Best Of: Arsenio Hall / Jeff Ross

This is our glass. On this American life, we tell stories about when things change. Like for this guy, David, whose entire life took a sharp, unexpected and very unpleasant term. And it did take me a while to realize it's basically because the monkey pressed the button. That's right, because the monkey pressed the button. Surprising stories every week. Wherever you get your podcasts. From W-H-Y-Y in Philadelphia. This is Fresh Air Weekend. I'm Tanya Mosley. Today, Arsenio Hall. He grew up in Cleveland, dreaming of being the next Johnny Carson. Kind of. I wanted to do this show that didn't exist when I was a kid and I knew the talent was out there. You know, I found Bruno Mars and put him on the show when he was two feet tall. I wanted those things that Johnny didn't do. And we hear from Jeff Ross, comedian, producer, and the man behind some of the most savage celebrity roasts on television. But before all of that, he was a kid growing up in his family's Kosher Catering Hall in New Jersey. Serving weddings and bar mitzvahs, one of which was his own. My bar mitzvah was like something between a Super Bowl half-time show and like something Saddam Hussein would throw for one of his kids. He gets personal and vulnerable in his new Netflix comedy special, Take a Banana for the Ride. That's coming up on Fresh Air Weekend. This message comes from WISE, the app for international people using money around the globe. You can send, spend, and receive an up to 40 currencies with only a few simple taps. Be smart. Get WISE. Download the WISE app today or visit wis.com. Tease and seize, apply. This is Fresh Air Weekend. I'm Tanya Mosley. That's how America was welcomed into the party that was known as the Arsenio Hall Show. His name stretched out the way his mother used to call him into the house when he was a kid growing up in Cleveland. During its run in the late 80s and early 90s, Time magazine called Arsenio, Hip, Brash, and the New Generation. And some of the most important moments in a magazine are the days when Arsenio was a kid growing up in Cleveland. And some of the most important moments in American culture happened on Arsenio's couch. Magic Johnson chose the show as the first place to speak after announcing his HIV diagnosis. When Los Angeles burned after the Rotney King verdict, executives wanted the show to go dark, but Arsenio went on anyway. And one night, a charming governor from Arkansas running for president showed up with a saxophone. That appearance would go on to be credited as a turning point in the 92 presidential election, strengthening Clinton's hold on young and black voters who helped carry Clinton to the White House. I was a teenager in Detroit, staying up past my bedtime to watch. And I was not alone. At its peak, the Arsenio Hall Show was syndicated on nearly 200 stations, running second in the late night ratings to Arsenio's idol, Johnny Carson, an unthinkable feat at the time. And then just like that, poof, the show was gone. But here's what I never knew until I read Arsenio's new memoir. The show wasn't canceled, Arsenio quit walking away from a dream he'd been rehearsing since he was 12 years old. The reasons were distinctly American. White audiences thought the show was too black, and black audiences thought it wasn't black enough. And it wore him down in ways he's never told fully until now. His new memoir is simply called Arsenio. And Arsenio Hall, welcome to Fresh Air. Well, thank you very much. Wow, what an intro. Oh, Arsenio, you know, you have talked about the decision to leave the show before, but this book, it really names things I haven't seen you name before. You say this thing that was really poignant to me. You said, you felt insatiably black and profoundly alone. Take me inside of that to be 100% yourself and still that self be rejected. Yeah, you know, when I came up, I could watch a show like Johnny Carson or Merv Griffin. And for weeks at a time, maybe never see a minority perform. And you know, they're out there. So my dream was to one day grow up and show the other side of show business. Unfortunately, you can't get the kind of numbers doing my show like to be on a network. You know, you can't be on CBS ABC or replace the king when he leaves on NBC. Johnny Carson. Yes, yes. So I created this show, Incindication, which did very well and often Paramount thought it was too black because they wanted to kind of dangle a carrot in front of me and say, if you do the right show, you could be the guy to get Johnny's audience when he leaves. But one of the reasons Johnny liked me is I didn't want Johnny's audience and I didn't want to do his show. When you launched, there were essentially three players. There was Johnny Carson, who was the king, and then Letterman, who was tucked away after midnight. And then you were this scrappy syndicated show with no network. What was Paramount actually asking you to be that you weren't? I guess, you know, the example I like to give people is when Michael Bivens of New Edition first called me and told me he found this group and they're called Boys to Men. And I said, what are they like? He says, they're like the temptations, but it's four of them. And I said, hey, I got the temptations coming on this week. Bring the guys by. If their album's not finished, they can just come on now and do something with the temptations. So now there are nine black men performing in the center of my stage. And, um, I don't know how to describe it other than there's You know, one black person in the mix makes it look too black. That's we've had research that points to that in our society. And I wanted to do a lot of Buster Rhymes and uh, I had hammer on a lot. I had everybody in the culture on and unfortunately in America, you're never going to be number one if you have this insatiable desire to do Tony Braxton instead of Dolly Parton. And by the way, I try, by the way, I tried to do both. I would put, I would, I tried to mix it up. I would put Dolly Parton on and then have something for the culture after it. I wanted to do the show that didn't exist when I was a kid and I knew the talent was out there. You know, I found Bruno Mars and put him on the show when he was two feet tall. Uh, I wanted those things that Johnny didn't do. And the things that you did, I mean, it, while you weren't number one, I mean, you were a close number two and in many, you know, in many instances over those years, you over-indexed on an audience under 35. And one of the, one of the things that you write about in the book is as you were receiving these messages from Paramount that you were too black, that you needed to have different type of guests on and you were competing against this growing late night ecosystem. Um, it eventually broke through on air. There's a moment on the show when activists from queer nation heckle you during your monologue and they yell, why don't you have any gay guests on your show? And at first you answer politely. You say like, I have a lot of gay guests. Maybe they just aren't out. Maybe you just don't know their orientation, but then they continue to push and then you become more agitated and then something in you just snap. And I want to play a clip from it. Let's listen. You know about I don't want to hear that gay trash, man. I've got gay friends I've had on the show because you don't know them or it ain't who you want on the show. You got a problem with it. If you want to book it, get yourself a show. So I can do the show. You've had your say and I've had mine. God, it seems so long ago. I think you become more angry and you become stronger when you realize you are right because A huge part of my staff Was gay. Many of my guests were gay, but it was at a time when you didn't always know it So the gay people on my show couldn't even Come to my defense. Ellen couldn't come and say, oh wait a minute. You guys don't know, you know Because she hadn't come out yet, right? Right and and rosie was on the show a lot and and a lot of people that may be still in the closet so I won't mention their names, but It wasn't my job to say ladies and gentlemen Balladeer and homosexual put your hands together for you know, it wasn't my job to introduce a singer that way And I think part of my anger was at that point I'm being told by the black community that it ain't black enough I'm being told by the paramount executives that it ain't white enough and now The gay community is going to attack me during the show You're going to take money out of my wallet and food off my family's plate in the middle of my job here When you don't know what you're talking about You're going to blame me for something that is Absolutely not true and I think I was sick of being criticized by everyone Because everyone wanted it to be something else. It's hard being the first black anything in late night My guest is talk show host actor and author arsineo hall We'll continue our conversation after a short break. I'm tanya mosley and this is fresh air weekend You know, you mentioned about holding holding a guest's hand and something that kept coming up in the book Were guests who were nervous in ways that surprised me you tell the story of Maya Angelou Coming to your dressing room before the show. She needed like two shots of crown royale just to walk out there In patty labelle. Yeah the night you introduced prince. She was gripping your hand so hard Yeah, and she has these nails. I still have a mark in my hand from patty labelle I Mean I that stuck out to me because it comes up so often in the book. These are people who had performed For thousands and had been performing for a long time at that point. What was it about your stage? or you First of all, I mean one of the things that paramount hated is My audience would be predominantly black and young Um, I don't know if that had anything to do with it But it was a different kind of show Maya Angelou came to my room to talk to me And she came down and she told me how nervous she was and I offered her I said I got a bar and I opened this cabinet And she says oh, baby. I wouldn't mind having a little bit of that and uh And so we had a drink and I think it was the time That we talked about Hip hop and how it was poetry set to music, but it was poetry of different poets You know the the thing about the nerves, I mean, maybe that's just something that happens and we just don't see it But there there's something about that that I think um Maybe there was There was an environment that you were providing that allowed these guests to show A more truer or fuller version of themselves And I I want to play another clip from an interview you did with tupac in 1993 At the time he was promoting his new album and the film poetic justice with janet jackson And you asked him about promoting violence. Let's listen When we were talking at the top of the show first of all you did a little rap and Uh, it contained the word nine now on the street. That's nine millimeter. All right Oh Yeah, yeah, and I'm wondering are you concerned that possibly it'll affect box office or record sales? Because you're too close to the edge. You're too hard. It's like this the masses the hungry people they outweigh the rich So as long as I appeal to the hungry and the poverty stricken people, it's all good. I'm gonna have a job for life It's these rich people who worried about the fooling the poor people. Everybody knows crime out there Everybody know what type of situation we're in in the streets. All I'm doing is showing you and telling you You know I'm saying why get mad at the brother that bring you the news get mad at the person that's making it happen Feel me? It's like, you know You know There's a there's a weird game that goes on because now as a result of your art, you're becoming one of the rich Yes, not rich, but they giving me checks more often That's Tupac Shakur on the arsineo hall show in 1993 and um, you know, this is kind of a serious moment You're asking him a real question arsineo, but throughout the interview Here's I Tupac is smiling that two of you are giggling through so much of it And watching it I kept coming back to something that I can only describe As black boy joy. It's something that we've been talking about lately like over the last few years And so then I started watching all of the youtube videos will smith print sammy davis jr. Muhammad Ali michael jackson eddie murphy It goes on and on there was a giddiness this looseness a side of these men that We didn't see anywhere else and What do you think it was about your stage that made black men in particular feel free? Wow, there might be a different answer to that question For each artist like Tupac and I we had a lot of history the first time I met Tupac He was with jada pinkett It was way way back and he was a dancer The next time he came he came as a rapper the next time he came He came as an actor I Remember him calling me and wanting to come and just talk once Because he said that he was about to do poetic justice And they wanted him to take an AIDS test And he said arsino am I wrong I shouldn't have to take an AIDS test unless i'm going to really have sex with janet being janet jackson And it was funny because now when I look back Now you may go on instagram live or you may tweet something back then we didn't have the internet We didn't have the blue bird. We had the black bird. That was me I was the place you come and talk and air out your grievances and Say what's on your mind? I think people knew it was that place so you get that boy joy You get that other side that you've never seen Maybe it's Those guys knew We were kindred spirits. I remember ice tea Coming on when he had an album out called cop killer And I really wanted him to explain it because when I use those two words together It sounds horrible And the nine millimeter conversation with tupac But these were poets from the inner city trying to give you a poem a little different than e-e comings and I remember ice tea saying You watch a sword to nigger movie, but you don't think he's really the terminator You don't think he's really killing people, right? I am like that. This is art I'm telling you about a problem that my people have in the inner city with cops And that's one thing I loved about the show is the masses White america, let's say In the safety of their home could look in this box and hear people talk and hear thoughts That they didn't hear in their homes and that's why I thought the show was important I want to talk a bit about just how Purpose driven you were as a young person from a very young age even in the single digits You hosted your first talk show In your apartment building basement when you were 12 And your musical guest was a kid From down the street singing along to a temptations record. Yeah junior brown Yeah And seven kids showed up as your audience Absolutely, and I used a folding card table as my desk And uh, you know, I had a little record player. So I was like juniors gonna sing Get ready And I'll put the needle on the record and it started playing And junior saying get ready and then I interviewed him and I had seen a comedian open for al green when I was a kid and all he had Was a towel on a stool and a glass of water And um, I was like God, I think I could be a stand-up because sometimes when I would talk during my magic act I could get laughs And one time my dad was preaching a wedding My dad was a baptist preacher and I said something during The wedding and got a laugh from the audience But my dad was mad at me because we were there he brought his son to do a wedding And I'm trying to get laughs The bride and the groom kissed and it lasted a little longer than normal And I at five years old screamed out kisser. Don't kill her And I got a laugh and it was like a drug that I chased the rest of my life and I'm still chasing. I love the laugh Your father as you mentioned was a preacher and he thought that show business was the devil's business But you write about watching him preach. I mean and if we know preachers, they're prowling the pulpit They're whispering and shouting and women jumping up and down and dancing in the aisles That's like a real sanctified type church and you so in many ways we're watching a performer and your dad Do you think he ever saw himself that way? He had to know And he was part of my dream my dad when I was four years old he took me Holding my hand into the pulpit because you could get to the church pulpit from his office or as they called it the pastor's study And he sat me behind him so my pov was This church and this crowd and I watched how he moved them with just his voice with just the gospel and his ability to entertain and preach it was It was scary because now when I look back That was the most important Sunday of my life when he let me do that um Eventually in coming to america I got to be a preacher because he always wanted me to be a preacher. He wanted that to be the family business and I think he would have enjoyed Reverend brown in coming to america You right. That's all I wanted then and now. I wanted my dad to be proud of me Do you think that the arsineo show was in some way for him? You know, I've never thought about that angle. I've never had anybody ask me that but Maybe you're right. Um My father was not a part of the secular world. He like I said, he didn't even want me to go to hollywood because he thought That just hollywood was a horrible place And I get where he was coming from Which is probably why I've tried to live my life in a way that would make him proud and I've fallen off the wagon and tripped from time to time but um, but for the most part, I think he would be proud of me and I think Every parent just wants the child to be happy And happy Is often success. It's hard to be happy and content in this world we live in Thank you arsineo. It's been a pleasure. Thank you talk show host and author arsineo hall His new memoir is called arsineo Terry has our next interview. Here she is If you're a fan of celebrity roasts, you probably know my guest Jeff Ross as the roast master general He loves to make people laugh by insulting the guest of honor as well as the roasters But his new netflix comedy special is very personal and autobiographical It hits lots of emotional notes and reveals a more vulnerable side of him beneath the tough skin that's gotten him through tough times He talks about his family. His great grandmother founded the popular new jersey catering hall clinton manor Which ross's father eventually took over it was known for its weddings and bar mitzviz and for the food One of the people who aspired to have a wedding there was the main character in judy blooms 1978 novel wifey While jeff ross's friends were out having fun. He was cutting brisket for the next catered affair It was a tight-knit family But that kind of ended when jeff was young his mother was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 12 And died when he was 15 Five years later his father died of an aneurysm leaving jeff and his younger sister orphaned In his early 20s. He lived with his grandfather and became his caregiver until he died If you know what jeff looks like, you know, he's bald. It's not a fashion statement It's a result of alopecia a condition in which you lose your hair including eyebrows and eyelashes Shortly before he started preparing his one-man Broadway show in which he talks about all of these things He was given a far worse diagnosis that he added to the show and that was stage three colon cancer It required surgery and several months of chemo His new netflix comedy special is a filmed version of that show which is called take a banana for the ride The special begins with clips of him from a couple of roasts including the now famous or infamous 2024 roast of tom brady, which was produced and co-hosted. Here's jeff ross Snooped love you man so much The only person that's in hell more smoked than snoop is pete davidson's dad inside the world trade center Thanks pete Tom I really wanted you to be our first goat to be roasted because you're an example to future generations That if you work hard eat right film the other team's practices Deflate the balls and have the nfl make new rules just for you Then you too can be the third most famous guy in a dunkin doughnuts commercial Jeff ross, it's great to have you back on the show and that stuff is so funny Terry thank you I so enjoyed hearing you ramp this up. I can't even tell you what a full circle moment for me This is my record breaking third time on I don't know how many comics have had this privilege So I'm I'm thrilled. Oh, it's great to have you. So to the extent that you're comfortable talking about it How is your health now? My health is 100% thank you for asking. Oh, that's such great news I just had my chemo port removed. Oh great because you still had it on when you were filming the show Yeah, so I it's it's really important for people to know that i'm doing okay. I'm doing better than okay And um, don't worry about me at least right now I feel very fortunate and to the people listening who are going through chemo. It's You can do it. You can do it I want to talk now about how you became you. Yeah, so let's start with the catering business My parents were such veterans of catered affairs weddings and bar mitzvahs at various catering halls around like queens and brooklyn and So let's start with your grandmother. She founded this successful catering hall in newark, new jersey And then you moved Like the business and your family moved to which part of new jersey after that new work Was on clinton avenue was clinton manor and eventually moved to uh root 22 in union new jersey where I Where I worked there as a as a boy and a young man I want you to describe what the typical bar mitzvah was like When you were working in the kitchen You know, I would ride my moped On the you know egg turning lane of of this highway, you know 12 months a year to go to my Family-owned catering hall where these lavish Affairs would happen. So I saw You know human nature people at their most nervous brides grooms mother of the bride father of the grill Like, you know, you saw people at their most intense Um, I would watch the bands from a window in the kitchen You know, I would like peek out as a 13 14 15 year old working weekends and summers making fruit cup and And salads and you know, I I played high school football But I had red fingernails from the cherries that I put on the fruit cups Everyone thought I was wearing nail polish and since you I was the center the pun center They all stared at my hands. So there were a lot of funny crossovers I worked parking cars there my my grandfather and I ran the parking lot Sometimes I worked as in the hat check like taking people's coats as a boy as a little boy I rolled meatballs. I would just sit on a on a big barrel of salt metals, you know canister and I would roll meatballs for hours or In my teens, I would feed the the workers. I would make matzabri for 80 people on a sunday morning You know, the the the servers were all scottish and irish. There were Haitian people. There were Hungarian people There were French people who worked there. So I got a real mix of Of ethnic humor and different senses of humor. It was a very enriching Time for me. I just have to briefly ask you about the food like my parents grew up during the depression and you know, their parents were Jewish immigrants from Eastern Europe. So there wasn't a lot of food Right early in their lives or in their parents lives So um, when they'd go to like a catered wedding or bar mitzvah They would just like eat and eat and there's so many stages of food Like at the at the catered affairs, they'd go to there'd be a smorgasbord which would have like skull sculptures of chopped liver and like Charmaine was the chinese dish. There were swedish meatballs and duchess potatoes Yes, and some kind of um like chicken and other side dishes and salad Then you first sat down to the meal and on the really lavish ones Like if you're going to somebody's, you know catered affair who had more money then After that there'd be what was called the viennese table, which was breakfast So it was like three meals in one event And it was and then everybody would have like a very sour stomach afterwards So was it like that like everyone felt like a king when they left, you know The viennese table was dessert wasn't the viennese table dessert halava and ice cream and cake and oh, maybe maybe it was dessert But then after that, I remember once there was a breakfast I mean, uh, and I thought this is insane You know, I think we might be finding a direct connection from The kosher catering business to me getting colon cancer I think we just figured it out We're listening to terry's conversation with comic and roast master jeff ross He has a new netflix comedy special called take a banana for the ride A film of his autobiographical one-man Broadway show We'll hear more after a break. This is fresh air weekend Will you brought up religiously or culturally jewish? Culturally bar mitzvah is all that stuff. I did it, but it was a struggle. What was your bar mitzvah like? Was it lavish? my bar mitzvah was like uh Something between a super bowl halftime show And like something, you know, sedam who's saying would throw for one of his kids like Every favor of new in new jersey was called in, you know, the best Band the best florist the best, you know of everything it was like My dad my mom they really went all out from my bar mitzvah. It's a A core memory for me and you know talk about a v&e's table people are still talking about it desserts the cheesecake the bopka it was you know, it was it was a beautiful bar mitzvah I remember the first three words of my huff torah. So religion It was not it was not The focus for us. It was always cultural like jewish pride jewish strength jewish food jewish music jewish laughter that was sort of my upbringing When you were 12, um, your mother was diagnosed with leukemia. She died when you were 15. Were you very close? We were We were what was it like watching her suffer when you were so young and you probably hadn't seen someone suffer like that before uh It was uh It was hard. It was hard. It was hard to see somebody So tough and was so full of laughter such a positive person suffer and Yeah, it made me realize that Life is very unpredictable And we were responsible All of us are responsible for our own happiness What caregiving responsibilities filled to you your father was really busy with the catering business uh Besides the having to take care of yourself for her, you know, she wanted to make sure well She was in the hospital that I was my sister and I you know, I was playing football I was washing my uniform every night and making my own dinner and just being a good boy um, we couldn't visit her Very often because the hospital was in new york and we lived in new jersey So I would write her letters and that was a big part of my My mission to cheer her up. I'd write her funny letters um And I found a bunch of them recently I couldn't find what I wrote to her but I found the one she wrote back to me and She's like all the nurses had a good laugh and she's like, you know had some funny Nazi name that I must have used I think I wrote my mama letter as a nazi general at the hospital And uh, I remember going to visit her One weekend and she was losing her hair from the chemo and she was very uh upset about emotional telling my sister and I that she'd be losing her hair and I remember Hugging her and making kojak references and You know, we're the only kids at school. His mom looks like Kojak and we had just seen uh, the king and I my sister and I and my dad my dad would take us to Broadway shows to cheer us up after the hospital visits and the king and I you'll bred her, you know, uh So I made a joke about that, you know that she would look like you'll bred her who was who was awesome I'm bald and bald So I take some satisfaction in knowing that I made her laugh because I found the Evidence the letters, you know, how time works terry. It's like, you know, you start to go Did this happen or did I dream this that I exaggerate this 20 years ago? And then when you find, you know, I kept digging and I found a letter that my dad wrote to me when I graduated high school the only letter he ever wrote to me and I read that in the show and There was some debate in my head whether it belonged in the show or not because we'd kind of moved on from my dad after he kind of dies in my in my life story he dies from cocaine from having too much fun and So I read the letter and you really get to it gives a chance from redemption from my dad For some of the stuff he missed. He apologizes to me if he was out partying too much or if he wasn't uh, if we didn't talk about my mom much after she died and I want to inspire dads to be Communicative with their kids and there were a lot of dads with their kids there at the at the Broadway show this summer. So I'm glad I I'm glad I'm reading these letters. There's a part of me that goes should I be talking about my parents like this when they're not around to To laugh along with it, but I do think the greater mission is to Inspire people and give people hope about their whatever's going on in their life. This is something I think about a lot like I'm I don't believe in an afterlife or anything, but there's part of me that really thinks The people I've lost in my family are somehow hearing what I say And if there's something that they really want kept private and I tell somebody they know it, you know Like the people who have died like they know it and I know that they That they're not alive I don't believe that they're in the room with me But there's a part of me that really believes they're hearing it and I wonder if you feel that way when you're on stage Not in my family. There's no getting offended. I have the a bunch of wackos in my family Like I remember oh god, I don't know how to tell this My my aunt on and uncle Joe lived in uh, iran and japan in the 70s They were teachers and eventually there was an overthrow in iran and they moved back to america with their baby daughter My cousin melinda. I remember like the whole family like meeting the new baby and it was such a big deal They'd flown across the world and they have this new baby that was born over there And now here it is in this house in new jersey And we're all just admiring, you know, the beautiful melinda and The baby's naked in my And my dad goes, you know to his sister he goes tana. She has your blank And remember my aunt tana, you know, here I am a little boy hearing my aunt tana holding this beautiful baby Shrieking laughing, you know, I so I saw the sense of humor of my funny family early on and that Almost nothing was off limits. We never want to hurt each other. It's all like in good fun. It's all too snap out of Sad times or awkward times So like humor it's so healing You know, it really is When your parents both died you lived with your sister and Then when she left and I think this was when you were still in high school or after college You moved in with your grandfather And you became his caregiver till he died What was it like for you to be taking care of him? I know you liked him very much. You were you were close Well, that was my I was I felt experienced I understood You know a lot had changed My family was all spread out. My sister was in college and here I was a recent college graduate living with My 79 year old roommate who happened to be my best friend for my whole life As hard as it was. It was also kind of great. Yeah, I loved him like we had fun. We ate every meal together All my friends became his friends We were both single I was 23 and he was 79 and he would meet women at the senior center I mean only one that can drive at night. He would say that was his big You know, that's how he would meet these women and and he would just talk about his girlfriends and dates and encounters and I would talk about mine and You know, we were like almost like brothers My pop jack like he was a retired construction worker from the Bronx like a real blue collar Jewish tough guy patriotic but cynical and I was like loved living with him It didn't feel like a burden Until sometimes it just was You know, he got sicker and sicker he'd hallucinate and I would take him to his doctor appointment every day And then at night I would try to go in in New York I would take the bus or drive it in New York and try to get on stage And he would always give me a few dollars for the bus and a banana Take a banana for the ride. That's where the title the inspiration For the show comes to him. It was like a tough guy's way of saying I love you I can't go with you, but I'm on this journey with you no matter what Having had three deaths your parents and your grandfather when you were young and being raised culturally but not religiously Jewish Did you sit shiva shiva is the the Jewish tradition of for seven days? Not doing anything you sit on a hard bench if you're seriously observing You cover all the mirrors because it's no time for vanity and you just you know talk with people and and Cry and laugh about the person who you're grieving. Did you do that? Yes, my mom died slowly my dad died suddenly and The one I remember is my dad's shiva was It was so absurd that this guy was dead. He was such like a big shot. Everyone loved him. He ran this Very popular catering hall. He would go down a Atlantic city in gamble and everywhere we went people knew him because they they shared their you know parties with him and you know, Ronnie Ronnie Lifschultz. He had a Cadillac and when he was just suddenly gone like My sister and I who's you know a year 16 months younger than me. It was just like it was almost funny like how could this be? um, his estate was a complete mess. Uh, he had a sort of uh, Two wills You know, I burned one my sister because we didn't want our uncle Jerry as our executor because we knew he was Not up to it and so We I hired my own You know accountant and that was a Total mess. We never collected my dad's life insurance because it was contested by the life insurance company Over his smoking his cigarette smoking. There was no Recourse for two teenagers back then. There was no go fund me's. You know, you put in whatever fight you could but We were just like victims of circumstance And I just didn't want to be a victim. I wanted to be a winner in life. I wanted to have a positive outlook I wanted to make the most of my life because as I saw Could end any second Right. I'm seeing you in such a different light You know, I'm I'm so glad that you did the show on or showing us This side of yourself. It's like so a kind of complex and and and deep Knowing all that you experienced when you went to college Which was in boston after having lived your life in new jersey. Did you use that as an opportunity? to Rethink who you were and Remake yourself into the person who you wanted to be or thought that you were You know college is like a reboot for everybody, right? So some people change their name. They change their look, you know For me it was a Chance to really be with other creative people Um, I immediately started working at the college radio station Eventually became the music director. I was playing in punk rock bands. I had this creative Liberation, were you the guitarist or what? I was a very bad guitarist. I still am and I was writing, you know I didn't really understand comedy yet it really wasn't until After college a couple of years that I understood that comedy was what I should be doing. How'd you figure that out? I didn't someone did it for me my friend mark Who I named check in the uh in the netflix show he Was taking in a stand-up comedy class taught Here in new york by a guy named lee frank who was a comic and He said I think you'd be good at it. Jeff you should try it and I tried it and I loved it right away Not since karate had I felt like a connection to something. I was obsessed where I could do it all day every day And that was it. I was trying to get on stage Three four times a night if I could I just wanted to get my hours in my five minute increments of just expressing myself talking about whatever I wanted it was So cool like it was all Like mind boggling to me. It was punk rock. It was free speech. It was like shouted out loud I didn't understand that I could be a comedian. I understood that I loved Comedians like as a kid was like steve martin the blues brothers eddie murphy these rock star comedians You know eddie murphy in a red leather suit. That was a comedian. I didn't know as a comedian The blues brothers were playing music, but they were comedians Cheech and chong were playing music and doing sketches, but at the heart of it. They were comedians I didn't know that word comedians. I thought comedians were you know On johnny carson my parents generation, you know, and I got a lot from that too. There was like I remember just You know listening I would never watch because it was late But I remember hearing buddy hack it and don rickles on the tonight show with johnny carson I would sit at the top of the stairs where my parents couldn't See me and I would listen. I could hear them laughing at comedians on tv. So I think it rubbed off on me You knew some of those old school comics you knew buddy hack it and you knew done rickles You joined the friars club when you harold Oh boy, that's probably in my early 30s and That was the coolest I would play poker there with greg fitz simons and elon gold and and they had a poker room The george berns poker room where we could order lunch And play poker and then they had a billiards room and then they had a steam room and a gym And then they had a dining room where you might see Milton burrell or buddy hack it sitting under their own portrait So we have to wrap up soon. I regret to say but I have a request Anything okay You might be sorry that you said yes Here's what I'd like you to do. I want you now To roast me And go hard you've listened to the show so you know something about the show and about me And then I in turn will let you know how it made me feel Oh, wow on a scale from really grateful for the hilarity to I will be self-conscious for the rest of my life And if I really hate it I can insist that we edit it out terry gross Teri gross has been around so long uh, she interviewed ed sullivan I wish I did Teri gross a barely living legend That's great Well, it's been a pleasure to talk with you again Really always always enjoy this you always find something in me that I didn't know was there Jeff Ross speaking with terry gross his new comedy special take a banana for the ride is now streaming on netflix Fresh air weekend is produced by teresa madden fresh air's executive producer is sam brigger Our technical director and engineer is audrey bentham Our interviews and reviews are produced and edited by phyllis mires Roberta shoreock and marie baldenado Lauren crinzel monique nazareth thea challenger susan yacondin and abalman and nico gonzalez whistler Our digital media producer is molly cd nesver with terry gross. I'm tanya osley