Giggling about housewives, brand deals, and anal beads

I mean the day just got away from me. Hello my groundbreaking giglars. Are we on? Oh. We're on. We're on. We're live. We're here. Can I just do a quick PSA? Sure. Because you know we like to keep it real? Yeah. Like we're fucking like we're vulnerable and real. I just know that most people when they stop listening to the pod they think to themselves how is perfect. Like that's the first thing you get for it. You're like oh my god how is so perfect. She's aspirational yet inspirational. She's a redhead yet also a brunette. How does she do it? I should believe in yourself. But I just want you guys to know I'm actually not perfect. I failed my Invisalign. Like I had it perfect at one point and everyone was like you're so perfect. And then I actually felt like I wasn't relatable because my teeth were like really fucking straight. So then this last year I haven't done it. And I think I have to do the like walk of shame where I have to go back to the dentist and be like hey how y'all doing. And I have to start Invisalign over because the bottom of my teeth look like cemetery that like is a bad cemetery. I hate to kick you when you're down. I truly truly do. No I know because you're on your shit. Well I just finished and I'm going to go get my permanent retainer like next week because I can't be trusted to wear it every single night. I can't either especially with all the travel. So I'm going to get a permanent one on my bottom teeth and then I'm going to see if I'm going to do Invisalign for my top because I had to separate them. Are you more of an Invisalign top or bottom? I went bottom first which I wonder what that says about me. I know. I'm a chaotic bottom. That's what someone told me. We are messy bottom. We are strong bottom. We are messy bottoms. We're matching. We are. Well I do have to say you guys when you hang out the amount of time that me and you hang out and talk you do start getting the same words. Sorry my Instacart just gave me an alert that they are in fact going to send me a different toaster. Are you okay with that? I'm okay with that. Is this not a great? I'm on a real toast. I don't care because I'm on like a real you know like. What are you toasting? My meal right now this is going to be disgusting that I'm eating over and over again. Your hyper fixation meal. Tuna sandwich. Okay you're speaking to the tuna queen. I am able that. But only homemade not ordering tuna. How much mayo are you putting in it? I'm moderate to I'm heavier rather than being light. Are you doing mustard? No. Are you doing relish? No. No relish? No. Are you doing lemon? I'm doing tuna. No. Mayo. Mm-hmm. Onion powder. Oh. Garlic powder. Oh. Salt pepper. Oh. Cheese on my sandwich. But I don't toast the bread because the tuna I don't like a tuna melt. Hot tuna is legal. And then I'm doing Lay's ruffles. Hashtag responsible Lay's. Then I'm doing. On it. Sweet. No I'm side. Okay. Then I'm doing American cheese on it though. Uh huh. I'm doing sweet baby petite pickles. If you only fuck around with like dill pickles or you and you're not in the sweet baby pickle game you're really. You just love them because they're little and cute not because they actually taste better. They're sweet. They're cute. I can't. I can't. I can't. Wait also you would use American cheese. Love it. Crafts angle right from the fucking plaster. American cheese is so American like you know all the other cheese look at it and they're like you're so annoying. Well they're like you're made in a lab. You're made in a lab. You're fake. You are like the loudest but you don't actually taste better. Wait have you seen that thing where people are trying to be like I can tell if you're in IVF baby. They're saying that they're prettier so like. Oop. Upset. But yeah. Really. But I don't think that's true. I've never looked at someone and been like made in a Petri dish. Growing up in Park Slope Brooklyn there were a lot of power lesbians and just like power women who had like huge careers and then at 42 did IVF and they all popped out like twins. It was so chic. They just pop out twins once. So I had a lot of twins friends and I'm like who's your mom and they'd say like the fucking founder and CEO of something. So I knew that it was twins but I didn't I don't remember the twins being particularly good looking. A twin listening was like okay what's with this. I do find twins to be a bit freaky like just the science of it. It's like oh my god that egg split in half and now there's two of you. If you really break it down it's like quite weird. But I do envy their bond. I really do feel like they're telepathic. They like feel the same thing. I think that is very fascinating. I do also think people with IVF kids you know I don't know about you but my family would joke a lot but like my dad I'd say something like hey can I five dollars for pizza and he'd be like you owe me three hundred thousand dollars. Like he would just like come up with numbers of like the expenses of just being my dad. I wonder if moms who were like I spent what a hundred K possibly to like have you like treat them differently than like an accident or a mistake. That is so dark. It's so dark. It's the morning. Because okay you could argue the same sentiment for like a dog you adopt versus a dog you buy. Oh hell no. Oh hell no. No because the dog you adopt you're like you I saved your life. No I argue you love them equally. Okay yeah yeah. Just like your children. Yeah but like fifty thousand for a baby or like if the kid did anything I'd be like you owe me money. No like you owe me money. If they're disrespectful you're like I literally paid for you and now you're turning on me. That's just not like the manosphere but like you came into this world with value and I gave you that value. Wait I have something that's like kind of annoying me but I don't bring it up. This is this is the space to do it. It might be a bit controversial and I don't mean it to be because you've never said something controversial though so don't worry. I'm and I'll agree with you regardless what you say. So here for the gays. I want the gays. Okay I'm out of this. I don't want to be a part of this. Okay no it's wait just follow me follow me. I'm so here for the gays. I want them to get all the brand deals. I don't care if you wear makeup if you don't wear makeup. I don't care. I don't care. Do whatever I want you to have equal opportunity. With that said something came across my desk. Now you watched the last season of Trader so you know Rob. Yes. Roush. I know him from Love Island. I don't even remember that season now. I didn't know his last name was Roush. Yeah I just learned that. How the fuck do you spell Roush anyway continue. It's not important. I digress. So and not to say that you can't come back from a reality TV edit. Not to say that like you should be held to your edit in a game show. He won the game. Why are you coming for me right now? I'm not. Forgive Hannah. She never had sex in the bathroom. Okay and we're here to say it here and now. Anyway we digress. Wrecking my story. So like whatever Rob should do has many brand deals as he gets fine. He has an ad right now for COSIS lip plumper. And so he wasn't wearing the product. Well no he's not and like that's why I'm saying like if there's a gay man that's like I wear lip gloss and they gave him a brand deal I'd be like yeah I got it. A hot man selling lip plumper and talking about it in the set. Like the ad is him being like I feel everything. I feel hot and then I feel cold. Like I don't know if the lip plumper is like cooling and then like warm. I don't know what the objective was but I know we're talking about it. But it didn't make me like go buy COSIS. Now when Sarah Pigeon did Road I thought. Oh iconic. Oh should I buy a red lip gloss for the summer. Well this reminds me do you remember when Matt Reif did an elf commercial and people rioted. Oh did they. They took down the commercial in like five hours. They were like why the fuck. Well didn't you have other problematic things. Yes yes yes but I'm saying there was the overlying like why is a man getting paid to promote female beauty standards kind of thing. Yeah. I have to say I am wearing COSIS lip if we could do a little close up. Must we. Stonin. Is that for. And does he write but that's actually that's using the product. I think I'm wearing makeup I remember. I just men getting brand deals in general gives me high freaks me out. I don't like it at all. I don't like it at all. Don't tell women what to buy like we're already getting 70 cents on the dollar. Don't tell me to waste my money on more shit. If you're a man and you're in the situation that you are getting brand deals. Yeah I feel like they should be for you guys. Make other men feel ugly and tell them that like they need to like color their hair or they need to use eye patches or pimple patches. Don't mark it to me. Also like brand deals is the one thing that women have like that's why people hate influencers because women are able to get generational wealth from shilling product and men. If you think about it it's not like all of a sudden these companies have all of this money. That advertising money would have gone somewhere but it because it's going to a 19 year old influencer in Iowa people are mad. The men are mad. Also shout out to influencers because before you guys it was going to big business. It was going to you know commercials. Commercials. It was going to networks. We're now they're saving money because when you get an influencer to do your deal there's no production fee. Yeah. There's no hiring. Their overhead is not as. And it's getting more engagement than the commercial that no one's going to watch. And it's getting niche. Like you can hit different mark niche markets. Yeah. But Rob's you know he's having his moment. Right. And he did an erotica book. Did you see that? I did not. Well I love Rob kind of was like I want to live a slow life on a farm. That's how he ended traders which that was the funniest part traders to me. But then he did say like I love attention at some point. Well yeah. Obviously you don't you don't get a snake tattoo. That's right. If you don't like attention. Oh I watch a real house of Rhode Island like out of nowhere just like maybe I could watch housewise again. And I watched it. What do you think? I have thoughts. OK OK. But wait what was I just saying? With Rob with a snake tattoo how he loves attention. I hate when there's a cast of a reality TV show and they're like who's in it for fame? Oh. Who's in it? Oh. Who's the thirstiest? You all signed up to be on TV every single person here. Did you sign up for the love of the game? I love how people in the beginning were like I am here to find love which is totally fine But you can find love anywhere it doesn't have to be on camera on a network television show I do think that Real ITV has shifted in that before it actually was just kind of like crazy people being like fuck it Let's do this experience. Yes, we're nowadays Everyone is like holy shit Like Cardi B was on reality TV and she won a Grammy like Kim Kardashian's reality TV now She's a billionaire like people see that and no one goes on reality TV because they're shy Right, no one goes on reality TV to be like I just want to keep my private life private right um But you were saying you watched Rhode Island. I watch your house. I've said for a while Well, I was on the phone with Lucho the other day I got a Lucho And so and baby boy Island until we just like naturally started talking about him. Yeah, he knows what he literally was the casting director They wanted him on but he'd be so our point He would be so good, but he would never He wouldn't want that life. No, I think it's good for him to maybe like just promote his great photography services Yeah, so the only joke I saw online was that they said every girl looks the same So Lucho will randomly call me and we'll just talk like business and like I'll come up with business ideas And we'll just like chat back and forth. He's just like My gay best. Yeah, he's the best. He's a girl's gay like he can't understand when there's like He is a giggler to his core So anyway, he was like you have to watch real housewives of Rhode Island and I was like, I really can't watch Bravo bravo, and I can't watch house like I just can't do it And so I'm like laying on the couch and I'm like whatever fuck it like I'm just gonna turn it on new because it's new and Like watching a first season of a show usually it's not that dramatic because they've never filmed a TV show before you Haven't really gotten there. They're not fighting about who's more famous yet No, there hasn't been like rumors yet from like blogs or has anyone like trying to take someone down. Yeah. Oh my god Something's in the water in Rhode Island They are so open So vulnerable they don't know and they don't get they have not gotten to the point where they get mad at each other They sit across from each other and they go hey, is it true your husband has a girlfriend? And the girl will be like babe now, but like maybe And then they like go on with their day and it's every single one of them has cheated at some point It's one of the craziest shows the one girl has a Boyfriend of ten years that she only sees for half the year, but she lives in the home in Rhode Island He has another girlfriend in Florida. They're fine with that arrangement Now she's gonna get another but very open And they're like ask me whatever question you want one lady goes on the on the TV and she's like I don't love driving I drove over a woman one time, but I don't love driving and they're like can you can you rewind? And she's like yeah, I drove over a woman next question How more clear I was on for seven years you had no waterboard shit like I It was so crazy Well, that's you said that about Mormon wives have the first season They're so just like and you slept with this person you did this and they're letting it all out and then and the viewer thinks They want that and then they like well the viewer the viewer does want it until Then the viewer gets mad because they're not getting anything from it And then they realize like kick them off the show kick them off the show. I'm not getting anything They're the show. Yeah, that's why that that person is one of the girls looks just like Dolores Um Do you think they're all using this do you think they're all using the same injector? And that's why they're kind of like looking alike or you know, it's funny and I got some inside tea Yeah, I Was like oh, they're all Italian because they marketed it as almost like a rivalry to New Jersey I almost feel like Bravo did that so that New Jersey got their shit in check Oh like they're saying these girls will replace you girls could replace you figure out like they go We don't have room for that many Italians on the network Well, okay, so they marketed it very mafioso. Yeah, none of them are Italian. What yeah No, maybe like one of them is I don't know Brunettes and then Ashley I can Eddie is on it from like bachelor franchise I watched she has a crazy background and she was a podcaster back in the day And I've met her a couple times at Amazon live. She's very lovely on the show. She was always very lovely in real life she is a Gast at the girl. I think she's probably the one that's the most like oh This is like a crazy topic to talk about like your husband having an affair There's one lady on there. That's like everyone's like your husband's cheating on you and she's like I know But like please stop asking about it Basically, she's like I'm gonna live with it and like I want you to live with it She's like we're talking about practice and it's very Fabulous like which is what people want to watch they look good They're full glam Mansions in Rhode Island are gorgeous. Their homes are nice Also, Rhode Island is so small that I actually believe that they are in each other's business We're like New York people like yeah, we've been friends. I'm like y'all never even heard like three of them They're like I've known this person since I was four years old like Ashley and can Adi I don't know if I pronounced that right it can Adi I think I just got PTSD for the first time I interviewed Teresa Judo. I Called her Guadice. Yeah, and she said why do you call me? Sandwich um so Ashley's story was she Was on the Bachelor and did like she was she's really pretty and cute and she did fine Okay, and then she went a bachelor in paradise got it meets this guy Jared who is her husband now They look related which sometimes like that happens with couples, but they look it's brother sister vibes Yeah, they hit it off and then he immediately is like I'm not into this She spends the entire season crying over him. Oh, she's cries a lot on the she She's always crying, but like not an annoying way. It's so funny It's like it's like nice to see someone just She's always crying and I don't remember if it was that season or another season but basically you're like This guy doesn't like you like move on you guys had something I don't know what's going on, but he's like nothing doesn't like you but like you deserve better at this point Somehow the tables turn and he proposes to her Okay, and now and he's from a long road Okay, and Yeah, they own some of that stuff so anyway it is funny how all the reality TV places I think cuz of streaming They're all starting to merge. Yeah, everyone's like they used to be very like the ABC people stay with ABC and The bra like Bravo people weren't going on the Bachelor and stuff I think the biggest thing for me that I see a lot in reality TV Specifically Bravo is like where in the country the show is based Because it says like the fans are quite different The vibe of the show is quite different and the conversation the Salt Lake City housewives and Mormon wives like have they ever intermingled anywhere Salt Lake City and And the Mormon house the secret lives I think like in the wild or on the show like in the wild 100% like yeah, I think they're all at the same events. They all know each other like they're all in the game That is so interesting, right? I have some mental health moments since we just went through some reality TV, okay Do you want to do it before or after we talk about Lamar? What did Lamar do now? Oh? I saw quote, but it was too long of a quote. I didn't read it So he's doing like some type of press tour for the documentary and obviously Every single person that interviews him is like oh my god. Wow Chloe like really saved your life Like she stayed with you for four months She basically told your dad not to kill you and like helped you learn how to talk again And he sits there and he's been looking at every single interviewer and being like well god saved my life He's acting like he's never loved credit to a man. Yeah Of course, he said a man did it No, it's like it's actually really hurtful like it's it seemed the way he's answering is that he seems very annoyed that She's getting any type of credit or any type of notoriety he's re Saying the story in his head differently, so he doesn't have to feel bad that this woman that he hurt this woman so bad That's what I that's my two cents a lot of the comments were like yeah, God sent Chloe Like God didn't come down and say what's up Lamar? Sorry about those erectile dysfunction Did God send you to the brothel too? Yeah, like you can't pick and choose when God is helping you it just it would put a very bad taste in my mouth And it was just like mean I really just felt like it was mean. Yeah, it was like you could have said Thank God for her and also thank God. I know they're not together now And I know they probably have some forms of beef But you can acknowledge that certain people were there for you during a season of your life at the right time Beautifully, right actually not to bring it back to housewives, but Margaret Joseph's I interviewed back in the day because she's she left her husband for her Construction contractor. Yeah, I had said like did you regret your 10-year marriage that you cuz she's like I found the love of my life I found the love of my life And she was like no that man before was the right man of love of my life for that time And then I evolved and this is the love of my life right now And I said okay, I said shout out MJ Well to stay in that same vein Nikki Glaser just went on call her daddy and said I don't mind if my boyfriend hooks up with other girls I personally don't want to hook up with other guys while I'm dating him But if he hooks up with other girls, that's fine to each there she's stronger than me well She joked that she was like I love women and that's ultimate feminist She's like I trust their opinion. My thing is like if your man's hooking up with other girls Hook up with other guys Yeah, that is layers and layers of like psychology that I don't have the capacity to get through right now Yeah, and like I have a full-time job I can't look at your location and then put it together From someone else's look like I don't have the time yeah to look into it I would consume my day. I think Nikki also was kind of like I Know I'm funny and I know that I have a connection with you So if you want to hook up with other girls, that's fine, but I'm like the one you're in love with but I feel like if you are Considering cheating it's so much easier to send a text and be like hey, I hate you. I'll never see you I hate you and I'm actually leaving I just I don't love the idea of me like Needing my man for something and he's on his phone like scrolling through other girls. Yeah, no That's not what I need but shout out to Nikki She has a Hulu special coming out and then I think mine would come out after hers So shout out to Hulu for putting the girls on and stand up. Yeah, I love that I'm actually in like a deep Editing hole right now with my special and you got your hair dyed and I got my hair dyed You like you never know what the red hat like like tinge it's gonna come out and but it's so good My hair I'm getting a vis line and I'm finishing up the edit. We and then it's over for you bitches The edit though is crazy because like I'm literally sitting through hours of footage of myself being like yeah I don't like that angle. That's right side my face click it here. It's it's getting dark Yeah, I'm at the point now where I'm like grace. Can you just tell it? But we did this cute thing where at the end we did exit interviews with like girls leaving So I'm looking through like all the stuff Really cute, I think I'm gonna edit it and put it at the end like with the credits Yeah, which could be cute blooper type thing. Yes. Yes. So that's fun But um, yeah the editing of the special is harder than the two years on the road tedious Tideas and like look there's nothing worse than having to judge yourself Yeah, cuz I try to come from even like watching yourself. Yeah, and having to be like this is good enough This isn't good enough listening to your own voice back. You're like great I'll never speak again in public my laugh like when I do a random laugh my laugh in the background of Instagram stories That was the first you know, it's so funny is because I've gotten so close to my brother's girlfriend She's like truly one of my best friends and when I first met her she has the most Insane laugh. I love her. I love her laugh I fuck with girls with a laugh that you're like did that just come out of you that's I fuck with that To the point where I've looked at her before and been like we're in public Amanda Look, you just see I'm like finally I'm getting the respect I deserve I'm like that's the laugh anything less than that is I don't want it's changed my whole life Because now when I'm with her and we're laughing. Yeah, whatever we're laughing about Immediately becomes ten times funnier because I can tell by the range of her laugh How good of a time she's having and it makes me have a better time and it's like it's just the best thing ever And that's the ethos of giggly squad it kind of is and I sent I actually sent her a tiktok the other day It was like this girl made a tiktok and she was like I just had the realization that there's a girl in the world that gets excited to see my brother's name pop up on her phone And that's discussed And so I sent it to her and she like texted me she was like that was so fucking funny and Gary's so mad about it I Started playing and then immediately start laughing I feel like your brothers want you to get along with their girlfriend until they don't You know what I mean? It's too much and they're like now I'm getting Man me and Amanda like when we go on our family vacation in Italy It's as if I brought my friends. Yes, and then like my brother's there and I'm like, oh, you should like meet my friend Maybe yeah, it's literally there my brother didn't let me meet his girl at first We were in college together because he was like I don't yeah, let me just and I'm like, okay That's rude. He literally kept me away from her There's so many things that my brother will do and I'll look at Amanda and I'll be like I Would leave the one thing that does doesn't have parents or sisters I have no one to look at and be like, okay, you want to hear something beautiful. It's like such a Mental health moment. I truly lived my whole life being like I wish I had a sister Like I can't believe I don't like if I had a sister it had like a built-in like friend that like always takes my side and like always has my back and Now to think that like one day I will have Amanda as my sister Like I already referred to her as like my sister-in-law like if we're somewhere like oh, that's like my whatever And so it really it's kind of beautiful that like I'm getting given a sister It's just crazy like I haven't been here your entire life It's crazy how you erase me from history Like at first I was like this is cute and then I was like this is actually insulting and like attacking me you have a sister-in-law She's an Indiana. Yeah, you know, sorry We don't live in the same city, so it's not like we're okay. Just you throw around best friend sister Wait Grace, can you please rewind? Rewind the tapes. What did Because I've gotten so close to my brother's girlfriend. She's like truly one of my best friends Okay, now we'll continue. Okay. Are you done trying to make me jealous? Also, I will say dating a guy that has You love them too. I love them too. I'm like, oh wow now a Like I want you to get along with other people But I feel like sometimes you're just like I never had a connection with a girl like this and I love her and she's here for me I'm like Who am I to you sometimes like literally my soul my blood sweat and tears Good good. Thank you. You're on a different level Do you know how many times I have to tell my other friends like is she really your best friend? I'm like, I don't even know I'm such I'm such a Leo like Stephanie will at least once every two months be like Who is your best friend though for real? Yeah, and you'd be lying through your teeth to these bitches You look so well Stephanie's wedding here. I Available But I'm not can I just say I'm actually not a jealous friend. No, you're really not. I know this is a bit We're having a Stephanie's think of a flying fuck We're also Stephanie and I talked shit about you behind your back. She lives in Colorado. So I talked shit about it all The time I'm like I literally have a panic attack when I touch it out in your state That's why I can't go visitor. No, I'm actually so annoying though whenever I hang out with someone and they do something Similar to you I'm like page does that they're like you're stop it like stop One more thing about Mormons. Yeah. Yeah, Whitney. Love it is now Like a chief creative officer, which I'm obsessed with that title like yeah, I'm on everyone for the soda drink in New York Genius Yeah, I know what the soda thing is the dirty soda dirty so they put like milk in it They're like this soda isn't isn't bad enough. Let's put more shit to give you diarrhea Yeah, they're at yeah, like it's almost like if you were to get like a vanilla coke It's they're adding hazelnut If you're a kid and your mom was like hey go fuck around at the soda station put anything you want Is it like chocolate milk? They don't know what I want. Well, this is the thing They don't drink coffee in Mormon culture, but then they're allowed to do Adderall, which is just nerdy cocaine. Yeah So like I don't know Soda has caffeine as a girl with a sensitive stomach like one of those sodas would do more damage than like me taking Like LSD like I would bash my head through while I'd be puking out at both holes You could never do well, you don't like and I don't like soda. You don't do carbonation Sometimes you'll do carbonation, but you really don't peer pressure. I will right Like if you're with a new person, they're like we ain't I coked you on one. I'll be like I'm cool I can hang And then I'm like spicy spicy spicy one of my favorite things to brag about you is that your body is so pure I'm like not your mind. I'm like you've never met Hannah, but she's never done a drug She rarely drinks soda. She hates cigarettes. That's why your parents love me Your parents are like a hangout with Hannah more. Yeah, so I don't know age That's what your skin is always glowing. Oh stop now. Stop now. I don't know about other people Look how telepathic we are we both showed up in multicolored track jackets. Oh, yeah, where's yours from? St. Laurel's that is so sickening So sick I love that when when little more than a sewer gene on so good I'm wearing my Lula lemon Indian Wells limited edition. That is cute. Oh, are you like interested in? What is going on this week got the golf stuff? Because I know you love you're like you love old man Stuff yeah, I love retired sports. It's very powerful. I think more girls should get involved in retired activities Yeah, it channels rich men men and that's our vibe I'm watching tennis when golf comes on. I'll watch it. I don't know you're not like oh the like masters or something I haven't I know there's like a masters every week. All I know is Tiger Woods is he's out in these streets That's the only reason I knew about it was because I kept getting Tiger Woods videos And it's like I think he was supposed to be in it speaking of sports and algorithms that haven't hit us. Oh my god There's a chess documentary. Oh Something that you were way too beautiful and cool to ever click on not me though No, it's called untold chess. Okay, it's basically a fight with like a bunch of Geniuses and apparently it happened a couple years ago, but never came across my algorithm like this was like yeah You didn't hear about this. I'm like it never got to like Genzi millennial girl. Yeah, I love that you put in Sorry, I never got to us younger Sorry, you're almost you're 35 When you say it like that it's crazy, but I am Jen alpha No, like we should be mother society is like have a baby I'm like we're in track jackets I am at the point though I did see someone wear something the other day and I was like oh Like where's the rest of her outfit and I'm like I'm turning into my dad No, like every single day I have impending doom that like I'm not evolving as a person And I think that is just being a woman in society like every day. I'm like am I evolved see I'm like I'm evolving too much I miss the bliss. I miss the lack of self-awareness, but this chess documentary is so good Okay, so there's this guy named Magnus. Of course of course He's literally anything out. It's literally doesn't Magnus is the greatest Play of all time also like he's the nerdiest nerd But like happens to be like kind of Disney Prince hot like accidentally like he has like kind of a flown his hair and like Accidentally really hot like hell. Yeah when he speaks you're like oh this guy's never spoken to anyone, but yeah a rock Yeah, but a what a rock is a is a stop Your hot girl brains malfunctioning you're like what So okay, so he's beating everyone like he'll beat people blindfolded How well how old is a he's now like in his 30s? Okay, and he has been beating people since he's like 10 He's right number with his a whole ranking system. Mm-hmm Okay, so then there's this thing called chess calm where all of them train like chess comms where they all are they also stream It's you could watch people playing chess Never cross my desk No, this is like ass jeevs like what chess calm guys get a grip Can you think of something better? So there's this guy that left his family? He's like I left my family and went to New York. They were in Connecticut He's talking like he left like Chess guys to talk though To get on the LIR I And He basically they show his room It's like disgusting but like literally how my room looks and he just all day long like we'll go 30 hours Just like learning chess moves and playing chess calm and on chess calm when you beat people your ranking gets higher And he's this new age of of chess player where he like gets emotional like he'll be like yelling Ranking people on this website and you can be anyone from anywhere You're not considered like a professional Yeah, but when you play a profession like to be able to play a professional you have to be ranked really high But it's like they practice all day these guys This is all they do because there's like a trillion different chess move scenarios and you like Is there money in chess? Like what are they pulling in? Apparently like well, it's very like they'll go to Monaco. They'll go to Miami and do these like tournaments Torments you could win like hundreds of thousands of dollars Bedding on yes, probably that's probably where there's a lot there's when I tell you I was like where have I been? So and of course, it's all men which makes me I was just gonna say the men have so many opportunities for hobbies because they have so much fucking time Well, also, they literally said like in the 70s that like women weren't smart enough to do chess But like women are sorry. We're busy fucking like raising the future of our world Women of STEM of the week we have a woman on the goddamn moon Haven't said I knew formally apologize to the Academy for forgetting to put the women on the moon in the women of STEM of the week That was my bad. That was my oversight. We learned we grow. I apologize I literally started laughing to myself last night. I'm like we have a whole podcast up limit uplifting women of STEM I do just there was a funny clip of apparently like the president called them and he was like going on like a long rant And I was like these motherfuckers left earth to try to get a break from reality And you're stuck on a zoom meeting having to listen to someone talk for two. I would be like I'm in space Spam will find you anywhere They're like hi you've alone that you need to pay So anyway, this guy is Chest calm realizes he's kind of like getting a lot of attention this up-and-coming guy Yeah, and it's like good for chest calm So he becomes like a chess influencer where they kind of like help his career And he he yells when he wins and he's like and everyone else is really like nerdy So this guy's like I mean he's nerdy too, but there's levels of this There's no because of nerd the generations are getting dumber and we need to get back to classical Smart people think people listen to classical music. Where did tic-tac-toe go? Whatever happened to hang man remember when you were little you'd play like memory games for fun bring it back battleship That taught us about adversity to be more because we used to know how to lose anyway Yeah, um So he then is like at the end of high school and he goes fuck this I'm going to Europe and I'm gonna just play a ton of tournament. It's just like the Marty supreme Actually, I mean Tim the show is gonna play this guy in a movie I'm telling you so he I know people were really hating on Tim and these are my like a couple weeks ago But I do want to say like as someone who did watch all the movies that were nominated. I did think he hit his performance Was really good. The guy Didn't love the whole mood like that's why they call you page pick me to Sorbo I Think I tell men to shut the fuck up to their like faces We'd never that like pick me's never even come through people's but I've definitely made a lot of pick me moves in my life before 100% yeah 100% so anyway stronger than the page Page pick me page Patriarchy It's easier to accept a story than believe that the people around you are monsters from the creators of the Handmaid's Tale Blessed to be the fruit the Testaments exclusively on Disney Plus we gather here tonight to bring women back to their rightful place a Defiant coming of age story. Nobody cares what we want. There was time for us to change things the Testaments a new hulu original series Exclusively on Disney Plus 18 plus subscription required T's and C's apply So this guy goes to Europe and he's starts winning all these tournament and he's ascending the ring What age is he now that he's 18? Okay, and he does have one month that he like weirdly doesn't do well but all the other months he's killing it okay, and Maybe got the Yips chest chest is like Very elite where it's like people who are at the top ten chess players in the world like it's a community You don't just like break into it takes like years So these guys are all like who is this fucking new guy in the group. It's so funny. This is so nerdy You need to watch it and all the nerds are like I've never heard of this guy He's the way he moves his rock. I've it's insane before and we're seeing this and So funny nerds and bullying other nerds So it's they're like you're not part of this nerd club. So he Finally gets to play Magnus the number one guy, okay, and somehow some way He beats him and everyone is Gaffaud yeah, and he has this like iconic line where he's by the way talking trash talking trash talking trash And at the end after he beats him they're like what do you have to say? And he goes I just let the chest speak for itself and he walks away, and I'm like this is like Rappers in a beef right now. It's like a parody It's so good. I'm locked in at this point me and I almost said Trixie which is my cat of two of two decades ago Trixie speaking through me, which we have to get to that later Me and butter just loving it. So then they play again. Mm-hmm He beats him again, but Magnus this time is like something's wrong. He says something's wrong He walks out and he goes it felt like I was playing a computer because a computer will always beat a human Okay, no matter what even that's a really scary sentence. I know that was very scary. That was so Watch I robot I know To the robot aliens Happy weekend So he calls his dad and his dad's like it's okay. You had a rough day, and he goes something was weird And he goes yeah Magnus is like there's no way I could have lost to this guy again I might like loving the name Magnus now. It's kind of so it's hot like if you're really hot Yeah, your name is Magnus. No one's ugly name Magnus It's also like it's giving like your grandpa has a library and at one point he goes these Americans They talk so much sometimes. I'm like use less words, and I was like that was hot That's so tell more men to use less words. Yeah, so he tells his dad. He's like I think he cheated He then withdraws from the tournament, which yeah, which is basically saying I I think this guy cheated So the whole community has lost their mind They're like first the number one guy goes down to this new guy the number one guy is accusing of cheating and everyone Like loves Magnus, so they're like what the hell's going on. How could you even cheat at a so that's what the whole chest community Is losing it there all these like guys on twitch being like what could he possibly done? They're analyzing all his movements They're like is he touching his hat but before they go in there is security like they get scanned Yeah, I'm just walking in randomly and they're they're like it's not in his head. Is he looking something his arm? They're like what could it be someone starts a rumor going anal beads they go he must have had anal beads in his butthole and use the Vibrations to tell him what move to make what the fuck are you talking about? So that's what I said It catches Catches on and every time I get this close to supporting a man literally Immediately they show me why I don't the internet runs with this. It's on the daily show I don't know where I was I didn't hear and they just go chest player beats number one chest player with anal beads Anal bead chest player. It's everywhere and everyone gets mad at me because they're like page you think everyone's gay And I'm like okay, but only because there's evidence No, by the way, I do think but play should be more normalized in straight relationships, but I digress My place but I'm saying in general for the culture This guy then is like you fucking ruined my reputation Whenever I say I'm a chess player now they go are you the anal beads guy? So he's fuming but then he after this no, I'm livid if I'm him and it's not true after this accusation He loses people can make up the craziest thing about you Yeah, it'd be so not factual and that's all people remember you for and you're like I didn't even do that The next couple games though. He loses like really bad So then it makes you think like was he doing something and then he stopped doing it nervous And so he was saying my head wasn't in the game, but like he's getting his ass kicked like nine moves. He's getting taken out Yeah So this documentary is basically both their sides of the story so then Magnus is about to do a deal with chest calm and Chess, this is the only type of like brand influencers. I want from the men. That's the only thing you can yeah Yeah, be tied to something intellectual Not lip plumber. Yeah, like be tied to like your profession in some capacity Yes, not our stuff gas like pipes Plumbing plumbing yeah fixing refrigerator is like tires cement So guys I got this new Tony 20 for the new cement it's smooth Also, we'd whacker anyway, yeah, so he He basically goes to chest calm chest calm says, you know what we have to tell you something about this guy You know, it'd be a really funny thing is like if better help online therapy like rounded up all the men on Bravo and did like a massive ad It'd be great Or they'd be like proof that therapy doesn't work for everyone We got our best There They should do like a sponsored series giving therapy to all the like Or just any man who does reality TV So the guy basically goes to chest calm and chest outcome goes we have to tell you something about this guy He's been caught cheating before on chest calm when he was younger Because you actually can just like Google moves while you're playing on chest calm Okay, chest calm has all these really great algorithmic ways Commies getting a lot of unpaid promotion They created they were in like 2005 they were created and everyone's like there's no money in chest calm Like do you remember when everyone tried to get like Apple calm like it was like yeah Bubbles and they were like chest calm and everyone's like you're fucking losers during cove it apparently chest calm blew up And now I'm talking about it. So the good gliers about to play chess the girls are loving chest So um shout out to my dad he taught me how to play chess because he said it was like tennis because my dad's a feminist icon But um I digress got brought to dance class. No, I know you're just a you're a victim Like you actually are a victim you could have been a doctor We don't know a surgeon. We have no idea definitely dermatologist. Yeah, I'm 100% Okay, so chest calm is like we're gonna use our algorithms that we used to test if people are cheating Because they called him once when he was like 16 they're like we know you're cheating you have to stop and he was like I'm sorry, but people used to cheat to like get themselves to better levels, right? But they said he's cheated in like over a hundred games. So this guy's capable of it. I might have dated him In fact, he sounds similar. What's his number? He does like shit one point say I'm not a good guy. I'm not a nice guy And we kind of turn me on You can't even trust the guys that are in the chess club like where That's it I'm packing it in that's it. I'm done bad boys of After-school programs. Oh, like are you fucking kidding me Magnus? No, it was hot Like he literally was like I'm not a good guy and I'm like I've never had a guy say that okay So that was honest and hot give us the ending so No, because now I'm like so long story short literally he They're like we're gonna test if he cheated during these live games against Magnus and the vibe the vibrational anal beads was real They don't know if it's real, but they test it and they go it doesn't look like he cheated in the games against Magnus So everyone's kind of like doesn't know what happened. How how? Scientifically with the vibrational because they'd be like if he touched it We who knows like no one really knows but it would be like if I do Or would it be somebody else watching someone else is watching and googling and then like yeah telling him with vibration Morse code. Yes Morse code through anal beads That's what we do on this podcast actually. That's how I know when to agree or disagree The women's were right just drink your weird soda and leave people alone But like we don't need to shove things up our ass I don't want to spread the rumor. Yeah, this could be false. It could be false. He hasn't really won a lot since So there's it's all kind of up in the air people. I digress, but that was I'm exhausted from a story like that took a lot Wow, I'm really glad you told that though because how interesting so interesting I also kind of say one thing about lip plumper. Yeah, I hate lip plumper. Yeah, it hurts I'm already dealing with enough like day to day. I don't have to like Remember when I went to that phase where I put my thing in my lips in that thing I was so cute. It would work for like 10 seconds. You'd look like gorgeous. I loved it Forgot about that. What happened to it in a drawer somewhere. It definitely caused COVID all the girls putting their lips in it Definitely washing it wasn't good For like the circulation of my lips. Yeah. Yeah, well people said you had lip filler So that was like for like 15 minutes. I wouldn't even literally 15 minutes You're like at the cameras. I do think if you like lip plumper you're into BDSM And I would never yuck someone's young if I feel like something Is like painful I feel like it's working Which is not smart because like sometimes I'll put something on my skin and it'll burn a little and I'll be like it's just working They're like, nope, you're allergic to that Go to hospital. Call a medic To wrap it up. Hmm. I want to give us a mental health quote of the week from Saint Dairy on Tiktok Once you lame to me nothing can un-lame you You laminated that is so It's whippy fun clever. I don't call people lame enough. Yeah, you know what? Word I want to bring back which is I think like right now and Papa would say low-lifes Bunch of low-lifes. Yeah, I think that might be a big thing in a Yeah, they're just like it's their low life. She's a low-life when they say low life you're done Imagine the Italians just coming over and being like hey let us just better your lives with this food the Irish We're like we'll stick with the potatoes. Get the fuck out Anyway, we're not getting into New York City Immigration history right now. We love you guys. Thank you for giggling with us. We'll talk to you later. Bye