Let's Keep It Rolling

At TUI, we give you more. More outfit choices, with 20kg of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels, built around what you love, like that swim-up suite. More, race you to the bottom, water parks on site. More, ooh, that looks good. Food options, from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in-store or online. You book it, TUI sort it. At all and after protected, keys and Cs apply selected hotels only. Grab the unrivaled Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra with an incredible privacy display on EE, the UK's best network. You can save £20 per month, plus claim a Samsung Galaxy Tab S10 Lite. Now we're talking. So get yours today. Offer ends 28th May. And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Crossen and Robert Kelly. Oh, oh, oh boy. Oh boy. Did you bring in a big hunk of gold for this show? Yeah. Ooh, you really know how to... Well, I just found this. I don't mean it's not even a gold, it's diamonds. It's a blood diamond. It's blood diamond. This came to me in the elevator. Oh, God. I almost want to give you a taste and let everybody know this week on Thursday. On Thursday. You're going to hear us go through this completely, but we got to get a... We have to need a taste now. Listen to me. I don't know how I'm going to change subjects though. Listen to me. We're going to have to. We can't... First of all, can't do this alone. You're right. We can't do it alone. We need somebody else to come in. There needs to be a pile on. There needs to be more than just me. It means you're room full of people. You deserve a room full of people. Well, Jacob's sick. He won't be here tomorrow. He won't be here. So we have two extra chairs. We have two extra chairs. We have three chairs. We have three chairs. We're going to actually have somebody in that chair who's excited to be here. That's going to be fucking weird. That's going to be nuts. The family. We'll be in tomorrow. Oh, shit. You will? Yes. I heard you were deathly ill. I'm pretty bad today, but I'll be all right tomorrow. You don't know that. Don't get us sick, dude. We all got to travel and shit. I don't want to get you. That's why I didn't come in today. Don't come tomorrow. You're going to be sick. You're going to be sick. This is bad, y'all. Love it. This is bad. So why don't you tell the people the blood diamond, the beautiful gem that you brought into studio today? My friend Jamie from Growing Up was the... What? Oh, man, I lost a spike. I lost two spikes. God damn it. You have more at home. I know. I've got to take the post out. You have backup spikes. I have boxes of backup spikes now, but still. It sets me off now. Now everything's off. Now I have a four finger and a middle finger without spikes. Why don't you take one of the... Take the pinky off and put it on the big... The index finger. I will have to, at some point, match them up. You're correct. Yes. I do. You should go one spikes, one no spikes. These somewhere small. Oh, you know what? I can put it in my cellophane and my cigarettes. Well, this is the zestiest thing I've ever seen. Can you hold my spikes, please? Well, someone has to hold my spike posts. There's no point in wasting the spike posts just because you lose the spike. You want to keep the spike posts because you never know when you're going to lose the spike posts. I think I have a spare spike in my car. You have a spare spike? I think I can put a spike on one of these things again. Oh my God. Weird. Dude, there was a guy in the audience this week and we were going to show him this. I love science. So great, dude. We all love science. Everyone loves science. I love you, Fluence. Good. We love you, Cackle. She doesn't like it. Cackle. Come on, Cack. I'm sure my awful, awful rear it's ugly head again. Oh, it's great. I heard she was at my show there the night. There's nothing like hearing it in the night. Nothing like hearing it in the crowd. I told her this when we first started dating. I said it's that one. People appreciate your laugh because it's real. It's real. You don't want people to hear that. And when it doesn't come, you realize she didn't like that joke show. She did not enjoy what you've done. She's not like the path you're going on. Yeah, it's a barometer. You got to hope to God she went outside. You got to pray to God she went outside. Oh, no, she was sitting there. Hey, Magic, what's going on with you over there? Yeah. DJ Blue. We have another person in studio. For the taste. Who can get the taste with us? He doesn't even know what he came in on. You don't even know what you came in on. The legend Rich Voss is in studio. I'm only here for like 10 or 15 at the most. All right, we'll sit up on that chair. It's too high. It's too high for you. It's too high for anybody. Did a house land on you? No. Bobby. He's making fun of Rich. J's paint striker. Bobby Bobby these. I did buy them for him. Don't fuck with him. He loves him. Down nice. He has spare spikes because the spikes keep falling out. My spikes keep falling off, but I have new spikes at home. You stop grabbing the microphone. Shut up. It is crazy what you're doing. It's nuts what you're doing. You're acting like it's not working. It works. Okay. You're selling newspapers in Chicago. I don't like you. I like him. You're going to want to... Bobby used to... Rich used to wear those same exact hats. Oh, no, you wear the Kango hats. I wear the Kango. You're going to want to put your headphones on for this. Yeah. I promise you. He's going to have to put them on over his dumb fedora. There you go. Oh. Oh. Oh. Don't do that. Yeah, he's not... He's going to want to put them on right. Yeah. We're going to only take a taste of this. We're just watching a second of this. We're watching the whole thing. Maybe we might need Rich tomorrow. Dude, I wish you could come in tomorrow for this. What's this? Can you come in tomorrow at 2, 2 to 4? No, why? All right. Remember you said that and then... I have a major appointment tomorrow at 3 o'clock. What time? Heart doctor? Long what? Not a doctor. Netanyahu? Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah. All right. So far. Okay. Dr. Netanyahu. Dr. Netanyahu. What's that? How come I can't hear? Because you're old. There you go. So, my friend Jamie, who is the girl who told me I should try comedy. When I was younger, she was going through old photos and she came across this. She goes, oh my God, look how young you look. So, I went four or some weeks in a row to the Laugh House open mic night and I bailed. I didn't go on. I just panicked. I didn't bring any friends. So, this one I brought friends, including my friend Jamie, who I guess recorded this. This is my first ever comedy set. This is the number one. First time I ever, ever went on stage. Oh, I can't wait for this. Oh, boy. Oh, I can't wait. We're not going to watch the whole thing. But I want you to just see what I do when I get on stage because you can just see I've been watching black comedy now for weeks. Don't, don't, just let us watch it. Okay. That's how sad my life is. I used to headline that room. Yeah. That's how I met you. Boy, I'm trying to see who bucks it now. I'm going to get the floor. I'm sleeping on the floor. I'm going to set the clock. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Now, I know this is a radio show and you can't see this. You look mentally handicapped. He does. The whole, I'm doing something the way I walk. There's something real like I'm just trying to follow what I've seen. That's called physics. You were fat as shit at that time. Yeah, look at me come over. You didn't walk you waddled. That wasn't anywhere near my fat as I would say. He snapped the microphone into his hand. Oh, you stink. And I gave him a, yeah, look at it. Come on now. Y'all cut that shit. Look at that chain. Yeah, that chain's not real. No. I wish I was hanging from a rafter. Wait, but listen, let me cut that shit. Yo, cool. You're going to explain what you, here's the deal and he's right. Like when I did DevChamp, like if I did it now, I just, I walked out like, yo, what would you do? I mean, the thing is I did grow up in that neighborhood and we did do those clubs. So you did pander. You did pander, you know, because if you came out here, you're done. Now it's funny. I said I pandered. I did, what I never changed was, you know what, I should shut the fuck up because it'd be funny if I would come here and I'm like, yo, you know what's mad dope, y'all? You don't even know what you did. No idea. You have no idea. I have no fucking idea. I think I have a misdirection about being picked on in my black school and I go and finally I couldn't take any more and stood up for myself and my big misdirection was turning around and saying. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't tell him. Let me ask you a question. I don't. When did you stop doing the cut it little thing? When did you, when did that drop out of your act? Oh, never. Oh, you still do it. Oh, you did cut it with your music? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Please. Oh, okay. Look at his karate chop hand. Oh. Oh. Oh, that's what I'm saying. Yo, that's enough. Oh, and you put, he put his face down. He went, oh, look at that. Oh God. Bernie Mac light. Light. Light. Yo, cut. How did I know? How did I know? Oh, you really are. Stop. Rewind it. Stop. No more. No more. No more. No more. No more. No more. No more. No more. No more. Yo, what's up everybody? Yo, what's up everybody? Yo, what's up everybody? How you all doing? Why are you waiting till tomorrow? Because I want to watch the whole thing and we can't do it today. We're going to do it tomorrow. We could do it today, but he wants help. You're going to leave. I don't want help. I want other people to enjoy this with me. Agreed. This should not be enjoyed by just me. This should be enjoyed by all your friends. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 that black on stage. What comics would watch my first set? Oh my god all of us. Let's get Patrice out of the ground and just prop him up in the garbage can. Just put a mic by the cemetery. They'll roll over five times. Lewis maybe. Oh Lewis is on a vacation somewhere. Oh he's back. Today I think. Dude we gotta get everybody in here. God what are you kidding me. Oh god please. We should get Dan. We should get Lewis. We should get Keith. Little Kev. We should get Estee. That's why you don't know. Are you guys doing regs tomorrow? I liked him better when he was black. Are you guys doing regs tomorrow? No not tomorrow next week. Oh fuck. That'd be great to get the regs in here. Well just specifically Dan and Lewis. Joe would love it too. Yeah for sure. Joe would love a nice bashing on what was your nickname back then? Wasn't science. Back here? You didn't go to school. Just Big J. This is just Big J. You were Big J back then too? Starry's only Big J because I saw them like the massacring of names and in my friend group there was little J and Big J and so I just carried that. I was like oh I remember we got stage names so it seemed to work. Well they would I mean what they did to Kurt. I've always said the Kurt thing. They used to mess up his last name or they would just not do it at all and stretch the word Kurt out the length of what two names would take. So as it sounds like the 12 on Sesame Street with the one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven Kurt. Is that why now he's lost his mind? Yes. What happened back then? Probably. Probably. I did have an early tape of. I don't like what he's doing. He's trying to deter us from this. We could watch the whole thing today. He's only got fucking two minutes left. Good. Play it again. Oh wait I'm gonna hear it. Go back. Wait. Everybody ready to laugh now? Oh I'll stop. Wait. You're saying everybody else stunk in front of you. Everybody laugh now. I didn't think that's what I was saying but probably you're insinuating everybody's he went like this. Everybody ready to laugh now? Yeah. You got ready to laugh now? All right now. All right now. All right now y'all. Yo yo yo. Who came in? You guys don't know that somebody out there wearing pink mittens with a scarf out of my back pocket looking like a chick. Fat chick from Hot Topics. You don't know that yet. How many of you brothers got stamps? Yo black girls be shopping huh? I'm telling you. So I was at check cashing today. I'll tell you this when I did this I was definitely still my part of my weekly job was to go for my parents and pick up their checks from work and go cash them a check cashing and while I'm there pay the electric and whatever gas bill. Oh you're so responsible for a little. That was the only time you were white. White people crazy. They paid taxes. I don't know how white you think it was. I was doing it at a check cashing place. My parents didn't have a bank account. The white powers you paid it. Oh we did pay it though. Ultimately we paid it yeah. And then everything else just became drawer cash. All of our complete worth was in a drawer in cash. Go back Christine one more time. One more time. The way you grab the microphone is atrocious. Stop agreeing with us. What do you mean? Say this is great? No I want you to take it. This is Hertz Bobby because we watched Bobby on Byron Allen and inside he thought he was doing great. Hey man I killed it with marshmallows and hot chocolate. This makes me want to quit comedy. Hey let's get everybody's first set so it happens. By the way when I came to New York and thought you guys were the big dogs I had to get into the crew of Bobby was actively doing hot chocolate. And you were going cut it. And I was going yo yo yo how you all doing? Give them one more taste. Yo yo yo yo. You don't want one more sentence beyond? Christine hit that button girl. Oh look at him. Oh that's everybody gone. I'm right. Everybody ready to laugh now? Just one white girl. It's my friend Jamie. I know. Keep it rolling. Keep it rolling man. Yo yo keep it rolling. This is primarily an all black club. I play usually all black clubs. I'm used to it. I don't try to win you guys over in a special way. Over. You've been three different people since you got up here. You had no idea if you were. That's why you dress so confused now. Big J still trying to figure it out. This must not be. This must not be. This has to be my first few times. It must not be my first time I said I've played. I've played black clubs. Why too though. But I mean this is early. It's early. The Laugh House. I mean. I'll see you guys. This is great. Come in tomorrow. Come in tomorrow. You're old. It doesn't matter what he says. As soon as you find out it's when it kills you. And you find out he's going to go look. You got a couple of years I've ridden out. What is it? Colon cancer? No. What? You know you say it's true. I was at a 12 step meeting. I swear to God this lady was celebrating two years. What was your name? She was 88 years old. I go what? Just play it out. You're 88. He's. Yeah I've always thought most alcoholics and drug addicts say like when even if they kick successfully they go if I hit that age and they go ah you got cancer it's like I'm doing all of it again. I can't wait to do it again. I hope you uh hope tomorrow everything is okay. Me too. What are you doing? Did you steal snacks from downstairs? Yes. Well you. You don't work here. You don't even work here and you came here for snacks and coffee? It worked. Oh god they have snacks next door. Shut up. Man. What a what a Bobby you want to watch so much more. I just want to see the beginning again. The way you grab the microphone is so jerk offy. Oh no I wouldn't say jerk offy. It's it's you're trying from the get go to have some course some some oomph. Yeah. Oh look at that. It's just a what it's like he waddles. No it's like what it's like a cool guy limp walk. Well yeah but it's a fat guy trying to do it so it's a waddle. Yes for sure but I come in it's a real wild no it's like a uh like I don't even care. Yeah it's like a glide I kind of come in with like a real I don't even know y'all what's up. All right yo. I grab this mic every day. Y'all having fun out there all right then all right. I see this fine ass lady's up in this bitch. Let's keep it rolling. Right away let's talk about the difference I'm the white guy in the black room. Yeah but yeah I love that you turn white. Over you. I was I go over there. We started we started watching uh I'm finno a suggestion it was good good show so far task. I'm still I'm in I'm in I'm deep into Madison and I loved it. I'm crying my eyes out. Yeah right this is a show for dudes. Magic you know I'm talking about right. Yeah it's a show that's a show for dude who's not there Madison is a show for men who are connected to empathy and their emotions and other men's butts the sheriff's really hot you're also connected to other dudes butts probably you and jake have fucking crying sniffling at home like a bunch of poons the new sheriff his eyes are fucking overwhelming you guys are ridiculous well task is uh great set in delco county yeah it's set and uh yeah it's it's like pennsylvania and it's the funny thing of it like they all do a pretty good job and it comes up a lot but it's a such a serious dark show hearing them really keep the philly accent is great what is it about it's about um the great did you watch ozark yeah so remember the brother yeah her brother who came yeah that whole story he's great it's him he's a criminal and uh mark rufalo is the head of a four person task force that's trying to stop these guys who are doing home invasions but it's he's fun to watch dude it's so yeah it's so good right it's so dark and so fucked up isn't it slow and a little bit at the beginning it may be it's so not slow that i was like so much had happened by episode three that i thought would be conclusion of the story i'm like jesus christ what's it called again task task i was like oh everyone on the show is just a great actor it's so good everything but on madison they all came together at the table and they realized that this is what the husband wanted and they were all laughing and then somebody started crying and they're like why are you crying it's like this is what he would have wanted and then you got your period and then and then dawn told you you were getting blood on the couch from your pussy it does make me it does make me mad that dawn didn't shed one tear yeah and you're just crying next i had i had a pause i go i can't watch the show she knows i'm just emotionally fucking dying well she knows how to behave herself in public whatever whatever dude i'm connected to my feelings jay okay and i'm proud of it all right hang on let me read what alan said to me why it's okay tell him you're connected to your feelings and it's oh yeah that's it i'm connected to my feelings jay you come in with my hot chocolate yo yo keep it rolling jay yo yo buddy this is gonna hurt so much more than last comic standing this is five minutes of just me doing christ knows what really making black people like me and i have a swagger as i walk to that stage that lets me think i knew had a panda by this point perhaps oh you're a panda of course oh you're a panda oh of course um hot chocolate lips hot chocolate lips and yo baby hot chocolate lips what the fuck are we just saying i want to watch this by myself oh task what's so funny about so it takes place in uh in pennsylvania um and everyone's got the affiliate accent so these serious intense moments i can't help it laugh because they're keeping the accent so like you guys are over there in the house i'm gonna go escape it out it's something really talk like yeah there you go i i promise you tomorrow all this is gonna be over yeah it's really it it takes me out of it for a second but just like it's so good it doesn't matter i found a new genre in porn um where guy on guy no i had that a long time ago okay um i'm gonna it's uh i do that now it's uh no no it's that guy guy guy guy girl watches it's actually discussed it's guy on guy and then a big guy who uh assimilates to be a black guy comes in but he's a white guy he's a yo yo yo you guys suck in each other's corks um no the new genre is so it's a massage right okay but they break it up into four parts the first one the guy comes in it's like a friend's girlfriend right um and then he comes in gets a massage and his penis kind of flops out a little she's it's all right whatever and then it ends the second one he gets her to take the towel off and then gets her to give him a hand job and that's it the third one he takes it they take the towel off he gets her to blow them right to completion then the fourth one towels off it's like a build up so it's forced it's for a little 30 minutes of one scene that's crazy fast forward through the through the dialogue of the beginning which i've already heard okay but i did originally watch the whole thing so by the fourth one they have full blown sex blah blah blah but i like it but the girl in it the reason why i love it it's a chick it's this blonde chick from philly and she has the philly accent oh really which is such a dirty yeah dirty slutty oh when a chick goes you know when he goes what do you want to come she goes in my mouth it's like uh i'm like oh i i i never i barely make it past mouth we found her i've i've i've gone back and looked at her stuff cuz i thought fuck i can't remember her name does anybody else remember it was uh i think a guy said at one point sent us a thing it was like this is my ex-girlfriend we did porn together one of its her and then uh she said if i heard her name i would fucking remember it but she was like a porn star that did like a lot of stuff and it was always that it's like you know stepmom remember that like stepmom fuck stepson and she's always like yeah we're doing you're out all day your dad's not hanging you want me to suck your dick oh i love it you don't remember that i love it it's like i'm gonna say charlie baltimore but it's not that because i think it's baltimore accent maybe it's charlie baltimore we heard it on this show right yes yeah years ago see if you just look up porn star with baltimore accent because it's they might call the baltimore same accent doesn't matter i'm gonna send you this one don't they usually set where the girls name it somewhere no charlie baltimore's a rapper oh um not her don't even do charlie baltimore just do porn star accent clover baltimore哎哎哎哎哎 Oh, it is? That's her! That's her! That's my, she's my favorite! That's her! You gotta get it when she's talking. She goes, Hey, go on, Beth, come. Yeah, man. Oh my god, it's so perfect. Oh yeah, we did a whole dig on her. I think her ex-boyfriend listens to this show. That's her, man. Wait, let her talk. Turn it up. Oh, god. Oh, it looks like a piece of lamb. Yeah, you like when I get and fuck them a duke. She's so hot. Stop it. Dude, that is my fucking 100% speed. A girl with cum already on her pussy? No, not that part, but all the other parts. Okay. Coming there? Coming there. Yeah, it's all leaking out down my thighs. Oh my god, she's so hot. Yeah, you're my dildo. She must have been booze since like afternoon. Oh, man. You want me to put it in my poop or my cooch? She's such a dirty filigree. She still goes to tanning beds. She's got the tanning bed, little lines in her ass crack because she doesn't spread her cheeks open. Well, it's Balmore. She's from Philly, right? Balmore. What do you mean? It's from the same accent. It's the same. Baltimore has the same accent as Philly? Yeah. Never knew that. You learned so much on this show. You watched The Wire? They have the same accent. I did not know that. I didn't pick that up. I only know the shitty Philly accent. Yeah, go to another one where she talks a lot more. Right there. So where she's talking in the store. Right here. Yeah. Yeah, you want to see my shitter in the store? Bring up the one. Yeah, I want to see one of her when she pretends to be a legitimate masseuse. Oh my God, her cans are perfect. Oh, they're not. Yeah, dude, dude, they are perfect. Okay, they're perfect, huh? Thank you. I'm screaming. Those are perfect cans. They're fake. I don't care. Well, it can't be perfect. They're fake. In your world of fucking ghetto fucking-ness? Perfect. To me, those are perfect. I love those cans. Wait, wait, she's talking. Oh, look at her goofy space between her teeth. Oh. You got a boundary? A boundary. A boundary. Yeah, you got a boundary right now? You got a boundary? Oh, please show me more. I can't believe it's the same girl. Oh, that little dumpy ass she has. She's got a little dumpy Philly ass. I think it's just bad underwear, quite honestly. Oh, let me see it. If we're talking more. Yeah, I mean, Walmart late night. Oh, it's so hot. That's mine. Oh. I hate that. I hate the previews on this stupid thing. Dude, I love that we fucking... You found Clover Baltimore. Oh, look at her. She's talking. Oh, yeah, she's talking. No. No, you're welcome. You're welcome. See you, much. Yeah, I appreciate it. Oh, boy. Oh, man, you're so up in my guts. She's got that stupid gap between her teeth, which I love. It makes you look a little nerdy. You know what? Fuck the Patriots. Go birds. Go birds. Free Palestine. Go birds. One more taste before we shut it off. One more, just the opening, please. Just a little bit. Stop, that's what everybody's doing. All right. You do. Everybody ready to laugh now? Keep it rolling then. That's what everybody do. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Keep it rolling. Don't let it go to where it becomes white. Yeah, yeah, I've been ready to laugh. J, what you think about, man? Yo, man. Yo, J, J, J, J. That's going to be bad. Yo, J, what do you think about, man? It's six minutes. Yo, man, it's six minutes. Duggy fresh your own. It's going to take us longer to get through this. It's going to take longer to get through this than to get through fucking Christine's comedy. Oh, yeah. That was just... She only had five people in the crowd. How many did you bring? No, I only brought a couple people at this tour. I would bring people because I had to, not because I had to, because I wanted to. Why? No, there wasn't bringer shows. Well, the first times I brought, I brought nobody. The time I brought people, I went on stage because they paid their five bucks or whatever. Now, when you walked up like that with that swagger, and then you grabbed that mic and you had your arms kind of one going one way, the other going the other. I don't even know what I'm about to talk about, yo. And when you grabbed that mic and you swung that handle and grabbed that mic, and then you put your head down, you timed it perfect. Your head was up, and then when you did cut it, your head went down almost like the switch on the record just shut off. Yeah, you know what's up. You know what's up. Could you understand what was up? Let's keep it rolling, Jay. Slap that shit. Let's slap that shit, son. Oh, you slapped the microphone stand, too. Look at your little slap on the mic. Boom and boom. Cut it. Yeah, cut it. Oh, man. Whatever. Whatever's clever. I'm up here now. Why can't we hear it? Yeah, I played some. I played some rooms before. I was right right now. This is primarily an all black club. I play usually all black clubs. I'm used to it. I don't try to win you guys over in those special ways. I don't try to pull those special moves, talk about rap or rappers or rapping, trying to get you guys to be on my side shit. If I'm funny, I'm funny. Glad, please. If I suck, boom me off the stage. You know what I mean? Just give me a fair chance. I don't try to. Oh, you're fucking spagging. What is happening? You're Martin Luther King, speaking it. Guys, just give me a fair shake. Can I tell you something? I know myself. Hey, guys, let me ask you a question. I feel like something big is coming. I know. Don't ask what the crowd can do for you. Ask what I can do for the motherfuckers in the crowd. I have a dream that all y'all are going to be laughing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was on the mountain top, eating a fillet of cheese steak. Muff, fucker. And I saw my reality. Which yo bull shit. Yo, yo, yo. Which yo bull shit. Which yo bull shit. No, Bobby, I feel like I know myself. Oh, really? I mean, I might be wrong about this. Yeah. To know that I'm setting up something. That fake like, so just give, I'm just never being that earnest. Give peace of chance. I definitely wasn't being that earnest, but I'm about to do something I bet fucking foolish as shit, something real. Like, come on, black people like me. I don't want to hear it after. I don't know either. I just want to hear up until this point one more time though. Okay. Is there a possibility that this set ends with you taking your clothes off? I don't. Oh, please. Hang on. Let's all stop before you enter. Let's all pray together. Hold hands. Everybody hold hands. Everybody hold my hand. Hold my hand. Hold my hand. Lou, you just pretend to hold my hand. Hold the camera up. You can do the camera. I'll pray right now. Christine, lead us here. Lou, Lou, you're over a little. Give him a little help. He's not even helping at all. That's all right. We'll just touch fingers. Okay. Lord Jesus Christ, baby Jesus, please, if there's anybody up there, I want to manifest into reality right now. The walls of lack and delay now crumble away. Please let J-J-J-J get fully naked at the end and do his closing bit. If there's anything I can do for you, I pray for you, Lord Jesus, in your name right now, let at the end of this set tomorrow, J, get down to his underwear. Our Father, what in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us this day, our daily joy, be with you, trust us, be with those trust us, God's will, please, not in temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen. Thy will, not mine be done. Shabbat shalom. Shabbat shalom. Christine, you know what? I'm going to turn away real quick. Why don't you put your, put your, the mouse over on the end of the video. See what little thumbnail shows you. Did you do it? White people. It would be the very end. I ain't pandering to you motherfuckers, motherfuckers. Yo, man. White people and black people be laughing together. I may hold hands and shit. I may go, my whole life. He is not naked. Right. But there's something. Oh, good. Turn away. Let me see just a little. I'm just going to. Turn away, J. I feel like you should see, you don't want to see, you want to see it now? I just want to see, I just want my response. Okay. Just my response. Just get it there. J, look away. Oh God. Just let me see. Just to see if it's worth tuning in on Thursday. Oh. And how many people we need in here? I'll know. Maybe it's good with just me and Finoya. Maybe it's just us three in here tomorrow. Maybe it's just us. Oh my God. Do you see what's that? Get everyone. Okay, it's gone. Everyone. Is it gone? Oh my God. Is it good? Are. Fucking. Fuck of hack. Wow. You didn't show that, did you? Oh my God. Something good's coming. Oh, you stink. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Wow. Was it juicy, Lou? I saw a peek. It looks like some sort of gimmick. Oh no, no, no. Man, what? Oh my God. You are a. Oh my God. Oh God, I can't wait. First of all, I don't know what it is, but it's something. It's something. He did something. Oh, he did something. Oh, he did something. He did something. He did something. He did something. For sure. And let me tell you something. You need to go to Hobby Lobby to get this something going on. I know it is. I know it is. I have questions. I've told the story before. I know what it is. Shut up. Shut up. What is it? What's your question, Christine? I'm just, because it seems like it ties into the beginning of the set. So I'm like, did you take the whole set or was there a, I just really. I just really want to know how this flows. We will know. Let me see. I'm standing again. No. When I come out. Would that be indicative of something? No. I just bring up biggie smalls. You stand on the same way. Biggie spalls walking in life. Good. Oh, shit. How many, how many can we find a bunch of other black comics that do the same thing Jay does when he enters on stage? Look at that. What is that? Sure. I'm just like, I'm just a shit DJ. I got stuff I gots to say. Let's keep it rolling. Now. Yeah. What's up? That's my girl, Jamie back there. Y'all. I mean, let me hear you. Trying not to attack her and all up in that shit. My voice is also, I probably didn't smoke cigarettes yet. You look pretty, I'll tell you this. You look pretty jacked in the arms. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's definitely not your. That's definitely not your fattest. No. Your arms are pretty jacked up. Let me hear the beginning again. Just a little bit, please. Play it loud. Short hair. Cut it. What's up? How's everybody doing? How's everybody doing? Good. Everybody ready to laugh now? Keep it rolling. How's everybody doing now? This is primarily an all black club. I'm playing usually all black clubs. Hang on. I want to get inspired again. Let me get inspired today. Let's keep it rolling. Let's keep it rolling. We have to announce, let's go back to this for in the second, but we have to announce some people need to either jump on socials or call in. We need, me and Bobby set this weekend, we sat this weekend with those joke premises we're giving to us. They were all terrible. They were all too convoluted and that was our fault. We didn't give good directions here. Simple. Right now I have people call in. One word. One word, snakes. There you go. One word, call in 866.969.1969. We need one word premises. Me and Bobby are going to take three apiece. Yeah, too much. So we're going to take three apiece, call in. One word premise, we have new joke nights tonight. It's tonight. It's tonight. We're going down. Off the cuff. And it's usually packed, sold out and everybody's going up with really good, mostly good ideas. And premises, we need good ones. Well written new jokes is what they will have. Yeah, you can't give Jay like wiggers. You could. Yeah, you could. It just goes up. The way he used to go up. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Yeah. Cut that shit. There's no music playing, Jay. What up with it? Jacob, did you see what was going to happen at the end of that video? No. Oh, God. Jacob, it will heal you. So I'm just... Jacob, you'll feel better immediately. Watch it. Nothing can stop me from coming in tomorrow. I can't see this. I can't see this. In the last week, it was so jarring for me to see Bobby because, you know, even before I started working with him, he was always Robert Kelly to me. You know, he's always looked at him like this professional veteran. And then I saw that and it just... And now I can't wait to see this. And now I'm not Robert Kelly. I'm... You are. Hot chocolate. Smosh malleos. This is what I call Gabriel Iglesias, Ralphie Gonzalez. And then this weekend, they broke the world record of fucking comedy show attendance at the SoFi Stadium. There you go. Him and Joe Coy. Joe Coy. Wow. You see Joe Coy's house? No. Jesus. It looks like Tony Stark's house. I saw it when he had a while ago. No, he's got a brand new one. When he had his mom with him. When he had his mom with him. Just finished. Yeah. Yeah, it's like Tony Stark's house. Yeah. It's nuts. It's fucking crazy. Where'd you see it? It was on the internet, dude. Those things. Yeah, there it is right there. In Vegas? Dude, it's crazy. 10 million. I saw it as 11 million. But it's fucking... Inside is nuts. It's got all this new technology and crazy custom staircase. Look at this. It's very nice, but it is looking out at the fucking desert. Yeah. It's a little weird. Yeah. I wonder if the sun sets great. Oh, it's got to be great. On the red rocks at night. The inside is just spectacular. I mean, good for him. That house is nuts. But 11 million in the desert of Vegas is 38 million. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the East Coast. Look at his Los Angeles house. Go up there. Right there, the second one. Yeah, that's nice. That's crazy, too. That's way better. Yeah, that's crazy. Way better. No, it's not better. It is. Probably smaller. It's probably smaller. I don't know, but that is way better. It's way better. But that looks like a company building. Yeah. That's not really... That's the problem with buying an 11 million dollar house at all. You have to have 45 friends to make that couch make sense. It's not that. You need to have what you actually need for this, though, is like six kids. Yeah, you got to have a lot of people to make that house. Just a guy, an adult living there is terrifying. Wow. I love when they get these tubs that nobody ever uses. I hate that kind of a tub. When was that took you to a bath? Oh, I mean, in a hotel. Taking a bath is the worst thing because you never judge the water right for your fatness. That's what... That outside is nuts. Outside is nuts. I don't even know what's a pool and what's a pond. Well, yeah, I mean, he's been doing arenas for a long time. It's like, you don't hear about it because it's like he has an Asian fan base. Oh, fucking... Dude, I had to take the fucking little things off of my faucets yesterday that I have to put onto the winter so the pipes don't freeze. What is it? Huh? Little heater? Yeah, they're little insulators that I have to put onto the faucets on the outside. Yeah. And this guy's got that. I think he has a faucet guy. Yeah, he does. Look at there it is right there. That's his new house. You might have a faucet guy that lives at the house. Look at that staircase. It's just nuts. Nah, I don't like spiral staircase. I'm out in the same place. Oh, I love it. I love a floating staircase and a spiral staircase. Somebody who's been at your weight so many times. It's crazy for you to say that. But remember my spiral staircase in New York? Yeah. Loved it. Horrible. I loved it. It was terrible. I'll tell you what, my front steps outside of my house, I'm sick. Now not only are almost all of them are loose, but also even when they're not loose, I have to walk down them sideways because they don't fit my feet. I'm like all the way out. So it's like... I know your practice is going on stage. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo. Yo, yo. I have to walk diagonal and they're all loose, but my feet don't fit on the steps. My feet are too long. We have to see if Keith can come in. We need a black comic to come in and see if you're actually authentic. Well, while we're waiting for people to call up with their one word topics for us to break up tonight, we need to definitely... You should start doing some reach outs right now, I think. Yeah. We should do some reach outs here. Let's see. Let's look up. The Louisiana Purchase. Oh, shit. Okay. What else we got? Nicknames? Gay brother. Okay, there's three. There's three. Is that my brother? Yeah, make up a gay brother, guys. Is that my brother? Is that Andrew? Is that Andrew Kelly? Andy Kelly? Andy Kelly. All right. Someone write those down so we have them. All right. What is it so far? We only got two? Three. What's the other one? You said two. Louisiana Purchase. Yeah, gay brother. Gay brother. And what's the other one? You didn't say it. I did. It went away. Oh. What was it, Lou? Nicknames. Oh, nicknames. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, there's still more coming through. Louisiana Purchase. You know, the old Louisiana Purchase. That's going to be a hard one for me. Well, I don't know what it is either. I've heard of it. The Louisiana Purchase. Yeah. That's when they... Don't work it out now, me. I'm not going to work it out. I'm just telling you what it is. What is it, Jacob? Thomas Jefferson purchased the Louisiana Territory, basically doubled the size of the United States and connected us to the Pacific. I believe. Yeah, that whole shit. It's a... Sweet deal. Yeah, it was a correct deal. Got a first deal. Yeah, he did 15 mil. We had to kill a bunch of Indians for that. And now what we still let the Louisiana people talk like this, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say... It's better than the Philly people talking like this. Yo, what's up? Yo, keep it rolling. Yo, blow a load in my fucking stupid mouth. Keep it rolling, yo. Yo, I'm going to gargle your balls in a fucking stupid bitch mouth. You promised not to tell. I turned your English back down. What the fuck happened back there? Do you know the Philly accent is from England? Nope. I'm fucking with science. There are... Watching that task show again, though, there is so funny, like, the words that you're forced to say in, like, that area. Like, there's so many Indian words. It was like Gloucester, Skiukel, the Skiukel River. Skiukel is like the stu... It's such a dumb word. S-C-H-U-L. It's like Shulkill. It's like a real fucking river. Is it an Indian... Is it from an Indian tribe or something? I think so. I think it's all Indian words. Probably an Indian tribe. We just named shit after him. It goes with the beat. Oh, this is also a play. Yeah, Whistle Hicken. Those are all places out there that sound fucking hilarious. And, like, you know that wasn't the first way it was ever said. Yeah. The main actor is Tom Pelfrey. He's from New York. Tom Pelfrey. Ozark. Yeah. He's from New York? Yeah, he's not from Philly, but his accent is pretty damn good. Oh, the whole show. Everyone's doing a good job. Yeah. I want to know, what episode you on? Four. Four. Okay. Let's talk about it when you see more. Yeah, and they fucking... There's only three more episodes. What's it called again? The fucking Task? Task. Task. And I have to say, I watched the trailer and it didn't really make me want to watch the show. Yeah, the trailer was not indicative of the show. The show's so good. I'll tell you what. It's one of those acting shows. I'll tell you what. That's why Madison is awesome, because the acting is the best. Right. The show, Marshals, which is another Taylor Sheridan spinoff, fucking blows. Oh, I heard. Well, you said, what's that called? You called it something. It's... Come on, you got it. It's such a pee. Procedural. Procedural. Jacob, how's he going to learn? I don't. Oh, sorry. I refuse to learn. You see the way I grab the microphone stand still? I've learned nothing. Jacob loves to say it. I thought you wanted to call out. Jacob wanted to say that, because he's the one who told me what it was called. That's why he wanted to let you know that it's him. Yeah, when we come back from break, can I cut the music? Yeah. Fuck you. You should get... Tonight when you go on stage, I'm going to have Liz play a song. Okay. And you have to go, yo, cut that shit. Yo, what up, y'all? Please. You can't just bring it back forever. I'll do my set in full wigger if you want. Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. And I'll go back to... I'll do marshmallows and hot choppulopolis tonight. I mean, some may still get wet, Jason. Oh, what an easy way for you to get out by just doing a joke you already know, and it's going to work. You get to go back to full wigger. That's easy for you. I don't know what the hell I'm going to say. But you know you're going to say it like this, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Easy and a purchase and shit. You don't know shit about that, white people. I'll tell you the only thing I'm bummed about not watching more of this video now. I agree. We should watch it with people and I should get my trashing. Yes, you should. But if we were able to get a couple of bits from this, have you do marshmallows and have me do jokes from this set would be so... How could I fucking revive these jokes? Marshmallows would be so simple to revive. Oh my God. Hot choppulopolis? Had new jokes night in New York City? Dude, you will murder. I wanted to do it. I was going to do it at the Verve because Christine was there. I had a plan. I was going to close with marshmallows and hot choppulopolis. I was going to do it at the end, but some shit happened. We'll get into it after the break. Some shit happened. Yeah, we have to break out of here the story. Yeah. Fucking crazy. But I had full intentions to lay down the hot chocolate, the marshmallows and the hot choppulopolis. Hot choppulopolis. Hot choppulopolis. On the bed with my hot choppulopolis. On the bed with my hot choppulopolis. On the bed with my hot choppulopolis. On the bed with my hot choppulopolis. On the bed with my hot choppulopolis. On the bed with my hot choppulopolis. I can still do the voice. I know. I got it. I can't do the voice from that video anymore because it's been affected by. Because you'd be canceled. 25. That's why. Times have changed, you wicker. I'm saying the actual tone of my voice has been hit by about, I don't know, it's called 3,000 packs of cigarettes and stuff. And weed. Yeah. And weed. You got to go up one night and just beat old Jay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's up? Oh, you'll walk up. One arm goes this way and the other arm goes that way. And that I'm swooped back, lands on the mic. Or then a cut. I just gave a dope ass fucking like handshake with Tourette who was bringing me on stage, one brother to another, passing the mic. Yeah. That's what you do, man. You got to do it. Get nice with it. Back at Philly. Yeah. Back at Philly. You got to get nice with it. Now did Tourette have any thoughts on this when you did it? I think he always told me I was doing phenomenally. I'm talking thoughts to other black comics while you're on. Oh, maybe. It's very, very possible. This motherfucker. Oh, look at his dude here. Look at this motherfucker. He just said keep it rolling. This should inspire people. To be themselves? No. Oh. No, no, not at all. To pander if you must. You should inspire people. You could just get a chain from them all. You don't have to get an expensive ass chain. Jay, I think we all panned. We all did for sure. No, I'm saying but it really is such a good like seeing the set this young and how like different it is might be great for people to see that it's like, you know, because like no one knows your name until you're doing it already. You know, I mean, at least back in the day, people knew my name during marshmallows and hot chop a lavalas. Well, no, but I'm saying this is my one of my earliest sets here clearly. So like whatever it is, when did you, but you, you were kind of a wiggory for a while. Right. In comedy. Yeah. And then you just, then you just dressed it. No, it was. Did you switch it up? Like if you were in the city and then you went to a black club when I knew you, did you switch it up a little bit? Maybe. Did you, what do they call that? Code switch. You code switched? No, I don't think I did because I really didn't ever, and I said, this is why I'm gonna be biting myself in the ass by saying this, but it's the best of my knowledge. It looks like I put more of the tone into it than I thought I did, but I don't think I ever picked up the words. I was talking to Joe Russell yesterday and he said to me, I was telling him about this. And he said to me, do you know, Noam paid me to go to his house. He has every set of every comic ever performed at the cellar on VHS tape and he paid me to transfer it to digital. And I've seen all of big J's comedy from back in the day. I don't, he did say it was different, but he didn't tell me how it was different, but he did say, so I could get, if I wanted to, I could talk to Noam and get your first or second ever set at the cellar. Oh yeah, see if you can get my audition. And you got naked, did you ever get naked at the cellar? No, but I did a sing and dance at the end. Of course, why would you not? That's the joke I did on TV. Yeah, jazz hands. We know your jazz hands. I want to tell you guys, we should put a compilation of all the different versions of J. Jazz hands J, down to my undies J, black J. Oh man, how great would it be if I got down to my undies on this set? That sucks. It sucks. This gotta be it. It's gotta be somewhere. Yeah, it has to exist, but this is going to be bad. This is going to be bad. It's already terribly good bad. Oh, it's wonderful. It's wonderful. Oh no, it's going to be wonderful, but it's going to be bad. But also it's going to be inspiring as we heard. You will be inspired from whatever speech that you're giving right now. No, no, not inspired by what I'm saying in this set. Well, it inspired me. I know. It inspired me, Jay. Yeah. What you were saying about black people and white people and that you weren't going to go up there and pander to them, that inspired me. Out of the gate, I was like, this guy's got something. I think I'm going to have a stroke. Why? I don't know. This kills you. If this gives you a stroke. Jockstraps. Jockstraps. Okay. That's a good one. Write that down. Jockstraps. You need one word or two word. Yeah. 866969. 1969. Got some good ones. We need some. We need some. It's a good one. You want that one, don't you? You can have it. Okay. Oh, shit. I didn't like how you took it so quick. You probably have a nice hot Jockstrap joke. Back from there. Yo, you guys know me, you man. Yo. You have that, you dick. Yo, yo, yo. It's like, I need a Jockstrap. My shit's so small. That's a damn. Most people come up here and say your dick is big. My shit's small. I can cover my shit with the back of the Jockstrap. I had it on shit on backwards. It still worked. Damn, I says I say I say. I wish you would. I said that motherfucker. I think you should go and see. He's fucking with the wrong one now. You could do anything, man. You could do anything with that accent. All these titles are no problem with that. Absolutely. I'm just going to go, DJ, put that on one more game and then Liz has to turn the song back on. Yeah. Oh. Yo, DJ, cut that shit. Now, y'all ever knows when people are wearing Jockstraps? That shit, I don't know. How the fuck do them things work, man? It's all flat and shit. Push your dick. Just mush your dick in your body. That ain't protecting my dick. Shit, the Jockstrap hurting the dick itself. Put that shit back on one more game. DJ. Keep it rolling. DJ, cut that shit. Now, that's what I'm talking about. Louisiana Purchase. Now, I'm going to tell you this. I take care of my kids. Ain't nirbing, Jay. Lose another topic coming in on the topic wire. Lose the topic phone. But if all these topics we actually make into killer jokes. Tonight on the fly. We do a special just me and you. It's called Topics. Topics. Just give it Topics. Look at all the topics that just came in. Three topics. Oh, topics upon topics. You say that number and they call in 866 and 969 1969. Topics, topics, topics. Or just tap that up. But you know that. Tap that ass. Tap that app. Thank you, magic. That's why you're magic. You know, we didn't fucking, we didn't fill in the gaps. I should have known that being an influencer. You tap that app. The influence. Yo, you tap that app. Dude. I didn't like Bobby's. Who's that? Is that the family? That's the family. Yeah. Hi, family. Good boy. Did you watch Madison? I was sick as I was yesterday. I woke up Sunday morning and got to have breakfast with the Kellys on Instagram. I do. We have Sunday in their kitchen. Every Sunday we have breakfast. And he invited everyone. I invited them all. Why don't you just enjoy some time with your family? I do. But I want people out there who have families to know. Why do you make your family do a one act play for breakfast instead of just being able to enjoy themselves? First of all, I casted them and I'm the director of the house and I make the money. So get on that. Actually took me three takes to get that, Jacob. Ken in Wisconsin just says porn. It's too easy. Let's write it down. Just in case. Sure. Let's write it down. You never know. Porn. It looks like you're saying something you didn't say before, I guess. I guess, yeah. Porn. Yeah. Yeah. I got one. No. You have a current joke about porn? No, I don't. Remember you just told me about jerking off that lady from Philly? I did like that. Yeah. Stop sticking your tongue in my butt. I took a dump earlier at work today. Where do you want me to come? Oh, right. My stupid whorebag mouth. Oh my God. I laughed and see it the same time as I almost died. Come all over my stupid whoreface. Put my mouth. Blast it. What happened to the screen? Why did it go all the upsettingly gray? I thought this Jacob was talking. Did they all go away? No, no, everything's fine. Everything's fine. We had like 16,000 callers up there. Now there's just one. Yeah, they all gave up. What happened? Okay. Hot barbecue. That's for you. That's for old you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calling it from Dallas. It's Chris from Dallas. It says hot barbecue. Hot barbecues are. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. We'll gather these all up and by the 40 end of the show we'll divvy up three a piece. Right. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You're going to spend the whole ride down trying to think of something in your head. I don't know, dude. I think I'm just going to go up. We just going to wing it. Just go up, dude. Just go up. Believe in it. Believe in hot barbecue. Hot barbecue. Which one did you take already? Nothing. You took Jockstrap. I didn't take anything yet. No, I said you could have it and you were like, I'll take it. I said okay, but we can still talk it out. Look, I don't like, you know what? I want you to pick first. Okay. I don't like your, I don't like when you like this. I'll pick first when you pick second. I don't like when you're so agreeable. Oh, I just got hot. Thank you, Lou. I just want you happy. I want you happy. You know why? Because you're so close to being the real you right now. You're so close. Yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo. What's up, Jay? Oh, oh, Jay, just get back. That's going to be. Yo, yo, man. Who are we going? We got, you got to make some phone. You got to reach out right now. I will. Yo, man. Chill. Chill. Sorry. Chill. Why Jay gets nervous? Yeah, why Jay gets nervous, man? Be black, Jay. Yo, chill, Jay. Bobby Kelly's going to be at comics roadhouse in Connecticut. Is that this weekend? This weekend? No. No, no, no. It's April. I'm not fucking kidding. April 17th and 18th. I'm at the cellar this weekend. Friday and Saturday. Ooh. After that, Bobby's going to be at Uncle Vinnie's in New Jersey, Cleveland, Ohio, New Orleans, for tickets and all of his tour dates. Visit punchup.live.com. Of course, go to his YouTube channel, Robert Kelly Comedy and Light Clockwork, 7 p.m. every Tuesday, the fat black pussy get lounged at the Comedy Seller. Yo, tickets now. Yo, big Jay. Yo, big Jay. He's going to be at Desert Ridge and Prov. Go in Phoenix this Thursday, March 26th. Why do I go to England? I don't know. What the fuck is happening there? I haven't watched it too many Peaky Blinders. You were on the Fritz. Tommy. You were on the Fritz. I can't. I can't. The Philly accent goes right into your shirt. I thought you were just doing the Wigger thing. Then it went Philly and then it went to full blown British. Almost like you. Yeah. Code switch. Cod switch. Yeah, Cade switch. The 26th and then he's going to be at the Tempe Improv Friday, March 27th and Saturday, the 28th. After that, this motherfuckers going to be in St. Louis or Lando, Kansas City and Las Vegas, motherfucker. For tickets and all of the tour dates, go to bigjaycomedy.com, youtube.com slash epic Jay Ocuson. We'll be right back. It's the Bonfire. Grab the Unrivaled Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra with an incredible privacy display on EE, the UK's best network. You can save £20 per month plus claim a Samsung Galaxy Tab S10 Lite. Now we're talking. So get yours today. Offer ends 28th May. Saving on minimum 24 months, 125 gigabyte airtime plan, eligibility, credit check in terms of apply, credit by EE Limited, claim from Samsung within 30 days of purchase. Verify best network at EE.caddy.cash claims. At 2E, we give you more. More outfit choices with 20 kilograms of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels built around what you love, like that swim up suite. More race you to the bottom, water parks on site. More, ooh, that looks good. Food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in-store or online. You book it, 2E sort it. At all and after protected, keys and Cs apply, selected hotels are on Lisey website for details.