#3213 Southern Charm S11E11 Part One: Born For Corn

Prime Video offers the best in entertainment. The end of the world continues with Fallout 2. A global phenomenon, inbegred by Prime. I heard you about what to do in this situation. Look at the epic end of the unwritten story of The Witches of Oz. Buy or buy? Wicked for good now. I'm taking you to see The Wizard. There's no going back. So what you also look, Prime Video. Here you look at everything. Prime is advised, especially to buy or buy. Inhoud can be advertised 18+. All the rules are used to be used. Watch What Crappens Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Everybody, welcome to the show today. We're a couple of weeks away from the Golden Crappy Awards, our awards show here in Los Angeles. The Fonda Theater on February 27th. Almost sold out. We're like 96% sold out. So there's literally a few tickets. So if you want to come, get your tickets. Okay? Do it. Do it right now. 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Just go over to Patreon.com slash WatchWhatCrapins, everybody. daughter ben who you want to shout out today you got a friend who's got a movie come on tell us yeah i want to shout out my friend matt he wrote a movie that is coming out in theaters everywhere this weekend it's called good luck have fun don't die you may have seen the commercials oh i sure have yeah yeah it's coming out so my friend wrote that and um i want to support him and so i'm gonna go see it this weekend because honestly like in movies if it's like all that opening weekend and And then after that, it's like, it truly is good luck. Have fun. Don't die. So everyone, if you're thinking about seeing a movie this weekend, go check that one out because it's actually supposed to be really good too, which is great. Cause I would hate it if I like, you know, shout out my friend's movie and it was like, it sucked, but it's supposed to be really good. So yeah. Sci-fi adventure with Sam Rockwell. Oh hell yeah. Sam Rockwell, the, um, the girl from white Lotus where the crazy, Haley, Haley Lou. I didn't know that was her name Hayley Lou Richardson there's some other famous people and I just don't remember who they are Zazie B, Juno Temple Michael Pena, Tanya Von Grahn, I mean come on the whole gang I do have to say for as much as we're like oh my god come to the crappies we spend like a solid six weeks getting the crappies together but when it comes to a movie that's like a two or three year process and it all culminates in like one weekend I love you comparing the crappies to a feature Meaning that like, we're like, oh my God, so much work, guys. Come on, come to our show. But like, here's my friend who's toiled away for like literally two years and, you know, went through ups and downs and all sorts of things. And it culminates in this one weekend. So I say, go support it. Go see it. Well, that's cool. Congratulations, Matt. That's my shout out. Yeah. Congrats, Matt. Or as I say, when he's in trouble, Matthew. Because I'm from the South. And today we're talking about Southern Charm. Southern Charm season 11, episode 11, Cabin Fever. Today I was trying to write a description about what happened in this episode. And I was like, what? I just watched it an hour ago. What did happen in this episode? I don't know. I know. That's how Southern Charm rolls. That is. They really didn't really, they kind of didn't know what to do with this episode. They sort of had 45 minutes of an episode and then they're like, okay, what next? Okay, let's have Madison having her baby. Okay, we still have time left. Chauncey's funeral would be like a life and death motif at the end of the episode for no good reason. Sure. So this is a circle of light that's in there. Yeah. So that's what we're doing. We are still at the itchy ass estate, itchy ass farms, a witness place. and we still don't want to make mama upset. Don't fight in front of mama. Don't fight in front of mama. Oh, get out of here. Stop inviting me around parents I can't fight in front of. I know. Witness parents are still doing their own sitcom. It's not really a sitcom. It's more like a dramedy. It's like, you know, it's the funny parts of a dramedy when things are light and happy before people have serious conversations in bedrooms about, you know, whatever is ailing them. But like the fun part is when they put on Leon Bridges on the soundtrack and then they toss loaves of bread to each other across the kitchen aisle and they're like, catch! So that's the TV show that his parents are in right now. It is also the South, and so it's playing a game with the audience of, is my dad sexually harassing people or just being a dad? Yeah, it's an age-old question. Their shirt really helps put the needle into the dad category, but without that shirt, it'd be like, hmm. it's like hey pretty lady wow what a gorgeous beautiful lady and here she comes down the stairs harley mccartison oh yeah booby boobs mcgee get down here it's very yeah every single thing it was like it was like the world's worst pageants and now from representing the state of south carolina beautiful miss cutie face the only thing you can ever say to a girl in the south is well don't you look darling honey come on down here and sit on big wit's lap big wit so whitner walks in and he's like what's up and beth is like oh you gotta set the table whitner he's like yes ma'am it really is like like abc 9 p.m reboot of brothers and sisters kind of dialogue happening with this family and Beth, you know, they're setting up their whole table or they're going to set up dinner and everything. And they're very bantery, very Aaron Sorkin-y in the way they talk with each other. Without the walking. Mm-hmm. Because Aaron Sorkin loves walking through a hallway. Yeah. Maybe it's David E. Kelly. Maybe that's their vibe. But Beth is like, something super slick over here. Well, maybe the water I just spilled. Oh, you're looking for an opportunity to increase your inheritance, son? And the dad's like, oh, you're going from zero to zero with that inheritance. The banter of anarchists. Don't invite Austin and Shep into your home if you don't want something slick somewhere. Those two were always spitting. I know. So Madison and Vanita. Oh, what were you going to say? That's the culprit right there. That's the slick surface underneath there. Birds on the oven. Yeah. So Madison and Vanita's cabin. And Madison's like, should we just walk over there? And they're like, yeah, let's do it. So they walk over. And Vanita's like, oh, my God, I'm going to be the first person you're going to have a drink with at the hospital when that baby comes out. Because I just want to drink with you. I can't wait to see your little baby. And she's like, well, I mean, she's already pretty much out of me. I mean, at least her head is. She's got a little head dangling down there. I can't believe, Ronnie, you would imply that nothing really happened on this show. when you're like, I can't even remember what happened. I mean, don't you remember when Madison and Vanita walked over there? It's a great scene. They decided to take their drinks to walk. You want to walk over there? Sure. And it's still happening in all the cabins, basically. Sally's like, can I go downstairs? No. Oh, I totally had to. I wouldn't go downstairs without you, would I? While you're steaming your dress, I wouldn't go downstairs without you. It's like, yeah, you said totally. and that's whenever I know you're lying because whenever I say totally I'm like totally she's like yeah you just told on yourself because you tell me totally all the time just totally which I think actually totally is Charlie is not I don't think totally is her signal of saying that she's lying I think totally is her way of saying like fuck you bitch I'm sick of living under your shadow um or in your shadow you live under someone's shadow where it must have been cold there so what all the feelings winners outside setting the table and they're doing it with um those chargers now i i here's something we can talk about in this episode i demand new plate chargers i don't like those chargers they're using these um they're like rattan or something what are they Yeah, like a wicker rattan. I don't want to clean that. I don't want to have to clean that. And you know they're going to get shit all over them because chargers always do. You have to clean the chargers too, and don't tell me you don't. And then you have to clean all this crust and shit out of the rattan, and it's outside. There's going to be bugs all in the rattan. I don't know, Beth. I don't know. Beth is like, I'll use rattan because I'm an anarchist. Rattan-archy. I'll tell you one thing. Rattan-archy. What? what would castro use as a charger these are some chai quavera chargers i have to say i i still to this day do not understand why they're called chargers in the first place it makes no sense to me why how did this how did they get named that i'm sure there's some sort of thing where it's like well actually charger it's very close to like the assyrian word carger which means to hold a plate or something like that it's probably i know it's like some some base level etymology but I just feel like it's so strange that we call those things chargers. I don't get it. Why are they called chargers? What are they charging? You know, I understand like they were called out before the concept of like power charging came up, but like still, well, you're not moving anywhere. They're not charging at someone. And I think of the Dodge charger and those cars are annoying. So sorry. Sorry for anybody listening to this in a Dodge charger, but shut up. Okay. I'm sick of listening to your car. It would be hilarious if the person who designed the Dodge Charger was like, I want to design a really cute car that's just supportive and lovely, sort of like the Charger under a plate, but then all the assholes were like, no, it's a Charger. I'm going to charge at you. And they ruined the entire idea behind it. Yeah. Well, Charger plates are called that because they direct... Oh, sorry. I thought you were going to say that. My little Charger story would be funny to someone, I'm sure. Maybe no one is actually listening. No, I thought it was funny. I'm just so excited to read the definition. You know, when you look something up and you're like, oh, my God, I've got an answer. And then you just let the other person keep talking about their charger story. But you know that the real story isn't the true answer. So that was my excitement. It wasn't your fault. So charger plates are called that because they derive from the Middle English word chargier, which refers to a large platter used to charge or load a dish with food in the 13th and 14th centuries. historically used for serving large roasts. These, now decorative, plates act as a base to load other plates onto. So it's a tray. It's a tray. It's a tray. Which they would say charge these, which meant load these. It's like a compact SUV, but in plate form. It's not quite a tray. It's not yet a tray. Not still a plate. It's a tray. It's shit they would load other food onto to take other plates to that thing. So now I'm going to start calling Dodge Chargers Dodge Trays. And people are going to be like, I paid a lot of money for this car. Yeah, have fun driving a Dodge Tray. As long as we're talking about housewares, how did we forget to mention that Carl used a McKenzie Child's tea kettle to water his plants on Summer House? That was like crazy that we forgot to mention that. We didn't mention it. I think it's because I'm trying to be nice to Carl this year because, you know, trying to turn over a new leaf and I'm always so mean to Carl. And I just thought, you know, why am I going Carl? He's trying. But I mean, it was unforgivable. Yeah, it was unforgivable. It bothered me because I think Mackenzie Child's stuff is bad, generally speaking. Like, I think it's horrific, but also like it doesn't match anything in his apartment. It's like Mackenzie Child, like basically Mackenzie Child's stuff belongs in a home that you would see in Orange County, right? Like it's going to be in Vicky's house. It'll be in Tamara's house. It'll be Caroline Manzo's house in New Jersey. So, but like in a sleek, cool, Hey, I'm an entrepreneur. I've got soft bar apartment to have a McKenzie child kettle. It just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. Maybe he got it from McKenzie herself. Who's, you know, like sending stuff. Cause I can't imagine Carl buying a McKenzie's child or maybe he did because you know, when you get sober, you care, you, you put a lot of effort into sober things like tea. So it's like, I'm going to get myself a really nice teapot because I'm sober. So I'm going to have a McKenzie's Child $200 teapot. So maybe that's why. I think Lil gave it to him. Lil like I love Beetlejuice Here It reminded me I love Beetlejuice My mom got a Mackenzie Child rug and I was like Mom please don do that And she like no Ronnie I got such a good deal I'm getting this rug. It's amazing. Everybody loves Mackenzie's Child. It's so fashion. It's just going on. And I said, that's going to bring you bad luck, Mackenzie's Child. And she's like, no, it's not that stupid. I don't believe in luck. I believe in Jesus. Well, a week later, she tripped on that rug. She tripped, and she fell. Did you trip on the white square or the black square? I'm not laughing at my mom tripping. I'm just saying I told you so. So, okay. So people are still- Say it again? Got a lot of stuff off our chests right now. Rattan, McGee's Child, Burgers. Great, great work. So now Wittner and his wacky parents are deciding on where to seat people because they're out there setting the table still. And Beth is like, oh, this goes on top. We're doing power clash. Put the dish on top of the charger, Whittner. And he's like, yes, ma'am. Should we do table setting? She's like, that'll be up to you. It's your party. This is how we teach our children responsibility. Play sittings or no. What kind of man are you? He's like, I don't really know. I'm trying to think of what my former girlfriend would have liked and would have made her stay. Okay, Whittner, just put the plates on the table. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. So people are still gathering. So Molly, Charlie, and Sally come down the stairs. It's very much like a she's all that moment. And because every time one of them comes down the staircase, Big Wit is like, this is where he starts being like, Whoa, you all look angel. You look like angels from heaven. Come on down. Come on. Miss lovely. Now tell me, what would you like to do to achieve world peace? Charlie's like, I feel like I'm going to prom. Where's my corsage? Wait, Sally, why are you wearing the corsage that I was going to wear to prom? Well, it was mine. You don't know what corsage is? Winner's like, look at these beautiful goddesses. Holy moly. Jeez. Beautiful. You need to be in a toga. Somebody needs to play the horn. These women are angels. Wow. I can't tell if you just came up from Hades because you're looking a lot. like Persephone just gorgeous. So, um, throw some water on her and the tail will pop out. That is a mermaid siren if I ever seen one. Hey, watch your butt. You're about to crash into the lighthouse. It's a siren right there. He even, like, looks at the camera at one point and, like, he just, like, points his finger and he's like, I mean, can you believe it? They make specimens like this. Just gorgeous. And in my house. Winter's mom's like, uh, big wit, you need to get some wine out here. whore man whore beer Madison and Vanita arrive in the main cabin and they're admiring it and everything and then people are cheersing and Sally's thanking them for having them etc and Sally's like wow you look so nice Madison I'm allowed to say that Sally I'm allowed to compliment her so I was like it is approved yeah I literally can't get over how cute you are pregnant wow you don't have your eye on Craig for any strange reason right okay just a chicken and Whitner's still like Holy moly. Let me put my face up to your belly. Let me put, oh my God, you've got a hottie in there too. Hot baby alert. Everyone's gorgeous here. And then Rodrigo and Austin are over at their cabin. And Rodrigo's like, so do you hear those frogs, babe? They're singing for you. And I was like, yeah, they're banging, banging hard. Yeah, it's insane right now. Well, now that you're single. He's like, I don't know who. I don't want to tell Shepard Craig because I don't want to tell them that I broke up with Aubrey. Because I know if they get the info, they will just use the opportunity to throw it back in my face. They're going to throw it back in my face. Can I throw what you just threw at the camera back at your face? Because I'm wet sitting on my couch. I know. Also, don't be friends with people who, if you say that you are going through a breakup, you're afraid to tell it to them because their primary objective will just be to humiliate yourself with it. I mean, that's our job. That's not their job as friends. He's right, though. I mean, he is right. I think he's also on like a little bit of a power play. I think he wants to actually torture them. I think he wants everyone to know about them so that way they're the ones who are humiliated first. And then he can, and then he can pull the card and be like, oh, I just didn't want to say it because you guys have been so mean. You guys reveled, you guys reveled in the fact that there were rumors about us. You know, he's going to do one of those things. He's also very manipulative. Let's not forget who we're talking about. He's playing this where he's telling everybody but them so that everybody can be like, oh, be nice to Austin. Look at poor Austin. Austin's so sad. Look at Austin. So then they feel guilty about whatever they say to Austin because they should know that Austin's going through something even though they don't know. You know, he's doing his whole man-baby, man-baby thing. It's a man-baby power struggle on Southern Charm as usual. yeah so they walk into the main cabin and everything and shep walks in craig everyone's saying hello everyone's greeting everyone's everyone's just saying hi and gathering and this goes on for quite a long time so then rodrigo shep and madison go into the dining room to have a little scene and matt's like okay i'm just gonna sit at the head at the head of the table just because you two are both betas so it just feels appropriate that i take the alpha chair okay so are you sure you're not okay are you sure we're not supposed to be sitting here like it's gonna be bed like it's okay it's like okay let's talk about austin so um they get into it uh they start talking about austin and in the other room they're drinking they're pouring wine vanita's filling some wine up and everything and they're sitting around and it's all chill and they're just having they're just having banter and then craig is sitting there next to molly and he's holding the wine glass and bacchus the dog sort of does that thing where the dog's like i want i want affection so nuzzles his head up into Craig but like bonks the wine glass but Craig instead of just being letting get bonked he like does that kind of almost like a farcical on stage wine spill thing where he like takes the glass he's like whoa and he like throws his wine over onto Molly yeah he's doing the whole whoa whoa trying to keep the wine in the glass which I think just swirls it all over her and so she's like great and then he goes and Craig's like that was insane Ruckus because he thinks the dog's name is Ruckus not Bacchus Ruckus so she goes to clean herself off and she's like what do I do I don't know rinse the dress I don't know take a look I don't know why does everybody ask me what the fuck am I supposed to know stop asking me i actually i would be a good person if i was there because i always have a tied stick these days um i'm so it's good you're helpful i'll work on a tied stick i'll clean you off girl so she goes up to do whatever and um vanita is like did you do something bad bockus or is craig just lying to everyone as usual and craig's just like uh whatever he just gets up and leaves so austin's like okay he's even trying to pin lying on craig with the dog it's like baucas craig did this to you don't ruin his life he will literally lead you around like a dog on a leash his name is ruckus so once craig leaves austin wants to gossip he's like all right charlie what what the fuck is going on like what the fuck happened at the pool i want to know what happened. Meanwhile, also Austin is eating like a very large olive and he announces that he's eating a very large olive. And so while he's talking, you know, his mouth is already emitting so many particles as it is, but now he also has this giant olive that's sort of circulating around his mouth and in his cheeks the entire time. And I'm like, please just finish your olive before you start your scene. This is too distracting. So Charlie's like, well, I told Craig that Sally brought to my attention that like she heard something that you said about me and we see earlier with Craig leaning on the edge of the pool and Sally, Molly and Charlie driving to the farm and Sally being like, he's going around saying that you're going to fall in love with him and he doesn't want to hurt you or something. And Austin's like, okay, if you go against my disdain for Craig at the moment by actually telling you the context of what was that. And so we see last week Craig saying, I'm overthinking this a lot because the last thing I want to do is have Charlie drop her guard and then realize I don't even like her. Yeah. So Austin's basically saying, God, like, Craig drives me nuts. I don't want to defend him. But I will actually clarify, like, he basically was just overthinking this whole situation. And it's kind of like, dude, like, maybe just like kiss first and then that kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? Right. So he actually kind of defends Craig here against what he wants to do, which is talk shit about Craig. So Charlie's like, that's great. And so then Wittner's going around setting up grilling steaks. And then we go back to that. But also, I have to point out, and I'm so sorry to stop you, but now that I'm kind of looking this over, he still doesn't tell her exactly what Craig says. She still doesn't know what Craig says. We saw the flashback of Craig basically saying, well, you know, what am I supposed to do? because if I'm dating this girl and then she puts her guard down, then I decide I don't like her anymore. But he's just been on a date with her being like, I know what I want. Like, you're what I want. I don't want to be dating around. I want somebody flirting and doing all of this and then going to the guys and being like, well, you know, but then what if she puts her guard down and I decide I don't like her anymore? You just told her you did like her. So I think if Austin said, no, he said that he was worried that he's going to get you to put your guard down and then decide that he doesn't like you, she wouldn't have this kind of reaction but he's just like oh he's just thinking too far ahead she's like oh okay so see she's still she's never gonna find out what was really said yeah i think you're at that's actually that's such a like perceptive point because like yeah what he was saying i mean i we we clocked it immediately when when he said that about like wow she's like gonna fall in love with me and then what if she fall in love me and i want to like we already saw that he was looking for an escape hatch for this situation and he was doing manipulative things. Um, and the fact that he's saying those things while also simultaneously selling his affection to Charlie, like things are better with you. It's more fun with you. I just want to be with you. People don't get it. Like you, you know, it's like, it's just so shady. It really is. And, and Austin does, Austin is underselling the fact that, that Craig is just being a fuck boy right now. That's what he's doing. I think he's just going to try and save the relationship with Craig. So that's good. So, um, then, um, yeah, go ahead. Um, well now we go back to the dining room where now Rodrigo and Shep and Madison are going to have their scene. So Rodrigo's like, um, so girlfriends, what's going on between Austin and Craig? And Shep's like, well, Craig has a point. Austin has a point, but Austin allows himself to be manipulated way more than anyone I've ever really met, which is a funny thing. Like I'm allowing myself to be manipulated. I mean, isn't the point of being manipulated that you don't realize that you're being manipulated? Like, isn't, if you realize you're being manipulated and I guess you do sometimes realize you're being manipulated and you allow it. Nevermind, I take it all back. I apologize, Shep. You made a great point. So Shep is like, Austin needs to use something. How is Austin being manipulated? By Audrey? Maybe by Audrey. How's Audrey manipulating him? I don't know. She doesn't get anything she wants. He's stuck. She's stuck driving 10 hours a week in traffic to see his ass. What's she doing? He's the one using Audrey as a, as a smoke screen. Yeah. I don't know what Shep was meaning here. I just was having a moment where I thought the idea of someone letting themselves be manipulated was a funny concept. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. You're letting yourself being manipulated. Are you really being manipulated or are you? Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm not arguing with that. I'm just, I'm just like the point that he's talking about him. I just don't see how. Sheff point makes no sense. Yeah. Sheff point makes no sense. He's like, and Austin needs to do something. I mean, get off your ass and fucking do something. You know what I mean? I mean, that's why I'm going to talk to him tonight. You know, I'm going to say this. Your indecisiveness is going to be your undoing. It's like the Vietnam War. Trust me, I know. I've seen the whole thing back. Some of it in sepia tones. You're like United States foreign policy circa 1956 to 1959. Damaging and indecisive. so i need you to be clearer than nixon was with america and that's i'm gonna talk to him and i'm gonna say your indecisiveness will be on your undoing and i love you with audrey but like that is a wishy-washy one foot out two thing you know and it's time to take decisive steps in life and everything will change have you considered a megalodon necklace so but of course madison and Rodrigo are listening to Shep say basically the problem with Austin is that like it's clear he doesn't want to be in this relationship. I'm assuming he vented about it off camera but like Austin is like is he sort of manipulated he saying like Austin should get off the pot which he says later on in the episode But the thing is that Rodrigo and Madison already know that that Austin has has broken up with Audrey. And so this is all of Shep's bluster right now. It's kind of for nothing. Cause actually something has been done, but they know they shouldn't, they're not the ones to tell Shep. And I was very impressed that Madison resisted the temptation to tell Shep because she's already told Sally. And she even says that right here. Like, Like, well, I told Sally, but she's not going to tell Shep because I think that actually the joy of watching Shep whip himself into a frenzy over something that he doesn't need to is more fun for her than gossiping with Shep about what really happened. Well, yeah, because Madison spreads the gossip to further drama. And this is already drama. So she doesn't need to by not giving the gossip. She's furthering the drama by getting Shep worked up. So Madison's a pretty good player. um shep is just it's also funny because they're sitting here watching shep talking about somebody not being decisive having one foot one in one foot out when his storyline is basically leading women on and never committing and then um making up his mind about something says somebody who's never made a decision in his life and is still just you know traveling to fish in cuba you know so they're like okay hypocrite so she's like also did ask me not to tell anybody but i did tell sally but i'm still not gonna tell him i'm not i've told enough people and if this cast ain't gonna spread it around this quickly on a farm where we have literally nothing else to do i don't know what to tell you and by the way something that we have not noted is that now that sally knows that austin is single which she basically is uh at a scale of 15 out of 10 in terms of throwing herself at him like it's so it's so blatant and it's just hilarious and just also so it's just so funny how quickly she's just like okay i couldn't get something to work with craig i'm gonna try austin and now i heard a rumor uh somewhere on the internets that uh sally and kyle cook were getting cozy in new york or something like that i don't know the veracity of that whatsoever but i'm like that tracks as well so um matt basically madison is like shep was like saying he wants to go up to austin and tell him like this is what you gotta do you got to make a choice it's time it's time it's go time no more waiting around and matt's like well um how about you just ask him some questions don't give him advice just ask him questions and see what he says see what he might tell you maybe he'll give you an update on his life about what's new with him and audrey i don't know just try that out a little bit he's like got it don't ask questions just tell him to break up with audrey totally received And Rodrigo is telling us, Shep, where's your girlfriend? I mean, need I say more? Because I love when Rodrigo's like, when Shep says, I'm going to talk to him. I have to give him advice. And Rodrigo goes, you do? You? You're the big relationship advice guy. And Madison's like, yeah, you should wear his own shark tooth necklace and not say a word to anybody about relationships. I mean, come on. so then uh charlie and molly come back down the stairs dress changed okay guys we could all calm down and meanwhile craig approaches sally and he's like uh we're good right she goes are we are we good craig he's like we're always good i mean it's just that you seem to keep causing drama in my life like you keep spreading stories about me that aren't true and i don't understand it and you know i didn't say that like does that sound like something i would say sally oh i really think Charlie's falling in love with me. I'm going to break her heart. That doesn't sound like me. You know me. It does sound like you. And Craig saying that Sally's going around spreading stories about her as then in like a few scenes later, he's going to be on a canoe with Charlie being like, Sally just keeps on meddling and she just wants to destroy me. That's all she does. She's sad and pathetic. So it's just like really rich hearing it from him. I mean, he's not wrong, but also he's also culpable. but also a couple weeks ago when Sally was like I like you and he's like no I don't see it and then he went to all the guy friends and was like oh my god this girl's crazy like she won't stop like now she's obsessed with me she's a tornado she's a tornado but he's allowed to do that because I'm a storyteller so I'm a lawyer a lawyer and a storyteller the best this is the only kind of lawyer I want to hire from now on I know. We'll keep an eye out for you on the moth. So Sally says, Craig is the ultimate gaslighter. Like a moth to the flame, burned by the fire. Burp. Sally says, Craig is the ultimate gaslighter. Craig gaslights everyone. I think that he's very manipulative. And he gaslights a lot. You let yourself be manipulated. Well, if somebody says something about me, ask me if it's true, and then I'll tell you if it's true. It's that simple. You're literally not going to tell them if it's true. You're going to lie. It's that simple. The font of truth, Craig. So Wintner brings in some cooked steaks and Wintner Sr. is like, well, it's time to go down and eat. Hey, here's who's welcome at the table. Gorgeous angel ladies. Anyone with breasticles, feel free to have a seat. Are we at the summit of gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus because all I see are beautiful deities. So they sit down and Sally's like, if there's anyone I'm listening to, it's the guy in the shirt, right? I love that shirt. And Beth is like, that's Wittner's mom. He's like, no, gross, no, no. I've been trying to get him to burn that thing for 15 years. Don't say that. I was this close to getting it out of the house. Sally's like, I love his shirt. That's like, you back off. back off of wit senior ma'am big wit back off of big wit so everybody heads outside and chef's like are there play settings we're just like damn it damn it um they all sit they all sit around and everything and um i think there was like a moment uh where austin's like beth you know that we're gonna stand until you get here because uh chef sat down but the hostess haven't arrived yet so The ship's like, gosh, I can't believe I was so rude. So he stands up. He's all frustrated. So they, this takes like five minutes. The lady of the house is here. I'm a polite little boy. So they, for the next 10 minutes, we watched them all slowly arrive at the table, sit down and do various polite things like pass butter jugs and things like that. One person asks, why are these chargers, Rattan? Not one. And Austin sits down and Sally's like, Austin, there's a seat down here. Hey, I wish there was a guy who chewed with his mouth open and spit little bits of steak everywhere during dinner. I love that in a man. Sally is the living embodiment of the phrase, you who. You who, I'm over here. It's like, it's like no one really ever says you who like that. That's like the stereotypical thing. You see like a woman like on her side, like on top of a piano, like with a drink in one hand waving, you come over here for me. No one ever does that except in cartoons, but Sally would, Sally would definitely do that. Hi big fella. I need somewhere to sit. So happens. I got a chair right over here. okay so where are we in this mess they say hello for 20 minutes okay so then they finally sit down and beth uh gets ready to serve and she's like all right you're probably wondering why we all invited you why we invited y'all here tonight and they're like oh gosh Shep goes, it's a pyramid scheme. That's why. It's an intervention, Shep. So everyone's like just talking and Beth is like, well, I'm trying to be funny. Funny anarchist about to try to make a speech. So Whitner's like, Whitner's like, oy, everyone, this is going to be difficult. But you got to listen. It's my mama. My mom's speaking for us. Okay, mom, go on with your very funny speech. Thank you. Well, we have flying steak and Seabrook potatoes and grilled broccolini and Big Wits going to pass it around. It's like, okay, thanks. Thanks, everyone. So literally this is going on for 10 minutes. Like every time I'm scrolling through the notes, I keep on thinking we're going to get to like the scene like moving forward again. But it's always like, okay, I've got something to say. Yeah. Could you pass the potatoes? Everybody's cracking up because they call him, she called him Big Wits. They're like, oh, that's funny, isn't it? Big Wits. I'm going to say that to you, Big Wits. They all start cracking up. And Whitner's like, thank y'all for being here. It's wonderful to share the farm with everyone. It's been a long story tradition of farm weekends. And mom and dad have been the center of all of them. Because it's, well, it's their farm. So they're kind of the landlord. They're always here. Okay. Well, we have tabletop questions hidden under everyone's plate. And Vanita loves it. But Madison's like, oh, God, I hate this. Fuck dinner games. Okay. I don't want to be hormonal and emotional. Can I just eat? Why do I have to perform a fucking game at dinner? Just give me my steak. oh god i i feel you sister winner says that this is a family tradition we call it anarchist scruples and that for as long as he can remember there's been question cards under his plate which uh god help you so uh they're all gonna read questions that's gonna be all the usual stuff so madison um so okay so they they sit down to start the questions and venita's gonna go first and it's like, what do you wish you were better at saying no to? And Rodrigo goes, Sally. And Vanita goes, no, I wish I was better at saying no to being overprotective. I was like, okay. Okay. Okay, job interview. My biggest weakness is that I just work too hard. I just love being on time. Yeah. God. Come on, Vanita. And then chef's like, I wish I could say no to more day drinking. There we go. That's a good answer. Yeah, there's some honesty. All right, I'll ask a question. Which moment from your life would you choose to relive if you could, not including Megalodon necklaces or pretty freckled lips? Well, this one time I was working at this hostel bar in New Zealand, and on my last night there, I got butt naked at the bar. It was insane right now. Oh, God, I wish I could relive that. You know that New Zealand is like, actually, we'd prefer if you don't do that again. Our nation's been traumatized by that moment and that hostile. I would have loved to see back you. Austin is so fucking hot. He's got a dad bod, which I personally love. I don't like a chiseled man. There's nothing to cuddle with. Shut up. Sally, you are such a liar. We have seen the men that you did on this show. They are all chiseled men. That guy last year with the pointy nose and the rock hard abs. And now suddenly she's like, I've never liked guys like this. I'm really looking for an Austin body. Yeah. Craig, the guy last year, what was the other guy's name? The Gaston or whatever. They all have body. And now suddenly she's like, I love a doughy man. Who wants to cuddle with muscles. So Austin's like, it was ridiculous. I was at this hostel bar. Ridiculous time of my life. I would just go back that time. I just was like an idiot kid who was bartending at a bar. Probably also the last time he had a job. I was going to say, yeah. What a memory. For all of us, that would be. Austin working. And Charlie's like, well, we should go there together and watch you get naked. And Sally's like, I volunteer. Yeah. So Charlie's like, well, this is good. I hope that this will distract her from what's going on with me and Craig. Because that would be nice. Charlie is so happy that Sally found a new toy. So everyone should find someone who loves them as much as Sally pretends to love any man that's like kind of available in front of her. Yeah, seriously. So, um, Wittner's question, which of your personality traits would you most like to change? Well, if I could be a little less hotheaded, I think I'd be, I'd be fucking perfect. Matt's like um I don't think you're hot-headed at all what are you talking about he's like no it's simmering just beneath the surface which has me curious because we haven't seen him be a hothead whatsoever but we do know that there's a weird backstory with this girlfriend and what's and there was something that happened watch what happens live right so what happened to watch what happens live didn't remember what he was like someone was on and they're like why is it why is no one dating Wittner and people were like oh sally said oh i don't think yeah sally they were like what andy said why aren't any of the girls going after whitner like you've got this eligible bachelor and i think sally said something like oh well you don't know him yet trust me you haven't seen him yet but people think that's because sally's big maga and he's um liberal you know he's like fuck eyes so they think that's probably i mean that's the speculation online but who knows because we haven't seen anything and this This is episode 11. So if we're going to see something about Wittner, they should speed it along guys. Cause this is almost done I know Wittner just seems like a total catch And so it just it is crazy to me that like no one is even eyeing him I mean he like a good looking guy He seems to have a good personality. I like his politics. And he's got this big ass estate with, you know, dramedy banter parents. I don't know. I just, I don't see what's, I don't see what's not to love. Yeah. I don't, I mean, I don't know. He's like toast to me, you know, which I love toast, toast, but it's, you know, you don't really order toast, but you're glad when it comes to the table, I guess. Um, but it's like an accoutrement to other things. So I don't, I don't really know. Uh, jury's still out for me. I don't know. I don't trust any man on Southern charm. So yeah, I need, you know, time is going to come out. I agree. Something's going to come out. There's like, it's never, it's never this simple, but, uh, for right now, based on what we've seen, it's just funny to me that like, just no one sees him as a viable option and said they're drawn to But Austin and Craig, of all people, it's just very sad for humanity. It is. But they're also stars of the show, you know, and there is something to be said for that. And tall. I mean, they are here to be on TV. So you're going to want to be with the people who get the screen time, you know. So Craig's like, if I could change something, it would be my reactiveness. And Austin's like, oh, God. I work on it, but I react. And then 30 seconds later, I'm calmer than when I reacted. Like, so are you saying that it's good that you reacted because it calmed you down? I don't understand. Well, have you tried any mindful practices? And he goes, no, because I'm a lot better. Oh, okay. My therapist, ChatGPT, says, like, I'm doing great work and that, like, I'm one of the best patients that they've ever had. So I'm kind of a success story at this point. Therapist Gupta said I'm better now. So, yeah. So Austin's like Yeah right So he gets up to go pee Because he's so stressed out by Craig's answer And Sally's like You're gonna pee you need help I can shake it off for ya So then she just turns And says I want Austin's fucking dick Austin's like Sally down dog down dog he does say that which some people would be very offended by that but she's just like yes um and molly's like jesus fucking christ the body isn't even gold yet so he leaves and charlie charlie's like hey craig you gotta repair this with austin it's not right he's like i didn't do anything no you guys have so much history so much sad gross saliva history you know he's going through a breakup he's like what who are you talking about really he's like smiles by the way when he's when he says really i went back i looked at it craig smiles he's like so happy that austin is going through pain right now yeah and he's like don't stop talking i don't want him to think that we're talking about him i don't want him to think we're talking and he's staring right at him staring right at austin coming back he's like i don't want him to think we're talking about him so he's like well i'm happy he did it because the anger will be gone and the resentment towards me and now we can move forward with our relationship now that there's not some pesky woman in there meddling right so uh meanwhile and that was the whole thing last time around what last season was craig accusing austin being jealous because craig was in a relationship and austin wasn't and now it's now craig's whole worldview is that like if it weren't for the woman they would have like a great relationship. It happens every time. Every time one of them's in a relationship, they're like, oh, it's that girlfriend you're with. She's one in a relationship. It really is. It's true. It really is true. They just need to all, the three of them, just all fuck each other. So Craig is like, well, Charlie, he'll tell me when he's ready. And by he'll tell me when he's ready, I'm going to confront him about it and then say how I'm hurt that he didn't tell me. She's like, okay. Beth's like, okay, we're done. Get the hell away from my chargers. Like, okay, great dinner and great dinner bath. So big wits going to bed. He's like, good night. And I'm only saying this to ladies with vaginas. Good night to all of you beautiful ethereal creatures. And then they all do dishes together, which was shocking. They all gathered their plates. Actually, I'm not sure they did dishes. They just organized the plates in a stack and they threw off the trash that was on them. but it still was more manual labor than we've ever really seen this cast do before. Yeah. Um, so now, um, Sally or Vanita wants to give the dog some scraps. So she's trying to break off a piece of steak, which you need a knife for. So she's having some trouble and, um, she does not regret it. That was angry. Yeah. She was like, what are you doing? Stop it. And honestly, I was with the chef on this one. Cause she, they're like, he has like a stack of plates and she's like using the plates as leverage to tear this meat apart and almost knocks over a glass. I was like, Vanita, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am rooting for you, but you are not helping your case right now. Just put the steak down. You're like, I saw a real personality flaw. She almost knocked over a champagne glass on a plate. God damn it. She did technically knock it over. She just happened to catch it. Yeah, but you can't break off steak. Need to cut it. So Sally, so that was wacky, right? And so Sally, It's like, but I love what you did, Vanita, because I'm an animal lover, too. Unless they're chickens. Chickens. Yeah, right. So they go into the kitchen, and then people are going to put on their PJs. Sally's going to put on her PJs, and they're all organizing dishes. They're all in the kitchen, and they're all bantering. And Charlie's like, do I look crazy being in this dress? No. Do you want me to lie to you, or do you want me to tell you the truth? She said, don't tell me the truth, but like, I don't have anything else to change into. I'm just so nervous. I look terrible. Craig's like, do you want my sweatpants? And I also have an extra t-shirt and I have a t-shirt and sweatpants. We could be cozy and we could watch like the Sandlot together. Like when we were like little kids, remember? Because remember nostalgia, isn't nostalgia the best thing? I have a kindergarten crush on you. And everyone's just like watching them like, what's going on? Why does she think she looks so terrible in her dress? I don't know. I don't know why she's... I want to save this poor lady. Yeah, I do too. I don't get it. And he's like, well, you're not going to wear my clothes, but I have clothes for you if you want them. And Sally's like, were they married? Jeez. So they're like looking over Craig's phone and giggling while Sally looks on upset, you know. And then Rodrigo's like, I think that Austin is dressed like Brandi Carlile. That was a good thing to say. And of course, they're all like, who? because you know none of them are are watching brandy carlisle content has it's like who's brandy carlisle sounds like a beta and he's like lesbian singer they're like not familiar and there's a statue of i don't know what it is but it's like a naked lady it's like a it looks like something on the front of a viking ship i'm not really sure what it is it's like a statue of a naked lady and craig's like hey have you ever jerked off to a statue before that is i mean that's just i will say uh when we were in london i went to got the the national museum whatever it is but it has all the antiquities in it i can't believe the story is so embarrassing that's what i jerked off this is why ben is not allowed back in london Okay. No, but I, they have like a replica of the David. That's like a, it's like an old replica, like a thousand years old. It was like the, like Rome or Venice or someone, someone in Italy before it was even Italy, like some city state donated it to Britain or something or Britain plundered it, whatever it is. But it was a replica of David and it was enormous. Cause I've never seen the real David. And, but this is as close as I've gotten. And it's like enormous. And I walked in that room and the first thing i was like whoa that this statue has an ass on it i was like this is honestly i was like i get it this is a sexy ass statue yeah hot i know i was thinking about that in the vatican i was walking around looking at all the hot naked men and i was like geez my god like those how do you work in this place i mean i would be so insecure i was so insecure just walking around the vatican they're all dead they're all dead the statues and i was like oh my god those butts they didn't even have stair climbers back then how'd they do it I know it was just like and there was one I remember one time I came across another statue I don't remember where it was it was somewhere in like Europe and I like I like came around the back and then it was like it was like booty it was like a big old booty and I was like you know what I think if I were in the renaissance I probably would have jerked off to a statue I think I probably would have because that's I'm sure yeah I'm sure people have throughout time that was like their playgirl you know yeah totally I could use bigger wieners though i know i wonder like it's like if you're gonna pose for a statue you're gonna be there someone's gonna be chiseling something out of your body or whatever you're gonna be standing there for a long time you know your penis is about to be immortalized forever would you at least give it a helicopter i mean swing it around get some blood to it squeeze it a little do something but they're just all like happy being like little tiny ends of thumbs hanging out of a fupa yeah i don't know why that that artistic choice was made on on so many different statues but those asses are enormous It's like they went cartoony with the asses. They didn't have penis pumps back then. I think they should have like all penis pumped themselves. Yeah. Like how in our history, the Vanderpump Rules statues will be. We'll be like, wow. Those are the incest twins from Vanderpump Rules, kids. That was a piece of art from the 2025. Truly. So actually, it's funny because Rodrigo does mention David as an option. And then Sally shames the statue. She goes, I don't know, this statue, she sort of has a fupa. I was like, excuse you, Sally. She's right there. The statue is right there. Statues are people too, Sally. The statue's like, yo-hoo. Stop trying to compete with me, fupa little statue, bitch. It's a Sally statue. It was the Sally of its time. It's Sally's competition. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. 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