Chapter 46: The Ragdoll

Previously on Midnight Burger? What's your name? Fiona Who get me the barista? What? What about the unconscious barista in the walkin'? I'm working on it. Hey Fiona! Get the fuck away from me! It wasn't a kidnap being! It was a rescue! Someone did something to you! Fiona! Home is that way. Thank you. About 83 light years... That way. You're from a planet that someone spent a lot of time in energy to make look like Earth. Where are you doing? I'm still. I'm having a look at your neural environment. My neural environment? She's going to be unconscious soon. I'm gonna wha- Whoa! Whoa! What the fuck? What is that? It's a serial number on her DNA. She's human. But most likely grown in a birthing chamber. What? Am I? I could tell you your species. Genus. Classification. But I don't imagine that's what you mean. I wasn't loved. I was... I don't- I don't know what I was. I just feel like a blank slate. Take your time with it. You'll get there. The world is really good at letting you know what you like. If you say so. I like girls. What? Call it. Your body was a prison. I've removed the blocks, and now your body is yours. I'm afraid after that, it'll be up to you. You okay? I'm really scared. You don't need to figure it all out, Fiona. You just need to know where to start. Hello? Hey, Peter. Hey, Fiona. If you're hearing this, our plan worked. We kept you hidden in the diner, and it was able to escape. You saved the day, Fiona. Now the heart part starts. I've programmed in with several basic commands for you. You've got sentry mode, zone defense, shadow, deathblossom. Life? Yeah. I have left you a notebook and a pencil. Because guess what, Fiona? You're a scientist now. Fiona, I don't know when we're going to be able to make it back there. But the task of connecting with another and letting their life into yours now sits with you. You must try not to shirk that duty, Fiona. Okay, Peter. Let's start the shift. Good idea, Fiona. Let's start the shift. Once upon a time. There was a rag doll. Assembled through scraps, stuffed full of cotton. A lovely smile made of stitches. No one told the rag doll she was made of bits and pieces. But how could she ever know? How could any of us? I have no idea how any of this works. What do I do? I should get some sleep, I guess. Yeah, that's not going to happen. The rag doll, once happily in place with all the toys, had been cast aside and was now all alone in the world. Okay, I used to open the coffee shop all the time. I'll just do that. That's a good place to start. Peter, let's give you a job. See, Peter, this is what humans do. When they're scared out of their minds, they just start doing things. When my grandfather died, I went into the kitchen at 4am and my mom was doing the dishes. By hand, we had a really nice dishwasher. I really need to do these right now, she said. Of course, that wasn't really my mother and I have no idea if that memory actually happened or was just putting my head. Useful story anyway, I guess. Okay, Peter, current mode. Current mode, shadow. Oh, Peter, do you have a tiny robot voice? I don't remember that. Oh, dear Fiona, I added a little robot voice to Peter. He can't recite Shakespeare or anything, but trust me, it helps on long hauls to have a machine that talks to you. Okay, that's nice. Peter, start cronometer. I wonder what that's gonna do. Oh, here we go. Peter, sidewalk. Sidework. Where are you going? Oh. Okay, mopping. That's very comforting somehow. I'm going to clean the countertops. We can do this, Peter. We can do this. Alone in the world, the rag doll knew not what to do. With no one to play with her and surround her with plastic walls and tiny teesets. The rag doll was faced with something she thought impossible, acting like a real girl. This is good for a first shift. Very chill. I was worried we were going to get a mat rush. I don't even know how to use the kitchen yet. This is a nice planet. I wonder where we are. Oh, shit, someone's coming. Don't freak out, Peter. Hello. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Where is Casper? I'm sorry. You know Casper? Yes, I'm used to dealing with Casper. Can I speak with Casper? Oh, Casper's not here. He's not. No, he's on vacation. I see. I'm Fiona. This is Peter. All right. Well, there's no time for explanations. Have you done this before? Fiona? Done. What? Exactly. Oh, dear. You have no idea what's going on to you. I don't. I'm very confused. Very well inside if you don't mind. Sure. I'll start from the beginning. I'm not expecting this. Thank you. My name is Dr. Kiberant. I am the designated magistrate for the day of joining. Day of joining. Yes. This is your first time on this planet? Probably. Wonderful. This planet is called Thegrian Ring Any Bells. No. Well, we haven't much time. This is the day of joining on our planet. It's a solemn day of remembrance, all right? Okay. Where's the clock again? Up here? Yes. Right. When the hand that is on the six moves to the seven, we will have several delegates from around the planet arrive. We'll drink some of the ceremonial coffee and we will eat the ceremonial luncheon. Please tell me you can handle the ceremonial coffee and luncheon. Definitely the coffee. Wonderful. May I have some now? Absolutely. I enjoy it with the white substance and the other thing. Crevanshiker? That's it. Thank you. Coming right up. It's very clean looking. So there's that feeling. Great. It was my one constant complaint to Casper. A complaint that was never improved on, sadly. So you know Casper. No, yes. I've worked with Casper many times in the past. Okay. How? How? Yes. Fiona, I don't like to mince words. I'm sure you've noticed. I have. They really need to train the new people more thoroughly. Agreed. From the beginning, this is Fegrion. Every year, the same time the diner appears here on Fegrion. Really? Yes. It is on this day that we mark a solemn occasion. We all drink of the ceremonial coffee and eat the ceremonial luncheon. Okay. Luncheon, right now. What will we be having for the ceremonial luncheon? I have no idea. Fiona, the hand is moving very quickly to the seventh. What do you usually have? Historically. It's been whatever Casper can muster at the time. We did this for years and he never seemed to improve all that much in the luncheon department. In truth, it doesn't really matter. The food is a ritualistic part of the ceremony. It could be anything. I make a really great grilled cheese sandwich. All right. Do I need to know what that is? It's great. That will work then. And the sticks that accompany the French fries? Yes, that's it. We'll have those. Sure. Sure. I'll figure it out. Excellent. This is going to go just fine, Fiona. Remember, we don't have food like this on our planet. The bar is quite low. Casper has always benefited from that. I love that. Oh, wonderful. We have some early arrivals. I hate it when they do that. It's okay. It's okay. Watch this. Peter, coffee and water. Coffee and water. Oh, look at that. I love that. That's new. Okay. Here we go, Fiona. It's going to be fine. Here we go. Pretending to be a real girl seemed simple enough. No one seemed to notice as long as they didn't look too closely. She would smile, laugh when she needed to, even though she didn't understand the joke. Pretending to be a real girl did not make her feel less alone. But the rag doll was not without friends. So tell me something, guys. You're all very deaf-tunters, completely capable of taking care of yourselves. And yet, when I make this stew, you all look at me with the puppy dog guys, like you have an atom meal in days. So tell me, is that the lure of convenience Remire really amazing cook? Luckily, none of you can answer that. Hey, junkook? junkook, what's wrong? Hey! You two, stop it! All you two do is come by the camps in his and growl and get a little sick of it, okay? junkook, stop. Look, I know that this is not the usual place that a snow leopard finds itself, but you two were in a cage before. You've got snow now. I know you can get used to this. Hey, count yourself lucky. You got tossed into your natural environment. Think how this is for me. I don't even know what my natural environment is. Your names are Sakura and Che-Won. I have no idea what that means, but that's what I've been told. Does that help at all? Maybe. I'm out here all by myself, y'all. The wolves bring me a deer and I follow these instructions and turn it into food. It's gross. I have a bachelor's degree in civic engagement. I am out of my comfort zone. Help me out, please. I'm going to do what I always do and throw you this huge piece of meat. So you can do what you always do and drag it away somewhere. I'm not asking for miracles. I just want you to stop seeing me as the enemy. Okay. Bye. I know, right? Get the f**k out of here! Don't defense! Turn the facts! Thanks, Peter. Bad call on my part to go exploring. What do you think happened here? Looks like a whole city is broken down. Peter, sentry mode. Sentry mode. Look what I grabbed out of a broken window. New shoes! Oh, do you think that's why they were chasing me? I think they're my size. Let's try them on. 30 days. Oh, that's what the chronometer does. Wow, a month already? That went fast. How long do you think it's going to be? Scratch that, fixating on time is probably the wrong frame of mind to be in. Don't you think? Okay, they fit. I can get away from angry crowds much easier now. Come here, Peter. Let's get you sift-ized. Peter, you're a lifesaver, but you're a little heavy-footed, you know what I mean? Also, I think someone's shock of seeing a tiny robot when the walk-in might be lessened a little by. The robot wearing tennis shoes! Have a walk around. There you go, much better. Nothing can stop us now. Hey there! Welcome to Minneight Burger. It looks pretty scary out there right now. Why don't you sit down? I'll get you a cup of coffee. Hello, hello! Hey, Dr. K Abraham. I'm fine, Fiona. How have you been? I'm okay. It's nice to see a familiar face. I'm sure. Hello there. What was his name again? Peter. Peter, how are you? Can't he understand me? Not really, but I like to pretend. What have you got there? Ah, yes. Well, I told my wife about you. Told her about the changing of the garden. She worries about you going little stir crazy. She worries. It's her thing. It's how she passes the time. Anyway, she made you this. Is it a musical instrument? It is. We are musical people with the gronies. Every child gets one of these on their seventh year of school. It's called an Ioni. Learning to play a musical instrument is a nice way to pass the time. You know, actually that big thing in the corner is a musical instrument. Is it? The thing with the bench? It's called a piano. I was wondering what that was. Well, this is great. It'll be much easier to take this up to the roof. Listen, don't feel obligated. I myself never took to it. It always sounded like an animal being murdered when I would play it. Okay. Already to go? Ready to go. Solve and day of remembrance here we come. Oh, wow. This is going to sound terrible. Peter, sorry in advance. Time can bring many things. But it can also wash over you like a river. And you lay at the bottom as it all passes you by. Not times passenger, but it's observer. Watching it from the outside. Waiting for something to begin. Grenometer meeting. Run here. Fuck, really? Happy one year anniversary, Peter. Where the hell are you, Gloria? Six o'clock again. Looks like Earth. Let's go take a look. Nice day. What do we think kind of has a UK vibes, doesn't it? Kind of an old world feel, right? Here we go. Hi there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Fooking mental. Absolutely. Fooking mental. Looks like I nailed it. If she asks me to make Cornish pasties or something, I quit. Also, what right pass the robot in the parking lot? Have the British lost their attention to detail. Let's go. Hello? Hello? Oh! Hi. People usually sit at one of the booths, not on the floor of the kitchen. You've got to keep me fucking hidden. Okay. What's wrong? Can I please just hide for a bit? Sure. Sure you can. Can you tell me what you're hiding from though? It's okay. Try me. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Oh yeah. What the fuck is that? That's Peter. Is he a fucking robot? He is a fucking robot. You have a fucking robot. Well, someone has to do the dishes. What's your name? Katherine. Hi, Katherine. I'm Fiona. Let me guess. Something very strange is happening to you today. Something so strange that you wouldn't even know how to describe it. Correct. What are the chances that the woman who inexplicably has the two-foot robot companion is going to be a little more receptive to your story than your average person on the street? I suppose the chances aren't too bad. Okay. So he just walks about and does things for you? Not just that. You want to see him break dance? No, thank you. What's going on, Katherine? I... Hang on. Hi there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Pardon me. But if you've seen a young woman pass through here about yay high, black hair, Katherine is her name. Uh... No. No, I don't think I have. I'm at my wit's end with this one. I'll have a tea then. I don't think we have tea. Have you know? We're, uh, an American themed restaurant. Lord, preserves. Coffee then? Sure. One second. Katherine? Are you just hiding from your mum? How could you not explain that? Oh, just you fucking white. Okay. Hang on. We've got another customer. Here you go. Thank you, love. Welcome to Midnight Burger. How can I... Pardon me. But if you've seen a young woman pass through here about yay high, black hair, Katherine is her name. Uh... Do you not speak English, dear? Have they brought you in from the Balkans? I haven't seen anyone like that. Of course not. I'll have a cup of tea, please. We don't have any. No, to speak, God. This is lovely. Thank you. None to speak of. Coffee? It will do. I suppose. Okay. Welcome to Midnight. Oh, God. Okay. But if you've seen a young woman pass through here about yay high, black hair, Katherine is her name. Midnight Milk, please. Milk, sure. Excuse me one second. Hi. Hello. Does your mother have two twin sisters? She absolutely fucking does not. Okay. I told you you won't believe me. There's another. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay, wait. I read about this somewhere. Oh, you've read about it, have you? Where? I'll assume fucking wonderland. Hang on. I'll be right back. Don't tell them I'm here. I won't. Pardon me. But have you seen a young woman named Katherine? No, I haven't. Have a seat. I'll be right with you. Katherine. I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please? You're being very rude. What is it? You're... Here. Katherine. I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please? You're being very rude. Okay. I think the solution might be in here. The hitchhiker's guide to a laser saw. Yeah, it's an inside joke. This is the notebook of a very smart person. She's a theoretical physicist. She left me a notebook that I was supposed to write in. And in the back, there was a... She... A cheat sheet for one. Temporal anomaly flow chart. Flow chart. Start from the beginning. Tell me what happened. I had a fight with my mum last night. This morning, she shows up on my flat knocking on my door and I don't want to fucking air it, so I ignore her. Thinking she'll give up and go home. And turn around for home she does. And then, she showed up again. And again. And it just kept happening. My front lawn was full of my mum. All of them knocking on my door, calling my phone. I tried to sneak out the back, but they spotted me. I started running like it was a fucking zombie movie. Is that bookie-os gonna tell me why there's no me of my mother? Well, let's see. Okay, step one. Do you have a temporal anomaly? Yes, no. Yes, going to this box is time repeating itself. Yes, no. Is time repeating itself? No, just my mum. Moving to this box. Are events presenting in multiples? I.e. multiplied incidents, multiplied people. Oh, there we go, multiplied people. That takes us to... This is folk. Can the multiplying events interact? Yes, no. Can your mom see each other? I don't think so. Okay, no, that takes us to... Good news. This isn't easily solvable problem. Hey, look at that. Oh, next stop it. These anomalies likely stem from an inflection point and can be addressed at their inflection point. For example, if you forgot to feed the cat and now have 20 cats, time to feed the cat, satisfy the inflection point for each anomaly, forgot to feed the cat, now you have to feed 20 cats. Inflection point? So your mum came over to your house this morning, right? Yeah. And you didn't talk to her? No. I think you have to talk to your mum. Well, I know it sounds crazy, but how much crazier is it than the other crazy thing that's happening? Maybe she'll just move on down the road. All of them? I think there's about 12 moms out there. I hate talking to my mum all the so fucking moms. So much that it created a temporal anomaly, Catherine. I have to talk to all of them. I think so. The only way out is for me to talk to my mum 12 times. By the fifth one, I'm sure it'll be much easier. This is hell. I've walked into hell. No, just a really weird day. Weird day's end. It takes a little work. Oh, she's going to fucking love this. Catherine? It's done. How was that? I would say it was like pulling teeth, but all told, I think I'd much prefer the teeth pulling. Not a great relationship with your mum. It's Ciccafin, mum and I. Always starting with the rock at the bump of the hill despite the effort. At least you're making the effort. I had given up making an effort right around my 17th birthday. It was a hard maneuver to get back to it. At least next time, I'll only have to do it once. What have you got there? Oh, I made you a girl too sandwich. Oh, well, that should fix everything. It's kind of become my signature move. Sorry, you don't have to eat it. Fiona, was it? Yes. Do you know what I'd like, Fiona? What? I'd like to know why there was a dozen of my mum chasing me across Manchester this fine day. And I'd like to know why you seem perfectly predisposed to solve the problem. And I'd also like to know why you seem to have a tiny robot as your little friend. Right. Do you have a friend in your life who, whenever you talk to them, they seem to have some new weird thing going on? Oh, yes. That'd be Sarah. We're in school together. She's moved to London now, but we talk every six months. And there's always some sort of misadventure that ranges from a Dubai businessman trying to make her as a compubine to a pigeon making its home inside a flat and are being able to evict the poor little creature. Okay. So imagine your friend, Sarah, but as a place instead of a person. There's always something very strange happening here. Like tiny robots and an army of mums? Yes. The curious thing, Fiona, is that the business with the League of Mums right there, that was exactly what I needed. Really? I have a miserable time talking to her. And then I had to do it over and over again. By the time I was talking to last summer, it was as easy as taking a walk. Yeah, that kind of happens too. It's a fucking miracle, Fiona. She's always having to go at me about some such. I drink too much, I smoke too much, I should think about my career. And then when I told her a slight wee women, she absolutely went off a cliff. What was that last one? Have you got any drinks, Fiona? I feel I've earned a drink, or ten. Um, yes. Kind of. Hang on. What have you got there? This is a box full of bottles from all over the place. They've picked it up over the years, I guess. What are you usually drink on earth here? What do you drink around here? Do you have anything that resembles gin? Ah, let's see. Oh, check this out. Is that vodka? Kind of. For your hands on the bottle. It's cold as ice. I know. It always is. It stays this cold. What is it? Apparently it's called shadow daddy. That sounds a bit naughty, Fiona. I know. Do you think it's radioactive? I don't know. Only one way I find it out, I think. I think there's probably several ways, but I think you're saying we should drink it. I am Fiona. Okay. Alright then. We're going to drink whatever this may be and then assuming it doesn't melt us from the inside, you, my new friend, are going to tell me your story from the beginning. There's no way you're going to believe my story. Perhaps not by the first drink, but by the second, the third? Again, there's only one way to find out. Cheers. Cheers. So, that's my story. Now you're sitting there looking at me like I'm insane, which is understandable. But honestly, that's the first time I've actually recounted the whole thing and it feels...it feels good to say it. I can't believe all of this has happened to me. Do you have any idea how daft you sound? Oh, yes. There was a woman with rams horns. Yes. You were abducted from a Starbucks. Yes. You're from a planet where it's always 2012? Yes. And you're hidden your freezer from space Nazis. I don't know if Nazis is the right turn, but they were definitely the bad guys. And you and this little friend of yours, Peter, Peter, Peter and yourself have been off on your own little adventures. For a year now. You realize the only thing keeping me from calling you insane is the fact that there was literally an army of mum's hair earlier? That does help, yes. Do you mind if I attempt to enter some normal scene to this day? Sure. Let's talk about something normal and boring. Great. You started off? Okay. So your mum thinks you're a loser? Well, that's a harsh reading of events for you. I know, but it's hard on to argue with. Why do you think that? A lack of motivation has been branded as the culprit. Ever since it was a small thing, I had no passion, no spark. Luckily, that attitude in a young woman is quite fashionable. I thought about a career in fashion, actually, but I enjoy food a bit too much. It's nice that you're mum cares at least. It really isn't Fiona. It's an aggressive caring. The kind that only brings resentment. Your mum not like this. Oh, wait. I've already forgotten Fiona was created in her test tube or some such. I was. So there's no memory of her mother. There is, but I don't think it's my memory. I think it was put there. What do you remember, brother? If it's sorry, I think I'd rather not talk about it. It doesn't feel like mine. It feels like, I don't know, like a book you're forced to read in school or something. It's not a great feeling. Apologies. Do you have a belly button? What? It was in a movie I saw once. The test tube children have no belly buttons. I have one. Are you sure? Have you really checked? Yes. I'll tell you what you would. I'm not a freak. According to you, you were grown in a test tube at the behest of a malevolent space demon. I think that puts you squarely in the freak category. That's not very nice. You should embrace it. I have. You're not a freak. Am I not? I'll show you. There. What's that look like to you? That's the side of your body. A scar, Fiona. Do you see it? Oh! Yeah, what is that? When I was a girl, I was riding my dad on the back of his wildly unsafe Italian mole pad. Either he turned the wrong way or the card did, but regardless, it hit us and decided to nearly take off my body with it. That is all that remains of one of my kidneys. You were a kidney removed? I did. Have you heard the one about the man who got into an accident and lost the entire left side of his body? No. You're all right now. I'm sorry. I've come to love my scar. We go everywhere together. How about us? A couple of freaks. I like to focus on the advantages. The advantages? Lost in adrenal gland as well. I can't produce enough adrenaline and now I don't get nervous. Really? Hardly ever. I should have been on stage. I'd never get stage fright. Not being nervous sounds great. It is quite nice. Makes it quite easy to do all sorts of things. Like argue with 12 versions of your mom. Like bear my middrift to an attractive woman? Well, I don't think I've ever seen someone turn so red. Oh, God. Shut up. I don't mean to embarrass you. Oh, I think you do. All apologies. The day's been such a weird one. I was desperate to do something recognizable. So drinking, flirting. Do you not do that? I don't know. Am I being on to word? I forgot my wires crossed. What is it you're saying? America and my barking up the wrong tree? No, you're this, I'm you. You are barking up the right tree. I've never, I've never been barked up before. Well, as a crime. Shall we have another drink? Yes. Two minute running. Oh, fuck. What is it? What the fucking world? Fiona? You have to go. I have? We've got two minutes. Until what? Come on, I'm sorry, we have to go outside. Fiona, come on. I thought things were going fairly well, Fiona, but was it something I said? I told you a big long story about this place. What are you listening? I was a bit distracted as you were talking. Stand here. Stand here, right outside the parking lot. Oh, you can't be serious. Catherine, time-traveling dimension spanning diner. Did you think I was kidding? I thought you would speak invigoratively. What could a time-traveling dimension spanning diner be an analogy for? It really depends on the education of the story I'd say. Catherine, thank you. I felt this felt like mine. That's a new feeling for me. Fiona, come on. Stay right here. I have to go inside. I still get vertigo when this happens, okay? Seriously? Goodbye. Goddamnit, Peter. What do you feel like doing tonight, Peter? We should really get some board games. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Bye, everybody. Good luck on the rest of your trip. Hello. Hey. You're up. Thank you for letting me stay back there. It's no problem. Who's room is that? Gloria's. She's, uh, this is her place, really. She's gone now. Because she was dispatched by her malevolent space god. Hey, you were listening. Who was here? I don't know. They were pretty wild. I told them they didn't have to pay me, but they insisted on paying me with what I think can only be tabs of acid. Goodness. Remind me to look up who the merry pranksters were. What can I do for you? The problem with being someone who doesn't experience a lot of fear means you don't really know how to handle it when fifth finally shows up. I understand. Of course, I understand. Can I make you some food? You should eat something. A bit later. Okay. Is it going to travel again? In a few minutes. Yeah. I think I'll just go back to bed then. Okay. Would you come with me? Yes. For the first time in her life as a real girl, the rag doll was touched. Health. Crest. With each touch of a hand on her skin, it was as though her skin came to be. Her skin became real. A thing to be touched. A thing to be known. Where before there were scraps of felt and coat buttons. There was now a woman. Feeling for the first time, breathing in and out for the first time. Wanting someone of her own for the first time. Now behave yourselves, you won't be busted. You're that getting the cube on the others. What do they upset that they like you more than they like me? It's my wild nature that appeals to them. Isn't that right, boys? You can behave yourself in this. Peter, play fat with junkook, please. Being fat. Oh, boys, look at your mum. Don't you look dead sexy in a parker. She blossoms in the wintertime, that one. Like a chameleon. Granamita, really. Two years. Wow. Fuck me, is it all right at the grocery? I guess so. Well, you're just as beautiful as the day I found you. Thanks. You too. Of course, I was shitting myself with fear on that day, so it is all a bit of a haze, but still. I... I think you came along right before I was going to lose my mind. Sorry, it made you lose yours a little bit. I've got it all back again. Here I am on a nice, see-alien landscape, feeding more obvious to be wolves, while a robot plays fetch. Doesn't even faze me. So, how should we celebrate this glorious day? Sadly, I think we have to celebrate it by opening the front door. Due to calls, then. All right, you little miscreants. Your mum's off to earn a living. Let's see what the day's brought us, shall we? Join the sun. Coalition troops are now boarding at gate 813. Eliminate your fusion confusion at Shin-U-Line Jacobs Reactor Bar. I'm not a crapman. I'm not a crapman. Well, now, this is new. It's a space station. Just floating out in middle of NOAA. There are these huge things out there in between star systems. They're like airports. People are heading all over the place. Look all the fucking aliens. Look. That one's pink. We're in the triad. What's that? The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Traangulum. Three galaxies connected by a big, super-highway of work gates. How do you know? The station has a kind of food court. That's where we are right now. If you look across the way there. Is that a fucking taco bell? Yes. In fucking space. Yes. People in the triad are obsessed with Earth. So they try and replicate Earth life as a kind of gimmick. Don't eat tacos if they aren't from Earth, though. They haven't figured them out yet. Look at that fella. Wow. He's as thin as a clump of asparagus. I haven't seen one of those before. How does something that thing get that tall? I don't know. What's hesitating? Do you think we have a customer? I think so. Whoa. Hello there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Greetings. May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies? I'm sorry. May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies? Um... You are both Earthlings. Oh, and bread? I'm a Canadian. Isn't it? I will recalibrate my introduction. Okay. I am Voon. I come from the planet Earth. Hello there. I am a gall-dram. In the common parlance, I am known as a sorcerer. I am tasked with documenting alien technologies. Oh. Not much technology under this roof. Aside from the tiny robot. Interesting. Would you mind? My scans are non-invasive, a strictly for documentation purposes. Uh... Sure. I guess that's fine. Thank you. Voon, is it? Yes. I'm Katherine. That's Fiona. Hi. Salutations. Tazula, old flow, informed. That is M. M is my assigned Zengo, the implementation arm of my sorcerer systems. Hello there, I'm. M has no personality emulation. Do you? So, why are you scanning a robot, Voon? As a sorcerer, it is my mandate to identify relevant alien technologies and transmit this data back to my homeworld. Then what do you do with it? Ideally, we improve our own technologies. Curious. Your robot is bespoke. It's... What? But has no known manufacturer. Oh. No, someone made it. It contains technology from multiple regions and yet they are seamlessly integrated. Here's a handsome devil, isn't it? May I inquire as to its creator? Uh...Laf is his name. Laf. Laf is an Earthling name. It is. This unit was created by an Earthling. Yes. May I speak with them? He's not here anymore. Unfortunate. Are there other units of his creation? Uh...oh, yeah. I had our back. Thank you. Babe, is this alright for us to be invaded by aliens? I don't know. He's so polite. He has quite gentlemanly. Should be fine. It's over here. Next to the dumpster. Oh. My. Apparently it's a space suit. I've never seen it used. They were stranded somewhere. And so, Ava got in the suit and investigated some sort of anomaly. I think that's the story. Well, this is very curious. Is it? The same implementation of multiple protocols, though. Well, this is very strange. The processor appears to be ancient Sigeon. Okay. This technology has not been available for... It's from the first era of the original coalition. I don't know what any of that means, Voon. Fiona, may I perform a deeper scan of your establishment? These idiosyncratic findings warrant deeper investigation. Uh, Voon, the thing is... Yes. Who's gonna be the one to tell him? You know what, Voon? Go for it. Scan away. When you're done, you may want to sit down and have a cup of coffee. I do not require a beverage. Oh, you will, Muscandy friend. Do whatever you need to, Voon. Move me inside. My thanks. Aren't we supposed to be keeping a low profile until we can no longer help it? It's kind of a mixed bag in the triad. In some universes, nobody's heard of us. And then in others, everybody is heard of us. I never know which one it is. Well, it seems like a nice, incredibly tall and skinny man. But this place doesn't melt his brain as it did mine. Your brain doesn't seem melted to me. No, any more than it was when I arrived. How's it going, Voon? I must contact my homeworld. Please excuse me. Sure. He's on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I can feel it. Hey, it's one year later. How are you feeling? I've taken to it all quite well. Haven't I? I think so. It has been one very fine way of avoiding the question of what to do with my life. Hmm. I'm sorry to make plans. This is a plan in its way. If you'd asked me before all this, if I'd like to travel time and space and sleep with a gorgeous woman at night, I would have said, fuck inside me up. How about you? One year later. It's been perfect. Voon, what's going on? Voon, are those your suitcases? Well, yes. These are my belongings. I must accompany you. What? Fascinating. Both spatial and temporal manipulations as well as several unidentified lattices of energy. This is unexpected. Have you ever seen anything like this? I've never seen anything like this, nor have I seen anything like this roof. This man, Lave, you were saying that he resided on the roof. Yeah, he lived up here and worked up here. He was always making some sort of gadget. It's a fascinating assortment of chimeras. Of what? Many different types of technologies seemingly incompatible turned into something greater than the sum of their parts. It's quite brilliant. Yeah, he was a pretty smart guy, apparently. So, Voon, your home planet has the power to tell you that you... well, there's no other way of putting it, that you're moving in. I greatly appreciate your accommodation. I realize this is very abrupt, but I was informed by my home world that it was a rare opportunity. Please be assured that I will not be in a position and that I shall use my accompanying technologies and expertise to increase your quality of life here, to pull my weight as they say on your planet. Okay, great. Voon, I have to say though, I don't think Lave would want you to mess with this thing too much. It would be impossible for me to interact with this technology. It is all protected by a very aggressive safeguard. Are you saying this booby traps a pay of own? I'm not physical ones, but this entire system is guarded by a protocol known as Cognito Hazard Expunged, a destructive protocol used mostly in underworld environments. That sounds like life. There are many mysteries here. It may take a lifetime to unravel them. Oh, this is just the half of it, Voon. Please explain. A dimensional portal in your food storage area. Correct. Do you need a moment, Voon? I may require several. Asked it, aye. M has detected no technology. This is not a simulated environment. It comes the welcoming committee. It's okay, Voon. They're very nice. They're about...dinesens? Uh, yes. There's also two snow leopards out there somewhere, but we added those later. Leopards. Voon, you're about as big a round as my forearm. Are you sure you don't need a puffy jacket? Deploy habitation dome. Wow. Look at you inspect a gadget. It feels warm. I'll really get my beach bowl. You can just carry a spring day around in your pocket. Making your pardon, Fiona. My habitation dome is not nearly the most astounding thing in this moment. I guess we've gotten used to it all. Used to it. What is this place? Love? We've landed on Earth again. It's time to play our game. Oh, okay. Hang on. I'm ready to make my choice. Okay, go. 1995. 1995? No way. I've made my choice. I think you're making a mistake. I don't think there were any shaky pizzas left by the 90s. I've made my choice. Okay. I'm going to say... 1981. You are dead wrong. It feels like the 90s. You weren't even alive in the 90s. Technically, you were only alive in 2012. What do you know about it? Okay. Only time will tell. Tower of the Star One climbing to 200,000. Keep your home fires burning. What the fuck was that? I don't know. I thought that radio was broken. Me too. Tower, I have established altitude, beginning white man search. Will advise. Hello? Are you trying to talk to the man in the radio? You don't know how normal that actually is. Hello? Should we have Vom take a look at it? He's gone on a little mission, remember? I told him I had heard that there was some sort of technology deep in the deep freeze. It takes a couple of days to get there, so he's on a long weekend. Wednesday back. Anytime now, I think. Tower of the Star One and white man search, commencing night watch. Hello? Weird. Do you think he's trapped in the tiny radio? You have no idea how normal that is, either. It's most likely some signal bounce enough of something somewhere. Will Vom take a look once he's back. I guess it's nice to have our own smarty pants know at all these days, isn't it? Absolutely. We'll leave it to him to source out the complicated things, which means we go back to doing what we do best, which is of course being charming and looking fabulous. Sounds good. Oh, look at this. We appear to have someone dine curious in the parking lot. He looks confused. How do you suppose he got in that wheelchair? I don't know, but you cannot make that the first thing you ask him if he comes inside. Now, why'd you feel you have to worry about that? Katherine, sometimes your whole cut to the chase thing is just taken as insensitivity. Sometimes it is insensitivity. I'm gonna go talk to him. Are there any other topics I should avoid to truly come inside? Probably, my love. Hey there. Evening. Can I help you something? No, sorry there. Used to be a VA here. Oh, really? Yeah, I haven't been around for a while though. Y'all have any idea where it moved to? We, uh, we just opened. We're not too familiar with the neighborhood either. All right. Are you okay? Do we need to figure out a way to get you to a hospital? No, it's nothing like that. I've been out of town for a long time, and there's always some bullshit that I gotta deal with at the VA, so... I usually try and come by when I can. Y'all got a phone book inside so I can look up where they move to? A phone book. Uh, no, sorry. We do have coffee though. Can I get you some? Yeah, that'd be all right. I'm Fiona. Captain Philip Bud, please to meet you. Come on in, Captain. Ah, nice place. It even sold you, boy. Ma'am? Anywhere you like. I'll get you some coffee. Thank you. I'm Captain. Philip. Tell me, soldier. How'd you end up in the chair? Catherine! What? It's all right. I know it's the first question on everybody's mind anyway. I appreciate you getting it out of the way. Don't mention it. Plane crash. Oh, sounds nasty. Mercifully, I had just woke up in the hospital. What was wrong with your plane? Oh, all sorts of things, probably. I'm a test pilot, so they're never working perfectly when I get the airborne. Must've been hard to come back from that. Well, in the Air Force, we have a saying. What's that? At least I'm not in the Army. Here you go. How about a grilled cheese sandwich? That sounds all right. Okay. You come here a lot? Oh, I work here. Fiona and I, we run the place together. Together? That's right. Your sisters? Well, no, Philip. No one else. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're sure you're okay, Philip? Hey, it's the modern world, isn't it? 1981. Fiona, fuck. Fiona, I've discovered something. Voon, shh, shh, come here. What is it? We're on Earth 1981. We need you to lay low. I see. Stay here in the kitchen. I shall. What did you discover? The technology you told me of. I discovered it on the shore of an ocean. It is technology from my planet. From Earth? Indeed. It's very curious. Have any other Earths visited the diner? Not that I know of. How strange. I'll need to make a full report. I shall retire to the roof so as not to... What was that term you use? Spook the locals. Yes. I shall avoid that. Okay. Wait, no. No. I forgot the radio was making weird transmissions. Can you monitor it with your little floating guy? Him is not a guy. It's an Earth expression. Shall I stay in the kitchen and monitor from here? Is that okay? Of course. You're the best. Phil, do you want fries with your grilled cheese? Sounds good to me. Okay. All's quiet up here, Tower. Shall we play that fun game where I talk so much that you institute radio silence? Oh, sorry about that. There's something wrong with our radio. It's picking up a weird signal. How about I lead us in a sing-along? It's weird, right? I know that guy. What? It's... I know that voice. What do you think, Tower? When Irish eyes are smiling or they call it... or they call the wind Mariah? Is that a friend of yours? Yeah. We used to fly together. What the hell is he doing coming through your radio? Tower. Can you read me? I don't know. The radio wasn't even working. The fuck is going on? I don't know. Phil? Can he hear me? I don't know. Brookhouse. Is that you? Bucky. What are you doing in the Tower, man? I'm not... I'm not in the Tower. You're coming through an old radio. What the hell is that about? I don't know. So you're just picking up a stray frequency? I guess. This reminds me of when we were testing the Blackbird, right? That guy gets on a ham radio, gets on our frequency, and starts chatting us up. Had no idea he was talking to two guys in a top-secret plane. We told him we were brand of pilots. Flying into Southport. Where there is no airport. This is fucking weird, man. Yeah. I don't know how to explain it. Also, how come I can talk to you, but I can't reach the tower right now? No idea. Tower, can you read me? What are you flying? Don't take this personally, but it's the SRX. Oh, really? Sorry, buddy. The plane that almost killed me. Don't worry. They fixed the landing gear. Oh, they did? Yeah. There were about 50 things wrong with that plane. 49 now. Shit. It was kind of a rush job, but they needed the fastest thing they could find, and they needed it right now. What's going on? Stupid bullshit. Okay. What is it? You still got code word clearance, right? Yeah. They're losing planes over New Mexico. Losing them? Yeah. Look, it's nonsense. They've lost a few planes, and they've been hearing some weird stories, so they sent me up here in this thing. To do what? To chase it. It? Look, we've all got stories. We've all seen things. I don't know why they're freaking out about this. What are you chasing? Just ghosts in the sky, man. Before the planes were lost, there were reports about seeing something that was a triangle, than a square, then a triangle again. Whoa. It's bullshit. So they sent something real fast up here. Let's see if I can catch it. Sounds like some bullshit to me, man. Fuckin'. Are you insinuating that the United States Air Force is being run improperly? I'm sorry. I must speak. Fuckin' very solid. What the fuck is that? Listen, it's very important. They'll put the gun away. Stay the fuck away from me. What the fuck is that thing? There is no need for a weapon. Your friend is in danger. Your, the one who's in danger, motherfucker. Stay the fuck back. You must abandon his mission. He is in grave danger. Fuckin' he's still there? What do you mean? He is reported that he is unable to communicate with his primary and reports a craft that appears both square and triangular. Yeah. It will appear behind him and it will chase him until his fuel supply is nearly at an end. They will then destroy his craft. Who is they? They are called the aquara. They are very dangerous. Holy shit. Holy shit. I've got something on my six-tower. Do you read me? I've got something on my six. It came out of nowhere. Brookhouse, can you still read me? Bucky, I can't reach the tower. Bucky? What's he supposed to do? He must place his craft under automatic control and then abandon it. If he is separated from his craft, he will no longer be a valuable target. My name is Voon. I mean you know, huh? Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Holy shit. I can see it. I take it all back. I can see it. Jesus. Nick, you've got to ditch. Bucky, say again. Hit autopilot then ditch. They won't chase you just the plane. I'm not even in Mach 1. I can try to outrun it. He cannot. You can't. What do you know about this that I don't? Nick, you've just got to trust me. Okay. Look at that thing behind you. Does it look like a friendly to you? I am engaging autopilot. Holy shit, holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit. It's getting closer. It's right on my tail. You better be right about this, Bucky. You better be right about this. Holy shit. Here I go. Holy shit. Ditching. Nick? Nick, are you still there? I'm in the breeze. I'm in the breeze. That was $7 million of research. I just returned to the taxpayers. I hope you're right about this. Oh fuck. Fuck it, just shut me down. It just shot the plane down. It's fucking called, Bucky. All right, man. I've got seven minutes before I hit the ground. You want to tell me what the fuck is? Nick? Nick, are you still there? He is safe now. Phil? Phil? I know this is a lot. I know this is insane. Can you do me a favor and just put the gun down? We're just people, Phil. We're just people trying to help. We're just people. And a robot. A tiny robot. What is this place? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Phil, are you okay out here? Yeah. I'm good. Okay. I still have a hard time being out here too long when we're traveling. I get vertigo pretty easily. Try looking at your finger and then following your finger without moving your head. Okay. Also, don't make sudden head movements. Okay. Also, drink more water. That's a solution for most things. Thanks. Take it from a guy who's lost the horizon more times than he's had a hot breakfast. Any fires for Morse? I was serious when I said there's no going back. I'm good. At least I'm flying again. Yeah. Hello. Another year. Good morning, doctor. Catherine, how are you doing? I'm well. Are you ready for another stressful day? Always. Catherine, always. Where is our girl? Hey, doctor. Hello, Fiona. Greetings. Oh, my. Doctor, this is Voon. He's new. He's here to meet you, doctor. Well, look at you. Hello there. Can I scan your planet for relevant technologies? Relevant technologies? Well, I don't see why not. It is greatly appreciated. Well, look at this little thing. Isn't that fascinating? Also, this is Philip. Hey, there, doc. How you doing? Oh, doc. I love that. Hello there, Philip. Well, this is quite a full house you have here, Fiona. It's a nice little group. Wonderful. Also joining us is this handsome devil. Oh, what is that? This is the Famine E61, doctor. What do you do with it? It makes coffee. All right. Good. We like coffee. But it does so much more than that. Do tell. Okay. Espresso at the bottom and then we add the milk. This is very fancy. Here you go. All right. Here we go. Oh, my. Right. And is really something. It really is. I didn't know coffee could taste like this. Still just coffee and milk, but the famer does something magical. It truly does. Well, with all these new folks and this new contraption, the age of Fiona's shaping up quite well, isn't it? The age of Fiona? Yes, you know, we never really explained this to Casper. He was never one for small talk. Each new proprietor, the diner, marks a new age for us. Each new, I don't understand. Ah. We're currently in the age of Fiona. Before you, there was the age of Casper. Before him, there was the age of Cody McCleur. And there was the first age, the age of Marissa. Marissa? Yes. That's how this all began. You see, we suffered from a terrible plague about a thousand years ago. We could find no cure for it and would nearly wiped off the face of the planet. We were reduced to small, isolated communities around the globe. A couple of generations later, we had developed an immunity to the disease. But the isolation and suspicion had become ingrained in our culture. Then, one day, a man named Monad Nick found the diner, walks inside, and there was Marissa. Now, they didn't speak the same language, so it was a bit difficult. But Marissa was a practitioner of the sacred art known as Esoul. Later, Marissa would return to teach Monad Nick more of her language, and give him the sacred text to learn while she was away. Monad Nick began to teach this language to others and, long story short, that's what we needed to come together as a society, a common language that didn't belong to any community. Oh my god. A wonderful story, isn't it? So, Casper wasn't the first one here? Oh no, not at all. Not according to our history anyway. Wow. So, are we all ready to go? Um, yeah. Yeah, we're ready when you are. All right. Here we go, Fiona. Hey, there you are. Is everything okay? You usually like hanging out with the Thergronies. I'm all right. You've been a little distant for a while now, actually. What's going on? Nothing. I'm fine. Baby, come on. It's a bit more crowded in there, Isoul. It's the same number of people as last time. Oh. You're not talking about the Thergronies. Just seemed a bit simpler when it was just the two of us. Yeah, I know, but this is life. This is how it works. How would you know our life works? Catherine. I'm sorry, I didn't. What is that? I need you to go inside. Tell Phil and Voon to come outside, keep the Thergronies inside. What's happening now? Peter, zone defense. Zone defense. What's going on? We are told there is an emergency. It's the bad guys. The bad guys? Fiona, what do you mean? I thought they couldn't find us. Fiona, are we under attack? I think so. Hey, heads up. Now who the fuck is this? Did you think you couldn't hide from us? Deploy tactical dome. I am unclear of your intentions, but I am currently assessing your technology and your weaknesses. Aggression is not recommended. But hell, don't let us stop you. Catherine, go inside. Catherine. Alright then, let's get it on. Dictation. Sources ID 5850, as a general overview of my time gear, I am of two minds. Since my arrival is my terminus mission, I have been able to document an outsized amount of technologies both for archival and advancement purposes. Far more than if I were to conduct missions in a traditional format. As directed, I have transmitted my findings when in an environment where networks are available. This work has been extremely satisfying. However, there is an overarching project that I have self-assigned and this project's completion has proven to be elusive. We have been here before. What is our relationship to this anomalous craft? Additionally, is this a craft? Additionally, is this technology? If I am corrected in my assessment of a previous cert presence at this location, I am requesting all pertinent records. Indictation. Coming up. Good evening, Captain. Are we calling this evening? My thinking was that considering we were all circadian beings, referring to a definitive night and day would help bring normalcy. Okay, cool. Good evening, Captain. This elevated thing is working real good for me. I am pleased. It's assembly was quite simple. How are things up here? The work continues. Have you done a recent assessment of Fiona's emotional state? She's a little fucked up right now, but she'll be all right. I have yet to fully understand the reason for Catherine's departure. Yeah? Surely this mode of existence is a highly stimulating and enriching environment. Why would someone prefer less of this stimulation? I hear you. I did test flight training on an F-104. Real fast plane. I took it over Mach 2. One time I was in an adventurous mood and I took it all the way up top. 30,000 meters. I flipped it and I looked down at the earth, like touching the hand of God. For me, that was a transformation. I was a new man when my wheels were down on the ground. And for someone else, they would have shit the pants, passed out, and swore to never get into a plane again. Your heaven is somebody else's hell, no matter how great it may feel to you. Is there anything we can do to a sway-shock current symptoms? No. There's no cure for something like that. She'll be all right, though. All good in the long run. Struggle is important. Anyway, I brought you one of those avocado sandwiches that you like. I know you're working. Thank you, Captain. And thank you again for the lift. Nice being up here. Of course. Captain. Yeah. If I may, it is also within my means to employ various technologies so that you may walk. These would be improvised field solutions, but certainly employable, if you would like. Struggle is important, though. I understand. Time, loneliness, love, happiness, struggle, friendship, heartbreak. Each of them like a blade, cutting away the strings and cloth, revealing the flesh beneath it all. This skin, it hurts me more, thought the racked off. But this skin is mine. Worth the pain, worth the loneliness. And now, what to do with it? Grenometer reading. Eight years. Jesus Christ. They say that you listen to Gloria. Is that true? I've wanted to say all sorts of things to you all this time, but I think I was a braid that you'd answer or something. There are people who need us, you know. We left people behind, and I think we're their only hope. So what are we doing? Can you tell me what we're doing? You saved me from a really horrible place, but those people that you... I don't know, love. They're out there, and they need you, but instead it's all of this. And I'm really confused. And I'm really heartbroken, and I don't understand the point. And I couldn't say that before. I was just this directionless lump. I was somebody's experiment. I was a repository of fake memories. I was a barista in 2012 for, I don't know how long. I was just... I was a thing. I'm a person now. I'm a person now, and I can stand here on my own two feet, and I can say to you, what the fuck? What? Is this all about? You... You knew all that. I was walking through the diner with Peter's instructions in my hand, and you... I didn't have a history. I didn't have anything that was mine, and you knew that. You gave me a history. One that was mine. Is that what this was? This whole time, is that what this was? Horick?ick Gloria? Thanks for listening to Midnight Bird, y'all. And be sure to tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide royale you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens. Just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six! Midnight Bird is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Wilson, Billy, Bert Bert, Bethany, Second Bethany. You call her Bethany, I call her Headfany. The Goblins ride to the aid of the Bethany's. Risi Pontef, Bankrolls, Baddling, Bethany, Bessaurus, Rex's. Jason, Commander of the Bethany, Hunter's McDonald. Chad Hatter, Space Mage, and the War against the Bethany's. The Bethany's demand more Omega Station. The faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home. Bethany, the Lone Star edition. There are only 108 MB fanfiction and no Bethany. CJ's Big Barbecue Beastro for Bethany's. 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One intergalactic year with big potato 99, aka the rat lady, aka bumble bee, aka aka 47. Kai, just a little guy. Dale Van Hoos, Inder Wright, Mark Nazeroich, Capturer of Light, Munkle Wang, Duncan Albert, Theoretical chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris loves to read. Katie McCallock, Greg Andrews Lyons, Just Matt 85, Gracie Joe Shearin, Magnus Von Kaffinheim, Ferocious Little Beast, Long Time Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Sun, and his wife Fuji cakes. Jennifer Myers, a chef named JJ, wants to apply to be Gloria's new line cook, Sanford Underground Research Facility, not large underground xenon experiment. Annaz, Lord of Stories, Donnie Darko, aka Darko the Destroyer, Tom Shin, Caitlin and CT's never-ending podcast adventures, Whisper Dan, Alexis Walker, Kio the Panda Puppy, Forklift Operator, Charity and Ruby, Nick Fe, Julie and her man servant, Olen, Justin, Jen Sims, Ring to the MOTAS, The Leathermans, Luke Warmfart, Odd Commodity, Ander Ho, Annabelle Coupiers de Lou Den Booter, Earth Witch, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapiza, Lawrence McCoy Thielin, Lono, Caitlin Hogueland, Jonathan Tolbert, Mr. Put It On 06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, J.P. Air, Dick Rickles, Chapter Presidents, damn glad to meet you. Malcolm Flynn, Ezekiel Landsdown, Samuel Lee, What's his face, like the actual guy? Joseph Tron Prime, Nicholas Beckler, Arwen the Freer, Throat Goat 666, I Am Your Father, Addy Slosson, Inconceivable Kai, Nick Waycaster, Gotham still fucked up, Batman really ate doing shit when you think about it. No good monk, Sarmad Sayed, Pugalicious Freshington III, Esquire, PB Jamesy, Pastel Jellyfish, Johnald Grimbus, Tasmanick starting to shift at 6, Matt Knight, Boo Shager, Daya Metri, Andromeda, Steven The Choi, Brooke Shelton, Gabriel, The Treasure Trove of Troubles from Trolls, Colbon 287, Axel Zapata, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Linnick, Hugh Jazz, Dishane, Miles Nelson, Catherine Beach, Nico DeGio, Ghost Grade on Midnight Burgers, Lenny Harris, Betty Hayes in the B Team, Va-Been Wizard, Tim Lynch, Ransom, Lord Thanne and Lady Sarah, Droughtbreaker, Aaron Mitchell, The Fluff Wrangler, King Felix Blaise of the Galactic Third Street Saints, Dana Dana Bobana, Fifi Fofana, Dorothy Graves, Leaf Loves Laser Guns, Gix the Norwegian Viking impersonator, Somenity, Mags, Megan the Mag Young, Farhmi's Paradoxans, Honey Cooper, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Aluzzi, Trev Brax, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Malat, Nazo, Platform jail mechanism, Burn Museum theorist, Holp please, Kay Kayal, Impersquishy Face of Greater Katopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Reyes of Nope, Ruby Booth, Bubber Duckel, Yegor Loose, Terry Cads, Tari and Roundtree, Catalyst for Chaos, Schulliver, Kat Lucido, Sam and Shane, Asoka likes hugs, Caitlin Hess, V, Gorgon Lightfoot, Maduke's, US Marshall Stacey, Ooh, Chiquity, Terran of the Guild of Free Cartographers, Sweet Chaos 7, Dango Dale, Etsy, Not the Website, At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jow Paolo Lemos, Odd Keep the Sentient Lighthouse, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Anya T. Pelt, Zosifer, Dago of Doom, Zachary DeFaeo, Kevin Wynan, Smarlans Sea, Madembelly, Cherish Hellfire, Mistress of Time and Space, Laken Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmet Hale, The Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos and Critter Cacophony, Max and Nia and Ivonne's Mark, Minions Simone Mimi Davis, Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barraona, Jesse the Dragonwriter, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestina Free, Kaley Heights, Radio Ghoul, Nissie's Mom, Poke Splort, Whiskey Rebellion and Gen riots, Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zeffa Vitrio, Ultrion, Slim Nandy, Gohthr Life, William Lemoyne, Gen and Brit, Adriana Bertolomucci, Jonah Isgay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair, The Night of Silver Flames, Unpaid intern, that can barely afford the $10 a month, but fuck it, you guys earned it, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia who's always late but somehow on time, DC Squirrel, Ryan, Kyle the Interstellar Highwaymen, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Bang Bang Bang Bang Baby, Potacos, Rubbercake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocodgator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Type Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cride Fricken, Renee N, Isaiah Garcia, RIP Eloise Waffles, Ockie the Space Druid, Phantom Land TTRPG, Dice, K8 the Curiouser, Moxie, Ablaxmith, Ashmont Gummry, Lil' Birch and Her Beaches, Jason, H. Faktech for the diner's deep freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zeffre Foxworth, Ted Tedden Teddy, Maryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, The Interdimensional Space and T-Time Witch, Nicole 64, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buskello, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford, Festeva, Brandon Wright, Knight Breakfast, The Midnight Cauldron, Force For Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry-Lord, Gravity's optional, but Fry's aren't. Max Powers, Angel Vasquez, Tara, Stephen Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, Mistress Roxy Mornet, The Great Gubblinno, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Lylac Morechella, Rachel Crempa, With Special Thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve, Don't worry about the Order, honey. From Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley P. Snaud Grasth III, But please, call me Smedic, The Shreve Port-Bohannins, CC The Umbrella Mage, Bradbury Sasquatch, Dinn, Cosmic Catchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August The Schmogest, and Hoss Fest, Ashley Davis, Mousy, The Intergalactic Panstarts League, Postmaster General Kwan sent me, Blake Basmagian, Nittwitt XIV, Royal Way Too Harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Great Bowel Shift, Marco Montano, A Nat Named Bug, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Nelly Furtaco, Unproductive Banana, Pulse Saffer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Alondra, The Sorcerer Sanguine, and the Pretty One with the Face, Bex 823, Antichrypted, Barry Heep, Gasmask Penguin, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Uguay, Barry, He is Dallying, Podcast Junkie, Few Child Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hetlin, Dylan Karone, Pidge Row, Vibristo, Penny Sparkles, Slider, Dmitry, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the Gays Library janitor in Indiana, The wife named the cat Casper, turns out it's a girl, Physic of the Good Bush, Biscuit Mistress, and her failings of Intergalactic Eagle Scouts, Happy Birthday, Angie, from Midnight Murder, Vapus X Big Black Gaping Hole, Gubrius, you know like Lou Gubrius, but without the Lou, Bruce, Jessica Gaiogama, Cabernet Corsair, Torekul, Jenny The Bear, Bell Ringer, Ser Dean Thorn, Treetch, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Hoat Potato, Dr. Mojo Tinker Gestalt, Blind Time Traveler Convention Date, LA Woman, The Phoenix Rising, New Name, God, No, Not Him, Jeff Andrew, Sure, Jeff Andrew, Miss Luan, A British Woman with Cute Dogs, Cup of Noodles, Captain Whip, Captain Duckie, Blitz Bell, Retro Dagwood, Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts, Love, Josh from Accounting, Setsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Virgion of Velasa Raptor, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes, Cole Arthur, Lego Cressant, Cassad, Norman Mergler, The Star-Set Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on why you don't think about bugs. Joe Kuppa, We Be Chapat Brachale, The Hacker Known as Ivy DeBurb, Rachel Vasquez, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire Of Dr. Thunderbutt And Lady Cristobal, Britt Little Fair, Michelle Myers, Glenn Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prem, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Lauren Benner, Stephanie Booc, Andrea Crouter, Luke Avitcito, Boots Guten Dave, Nia Venturi, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Jessica Ingola, Kevin Dottry, Meredith Jester, Martin Dears, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drinksbiller, Richard Ryan Moshell, D. Flower, Keletia Reena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake The Cook, Somedays You're the Beetle, Somedays You're the Dung, Josie Jones, V. Greenley, Eliza Sharp, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayton, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Edward McDonald, A Fist Yes Chiquity, Pultry Land Mine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny The Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Caesar-T, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsley, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovely Beade, Zoe, Professor Freida, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Tweet, one month trapped in this freezer, still no bathroom, starting to hallucinate. Howling, son of Defarge, Wiscoe Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, give Pisa Chants, Casper's Cult, Samolemma Ding Dong, Sarah. That's it, just Sarah, Ricardo Columba, Curry's crafty cloaking devices, LLC, Hash Tag We Weave a Mubgottamer, Swither and Sister, Deeringer, Penny the Wonder Dog, and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Hintex Oridion, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare Extratosted Bun, Sassy Caesar, Belt, Aspen as a Verge Fanboy, Mick J. 67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil says, Get Your Mammogram? Is this thing recording, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Buckbuck Motherfucker, everybody's favorite clown Splachy, Pinstrike Algorithm, kosher steak, Alyssa's shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid, muscles fatiz, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Kitty McSquall, Raven Stromdans, hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe, the Wild-eyed Prophet. Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Richard Schofield, Jim Turner, Felix Sullivan, Havie Denero, Big chunk, Gideads. I named my puppy Supreme Captain Queen, Brune Hilda Ganesha Maple Venture, Salterine, Mudsox D-Sparks, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the real Mwaddeeb please stand up? Kitty Cat and Lollipop can't get enough of this. Udon 96, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird. I am the lizard frantically firing Fleshet Guns, Bumble Fey, Mr. Epsilon, the Mothman, Longhaired Matt, DJ, Robert W, Reelsabub, Cresamera, Jessalarin, Maidae Hoops, Myth and Stitch Embroidery, Loves the Muckle Wains, Lululuise, Dullio, the Brew Crew family, Bert Rubah, Jeffrey George, even older Wimsey, Ellie, don't tear off me bro. Oopsy, Evelyn, the Wizard Moose's holds out their cat for you to pet. Grim lore, existential pancakes, Jenny Wabum, Aaron Popsicle Stick, Im Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Kappy, Jack Spiders Mom, Tyler Edwards, Lama Fresh, Jared the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Reverend the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Burton the Funky Bunch, Corrora the Twelfth, Shhh, just listen, Damien Fletter John, Zam Khan, welcome to the Kwan Pound, pen, pen, pen, pen. Mr. Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station. The wolves in the deep freeze say, ah, woo, Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moons number two fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, simply Amy Sue, even older Liz, Mick Barcat, Grak Pinn Feather, Sittacon Druidic Scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary out there somewhere looking for you, Grandma Panty, J.S., Eldritch Ender, Squunky, artist Dragonborn, Big Be Garage, Shalomah, Bill Zangan Alester, Joaquin Hamenez, Hello, Big List, I'm Dad, now let Joe get some rest, it's time for bed, muffins, space wives, Captain Jack Hartness once Peter the Robot, Oreo, Oreo, no wait, pineapple, actually never mind, Oreo, banana manaz, a corgi-cold kibble, cuddly kraken, life's a load studio, and his wife, Meganator, the game, axle light, Sarge the Bard, re-elfen, LL Coolment jams, Trayvus Robertaqus, the other original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, Celestiani, Hazel the jaded umbra, pulls out a marker and approaches, sign my shovel to sign, sign my shovel shovel, Leah Isadi, Millie was taken, Hunas, Ben Camp, Shanman-man-man, Karma-Karma-Kamilian, Kinran, Wabajak, Zoe and her army of mice, Briar Longlost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, I have always relied on the kindness of diners, Dr. Boudiologist the Glutes Doctor, the Hood's Pocket Pant starts league reminds all players that clean underwear is required, Tobias Ewing, thank you for pressing too, your Anglophone emotional support Canadian request, will be processed in the order in which it was received, Queen Serly Jess, RIP Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toke Love, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat, the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Eros DeGaud, the size two fish you've been looking for, EoKai, Borgia, Natasha without Boris, spiders are cuddly, Lafayette, Lasagna Lovers 1, Maine Immortal, Billy Rose, that has all the corn dogs, Cheel Neal, Sin City, Scuba Steve, Polybog, Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus, Nookums the Eighth, Mr. Grin, Glean Petrovsky, this moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath, is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Cheapcon, yeah you heard me Greg Laramian drop, Cheapcon, Funch Brunglin, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time Spanning Hype Train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, Dirty Dipper Fuss Butt, and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, pronounced Bro, Mine, Maine Humdinga, Mother of Pearl, Fionna now owns Lafes 18 inch Peter, Sealface, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Shiny Fields, Magical Maggie, Trebek's Reject, Profit of the God of the Mucleweins, Matthew with two T's, the first T is Silent, Ignious Burp, Darth Ox, this brief pause is brought to you by Michelle K's Wish for Joe to Catch His Breath, Aaron Arnold, Mama Mander B. Ros and Slunt Master J, Valin Rial, Little Dork and Big Shit, Take Manhattan, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, Brum Goddess, The Lord Rev. Portagos Packs, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's 10-10-Bris-10 Staffel Tippers, treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. Ladies for your pleasure, Shuk, make it, the lovely Laura Lovely, Keith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamencusen, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Goachie, Hairhawks, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch, Scrubs, Just Some Guy from Adelaide, name Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beard of the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye pierced the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, woof, whiskered, Randy Spears at VO Arts Shop, Marissa the Ghost, local snow plows in your area are dying to meet you. Brotherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Slyfax, AKA Brayrabbit, Panstarts Champion, the constantly lost Geographer Timothy A. Otis, Chance wants you to know he cares, Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbs Deco, Natalie Bartlett, Rory Evien, Moody the Golden Caff, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K. Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angelus Anchez, Baba 485, AKA Shimmelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT guy, Candyman fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barclay on the holodeck, dapper dad, SCP-049, Oh, Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, space-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley, Lady Folly, Canadian waitress, Mr. Steam Wave, my friend the Rhino says, be nice. Woo! Dream founder, Amia Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Tye Tye the Wonder Hamster, and her dear darling Duke, Gus, Coco Yumi is painting ponies, hug a muffin, Bigfoot of Doom, DL, Annie the Tiny Librarian, Krandy Man the Pug Whisperer, Garot, Nick Gomez, Arcats said to tell you, Meow, Bag of Oats, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quixen, The Benny Appar, Abynasso, Trina Ward, Ada, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The big Jimmy's from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Mimetic Hygenist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star, Joshua Damian, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaus, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chris Alfredge, The Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan K, another monster, Petabyte Avatar, Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents. Dan's break! Speakoo, the Bracken system in its homeworld rend, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castillon. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Must be a Witch, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, Squirrels all the way up. Dumpin' Stein, El Moustacheo, Lucifer Hezekiel, Lachewawa Brava, Adeline Peats, C.C. Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Moms of Milfe, Scout and Fox Gloves says the floor is lava. Cardamian, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet Delechet, Get Adam a Booth, Bug, Propagator, I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crab Man, Chuck McFenley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a cauldron of bats, Ben Carlyle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kerney, Crashly Strange Lilia, The Fork Shnauers of the Apocalypse, Septi and Asha have Hots for the Mucle Wains and would gladly be their unicorns. Starblaze Burnbright, Imzuki Yoki, Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs, Red Bathy Appanda, Jean-Luc Gabo, Lonely Isle, Kydallo Headphones, Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Fondelist over, Pike Man Stover's wife, Alexander the Boss, Skryzels, Thwap, Getty Getty Getty, The Fire Keeper, The End is Die, Jeremiah the Canceled, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy Bixby, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Antibekki is owned by five rescue cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Long Blades short sword, Forget Normal, A Diome, CJ Johnson, a dragon sitting on its Horde of Dice, Windle Whitaker, Thiccichu, Smiley, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Amalgamus Pax, Pebbles, Princess VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip your dad is not your dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Plummer, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot, Kitty the First and Accomplice, Princess Penelope of the Marioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, our ass is in the jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wade Heiser, India Inkbloss, Slef of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Denkins, Cat Holtz, The True Megamike, Fred and George, The What Weekly Media Database, Ava Maddox Jr. Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet Maboy, 46 Tool Shed 2 and Elmere Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt missed everyone, A round of Yards on the House, Red the Grey, The Silver Crow, Outch Potato, Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Space Biologist, Kiboko Do Nord, Lil' Kev, Cosamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Bardy, DJK, DJK, Terran says, Hey, Oreos are rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii but it worked for Henry, Wimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Hey, it's me again, warranty lady, what happened to us, you never returned my calls anymore, did we lose our spark, Patricia the time lord, is it though, Mango Connoisseur, Briddy Bug and The quirky Jester, The Big Moose Demands Justice for Betty, Glory Cole, Janelle Miao-Ney's Cat Butler, Oshin Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Octen, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack, Churo Cat the Sun God, Alex Spence, Dr. D Bird Clausewether and Mrs. Dubaptou A Bird Clausewether want to go to space, you know, for the weather, Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Domina Caesar, Durkadov, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Klickspring, The Wild Thistle, Most Likely Cass, James Harlow has decided he's ready to see the claw, I'm not Joe's dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Caperint, also known as Omni, Thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Colkins, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Princess Leia, Prime Freak, they call me Pi Guy, Imperial Grand Poo-Bah of the Burgerverse, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenask Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenask Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Drunken Coyote, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piacarski, Adrian R, The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Kimberdurpe, Crazy Thadley, The Harbanger Pulsar, Cremulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twigster, The Rural Jurer is a massive fan, Thake Wien, Oop Shnard to the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, C.R. Iptid, For My Mother, Homer Are we doing Crimes? CCTVX Girl 6823, Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studio Soh, Cine, Ryan, Shubble, K The Flying Penguin says Hong Kong to well the geese out there, Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Malma, Castriff, Ames affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, NightScript, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Happy Birthday, Lanna Banana, Utreed and Rose's Viking Void vitals, Feeling the Intergalactic Fight Against Fascism, Not Sure What I'm Doing, Leia Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Skellicy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Rubid Clamso, Turwin, Hugh The Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glennis Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Good Greeth People I Need To Breathe, The One True Cheap Khan, StarScribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Oh Mama, Doosier sees your Ole Ainess more assent and wants to raise you a Florida State Seminal Vesicles. The other Adele, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, Needs Fresh Tows in Room 3 at the Horizon, Silly Willie Bubble Butt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Zee Gooo, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Mad Yogi Ileane, Master Mepod, a cat named M, Potito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Moe, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer, Celivia, Juiceton, Papitos, Boobhauer, you can call me Boom, I'm an Anamanapia, Jennifer Balmer, Ninja Grim Reaper, proved to me that Orange Cats aren't gods, I burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr The Gabbiest Painter and Her Bird of Fire Wandering Wenzho, painted Oni, Q-Del, Farell, Emily with two E's, Space Man Nathan, Ramsey Snibblich the Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Woops, Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Yeo-Ega-Garren, Issa the Strega, D-Grytsler, Gremlin with the Monchies, Michelle Skarakio, Jennywine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Blue, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilyby, Buffy's Daughter, A Quick Pause, So Joe Can Sip from His Tiny Teacup, You Know I Switched A Coffee Years ago. The Boys, A-Zoos, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape Shifting Sad Girl, and Her Girlfriend Say Joe You've Done It Again, Sarah Nicole, The Kells, Cat-O-Lina, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Arochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, The Space Cowby, No, The Space Weather Banjo, No, The Spweather Banjo, Skexus, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, and The Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger, Reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangerous, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Franken-Tenner, Nordle Bash, Jordan, R-Winex Blasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Hite, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Heifovison, Monica and Mason K, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Harold of the Stars, Pastasio Inc, Aryan, Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nylist, The Tim and Ghost 23, Dr. Dr. B, Soprez and the Bumble Army, Growing into My Farm Boots, Superbath Becomes an RN Alongside My Boots Up Farm Friend, Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Nomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, The Other Scott, Letty Lou, He was a shifty one that Nick Howard, Kinger was here, Hobbaba Ray, Windle and Junior, Bebop, Bdavadoop, Warped Echoes, Slabs, McTurps, Robair Otardis, He's Bigger on the Inside, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So we made it says Happy Birthday, Micah, Cody Beclore, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Jingalos, Hasmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Sean C, How did I get here? Oh God, Is that the Soup? Going to be lit, I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Frank and a Field, Fuzzle McMumpernitz, Naelic's Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senna Tis Teleporting, BRB, Where the Shane's at, Definitely not an Android, Seriously I'm Not, The Wondering Welchman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tulkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shys Baros, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dad and Aubrey the Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up a Goose, Dammar in the Space Goblin, ISO Pale, Oh no, A B! I am Lord Zoltan, Hear me roar? Pocket Ghost Max, Nate the Milkman, Max the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My Cat's name is... Beef. Eric, Katie Kate, Get your colonoscopy, Victor Cassados, Emily Schmemley, Work from Elvis, Boho Go, Bye Bye for JoJo, Po Go, That's a No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, Okay Ladies Wear, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wondering Mermaid, Understands the Assignment, Little Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat is Lafe now, Motherfuckers, Carl the Teller of Dad jokes, Skylabs multi-dimensional, multi-phasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young Un, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Daniel Nits, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Josuation, Banjo Cat, Too many Jans, Cat Shot, Pamela Rose El Chara, then Steena Says, Thud Tweed, Nicole DG, Countess of Carbon, Slapping the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Cauchon, Livis for the Nures, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash on the Surviving Crew, Casper needs a hug, Joe is the Writer's Room, Upward Heretic, Devon 7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, North early K, Lost Bison, Kim Cell, Silly Goose, Hong Kong, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghosts Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tater's Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweet's Martinez, Sharnobel 610, Meer Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Shut, Brimble, Diedra, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, Beasley Death, Svend the unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasanassin, Vyrestria, Fiosus the Theologianish, Spoonples, Nicole I love you, but I will name Kid 2, Brathar, Furnwood Gal, Mellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Corn Swagland Daniel Arthur, Michael Acluzzi, It's a, It's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail Lehu, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Winchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welch, Fireball XL5, McKinsey Duna, Alexika Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Back to Backed, Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Monad Nick, Frailp, M. Lin, Feed My Fish, J.R.R. on S.F.P, Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, J.S. Bark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Pause, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 damage, Macy's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorps, Fresh Squeeze, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it now, Hit it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okyo, William Dyer, Vicki A.Bare, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eye Bow, Turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Crazed Bear, I saw Dr. Latest Trash Angel outback Scrumping for Apples, Crafty Lizard Quilts, Noble Barrel, Yes, my brain is weird, thank you, Corey Marrows, Russell Bunny, Mac Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Airenetta, Bacon, Nicole Studiozo, Rambo, Chaos Squadcher, That homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Crittle, Twillo, Heidelberg, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincotesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Doh Mage, the Bard with the Tuba, Haywords finest Garin Elisando, Terrified Toddler, Sir Schitzelot strikes again, Dam Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzen B Anthony, Trick Once Treats, Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Alley Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titt Mittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Fond Tucky Wrangler, Scrim Brouley, Yeeey Erin, The Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yose, James Soe and Tegane Fon, Katie Inoa, Hendrix the Stink, Sarah Murphy, The Ambergler, Bootles, Osvoldo Simioni, Shivon Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definitration of Ted's, Karine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzle Butt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomaly, Charmey, The Wanderous Mathasophon, Post Turtle Evaluation Squad, Hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Amiant Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Insulidum, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitsilu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Cathrain, Damian the God Damn Time lawyer, All My Homies Hate Croc the Propagator, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronaweeb, Magno's the Civil Nome, Hydealon misses the warranty ladies calls, it's not the same without her. Starlight, David P. Arini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny N.M., Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, C.C. Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cochinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Olivary, Dan Bowman, Jess Geoya, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, Dr. Puntgusser Esquire constantly gets me out at, Creator 67, But Joe Lent, Life's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Inc. Ross, Deborah Whales, SCRB Mark 11, Courtney Dupona, Maggie's Yarn, Stu, Enthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Sailing, three legs are perfectly good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL, Vandal, the Ice Queen, Captain Blep, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What, Danielle L, Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo Blargo Blargo, the Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, Okay, seriously, the list is so long now that my voice can't do the Doom anymore, Let me try, Doom. Lorak the Barbarian S, Zealous Prachma, Tuba Rick, it's just Blake, Alice Malice asks, How many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Dinky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucretia, Thornus, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Eva, no not that, Eva, the one within. Grim says, Trans writes y'all, Zachy Nat, Underwater Corvids, Spizzor Rinctum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Brune Maesalil, Grolics and Tarot Bang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralus, O'Mvega, Lady Keanu Maison, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hiker Bear, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Malarann, Sweet Michelle, Tara, Calle Zenn, Collebry, Mel Mamburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, What the Chuck, Solo Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Venvores, Naya DeRusso, Pigea Zatoichi, Inqui the Crack and Azulah the Brave and their ever faithful Squire Grab Thar, Jin Extrinius, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Can we do more, right more, Judy? I like Judy. That's safe, it's one other people are talking, who cares about those fools? It's just La Boosa all the time. This is the La Boosa show. This is the La Boosa show people, come on. Do you want me to read Peter? Sure, could you read Peter? Of course. Firmative. All right. You know what I do have here in my home with me, is a recorder. So if you want me to badly play Hot Cross buns, I got you. I got you. Feels real quick. Rebecca and Specter Gadget, is that something that exists in the United Kingdom? Yeah. Okay. And then for Joe, I'm going to say that Shelley's upstairs neighbors are producing potentially dismembering a dead body. Potentially. I mean, probably just hanging pictures though. You're so fucking good, dude. Thank you. I have so much money in student loans trying to get as good as you are. Hey, thank you so much. Seriously. Not a great relationship with your mom. It's sysf- There, there, there. It's what? Sysf- Sysf- Sysf- Eh! I wrote it down and everything. Sysf- There we go. Bound check a bound, bound. Feed to black. You ready? Let's get weird with it. All right. Anyway, Joseph, we may be starting and stopping for neighbor noise because they don't appreciate art. If you want to walk into the dining area to see Judy, honey, can you read Judy? Yes, I'm not going to try the accent from a Rebecca. Do it. Hang on. There's a plane again. Take a very long time. I'm going to go into the most awkward moment and just fly right over your house. Properly, my love. Feed me my love again. I don't even know. As opposed to chances, chances, oh, I went push, right, hang on, where did that come from? The chances. The chances, the chances are alright, actually. You've heard our bluepers, we still belong over the play. The Fable and Falling Network, Where fiction producers flourish. If you two still awake. Dad, we're too excited! You'll be tired at Mockery Manor tomorrow, and it's bigger than ever, so you really do need to sleep. Daddy, tell us about the new expansion! Okay, okay. Yay! Once upon a time, there was a wonderful place. Mockery Manor. Everyone loved it, but sometimes it felt lonely. Aww. The manor longed for a companion, so they built a whole new park right next door. I'd called it Claytonville, and it was the... ...rumpeness-tuteness place here for DTC! Yay! Aww! Pop on board the brand new Mockery Railroad, all the way to Claytonville. Toot toot! In Claytonville, there are four cowboy lands to explore. Lassoa Goat, in Farman Valley. Kiss your girl, best friend. In Love Lorm Town. Don't be tearing. And in cowboy Christmas town, hop on down to the blue grass-crotto to meet cowboy Santa. Oh, oh, hold on! And are you worried enough to ride the wildest ride in Claytonville? Look at it! It's the Forests' first country! Ahhh! Beeper! Are you sleepy now, kids? Yes, Daddy. Like how ways to go to Mockery Manor. And Claytonville! Two parks in one and only 1999 for a family of four. And how about you? Yeah, that's right. You listening to this. Are you ready to come back? To Mockery Manor. Season three. Available now.