was off Facebook at the time. I didn't check it, but my brothers did. And this guy before AI was face tuning himself. He worked for like he was like a delivery guy, which no disrespect. Blue collar profession in Greece. And he was like face tuned the fuck. Just some old Greek guy. Face tuned the fuck up, smoothed himself out. And he started at the time. I think my brother when he was hitting them up was like 16 or 17. They were like chat a little bit. He started sending him pornography. What? But like again, not in a weird like mullestation way. In like an old Greek man. Like an old Greek man. Like isn't this fucking awesome, dude? Look at this lady's. You discovered the world. That was him trying to connect with his relatives. Like they literally, he asked like two questions about my dad. And then he was like, fuck it. Check this out. It was just like so long, long, long, long. He's like pretty cool, huh? Nephew. And it's like, I don't even know you, man. Uncle. I don't even know. We've never met in your shit. He's sending me like, like, and not just soft core. No, I know it's rough. Like we're talking kind of crazy shit. It's hilarious. And that's to him, that's like keeping, keeping up with your family. Keeping up with the Kardashians. Yeah. That's that. It was so fucking funny. But yes, I do think there is like an AI. People are AIing themselves. Yeah. A lot of people, I think. Body like the, like people are AIing their bodies now. This one guy that I was, I'm friends with like did it. And I was like, wow, you, I was like, you really started working out and he wrote back as I was AI. I was like, well, that's kind of crazy. I used to weigh back in the day before my hair transplants, like trying to pull down my hairline in some pictures. And I look back now and it looks like I, it looks insane. Yeah. It looks like it looks ridiculous. I look like an old Greek guy who's trying to like dye his hair black. I look stupid. So, oh, I forgot to tell you. So I, I get my hair cut. Clubs are looking great, by the way. Thank you. Holding up beautifully. Thank you. He's like the studio audience. Thank you. You're sick as hell. I, so I get my hair cut. Now I can go back. I think we talked about this last time. Like I never had like a barbershop experience because I was always, you know, trying to cover my hair. Now I just can't get it cut. That's so funny that you were like too ashamed to face a barber because he could track you going bald. You had to shift it time to time. They're going to be all loud about it. Like if I'm trying to whisper to these guys, like, you know, I'm kind of losing my hair. They're like, don't worry, you lose your hair. It's okay. Everyone lose their hair. You know, it's like, God damn it. So I go to this place and it's such a great mix of, of people because it's like really Dominican and then just like a sprinkled gaze. So like the energy in there is like really heavy Spanish. And then all of a sudden like, did you see what ginger said on Drag Race? Like just completely out of the, so George, what's up? Cut some hair. So Nelson, the main guy. I forgot that I said something. Nelson's like the head barber. He's amazing. And I forgot that I had said something on your podcast about it. And then I walk in to get my hair cut and they're running up to me. They're like, I can't believe it. Look at this. Look how you say it. And I was like, what did I say? And then I did my project. His name is Jaime, but he goes by Nelson and it makes no sense. And I love that. They were so thrilled. They were so tickled. And it was you and I talking to them. Maybe we'll go, maybe I'll go for a trim. You should. There are maintenance amazing. Elders, you need to go get that main tame down there. Yeah. What do you, what's your, what's your barbershop situation? Do you have a, I have a barber. I have a Ukrainian dude in my name. Who has like, he's fucking awesome. He's like, tatted the fuck out of his tats all over his face and shit. I went there the day before my wedding. I'd never been there before. I never got my hair cut by him. He did a good job. He did a great job. That's a high risk, high reward. I mean, it was so stupid of me to even do that. They even take a shot like that. I would have loved if you come in lined up. They give you the little fake, they give you the little fake outline. Yeah. That would have been awesome. He's like the only guy in all my time of New York that I'm just like so satisfied like every fucking time. He just knows what to do with my beard and hair. So you're good. You're good where you are. Yeah. What's your, do you guys chat? Not really. And when I went in that day, I heard like other people around me talking. I didn't even say like, oh my weddings tomorrow. I was like, I just want this guy to do what he does. That's true. You don't want to put that thought in his head. Because it's going to be even more extreme. Because you don't want him, because you're sweating. You're putting that negative energy, that anxious energy out there. You want him having calm, although he's tatted up, Ukrainian guy, he doesn't give a fucking about your wedding. He could deal with these four weddings. Yeah. He doesn't fucking care about your wedding. Two there, two here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he's awesome. I love him. But I'm always down because he is like a little pricey. It's worth it to me. But I mean, you think Matteo gets his hair cut somewhere cheap? Are you out of your fucking mind? Matteo got hair plugs and had a buzz cut. He probably paid some guy to fucking do it piece by piece with scissors. He did. Nelson did. Nelson did. You got a buzz cut with scissors? Yes. That is insanely gay. You understand that, right? Yes, and he's not even gay. Let me just say this. Because I've always wanted a buzz cut. I'm jealous. I want to walk out and not think about my. After years of struggling. I don't want to think about it. And what's funny is when I first got my buzz cut, because you know I'm also Mexican. When I got my buzz cut, no one's ever said to me, oh, you look Mexican, you look like it. Nothing, right? It's only my grandpa's from Mexico. So all of a sudden I get a message from Jay Jern. I show up, I put my buzz cut and just a simple text from Jay Jern said, I see it now. That's what it is. I was like, Jay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they did. They cut it by scissors. What's the point? Well, it was. Get a fucking buzz cut. I know. Well, I did. No, no. I'm going to go today. I'm going to get like a fade and do like a five buzz on top. All right. OK, respect. So not going too short. Yeah, sure. I don't have good hair. Like when I tried growing it out, I was trying to do this sort of like thing, but my hair is unruly and fine and curly. It's bad. So I just like just. You keep it tight. It looks good. Looks good. Thank you. Yep, yep. And they, oh, I've been telling you, they gave me a beard. Not the barber shop, my hair transplant. So like if you want to connect your beard, you can do that. Wow, you got beard. I didn't have any of this. Really? They put it all in. That can connect it. Can I tell you something? I would. There is a high possibility I would get beard plugs and not hair plugs because to me, I want a beard. I don't really want hair. I don't kind of like what I got. It really works for it. Like you have an eye shaped head. Honestly, if I had a beard, that would be huge. Why don't you go to my guy? He'll take care of you. I might do. And it might get a four day recovery. It's not like the other one. Beard plugs, dude. That would be fucking awesome. We need to see a big ass beard on you. Dude, I would look awesome with a big ass beard. That is a missing piece. You would truly just look like your dad, honestly. Because doesn't he? Didn't he have a big ass beard when we were kids? But see, here's the thing. My dad, that was a good look. No, I know it was, but I'm not saying it bad, but I don't know. Yeah, I'd like to see that beard. You're fucking sweating. I might be on your corner, dude. No. No. You don't want me to get the 260. I get mine like that. You know what? Because even if you get the 260, even if you get a beard, I just know you're so sloppy. You'll never keep that. What is this? I'm sorry. You're fucking, you just went to finishing school, Elvis. You're the fucking you calling sloppy, you piece of shit. I'm just saying. I don't think you're upkeep a beard. What the fuck is this? It takes a lot of years to find out. Oh, I don't have to discipline you, dude. That's what I'm fucking hearing. Yeah, shut the fuck up. Your point, a good point would be beard plugs aren't going to come in that thick. It's like that's your actual argument. I don't know. Look at how Mateo shit. It's like a nice. But I think it's like you look good stubble wise. How does it grow out? It doesn't grow out great because this grows in a different direction than that grows. And then I don't know what to do with it. You know, I'm dying it now. And like because it's like half gray. And so when I die it, then I have a jaw line. So I'm dying it now. I've turned into an old Greek man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. I'm like AIing myself in light. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The beard die is fucking hilarious. But it's easy. I do the just remind you do it because I was so tired of like, you know, but it doesn't look too crazy. No, it looks great. I had no idea. I had no idea. I think the gray is good. Cool look. Yeah, but it makes your face go away. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I want to have a jaw line. I see. I see. Well, either way, I would seriously consider beard plugs. Fuck. Why don't you just do it? That would be awesome. You could get full beard, get it connected. And it like the hair transplants, it's so like, you have to sleep this way then 10 days and wash your hair. Like see beard, it's done four days. You're done. That's it. And then I honestly, that's another point. I don't think I could do the upkeep of the hair transplant. It's 10. It's nine days out of your life for a hair forever. I couldn't do that. I don't want. Nine days. But wait, I don't want it. I think it's stronger to be bald in today's day and age. I think it shows a real fortitude to stick with what the Lord has given me. Now, with my. Or taken away. Yeah, taken away from me. Now my hypocrite, because I would get beard plugs. Yes, probably. But fat bald guy with a beard is a great look. The Santa Claus look. Yeah. Classic Santa look. Come on, dude. Big ass beard go disappear to the mountains. Come out with a beard. That would be fucking sick. I might do that. You should do it. I might do you have. You have all these ideas about cosmetic changes. You want to do yourself to look dumber and dumber. What else? You're gonna come around and look good one day. Yeah. From like them all accumulating. You're gonna be like blonde with a full beard. Yeah. One day, dude. One day we'll get there. I tried dyeing my hair blonde. I got a buzz cut last year and dyed it blonde before I went to Thailand, but it was too short. And so I just looked extra bald. Oh, really? Like you couldn't see it at all. I looked so stupid and everyone at the cellar was like, you look like an idiot. I was like, yeah. It's also a little on the nose. Yeah. You know what I mean? The gay blonde buzz cut, especially before Thailand. Were you going through something? Were you were you mourning something? Actually, I wasn't. I had a great time. I was feeling wonderful about myself. I see. I see. I was like, I'm going to take a vacation and just do something different. Gotcha. Did you like it? Do you like Thailand? Oh, I loved it. I saw, we went to Thailand and Cambodia and I saw in Cambodia, I saw we went to these temples and I saw a mom and her eight year old son who was carrying candy and a monkey ran up. The monkey grabbed the candy. The kid kicked the monkey. The mom slapped the kid. I was like, they're all wrong. Yeah, it was good. Bangkok was amazing. I loved our tour guide because he just was over it. You know what I mean? Like he rushed just through every way into this temple and we're supposed to fold these flowers. He's like, just come on, just go, go, go. I'm like, oh. You know, we went to Shang Mai and it was fun. I had a really good time. Yeah. Yeah. Have you been? Interesting. I've never been. Is it like beachy? Not Bangkok, but Krabi is. It's all beachy. It's kind of like Avatar the Last Airbender with mountains coming out of the ocean. That's fucking cool. Very Jurassic Park-y. I love that. Avatar, maybe? Yeah, yeah. If we get a fucking some kind of crab noodle in the mix. I'm thinking of the cuisines. The cuisine was amazing. The massages were great. Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. And you're doing a non-sexual massage in Thailand. Yeah, it was all non-sexual. Okay, good. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The one gay. And I had the blonde hair I was ready to- Right, right, right. Well, I wonder if it's a gay sex tourism destination. It's a cis male- It does feel like- Going through something tourism- It definitely is. Exactly. When a straight dude says he's going to- That's the other thing. I want to go. Right. But if someone hears I'm going to Thailand- It's over. They assume it's pure sex tourism. Yeah. And again, I'm going to do a little sex tourism. What would you do? Because I'm there, right? Like if you go to Paris, you're going to see the Eiffel Tower. It's not going to be the- It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. So what's like sex tourism for you? I don't know. Get a massage and get jerked off. You know what I mean? Can you do that? Here in New York. Yeah, but I want to be on vacation. Right, right, right. I want a nice place by the beach. I want to jack you off on the beach. They're not going to be like happy ending. I don't know. Wind through your hair. That sounds nice. We are going to do it. Do it all the way, you know? There's got to be high-end jack you off on the beach. It's called Dubai. Yeah, that's true. That is true. All right, all right. Take it. Well, you know, I just want to get a feel for the local flavor. That's all I'm saying. Right. Is there a gay Thailand? Is there like a... Let me just say any major city with Grindr. Thailand is gay. Oh, I see, I see. That's it. I mean, like a sex tourism destination for the gay population. I think so. I mean, gays sort of find themselves everywhere. There was like one gay street, but it was 7 p.m. And we went. It wasn't like nothing was happening, but we just wanted to see what the drag shows were like and stuff. But they kind of run up at you to get you to come to their bar, like screaming at you. And I was like, this is a lot. So I just ran away and then sang karaoke. I sang André Bocelli instead in a small room by myself. Had to take the pipes out. 500 orders a month was manageable. 5,000 is madness. Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ShipStation, the only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns, and analytics in one place. What used to take five separate tools, ShipStation does in one. Go to ShipStation.com and use code START to try ShipStation free for 60 days. So what did you ever, what did this roll in Chicago? Well, who is the who's Billy Flint, the lawyer? The floor. Oh, OK. Nice. Hell yeah. I watched a girlfriend maybe watch Chicago once. Pretty good. OK. It is good. Do you just not like musicals? I mean, I get it. It's hard. Sometimes it's hard to connect to because the music part. You know what? Sometimes if I hear a musical song out of context, it'll get. I'll be like, oh, I get why this Christian music. It's good until you find out it's for Jesus. And I'm like, oh, this is fucking good. And so that's how kind of I feel about musicals where it's like they do. They do. They do grab. It's a lot of catchy songs, but the idea of fucking watching eight of them in a row in the middle of a play gets you know, I would go. I think it's kind of stupid. Before I heard my back, I had all these like goals for the year. OK. I was like, I am going to take in culture every week. I will go to a museum or a Broadway play. And I was like, I know that's what I'm saying. I got to start doing shit like this. But fucking my back up, it was like it kind of fucked everything for me. It just sent me back a little bit. But when I'm out of it, I do want to just like because that's the thing. You would love death becomes her. It's a genuinely funny. Great. I've seen the movie. Yeah. And they made it a musical and it's legitimately like straight people. Everyone loves that. No, I am. I'm you know, I should get it because I do think there's a little. Not liking musicals was a little like I'm not fucking. I'm fucking. I'm a jock. You know what I mean? Like I had that period in my life where I had to pretend that I wasn't as artistic as I was. I just was, you know, succumb. I mean, I've told the story before, but I lost the role of your good man. I lost Charlie Brown and you're a good man, Charlie Brown. And that set me down a path of hating the arts. The wind was this is sixth grade. Well, look, see. This was sixth grade. It's a deep wound. And I think there was a moment where I was like, I don't need that shit. Dude, I'm fucking I'm fucking cool as shit. I play football now. Cool. Cool. And so I think there is like me come. I think I just need to admit like, no, I'll fucking I like I like a musical, you know, I mean, I start with musical movies. I want to I want to watch all the Fosse ones. I want to, you know, like I want to tell you about them. Yeah, I want to watch all that jazz. I want to watch. Yeah, I'm just interested in that's those movies. And I think that's that's a good into I saw cats. I didn't mean to I saw it. Those years ago, they actually messaged me when I used to have Twitter cats, like the Blue Check cats messaged me on on Twitter and they were like, come see a perfect show like it was so cheesy. And I was like, did you mean to write me like, yeah, it's like gay gay night at cats. And I was like every night. Hey, so I go see cats and I never seen it before. And you know, like it's the same joy like it literally is just about like there's no dogs. Nothing. It's just cats. They live in a just just cats stories. They have dinner. I think no, it's just cats. Oh, they never catch a mouse. Wow. There's not even a dog anywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was one that once seen they come through the aisle, which is all I hate when they come through the aisle. Just stay on the stage and I swear to God, Savos, this guy comes up to me. You could just see his dreams dying in his eyes. He comes up to me and he's the lights on him. He's staring at me and he's just dancing like this. Yeah. Yeah. And my face trying to pretend like I wasn't embarrassed. I was like. Oh, nice, buddy. But I will say I got emotional during memory because it is a great song. That's a great song. Yeah, that's a that's a great example of song I've heard out of context and been like, nice, what the fuck is this about? And you see a video of some fucking lady dressed as a cat. The fuck is about a cat. I will say this wave now of like young Broadway singers where everything is kind of nasally. I think they're like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think it kind of happened with I don't know if it's from Wicked like. A generation raised on Glee perhaps. Glee that's kind of like. And I want like let's go back to like bass baritone voices. Okay. Yes, I agree. Just me struggling to get you connected. This is what straight guys are talking about football. I don't know that I would start. I don't know that I would start with the different registers of singing. But you know what I'm talking about. I think what's happening is straight guys hear that and they don't know how to connect with it. So they're like, what is that? So what's the sound we want a deeper more sultry. Yeah, you want more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. So you think so you don't think you think the feminization of singing is bad for straight guys. It's not the feminization. It's the nasalization. It's just sort of up here. And I'm like, I've got something new. Get the sun. You know, you're like, interesting. Interesting. Did you see Wicked one or two? You didn't see it. No, right. Not interested. Yeah. Didn't look. You know what? I saw some of one. Okay. We were on. It was at my friend Christina's. I was hanging out as the holidays and it's insane. It's the movie's fucking crazy. There's like talking goats and shit. And it's like Dr. Deleman. Why the fuck do the animals talk? And then the whole the plot is they're stealing the animals ability to talk. The fuck does that have to do with Wizard of Oz? Well, right. I don't fucking, it's all kind of it's insane bullshit. I like defend it. And again, it's like those there are songs and I thought there were great performances, both Ariana Grande and Cynthia Rivo fucking awesome. And there were songs that I was like, this is good. But it just I was just like, what the fuck is this? Why are they like following a fucking? Why is the goat doing secret animal meetings and shit like that? The other animals are losing the ability to talk. It didn't make any fucking sense. I was like, something bad is happening. And like their races against animals. Like they're not against animals. Yeah. It's like fascism, but like, but goats. Yeah. And I don't get it. And then she's green. She's why she greens. She's green because her sister's spoiler or her dad is the Wizard of Oz and was cheating. The mom was cheating on the day and he drank this green drink when she drank it that made her green. But because she's mixed with human and wizardry, she was even more magical or some bullshit. Who drank green? Who drank green? The mom drank the green drink that the dad. So the mom's not green either. No, no one's green. The wizard didn't fuck a green bitch and make another wizard. No. No. So no one's green, but the witch. Yeah. Elphaba. Even her sister's not green. Nessa. And yeah. Her sister's just in a wheelchair. Was that because of the drink? Her sister's in a wheelchair. Was the green drink like? Because the dad was afraid that she was going to also be green. So he made her eat a bunch of like white flowers or something. Something. And then they took her legs away. Then her legs don't work. So now she's in a wheelchair. So that's also Elphaba's fault. Is Nessa the dad's biological daughter? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that she she's only cheating with the with the wizard for their first child. That's right. Interesting. And the green he he dosed his wife with the green. I love watching you try. It does sound stupid as I say it out loud. No, he drinks this green vial. The dad. The dad like some kind of green drink. But he didn't. But it's the wizard's kid, right? Yeah. Because in the beginning there's that. So his wife turns green from his jizz after drinking the green drink. And it sticks when the wizard's jizz fucks her. I don't even understand who the fuck the fuck that she become green. Okay. I got it. I got it. Okay. Okay. There's the mayor. The mayor of Munchkinland. Okay. So we have something about you sitting Munchkinland. We have the mayor of Munchkinland and his wife, right? And then he goes out one night and then she brings in this guy that she's having an affair with, right? And this guy she's having an affair with is drinking out of this green drink. And so gives it to her. That's like their thing. And then, you know, so they're having an affair and then she gets pregnant. And so when she's having the. And the green drink turns your children green. I guess it turned her green. So are nobody else drinks this fucking drink? I just, I just. Just the wizard and the lady. Just the lady because he's, he's human and he came into this world. And so maybe that, that doesn't, that drink doesn't mix with the Munchkin people. I don't know. So her mom's a Munchkin. No, well, so Alfa Muck is having a drink. Half Munchkin, half wizard of Oz. I don't think she is Munchkin. I just know he was the mayor of Munchkinland. Oh, because then the mayor of Munchkin married a non Munchkin. Yeah, but I don't know if he was the mayor of Munchkin is not a Munchkin. I don't know. He seemed to play. So what is this? Some kind of like fucking, uh, this like, this like, uh, uh, fuck, what's the word? I love that. Partite society where the Munchkins are ruled by non Munchkins. Is Munchkinland Palestine? Is the mayor of Munchkinland Netanyahu? And, and Jeff Goldblum cucked him. Which I can't believe they explain it so well in the first two and a half minutes of the Broadway musical. And as I'm struggling to explain it, you're like, hold on a second. Who's green? What's the drink? Okay. Why? I didn't put it all together. That's my point. Is this, this fucking shit sucked that it made no fucking sense. Even though it had very talented people in it, I was like, who gives a fuck about this? You know, it's, you have to suspend a lot of belief, but it's all related to the Wizard of Oz. But also it's such a clunky bullshit connection to the Wizard of Oz. Well, it's basically like they wrote a completely different play about something that has nothing to do with the Wizard of Oz. And then someone was like, hey, can you just make this about the Wizard of Oz afterwards? And they changed everyone and like, ah, this fucking gay guys, the Tin Man. You know what I mean? It's like, the line was a, actually you look back the gay man, the Tin Man was gay too. Well, the first Tin Man went to the hospital because the makeup they were using on him. Yeah. This is, but then they got another, oh, I've always wanted a hot like so gay. Oh wait, the guy doesn't even get to be in the, no, it's out. Some guy got as best as poisoning and he didn't even get to be in the movie. That's hilarious. Are you, do you, uh, is, yeah, I guess, I guess does your love of Liza Manelli kind of retroactively make you a specialist on her mother as well on Judy Garland? Well, I'll tell you. Yeah. Kind of just through like ridiculous stories that she's talked about her. Yeah. She was so funny. Yeah. We even make taffy. You can watch Liza fool herself. Like she, she literally seven times she was like, she's like, and she had to go to see a therapist. And so we'd be driving and she was an entertainer and she'd say, what story can I make up today? Yeah. And that's, she made it funny. I was like, I think your mom just taught you how to lie. I think your mom is a sociopath and was teaching you how to trick the therapist to not find out how like how sad your life is. Because I mean she, because her mom ultimate like studio kid, you know, like she's been in show business forever. And then was, was, who was her dad? Her dad was a gay guy that they had to move from town to town because he kept, uh, uh, bothering young boys. Oh, so a little Catholic presituation. Yeah. So she went, she was on vaudeville. And she was two, her and the gum sisters. So I'm sorry. She's the mid, wow. She's the ultimate Hollywood product. That's the wizard. She's the wizard. She's the ultimate Hollywood product. Her mom is Judy going and her dad is, uh, uh, flamboyant. I'm assuming. Wait, this is Judy. I'm talking about, you're talking about Liza. Judy's dad was a gay guy. Judy's dad. And so was Liza's. Cause Vincent Manelli, who was the MGM director, married Judy Garland. He was also gay. Allegedly they broke up because second generation, show business with gay dad. Yeah. I mean that's, it's, that makes you feel like, like symbolism really does matter. Yes. She's the ultimate tag. She's the ultimate tag. I mean, that's fucking crazy, dude. Liza Manelli's two generations gay, she had a gay dad and a gay grandfather. Look, we get around. We get around. That's crazy, dude. Oh, no wonder. And she married two gay men. She's fucking Luke Skywalker, dude. She's, yeah. No, no, she's Anakin. She's the chosen one. She's the show. She's the musicals chosen one, dude. That's fucking incredible. Yoda's like, don't train her. Yeah. No, but her, she also married two gay men. Awesome. And you know, Judy Garland also married a bunch of gay men. No, her kids didn't, no, she never had kids. Liza never had any kids. No, no. She knew it would have been too powerful. I think she'd said once on the Rosie O'Donnell, this is how faggy I am. She said once on the Rosie O'Donnell radio show that she had had a miscarriage, I believe. Years ago. That's sad, yeah. It was, she had just become too potent. Like the talent that would have come out of her womb would have been too radioactive. Do you think I'm like, I could, I look like Liza. I could have been her son. Yeah. I would have liked her as a man. That would have been interesting if she had a son. What if she had a straight son? No, no. I'm just saying that would be crazy. Too much genetics. I know, I know. It would be, but imagine the ultimate like fish out of water is like a straight, Liza Mellon gives birth to a straight. Yo, what's up? My mom's fucking Liza Monelli, but I fuck pussy, man. It's fucking crazy. Bitch didn't even want me on the fucking football team. I don't want that gay shit around me. Fuck this shit. No tap shoes for me. Fucking whore. The fuck out of here. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Happy Mother's Day. Mom fucking fag. My mom's Liza Monelli, but I fuck pussy. Is one of the best fucking, is one of the funniest phrases uttered on this podcast. It's my next book. My mom's Liza Monelli, but I fuck pussy. Yeah. Let's talk fucking. I'm Liza's son. So she married two gay guys, huh? Peter Allen and it was David Guest and Michael Jackson was the flower girl. That's fucking nuts, dude. Wow. They really don't make them like that anymore. No, that kind of talent doesn't exist anymore. No, truly. People don't appreciate that and the drama attached to it, you know. Yeah. I mean, you have to, unfortunately. I mean, you're training since you're a fucking baby. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically like what they say about the Soviet gymnastics team or how China got all the, how they drilled that opening ceremony, the Beijing. They had people over and over practicing. You basically have to do that to a child. And the crazy thing is it's so clear that it works. Like you strip them of their humanity. Right. You don't get to be a regular person. That's right. And you create this like talent, this show tunes weapon. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, Michael Jackson, same exact thing. Right. Absolutely. And it is fucked up that that just does work, but it's just fucked up to do to it. But then when it doesn't work, it's even sadder because like they lost their childhood and they have no talent. Oh, that's a brutal one. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Absolutely. But no, it worked with Liza. Well, she had good genetics. She had two very talented parents. So I would imagine, well, her sister Lorna, her younger sister who was in Greece, too. Oh, who was in Greece too? One of the Pink Ladies. Doing the Pink. I saw her. I went to go see her with Val at Studio 54 Below. And she does this thing where it's still like the garl... It's the garland move, right? She's like in a jumpsuit. I'm sure this is so interesting to your listeners. No, no, this is. They've all tuned out. But she does this thing where like this younger girl was singing and as she was singing, Lorna went... And I was like, what is that? I know what you mean. That is a classic move. We should sit down and watch Wicked together. I think that you would... I would think you'd be... I could get you on its side. The second one wasn't so... Yeah, I'm not interested in the second one. Ariana Grande was really good and Cynthia Riva's amazing. She's great. Yeah, yeah. No, Ariana Grande, yeah, they're both really talented. And I like that she fucked that SpongeBob guy. Oh. I think that's fun. Every day. That meme going around of him singing on Good Morning America. Do you ever see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like... Yeah. Yeah. I like... Why aren't women allowed to kind of be scumbags? You know what I mean? What do you mean? Ariana Grande. She's on set romances, dating your co-worker, getting a little messy. Let's break the glass ceiling with, you know, I think that's fun. And she's very talented and looks like, you know... I think because she looks so incredible and when the nails and the makeup and the hair, it's like when you look like that, I think, and you have that much talent. I think it doesn't matter who you... But and I will also say that's big respect because it's like her range is crazy. Her vocal range? No, her... Yeah, yeah, her vocal range too. But I just mean like that is someone who like... It's interesting when like a beautiful woman will date like traditionally hot as hell people. And also like she's attracted to like a musical... That should give little like musical theater. On one hand, it's cool for Ariana. On the other hand, it does piss me off that a musical theater straight guy was rewarded. Well, he was the only one. I know, it does annoy me. I guess you dedicate your life to being the only straight guy in a room. I mean, he really... He's actually the... He's the chosen one for straight musical theater guys. Because that's the whole goal. You get into it hoping the cards fall just right for you. And you get to fuck someone as talented and hot as Ariana Grande. That's what every straight theater nerd... That's why you play the game. And you kind of have to tip your hat to he won the ultimate prize. Yeah, but are they still together? Doesn't matter. Yeah, doesn't matter. I mean, it's a check. You're with... His family and life is ruined, but he got... Check. Sometimes it's worth it. Yeah. Sometimes, I mean, let's be honest. There are certain people, unfortunately, sometimes it is worth... Yeah, his life is ruined. He was probably going to ruin it at some point anyway. Well, he was. He was probably going to be away doing fucking a Broadway touring Broadway show. And cheated with somebody that's not Ariana Grande. I don't think you cheat on Ariana Grande. I think once you're with Ariana... No, no, no. I mean, if your Ariana Grande doesn't show up... Gotcha. He eventually probably cheats on his wife, but it's not with Ariana Grande. God, stop, Bruce. I'm just saying. You got this guy mapped to... I don't know. I don't know his name. What's his name? He is talented. He was good at his back. He's talented. But yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying it's like, come on. But there was something about Wicked where it was a little grease, where it was like everyone's like mid-30. And then they're like, high school. I'm like, what? Like it was a bit Rizzo in Greece, where you're like... She's like, I'm pregnant. I'm like, you got one egg left. Dude, I know. Rizzo. It's so funny because we watched that. It's actually that was that played in my house a lot. That was the one musical. That is a musical. When you watch it, it's not it's bad. None of it, none of it's good, but it works somehow. It somehow works when it goes together. Like it's a bunch of like Ginzo's. It's supposed to be the East Coast Italians, but they're West Coast. That guy. It was 52. Rizzo's one thing. Right. That fat little fat guy with the curly hair. Yes. He's, it's crazy. He's 52. It's insane. But as a kid, none of that like registered to me. And then I watched it. I don't know. I don't even, I didn't watch the whole thing, but I just like it was on TV or something. And it's like they are so old. It's crazy. Like I still, like I'm like, they're my age. Yeah. I'm 37 years old. There's people, there's people. Like look up that guy. Look up the grease cast, Eldis. Soccer Channing. Stop personal texting. John Stavolta. Stop personal texting, motherfucker. Tell us how old that fucking guy was. Wait, which guy? Which character? Just fucking figure it out, man. The fucking guy on, uh... And this is a message for Hassan. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Well, this is, uh, whamping. When are we hanging out? You don't want that guy. He's a piece of shit. No, I'm not saying I don't want it like that. I'm just saying it's like, how is someone... He's like on every meme now where it's like gays before and after break up and he's got shaggy hair and then he's clean cut. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? He actually did do like a very annoying, uh... Glam? Yeah, glammed himself up, worked out. Yeah. He claimed he was, he used to say he was fat, pissed me off. And he just kind of, you know, started, he got less, slightly less fat. Anyway, fuck Hassan. He's a piece of shit. I'm a fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have Mateo on, Hassan. I don't think he would be like... I can't wait till Israel takes Turkey. Fuck you. You're next. Oh my God, stop, bro. I just want to tell them he's got great chief phones. We didn't need to go there. My wrong. Oh, man. Those are not the views of Mateo Lane or the Stavies World podcast, by the way. Then whose views are they? Those views are just kind of, that's a joke. And you know what, you're not going to find that, you fucking idiot. Why don't we just do some... Is it duty? I don't know. Which one? Some fat guy. He was the shorter guy. The short fat guy. No, miss. Yes. He kept saying that in the beginning. Miss... Shy guy. Are you on Super Mario 2? Yeah. Is he Bowser? Is it Birdo? Now Birdo, is that where her pussy is in her nose? Someone brought up the other day that Birdo's face is an uncircumcised dick. And I never thought about it that way. But her hands are coming out of it. Well Birdo was originally like a... I don't know what Birdo was supposed to be. And then Birdo was like kind of girl Yoshi after a while. Like they kind of rebranded her as girl Yoshi. As girl Yoshi. Right. Well she was from Super Mario 2. Yes. Which was another game. Which was the reskin of a different chapter. The reskin. So I'd like to know more about Birdo. You know, what's going on with Birdo? Whatever. We're not going to find... Figure out Birdo. Hassan have Mateo on the stream. Why don't we take some calls, Eldest? Because you didn't figure out with the... I'll figure this out. I'll look it up right now. 500 orders a month was manageable. 5,000 is madness. Embrace intelligent order fulfilment with ShipStation. The only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns and analytics in one place. What used to take 5 separate tools, ShipStation does in one. Go to ShipStation.com and use code START to try ShipStation free for 60 days. Hi Stav, hi Eldest, hi Gav. I am calling in as a trans woman. I have had the surgery and I am very happy with how things turned out. Things are very fun, everything's cool. But I am calling with a very specific question which is, how do I identify men with small penises? Here's why. Things like I said, very good down there. I'm having really fun sex with the surgery itself. She's looking for a little... Well, everything's working as a shirt. Except for the fact that things are quite tight down there. You got the deluxe package. I'm having fun and I hear the guys like that. But then also, if a dick is even a little bit bigger than average, honestly even at average, if I really want to get pounded, it's going to hurt. Like that's not going to feel as good. That's beautiful. Anything about that, I'm like, no thank you. And I keep running into these problems where I'm in a relationship with a woman and she likes to talk to other people. It's very fun. Nice. But I will go out with a guy and I'm mostly just hooking up with these men. It's mostly like one night stands because I have my girlfriend back home and that's good for me. And I just keep bringing guys home with these fucking hammers. And then most of the time that that has been happening, like we'll do other stuff. I'll stop and get a finger. You know, we're having a fun time. She's like, I don't know what my problem is. I live in South Beach. Everyone's got huge dicks. Specifically by a guy with a smaller dick. And I don't know how to. That's beautiful. Is it just a numbers game? Like do I just keep hooking up with people until I find someone with an adequately small dick? But how does she find guys to hook up with? Maybe she just needs to advertise it. Here. Thank you so much. And I hope you have a great day. Okay. I think she's got to like, like kind of like back, you know, you were like, that guy will teach you guitar. We see the ads all around the city. Sure. You know, looking for a small dick. Yeah. She's got to like, she's got to say, listen, I'm looking for a small dick. This is not a joke. I'm looking for a small dick. Yeah. You know, and guys, the guys will show up. They really will show up. They'll be wary. They'll think they're about to get drugged and their kidney is stolen from them. But that's what they will show up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she's already got a girlfriend. So it's like, yeah, there's no arm. I think maybe first of all, I want to say this is actually possibly a huge PR win for the trans community. If we get it out there that we, if your dick is little, we're, we're, we're scientifically engineering a new type of woman specifically for the little dick. If we flip it that way. And that's not what's going on, but this is advertising baby. I'm Don Draper right now. And so we, the little dick like trans misogynist on the internet, they might see like, hey, wait a second. Hey, there's, there's a pussy small enough for my little fucked up dick. And we might win a lot of these guys over. So this is good. So that's interesting. That's number one. But I think, yeah, if it's you in our friend here who just called, she's talking about it's a hookup situation. Why don't you go to explicitly hook up apps and say, I'm looking for, I mean, I don't know whether it's field. I don't know where you're like, you tend to grind to wherever you will say in your name, probably she should say looking for whatever five and under five and under. She said average. Didn't she say like average as well? You said even average dick's hurt her. Wow. Yeah. So maybe she's got to go and also leave South Beach. She in South Beach. I'm just, I just imagine you're in South Beach, Florida. She's like, why am I finding all these giant dicks? It's like, well, girl, you got to go. You know, yeah. I don't know. I don't know where the land of small dicks are, but you know, she's probably just got to, I think she's got to advertise. Yeah. What, how are you finding this? Or what is it about you that's attracting all these huge hogs? That's another question. You know, are you, where are you looking? Are you, where are you looking, you know, for the, you know, can you go somewhere? What's a, where's a, is height an issue? You know, obviously it doesn't directly correlate, but have you been dating taller guys? Maybe you want a smaller guy. I just can't understand why they're so big. The last guy was six, nine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, she's fine. Are you recruiting? Yeah. Are you going to basketball? You know, like a pick up basketball games. Don't go there anymore. Try soccer. Yeah. You know what I mean? Pat even better paddle ball. Do you think soccer guys have smaller dicks? Well, they're just smaller guys. Right. I feel like it's smaller guys can have like, it's possible. It's like a really. Yeah. Yeah. Have you encountered like a little guy with a huge dick? Uh, I have. Actually. Yeah. Yeah. And it's always shocking. Yeah. Are they, do they have the, does it cancel out? It's like a Margaret Cho joke because she was like, it looks like a kickstand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But my, my wonders is the, the, the, does the big dick confidence cancel out the Napoleonic? Or do there's that, just having a big dick and being short only fuel Napoleonic? It fuels the Napoleonic. I mean, it feels in the, but yeah, it fuels the sort of like. They're like, why am I being mistreated by society? My dick is huge. Because it's the energy of wanting to show you the dick. Right. You see what I'm saying? Right. The anxious, like before you go on stage, you're anxious. You're not nervous. You're anxious. Like just get me out there. Yeah. That's a good point. Cause it's like, he's like, fuck no, I'm five four, no, none of, no women. You're going to know my dick is huge. That's tough. It's like a great product with like a bad, Bach packaging type of situation. Bach, we went right back to wicked. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I don't know. I say, these are hookups anyway. You know, explicit, if it's on apps explicitly say it straight up, um, start there. And yeah, legitimately who, where are you finding these guys? You know, little, well, so probably get inundated with guys with huge dicks and be like, you can't, you don't like this, you know, you can't accept this. Right. And then she's just got to start blocking everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is good. I like, I like not everything's for the big dick community. You know, thank you, sister. You're doing a, you're doing a service to the little dick community. And once you get the word out there, that's going to really start helping things. I think for everybody. So forgetting we've seen each other naked. We have multiple times. We certainly have. All right. Well, I think that's good. I think we solved a problem. Next, next question. Elders. Hello, Stavvy. Hello, Elders. Hello. Wonderful, beautiful. Bisexual, bi, racial, guess. You've not been wrong. You're wrong on everything. So I was in a relationship for seven years with a woman that I have a child with. Child is now five. And for the last eight months of our relationship, she had an affair. Older guy. And I knew about it the entire time. She gasped at me. She has a job where she, you know, travels to people's houses, takes care of them. So she takes care of her out all day. Older guy. And just wouldn't come home. But holy fuck. I finally caught her like red-handed talking on the phone to the guy. I break up with her. Even pitifully, you know, beggar to just stop seeing him so we can fix our family. And I know he's going to call me a bitch. And that's fine. No, I'm not. Oh, that's a reasonable thing to ask. I don't know. Dude, no, I'm not. First of all, stop. Pussy. Are you talking about the mother of your children? The love of my life and my, the woman I thought was the love of my life and mother of my children betrayed me. And all I wanted was to take a minute and work on our relationship. I know I'm a bitch for that. What are you talking about, dude? What's wrong with straight people? It's okay. And even if I ultimately, I don't know if like trying to get back with someone is ultimately the right choice. Well, that was a pussy for saying don't call me a pussy. But I'm just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying, it was like, you know, you were totally valid. You're going through a horrible thing. It's okay to have very intense feelings about it that make you act out in multiple ways. So don't worry about it, dude. That's number one. Go ahead. I'll just keep going. I don't know. Last night I got the, I miss you so much and I've blocked him on everything. No, dude. No. Like I really. No. Now enjoy having my family. I've already got two kids with someone else. No, we get a lot of plastic. Two with someone else. Interesting. I don't know. I'm just kind of at the crossroads of like, because like I still haven't healed from all that. Of course. Of course. And I just, I don't know what to do. I mean, they've both said things to me that I don't know that I can ever forget. Both. The guy. He said he called him and they called him red handed. I don't know. Her wife was, I was fucking her pussy boy. Well, she was changing my type. Why are you in World War II? I put my dentures in your wife's pussy. She loved it. I was talking to her about the beaches of Normandy. That wasn't the only thing I stormed. Her pussy was as wet as that beach. I crushed your wife's pussy like I crushed Nazi skulls. I drafted your wife's pussy. Okay. All right. We had a little fun. We're back. We're back. See, we were going to call you. We were going to call you a bitch. We were just going to have a little fun with the situation. Here, here. Take on this. And then you're just going to say I didn't give enough context and or went too long. I'm sorry. No, dude. Don't go too long. Okay. Okay. Actually, I love you buddy. Actually, the how self conscious you are about leaving a voicemail is instructive about what's going on here. Maybe I'm not going to call you a bitch, but maybe you worrying about it is the kind of thing where this has been a issue for you in your life. Maybe you are kind of maybe you are you defer a little bit. Maybe you don't aren't the kind of person who puts his, you know, wants and needs and feelings out there first and foremost. And I'm no bitch. And like, who knows? I can't speak again. Are we missing a little context? I can't speak to what the reason that this relationship happened is it possible you did, you know, there are things that you both of you did that led to this. Maybe I don't know. But let's just talk about the actual situation you're in, right? You you said, and yes, him saying he really misses his family. I totally get that. And this is a great example of it is a little immature to think cheating is the end of the world. Right. This is a good example of that. How like life is more complicated than cheating bad, right? Cheating is bad. I get it. And a lot of people cannot get over it and you're totally fine if you can't. But in situations when it's more complex than that, you're talking about your family. You've built, you know, he's already come from a situation where he has two kids with someone else. Maybe you're you're you're tight. Maybe you're straight up just tired of trying to figure it out. And you want to like and you still there's still love between you and this person. And you want to work towards a situation where you can trust her again. So you can get your family back on track. There is nothing wrong with wanting that if you think you can handle it, right? If the, you know, if you think you can get over it and people certainly get over cheating, right, especially the old later in life, I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is funny that, you know, the old guy is tough. And the fact that the guy said something, like when he said, they've both said something, that's where I'm like, are you a bitch? And is that a problem in your life? I'm serious, like, did you let some fucking old guy disrespect you and you should have taken a fucking crowbar to his knees? It's possible, right? I don't know. And you have to figure that out about yourself because how self conscious you are about it is a red flag to me, right? Someone who's mentioned a couple of times, he's worried about how we're going to perceive him on his podcast, which he was right to think so. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Because when you start worrying, when you're insecure, it becomes obvious and people do kind of don't respect somebody who's insecure. I mean, that's how the world works, unfortunately, right? Can I say, I think there's also multiple options for my accent. There's multiple options to stuff like this. I think, you know, sometimes I think people don't, they see everything very black and white, and maybe he's trying to see the situation as there was a moment I felt secure because I had my family and everything was locked in load. And then this moment I felt, you know, out of everything was out of control. And so when you feel powerless and out of control, you act on fear. So right now, all he can think about is how do I get stability back? Sure. And trying to get that stability means family, family is stability, family is stability, family. It may not be. So really what you could do is focus on why don't we co-parent in a way or have a relationship in a way that allows us to create stability for the family, but then we live our own separate lives? Because I think what he's really saying is I feel powerless, I feel no stability, and I'm trying to get something back in my life to feel more streamlined. So it doesn't necessarily have to be get back together with her just because that represents that it can be a multitude of things. Yeah, I think that's a great point. And I do think that you have to be realistic here and that he's right. He hasn't healed from this. And I think some arrangement where you can get stability, you can work on yourself. And if you feel like it slowly work a relationship with her again, that's in a way that, you know, you're working towards, first of all, your main goal is stability for your family, for your kid, whatever. But if you're working towards some kind of reconciliation, I think that's the way to handle it. And I also think what you said is a great point where, yeah, this might just be you craving some stability. So you think, all right, if I take her back, it just becomes like it was. And it won't. And it won't be. That's impossible. It won't be. Whatever you do, you have to work towards, you have to work towards repairing this fucking huge betrayal at the center of your life, whether that's repairing your relationship with this person, you guys get back together. I'm not ruling that out, but you also have to be realistic. And if you try, then it's not working. You have to realize there's no going back. We have to just form stability from whatever the fuck. But either way, an internal change is going to have to be made. Exactly. Yes. Because part of it is also, yes, you healing and like, and, you know, just fucking getting over, I mean, getting over this sounds cold and crass, but that's the reality is like, where you can get to the point where this doesn't bother you as much, never going to fully go away, probably for a while, but get to the point where it's just like, you know, you're just kind of getting over it. But yeah, look, if you feel like you want to give it another shot, that's fine. With real boundaries, I would probably say some kind of couples, counseling, kind of therapy thing to start at least. Mediator at first, because you feel you're feeling a lot of feelings, and you don't want to get too emotional. You want to you want to give this a fair shot if you're going to do it. But also, if you realize it's not working, you don't have to fucking go through with it, right? You're trying it for your family. But yeah, dude, what you're feeling is totally okay. I do think you should probably look at not only counseling, if you're going to get back together, but even if it's short term therapy or counseling for you, almost like grief counseling. I mean, I don't know if people do that when they get when there's such a serious betrayal, like getting cheated on with kids. That's a fucking traumatic thing because it's more it is more important than like, than just you now, right? Because you feel that you're a part of something that's disappointing now, multiple people and it's going to shake their lives. It's a betrayal on like multiple levels when other people's lives are involved. To be fair, he did not put himself in this position. So he is now trying to hold the emotional weight of her and him and make a decision for both of them. He has to make a decision never to be what's best for himself. That's what I was going to say is like, if you feel like you're doing this and you're putting in more work, like this, if you, you know, obviously you're you have a part in forgiving and working towards rebuilding, but the person who betrayed you should be doing the heavy lifting here. Yeah, but I do think some, I do think sometimes when, when there's cheating and what cheating happening and people come together again, then when that other person says, I'm going to come here and we're both going to work on this, it has to unfortunately be an equal move together. Otherwise, the other person will feel like they have to appease. And appeasing doesn't necessarily fix what the problem was in the first place, whether that problem be their individual problem or together. So in a way, you do have to sacrifice some of your ego and say, we got to do this together. That's a good point. If you decide to do it, you have to forgive the person for it because you're right. Or at least compromise your own feelings for a second to try and see if you can move forward and work on fundamentally the problem. Right. What I'm saying, because you might not be ready for that and that's totally okay. But whatever it is, you have to decide what's best for you and your kids and not because right now, of course you want, you want your family back, but you, what you really want first and foremost is for this to have never happened. You want to go back in time. That's not an option. So if you really sit with your feelings and think, do I want to work to get my family back, even though I didn't deserve this at all, if the answer is yes, try it. Godspeed. If the answer is no, that's okay too. Just know that's a different harder road and you're going to be single and you're rebuilding for, you know, you're rebuilding again. And now you're the guy with two X-baby mamas. You know what I mean? That's another thing that's probably weighing on your head on some level. But that's life baby. You didn't, you didn't, it's not your fucking fault. Somebody cheated on you. If your penis is small, maybe we'll get you in touch with the woman from the first fall. Yeah. That could be your little rebound. And you should be like, I get to fuck five ladies now, bitch. One old guy equals five awesome chances at pussy. My mom's lies to Manelli. You don't fucking, you don't fucking treat me like this. I fuck pussy. I forgot I said that. Play us another one big L though. Hey, this is okay. I'm going to talk about myself first, and then I'm going to ask my question. So I am in my mid 30s. I'm a hospice nurse. I live with my mom, my sister and my sister's fiance, Kayla. It's so chill. It's so nice. It's like for adult women, it's always clean. Somebody's making cookies. That sounds awesome. It's smoke, joints it in my garden all the time. It's so nice. But I like being a nurse. I've been a nurse for a really long time, like 12 this year. Okay. 11 years. I don't know. But I also run a pretty successful Onlyfans page and single now, but I've been dating here and there. And just wondering what your thoughts are on like when's the right time to tell somebody about that? Because I like to be really like directed upfront, but you know, it carries some stigma still. So I don't know. And like, you know, it's kind of like a weird niche thing. So that's interesting. I don't know. What do you think the right answer is? I don't think it should matter. But I also like I only do solo stuff. I don't have like content up with like other dudes or anything like that. I feel like that changes things. But it kind of does. I think it does. I have an answer. Good money. It's kind of hot. It's fun. I like it. Yeah, if you have a good time. I wonder what your thoughts are. I love that she's fucking riding a Sibian and her fucking mom and her and her gay in-laws are downstairs making fucking crescent rolls. But everything's clean. But it's spotless. I think that she actually answered her own question. I think that being upfront about it weeds out the insecure man because it takes a man who understands that she's got a business and she knows what she has and she's branding herself and she's making money. And that, you know, I think an insecure straight guy would be like they think quite possessive when it comes to women. Like she's my woman and my woman and I understand that. Like that's how you think you're supposed to care. But in reality, it doesn't actually hinders someone else's own self-expression. So I think that if she enjoys it, she sounds like she's enjoying it and she's making good money. Find the guy that's going to be proud of her and say, you know what, you do you. That's a great way of finding someone. My wife busted wide open on the internet. That's my girl. Dude, look at those ass cheeks. Liza. I know good performance and I know artistry because my mom's fucking Liza Manelli. My wife is fucking shaking those ass cheeks. Like my mom doing the Charleston as a toddler. Liza Manelli's pussy fucking son is one of my favorite. He's one of my favorite characters in the in the canon in the Stavies World canon. I know good performance. My mom's wife. And I know stage presence. You don't know the lineage I come from. I know I just look like some guy who works for Deloitte, but I fucking know performance, bro. My granddad's been in L.E. I have a gay, great, great grandfather, both my grandfather and great grandfather are homosexuals. So okay, this, this is an interesting call. I love, I do, I do love, by the way, it is also like how bad the economy is has just forced us back into village style living where it's like she's in a commune with three generations of women. It's beautiful. And she's a nurse. And she's a nurse. She's a nurse and and putting them and dumping those titties out, dude. It's, it's crazy. So funny. I mean, hopefully she's doing well from it. I hope so, but it is so, and I'm glad and I actually love that. I mean, Greek people live, you know, it's like, basically in my family in Greece, it's like everybody and a lot of people how they do it is there's a apartment building and every generation has their own floor. And to me, that's the dream. Like I still dream sometimes of like, someday, dude, buying fucking stuff like a building. And it's like we live on the like me, eldest, straight George, the elusive and mysterious big P. And like, that would be fucking awesome. You know what I mean? And I love, but you know, a house is a little different. I think they all deserve their own floor. But anyway, what they got going is great. I love what you're doing over there. Yeah, I mean, for me, and I do think there are levels to just like anything, there are levels to stuff. And I think like, I don't know, so low stuff. And I obviously I'm not the average guy. But to me, I would rather you fucking do solo only fans and work for a defense contractor. You know what I mean? Like, like to me, it's like there's solo only fans is like, is like lawyer to me. You know what I mean? It's like, great. Oh, it's, you know, good for you. I'm not that interested. You know, yeah, it's like, I'm not even trying to be like, I'm liberal and I live in that. We are a little bit though. We have to be honest. We are different for us. You're right. You're right. You're right. I get it. I get it. But I'm also saying like, there is really truly a part of me that's just like, yeah, I don't that's fine. I agree. I'm not bothered by it. And I would know where we're going to be realistic here is like, if it was other people and other guys in particular, that's a harder sell. It's a harder sell for sure. And definitely she does have to have a conversation because you'd have to say, are you okay with me engaging in sex with other people? You know, it's for my business. I understand that. I think that's way more reasonable to have a hard line stance about. But to me, and I think to probably a lot, like there is a difference between doing and then the other thing is like how public because the other thing people might think is like, how public it is like, you know, if you're very serious about this, what if you have fucking kids like, you know, thinking about that, which again, there's ways to handle all that stuff, but they're all valid concerns. And like, yeah, is it is it like your secret thing? You have a fucking mask, you're wearing a fucking, you know, luchador mask and playing with your pussy. And nobody really knows. Or do you have an Instagram account that's like, the naughty nurse, you know what I mean? It's like you're tagging yourself, you're wearing your fucking scrub, you're tagging yourself in your home. Like there's there's also a difference just to how public you are about it. How much of your life it is. Because also it's like, anyway, so there's a ton of different stuff. But I think I think relatively soon is the way to go. Yeah, yeah, I agree. But I think maybe not the first day. I don't think I think maybe even first, second, because the first two dates are sort of like you're feeling people out. That's right. Right. I think it's kind of like, how much of a connection do you feel with someone? The way I look at it is like, how serious is this going to be? Right? If you feel like it might be serious, drop it like date three. You know what I mean? Like talk to somebody because like, you don't want to build something with someone that you don't, you know, you don't want to build something and then like have this thing hanging over. Yeah, because obviously, if it's something that's weighing on you, then you probably want to say it sooner than later because you also don't want to feel like you're hiding something from somebody for a long time. Not that it doesn't necessarily means bad. I don't think it's bad at all. But I'm sure it'll be on her mind and if she likes them and then she's going to steep more into fear, you know, so just kind of be upfront about it and she might be surprised with the responses that she gets. And look, also there's a way to look at it where it's like, look, if it comes up naturally where it's like you're talking about working shit, you're like, I'm a fuck it. You could be like, I'm a nurse and I, you know, I also have, I have like another, I have an only fans page when it comes up. She's like, I'm a nurse and I'm a nurse. And I'm a nurse. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's the kind of thing where you don't need to fucking drop it immediately. No, right. I think you want to see if you're compatible with somebody unless he met her from her only fans and was like, I don't think that's happening sometime. No, I don't think that's happening. Okay. Yeah. Oh, nice. Hell yeah. We got a little peek into the gay mind. I just would say I don't know. I'm using only fans to dating. Let me say so. Not as a dating app. I'm just saying it wouldn't if something like I have friends with only fans and I but doesn't even cross my I really find it hard to believe that like a straight guy is getting a date from an only fans creator that he like follows unless he's like a super fan or some shit. But even then the relationship is very like trick or fin dom or something like that. I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm sure it's happened. Right. Right. It's the same way. It's like, yes, some sometimes guys get the fuck the strippers. It's rare. But every once in a while it happens. It's kind of like that I would say. Okay. You know, I don't think it's happening that way. And if that happens, I don't think the guy I think then you have a whole different problem where it's like, is he only fetishizing me for my body? Whereas like if you meet someone who doesn't know what it's like the exact opposite where it's like, is he going to see this as too, you know, to whatever he's just not on that note, she might find guys that find that empowering. I think my girls really enter, you know, she's a sexuality. I think that's kind of hot. I do. Yeah, exactly. I think I think basically you treat this like any kind of like, you know, like telling somebody you have a kid, do they need to know the first date? Well, that's a strict no for me. Yeah. But yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I think you're fine. I think this is the kind of thing where it's like, if you start to feel a connection with someone, I think the range is dates two through four, depending on how serious the dates aren't how much time you've spent with them. Yeah, I think that's about right. And like you feel it out. And I would even say is like, if you, I don't know what kind of dating she's doing, if it's casual, I don't even know that you need to tell someone, you know what I mean? Like casual. I don't think I agree. I don't think you have to. But I think she's she's asking about if it gets serious, if it gets three to four, once you're feeling a connection with someone, the two to four range, I think is where you drop that. And also just explain it. I mean, part of it is like, if you need to fucking, if you're doing sex work, but you're in control, you do it solo, you get the money directly, you know what I mean? You're not putting, you're not, it's not dangerous, which is one of the nice, the how should she presented that? Cause I think that she should say, let's say she really has a connection with somebody. And so they're at that point, I think what she should say, we'll be like, okay, I just wanted to tell you something and just to be vulnerable with you. I'm a little nervous because I know that this can kind of freak people out, but I do with solo only fans. Yeah. And it's something that I love. I love doing it. It helps pay the bill. Like, I think it's realistic. Cause if somebody's telling you, I picked up safe solo sex work to help pay the bills, but I don't think she should be a real animal to be like, I don't think I don't think she, I don't think she should, she should not ask how he feels about that. No, because I didn't lie is that there's shame, what she should say is this is what I do. Just letting you know, you know, because I, and you can even say like, I'm feeling connection with you and I want to put all my cards on the table. If this is something you're cool with or if it's not, and you know, either way, well, it's like, either we move forward or we don't. And you know, there's a million different reasons somebody might not, who's gone on two good dates, might not go on a third. This happens to be one of them. You want to find that out sooner rather than later. I think it's that simple. I think that's that. Yeah. Wow, we really, we should do we're geniuses, dude. And our mom and we fuck pussy. My mom's life is a fucking Nellie. You ever heard all that jazz bitch? I was on that set finger popping in age five. What could it sitting when you're alone in your room? Come to the fucking cabaret you fucking pussy. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. We're going to do ketamine and watch you fucking ladies tap dance, dude. At two we give you more more outfit choices with 20 kilograms of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels built around what you love like that swim up suite. More race you to the bottom water parks on site. More. Oh, that looks good. Food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app in store or online. You book it to resort it at all and after protected keys and C's apply selected hotels only see website for details. Hit us another one sing us another song Mr. Eldis. What's up, stop? What's up, Eldis? Look, I got it. Not too big of a problem, but enough to where it drives me up a fucking wall. Okay, feel baddy sometimes. I absolutely love my girlfriend. She means the world to me. We're great. We really do great perfect relationship. Okay, the only thing we'll sit down at the end of a nice long day and she'll go. Can we watch a movie? Sure. Let's watch a movie. Doesn't matter. She puts it on. I put it on. Whatever. But if it's like, we're going to watch a movie, let's watch the fucking movie. Doesn't matter. It doesn't live. Why do we even put the fucking movie on because all she does is talk the whole time. She talks the entire time asking me questions. What's going on? What's what's happening? I know as much as you do. Yeah, I don't know how to tell her that in a nice manner because I really am. I am a very nice, pleasant person. I'm a nice guy. I'm not an asshole. I'm not. I don't lash out, but this is the one thing that she does that makes me absolutely furious and makes my blood boil. And the more and more the more I hear it, the quieter and more furious I get. And I don't want to blow up on her. It sounds like an asshole. But so yeah, if you have any suggestions, any any thoughts on how I should approach this, how I should tell her this, because I just feel like any way I tell her, I could go to the sound of the class. But so you've never had any idea, any thoughts, but greatly appreciated. You've never even shushed your words. I have an idea, but I have a question for both of you. Okay. Okay, especially growing up in a Greek home, because Italians, I've never, the TV's been on. Right. I've definitely watched it. I've never heard it. I've been there. Oh, there's too many people talking all at the same time. I watched a lot of stuff through chaos for sure growing up. Because like, because like you own, there was only one TV, right? Like, but you're just like kind of zeroing in and being like, shut the fuck, you know, being annoyed and like, and that's when getting your own TV was huge. Of course. Like, we're of the age where it's like, I mean, dude, we age ourselves so much kids are gonna live like Gen Z motherfuckers hear this and we're talking about getting a TV. They've got their laptops, they've got their phones, I mean, this sounds like we're talking about washing our fucking washing our clothes and hanging it out to dry on the fucking, which my mom did also do. Like, but, but it's funny that we really are on the cusp of like, we really were like, had did some things that were old world and some things that are like, you know, as there was one TV and a VCR, there was one TV for a lot of my life. I got a TV when I was like 13 or 14. Imagine everyone had to agree on the movie that they wanted to watch you and your brother, you and your like, that's yeah, me and my brothers had to like agree on stuff. Right. Yes, I think I mean, what about you? You there's one TV. I do remember like watching you really did key it like you would like really watch stuff though. I remember watching stuff through chaos at the same time. I feel like with my family, it was a lot of like communal time around the television. And there's not a ton of talking going on. In fact, I have like memories of like my grandma or my mom is like washing a dish in the kitchen. And my dad's like, you keep that fucking shit down. He just like blows up really disproportionately because he's watching like whatever bullshit is on that. He doesn't even give a fuck about. I actually do will say that's true. And I also think it's because your family actually respected America. And there was like, there was like a let's understand the culture aspect to your parents watching TV that didn't really like my dad hated American stuff. Like he only watched TV when we got satellite and watched the watch Greek TV around when I was around 11. And that's when we got K like we didn't have cable. And then for the first few years, they wouldn't add any cable packages. We got a satellite TV only for Greek stuff. And they're like, Hey, it's like $4 more to get like all these channels. And my dad just wouldn't do it until we begged him for it. But anyway, like this, can I say though, I grew up, I filmed the one time I was at my my nana's house and I had like five of my aunts were over and my grandpa and they were watching hoarders. My nana loves hoarders. Was she a hoarder? No, the house is there's no cleaner house on earth. That's hilarious. She loves thousand pound sisters. That's one of her favorite shows. The people and she loves Game of Thrones is one of her favorite shows. She has a game. She has a Jon Snow mug and she met him. She loves him. She loves Oh yeah. So she does. No, thousand pound sisters is one of her favorite shows in his room and her house coat watching it. But anyways, we were watching it. I was home in Chicago and I just realized like everyone's talking at the same time. They are screaming at the end. They're all trying to outdo each other and make each other laugh. So I just started filming it. And then I eventually sent it to Rachel Feinstein, who was like, I cannot believe this is the house you grew up in. I was like, they just are yet like they show like, you know, the dead cat or my girl. Oh my God. And she's got him do this to the toilet to get the shit to go down. My girl was like, I can't hear the TV is blind. So anyway, but yeah, it was never that bad. It was never that bad. It was just like, you know, noises happening one TV parent, you know, everyone was in the same room. We never had that like boisterous. If anything, that would sometimes happen at holidays, like at Easter or Thanksgiving, when there's a bunch of Greek people and then it became that like showing off trying to get laughs. I'm definitely as a child. That's one of the first places you're kind of perform before realizing it. But and even that, I still remember like watch it. That's how I saw Star Wars for the first time. You know, clack like classic holiday movies, family vacation, all this kind of shit. I was I was like they showed me like my my brother's godmother's kids who effectively were like older cousins in terms of like what they meant to us. They showed us so much American culture and movies every because like my parents really did not give them my mom did a little bit, but she was so overworked and my dad didn't give a fuck at all. But I will say this particular thing would drive me crazy. Right. I will say though, I have sometimes you go on you go out with like cinephiles, like girls who are into movies and you'll just come like you'll both just end up watching a movie and be too tired to fuck. That's that's the flip side of this is like if you if you date someone who really locks into movies, you can think you're about to fuck and then just like end up watching the conversation or whatever. And so that my my my advice here is kind of the flip side of my thing where it's like I think you have to set different there's different movies for different types of hangs. Yeah. Right. I think what you need to do you're never going to eliminate this is how your wife is programmed this is how she wants to behave whatever. So the compromise to me is you have movie night you have movies that are almost designed to be talked over. So like look if I want if I want to invite like you know, don't don't put on a gripping drama and like you know don't put on a gripping drama and just expect her to fucking sit through it. Put on something goofy. We do that a lot. I feel like we're kind of the masters of that because like on the bus, they really you know, we'll watch fucking segoal movies that you just don't really need to you know, you want to pay attention to the fight scenes but then there's big stretches where you don't have to really fucking listen and or put on a movie you've seen a hundred times and talk over. But I think you have to be like hey, tonight we're doing a fucking doing a movie where we pay attention. And I do think you need to kind of I think you have to introduce the concept first. Yeah. Like the fact that he's never said this to his wife. Yeah, you got to be like, you've just been silently stewing. It is going to be a little awkward, not awkward, but it is going to be like hey, picking up on that like heat and she doesn't understand why so she's nervous talking. Yeah, and he's not communicating. So she's like, did I do something wrong? But maybe if I engage more in the movie, he'll yeah, you know, this I mean stewing is never good. Never. It's kind of cute that it's just about a movie like they do sound that is that is cute. That is cute. But I think you should have the conversation. You should be like, hey, this fucking drives me crazy. And it's like, let's have something like let's figure. And I think you need to explicitly be like tonight's a talky movie. You know what I mean? And tonight's a good zip it up. You know what I mean? Like, I think I think there are because you know, I'm somebody who likes to watch movie, you know, we'll throw movies all the time. And yeah, there's the difference between you put on pulp fiction, which I've seen a hundred times. That's right. We'll talk. When something cools about to happen, we'll watch that, we'll go back to talking. But if there's a movie I really want to fucking see. I think that's really you just have to have a conversation and be like, what are we in the mood for tonight? Yeah, in the mood for just a fucking blabbering ass fucking. And maybe his wife is constantly in the mood for blabbering. But that's okay. That's what compromises you do it some of the time you do. You do it perfect answer. I don't know. I'll just like literally perfect as a married man. Do you have any insight here, eldest? Because I feel like you and your you and your wife actually are pretty good about watching stuff together. Yeah, we watch stuff. I definitely wouldn't say she does this. Sometimes like, we'll both do it where you know, gossip, maybe or we'll watch a movie, we'll watch a movie and then she'll be like, Oh, wait, why is he is here? Is he the dad or and I do it too. And it's just like, you know, I think we're both like, are we missing something or and a lot of times with movies, like you have to watch and see how the plot unfolds and you may not know an answer. I don't fucking know. Let's find out. So I don't know when that happens. I'm just like, Oh, I don't think we know yet, which is like, okay, let's keep watching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. It's never really that bad of a problem. But I think I really like, I don't think we know yet because that's like, I don't know. And it's like, we have to keep your signaling. We have to continue watching to know what happens. The story hasn't unfolded that far. Right. Right. Right. So I think like, I would probably say go for little tricks or signals like that rather than, rather than, you know, what you're, what you're suggesting stuff, I think it's a good suggestion, but I think it could come off as like condescending a little where it's like, okay, it's like talking to a kid or something. It's like, okay, we're going to watch Love is Blind now. I know, but also she's behaving like a child. I don't know. Sometimes you just fucking let loose a while, like talk your bullshit through a movie, even if it's good. But, but, but of course, but I think there is times to do that. And I also think, I'm not saying do this all at once. I think it starts with a conversation, right? You're like, Hey, I got to come clean about something. It's a bit of a pet peeve when we talk through movies. And it's like, I don't want to sound like a dick. Sometimes we should just pick movies that we're not that invested in so we can talk and catch up. But there's going to be other times where I really want to watch a movie. It's more like, it's not like, okay, you've been good, you get to talk through some dumb fucking romcom. You can use that can be talk here. No talking. No talking. Got it. I'm serious. Do that. Yeah. As long as you put it in a way that's like, look, it's a little bit of a pet peeve. Yeah. Like, let's certain time when we're picking a really good movie that I want to see, I don't want to talk through it. You know, now other times where we're just kind of chilling and watching a dumb movie. And I think that just will naturally happen. Like, you know, if we're watching Independence Day, fucking we'll talk. We should watch independence. That movie is ridiculous. We just watched Jimmy here, Patrice, O'Neal, and Jim Norton talk about it on the radio years ago. No, no, no. Gotta pull that up. One of the fun. Pull that up guys. I'm sure it's funnier than this podcast. Take a break and watch actually when comics cared about broadcasting when it was like they were trying to prove themselves and not handed a million dollar job for barely care. Look, I don't know why this is how it is either. Okay. Don't get mad at me. It just happened this way. I don't know what anyway. I'm large. He's getting more aggressive. We did a great character. All right. Next question. Eldis do a couple more here. Okay. First time caller. What time is this now? What time is this? The steam guest. I want to call in. I've called him before. I would like the same question. Okay. But I thought I could tell a little more succinctly. Nice. So basically, I like eating pussy, right? But always have my mom's like whatever. Just always enjoyed it. That's awesome. This girl for the last couple of years has gone really well. You know, we're both young. We're really in love and all that. That's cute. You know, I really love her. And I don't know, this is starting to get to the point where it's like, it could be thinking about marriage or stuff like that. Nice. We're really young. So it's like a couple of years away for sure with stuff. That's awesome. I don't eat her pussy. Right. We've done it a couple of times, but then she has herpes. Herpes ain't too big a deal. I've kind of accepted that big deal. It is at some point in our relationship if we stay together for a long time. And that's looking like the case. Is he whispering because he's nervous or because she's next to him? Yeah, I don't know. Why is he whispering? He definitely is much more mouth than whispering. She's got a herpes. But I've yet to contract it in like fucking four years. So pretty much my question is, should I just say fuck it and eat her pussy? Should I just add that into the daily rotation or should I just keep myself clean as long as I can? And when it happens, maybe I can go fuck well. But anyway. Yeah. Thank you for having me. An interesting quandary. Here's who's gonna fucking do. So his girl has herpes. Yeah. But I don't correct me if I'm wrong here. If she's she takes her medicine, she doesn't have an outbreak. You can eat her pussy, right? I think so. I think so. Talk to a doctor. I think you can. Yeah. Don't call Stalvros the show. Speak to your practitioner. I do think I hooked up with somebody. She told me she had herpes after. Oh. Which kind of a wild move, but I got tested and I'm clean. I've eaten somebody's pussy without knowing it. I'm fine. Can I eat someone's pussy that has herpes? I don't think I'm gonna guess no. For certain mitigating factors, I'm gonna guess no. I feel like if you take your medicine, you should be fine. I think maybe if you plant it around when the medicine is the strongest and it's a treat to eat. Like I guess she doesn't. Is she self-conscious about it? I don't understand. I guess we don't know that. We don't know. But maybe she just thinks he doesn't like eating pussy. Sure. I think if she's on her medicine, yeah. We've kind of, Benny Butchiex is co who does not have herpes, but he's talked on this podcast about how it's the stigma is too high for herpes, which I do kind of think. I actually doesn't really affect your life that much once you get on the medicine. But I think you're okay, dude. I don't know. Talk to a doctor. Talk to a sex ed teacher. But I'm pretty sure you could eat your girlfriend's pussy as long as she's like, you know, don't don't. If it's, I mean, you're having sex with her. She's not having an outbreak. I think you're fine. Yeah, he's also fucking her. So he's like, okay, that's my other thing is like, is he wearing a condom every time? Oh, that's crazy. But maybe it is. Give him a call. Yeah, it is funny because this is like a bigger commitment than like proposing to her. He's like, should I give her the pussy eating ring? The eating her pussy while getting oral herpes? Because I love doing it. I also respect this, man. He's this for the love of the game. I mean, dude, I think, I don't know. I think this is a purely medical question. There's no emotional stuff. There's nothing else. Ask a doctor if you can eat pussy with somebody else. I feel like the other just like it's low risk. Yeah. I think every day, even if you don't have an outbreak, like there is a risk or something, but I think they have to say it like bleach kills 99.9% of all germs. I can't say 100%. It's one of those things that you're fine. My guess is you're probably fine. Yeah, right. And just and maybe don't eat pussy constantly, I guess if it weighs on you, but at least get it in the mix and the rotation a little more. Yeah, work up to I feel like yeah, consult so weaker to the doctor, consult the medical professional. This feels like a purely medical question. But do you take medicine every day? Like is it like prep? Like you take or like a birth control? Do you take medicine every day? I have no idea. We should become more versed on this. If we have any herpes experts, we'd love to expand our base of knowledge. I wonder what that girl's up to. She was hot too. But I felt pissed because I was like, it was a bit like you gotta because the thing is, if you would have told me, I would have been like, all right, right. But you just didn't tell me. Maybe you should get it going one more time, suffer the good of the show and the knowledge so that I could tell this guy. You're acquiring more knowledge. She was awesome. This was right after the pandemic when pretty much everybody was fucking when New York lifted the ban and it was awesome. That was the best that that that like post COVID summer in New York was where were you during the pandemic? Queens? Oh, I was. Yeah, it was Manhattan. Yeah. Yeah. It was one of the best summers ever. That summer was awesome. Me, Liz and Jose at the cellar just hanging out every day. I liked that summer. Oh, I loved that was fucking good. That was awesome. We collectively like every three years take a summer off. Yeah, just everyone's dead. You can't why not pick a place you've got two weeks to pick a place and then fucking stay there. Sounds nice. It was amazing. Yeah. Anyway, good luck. Godspeed. I think you could probably eat your girlfriend's pussy, but talk to a doctor about it. Also, maybe just say to her you're feeling insecure. If you guys haven't been together that long, she'll understand you guys should have a conversation about it. Maybe tonight's a talky and it's not a talking part of it. Him feeling insecure. No, I mean, either pussy. No, I know, but he's feeling insecure around the fact that like, I don't want to maybe talk to her about who was whispering the whole time. Yeah, I don't want to talk to her about it because he probably doesn't want to hurt her feelings. I really want to eat pussy, but I don't want to get her. Is that okay? That is true. I do wonder like how frankly they have discussed herpes. Probably not. If she's been like, I have herpes, they both know it and then he just assumes he can't eat it. I would think he could then and maybe she doesn't even know herself. Maybe she's not that educated on it. It's very possible. Has herpes and you know, well, she should know. I mean, once you get it, you should, she should know, right? Your doctor has to sit you down and be like this. Maybe. How many times do you get sick and like, you know, you barely listen to the instructions? Don't take all your antibiotics. Yeah, you got to finish them. I do. I do now. Okay. You know. But yeah, I think you're fine. I didn't ferment much of my life. Right. Place another one, little eldest. Stop being wondering if it's morally incorrect to not want an ugly masseuse. Yes. Next question. What the fuck are you talking about? You know, is she good at massaging? I don't know if that's completely wrong. A dude. What did he say? Go back. Is he gay? If it's morally straight and once a hot male masseuse, you guys are doing the movie thing right now. Just wait in the lessons that they call. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead. Morally incorrect to not want an ugly masseuse. I mean, I just don't want an ugly masseuse. I don't know if that's completely wrong. It's weird. It's weird to think that. Obviously, wanting an attractive person to rub your entire body is inherently sort of, you know, you're turning it sexual, basically. It's got to be a little bit wrong. It's like, no, a larger Mediterranean man thought on this. Only one thought not to thank you very much. That's it. That's the whole question. Oh, what's up, shop? Yo, what if a fucking hot guy touched my ass, man? The little guy. The little guy, man. The little guy, man. I miss Evan, dude. So I would say yes. I also see where you're coming from. Like, I actually, I'm working on a bit about this. I don't think it'll make the special, but it's like, it is like crazy how people just want like, like if you get a ugly, if you go to a restaurant, you get the ugly wages, you're pissed. But it's like, why? Who cares? I've never even thought of that. What if she's, all right. Well, you know, you just would rather pee. I think there is a general inclination for humanity to want a more beautiful, just the best of whatever best in general terms. And so I get, I sort of get it, but I also think what's best in a masseuse is their ability to give you a massage. That's right. Like to me, I guess all things being equal, if you get the best masseuse, two masseuses that are equally skilled and one is hot and one is not, I guess I would prefer the hot one just because. Right. But all things are very rarely ever equal, right? Ultimately, it's like, I, and I, you know what? This happened to me where I got somebody who was like, you know, kind of busted, but they were good at giving a massage. And so who cares? And I would probably argue the uglier person is better at their job because hot people get away with a lot of society. Worried about the actual massage. That's what's going on here. Is this guy just talk? Is he trying to get a Thailand on the beach style massage? If you're talking about, he wants to be finished off. Are you talking about a happy ending? Is that what you're talking about? But like, if you're talking about a non sexual massage, it's weird for you to care how like, is it wrong? I guess it's wrong unless you're discreet, unless you're not booking sessions because they're ugly. But I guess it's not wrong. It's just weird is how I come down on it. It doesn't affect your life. It doesn't, you don't being hot is not part of a masseuse, being a masseuse, an actual masseuse. You know what I mean? Like, so if you're actually getting a massage, like, you know, it's not, I've got, I get a massage. It's not like I'm attracted to the person who gives me a massage. Like, right now because of my back, I've been getting like a regular, and I found someone who's like, you know, I don't want to fuck them. But I've been going back because they're a great masseuse. Like, that's all there is to it. I don't understand. Like, you do put, even him saying, even if it's a dude, is fascinating because, is it a vanity thing? Because for someone to say, maybe only someone who's attractive can touch me and it makes me feel like, what, who are you? I know that's the interesting thing is like, what is at the base of that feeling? Immediately, knee jerk, we think sexual, right? Is it that looks maxing guy? Clavicular? Is it maybe? Yeah, I mean, but that's a good point. That's a van, that's a type of vanity that's almost like, this is where like our society is kind of going backwards in a lot of ways where, like, yeah, just be openly saying like, I want hot people to fucking, I only want to be around hot people. It's like, most people aren't hot. By saying like, you're like, it's just weird to want to take to, to, to, again, I guess sort of this, if it was up to you, this guy, he would discriminate against ugly masseuses. And that's the wrong part of it. Because I think our society cannot reward, like we have, we can't, you know, meritocracy is what we want to have a functioning society. We can't go back to like, it's kind of old world ass, villager thinking to be like, I need a hot purse. Everyone around me needs to be hot. It's like, everyone around you used to be good at their job. But it's oddly, I think some, some people are chronically online. And when you're chronically online, you start to see obviously the best of the best, like the hottest people on the beach, the hudders and that, that are not, so you start to think to yourself, I've curated this life, you know, even if you play video games, you select a hot character, you select, you were just talking about Hassan, he's fucking stupid, he's just hot. This is my friend, I can shit on him. He is very hot. It's kind of a problem. He knows he's got a big gay following as a result, right? He's like the straight guy with his huge gay following in those cheekbones. He knows what he's doing. I just don't think, why does he fucking knows what he's doing? It doesn't make sense. I don't know what to tell you. Give me the cheekbones. But yeah, I think maybe he's chronically online and he starts to think that like everything has to be curated to his quote unquote taste, like not everyone in life has to look like your explorer page. Yeah, there's something kind of sinister, honestly, about wanting hot, only hot people around. Because the bringing up the guy thing is also saying even the guy means it's not set. I agree or you're by, which is fine. No, I agree. But I don't think I think it's purely an aesthetics thing. I agree. And it's purely like only the most beautiful and it's like the most society isn't beautiful. Now if I saw a picture of him, he was the hottest man in the world. Right. Right. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If he was a piece of ass, maybe it's different. I'm joking. But even then I feel like I feel like hot people like to be around the ugly like like they're doing charity work. You know, so yeah, dude, I would say that is weird. And you should interrogate that thought. And it's a bad I do think it's on balance bad to have that thought process, even though I don't think I'm not even I'm not being judgmental towards you because I understand the sort of knee jerk reaction. But it's also like, if you do the math on that thinking, you get back to society that like ignores disabled people is racist because now we're talking about beauty, we're talking about a lot of beauty standards tend to be racist. So it's like, when he's saying beautiful, is he talking about people that aren't whatever ethnicity he is or whatever or what, you know, light skinned, whatever, like the two fair, fair, like this kind of Western beauty standards stuff. By the way, I watched this documentary about the history of art. And do you know what the problem is and why we are still stuck on specific beauty standards? And Greece was greasy because there was so many different cultures of different beauty standards, but the Greeks invented a specific not just style, but right. And so we're still, if you look at magazines, they were stuck on the ancient Greek ideal of beauty, even though they weren't blonde and fucking blue. I mean, like, it's because it's that white marble. It's like, if you were to see now, even white marble, then they were painted, but I mean, what we see is white marble. Sure. You know, like what we what has become, which is so fascinating because actually the real stuff was garish over the top color that loved, but the proportions and the contrast, but like how they were like the positioning and their body and the like the face, like it that sort of is still stuck today. Yeah, well, listen, you know, I get it as part of I'm kind of, I do have that ideal Greek beauty. You can trace my lineage right back. You weren't really handsome. So I appreciate that. I do think I for, for what, from I've said before, for my stats, I'm the best you could look if you have my on paper weight, height, you know, all my stats, I'm crushing those stats for sure. But I think that's this is an interesting philosophical question. And I think ultimately, yes, it's, I don't, again, I'm not judging you for like the knee jerk reaction, but that's something you need to fight. That's that's the part of like human, sort of like, that's that's what our society was evolved to get past. And we're unfortunately going backward. I mean, that's pure, you know, Western, this fake, exactly these fake ancient Greek return memes, like the fucking racist with the fucking marble PFPs and shit like that. The like profile pics. Oh, they'll have like marble, really Twitter and like, like the like Western, with, you know, Western ideals, which are just white supremacists. You're seeing a lot of that right now. And I think that thinking is connected. I think we need to live in a society that's merit merit based, that you ugly people get as much of a shot at being your masseuse as anybody else. Ultimately, what they, well, yeah, it's like what they're fighting for to rub this fucking asshole's shoulders, who cares? But that's the, that's where it starts out loud that way. Pretty plain for this guy. Like, Hey, you do have a problem. Yeah, or you're just trying to get jacked off. Or that's a different or it's purely sexual and he's a bisexual and that's a different issue. Go ahead. I was gonna say, I think you should like just pay attention to his own internal process, like during and after the massage to because even if they're hot, they could give you a shitty massage and you'll feel that in your body. Totally. And that alone should be like, okay, maybe that initial reaction you have was like, nice, they're pretty hot when they walk in the room should be like, okay, they are hot. But that no, I actually I wish I had like someone busted who knew what they were doing. I actually think I'm opposite where I like, I do judge a hot person at anything, right? Where I'm like, are you really this smart? Hot doctor. I've said this before hate to see a hot doctor pisses me off, because you know, they got some preferential treatment. And they're at least a couple percentage points dumber than they think they are. Somebody who's really fucked up looking got no breaks. But also the hot doctor is going to have a bit of a wall up because he's afraid that or she or they are going to be afraid that the person wants to fuck them because they're a doctor and they're hot. So now they're going to even more it's maybe they're cold. Who knows? Yeah. But yeah, I think this is an interesting thing to bat around in your head and think about where these feelings are coming from. Why don't you play a quick one to take us out? Oh, there's something fun. Here's a response to remember the Maria and Alex episode the gentleman from Manitoba with that goofy ass voice. I do remember him. Yes. This is someone responding to them. Hey, here's the fun one to go out on. I just got done with the and it's like a response. Okay, even I don't like to pause this. You're getting really sloppy with the ones to go out on. Okay. What do you mean? This is just the guy telling you it's one to go out. Okay, I'm going to be fully transparent here. I originally intended to go out on the masseuse question. Kind of a philosophical one, but this one, you know, got in the vault. You've just blown it a couple times and this guy recently and this guy saying it's the one to go out on. They don't need to say that. I know which ones to do. I'm just saying I don't like that you're letting the audience prompt you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're, but anyway, go ahead. This, this might work. I'm just letting this just a little warning shot to get on your game again. All right. Get some good quick ones to go out on that are funny. Go ahead. It just got done with the, and it's like a response. Um, please even I just got there with the episode with the like deep Canadian guy was really deep Canadian boys. He was like, slightly embarrassed about it. Um, I was thinking the whole answer. It was buzzing in my brain the whole time you guys were answering and then stop. You said it yourself. Start streaming. I mean this. It's full sincerity. I'm not fucking around. Okay. You seem funny. Like, like not only do there's a lot of success in streamers that have like that one eccentric thing about them or like unique personality trait or something, but like you said during the question, some sort of Canadian slang that I, I can't remember what it was, but it was funny. I was like, I want to hear more of that. And I think a lot of people do, especially if you're like the type who doesn't play video games too much. You should be playing like anime dating games. I think people would really, really laugh their ass with how you would respond to that. But in a, like you said, sincere, good way. It's got nothing to do with the tone of your voice. It's, it's the slang. It's the, I agree. I got to hear it. Please do your thing. Let me know. Get on the internet so I can watch it. This guy wants to hear this guy talk. So for you, Mateo, it was a guy who had a very deep, I think he said manitoba accent. Okay. No, not deep voice. Just like a cool. Like this. Yeah. It was kind of crazy. It was an insane voice. It was cool though. It was very distinctive. And yeah, he called in, you know, asking for kind of like help. Marie really, really was being, let's just say Marie and the guy who asked about the hot masseuse or we're being, we have a lot in common there. Marie was being very ableist, if you can call it that. And she re, and we pressed her on it. She stood firm. She was a Marie speech pathologist. But, but this is another, this is another take. And I think he, what I, I actually do believe like there is some wholesomeness to the internet. Like as much as there is just garbage, there are some wholesome pockets. And I really could see this guy being kind of a wholesome, fun streamer that people like seeing. That's my take. You heard it, buddy. That's another guy we hope our friend over in the great white North is doing okay. But yeah, somebody thinks you should stream. That's going to do it for us. That's fun. That's good enough. Mattel, you're streaming. People can see you streaming. Yeah. You're on tour. I'm on tour materialing comedy.com. When does it come out? A couple weeks probably. Okay. I'll probably be in Europe by then. Oh, by the way, that's, we haven't announced it yet, but I am going to be going to perform in Athens for the first time in the fall. So I'm going to be there for, for three days. Pretty sure in September, we're going over there. Are you serious? I might. I don't know. I haven't played my September trip yet, but I might. I've already turned down actually again, I've turned down a bunch of shit so that I can go to Greece this year. I just turned down a big money gig to be like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to Greece. So I will be there probably late August to early September. And this would be mid September. I mean, you might, we might catch each other. That'd be so awesome. That would be fucking awesome. I'll try and do, we'll talk about it afterwards. But yeah, I'm planning on being there from late August to at some point in September. It just depends. So, but I would love to make it work so we could all, we could hang out in Greece. That'd be so sick. Yeah. Fucking ghosty Matteo. Very funny. You got the podcast with Nick, who's also been on the pod. Check that out. And yeah, we're, we're, we're probably about to hit the bus right now. Check us out. And yeah, a lot going on. See you next week, guys. Bye bye.