Side Stories: Squatch Watch 2026

This podcast is brought to you by Hotels.com. Make your next trip work for you. Hotels.com's new Save Your Way feature lets you choose between instant savings now or banking rewards for later. It's a flexible rewards program that puts you in control with no confusing math or blackout dates. Book now at Hotels.com. Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the U.S. and UK on Hotels with member prices. Other terms apply. See site for details. There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. Side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Was it huge? No. It was small. We're rolling. I mean, it had to come out a little pussy. Yeah, of course. That's the thing. I do. Yeah. Is that how we start? No, I don't think so. Do doggies have these sections? They have these sections. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Eddie, I just want to say, you know, we had a absolutely fantastic weekend. Guess you can hear my voice is destroyed. Ed's voice is destroyed. I'm a little better now. Yeah, but my voice is destroyed. I was really bad during the show. Yes. But we had so much fun in Urbana after our indie show. Great show in Indy, but Urbana was special. What are these big towns with things to do and people to talk to? Seriously, there are times though when Eddie and I are out that I almost feel like Magneto, where I have not control, but I'm using a man's mutant like ability to empathize with pigs, to sort of weaponize it to find good pork sandwiches. I know what I'm doing, dude. But it is you have this ability. You empathize with pigs. You love pigs. I love them. You will probably talk to a pig. Yeah. But you also are smarter than toddlers. But you seem to know instinctually then also where the good pork is. Well, all right. Here's the thing with delicious pork and food in general. Things that are loved taste better. Does that make sense? Like if you love it and you treat it well, it is more delicious after you kill it. That's why I did every Dom or Kiss them first. Exactly. Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Soprowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larsen. And we had, I mean, that's why I wanted to say this is because like we'll just do Uncle Corner up top. Yeah. Exceptional pork sandwich. It was really good. Well, I had an eggplant parm. Yeah, he was healthy. I was healthy. Yeah, he was healthy. That was a good boy. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. Because everyone, that's what you know about an eggplant parm. That's the first thing that comes to my head. Oh, the light helped. She could do much today. Oh, I don't need all that meat. I need something that is only oil. Well, I was going to get the Italian sandwich. And then she said that the eggplant parm was particularly good there. And she was correct. She was. And that was, what was the name of the place again? It was Baldurata's, Porchetta and Sicilian sausage in Urbana, Illinois. Shout out to you, Fockers. And we also asked for recommendations. And guess what you guys did? Not a single one of you told us to go to Baldurata's. I had to find it on my own. We had to find that on our own. I'm such a good sandwich, Hunter. You have no idea. I'll find a good sandwich in a fucking pile of dead dogs. Yeah, I feel like I'm using like a psychic Native American to help me find oil. You know what I mean? Like, that's how it feels. It feels like I'm using a kindhearted empathetic ability to point it towards destruction. And I don't mind it because I win. I got the Porchetta sandwich because I'm not a fucking cook. It's hard to. I got to tell you, like, because like Henry, if you're on the road with Henry, Henry's yelling, where's the food? Why would it stop fast enough? Find it faster. We're making a left now. No, no. But I found Baldurata's Porchetta and Sicilian sausage. And boy, oh boy, do I love you Italian Midwest ladies. Those Italian Midwest ladies, I wanted to fold them up. I wanted to put them in a basket and I wanted to take them home with me. I wish we could borrow them at least for a month. But yeah, just go check that out. We probably could borrow them for a month. No one would know they were missing. No, I mean, there's nothing there. No one's there. Baldurata's is there. And if Baldurata's goes down, that whole fucking town collapses. No, Baldurata's comes home. Baldurata's comes to California. Okay, all right. But yes, you guys did really good work out there, except for those that did not recommend it. And that's where you failed us. And I will never forgive you for that. But we're going to come back to Turabana because that's how good the show was. The Lincoln Square mall was weird. Well, that's the whole thing. We're going to leave that there. That was just like a garage sale that was the inside disguised as a mall. Yeah, but that's for them. And again, we made fun of that to their faces and that's special. And we only do that on Side Stories Live and you can go and get tickets for that. That's right. On the last podcast on the left.com because Eddie and I, we do come up with material. We talk about fucking macabre shit, but we also, we will absolutely eat in your town and roast the living fuck. That's right. In April, we're going to be in Anchorage, Fairbanks and Lexington. So come check us out Lexington, Kentucky. And that's going to be good. I can't wait for that one. So this week, I just want you to know up way off the up top, we're not going to hit an update today because let's take a break. You know what I mean? We deserve a mental health break. We all did it. I was watching and stuff. We are going to talk about going away. No, no, no, no. We are going to talk about the Italian Trump next week. Hopefully we also have a bunch of other stories to go deep into. There's so much still going. It's still there. Don't worry about it. They, we did get to say, we're not doing an update here. Sure. But we did get to tell our driver all about the Epstein files on the way from Urbana back to Indianapolis. And we scared him. We also got to tell, you remember that anonymous married couple we met at the rooftop bar. Oh, yeah. I told them all about the Epstein files. So don't worry. We are hitting the streets. We're directly delivering Epstein information to the people. Yeah. And that chick, she told you she was a real nurse. Oh, trauma nurse. Trauma center nurse. And she told you about shrimping. Oh, well, that was one of my favorite things. So I told her about the Epstein files. And she told me about shrimping, which she learned from her nurse Instagram, which was like, she follows a bunch of nurses and shrimping is when you, you are a man and you come into a woman's ass. Yeah. And then you suck the cum out of the ass. So it's not felching. It's shrimping. It's not like Bubba. It's not Bubba gump shrimping. Yeah. Oh, I mean, you can, you can eat shrimp and do it. I think it should be called Krillin it. Would that be cute? Yeah. Krillin it. Because Seaman's closer to Krill than Shrimp. This is why financial shrimping, yeah, it just says to suck on someone's toes is according to Urban Dictionary, but not. Interesting. I thought what this nurse showed me. No, no, no. She had a whole video about it. And she was on a staycation with her husband. It was one of those things where it was like she clocked Henry and it was like, I think he needs to know about shrimping. And I was like, this woman knows how to read a fucking room. Yeah, dude, I never experienced that. Yeah, it was just, I was so happy, but also because I mean, I led with the Epstein vials. Yeah, yeah, that's true. And it really sets the temperature. It really does. Because, but again, we don't, we didn't do it on the show this week because we did it to purse a P2P. We're out there, grassroots ruining people's nights. Yeah. Because like that was the thing. Our stupid driver even did the thing. He was like, nice guy, fine, fine guy, right? Fine guy. He might be listening. We plug the show. We actually subscribed to the show. I texted him the show. So he's probably listening. Hey, Jim, Jim, how you doing? Jim, but Jim, did he say, Hey, oh, you know, I'm a bit of a Trump fan, right? And then we're like, unfortunately, he punched a 13 year old in the head while she was trying to suck his dick. And then he was just like, what? And I was like, go check it out. You know, because we did the whole thing when we first said like, you know, like we went and we softballed because first he asked you like, what are your jokes on AOC? And we're like, you guys have any, you're sexually obsessed with her. Yeah. And then we then said, like, I don't know why you're sexually obsessed with her. I think she's beautiful. I do think she's gorgeous. I also just like, she doesn't really enter my mind quite a bit. And she's also whatever right now she's doing her job. She needs to do, but these, he was then kind of like to ask about the Clintons. So he was obviously kind of snowballing. Then we got to do, which was awesome, say like, well, obviously, Hillary Clinton's a villain, Bill Clinton's a villain. We believe that they should be probably in the hay. Like we couldn't give a fuck. That's what we kept saying. We're like, we don't give a fuck. Like we don't care. If you arrest our people, they're not our people. None of these people are our people. You know who's my people? Ed. Yeah, I like Henry. Rob's cool. Rob's my people. Champs on the money. I like Ernie, my new dog. Yes. You know, I think he's cool. And that's about it. Julie's on the level. Julie, yeah. Natalie, I claim Natalie. That's it. It's the only people I will claim as like representative of me. I would fight to keep you from prison. I like holding more than Bernie Sanders. Yeah, it's the truth. That is the fucking truth. I admire Bernie Sanders. I'm friends with Holden. You know, it's distinctly different. I don't care. I couldn't care what happens at Bernie Sanders. When he dies, unfortunately, I'm not going to shed a tear. I'm going to be like, replace him with somebody else. Who gives a fuck? They're replaceable. Who gives a shit about a senator? Men. But just how would you feel if Bernie Sanders got Hammer Maniac'd? I will say honestly, I think that would hit me hard. I'm only saying this. I think I'd be upset if he got Hammer Maniac'd. Only as a true crime ghoul. This is the only reason why I'm even saying this, because I'm just saying that it would be great for the show. Fantastic for the show. It'd be great for the show. So that is my main. If Bernie got Hammer Maniac'd, it would be great. You're going to turn me into soup? I like to drink soup, but you're going to turn me into soup? What is happening to elderly man's heads? How are they so thin? How are they so weak in destruction? One percent of all the head is dead. Give it away. But no, that's, we don't hope, we don't wish that. We don't wish that, but it'd be good for us. Yes. Just because it's good for us doesn't mean we want it to happen. Just like Trump getting elected. Great for our taxes, but I didn't want it to happen. Did not even that great for our taxes, Eddie? It isn't? No. Fuck. Yeah. I wanted to fucking absolute maximum. We kind of disagree on this. So I don't, we don't need to spend too much time on it, but I do want to give a shout out to horror representing at the Oscars this year. Fuckin sinners winning weapons, winning two people. We interviewed had big wins at the Oscars. Big fucking deal. Last podcast on the left, Bush, baby. We did it. Bump, dude. There's cooler. Sinners was nothing until us. You fucking owe us, dude. You fucking owe our goddamn taxes. Where's my junk? I want one of the arms. Yeah. Ugly stepsister got a nom. Really good. Very cool. Frankenstein, I didn't like it. It was fine, but I'm happy it was nominated. It was beautiful. It was very gorgeous. It was beautiful and it was very silly to me though. Young Jacob Alorty, he was very good at that. He didn't have to talk a lot, which I think really worked for him. He talked plenty. I did. He did, but Frankenstein talked way more than he should have. But he did a good job. Frankenstein's monster, the monster. I thought he did a good job. I thought Jacob Alorty was fine. I am sort of looking forward to the bride. Bride looks cool, even though everyone says it sucks. Whatever. It looks awesome. I'll take a bunch of drugs. No. But you know, like this is the Oscars, the only thing, obviously, I'm slightly hesitant about horror getting too far into the Oscars world only just because I don't want all of that money to destroy the beautiful ecosystem that is inside of the horror world. Dude, I think no matter what, people will make $3 horror movies for all of time. They better. The weather, whether the Oscars get it, I got a bunch of, I got every word, I'm trying to, we're all going to make one. Yeah. So I think it was a great year for horror. Last year was too with the substance. I'm all about this fucking give it to horror. I'm here for it. I just think it's awesome that amazing filmmakers are also bringing an elevated world of horror out to everybody. Amy Madigan getting it. Yes. Oscar was fucking amazing. Can't believe that weapons was, I mean, weapons was also a wonderful cultural moment. Yeah. And just, it is nice to see. It just feel like culture in a way. I don't know if it's healing. I don't think it's healing, but it's just good to see people getting murdered and rewarded for it. Yep. But that is infantasy. Infantasy. Yeah. So in all of this news, we have a lot going on, Eddie. I got a question before we get started. Please. I'm just very curious on what your thoughts are. I don't even know what to deal with this. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore is Netanyahu alive. I can't, I have not seen proof he's alive. I don't know what to feel. I'm very curious. These videos that I've seen of him, that they've released, they do not seem real. I feel we might be in a world of AI. This is the world of conspiracy theory that we are now heading towards. I know. There's some view. I'm in CT. You've done this to me. I know. And there is some, right now, there is some chatter that Benjamin Netanyahu might have been killed in a raid or died normally. Maybe, he's an old man. And that now he is sort of being replaced by what seems to be AI video. Now, that's a massive and massive conspiracy that we don't have proof. No major news network or source is reporting on this. Now, the problem is, is that he did this Jerusalem cafe video, right? Like they're saying, oh, if you look, but you can see the fact that his ring disappears. And the coffee does it move. No. And this just doesn't seem like, I don't know if this video is like a distraction, like not put out by them and like make us confused. Like, I don't know what's going on. None of us do. I don't believe anything anymore. Because I got caught by that Kisling Maxwell video in Canada. And the Epstein one, when he was in terror. Yeah, I got caught by that too. So I don't even fucking know. I think that they are comfortably in a world of smoke and mirrors and that we are not going to know for a while. Yeah. I would actually bet at this point that he's alive. I think he's alive. Because they are. But that does not mean he's not hurt or sick or something. And so I would think that if he was dead, they would probably that that would be a pretty big deal. It'd be a huge fucking deal. And we're not yet at the point we have yet to see it yet. I don't know. We have because we're not yet at the full which government's going to be the first to hardcore try to sell us that their guy isn't dead yet. I mean, we haven't we haven't decided we haven't gotten to there yet. So I don't know whether or not they are going to be the first. I'm not going to put it past their current administration seriously. Yeah, to be the forefront on where we might we might game this to extend this out because we can't say Ron killed him fucking first thing out. We really can't know because it's going to make everybody it's going to stop the war early. You know, like it would. I don't know what it's going to do. I don't want to probably escalate. There's no goals for the war. There's no that's all just total utter chaos. Just keep talking to not talk about the fact that the president's a pedophile. Yes. So it doesn't matter. We're here now. We are just kind of ripping the band-aids off of a bunch of stuff and they're just letting it fly and we're going to just receive the end bit of it. I'm also going to say staying within the world of conspiracy theory, yes, that Kash Patel can go fuck himself. Oh my God. Trying to threaten California with this fake shit about the Iranian drones attacking us. It is literally just making shit up. He just wants us on his side. Yes, it doesn't matter. He's not he wants nothing. He has no he has nothing in his head. He literally is an empty vessel just like everybody else inside of the administration right now. He does not care about a single fucking thing besides social media. Yeah. So he is not trying to catch anybody. Nancy Guthrie is fucking salsa right now while he was partying and over there with the soccer team. I can't believe he has to find this woman. Yes. So we she's fucked. That lady was fucked that way. He didn't even care about that. That's gone. That story's gone. And so another another failure of his every single thing that he's doing is a failure and he is now trying to scare California out of spite. Yeah. The same thing now he attached JD Vance to quote unquote look for fraud in California. Again, it's all just like weird. It's what they did in Minnesota to fucking in order to attack them. But what Henry's talking about in case you don't know it wasn't it kind of was swept under the rug because it's fake because it was fake. It came out. There was a news report that Iran was gonna fucking hit south Southern California with drones that might have been stolen from a place inside of America. That was one. Like a ship deported just out in the Pacific Ocean and they were going to come and attack us. And then the FBI said that and then they had no evidence to support it. They just trying to scare us. And then guess what? Like we are in a surveillance state in which we have total space dominance. You mean to tell me that United States of America that has the biggest military force in the galaxy cannot see from space that there are drones haphazardly being flown at us from 9000 miles away to a landlocked air like you have to be fucking kidding me. I'm sorry. So each check. So maybe it may be particularly angry. It's a little bit late, but I should have done this a while ago. What was the pamphlets? Yeah, pamphlets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hilt them up. It's been it's been it's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a fucking I'm I've got allergies. There it is. I've allies. You got allergies. I have a scratchy throat. That's why I'm like this right now. I have my sinuses are acting up on me. Say something nice about Cache Patel. You can do it. I'll go first. I'll go first. He's a fun person to hate. See, you can find something. He has nice skin. It's not horrible. It's not horrible. See. See, I just sometimes you just got to do that. I barely cut. I barely cut the wrench. Yeah, this time that was that was tough. Well, now it's time to get to some real news, Eddie. Really? Oh, we because we've been going through just so much fucking unbelievably bummer information so much bummer information. There's so much bad news out there. And honestly, it's a distraction from what we should really be paying attention to. Yeah, because the side story curse hit us last week. It did. It did because we were too busy up our asses talking about the pedophilia cabal that runs a government. So we did not get to talk about probably one of the most significant moments in bigfoot history that has happened since the lot of these, well, a lot of one of these kind of soft-faced men that I've seen on these podcasts, where they have said is that we have not seen a bigfoot flap like this since 1978. When we had over, I believe, they believe the statistic was that we had bigfoot activity in 10 states in 1978. Wow. Yes, but what we missed was truly one of the biggest UF series of bigfoot sightings that happened in a concentrated area. No footage. No. Why? Why ruin it with that? Why ruin it with that? We don't need that. They saw tracks and tufts and they heard several vocalizations. Bigfoot flap in Ohio and it's not just the sides of the boys working at the deli. We have got this. It is a huge, fucking story, a dramatic surge and bigfoot sightings occurred last week from March 6th to March 10th. We had literally eight sightings and over five days. Now, do these people know each other? The bigfoot? The sightings people. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're strangers. We got to remember, this is in Portage County, Ohio. This is out in the middle of nowhere. It's about an hour and a half southeast of Cleveland. So we're close to Akron. We're close to Akron. We're close to our people. Cleveland seems to be claiming this. Cleveland can go fuck. It's Akron. I want to ask our Akron people how they feel about that, okay? Because Cleveland's trying to skill the one thing that you have, okay? So Portage County, which is kind of mixed and all this, they're saying that they saw these bigfoot, right? Big feet, bigfoot. That's what we call multiples of bigfoot or bigfoot. We saw two separate creatures that seem to be seen multiple times. One was a 10-foot black bigfoot, right? And the other one was a six-foot brown bigfoot. Maybe a lady. Maybe a lady. Who knows? Now, it seems to have gone along a river. Now, across the Portage and Trouble County, it seems to be kind of affecting. A lot of this was reported by one podcast, a guy that runs a podcast called Bigfoot Society that I end up listening to. He also did a little crossover with blurry creatures. I'm going to give him a shout out because that's where I got some of their information. Like listening, they really did go deep in on this. Obviously, the guy from Bigfoot Society is Jeremiah Byron. He's sort of, he's definitely the John Keel of this. He largely goes on vibes. He says that he gets sightings every day between this and he also works with this project called the Bigfoot Mapping Project, which is truly a remarkable resource for putting bigfoot on a map. Yeah, but anyone can just add their sighting. I could be like, I saw Bigfoot at the Burbank Mall. You probably did. But yeah, but I could just write that on the sighting map. So, the sighting map seems flawed to me. No, but you see what he's done here is that they are color-coded. So, I believe the greens are the ones that he himself has, they went and they verified. So, Jeremy Byron would go and get these series of sightings and then he would call them to sort of get the whole gestalt, right, to get the whole story. And to him, his belief was that, I know when I hear the truth and this is what I'm hearing is the truth. So, this is a undocumented. We got a bunch of these things, all right. And they all got, it's interesting because you click on these and they give you a little description of what happened. Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's very interesting. Now, the first report received by Bigfoot Mapping Project, this comes from, this is AOL.com. Oh, they're still doing stuff. Oh, sure. March 6th, the first one took place in broad daylight. A witness saw out in the field in this area when they locked eyes with a nine foot tall brown haired Sasquatch. The terrifying thing is that this happened broad daylight. Yes. 1223, that was March 6th. Same day. They see another Bigfoot, right? A hiker heard something unusual as they entered in the woodland not far from the previous day's sightings. Next day, the footsteps were too low and too spaced out and way too heavy for a deer or another hiker. Then just 40 yards away, a massive eight foot tall creature stepped out from behind the trees, dark brown hair, long arms, and it turned its face just to look directly at the hiker. Now, the thing we know about Bigfoot, can't turn its head. Oh, really? No, why not? Don't know. It doesn't have neck bones? I don't know. They say it moves like a gorilla where it moves its whole body right to turn and look at you. Yeah. Right? So that's a big distinct thing about Bigfoot. That's how Jeremiah knows it's a Bigfoot. Oh, because it turned its whole body to see him. That's what he says. Bears don't do that. Bears don't do that. Bears don't fucking do that. It said it was bigger than a bear. Bigger than a bear. It said it was nine feet tall. Yeah, they can be much bigger than a bear. I don't think that's bigger than a bear. Oh, it is. This one vocalized when it saw it and went, uh, and it vibrated through the trees. Don't Bigfoot have a high pitched voice? But I think it was shitting. Oh, you think it was shitting? Yep. Search of the area later revealed two large humanoid footprints. Now it's even keeps going. We have another one go. They say, uh, another woman saw a seven foot tall creature, dark reddish brown fur, the beast with a big fat round muscular arms and a powerful heavy frame. It ran past the woman's house. And the show what she said was, it didn't seem like no deer. No, it didn't seem like a deer because it was on two legs. Bears go on two legs. Sometimes when they're, when they, when they hurt their front paws, they walk on two legs and it confuses people. The next day, Jeremiah Byron got a call from someone who quote said straight up, I'm not a Bigfoot person. All right. And they said they were passing the Tinkers Creek area when a six and a half foot lean brown Bigfoot appeared in their lane, but going against the flow of traffic. And she said they were so close that the witness said that their daughter could have reached out and hit the Bigfoot with her arm. So it was walking along the highway. There was all that was in the river. I was in the river. There's river. And then the German shepherd went running after the, the, the Bigfoot, right? And then it was scared. I came back and was scared. And that's how Jeremiah also said he knew it was real because the dog was scared. Now, all right. So I have a lot of family in Ohio. Shout out Cincinnati. I know this is kind of far. They're very tall. My family, Julie's family is very tall. Yeah, they're tall. Yeah. Are you calling them Bigfoot? I'm just saying I noticed the pattern of information. The thought that I was trying to convey was that it is cold as fuck there right now. Yes. Who are these people hiking? Crazy people. Who's hiking in the middle of goddamn winter? People with no family. It's fucking snowing every goddamn day. Yeah. People who don't know how, people who don't know how to have fun. People that are miserable on the inside. I want to make others miserable on the outside. That's what people do. That's what you've seen Adam Mertz in our network, right? Who does the thing where he's like, he refuses to wear pants or socks or shoes, no matter what, because he's like, oh, he doesn't get cold. I've seen him in the snow and Brooklyn in shorts and sandals and it freaks me out. He says, I don't get cold. Right? He says, I don't get cold. You're guys like that, that are like that. They're sick. They're, they're attached to the cold. So there's eight different groups of people walking around in the snow. Random people that live out in the woods and some are hiking. One was hiking. A lot of these people are just home and hearing these things out in the woods as they go along this like northeasterly pattern along the river. So what does Bigfoot eat? Stuff. What do you mean stuff? I mean, it seems that Bigfoot is more often than not omnivorous. He does eat. He might eat little birds. I maybe, maybe he might eat squirrels. Has anyone ever found Bigfoot shit? One of the major issues is the fact that you would assume that a nine foot creature that lived huge piles of shit would have quite a bit of scat. We probably would have found more of their dead bodies. We probably would have seen more of them on Hunter Hams. You probably would, of course, yes, they could have had fewer minerals for their shit. We find dinosaurs. They're under the ground. Well, you know, but they're not Bigfoot and they're not a Bigfoot because I do find it interesting. One of the witnesses though, which is why Jeremiah Byron ended up bringing the story to blurry creatures, because I guess over in blurry creatures, they're kind of more like us where they like to do the woo and they also do, I think they're a bit Christian. So we'll find out. I think it's all, I was like a couple things. They said a couple things about Christ, which seems to be within the Bigfooters community, which is like, because the Jeremiah Byron said something. Oh, they're willing to believe in something that doesn't exist. Yeah. Right. He said something along the lines of, what if you ever get too close to a Bigfoot? You know, like what happens if something happens to you and Jeremiah Byron did say something along the lines of, he's like very light heartedly. He's like, well, if I die, I just get to go to heaven sooner. And all the guys were like, yeah, yeah. And they all kind of said that very flippantly and moved on. And then I was like, oh, yeah, wow, that's an extremist point of view. That's fine. That's fine. But Bigfoot's not. You sent me three hours of fat men talking about Bigfoot. So like for research for this 10 minute I'm just like, no way. I just saw that. I was just like, you do me a percent two? One was an hour and 50 minutes. Here, play this video. Play this little section I have that I put in here. I'm not watching this. I want you to play this one little section I have from Discovering Bigfoot because that was the other thing that the dude for Bigfoot Society. You're so lucky you already got married. Play this. No, she has to hear this. She has to, Natalie gets this. She gets this. No, you have to go to, it's saved at the four minute point. So this is from, this is a clip that from a Bigfoot documentary called Discovering Bigfoot by a guy by the name of Todd Standing, who is an absolute moron. But these guys are like, he's done a lot of fake pictures of Bigfoot. He swears he could call Bigfoot. But here, I just want to hear what this is. What's his number? You'll see. Oh, it's 8675309. Do you believe in miracles? No. Would you believe me if I told you there was a small mammal that flew around at night completely blind and to survive, it had to consume thousands of mosquitoes every night? It's a bat. Sounds impossible? How about a small brain aquatic mammal that spent its whole life building intricate aquatic structures? What? While surviving on wood? No. You probably would think all that's impossible, except you know that bats and beavers are a real living thriving species, one of many that currently reside here in the forest of North America. Not like to tell you about another mirror. He then combines it all with Bigfoot. Got a good point. Rob is a Bigfooter. You have to remember Rob's a big type Bigfooter. I am not. I am not. I am not. But you have sunk more time than any of us into Bigfoot. I don't believe in him though. Yes, but I think it's very interesting. I've watched Harry and the Henderson's about 35 times. Harry and the Henderson's is actually phenomenal film. And it also has quite a bit of pretty detailed lore in it. Oh, no, they did a good job. Like the guy that plays the hunter space off a real Bigfoot hunter. The French guy. The French guy's based off a real guy. Like it's kind of interesting. There's actually some like Bigfoot lore in that. But mostly to have it all go back is that one interesting description, the final description of the Bigfoot was when this woman described about how the Bigfoot came out of the brush and that she couldn't literally describe its face. She said it was blurry. She looked at it and was blurry and she couldn't do it. And she says, I know what I saw, but I didn't know what I saw. But then he could say that it's because, which I kind of find interesting, one big Bigfoot theory, one Bigfoot theory I really like comes from the New Kirks about this. Like one idea of Bigfoot being a ghost of an old form of human. Okay. Right. Like imagine that we're in a world has more legs than anything else. I imagine if Loch Ness Monster was a ghost of a plesiosaur. Like imagine if it was this thing. This is cool. That's a funny dumb idea. Right. Cool. I like believing that. Yeah. That's a fun thing to believe. And so this idea of like or a thought for this idea that we have thought about these things and they are out there and there are mysterious things in the woods. But the main issue I do believe according to physicists, I mean biologists, is the idea that the main issue is that Bigfoot would require a massive amount of resources. So a large, a man, that large would require the food, like the food intake for a mammal that large would be very noticeable. It would just be extremely noticeable. It'd be the same as any other nine foot tall creature that would need protein and you would need all these things and it would hunt and like that's kind of the major issues. Like that's kind of where they said they're like you can kind of maybe think it could hide. It could be an herb before it doesn't need protein necessarily. To get that big. Yeah. Cows? Do cows get protein? I mean I guess brontosaurus and those old animals but they didn't live very well. Buffalo, Buffalo doesn't fucking eat. I think that buffalo will eat up. You post yours on my name? I don't know. PsysthorysLPOTLGmail.com. Brontosaurus is fucking herb before. Are they all herbivores? I think they eat like birds and squirrels if they can, right? No. I don't know. Brontosaurus has birds pecking at its head all day. But I think if it could get one it'll eat one. No. It's an herbivore. I don't know. I don't know. Panda bear. PsysthorysLPOTLGmail.com. I want to know. They will not eat a bird. Yeah that's just Google AI saying whatever it is. I believe it on this case though. Google AI is just trying to calm women down. That's all it's trying to do because I had to deal with this. I agree with that. I literally had to explain to Natalie about like how certain dogs get stolen because they are intact generally, right? And they get stolen to be bread, right? And that is essentially who took Johnny Gosh but for dogs. Yeah people said that all the time. She started to cry. She immediately got so upset with me for saying that. And then I had to go like no baby that doesn't exist. There's no way that exists. No I'm sorry. I'm crazy. I'm evil. I'm crazy. I had one time we were driving. Julie was driving. We were in New Jersey and it was raining and it was at night and this cat ran in front of the Julie's car in the highway and she killed it. And I just remember looking at her and just be like I can't believe you hit that possum. You know I just feel like. Oh my god that possum. It's like clearly a cat. Oh my no no that possum. I can't. Dirty, dirty possum. I bet it. Honestly most possums only run into the road if they have rabies. So I'm certain that actually we did a good thing. So I actually all of this being said I can't stop thinking about the ghost thing. I think it's. And that's to interrupt you but just now I'm just like locked in like what if Rambo's a ghost. What if I get to like you know what if I get to find my boy. Well you know they have they talk about this with animal ghosts all time people. I actually would love to. This is finally get some woo on back on here. Side stories L P O T L at gmail.com. I'd love to hear stories of you getting haunted by your pets. Yeah I know I have heard it. I would love a pet saiyans. Multiple times. That's a saiyans I'm into. The psychic. Can we talk to one? No you want to get into bigger trouble than we did fucking be on the veil. Yeah. Because talk about just. Oh I'm channeling a good boy. It's just like the pet psychic world is so funny because it's so deeply manipulative. And my mom. Absolutely. My mom gets it all the time because it's like there's some about it. There's some people that can smell it. Like my mom has had multiple people go up to her and be like I talk to your dog. And she's happy. She wants to know she's happy. And you're like why are you people doing this to me John. I had a stewardess tell me that champ loves me. That she was. It's obvious. Taking up his messages. Yeah. Yeah obviously champ loves me. Yeah it's not like am I sitting here wondering is champ sending mixed signals. She's now he didn't like being trapped in that little container. Of course. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. Read your palm harbor. God help us. But that's why. But I would say that like open your mind a little bit to the idea that there might be something there might be something going on. It is interesting to have so many witnesses. They call the police. The newspaper's gotten involved. Like the news actually came and investigated. The police came. They came and investigated it. They found nothing. They but there is people really shook it up. They saw something weird. And I think that you know that things can hide in the woods. Sure. But the one thing that this guy said I will say there was a couple of theories that he had that kind of I was like all right you probably shouldn't say that where he was saying one theory what he was afraid of. He's like well you know there's a fault line that runs through Ohio. Oh shut up. And what if these big foot are starting to feel the little little vibrations that came up through the earth. No. They're moving down. They're like where are the worlds. They're going to big foot country Delaware. They're moving to Bidentown. They're moving to Dupont country. Well because they think that maybe the chemicals can hold the earth together because they're out there and they're staying. Maybe they are warning us about a big earthquake that will finally bring Cleveland to the sea. As was foretold. As was foretold. I think all the burger grease is holding it in place. The one thing I did find interesting about the big foot thing because I read the articles was that they were saying how he's like walking. How he's moving. And he walked. And he said he's an interesting gate. He wasn't a specific gate. Yeah well not just that. He's nomadic. Yes. He doesn't have a home. No. Humans were nomadic. Yeah. Were. We were. Before we made before we decided to create things on a surplus. We started to understand that we could stay and we could create habitats and then eventually they turned into governments and eventually that turned into glory holes and guys doing daisy chains and all sorts of things in strip malls and what we know is the United States have got America. So big foot don't like live in a cave. I don't know Eddie. I think they disappear at night. Yeah. You think when they get. But most of the sightings are at night. Some of them. That's when they wake up. They go to the bathroom. It all started with you saying that there was a big foot sighting during the day and that is rare. That is rare. And now you're saying that they don't. They can't be seen at night. I'm saying when they go to sleep they disappear. That if big foot is physically real. I don't know where he sleeps. He might sleep on a ground. Of course he sleeps on the ground. I mean underground. Maybe in the tree. No we'd see him in the tree. He's big. He's fucking huge. This thing says big foot have been known to sleep in abandoned buildings. Oh. This is where. I'm done. Now you know what it is is that I think big foot is still a mystery. I do believe there is a sort of spiritual psychic and energy to it. There's something else if you're if we really want to get into it. I'm not going to immediately say it's all fake because I still think that there is there's something out there on them woods. There's something out there in them woods. But you never know what it is and we'll never know probably and I don't know if we need a big foot to like come out. A big foot will literally need to like show up. I feel like in this level two in this year of our Lord 2026 with all of the bad pop culture and all the bad stuff like I just feel like a big foot is this close to being on like Jake Paul. It would really help Paul Brothers show. You know what I mean. The psyche of America of big foot just like came out and like did an interview. Yes. It would help everybody. But we're not there yet and I don't think we ever will be because I don't think it's the right time for him. Yeah. Can I say something real quick just as a public service announcement. Yes. Costco is recalling meatloaf. So if you bought a bunch of meatloaf if you're in line stay in line. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Return it. Return it. They will they will they're taking returns. Stay in line. But yeah there's Salmonella and the meatloaf at Costco. So be careful. What are we doing. And it's an every it's almost every state. He has a Google alert. I just want to let you guys know it's something that popped in me and I just want to let you I just got a Costco membership. I'm not scared of Costco. I just want you to know I'm back at it. We're doing our spring Thanksgiving. I got to get my lamb. Oh yes. So I got to go to Costco. It's the only place to get it. It's the only place to get it. That's it. So if you bought a meatloaf pack at Costco in the past couple of weeks. Return it meatloaf with mashed Yukon potatoes and glaze. Wow. Salmonella. No one is dead yet. Not yet. But if you die by meatloaf we will honor you on the show. Yeah. Even if you meatloaf it's himself is dead. He is dead. Don't eat him either. No no no you don't only be chewing on bone. Now we have a couple of other stories we can get to because oh also just so you know there was a giant documentary that specifically disproved the Patterson Patty the big big foot Patty. Oh really. Yeah yeah yeah because they saw rehearsal footage. Why would you keep the rehearsal footage. I just doesn't make sense to me. You fucking if you're like ahead of a conspiracy and you're like creating it just to destroy the footage. I need you to spend more time with big footers to understand why I need you to spend more time with big footers to really understand because still we'll always talk about the musculature. We'll always talk about how obviously whoever was in the Patterson Gimm Gimmlin film was pretty jacked. Oh it's that it always was what I was saying before is that you could see the musculature of his back you can see the musculature of his legs. Yeah. But now if you really look at it is very much a costume. Of course it's a costume. It might as well be a refrigerator box with fur on top of it. But it's kind of nice in a way it's a very good costume. Yes for back of the day. See that one's gone to another dream flushed on the toilet. But I still don't think that does it mean there's not something out in there woods. Yeah. You never know. You never know. You never know. There's gotta be something in the woods. You never know. There's stuff in the woods buddy. You see but the thing is like the deep voice is what threw me because for all these years I've heard high pitches high pitch screams screams and and almost sonar like grunts. Okay. And that's for when he shits but we didn't find the shit. That's what I was saying. Okay good. That's my belief. That's my personal belief. All right. Now we got to give a shout out to this guy. Who's he Tommy Thompson. Oh yeah. Shout out now this guy very rarely do we celebrate the criminal. But today we do know true that is. Yeah. You know I'm just trying to say something. Just trying to say something that seems like we have we care right. So but today this this guy deserves it. Oh my god. He deserves to be fully celebrated because he won. He did win. It was a long fight but god damn it has this man won. Tommy Thompson. He found treasure true shipwreck treasure years ago in 1988. So the goal is to say so he was charged by a company right. Yeah he's a research science from scientists from Ohio. He found the SS Central America and I had a name for a ship. Well yeah we're strange and then it had thousands of pounds I guess of sunken treasure that was in it right. It was there for 150 years and I guess this guy Tommy Thompson found the gold and then he had it minted into coins. Yes and now no one ever found the coins. So he got the gold. The company said we never got our our money right because we were supposed to give us millions of dollars in gold. He got the the the old bullion turn into into coins and then they went away and then they kept trying to ask him where where's my gold coins. Where's my gold coins and he kept it a secret and they put him in prison. So this is the things they kept them in secret because it was contempt right. Yeah which you only you really only could stay in prison for 18 months for that. Yes because he said here that they had yet to receive any money from the 50 million dollar sale of more than 500 gold bars and thousands of coins just part of the ship's booty. Thompson living in Florida he went to seclusion he became a fugitive and eventually he got arrested. Yeah they found him in a hotel room. Now this is my thing is like he obviously didn't have the money so because he was holed up in some like horrific hotel room and I guess he figured that maybe this was sort of like the the the plan altogether because he had these coins. They were evaluated at 2.5 million dollars at the time and I guess he had given them over to a trust and believes and then he said that they they tried to do this 50 million dollar sale but most of the money went towards legal fees and bank loans and all this kind of shit. But they put him in jail for contempt and you're only supposed to be there for 18 months. They put him in for 10 years because he refused to say where the gold was and so finally they've decided that it was they can't keep them in. They had to release them I mean in my opinion this man is a case against the government. He legitimately just said 10 years they put him in for contempt for contempt and they finally just said I don't think that he I don't think this is working and they've decided to release him. So Tommy Thompson he got released after a decade in jail and he still got the gold. He's got the gold. And that's the thing so now wherever it is he's got to hit now he's free and clear. It's a real life leprechaun. He's free and clear now and so he could go get that gold and go and live in Brazil and he can oh he could sleep. Could he live in America first in a but why would you fuck that. I mean yeah fuck us. I'm honestly we put him in prison for 10 years. Seriously dude. Yeah it's just gold. He's not American currency. It's just gold. You spend that anywhere. You take that and you move to fucking Columbia and you live the life. Yeah because he served his time. Oh yeah I don't think they can do anything about it. So if he like shows up in court covered in gold like they can't do anything about it right. I think that as long as the gold never appears anywhere. I think they could still get. I don't know. Side stories LPLTL.com explain this. Is the gold his officially. I don't know. He did time. He did 10 years. And my opinion earned it. It was for contempt. It wasn't for necessarily for breaching the contract. Like that's the problem because now he's like yeah I've got to be good. You know every single day he's just in that fucking all the pirates in the Caribbean. He's more like he's made like a Johnny Depp mural and is like fucking out of his own shit in his little cell just going like everybody. He knows everybody's just loves him. Yeah calling him the captain. Well there's got to be at least a couple people in prison. You think he I would have told every person in prison a different place where the gold was. And a ratio. I don't meet you there. It's like how much fun would that be. And then you're like and then promising guys gold. Like how much for me like now listen here sonny you've got to find little girl like mouth. And how about you give me a kiss. And I'll give you one gold coin. He just draws an X over some guys ass. Where do you think the gold is. Where did he put it. I believe. Did I don't even want to fucking guess. Yeah. I mean you gotta bury it. It's in the desert or something. It'd be inside me. Well it's got no it's got to be in the Caribbean somewhere. I would bury that gold. Hmm. Maybe in nowhere. Well no one will find it. We'll put a cop budget copies of jiggly on top of me. But how would he know if no one got to it. I mean he's been in prison for 10 years. Someone could have found it by now. Well maybe he's got somebody to I was him. I'd have a sweet little Chica down. No. You can't trust these chicas man. No man. You can't trust these chicas. I'll tell that little chicas today. I would say you sit down there. I'd be like to see me. Maybe I forgot how to say return me to me return you. You're sweet to be this beautiful woman. It's too long to leave a chica with that much gold. I'm telling you man. No what do you say. He's like here's one gold coin. You take that in your purse and you keep it and the rest of the gold. That'll be there. But when I come back if I see one coin gone you're walking the plank. You know like this girls are going to walk the plank man. Good to last time you had a girl walk the plank. Oh man never girls. These days I feel like that thing that buys a man's loyalty. What planks. No this idea of being like one gold coin. I'll watch you. I'll watch you go. Man we got to be careful right now. I see. I want your gold when the internet goes down. Yes. And the stock market crashes. Make a good start. This guy's got to win. That's insane dude. She knows she's reading the fucking you don't think little chicken reading the fucking the Atlantic looking at the got all of the various problems with our with the fact that we're fucking heading towards a weird mini recession. You know what I mean. He knows she knows gold holds. So they're just they're just buying on this guy still to that's what I would be watching him forever. Oh no that's what that's the thing he's got to go. That's probably kind of a problem right now is now he's probably moving the gold back and forth. You know you can get gold bars at Costco. What. Yeah you could buy a gold bar at Costco and then put it under your bed and wait for the fucking government to collapse. Really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How much. Let's see. Hold on. Good bye. See look here we got these these right here. You go. Wow. Yeah. You can buy a gold bar at Costco. Yeah. I don't know how much they are exactly but I don't forget for your insufferable uncle. Yeah. $2,679. Wow. For a gold bar. That's almost worth it. Yeah. And then you know what's great about it and you know what's awesome about it. Can't wear it. Can't do anything with it. You can sit there. Why do they put elephants on it. I don't know. It's got to look like something. Yeah I guess that's cool. But yeah gold bar. Buy a Costco. Oh man check goes on sale. Yeah. So when you're returning all your meatloaf say you got like $2,600 meatloaf. Let's say. Just say you bought that and you're like hey I you know what I got to return that. Give me here's all the meatloaf for one gold bar. Give me your gold. Give me the gold. All right. So we got a couple of stories that I'm interested in. How much time do we have left. I guess we have as much time as we want. It's our life. So sure. Yeah. Well we got these Florida teams that killed someone or tried to kill someone. In the name of Adam Lanza they were trying to do a blood ritual. They're just shitty teenagers. There's another thing that I just I just actually got. I got sent another email about another a 13 year old killing somebody over a tablet. Okay. Another tablet based murder and it's just like it's true. We got to be careful. This screen time. They're careful with this screen time. I'm you know I'm not a parent. So glad I'm not a parent. Carmi and Wendy. I didn't have to deal with anything. The fact that they showed them three Nicholas Windham Reffen films. They love Sunday. You know what I mean. I don't have to deal with that. I don't have to deal with any blowback of the fact that we sat and watched push your bleeder and Valhalla rising together and I can do that because it's not going to frame the brain. It's like a change the brains of Carmi and Wendy. You know. But there's something about this with the tablets. These kids are addicted. Yeah. And that's why I don't I don't go anywhere in their elementary school because these kids are all packing. I don't want to talk to a college student. I don't. Kids are these kids are packing. Be careful. Yeah. Never fuck with a child. These molesters should be more on their toes. They really should. These kids got to be we should give think about this. That would be kind of fun with more kids with conceal and carry. Give them a little derringers. Yeah. Why not. Yeah. One shot. That's all I get. Honestly if we're doing this for this point straight up at this point with the amount of pedophilia kind of in the news and how much school shootings are going on at this point I'm saying we give toddlers derringers. Yeah. Yeah. Why not. Do it all once. Yeah. Because I can't put my finger in one. No. No. No. It's for a baby. It's for a baby or a little woman. A little woman. There was so there was a story we wanted to get to last week that we skipped. Yes. But this one is good because it's coming. It came up several times on our weekend. Oh yeah. So seven men plead guilty in interstate robbery scheme at Pennsylvania rest stops. These guys are fucking so stupid. There's seven guys and they are all uglier than the last one. They are. Talk about a Delco County fucking crew. Yeah. So they were all from Ohio and one was from Tennessee but they got caught in Pittsburgh. Yes. And basically what they were doing was at a phony lottery scheme where they would all be at a rest stop together. The dumbest scheme you've ever. Scheme is such a silly word for this too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's a yeah. Just a little trick. It's stupid. It's stupid little trick. So basically these guys would be like oh man. It's he's on the rest stop. Oh man. My buddy just won the lottery and we're playing poker and he's losing. You got to come play poker forgets our buddy. So listen to this. Okay. Okay. Think about this. So one man comes up to you. You're at a rest stop. Yeah. On the highway. This isn't like a truck stop. It's a rest stop. A guy comes up to you and goes hey free money behind the rest stop. Like essentially being like this guy but it's a convoluted way to say like do you want to get in on this random poker game with us and go after this fake poker hustler. Yes. Right. And so you have a poker game is behind the rest stop. So you have to just go like okay. Yep. Oh I wasn't on my way anywhere. That's exactly. Hopefully this turns into some kind of daisy Jane. You know what I mean. That's all I can think of. Julie. Gosh. That sounds phenomenal. I've got to go. Yeah. I've got to go. Not tell me about we go down there. So this is one of those amazing things. What a wonderful way for money to kind of go for a hand to hand. So there's various people. It's all the unique way. Accidentally put a Bernie Sanders picture. I just got to say it's just amazing. This is a normal way for money to kind of go down from those that have to those that don't. And this is an amazing way for the American system. We're going to walk on a little social. So basically they would trick them in the coming behind the to play poker behind the rest stop. And the moment they got behind the rest stop, they would just beat them up and take their money. And they were doing this for a long time in multiple states even in Canada. Well I just love the fact that you'd come around and see a scene out of guys and dolls. You'd see a scene. It's one guy and then you see six guys fake playing poker. They're all like, yeah, I'll see that. Oh, I'll raise that. Oh, you can see them all doing me like playing like playing dice. Just like when they come around the corner and they're all like, luck be lady tonight. Yeah. Luck be lady tonight. So they were doing this for how many how long? Three months. Three months they were doing it. And between the seven of them, they made $21,000. Okay, so I want you to do the math here. Seven guys make 21 grand over three months. So that's seven guys divided by 21 grand, right? So guys that's three grand a month. Three grand for all of them. For all of them. Each. So each one makes about not enough for rent. Yes. Each one makes a grand. No, each of them made three grand over a grand a month. It's a grand a month. It's a grand a month, which is not rent. No, they and this is and this is why we were so surprised. I always remember we had a 10 person sketch group and murder vests. And when we were doing murder vests, we had a 10 person sketch group and I remember like it was up to 13 at one point. But I remember always being like, Oh, we're fucking we're so funny. We're no brainer. How does this not work out for us? And I remember saying this to Michael. I was saying this to Michael Ian Black when we were doing Michael Michael. And he was just like, I was in a 10 person sketch group. It's called the state. We made $100 a person for a bunch of years. He's like, they paid us in being cool. It was awesome. We were broke. We got nothing. And it was like, Oh, it's like, it would be extremely expensive to pay a 10 person sketch group any form of livable wage. It's why you didn't get it. It's like, Oh, wow. I didn't even fucking think about that. Yeah. Well, everyone always told us to ditch everybody. What you been calling it? But yeah, the five men are from Cincinnati. So that's cool. And we're going to be in Cincinnati very soon. Can't wait. Last podcast and left.com. We're at the tab. That's the tap theater on April 25th. We're going to be there. So maybe we should see if these guys family want to come. God, Julie's family is going to love our show. Yes, they're going to fucking love it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, luckily, you know, we don't have to worry about, you know, them. I don't think they're going to come. I think some of them are going to come. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I want to show the backstage and then I want her to just to leave. We'll just wrap her head in a scarf or something. She doesn't want to see this. No, she doesn't. She wants to see the people like me. Same thing. That's what my mom doesn't want to see what I say. That is all my mom wanted. My mom's main takeaway from when she saw the live show was like, Oh, they love it. That was just like, Oh, the fans. Yeah. And she's like, thanks. I don't know if she's going to be able to handle the Hail Satan call and response. Maybe she should. Maybe she should get into it. We're going to find out what's going to happen. Never once, never once. And you know what? She's going to be sitting in the AVA. Time's up. Yeah. So I gotta see it. Come on. Let me come on in this bed. Oh, we're gonna have to cut all this. I wish we didn't have to. I wish we didn't have to cut everything that Henry just said about my family. But that's out. You can use your imagination to what it was. Yeah, you just got uninvited to Thanksgiving. It's not your family fully. It's half your family. It's my family now. It's what happens when you get married, Henry. It's your family now. No, I remember right now. I know. I got some. I have some as well. No, you are. It is. This story is just so funny to me because not only is it a truly bad crime to do. Yeah. It's stupid. It's a stupid crime. Who has money on them? I guess they did it for three months and they got 21 grand. But it's not worth it. Crime does not pay. No. And this is not how you do it. Proof it does not pay. These guys are stupid. And I don't know why they would just see. You know what I think? One of them was 73. Do you think that it was because, that guy, do you think it was because this was an example of one friend of a friend hearing about the crime and them instead of getting them to call the police, they just folded them into this game? Do you think that every single time somebody else showed up, I was like, sure, you guys playing poker for real? And they're like, no. No, we're not playing poker for real. I don't understand. We got all this stuff for poker and you brought money to it, right? And they're like, no, he's deeper than that. But your best part is we can entertain ourselves playing poker, waiting for criminals. And then just slowly adding guys to the table. Yeah, I think that every guy who got added was a victim who didn't have any money. Like, listen, you got to earn your keep now. It's like when you buy food, but you can't afford it and they make you wash dishes. Oh, you're a homeless person? Well, now you're an employee. You don't get to like, oh, great. Does that help? Has anybody that had to wash dishes because they didn't pay for the meal? Were they ever good at washing the dishes? I'm going to say no. I think every time they've actually never done that and called the cops and they went to jail. Yeah, I think so too. And I also think that food's cheap and that sometimes people need to eat. They already got someone washing the dishes and they have to pay them. Nothing makes me sad. I do feel like that is the stuff I utterly, fully avoid when it comes to any of my like, cop porn at all. Like seeing people shoplift or doing that. That breaks my heart. Seeing people steal food, like watching people get in trouble for stealing food makes me so fucking sad. Give them the food. Yes, it's just food. Like that's, that's, I mean, I know it's you lose it, but like on a grocery store, you can, you count that as on your losses and shit. So just give them the food. It's food. I hate the dine and dash because sometimes like, no, God, dining dash is because that fucks with the server. Sometimes the waiter has to pay for it. Yes, that fucks with the server. If it's like a shitty restaurant, the waiter has to pay for it and that's fucked up. It sucks. Yeah. So, but yeah, I was, I remember I ate, I'll always remember the days when I was eating at a grocery store. So I will never be angry at somebody for stealing food. Man, we had this trick we used to do where we'd get like a quarter pound of cheese and then a full pound of roast beef and then we switched the stickers. Oh, wow. Yeah. And you just walk out with a full pound of roast beef for $1. Wow. Fucking A. Now see, that's a good scheme. Yeah. That's something you maybe work. This is something that is stupid, but I do feel like in a way this is just men hanging out. Statue of limitations. You can't get me. You're right. You can't get them. All right. You can't fucking get them. You know, no grocery store was. Windixie. But we all know Windixie is where you go to work if you have a record. It doesn't make any sense Windixie because they lost. They lost. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. The name of the store makes no sense. Yeah, it's bad. And who's a bad one? Oh, we got listener mail. We don't. Oh, wait. No, one. I do. Yeah. We do have listener mail. And I got a I got a stinger here if you guys want to know. Yeah. This is from Emily. And she lives in Lexington, Kentucky. Here we go. Oh, come on. Oh, yeah. We're coming. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Is that Saul? It's time for listener emails. The spookiest stories around. It's time for listener emails. Oh, yeah. That's good. Good murder ballad energy. Yeah. Very, very, um, Dresden dolls. Yeah. I think that was a saw up top. Yes. I'm pretty sure. That was very cool. Thank you, Emily. That was really cool. Good work, Emily. Yeah. Now this story goes out to daddy. Oh, thank God. I've been sitting on this story for 30 years. And the 90s, my mom was obsessed with Dan Marino. Smart woman. She would pretend to be him in AOL chat rooms, convinced media literate pre-internet boomers that she was him. We even had a second phone line that they could call as proof. Her obsession got so bad we ended up... But someone has to answer. Her obsession got so bad we ended up moving down the street from him. No. We would go to his church and sit by his family. She pulled my brother out of school so they could meet him at some golf tournament. She had me mail a letter to one of his kids to be friends. Note, I did not want to be his friend. She even has a china cabinet full of Dan Marino commemorative dinner plates. Fuck yeah. You should have been his friend. I feel like you don't understand what networking, how big that is in this country. It's hard. Dan Marino's children are autistic. I'm sorry. Release one of them. Unfortunately, after it came out that Marino was a piece of shit for cheating on his wife, the obsession seemed to fizzle. Whatever. Was it because he didn't cheat with my mom? The world may never know. She still has the plates. You're gonna want to hold on to those plates. Yes, you are. You're gonna want to hold on to those plates or you said and went over here. I'll take one. You're gonna want to hold on to those plates. Yeah, yeah, Ed Larson, Caravell PN, P.O. Box 470, North Hollywood, California, 91603. Steal one of those plates for me. You are good because honestly, they could be worth something. I don't know to who. All I know is we did go to that Lincoln market. I bought Dan Marino football cards, sir. Dude, you know, first of all, I gotta say, I don't know how true this is because I don't think these people had enough money to live down the street from Dan Marino. Oh shit. You couldn't live in a weird place kind of near there. No, not by Dan Marino. He's got to have a place right on the intercoastal. Oh, wow. That's too close to the water. Maybe he's got two homes. I'm sure he's got a million homes. Wow. Dan Marino. Yeah. You know who I said hello to yesterday? I'm going to interrupt it this day. Doug Flutie? John Tesh. Whoa. That's a good one. He was walking down the street and I said, Mr. Tesh? And he was like, I don't know. I just said, I didn't know. Then I realized I didn't know what to say. Yeah. I mean, I was like, because it's not that I technically said I'm a huge fan, but you're not. But then I kind of caveated with all the, the way I said to him was, you know, it's just kind of crazy just seeing you all these years and it's just good to see you. Is that what you said to him? Yeah. That's not bad. Right? It could be worse. Yeah. He was just like, thank you. I tell you about I have. He's huge. Yeah. We all know John Tesh is huge. He's huge. He's big. Oh man. I had, I saw the guy who's a doctor on the pit, the cool, like the cool doctor on the pit. He's like a smaller part, but he's the one who like shows up. He works with, he's like, in the military gear and stuff like that. I didn't watch John. He's also been ready or not too. Oh wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's great. He's great actor. I love them, but I don't know his name or anything. And he was in front of me in TSA and they like took his bag, you know, like, because he like messed up. He like, they took his bag and he had to wait for his bag. And then I leaned in behind him. I was like, oh, you got to leave your scalpel at home. You got to leave your scalpel at home. And then, and then, and then that guy, that guy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sean Hannissey. And he didn't laugh. He didn't think it was funny. Well, fuck you, Sean. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't think it was funny. He's trying to engage with you. That's your audience, Sean. Hey, you got to leave your scalpel at home. Hey, Eddie's, you can't back your scalpel. And he's like your number one fan. How dare you? Yeah. Eddie's your number one fan. I love the pit. You laugh at Eddie. Oh God. Out there, okay? He said a funny thing to you. Yeah, it was six o'clock in the morning at the airport. Yeah, Sean Hannissey. And they took her back from her hands. And I refused to learn anything. Very attractive. Oh, sure. Very attractive. So is John Tush. Yeah. I'll say hello to you. That's important for you to know. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. If I want to say hello to a celebrity, I say hello to him. Really? That's a scalpel at home. Mr. Tef. It's easy to do. Live every day knowing for a fact you never know when you're going to meet John Tush. Love the fact that when you meet John Tush, you don't say weird things like, oh, you're taller than I thought because I didn't. I was happy. Yeah. And then laugh. How's the weather up there? Yeah, you're gonna laugh at the fact that... Can't believe you're still alive that tall. Exactly. A tall man age fast is what I should have said. And then he... No, I just laughed. Just laugh, just thinking about how I made his day. I don't know if you did. I don't know if you did. I think he made your day. He did. He did make my day. Come see side stories on the road. Henry and I are having a fucking blast out there. April 17th, anchorage sold out. Can't come too bad. Go to Fairbanks the next day. Dude. On April 18th. Come to Fairbanks. We have no idea what the weather is gonna be like up there in April, but it's gonna be better than it was. Yes, it's better than February, but that, honestly, we're sorry we missed and we're coming and we're gonna make it up to you. We're coming. You guys come. Just give me fucking... We cannot wait. I'm gonna do some kind of brunch show the next day too. I'm very excited about it. Are they just gonna sit and watch you eat? I think so. I think it's a mukbang. Wow. Yeah, I'm just gonna eat salmon for them. That's amazing. It's more like a mukbang because it can pay. Yeah, April 26th, Lexington, Kentucky. We're gonna hang out with Emily. What's up? We're gonna have some fun. Emily, I'm coming to your fucking house. Emily, I'm gonna have sex with your dogs. May 7th, LA, Avalon Theater, 945, the Netflix is a joke festival. Come on out. We're gonna get horny. We're having... We're gonna be horny. And just so you know, in Los Angeles, it is also... We're up against the night of too many stars. Yes. And if you live in Los Angeles, you know, fuck these goddamn stars. Eat shit, your stars. We are gonna have... We are also gonna have celebrity guests. Yeah, we have full-on celebrity guests at our show. They are currently being booked. And we got the real stars. Real stars. Real guests. Don't you fucking forget about it. Who's at the real one? Who's at this night of many too many stars? Who's there? Who's there? What hacks are there? I don't know. I'm looking at them. What fucking hacks are there, guys? What cowards are gonna be there, huh? Robert, Michael? Yeah, what garbage-ass fucking pieces of shit are gonna be there? I love them. Fucking idiots like John Stewart and Anthony Jezelnik. Yeah, some real fucking people. Who do they think this is? Some low-level talents like Adam Sandler. Yeah, you come to the Avalon where you can see our guns. I guess what? You probably... I can drink with us afterwards because you're never gonna see ever Adam Sandler. You will probably see... You will more than likely, if you come see us, you'll see me and Eddie go to the fucking bathroom. Hosted by John Stewart. Garbage. Pussy. Bill Burr. At the Hollywood Bowl. The fucking... The parking's terrible. Stupid. Conan O'Brien. Coward. Garbage. Steve Carell. Bastard. Whatever. And you see him live. I see him on the television. I like him better there. Nikki Glaser. She's great. We love her. We can't even joke in the same way. I don't want to say anything. Ron Funches. These wee little two-year-old Kimmel. I like these guys. Matt Rife. Hi. Yeah. Oh yeah, you bet you fucking... You bring Annabelle to us. Yeah. You son of a bitch. Matt Rife has not said word one about Annabelle since he fucking purchased her from her pimp. Yeah, dude. That's what I want to know. Her fucking pimp. You slave owner. You human trafficker. Matt Rife, fuck you, dude. Yeah, that's what we're fucking talking about. Yeah. But anyways, come and see us. May 30th, Rochester, June 28th, London, Ontario. Yes. Because Rochester again, Rochester is really where we shine. Yeah. That's where we shine. Yeah, we don't shine anywhere else, but Rochester, bring your sunglasses. Yeah, because we're going to be so shiny. Yeah. Also, April 3rd, come and check me in Amber out at the Lyric Hyperion out in LA. You're going to have a lot of fun. That's on Good Friday. That's a great idea. It's a great fucking idea, Addy. Yeah, it's a really good idea. And Hail Balderata's pork sandwich shop in Urbana, Illinois. Holy shit, dude. That fucking pork. That pork keta sandwich, they make their own pork keta. They make all their own meats. And they bake their own bread. I smell the bread in the back. It's the best smelling bathroom I've ever been in. Yeah, that's because... I farted in there. Yeah, and it still smelled good. Yeah, it was just like, thank you. It's a thank you when you fart. Yeah.