Joe DeRosa Is Vile & Horrendous | Your Mom's House Ep. 842

Welcome to your mom's house. There's no one like you and there never will be. From the producer Bohemian Rhapsody, there were many legends, but there was only one. Michael in IMAX and cinemas Wednesday, April 22. Happy New Year everybody. I'm so happy to be back. Tim is in Los Angeles working on Bad Thoughts too, but to keep me company is the most fantastic Joe DiRosa everybody. Hi. I'm so glad you're here. Do you always call him Tim or is that an accident? Well, I'm Christine and he's Tim. People call us that over the years and so now we just call ourselves that. People call me Christine my whole life. Do people call you something other than Joe? No, but they will say, does it have an E? I go, yes, because I'm not a woman. Yeah. But you know, yeah. Because Joe is just, Joe is from Facts of Life Joe, the lesbian mechanic. Yes. Yeah. Who was not a lesbian because they couldn't say lesbian yet. They had to pretend like she loved you. You could bring out Joe from Facts of Life. On looks alone, would you say that she isn't a dude? She was my favorite though. She's the best. I thought she was the hottest of all of them. What? What? Everybody thought Blair was the hottest. Blair was the hottest. Blair's, you know, it's Milk Toast, man. Wow. She's a sexy woman, but it's Milk Toast. But Joe was the one I liked. I like a chick with a little. No. I like it. With the feathered hair. I had the same fucking haircut in third grade. It's so embarrassing. I like a chick with a little dirt on her. All right. You know? All right. I'm sleeping on Tootie. Look at her top left there. Tootie. Tootie was hot. She was younger, so you couldn't really think about her, but she's beautiful. Can you feel? At the time, Tootie didn't do anything for me. Then in the later years, was it Living Single? Was that what Tootie was on? We are living single. Right? Eight nineties kind of world. That was a great show. Then her hottest to me is the sitcom that she's on with Mike Epps. Oh, is there? They're like new sitcoms. She's great. She's so hot. I was like, holy shit. I don't think I ever realized Tootie's so hot. Tootie's hot. And you know that her mother, Chip Fields, ran an acting school that I was in when I was 12 years old. Chip Fields. Mm-hmm. And her mother was an actress too. And yeah. And her mother had a cookie company also. Right? Stupid. Mrs. Mrs. Fields. We know it. Wait, this is Tootie's mom? Yeah. She's in real life. Chip Fields. She was in ... I wish she had an episode of Good Times. I forget. She was a sitcom actress too. She'd do a lot of stuff. Cool lady. Good family. Blair also holding it together in the later years. Yeah. She still looks pretty great. I'm not saying everybody else doesn't. I'm just saying. Yeah. And I like that they gave Joe a pollock name, Joe Polnichek, and that made her tough. Yes. Yeah, here she is. Blair held up. Blair held up. Wow. Good for her. Who knows what kind of surgery magic she's doing, but she held up. She's got the right amount. That's the secret is just the right amount. You don't want to go too crazy with that. I've been in my head ever since I said you always call him Tim because now the listeners, I feel like on a podcast if you go, wait, is that a thing when it's a running thing on the pod? Yeah. Everybody goes, oh, so here's the listening pod, yeah, yeah. You know what? You're out making comedy. You're not listening to your mom's house every day. I don't listen to any podcasts. Do you? Occasionally Rogan because I do like the UFO peeps that he has on. Sure. It's hard to listen to your friends talk on a fucking podcast because you're like, I could hear this clown talking in the green room. I can't. A mother ship. I don't need to download you. I can't think of one pod I listened to with any regularity whatsoever. The only, you know what? No. Because I watch a lot of YouTube. So I watch YouTube shows regularly, which, you know, like video game influencers and stuff like that. I'm sorry, what? Like video game. Like my 10 year old video game. Take it easy. These are 55 year old men. I just got the chills. Is it like, I know you're talking about like those guys that play the game and then they walk you through how they're playing it? Dad, I don't watch unless I'm stuck on a game and I need to figure out how to get past something. No, no, there's guys that'll do channels about like collecting like retro game collecting like like, OK, so my friend Pat Contrary is somebody that does that. Metal Jesus. I'm sorry. Retro game collecting like vintage like Pac-Man. You're going to collect Pac-Man like like Nintendo. OK. Systems from the 80s and 90s. Those games are collectible. A lot of them are worth a lot of money. There are games out there that are worth $50,000, $100,000. Really? Yeah. Is that Pat? No. But anyway, Metal Jesus Rocks is a channel I watch. OK. Game Sack. But I like collecting. I like collecting. So I'll also watch like record collectors and I'll watch movie collectors. OK. Dead Pit Radio I watch. They're horror movie guys and they collect all the special edition horror movies that come out. So I watched that to learn about like what's the next edition of whatever. May I ask you something though? Because the collecting thing, it seems like it's contingent on the demand for that thing. Correct? Yeah. So how do you know when to sell the item? How do you know the time is hot? Like when someone dies and then you like, oh, Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm going to sell my edition of Titanic Titanic. That will never be worth anything. What? Even when he's dead. There will be no edition of Titanic worth anybody. You don't you're not a fan of Titanic. No, no. I'm just saying that. I'm just saying it was it was so mass produced. It's not a thing that will be worth anything. But the most things that are worth something in the collectible world are things that were produced in a short run. Therefore, some of the most valuable video games are terrible video games. Nobody bought them. They were produced in a short run because there was no demand and now they're extremely rare and very valuable. Yeah, it's weird. But it is weird. I don't know when you know to sell it. I'm not in it to I'm not like flipping it like houses. Oh, OK. I get stuff because I want it and I want to collect it. So I don't know if the I don't know if you told me this thing's worth 10 grand. I would probably sell it. But because I'm silently judging you right now in my head and being like this guy's a fucking loser nerd. Dork, shithead. And then I in my head I'm going, yeah, but dickhead, you have, you know, the Susie and the Banshee's first edition. I got a, you know, Christine single. I have Bauhaus records that are like purple. I, you know, I'm a goth collector. I got to be. First of all, you were not ahead. Who's gay or no, no, no, no, but you weren't that silent. I love that you thought I couldn't tell you were judging me. Your face was like drooping and you're almost like spitting. So I couldn't hide my distance. Well, can any woman Joe, when you bring up your collector, not around me. But wait, why? Yeah, I'm surprised. No, I'm not going to make fun of you. I'm surprised that you're super gay. I don't want to. I'm surprised you're as as disgusted as you are because you have a very nerd side. So I would think you go, oh, I can relate. That's like my Bauhaus stuff. You know, but I'm convinced that what I like is cool. And when everyone else likes is not. And that's that's my flawed thinking. But I'm convinced I have the coolest tastes. Yeah, welcome to the world of nerd collecting. You'll fit right in. You'll fit right in with these fucking dorks, these ego monogonal dorks. Yeah, you two are convinced that what you collect is the coolest. Clearly, yeah, everybody must be. We all think we're the coolest as you were judging me. Sure, I was sitting here going, this fucking dumb shit doesn't get it. Yeah, powerful. We're going to be such a good podcasting team. This is fucking perfect. Oh, yeah. Well, we don't. What we both agree on is that we both don't like pot. Yeah, I hate it. I hate it too. And I feel like you can't just say, look, I don't hate people that smoke pot. I can't take it. I've tried my whole life to get high. It never works out well for me. No, it's OK. So I loved it. OK, so I lived in Texas in 2000 before I came back a couple of years ago. I loved weed back then. My 2000 Texas weed. Go ahead. Yeah, but my jump off a weed happened when I lived here in 2000 into 2001 or whatever it was. But I loved weed back then. Weed was called swag weed back then. It was it was sometimes people called it dirt, whatever. And it was not that potent. You could smoke some. You could feel good. You could smoke some while you're drinking. You could feel good. It was fine. What I don't like is how potent it has become. And I know there are people listening that are going, get good, then get good at it. Build a top, whatever. Sure, they're not wrong. There's take more pot. Well, there's a there's a there's a thing that made me hate it. There's a thing that made me go. I don't the strength was what me say. I don't smoke it anymore. I can't. It's not for me. When I started to hate it, it was the lifestyle and accept societal acceptance of it that pissed me off. I got tired of having to tell, for instance, bartenders that worked for me at my bar in New York. Don't you can't walk outside during your shift and smoke fucking pot in front of the bar. Do you understand you're working right now? Do you understand I'd yell at you if I saw you drinking right now? You can't do that. Friends going, oh, we got to drive to the mall. Let me just take a quick hit. Fuck you, dude, you're driving me. Right. But it's legal to do it in public, though. Yeah, like it's not the legality. Oh, I don't give a shit about legality. It bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, hold on, let me take a quick shot. That's true. And then and then when I've said this to weed smokers, that's true. This is a big argument that me and my girlfriend used to have. I'd be like, it's people that smoke weed in the morning. Imagine if I woke up and said, I have to clean the house. I just want to do a couple of shots first. And she'd be like, it's completely different. I go, it's different to you because you have a weed tolerance. Guess what? I have a booze tolerance. I can drink a lot. A lot. OK. I don't do it ever outside of times when it's time to drink. Right. So I just don't. It's become like it's become like the martinis on Mad Men where people are just like, what is it? 11 a.m. Time to get high. Yeah, come on in my office, John. Let's talk about the merger and we'll do a couple more. I see. So you're saying that culturally it annoys you because it really is no different than being as impaired on alcohol. Correct. It's like it's like drinking all the time. You're like, let's get drunk. Whether you whether I get behind. I'd rather drink all day. I love it. Don't you? Yeah. But I don't drink all day. Yeah, because we go, no. Yeah. Not good today. Yeah. I drink after work. Like a respectable white puritanical. Yeah, I wait until five o'clock. Yeah. And then I get ripped. No, I'm not saying. But I have been drinking every day since December 23rd. I'm so jealous that your day is over at five. It's not over, babe. It's just beginning with two kids. OK. And that's what I need to. Because I'm always alone with my kids. My husband's gone a lot for work, right? You've heard of him. Yeah. Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz. I don't know. I know. He would eat me alive. But anyway, it helps me get through like homework and them talking because they fucking talk all the time. And it's exhausting. Nobody mentions that. That this time of parenting seven and ten is just listening to mother fucker. It's dark. Is it worse than the terrible twos? Is it like would you rather have a fuck? Would you rather have a bratty kid going? No. No. No. Or would you rather have a kid going? Can I tell you about every single thing I think is interesting? Minecraft, it's all I hear about. I know everything about Minecraft and everything about Roblox. I'd rather have this era because I can tune it out with alcohol. You really want to tune out the two year old because they can like hurt themselves and die. I have an idea. What's that? You should play Minecraft. And then instead of I've never played it, but instead of them talking about it, you'll just play with them. And then it's like a game and you're having fun. Right? I don't know. Is it is it fun? I'd rather sit and play the game than talk about the game. Well, can I tell you what I'd rather do all the time? Drink. Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. Or you know what I do when I kids go to school because I'm so overstimulated from them? I go into my room, I close the curtains and I meditate for like two hours. Really? I have to be so still because I get real fucking dysregulated. Those fools talk. That's it's terrible. Two hour meditation. I can. I know I talk to the aliens. I get real weird, man. I do. I really like it. You do that. What is it called? T.M. Yeah. I'm past that. But yeah, I've done it. What's past that? Rocky. It's when you get a mantra that's fake, kind of like I shouldn't give away their trade secrets, but they give you a word, a mantra. It's not like a real word. And so I just feel like when I say that word, it's good for your mind, but you're not harkening positive fucking anything in the universe. It's not like saying the Hare Krishna. See, I've heard this. Go ahead. And I just made up my own mantra. I'm like, I need some fucking guy to give me a fake word. I have I won't say, but I have a mantra and it's an acronym for something that I believe in greatly. OK, good. And I. But the word at the acronym itself is not a real word. It doesn't. It's not like it's not like dare. Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, whatever. So but yeah, that's good. I think it has to have meaning. I agree. Otherwise, it's not going to be useful. Yeah, hold on. Speaking of friends. Sure. Should we get the show started? Speaking of people that collect things and like cool people like us. You're so cool person. It's been difficult to make the cool friends because freaking covid's not over. By the back. And so it's like I have to go my way to isolate myself socially. I think it's going to be a big protest. It's like, oh, hey, what's up? I think I had to go with to be a protest. Oh, the group of people I need to stay away from them because they're not wearing masks and I don't know. Many compromise. So it's difficult. OK. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. It's good. Yes, that's great. The law school. Look at that. Yeah. You had police academy in there. Yeah. I like this guy. Yeah. God, his neighbors must hate him. Oh. You know what that means? Oh. Wow. Thank you at Gavin J. Music for that beautiful saxophone intro. Can we rewind real quick when he's at the piano? So good. That was great. Can we I'm serious. Can we bring it back to just a still of when he's at the piano? I think I saw a picture of me on his bullet. What? I'm not kidding. I'm not joking. Joe, you think he's into you? You think Gavin is in love with you? Pause. Is that me on the book? Wait, did you see? Do you see? No. Is that? It fucking looks like it. Did you dress? There's a black and white stripe, like the hamburger shirt. Oh, that's no. So that's not me. We need the thing in the in like CSI when it's like when it goes in, the thing that can never happen. That would be so amazing if he did have you on his vision board every day. And he's like, I just want to know Joe Tarosa. That might be. I want to know you, Joe. I mean, God Almighty Jesus, who doesn't? I want to know myself. Oh, there it is. That's me. It's a spirit of Halloween. I think that's actually a woman. I think that's Joe from Back to Life. I think that's her. The spirit of Halloween. It's like that lady with the D voice that we cover. It's that spirit of Halloween. That's at East Coast. Tired of trying to figure out what actually works for hair loss through HIMS, you get access to clear solutions, expert guidance and an online process that takes the confusion out of care. HIMS offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medication, serums and sprays. Doctor trusted ingredients like finasteride and monoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. 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Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required. NBA Leak Pass Ottawa News until canceled. Additional terms at dkng.co. Slash audio, limited time offer. So, so yeah, anyway, anyway, so that guy's great. That guy's amazing. Thank you so much. Beautiful saxophone intros. And you identified properly. Police Academy. Yeah. Cause you remember growing up in the 80s, if you watched a movie and there was a saxophone in it, it instantly elevated the entire vibe of the film. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It, it, it made me play. I played saxophone, but that's why I wanted to. That's why I'm age exclusive. Where do I put it? Where is it? Where's chips in a bowl? Help. I'm retarded. Intros and sounds. Intros. Intros and sounds. Fuck, I hate doing this. The pressure cats eating cable. Yeah, that's tough. This is a YMH exclusive right now. Here we go. Cats eating cable. Chips in a bowl. There you go. Let's enjoy it. Jodorosa's played the saxophone. Tell me everything. Wait, no, it was real quick. Was that a man pouring chips into a bowl or somebody shuffling the chips around? It's a really good question. Let's listen to that. Yeah. You're putting the chips into the bowl. I agree. Yeah. Massive amount of chips. Why is it so soothing? And it, it, it does promise fun. It's like, we're going to have fun. I got to tell you, I don't find that soothing at all. My mind is racing during that clip. I'm going, is he putting chips in? Is he mixing the chips? What kind of chips are they? Is it just tortilla? Tortilla sucks. What kind of tortilla? Unless there's dip or guacamole. I did not, I don't enjoy that. You're stressed about if there's a dipping thing. But I'll tell you, can I tell you what I've always imagined the chips were? Standard potato salted because you can hear the light. Listen to the levity, the lightness of the chip hitting the bowl. Just listen to that. It's light. It's light. It's not as heavy as I hear what you're saying with the Mexican tortilla. It's not a tortilla. It's a, it's a lay's bag. Mine's going right to tostitos, which is a light corn chip. And my least favorite of the corn, no defense tostitos. But yeah, I agree. Because they're bland and they're hard. And you do need to have another dipping thing with them to make sense. So now I'm going, what is he going to dip these in? And then I picture the shitty salsa next to the tostitos. Don't even go to the sucks. But you're thinking of East Coast salsa, which is the jarred bullshit kind. No offense to everybody down here. Oh, I've seen it in your H.E.B.s. horrendous, this doesn't count. I've seen it in your H.E.B.s down here. It's depressing. It's depressed. I don't like it. I like a fresh, a fresh pico de go. So go ahead. So tell me about your saxophone. When did you start playing? Are you do you play smooth jazz? What do you play? I don't play it anymore, but I wanted to play it because I wanted to get into music as a kid. And they offered, you know, band at my grade school. And I chose saxophone because I was like, saxophone is cool. It's the coolest. Because you could play it short. Did you see the montage? Did you see the lost boys? The guy is shirtless. He's being featured as the hot guy. And he's like, like blow it. Everybody wants to be him in the lost boys. I played it for one, two, three, four, five years. Wow. Into my freshman year in high school. And I said, I can't take this anymore. I hated every second of it. And I switched to drums. Oh, I like drums. I play the drums. Yes. I'm terrible. Well, drums are great. I love drums. Yeah. No offense to the sax players. There is. That's you, Joe. Can someone put Joe's head on this? Please. Look how fucking rad he is. Look at his collar. Do you know Dan Saint Germain, comedian? Yes, yes, yes. He, that guy played at Dan's wedding. For real, he hired him and he played at his wedding. What? Yeah. I couldn't make it to the wedding and Dan sent me pictures and I was like, is that the fucking guy from lost boys? And he was like, yeah, I found him and hired him. I was like, what? And here I am thinking, what should I do for my 50th birthday? I think we just booked us an act. Yeah, there you go. Yes, hire Dan Saint Germain to perform at your 50th birthday. Yeah. No, it's. It's huge. How long have you played drums for? Not very long. Maybe a couple of years now. I suck, dude. I'm no fucking word. I'm going to get back into it, but I got to get a bigger place down here. A bigger place. Yeah. You need a bigger place. You need to have cool neighbors that can handle. Hold on. I want to find something cool for you. I want to talk. I want to look at this clip with you and maybe you can tell me. I'm good. Yeah. I'm just going to go, even if I'm in another apartment, I'm going to go electronic kit. Can I tell you? So I started electronic kit and I they're not as satisfying to hit as the real they're not. I like the the texture and the sound and the. What kind of electronic kits did you have? Some bullshit Amazon shit. Yeah, you can't. There's electronic kits with me with so much derision. Well, you stupid fucking. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. But did you have the ones with the netting or do you have the like the hard ones? The hard ones. There's a terrible rolling makes kits now that have there's a netting that sort of looks like this. OK, but isn't hard. And it has the same bounce back as drops. I like the bounce. Yeah. Yeah. You can get an electronic kit that feels like you're playing a real kit. And then but then Tom won't be annoyed anymore. And my favorite thing is when he's making calls and I'm like, yeah, I just I know it aggravates him. I don't fucking care. That's funny. He's not here. OK, I don't know what the fuck this is. And I purposely didn't make myself to briefed on it because I just wanted to experience and explore this with you. Great. OK, here we go. This is my. What's going on today? Oh, you've seen this. Yeah. So for people listening, it's a guy in a church altar. He just lays back and falls flat on his back and head. So how'd you end up here today? Because I'm. Some friends around here or something. Yeah. Jimmy, for me to help you, you have to talk to me. Well. Drugs. I think he's just crazy. Or do you think it's. Maybe it's both. Joe, this is always a really compelling argument on our show. Is it just drugs or mental illness or both? The entire country. Is suffering from PSTD. PTSD and a collective existential crisis. Nobody is recognizing it. Dr. Phil himself was right when he said during the lockdown, we don't need to worry about the lockdown. We need to worry about or COVID. We need to worry about the amount of people that are going to start killing themselves. Yeah. And everybody said, you're a monster. Nobody listed to Dr. Phil. He was a thousand percent right. Yeah. They catapulted us back into society after yanking us out of society without any training. Yes. People can't afford health care. People don't have jobs. Nobody owns land. There you go. There's your average American now. God only knows. From Ohio. And they're ruining drugs with fentanyl. So I know. So you can't even turn to drugs. You can barely self-medicate. The only readily available drugs are weed that will send you into a psychopsychotic spin after one hit. Yeah. Mushroom soda that will make you trip balls. Yes. Ketamine. Yes. Ketamine. The drug that used to put people in a corner for two hours at a fucking party. Yeah. People are just doing that every day now. We're fucked. Yeah. This is it. That's so true. This is it. That's so true because this feels more prevalent. Is that the fact? I'm sorry. Yeah. My kids keep me up. Yes. Yeah. I know what you're saying. I think you're right. They the will let that girl we showed at the very top. She's like, COVID's still happening. Like it's it's I don't think it is. It's I think you're crazy. At least the only saving grace that clip was when she said I'm immuno. I agree. I go, OK, all right. She's immuno compromised. Maybe she's gone a little baddier from being inside a little longer. Yeah. Or maybe she's just I mean she also was dressed like the banana lady. Banana lady. And why did the mentally ill they always love to wear like wrist guards or covering the wrist. There's always something. I believe that is to cover previous suicide. Oh, thanks. I honestly think that's why. That's why probably. I think I always thought it was because they have like I've got wrist injuries. Like there are these annoying people that always have a carpal tunnel. Like fat people always have carpal tunnel syndrome. I know. Well, I mean, maybe it could be from the from lifting the burgers. It's always fat. So so so that's interesting. Yeah, I think and plus it does covid displaced so many people like we're in Texas now. I never thought I would live here. Our whole life changed. It was our it was it was out in this country. It was our own Iraq war. There was no exit strategy. And here's the right jumped in with both feet. And it was like and you're just literally people are going go over there now. Now go over there. Now go over there and you're like, OK, OK. It's the time of year to reflect on how far you've come and how much further you want to go. Make 2026 the year that you rewrite your story and make your entrepreneurial dreams a reality. With Shopify on your side, this new year can be the one where you launch your business. Shopify has been powering our merch store for forever. They made selling merch so easy, I couldn't recommend them enough. 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Oh, and sir, I don't know in the last time as you've done hard drugs, but you do turn red. Get a little flustered in the face. Can get a little red. From which drugs? You can tell me. Nobody's. I mean, if you're tripping, right? Like mushrooms or some hard psychedelics, right guys? Back me up. I've never heard of that personally. Red face. Uh, you get a red face. I don't know. I mean, look. This kid. Speed. Speed to red face. What's, I think maybe we're dealing with some bath salts here. Remember that? Oh, that was a fun one. Yeah. Um, okay, let's see what he does. I love, by the way, the classic cop. Who just doesn't know what to do. And he's going, buddy, do you know anybody? The guy goes, I'm Jesus. And he goes, do you know anybody around here? Help me help you, buddy. You got to talk to me. The cop doesn't just go, come, come get a fucking straight jacket, please. This guy's over it. They're so over it. They're like, this is 90% of the stuff we deal with. It's just some mental patient grabbing crucifix. Could you imagine being a cop? You're just wrestling the mentally ill homeless of the world. Okay. So here's, here's what happens next. This is fine. Uh-oh, he's ramping up for some. Shit. Shut up. Shut the fuck. Oh, get your taser out. Yeah, bro. Oh, there it is. All right. I can't believe he didn't have his hand on that fucking thing already. The fuck you wait. Oh, that's number three. That's how me actually spine hit the step. His spine and hit the crease of those steps yet. He's like the police work. 20 home or whatever he is. And he's on something. Now, are you not allowed to tase for the safety of the person? Like, I'm going to tase you so you stop fucking doing this to yourself. I mean. Yeah, you're gonna. You're right, though, because he's more of a danger to himself now. Yeah, at what point do you not? And why is he not cuffing him? What is going on? What is happening? You just watch. Hold on. It continues. Okay. There's two cops. There's two. Tackle him. Yeah. Well, he's on math. This is math, right? Yeah, red face. This is math. This is literally what having two boys is like. This is my life. Yeah. Yeah, you keep threatening. Just do it. Oh, holy shit. Yeah, he's ready. That's like five. That was wild. Yeah, because that's the thing, too. If he had fallen and hurt himself. Yeah. I feel like the cops would have gotten in trouble like, why did you let him do that? Oh, five times. Yeah. First of all, can we get a pitch? You said Tom's out working on Bethel. Can we please get a pitch? Tom could play this guy in a sketch. Can we get a pitch for Tom to do some sort of sketch where he plays this guy in a church? Second of all, this at the end here, this is my new favorite thing. Everybody that ever gets arrested anymore, camera is is doing this, whether they're sober or not. It's flailing, screaming, wrestling, whatever. Yeah. And then nine times out of 10, there's somebody off camera going, they're not resisting, stop it. Stun. You're like, there. This is literally what resisting is. This is literally what resisting is. Why is her shirt off because she's resisting and it came off by accident? This is insane. Yeah, this guy is insane. And you're right, people are now defending like the crazy person. That's the problem. We defended these crazy people. They need help. They need help. I also I'm going to I'm going to once again back the idea that he's on drugs because he's too well-dressed to be crazy. He's on drugs. He's actually pretty well put together. He's. OK, so Dr. Drew said meth runs towards the cops and usually enhances Jesus stuff. So I'm going to go with meth. Really? Yeah. Cocaine. I said, coca-cola. Coca-cola. You run away from the cops. Meth, you run towards them and you scream about Jesus and stuff. Drew is good to hit you with a weird thing you never knew. Oh, he knows all this weird stuff. He's the best. Yeah. Let's get into this. I'm very excited. You're becoming part of the YMH family. I'm mad at myself. There's no reflection on you. Have some ozos. It's 1130 a.m. The. Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, I'm excited. You're doing a podcast here with us at YMH Studios called Vile and Horrendous. Yes, it's coming soon. The great title, by the way. Thank you. I love that. It stems from a story from when I was a child that I told on Story Wars, the Lewis Gomez and Big J podcast. I was on panel with Shane and Matt McCusker and I told a story where I gained the nickname, the Vile Horrendous. And then God Love. The God Love the Comedy supporters out there. It's been hashtagged in my feed ever since. I love, I love everybody's calling me Vile and Horrendous all the time online. So I was like trying to come up with names for this podcast. And most of it is about me, how disgusted I am with all of everything. Yeah. I was like, well, Vile and Horrendous is a perfect. It's such a good name. Name. Thank you. Vile and Horrendous. I'm very excited. I'm so excited to be a part of this here too. Yeah. You know, I mean. Sit right in. Here in Austin and loving it. And you guys are obviously, you know, the pod network down here. So it's like, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's cool. It's really cool to be a part of it. I like that. That's so cool, dude. Yeah. I'm stoked you're here. Yeah. I'm stoked. That's so funny. So it's you talking about like stuff that you that annoys you. And what's annoying you these four segments? The first segment is me. The first segment is about someone or something that I find Vile and Horrendous that I experienced. You know, this disgusting pig I met in public. This is what's wrong with everybody. And this is how the micro incident is indicative of society. Crumbling. Yes. Yes. Yes. The second segment is me and not doing it to be contrary, but me taking an opinion I have that differs from the popular public opinion about something entertainment related. So it gets a little more macro in the second segment. So for the, for the pilot we shot, I talked about how everybody loves weapons. This movie weapons and I thought it kind of sucked. And then the third segment is the news, but it's not the news like me dissecting the news. It's me being fed headlines that I've never heard before. So it's me just reacting to. So that's the most macro of all the segments. Me just kind of, because that's how most of us respond to the news. That's almost ingested. You go on, you read a headline and you go, what the fuck? So I want to do a whole segment like that. And then the third, fourth segment is people writing in or calling in and saying, like, this is a disgusting, violent horrendous person I met, or this is the time I was violent, horrendous, etc. So it goes on there. The arc is super micro into macro back to micro. But the whole extent of everything is, or the whole gist of the entire show is, is everything is disgusting. People are disgusting. Society is over. We're done. Yeah, it's the end. Which is what my comedy basically is. So I wanted to do an extension of my comedy. Yeah. And by the way, no guests. No. Me just sitting in the chair. It's the way to go, Joe. It really is the way to go. It's the way to go. Plus we produce it. You're going to have, you know, clips and. Yeah. Whatever. That's awesome. I think you're just perfect, perfect show for you. It's going to be fun. Amazing. I'm excited about it. Amazing. Violent horrendous. Yeah. Violent horrendous. It's so funny because yes, at times you are the vile and the horrendous in life and you forget it. Like I forget all the time. Like I'm fucking the worst to some people. Yeah. Well, when we did the pilot, I talked about this. I might redo this because it was, it's evergreen enough, but I talked about this airline experience I had. So it started with me being like, this, these fucking airlines are disgusting. They're charging us a premium for basic human convenience. Fuck these people. They're gross. Yeah. But then I talked about how I snapped at the, I had to go get, something happened. I had to get reroute. I don't remember, but I had to go up, back upstairs to another desk because this desk couldn't do it. When I got up there, the lady that was, I remember what it was, I had to check in. But the lady, you know, there's the lady or the, or the guy, they'll be at the front where the kiosks are. The self-help ones. And I go, I got to check in and I'm running out of time. Your machines aren't working. And she was like, you have to go stand in the line. And the line was forever. And I go, I can't, I'm going to miss my flight. And she was like, I don't know what to tell you. And I was like, oh, so because your machines don't work now, I'm going to miss my flight. Yeah. Because this is my, and I was a dick. And I got in the line, the line actually went very quickly. I checked in, everything was fine. And I felt really bad. Fuck yeah. I felt really bad. God. So I went back to the lady and I was like, hey, I want to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It's not your fault. You just work here. And she almost started crying. I swear to God, she almost started crying. And she was like, thank you, you made my day. And I was like, nobody ever says this to this woman. So I want to turn it on myself too to be like, we're all acting like pigs. Because everybody's acting like pigs and we're all reacting to the other pigs. It's so true. It's a tough dynamic. It's a tough energy to exist in. God, it's so bad. I was just such a cool to somebody in a hospital too. I really was. I was, you know, I was waiting for test results. I was, I don't know. Charo, I had to take Charo to the ER. No, my mother-in-law. I'm sure she'll tell you about it, but she, we thought she was having a stroke this week. I know. And we're like, call 911, get in the ambulance, go to the ER. I'm the only one in the family that is free to take care of her. So I'm there in the ER. And like, I get it. The ER is, it's like the last place on earth you want to be. And there were people literally. Doubled over dying, coughing and lying. I was like, oh God, I don't want to be near any of this dude. Well, COVID's not over. No, it's not over. Damn it. But, so yeah, so anyway, we're waiting for her fucking blood work to see if she's having like a stroke or whatever heart attack. And this like, oh yeah, I'm such a dick. She's, she's so nice in the beginning. Like we were joking. And no, I was like, she's like, you should work here. Like to me, because I was like, I was so charming in the beginning. And then I just, I got ground down because we were waiting for results and waiting for results. And then I started calling her a lesbian behind her back because I'm like this fucking lesbian and char was like, you think she's a lesbian? And I'm like, of course she's a fucking lesbian. Look at the hair. And like, I'm being such a dick. And I feel like she heard me. She probably did. She could sense it. She could sense it. She could sense it. I could tell you were shitting on me in your head about the video games. You think this fucking nurse on a, on a 28 hour shift. Can't tell your fucking calling her a lesbian in your head. Lesbian daggers. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, I'm such a dick. And I could tell she turned because I kept asking for the red and then her tone changed and we were no longer friends. But that's, that's it. I think you're going to see you snapped at her or something. I didn't snap at her, but I was being annoying. Like, can we see the fucking, where's the doctor now? Oh, she's running the ER. That's what she said to me. Oh, she's running, just running an ER. So she kind of gave it to me a little bit and I was like, and then every time I'd go over to her, she was on a screen and then she'll close the screen out. Like I was fucking wanting to look at other people's files. So then I would purposely go over there and look at her computer just to kind of annoy her. Because then she, oh, bitch, I don't want, I don't care what's happening in number 37. You fucking go. So I don't know. We had an unspoken passive aggressive thing. It's a, it's, that's a tough situation to be in. Now I want to apologize to her. Now I want to go back to that ER and be like, I'm sorry. I don't think you did anything that bad. I called her a lesbian minor back. Who cares? But it was behind her back. That's what behind your back is for. That is what it behind your back is designed for. It's designed for every slur and terrible thing you want to say about somebody. So do I qualify as vile and horrendous? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. You know, I think about this a lot and I write a lot of stuff down and, and some of it makes it into stand up and, and a lot of it is going to start getting jettisoned into this podcast. Good. Because it's like, I need an, I want an outlet for this stuff that isn't, the whole podcast was designed to have an outlet for this stuff where I didn't have to construct it into a joke. Yeah. You know what I mean? Where I could really take my time and like, whatever. That's longer form. But, but anyway, not to digress, but, but, but this is the thing in that situation. It sucks. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like the whole fucking system sucks. The staff is overworked. It all sucks. Everything, you know what I mean? And it just, it's everybody is getting fucked. And then you're all in this pressure cooker and you're going, Hey bitch, where are my results? And she's going, Hey, there's a fucking legless person over here. I'm sorry if I get your fucking results. But, and by the way, they're in the back going, this Charo lady didn't have a stroke. We're in no rush. Yeah, she's fine. Yeah. It was like low blood pressure or she just was dehydrated. But they don't tell you that part. No. Because the system sucked. They won't tell me. They're little, by the system, I mean the system in the way it operates in that particular ER. So they're going, Well, you don't have to get to this right now. She didn't have a stroke. So whatever. But you're sitting there going, Did she have a fucking stroke? It's terrible. It's terrible. And you're right. The world sucks. I hate everything, Joe. What I don't hate is my low blood pressure. Lipstick. By the way. You didn't call me that. I only said it because you said. I don't take a fan. No, no, no. I know. But I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't saying. Oh, babe. No, I'm the least sensitive. But speaking of vile, find my lipstick for Valentine's Day. The perfect gift you should get the perfect for. You could get my lip gloss bundle. You can get my liquid lipstick. I'm going to be bundling up my cheek stuff too for you guys. It's fantastic. Christina P.com. Order that stuff now so it gets to your place in time for Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day with a heart and M. Also, believe it or not, I will only be doing two stand up comedy dates. I'm going to do Chicago and then Texas here. I can't read it because that's too far. I'm doing the Den Theater in Chicago, March 27th, 28th, and then April 24th and 25th, punchline Irving here in Texas. Christina P.com for tickets. What about you, Joe, Joe? Are you touring right now? What are you doing? Touring a little bit. Yeah. What do I got? Houston, Texas, January 17th, McGoobie's Baltimore, January 30, 31. Zany's Nashville, February 27, 28th. Zany Chicago, the following March 6th and 7th. American Comedy Company, March 20, 21st. Anyway, go to jodorosa.com. That's where all the dates are. Hey, just look. I try to go out, you know, not a ton. Same. Ever since I had cancer, I'm like, I don't know if that can lead to else. I feel like touring gave me cancer. So now I'm like, I'm going to stay on the garden and pet the cats. But then I love doing stand-up and I love it so much. That's why Austin's great though. You can do tons of stand-up here and never go anywhere. Can I show you my curations? This is all I look forward to on this, not all I look forward to on this show, but it's really my favorite. Please. Because I lovingly curate these and for those of you who don't know. And can I say something about your stand-up touring? Go ahead, babe. I think, and I think you need to hear this. I want to reassure you in your notion. I think you're doing the right thing. I think you, especially after you go through a bout with health stuff, I think you're recognizing what's important to you, what time is it means to you, and who you want to spend that time with. I think you've got a tremendously successful thing happening right in your hometown. Obviously, where you are making a living. And I think, so you go do shows on the road when you want to and when you can do the best show for the people. For the people. I agree, Joe, to roast that. You don't have to, you know. I'm not, I'm not, here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not grinding out fucking cities to do it anymore. But I will do like select places where I see there's an audience. I will go. I enjoy doing that venue. I'm not just grinding out fucking dates anymore. I am. I am two months away from homelessness at all times. And I do that. I'm too much of a homelessness and I go, no, don't feel like it. I'll do that. Won't do that. So if I'm doing that, you can definitely do that. You're fine. I know, but I think it's because I have that work ethic of being a comic for the last 20 years where Tommy and I would like fucking leave on Wednesday night, do feature weeks, come back, Monday, record the podcast Tuesday, fly out again. Like we just had this crazy ethic, but you're right. And guess what? It paid off. It did. I know. Now I should enjoy things. It paid off. I know, but I can't, you know, how do you, how does one enjoy? I don't know. I don't know. Here's what I do. Listen. Yeah, go ahead. TikToks. This is all I care about truly besides my children, gardening, drums, vampires. Here we go. Oh, I love this guy. This don't play with me. So good. I say you're fucking me. You know that ain't drank a fucking bottle, swallowing a fucking warlin' and the fucking car that you gotta act like a damn pooper. Oh, it's great. Could you have done that with your dad? No. No, I mean. I mean, I maybe he would have thought it was kind of funny, but like over this, these guys that like, I think that's his uncle. I've looked these guys up. Yeah, yeah, you're right. And then I'm like, are they just friends? Do you see the one where they're at the fish place? There's one where they're at like a fried fish place. And the guy in the passenger seat has like a plate of like fried fish and hushpuppy and stuff. And the guy that's always videotaping, he like holds up a hushpuppy and he goes, he goes, I'll give you $20 if you feed this to me right now. And the guy is like, get the fuck out. I ain't feeding you no goddamn food. What the fuck is wrong with you? Like he gets, he gets so mad. So, so afraid of being gay, huh? That's the way it is. Exactly. It's feeding a man a nugget, a hushpuppy. You gotta watch Nefinunk. Yes. Yeah, we have. They're the greatest. Yeah, yeah, I think this is another one here. Oh my god, that's a different guy. No, this is different. Sorry, different guy. Same idea. So hold on though. Let me let's examine this. Is this for who's it for? Women or men? What's it for? What are we doing? I, is it sexual? I can't imagine it. I can't imagine a man putting this out and it not being like what, what, what for? What else? I, I watch. I watch so many food things. Yeah. I feel like some food things, they're just like, do you, is he, well what is, what does he do? What do you mean you want like, like so, so I'm, I'm ever staring at a watch a bunch of YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I watch tons of food influencers. Okay. It's my other favorite thing. Okay, like they eat stuff like we're in Ohio, we're in Chile. Yeah, who's the girl? That's cool. God, she's incredible. Who's the shi- I feel like you guys probably know her. Who's the girl? She always gives the finger when she's cooking. Olivia? Olivia, Tide. People like that, she's awesome. Okay. I hope that she follows me back. Oh, yeah. Christ. But like the, she's cute. She is so cute, but, but I follow her because she's great at cooking. The, the cute doesn't hurt. The cute don't hurt. She's super cute. Yeah, but she's got a toad. She's, she's, she's like a hotter Joe from facts and lies. You know what your type is? You like grumpy burnets. I do. Yeah. It's an East Coast thing. I do. If you're from the East Coast, you like grumpy burnets. I like, I like a chick who's like, what are you not going to do a shot pussy? I'm like, oh, oh, hi, mommy. Disapproval. Wait. So anyway, but she doesn't do stuff like this with sausage. But this guy, my point is, is I watch a lot of chefs like Olivia who actually cooks shit, but then I watch people that just eat shit and they'll just eat shit in a weird way because whatever that's called when the, like you said with the chips, the sound of the food and so maybe this guy's just eating in a weird way. Or do you think he's, let's watch it again. I think he enjoys his snazzy. See, I think what he's doing is, I'm sorry. I don't want to undercut your narrative. No. I think what he's saying is, I think what he's doing is being like, you lick the cheese off like this. Oh, it's so good. I always lick the cheese off first and then he's, we don't see what comes next. And then he sticks it up his ass. Oh, this is the lady I wanted you to hear. I'm so glad you're here. Miss Ann, Miss Ann, get the packages. Who's that? It's me, Sequoia. Who is that? Hello? Where are you? I'm in Raleigh at a friend's house. I was going to take them anyway. I'm just going to let them dog pee real quick. I just saw them as I walked by. Where are you going? Just to crack a barrel with Diane. Oh my God. She's so cute. No, I don't. My hair needs to be colored and cut. I like your shirt. Big deal. Big deal. Anyway, don't worry. I'm going to get them. I just want them to pee real quick so I can get the hell out of here. But how great that her voice matches her personality? Because what if Sidney Sweeney had this voice? It would be rough. I've, have you, well, wait, you've been married a long time. When's the last time you were out there? Oh my God. What year are we talking? Oh, five. Okay, so this is prior. I've met people online over the years. Not a lot, but once in a while you meet somebody online and you meet them first in the DMs. Mm-hmm. And then you graduate to talking on the phone and you hear the voice and you go, that voice doesn't match the face at all. And it's jarring. Really? Yeah. Have you had one this drastic? That's, well, no, this is wild. But I also think this lady, I think her, I think her look matches. I think both progressed together. Right. I know what you're saying. Like she started off like a normal girl and then she started smoking cools and then that evolves. Yeah. Patty and Selma voice and then you buy a jersey or whatever and then you. You wake up feeling like shit. Do your hair. I'm gonna throw on a giant tie to a shirt. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I didn't get, I didn't get to the place. You get my hair done this week. Oh, I, yeah. Now you're getting a bad attitude. It all starts to. It all snowballs. It's very hot outside. She's great though. Very hot outside. Okay. As you already know, it's steaming out here. It's steaming out here. Oh my god. Well, you scared the hell out of me. Huh? Huh? I'll tell you, you look cute. Whatever. You scared the hell out of me. That's like me accepting compliments too. Whatever. Imagine. Whatever. God, this is like Florida or something. Yeah. Walk in and I smoke occasionally cigarettes. They're so good. They're great. They're the greatest thing ever. Uh, you walk, but I can't imagine walking in 92 degree heat, smoking a cigarette. I'm like, oh my god. Can I tell you at like the height of my cigarette smoking, that was the hardest part. It was like the San Fernando Valley summer and being goth. And then being like, I got to smoke at some point today. Oh. So hot. Dead of summer in that valley. You're wearing six layers of black lace. Yeah. It's really tough. Some Cruella de Vil outfit. You're smoking on top of it. Yeah, dude. Or I see that people with the windows rolled up in the car smoking and you're like, dude, I never, I even now look back and when sat smoking inside of my own living room with the windows open when I lived in an apartment. You're like, oh, it's so nasty. I'll be with, I'll be with, sometimes I'll go over Tony's house. Hinchcliff. And I'll go, I'll go, can we just smoke in here, please? Can we please just smoke in here? And he goes, now, now, gotta go outside. I go, it's 103 outside. He's like, I love it. I like, you like smoke. This is what I mean. You have been successful. Start enjoying it. I'm smoke in the house. I know. Build a little room in here where we can smoke. I'm still in Eastern Europe, dude. I'm still a communist. I can't, I can't leave. I can't escape. Yeah. And my fucking mind is in the prison. Okay, here we go. We're here in the patient-patient, then must you always explain it? I'm lucky in the patient-in-patient process. No Hitler. Um, I don't have a trick. Um, so if I'm generally not concentrated, Hitler. If I'm not concentrated, then the, then the tricks are much less. And then I'm so concentrated, either on the activity or just on the conversation. Hitler. With the patient, that the tricks are so much suppressed, that it's as good as nothing. That's an unfortunate one. That's an unfortunate one. I've never seen one that one, like a lady says. I've heard the other ones. And she's, she's still, concentration camps too, right? Oh my God. That's unfortunate. That's pretty good. Is Tourette's like, like, I'd imagine with Tourette's, it's like, remember in Ghostbusters, remember at the end of Ghostbusters, when they go, just, just clear your mind. Yeah, yeah. As long as we don't think of anything. And then Dan Ackroy takes a sip. I feel like that's what Tourette's like. Like the second you're like, I should never say Hitler. It's like, you're going to say it all the time now. Does it work like that? I know that there's physical ticks that are like, overwhelming and like, you just can't stop your body. And I imagine, yeah, you just, it's overwhelming. It's like, vomit. You just can't. Oh, that sucks. Hitler's, I'd rather say cool than, than Hitler. And I think she gives a highle Hitler, right? The first one, she goes, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. All right, here's another one for you. This is the. Okay, it's time for the first hair hang of the day. This is always the most painful one, but I've just got to get it out of the way. And then the rest of the practice won't be as bad. This shouldn't be that bad today, because I have hair hangs quite a lot last week. Oh, there's one section over here that I can feel that it's not going to go in the right direction. Why would you do this? I don't know. Yeah, the way it works is, as well as all the hair is like evenly distributed in the same direction. Essix. My hair's super strong, it wouldn't break, but whenever one hair is off, I can instantly feel it. We can just do it this time. She's got a meaty vag. Yeah. Oh, oh, Jeff. Oh, this is better than I thought it would. I thought she was going to lift up in the air. She is. Look. Oh. I don't know anybody. Oh, no, there she goes. Okay, that's, yeah, that's bad. Oh, fuck. It looks pretty now. Oh, god, I want to die. I don't know. That's like Jedi training to me. Like she's like, can I do this with me and smile? Fuck, I hate it. I just fuck her. Fuck her stupid thing. Like her. No, it's good. But what? Okay. You look a lot like Adolf Hitler. You look just like him. Like has anyone ever told you that? Actually, yeah. Really? Bro, that's insane. Are you serious, bro? Yeah, it was in like freshman year. Keeps the mustache. Keeps it and keeps the hair dark. Really? You look like Adolf Hitler. That's crazy. Wow. And he keeps it. That's the crazy part. Yeah, brother, Buzz cut it or something. Yeah, dude. You change it up when someone calls you Hitler. Oh, my god. Or you lean in harder. Which he did. Jesus Christ. Wait, why was the hair, what is the purpose of the hair hanging? Is she like a performer of some kind? Like a circus freak? Yeah, maybe it's a circus freaky thing. Yeah, yeah. There's gotta be a reason, right? Josh, it's gotta be like so awful that it's entertaining. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Here's something kind of telling me how you feel. This is the home alone house. It just sold. The most famous houses in America. Look, there it is. For the first time in 12 years, this home was for sale. And wait till you see the transformation. Oh, holy shit. They actually shot it in the house. Oh, yeah, I know, right? I thought that was interesting too. And the creepy basement with the radiator monster. Like a freak, he's just a joke. Is it so creepy anymore? In the theater, you can watch Home Alone in the Home Alone house. And this was the biggest surprise. This is a regulation-sized three-point line with 25-foot ceilings. And the hectic kitchen layout, well, it isn't so hectic anymore. Jesus fucking Christ. And the attic. We know, right? It's down the floor. Go. It's scary up there. Don't be silly. Four will be up in a little while. Isn't so scary anymore. It's actually a beautiful bedroom now. And you can own this piece of American History 4 5.2 million. Where is it located? I don't know. Illinois somewhere? This is kind of, I'm a huge, I love John Hughes. Yes, of course. Me too. I love John Hughes, but I will say this. This is one thing that, this is one aspect of the movies that kind of always throws me off a little bit. Because they often center around very well to do waspy folk. So you kind of go, I don't really feel quite as bad for you. You know what I mean? Yes. That must be the, how they get you to buy in, right? Well, it makes me have less sympathy. Oh, like fuck them. Yeah. Not fuck them. Like I'm not mad at them. Yeah. But I'm also like, well, of course you forgot your kid. You're a bunch of rich people with your heads up your head. Exactly. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Which is good. Because otherwise, if it was like the single mother working, you know, back to back, double shifts or whatever at the diner, you'd feel horrendous. You couldn't watch the movie. He calls it out in plane strings. Oh, really? That's who Steve Martin is. But then you've got John Candy there being like, oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, life is so hard for you. And you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But anyway. But you know what really struck me as depressing is, I think the reason they chose this house, because I've seen this movie many times with my kids, is how Christmassy and vibrant the colors are. And this is how every home is now. Sterile, beige, white, black. And Taco Bell, even if you look, have you seen how they've stripped out the color? The Taco Bell buildings now are gray. McDonald's is gray. This is terrifying. Props too. McDonald's, it's the saddest thing ever. The redesign of McDonald's is the most sad. It's the saddest thing of all time. It looks like a coffee house. It's all brown with like a sleeker M. Yeah, I hate it. I hate it. But guess what? Shout out. Shouts out to Burger King. Stick in with, they went back to the old school sign. So much better. Burger King still hanging in there. Yeah, dude. It's not as cool, but they're hanging it. See the one on the right? Yeah, I like it. They went back to those signs. It isn't cool to make things gray and dystopian. I don't think any of that is cool. I don't think so. KFC still looks kind of like KFC. That's good. But Taco Bell, you're like guys. It's like prison, I know. Remember when they all looked like the Alamo? Like a shootout was about to happen. That was so rad. It was literally a bell. Yeah. Yeah, it was so fun. God. Look at it now. The purple bell, like fuck off. You know they were doing this, I remember in the 2000s when everything was extreme. Do you remember when they did that? Like extreme, mountain dew, mountain dew crush. You don't need to do this. Nobody's upset with Taco Bell. No. Nobody fucking needed it. No. Stop improving shit that doesn't need to be improved. It was great. Pizza Hut's a rough one too. Fuck off, I love pizza. No, no, no, I love pizza. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. They're all, okay, you want to hear a real kick in the nuts? So you know how Pizza Hut's like only takeout now? I didn't know that. That's only takeout now. That's horrendous. I think for the most part. So I was driving, I was touring, and I was touring where I was driving between gigs. Like I was doing one night here, one night there, one night. So I have these, whatever. So I had a day off and I was driving between gigs and I was like, I'm going to sit somewhere and eat dinner tonight because you can't because you're fucking running around doing shows. I saw a Pizza Hut, like an old one with the red roof and all that shit. And I was like, I'm going to go sit at Pizza Hut. I'm going to get the salad bar. I'm going to order pizza. I'm going to get the pitcher of beer that my dad always used to get. I walk in, lit up counter, completely blacked out. This is just takeout only. And it was still in the old build. It was the biggest blue ball ever. What a waste. They could have just had it as like the one last remaining. It sucked. And I just left. I didn't even get any pizza. I was like, fuck it. I'll go to fucking Cracker Barrel or something else. No, I do love Cracker Barrel. And I hope they never changed. I think they changed. Anyway, we got to go. All right. We got to go to Kid Stuff. I love you, Joe DeRosa. Check out his new podcast, Vile and horrendous, debuting very soon on the YMH Studios channel. What else? Is there anything else you want to plug? I'd like to plug. Just go to jodorosa.com for my tour dates. Pop by Joey Roses if you're in New York City for a sandwich and or a drink. And that's about it. All right, mommies. We love you. My mouse. Meow. For Sacha Kalachi speaking, who the fuck is this? It's me, Purple Hair Girl from the chair. I was the one. My cell phone cam that time, remember? Oh, hell yeah, man. What up, sis? I remember you. You were flicking your bean on the couch. Hey, I remember you. What's up? I don't have time to talk. Listen, where are you at? I'm just home here now. Hold up, though. Where are you calling from? I'm stuck way down in the mountains. I need you to come get me. Yeah, I could do that. I'm looking at... Say, 8 o'clock, 815. Fuck, you're doing good. Thank you so much. You're literally saving my life. Bam, say no more. I am on the way, bitch. Awesome. Hit on me. Beat me. You're the coolest for this. No, you are. You are the coolest. Cool girls for life. We about to hear. This is Captain Marcel. I'm going down into the mountain. We're rolling and this and Koopa took my sister. Now we gotta expose him if you're a hufflepuff. Do not piss me off. Just keep on scrolling. I ain't impressed by ground molding. Show me that dick that you holdin'. T-t-toe. I'm a fucking walking mermaid, bitch. I dip my nuggets in the doo-doo. Guess what? Love me. I drink moose soup. 100-leaf. Specifically, delicious. Storytime. Uh, how you say... I'm not a racist. Start up. I like to remember the cuckoo girls. Fuck, I shout out Mistress Kawaii when I'm sniffing parts out of butts. Tattoo my brown eyes, scream some big words, and I married my son. I spit in them tongues and shit. Cause I'm a fucking blasting blood. Cuts in a hoonanop in the book of doo-blood. That's what we do. You do you do. Do not undo you. And yes, my eyes are tattooed. Funny story. Next parry in the jail. Tick tock what he do. Do you ever worry that you're all worded and no one's telling you? A maracla side ball in hoes. Just as I was made. Oh! Selling a necklace made of moosters off the back of my truck. All right, as wholesome as a nut, you'll never make pot or cum. If you ain't licking the scrum honey, you ain't trickin' no wine. Clown choc. Abracadabra, babababoon, chop a day. Wanna see a Spartan kicker taste a bit of the poutine I made? You wanna fuck with my ma-eh-ha? Twin goddesses activate. Identify as a threat, a nightmare. And my pronoun is your grace. I was like, man, a freezing sea man. Even though my health ain't improvement, but I'm an hero with loose holes. Ain't hardcore enough to do it. Nature's very multi-vitamin'. Why the fuck would I not use it? He bustin' clips in my sips. I'm literally bonin' and flippin'. I know you love me. I know you love me. He wants to lick, get up on his ass. Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. I know you love me. I know you don't want me. He wants to lick, get up on his ass. Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. Who the fuck you been lettin' sample you? Energetic template. A spirit workin' star-sea channeler. Hybrid-ass brookie. Hurry up, boy. Take your bike. You better not touch any bitch. Hey, motherfuckers, you need to restock the hot cocoa when you're done with it. Some caffeine, take a hammock, shit, pop the vasectomy, stick, show on strike, polybite with vocal fry and size G-tip. I keep smelling my vagina and hope that it'll smell better. It just doesn't. Show the haters how you glass and put your perfect smile in. I'm ride or die. Show me the body, mommy. We'll chop it up together. Dip that shit in acid, watch it decay in a rogue leather. Right in it, chained up the effort. This week at the work club, we're by-by-murice the bitch. Cool, girls keep secrets forever. He's Cherokee. I'm not native at all. So I have a funny crush. You got any coming those balls? How come you don't fuck your friends? Well, listen to Gloria. That's the bomb. The young kids' mans are dainy yet. I'm the Polarani of Wops. I know you love me. I know you love me. He wants to lick. Get up on this ass. Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. I know you love me. I know you love me. He wants to lick. Get up on this ass. Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. Can you follow me? Dirty bitch. Take your passenger. Feel like I'm going to die. Why get rid of hard bars? Fuck what you heard. I'm about to have that orgasmic burn. Rake, brutes, your manner. Throw Zilla, Michael kid in there first. Fuck my stoma. Don't free no chomos or chomas. Though I'm blowing Cincinnati parts at every goddamn place that I go. I'm not a home all claim. You better follow that bro. I'm going to make you want to chat. Don't fuck with my pussy. Two big day songs by Toto. We're about to get spook and drink and rock and adidas and peep it on that. Ultra humongous penis. Quarantine away latch, can we beef, beef and queen bee and then I'm seeing them jeans seeming like they be low and loose. Lean in LC's and you see screaming cause I hydrate like a Pizdy. All you got they doing they thing and stuff like that. That's dutter. If you're a bully thief or criminal. Look, Dr. Ricardo. We cheer in headaches with mustard. But we'll hear a girl got you covered. This is the cool girl's club within the house of your mother. I saw her mama's last night just to visit her. And Cheryl jumped over the kitchen counter at me flying like a Hoosome boat in a fighting suit. I don't know why the bitch has always been jealous of me. So she run to the phone like the bitch make can always does and I see you better call ever law in Sequoia County this time bitch. Cause you're going to need help prosting my fingers from around your fucking dick suck at that. So I ended up resting in jail. But I'm out this morning, Cheryl. And I can still see that's right. She didn't swell a shit pitch. And I'm coming over here today and I'm going to do the two steps and the cowboy boogie till there's a mud hole in your fucking ass. 500 orders a month was manageable. 5,000 is madness. Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ShipStation. The only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns and analytics in one place. What used to take five separate tools, ShipStation does in one. Go to ShipStation.com and use code start to try ShipStation free for 60 days.