Patreon Preview #367: A Night at a Museum

Hey Oswego seniors, we are so excited to have your class here for the yearly Oswego lock-in. Welcome to Chicago and welcome specifically to the Museum of All Things. We call it Moat around here, so if any of the docents or any of the chaperones call it Moat, that's what's going on. I am the director of the Museum of All Things and yeah, I just want to let you know, feel free to explore any of the exhibits. Yes, question? Uh, Devin Super Senior, um, holding my sleeping bag here. Is it true that stuff comes alive at night? Yes, we do have a bit of a night of the meet, night at the museum, night of the museum, night of the museum, night of the living museum. It's night of museum. It's night of the living dead or night at the museum or night in or around the museum. Hey Felix, don't talk down to me the way you talk down to the seniors. I'm your boss. Okay, I was whispering, I thought I was- Felix, you're whispering into my profile. There's kind of an echo in here, it's a real museum vibe where you can hear. Yeah, no, this is, I'm standing on a spot that is a perfect theatrical standpoint, sort of like in, in Greece, if you go to Athens, there's a spot you can stand in a, one of the first theaters ever built. Todd Rolf, grade 11, what is a docent? Todd Rolf? Todd Rolf. A docent is sort of like, it's like a, it's like a fancy way to say guide. Okay. Just a guide. Well, no, they're docent. Well, we know what if we see one. You should, they'll be the one sort of explaining things. And just so you know, this year we've decided Felix and I have, have brainstormed and we've come up with something and I'll introduce Felix later, if, if at all. Is he a docent? No. What? I'm not? Well. I feel like you're more than a, you're more, you're more of my like assistant, right? You're maybe a docent. Okay, good. I just, I didn't, if I'm not a docent, I just don't know what I'll do tonight. You look calm down. You say this every night. Also, he's the only 11th grader that was allowed to come. They take a name out of a hat and they happen to pick the biggest loser in all of the 11th grade. It's supposed to just be seniors. I'm in mostly senior classes. I don't care. Anyway, we have Felix and I have brainstormed something special this year, Oswego seniors, which is we have hidden little prizes around the museum. So sort of like amazing race. If you see a little stand with a card or might be like a wrapped gift, just know. My aunt died on amazing race. Oh, was she the lady with the watermelon slingshot? Yeah. You ever see that? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen it a lot. It's my aunt. They played at her funeral. Oh, man. And then they shot her body into the woods using a slingshot. Did you ask? Sorry. It's just a lot of trauma. I was pretty young when it happened. No, I asked. Yeah, that's the worst video I've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah. One of my older cousins was the grape stomp lady. Oh my gosh. Do we have any other viral sort of viral offspring? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the back. Yeah. I'm Dan Daniel. You are Dan Daniel. I'm Dan Daniel. Yeah. I mean, he's our teacher. I'm a teacher. So I'm 31. I should say, speaking of back at it with the white vans, if you see a white van, please know, I didn't say that. I didn't say that stuff. I'm Dan Daniel. It was all said about me. Oh, you were wearing the white vans. Yeah. I guess do you, I always get this, maybe I'm saying it wrong. If I say I'm Dan Daniel, I feel like I would say, is Dan Daniel the guy who is Daniel or the guy who would say Dan Daniel? I would think the guy who says Dan Daniel. His name was Rick. Well, regardless, please know that there are official employees here and then there are people who might be lingering because we do sort of overlap with the time of the lock-in with the closing of the museum. So just know there's some people that might be filing out slowly and please don't interact with them. Well, tell them to not try to sleep over at the museum. I feel like that's more likely the thing that's going to happen. We don't have to tell them. They should know. My mom had a fling with the new manuma guy. Remember? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, man, you're a good docent. Well, speaking of docent, did you know Felix likes turtles? Felix, do the thing. What? You like the turtle kid, right? What? You were the kid who was like, I like turtles. I like turtles. I'm just, no, I'm Charlie bit my finger. You're Charlie bit my finger? So does that mean you said that or you are Charlie? Your name's Felix. For Charlie bit my finger, it's the same thing. And the kid was high. Well, you just created a million Charlie bit my fingers. So. Apparently, I'm the kid from the apparently video. I haven't aged a day. Oh, I don't upward inflection with that. But I guess technically the chocolate rain guy is paying for most of our college. Yeah, that's true. No, it's for he hit a bunch of corners by accident. He have you ever seen NBC's The Slap? No. How do we explain? Walk over to chalkboard. It has been zero days and say, Rino has mentioned the slap. Hey, don't oh, don't oh my God. What? That's the chalkboard Einstein wrote his theory of relativity on. You just probably had a picture of it or something. Oh my God. Hey, Aaron, hey, JPC, can you guys help me figure something out? Oh, sure. Always. Yeah. Charge. I pull up my bank account here. I have this chart. It says JPC tax $5,000. It's like a monthly deduction. Oh, I. Yeah, it should be. No, no, I. Add all you go to your Rocket Money app and have them cancel that for you. Oh, thank God. We signed up for the free trial like three months ago and then we forgot about it. And I, I noticed it. I got like a ping for Rocket Money in my email and they let me know that I'd been paying for lost another one to Rocket Money. Oh man. Yeah. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Unless you're me with the JPC tax and then your savings are dwindling with Rocket Money, you can do automatic transaction categorization across your accounts plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. Also, if you have like an event coming up like something that like a wedding or some monumental expense, it helps you plan and save for something like that. The app consolidates checking savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years and years, way before they were ever a sponsor. And I love how easy it is to read and how intuitive it is. Yeah, I love Rocket Money. But Aaron, I do hate that voice. Was that JPC? It sounded like a Rumpelstiltskin type voice. Did you hear that? Yeah. No, so that's just like, that's a voice alert I have on my phone every time someone unsubscribes to the JPC tax. I don't know where it's from or how to turn it off. That's kind of scary. We'll deal with that later. Yeah. Well, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Lost another one to Rocket Money. Yeah, that's not even coming from your phone. Is that coming from inside of our heads maybe? Yeah, like heaven maybe? Yoics blakes. Okay, well, let me just do my final measurements here. Everything seems even. Check the doors. Addle? Aaron? Mm-hmm. I have using my skills as a woodworker. Have crafted a well-built wardrobe. A magical one where you can go into a magical world? No, I tried it. It's just wood. But it's well built. GPC, when we said every adult should have sort of a well-built wardrobe, we didn't mean like the actual frame, like an actual wooden wardrobe. We went like in a quince way, like, you know, like having a lot of adult, well-made, quality clothing that lasts, quality pieces that work together. They hold up over time. You know, that's what quince does best. We told you that. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing season. I have a raincoat from them that I love. GPC, I held you down sort of clockwork orange style and held open your eyes. I showed you that quince's premium materials, thoughtful design, and everyday staples feel easy to wear and they're easy to rely on, even as the weather shifts in Chicago. This is making sense now, because I was like, you were talking about how quince works directly with top factories and cuts up the middleman, so you're not paying for brand markup, just quality clothing. That's what you said. That's what you were doing with my eyes. And can I be honest with you, I did not build that well of a wardrobe. I mean, this thing is pretty loose. No, hey. No, it's pretty loose. Hey, what? No. You could knock it over with a feather. Oh, a nail just went right through my thumb. That's the best case scenario. They only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. I love their home stuff. I love their clothes. I can always count on them for the best quality. So don't be like that absolute fool JP S. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. I'm going. He's he came with the thing. I I found him on Fiverr. Please don't go if there's anything that is roped off or behind glass. Please do not touch it. No, you said there's treasures. You said there's treasures that we should go find. You can't change the rules now. They're marked. They're marked with like little plaques next to them when they were made. Right. That's how we'll know to touch them. Okay, everyone go ahead and split up now and we'll meet back at split up. Yeah, you shouldn't just walk in one big group. It's part of it that we split up. I thought we were all getting locked in and like sleeping in the same room. We're supposed to go camp out. We're sleeping in the museum, but now it's the time before bed to run it. The whole point is to run around a museum and explore and know and I'm going to say say this right now, no sex in the museum. Are there cameras or is this an honor system? There's not, there's, we have sex activated cameras. So there are cameras that will only turn on, Whoa! In a sense, engorgement of private parts. Now I don't want to get into the technology that that uses. Is it only for penetrative sex or is it for like digital or oral sex? Well, digital is penetrative sex, so it's oral. Not necessarily. Hmm, you're doing it wrong. Like if I'm getting a hand job, nothing's being penetrated. Not the hand? Is the hand getting penetrated? Oh, interesting. In a way, yeah, I guess. Hey students, can we not be going splitting hairs on this? We're a little short on chaperones. So let's just listen to the dosing. You have to, I think, go to school for like 12 years to be a dosing, right? Can't be right. Felix, did you go to school for 12 years? Everyone goes to school for 12 years. 10. Most of these students have gone to school for 12 years. I mean, technically you don't really need a high school degree to be a dosing, but it doesn't hurt. I know you have some famous toilets here. Are those, are we allowed to use those as we wish? Well, here's the thing. We have some famous toilets and we also have, it's the only one in the world, the famous toilet horse. Now, toilet horse, of course, is an insult that Paul Giamatti screamed at me when he visited the museum that made international news. I'm a bit of a viral sensation myself. Paul Giamatti screamed. You're the Paul Giamatti toilet horse guy. He kept calling me a toilet horse. It's really stuck. We do sell toilet horse t-shirts in the gift shop, but we have- Didn't it turn out that he was having a stroke and that's why he was saying toilet horse so much? Yes. He was trying to say, get me a tourniquet and get me to my house and it came out toilet horse. Now, obviously I slapped- He was pretty bad at that video. Did he die? He did die. Obviously I slapped a dead corpse. Dead corpse is redundant, obviously. My new stepmom is such as a beauty pageant contestant. Oh, I'm unfamiliar. Oh, that's the, such as the- The America, yeah. The Iraq or whatever, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, such as the Iraq. My ex-wife was the news anchor who said, a man climbed to Mount Everest, the top of Mount Everest, but would you believe he's gay? Gay, I mean blind. One of the best things to ever happen to humanity, not just the internet. Truly one of the better news clips. I'm sorry, he's blind. My ex-wife, she confused gay and blind quite a bit. She would show up to gay pride braids. Did she have gay violence? What a woman. She had gay blindness? A lot of people say they do, but I don't think they really do. Yeah, she had the opp- So I have gaydar, which is also something we have an exhibit in the museum for gaydar, and my wife was gayblind. Sorry, can we go back to my original question? Things in the museum are coming alive at night. You sort of mentioned it casually. Is gaydar an acronym like radar? Uh-oh, we're getting away from my original question again, and I'm not gonna get a straight answer. Just like my ex-wife. Well, go ahead and explore, kids. One, two, three, four, hate riddle riddles, clue crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com. Hey, everyone, this is Natalie. And this is Charlie. We're from the podcast Exploration Live. It's really funny. It's really good. It's really, really very good. And now we have a YouTube channel to go with it. That's exactly right, Natalie. You can watch full video episodes of our podcast Exploration Live at youtube.com slash Exploration Live podcast. That means that in addition to the audio component, you're also getting a video component. Exactly where you're seeing our reactions, what kind of clothes we're wearing, there's a whole suite of dynamics and physical expressions that you can really only get from a full video. Body language experts to the front. Exactly. So come check out Exploration Live, either audio or video.