The Reveal Part 2 w/Ari Shaffir & Dan Soder

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I would love to watch the beginning again. Oh, you might as well. Yeah, yeah. Christina's one of us in the second of this, I'm sure. This is the first joke now. Oh, no, we're back to the beginning. I'm going to get my timer out for some of these. That's the exact second counts on... Does your iPhone 1 have a timer? Dude, we have a little line and that was over it. Sorry, I'm sorry, I forgot. Alright, we're back. Guess who's Bazaac. Alright, let's go. Gracias. Here we go. Okay. Oh, God, it does not lose anything. I've watched it probably 50 times. It does not lose anything. Is this Clubs Still Around? Do you think I'm not hitting Myrtle with one of these? Cut it at the end of her poop? I think we all should do that all weekend, wherever we are. Cut it. By the way, the DJ... Even if there's no music, just cut it. The DJ cutting it was the son of one of the owners, Miss Mona's son named DJ. You met DJ before, I believe, with some... Wow. He used to come up to Legion of Skinks. I don't know if he's been in the party for a while, but he was the first person to have me to like my third row when Iverson was playing. Wow, that's interesting. I just take him to the Malamance and Consulate. That's so interesting. I'm so interested. Shut up. Hit it, Christine. Fucking stupid nostalgic asshole. Hit the button. Just seeing... I remember... You want old Bobby back? You got him. Hit the button. I remember old BB Boy. I'm missing some old times. Remember some old times. Just shut your face. Go ahead, hit it. From the top. Oh, I get the ball. I'm supposed to do the ball. That boy's dead in the back. All right. All right. Everybody ready to laugh now? Now. Now. Now. It's all the circuit insulting the other guy. That's what everybody... Yeah. That's what everyone keeps saying. That's what I was about to... That's what Bobby keeps saying. He goes ready to laugh. Now, finally... Yeah, finally now. Now that that amateur is out of the way... You tired of hearing two-raise bullshit? God, this is the most boring town hall ever. Now, let me give you that speech about race in our community. That's so funny. But his code switching is fucking... It's talking about race. Dynamic. He goes, you having a laugh now? Guys, I'm just here. I'm not. Hey, guys, guys. I put my baggy pants on the same way you do. Look at Jay's stress eating right now. What do we got here? What do we got? Go ahead, hit it. This is primarily an all-black club. I play them beautifully all-black clubs. I'm used to it. I don't try to win you guys over in a special way. Now wait for the look. I don't try to pull no special moves. Talk about rapper, rapper. I don't try to win you guys over in a special way. Now wait for the look. I don't try to pull no special moves. Talk about rapper, rapper. Here it comes. I'm trying to get you guys to be on my side shit. If I'm funny, I'm funny. Glad, please. If I suck, boom me off the stage. You know what I mean? Just give me a fair chance. I don't try to... 30 seconds. Here we go. When you guys are over. Smile. Hot as hell. What? No. No. No. No. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. What the fuck dude? We should all leave. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? We should leave. What the fuck dude? What the fuck? We should never talk to you again. This is like finding out your mom has a penis. Oh my God. This feels like I'm walking into the shower and I saw my mom with tits and a penis. And he used the white person's word. Oh, rule? J took his shirt off and has a white t-shirt. White t-shirt that he made himself. Not even fonts. This fucking hobby lobby asshole fucking and it says in fucking black writing black people rule. Jesus, why don't you write Nido? Oh. Nido Tonegrove. Holy shit. Black people are awesome. Holy shit. Jesus. For the love of God. This is worse than mine. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. This is worse than Marshmallows and Jambalopolis. You didn't remember this? You still have that first of all. You don't remember this first off. You don't remember the whole afternoon it took to make that shirt? You're not selling black people the old shirt. You have to sell this on the road. You have to sell this. You have to sell this. You fucking miss it. J, you better sell it now. David Mock's mother will start selling it. Yeah, the DVM's already prittin' him up. He's already on fucking T Public. I'll tell you what t-shirt company they can make this. Every one of them. I'm pretty prittin' them up, dude. He's already on fucking T-public. I'll tell you what T-shirt company they can make this. Every one of them. I can't with a roll of electrical tape. Uh, number one, Christina. Such a good shirt. Through this ocean of chaos. You have to go back. You have to go back and see the smile. I need to hear how the crowd reacts. All right, we have to go back and hear that. We have to hear that, but we have to hear that. Just go back to him looking at the light. We have to hear his smile, because he knows what's coming. He can't hold it in. That one. That one. Oh, so let me tell you right now. Hey, Jay. I think I'm letting you guys know that it's a little hot in here. Look at that face. That face is going like, ha ha ha, it's hot. Jay, can I tell you right now that your T-shirt technique, Burt Kreischer-esque, the way you get that thing off? First of all, that's not Burt Kreischer. That's Fat Guy-esque, because the other T-shirt did not come up at all to reveal his stomach. As a Fat Guy. That's Fat Guy-esque. That's like a girl taking a bra off under a shirt. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Jay, all Fat Guys know their technique. They know how to stick a T-shirt. I promise you, you guys pull it off one hand and hold the other shirt down. Yeah, exactly. Oh, black people do roll. Here we go. Here we go. We thought this was the end. Oh, yeah. And then when I was looking today, I was like, oh, it happens right away. So we really don't know what the closer is, which is more exciting. Oh, God, this was the, we thought the shirt was the closer. Go, go, go, go, go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Also, put it on your back and so you don't have to take the shirt off. Just turn. Also, what we want you to stop? The people would have seen it when I was walking into the stage, Ari. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, come on. Thank, dude. Then there's no- You shuffle in, man. Oh, you came in a little bit late. I'm super into the reveal. Ha ha ha. You know, Jay put- We figured I'm really big into reveal. Jay put a black cube up on his Instagram a couple years ago. So, black people rule. Black people rule. Hey, Christine, when we want you to stop the tape, you just watch for us to- Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. If you understand, you have to cut it. All right. Hold on, guys. I think the lights are getting hot in here. Ha ha ha ha. All right. Ha ha ha. What are you guys doing? What? Stop, stop, stop. What are you doing? By the way, you do this, you go, you go Jewish into black accent, where you go, oh, you're pretty hot in here. And then you go, hot as hell. Ha ha ha. I go, oh, what is this thing? He's up to 800? What are these tanning bed lights? What are you trying to- What are you doing? What are you cooking? What am I, a roll of hollerbread? You trying to keep warm? Oh my God, his speech makes so much sense now, though. Oh my God. And then this, it's hot as hell. Jay was a prop act. Ha ha ha ha. What happens if you didn't show up with your shirt? No. See, they would happen if I didn't show up with my thong underwear. Oh, hit it. Or my nipple ring, my fake nipple ring. You had a whole basket of stuff. Jay had to wear a bib when he ate before the show, in case he ruined his bit. What are you doing? He's outside holding his food away from his face. Absolutely. God damn it, I got pizza sauce on my joke. I can't fuck up this Nautica shirt, because I have what's under it. Nautica. And no one has any idea I'm sitting here. He goes underneath wearing bikini underwear, which is being sexy for me. I'm a real Jay Edgar Hoover. Jay had any trouble after the show outside, he just picked the shirt up. No, no, no, you don't understand. Look, look, look. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. Yeah, we're robbing. I need to hear this reaction. I hope there's something on the back. Oh, God. Let's get that reaction. Go on, I didn't even think about that. I'll try to, when you guys are away. Hot as hell. One. Woo! I'm ready. Fucked up week, man. Fucked up week. You're so panicky. Oh, my God. Anybody ever get arrested for some stupid shit? What? How are you skipping by the... You got black people rule. Let's talk about your arrest record. What? Black people rule. You guys get arrested all the time? But I love that he does have design in him, because rule is fatter than black people. That's a little thin like that. I mean, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Well, it's a little thin line, but rule. I want to emphasize that. Dude, that is great that you just go, and now we're into it. And now we're in. It's so uneven. It's so uneven. The letter. First of all, you should have- You need to make the shirt like that. You should have had a black people ruler. Maybe that's on the back. Maybe the er's on the back. Is this what you guys thought the reveal was at the end? We thought we went to the end, we thought this was at the end, we didn't know it was just opener. This isn't even the reveal. You skated past it, you're like, okay, anyway, that was a 45 second setup for this. Moving on. Anyways, man, it's tough outside. Oh my gosh. Keep eating, Jay. Oh my gosh. Go ahead. I'm having dinner. Go ahead. I just get arrested for some stupid shit. I mean, real, not stupid shit like man, I can't believe they got mad. I killed four people. Like real stupid shit. Like I was sitting in jail shitting the tank, sitting in my fuckers like, oh really, what are you in for? This is my father, he's like, murder rape. Like what are you in for? Bank robbery. What are you in for? I killed my family with a shovel. Are you already breaking the rules or what? Comedy rule of eight. I assume the person who was coming there. Oh god. First of all, I had the same joke. I got arrested for stealing a gum machine and I did the same joke. I can't wait for the punch line though. But you know what, can I tell you early on sets, a sit down in an early on set. We're finding ourselves. That's not a sit down, that's a lean over. Can I ask you a question? Do you think the reveal, obviously in jail for something stupid, is he going to be company by a lame man? Be company by a lame voice. What are you doing, my act? I know why. I know why I... That's the Dan Soder's school of... I don't remember the joke, but this is going to be, this is when I got arrested for... When I got arrested because I had the dirty videotapes. I want to see what it is. Here's the thing, I love that all the people that are here for murder and rape, black people too. That's his black guy. What do you call him, rape? No, I wasn't black. I don't think it was black at all. It was tough. Listen, I'm a voice guy, that's not black. That was a local talk tough. I'll tell you right now, no inclination of black. Just a little bit of local mail. First of all, an unsavory. Savory. Anytime he does a set up, it's a black voice though. At the beginning it's the yaw and the tank and shit. I am selling this, like I've had several stints in the joint. Which is a very early 20s thing to go like, nah, you don't understand. Chris is different. I'm dangerous too. Yo, black people rule, but I get y'all. They made me make this shirt in the joint. Oh, they were going to fuck me in the ass. I was like, will we ever wrap this thing up pretty soon? Shit, no. We got time today. Can you just bring it back a little bit? I just wanted to hear his ghetto set up. Wow, that was my burp. That's what I thought, it was like murder rape. Murder rape. What are you in for, bank robbery? What are you in for? I killed my family with a shovel. Hey, look at me like, what are you in for, fat boy? I'm like, I didn't take back flubber on time. What? I'm trying to get an attitude to shit. You go immediate black when you bomb. You waited a quarter seconds before bailing on that punchline. You bailed? And you went right back to, yeah, and shit. I didn't even consider that this wasn't going to go good. Why? I thought this set was, I thought I knew what it was. Wow. You hear the supportive white girl in the back loved it. Yes! The flubber. Flubber, Charlie Robin Williams, not the original. Flubber was a big hit in the black community. What, by the way, that reference does not hold up. Everybody, every black kid I know, that was the childhood movie. Flubber. Oh, you want to put on Boys in the Hood or Flubber? I think Flubber was coming, was probably out around this time. It was Robin Williams, he was the remake. I'm sorry, I'm so old I saw the original. Because Jerry Lewis doesn't go over well in black rooms. I think Flubber out there. Maybe Dean Martin, but not Jerry. Black people love the spastic comedy of Robin Williams. Can you wait? Oh, hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Turns out this young man took my black people rules shirt. The rules? Is that poster with the... And the black guy says, hey my man, why are you wearing that red rule shirt? He goes, say hey, we don't rule. What it is, Jack? Robin Williams was always crazy racist because he was the 70s black. Oh man. Stabbing some skin. Shut up, Robin. Dude, you know, when I was doing it, when I was, you know, I was sitting in a tank, man. They coming at me all fucking sideways. What are you in evil? Going back just a little bit, Christie, because everybody... Coddy rule of fives. You got two murders, two for no reason. As soon as he, as soon as he joked bombs, he goes right bend the black. Yo, that fucking bombed. I'm gonna tell you right now. That fucking bombed. We're watching a video. This is a tough landing. This is a landing? I had to do, clearly I do, clearly I got five more minutes after this. You got, you got, you knew it was already not going to, it's like a batter who just like, like, I'm not even close to this. Right? I got fooled. You knew ahead of time. Because you know what, you get, at this point in comedy, even if it's only a couple months in, you can tell he goes, hmm, people usually laugh at the fucking second one being murder rape or whatever. Yeah, oh my God, dude. Ooh, that's what I do the end of it. What do you think, fat boy? Like, I got nothing on fat boy. I know. That was when you see the crack, where you go, you guys didn't even kind of giggle at fat boy. Yeah, because I'm fat, and that usually gets a laugh. Wow. Oh God. Oh God. What are you in for, fat boy? I'm like, I didn't take back Flubber on time. What? I'm trying to get an attitude to shit. They will arrest your ass if you don't take back movies to video stories. Oh, that's a sad one. That's kind of the shit. The hard way. That's when you have to explain the joke to the people, because they might have not got it. You went from black dude to Philly so fast. What? That's what I think. What? Fuck you. Dude, that's an early... Yeah, they take it real mad when you didn't take back the tapes. Me and Kirk used to laugh in a comedy thing, when you do, when the joke bombs, and you just inform people that was your routine about that subject. That's great. And then the other thing he goes, man, fuck that shit. Anyway, that's my thing with pizza. The worst part is, he has to wear this shirt for the rest of the set. You never have to wear a joke like that. Yeah, he has to wear a... Oh, do my shtick. A joke that bombed. Should have saved it for the reveal. Yes. It's like if I had a... If I had a... If I had a... If I had a... If I had a... If I had a marshmallow shirt for the rest of my set. This is episode two of You Becoming the Reveal. You're so Anakin. Wow. You're not Darth Vader yet. He goes, set was uncomfortable because you make the reveal too early. Grasshopper, you must have run to become a reveal. You must have hide. You make a reveal, they are, you know? I like the better when we were all making fun of 21 Jump Street together. How do you find the reveal to be too obvious? A little heavy-handed. Yeah. A hacky. At this point, you know a black guy's like, let's heckle him. I go, well, actually, we do rule. Could you imagine being somebody walking in halfway through the set and just seeing this guy with a black people rule shirt on? Yeah. What is this? It is very, you know what it is, it's very 90s dance music video. Like, did black people rule? We're all one color. It's very AIDS-quilty of you. This is before you could just call somebody to have a t-shirt that day. I mean, if there were greens and yellows in this shirt, it would be sold on the street. It really is like... I didn't have that kind of marker money. Yeah. You really could have sold like the fucking afro colors. I'm already probably devastated that it didn't get a bigger reaction for ruining one of my shirts. How many of these did you have, by the way? Oh, I think I was probably just the one. I'm telling you, this was a point I thought I had to do a lot of different stuff all the time. Sure. So this was at a lack of having somebody go, oh, I could do a sight gag, I guess. It's great that this joke didn't work because you would have had a closet full of shirts that say black people rule. Oh, yeah, a world champion. I wouldn't fuck it. Oh, my... You knew who was getting fucked up the ass that night in jail. Oh, I didn't realize yet that black people don't love gay shit. They don't think white guys making funny gay jokes shit is funny. Especially about rape. At all. So when I said I'm definitely getting fucked up, they were like, no, no, should it be the case? You fucked someone in the ass to make them gay. You got fucked in the ass. They just, man, two-ray told me that lesson through time. He was there, he goes, they don't want to hear that gay shit. I would say this crowd taught you this lesson. I'll be honest with you, I don't know if I got the lesson. I think we're watching you in 102 right now. This is the second fucking year of school. It's also a payoff based on a clearly fake setup. Like you definitely didn't go to jail for not returning a thing on time. No, I did. What? There's a lot of tapes. No, it wasn't, to me it was funnier to say like a goofy movie than it was. No, there was a mom and pop video store in my area that I just, as soon as I turned 18 and I was able to, I just rented porno tapes and never returned them being like, who cares, the mom and pop shop. The guy was very litigious. And you would find out, you would find, that's the science. That's when you would find out that, through time, it became known in the neighborhood, like no, this guy, like every Tuesday when they have, it's like Tuesday was the small court where I lived and it was like every Tuesday that guy shows up this way, like this person and you get benchmarks. I was never looking for like letter mail for myself in the house. You know what I mean? Like I was a kid so I missed like a court summons. So there was a benchmark. I was getting arrested. So I'm arrested for not showing up for court. But you didn't go to jail. You didn't go to the tank. I did. No, no, no. Me and Kurt and Kurt's girlfriend at the time. Me, Kurt, Mets, Kurt, we all got pulled over. Too Ray. Were they arrested everybody for one flubber? No. For one flubber? No, no, no. It was actually, I'll tell you it's quick, I want to get back to it, but like it was, no, they got me because I had the bench warrant for the thing. It was whatever it was, I had a tail light or something. They pulled me over for that. Then. Probably wearing that black people rule shirt. I think I meant, we had dropped too Ray. Cops, get the fuck in the car. We had dropped too Ray off that night. But too Ray was in my back seat smoking weed before I smoked weed at all. And he left roaches in my back. So when they asked if they could search the car, I was like, yeah, sure, of course. And then they went and they pulled out roaches. At an astray. Yeah, and they were like, what's this? And I was like, and by the way, I started talking right away. I go, oh, that was my friend, my black friend who was in the back car. And I'm afraid to tell him no because he's violent. I didn't say that. Then they found you a black people rule shirt. And they were like, you don't believe that. You don't believe that for one second. No, they, so they were like, we're taking you. So I was like, oh, well then can my friends like. Come in jail with me? No. I want my friends to sleep over with me. No, they told me to make $50 bail. And I was like, which was a lot of money at the time too. But we were like between us, like we can kind of get it. Could do 17 each. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, so you guys follow behind and just bail me out. They told me to make 50 bucks. And then when they were doing that, they run, they go, let me check your ID. So Kirk gave him his ID. He had a jumping turnstile ticket. So he had a warrant for not showing up to the court. So they arrested him. And then we were like, okay. So his girlfriend's going to follow us in the thing. And me and Kurt were sitting in the same car, backseat of the car. And I see like, you know, we're looking back. I see the headlights in my car go on. And you hear the over the police and goes, wait, is that Jessica blah, blah, blah. The thing that's driving the car to go, yep, grab her too. She's got one and same. There's like her and Kurt jumped the turnstiles together, I guess. So everybody got arrested. Great. Good story. Christine Plymouth. We don't have time. So I did get arrested for. Take Jay's microwave. But they be getting raped and shit. Let's go play. You can't rape that shit. What? Try and get an attitude and shit. They will arrest your ass if you don't take back movies to video store. I found this shit the hard way. You knew who was getting fucked up to dance that night in jail. Oh, take that. You took a real situation and made it less believable with your dumb punchlines. Also, the black reaction of that, if one guy just going, oh. And by the way, I'm so stuck in here. You just hear a black guy going like that. You can see how stuck I am at that. I go like this. I give a satisfyingly like. Your face. I'm going to play it. I still got a headache and shit. Go back to the rape one. I got a headache? Jay, what do you think you're saying? What is that? J.K. Trancell. Probably a headache from getting butt fucked. I didn't know that. I was like, I'm going to get a headache. I'm going to get a headache. I'm going to get a headache. I'm going to get a headache from getting butt fucked. I didn't understand that because you didn't say it in your voice. You said it in a black guy's voice. I said, listen, I was guilty of this. My whole bad boys, my whole P to these bad boys, the comedy set at the end of every sense I go, and shit. And some, something shit. That's your next shirt. And some, something shit. Shit. I got hate. All right. Hit it. You knew who was getting fucked up the ass that night in jail. Oh, take that movie. Hang on. What kind of play? Oh. Man. I still got a headache and shit. Yeah. I got a headache and they come on stage and they're blaring music and shit all over the place. You know how they play that rap music and shit when I come up here. Oh. Oh. I thought you weren't going to do that. You made a speech at the beginning. Oh, it was a deceiving technique. Yeah. You actually could play out the whole time. I thought black people ruled. You clearly not familiar with the reveal. But you go back in to go back out. Sometimes on a reveal, you have to go back in. I'm sorry, dad. Thank you. Yeah. There's a lot of, there's a lot of through ways and corridors. You say you're not going to do rap. You say black people rule. But you really mean it's a child rule. Guys, the connective tissue here is black people in general. I'm discussing them to them. This is a piece. Let me tell you how your life is. But, absurdity. They ask no more of these two. What if you'll be fucking each other up now? They look banging. You shouldn't come home from dancing with like concussions and like missing teeth and shit. That's wrong. Stage diving and shit like that. I weigh 315 pounds. You know what happens if I stage dive? Stop. Cut. We should all do the end of this joke. Yeah, I'm not going to tie the wave everyone out the room. Create a black hole in the room that would suck it. Every white person. I'll kill everybody around here. All right. What's the reveal? I'll bet. This is a guess. I don't know. But talking about when you see here something that triggers you. I have a feeling it's going to be because I ended up changing to the yeah-jay-yeah joke. Use an example of Independence Day. Oh, yeah, you'd be like, yeah, that's like me. Oh, good reference. How about Smush to be... All right. Hold on. All right. I love that. Do you have guesses? I'm actually legitimately asking a question this time. Anybody? Anybody? I'm just looking at you. Okay. That's a reveal. Wait, 315 pounds. You know what happens if I stage dive? You. You. People won't be happy. I don't think the layout has assurance on that. Oh my God. Oh my God. Hold on. All you had to do was workshop this one day and you would have had three better punchlines. We now know. We now know what I was saying. Do you know what happens if I stage dive? The pointing wasn't, do you know? You would have had three punchlines. Front row and look out. You would have done fat. You wouldn't survive it. You're warning them. And they don't have. You're warning them. I don't believe. And maybe, I'll be honest with you, it does not fall into my, what I clearly believe is black people rule lifestyle. Now challenge that they are operating a business without insurance. You're not allowed to. And pretty much everybody in that room is fat as, as fat as Jay. I called them out. I said, well, this is a black establishment. They probably don't have insurance for this. Black lives matter only could run because black people rule walked. A lot of people say I was the Godfather of the black lives matter movement. To say people won't be happy is like that's you workshopping with a friend and he goes, okay, cool. So like give me a funny example of that. People forget about the grassroots fucking black people rule movement. Westwood Elfie. I like the Jay workshopped on stage. You guys, any guys tags? I don't know how I had friends. Anybody. Well, this is, you could see. I'm doing something on stage for sure. But I don't think this is very early on. You like don't know what you're doing yet at all. But I'm saying I'm so, I'm so the like doing what I've watched because I'm saying this wasn't the funny that I feel like I was with my friend. This explains why you do crowd work now. Oh, you're so afraid of repeating one of these jokes. You're not wrong. I so far I think the joke writing has been top notch. Come crashing out on top of you. No. No. Back that up. You know what happened if I keep crashing? No, I don't know. That black guy was not having that. Please delete me out of this. I, I, you can't keep asking questions when they don't like you. I keep doing that. He goes, sir, you not paying attention. What I answer your question, you're not going to like. You can hear the long pinky nail on that guy. I don't know. You're in a flaming car. You want to join me? No. I'm good. Oh, dude. Here we go. I care for this dance. I'm okay. I'm good. Here we go. Yeah, let's just say for me wearing that black people's outfit, they're not taking the journey with me. I think that might have been the seatbelt that stopped them. That shirt. Okay, here we go. He's wearing that shirt like a force field. Yeah. At this point, dude, I feel like, I wonder if at some point I reference, if I'm bombing so much, like if he keeps going like this, I wonder if at some point if I just go, okay. Like, just draw some attention back to this. Let's not forget him, the black people rule guy. Guys, guys, maybe hate me. It's the black people rule guy. The insurance on that. You have 315 pounds. Come crashing down on top of you. Now, take this number down real quick. Woo! 3, 7, 3, 7, 4. That was the actual beginning of my mom's number. It sounds spinny. I have a hard time getting the lead. Wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I actually don't even get it. I don't get it either. It was so long ago, it was before area codes were necessary for phone numbers. Yeah, I asked those old ads, but they didn't have a 7. No, that's not what you're missing. What is it? What you're missing was, I have prepared now to tell them, I now see that the joke has flushed out more than you guys thought. You see, I tell them I'm 315 pounds. If I stage dive, it's not going to be good that I'm an insurance for it. And then I ask a lady in the audience, have you ever had 315 pounds come crashing down on you, and then when they say no, inevitably, I've also rely on them saying no. Then I offer that, and then I go to take down my number, so I will be the person. And I can only assume that is what the role was because I immediately say afterwards, I got hard time getting laid, y'all. Let's not forget something that always tickled Shane Gillis Pink. We're about three years out of thinking you could be starting QB1 at 315. I'm still not sure I couldn't do a walk-on if I needed to. Especially that shirt. I'll drill a 20-yard. The offensive line is never going to let them touch me. They'll never get to me if I let them know that I think black people. I wear this shirt underneath my jersey every time. Just in case I get a second. You look like Jordan's, you look like a lot of shorts. God, dude. It's crazy. How old are you? Are you like 19 right now? Yeah. You should have killed yourself. Wait, but you asked a dude. No, he asked a dude about the, if it came on you, and then he asked a girl. But he was asking a girl, and a black dude was reacting. I think a guy close to the camera was reacting, because that's where you go, no. You didn't even say it right. Oh, you were right. It's in the back. But you didn't say, do you know what would happen? You're like, what's the phrasing? Here it is. Bring it back. I just ask, have you ever had 315 pounds? Oh, you're talking about when I point to the audience. Yeah. Well, we're going to listen to it. But I'm going to say, so you follow it though. I'm going, you know what? Jay, Jay. Zip it. Okay. Damn, it works on him too. I've been having a hard time getting the leaves lately. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a little back. There we go. Don't miss any of this changes. I had an assurance on that. Dude, you wrap 315 pounds, come crashing down on top of you. No, take this number down real quick. I got it now, Jay. I owe an apology. I owe an apology. It's actually a great joke. What? It sounded like a guy that was... It did sound like a guy. But the guy was in the back. The dude was behind the camera. There's no Mike, audience Mike. There's a guy in the back. This crowd wasn't rife. I'm not telling you, they weren't rife. I will tell you that. They were not. You come in here looking at a crowd of you. Is this the place rife? I'm telling you, what I may have been doing, I may have been young enough and not seeing the flaw. And I may have not fully gotten the black crowds are not going to like this gay shit. So it may have been a guy. Take my number down. Because I do hear a voice and it does not sound like, but it could have been a woman, I guess. But it sounds like a guy go, nah. You think none of the stuff before it had an effect on it too? Not on me. I feel like I was going to go, I'm going, every time I do a gay joke and they don't laugh, I'm going like, I wonder what the problem was. I go, let me do another gay joke and I go, I was underneath there. You think it's the gay thing? No. I think I'm saying in shit too much. Let's go. I was like, and shit was actually you evolving. Yeah. I have a hard time getting the ladies, ladies. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Pause. Don't you know, Jay? I don't know. I have a hard time getting ladies. I don't know. Okay, go ahead. It's not easier now. I used to have a hard time getting the ladies, man. I noticed somebody looking at me. Ladies? Like chips? He's just blocking up anything. You've never had a problem getting a ladies' chips. You know the problem with ladies, you can't just eat one. You know what I mean? That's why the shirt's double XL. You hear, Lou, you know what I'm saying, dude? I'm talking about the ladies. The ladies. The finance honeys. Like who's taking this? Some finance honeys, dude. After the show, some honeys. We got a black blue look at his shirt. He thinks black people rule. You don't have a hookty full of honeys out there. We're going to get to that. Let's go, go, go. I'm getting the ladies, ladies. Ladies. I don't know. I mean, I used to, I mean, it's kind of easier now. I used to have a hard time getting the ladies, man. I noticed something looking at me like, big J, you had a hard time getting the ladies. I mean, I didn't always look like this and shit. That's not your next album. And shit. Big J Ogison and shit. And shit. And shit. That's what that t-shirt needs. Under rule and shit. And shit. And electrical, electrical paint style. Now I grew up. Ladies look like this and shit. Do you miss just scratching your nips? Speaks for itself, fuck it. Now I grew up. It speaks for itself. It's not even it. It's just a sentence. It's not. It's just a sentence. It needs to be spoken for. Speak for yourself, fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're only drinking. Did I miss everything? Is this the sex pistols of comedy? We've played that part again. We played that part again. I like what you brought to your set. Pure confusion. Yeah. He really is a flip flopper. I have a hard time. I don't have a hard time. I'm not going to make fun of black people. I am going to make fun of black people. Y'all are good at hard time with the ladies. I used to have a hard time with the ladies. But now, well, I mean, whatever. Whatever I didn't always look like this and shit Speaks for itself fuck Now I grew up When I grew up man, I was poor We had no decision is this I don't know, but I love it let it go go go go go money at all Oh, I was so poor like you so inspire me to like write poetry and shit man. Oh god, but hang on There's only one poet in Legionist games Oh my god, you did not even know I'm so nauseous Dave quit poetry somebody good Jack candy bar Jay is on stage right now bombing he's wearing a shirt and shit He is about to lay down sick ass poetry. Oh my god, I bet you didn't know I reached I pull something out Turn away. Yeah, you did if this was today you would have had a cell phone that you had typed out Oh my god, but like your shirts you made them yourself. You wrote it down The macroni necklace means more than a diamond Now for those of you who just tuned in oh, yeah, Jay was so poor They used to write poetry And I think that poem would go a little Something you think black people didn't get gay stuff They'll name their daughter that before yeah, if you didn't like me, maybe you like some James Baldwin I Bro, I jarred this down today. Oh, no, you didn't this is one of my better ones You know I come right up in here this there We were broken a motherfucker Jay just did a turn the lights down Perfect, and they didn't move he just did you guys all come up on stage knowing that nobody's move That was just an act out at a table. Oh my god They were in on this they would have just like I bet it would have a lot hi-hats funny and they're not gone I know what you're going for you go. Oh, I'm a poet you guys come on in I come bring it in I got a speech for it. Yeah, but you have a bike dude You're so we don't and you're met with nothing but silence. Yeah, and you went okay. Thanks. Yeah I'm not gonna lie. I think they took that black people rule shirt personally Didn't have the effect I think I Because they're not ruling the knife that's for sure We already got our seats man we black people follow rules J Broker no broker no we were broke in a motherfucker. Hello God, it's like you guys don't like the arts. She doesn't know that black people roll Jamie Got him Pretty soft explanatory Shit I like to let the crowd know that all my jokes explain themselves He wiped the the fat sweat off his eye You miss him earlier and after he took the shirt off. He hit a little forehead sweat He literally oh it's going so bad And I don't think and I think I was right. They're not gonna get the poem bit This is one line poem. I was real big on heavy build-up low delivery Could you imagine if I really guys two jokes in a row? We're like no, I'm actually gonna do it I love this setup is the joke. Can you imagine if I did do it brought some naked gun? We have four minutes of blazing Thursdays. We do not. Yeah, we do go. Oh, okay. No On the show No, it's pretty soft explain it I was poor shit man. Yeah, fucking nice to go to school looking some fucked up clothes and shit My georda sneaks My good zips for like friday and shit when you wanted to show off Fuck that I remember like I had no older brothers and sisters or nothing. So like all my hand me downs were like from my mom Oh We're not joking brothers or sisters. Yeah getting a hand me down from your sisters the same as getting one from your mom It's just woman's clothing. Damn. He came in like a professor Thank you. Thank you for your eyebrows. Oh, we get none of these jokes Go we gotta see the closer we gotta get to the closer. Yes Yes Worse fucking day in my life It was like laundry day or some shit. I only had like three pair of pants and shit And they were all dirty I didn't want to go to school because I had no clothes to wear so my mom throws me a pair of pants They were fucking girls tights. I don't care what she says this day They were fucking tights and she goes no Those are unisex sweatpants. Oh shit So what the fuck's a unisex sweatpants? I'll show you what they are I don't really say fuck because that guy was my mom and I was 10 But it makes the story funnier. So I said what the fuck is unisex sweatpants? That makes it feel good What a dumb crowd She goes Son unisex is when guys and girls can wear them So I bought this shit because I was like 10 like I said So I pulled these fucking tight ass tights on my fucking big ass And like remember like when you see the underwear lines and shit all in them. Remember that shit Of course, you don't fucking remember. I'm the only person to wore girls tights to school. Please show these tights. God damn Yes, please Jesus. I People are in laughter, but that's a funny fucking story. Have you ever seen a fat kid wearing girls tights? Oh Yeah, that boy that boy bend the reveal The reveal wasn't the first one the reveal was under the pants And he left the stage empty. Oh, I love to stay for empty. Jay had a wardrobe. Oh my god, you went in layered Damn, they even know it's coming. Jay had an ankle gun and we had no idea So funny that he still wears those tights today Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, play the volume. Remember like when you can see the underwear lines and shit all in them Remember that shit. Of course, you don't fucking remember. I'm the only person to wore girls tights to school God damn Jesus People are in laughter, but that's a funny fucking story. Have you ever seen a fat kid wearing girls tights? We're about to No, I have to help you view with the visual here Full circle moment Jay's butt wiggle very similar to the footless dance right here Right here. You've been having this. You've been sitting on this butt wiggle for a long time We walk in and you know, look at this. He drops it. Yeah, here it comes. You bet. Put that music to it Yeah, we gotta see my dismount. Oh, yeah, and what does two rice say afterwards? It's history Oh I'm still hurt. Fuck it. That's my time Did you hear boo? That was too right. That was too right. Somebody booed. Yeah, too right. Listen. Listen 10th grade 10 years old I'm still hurt I Love that Jay's clothes is fuck it Close I had to prepare for this Jay had to travel with tights Those tights were definitely on from leaving house till getting home at night. Oh my god. This was so worth it I'm so happy. Oh my god. This is too. We come back up It is I mean Jay just left. He just left. What you Yeah, I thought too right Mike. Let him clear this thing Oh the wenchers are coming. What was two rice saying? Oh, yeah, I'm so getting them. Oh you dropped the mic you piece of shit No, my shirt. You had to get your shirt. I had to get my shirt. Oh, you're too embarrassing Oh, yes, because you couldn't you couldn't leave the club with that on Yes, too big. Uh, if you got if you hooked up with it, if you hooked up with a chick you had to tell that you had women's tights on Let me plug Bobby and Jay Let me get what big jerrykson is going to be at the desert ridge improv in phoenix this thursday march 26th And then the tempi improv friday march 27th and saturday march 28th after that He's going to be st. Louis orlando, canza city los vegas and more big j comedy dot com Also go to youtube.com slash at big jerrykson and subscribe robber kelly going to be at comics roadhouse canatic it april 17th and 18th after that uncle vinnies in new jersey Go to punch up live slash robert kelly and check out bobby's new youtube channel at youtube slash robert kelly comedy arish afir's new storytelling show april 16th Pre-order now at arishafir.com listen to arish podcast. You'd be tripping available wherever you Listen, and make sure you listen to dan sodas podcast. Oh, sorry, Bobby. No, you do it. Go Listen to dan's podcast soda available wherever you listen to podcast and of course the golden retriever Of comedy tour happening right now the paramount huntington long island happening saturday april fourth after that He's going to be in charlotte and durum north carolina munchall pa cleveland in columbus ohio and so much more for tickets and all tour dates go to dan soter dot com dan soter dot com and shit that was Thank you. Thank you jay. Thank you jay. Thank you jay. Thank you jay me. Thank you jay me. Thank you jay The original original supportive white girl the original sport white girl shout out jay me. 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